[0:00] hello this video was supposed to be a
[0:02] simple review between my ongoing ever
[0:04] expanding harry potter projects
[0:06] it was on a movie that i saw in 2020
[0:08] called 365 days about a woman falling in
[0:11] love with
[0:12] a mob boss after he kidnaps her it was
[0:14] the worst movie i saw in 2020 and it was
[0:16] probably the second most
[0:18] irresponsible thing netflix put out that
[0:19] year after cuties but
[0:21] i didn't see that one sadly getting this
[0:23] video to just stay up became a waking
[0:26] nightmare because of copyright claims
[0:28] i have re-edited and uploaded this video
[0:30] several times only to have it
[0:32] universally blocked
[0:34] yeah not even okay you can have it up
[0:36] but give us all the money
[0:37] no blocked when i filed the disputes
[0:40] they were rejected in 10 to 20 minutes
[0:42] so i would retool and try again and they
[0:44] would get rejected just as fast
[0:46] when i filed the formal appeal on their
[0:48] decision they waited until the last day
[0:51] before the appeal expired
[0:52] the 29th day to reject me i know there
[0:55] are people in my audience that just play
[0:57] my videos in the background while
[0:58] they're tabbed over
[0:59] so for you this video doesn't really
[1:01] change at all whenever if ever i can
[1:03] show you the lovely editing oliver's
[1:05] piece and i did on this video it will be
[1:07] in the pinned comment below
[1:08] but for now we must return to monkey
[1:11] lord forgive me but it's time to go back
[1:13] to the old me i'm bringing back slime
[1:16] rancher it's hilarious how in my old
[1:18] intro
[1:18] i thought nips were gonna be the thing
[1:20] to get me oh no
[1:21] i should have foreseen it was going to
[1:23] be copyright warning this video picks
[1:25] apart a movie
[1:26] that contains content like domestic
[1:28] abuse and
[1:29] slurs against italians dear audience i
[1:32] have this little personality quirk i
[1:34] mean nobody's without their little
[1:36] idiosyncrasies
[1:37] i call this quirk i like getting paid
[1:39] for the things i make
[1:40] youtube's algorithm knows my language
[1:42] choice so in this video i'm censoring
[1:44] words that aren't even swears and
[1:46] i'm covering everybody's nips just as a
[1:48] precaution that being said you don't
[1:50] want this one on your sleepy time
[1:52] playlist unless you live alone and the
[1:54] only one who can hear me is your cats
[1:56] babies hi kitty kiki did they look at
[1:59] the speakers
[2:00] complimentary spoiler free review uh
[2:03] it's really bad
[2:04] and i can't even say watch it with your
[2:06] friends to make fun of it
[2:08] because that would quickly become very
[2:10] uncomfortable
[2:11] doctors without borders meet buddies
[2:13] without boundaries
[2:14] if you seriously feel like this movie
[2:16] could be your thing i
[2:17] suggest you pull up instagram on one
[2:19] monitor and search
[2:21] sicily tourism and luxury and then
[2:24] pull up some indecent images on your
[2:26] second monitor that i know
[2:28] you have because my audience is 90 elite
[2:31] gamers
[2:32] and that's it i saved you two hours
[2:34] you're welcome the best way to do this
[2:35] write up of 365 days is actually an
[2:37] old doug walker style review where i
[2:39] ripped the movie to ribbons while
[2:41] injecting my essay bits in between the
[2:43] mockery
[2:44] i usually avoid these but since one the
[2:46] movie starts kinda normal and gets
[2:48] progressively worse with random
[2:50] difficulty spikes of wow i can't believe
[2:52] this is real
[2:53] which is really useful to the structure
[2:55] of a youtube video and maintaining an
[2:57] audience's attention
[2:58] i'm just being honest to virtually every
[3:02] scene in this movie is filled with
[3:03] something dumb there are weird
[3:04] transitions drop plot points ill-fitting
[3:07] music hilarious dialogue pathetic
[3:09] attempts to crib random stuff from 50
[3:11] shades of grey that goes nowhere and
[3:12] serves
[3:13] no purpose almost like they're trying to
[3:14] do a 50 shades bingo card
[3:16] to even try to summarize misses so much
[3:19] 365 days is a movie based off of a
[3:22] trilogy of erotica novels written by a
[3:24] first-time breakout polish
[3:25] author who was inspired by 50 shades of
[3:28] grey so to be blunt this is a story
[3:30] written by a novice author
[3:31] inspired by a book that started as an
[3:33] alternative universe fanfiction of the
[3:35] twilight books
[3:37] master of the universe by snow queen's
[3:39] ice dragon aka
[3:40] fifty shades of grey by e.l james so
[3:43] creatively speaking this is like
[3:45] let me copy your homework okay but
[3:47] change a few things so we don't get
[3:48] caught
[3:49] but you're cheating off of the student
[3:50] that gets straight d's
[3:52] so this is backwash's backwash and on
[3:54] top of that none of the writers or
[3:55] directors are that experienced
[3:57] the movie is written by four people the
[3:59] author of the trilogy
[4:01] a man who has written screenplays before
[4:03] for two niche television shows
[4:05] an actor and producer who normally plays
[4:07] small background roles like waiter
[4:09] writing for the first time while also
[4:11] playing massimo's cousin
[4:13] while also being director number one and
[4:16] finally our only hope a woman who has
[4:18] actually directed movies and shorts and
[4:20] written screenplays and books
[4:22] she is director number two writer number
[4:24] four her most successful project prior
[4:26] to this is her novel turned movie
[4:28] big love about a quote 16 year old
[4:30] girl's poisonous love addiction to a 23
[4:32] year old man
[4:33] unquote her attraction to the project
[4:36] seems primarily rooted in her interest
[4:38] in
[4:40] uneven power dynamics friends we are
[4:43] witnessing the birth of a genre you
[4:45] remember the dystopian fiction craze now
[4:47] get ready for dystopian boyfriend
[4:50] i'm going to make fun of this movie a
[4:51] lot because of how scary and annoying
[4:53] massimo is but i'm aware that's kind
[4:56] of the point of the movie and so me just
[4:58] going super omega yikers over and over
[5:00] is kind of patronizing and pointing out
[5:03] water is wet so we'll pause at specific
[5:05] scenes to discuss
[5:06] why i think this just isn't working
[5:09] but yeah up front you should know
[5:11] massimo's personality if it could be
[5:13] called that is a smoothie made of
[5:14] domestic violence handbooks and what pad
[5:16] stories about mobsters
[5:18] so you know despite the heaviness is it
[5:21] a good movie
[5:24] [Music]
[5:27] our story opens on a building by the
[5:29] coast of the mediterranean sea
[5:31] mobsters are meeting on the roof and our
[5:33] romantic lead massimo
[5:34] is just chilling in the background like
[5:36] a random unnamed goon that's definitely
[5:38] a normal
[5:39] real boy movie way of introducing your
[5:41] romantic lead massimo's father is
[5:43] talking to two mobsters who are just
[5:46] balls to the wind offering him
[5:47] trafficked little girls
[5:49] some barely older than twelve but this
[5:51] mob boss doesn't traffic little girls
[5:54] and possibly people at all i'm not sure
[5:56] after
[5:57] five viewings of this movie after
[5:59] turning down the traffickers massimo's
[6:00] father returns to him and remarks that
[6:02] these guys are
[6:03] bulls but they're business associates so
[6:05] they must respect them massimo spots our
[6:07] protagonist on the shore giving off
[6:08] serious lady eating a salad by herself
[6:11] energy and his father remarks that women
[6:13] are heaven for the eyes hell for the
[6:14] soul and purgatory for the wallet
[6:16] what if i told you in this movie about a
[6:18] woman being kidnapped
[6:20] where the first scene is about human
[6:22] trafficking
[6:23] women be shopping is the most enduring
[6:25] takeaway of this scene
[6:26] massimo's father tells his son that it's
[6:28] time to stop thinking about fun and
[6:30] pleasure and take on responsibilities
[6:32] because one day
[6:33] everything the light touches will be his
[6:35] including that woman down there
[6:37] then bam massimo's father is shot
[6:39] straight through the chest and the
[6:41] bullet penetrates massimo as well
[6:42] dramatic music swells the body gods rush
[6:45] to their side trying to save them but
[6:46] alas
[6:47] it's too late the camera zooms out my
[6:49] eyes look at the two men that they were
[6:51] just talking to on the roof but it looks
[6:53] like they're hiding and weren't
[6:54] responsible i look for the woman on the
[6:57] beach but i can't find her even though
[6:59] the camera swoops around the building so
[7:01] much that i should be able to see her
[7:03] as the bodyguards continue to scramble
[7:05] over massimo and his father
[7:07] a romantic pop song starts playing the
[7:10] song is called hard for me
[7:12] and it's sung by the guy that plays
[7:14] massimo so it's kind of like as his
[7:16] father is dying massimo just starts
[7:18] singing
[7:19] [Music]
[7:23] [Applause]
[7:24] [Music]
[7:27] it doesn't quite feel right and the
[7:28] title of the movie emerges from behind
[7:30] the building much like a creeper
[7:33] fast forward five years later now we're
[7:35] in san francisco and
[7:37] also poland you're probably gonna miss
[7:39] that second one because for some reason
[7:41] we're speaking english in poland and the
[7:43] way the scene is
[7:44] shot it seems like the two situations
[7:45] are connected but they're actually not
[7:47] we meet our leading lady laura well
[7:49] that's kind of the americanized way of
[7:51] saying it
[7:52] laura laura
[7:55] yeah my tongue doesn't really want to
[7:56] make that shape but we're gonna try
[7:58] anyway what were we doing
[8:00] my question is how
[8:02] [Music]
[8:05] did it happen sir you're not plot
[8:07] relevant please calm down the next few
[8:10] minutes is the swooping dramatic but
[8:12] ultimately pointless babble about stock
[8:14] numbers media coverage shares in
[8:16] blackmail i expect refund
[8:19] and five percent interest it's
[8:21] impossible refund
[8:22] and 10 percent interest
[8:26] until the end of the month you should
[8:27] ask mr excuse my language but you need
[8:29] to have balls for this job
[8:30] it was possible because of my strategy
[8:32] agent sex had nothing to do with it
[8:33] what would your loving husband say about
[8:35] them your kids shareholders
[8:37] and then the music comes back when the
[8:39] scene sputters out and it strangely
[8:41] returns before the contrasting shots of
[8:44] them alone after the meeting is over
[8:48] what are you gonna do about my money
[8:58] oh okay i thought we were done i
[9:01] understand the point
[9:02] they both feel like they're missing
[9:03] something it's just kind of an awkward
[9:05] transition
[9:06] the first of many the story isn't
[9:08] actually about
[9:09] business or crime drama though we never
[9:12] come back to san francisco i
[9:14] have no idea why we're even here instead
[9:16] of italy
[9:17] the only real takeaway from this scene
[9:18] is that massimo and laura are cool and
[9:21] kind of intimidating
[9:22] there's this sort of parallel that makes
[9:24] them seem like equals like rivals almost
[9:26] like this is gonna be an
[9:28] enemies-to-lover story
[9:29] but uh that ain't gonna last so the real
[9:32] takeaway
[9:32] in retrospect is that laura exists and
[9:35] massimo
[9:36] is cool laura returns home to her
[9:38] boyfriend whomst is obviously going to
[9:40] be dumped because she's way hotter than
[9:42] him
[9:43] and he doesn't want to bang and he tells
[9:45] her to rest up for their plane ride
[9:47] tomorrow because
[9:48] she's gotta rest her her weak heart
[9:51] little planting and payoff happening
[9:52] there
[9:53] hmm oh and he sends her off to pack
[9:55] their luggage
[9:56] massimo is now chilling on a private
[9:58] plane with his
[10:00] marco and dominico dominica was actually
[10:03] in front of them the sense of space is
[10:06] really weird in the scene because they
[10:08] never show how close his seat is to
[10:10] marcos
[10:11] so when they cut to him it seems like
[10:13] he's in a different room listening in
[10:15] i like to think that they locked him in
[10:16] the bathroom massimo asks marco why he's
[10:19] all
[10:20] grumpy grapes and marco says that
[10:22] somebody has taken their container of
[10:24] cocaine
[10:24] oh someone has stolen from the mobsters
[10:28] or perhaps one of them is a secret thief
[10:30] they silently ponder this for a moment
[10:33] and then massimo gets up i guess he's
[10:34] going to get to the bottom of this
[10:36] he closes the curtain separating him and
[10:38] the flight attendant from the boys
[10:41] and massimo decides it's a good idea to
[10:43] get a blowy from the flight attendant
[10:45] and the missing container of blow is
[10:46] hereafter dropped and never
[10:48] mentioned again now begins our first
[10:51] explicit sequence
[10:52] laura retreats to her bedroom to be with
[10:54] her massager and beautiful purple
[10:56] lighting with subtle reds and blues
[10:58] and honestly her half of this is fine
[11:00] while the lights are constantly changing
[11:02] and technically coming from nowhere like
[11:03] 90 of people are never going to notice
[11:05] and i actually
[11:06] like the song choice here and then we
[11:08] cut to massimo in his yellow ass plane
[11:10] and it's going to give you a case of the
[11:12] giggles massimo's oh face is hilarious
[11:14] and he's so rough with the flight
[11:16] attendant
[11:16] she's just making these loud gurgling
[11:18] noises that become comedic when you
[11:20] remember that marco and dominico
[11:22] possible blood relatives i'm pretty sure
[11:23] dominico is confirmed as a cousin
[11:25] are right on the other side of that
[11:27] curtain what are you doing they're less
[11:29] than four
[11:30] feet away that old man doesn't want to
[11:32] hear this
[11:33] i just like to imagine in my head that
[11:35] massimo
[11:36] is an exhibitionist and he just lives to
[11:38] expose himself to this old man because
[11:41] it actually happens more than once in
[11:43] this movie but now we come to our first
[11:45] menopause
[11:46] i should probably call it something else
[11:47] i'm gonna use that satisfying clapping
[11:49] noise from petscop like nightmare
[11:50] masterclass because this movie is my
[11:52] nightmare
[11:53] i got his permission i imagine some of
[11:55] you might be thinking banging and
[11:57] underling whose job it is to be nice to
[11:59] you while she's at work that
[12:02] sketchy is this movie aware that buddy
[12:03] you're playing 40 chess this movie's
[12:05] eating checkers you wait i'll show you
[12:07] how bad consent gets in this movie
[12:10] your brain will be leaking out of your
[12:12] nose you're gonna be walking out of this
[12:13] video upside down on your hands and feet
[12:16] vomiting like the little girl from the
[12:17] exorcist while i was doing research for
[12:19] this video some pretty cringed
[12:21] descriptions of the production of this
[12:23] movie popped up like for example
[12:24] massimo's actor found
[12:25] this the hardest scene to film and the
[12:28] reason was because the actress had to
[12:30] blow a strap-on he was wearing
[12:31] and people kept laughing at them the
[12:34] imdb for this movie claims that the
[12:36] author of the books offered to do the
[12:38] [ __ ] scene herself when it came under
[12:40] scrutiny for being controversial
[12:42] i can't find a source for this i trust
[12:44] but something in my heart just
[12:45] desperately desperately wants for this
[12:48] to be true
[12:48] a reoccurring thing when reading about
[12:50] the people who worked on this movie
[12:52] is them trying to have fun falling
[12:53] backwards and failing upwards into lots
[12:56] of money and attention despite the
[12:58] quality of the project
[12:59] and volunteering as tribute to have sex
[13:01] with your original character as
[13:03] if you playing the flight attendant
[13:05] helps just is the epitome of that
[13:08] unlike erica or stephanie blanca is very
[13:11] confident
[13:12] and aggressively sensual she is a queen
[13:14] with perfect
[13:15] instagram scroll game however this could
[13:18] also be an offhanded
[13:20] remark a joke taken too seriously or a
[13:22] baseless rumor meant to make blanca look
[13:24] like a weirdo
[13:25] either way follow your bliss
[13:28] blow your oc okay so we see massimo get
[13:32] off the plane and then we see laura on
[13:34] the sidewalk with her boyfriend
[13:35] somewhere else
[13:36] just like real quick so fast definitely
[13:38] not gonna come back to haunt the movie
[13:40] then we're at a party we're celebrating
[13:42] laura's 29th birthday and her boyfriend
[13:44] is just jesus christ
[13:48] he's wearing a fanny pack he's
[13:50] underdressed compared to everyone
[13:52] else and oh my god the waiter brings
[13:55] laura her favorite drink and it turns
[13:57] out
[13:58] it's just a coincidence and he didn't
[14:01] order it
[14:02] he's like why get out of bed in the
[14:04] morning if your boyfriend's not a
[14:06] mobster rapist
[14:07] like what are you supposed to do with
[14:09] that
[14:11] wait why is her friend recording herself
[14:12] instead of his speech and she's not even
[14:14] capturing laura behind her
[14:16] what are you recording so laura leaves
[14:19] to go to the bathroom
[14:21] and heading down this dark path she
[14:23] meets another man she's way too hot for
[14:25] i'm sorry
[14:27] all right quick grab something all hands
[14:28] on deck brace yourself
[14:31] are you lost baby girl that's
[14:34] gut liquefying levels of cringe
[14:40] oh [ __ ] where'd he go okay well if you
[14:44] get the opportunity to bang a phantom
[14:45] you have to do it for the ghost story
[14:47] so massimo was vanished he somehow
[14:49] either sprinted away silently or
[14:51] straight up yeted himself into the
[14:53] bushes
[14:54] this is a reoccurring thing massimo
[14:56] disappearing and reappearing
[14:58] and occasionally it's impossible for
[14:59] massimo to have gotten to where he is
[15:01] unless he's a teleporter because there's
[15:03] a wall in the way or
[15:04] laura or the camera would have caught
[15:06] him getting into place like it goes from
[15:08] this quirk to help characterize him as a
[15:10] mysterious man to an actual
[15:12] continuity error he is a human
[15:14] non-magical character who is blinking
[15:16] through walls like number five
[15:17] i always wondered what laura said to her
[15:19] friends when she got back to the party
[15:21] like yeah so i encountered a ghost in
[15:23] the garden i like turned around and he
[15:25] offered me a bedazzled choker off etsy
[15:27] that said yes daddy on it
[15:31] okay so the next day laura's been
[15:32] ghosted by her corporeal boyfriend so
[15:34] she's hanging out by the pool watching
[15:36] her friend create continuity errors
[15:38] so the boyfriend shows up and laura is
[15:40] so mad that she decides to start making
[15:42] her own leg continuity errors in
[15:43] rebellion
[15:44] and the boyfriend's like yeah you know
[15:46] that vague thing you always wanted to do
[15:48] i did it without you it was so fun babe
[15:52] laura shoves her boyfriend into the pool
[15:54] and runs off
[15:55] the disposable boyfriend is
[15:57] retrospectively a lost opportunity to
[15:59] add agency and characterization to laura
[16:02] if he was a nice boyfriend and there was
[16:04] nothing really wrong with him
[16:06] and yet laura was unsatisfied with him
[16:09] that could reveal an inner emptiness and
[16:11] a desire for danger and darkness
[16:14] you know she needs a gangster to love
[16:16] her better than all the others do
[16:19] cue edgy littlest pet shop music video
[16:22] of the joker and harley quinn but
[16:23] they're plastic pupperonis
[16:25] when you mix serious stuff we learn
[16:27] later about him like that he's a cheater
[16:30] with this unserious stuff like oh he
[16:32] admitted that he wasn't being thoughtful
[16:34] her favorite drink was brought out by
[16:36] sheer coincidence
[16:37] it kind of muddies the water for me
[16:40] accompanied by a new song that fits okay
[16:42] because it's got this creepy quality to
[16:43] it but lyrically is
[16:45] unrelated laura mopes around in her swim
[16:48] robe aimlessly for hours
[16:50] shots of her crying at dusk are spliced
[16:52] between shots much later in the night of
[16:54] her running around the streets of sicily
[16:56] lit to look all cool and green like a
[16:58] skyrim dungeon but instead of being
[17:00] bothered by skeletons with axes
[17:02] you're being bothered by sicilians with
[17:03] shouting then she gets spotted by a car
[17:06] and a man shows up behind her
[17:15] what was that transition what did we cut
[17:17] to commercial was it
[17:23] i'm batman yeah i guess the movie's a
[17:25] little less romantic if they show her
[17:26] getting black bagged and sedated
[17:29] we return to her waking up in a room
[17:30] with daylight pouring in and mourning
[17:33] birds chirping outside
[17:34] there's an abrupt cut to her banging on
[17:36] a locked door then we cut tonight
[17:38] establishing shot of the castle
[17:40] someone has unlocked the door so she can
[17:42] leave the room and explore
[17:44] okay um inhale
[17:47] where did the day go during my first
[17:49] viewing i was like gee i sure hope you
[17:51] don't need to use the bathroom
[17:52] later i realized that that room has a
[17:54] shower so we can at least confirm that
[17:56] there is
[17:56] a drain i don't know if there's a hidden
[17:58] toilet but
[18:00] why not show her exploring the room or
[18:03] have her wake up at night it's
[18:05] summertime so that means for
[18:06] absolutely no reason that can be gleamed
[18:09] after they sedated her they left her
[18:11] locked in a bedroom with
[18:12] no food for over 12 hours
[18:16] laura runs around the castle for a bit
[18:18] until she discovers a giant picture of
[18:20] herself
[18:22] check that one off the 50 shades bingo
[18:24] card
[18:27] are you lost baby girl
[18:31] yeah dude we're going with that one okay
[18:33] in front of a massive fireplace with a
[18:35] tiny little baby fire
[18:36] massimo explains to laura why she's been
[18:39] brought here so it's time to talk about
[18:41] the acting
[18:43] what i'm about to tell is so incredible
[18:45] that i
[18:47] i wouldn't believe it's true until i saw
[18:49] you at the airport
[18:51] i think their acting is fine in the
[18:52] sense that the way they emote
[18:54] and their overall body language is good
[18:57] it's fine gold star but their line
[18:59] delivery
[19:00] isn't it always comes off like they
[19:02] don't know exactly what they're saying
[19:03] and whenever the script calls for them
[19:05] to speak in their first language they do
[19:07] seem
[19:07] more comfortable and less robotic but at
[19:09] the same time you know how would i know
[19:11] i don't speak their languages our lead
[19:13] actress has only been credited in one
[19:15] episode of a polish medical drama before
[19:17] this she did theater
[19:18] ali dude is a musician who previously
[19:20] had trouble making it as an actor
[19:22] quote he had given up on his tv acting
[19:24] career after being told repeatedly that
[19:26] he was too attractive for the roles on
[19:28] offer
[19:28] double quotes in italy if you're a good
[19:31] looking guy you're
[19:32] not an actor he said matter of factly
[19:35] you're just someone good looking
[19:36] he got a call from his agent that a team
[19:38] of polish filmmakers wanted to offer him
[19:40] a role of a
[19:41] mafia boss in the erotic thriller 365
[19:44] days a part that required someone
[19:45] italian
[19:46] and very good looking quote i woke up
[19:48] called my gardening boss and said i'm
[19:50] not coming in today my stomach doesn't
[19:52] feel good
[19:53] the 29 year old father of two recalled
[19:55] that he boarded a plane to poland and
[19:57] his life hasn't been the same since
[19:59] so the leads are a couple of pretty
[20:00] randos who have been plucked out of
[20:02] obscurity and are now here
[20:03] making bank and you know what good for
[20:05] them on the list of things that
[20:07] aren't working in this movie they are
[20:09] definitely low priority
[20:11] and you know what despite my salt the
[20:13] movie did great and some people find the
[20:15] acting mind-blowing like the secret lady
[20:18] who's hiding who thinks they're not
[20:19] really acting
[20:20] you and anna did you guys i mean you
[20:23] know that kind of sexual part was it
[20:24] real
[20:27] it looks weird real it does honestly
[20:31] can you put your face in the camera
[20:32] because i can't see you yeah because the
[20:34] place is dark so
[20:36] so you and i know that chemistry what
[20:38] was it real like
[20:39] i was like oh my goodness this seems
[20:41] like real
[20:43] it seems like real because we're very
[20:45] we're good actors maybe
[20:50] so you know when i said oh yeah massimo
[20:51] got off the plane and loves on sidewalk
[20:54] yeah
[20:54] you remember that right like it went by
[20:56] real fast real fast
[20:58] okay so it turns out that was actually
[21:00] massively important like the most
[21:02] important moment in the movie and
[21:04] instead of us seeing it in real time
[21:06] and seeing massimo's reaction now we're
[21:09] gonna go back to it 10 minutes later as
[21:11] a flashback
[21:12] does that sound good are we having fun
[21:14] while massimo was
[21:16] lying on the roof bleeding he had this
[21:18] vision of laura and for the past
[21:20] five years he's been looking for her as
[21:23] he believes their soulmates
[21:25] so he kidnapped her or in his words
[21:28] are giving her a chance to fall in love
[21:31] with him she has 365 days to fall in
[21:33] love with him and if she doesn't at the
[21:35] end of the year
[21:36] she is supposedly free to go
[21:39] laura yells at him tells him that he
[21:41] can't keep her here that she's not an
[21:43] object
[21:43] she has a boyfriend massimo reveals that
[21:46] her boyfriend is conveniently a cheater
[21:48] on top of being an uncool wearer of
[21:50] fanny packs
[21:51] massimo has planted a fake note from
[21:52] laura to her boyfriend to tell him that
[21:54] she's disappearing from his life
[21:56] laura tries to run massimo grabs her he
[21:58] throws her onto a chair
[22:00] and then we get this line truly a gift
[22:03] from the bad movie gods
[22:06] massimo with his hand upon a booby
[22:09] saying i won't do anything without your
[22:12] permission
[22:13] i won't do anything without your
[22:15] permission he says wow sexually
[22:17] assaulting her okay this calls for a
[22:19] comedic counter
[22:20] i won't do anything without your
[22:21] permission let's back up
[22:23] and count so far okay stalking her i
[22:26] won't do anything without your
[22:27] permission
[22:28] stalking her boyfriend presumably hiring
[22:30] a pi to catch him cheating
[22:32] i won't do anything without your
[22:33] permission abducting her
[22:35] i won't do anything without your
[22:36] permission sedating her
[22:38] which also led to almost killing her
[22:40] because he didn't know about her heart
[22:41] condition
[22:42] i won't do anything without your
[22:43] permission imprisoning her
[22:45] i won't do anything without your
[22:47] permission suggestively touching a
[22:49] prisoner who can't say no to you
[22:51] i won't do anything without your
[22:52] permission assaults
[22:54] i won't do anything without your
[22:55] permission and now we have sexual
[22:57] assault
[22:58] i won't do anything without your
[22:59] permission but don't provoke me
[23:02] i can't be gentle not used to tolerating
[23:05] disobedience
[23:07] oh that's a threat i won't do anything
[23:09] without your permission
[23:12] do i need to point out the entire
[23:13] premise of this story its very namesake
[23:15] is bogus
[23:17] the author cites 50 shades and beauty
[23:19] and the beast as
[23:20] inspirations and the beauty and the
[23:22] beast has a ticking clock over its love
[23:24] story
[23:25] there's an enchanted floaty rose and if
[23:27] the beast can't love someone and be
[23:28] loved and returned before the last petal
[23:30] falls
[23:31] he's doomed so we need a ticking clock
[23:34] what's our ticking clock oh uh
[23:36] massimo just kind of arbitrarily decides
[23:38] to put a time limit on his cruelty
[23:40] this movie could literally be renamed
[23:42] just give it a year this is one
[23:44] super lazy and unimaginative but two he
[23:47] says that
[23:48] he'll let her go after a year if she
[23:49] doesn't love him right that's a promise
[23:51] that he made
[23:52] but he also promises not to do anything
[23:53] without her permission which he will
[23:55] frequently break throughout the movie
[23:57] you can't take his word on anything
[23:59] the movie frames this as this erotic
[24:01] struggle with his
[24:02] urges but what struggle he always just
[24:06] caves and does what he wants his
[24:08] seduction
[24:09] plan is basically prey stockholm
[24:11] syndrome happens
[24:12] and we don't even make it to the end of
[24:14] the scene without him assaulting her
[24:15] again with sexual undertones
[24:18] anything actually just means penetration
[24:21] and nothing else that's the only line he
[24:24] won't cross
[24:25] laura gets his gun that honestly i keep
[24:27] forgetting that he has
[24:28] even with re-watches and when she
[24:30] hesitates to fire he overpowers her
[24:32] you see on top of everything else he did
[24:35] he also brought a loaded gun into this
[24:37] meeting
[24:38] i understand why a mafia man would have
[24:40] a gun close to him at all times
[24:42] but when you're meeting your kidnapping
[24:44] victim who you want to fall in love with
[24:45] you because you think they're your soul
[24:47] mate
[24:47] why would you be visibly armed also it's
[24:50] weird to me that the movie felt no need
[24:51] to establish when laura
[24:53] noticed the gun but okay marco and
[24:56] dominico come in
[24:57] dominico is now confirmed as a blood
[24:59] relative because he too
[25:00] can teleport then massimo must leave to
[25:04] go to the
[25:04] crime catacombs the shady business
[25:08] batcave
[25:09] deep in the caves massimo approaches a
[25:11] man jane do a disc donut
[25:13] his name is alfredo he's been selling
[25:16] children to a brothel and has tainted
[25:18] the family name
[25:19] you see this is where the first scene
[25:20] comes back into play
[25:22] it actually wasn't random this is where
[25:24] we get introduced to this new fraction
[25:26] of people in the massimo family who as a
[25:28] reaction to the power vacuum left by
[25:30] massimo's father
[25:31] have gotten back into child trafficking
[25:34] in fact
[25:34] they might have been pulling the strings
[25:36] the whole time just kidding alfredo is
[25:38] going to be gone in two minutes and this
[25:40] whole thread will be dropped
[25:42] oh you watched a movie thinking you were
[25:44] going to see a story how foolish
[25:46] so the trafficking stuff what's that
[25:47] about the movie doesn't seem to be
[25:50] trying to get across
[25:51] that criminals have their own codes of
[25:53] conduct
[25:54] instead this scene comes off like the
[25:56] movie is uncomfortable with the
[25:58] depravity of its own
[25:59] premise so this scene is just kind of
[26:02] like a flaccid appeal to this idea that
[26:04] massimo's not such a bad guy that he has
[26:07] some standards he's not a monster laura
[26:10] just can't see it yet
[26:11] but it feels cheap and stupid to me
[26:13] because first of all i don't need to
[26:14] explain to me that he's not as bad as he
[26:17] mathematically could be
[26:18] i'm sure he's also not a cannibal i
[26:20] don't need him going down to the crime
[26:21] catacombs to confront a cannibal about
[26:23] to chow down on some corpse chowder if
[26:25] you just explain the details of what his
[26:26] mob
[26:27] does we would know and i wouldn't think
[26:29] to ask
[26:30] which is why the first scene is so dumb
[26:32] you don't sell your shrimp hall to
[26:33] freddy fazbear's pizza
[26:35] most people are aware that people who
[26:38] abuse children need protection when they
[26:41] go to prison or some of the other
[26:43] prisoners
[26:44] will kill them and these guys are like
[26:47] rocking up to the high
[26:48] ranking dawn and are like hi we're
[26:50] selling girl scouts
[26:52] do you want some second of all there are
[26:54] no consequences to massimo standing up
[26:56] against the traffickers it's irrelevant
[26:58] and could be replaced by anything nice
[27:01] it's never revealed for example that
[27:02] massimo's father was killed by some
[27:04] associates of the two men at the
[27:06] beginning and thus
[27:07] massimo swears revenge against the
[27:08] traffickers the story feels
[27:10] no impulse to reflect on the fact that
[27:12] massimo has kidnapped laura to
[27:14] exploit her and engages in many of the
[27:16] behaviors listed on this power and
[27:18] control wheel on strategies of
[27:20] traffickers
[27:21] and going forward laura's an adult sure
[27:24] but
[27:24] under these circumstances her consent
[27:26] means about as much as a miner's consent
[27:28] to massimo which is to say it means
[27:30] nothing
[27:31] it's all so we get this really nice shot
[27:34] of laura thinking in the shower
[27:35] she makes up her mind to escape and we
[27:37] see her get up and she's already made it
[27:39] outside
[27:39] laura lightly jogs around the property
[27:41] as suspense music plays
[27:43] and before any suspense is even allowed
[27:46] to build
[27:47] laura runs into a bunch of massimo's
[27:49] goons they've decided to move the
[27:52] out of the secret crypt to kill him the
[27:54] handheld camera zooms and so does the
[27:56] warp stabilization the weird artifacting
[27:58] scares laura and causes her heart to tap
[28:00] out
[28:01] from here on out the entire plot point
[28:03] about laura's heart is forgotten
[28:05] no i'm not joking this is seriously it
[28:08] that was the planting the reminder and
[28:11] the payoff
[28:12] it was all for the sake of making laura
[28:14] faint on her first
[28:15] night to transition to the next morning
[28:17] no matter how much stress she's under
[28:19] or how awful things get in the future
[28:21] her heart will just be vibin
[28:23] this is what happens when your story
[28:25] isn't a standalone story and it's forced
[28:27] into the format of a trilogy
[28:29] people write their novels to be
[28:30] trilogies and i don't know if that's
[28:32] optimistic or cynical
[28:33] laura wakes up and massimo is like you
[28:35] have to understand
[28:37] he's he was a bad person he hurt
[28:39] children i only hurt grown-ups so i'm
[28:41] better please let me put my thingy
[28:43] inside
[28:44] you i was really nice and the maid
[28:46] changed your clothes not me
[28:49] you have people for everything except
[28:52] watching the door apparently
[28:54] so tell one of your butlers to bring my
[28:56] cellphone and laptop
[28:58] you will have your cell phone on your
[28:59] laptop when it's the right time
[29:01] when you won't tattle then massimo tells
[29:04] her that domenico's around if she needs
[29:06] anything and he drops on her out of
[29:08] nowhere that they're leaving the castle
[29:09] in two hours to buy
[29:11] some stuff before they get on a plane
[29:14] laura understandably starts panicking
[29:16] i'm not flying anywhere unless it's
[29:18] poland
[29:21] it wasn't an offer it was an order
[29:24] listen to me i'm not a bag of potatoes
[29:27] that you can transfer without my
[29:28] permission
[29:29] if that's your idea how falling in love
[29:31] with you looks like
[29:37] when laura slaps massimo he freezes like
[29:40] it's this big
[29:41] serious moment even though he's violent
[29:43] all the time to her
[29:44] and she looks like she's trembling in
[29:46] fear of the retaliation
[29:53] if you hit me again what
[29:56] you do islands only i do violence i do
[29:58] violence you don't do violence only i do
[30:00] violence
[30:01] so massimo having no self-awareness
[30:03] mocks her for having a temper and then
[30:06] having also apparently never seen the
[30:07] inside of his own house mocks river
[30:09] having too many shoes
[30:10] you're gonna do all this insanity and
[30:13] neg
[30:15] what does he want what more can you take
[30:18] from us
[30:29] oh man we almost forgot how bad the
[30:30] movie was it transitions
[30:32] the music stops domenico pulls out her
[30:34] chair teleports then explains that he'll
[30:36] do his best to help her
[30:38] laura invites dominico to eat with her
[30:40] in this strange
[30:42] tone that seems almost flirtatious and
[30:44] he agrees to eat
[30:45] i think he just wants to take good care
[30:47] of you you know
[30:49] but i think you're here to help me with
[30:51] everything what i need
[30:53] so i need you to sit down and help me to
[30:56] eat
[30:59] [Music]
[31:02] okay
[31:04] so laura's lounging after her meal
[31:07] ew where'd you come from i'm not going
[31:10] anywhere
[31:11] back to music so they're traveling and
[31:14] massimo recites a wikipedia article
[31:16] laura seems smugly
[31:18] turned on
[31:21] then the movie pushes something on you
[31:22] so fast it'll
[31:24] break your neck so even though it's been
[31:27] one day not even a full 24 hours since
[31:30] she was let out of that room she was
[31:32] locked in and they have built
[31:33] zero trust and she has zero reason to
[31:36] stick around
[31:37] massimo has brought her out in public to
[31:40] go
[31:41] clothes shopping i'm serious this
[31:43] transitions into a musical
[31:45] shopping spree montage laura interacts
[31:48] with shop clerks and tries on clothes as
[31:51] massimo plays on his phone and his goons
[31:53] sit around board and comedically cannot
[31:55] hold all of the things
[31:56] laura is buying we're now 35 minutes
[32:00] into this movie 10 minutes ago we were
[32:01] doing this
[32:04] now 10 minutes ago now
[32:08] 10 minutes ago i want it noted that to
[32:11] my understanding which is pretty much
[32:13] just dan olsen videos
[32:14] bella swan and anastasia steele are
[32:17] virginal
[32:18] meek awkward and shy away from
[32:20] extravagant gifts with guilt
[32:22] laura in contrast is materialistic and
[32:25] confident at least
[32:27] before massimo turns her brain into soup
[32:29] which i find
[32:30] an interesting choice in some ways she's
[32:33] the most
[32:33] original choice being made you might not
[32:36] like laura in fact you probably don't
[32:39] but at least a decision was made and the
[32:41] movie's definitely going to use her
[32:43] uniqueness and not just make her
[32:44] reactively do the same things and have
[32:46] the same conversations over and over
[32:49] oh boy the baffling montage comes to a
[32:53] halt when laura is in the changing room
[32:55] and massimo comes barging in
[32:57] and stays after being told to leave
[33:00] laura says she'll guarantee he'll never
[33:02] see these boobies if he doesn't leave so
[33:04] he grabs her by the neck
[33:06] laura has the realization that now is
[33:08] probably a really good time to try to
[33:10] run away
[33:11] they strangely don't run after her i
[33:13] love this shot of her looking at all of
[33:15] the places that she could run that just
[33:16] cuts into her immediately running into
[33:18] an obvious dead end
[33:20] there's some police officers but they're
[33:22] afraid of massimo
[33:23] so they ignore her i think are you lost
[33:26] baby girl
[33:27] i am going to vomit he just teleports
[33:30] behind you and is like
[33:31] i'm the daddy here
[33:33] [Music]
[33:35] how's it going massimo does this super
[33:38] attractive thing
[33:39] where he starts lecturing her about how
[33:41] she's just being really disagreeable
[33:42] right now just
[33:43] you know just like super negative it's
[33:45] almost like she doesn't want this
[33:47] relationship to work
[33:48] this relationship between her and her
[33:50] kidnapper i have never hated a fictional
[33:52] character the way i hate massimo and i
[33:54] think it's because i get the sense the
[33:55] movie agrees with him
[33:57] massimo's goal is he wants them to the
[34:00] movie's goal
[34:01] is they want them to so it just creates
[34:03] this
[34:04] hatred in me i'm just like holy sh he's
[34:07] a self-aware as a brick
[34:08] there appears to be this continuity
[34:10] error where they talk as if massimo has
[34:12] not
[34:12] already broken his promise not to touch
[34:15] her because even if she agrees with him
[34:17] that the only thing that matters is
[34:18] penetrative every other scene
[34:21] he's threatening to her like put these
[34:24] two things on
[34:24] a scale and weigh them next to each
[34:26] other massimo
[34:27] somehow still manages to soothe laura's
[34:30] concerns
[34:32] so she demands her laptop be returned
[34:34] orders a specific type of dinner and
[34:36] then
[34:36] saunters away confidently wow
[34:41] got him okay so i actually have a weird
[34:44] note
[34:44] what if massimo was here to do something
[34:47] else and
[34:48] laura who can be characterized as
[34:50] extremely materialistic
[34:52] demanded to go shopping as a way to mess
[34:54] with him
[34:55] and acquire rad loot rather than just
[34:57] springing this on us
[34:59] like it makes sense it would make these
[35:01] shots of her confidently strutting
[35:03] around kind of funny and would help
[35:05] clarify what i think they're trying to
[35:06] get at
[35:07] that laura has an odd way of coming out
[35:09] on top in taking control of situations
[35:12] where logically she should have no power
[35:14] music transition
[35:17] laura gets ready for dinner looking very
[35:19] pleased
[35:20] upon massimo's order the chef serves
[35:22] their food and then just awkwardly
[35:24] stands there between them laura proves
[35:26] not only is she prettier than massimo
[35:28] but she has sicker burns my grandma
[35:31] makes them better
[35:34] but you don't have to kill him massimo
[35:37] gets a text from his
[35:38] ex and just wow look at that screen that
[35:41] is
[35:42] awful laura asks massimo to explain what
[35:45] he does at
[35:46] mob wives and if he has enough mischief
[35:48] and handiness skill to become a level 10
[35:50] boss
[35:51] massimo dodges all of his soul mates
[35:53] questions
[35:55] and the piano music romantically swells
[35:57] as he tells her that
[35:58] he's only doing this because his daddy
[36:00] died and he wants her to teach him how
[36:03] to be
[36:03] gentle and less of a rapist
[36:08] laura gets back to her room to find her
[36:10] laptop and phone have been
[36:11] returned and apparently that was all she
[36:14] needed to not
[36:15] seek help she calls her mom and tells
[36:17] her that she's been given a one-year
[36:19] contract in sicily
[36:20] it's easy to miss this because this
[36:21] movie loves montages but massimo likes
[36:24] to watch her sleep
[36:25] wait since when do they sleep in the
[36:26] same pet now whatever she wakes up
[36:28] strips down and gets into the
[36:30] ostentatiously pretty shower
[36:32] and massimo is like cool and then strips
[36:34] down and takes a shower
[36:36] and she's like cool then massimo posts
[36:38] cringe with his mouth
[36:41] why are you looking at it
[36:46] did you want to touch it that's me
[36:48] talking to you about the subscribe
[36:50] button
[36:51] laura's unfortunately kind of warming up
[36:54] to him teasing him a little and then he
[36:55] goes straight for the neck
[36:57] every one time baby girl blah blah blah
[37:02] monster oh my god quinn is that what you
[37:06] think italians sound like
[37:07] okay so you know how it kind of feels
[37:08] like the movie's making progress
[37:11] well you know what this movie considers
[37:12] progress because she's warming up to him
[37:14] she's teasing them she's messing with
[37:16] them
[37:16] the movie decides it's time to
[37:19] completely
[37:20] undermine that and comedically remind
[37:22] you that this is all
[37:23] a farce that she's been kidnapped she
[37:25] has absolutely no control over her fate
[37:27] whatsoever and it does this with a scene
[37:29] of her being comedically carried onto a
[37:31] plane
[37:31] kicking and screaming like a child as
[37:34] massimo and mario are like
[37:36] difficult women am i right you might as
[37:38] well do a comedic cut and add a laugh
[37:40] track after she says or what like
[37:42] barely 20 seconds has passed here i'll
[37:45] do it for you
[37:58] [Applause]
[38:02] won't
[38:17] while the story is rooted in elements of
[38:20] stockholm syndrome indeed the
[38:23] cinematographer
[38:24] said 365 days is meant to be an
[38:26] empowering adult
[38:28] fairy tale for women the female hero is
[38:31] far
[38:31] stronger and more emancipated than girls
[38:33] from old fairy tales
[38:35] he said
[38:39] okay buddy i can see an argument for why
[38:41] the fans of 365 days feel empowered
[38:45] like yeah i got my movie i'm chilling i
[38:48] may be literally vibing
[38:49] and no one's yelling at me or saying
[38:51] that doing this is gonna put demons in
[38:53] my uterus or no one will marry me for
[38:55] now i am an unpure
[38:57] sub-human husk wow welcome to the future
[39:01] amazing but this quote says the female
[39:04] hero
[39:04] what no no no no no
[39:08] no no why is she empowered or more
[39:12] empowered than the fairy tale girl
[39:14] because she
[39:15] is it seriously because she is it
[39:18] seriously like oh yeah she's got [ __ ]
[39:20] power over him she's taming his beast
[39:23] by holding how much she wants her over
[39:26] him
[39:26] sometimes i feel like the people that
[39:29] worked on this movie don't understand
[39:31] that because of the context of why
[39:34] she's here all of this is in a box
[39:37] of what's acceptable and pleasing to
[39:39] massimo the kidnapper
[39:42] stalker this idea that she has power she
[39:44] doesn't it's a shallow facade
[39:46] everything that happens including her
[39:48] being like oh maybe i won't do you
[39:50] that's all within the realm of his game
[39:53] this isn't her taking control
[39:54] she hasn't left the box we are still in
[39:57] the box
[39:58] if ever she actually wanders too close
[40:01] to the wall of the box for what he wants
[40:03] for
[40:03] guess what mike makes right i'm bigger
[40:05] than you bam
[40:06] down you go this is present in every
[40:09] single scene of them so far
[40:10] i will have one of my goons pick you up
[40:13] and drag you kicking and screaming onto
[40:15] a plane because well i got places to be
[40:17] now's not the time for play don't you
[40:19] understand that why don't you accept
[40:21] that
[40:22] you're being very unreasonable right now
[40:24] and guess what
[40:25] that's part of the fantasy too that's
[40:27] the box talking to you
[40:28] all of this stuff could be ripped out of
[40:30] various books about the psychology of
[40:32] domestic abusers and it's just like
[40:35] wow chef's kiss so they get on the plane
[40:38] they strap laura down in some type of
[40:40] straight jackety-esque way
[40:42] then massimo massages the boob and
[40:44] pinches the nip while laura's tied down
[40:46] he puts his hands down her pants and
[40:48] tells her that she needs to earn the
[40:50] pleasure then leaves her to go touch
[40:52] dominico's face with that same hand
[40:55] hello then the plane lands and this
[40:57] confusing shot happens i'm not sure what
[41:00] emotionally it's supposed to mean
[41:07] [Music]
[41:16] i don't know i seriously don't know okay
[41:18] so we get a musical travel montage
[41:21] laura gets suggestive with her ice cream
[41:23] then runs off to jump into a fountain
[41:25] off-screen
[41:26] massimo runs after her instead of
[41:28] showing that which
[41:30] could potentially be a humanizing light
[41:32] moment of high jinx
[41:33] we save some money on the budget of this
[41:35] monstrosity and cut to them
[41:37] kind of wet making their way back to
[41:39] their room laura getting real bold
[41:41] real smug decides to visit massimo in
[41:44] his room
[41:45] we have now entered the halfway point of
[41:48] the movie
[41:49] the purple lights are poppin so laura
[41:52] wants to bang despite massimo
[41:54] owning a giant painting of himself but
[41:56] then you know massimo does what massimo
[41:58] does best he makes it bad laura's
[42:01] emotions re-roll and she decides
[42:03] actually she wants to leave
[42:04] she is shoved onto the bed forced in
[42:06] chains then out comes the spreader bar
[42:09] where is my fifty shades bingo card ah
[42:12] there it is
[42:13] that's a big old chakaroonie so massimo
[42:16] invites in a sex worker to give him a
[42:18] blowy in front of her to tease her
[42:20] they both get off on it massimo teases
[42:22] her then threatens to
[42:23] bang her to death or something i don't
[42:25] know he just reaffirms that he's a
[42:26] monster basically the scene could be
[42:28] described as like the saw movies but
[42:30] instead of jigsaw it's massimo and
[42:32] instead of a trap it's massimo's dong
[42:34] and instead of a key it's massimo's dong
[42:37] but in a good way the metaphor is
[42:39] struggling
[42:40] massimo tells her to get dressed they
[42:41] need to go to one of his clubs in two
[42:43] hours
[42:44] why is it always two hours mix it up cue
[42:47] ill-fitting music that'll go away in
[42:48] three seconds
[42:49] wow laura comes down in a dress that's
[42:52] honestly only slightly more revealing
[42:53] than her other outfits dominico starts
[42:55] panicking of course even though when she
[42:57] gets
[42:58] to the club she's going to blend in
[42:59] perfectly but it's supposed to be a
[43:01] big deal dominico also warns her that
[43:04] this is probably maybe a mob meeting by
[43:06] telling her to keep her head down but
[43:08] gives her no specific advice about what
[43:10] or what not to do
[43:12] also they're doing that thing that
[43:13] drives people nuts in movies where
[43:14] they're whispering in a club with
[43:16] glaring music
[43:17] she predictably interrupts the meeting
[43:19] massimo goes all high school teacher
[43:21] about to measure your skirt length on
[43:22] her
[43:23] even though once again he also didn't
[43:25] tell her why they were going to the club
[43:27] or what was expected of her or what the
[43:29] dress code is
[43:30] and considering she put her hair in a
[43:32] high ponytail like the one the sex
[43:34] worker wore
[43:34] she clearly picked this outfit to send
[43:36] him a message about what happened two
[43:38] hours ago but you know
[43:40] massimo's gotta make it bad once again
[43:42] in a sequence that's so repetitive
[43:45] laura teases him he gets all
[43:47] bloodthirsty rape monsters so she gets
[43:49] mad and then her emotions re-roll and
[43:51] she storms off
[43:52] you may have noticed our protagonists
[43:54] are highly unmotivated massimo has
[43:56] absolutely no reason to drag laura to
[43:58] this
[43:58] and even less reason to not explain
[44:00] what's going on if you won't be upfront
[44:02] with her about your job
[44:04] why involve her by inviting her in terms
[44:06] of romantic tropes it's almost like the
[44:08] worst of both worlds
[44:09] he's neither protector nor equal partner
[44:12] in crime massimo
[44:13] is constantly just a toothache you can
[44:15] make him teleport as much as you want
[44:16] that doesn't make him mysterious and it
[44:18] doesn't give him emotional depth
[44:20] any flaws that are unrelated to
[44:22] sexualizing violence aren't even treated
[44:24] as flaws for example he clearly might
[44:27] not be emotionally intelligent or at the
[44:29] very least he struggles to anticipate
[44:31] how people will react to his actions
[44:33] this isn't inherently wrong for
[44:35] romantically there are tons of
[44:36] characters that i like that have this
[44:38] trait some of them
[44:39] are love interests it's really weird
[44:41] when you're unwilling to ask yourself
[44:43] questions about the character you wrote
[44:44] they're unwilling to look past the
[44:46] surface level characterization
[44:48] to come to terms with the fact that he's
[44:50] bizarre he's a weirdo
[44:52] i'm weird i'm a weirdo what kind of
[44:55] person has a vision during a near-death
[44:58] experience and becomes obsessed with a
[45:00] woman that he doesn't know
[45:01] exists and then once he finds out the
[45:03] woman exists he kidnaps her to get her
[45:05] to fall in love with him
[45:06] well the most flattering thing you could
[45:09] say about that person is that they're
[45:11] extremely eccentric they're also
[45:14] likely superstitious or extremely
[45:16] spiritual why
[45:18] is he so boring he has no right to be
[45:21] this boring
[45:22] well part of it is that he's always
[45:24] repeating himself
[45:25] don't provoke me you'll be mine i
[45:28] guarantee you
[45:30] then i'll do anything i want meanwhile
[45:32] laura's train of thought is jumbled and
[45:34] unfollowable
[45:35] why she's hot one minute and cold
[45:37] another doesn't really make
[45:39] sense you may naively upon your first
[45:42] viewing think laura is attracted to
[45:43] massimo but grows
[45:45] disgusted when he becomes possessive but
[45:47] no it's not consistent it's just this
[45:49] annoying way of patting out the film and
[45:51] desperately trying to build tension
[45:53] sometimes it seems like laura's
[45:55] inability to stay afraid is because she
[45:57] knows
[45:57] she's not in any real danger because
[45:59] she's seen the script
[46:00] so she has to endure his constant temper
[46:03] tantrums because of the whims of the
[46:05] target demo in another universe she
[46:07] can't perceive
[46:08] laura runs off and starts touching some
[46:10] guy massimo tries to find her but he
[46:12] can't and eventually he spots her with a
[46:14] different guy
[46:15] dancing by a pole and this guy gets
[46:17] grabby and laura tries to pull away and
[46:20] then massimo just can't stand the sight
[46:23] of a man that's not him
[46:24] grabbing laura without her consent so
[46:27] like the true
[46:28] champion an ally to women's rights that
[46:30] he is
[46:31] he pulls out two guns like he's a spy in
[46:33] a 1980s movie and terrifies the whole
[46:35] building the generic wave file gasps
[46:38] everyone freezes but no one is shot the
[46:40] next day on a big boat
[46:42] laura is sad listening to massimo and
[46:44] marco argue massimo is being lectured
[46:46] for shooting that guy who it turns out
[46:48] is the son of another mafia family
[46:51] here's the thing though
[46:52] we don't hear or see the gunfire so
[46:55] apparently
[46:56] off-screen massimo took that man
[46:58] somewhere else and shot him in the hands
[47:00] this is spoilers a very serious
[47:03] situation that will incite a war between
[47:05] the two families and have consequences
[47:07] later in the film and for some reason we
[47:10] decided not to show it this movie has no
[47:12] sense of what's important and what isn't
[47:14] conversations with a pedophile who will
[47:16] never be shown again oop that's
[47:18] important
[47:18] massimo is starting a gang war that will
[47:20] result in major consequences
[47:22] ah we can skip it it's okay that's not
[47:24] weird right yeah it's not weird
[47:26] when it's stuff about massimo and laura
[47:28] i can excuse it because even if it
[47:30] doesn't further the plot it's
[47:31] technically the main attraction of the
[47:33] movie
[47:33] or it would be if the movie was well
[47:35] written and its character's dialogue was
[47:37] fun and not repetitive as hell
[47:39] it's just this reminder that as
[47:40] beautiful as this film looks and as much
[47:42] money was put into it the writing is
[47:45] what dooms it
[47:45] honestly skipping this is so out of
[47:48] place that it makes me think that there
[47:49] was some type of production problem
[47:51] where the footage was ruined
[47:52] or for some reason unusable laura
[47:55] apologizes for um
[47:57] being attacked just the difficult
[48:00] situation i'm not sure but she seems
[48:03] really sorry and although at first
[48:06] massimo's temper starts to get the
[48:07] better of him he
[48:09] for once restrains himself and with much
[48:11] difficulty tells her not to apologize
[48:14] and finally we get some character
[48:15] development i shot his hands
[48:18] i wouldn't
[48:19] [Music]
[48:22] just kidding oh you believe there would
[48:24] be character development you got some
[48:26] egg on your face
[48:27] then massimo keeps asking her where
[48:28] she's going even though the obvious
[48:30] answer is just like to be alone on a
[48:32] different part of the boat but he's got
[48:34] a micromanager all the time because you
[48:35] know who would be making it bad what is
[48:36] everything going to make itself bad
[48:38] to be fair i guess you could say he's
[48:39] worried about her jumping or falling
[48:41] into the water
[48:48] oh it's not even clear how she fell in
[48:51] the water it sort of looks like he
[48:52] pushed her massimo saves her from the
[48:54] ocean
[48:54] now if only he could save her from his
[48:56] existence
[48:58] i'm so grateful that you're alive but in
[49:00] the same time i want to kill you
[49:02] that's it that's the whole movie donate
[49:04] to my patreon follow me on twitter
[49:06] send flowers to my funeral i like roses
[49:09] and panties
[49:10] thanks god that was so close i can't
[49:13] tell if this is the character
[49:14] canonically gaslighting her or if it's a
[49:16] continuity error
[49:17] like if in an earlier draft laura falls
[49:20] from slipping and not because she lost
[49:22] her balance trying to fight off massimo
[49:26] why you're so disobedient i'm sorry
[49:31] i just i cannot overcome the sickness
[49:33] this is terminal
[49:35] laura apologizes to him and tells him
[49:37] that she won't do it anymore the it
[49:39] in that sentence is doing some heavy
[49:41] lifting i think she means she won't
[49:43] disobey
[49:44] him massimo tells her that he can't lose
[49:46] her and he tells her to
[49:47] rest and she stops him and is like you
[49:50] saved me here
[49:51] have a sex no
[49:55] don't do it okay so they do oral they
[49:57] frick the music blares i'm not sure how
[50:00] much of this i'll be able to show you
[50:01] but at one point massimo clearly looks
[50:03] into the camera then we get a montage of
[50:05] them banging on different parts of the
[50:07] boat
[50:07] the front of the boat the back of the
[50:09] boat you know just all over the boat
[50:11] i like to think that old man mario is
[50:13] still here and is just like pretending
[50:15] he can't hear them or maybe he's
[50:17] contemplating swimming back to shore
[50:19] i can't think of anything more awkward
[50:21] they either locked him in his cabin or
[50:22] he's doing a metal gear trying not to be
[50:24] detected
[50:25] there is no sense of how much time is
[50:27] passing uh refractory period who
[50:29] never heard of them or perhaps the
[50:31] answer to this is way funnier what if
[50:33] they keep stopping
[50:34] and moving alright follow me on this
[50:36] journey as i tell you how this went down
[50:38] picture the sounds of the sea in
[50:41] seagulls
[50:42] and then there's laura and massimo
[50:46] nips and dong to the wind now imagine
[50:49] them worthlessly following each other
[50:51] like
[50:51] sims to the new woohoo location just the
[50:54] sounds of their bare feet against
[50:56] boat's floor and so they get to the next
[50:59] location
[50:59] but sometimes it's really difficult
[51:01] because they have to climb
[51:03] up onto the boat and they're just
[51:04] slipping and sliding all over the place
[51:06] doing all of this naked
[51:08] and the boat tops kind of uncomfortably
[51:11] hot but they really want to be able to
[51:12] say that they banged on top
[51:14] of the boat so they just struggle to get
[51:16] into position
[51:17] and by this point massimo is kind of
[51:19] like you know
[51:21] and surely by now laura's just
[51:24] [Music]
[51:27] also i don't want to point this out but
[51:30] in this shot
[51:30] massimo scrote is just getting cooked on
[51:33] top of that boat okay
[51:35] he's getting soupy up there it's
[51:37] probably like silly putty so after the
[51:39] montage of
[51:40] thinking with portals massimo surprises
[51:43] laura with the fact that they're going
[51:44] to a ball
[51:45] and her reaction is pretty funny are you
[51:47] [ __ ] crazy i have nothing to wear
[51:50] all right so we do a getting ready for
[51:52] the ball montage
[51:54] i'm retaining my one brain cell laura's
[51:56] retaining her one personality trait
[51:58] i love her one personality trait i'll
[52:00] defend it with my life
[52:01] you know she loves spending money and as
[52:03] someone who went to such great lengths
[52:05] to keep this video from being
[52:06] demonetized
[52:07] i can vibe with that we get to the ball
[52:10] i can hear 50 shades lawyers salivating
[52:12] there's paparazzi for some reason
[52:14] he's crimestogram famous
[52:24] how surprising that'd be funny if it
[52:27] weren't so sad
[52:28] the movie turns into a cologne
[52:29] commercial essence of stockholm how to
[52:32] describe the smell
[52:33] um it's kind of a floral scent with a
[52:36] hint of citrus
[52:37] and nodes of dread okay so break out
[52:39] your bingo card after the dance we are
[52:41] approached by another staple of the
[52:43] genre
[52:44] sexually threatening blonde woman tm she
[52:46] introduces herself as anna the first
[52:49] and real love of massimo and she dead
[52:52] threatens to kill laura massimo explains
[52:54] that he's had laura's portrait in his
[52:56] home for years but anna never expected
[52:58] him to find her
[52:59] on the day he found out laura was real
[53:01] he left anna but i called
[53:03] before laura even arrived at the airport
[53:06] massimo was ignoring her messages
[53:08] laura i'll never let anyone hurt you
[53:10] except me
[53:11] i will hurt you a lot very often they go
[53:15] home question mark and then bang again
[53:17] to a new unrelated song even though
[53:19] nothing's happened but this time they're
[53:21] on a sink
[53:22] after they bang the first dialogue of
[53:24] the scene massimo says the words that
[53:26] laura always
[53:27] loves to hear dominica will take you to
[53:29] the airport tomorrow your flight is at
[53:31] 8pm
[53:32] laura starts panicking thinking massimo
[53:35] is done with her and doesn't want to see
[53:36] her anymore
[53:37] laura i moved to the next chapter of the
[53:40] book negging is over it's time to do
[53:42] dread game
[53:43] no i'm kidding massimo is like it'll be
[53:45] cool you said you wanted to visit your
[53:46] family and i'll join you there soon and
[53:48] laura's like trembling and confused
[53:51] and massimo is walking out and he's just
[53:53] like i love you
[53:57] it's not a wrong choice to write a
[53:59] character that has trouble with emotions
[54:01] or reading people it just
[54:02] feels like it's being thrown at us out
[54:04] of nowhere for the sake of plot
[54:06] convenience
[54:07] this is incredibly forced
[54:09] misunderstanding even as far as romantic
[54:11] drama misunderstandings go
[54:13] so in the car dominica is trying to
[54:15] reassure laura about anna
[54:18] forget about donna
[54:19] [Music]
[54:21] she's the past is shame
[54:25] yes and you my darling
[54:29] you are the future hey what's your
[54:33] language i get enough problems you know
[54:35] if she really does kill her
[54:37] she won't have a future don't you just
[54:39] love how dominica is a more reassuring
[54:40] boyfriend than massimo dominico gets a
[54:42] phone call that things are getting all
[54:44] serious and he gets cryptic on her laura
[54:46] arrives back in poland and visits her
[54:48] friend olga you know olga yeah
[54:52] uh the friend from the vacation why
[54:54] would you let her dye her hair
[54:56] i can't i'm so face blind imbd
[55:00] help okay i'm like 95
[55:04] sure this is the same character but
[55:06] don't take my word for it because the
[55:07] first time i saw jurassic world i
[55:09] thought chris pratt was two different
[55:10] people for like the first 30 minutes of
[55:12] that movie
[55:13] it's just he was really cool and
[55:14] sensitive when he when he was with his
[55:16] velociraptor babies
[55:17] and he just sucked a lot of eggs when he
[55:20] was with the protagonist okay
[55:22] i was confused he was so cocky i was
[55:24] like when is the cool guy gonna come
[55:25] back oh
[55:26] so with a bit of pokken olga gets laura
[55:28] to talk about the mysterious man she met
[55:31] also they have just way more chemistry
[55:34] together
[55:34] like way more am i imagining this
[55:38] and with a bit more probing laura tells
[55:40] olga basically
[55:41] everything that's happened so far
[55:43] leaving nothing out and they get drunk
[55:44] together and cry
[55:46] and if you're wondering why this audio
[55:47] sounds different i definitely didn't
[55:49] have to re-record when i mispronounced
[55:51] her name in a different way from how i
[55:53] usually mispronounce it
[55:54] finally olga decides they need to go out
[55:57] and have fun
[55:58] god somehow olga has way more
[56:00] personality than massimo in like
[56:02] three minutes it actually makes me mad
[56:13] we get a musical montage of olga and
[56:14] laura drinking champagne while getting
[56:16] back rubs getting facials getting their
[56:18] hair done
[56:19] chilling in a hot tub biting each
[56:21] other's toes because they are gay i'm
[56:23] losing my mind in a good way
[56:25] i remember what being alive feels like
[56:29] my last brain cell is thriving she is
[56:31] being rejuvenated by this dumb montage
[56:34] because even though it's just
[56:35] filler at least it's not toxic after
[56:37] watching an hour and 26 minutes of
[56:40] and fear and threats this is soothing
[56:43] this is awesome the bar is that low
[56:47] oh and 50 shades thingy laura gets
[56:49] offered a major promotion out of nowhere
[56:59] how did she get offered a promotion
[57:01] she's been missing for
[57:02] wait how much time is fast the montage
[57:05] ends and
[57:06] another pop song begins so laura gets a
[57:09] nice blonde wig
[57:10] i mean a nice blonde bob whoops
[57:14] god the real fantasy is going from jet
[57:16] black hair to platinum blonde and one
[57:18] salon trip am i right they hit the club
[57:20] and dance and then men come back and
[57:21] ruin the movie
[57:23] i'm sorry i don't know where that came
[57:25] from
[57:26] i think i'm having a hard time right now
[57:30] so the ex-boyfriend is here laura won't
[57:33] accept his apology and he ends up
[57:35] following her home
[57:36] all of this takes way too much time when
[57:38] you consider how irrelevant he was to
[57:40] the story
[57:41] in traditional creepy guy fashion
[57:42] massimo is waiting in the dark for her
[57:44] and you know he starts playing the hits
[57:46] he looks time baby girl
[57:48] laura starts hitting massimo yelling at
[57:50] him to leave
[57:51] massimo says nothing and they just start
[57:53] having sex the music insects pauses when
[57:56] laura discovers a wound
[57:57] massimo tells her oh yeah i uh solved
[57:59] the plot off-screen
[58:01] amazing amazing great
[58:05] this is when our protagonists declares
[58:09] i don't need 365 days
[58:12] [Music]
[58:14] because
[58:16] [Music]
[58:17] because i love you okay film students
[58:20] self-described cinemaphiles you might
[58:22] want to place your wallet in your mouth
[58:24] for this next transition
[58:25] you might even need to pause and
[58:27] retrieve a buddy or an emotional support
[58:29] animal
[58:30] say it again
[58:48] one more time to just let it let it soak
[58:51] in
[58:53] [Music]
[59:00] so because this is a fan fiction's
[59:02] sloppy seconds massimo proposes
[59:05] i can barely contain the urge to make
[59:07] more sims references
[59:09] and yes that means that the worst
[59:11] transition of the movie is between not
[59:13] one
[59:14] but two emotional climaxes that's four
[59:17] climaxes
[59:18] total but like in a strange symbolic way
[59:21] retrospectively this is one of the
[59:23] funniest scenes in the whole movie
[59:24] think about it traditionally if you want
[59:26] someone to marry you you
[59:28] ask and they agree to marry you they
[59:30] consent you might
[59:32] say and then if you have a ring you put
[59:33] it on their finger laura
[59:35] has woken up with the engagement ring
[59:38] already on her finger
[59:39] because massimo slipped it on while she
[59:41] was sleeping in a normal loving
[59:43] relationship this would just be a cute
[59:44] prank it would mean nothing bad it
[59:46] wouldn't be that deep
[59:47] but for them this subtext is intriguing
[59:50] because this is just another instance of
[59:51] retroactive consent
[59:53] it's amazing how it permeates every
[59:56] detail of the story no matter how
[59:58] small it's kind of like how disney world
[60:00] hides mickey mouse ears everywhere
[60:02] except in 365 days
[60:04] you're hiding creepy subtext between
[60:06] creepy text
[60:08] hey guess what hey guess what hey guess
[60:09] what it's time to go shopping again
[60:12] hey you know what if they're doing a
[60:13] montage they don't have to talk to each
[60:15] other
[60:15] this is a blessing in disguise this is a
[60:18] bonding scene set to upbeat music where
[60:20] massimo doesn't smile
[60:22] once it's also plot relevant and the
[60:24] whole thing could be scrapped
[60:26] oh god he's miming being upset about how
[60:28] revealing the outfits are between
[60:30] being bored he's obsessed with her why
[60:33] is he bellyaching about
[60:34] shopping is this just like what the
[60:36] movie thinks men are like
[60:37] it definitely says something that this
[60:39] movie can imagine a man doing all this
[60:41] depravity but taking a genuine interest
[60:43] in you shopping
[60:44] oh that's dreaming too far you're
[60:46] getting too close to the sun
[60:47] out of nowhere massimo and laura attend
[60:50] a wedding
[60:51] this is when he meets the in-laws my mom
[60:54] is asking what do you do for a living
[60:58] i'm a crime farmer i farm crime in my
[61:01] crime fields
[61:02] and then the scene is over if that
[61:05] wedding seems super unnecessary even by
[61:07] this movie's standards you should know
[61:09] that the bride is the author of the
[61:10] books
[61:11] this is her cameo then we get a new song
[61:14] laura and massimo are back on his boat
[61:16] they make out
[61:17] i'd like to point out the last four
[61:19] minutes since the proposal
[61:20] laura and massimo have barely talked to
[61:23] each other and have not really learned
[61:25] anything about each other massimo is
[61:27] introduced to laura's parents
[61:29] but they're gone throughout the rest of
[61:30] the movie and they're kind of like
[61:32] stock parent characters in fact in this
[61:35] romance movie it's been about 30 minutes
[61:38] the ballroom scene
[61:39] since laura and massimo have had an
[61:41] actual conversation
[61:44] yeah laura comes down to a poolside
[61:47] breakfast with massimo and mario and
[61:49] says that she doesn't feel well and
[61:50] that's movie talk for
[61:52] she's pregnant even though she describes
[61:53] feeling unwell in the vagus terms
[61:55] possible massimo is already like
[61:57] dominical will take you to the doctors
[61:58] in two hours
[62:00] nerd through conversation it's revealed
[62:02] that laura has accepted that her own
[62:04] parents can't come to her
[62:06] wedding because somehow that would
[62:08] automatically mean exposing them to
[62:10] massimo's crime brewery
[62:12] and yet massimo has somehow accepted
[62:14] that she spilled the beans about him
[62:16] being a criminal to her
[62:18] rando friend he just doesn't
[62:21] care he's just cool with it you know
[62:24] here's a crazy thought
[62:25] what if you had a scene where she tells
[62:28] massimo
[62:29] that she told her friend and instead of
[62:31] doing the obvious thing
[62:32] massimo having changed has a gentle
[62:36] kind reaction because right now it just
[62:39] kind of looks like a writing mistake
[62:40] massimo leaves this cut gives me anxiety
[62:43] we have less than 10 minutes of this
[62:45] movie but for some reason
[62:47] we'll be around with laura being like i
[62:49] know you don't like me marco
[62:51] and marco being like oh well you've
[62:53] caused a lot of commotion in our family
[62:56] marco she was kidnapped it's the premise
[62:58] of the movie so best girl olga comes
[63:01] back
[63:01] no the wrong guy is getting hit in the
[63:03] nuts laura explains to olga that she's
[63:06] pregnant and that they're getting
[63:07] married
[63:08] olga yells you've only known each other
[63:10] for two months
[63:12] this movie's title is actually broken in
[63:15] two ways
[63:16] the first is that massimo's word means
[63:18] nothing but the second is it's a ticking
[63:20] clock title in a series where time
[63:22] apparently means nothing
[63:24] where did two months come from very
[63:26] little time is accounted for in this
[63:28] movie
[63:29] don't worry i'll fix it day one laura is
[63:32] locked in her room until the evening
[63:34] passes out in the courtyard wakes up in
[63:36] the morning day two
[63:37] lunch shopping dinner laura gets her
[63:39] phone back and decides to stay
[63:41] day three this is the first tricky one
[63:44] laura wakes up
[63:45] showers with massimo plain ride she gets
[63:48] off the plane at sunset
[63:49] there's a travel montage the sun is
[63:51] setting during the ice cream scene as
[63:53] the street lights are just starting to
[63:54] come on
[63:55] laura gets in the fountain and they have
[63:57] to go back to their rooms
[63:58] after her shower she goes to massimo's
[64:01] room q be ready in two hours
[64:03] q nightclub scene this is the longest
[64:05] day in the movie
[64:06] day question mark likely for okay so we
[64:09] don't know if the boat scene is the next
[64:11] day
[64:12] but it seems like it because of the
[64:14] urgency and the anger coming from marco
[64:16] and massimo
[64:17] and laura's sulking as if it happened
[64:19] last night
[64:20] so then we have the fight the fall and
[64:22] boat sex
[64:23] after boat sex the sky hasn't changed so
[64:26] it seems like it happened over the
[64:27] course of a few hours
[64:29] massimo says they slept one hour
[64:31] massimo's evening surprise
[64:33] is the ball which laura panics because
[64:35] she has to get ready fast for it the
[64:37] sixth scene
[64:37] seems to happen the same night because
[64:39] massimo is still wearing the same suit
[64:41] day 5 laura's flight is the next morning
[64:44] at 8.
[64:45] laura arrives back in poland wearing the
[64:47] same outfit she was wearing when she
[64:49] left and she visits aldo's apartment
[64:51] wearing that same
[64:52] outfit they leave the apartment to have
[64:54] their spa day at the end of their
[64:55] conversation
[64:56] and at night they go out to hit the club
[64:59] laura meets her ex
[65:00] at the club her ex follows her home
[65:03] where she finds massimo waiting for her
[65:05] then they have sex day six massimo
[65:08] proposes
[65:09] then we have a montage of shopping
[65:11] wedding and boat
[65:12] there are three places where time can be
[65:14] injected between the nightclub scene and
[65:16] the boat scene
[65:17] between laura and olga having their
[65:19] makeover day and actually hitting the
[65:21] club
[65:22] and in that montage of nonsense that
[65:24] adds nothing
[65:25] i believe after many hours of meditation
[65:28] that the montage of nonsense was
[65:31] actually supposed to give us a sense of
[65:32] what laura and massimo's day-to-day life
[65:35] is like together
[65:36] but it doesn't it's just sort of a
[65:38] montage of shopping
[65:39] that suddenly stops and then you get an
[65:41] out of place scene
[65:43] and then another montage of kissing on a
[65:45] boat that four minutes
[65:46] wasn't worthless it was actually really
[65:49] important it was supposed to be a
[65:50] montage of about 54
[65:52] days the vast majority of their time
[65:55] together
[65:56] four minutes isn't a lot of time but if
[65:58] up can communicate an entire marriage in
[66:00] about four and a half minutes
[66:01] you can communicate two months of just
[66:03] chilling out and being in love
[66:05] you know i'd like to tell you i believe
[66:06] in you but you've already failed me
[66:08] olga tells laura that she's trapped in a
[66:10] golden cage but she's still a prisoner
[66:12] she holds her and tells her that she
[66:14] loves her and that they can raise the
[66:16] child together
[66:18] gal pals yay while waiting for laura to
[66:22] try on wedding dresses dominico and olga
[66:24] casually prove they have more
[66:26] personality than the main characters
[66:28] laura finds a really cool dress and
[66:30] tells olga that she wants to keep
[66:32] the child and be with massimo and olga
[66:34] accepts
[66:35] then less than three minutes until the
[66:37] credits
[66:38] marco gets a call from a random man that
[66:40] they're about to kill
[66:41] laura and he's like are you sure and the
[66:43] man's like yes
[66:45] and then marco tells another unseen
[66:47] character also named marco to drive
[66:49] faster then we get this riveting
[66:51] exchange
[66:52] just this right in the feels dialogue
[66:55] we are unbelievably invested in the
[66:58] happiness of our two main characters and
[66:59] watching their love
[67:01] makes our hearts collectively ache
[67:04] hi honey how long does it take to try on
[67:06] the dress
[67:07] as long as it takes marco tries to call
[67:10] massimo but the line is busy except
[67:12] that's not how modern cell phones work
[67:14] marco keeps trying to call massimo but
[67:16] the line is still busy
[67:18] then without even trying to call
[67:19] dominico to warn him we watched marco
[67:22] run across the lawn to massimo
[67:23] as the car dominico olga and laura drive
[67:26] into the tunnel
[67:28] the cell phone connection is lost the
[67:30] elderly man
[67:31] continues to run but but the car
[67:35] never emerges from the other side of the
[67:37] tunnel
[67:38] and margot just gives massimo this
[67:40] meaningful look and he takes off his
[67:42] sunglasses
[67:43] and massimo just knows what this means
[67:47] and he has a flashback tellingly not of
[67:49] laura but of the original version of
[67:51] laura from five years ago the
[67:53] idea of laura and he falls to his knees
[67:56] and cries then the final shot of the
[67:58] movie
[67:59] a singular cop car parked in front of
[68:01] the tunnel
[68:02] except it's not a car it's a png of a
[68:04] car motion tracked and animated with
[68:05] three flashing lights in after effects
[68:07] you can tell because of the comedically
[68:08] dark shadow the carcass
[68:10] and that's 365 days yes
[68:14] uh chapter f what the actual hell did i
[68:17] just watch
[68:18] isn't it amazing that they can't invent
[68:20] a more creative reason for her to get
[68:22] kidnapped
[68:23] and they clearly don't want to deal with
[68:24] her being a kidnapping victim for more
[68:27] than 20 minutes nor do they want to turn
[68:29] this into a dark comedy
[68:31] i thought she was going to be captured
[68:32] by him because of something that had to
[68:33] do with crime
[68:34] or maybe they were both doing shady
[68:36] stuff i mean laura is very easily
[68:38] distracted by shiny things
[68:40] maybe she'd break the rules to get rich
[68:42] faster maybe that affected massimo's
[68:44] business you ever think about that and
[68:46] if massimo had a criminal executive
[68:48] kidnapped who just so
[68:49] happened to be a pretty lady with a
[68:50] fibonacci sequence knows the standard
[68:53] language of domestic violence doesn't
[68:54] apply because they're just each other's
[68:56] antagonists in the opposite sides of a
[68:58] conflict
[68:59] the conflict isn't just why don't you
[69:01] love me why won't you sleep with me
[69:03] because when that's the only conflict
[69:05] it's like laura's consent is the
[69:07] antagonist of the movie
[69:08] the kidnapping is so unnecessary to the
[69:10] rest of the story it could be replaced
[69:12] by anything that causes them to start
[69:14] off with negative tension
[69:15] you know i've seen intelligent people
[69:18] debate the morality of beauty and the
[69:19] beast as a love story and go back and
[69:21] forth and not agree but i think we can
[69:23] all agree on this
[69:24] beauty and the beast has a lot of stuff
[69:26] going for it you know it's got nice
[69:28] animation it's got great music it's got
[69:30] charming side characters
[69:32] the beast's characterization and arc are
[69:34] consistent and coherent
[69:36] but here in 365 days that's all
[69:39] gone and i want you to think about this
[69:42] sequence of events
[69:43] alright so the mob kills laura because
[69:46] massimo shot that guy in the club who
[69:48] was a gangster because
[69:50] laura was dancing with him well actually
[69:52] because the guys grabbed
[69:53] so he won't take no for an answer but
[69:56] laura was dancing with him
[69:57] because massimo said he could do
[69:59] whatever he wants to her
[70:00] because she wore a short dress because
[70:04] she wanted to tease him because she was
[70:06] mad massimo hired a sex worker to give
[70:08] him a blowy while she was chained to the
[70:10] bed
[70:11] and massimo hired the sex worker because
[70:14] laura refused to suck his d because
[70:16] massimo is an
[70:18] kidnapped her because massimo had a
[70:20] vision of her
[70:21] during his near-death experience the
[70:23] [ __ ] scene
[70:24] the action laura takes by refusing to
[70:27] give massimo blowy because she doesn't
[70:28] like him very much because
[70:30] he kidnapped her that happens in the
[70:31] middle of the movie now obviously
[70:33] laura isn't really dead but
[70:35] hypothetically if this was a standalone
[70:37] movie that action starts a chain
[70:40] reaction that signs
[70:41] laura's life away in the final minutes
[70:43] of the movie technically
[70:44] she is punished multiple times for
[70:47] refusing to give that blowy both within
[70:49] the scene
[70:50] at the club on the boat and eventually
[70:54] with her life and the lives of her best
[70:56] friend olga the baby she was looking
[70:58] forward to having and dominica
[71:00] who is kind of the most polite and
[71:02] gentle of massimo's goons
[71:04] the vast majority of good characters are
[71:06] flawed and oftentimes they struggle in a
[71:08] narrative because of their fatal flaw
[71:10] they are challenged by the events of the
[71:13] story in a happy movie like a love story
[71:15] the fatal flaw is probably corrected as
[71:17] the character grows or maybe they cannot
[71:19] overcome their fatal flaw and they are
[71:21] consumed by it
[71:22] in 365 days massimo doesn't really
[71:25] change
[71:26] he doesn't have an arc he is not
[71:28] transformed by
[71:29] love into a more stable kind man his
[71:32] flaws are not corrected mended worked on
[71:35] or even analyzed with any scrutiny
[71:37] he goes from an aggressive violent man
[71:39] to a mostly nice emotionally constipated
[71:42] fiance
[71:43] but why because he was tested and he
[71:45] found inner strength and self-awareness
[71:48] because he learned to be gentle no it
[71:51] happened because
[71:52] laura finally had sex with him and
[71:55] stopped saying
[71:56] no to him he didn't have to do anything
[71:58] to get everything he wanted
[72:00] and why well because laura corrected her
[72:04] fatal flaw whether the movie intended it
[72:06] to be the case or not
[72:08] it's extremely difficult not to do a
[72:10] reading of this movie where laura's
[72:12] fatal flaw
[72:12] isn't being materialistic but it's being
[72:15] independent and unsubmissive
[72:18] do you remember when laura was
[72:19] introduced she was kind of a bat
[72:22] and the movie drew attention to her
[72:23] gender it told us she's a hard-nosed
[72:25] domineering woman in a dude-dominated
[72:28] industry and that she has to fight
[72:30] to be respected you should ask ms biel
[72:33] excuse my language but you need to have
[72:35] balls to this job it was possible
[72:37] because of my strategy
[72:38] agent sex had nothing to do with it so
[72:41] how is your gender approach throughout
[72:42] the rest of the movie
[72:44] well she's berated and treated like a
[72:46] difficult irrational woman for rejecting
[72:48] her kidnapper
[72:49] and despite how ridiculous and
[72:51] irrational massimo
[72:53] is he's never served a slice of humble
[72:55] pie and it is laura who is the one who
[72:57] is likened to a child and infantilized
[73:00] part of this is the kink aspect of the
[73:02] movie but you know
[73:04] if you talk to people who have a low
[73:05] opinion of women
[73:07] they tend to liken women to a half state
[73:09] between adulthood and childhood not
[73:12] full adults or citizens for they see
[73:14] them as irrational and emotional
[73:17] or well fundamentally automatically more
[73:20] rational than men as if rationality
[73:22] itself were a personality trait
[73:23] this is one of the reasons the movie's
[73:25] framing of laura's emotions versus
[73:27] massimo's emotions disturbs me
[73:29] it taps into some pretty ancient memes
[73:32] massimo
[73:33] is ridiculous he's incredibly delusional
[73:36] emotional and irrational but the movie
[73:38] mostly rewards him for it
[73:39] meanwhile laura is berated and degraded
[73:42] even though she has perfectly rational
[73:44] reasons for freaking out
[73:45] exploiting gender roles is a tool on the
[73:47] human trafficking chart
[73:49] pulling away from all that back to
[73:51] domestic violence in general
[73:53] massimo is likened to nature to primal
[73:56] forces
[73:56] so his violence and his anger is like a
[73:58] hurricane he can't
[74:00] control himself you're irrational and
[74:02] childish to fight his will
[74:04] it's like screaming at the sky for it to
[74:06] stop raining it's
[74:07] nasty and super wrong-headed it's the
[74:10] kind of stuff that keeps people with
[74:11] violent partners of any gender for
[74:13] ages because they get conditioned into
[74:15] thinking that that's what life is
[74:16] life is enduring storms and trying not
[74:19] to awaken the wrath of the storm gods
[74:21] but you should never be afraid or filled
[74:23] with dread as the thought of your
[74:24] significant other
[74:25] you shouldn't waste your time on this
[74:27] planet with someone who can't treat you
[74:28] with respect or acts like treating you
[74:30] nicely is an arduous or difficult task
[74:33] while i respect artists ability to make
[74:35] controversial art and i hate judging
[74:37] movies by their synopsis
[74:39] and i don't believe movies have an
[74:40] obligation to model respectable or
[74:42] healthy behavior
[74:43] i've seen 365 days several times
[74:46] and yes it does have zero scruples and
[74:49] is sexist to women and men
[74:51] but don't be so shallow it's actually
[74:53] holistically bad
[74:55] not only do i feel that the movie
[74:56] handles its subject matter in a very
[74:58] ignorant way and displays a lack of
[75:00] critical thought and self-awareness
[75:02] but the plot is his limp as a wet noodle
[75:04] and contains many continuity errors
[75:06] its protagonists are largely unmotivated
[75:09] and outshined by
[75:10] members of the supporting cast and its
[75:12] editing is capable of making a film
[75:13] student die of secondhand embarrassment
[75:16] and that's all i have to say on the
[75:17] matter if you'd like to be my enabler
[75:19] you can follow me on patreon you can
[75:21] ring my bell you can change it to make
[75:23] sure you get all of the notifications
[75:25] comment to boost my algorithmic ranking
[75:28] please spread my video around
[75:30] and don't forget to like comment