---
title: '365 Days  | Quinn Curio'
source: 'https://youtube.com/watch?v=HzBoQROSnaM'
video_id: 'HzBoQROSnaM'
date: 2026-07-01
duration_sec: 4532
---

# 365 Days  | Quinn Curio

> Source: [365 Days  | Quinn Curio](https://youtube.com/watch?v=HzBoQROSnaM)

## Summary

Quinn Curio's video is a critical review of the 2020 film '365 Days', a Polish erotic drama about a woman kidnapped by a mob boss. The creator humorously dissects the movie's problematic themes, poor writing, and numerous continuity errors, while also discussing the severe copyright issues they faced in uploading the review. The video ultimately argues that the film is not only morally questionable but also holistically bad in its execution.

### Key Points

- **Copyright Nightmare** [00:00] — The video was originally a review of '365 Days', but it was repeatedly blocked by copyright claims. The creator re-edited and uploaded it several times, only to have disputes rejected within 10-20 minutes and formal appeals denied on the 29th day.
- **Spoiler-Free Verdict** [02:03] — The movie is described as 'really bad' and uncomfortable to watch even with friends. The creator suggests it's not suitable for a 'sleepy time playlist' due to its disturbing content.
- **Creative Lineage** [03:19] — The film is based on a trilogy of erotica novels by a first-time Polish author, inspired by '50 Shades of Grey', which itself started as 'Twilight' fanfiction. This is described as 'backwash's backwash'.
- **Opening Scene Analysis** [05:27] — The movie opens with mobsters discussing child trafficking, immediately establishing a dark tone. The romantic lead, Massimo, is introduced as a background goon, and his father is shot, leading to a bizarre transition where a romantic pop song plays over the death scene.
- **Consent and Hypocrisy** [12:10] — Massimo's line 'I won't do anything without your permission' is highlighted as deeply hypocritical, given his actions of stalking, abducting, sedating, imprisoning, and sexually assaulting the protagonist, Laura.
- **Child Trafficking Subplot** [25:46] — A subplot involving child trafficking is introduced but quickly dropped. The creator argues it serves only to make Massimo seem less bad by comparison, a cheap narrative device.
- **The 'Empowerment' Claim** [38:17] — The cinematographer claimed the film is an 'empowering adult fairy tale for women'. The creator refutes this, arguing that Laura has no real power; her actions are all within the 'box' of what Massimo allows.
- **The Love Confession** [58:17] — Laura declares 'I love you' after only a few days, leading to a proposal. The creator points out the terrible editing transition between this emotional climax and the proposal scene.
- **Timeline Inconsistency** [01:03:12] — The film's title '365 Days' is broken because the timeline is nonsensical. The creator calculates that the entire story takes place over roughly six days, not a year, with a four-minute montage supposedly covering 54 days.
- **Ending and Chain of Events** [01:07:43] — The film ends with Laura, her friend, and a goon presumably killed in a tunnel. The creator traces the chain of events back to Laura refusing to perform oral sex, framing the narrative as punishing her for her lack of submission.

### Conclusion

The video concludes that '365 Days' is a holistically bad film, not just for its problematic themes and sexism, but also for its limp plot, unmotivated protagonists, and terrible editing. The creator advises viewers to avoid wasting their time on it.

## Transcript

hello this video was supposed to be a
simple review between my ongoing ever
expanding harry potter projects
it was on a movie that i saw in 2020
called 365 days about a woman falling in
love with
a mob boss after he kidnaps her it was
the worst movie i saw in 2020 and it was
probably the second most
irresponsible thing netflix put out that
year after cuties but
i didn't see that one sadly getting this
video to just stay up became a waking
nightmare because of copyright claims
i have re-edited and uploaded this video
several times only to have it
universally blocked
yeah not even okay you can have it up
but give us all the money
no blocked when i filed the disputes
they were rejected in 10 to 20 minutes
so i would retool and try again and they
would get rejected just as fast
when i filed the formal appeal on their
decision they waited until the last day
before the appeal expired
the 29th day to reject me i know there
are people in my audience that just play
my videos in the background while
they're tabbed over
so for you this video doesn't really
change at all whenever if ever i can
show you the lovely editing oliver's
piece and i did on this video it will be
in the pinned comment below
but for now we must return to monkey
lord forgive me but it's time to go back
to the old me i'm bringing back slime
rancher it's hilarious how in my old
intro
i thought nips were gonna be the thing
to get me oh no
i should have foreseen it was going to
be copyright warning this video picks
apart a movie
that contains content like domestic
abuse and
slurs against italians dear audience i
have this little personality quirk i
mean nobody's without their little
idiosyncrasies
i call this quirk i like getting paid
for the things i make
youtube's algorithm knows my language
choice so in this video i'm censoring
words that aren't even swears and
i'm covering everybody's nips just as a
precaution that being said you don't
want this one on your sleepy time
playlist unless you live alone and the
only one who can hear me is your cats
babies hi kitty kiki did they look at
the speakers
complimentary spoiler free review uh
it's really bad
and i can't even say watch it with your
friends to make fun of it
because that would quickly become very
uncomfortable
doctors without borders meet buddies
without boundaries
if you seriously feel like this movie
could be your thing i
suggest you pull up instagram on one
monitor and search
sicily tourism and luxury and then
pull up some indecent images on your
second monitor that i know
you have because my audience is 90 elite
gamers
and that's it i saved you two hours
you're welcome the best way to do this
write up of 365 days is actually an
old doug walker style review where i
ripped the movie to ribbons while
injecting my essay bits in between the
mockery
i usually avoid these but since one the
movie starts kinda normal and gets
progressively worse with random
difficulty spikes of wow i can't believe
this is real
which is really useful to the structure
of a youtube video and maintaining an
audience's attention
i'm just being honest to virtually every
scene in this movie is filled with
something dumb there are weird
transitions drop plot points ill-fitting
music hilarious dialogue pathetic
attempts to crib random stuff from 50
shades of grey that goes nowhere and
serves
no purpose almost like they're trying to
do a 50 shades bingo card
to even try to summarize misses so much
365 days is a movie based off of a
trilogy of erotica novels written by a
first-time breakout polish
author who was inspired by 50 shades of
grey so to be blunt this is a story
written by a novice author
inspired by a book that started as an
alternative universe fanfiction of the
twilight books
master of the universe by snow queen's
ice dragon aka
fifty shades of grey by e.l james so
creatively speaking this is like
let me copy your homework okay but
change a few things so we don't get
caught
but you're cheating off of the student
that gets straight d's
so this is backwash's backwash and on
top of that none of the writers or
directors are that experienced
the movie is written by four people the
author of the trilogy
a man who has written screenplays before
for two niche television shows
an actor and producer who normally plays
small background roles like waiter
writing for the first time while also
playing massimo's cousin
while also being director number one and
finally our only hope a woman who has
actually directed movies and shorts and
written screenplays and books
she is director number two writer number
four her most successful project prior
to this is her novel turned movie
big love about a quote 16 year old
girl's poisonous love addiction to a 23
year old man
unquote her attraction to the project
seems primarily rooted in her interest
in
uneven power dynamics friends we are
witnessing the birth of a genre you
remember the dystopian fiction craze now
get ready for dystopian boyfriend
i'm going to make fun of this movie a
lot because of how scary and annoying
massimo is but i'm aware that's kind
of the point of the movie and so me just
going super omega yikers over and over
is kind of patronizing and pointing out
water is wet so we'll pause at specific
scenes to discuss
why i think this just isn't working
but yeah up front you should know
massimo's personality if it could be
called that is a smoothie made of
domestic violence handbooks and what pad
stories about mobsters
so you know despite the heaviness is it
a good movie
[Music]
our story opens on a building by the
coast of the mediterranean sea
mobsters are meeting on the roof and our
romantic lead massimo
is just chilling in the background like
a random unnamed goon that's definitely
a normal
real boy movie way of introducing your
romantic lead massimo's father is
talking to two mobsters who are just
balls to the wind offering him
trafficked little girls
some barely older than twelve but this
mob boss doesn't traffic little girls
and possibly people at all i'm not sure
after
five viewings of this movie after
turning down the traffickers massimo's
father returns to him and remarks that
these guys are
bulls but they're business associates so
they must respect them massimo spots our
protagonist on the shore giving off
serious lady eating a salad by herself
energy and his father remarks that women
are heaven for the eyes hell for the
soul and purgatory for the wallet
what if i told you in this movie about a
woman being kidnapped
where the first scene is about human
trafficking
women be shopping is the most enduring
takeaway of this scene
massimo's father tells his son that it's
time to stop thinking about fun and
pleasure and take on responsibilities
because one day
everything the light touches will be his
including that woman down there
then bam massimo's father is shot
straight through the chest and the
bullet penetrates massimo as well
dramatic music swells the body gods rush
to their side trying to save them but
alas
it's too late the camera zooms out my
eyes look at the two men that they were
just talking to on the roof but it looks
like they're hiding and weren't
responsible i look for the woman on the
beach but i can't find her even though
the camera swoops around the building so
much that i should be able to see her
as the bodyguards continue to scramble
over massimo and his father
a romantic pop song starts playing the
song is called hard for me
and it's sung by the guy that plays
massimo so it's kind of like as his
father is dying massimo just starts
singing
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
it doesn't quite feel right and the
title of the movie emerges from behind
the building much like a creeper
fast forward five years later now we're
in san francisco and
also poland you're probably gonna miss
that second one because for some reason
we're speaking english in poland and the
way the scene is
shot it seems like the two situations
are connected but they're actually not
we meet our leading lady laura well
that's kind of the americanized way of
saying it
laura laura
yeah my tongue doesn't really want to
make that shape but we're gonna try
anyway what were we doing
my question is how
[Music]
did it happen sir you're not plot
relevant please calm down the next few
minutes is the swooping dramatic but
ultimately pointless babble about stock
numbers media coverage shares in
blackmail i expect refund
and five percent interest it's
impossible refund
and 10 percent interest
until the end of the month you should
ask mr excuse my language but you need
to have balls for this job
it was possible because of my strategy
agent sex had nothing to do with it
what would your loving husband say about
them your kids shareholders
and then the music comes back when the
scene sputters out and it strangely
returns before the contrasting shots of
them alone after the meeting is over
what are you gonna do about my money
oh okay i thought we were done i
understand the point
they both feel like they're missing
something it's just kind of an awkward
transition
the first of many the story isn't
actually about
business or crime drama though we never
come back to san francisco i
have no idea why we're even here instead
of italy
the only real takeaway from this scene
is that massimo and laura are cool and
kind of intimidating
there's this sort of parallel that makes
them seem like equals like rivals almost
like this is gonna be an
enemies-to-lover story
but uh that ain't gonna last so the real
takeaway
in retrospect is that laura exists and
massimo
is cool laura returns home to her
boyfriend whomst is obviously going to
be dumped because she's way hotter than
him
and he doesn't want to bang and he tells
her to rest up for their plane ride
tomorrow because
she's gotta rest her her weak heart
little planting and payoff happening
there
hmm oh and he sends her off to pack
their luggage
massimo is now chilling on a private
plane with his
marco and dominico dominica was actually
in front of them the sense of space is
really weird in the scene because they
never show how close his seat is to
marcos
so when they cut to him it seems like
he's in a different room listening in
i like to think that they locked him in
the bathroom massimo asks marco why he's
all
grumpy grapes and marco says that
somebody has taken their container of
cocaine
oh someone has stolen from the mobsters
or perhaps one of them is a secret thief
they silently ponder this for a moment
and then massimo gets up i guess he's
going to get to the bottom of this
he closes the curtain separating him and
the flight attendant from the boys
and massimo decides it's a good idea to
get a blowy from the flight attendant
and the missing container of blow is
hereafter dropped and never
mentioned again now begins our first
explicit sequence
laura retreats to her bedroom to be with
her massager and beautiful purple
lighting with subtle reds and blues
and honestly her half of this is fine
while the lights are constantly changing
and technically coming from nowhere like
90 of people are never going to notice
and i actually
like the song choice here and then we
cut to massimo in his yellow ass plane
and it's going to give you a case of the
giggles massimo's oh face is hilarious
and he's so rough with the flight
attendant
she's just making these loud gurgling
noises that become comedic when you
remember that marco and dominico
possible blood relatives i'm pretty sure
dominico is confirmed as a cousin
are right on the other side of that
curtain what are you doing they're less
than four
feet away that old man doesn't want to
hear this
i just like to imagine in my head that
massimo
is an exhibitionist and he just lives to
expose himself to this old man because
it actually happens more than once in
this movie but now we come to our first
menopause
i should probably call it something else
i'm gonna use that satisfying clapping
noise from petscop like nightmare
masterclass because this movie is my
nightmare
i got his permission i imagine some of
you might be thinking banging and
underling whose job it is to be nice to
you while she's at work that
sketchy is this movie aware that buddy
you're playing 40 chess this movie's
eating checkers you wait i'll show you
how bad consent gets in this movie
your brain will be leaking out of your
nose you're gonna be walking out of this
video upside down on your hands and feet
vomiting like the little girl from the
exorcist while i was doing research for
this video some pretty cringed
descriptions of the production of this
movie popped up like for example
massimo's actor found
this the hardest scene to film and the
reason was because the actress had to
blow a strap-on he was wearing
and people kept laughing at them the
imdb for this movie claims that the
author of the books offered to do the
[ __ ] scene herself when it came under
scrutiny for being controversial
i can't find a source for this i trust
but something in my heart just
desperately desperately wants for this
to be true
a reoccurring thing when reading about
the people who worked on this movie
is them trying to have fun falling
backwards and failing upwards into lots
of money and attention despite the
quality of the project
and volunteering as tribute to have sex
with your original character as
if you playing the flight attendant
helps just is the epitome of that
unlike erica or stephanie blanca is very
confident
and aggressively sensual she is a queen
with perfect
instagram scroll game however this could
also be an offhanded
remark a joke taken too seriously or a
baseless rumor meant to make blanca look
like a weirdo
either way follow your bliss
blow your oc okay so we see massimo get
off the plane and then we see laura on
the sidewalk with her boyfriend
somewhere else
just like real quick so fast definitely
not gonna come back to haunt the movie
then we're at a party we're celebrating
laura's 29th birthday and her boyfriend
is just jesus christ
he's wearing a fanny pack he's
underdressed compared to everyone
else and oh my god the waiter brings
laura her favorite drink and it turns
out
it's just a coincidence and he didn't
order it
he's like why get out of bed in the
morning if your boyfriend's not a
mobster rapist
like what are you supposed to do with
that
wait why is her friend recording herself
instead of his speech and she's not even
capturing laura behind her
what are you recording so laura leaves
to go to the bathroom
and heading down this dark path she
meets another man she's way too hot for
i'm sorry
all right quick grab something all hands
on deck brace yourself
are you lost baby girl that's
gut liquefying levels of cringe
oh [ __ ] where'd he go okay well if you
get the opportunity to bang a phantom
you have to do it for the ghost story
so massimo was vanished he somehow
either sprinted away silently or
straight up yeted himself into the
bushes
this is a reoccurring thing massimo
disappearing and reappearing
and occasionally it's impossible for
massimo to have gotten to where he is
unless he's a teleporter because there's
a wall in the way or
laura or the camera would have caught
him getting into place like it goes from
this quirk to help characterize him as a
mysterious man to an actual
continuity error he is a human
non-magical character who is blinking
through walls like number five
i always wondered what laura said to her
friends when she got back to the party
like yeah so i encountered a ghost in
the garden i like turned around and he
offered me a bedazzled choker off etsy
that said yes daddy on it
okay so the next day laura's been
ghosted by her corporeal boyfriend so
she's hanging out by the pool watching
her friend create continuity errors
so the boyfriend shows up and laura is
so mad that she decides to start making
her own leg continuity errors in
rebellion
and the boyfriend's like yeah you know
that vague thing you always wanted to do
i did it without you it was so fun babe
laura shoves her boyfriend into the pool
and runs off
the disposable boyfriend is
retrospectively a lost opportunity to
add agency and characterization to laura
if he was a nice boyfriend and there was
nothing really wrong with him
and yet laura was unsatisfied with him
that could reveal an inner emptiness and
a desire for danger and darkness
you know she needs a gangster to love
her better than all the others do
cue edgy littlest pet shop music video
of the joker and harley quinn but
they're plastic pupperonis
when you mix serious stuff we learn
later about him like that he's a cheater
with this unserious stuff like oh he
admitted that he wasn't being thoughtful
her favorite drink was brought out by
sheer coincidence
it kind of muddies the water for me
accompanied by a new song that fits okay
because it's got this creepy quality to
it but lyrically is
unrelated laura mopes around in her swim
robe aimlessly for hours
shots of her crying at dusk are spliced
between shots much later in the night of
her running around the streets of sicily
lit to look all cool and green like a
skyrim dungeon but instead of being
bothered by skeletons with axes
you're being bothered by sicilians with
shouting then she gets spotted by a car
and a man shows up behind her
what was that transition what did we cut
to commercial was it
i'm batman yeah i guess the movie's a
little less romantic if they show her
getting black bagged and sedated
we return to her waking up in a room
with daylight pouring in and mourning
birds chirping outside
there's an abrupt cut to her banging on
a locked door then we cut tonight
establishing shot of the castle
someone has unlocked the door so she can
leave the room and explore
okay um inhale
where did the day go during my first
viewing i was like gee i sure hope you
don't need to use the bathroom
later i realized that that room has a
shower so we can at least confirm that
there is
a drain i don't know if there's a hidden
toilet but
why not show her exploring the room or
have her wake up at night it's
summertime so that means for
absolutely no reason that can be gleamed
after they sedated her they left her
locked in a bedroom with
no food for over 12 hours
laura runs around the castle for a bit
until she discovers a giant picture of
herself
check that one off the 50 shades bingo
card
are you lost baby girl
yeah dude we're going with that one okay
in front of a massive fireplace with a
tiny little baby fire
massimo explains to laura why she's been
brought here so it's time to talk about
the acting
what i'm about to tell is so incredible
that i
i wouldn't believe it's true until i saw
you at the airport
i think their acting is fine in the
sense that the way they emote
and their overall body language is good
it's fine gold star but their line
delivery
isn't it always comes off like they
don't know exactly what they're saying
and whenever the script calls for them
to speak in their first language they do
seem
more comfortable and less robotic but at
the same time you know how would i know
i don't speak their languages our lead
actress has only been credited in one
episode of a polish medical drama before
this she did theater
ali dude is a musician who previously
had trouble making it as an actor
quote he had given up on his tv acting
career after being told repeatedly that
he was too attractive for the roles on
offer
double quotes in italy if you're a good
looking guy you're
not an actor he said matter of factly
you're just someone good looking
he got a call from his agent that a team
of polish filmmakers wanted to offer him
a role of a
mafia boss in the erotic thriller 365
days a part that required someone
italian
and very good looking quote i woke up
called my gardening boss and said i'm
not coming in today my stomach doesn't
feel good
the 29 year old father of two recalled
that he boarded a plane to poland and
his life hasn't been the same since
so the leads are a couple of pretty
randos who have been plucked out of
obscurity and are now here
making bank and you know what good for
them on the list of things that
aren't working in this movie they are
definitely low priority
and you know what despite my salt the
movie did great and some people find the
acting mind-blowing like the secret lady
who's hiding who thinks they're not
really acting
you and anna did you guys i mean you
know that kind of sexual part was it
real
it looks weird real it does honestly
can you put your face in the camera
because i can't see you yeah because the
place is dark so
so you and i know that chemistry what
was it real like
i was like oh my goodness this seems
like real
it seems like real because we're very
we're good actors maybe
so you know when i said oh yeah massimo
got off the plane and loves on sidewalk
yeah
you remember that right like it went by
real fast real fast
okay so it turns out that was actually
massively important like the most
important moment in the movie and
instead of us seeing it in real time
and seeing massimo's reaction now we're
gonna go back to it 10 minutes later as
a flashback
does that sound good are we having fun
while massimo was
lying on the roof bleeding he had this
vision of laura and for the past
five years he's been looking for her as
he believes their soulmates
so he kidnapped her or in his words
are giving her a chance to fall in love
with him she has 365 days to fall in
love with him and if she doesn't at the
end of the year
she is supposedly free to go
laura yells at him tells him that he
can't keep her here that she's not an
object
she has a boyfriend massimo reveals that
her boyfriend is conveniently a cheater
on top of being an uncool wearer of
fanny packs
massimo has planted a fake note from
laura to her boyfriend to tell him that
she's disappearing from his life
laura tries to run massimo grabs her he
throws her onto a chair
and then we get this line truly a gift
from the bad movie gods
massimo with his hand upon a booby
saying i won't do anything without your
permission
i won't do anything without your
permission he says wow sexually
assaulting her okay this calls for a
comedic counter
i won't do anything without your
permission let's back up
and count so far okay stalking her i
won't do anything without your
permission
stalking her boyfriend presumably hiring
a pi to catch him cheating
i won't do anything without your
permission abducting her
i won't do anything without your
permission sedating her
which also led to almost killing her
because he didn't know about her heart
condition
i won't do anything without your
permission imprisoning her
i won't do anything without your
permission suggestively touching a
prisoner who can't say no to you
i won't do anything without your
permission assaults
i won't do anything without your
permission and now we have sexual
assault
i won't do anything without your
permission but don't provoke me
i can't be gentle not used to tolerating
disobedience
oh that's a threat i won't do anything
without your permission
do i need to point out the entire
premise of this story its very namesake
is bogus
the author cites 50 shades and beauty
and the beast as
inspirations and the beauty and the
beast has a ticking clock over its love
story
there's an enchanted floaty rose and if
the beast can't love someone and be
loved and returned before the last petal
falls
he's doomed so we need a ticking clock
what's our ticking clock oh uh
massimo just kind of arbitrarily decides
to put a time limit on his cruelty
this movie could literally be renamed
just give it a year this is one
super lazy and unimaginative but two he
says that
he'll let her go after a year if she
doesn't love him right that's a promise
that he made
but he also promises not to do anything
without her permission which he will
frequently break throughout the movie
you can't take his word on anything
the movie frames this as this erotic
struggle with his
urges but what struggle he always just
caves and does what he wants his
seduction
plan is basically prey stockholm
syndrome happens
and we don't even make it to the end of
the scene without him assaulting her
again with sexual undertones
anything actually just means penetration
and nothing else that's the only line he
won't cross
laura gets his gun that honestly i keep
forgetting that he has
even with re-watches and when she
hesitates to fire he overpowers her
you see on top of everything else he did
he also brought a loaded gun into this
meeting
i understand why a mafia man would have
a gun close to him at all times
but when you're meeting your kidnapping
victim who you want to fall in love with
you because you think they're your soul
mate
why would you be visibly armed also it's
weird to me that the movie felt no need
to establish when laura
noticed the gun but okay marco and
dominico come in
dominico is now confirmed as a blood
relative because he too
can teleport then massimo must leave to
go to the
crime catacombs the shady business
batcave
deep in the caves massimo approaches a
man jane do a disc donut
his name is alfredo he's been selling
children to a brothel and has tainted
the family name
you see this is where the first scene
comes back into play
it actually wasn't random this is where
we get introduced to this new fraction
of people in the massimo family who as a
reaction to the power vacuum left by
massimo's father
have gotten back into child trafficking
in fact
they might have been pulling the strings
the whole time just kidding alfredo is
going to be gone in two minutes and this
whole thread will be dropped
oh you watched a movie thinking you were
going to see a story how foolish
so the trafficking stuff what's that
about the movie doesn't seem to be
trying to get across
that criminals have their own codes of
conduct
instead this scene comes off like the
movie is uncomfortable with the
depravity of its own
premise so this scene is just kind of
like a flaccid appeal to this idea that
massimo's not such a bad guy that he has
some standards he's not a monster laura
just can't see it yet
but it feels cheap and stupid to me
because first of all i don't need to
explain to me that he's not as bad as he
mathematically could be
i'm sure he's also not a cannibal i
don't need him going down to the crime
catacombs to confront a cannibal about
to chow down on some corpse chowder if
you just explain the details of what his
mob
does we would know and i wouldn't think
to ask
which is why the first scene is so dumb
you don't sell your shrimp hall to
freddy fazbear's pizza
most people are aware that people who
abuse children need protection when they
go to prison or some of the other
prisoners
will kill them and these guys are like
rocking up to the high
ranking dawn and are like hi we're
selling girl scouts
do you want some second of all there are
no consequences to massimo standing up
against the traffickers it's irrelevant
and could be replaced by anything nice
it's never revealed for example that
massimo's father was killed by some
associates of the two men at the
beginning and thus
massimo swears revenge against the
traffickers the story feels
no impulse to reflect on the fact that
massimo has kidnapped laura to
exploit her and engages in many of the
behaviors listed on this power and
control wheel on strategies of
traffickers
and going forward laura's an adult sure
but
under these circumstances her consent
means about as much as a miner's consent
to massimo which is to say it means
nothing
it's all so we get this really nice shot
of laura thinking in the shower
she makes up her mind to escape and we
see her get up and she's already made it
outside
laura lightly jogs around the property
as suspense music plays
and before any suspense is even allowed
to build
laura runs into a bunch of massimo's
goons they've decided to move the
out of the secret crypt to kill him the
handheld camera zooms and so does the
warp stabilization the weird artifacting
scares laura and causes her heart to tap
out
from here on out the entire plot point
about laura's heart is forgotten
no i'm not joking this is seriously it
that was the planting the reminder and
the payoff
it was all for the sake of making laura
faint on her first
night to transition to the next morning
no matter how much stress she's under
or how awful things get in the future
her heart will just be vibin
this is what happens when your story
isn't a standalone story and it's forced
into the format of a trilogy
people write their novels to be
trilogies and i don't know if that's
optimistic or cynical
laura wakes up and massimo is like you
have to understand
he's he was a bad person he hurt
children i only hurt grown-ups so i'm
better please let me put my thingy
inside
you i was really nice and the maid
changed your clothes not me
you have people for everything except
watching the door apparently
so tell one of your butlers to bring my
cellphone and laptop
you will have your cell phone on your
laptop when it's the right time
when you won't tattle then massimo tells
her that domenico's around if she needs
anything and he drops on her out of
nowhere that they're leaving the castle
in two hours to buy
some stuff before they get on a plane
laura understandably starts panicking
i'm not flying anywhere unless it's
poland
it wasn't an offer it was an order
listen to me i'm not a bag of potatoes
that you can transfer without my
permission
if that's your idea how falling in love
with you looks like
when laura slaps massimo he freezes like
it's this big
serious moment even though he's violent
all the time to her
and she looks like she's trembling in
fear of the retaliation
if you hit me again what
you do islands only i do violence i do
violence you don't do violence only i do
violence
so massimo having no self-awareness
mocks her for having a temper and then
having also apparently never seen the
inside of his own house mocks river
having too many shoes
you're gonna do all this insanity and
neg
what does he want what more can you take
from us
oh man we almost forgot how bad the
movie was it transitions
the music stops domenico pulls out her
chair teleports then explains that he'll
do his best to help her
laura invites dominico to eat with her
in this strange
tone that seems almost flirtatious and
he agrees to eat
i think he just wants to take good care
of you you know
but i think you're here to help me with
everything what i need
so i need you to sit down and help me to
eat
[Music]
okay
so laura's lounging after her meal
ew where'd you come from i'm not going
anywhere
back to music so they're traveling and
massimo recites a wikipedia article
laura seems smugly
turned on
then the movie pushes something on you
so fast it'll
break your neck so even though it's been
one day not even a full 24 hours since
she was let out of that room she was
locked in and they have built
zero trust and she has zero reason to
stick around
massimo has brought her out in public to
go
clothes shopping i'm serious this
transitions into a musical
shopping spree montage laura interacts
with shop clerks and tries on clothes as
massimo plays on his phone and his goons
sit around board and comedically cannot
hold all of the things
laura is buying we're now 35 minutes
into this movie 10 minutes ago we were
doing this
now 10 minutes ago now
10 minutes ago i want it noted that to
my understanding which is pretty much
just dan olsen videos
bella swan and anastasia steele are
virginal
meek awkward and shy away from
extravagant gifts with guilt
laura in contrast is materialistic and
confident at least
before massimo turns her brain into soup
which i find
an interesting choice in some ways she's
the most
original choice being made you might not
like laura in fact you probably don't
but at least a decision was made and the
movie's definitely going to use her
uniqueness and not just make her
reactively do the same things and have
the same conversations over and over
oh boy the baffling montage comes to a
halt when laura is in the changing room
and massimo comes barging in
and stays after being told to leave
laura says she'll guarantee he'll never
see these boobies if he doesn't leave so
he grabs her by the neck
laura has the realization that now is
probably a really good time to try to
run away
they strangely don't run after her i
love this shot of her looking at all of
the places that she could run that just
cuts into her immediately running into
an obvious dead end
there's some police officers but they're
afraid of massimo
so they ignore her i think are you lost
baby girl
i am going to vomit he just teleports
behind you and is like
i'm the daddy here
[Music]
how's it going massimo does this super
attractive thing
where he starts lecturing her about how
she's just being really disagreeable
right now just
you know just like super negative it's
almost like she doesn't want this
relationship to work
this relationship between her and her
kidnapper i have never hated a fictional
character the way i hate massimo and i
think it's because i get the sense the
movie agrees with him
massimo's goal is he wants them to the
movie's goal
is they want them to so it just creates
this
hatred in me i'm just like holy sh he's
a self-aware as a brick
there appears to be this continuity
error where they talk as if massimo has
not
already broken his promise not to touch
her because even if she agrees with him
that the only thing that matters is
penetrative every other scene
he's threatening to her like put these
two things on
a scale and weigh them next to each
other massimo
somehow still manages to soothe laura's
concerns
so she demands her laptop be returned
orders a specific type of dinner and
then
saunters away confidently wow
got him okay so i actually have a weird
note
what if massimo was here to do something
else and
laura who can be characterized as
extremely materialistic
demanded to go shopping as a way to mess
with him
and acquire rad loot rather than just
springing this on us
like it makes sense it would make these
shots of her confidently strutting
around kind of funny and would help
clarify what i think they're trying to
get at
that laura has an odd way of coming out
on top in taking control of situations
where logically she should have no power
music transition
laura gets ready for dinner looking very
pleased
upon massimo's order the chef serves
their food and then just awkwardly
stands there between them laura proves
not only is she prettier than massimo
but she has sicker burns my grandma
makes them better
but you don't have to kill him massimo
gets a text from his
ex and just wow look at that screen that
is
awful laura asks massimo to explain what
he does at
mob wives and if he has enough mischief
and handiness skill to become a level 10
boss
massimo dodges all of his soul mates
questions
and the piano music romantically swells
as he tells her that
he's only doing this because his daddy
died and he wants her to teach him how
to be
gentle and less of a rapist
laura gets back to her room to find her
laptop and phone have been
returned and apparently that was all she
needed to not
seek help she calls her mom and tells
her that she's been given a one-year
contract in sicily
it's easy to miss this because this
movie loves montages but massimo likes
to watch her sleep
wait since when do they sleep in the
same pet now whatever she wakes up
strips down and gets into the
ostentatiously pretty shower
and massimo is like cool and then strips
down and takes a shower
and she's like cool then massimo posts
cringe with his mouth
why are you looking at it
did you want to touch it that's me
talking to you about the subscribe
button
laura's unfortunately kind of warming up
to him teasing him a little and then he
goes straight for the neck
every one time baby girl blah blah blah
monster oh my god quinn is that what you
think italians sound like
okay so you know how it kind of feels
like the movie's making progress
well you know what this movie considers
progress because she's warming up to him
she's teasing them she's messing with
them
the movie decides it's time to
completely
undermine that and comedically remind
you that this is all
a farce that she's been kidnapped she
has absolutely no control over her fate
whatsoever and it does this with a scene
of her being comedically carried onto a
plane
kicking and screaming like a child as
massimo and mario are like
difficult women am i right you might as
well do a comedic cut and add a laugh
track after she says or what like
barely 20 seconds has passed here i'll
do it for you
[Applause]
won't
while the story is rooted in elements of
stockholm syndrome indeed the
cinematographer
said 365 days is meant to be an
empowering adult
fairy tale for women the female hero is
far
stronger and more emancipated than girls
from old fairy tales
he said
okay buddy i can see an argument for why
the fans of 365 days feel empowered
like yeah i got my movie i'm chilling i
may be literally vibing
and no one's yelling at me or saying
that doing this is gonna put demons in
my uterus or no one will marry me for
now i am an unpure
sub-human husk wow welcome to the future
amazing but this quote says the female
hero
what no no no no no
no no why is she empowered or more
empowered than the fairy tale girl
because she
is it seriously because she is it
seriously like oh yeah she's got [ __ ]
power over him she's taming his beast
by holding how much she wants her over
him
sometimes i feel like the people that
worked on this movie don't understand
that because of the context of why
she's here all of this is in a box
of what's acceptable and pleasing to
massimo the kidnapper
stalker this idea that she has power she
doesn't it's a shallow facade
everything that happens including her
being like oh maybe i won't do you
that's all within the realm of his game
this isn't her taking control
she hasn't left the box we are still in
the box
if ever she actually wanders too close
to the wall of the box for what he wants
for
guess what mike makes right i'm bigger
than you bam
down you go this is present in every
single scene of them so far
i will have one of my goons pick you up
and drag you kicking and screaming onto
a plane because well i got places to be
now's not the time for play don't you
understand that why don't you accept
that
you're being very unreasonable right now
and guess what
that's part of the fantasy too that's
the box talking to you
all of this stuff could be ripped out of
various books about the psychology of
domestic abusers and it's just like
wow chef's kiss so they get on the plane
they strap laura down in some type of
straight jackety-esque way
then massimo massages the boob and
pinches the nip while laura's tied down
he puts his hands down her pants and
tells her that she needs to earn the
pleasure then leaves her to go touch
dominico's face with that same hand
hello then the plane lands and this
confusing shot happens i'm not sure what
emotionally it's supposed to mean
[Music]
i don't know i seriously don't know okay
so we get a musical travel montage
laura gets suggestive with her ice cream
then runs off to jump into a fountain
off-screen
massimo runs after her instead of
showing that which
could potentially be a humanizing light
moment of high jinx
we save some money on the budget of this
monstrosity and cut to them
kind of wet making their way back to
their room laura getting real bold
real smug decides to visit massimo in
his room
we have now entered the halfway point of
the movie
the purple lights are poppin so laura
wants to bang despite massimo
owning a giant painting of himself but
then you know massimo does what massimo
does best he makes it bad laura's
emotions re-roll and she decides
actually she wants to leave
she is shoved onto the bed forced in
chains then out comes the spreader bar
where is my fifty shades bingo card ah
there it is
that's a big old chakaroonie so massimo
invites in a sex worker to give him a
blowy in front of her to tease her
they both get off on it massimo teases
her then threatens to
bang her to death or something i don't
know he just reaffirms that he's a
monster basically the scene could be
described as like the saw movies but
instead of jigsaw it's massimo and
instead of a trap it's massimo's dong
and instead of a key it's massimo's dong
but in a good way the metaphor is
struggling
massimo tells her to get dressed they
need to go to one of his clubs in two
hours
why is it always two hours mix it up cue
ill-fitting music that'll go away in
three seconds
wow laura comes down in a dress that's
honestly only slightly more revealing
than her other outfits dominico starts
panicking of course even though when she
gets
to the club she's going to blend in
perfectly but it's supposed to be a
big deal dominico also warns her that
this is probably maybe a mob meeting by
telling her to keep her head down but
gives her no specific advice about what
or what not to do
also they're doing that thing that
drives people nuts in movies where
they're whispering in a club with
glaring music
she predictably interrupts the meeting
massimo goes all high school teacher
about to measure your skirt length on
her
even though once again he also didn't
tell her why they were going to the club
or what was expected of her or what the
dress code is
and considering she put her hair in a
high ponytail like the one the sex
worker wore
she clearly picked this outfit to send
him a message about what happened two
hours ago but you know
massimo's gotta make it bad once again
in a sequence that's so repetitive
laura teases him he gets all
bloodthirsty rape monsters so she gets
mad and then her emotions re-roll and
she storms off
you may have noticed our protagonists
are highly unmotivated massimo has
absolutely no reason to drag laura to
this
and even less reason to not explain
what's going on if you won't be upfront
with her about your job
why involve her by inviting her in terms
of romantic tropes it's almost like the
worst of both worlds
he's neither protector nor equal partner
in crime massimo
is constantly just a toothache you can
make him teleport as much as you want
that doesn't make him mysterious and it
doesn't give him emotional depth
any flaws that are unrelated to
sexualizing violence aren't even treated
as flaws for example he clearly might
not be emotionally intelligent or at the
very least he struggles to anticipate
how people will react to his actions
this isn't inherently wrong for
romantically there are tons of
characters that i like that have this
trait some of them
are love interests it's really weird
when you're unwilling to ask yourself
questions about the character you wrote
they're unwilling to look past the
surface level characterization
to come to terms with the fact that he's
bizarre he's a weirdo
i'm weird i'm a weirdo what kind of
person has a vision during a near-death
experience and becomes obsessed with a
woman that he doesn't know
exists and then once he finds out the
woman exists he kidnaps her to get her
to fall in love with him
well the most flattering thing you could
say about that person is that they're
extremely eccentric they're also
likely superstitious or extremely
spiritual why
is he so boring he has no right to be
this boring
well part of it is that he's always
repeating himself
don't provoke me you'll be mine i
guarantee you
then i'll do anything i want meanwhile
laura's train of thought is jumbled and
unfollowable
why she's hot one minute and cold
another doesn't really make
sense you may naively upon your first
viewing think laura is attracted to
massimo but grows
disgusted when he becomes possessive but
no it's not consistent it's just this
annoying way of patting out the film and
desperately trying to build tension
sometimes it seems like laura's
inability to stay afraid is because she
knows
she's not in any real danger because
she's seen the script
so she has to endure his constant temper
tantrums because of the whims of the
target demo in another universe she
can't perceive
laura runs off and starts touching some
guy massimo tries to find her but he
can't and eventually he spots her with a
different guy
dancing by a pole and this guy gets
grabby and laura tries to pull away and
then massimo just can't stand the sight
of a man that's not him
grabbing laura without her consent so
like the true
champion an ally to women's rights that
he is
he pulls out two guns like he's a spy in
a 1980s movie and terrifies the whole
building the generic wave file gasps
everyone freezes but no one is shot the
next day on a big boat
laura is sad listening to massimo and
marco argue massimo is being lectured
for shooting that guy who it turns out
is the son of another mafia family
here's the thing though
we don't hear or see the gunfire so
apparently
off-screen massimo took that man
somewhere else and shot him in the hands
this is spoilers a very serious
situation that will incite a war between
the two families and have consequences
later in the film and for some reason we
decided not to show it this movie has no
sense of what's important and what isn't
conversations with a pedophile who will
never be shown again oop that's
important
massimo is starting a gang war that will
result in major consequences
ah we can skip it it's okay that's not
weird right yeah it's not weird
when it's stuff about massimo and laura
i can excuse it because even if it
doesn't further the plot it's
technically the main attraction of the
movie
or it would be if the movie was well
written and its character's dialogue was
fun and not repetitive as hell
it's just this reminder that as
beautiful as this film looks and as much
money was put into it the writing is
what dooms it
honestly skipping this is so out of
place that it makes me think that there
was some type of production problem
where the footage was ruined
or for some reason unusable laura
apologizes for um
being attacked just the difficult
situation i'm not sure but she seems
really sorry and although at first
massimo's temper starts to get the
better of him he
for once restrains himself and with much
difficulty tells her not to apologize
and finally we get some character
development i shot his hands
i wouldn't
[Music]
just kidding oh you believe there would
be character development you got some
egg on your face
then massimo keeps asking her where
she's going even though the obvious
answer is just like to be alone on a
different part of the boat but he's got
a micromanager all the time because you
know who would be making it bad what is
everything going to make itself bad
to be fair i guess you could say he's
worried about her jumping or falling
into the water
oh it's not even clear how she fell in
the water it sort of looks like he
pushed her massimo saves her from the
ocean
now if only he could save her from his
existence
i'm so grateful that you're alive but in
the same time i want to kill you
that's it that's the whole movie donate
to my patreon follow me on twitter
send flowers to my funeral i like roses
and panties
thanks god that was so close i can't
tell if this is the character
canonically gaslighting her or if it's a
continuity error
like if in an earlier draft laura falls
from slipping and not because she lost
her balance trying to fight off massimo
why you're so disobedient i'm sorry
i just i cannot overcome the sickness
this is terminal
laura apologizes to him and tells him
that she won't do it anymore the it
in that sentence is doing some heavy
lifting i think she means she won't
disobey
him massimo tells her that he can't lose
her and he tells her to
rest and she stops him and is like you
saved me here
have a sex no
don't do it okay so they do oral they
frick the music blares i'm not sure how
much of this i'll be able to show you
but at one point massimo clearly looks
into the camera then we get a montage of
them banging on different parts of the
boat
the front of the boat the back of the
boat you know just all over the boat
i like to think that old man mario is
still here and is just like pretending
he can't hear them or maybe he's
contemplating swimming back to shore
i can't think of anything more awkward
they either locked him in his cabin or
he's doing a metal gear trying not to be
detected
there is no sense of how much time is
passing uh refractory period who
never heard of them or perhaps the
answer to this is way funnier what if
they keep stopping
and moving alright follow me on this
journey as i tell you how this went down
picture the sounds of the sea in
seagulls
and then there's laura and massimo
nips and dong to the wind now imagine
them worthlessly following each other
like
sims to the new woohoo location just the
sounds of their bare feet against
boat's floor and so they get to the next
location
but sometimes it's really difficult
because they have to climb
up onto the boat and they're just
slipping and sliding all over the place
doing all of this naked
and the boat tops kind of uncomfortably
hot but they really want to be able to
say that they banged on top
of the boat so they just struggle to get
into position
and by this point massimo is kind of
like you know
and surely by now laura's just
[Music]
also i don't want to point this out but
in this shot
massimo scrote is just getting cooked on
top of that boat okay
he's getting soupy up there it's
probably like silly putty so after the
montage of
thinking with portals massimo surprises
laura with the fact that they're going
to a ball
and her reaction is pretty funny are you
[ __ ] crazy i have nothing to wear
all right so we do a getting ready for
the ball montage
i'm retaining my one brain cell laura's
retaining her one personality trait
i love her one personality trait i'll
defend it with my life
you know she loves spending money and as
someone who went to such great lengths
to keep this video from being
demonetized
i can vibe with that we get to the ball
i can hear 50 shades lawyers salivating
there's paparazzi for some reason
he's crimestogram famous
how surprising that'd be funny if it
weren't so sad
the movie turns into a cologne
commercial essence of stockholm how to
describe the smell
um it's kind of a floral scent with a
hint of citrus
and nodes of dread okay so break out
your bingo card after the dance we are
approached by another staple of the
genre
sexually threatening blonde woman tm she
introduces herself as anna the first
and real love of massimo and she dead
threatens to kill laura massimo explains
that he's had laura's portrait in his
home for years but anna never expected
him to find her
on the day he found out laura was real
he left anna but i called
before laura even arrived at the airport
massimo was ignoring her messages
laura i'll never let anyone hurt you
except me
i will hurt you a lot very often they go
home question mark and then bang again
to a new unrelated song even though
nothing's happened but this time they're
on a sink
after they bang the first dialogue of
the scene massimo says the words that
laura always
loves to hear dominica will take you to
the airport tomorrow your flight is at
8pm
laura starts panicking thinking massimo
is done with her and doesn't want to see
her anymore
laura i moved to the next chapter of the
book negging is over it's time to do
dread game
no i'm kidding massimo is like it'll be
cool you said you wanted to visit your
family and i'll join you there soon and
laura's like trembling and confused
and massimo is walking out and he's just
like i love you
it's not a wrong choice to write a
character that has trouble with emotions
or reading people it just
feels like it's being thrown at us out
of nowhere for the sake of plot
convenience
this is incredibly forced
misunderstanding even as far as romantic
drama misunderstandings go
so in the car dominica is trying to
reassure laura about anna
forget about donna
[Music]
she's the past is shame
yes and you my darling
you are the future hey what's your
language i get enough problems you know
if she really does kill her
she won't have a future don't you just
love how dominica is a more reassuring
boyfriend than massimo dominico gets a
phone call that things are getting all
serious and he gets cryptic on her laura
arrives back in poland and visits her
friend olga you know olga yeah
uh the friend from the vacation why
would you let her dye her hair
i can't i'm so face blind imbd
help okay i'm like 95
sure this is the same character but
don't take my word for it because the
first time i saw jurassic world i
thought chris pratt was two different
people for like the first 30 minutes of
that movie
it's just he was really cool and
sensitive when he when he was with his
velociraptor babies
and he just sucked a lot of eggs when he
was with the protagonist okay
i was confused he was so cocky i was
like when is the cool guy gonna come
back oh
so with a bit of pokken olga gets laura
to talk about the mysterious man she met
also they have just way more chemistry
together
like way more am i imagining this
and with a bit more probing laura tells
olga basically
everything that's happened so far
leaving nothing out and they get drunk
together and cry
and if you're wondering why this audio
sounds different i definitely didn't
have to re-record when i mispronounced
her name in a different way from how i
usually mispronounce it
finally olga decides they need to go out
and have fun
god somehow olga has way more
personality than massimo in like
three minutes it actually makes me mad
we get a musical montage of olga and
laura drinking champagne while getting
back rubs getting facials getting their
hair done
chilling in a hot tub biting each
other's toes because they are gay i'm
losing my mind in a good way
i remember what being alive feels like
my last brain cell is thriving she is
being rejuvenated by this dumb montage
because even though it's just
filler at least it's not toxic after
watching an hour and 26 minutes of
and fear and threats this is soothing
this is awesome the bar is that low
oh and 50 shades thingy laura gets
offered a major promotion out of nowhere
how did she get offered a promotion
she's been missing for
wait how much time is fast the montage
ends and
another pop song begins so laura gets a
nice blonde wig
i mean a nice blonde bob whoops
god the real fantasy is going from jet
black hair to platinum blonde and one
salon trip am i right they hit the club
and dance and then men come back and
ruin the movie
i'm sorry i don't know where that came
from
i think i'm having a hard time right now
so the ex-boyfriend is here laura won't
accept his apology and he ends up
following her home
all of this takes way too much time when
you consider how irrelevant he was to
the story
in traditional creepy guy fashion
massimo is waiting in the dark for her
and you know he starts playing the hits
he looks time baby girl
laura starts hitting massimo yelling at
him to leave
massimo says nothing and they just start
having sex the music insects pauses when
laura discovers a wound
massimo tells her oh yeah i uh solved
the plot off-screen
amazing amazing great
this is when our protagonists declares
i don't need 365 days
[Music]
because
[Music]
because i love you okay film students
self-described cinemaphiles you might
want to place your wallet in your mouth
for this next transition
you might even need to pause and
retrieve a buddy or an emotional support
animal
say it again
one more time to just let it let it soak
in
[Music]
so because this is a fan fiction's
sloppy seconds massimo proposes
i can barely contain the urge to make
more sims references
and yes that means that the worst
transition of the movie is between not
one
but two emotional climaxes that's four
climaxes
total but like in a strange symbolic way
retrospectively this is one of the
funniest scenes in the whole movie
think about it traditionally if you want
someone to marry you you
ask and they agree to marry you they
consent you might
say and then if you have a ring you put
it on their finger laura
has woken up with the engagement ring
already on her finger
because massimo slipped it on while she
was sleeping in a normal loving
relationship this would just be a cute
prank it would mean nothing bad it
wouldn't be that deep
but for them this subtext is intriguing
because this is just another instance of
retroactive consent
it's amazing how it permeates every
detail of the story no matter how
small it's kind of like how disney world
hides mickey mouse ears everywhere
except in 365 days
you're hiding creepy subtext between
creepy text
hey guess what hey guess what hey guess
what it's time to go shopping again
hey you know what if they're doing a
montage they don't have to talk to each
other
this is a blessing in disguise this is a
bonding scene set to upbeat music where
massimo doesn't smile
once it's also plot relevant and the
whole thing could be scrapped
oh god he's miming being upset about how
revealing the outfits are between
being bored he's obsessed with her why
is he bellyaching about
shopping is this just like what the
movie thinks men are like
it definitely says something that this
movie can imagine a man doing all this
depravity but taking a genuine interest
in you shopping
oh that's dreaming too far you're
getting too close to the sun
out of nowhere massimo and laura attend
a wedding
this is when he meets the in-laws my mom
is asking what do you do for a living
i'm a crime farmer i farm crime in my
crime fields
and then the scene is over if that
wedding seems super unnecessary even by
this movie's standards you should know
that the bride is the author of the
books
this is her cameo then we get a new song
laura and massimo are back on his boat
they make out
i'd like to point out the last four
minutes since the proposal
laura and massimo have barely talked to
each other and have not really learned
anything about each other massimo is
introduced to laura's parents
but they're gone throughout the rest of
the movie and they're kind of like
stock parent characters in fact in this
romance movie it's been about 30 minutes
the ballroom scene
since laura and massimo have had an
actual conversation
yeah laura comes down to a poolside
breakfast with massimo and mario and
says that she doesn't feel well and
that's movie talk for
she's pregnant even though she describes
feeling unwell in the vagus terms
possible massimo is already like
dominical will take you to the doctors
in two hours
nerd through conversation it's revealed
that laura has accepted that her own
parents can't come to her
wedding because somehow that would
automatically mean exposing them to
massimo's crime brewery
and yet massimo has somehow accepted
that she spilled the beans about him
being a criminal to her
rando friend he just doesn't
care he's just cool with it you know
here's a crazy thought
what if you had a scene where she tells
massimo
that she told her friend and instead of
doing the obvious thing
massimo having changed has a gentle
kind reaction because right now it just
kind of looks like a writing mistake
massimo leaves this cut gives me anxiety
we have less than 10 minutes of this
movie but for some reason
we'll be around with laura being like i
know you don't like me marco
and marco being like oh well you've
caused a lot of commotion in our family
marco she was kidnapped it's the premise
of the movie so best girl olga comes
back
no the wrong guy is getting hit in the
nuts laura explains to olga that she's
pregnant and that they're getting
married
olga yells you've only known each other
for two months
this movie's title is actually broken in
two ways
the first is that massimo's word means
nothing but the second is it's a ticking
clock title in a series where time
apparently means nothing
where did two months come from very
little time is accounted for in this
movie
don't worry i'll fix it day one laura is
locked in her room until the evening
passes out in the courtyard wakes up in
the morning day two
lunch shopping dinner laura gets her
phone back and decides to stay
day three this is the first tricky one
laura wakes up
showers with massimo plain ride she gets
off the plane at sunset
there's a travel montage the sun is
setting during the ice cream scene as
the street lights are just starting to
come on
laura gets in the fountain and they have
to go back to their rooms
after her shower she goes to massimo's
room q be ready in two hours
q nightclub scene this is the longest
day in the movie
day question mark likely for okay so we
don't know if the boat scene is the next
day
but it seems like it because of the
urgency and the anger coming from marco
and massimo
and laura's sulking as if it happened
last night
so then we have the fight the fall and
boat sex
after boat sex the sky hasn't changed so
it seems like it happened over the
course of a few hours
massimo says they slept one hour
massimo's evening surprise
is the ball which laura panics because
she has to get ready fast for it the
sixth scene
seems to happen the same night because
massimo is still wearing the same suit
day 5 laura's flight is the next morning
at 8.
laura arrives back in poland wearing the
same outfit she was wearing when she
left and she visits aldo's apartment
wearing that same
outfit they leave the apartment to have
their spa day at the end of their
conversation
and at night they go out to hit the club
laura meets her ex
at the club her ex follows her home
where she finds massimo waiting for her
then they have sex day six massimo
proposes
then we have a montage of shopping
wedding and boat
there are three places where time can be
injected between the nightclub scene and
the boat scene
between laura and olga having their
makeover day and actually hitting the
club
and in that montage of nonsense that
adds nothing
i believe after many hours of meditation
that the montage of nonsense was
actually supposed to give us a sense of
what laura and massimo's day-to-day life
is like together
but it doesn't it's just sort of a
montage of shopping
that suddenly stops and then you get an
out of place scene
and then another montage of kissing on a
boat that four minutes
wasn't worthless it was actually really
important it was supposed to be a
montage of about 54
days the vast majority of their time
together
four minutes isn't a lot of time but if
up can communicate an entire marriage in
about four and a half minutes
you can communicate two months of just
chilling out and being in love
you know i'd like to tell you i believe
in you but you've already failed me
olga tells laura that she's trapped in a
golden cage but she's still a prisoner
she holds her and tells her that she
loves her and that they can raise the
child together
gal pals yay while waiting for laura to
try on wedding dresses dominico and olga
casually prove they have more
personality than the main characters
laura finds a really cool dress and
tells olga that she wants to keep
the child and be with massimo and olga
accepts
then less than three minutes until the
credits
marco gets a call from a random man that
they're about to kill
laura and he's like are you sure and the
man's like yes
and then marco tells another unseen
character also named marco to drive
faster then we get this riveting
exchange
just this right in the feels dialogue
we are unbelievably invested in the
happiness of our two main characters and
watching their love
makes our hearts collectively ache
hi honey how long does it take to try on
the dress
as long as it takes marco tries to call
massimo but the line is busy except
that's not how modern cell phones work
marco keeps trying to call massimo but
the line is still busy
then without even trying to call
dominico to warn him we watched marco
run across the lawn to massimo
as the car dominico olga and laura drive
into the tunnel
the cell phone connection is lost the
elderly man
continues to run but but the car
never emerges from the other side of the
tunnel
and margot just gives massimo this
meaningful look and he takes off his
sunglasses
and massimo just knows what this means
and he has a flashback tellingly not of
laura but of the original version of
laura from five years ago the
idea of laura and he falls to his knees
and cries then the final shot of the
movie
a singular cop car parked in front of
the tunnel
except it's not a car it's a png of a
car motion tracked and animated with
three flashing lights in after effects
you can tell because of the comedically
dark shadow the carcass
and that's 365 days yes
uh chapter f what the actual hell did i
just watch
isn't it amazing that they can't invent
a more creative reason for her to get
kidnapped
and they clearly don't want to deal with
her being a kidnapping victim for more
than 20 minutes nor do they want to turn
this into a dark comedy
i thought she was going to be captured
by him because of something that had to
do with crime
or maybe they were both doing shady
stuff i mean laura is very easily
distracted by shiny things
maybe she'd break the rules to get rich
faster maybe that affected massimo's
business you ever think about that and
if massimo had a criminal executive
kidnapped who just so
happened to be a pretty lady with a
fibonacci sequence knows the standard
language of domestic violence doesn't
apply because they're just each other's
antagonists in the opposite sides of a
conflict
the conflict isn't just why don't you
love me why won't you sleep with me
because when that's the only conflict
it's like laura's consent is the
antagonist of the movie
the kidnapping is so unnecessary to the
rest of the story it could be replaced
by anything that causes them to start
off with negative tension
you know i've seen intelligent people
debate the morality of beauty and the
beast as a love story and go back and
forth and not agree but i think we can
all agree on this
beauty and the beast has a lot of stuff
going for it you know it's got nice
animation it's got great music it's got
charming side characters
the beast's characterization and arc are
consistent and coherent
but here in 365 days that's all
gone and i want you to think about this
sequence of events
alright so the mob kills laura because
massimo shot that guy in the club who
was a gangster because
laura was dancing with him well actually
because the guys grabbed
so he won't take no for an answer but
laura was dancing with him
because massimo said he could do
whatever he wants to her
because she wore a short dress because
she wanted to tease him because she was
mad massimo hired a sex worker to give
him a blowy while she was chained to the
bed
and massimo hired the sex worker because
laura refused to suck his d because
massimo is an
kidnapped her because massimo had a
vision of her
during his near-death experience the
[ __ ] scene
the action laura takes by refusing to
give massimo blowy because she doesn't
like him very much because
he kidnapped her that happens in the
middle of the movie now obviously
laura isn't really dead but
hypothetically if this was a standalone
movie that action starts a chain
reaction that signs
laura's life away in the final minutes
of the movie technically
she is punished multiple times for
refusing to give that blowy both within
the scene
at the club on the boat and eventually
with her life and the lives of her best
friend olga the baby she was looking
forward to having and dominica
who is kind of the most polite and
gentle of massimo's goons
the vast majority of good characters are
flawed and oftentimes they struggle in a
narrative because of their fatal flaw
they are challenged by the events of the
story in a happy movie like a love story
the fatal flaw is probably corrected as
the character grows or maybe they cannot
overcome their fatal flaw and they are
consumed by it
in 365 days massimo doesn't really
change
he doesn't have an arc he is not
transformed by
love into a more stable kind man his
flaws are not corrected mended worked on
or even analyzed with any scrutiny
he goes from an aggressive violent man
to a mostly nice emotionally constipated
fiance
but why because he was tested and he
found inner strength and self-awareness
because he learned to be gentle no it
happened because
laura finally had sex with him and
stopped saying
no to him he didn't have to do anything
to get everything he wanted
and why well because laura corrected her
fatal flaw whether the movie intended it
to be the case or not
it's extremely difficult not to do a
reading of this movie where laura's
fatal flaw
isn't being materialistic but it's being
independent and unsubmissive
do you remember when laura was
introduced she was kind of a bat
and the movie drew attention to her
gender it told us she's a hard-nosed
domineering woman in a dude-dominated
industry and that she has to fight
to be respected you should ask ms biel
excuse my language but you need to have
balls to this job it was possible
because of my strategy
agent sex had nothing to do with it so
how is your gender approach throughout
the rest of the movie
well she's berated and treated like a
difficult irrational woman for rejecting
her kidnapper
and despite how ridiculous and
irrational massimo
is he's never served a slice of humble
pie and it is laura who is the one who
is likened to a child and infantilized
part of this is the kink aspect of the
movie but you know
if you talk to people who have a low
opinion of women
they tend to liken women to a half state
between adulthood and childhood not
full adults or citizens for they see
them as irrational and emotional
or well fundamentally automatically more
rational than men as if rationality
itself were a personality trait
this is one of the reasons the movie's
framing of laura's emotions versus
massimo's emotions disturbs me
it taps into some pretty ancient memes
massimo
is ridiculous he's incredibly delusional
emotional and irrational but the movie
mostly rewards him for it
meanwhile laura is berated and degraded
even though she has perfectly rational
reasons for freaking out
exploiting gender roles is a tool on the
human trafficking chart
pulling away from all that back to
domestic violence in general
massimo is likened to nature to primal
forces
so his violence and his anger is like a
hurricane he can't
control himself you're irrational and
childish to fight his will
it's like screaming at the sky for it to
stop raining it's
nasty and super wrong-headed it's the
kind of stuff that keeps people with
violent partners of any gender for
ages because they get conditioned into
thinking that that's what life is
life is enduring storms and trying not
to awaken the wrath of the storm gods
but you should never be afraid or filled
with dread as the thought of your
significant other
you shouldn't waste your time on this
planet with someone who can't treat you
with respect or acts like treating you
nicely is an arduous or difficult task
while i respect artists ability to make
controversial art and i hate judging
movies by their synopsis
and i don't believe movies have an
obligation to model respectable or
healthy behavior
i've seen 365 days several times
and yes it does have zero scruples and
is sexist to women and men
but don't be so shallow it's actually
holistically bad
not only do i feel that the movie
handles its subject matter in a very
ignorant way and displays a lack of
critical thought and self-awareness
but the plot is his limp as a wet noodle
and contains many continuity errors
its protagonists are largely unmotivated
and outshined by
members of the supporting cast and its
editing is capable of making a film
student die of secondhand embarrassment
and that's all i have to say on the
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