[0:00] The year [0:03] is 2006. [0:08] Bye-bye. Hello and welcome to my kitchen [0:12] where it is 2006. The Xbox 360 just [0:16] dropped in the seventh generation of [0:18] gaming has officially begun. Ah, but [0:21] when it comes to the previous [0:23] generation, one company could easily be [0:26] crowned as the titan of the industry, [0:28] releasing hit after hit after hit. That [0:31] company's name, Mad Cats Games. Just [0:34] kidding. Rockstar Games. And their [0:36] biggest hit, Grand Theft Auto San [0:38] Andreas. A critically acclaimed boundary [0:40] pushing cultural juggernaut that [0:42] eventually became the bestselling PS2 [0:44] game of all time by like a lot. And then [0:47] CJ was modded into every game ever made [0:49] every time as well. [0:52] >> All right. [0:52] >> But San Andreas was also a magnet for [0:55] controversy. Video game violence [0:57] naysayers would be the least of [0:59] Rockstar's concerns. Once a secret s [1:03] I'm spelling it out because my small dog [1:05] is in the kitchen right now. Miniame was [1:07] found buried in the game's files known [1:10] as the hot coffee mod. This shocking [1:12] news caused the game's rating to be [1:14] re-evaluated by the ESRB to AO, adults [1:17] only. I'm spelling it out cuz my dog is [1:19] afraid of adults, forcing stores to pull [1:21] the game off shelves or keeping it, but [1:23] with a slapped-on AO rating sticker. You [1:25] can actually still find these online, [1:27] but they are NOT CHEAP. [1:30] Rockstar would patch this stuff out and [1:31] quickly get an M-rated version back on [1:33] store shelves, but the reputational [1:35] damage was already done. Between the [1:37] already controversial violence present [1:40] in the GTA games, edgy releases like [1:42] Manhunt, and now you're telling me [1:44] there's an SSX tricky miniame, Rockstar [1:47] was quickly becoming the coolest company [1:50] in the world. At least according to [1:51] Little Brothers Everywhere, Daily [1:53] Magazine Global. Please let me watch you [1:55] play. I'm going to need to see that [1:57] game. I know you're saying it's not good [1:59] for me, but I know it is. I know it's [2:01] good for me, and I need it inside of me. [2:02] I need it in my blood. I It's good for [2:04] my livers. It's good for my eyes. So [2:06] anyways, 2006, dawn of the seventh gen, [2:08] and everyone is waiting with baited [2:10] breath [2:10] >> to see how Rockstar, notorious bad boy [2:13] billionaire, is going to push the [2:15] controversial boundary this time. Let's [2:18] see. [2:21] Okay, [2:25] but [2:27] Timothy Shal wasn't even born yet. [2:36] I remember being a beautiful, [2:39] precocious, gorgeous baby boy, waltzing [2:42] into GameStop in the mall, seeing this [2:44] game on display, [2:46] and just waiting for some sort of [2:48] punchline. Was Rockstar seriously making [2:51] a rated E game about table tennis? To my [2:54] knowledge, this is the only game ever [2:55] developed by Rockstar to receive an E [2:57] rating and one of only three games ever [3:00] published by Rockstar to get an E. [3:02] Accompanied, of course, by Monster Truck [3:04] Madness 64 and Earthworm Gym 3D, also [3:07] known as The Thinking Man's Blunt [3:08] Rotation. Many people at the time [3:10] theorized that table tennis was a joke, [3:13] only made as a big FU to anyone who [3:15] criticized Rockstar in their frequent [3:17] reliance on all things controversial. [3:20] Just listen to this quote from lead [3:21] designer Benjamin Johnson regarding the [3:23] game's reveal to the public. [3:25] >> It was bizarre seeing people sit down [3:27] and hold a controller and they're like [3:29] they're waiting on somebody to run out [3:31] from the crowd and mug me or mug one of [3:34] the characters. I'm like, "No, dude. [3:36] It's just a table tennis game. Chill the [3:38] [ __ ] out." [3:38] >> But years later in like 2012, pre-apoc [3:41] apocalyptic events, obviously, I found [3:43] this game in a bargain bin at Shopco, [3:45] which yes, has a K in it. But unlike GTA [3:48] or Shopco, table tennis does not have a [3:50] K47 [3:52] anywhere to be seen or anything [3:54] satirical or violent or controversial [3:56] whatsoever. No flying cars cheat this [3:59] time, Mom. Don't worry, the minivan is [4:01] got all toes all toes down in the [4:03] garage. You're okay. And once I actually [4:05] played this game, I realized that maybe [4:08] the punchline wasn't this game's [4:09] existence, but that Rockstar was dead [4:12] serious about making the best table [4:14] tennis game this side of my kitchen has [4:16] ever seen. Many at the time wrote off [4:18] this $40 disc as a glorified tech demo [4:21] for Rockstar's new Rockstar Advanced [4:23] Game Engine, aka Rage, intrigued only by [4:26] the concept of what a theoretical GTA in [4:29] HD might look like. But Rockstar said, [4:31] "No, no, no. This is not some half-ass [4:34] demo. This is a fullon table tennis [4:37] simulation with detailed ball physics [4:40] and cloth physics and hair physics and [4:42] some of the most impressive animations [4:44] and models ever seen at the time that [4:46] somehow still hold up 20 years later. [4:48] All accompanied by supremely satisfying [4:50] audio design and an incredible selection [4:53] of like techno and house music that is [4:55] all in service to put you into a peak [4:57] rallyinduced flow state. Table Tennis [4:59] was developed by Rockstar San Diego, who [5:01] was really only known for the Midnight [5:03] Club series, but would go on to make a [5:05] little game called Red Dead Redemption. [5:07] So, Table Tennis is really kind of the [5:10] progenitor for all of Rockstar's biggest [5:12] games. Oh, you love how beautifully [5:14] rendered Arthur Morgan is as he emotes [5:16] across the American frontier. Lu Ping [5:18] slammed so that Arthur Morgan could ham [5:20] it up and chinwag with every single [5:23] person he meets. I talked to every [5:25] single person in the video game world [5:26] and not a lot of people in real life, [5:28] you know? I told my therapist that one [5:30] time and all he said was, "Chad, this is [5:32] soing sad. Use code therapist for your [5:35] first $500 deposit on gamble, gamble, [5:38] gamble gamble gamble gamble gamble [5:39] game. The title of this video is [5:40] obviously a bit hyperbolic, but be [5:42] honest with me for a second, Twitch [5:43] chat. Have you ever played this game? [5:45] Have you ever even heard of this game? [5:48] Or are you per chance some sort of [5:49] uncultured toad uh specimen? If the [5:53] answer to any of those is no, or I guess [5:56] yes, can I please teach you how to play [5:58] this game so that someone other than me [6:00] and my friend Cameron are playing it [6:02] online? We literally only match with [6:04] each other when we play online. Cuz yes, [6:05] you could still play it online. Please [6:07] play with us. [6:09] Wait, why are you saying no? It's [6:12] It's cuz the It's cuz the toad thing. [6:14] It's cuz I literally called you a toad [6:16] specimen like 5 seconds ago. That's on [6:19] me and I hope to gain your trust back. [6:24] Honestly, I I'm I'm a I'm a straight [6:26] shooter. I call it like it is. I call [6:28] you a toad specimen. You don't play the [6:30] game with me. And I accept that. And I [6:32] think honestly if we use code therapist, [6:34] we can 10x skate [6:37] is not this game. But it is a game I [6:40] imagine a lot more of you have actually [6:42] played. Well, you know how in skate the [6:43] left stick controls your guy and the [6:45] right stick controls your board? Table [6:47] tennis is kind of like that except the [6:48] board is your paddle. And well, you [6:50] don't have a T-Mobile sidekick or P- [6:52] rod, but you know what? You do have [6:54] gratitude for your existence. The [6:56] direction of the right stick will [6:57] dictate the type of spin you apply to [6:59] the ball. Uh the color correlating to [7:00] the corresponding face buttons aby, [7:03] which you can also use if you prefer to [7:05] spell. Once the ball is heading your [7:07] way, you can begin holding a direction [7:09] to start charging the power of your [7:11] shot. Once you begin charging, the left [7:12] stick no longer controls your athlete, [7:14] but controls the direction of the ball, [7:17] both left to right and also distance [7:19] from the net. As you are aiming the [7:20] ball, the controller will begin to [7:22] vibrate and will vibrate more violently [7:24] the closer you are to the edge of the [7:25] table or the net. As you successfully [7:28] charge shots, your focus meter will [7:29] begin to fill. Once full, you will [7:31] automatically enter full focus mode, [7:33] where your shots become faster and more [7:35] accurate. You can also manually consume [7:37] some of your bar by holding right bumper [7:39] and doing a focus shot, which helps if [7:41] you're trying to make a really desperate [7:43] save, or if you just really want to slam [7:45] that thing with a lot of accuracy and [7:47] speed. Service starts quietly, but as [7:49] the rally builds, the music fades in. [7:52] And if both competitors reach max focus, [7:55] the lights dim and the sounds begin to [7:58] echo. This, my anonymous viewer, is [8:01] Rockstar Table Tennis. [8:13] The first time you successfully slam [8:15] that ball to the edge of the table and [8:17] make it spin off into the cosmos after a [8:19] long rally, you will understand why this [8:21] game is so beloved by those who have [8:24] chosen to serve. But mostly just me and [8:27] Cameron. [8:29] Yeah, I just hacked into this video. You [8:32] know how? because my client here wasn't [8:34] using a VPN to protect his IP address. [8:36] Hi, I'm Jakey. Jakey and Jinky, [8:39] Attorneys at Law. Thank you to NordVPN [8:41] for collaborating on this video. The [8:43] internet is a scary, freaky place, and [8:45] your IP address shouldn't just be [8:46] floating around out there naked and raw [8:48] for any nefarious freak to see. But fear [8:51] not, because NordVPN is here to be your [8:53] IP's sheath. Using NordVPN to hide your [8:56] IP address helps protect against [8:58] horrible threats like DOS attacks where [9:00] someone sends a boatload of data to your [9:02] IP to try and bring down your network. [9:05] Do not flood my packets. I do not like [9:07] stuff like that. Using NordVPN, any DOS [9:10] attacks are absorbed by Nord's strong, [9:12] brave, beautiful VPN servers. And with [9:15] Threat Protection Pro, NordVPN can [9:17] detect at least 85% of fishing websites [9:19] trying to trick you and steal your [9:21] valuable information. Do not try to [9:22] trick me. When I'm traveling on my very [9:24] important lawyer trips to places like [9:26] London, I wish that I could keep using [9:28] the American subscription services that [9:30] I already pay for. Not to worry, live, [9:33] with NordVPN, I can just connect to the [9:35] United States, and it's like I never [9:37] even skipped across the pond. By using [9:39] my special link, nordvpn.com/nakijey, [9:42] you can get 4 months extra with the [9:44] 2-year plan, and there's even a 30-day [9:46] money back guarantee. So, protect your [9:49] IP today. Thanks again to NordVPN for [9:52] collaborating on this video. And now, [9:53] let's get back to the worldwide uh debut [9:56] of the featurelength film Jardy [ __ ] [9:59] Many reviewers at the time, even those [10:01] who loved the gameplay, criticized the [10:03] game for a lack of content given the $40 [10:05] price tag. And honestly, I think that's [10:07] pretty fair. You can do exhibition [10:09] matches. You can do tournaments of [10:11] varying difficulty. You could play [10:13] online when people were actually [10:14] playing. Please play with me. That's it. [10:17] Much like me, struggling to maintain eye [10:19] contact with the barista as I order my [10:21] coffee, table tennis does one thing, but [10:24] it does that one thing exceptionally [10:26] well. [10:28] Every time without fail. Table tennis [10:31] was eventually ported to the Wii as [10:32] well, which I know sounds great in [10:34] theory, but I think it practically loses [10:37] everything that makes this game so [10:39] special and unique. With the default [10:40] control scheme, your movement is [10:42] automated. And because the regular Wii [10:44] remote motion sensing isn't very [10:47] advanced, you flick in the general [10:49] direction of the table you want the ball [10:51] to go in, but you control the spin by [10:53] holding a direction on the D-pad. You [10:55] can connect a nunchuk to control your [10:57] athlete and guide your shots, but like [10:59] at that point, why would you opt to [11:01] shake plastic and look at ugly graphics [11:04] when the 360 version is literally right [11:06] there? I can literally see it. It's like [11:08] peeking around the corner like it's [11:09] doing some sort of stealth mission. Why [11:11] is Why is it set up like that? In an age [11:13] where so many games are trying to have [11:15] hundreds of hours of bloated gameplay [11:17] and every possible mechanic thrown into [11:19] the kitchen sink. Shout out to my [11:21] kitchen sink. Often resulting in just [11:23] being kind of like a jack of all trades [11:24] situation. Yes, I am referring to [11:26] Crimson Desert, which I will probably be [11:28] making a video about on my second [11:30] channel, Ball Creative. If you don't [11:31] know, we're over there. We're doing [11:32] unscripted reviews. We're doing live [11:34] streams. Please stop by. Please clap. [11:37] It's really refreshing to return to [11:38] something so simple yet instantly [11:41] engaging. It's a type of sports game [11:42] that is unfortunately super uncommon [11:45] nowadays with these copypaste [11:46] microtransaction milk you for every [11:49] penny inside of your body annual [11:51] franchises. It's a game made with sauce. [11:55] The way the replays look, the little [11:58] emotes and unique personalities of each [12:00] character, the way the game slows down [12:03] cinematically for the focus shots, the [12:05] way that back sweat slowly accumulates [12:07] after intense rallies or me when I'm [12:09] recording a video in a small hot room. I [12:11] mean, for Chris sakes, the manual has a [12:14] history of table tennis in it along with [12:16] expanded details on every character's [12:18] strengths and weaknesses. Just imagine [12:20] if another revered AAA developer made a [12:23] conventional sports game. Like imagine [12:25] if Naughty Dog's next big game was a [12:27] basketball simulation, but it had all [12:29] the same production value and acting and [12:31] writing that they're known for and like [12:33] an actually good story in its campaign. [12:36] I would be over the moon to play a [12:38] sports game like that. Another thing [12:39] about Table Tennis that I failed to [12:40] mention yet is that it gets pretty damn [12:43] hard. Like back when I used to play this [12:45] game in high school, I could sometimes [12:47] beat the CPU on hard difficulty, but [12:49] expert, hell no, dude. These freaks are [12:52] streamers. But this time, I'm not a [12:55] 17-year-old with back zits and a [12:58] beautiful smile and the heart of a [12:59] gentle hustler. I'm a 31-year-old with [13:02] back sits and a beautiful smile in the [13:04] heart of a gentle hustler. And I am [13:06] determined to beat this game on expert. [13:09] This isn't just a video about Rockstar [13:11] table tennis. This is a video about me [13:14] trying to beat Rockstar table tennis. [13:20] Tournaments are very arcadey and that [13:21] you have to win two games to 11, but [13:23] even if you lose, you can just rematch [13:25] that same opponent like hitting a [13:27] continue in Street Fighter. In order to [13:29] play expert, I first had to complete the [13:31] hard tournament. My athlete of choice, [13:33] Yesper, is a gorgeously tall Swedish man [13:35] with a wide reach and the highest power [13:37] rating in the game. Remind you of anyone [13:39] you know? Yesper's other stats are all [13:41] pretty much ass, but his primary [13:43] strength is his forehand top spin slams. [13:46] So, this basically means my tactic most [13:48] of the time is to just hit the ball as [13:50] hard as I possibly can. I breeze through [13:53] the first few opponents, experiencing [13:54] some really fun rallies along the way. [14:10] This game is so good. But my first real [14:13] hurdle was Slayan. Oh my god, his [14:16] backhand top spin is so crazy. His [14:19] serves are diabolical and his reactions [14:21] were so much faster than anything else I [14:24] had experienced. [14:26] Oh my god, he's so fast. It was [14:28] abundantly clear at this point that my [14:30] power level was nowhere near expert and [14:33] I needed all the help I could get. [14:34] Unfortunately, because apparently nobody [14:36] plays this game anymore, my resources [14:38] were pretty slim. But I did happen to [14:40] find an extremely comprehensive guide on [14:43] a familiar website. Where's our table [14:45] tennis general hints and tennis? True [14:49] true achievements.com. [14:51] >> Trueievements.com. [14:54] >> True achievements.com. Even when I was [14:56] down, True Achievements picked me right [14:59] back up. When I had no one else, TA was [15:01] there. Dude, I might love TA. I might [15:03] get TA tatted on my [ __ ] This detailed [15:05] guide not only broke down every [15:07] character, but exposed me to something [15:08] that my brittle, inexperienced, [15:11] juvenile gamer brain had had never even [15:14] thought about. Serving an ace. How to [15:17] serve an ace. Yesper. Standard position. [15:20] Four/5 steps on the right. One/2 steps [15:24] back. Load the black bar to when it hits [15:26] the max for the third time. Up down. Up [15:28] down. Up down. One, two, three, four. [15:32] One two. [15:34] Aim to the left. [15:37] Okay, it wasn't quite max charge. [15:44] No, [15:45] >> I did feel somewhat conflicted about [15:47] using this exploit, but also this kind [15:49] of reminded me of the first time I [15:50] played Dark Souls where I was just like, [15:52] listen, man, I'm taking whatever help I [15:55] can get. I'm using the best weapons. I'm [15:56] duping Souls. We can leave the gamer [15:58] pride for the other runs. I just want to [16:00] get to the end of this thing. However, [16:01] at least with Yesper, the service ace [16:03] didn't always work against every [16:06] opponent every time. Such as Kumi, who [16:08] was sometimes able to hit it back, so I [16:10] had to stay on my sweetest toes. I had a [16:12] nice comeback during a close first game, [16:14] but then I did this. [16:43] Yes sir. [16:44] >> Followed by a stomp in game two with [16:46] this psycho finishing blow. [16:52] >> Sweden takes the match. Young Su [16:54] couldn't handle the ace. Jurgen wasn't [16:56] much different. Hard tournament [16:58] completed largely due to the help of [17:00] sensei trueachchievements.com. [17:02] But now it was time for the main event. [17:04] I faced Lu Ping first which meant he was [17:06] way easier and the ace worked and I just [17:09] destroyed him. Haley was next and got [17:11] completely destroyed as well as did [17:13] Luke. And then I was thinking like man [17:16] maybe this isn't going to be so bad [17:17] after all. Even Sleman, my rival in the [17:20] hard tournament, was surprisingly easy [17:22] on expert in large part due to the A [17:24] serve actually consistently working. But [17:26] I was also consistently working him even [17:29] during his serves. I was growing [17:32] stronger, more resilient. My gamer body [17:36] was becoming one with the table. [17:42] All [18:11] right. I got to tell you something, [18:13] Daddy. All right? It's not intended to [18:15] be me. I have a purpose. You don't. And [18:19] if you think that's some sort of [18:20] blessing, it's not. It puts me at a huge [18:21] life disadvantage. It means I have an [18:23] obligation to see a very specific thing [18:25] through. And with that obligation comes [18:26] sacrifice. Okay? My life is the product [18:29] of all of the choices I've had to make. [18:31] Your life is the product. I don't even [18:32] know what your life is the product of. [18:33] You're just kind of making it up as you [18:34] go along because that's the kind of dog [18:35] you are. That's not the kind of person I [18:37] am. Okay. Carmen got freaking [18:39] annihilated 11 to1 twice. Two times in a [18:43] row. RETIRE. RETIRE. RETIRE. RETIRE. [18:45] CASSIDY. BRO, are you guys sure you're [18:48] experts? Young Su was more of what I [18:51] expected. He beat my giant Swedish ass [18:53] into the ground two games in a row. [18:55] Young Su required such a specific spot [18:57] on the serve meter for the ace to work [18:59] that after many failed attempts, I [19:01] eventually just gave up on doing it and [19:02] decided to beat him the oldfashioned [19:04] way. using my most valuable asset, my [19:07] gaming mind. [19:17] Nice. Game two required a crazy [19:19] comeback, and brother, I aimed to meet [19:22] the PC requirements to run this [19:24] comeback. This was by far the most [19:27] intense game of table tennis I had [19:29] played up until this point. [19:59] Let's go. Allow me to introduce you to [20:02] Mark, the second to last boss in the [20:05] expert tournament. That may as well have [20:06] been the final boss. The ace serve just [20:09] straight up does not work on Mark, no [20:11] matter what you do. But you know what [20:12] does work? Me. Except not really, [20:15] because I threw the first game by [20:16] hitting it into the net and had to [20:18] immediately drogue to diffuse my [20:20] burning intense fiery passionate [20:22] gamer rage. Game two went to OT and I [20:25] pushed that tiny white ball to the [20:27] absolute freaking edges of the earth. [20:44] Game three was like when Trunks [20:46] teleported out of nowhere and just cut [20:48] Frieza in half. I was operating on a [20:50] higher plane of existence. I knew what [20:52] Mark was going to do before he even did. [20:55] I was becoming a fully sentient table [20:58] tennis warrior. [21:17] Let's go. Jurgen, the final boss. [21:20] Everything led me to this moment. And I [21:23] took game one very quickly because the [21:25] ace serve worked without fail and it [21:26] felt very antilimactic. So I says to [21:29] myself, I says, "You know what? No, I do [21:32] have gamer pride." And that sounds like [21:34] something racist, but that's not what I [21:35] mean. I got to do this without using the [21:38] power invested in true achievements.com. [21:40] I got to do this using the greatest [21:42] resource of all, combining my gamer [21:45] hands with my gamer mind, and using my [21:48] gamer heart. Game two, unfortunately, [21:50] was Jurgen City because my safety [21:52] blanket of the ace serve was no longer [21:54] there and I needed to adapt fast. My [21:57] blade was sharp, but his steel was [22:00] sharper, more agile, more rare jewels [22:03] encrusted into the handle. But my gamer [22:05] heart was resilient. And everybody knows [22:08] when gamers are down, say it with me, [22:10] chat, they don't stay down. Horses don't [22:13] stop. And I don't stop either. [22:50] match point. I had run away with a hefty [22:53] lead. A lead that unfortunately was [22:56] starting to slip through my hands. [23:11] I just needed to lock in. I needed my [23:14] gamer heart to work in perfect harmony [23:16] with my gamer vessel, my beautiful, [23:18] brave warrior, Yesper. I needed us to [23:20] connect like when the tails infuse when [23:23] they're doing it in Avatar. But could I [23:25] do it? [23:37] >> Sweden wins the match. [23:46] >> I had done it. I had conquered a beast. [23:49] that 17-year-old me couldn't even dream [23:51] of. 17-year-old me could barely read the [23:53] name tags. And to celebrate, I played [23:55] online with the only other living [23:57] competitor still playing this game, my [24:00] friend Cameron. And we had an absolute [24:02] blast. Which brings me to the whole [24:04] inspiration for making this video. [24:07] Please play with us. On April 18th, [24:10] which is tomorrow if you're watching [24:11] this video the day it came out, and May [24:13] 2nd, I will be playing this game from 1 [24:16] to 5:00 p.m. roughly, EST, and live [24:20] streaming it on the Ball Creative second [24:22] channel. If you go to player match and [24:24] choose time tournament, you will very [24:26] likely be able to join one of the eight [24:28] player lobbies that I will be running [24:30] where it's a roundroin tournament, I [24:32] think, to like games of five. But even [24:34] if you can't join, you should be able to [24:35] spectate because that's a thing. I don't [24:37] know. I haven't been able to test it cuz [24:39] no one's playing. Apparently, there's [24:40] voice chat if you have an Xbox headset. [24:42] That is likely going to be really [24:44] problematic, but probably really funny. [24:46] I'm going to try to get my headset [24:47] working for that. So, please play with [24:50] us if you want if you can. I'm pretty [24:52] sure it's really cheap on the store. [24:54] Thank you so much for watching my video. [24:56] I love to make a video like this. I am [24:58] having fun this year. I making more [25:01] stuff more often. We are not existential [25:03] crisising anymore. Anyways, I hope to [25:06] see you over on Ball Creative for the [25:07] table tennis tournaments and I hope that [25:09] you're springing into spring and that [25:11] you are filled with gratitude and love [25:12] in your heart. Be well. Uh, farewell [25:15] from 2006.