--- title: 'How to Effectively Ask for a Pay Raise - Prof. Jordan Peterson' source: 'https://youtube.com/watch?v=2HqvbdOWpc8' video_id: '2HqvbdOWpc8' date: 2026-06-28 duration_sec: 185 --- # How to Effectively Ask for a Pay Raise - Prof. Jordan Peterson > Source: [How to Effectively Ask for a Pay Raise - Prof. Jordan Peterson](https://youtube.com/watch?v=2HqvbdOWpc8) ## Summary Being agreeable in the workplace has both advantages and disadvantages. While agreeable individuals are good team players and give credit to others, the downside is a tendency to not effectively advocate for their own interests, which can negatively impact salary over time. This is a key factor in the gender pay gap, and the speaker offers advice on how to negotiate for better pay by balancing assertiveness with disagreeableness. ### Key Points - **Advantage and Disadvantage of Agreeableness** [0:00] — Being agreeable is good for teamwork and giving credit, but it negatively predicts salary over time because agreeable people are less likely to put forward their own interests. - **Agreeableness and the Gender Pay Gap** [0:16] — Agreeableness is part of the reason women are paid less than men. The speaker directs this advice particularly to women in the class. - **Key Factors in Salary over Time** [0:28] — Salary depends on skills, abilities, position, social network, and whether you actually ask for more money. Simply asking is crucial. - **The Nature of Salary Negotiation** [0:45] — Instead of simply asking, you must tell your boss you need to be paid more or something they don't like will happen. This is not a threat, but presenting an alternative. - **How to Negotiate Effectively** [1:04] — State what you do, why it's useful, why you must be paid more, and present your opportunities if they refuse. The boss often needs an excuse to give you a raise, so you must put your case forward powerfully. - **Balancing Disagreeableness** [1:31] — You must put your case forward disagreeably, but not too disagreeably, or you risk being seen as difficult or getting fired. The key is finding the right balance. - **Negative Emotion and Self-Doubt in Women** [1:50] — Women, often higher in negative emotion, tend to underestimate their utility in business settings. Their flaws stand out more than their strengths, leading to self-doubt in negotiations. - **Consequences of Winning Negotiations** [2:27] — Winning negotiations leads to more promotion opportunities and revenue, but also increased responsibility, which can be unpleasant for agreeable people who dislike being disliked and conflict. - **Motivation of Agreeable People** [2:51] — Agreeable people are primarily motivated by maintaining intimate positive relationships and seeking to be liked, which makes them conflict-avoidant. ### Conclusion To get a pay raise, you must overcome agreeableness and self-doubt, and present a powerful, balanced case to your boss, including alternatives. While this can lead to career advancement, it also brings more responsibility and potential conflict, which may be challenging for agreeable individuals. ## Transcript Now the advantage to being agreeable then is that you're good in teams and you're very much likely to give other people credit. The downside of being agreeable is that you're not very good at putting forward your own interests. And so one of the things that predicts salary across time, for example, is agreeableness and it predicts it negatively. And so it's part of the reason why women get paid less than men. And this is something for the women in the class to really listen to. Because how you get paid across time depends on a very large number of things, right? It depends on your... How you get paid across time depends on a very large number of things, right? It depends on your skills and your abilities and your position and your social network and all of that. But the other thing it depends on is whether or not you actually go ask for money. Or maybe that you don't even ask. Because actually you don't ask for money. You tell people that you need to be paid more or something they don't like will happen. And I don't mean as a threat. I mean that you have to be willing, when you're negotiating, to have an alternative. You go talk to your boss who isn't going to give you money because everyone wants money, right? It's a competitive game. Who isn't going to give you money because everyone wants money, right? It's a competitive game. You're going to have to be, you're going to have to go there and say, look, here's what I do. Here's why it's useful. Here's why you have to give me more money. And this is my opportunities if you don't. And then you're not taking your boss's money anyways because it's very seldom, very frequently the case that he's working for a whopping big company. But he needs an excuse to give you money because everyone's asking for money all the time. And so you have to put your case forward powerfully. the time. And so you have to put your case forward powerfully and disagreeably. Now, you don't want to do it too disagreeably, because then he's going to think that you're a son of a bitch, and maybe he's not going to give you anything, and maybe you'll get fired for being mouthy and all of that. And that certainly happens to people who are too disagreeable. You've got to get the balance right, but it's definitely the case. And the other thing that happens to women that's also worth noting, and this is probably because they're higher in negative emotion, is they tend to underestimate their own utility in business settings, right? Because if you're trying to evaluate what you're like and you're more tilted towards negative emotion, then the things that you do that are wrong are going to stand out more on the foreground than the things that you do that are right. So if you go into a negotiation and you're uncertain already because you have self -doubts and then you're agreeable in the negotiation, what's going to happen is that you're not going to win as often. And winning in a business setting or in a career development setting means more opportunity for promotion. setting or in a career development setting means more opportunity for promotion and more revenue generated. Now the downside of that of course is as you climb the business hierarchy is that you also have to take on more responsibility and that responsibility is sometimes unpleasant as well especially to people who are agreeable because you're not necessarily liked if you're in a position of authority and agreeable people really like to be liked. It's their primary motive motivator because they're concerned about the maintenance I would say of intimate positive relationships. and that also makes them conflict avoidant.