[00:02] Uh, the movie opens with the usual Marvel logo, but instead of all the heroes, it shows Stan Lee cameos from the Marvel films. It was a nice touch and it follows on with saying, "Thank you, Stan." Which is welldeserved and
[00:16] kind. Unfortunately, the film begins after that. We wake up with Captain after that. We wake up with Captain Marvel or well V or well I mean her name more suitable for this assessment to simply refer to her as Plank. Plank
[00:30] wakes up in a futuristic alien world called Hala. The idea is that it's the hub world of the Cre who are the good guys and she is one of the cre wakes up version of Dumbledore in the new films. Let's call him Young and asks to spar
[00:47] keeps telling her that she is letting her emotions get the better of her. Or scratch that. It's more like using the powers would be using your emotions and she will fail if she does that. And so she uses her emotions and wins. Okay.
[01:03] Like she gets this second wind and blasts him with her emotion beams despite his orders not to. You go, girl. As punishment, she's sent to the Supreme Intelligence. Oh, sorry. I should back up. The Supreme Intelligence is like the
[01:16] AI boss of the CRE. No, I have no idea how that works or why it works that way, explore, to be honest. On top of this, the CRE apparently gave Plank her shooty powers via a neck patch, but also choose
[01:29] allowing her to go on any missions. All right, then. It's a bit weird that they would give her power she can't control. Probably something else going on there. I guess we'll find out. So, Plank talks to the AI and the AI says she's too
[01:42] emotional, which is interesting. I don't know how one would discern that from a Plank. The AI then says Plank is ready to serve according to Yungor. And she says she hopes she doesn't disappoint, which means this is her first mission,
[01:54] correct? Especially considering they're telling her what the scrolls are, which I assume is more so for our benefit. But yeah, this is probably her first mission. Either way, the scrolls act as infiltrators and they take over planets
[02:06] powerful members of the population until they sweep over the entirety. And so, we get our super slow hero walk with our team of warriors. Next up is a neat bit cre warriors, almost teasing that they'll have characters, but they don't.
[02:22] Keep that in mind. I'm not done with it yet. You might be asking why I've skipped over Plank's position in Hara or how the place functions or why she's there or who the people she cares about there are. What drives her? Why does she
[02:36] choose to fight in a war? Well, these would be things that tell us something about her character. And the writers decided it would be better to ignore that part of writing and skip to the mission briefing. So, the plan is to
[02:48] that the scrolls have started invading. and they need to get to him first Smurf Lord from Guardians of the Galaxy is going to bomb a scroll stronghold while our team infiltrates the base and rescues the dude. Uh, Digimon Han Su is
[03:04] in her crew of CRE. He was in Guardians of the Galaxy as well. I guess this is before he got robotified. I bring this up because it would be cool to know how he went from a CRE soldier to a strict robotic acolyte
[03:16] the whole movie, so I won't be mentioning him again. To get to their location, they use the same fast travel ability we saw in Guardians. So, that's bringing that up because it'll be relevant later. We also see Plank put a
[03:29] weird kind of helmet on. I imagine this is to account for the harshness of space or just places that lack an oxygen source, like underwater. That's neat, too. She can't just survive in space. She actually needs these things to live.
[03:42] specific reason, too. During the operation, our team's communications forced to engage separately and the scrolls capture Plank. She was tricked into thinking she was rescuing the target, but instead it was indeed a
[03:56] scroll and he zaps her, knocking her out. Unfortunately, the rest of the team ship and cut to black. Then we get what rushing a background to a character I have ever seen. Plank is in a machine
[04:09] that is trying to access her memories because in her memories is something the scrolls want. The first memory is of her friend preparing to fly with her. And "About to show these boys how we do it. You go, girl." We then see a moment in
[04:22] Plank's history where a mean boy told her she should go slower while turning corners. And thus, she speeds up only to crash. After that, her dad tells her she doesn't belong out there. And he shouts this at her despite the fact that she
[04:35] probably needs to go to the emergency room. What a guy. Then we slam into a moment of her training for the Air Force and a group of mean men are heckling her. Ending with a man saying, "They will never let you fly." Then we jump
[04:47] a decent pilot, but she's too emotional." Finishing his sentence with, "You know why they call it a cockpit, don't you?" I mean, a lot of this [ __ ] Won't last a week. Further,
[05:00] they'll never let you fly. Let this isn't a game for little girls. Give it up. It then jumps into Plank dancing and singing with someone. This means she has friends. Then we see someone telling her about space when she was a kid. This
[05:13] means she would like to explore space. And then we see her hanging out with the with the kid, too. So, in case you missed it, Plank is told throughout her life by men that she's not where she should be and that she will fail because
[05:26] healthy relationships with friends who she cares about and an interest in space. And she always pushes forward even when told not to. And that was crammed into eight different flashbacks over just about 2 minutes. No context,
[05:40] progression, or insight, just a meme's worth of explanation of what the [ __ ] even going on. This is giving me character development whiplash. Finally, she has a memory of speaking to Science Lady, and apparently the scrolls that
[05:52] wanted that one specifically in order to find out who Science Lady was and where Science Lady's secret space lab is. from the meta. It's [ __ ] embarrassing and lazy to rush development like this, but as an inworld memory exploring device,
[06:06] it makes no sense at all. You're telling me that they wanted to find the name of their machine is so horrifically inaccurate that they bounced from age 8 to 30 several times and finally landed on exactly what they wanted. I mean, it
[06:20] memory where Plank was heading to the secret lab, and she just so happens to have the coordinates on his screen. Sadly for the scrolls, they can't figure and that will be relevant later. Regardless, she regains consciousness
[06:34] or their machine managing to pick it up in time, and this gives her the upper hand. K. She breaks out, but she's stuck with what are essentially binds on her crap out of all the aliens in the place while having moments of what I assume is
[06:50] while having moments of what I assume is comedy.
[07:03] And then to go even earlier, it's kind of from Willow. [screaming] zappy thing from earlier to be able to stop her. Oh, scratch that. They do have
[07:16] them, but it doesn't do anything for no reason. Like, at one point, three of them hit her with electric [ __ ] at once, and she's still conscious. Okay, so Plank runs around for a while and when feeling like she's about to be defeated,
[07:29] she gets a second wind and breaks her restraints off, allowing [snorts] her to once again beat all of the aliens. This has been very nail-biting. As a result the ship begins to fall apart. And before she is sucked into space, she
[07:42] blasts her way onto the ship. She also reformed her mask when losing oxygen again. That's good, huh? I'm pretty sure I'm setting something up here. Plank then goes back into the memory room and finds the screen is playing the clip of
[07:55] that guy saying, "You know why they call it a cockpit, don't you?" And so she uses her powers to smash the screen. You go, girl. We then see a scroll warrior enter an escape pod and release into Earth's orbit. I wonder if his ship was
[08:08] detected or found by Earth and whether or not that changes our understanding of technology or alien life. But maybe I shouldn't talk about that just yet. Plank then jumps into a scroll ship and she's able to pilot it immediately. I
[08:21] guess that's her power. She's a really good pilot and thus can pilot anything. I can fly anything. Even though she can't remember her history right now of being an amazing pilot and she's never had a mission
[08:34] outside of Hala yet, as far as I understand. [ __ ] it. Interestingly, as she exits, the entire ship is exploding. I suppose that's a result of her banging it pretty odd that this massive ship is just floating above Earth, visible to
[08:48] the naked eye, exploding casually. Does NASA have any detection for this? Hell, telescopes that could have spotted it. But no, not even SHIELD are aware of the several thousand pieces of debris falling from the sky, nor are they aware
[09:02] of the ship at all. Okay, like these aliens that are all bent on infiltration are pretty [ __ ] stupid when it comes to espionage. And unfortunately for Plank, her ship's control panel was damaged. So, as she entered Earth's
[09:15] flooring. Shut up. That makes sense. As a result, she then crashes through the roof of a blockbuster. But what happened to her ship? Did it crash? Did the debris scatter around town? Would technology like that not cause
[09:28] everything to change for planet Earth? Speaking of which, what about the capital ship that she came from? Do you guys see this? It's been obliterated, visible from Earth's atmosphere with pieces poised to scatter across a large
[09:40] portion of the planet. This would cause a potential cataclysm, changing the progression in technology, and it would have caused major damage. It's a [ __ ] enormous ship. But nah, we can't be bothered to entertain the kind of world
[09:54] building that even Spider-Man Homecoming explored, even though that was just a result of the things that happened in Avengers when this is set in 1995. Plank picks herself up only to notice a cardboard cutout of Arnold
[10:08] Schwarzenegger and Jaime Lee Curtis from True Lies. and she immediately shoots his head off with one of her blasts. You go, girl, though, if you haven't seen True Lies, then go watch it. It's better than this [ __ ] Plank then goes outside
[10:20] her having broken into and out of the store he's guarding, he waits until the following morning to call the police for reasons. Though, she also spend her whole night there creating a way to communicate with via Radio Shack wires.
[10:35] Like, I think the movie's trying to say that she broke her highly advanced alien wrist communicator thing and that she can now fix that by screwing around with a bunch of publicly available '90s Earth technology because that's how that
[10:48] works. She gets the call going and tells that she has to get to Science Lady before the scrolls do, otherwise they could invade many galaxies, which wait, what? So, the scrolls want the lighteed technology from this secret lab and the
[11:01] CRE want to prevent them from doing so because otherwise they can reach other whole point was that the scrolls spread to other galaxies already. It takes the cre 22 hours to get to Earth from the planet they first fought the scrolls on
[11:15] in this film, despite the fact that they have the jumping ability. That means the scrolls have already traveled that distance as well. And if the scrolls are technology to make it to other galaxies, too. Like if they just headed in one
[11:28] currently using to travel, they can invade to their heart's content once they pass the cre border as it's referred to in the film. So, however it is that you do travel, do that only do it for a long time and in one direction
[11:43] and that should have the same effect. Either way, the moment that Yungor tells her to do nothing and stay put, which would obviously change the course of the entire story, the communications get fuzzy and so she decides to take matters
[11:55] into her own hands. Meanwhile, we see that the scrolls have landed on Earth in daylight in order to chase down Plank, which uh I'm sorry, how did it take them this long to land when we saw their ship was obliterated when Plank was falling
[12:08] to Earth at night? Like, surely they should have landed just moments after she did at night, which would have been much better for the story because now I to infiltrate the higherups at SHIELD
[12:20] Shack. Not to mention how the scrolls all managed to land together and how no one thought the four green alien men arising from the ocean wasn't a [ __ ] eyesaw to behold, especially when they completely convert into another species
[12:34] the ship that left on his own? Did he somehow land at a delayed time alongside them? Did they have some agreed portion of Earth to land on in case of the ship being exploded? Really, or is there a random scroll in Europe just backpacking
[12:49] around living a new life? Going back to Plank, the police have arrived and Nick arrest. But before they can finish the conversation, a scroll tries to kill Plank and misses a blast from a rifle. Plank then pursues him. This leads to an
[13:03] extensive chase on a train and through a tunnel, leading us to a wonderful scene in which Plank punches an old lady and then engages in acrobatics with her. And well, they have Stan Lee playing himself, reading the script for Maul
[13:16] Rats on a train, a film in which he appeared to give the protagonist a lesson on love through his own comics while also playing himself. This adds yet another layer to the mystery of just who Stanley is in the continuity of the
[13:29] Marvel films, but it's also a really great reference and a sendoff. Plank sees Stan and he smiles and she smiles back. During the chase, the scroll takes the time to convert from the old lady into a completely different person and
[13:43] makes sure everyone on the train, including Plank, sees it, because uh ability if you're going to use it like that? The scene ends with Plank losing little device that fell out of the memory machine originally, and analyzing
[13:58] it gives her a lead on where she needs to go next. This happens right before it breaks, and she can no longer use it. This is a bit convenient, but how? Well, it's convenient that she decides to go to the bar and in the bar meets one of
[14:11] the name of the project. Meaning that those two pieces of information were all that she needed to get to what she wants the fastest way. And they also happen to she could even get before the thing broke. It's also convenient that of all
[14:26] the things this crystal could project from her memory, it projects the only specifically needed to push the plot. not the fastest, but it's also convenient that her wrist tech allows her to access technology from another
[14:39] alien race. But it's also also convenient that she found the drop crystal during the chase. But it's also also also convenient that the scroll dropped that thing in the first place. But it's also also also also convenient
[14:52] that she happened to be chasing the scroll member that was holding this thing specifically. But it's also also also also also convenient that the when his entire ship was being obliterated. But it's also also also
[15:08] obliterated. But it's also also also also also also ill so also convenient that at the base of this, the machine used to explore her memories happens to copy her memories over to a crystal in the first place just so that all of this
[15:21] insanity can even happen in the first place. Meanwhile, Fury is attacked by a scroll who is posing as his partner, and the car crashes, killing the scroll. Fury then says that everyone should back away
[15:33] because this is shield business. Shield business. But wasn't the whole point of shield in Iron Man 1 to have the extended version of the name and it's shave it down to a moniker because people keep complaining about it.
[15:48] Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division. I know. We're working on it. Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement God, you got need a new name for that. Yeah, I hear that a lot.
[16:03] from the Strategic Homeland. Just call us Shield, Did you guys [ __ ] forget they weren't calling themselves SHIELD before 2008 in your own timeline? Plank is then figuring out how she will get to the bar
[16:18] that she got from the device and a man passes by on his motorcycle. That would be super useful to travel, but you can't steal from people, right? Well, the mean man asks her to smile for him, and she frowns. So, once he goes into a store
[16:31] and leaves his bike behind, she decides to steal it. I um wouldn't he still have the keys? How did you manage that? And I mean, ethically, is it really because he asked for a smile? You go, girl. We then find out that Fury's boss is a scroll,
[16:46] remember he played Krennic? Die. Well, he is present for the alien autopsy that should probably redefine science and the periodic table as we
[16:58] know it and as the film points out, but this literally has no effect on the this literally has no effect on the world or on the MCU as we know. K. And motorcycle thief that matches her
[17:10] she's looking for from the memory file, and she finds Fury is already there. I um How the [ __ ] did he get to the bar ahead of her if all he knew was that she stole a bike? Like he would have the
[17:23] license plate maybe, which could be found eventually, but he got to the bar before she did. What? They figure out that Fury is not a scroll by pointing detailed long-term memory of the person it copies. So Fury gives her the names
[17:38] of some states and some stories of what he did before Shield, and she just believes him. Apparently, that was detailed enough. It's not like she knows she can't verify what he just said. And even if she could verify it, he could
[17:52] still be lying. So, with the rules stated by the film, Fury could still be a scroll, and Plank is just a complete idiot. Great. On the other hand, Fury wants evidence that she's not a scroll, and she decides to destroy a jukebox.
[18:06] Nobody seems to care that she does that. They even showed a bar owner earlier. I guess he just doesn't mind. Like she says she did it because scrolls can't do it, but we already know that the cre can't do it either. So unless you know
[18:20] her personally, this really doesn't matter at all. Which um not only that, but Fury is not convinced by it. So what was the point of any of this? [sighs]
[18:32] horrifically bad the direction for the actors is here. It may not have seemed effects were put in, did they just say [ __ ] it to the fact that his photon head and shoulders of Fury, and he doesn't seem to give a [ __ ] Look what
[18:46] chance that half of his face should be gone. Plank then asks that Fury take her to Pegasus, and so he does. I have no idea why since he even says that he's learn that Pegasus is extremely sensitive in terms of a billion-dollar
[19:01] coverup, but he just agrees. I'm sorry, that makes no sense at all. So, Fury immediately detained by those who work wouldn't just detain them at the front gate, but okay. After getting bored long
[19:15] enough, Fury calls in his backup and uses tape to get the fingerprint off his As a result, Fury can then open the door. Plank says, "That's impressive." And Fury responds, "Oho, you should see what I can do with a paperclip." The
[19:30] humor for the most part in this movie is fine. It's the most fine that humor can family might make when they're rushed to be funny. I smirk at it, but I realize
[19:42] that this is from a screenplay funded by millions of dollars and then I just kind of die. Plank and Fury find the records room. And for some reason, the cat that I think belongs to the science lady is here. Why would they let this cat wander
[19:54] around this place for possibly more than 6 years after its owner went missing? about it later. Well, sometimes consistency has to be sacrificed in aid of a joke, but we'll get to that. Fury then mentions that they're at the door
[20:07] for the records and he needs to get the fingerprint back out in order to get open with her power. This is another one of them please laugh moments in the film. But, uh, this is potentially the most secure room in the entire base, and
[20:21] she blew it open with a photon blast. Where are the alarms? Where are the They enter the room and all of the lights are automatic. They turn on when you stand below them. This is relevant for later. They find the files based on
[20:35] her plan for the light speeded engine has been terminated. Fury says that the security here is this way because they are covering up for a billion dollar mistake which is pretty hilarious considering how easily they got in here.
[20:48] But the point is that the engine, the pilot of the engine, the event itself, and the funding are all covered up, except these files still exist for some everything to do with the pilot is redacted, so they have no leads. Except
[21:03] the name of the best friend of the pilot is provided, as well as her address, and they have a picture of her, as well as a [ __ ] picture of Plank, the redacted pilot. in the [ __ ] file. The file that redacted everything about her. They
[21:18] just forgot that there's a picture of her in there. Excellent job of covering then you think about that statement that they've covered up this whole thing from people, including but not limited to Nick [ __ ] Fury. Like, wouldn't Howard
[21:31] Stark have been given full authority to absorb every last piece of information as well as the pilots involved to discover anything about the technology Like honestly, I'm talking about the entire operation. The pieces of tech
[21:44] from Science Lady, the notes, the files, the explosion, you know, the the site itself. It's all tied to the creation of technology that two extremely far advanced alien races want in order to win wars. Seems like Earth would make
[21:58] some strides with that sort of tech. If you ask me, though, maybe you don't believe that the CRE would have let those things fall into Earthling hands. otherwise the world would have progressed significantly if that were
[22:10] the case, right? Well, the film shows us blueprints of the lighteed engine as well as large shots of the crash site. All of this stuff was readily available to progress from. And what? They covered it up and redacted a whole bunch of
[22:22] information. Like, you're telling me SHIELD and NASA redacted information to prevent Shield and NASA to advance technologically? What the [ __ ] is happening? Either way, Plank sees this stuff and gets a flashback of science
[22:34] ladies saying, "This isn't about fighting wars. It's about ending them." Oh, doesn't that sound familiar? Isn't that the why we fight? So we can Well, before they can get out, Fury's backup arrives. But it's Krennic, and
[22:47] they soon enter into a big old chase. Fury is hiding in the records room, and the bad guys have to walk into the aisles to activate the lights. And thus, because all he needs to do is move to one that's not lit up. extremely secure,
[23:01] lads. Of course, these men aren't normally bad. It's just that Krennic is villain right now. We also get a wonderful line where one of the agents says, "We have to take them in, dead or alive, and we're going to remember that
[23:15] line." Fury then bumps into Krennic and they have a scuffle until Plank saves him. During this entire fight, every other agent is mysteriously missing. But once Plank fires a photon blast and spares Krennic for no reason, the agents
[23:27] all suddenly pop back up. How convenient. And so Fury and Plank are chased to a plane and escape with Krennic firing at them along with his soldiers to no avail. Gee, lucky the plane doesn't require keys to get into
[23:39] fueled up and free of any obstacle to lift off. What is this? Force Awakens. Oh, look. The adorable cat decided to jump on board with them, too. I have no [ __ ] clue why. Plank then explains that she woke up on Hala 6 years ago
[23:52] with no memory, and she is sure she started on Earth. She and Fury then share a nice bit of banter getting along and I remember for a moment what characters might look like. Then we see Smurf Lord asking where he can bomb next
[24:05] andor says [ __ ] off for a bit. I will only bring this up here quickly but Lease is back as Smurf Lord and they did not manage to have him use the same voice nor do his prosthetics look the same at all even without the black
[24:17] We know only that she has been captured. We'll be back for the weapon. Thanos, your daughter made this mess and yet you summon me. A woman. I will cure it. A woman. A woman. He isn't in the movie
[24:31] it. I have no idea. Regardless, the important detail is that Young has been heading to Earth this whole time, and halfway through the movie, Smurf Lord could be anywhere, waiting for a potential coordinate. Just Just keep
[24:44] with her best friend and her best friend's kid from the flashback. The kid seems to be the same age as the flashback despite being 6 years older. I how the kid remembers her so [ __ ] well, but let's move on. Best friend
[24:57] tells us about how good of friends they were because showing that would have been far too difficult. Apparently, on the day of the flight, science lady was saying she had lives to save. And so, as a result, Plank offered herself up to
[25:10] the risk because she is a hero. Like, best friend outwardly states this. Maybe we should have seen that actually happen as well as, you know, like an origin of her character and who she is instead of just telling us. Movie, are you awake?
[25:25] government covered it all up. Obviously, they weren't very effective at it. Then we get a lovely collection of photos to look at, like they montage it again. We are shown a [ __ ] ton of memories at once to convince us that Plank is human
[25:38] exactly what they are. It gets to the point where Plank is shown a picture of herself as a kid with her dad. And the little girl says, "You didn't get along with your parents. For [ __ ] sake, movie, why couldn't we see this sort of
[25:51] thing instead of people telling us about it in a schizophrenic flashback sequence record, this is not something you can brush off in a throwaway line. Plank is as her personality. And an obvious subject to broach when in that situation
[26:06] would be to speak to or at least acknowledge your parents. So, why does little girl? Why doesn't she ask why she didn't get along with her parents? Why it, how about whether or not they're alive? Is she really just happy to move
[26:21] questioning the fact that this girl she barely remembers is telling her that a photo in which she was smiling with her dad is a reminder that she doesn't get along with her parents. Why can't you act remotely human?
[26:35] Either way, Krennic just shows up and basically says, "I'm not a bad guy. of your crash. I want to listen to it with you. I'm guessing he stole it while he was Fury's boss. I have no idea. Either way, best friend is confused by
[26:48] all of this, and so Krennic refers to her as young lady while trying to explain it. She then snaps back, saying that if he refers to her as young lady again, she's going to put her foot where it's not supposed to be. You go, girl.
[27:00] spells out the coordinates they need while activating another memory for Plank, which means we finally get the history. So apparently the ship that Plank was piloting was brought down and Science Lady is executed by the
[27:14] pursuers. Oddly, Plank tried to use the ejector seats for herself and Science find out why that's the case, but man, it manages to make it so that everyone meets up right next to the lighteed engine and Plank gets her powers. So
[27:28] way. Just just don't think about it. Moving on, it is shown and told that Science Lady is bleeding blue blood, which means she was a cre and not an Earthling all along. Which, wait a second, you're telling me that Science
[27:42] Lady was like a higher up at SHIELD, but she initially came to Earth as an alien? came to Earth at some point, became a citizen of America, went to school or university or both, and then joined SHIELD or NASA or in this case both, and
[27:56] technologically important project in human history, which was exactly what she wanted. Uh, that plot right there is a movie on its own, especially with how get positions like that in those days for the Air Force. I imagine it might
[28:10] have been even harder for alien women. What about the idea that she arrived on get to the top of the chain in the American scientific government when she any identity regardless? And she literally can't bleed or take a blood
[28:24] test without blowing her cover, which is awkward when trying to rise in the ranks think about it. Anyway, back to the flashback. Plank grabs the alien gun that science lady had and aims it towards Yungor. Apparently, he was the
[28:38] baddies the whole time. her memory is slightly more corrected, I guess. Also, her after shooting science lady or why he continues not to when you consider that Plank is a random Earthling and she can currently prevent them from reaching
[28:52] the engine that will apparently win wars for them. If he just shot her before or after she grabbed the pistol, then the film literally would just end. So before Yungor or his sniper can stop her, Plank moves her aim over and fires the alien
[29:07] gun at the lighteed engine and it explodes in her face, covering her in goo, and thus she has superpowers, making decide to take her home with him. the flashback at this point is that if
[29:22] they were using the light speeded engine while they were being chased, why not use it to escape as opposed to risking it falling into the hands of the enemy, you? And if science lady was just visiting her lab regularly, what was so
[29:37] special about the day where she had Plank go with her? And why did she go with her? We even hear Plank ask what the destination is just before they're attacked mid-flight. Why would you agree to go on a mission to save humanity when
[29:49] you have no idea what the [ __ ] is even happening on it? Actually, what were they even testing as pilots? How exactly do you test lighteed technology without Wouldn't that reveal pretty much
[30:02] everything about Science Lady's plan and you know the nature of her alieness? At would change Plank and Best Friend's lives forever. As should it change Earth's [ __ ] technology forever? Can we get a little bit more information on
[30:17] the day that everything that incites this entire film happened? Krennic then explains that this whole time the scrolls have been running away from the cre that they are refugees. They are homeless. They resisted the cre rule and
[30:30] their planet was destroyed for it. This whole time the scrolls just wanted the lighteed tech so they could find a place to settle that the cre couldn't find them on. So they didn't even want to conquer. They literally just want to
[30:42] travel somewhere distant and settle. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you can totally [ __ ] do that already with this technology, can't you? Like in Guardians 2, they travel through what are essentially wormholes, which would
[30:54] be faster than light in a technical sense. No. And if you ever felt as though you hadn't traveled far enough, do another 50 jumps. They do 700 in that scene on a random ravager ship. And if you really don't have this tech, then
[31:07] like I said before, use whatever you currently use to travel across great distances and just straightshot it for a while out of CRE territory. All the things I just suggested are a better survival strategy than consistently
[31:21] invading planets that belong to the people who hate you. And I mean, [ __ ] you keep setting ambushes for them as well, you idiots. Like, what do you expect's going to happen? Uh anyway, Plank has a rant about how everything is
[31:33] trust, nor does she have a personality to remember. Finishing out with a line that I could not contain my laughter over. Threearters into the movie and our
[31:46] protagonist in an origin story has no idea who she is. So, best friend decides to have a counter rant and effectively says this to Plank. You risk your life to do the right thing. You support me as a best friend, a mother, and a pilot
[32:00] when no one else would. You are smart. You are funny. You are the most powerful person I have ever known. Gee, look at that resume. Would have been cool to have seen any of this. What is it with the development in this film? It's like
[32:12] character just add crappy speech and proceeded to spill it all over any moment they can find instead of just showing us her. But it's all good. We now know she is funny, smart, and powerful. Plank can become the person
[32:25] powerful. Plank can become the person she is. like she just accepts this and everything's fine. So that's just Krennic then reveals that they've been because she has an energy signature that's the same as Science Lady's core.
[32:38] So they figure she can help them find the core. That's really [ __ ] odd considering the many, many, many times they've tried to kill Plank. There was the rifle shot at the beginning with the Radio Shack. There's the time where
[32:50] Krennic ordered his men to take them dead or alive. There's the time that Krennic shot at them with all of his men. Kind of seems like the writers have no clue what the hell is going on in their movie right now. And that's just
[33:02] not to mention that he's telling us that these are refugees on the brink of destruction. And what plank blew up your entire starship, killed Lord knows how a second of that grief or anger. It's like the scripts just suddenly flipped.
[33:17] It's just thinking about it. They were apparently looking for Plank the whole time. Like the ambush was designed to capture her specifically. Like, how did movie was peddling, I thought this was her first bloody mission. And the luck
[33:30] members to be the one that goes for the target. So [ __ ] lucky. This just dare I question how exactly they picked up Plank's energy signature and then read it as something that's like the station. That sounds pretty damn unlikely when
[33:45] you're dealing with a potential galaxy of distance. Not to mention that by that logic they planned for her to be on to in the opening which is mighty convenient considering that whether or not she was a warrior for the cre would
[33:57] actually change that outcome. All of that is just but then how about a bit of incompetence? The cre wiped her memory and then added false ones in. Right. Krennic does say the whole they did a number on you thing. So I assume that
[34:11] means that the cre changed her memories which just adds so many more questions. give her a clean slate instead of changing it so that she remembers the event that took place except she swapped one person out for a scroll? If you have
[34:24] have changed it so that it was an entirely different circumstance but hate them, I guess? And why do you let her remember Science Lady? Actually, why integrating her when they don't have strong control over her beyond a
[34:39] removable patch? Yes, just let her know about everything inside your civilization and your military. even though you fear her power. Like after all this nonsense, Plank just goes along with it. She accepts that her faction,
[34:51] her living memory is all [ __ ] and that the scrolls are probably the good guys because there isn't anything to figure out or take in. Nor is there caution to have or questions to make or you know just figuring it out the whole
[35:03] thing would take too long. And that's just [ __ ] it. Let's get going with this plot. Am I right? So, Plank reveals that the secret base is in space and it's hidden. The coordinates point to it. And the
[35:16] until being told by our heroes. They how dumb it is that they didn't figure it out despite being so advanced. And the scroll dude is like, "Pointing out your own stupids doesn't mean they are
[35:29] your own stupids doesn't mean they are now not stupids movie. That's just so the uh the science scroll says he can make their ship space ready overnight. Like their normal Earth atmosphere '90s ship is going to have an alien do some
[35:43] welding and then it'll be space ready. I I don't He like He gives the ship a makeshift artificial gravity device. They have a shot specifically for it. I just I You can't overnight. I sure movie. Sure. With everything we've
[35:58] come, it doesn't shock me. Speaking of which, Plank asks that Best Friend come to this mission to find a technological core on a craft that is not designed for its destination that can provide an
[36:10] alien race the means to escape a further advanced alien race that is sending soldiers to kill them. Now, the obvious answer to this is no. It's extremely dangerous and I have a child to take care of. But then the daughter says you
[36:25] shouldn't want to stay here and watch Fresh Prince with me instead of going on a cool mission and goes on to say I'm just thinking that you should consider what kind of example you're setting for your daughter. You go girl. This
[36:39] convinces best friend to go on the mission. No, I am not [ __ ] you. Christ, when you think about it, which is precisely how to kill this script, aliens really [ __ ] quickly, didn't she? Like, not only does she know that
[36:51] there's life out there, she knows her best friend was kidnapped for 6 years and that these aliens can literally turn themselves into her at will. And that would think that best friend might suspect her lifelong suddenly returned
[37:06] shape-shifting aliens, wouldn't you? Especially since she can't recall friend here. And aside from that, let's not underestimate how all of these kinds of things might rock your world a little bit, might send you into a nightmarish
[37:21] psychopathy, might have you redefine how you look at life or the world or your position in it. But nope, we only do that sort of thing for characters. We do cutouts, so she's going to be just [ __ ] fine. In fact, she's ready for a
[37:34] cool mission. The grandparents then arrive to take care of the kids so that she isn't alone, which is interesting, right? Remember how best friend said no one would support her being a mother and a pilot? I guess the grandparents were
[37:46] Plank decides she wants to change the color of her suit since she doesn't like the CRE colors anymore. And the kid chooses here the red and blue based on her own shirt. Not sure how she knew how to do that, but it's a nice moment. And
[37:59] you know, maybe Plank was doing it the whole time for her. It is however extremely amusing that Plank takes a righteous stand against the CRE uniform and changes its colors, but she keeps the symbol of the CRE or at least its
[38:12] the symbol of the CRE or at least its warrior faction. So that's awkward. Like imagine being completely against the team you come from because you discover their rampant persecution and murder of innocents and so you flip the colors on
[38:24] no longer have any connection to them. It doesn't work very well when you think about it with other stuff, does it? We then harshly cut to Yungor having made shacks near the best friend's house in daylight. He finds Plank and asks for
[38:38] her to say who gave her the blood transfusion when she was on Hala. It out of nowhere because we weren't told about any transfusion prior to this moment. Though this shot shows up in the trailer where it doesn't in the movie,
[38:51] which she arrived at Hara and it was cut. Maybe more of a backstory was planned for her in Yungoldor, in this reveal of having used his blood was there's this bit about how she's made stronger and superior by being given the
[39:06] blood. We made you one of us so you could live longer, stronger, [music] superior. They do comment on being human as lesser than being cre, but there's never a
[39:18] setup or payoff in relation to blood. So, I guess they cut all of it except this line from Yungor, which actually, are they suggesting that she doesn't age like a human and she has a bunch of CRE traits because they put the CRE blood in
[39:30] her? Like, she changed species because of a blood transfusion, or is it just coincidentally the same traits that the cre have and she just got them from the the less we explore that the better. But, I mean, from this information, we
[39:44] can discern that she is part human, part CRE, part Tesseract, and part wood. answer that question and so Yungor shoots her, proving that she was a scroll decoy. And in the decoys last
[39:56] breath, it says, "You're too late." There's a few problems here. Firstly, why would you say anything, let alone, "You're too late." Since this will give sides or that she has at least found the technology ahead of time. But yeah,
[40:11] technology ahead of time. But yeah, point is uh shut the [ __ ] up or people might wonder what the [ __ ] you were even doing here. Which in regards to a decoy brings me to my next point. I do not know why in the world they would have
[40:23] tried this since if Yungor was able to find this exact spot, then there must be some form of a signal or transponder that they've managed to separate from contacted Yungor and told him to come there, which don't even get me started
[40:37] on the stupid of that. So, at the very least, if we're being charitable, they took her transponder or whatever signal she makes and convincingly made it so that a scroll can act as it. So, then maybe don't put it in a shack near the
[40:50] that can't answer a single detailed long-term question for [ __ ] sake. Talk about putting people in danger if tried to find whoever lived there. You also just wasted a scroll for no [ __ ] reason. Yungor would have easily found
[41:04] out that wasn't Plank no matter what. Do you guys remember the whole bunch of [ __ ] that Plank told Fury about how scrolls can't perform a photon blast? All Yungor had to do was ask for one of those and this scroll was just dead. How
[41:16] did Plank think that this plan was ever going to [ __ ] work? I love the idea that Plank told the scroll some random facts about her history and just hoped it would be enough for them not to die. I mean, jeez, why not put the signal
[41:28] other side of the planet? Why not have the decoy run away to the other side of like they've been shown to be very [ __ ] good at? Why not have the decoy get the jump on Yungor and straight up kill him and potentially take his place?
[41:42] You could have shot him as he entered the shack. Oh, wait. That wasn't in the real plank be the decoy? Because she could easily feed a story about not of heroes get to the secret base with her suit to open it up and Yungor would
[41:58] be none the wiser. Remember, Plank is the hero, the one who makes the sacrifices rather than this nameless scroll warrior who died for no reason. Yungor then brings up his arm and says, "Smurf Lord, attack C-53," being Earth,
[42:12] of course. And Smurf Lord is just cool with that. I love that he could have newspaper and Young just pulls him up randomly only to find he's standing waiting to be told what to do. Sure, movie. and telling him to come now this
[42:26] close to the end. Will Smurf Lord even make it? And apparently Unledor is able to contact people like Smurf Lord despite being many systems away with just his wrist thing instantly. So why does Plank have to access an Earth phone
[42:40] useful because it prevents her from being in constant communication with doesn't research this [ __ ] to begin with, and it makes it harder for him to push her towards the CRE rather than the scrolls. And then the additional benefit
[42:54] was landing on Earth. So that wouldn't compromise the switcheroo. So these helpful story beats are all thanks to the fact that she broke it enough in her fall for it to not work properly, but not enough that Earth technology
[43:07] couldn't fix it. How convenient. [sighs] As Plank and her team lift off, they make a point to show gravity changing as they leave Earth's atmosphere, which is neat. Only they forget that on the way up, the hair on Plank should be flowing
[43:20] back, not dangling down. and all of them should be pulled back as a whole. The and they made a joke out of it. This is a nitpick, but I don't know. They almost got it. Either way, Plank and her team make it
[43:32] to the secret base, but it's cloaked. And as I said, her suit just unccloaks it. That's just something it does. K. And I mean, there's no effort to reclo it either. Like, you might want to do that in order to prevent Yungor from
[43:47] finding you, unless you have to leave it uncloaked because the script said so. And there's no concern for what NASA might do when they see it because turns out that the tesseract was the core the whole time. This is what the
[44:01] Howard Stark loaned it out to the Pegasus project. And by the end of this movie, it goes back with Shield to be in line with Avengers. And in all fairness to the movie, Pegasus was used as a title for the project studying the cube
[44:14] in Avengers. But there is something to consider, like the idea that allowing science lady to have the tesseract to try and work on fast travel and high-tech engines is interesting and reasonable, I suppose. Though, if this
[44:28] technology was something that even the cre wanted and it was casually available for a pilot to fly in this movie, then you would think the plans for it or even the thing itself would be a little more impactful on Earth tech in general,
[44:42] wouldn't you? But let's assume they kept all of it extremely secret. Wouldn't there be some notes, files, etc. lying around maybe that could maybe create a ripple effect that would revolutionize technology? No. Okay. Well, barring all
[44:58] of that, you are never going to [ __ ] convince me that Shield and Howard Stark would have given up the Tesseract to be lost for 6 years or more. Like this thing is the quintessential most important thing that Earth owns. They
[45:13] would never let it exist in a form that's not under surveillance. And if ever it went missing, Science Lady would be reprimanded and interrogated immediately because Earth would not take that loss lightly. Which brings me to my
[45:27] next point. Fury basically seeing the Tessact and having no clue what it is or its relevance when it would be fully documented as an extremely important device that fueled the creation of [ __ ] disintegration weapons during
[45:39] World War II is bizarre. Not to mention that he's a part of SHIELD, the organization that had the Tesser Act during and up to 1989. He should be saying, "Holy [ __ ] [ __ ] Our government lost track of this thing
[45:53] years ago and this is where it was the whole time." It's sad that the [ __ ] tesseract is treated like such a joke in this movie. I feel like the writers for this one may have watched the MCU once and are going from memory when creating
[46:05] this story, but there will be more evidence of that soon enough. Moving on, scrolls have been hiding on this ship for 6 years, and Science Lady was trying to help them travel to another galaxy. Included among them is Krennic's family,
[46:18] and they have a reunion. It's very emotional, but then it gets the old to believe that's his family and that's his kid, shouldn't she have a bit of trouble recognizing him? Isn't she like 8 years old at maximum and they've been
[46:31] gone for like at least six? The kid is probably like 50 years old in our biology, so it's fine. The other question is that if his family are there, then why didn't he know where the thing was? Did he casually give them up
[46:44] for their location in the event that something goes wrong? Did he not care about the condition in which he left them? Why would he trust the random crease scientists so much? For that matter, how did science lady even get
[46:56] them up there? Did she make a deal with the scrolls off world and then drive the whole thing to Earth? What did she do to earn their trust? The entire movie happen. So, I think it's pretty important that we know why. And it could
[47:09] easily double up as some really great character building for Krennic. But nah, let's just have our fun little space movie. But then [ __ ] hits the fan. Young and his team just walts into the room as if it's theater. No warnings or noises
[47:21] or detection. Getting Iron Man 3 vibes here. Like there's no connecting scene guess we're supposed to assume that our smart, intelligent, clever protagonist didn't really put the cloak back on the secret base. And so just saw it outside
[47:36] his space window. [ __ ] hell. And they capture everyone. Literally just grabs Plank with his telekinesis arm thing and hits her and she's knocked out. Okay. he's outraged that Plank has changed the colors on her uniform, as if it's super
[47:51] insulting to the CRE or whatever. And you have to ask, if it's so offensive to she have the option in the first place? Like the suit seems to have it as a major feature, whatever. Back to the captured people, they are scanning
[48:04] threat levels and it says low to no threat for Fury. To which he responds, "That thing's clearly busted." Again, the humor is just fine. That's a joke that needs a bit more of a punch and quippiness, but you know, as it stands,
[48:19] it's like, yeah, you could call that funny, I guess. But then the bad guys say that they're going to eject the prisoners, including Best Friend, into space. Um, if you eject all those aliens, then what stops Earth from
[48:33] picking all of it up eventually? Like, why not just execute them here and now? Aren't you kind of [ __ ] with Earth's like natural progression? I we'll we'll we'll talk about that. What I want to know is whether best
[48:46] friend is rethinking her decision to ditch her kid in exchange for a cool mission where she gets to be ejected into space. You [ __ ] idiot. Anyway, Plank then wakes up and she's being plugged into the Supreme Intelligence
[48:58] Goop. Apparently, you can just do that anywhere remotely, so why even go to a giant [ __ ] temple in the beginning if you can just do it from like the [ __ ] space Wi-Fi? Christ's sake. The scene opens with the Supreme Intelligence
[49:12] You Are by Nana, which is interesting since that song released in 1991 and Plank left Earth in 1989, but I suppose it on the radio while she was here in 1995 offcreen, and that's why it's deep
[49:28] in her mind. [sighs and gasps] Also, why the [ __ ] is she speaking to the AI? the tech? They've captured the scrolls and Plank is knocked out. Not to mention that Plank hates your team now. just kill her and you win everything. But no,
[49:41] we spend several minutes with the AI telling Plank that she's crap. She doesn't know how to use her power. It's cute how hard she tries. She doesn't control her emotions. She's useless. And she illustrates this too here by showing
[49:54] of her failing to do things all of the time. And finally, without the cre she is only human. So like, did they really plug her into the AI just for it to say
[50:06] me? We won. You suck. Lol. Really? Even though the CRE are fully aware that her power isn't from them, like mechanically they know this. So why coax her to [ __ ] hate you? There's no reason for this scene. So thanks to the montage,
[50:22] Plank remembers a different montage for us to enjoy of getting back up from falling over in all of those clips. And then it all crescendos with her saying, "My name is Carol." [laughter]
[50:35] I'm kind of done with you telling me what I can't do. are infiltrating your planet. Are you serious? She tries to walk towards the AI in her mind, but the AI fires a blue energy
[50:50] mind, but the AI fires a blue energy beam at her and she starts to try and break through it. And by doing that in her mind with the AI, it weakens the electricity in the whole ship and makes it so that all the restraints for the
[51:05] good guys fall off. I And then the good guys start beating up all of the bad guys. All right, there's an issue or two with this handful of seconds. I'm going Why would the AI not activate the neck thing the second plank started to show
[51:20] from being used before and she hasn't just do it. Actually, why would there even be a Wi-Fi connection to the AI in opposed to the cre? Come to think of it, why are they even wasting time with this
[51:34] at all instead of going back to Hala with an unconscious Plank in tow? Why can the AI fire a weird blue beam in a mental simulation chat thing? What does the AI hope to achieve by firing it outside of slowing Plank down? And for
[51:47] that matter, what is Plank trying to do? Where is she going? Her proximity to the AI in a mental phone call world doesn't mean anything anyway. Why would firing a mental abstract phone call beam at Plank while she's in a simulation cost the
[52:00] ship electricity when it's not a process outside of Plank's own head? Why would it cost so much electricity that it's almost shutting down the entire station? technology, the uh the infinite renewable energy stuff? And then on top
[52:14] security system that releases all prisoners whenever there's a second of interruption from a power source? That seems really dumb. And finally, why the [ __ ] is best friend able to beat these guys up? She's been retired for like 6
[52:28] years and they're space warriors bred for wiping out any galactic faction. Like, I just What the [ __ ] is happening? Plank then says that she's been fighting this whole time with one arm behind her back and decides to just take off the
[52:42] power patch thing and thus reveal her full potential. That's all it took for 6 years. She just had to take the thing off. Did this never come up at all? Did
[52:54] she really assume her power came from that when no one else on Hala was given one, nor does anyone have any kind of power anywhere near hers? Did no CRE citizen ever tell her that nobody [ __ ] has a thing like that and it's
[53:06] all [ __ ] especially when she's aware that she isn't originally Cre. Did she ask nobody any questions? Did it never accidentally come off? Did she never even think to bother trying? Really? This means that the cre designed
[53:19] a power patch to reduce the power provided by a tesseract powered engine that splattered goo into Plank. How the [ __ ] did they manage to engineer that? And does it work on Thanos, for example? And they did it to a point where Plank
[53:34] the movie that it was her source of power. That means she must have had it the moment she woke up on her first day on Hala. I just you want me to believe they have tesseract powered goo created suppression nicotine patches just lying
[53:49] in weight on hala [ __ ] off movie like this scene it just gets worse and worse the more you think about it was the goal here to really try and convince Plank to work for you guys again despite her actively learning that you've lied to
[54:01] her for her entire living memory. You represent a team that goes around hunting people down because they don't follow your rules. and you literally killed the person she respects the most in front of her in cold blood. [ __ ]
[54:14] power comes from the thing on her neck, then she's obviously going to wonder why they wouldn't just give the neck thing to someone else. Or better yet, she will execute her. As a matter of fact, you guys currently have the ability to knock
[54:28] her out. So, I'm now wondering why the [ __ ] you won't kill her. You simultaneously fear her abilities to the point of putting a leash on her while only thing that can threaten your entire organization for [ __ ] sake. So why are
[54:42] you keeping her alive? Let's calm down, eh? So Plank then becomes godlike. She glows and destroys everything in her path. It's extremely nailbiting once again. Like she had to take the patch off to prevent it from
[54:55] limiting her, right? Oh no, that was just metaphor or something because the real world patch just explodes. I'm not kidding. This happens. It just explodes on her neck. Her belief in her own power overpowered the six-year long power
[55:11] limiter. Meaning that this is a power limiter that only limits the subject's power if they believe their power is limited. Who wrote this? [sighs]
[55:25] She collects the tesseract from the cre soldiers while they recover from her AoE blast. And wait, why in the hell did the CRE not secure that thing? It's the key to their entire goal of domination across galaxies. Why not send the thing
[55:38] home with one dude back to Hala for research? All the rest of them even do here is just pointlessly stand around watching the interrogation, which as we went over is an utterly pointless [ __ ] thing to begin with. And for
[55:52] that matter, as Plank is erupting from her call with the Supreme Intelligence, they don't shoot her or try to restrain her. They just stand there waiting to be knocked over like bowling pins. Good god, everyone is stupid in this movie.
[56:05] him to take care of the tesseract, only to see the cat evolve into a hideous Lovecraftian monster and consume the cube. I'm not joking. The cat eats the tesseract with its tentacles. This is the tesseract. It has the
[56:19] This is the tesseract. It has the potential energy to wipe out the planet. it? Well, there's precedent for that now. Though, the cat just being able to eat and contain this infinity stone cube is
[56:32] tesseract is when you hand it off to another team of creators instead of, you team try to get the tesseract off the ship, and Plank chooses to distract the bad guys along with leading them. The fight begins, and she blows them all
[56:47] away immediately. It's really intense. Then we cut back to our team of civilians who aren't doing so well. Best friend is shooting several CRE soldiers then runs out of ammo. Luckily, the four remaining soldiers don't shoot her
[57:01] the hallway. Like, they just walk towards her because plot armor because really knows? Either way, things are looking grim for our heroes. right up until the cat grabs all of the enemies with its tentacles and slams them all
[57:16] over the place, ending with consuming them all whole. It's really funny up until you realize that the MCU is now eating itself without realizing it monster cat now acts as a get out of death free card. I just picked up in my
[57:30] own notes that there are so many detrimental writing issues in this film that like the mid-tier bad ones are almost slipping under the radar by and she's still annihilating all of the CRE warriors. They have a few lines
[57:43] about how they want to beat up our precious Plank, but we really have no idea if they're cool with the lies the CRE pedal or if they even know it's a just drones. But before you can recover from that, the movie decides it's a
[57:56] great idea to put the song Just a Girl from No Doubt on. Remember the one with Gwen Stefani? No, we're not doing that. This plays for the whole fight. Like how horrifically misplaced and forced. And what is the
[58:09] message here? That she became all powerful and thus will destroy anyone in her way while smashing any preconceived ideas of what makes a woman or a girl related to something other than being a girl or even human outside of choosing
[58:23] to get back up when an evil AI is monologuing. Uh I mean, you go girl. But yeah, the fight plays out as one of the team gets a cheap shot on Plank and then again. And if you were curious about the stakes, Plank grabs a sword that was
[58:38] intended to hurt her by its blade and breaks it. I don't think she's in much danger. Regardless, it ends with her getting trapped by Yungor, and thus it forces her to experience a second wind, and she beats him. Riveting. Eventually,
[58:51] despite being fired upon several times by alien technology in their slightly modified Earth ship. Best friend then pilots the ship into a [ __ ] canyon dog fight against the cre warrior and wins. I just can't be asked. [ __ ] off.
[59:05] Plank then chases into a pod and he drags her into space. But luckily she has her helmet thing at the ready. That's going to be super relevant very soon. But yeah, Plank is thrown off and she is struggling to regain control as
[59:18] she plummets to her doom. But suddenly she gets the second wind. And so she begins to really become super powerful because she wasn't powerful enough already and her other second wind wasn't quite good enough and thus she can fly
[59:32] now. Why can she fly? How did she learn it or experiment with it? I have no needs learning when you are amazing at Lord shows up and fires a series of ballistic missiles onto Earth. But
[59:45] little did he know, we have a god now. plank grabs just one of these things and blows them all up with it. The explosion that was supposed to raise Earth is this big. I don't know what the intended effect on the planet even was. Nor do I
[01:00:00] know if blowing it up in atmosphere will have horrible effects, but there we are. Also, how the [ __ ] is Smurf Lord already here? He was called in about 2 hours ago further away than Yungor was at the start of the movie. And yet, Yungor took
[01:00:14] over 22 hours to get here. Seems pretty stupid, but what the [ __ ] would I know? her, but Plank bursts through them all. Woof, just on the edge of my seat right now. She then flies through a creak
[01:00:26] accuser battleship like it's butter and destroys the entire thing in a few seconds. You remember this thing that an army of Novacore died to try and slow down? Well, she can destroy it like it's made of bubbles while also flying
[01:00:38] through space, which is something she absolutely nails, by the way, as though she's at her peak of understanding and learning about it. Almost like a do. You guys remember when our heroes would have to pick up each of their
[01:00:50] would have to pick up each of their skills over time, learning, growing, changing, developing? Well, Plank just instantly knows how to do everything quite literally on the fly. Though outside of the ability aspect, how about
[01:01:03] we talk about the character once again? Plank erases that entire ship from existence. There was very likely a lot of people on it. A lot of cre people to be exact. Cre that may have been lied to just like her and told that Earth was
[01:01:15] full of scroll invaders. Cre that she was no different from just yesterday. And still she just splits them all in half while tossing them into the vacuum half while tossing them into the vacuum of space while cheering.
[01:01:35] here. I guess she deemed them all evil and we'll have to wipe them off the face of the galaxy. But wait, she then spares the other two ships with a warning. Why are you invested in sparing these lives while happily taking the other third of
[01:01:48] them right there and then while cheering woohoo? Is there no moral dilemma about how she picks and chooses who lives and who dies? Does she think about any of what she's doing on a level deep? [sighs] She's like a child. And this is
[01:02:01] did she spare Ronin out of the three ships when he is the one who's hellbent on killing scrolls and likely knows the truth? She knows that he's a straightup monster. He regularly crushes opposition. What the hell is her thought
[01:02:14] process for any of this? Is there any chance of getting to know her in this movie? Maybe. Don't think about it as cool explosions. Smurf Lord then says he will return here one day for the woman woman but he doesn't. We know he goes
[01:02:27] for the power stone and dies. So weird line to have there. Then Plank visits Yungor and he says that she has to prove she can beat him without her powers, but she blasts him across the desert and says, "I have nothing to prove to you.
[01:02:41] You go, girl." Oh, hang on. Wait, that was a payoff, wasn't it? the idea that she couldn't beat Jungle in the past without her powers and so he challenged her to do it here and she said no. But I mean, she did that in the opening
[01:02:53] Wouldn't it have been better if he actually did prevent her from using her power to beat her his way only for her to flip that? Instead, we have her beating him and then at the end of the film, he demands a fair fight and she
[01:03:06] says no and beats him again. Okay. Then, as a twist of personality, Plank actually offers Yungor a hand up. I guess it's a sort of recognition that can accept that at this point. It's like a mutual respect and I kind of like
[01:03:20] that. Oh, never mind. It was a bait. She literally drags his ass across the desert by his hands. You can't even let him walk to his ship after beating him down, can you? Dignity and respect are for losers. She then tells that he is
[01:03:33] going back to Hara and he will tell them that she is coming to end the war because, well, she can basically do anything now, so why not? And since his ship has been severely damaged, it won't quite work. But she blasts it with her
[01:03:45] quite work. But she blasts it with her hand power and it it just w it I it it civilians, Fury is playing with the cat and it scratches his eye, leaving him house where everyone is settling down after. Wait, what the [ __ ] Fury got his
[01:03:59] eye taken out by a cat scratching it. Are you [ __ ] kidding me? So this line soldiers trust each other. That's what makes it an army, not a bunch of guys running around shooting guns. Last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye.
[01:04:13] This line means [ __ ] nothing now. Just a [ __ ] joke. I You guys remember this, right? You erased my password. Probably deleted my retinal scan. But if you want to stay ahead of me, Mr. Secretary,
[01:04:31] [clears throat] open. That moment is [ __ ] ruined. If you end up watching the MCU in Order of the Universe itself, then this scene will be viewed after the cat scratch, which makes this scene embarrassing. There's
[01:04:47] no weight here. Fury is trying to threaten a man by showing that he got his eyes scratched out by a cat. You could have had a history that shows us why he went from a trusting and positive disposition to a cynical and untrusting
[01:04:59] one. It may very well have related to how he lost that eye. All of the information was set. Instead, they chose the Ryan Johnson route and used the information that Fury has lied to say that he's been lying about his eye for
[01:05:12] his whole life. He lost it to a cat. He didn't lose it to trusting the wrong people or a particular person or to a fight that got rough. And why? Well, fight that got rough. And why? Well, because it's funny, right? [laughter]
[01:05:25] [ __ ] you. And like he doesn't even care. He's just chill about it. The cat only a scratch." And the next scene already shows him comfortable with being blind in one eye, as if that was the way it always was. Does this movie know it's
[01:05:39] a prequel? Maybe Fury getting his eyes scratched by Goose didn't simply make him lose his sight in that eye. Remember that he used his bad eye at the end of Winter Soldier to access the shield computers. Maybe the scratch gave his
[01:05:51] eye special powers that they haven't explained yet. He does manage to say mother and then changes up the words. So, it's it's it's a funny reference, but do you remember when they did this exact same joke in Infinity War? Good
[01:06:04] job, movie. Fury was already the coolest mother guy in the known universe. Blank then says she's going to find the before anyone knows it, which is awkward cuz she's gone for 24 years. Either way,
[01:06:18] her. And Fury says, "Only if she can glow." And the kid finishes, "Or if I build a spaceship, you don't know." And Plank says he doesn't know. You godamn giggly go girl. We then see Fury tell Plank that the name Marll,
[01:06:34] which was Science Lady's name, is awkward and the name Marvel is better. This sounds like a setup for the name of the film, but it goes nowhere. He just says Marvel sounds better and we move right along. Like, she's not the captain
[01:06:46] of anything, and that's not the name she even has, and she doesn't pronounce it this? Slank and Hans Fury, the modified says it's for emergencies only. Oh yes, we're going to talk about that. The film
[01:06:59] closes out with Plank and the Scrolls working together to go and possibly find a new home for their race to flourish far out of the reach of the CRE. And this is also the moment that the narrative utterly falls apart in aid of
[01:07:12] some neat visuals. We're talking about a complete [ __ ] cascade here. So, let's start small. When they show Plank coming up to the scroll ship, she's just not wearing her helmet. So, there's the payoff for all those breadcrumbs I said.
[01:07:24] I guess she can apparently survive just fine now. And don't give me that she's a god crap. We have no idea what the hell she is. And that's not how it [ __ ] worked before. And it would be a copout even if we didn't see that she had the
[01:07:36] helmet on when she was at full power 5 minutes ago. It's just a simple piece of visual. And now I guess she will never need the helmet again. But then we see her zoom off with the ship full of scrolls. They are leaving in the science
[01:07:49] hidden. At least they look very much alike and there's nothing to suggest it's not the very same one. But that would mean that they are using it because it has the light speeded engine technology on it, right? Like I guess
[01:08:01] they don't need the tesseract because Fury ends up with it. So there must be are now using in order to complete the task of finding a handful of scrolls left about the galaxy and then moving out of the galaxy itself. There's
[01:08:14] nothing to connect how and what the scrolls are doing here exactly. I get they also need to escape the CRE still. And Krennic made it sound like the core to that. But no, I guess they're just fine with a set of engines on board. And
[01:08:29] that's all I think they need. It's just so poorly translated. So, let's happily a split second to reach the ship, and the scrolls wouldn't be reckless enough to engage in light speed without at least confirming she was on board. And
[01:08:43] shot, meaning that Plank is traveling with them at the very same speed. So, we can conclude that she can travel at the speed of light now with no experimentation or knowledge. She just does. And so, if she can survive
[01:08:59] traveling at the speed of light while also being able to punch through enormous Creed battle cruisers, then what in the world could possibly stop her? She could easily kill Thanos, Galactus, and even Shaggy all in one
[01:09:11] light speeded punch. What kind of entity is she at this point? Does she require food? Does she have any kind of organic process? Does she breathe? Is she a Like, this wouldn't be a problem if I just knew that she could push things
[01:09:25] with her hands, but she can do everything now. And [ __ ] if we ignore all of that, these two entities traveling at the speed of light right spaceship and the other being a person, one using coordinates and the other one
[01:09:38] using what? A guess at the right direction. Do they realize that even if direction. Do they realize that even if she's off by 0.00001°, area of space to the ship. Hell, they could even crash into each other,
[01:09:50] causing a space soup of blood and metal. But then you realize that they don't have a location. They're searching for a potential planet to colonize. Does that mean that they're going to travel at the speed of light and stop randomly until
[01:10:03] they bump into a planet they want? Really? But then you realize, as I've the speed of light is really not that fast at all. Especially not compared to
[01:10:15] warping around to give you guys a small idea here. From what we understand, folks outside the galaxy in order to protect them. Let's ignore the other possible threats that might arise from their presence elsewhere and focus on if
[01:10:28] they're taken out of the galaxy. That would likely take some time. Our solar system alone is kind of big. In fact, after doing some very rudimentary math, I estimated with Fringy that it takes about 2 and 1/2 years to travel from
[01:10:42] just one end of our solar system to the other at light speed. Light speed is traveling through the galaxy. This is why the jump point things are actually pretty awesome and a great idea to come to the big screen from what I assume was
[01:10:57] James Gunn. But the big payoff technology in this movie being a lighteed engine is just stupid. I just can't even get over that she's going to travel that fast. She'll be the one who saves Tony, won't she? Why not let Thor
[01:11:09] save them? I that film's not even out yet. I just Okay, either way, like I said, Cascade, let's assume that all of what I just said works. It it it just works. You're telling me that the scroll race had the means to escape and start a
[01:11:25] new life on the ship that they were marooned on for 6 years the whole time they never thought that maybe no one was coming to save them and that they should perhaps just [ __ ] go? Like, were there no science people on that ship?
[01:11:38] Was it just families that didn't know how spaceships work? In which case, what was life even like for 6 years? How did you make a community or society? What did they eat? How did they get along in such a harrowing position? They show us
[01:11:50] a hot cup of something on a table, but I mean, what did you do beyond drinking them every day? Was it just playing those arcade machines infinitely? And what did that do to them for 6 plus years? And how embarrassed were they to
[01:12:02] learn that they could have left at any moment to find a safe planet to live on? were looking for immediately, they have super cloaking tech anyway. No matter do with this movie, it would have been nice to have some lines about the lives
[01:12:16] of these people for the past six plus years. But meh though, going back to the If they are leaving with the power of the lighteed engine to search for what remains of the scrolls, then all that remain, according to Krennic himself, is
[01:12:31] the scrolls hiding in secret. How do you propose to find them? And didn't you say there's only a handful left? Meaning that the head of the scrolls knows that you have to search to even find what remains of their species, which kind of
[01:12:43] changes everything we knew. If we go back to that previous battle on Torfer, thought that the CRE were responding to the scrolls invading and they wanted to save some guy who had information on the
[01:12:56] truth is, the cre just want to wipe out the scrolls because they won't submit to rule. And as Krennic said, this was a refugee base on Tofer, making the Cre what we know about them. So, knowing what we know now, this was the last of
[01:13:11] the scroll refugees that were known to the CRE because not even the scrolls know where the others are and there's only a handful outside of those in the about that. So, why in the world would the [ __ ] CRE even risk a collection?
[01:13:25] Wouldn't they just raise the planet completely and then continue to do so refugees of scrolls anywhere? I mean, they're happy to bomb the people on the planet regardless. So, why not? And if not, if they were so desperate to go
[01:13:39] down there to erase that selection of scrolls, then why send a team of six for [ __ ] sake? If the information is that important, a potential lead to other important, then why not send a [ __ ]
[01:13:52] day, and you don't seem to give a [ __ ] to the point where you're almost killed as a team, which is interesting, right? They are swarmed by an army of scrolls, yet the entire team is fine when we next see them. meaning you killed all of
[01:14:05] it up and look at it from the perspective of the scrolls. We know this whole thing was a setup to capture Plank. And so you have what is a dwindling race. Very few are left. And you are comfortable with sending an
[01:14:18] army's worth headirst into projectile weapons in order to potentially capture one person that leads you to possibly saving less than what you lost in the first place. Okay. Well, at least it's his family, so there's room to push
[01:14:31] motivation there. I mean, you just sacrificed a [ __ ] ton of DNA for your species that could have been helpful for repopulation. But sure, not to mention all the guys you lost in the giant ship that exploded, leaving what you knew to
[01:14:43] work of finding and bringing together any scrolls to prevent their extinction, all in the hands of trying to get Planck's memories. All of these major population losses were in favor of one big, insanely unlikely, and downright
[01:14:57] unfeasible plan. So, let's lay it out because it sounds like this. Krennic during the war managed to randomly scan through the galaxy and find a signature that matches science lady's lighteed engine. And from that absurdity realizes
[01:15:12] it was a person. And so from that result alone, he bet everything about the reformation of his entire species since he is the only one with the knowledge and means to resurrect the scroll faction on not only that plank would be
[01:15:25] in the team that comes to to not only the one who goes it alone to the target. Not only that she would have had something in her mind that might give them the location of the secret base. Not only that she'd be willing to help
[01:15:38] them when they explain the situation, unlike every other cre that we are shown in the story, but that she would even have the information that could possibly help them find and facilitate the rescue of their lost species based on
[01:15:51] technology that she doesn't even know about or understand. despite the fact that they are fully aware at that point that her entire premise as a [ __ ] character is that she has [ __ ] amnesia and she doesn't even know what
[01:16:04] the [ __ ] is even going on. As opposed to using the resources you started out with being an enormous capital ship and an army to find those refugees you said was scattered about the galaxy. or at the very least using the fact that you know
[01:16:19] that the light speeded engine originated on Earth, try and infiltrate the leading governments on Earth to find any and all information regarding the secret base, you decided to have hundreds of your own race kill themselves just in case
[01:16:34] searching Earth led directly to that very [ __ ] base. You utter wanker. This has to be the stupidest [ __ ] plotline in the entire MCU. is anything
[01:16:46] as [ __ ] vegetated in insanity to the degree that this is. Good god. Let's go back to the plot. We see Fury is in his office and the cat is just there.
[01:16:58] Apparently, he's waiting for it to vomit up the tesseract. Are you seriously is a major [ __ ] risk to not only Fury, but everyone on Earth. And Fury is just fine with it in his office. Okay. Fury then decides it's high time to
[01:17:11] start looking for heroes because there has to be more than just her out there sets a precedent, but you failed to mention him. But then you also don't find anyone until Tony Stark makes a metal suit, which is nowhere near God
[01:17:25] Power, but sure, I guess he counts. Whatever the hell you want movie. The gets the idea to call this theoretical group the Avengers because it was Plank's nickname when she was a pilot and he sees that in the [ __ ] photo of
[01:17:38] her. I just why do you guys remember when they didn't need to make it about gave them their name? It was about them being a team and they would save the You're missing the point. There's no throne. There is no version of this
[01:17:54] where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for protect the Earth, [music] you can be damn well sure we'll avenge it. And now, well, apparently she was given the name Avenger at some point for some
[01:18:07] reason. and that nickname will be plastered across the whole [ __ ] team name because it's all about her, right? You [ __ ] go, girl. We then see the first after credit scene in which the Avengers are mourning their loss, but
[01:18:20] attempt to call whoever it was meant for. And sure enough, Plank shows up characters. How the [ __ ] did they manage to find Fury's pager and understand its relevance, let alone that it even belonged to Fury? I have no [ __ ]
[01:18:34] up? Because this is where the heroes of Earth gather. security activated and no awareness from anyone when she wasn't there just a moment ago? Well, I guess she traveled so fast that she could move through
[01:18:49] walls or she has even more abilities that we're going to find out about in she has apparently swapped out the CRE symbol by the time she came back to Earth. Pretty much looks the same. But hey, props for getting it done, even if
[01:19:02] it was done up to 20 something years later. The second after credit scene is of the Lovecraftian cat vomiting up the tesseract, explaining why it's back in Shield's hands in Avengers. How does an
[01:19:14] alien that can consume many men at the same time play into anything? It's just a joke, Mhler. Stop thinking about it. And finish. What a wet [ __ ] fart. Captain Marvel is the first sign of major rot in the MCU. the idea of
[01:19:29] motion. It's not that we haven't had shitty MCU stories before. It's that the shitty ones are often self-contained and once they get room to breathe, they can be revisited as a sort of stepping stone to something better. But Plank is so
[01:19:42] overpowered already that it would be inconsistent of them to write her in such a way that she doesn't overthrow everyone in the MCU as it stands. The idea that this bland creature may be leading whatever remains of the
[01:19:54] characters we've come to know for so many years because she's more altruistic or powerful is sad. The irony about leadership here is that the original team is full of power. Iron Man is not the leader, but he makes important
[01:20:06] decisions and funds the Avengers while having a suit that can take on a god. Banner is not the leader, but he is the most talented scientist while harboring the hard to control gamechanging power. Thor is not the leader despite being a
[01:20:18] god from a realm of gods wielding the power of lightning. Cap is the leader. Captain America, the man who can run faster than normal, is stronger than normal, is more agile than normal, but a bullet can still kill him. He's the man
[01:20:33] who fought hard for everything he has and is motivated entirely by his love for his friends and what is right. He is the leader because he understands the team, their strengths, their weaknesses, and he is a brilliant tactician earned
[01:20:45] over many stories of clashing and heartache. I don't care whether you can break enormous ships in half while paying barely any attention because I have no idea who you even are or what you mean to the people I care about. So,
[01:20:58] let's start there. In terms of character, Plank is a very special case. You are the fastest, the strongest, [music] Remind me, how does character writing work? Is it when you have other
[01:21:13] over again just how smart, talented, cool, badass, and interesting the protagonist is? Is it when instead of having scenes showing us that she values something or that she's been through some hardship, we get several montages
[01:21:26] showing that men have been getting her down? Her dad is a [ __ ] Apparently, she's never met a supportive man in her life. Apparently, she is really smart. Apparently, she would choose to be heroic in any situation. Apparently, she
[01:21:39] is an ace pilot. Apparently, she is really funny. Apparently, I mean, yeah, if you say it, then it must be true movie because that's how you introduce a smart, powerful, and charismatic characters. You just put those labels on
[01:21:52] [ __ ] different from how it starts. She is uppety, sarcastic, powerful, and casual about it all in every point in the story, which is embarrassing when we're dealing with a character who is
[01:22:04] partially remembering 20 years of her life across the movie. And we ultimately never know if she did get her memory back beyond confirming that she knows points in her life. The funny part is
[01:22:16] devoted to telling the audience what this character absolutely is, you still have trouble discerning what the people who've spent six years of her active life with her think because it's so threadbear outside of one of her
[01:22:29] along. Like if she really had been on several missions with her team in the movie, they do a horrific job of showing it during the complete separation. She doesn't even ask about them or show any concern. And this is doubled down when
[01:22:43] she's forced to fight them after a potential life of lies. She's just quipping and dancing to Gwen [ __ ] Stefani. So if it was her first mission, was one of her many missions, then the characters fall apart. The writers are
[01:22:57] things weren't problems, the characters in the story are already a complete [ __ ] mess. Anyway, I have no idea who Plank is or what drives her, but the insult to injury is that she leaves in 1995 to come back in 2019. That is a
[01:23:12] staggering 24 years that she's been missing. That is four times as long as she's had memory. And what? She still remembers Fury like it was yesterday? She spoke to him for less than 2 hours total across 2 days more than 20 years
[01:23:26] changed at all? It's like she timeraveled from the end of her movie to the beginning of a whole other ongoing story. I guess she doesn't age or grow. She's already at peak, which is so awesome. You guys know that Spider-Man
[01:23:39] at his best is like super OP, right? But the MCU have him as an inexperienced kid until he learns to control himself and his power while figuring out why he fights in the first place. Well, [ __ ] you. Plank is already godlike. Do you
[01:23:53] guys know that throughout Iron Man 1, Tony Stark keeps managing to achieve victories at major cost? Every time he makes progress of some sort, there's a drawback. The film is all about trying and failing, but ultimately learning and
[01:24:05] growing while remembering where you started. Even at Tony's hero moment when he first defeats Iron Monger and flies proudly in his element, victorious thanks to what he's learned before. He starts to fall, not only for narrative
[01:24:18] reasons, but because it's not over for him. He has more to learn, space to remember how long it takes him to figure out flight? so many failures until some form of progress that leads to near death and finally falling through his
[01:24:33] own house. It's all earned. While with Plank, she's literally just falling through the sky and suddenly decides she can fly on top of everything else. There is nothing to set this up and you realize that is her as a character. That
[01:24:46] is her position in the MCU. So, let me add to the ever growing list of men telling you not to do something, Miss Plank. Get out of the Avengers. Brie Larson's Captain Marvel does not belong there. Speaking of which, the title of
[01:24:59] narratively or in the theme. It's worse even than Black Panther. At no point does anyone speak the name Captain Marvel. She never owns the name Captain Marvel. And I would argue it makes sense that she would specifically not choose
[01:25:13] to take the name Marvel over Carol thanks to the events of the film. There is a scene that is pivotal to what someone might call her ark where she calls herself Carol over anything else. You would expect them to have her say
[01:25:25] science lady or that it would be great for hiding her real identity, but nope. We get nothing. Perhaps that was cut, too. As for her rank, we do get to see test pilot for the Pegasus project, which is quite the achievement that we
[01:25:41] don't see in practice whatsoever. We don't get to see her direct, organize, encourage, or strategize with her team beyond allowing the child to convince and death mission. Like even the scene with the decoy isn't shown to be her
[01:25:55] idea or anyone's idea because nothing is planned in the film. Things just sort of work out. We don't even know if she was aware that she was a captain by the end she may have experienced to receive that kind of promotion. The struggle that was
[01:26:09] beaten by hard work and intelligence, etc. We see a scene in the trailer that looks like she might be getting a promotion alongside some more men that are looking very concerned. But this shot doesn't appear in the movie. I'm
[01:26:22] relevant by the time they finish up the second one. Dare I even compare this to Captain America? Jude Law, Ben Mendelson, and Samuel Jackson are neat, I guess, in that seeing them act is entertaining because they know what
[01:26:36] still nothing special. Krennic is confusing at best, playing the straight villain until the film decides he is the leader of an innocent set of refugees and seems to hold no grudge over Plank despite everything she did up to that
[01:26:49] point. Like they have this moment where Krennic conducts what's essentially a small funeral in secret for one of his dead soldiers, showing a lot of care for menacing on your first watch, but this is recontextualized to him just showing
[01:27:02] that he cares a lot about his people. Only then remember that Plank destroyed his capital ship in the opening just over Earth. She took the lives of useful it would have been to serve as a vessel to ferry additional refugees. And
[01:27:16] that's the core of his motivation. And remember, these guys have very few resources remaining. They're on the run. All of that's great. Use it. He should be utterly devastated, right? Well, he doesn't even mention this to Plank, let
[01:27:28] alone harbor a hatred for her. Is it because he's too busy making little jokes and being scared of cats in funny scenes? Sadly, despite the performance, there isn't much consistency to him, and there's certainly nothing alien about
[01:27:41] him either. He acts like a casual dude in almost every scene. Throws in banter how about the fact that once they've sifted through her memory and confirmed in the beginning of the film, Krennic gives her a spooky speech about how she
[01:27:56] doesn't understand her history. And he manages to piss her right off to the ship. Yeah, that's a neat thing for a someone else probably wrote the other half of his character. So when you think
[01:28:09] about it, why wouldn't he have taken the time to speak to her, appeal to her humanity outside of the creed? Explain that they desperately need her help and that this is a misunderstanding. This would be a pivotal moment for his
[01:28:21] would be a pivotal moment for his character. He should say, "Wait, stop. Please, you misunderstand. We don't want to hurt you. We just need your help." the point in which they team up, he doesn't seem to give a [ __ ] that his
[01:28:34] wife and child are locked away waiting for his rescue. And so he says with a sinister tone, it's like a bad trip in your head. They really did a number on you. We're just after a little information. Thanks to this [ __ ]
[01:28:48] stupid approach, she ends up destroying his whole ship. So yeah, excellent job. Furious Fury, though, the eye retcon is [ __ ] embarrassing and he's mostly comic relief as opposed to a hardened spy, which would be fine if we got
[01:29:00] something for why he became a hardened spy, but even losing the eye is treated spy, but even losing the eye is treated as part of the fun. So, uh, Young was anything outside of being secretly and then overtly evil. There was some form
[01:29:13] almost non-existent. And at this point, you realize that by having so many important to Plank's development, all of them are stretched way too thin to have a significant impact on her development to begin with. Coulson is in this movie.
[01:29:26] background that does anything for his character outside of not turning in Fury when he could have. Science lady gets barely a few lines of dialogue. Though I for her relationship with Plank since it seems like the most influential, but I
[01:29:41] suppose the less they explore her, the less the audience will question anything, right? Like, did Science Lady really visit her secret lab to work on the core? And the higherups at Pegasus had no idea. Like, you don't think
[01:29:53] going or how you disappear once you get into space and maybe reappear. a kind of cloaking tech that would be extremely useful if you can't even be spotted by scrolls or cre. What was Plank going to be doing with her that day? Exactly. Was
[01:30:07] she just taking her up to the ship to then leave? Were they going to go Plank with you? Couldn't you just go yourself? Is it really because Plank demanded to come on the idea of you saving lives alone? Why would that
[01:30:20] attribute even matter if all you needed to do was go to the special science scrolls? And hey, if the space station ship was always capable of getting the scrolls to safety, and she regularly visits it, then why hadn't she just used
[01:30:33] save them all? Why does she need this engine thing in the first place? And why absolutely no idea what the [ __ ] you're even doing here in the slightest beyond taking a ship out for a test drive? Come to think of it, why were you being
[01:30:48] attacked that very day? Were you leaving because of that? Because of the attack? If this is a sanctioned Air Force liftoff and it's being hunted down by an alien craft in broad daylight, how wouldn't SHIELD be aware of alien life
[01:31:00] back in ' 89? Did no one see this? No detection or record of it? Was there no communication from Plank to any higherups outside of the black box that was found? Why didn't we see this day in the movie for [ __ ] sake? I mean, even
[01:31:14] with the very limited information we have, why didn't she put the cloaking technology on the extremely important lighteed engine ship that, you know, may have helped you when evading the CRE that [ __ ] attacked and killed you,
[01:31:27] wouldn't it? But yeah, it's just another wasted character. Though, in relation to the issues of that day, there is something else. The CRE were actively chasing them down on Earth that day. So, if the CRE were retrieving the
[01:31:42] technology they need to win wars from Earth when they found Science Lady, then surely they would have sent an army to invade Earth since they could then the origin of the technology they so desperately want. I mean, if the CRE
[01:31:58] knew that Science Lady had made herself a full life on Earth, then surely they would want to take over Earth to search for anything to do with that tech and with her, even in the event that it was housed in a secret base in Earth's
[01:32:10] orbit, they'd still try. And hell, Earth does not stand a chance at stopping them. Even in 1995, the CRE were about to obliterate us. So, why not? Uh, every there with his hammer and it just
[01:32:24] that's probably not good. Then there's Best Friend, who's just so much more sufficient setup to make her a strong character. The movie ultimately should have just been about them two, which brings us to what you can call the plot,
[01:32:38] which is in tatters before we even have a look back. Why would the AI appear as the one person of interest in Plank's history that unlocks her memory of the one moment the CRE want hidden? Does the AI have no choice? It's a supreme being
[01:32:51] that has to form itself in whatever the viewer wants. Okay, they give away who the scrolls are all the time. The initial reveal that Fury's partner was a and that's the only time they play with a mechanic. It's just a complete waste.
[01:33:04] Uh we know that the CRE warriors all arrived on a main ship when they finally her team on Earth. But we don't see where it is in the final act, nor do we know if they even got back to it. It's just like, is it floating in orbit with
[01:33:17] the other million alien craft that have been in this stupid [ __ ] film? Does anyone care? If Torpha was a planet that's in the Cre border, then why were out of them? And if it's because the people of Tora were betraying the CRE
[01:33:29] and working with the scrolls, then why would Plank reference the ruins of Tofer as proof the scrolls do evil things? Which leaves us with one conclusion. From the perspective of Plank, the Cree are allies with the people of Toer. They
[01:33:42] bunch of invading scrolls and then they were supposed to mop up as best they could. But then if the scrolls really were refugees on Tofer, as Krennic says, fine with that and thus they would have been either fighting or protesting the
[01:33:57] CRE, right? So do the CRE really think it's smart to risk the lie that they tell Plank every day being exposed by one random topher citizen? I mean, hell, even a random scroll could just reveal it. Oh, wait, they do. I really do not
[01:34:10] understand what the [ __ ] the cre were trying to do with Plank at all. Why did Yungor take Plank home? Why did the Supreme Intelligence accept it as well? Were they planning on removing her power from her ever? Or just hoping that she
[01:34:23] extremely dangerous element of her memory slowly coming back to her? Like, do they not care that she regularly tells them she's vaguely remembering what they actually did? And for that matter, how are we supposed to
[01:34:36] up the engine without really understanding anything about the situation beyond there are aliens and they shot my alien mentor to retrieve this thing and so I guess I'll shoot it to prevent them from getting it and thus
[01:34:49] a hero is born. But let's honestly break it down for a second. You take a ray gun from the cre. You fire it at an engine created from technology related to the tesseract and it covered you in goo that turns you into a god. Okay. It also
[01:35:02] taken by Yungor, given a blood transfusion of an alien species that doesn't manage to kill you, and provided a patch that somehow makes your god-like powers limited, that they had on demand, and you happen to forget all of this,
[01:35:16] can train you to be one of them, hoping that you will never one day remember just one thing that could make you tear the patch off and kill everyone there. tell all of their subjects that scrolls are terrorists while maintaining the
[01:35:30] complete lies about Plank, why the [ __ ] would they ever risk her on a mission? She could pretty much ruin everything. Oh, like she actually does. They're so evil. Amnesia will be criticized whenever someone uses it in
[01:35:44] storytelling, but this is one of the most egregious examples. Nothing works in this film unless the character gets amnesia for no reason. But even with amnesia for no reason. But even with amnesia, did Plank never ask why the CRE
[01:35:56] would give a random memoryless alien they happened to come across more power than anyone on Hara? How would they even answer that? I mean, [ __ ] Did she ever ask where she was found, who her parents might be, how the CRE originally took
[01:36:08] transfusion that changed her [ __ ] species? Which is another thing, the world building. Are we meant to assume that the CRE have been hunting refugees this whole time and no one in the CRE society realized it was a lie? Despite
[01:36:21] many, many missions, have they never come across a single innocent settlement? Has no scroll prisoner ever mentioned this? Or are we assuming that every cre as a whole is evil and Plank is the only one being lied to? Also,
[01:36:34] what the hell have Shield been doing for years with alien technology? [ __ ] the Hitler knockoff energy weapons. You have a CRE warship's debris floating just above atmosphere. The remains of another crash ship in a canyon. The destroyed
[01:36:47] Not to mention the ship that Plank arrived on or the scroll escape pods. Or government or the public that there was even a set of huge alien ships in the
[01:36:59] first place? When does anyone ever mention this? Does it have any effect on anything in the MCU? Not to mention the [ __ ] insanity that is the cat and the scroll corpse. And hey, how about the several times that Plank contacted the
[01:37:12] that's just sitting near a blockbuster or a records room? Hell, analyze Fury's pager. It can literally contact aliens. Like, maybe biology and technology and just awareness in general could have moved on from this, but obviously this
[01:37:28] film is just stapled onto the MCU. It's not actually a part of it. Like, it's understand why Star Trek explored the whole Prime Directive thing, right? Do you understand what leaving a mobile
[01:37:40] phone from modern day would do if left in the 1940s, for example? Actually, I'm episode. Point being is that these aliens are super [ __ ] incompetent. repercussions of this sloppy approach in the MCU. I don't know. It's just almost
[01:37:54] like this film just doesn't fit at all. Like, it's just so [ __ ] odd that Fury knew about super powerful alien factions in the [ __ ] '9s, and yet he's so surprised to deal with Thor, Loki, with no mention of CRE, scrolls, or plank
[01:38:08] herself to anyone or anything. You guys remember this exchange from Avengers? I'd like to know why SHIELD is using the Tesserak to build weapons of mass Because of him. Last year, Earth had a visitor from another planet who had a
[01:38:22] grudge match that leveled a small town. We learned that not only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly, hilariously outgunned. Well, [ __ ] that. Fury met two different alien factions over 15 years ago that
[01:38:34] were poised to raise Earth. I guess he just [ __ ] forgot because if they did encounter aliens, their technology, and new biology to study, they could have prepared their best soldiers for it, right? This is monsters and magic and
[01:38:49] Obviously not. Which brings us to more hilarity. Plank told Fury to call her in for emergencies, and yet it's only in the postredit sequence for Infinity War telling me that he didn't call here when a massive alien robot was melting
[01:39:05] buildings with its face? K. He didn't call here when an army of aliens rampage through New York and a nuclear warhead was used against his will to try and deter them. And all of it was brought upon them through the very same [ __ ]
[01:39:17] device as the one Plank is dealing with in this movie. K. He didn't call her when an alien was trying to usher in permanent darkness while opening portals everywhere, causing massive destruction. K. He didn't call her when a
[01:39:29] psychopathic robot tried to destroy all life on Earth and almost succeeded. Okay. And then he doesn't call when Iron Man is taken off world, but he does once he sees a helicopter crash and a hill turns to dust. I mean, [ __ ] Plank could
[01:39:43] have been dust at that point. This doesn't make any sense. Oh yeah, this thing could actually destroy 10 years of buildup. So, how's notice they had four scrolls in their team when they arrived? The one on the
[01:39:57] train survives. One dies in the car with Fury. One shot by Yungoldor. And then we have one left before going to the ship. The film forgot a scroll. Or how about the fact that Plank's mind is erased of her entire younger life, yet she's
[01:40:10] Ain't that neat? Not to mention how she's told that the only people she's known as allies and tutors for her entire living memory of 6 years have only to have those she's supposed to hate be innocent refugees. and she deals
[01:40:25] with that in about 2 minutes and moves right along. Such amazing growth and change. There's a lot of talk going around that this is a mid-tier movie, like a five out of 10, being that it's not bad, but it's not great either. No,
[01:40:37] this film is really quite awful for both the MCU and itself. Brie Larson's delivery and apathy as a superhero is horrific, even for a plank of wood, and incredible actress at it best. Jack, there wasn't a dog.
[01:40:52] Jack, there wasn't a dog. He was trying to trick me. Okay. There wasn't a dog. Old Nick stole me. The world is so big. It's so big you wouldn't even believe it. And and [snorts] room is just one
[01:41:04] it. And and [snorts] room is just one stinky part of it.
[01:41:17] But apparently the farts she huffed from her Oscar have given her the impression wants. then it's just great. There's no competition for me cuz I'm like it's just a fact. It's not a personal opinion. And it's not a
[01:41:31] reflection on what you can't do, but it is also kind of a reflection on all that can't do. Really smart. And you know, should we have a fight? We're fighting right now. I think it's been an all day thing. The sheer amount
[01:41:44] of hero poses in this film along with describing her attributes feels like it's compensation for her lack of emotion and chemistry with anything in the film itself, despite the criticism from every character in the film being
[01:41:56] that she's too emotional. It's like a bad joke. She's a flatline of a I'm here to stop the shape shifters that are infiltrating your planet. They're Oh, I'll be out of your hair as soon as I track down the scrolls that are
[01:42:10] infiltrating your planet. Try to keep up. Noble warrior hero. That's what I'm here to find out. I'm ready. What aren't you telling me? I've been waiting for this moment. I have this power, but I don't know where it came from. Want to
[01:42:22] any clue, do you? Did you have a rough day, Agent Fury? I think I am. I'm kind do. So, what about my themes? Well, there is a very overt theme of standing up for yourself and owning who you are. Civil
[01:42:37] War did the former much better. And as for the latter, it's a sweet sentiment, I suppose, to own and proudly project the thing that makes you different as a strength regardless of who says you shouldn't. And it can tie into how women
[01:42:49] of history, as well as being a message about humanity as a whole. But the setup reason to believe her powers aren't the thing she should always use. Yungor told only does she literally hit him with the power and win, she uses it on him
[01:43:05] missions as well. Not to mention, she's free to feel snarky, angry, frustrated, concerned, annoyed, superior, and humorous to everyone throughout this movie. The only suppression of emotion comes in from the acting side of it. No
[01:43:18] one prevents her from owning exactly who she is and what her strengths are. So, when she breaks free and uses all of it to her full potential, the only change that really occurs is taking off the nicotine patch. So, yeah, nice theme.
[01:43:31] Pathetic execution. So, now let's talk about a theme that was that they will break characters plot and lore over and over again in favor of a joke. The cat keeps coming with them in several missions for no reason. Like, why take
[01:43:44] this cat to the space station? Well, because funny. She ignores the training says, "Oops." when hitting Yungor with her power. Funny. They blow up the jukebox and it proves nothing while acting as ignored vandalism to see Fury
[01:43:58] react. Funny. The cat is kept in Fury's office on its own little mat despite the extreme danger. Funny. She wastes time with them being detained and shows up Fury by choosing to wait before blasting them out of lockup and into the records
[01:44:10] room at risk of being caught to see Fury react. Funny. They scratch out Fury's eye for a gag and then forget to have him care about it. Funny. The cat eats the tesseract despite its raw power and volatility and then keeps it until
[01:44:22] vomiting it up later. Funny. I'm glad you put gags ahead of storytelling. It worked really well for The Last Jedi. Plank simply doesn't grow or change in a way that is earned or understood outside of a surface level comment such as she
[01:44:35] learned that her emotions were good and she used them to win in the end. She is in desperate need of a nerf and of a flaw because not only did she break free of people telling her what to do, she wasn't wrong about any of it. Things
[01:44:47] just work out for her when she's solely following her own ideas. There are countless examples of Plank losing a battle, being placed in a position of weakness, whether it's the arm braces from the beginning, Young's telekinetic
[01:45:01] [ __ ] being stuck in the AI goop or falling through the sky. Every single time she will realize something, discover something or learn something never know what it is beyond the fact that she gets second winds. That's all
[01:45:17] we ever get from her history. just shots of her engaging after a second [ __ ] of her engaging after a second [ __ ] wind. Plank is the second wind of MCU heroes. She comes out of nowhere, counter to what we understand, while
[01:45:29] being wildly inconsistent on her power level until she just becomes OP as [ __ ] to end up saving the day and disappointing the audience to every degree, which might serve as strong evidence for that dreaded fatigue.
[01:45:42] O, you [ __ ] go, girl. Just so darn likable. I am glad that slotting Captain Marvel into this universe hasn't torn us under because that would be a [ __ ] shame, wouldn't it? She is the most powerful because goo. The Avengers were
[01:45:56] named after her because photo. She saves civilizations because that's good. She is a paragon, altruistic and beloved because why not? And she will be called to save the Avengers. Thanks. I hate it. This movie is like criminally mediocre
[01:46:12] in the entertainment department while nailing the bad writing like any other mess to erupt out of Hollywood. And this video being called an unbridled meh does not mean the film isn't awful. It simply means that I save rages for films that
[01:46:26] could have been great. Films that pissed me off because they had the resources to generate something that could have stood the test of time while being respectful to what came before. And instead they do the complete [ __ ] opposite. So, when
[01:46:38] it comes to films like Captain Marvel, there's essentially nothing to salvage several lines to fix this. I wouldn't add or change several scenes. I would scrap it and start from the ground up.
[01:46:50] The most impressive achievement that Captain Marvel can boast is convincing most people that it was mediocre when it was in actuality a bloody [ __ ] mess. But it was still boring about being awful. And I kind of want to forget it
[01:47:04] exists. But her stain will carry right over to the most anticipated MCU film in history, dragging the absolute feeling of meh wherever she goes. So [ __ ] yay, I guess. But honestly, why go with Plank first instead of Black Widow? A
[01:47:19] woman who has spent her whole life training and taking orders that fought against her own team for what's right, showing moments of weakness and failure despite extreme competence. She has what you could say is a very unique history,
[01:47:34] possessing nothing supernatural while being integral to many of the victories the Avengers have achieved. And that history intertwines with an organization we already know and a deep connection to a character we already know. Why the
[01:47:46] [ __ ] didn't we get a Widow movie before you? you? Agent Barton was sent to kill me. The less said about the discussion
[01:47:58] the better. But I have to say on the poster I saw for this movie in the cinema, the trailer itself, and one piece of dialogue that also made it into trying to push the whole higher, further, faster thing.
[01:48:12] further, faster thing. Higher, further, faster, [music] higher, Higher, further, faster, [music] higher, further, faster, baby. Higher, further, But when is that a part of anything? It sounds like the kind of thing a family
[01:48:25] member or a friend would tell her when she was younger and she lived by it or was a part of and that it eventually inspired her as time went on. But I think it may have been cut because I don't see any connecting lines for it in
[01:48:38] said in the film once from what I remember. And I guess the editor didn't let the marketer know. So yeah, higher, further, faster people. Which comes across as ironic now because she can't get any higher, further or faster. She
[01:48:52] travel at the speed of light. She's to the point of creating galaxy phone calls. She shoots lasers out of your hands. She's supportive and kind. She can breathe in space. She can smash
[01:49:05] through spaceships. She spares those who are worthy while smiting those who need of the best and you will [ __ ] like her. Damn it. I don't know. I think the woman power mantle should have gone to anything better than this. The you go
[01:49:18] girl comments are condescending and that is my point. This movie is condescending to its audience in both its lack of coherence and its attempt to masquerade as something of a pillar of justice in Hollywood. But let's do a short version
[01:49:31] of this because long man bad. The characters are lifeless, contradictive, and one note while showing an aversion to growth, humility, and humanity. The story and plot in a general sense is utter nonsense. The less you think about
[01:49:45] it, the better. And the world building is downright insulting, showing a complete disregard of what came before in order to facilitate a botched clone of those very stories. We have a superhero that gained her powers because
[01:49:57] she arbitrarily exploded an engine all over herself in an attempt to prevent didn't understand. And that's on top of the fact that her humanity starts and stops at don't tell me what to do. The overall messaging is virtuous but dull.
[01:50:11] Phoning in a basic message about the human spirit while contradicting it in the narrative and damaging the human element by vilifying a large portion of humanity for no other reason than their genitals, which feels like a trend now.
[01:50:23] Can't just say humanity is great at its best. We have to put people down to prop best. We have to put people down to prop others up here. movie. It's really bad. All you need to know is that Plank is super powerful and
[01:50:38] she's with the Avengers ready for Endgame. Meaning the nightmare is coming Endgame. Meaning the nightmare is coming right for us. Marcus Mcily Russos, I still think you can nail it. Please, please don't let this pale beige
[01:50:51] flavored wafer with godlike powers destroy everything. Just let it end destroy everything. Just let it end well. That's all I ask. If we do this, how do we know it's going to end any differently than it did
[01:51:03] before? Because before you didn't have me.