---
title: 'Everything Wrong With Iron Lung In 27 Minutes Or Less'
source: 'https://youtube.com/watch?v=b_XU2aXse8Q'
video_id: 'b_XU2aXse8Q'
date: 2026-06-30
duration_sec: 1620
---

# Everything Wrong With Iron Lung In 27 Minutes Or Less

> Source: [Everything Wrong With Iron Lung In 27 Minutes Or Less](https://youtube.com/watch?v=b_XU2aXse8Q)

## Summary



## Transcript

The stars are gone.
>> Trying to make a movie with no stars.
Also, before you get started with your
extensive knowledge of the game lore,
this is cinema sense, not video game
sense. Though based on my notes, I'm
probably going to criticize both. Also,
also jumping right into your movies
without giving us at least a few seconds
of opening logo foreplay. The opening
logos are the most important part of
easing into the movie experience. Sh a
>> There were barely enough of us left to
give the end a name? The quiet rapture.
>> So, you're telling me humanity was
staring down the barrel of extinction
and landed on the name of an indie folk
album? Also, naming something doesn't
require a large population. In fact, the
fewer survivors there are, the easier it
should be to agree on a name. Also,
also, humanity watched stars disappear
across the cosmos and concluded the
event was quiet, even though anyone who
would have heard anything didn't
survive. Maybe it made a weird fart
noise. You don't know. Supplies dwindle,
infrastructure crumbles.
>> Sci-fi not knowing how to do any kind of
future other than dystopia, despite
millennia of evidence that on a large
scale, things continue to get more
prosperous over time, not worse. Also,
who is this guy and why am I listening
to his particularly pessimistic
economics podcast?
>> Too few to rebuild, too many to feed.
>> This unexpected indictment of
construction workers and how much they
eat for lunch.
>> Humanity decays, but don't despair, my
sons. having a long list of desparing
remarks followed by an instruction not
to despair. This is just like that time
my sports ball coach told me how only an
infant decimal percentage of players
make a living off of the sport and then
thought that would encourage me to try
harder instead of actually encouraging
me to [ __ ] off to AV club and work on my
40-year-old virgin suicides mashup.
>> The consolidation. They hide their
technology, their people. They won't
tell you what they found, but I will,
>> said like a man not about to immediately
[ __ ] off, presumably to AV Club after
answering about 1% of my questions.
>> An ocean of blood.
>> Elizabeth Holmes letting her fanfiction
get out of hand for a second time
somehow makes it into the script. Also,
horror has a long tradition of somebody
thinking of an upsetting image first,
worrying about the social implications
of the thought, and only then figuring
out how to call it art. At some point,
someone said, "What if there was an
ocean of blood?" And thank God instead
of working out the astronomical math on
the real thing, they worked out a budget
in a screenplay. And since the nerds
would have preferred game script, I'll
add a separate sin for them. The classic
storytelling technique of rubbing your
thing until the audience notices it.
>> Beginning the descent.
>> Suggesting another movie to start while
waiting for this movie to get beyond its
porn and actually do something. It's
been 2 minutes already. I'm tired. Simon
having his hood on inside the sub like
any mystery man with chilly ears who
needs to remain mysterious and cozy, but
mostly mysterious. I'm seeing some
voltage irregularities on the
instrument, so keep an eye out for
sparks or flames.
>> No, not the voltage irregularities. Is
there no god?
>> Flames? Why would there be flames?
>> Because of the voltage irregularities,
dumbass. Pay attention.
>> You did test this thing, right?
>> This is the test.
>> Taking your operating procedural cues
from Ocean Gate.
>> Hey, Captain. Uh, the hole starting to
feel it. That glass.
>> All right. Closing port hole shielding.
>> This port hole exists despite providing
almost no visibility once the vehicle is
submerged in blood. But the story will
eventually need a structural weakness to
exploit. So outstanding work, window,
>> all we have are surface scans. That's
why you're there. Well, one of the
reasons.
>> We get a casual reveal that there's
another reason he's on this mission,
which should immediately become the most
important part of the conversation.
Instead, both of them decide they've
learned enough for today.
>> Uh, hey, you said not to go into the
red. WE'RE IN THE RED.
>> DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED?
>> YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. You can't be
serious. You can't be serious.
>> Excitement. entire planets disappear and
somehow the distribution statement
survives. Bureaucracy remains Earth's
most resilient life form.
He's now reading the Hem Rover manual,
which literally translates to Blood
Rover. And I swear if this is just a
gritty reboot of Inner Space, I'm going
to be actually that sounds awesome. I
guess now if it isn't a gritty reboot of
Inner Space, I'm going to be pissed.
Video game Have Big Button. Movie Have
Big Button. Me understand adaptation but
not Fire. Also, in terms of titling, I
like big buttons and I cannot lie, I
would have been far more sprung
>> camera. That's useful.
>> Simon is discovering the submersible's
basic features in real time, which
suggests nobody thought it was worth
training the operator before launching a
supposedly critical mission. An
interesting philosophy for an
organization that will keep insisting
failure isn't an option. Also, this
entire opening plays so much like the
video game cutscene into gameplay that I
went and grabbed my PlayStation
controller out of habit. And now I'm
just frustrated that I can't make this
dude wander around aimlessly looking at
the walls for hidden clues and YouTube
celebrity face texture mapping cheat
codes.
>> Okay, one down, five to go. Photographic
fetch quests feel much more tedious in
live action than they even do in the
video games they come from.
>> Oxygen
>> ticking clock has disguised itself as
life support cliche. The way this blood
sub sweats is way too reminiscent of my
older brother's saliva when he used to
pin me down and hang it over my face as
torture. What can I say? The world was a
very strange place before the internet,
guys. Okay, I think I may already be
tired of being in this sub. And we're
not even 10 minutes into the movie.
Movie prematurely assumes I would have
sinned this scene simply for its weird
ass tubes, demonstrating a complete
ignorance of the evolution of cinema
sins.
>> You're not just pretending you can't
hear me, right?
>> Sorry, I was just dozing off. It's been
2 minutes since you've said anything and
I put my controller down because it
wasn't working. I'll try to stay engaged
and pay more attention to the genius
atmosphere work from now on. I promise.
>> Why is it so hot down there?
>> My balls. Every July, every time a dude
looks at something gross in a movie for
over 10 seconds before then frantically
removing it, I think of that time in the
XFiles where Moulder had goo drip on him
and turned to Scully and said, "What's
the fastest way I can get this off me
without betraying my cool exterior?" And
I smile as if there's some sort of
cinematic delay on the human instinct to
wipe stuff off our hands immediately.
Ah, good times. Anyway, are we still in
a tiny sub with a monosotic protagonist
who speaks a word or two every 3 minutes
while going around taking blurry photos
of things while the sub drips? Cool.
Carry on then. This terrible cord hose
maintenance on what is otherwise clearly
a very well-ared for and maintained
plasma mobile. The camera remains
stationary while Simon gets thrown
around the sub, which accidentally
transforms a fight with an alien outside
the sub into a fight with a ghost inside
the sub.
Or Markiplier clearly went to the Star
Trek acting school of flying around the
room as the camera slightly shakes
things.
>> Did you fall?
>> Uh, did I? I don't know.
>> Laying on the ground and not being sure
if you fell or not. She didn't ask why
you fell. She asked if you fell. You
did.
>> You didn't TELL ME THAT THERE WOULD BE
ANYTHING DOWN HERE.
>> ASSUMING THAT YOU WERE BEING SENT ON A
MISSION to discover things that weren't
down there.
>> Um um it seems fine.
>> It does not. Also, seems fine being my
initial reaction to the movie and
somehow making it into the script.
>> The bottom isn't exactly rock,
>> but I thought you just said you were
deciding if you should send him back
down. My semantic alarms are firing on
all cylinders about how this would work
if he's already on the bottom of the
sangu seat. Convict, are you absolutely
sure that it was a skeleton?
>> Asking the person who isn't currently
looking at the picture for clarity about
the picture you are currently looking
at.
>> How stupid do you think I am?
>> Very.
>> We're pulling you up. Stand by.
>> And they will pull them up and they will
show us all of it in real time from
inside the sub. Riveting. Using a fabric
glove to wipe the port hole window
instead of a blood squeegee. What? You
don't have any blood squeegees? Quick,
there's a void in the market space.
Contact private equity. The captain has
a large facial scar, which tells me
she's experienced, much like a resume.
If resumes were applied directly to the
face,
>> you just warn the next person that goes
down what I found. There's something
alive down there.
>> My advice to my college ex-girlfriend
after she dumped me somehow makes it
into the script.
>> I want to be sure he doesn't need more
air before he goes back down.
>> I'll worry about that.
>> But captain, the issue is that the
script has you not being worried about
it. And for the sake of the mission, I'm
worried that it doesn't make any sense.
>> Every space civilization eventually
develops a council, but somehow never a
board of odor evaluation. Just seems odd
to me.
>> We're going to put this on the sub.
right up front
>> being in a time crunch and still holding
the thing you are going to put on the
sub when you've had plenty of time to
start installing it already. And yes, I
know you mentioned something about Jack
needing to get there to do the welding,
but I'm still not sure why this wasn't
just installed as part of the ship in
the first place if you had it ready to
go.
>> All you got to do is point it in the
right direction. Once it makes contact,
it should be able to grab onto something
and hold on tight.
>> Nature documentary narration about cat
penises managed to interrupt the film.
>> You can't be serious.
>> Thinking making you can't be serious
your catchphrase is A GOOD IDEA? WHY
DON'T YOU JUST DO IT YOURSELF?
>> THIS IS THE BEST we have, and it's a lot
more than you deserve.
>> Will we ever find out the heinous things
this man did to be sent down as an
indentured globonaut? And more
importantly, do we care?
>> I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS WAS VOLUNTARY.
>> TECHNICALLY, YOU DID VOLUNTEER. THE
mission may have been coercive, but the
paperwork appears to be in order.
>> Black us with radiation, you psychoan.
>> What?
>> It's not a normal camera. You can't see
through blood, so you need x-rays to get
through. installing a radioactive X-ray
camera with a giant rectangular button
on the wall with no surface disabling
safety measures. Sure, he meant to push
it, but that could have happened just as
easily if he stepped on a discarded
banana peel. Also, this entire radiation
incident exists because the movie
suddenly remembered it should explain
how the camera works.
>> But maybe if you would TALK TO ME, THIS
WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED.
>> TALKING IS GOOD, but protocols are
better. Movie expects me to believe OSHA
didn't survive the quiet rapture. And I
did not believe you. Movie
>> drop him.
>> And they do drop him. And it's yet
another example of style dictating the
script more than the motivations of
people actually trying to survive. Also,
no, that's not how immediate freef fall
works. Both the sub and its contents
would fall at a similar enough rate that
there would be little to no
anti-gravitational effect that quickly
unless he jumped right as they dropped
him, or unless they used a propulsive
force in launching the sub back down to
the water, which seems about as wasteful
as not acting on that blood squeegee tip
I gave you earlier.
>> Convict, this is serious. Close the
shield. This company sure does like to
leave the important stuff in the hands
of their convict slave labor, don't
they?
>> Why can't you do it? It's not
responding.
>> Oh, look who woke up and is trying to be
excellent at thwarting cinema sins.
Sucks for you that it's still sinful
that you didn't try to make sure this
was done before you launched him again.
>> That shouldn't have happened at all. The
the camera's wired into the black box,
but I I must have wired it into the back
of
>> Okay, now I feel like we're in an actual
conversation. You know, you can focus on
the movie instead of replying to my
sins, right? Besides, the explanations
are never satisfactory and forever
convenient anyway. I'm a master at
sussing out overexlaining excuses. Have
you met my college ex-girlfriend?
>> Things are somehow faster when I don't
know what I'm doing.
>> Virgins say if I were in charge, you
would know more. I'd actually get us
some results, but I'm not. I'm just a
cogen machine.
>> Humanity is apparently one bad week away
from extinction. Yet still committed to
withholding useful information because
the org chart says so. Remarkable faith
and process.
>> Still fooly by Eden's [ __ ] All
their dog about the last tree.
>> It's not about the tree. The movie
introduces a mysterious religion
centered around the last tree and
immediately informs me the tree isn't
the important part. Could it be about
the tree for like 5 minutes so I could
understand the world?
>> That usually something we can agree on.
>> The comment section for our Madam Web
video.
>> Can you at least tell me if this thing
is blasting me with Ricky?
>> No, the hole is thick enough.
>> Thus begins horror's favorite game of is
the spooky presence actually there?
>> Could be alive down there right now.
Food. Air. We need this. Humanity is
desperately searching for biological
resources while floating in an ocean of
biological resources. Feels like we
should have been privy to at least one
meeting about the blood.
Releasing radiation into the universe
just to light the corner of your sub
asylum. Simon finds a pendant from a
previous pilot, which gives the movie
another character to think about because
one guy and a chair is still one guy in
a chair levels of exciting. Also, it's
so dark. I must assume this is a
mosquito trapped in amber from Jurassic
Park.
Releasing radiation into the universe
just to read a three-word note when the
glow of the giant camera button probably
would have done the trick. Doing what a
random piece of paper tells you to do,
despite the well-known warnings of Dr.
Egon Spangler. I love how the presence
of this miniame puzzle and the computer
firing up for you is enough to
completely erase the trauma of the fact
that a few seconds ago you saw a
freaking subhost.
>> This is not an expedition, it's an
execution. So far, it's doing a terrible
job of both.
>> And even if you do, and even if they
keep their promises, what freedom waits
for you? A few dying ships in a sea of
dead stars.
>> Being a deep space Debbie Downer. Also,
Simon finds a computer with a message
recorded on it. And instead of
immediately and intently exploring the
computer for more clues, he just
casually listens to the message like
he's taking in an audiobook on a summer
drive. Who's
>> right here? Being surprised that
something in a fluidly dynamic situation
has moved positions since you saw it 20
minutes ago and or not thinking that it
could have been alive and swam away
based on your new knowledge that your
pictures are X-rays.
>> Where'd you go?
>> Talking to the blood flood skeletons you
took a picture of a while back. Even
though even if they were there, they
couldn't hear you because you're
whispering from the other side of solid
material. A redacted fire suppression
procedure is diabolical. The movie keeps
referring to this submarine as a rover,
which is creating a mystery that I don't
think was supposed to be a mystery. I'm
not sure that water moving slowly down
rusted metal is as creepy as this movie
thinks it is. I see that kind of happen
on my bumper every time it rains.
>> Well, this is going to sound made up.
>> This whole movie does indeed sound made
up.
>> No, it's just more Hill.
>> These movies really need to stop having
their communications hardware set up by
horror movie tension cliches RS.
>> Stay focused and get this temple.
>> Sure.
>> Trying to give off Keo Reeves energy in
your first movie whilst not being Keo
Reeves. There is too much at stake not
to take calculated risks. Eden doesn't
understand that. You don't understand
that.
>> I also don't understand that. Smoothie
is about to make me beg for at least
some softcore expositioning. And I do
not like who it's turning me into.
>> Is that why you destroyed Filament
Station?
>> That wasn't supposed to happen.
>> Softcore expositioning.
>> You can apologize to my tumors.
>> It's not a tumor.
>> Just ram it.
>> Just ram it.
>> Just ram it. Get the job done. Script
recognizes that my college girlfriend
may have been blunt, but she did have
John Wick's focus.
>> And then I'm free.
>> Then you come back up.
>> And then I'm free.
>> Prioritizing your self narrative at the
expense of the obvious reality that has
been clearly stated to you.
>> Is that it? With all the buildup, I
thought there might be something a bit
more calamitous.
>> Do you get it? He's speaking for the
audience who knows something's about to
go down. And this is all a false tension
release. So the movie uses meta
commentary as a way to hang a lantern on
its own sins. Do you get it?
The end. Well, at least the end of the
part of the movie without easy
conspiracy theories about dead
characters, hallucinations, or CO2
delusions. But if you think that's going
to stop us from sinning, what might all
be non-existent events, you might be
experiencing one of those things
yourself. I mean, hopefully not the
first one, but still. Close-up of a
character's opening eye as they awaken
to a new reality where there is a
reflection of giant blood ocean X-ray
button that reminds me suspiciously of
those glowing USB ports on some planes
cliche. As Simon continues to use his
camera for ambient light, I have to ask,
can this thing take an unlimited amount
of X-rays? My dentist has to swap out
between every click. And hell, even
digital storage has to run out at some
point, right? Guess I won't be needing
this anymore. But also, he will need it
because it's Czechov's life vest.
>> I had water this whole time.
>> THE WHOLE TIME?
>> OH, [ __ ] THAT.
>> I'm assuming he says this because it's
dark and scary, but I'm not sure because
it's dark and it looks like my screen
just turned off. Simon spits on that
thing and risks being known as the hawk
luggie bro. [ __ ] that.
>> This guy really sucks at coming up with
good catchphrases.
>> Tape taking all the good jobs. Also,
this works.
>> [ __ ] me.
>> The [ __ ] rule of three.
>> Cockpit voice recording
blacks.
>> The muffled speech coming out of the
radio is irritating enough. And now
Simon is doing it live. I
>> swear if I have to reading manuals.
>> It's funny because everybody who has
played a video game knows this feeling.
It's not funny because in a real life
situation, every manual could actually
save your life. This ain't the library
in mist, man. An actress making me
realize that a sequel to Buried called
Blooded was on the table and maybe
better. Glad you found a way to power up
the lights so that I can now see 10% of
what's going on instead of 2%. You've
advanced from milk to tithe. But if
there's a way you could eventually get
up to solid restaurant tip, I'd
appreciate it.
>> Almost worked.
>> This almost worked. Over again.
>> Just because the whole ocean's blood
doesn't mean you shouldn't get this off
your face as fast as you can.
>> This whole breach is on for all the some
time.
>> Fire breach. Fire.
>> This fires on for all the continuing to
hold breach on for all the some time.
For all the some time. Also, for what
it's worth, any kind of whole breach at
this supposed depth would result in
immediate implosion. So throw some
firewood on the old he's already dead
conspiracy fire if you like, but this
sub should no longer be subbing.
>> SHUT THE [ __ ] UP. DISMANTLING THE
MESSENGER. That feeling when the back of
your bra rides up when you're taking off
your shirt. Drinking rubbing alcohol
ever, but especially when it's not even
enough to give you a decent buzz. Also
using the mini bar without considering
how much it might cost you. I'm not
dying down here. He is. Movie will now
spend a couple minutes pretending the
most thrilling parts of video games are
the parts where you have to maping
mazes.
Hello everyone. My name is Simon. I like
to do drawings.
>> Surprise to the point of dropping your
pencil cliche.
>> Basing your scary underwater creature on
the mascots from the old Dao scrubbing
bubbles commercial.
>> Just pretend like I'm not even here
>> like this movie is doing with that
FREAKING SUBHOST FROM EARLIER. YEAH,
SURE. I can do that. But also,
pretending you're not here would have
serious consequences for the screenplay.
Littering. Why does he need to prop the
throttle open? And why is the throttle
able to be propped open by a binder?
Just realize this part of the map looks
like a uterus. And now all the blood has
an even more interesting context.
[ __ ] aliens.
>> Look, buddy, you're the one out here
touching and drinking everything you
find. So don't be getting all high and
mighty about the Alien franchise when
you've clearly been copying it this
whole time. This movie is 82% close-up
shots masquerading as story momentum.
>> You're just STANDING THERE. DO
SOMETHING.
>> Stealing my thoughts on the last 10
minutes of this movie. Of course, when I
was thinking do something, I wasn't
thinking just throw in some random as of
yet incomprehensible backstory that just
serves as more hallucinogenic
atmosphere. But you do you movie
8, what are you doing down here?
>> Spoken as if it wouldn't stand a reason
that they were doing the same as you.
Wait wait wait wait wait.
>> Well,
we're waiting.
>> Insufficient privileges. Leave the area
immediately or surrender yourself to
Insufficient privileges. Leave the area
immediately or surrender yourself to
council authority.
>> Deciding that having a large segment of
your audience's experience be what if
your annoying unfassened seat belt
warning alarm was a movie.
>> Not my problem.
>> Saying this and then playing the
computer like the plot's positioned slot
machine that it is. I'm in a circle.
>> Sometime around when you started drawing
your map back to the place you started,
you should have begun to suspect it was
a circle. Stop pretending this
revelation was not just more exposition.
Also, going in a circle seems like it
wasn't such a bad thing considering you
now have a useful map. Looks like you've
eliminated all the choices except the
right one. So, just go and win the game
or whatever. Nice.
>> Sorry.
>> Apologizing to the sturdy desk you
barely hit instead of the warning
speaker you annihilated earlier for just
doing its job.
>> Only one left to try.
>> This movie is doing a great job at being
a metaphor for how hard it is to find
and try every single new experimental
flavor that Mountain Dew throws into
stores. And I am relating to my core
with the completionist themes and dogged
exploration of the carbonated journey.
That is what this movie is about, right?
>> Who is this?
>> Who do you think it is?
>> I don't care. Moving on.
>> Can't take it anymore.
>> Death delusions, CO2 poisoning,
hallucinations, whatever. The only thing
that's more ridiculous than this sub
still being intact this long is that
there is another sub down here with
people still surviving. And he should be
having some major questions right now.
>> Can you just keep talking to me?
>> What would be the point? You'll just run
out of air faster. He didn't say he
would be talking back. Jeez, mystery
ghost lady, just tell the guy a story or
something.
>> You can see the light and so
it changed everything.
>> The audio coming out of that speaker is
getting very rough to listen to.
>> It's what caused the quiet rapture or a
fragment of it at least.
>> I'd send the movie for expositioning us
at this point, but I'm not sure the
movie understands how to actually
deliver information that moves the story
forward. It seems to think just saying
random mysterious [ __ ] will keep us
interested. And honestly, I've had those
friends and I got rid of them for a
reason. I don't know if you're just my
imagination.
>> Run away with me.
>> I don't know what's real anymore.
>> Yeah, same. But considering there's
still a hole breach and this speaker
isn't capable of chirping to you about
it, but is capable of broadcasting from
this mystery ghost sub, I think you
should probably have a bit of a clue.
>> But what's more likely? That every
planet and star disappeared or that a
few space stations disappeared.
>> Asking reasonable questions while you
were currently exploring a blood ocean
is admirable, but somehow almost more
ridiculous at the same time. Isn't it
easier to believe that they're still
there wondering where all of us went?
Isn't that more likely?
>> Not sure if it's more likely, but it
does at least sound like a better movie.
>> Would you give everything just to
survive?
>> Yeah, I never had anything to begin
with.
>> Then you don't have anything to give and
therefore don't get to survive. You
aren't listening, Simon. Also, you do
have that cool pog slammer you found.
>> They were still looking for us.
>> Maybe. Yeah.
>> Objection. Calls for speculation, your
honor. Sorry. When I get bored, I revert
to courtroom rules. I'll try to do
better. They blame me for what happened.
I was the only one trying to stop it.
>> Citation needed or at least a coherent
scene about it.
>> I didn't blow up Filament Station, but
the ones who did aren't getting
punished, just me.
>> Permission to treat the witnesses
hostile, your honor. So, Simon, the big
reveal is that people think you blew up
Filament Station, a place we know very
little about, and that you didn't do it,
but someone else whom we haven't even
met or have info on did blow it up.
Exactly. How is this information
supposed to help us understand you as a
character better or contextualize the
choices you've made on this journey? The
prosecution rest, your honor. Not
because any of that made sense. I'm just
tired.
>> The answer is right there.
>> It is not. In fact, we're already 75%
through this movie and I can already
tell it cares as much about giving
actual answers as I care about the
keyboard warriors in the comment section
who are readying their fan theories as
proof that this movie is flawless and
I'm full of I already know I'm full of
It's the one sure thing about [ __ ]
Everything that is happening here seems
very cool, but I have no idea what the
any of it is.
>> I see you. Okay, thating rule. Take your
sin off you mad genius you. But also
Avataring
the
>> Oh,
Simon,
open your eyes.
>> Reminding me of that one time at spring
break when I went to the place the event
horizon went. No one will be seated
during the interlude of inconsequential
hallucinations.
>> Who is this?
>> I'm Batman.
>> I don't even know how you survived.
>> Movie magic mostly. If he is alive,
>> TELL ME HOW MANY PEOPLE. GIVE ME A
NUMBER.
>> THREE. THREE. THREE.
>> This of course in no way proves anything
to him. Because if it is his own mind
playing tricks, of course he knows this
information. But the fact that he should
have known better isn't the important
thing. It's that the audience doesn't
gain anything from this moment to ground
them in any sort of reality or give them
any new info to contextualize Simon's
experience. Do all movies have to be
about clarity of character, story,
narrative, and structure? Yes. Yes, they
do. Because I said so.
>> What's my name?
>> This isn't helping. If what Ava means is
that this isn't helping to move the
story along, then she would be excellent
at CINEMA SENSE.
>> SAY MY NAME.
>> DISCOUNT DESTINY'S CHILD.
>> You say I need down here to die and you
don't even know my name.
>> Not making a hard ride into the Fight
Club verse and telling him his name is
Robert Pollson. And listen, this is just
what happens when you keep me confined
to a small space for extended periods of
time.
>> It says I have one light left.
>> Scene does not contain a Kardashian
trying to convince Simon that he started
with five lights of oxygen. A bone
fragment isn't going to tell us anything
that we haven't already seen with our
own eyes.
>> So, why did you want it in the first
place? AA's motives are anywhere from
confusing to non-existent.
>> The SM8.
I almost didn't notice the name on
account of the biging hole in the side
of it.
>> That was just a lie. It was very
legible.
>> Did you say SM8? How do you know about
that ship?
>> It had letters on it. I can read.
>> God damn it. Open your ear.
>> Well, if you want it, you got to come
down here and get it. my college
ex-girlfriend when she lived two floors
down.
>> And you're lucky I'm not sending you
down there instead.
>> Power tripping bully bosses who threaten
you with a trip to the demon anglerfish
blood zoo.
>> If you can make it to the FM8 and back
out, we can meet you outside the
entrance in 30 minutes. But I'm serious.
You've got to be there in 30 minutes or
I'm gone.
>> The movie's oxygen countdown has been
thoroughly compromised by demon air
shenanigans. So, we're upgrading to the
more reliable be here before the train
leaves model. If we could pull this off,
there's hope for the COI, for Eden, for
everyone. Nothing else matters compared
to this.
>> Nothing else matters compared to this is
a difficult philosophy to reconcile with
the whole be here in 30 minutes or I'm
leaving policy. Also, movie has spent
way too much time convincing us that
none of this is real for me to care
about any of this actually mattering.
You got the highest body count out here,
killer. This conversation briefly taking
an unexpected turn into modern dating
discourse.
>> Once you're down there, it's still
there. It's really difficult to hear,
but his mind audio seems to be
suggesting that he isn't alone in the
sub. Too bad the movie has left me alone
to not figure any of this out on my own.
>> Blood Demon, sir, I served with Captain
America. I knew Captain America. Captain
America was a friend of mine, and you
are no Captain America.
>> The pressure alarm finally shuts up.
>> That's alarmist.
>> Yes, we can synthesize food from it, but
I don't think we should. It shouldn't be
possible, but it's human. It's
incredibly [ __ ] hard to hear, but the
radio is basically saying that Satan's
Soilent Green is people, and more of
that movie would have been nice. Is the
radiation causing these wounds, or is it
the aliens? And if it's the aliens, are
they doing it with their minds, or is
this blood filled with the fastest
acting Ebola ever?
>> You can't be serious.
>> Trying to bring back your awesome
catchphrase in the final act, but
forgetting that it wasn't actually
awesome.
>> THAT YOU
>> TRYING TO BRING BACK YOUR AWESOME
secondary catchphrase in the final act,
but forgetting that it also wasn't
actually awesome.
>> YOU WANT TO HATE ME? COME AND TRY.
>> ATTEMPTING TO give Taco Bell new
advertising slogans. Simon crawled to
freedom through 5 yards of blood alien
foulness. I can't even imagine. Or maybe
I just don't want to. Five whole yards.
That's the length of over a full
basketball rim height. And just shy of
actually being difficult. And we all
came out exactly as confused as we
started on the other side. Movie never
explains why the blood mutates Simon and
his sub, but just lets the black box go
unmutated through this whole blood
flood. You know, if any of this actually
happened. Sub Blood can apparently only
grab its victims by direct hand-to-pipe
contact, much like my college
ex-girlfriend. This [ __ ] is disgusting.
WELL DONE.
>> FINE. YOU WANT THE PUSHER?
>> I'm pretty sure this would being awesome
if I could tell what was actually
happening behind the extremely shaky
camification of all movies. Something
something pressure something something
explosion winning movie takes the dark
ending of the game and adds a splash of
bloody hope to it because it knows we
nihilists are too convinced of the
universe's never- ending drama to give a
[ __ ] Well played, Mariplier. Well
played indeed.
There's something.
>> Oh yes. I hate this. It is revolting.
>> More, please.