---
title: 'Everything Wrong With Spider-Man: Brand New Day In 32 Minutes Or Less'
source: 'https://youtube.com/watch?v=zCEYjaocQbA'
video_id: 'zCEYjaocQbA'
date: 2026-10-17
duration_sec: 1917
channel: 'CinemaSins'
---

# Everything Wrong With Spider-Man: Brand New Day In 32 Minutes Or Less

> Source: [Everything Wrong With Spider-Man: Brand New Day In 32 Minutes Or Less](https://youtube.com/watch?v=zCEYjaocQbA)

## Summary

This video is a critical, comedic analysis of the movie 'Spider-Man: Brand New Day,' focusing on plot holes, character inconsistencies, and logical fallacies. The narrator, Peter Parker, provides a sarcastic, scene-by-scene breakdown, highlighting issues with AI behavior, product placement, and narrative choices.

### Key Points

- **Opening Monologue Critique** [00:00] — The opening is an epic battle between recapping the last movie and making the audience sad, with the narrator noting that 'whoever wins, we lose.'
- **AI Assistant Calibration** [00:15] — Peter asks his AI, EV, to check his targeting matrix, but EV doesn't respond, leading to a joke about AI not needing breaks, which is a commentary on AI's purpose.
- **Coffee Cup and Threat** [00:40] — Keeping a dirty coffee cup is compared to a threat of 'we'll kill your friends and family,' highlighting the absurdity of the scene's emotional manipulation.
- **Dr. Strange's Spell Overachieving** [01:04] — The spell bewitches Ned into creating social media posts that show Peter what he's missing, raising questions about Peter's physical needs and the logic of the spell.
- **Spider-Man's Actions and Logic** [01:17] — Peter takes out multiple suspects without confirming if they are hostages, and the narrator questions where he puts his phone during his commute, noting the heavy Samsung product placement.
- **Villain Overload** [01:47] — The movie solves the problem of too many villains by adding more, but giving them less screen time, which is a critique of the narrative structure.
- **Peter's Sadness and Suit Tech** [02:02] — The narrator questions why Peter's suit lacks a heating element, comparing it unfavorably to a Costco jacket, and notes the overemphasis on Peter's loneliness.
- **Chain of Custody Ignored** [02:29] — Spider-Man's actions are criticized for ignoring the chain of custody for evidence, allowing villains to walk free, and the narrator notes the six months of unseen adventures.
- **Financial Subplot Wanted** [02:55] — The narrator expresses a desire for a subplot about Spider-Man's finances, questioning how he affords two apartments in New York City as a volunteer.
- **Product Placement and Mask Timing** [03:22] — The narrator points out the absurdity of stocking cherry-flavored alcohol-free beer next to creamer and coffee, and questions why Peter's mask is only going on now.
- **Punisher's Entrance and Logic** [03:48] — The narrator questions where the Punisher's black car came from, and criticizes the needless showboating of web bombs during an emergency.
- **Punisher's Confidence in Healing** [04:14] — The narrator questions how confident the Punisher is that Spider-Man can survive a rocket and an armored truck, highlighting the absurdity of the fight.
- **Mutual Weapon Assumptions** [04:40] — The narrator notes the absurdity of both Peter and Frank assuming the other wouldn't have another weapon, leading to a stalemate.
- **Tank Throw and Trolley Problem** [05:05] — Peter's solution to the trolley problem is to add more people to the track, and the narrator questions how he knew there weren't people against the wall.
- **Jean Grey's Possession Logic** [05:31] — The narrator questions why Jean Grey didn't possess Spider-Man instead of a random guard, given she has no idea he can resist her.
- **Jean's Overpowered Plan** [05:58] — Jean's plan to switch bodies is criticized as overpowered, and the narrator notes she gives herself away by grinning, which is inconsistent with her urgency.
- **Helicopter Pilot's Orders** [06:11] — The helicopter pilot follows orders from a rooftop guard instead of being suspicious about the lack of radio communication, which is a plot hole.
- **Pronoun Game and Tank Mystery** [06:36] — The narrator finds an example of the pronoun game that gives away more information, and questions why Damage Control didn't search the tank.
- **Janitor's Tank Skills** [07:00] — The narrator questions how a janitor could operate a tank, and why Jean didn't possess someone with the knowledge to drive it.
- **Google Maps in HUD** [07:15] — The narrator jokes that the new heads-up display should have Google Maps, and notes the absurdity of Peter's navigation issues.
- **Tank Stroke and Weapon Check** [07:28] — The narrator notes the absurdity of the tank stroke and the assumption that there are no other weapons, questioning the logic of the scene.
- **Yelena's Potato Metaphor** [07:41] — The narrator criticizes the potato metaphor for alien tech, suggesting that Yelena could have explained it on the phone, saving Peter a trip.
- **Importance of Alien Tech** [08:08] — The narrator argues that alien tech and secret weapons programs are important enough to warrant a clarifying scene about the potato metaphor.
- **Yelena's Belly Button ID** [08:22] — The narrator jokes about Yelena's identification method, noting that belly button identification is not a standard security measure.
- **Security Glass Walls** [08:34] — The narrator points out that the short glass walls can be easily jumped over, undermining the high-tech security scanner.
- **Thunderbolts as Security** [08:46] — The narrator criticizes the decision to hire the Thunderbolts as security, comparing it to the Rolling Stones hiring the Hells Angels.
- **Government Distrust Theme** [09:18] — The narrator notes the retread of the theme about government entities not being trustworthy with advanced technology.
- **Spidey Senses vs. Observation** [09:46] — The narrator points out that Peter spotted the possessed people because they had body spasms, not because of his spidey senses.
- **MIT Students' Apartment** [10:03] — The narrator finds it unbelievable that two recent MIT graduates from Queens can afford a huge apartment in New York City.
- **Ned's App and Logic** [10:16] — The narrator notes that Ned's app for tracking Spider-Man sightings would have been noticed by Flash or Mr. Harrington, which is unlikely.
- **Letter and Flashback** [10:30] — The narrator criticizes the use of flashbacks to bring back dead characters, and notes the absurdity of the letter being sad.
- **Spider-Man's Incompetence** [10:46] — The narrator notes that Peter sucks at being Spider-Man because no one notices him falling five stories, and there are no flies in his web.
- **Organic Web Spinners** [11:02] — The narrator notes the formation of organic web spinners due to a surge in hormones, and criticizes the lack of scientific explanation.
- **EV's Thematic Answer** [11:32] — EV jumps to the most thematically impactful answer instead of the most scientific one, ignoring the effects of asbestos on spider DNA.
- **Mechanical vs. Organic Webs** [11:45] — The narrator questions why mechanical web shooters and organic webs cannot be used simultaneously, suggesting moving the shooters elsewhere.
- **Overloaded Sensors** [11:58] — The narrator criticizes the looping audio warning for overloaded sensors, which would not help Peter deal with his senses.
- **Copying Previous Spider-Men** [12:12] — The narrator notes that it took four movies to copy what Garfield did in one, which was copying Maguire, who copied the comics.
- **Facial Match vs. Tail Match** [12:25] — The narrator questions why the facial match is used instead of a giant mechanical Scorpion tail match, which is more distinctive.
- **Scorpion's Tail Not Destroyed** [12:37] — The narrator notes that it's self-defeating that Spider-Man hasn't destroyed Scorpion's tail, given how many times he's apprehended him.
- **Hulk's Magic Glove** [12:49] — The narrator questions why Hulk didn't use the magic glove to make more food instead of worrying about overpopulation.
- **Hulk's Inhibitor and Son** [13:01] — The narrator notes that Banner is no longer Smart Hulk and uses an inhibitor, and has a son, which is a C-plot that should be a movie.
- **Peter Parker Alias** [13:40] — The narrator notes that Peter Parker is the perfect alias since no one remembers he exists, and questions if the movie has mentioned this.
- **Hulk's DNA Expression** [13:53] — The narrator questions how Peter can keep some part of Hulk's DNA expression, and notes that this is exactly what Banner did to become Smart Hulk.
- **Automatic Inhibitor** [14:06] — The narrator suggests that Peter could develop an automatic inhibitor that adjusts to any type of mutation, which is the plot of the next X-Men movie.
- **Spider Knowledge from Documentary** [14:18] — The narrator notes that Peter is getting his spider knowledge from a documentary, reducing his AI assistant to a TV remote.
- **Jean's Waiting and Theatrics** [14:33] — The narrator questions if Jean has been waiting in random bodies until she bumps into Spider-Man, and criticizes the theatrics given her time crunch.
- **Apartment Parody** [14:49] — The narrator notes that Peter's apartment is a parody of where a sad single guy in his 20s might live, and criticizes the set design.
- **Ignoring Injured Civilians** [15:04] — The narrator criticizes Spidey for not calling 911 about a guy who got waggled by a car, focusing instead on chasing Jean.
- **33 Feet Jump Radius** [15:19] — The narrator questions why Jean would risk a helicopter that flies more than 33 feet above the skyline, given her jump radius limit.
- **Trapping Jean** [15:33] — The narrator questions if Peter even needs to rescue MJ since he has Jean trapped in a helicopter, and wonders if the plan is to leave them there.
- **Jean Pretending to be MJ** [15:45] — The narrator notes that Jean pretending to be MJ is devastating, but criticizes her forgetting her sister's peril for a side quest.
- **Forgiveness Loses Impact** [16:06] — The narrator notes that the scene loses 75% of its emotional wallop when Peter forgives Jean for no reason other than 'hurt people hurt people.'
- **No Gwen Stacy** [16:21] — The narrator notes that Peter isn't brave enough to pull a Gwen Stacy on Mary Jane, and criticizes the lack of consequence.
- **Jean Reveals Face** [16:34] — The narrator notes that Jean gives Peter a clear look at her face, just because the movie is ready to reveal what the trailer already spoiled.
- **Dropping in on Frank** [16:47] — The narrator questions Peter's decision to drop in unannounced on the Punisher, who is a cocktail of depression, paranoia, and weapons.
- **Yelling and Rice** [16:59] — The narrator notes the absurdity of the yelling and the 'handful of rice' comment, questioning the logic of the scene.
- **Jean's Information in System** [17:11] — The narrator notes that there is a ton of information about Jean in the system, including pictures and foster care history, contradicting that she's been 'nobody.'
- **Jean Grey Name Reveal** [17:23] — The narrator notes that the reveal of Jean Grey's name would have been cooler if it was an actual surprise, not spoiled by trailers.
- **MJ's Knowledge of Inhibitor** [17:35] — The narrator questions how MJ has the knowledge to fix a genetic inhibitor device, which she couldn't have learned in a class she never took.
- **Mask Proximity to Inhibitor** [18:00] — The narrator notes that the mask was nowhere near the inhibitor when it overheated, and MJ wouldn't know where he wears it.
- **Coffee and Frank's Arrival** [18:14] — The narrator jokes about the stove-top coffee making half a cup, and notes that Frank's arrival means Peter gets a quarter cup of room temperature coffee.
- **Spider-Man and Punisher Team-Up** [18:26] — The narrator notes that the team-up is bonded by trauma of being alone, and jokes about kids enjoying Frank's adventures on Disney Plus.
- **Facial Match and Trap** [18:55] — The narrator notes that the facial match is good because Jean is looking directly at the camera, and questions why the inhibitor doesn't detect the trap.
- **Jean's Knowledge Access** [19:07] — The narrator questions why Jean doesn't jump from person to person to search for VMAX, instead of breaking into every facility.
- **Panic Room Logic** [19:19] — The narrator notes that panic rooms only work if they are a metal cube, and questions why the teenager figured this out before the Department.
- **Jean's Power vs. Doors** [19:46] — The narrator questions why Jean can't just jump into Metzger and get him to open the door, given the 33 feet distance.
- **Hulk as Only Option** [19:58] — The narrator notes that the movie makes it seem like the Hulk is the only option, but he was probably just the coolest one.
- **Facial Recognition for Hulk** [20:10] — The narrator questions why Peter's facial recognition software didn't flag the Hulk with Jean, and if it was to avoid spoiling the surprise.
- **Jean's Knowledge of Inhibitor** [20:23] — The narrator questions how Jean knows exactly what the inhibitor is just on sight, even with Bruce's knowledge.
- **Banter and Fear of Hulk** [20:40] — The narrator notes that Peter's quick banter with Frank shows he's not actually scared of the Hulk, and questions the plan to have Frank fight.
- **Frank's Survival Chances** [21:04] — The narrator notes that Frank would last about two seconds against the Hulk, and questions why Peter is sending him to fight.
- **33 Feet Explanation** [21:17] — The narrator criticizes the lack of explanation for why 33 feet is important, just firing it out as a casual FYI.
- **Hulk Size Inconsistency** [21:30] — The narrator notes that the MCU has addressed the Hulk's size change by showing they don't care about addressing it at all.
- **Hulk's Visual Interpretation** [21:45] — The narrator jokes about the Hulk providing a visual interpretation of something from his college girlfriend, and questions the script.
- **Hulk's Memory and Friendship** [21:57] — The narrator notes that Hulk's memory was wiped of Peter's existence, and they've never had an on-screen conversation, so the friendship doesn't make sense.
- **Metzger's Trust** [22:13] — The narrator questions why Peter believes Metzger's claim about transferring Jean to Roosevelt Island, given he's a villain.
- **Coffee Shop Memory** [22:26] — The narrator doesn't buy that the barista remembers Peter's face after four years, noting the absurdity of the memory.
- **Aunt May's Death Timeline** [22:40] — The narrator notes that Aunt May died about four years before the movie, meaning there were four years of opportunity to get her killed.
- **MJ Drawing Peter Unmasked** [22:52] — The narrator notes that MJ starts drawing Peter with his mask off, just hours after he made it clear why he wanted to keep his identity secret.
- **Sarah's Connection** [23:06] — The narrator notes that the revelation about Sarah was figured out as soon as the actor was cast, and questions the connection.
- **Yelena's Priorities** [23:18] — The narrator notes that Yelena isn't assessing the worth of Peter's potatoes, and questions why she doesn't see the importance of the attack.
- **Data Scrubbing** [23:31] — The narrator notes that all data related to Jean Grey has been scrubbed by Damage Control, and jokes about the half intern in charge.
- **Potatoes and Neds** [24:03] — The narrator admits to hating the MCU but finds it hard because of the potatoes and Neds, and notes the foreshadowing of the ending.
- **Mother's Sending Away** [24:16] — The narrator questions how the mother just sent them away this morning, and notes that it takes that to stop being a mom.
- **Blessing Daughters** [24:28] — The narrator notes that blessing daughters would prevent the option of living in a universe with Patrick Stewart and James McAvoy.
- **Telepaths and SUVs** [24:41] — The narrator notes that for a pair of telepaths, they are terrible at seeing multiple SUVs full of secret ops people coming.
- **Sending Sarah Away** [24:55] — The narrator questions why Jean sends Sarah on a walk instead of teaming up to escape, noting it will lead to a dark path of revenge.
- **Sarah's Death** [25:07] — The narrator notes that Sarah is too late to find her sister, and questions the logic of the facility's design.
- **Hector's Plan** [25:19] — The narrator notes that Hector wants to map Jean's brain to copy her powers, and questions the recreation of her childhood bedroom.
- **Distance Check** [25:31] — The narrator notes the 40 foot 10 distance check, and questions if 7 feet of clearance is enough margin for error.
- **Mojave Desert Bunker Plan** [25:43] — The narrator questions why they didn't put Jean in a bunker in the Mojave Desert and do the entire thing remotely.
- **Spock Quote** [25:56] — The narrator notes that discovering the telepathic spike and quoting Spock instead of enacting the bunker plan is a plot hole.
- **E-Max as V'ger Homage** [26:10] — The narrator notes that E-Max is an homage to V'ger from Star Trek The Motion Picture, which is copying someone else's homework.
- **Sarah's Final Message** [26:26] — The narrator questions why Sarah's final message was a label on a vent, and notes that the riddle is only useful if Jean ends up as f***ed as she was.
- **Inhibitor Turned Off** [26:38] — The narrator notes that Jean could turn the inhibitor back on, and questions why she doesn't, given her goal to wield the power.
- **Professor Xavier's Entrance** [26:52] — The narrator notes that Professor Charles Xavier has remotely entered the chat, and questions the logic of the fight scene.
- **Slow Motion and Physics** [27:05] — The narrator questions if the words are said super fast or if the hands are moving in slow motion, and asks the Laws of Physics lobby to hold questions.
- **Damage Control's Weapon** [27:17] — The narrator notes that Damage Control developed a special weapon for Spider-Man, and jokes that he'd be offended if they didn't.
- **Mask Removal and Identity** [27:34] — The narrator questions why Spidey takes his mask off, given the risk of Jean blipping out and revealing his identity, just for the cool eyes.
- **Triggering Transformation** [27:49] — The narrator notes the cliche of a character inadvertently saying the right thing to trigger the hero's transformation.
- **Jean's Kill Count** [28:01] — The narrator notes that Jean is a killer, citing the tank chase and the Hulk attack, contradicting the claim that she's not a killer.
- **Wall Direction and Sniper Nest** [28:14] — The narrator notes that the wall Jean blew out faces the exact direction of Frank's sniper nest, which is convenient.
- **Mother Figure in Consciousness** [28:27] — The narrator notes that Peter has the exact mother figure buried in his consciousness that Jean needs, and is saying the exact things she needs to hear.
- **Plot Armor and Suit** [28:40] — The narrator notes that Peter's suit is the perfect composition to allow the sniper bullet to hit him but not travel through to Jean.
- **Disappearing Control Room** [28:52] — The narrator questions why the half dozen people in the control room have inexplicably disappeared.
- **Frank's Quick Arrival** [29:11] — The narrator questions how Frank got to Roosevelt Island, grabbed Spider, and drove to the hospital quicker than an ambulance.
- **Jean's Healing and Absence** [29:25] — The narrator notes that Jean used her powers to keep Peter alive, but questions where she is and why she isn't running in with Frank.
- **Frank's Apology and Action** [29:38] — The narrator notes that Frank is sorry about the result, not the action, meaning he did exactly what he thought was okay at the time.
- **Leaving Hospital** [29:51] — The narrator questions why Peter needs a plan to leave the hospital, since no one knows he's Spider-Man, and notes Frank just wanted to wear the mask.
- **New York's Love** [30:03] — The narrator notes that the movie wants to show how much New York loves Peter, but they've loved him all movie, and questions the cop's medical bills.
- **Future Cameo** [30:15] — The narrator jokes about waiting for a movie in 2031 that confirms Peter grows up to be Captain Britain, Beta Ray Bill, or Molecule Man.
- **Metzger Forgotten** [30:27] — The narrator questions how the police forgot that Metzger was tied to a chair, and notes the absurdity of the scene.
- **Ned's Memory** [30:43] — The narrator questions why Ned remembers Peter and the handshake, and notes that the magic seems to ignore muscle memory.
- **Documentary Footage Ending** [31:10] — The narrator notes that the movie ends on documentary footage of New York, and questions the lack of Spider-Man sightings.
- **Location Found** [31:22] — The narrator questions who found Peter's location, suggesting the Fantastic Four or Dr. Doom, and notes the absurdity of Ned's app being used.
- **Missing Hulk Post-Credits** [31:36] — The narrator notes that the movie is missing a Hulk-shaped post-credits scene that you can only watch by showing out at an encore.

## Transcript

1, minute, and 16 seconds alive!
Hi, my name is Peter Parker. Please take. Also narration. EV, can you check the calibration of my targeting matrix? That doesn't feel zeroed in for me. EV doesn't respond by saying, or you could just clean the scene afterwards, Peter.
Hey, EV, take 5. Damn it, Peter, the whole point of AI is that they don't need to take five, giving us more time to, um, do whatever we're supposed to be doing with the time AI saves us. Worry about AI? We used to know each other.
Sure, keep the letter, but keeping the dirty coffee cup veers dangerously into we'll kill your friends and family to remind you of my love. I said something bad was going to happen, and the only way to stop it was to make everyone forget me.
This opening monologue amounts to an epic battle between the two themes of here's what you might have forgotten from the last movie, and how sad can we make the audience in the shortest amount of time? And whoever wins, we lose. First hit and my team is gone.
Dr. Strange's spell is doing some serious overachieving here, bewitching Ned into creating a string of social media posts that show Peter exactly what he's missing out on. This shot raises important questions like, does Peter get white-headed? Does his blood pump differently to compensate?
And how often does he realistically need his butt to stick to things? Suspect is 5'8", 5'10", medium build. The Magic Police app on Peter's phone specifically said there was one suspect, And yet he decides to take out all these guys without confirming if they're hostages or some other rooftop dwelling vigilante.
Also, where does he put the phone during his commute through the city? And why does he need it at all if he has a HUD and his goggles? It's strange to me that the first three minutes of this movie has had more Samsung product placement than Sony. The wolf seems delighted at the whimsical way Spider-Man has wrapped up her case.
But I'm guessing the fire department, who now have to close down the street to get the criminals down, does not share in her amusement. Solving age-old problems, Spider-Man movies having too many villains by adding even more villains, but giving them less screen time and more comic book cover homages.
Going overkill on the Peter is sad, alone, and has to take care of himself in the dream. Does anybody ever come up here? I don't actually like this stuff. Chronic lung disease is fun. The Spider-Man tie-in merch is adorable, but are you seriously telling me Peter has AI in his suit, not a heating element?
How is his suit less advanced than the North Face jacket I bought at Costco and absolutely intend to never use someday? That's something on a high note, huh? Thinking you can cover the cost of a grand piano with a killer one-liner. All the evidence you're gonna need is in the trunk of his car.
This just in, another Spider-Man captured super villain walks free thanks to the webbed menace completely ignoring the chain of custody for evidence. In the past six months, he has taken down every major crime ward across the five boroughs.
Reminding us that there are six months of awesome Spider-Man adventures that we'll never see. He is the pride of New York City. The hero every grown-up relies on and every kid wants to be. The scene does not contain a J. Jonah Jameson spitting facts about how much of a menace Peter is
and how problematic it is that he's sanctioned by the police. Do you do anything besides work? You know, you stay home and do something you love and you don't work a day in your life. True, but a key element of that is getting paid. And he just said that he's only a volunteer.
How is he affording his apartment and law tied up? Guess I genuinely do want to subplot about Spider-Man's financials and how he's affording to rent two places in New York goddamn city.
Also, product placement is so hard that you forget how insane it is to stock the cherry-flavored alcohol-free beer next to the creamer, coffee, and honey. I'm so sorry, I gotta go. Peter rushes to action, but why is his mask only going on now? Either he wastes a bunch of time climbing up to the roof as a civilian
and then getting changed, or got mostly changed and webbed up to the roof without the mask on, hoping no one would see it. However, you spidey-slice it, none of him being unmasked right now makes sense beyond wanting to look badass.
I got you, Spidey! This is a man who thinks he can succeed against a tank where four cop cars have sailed. Also, where the f*** did he even come from? This black car was nowhere to be seen in this shot, and then, bam, he suddenly appears like some kind of anti-cognitivity casting wizard.
Sure, he has super reflexes, but ejecting these web bombs so violently feels like needless showboating rather than being practically functional in an emergency. Oh, man, Spider-Man didn't kill your husband. the webbing and the wheel that detached from the tank did.
Sorry for your loss. Oh, God! I'm sure Frank knows Spider-Man has super healing, but how confident is he that Spider-Man has fire a rocket at him and run him down with an armored truck healing? This time you're gonna get the hell out of my way.
What, you mean instead of saving your life, I'll tell Brad that sat-down bullshit again? The first entry and a recurring run of inside references, the details of which we will never learn. But at least we've got that Punisher special presentation to keep us warm at night. Look, man, you can't just freak yourself out of every situation.
America. Was Peter under the impression that Frank wouldn't have another gun? Was Frank under the impression that Peter wouldn't have another web?
Go home, Frank! E.D. should be giving Peter a running total of all the civilians who've been injured or killed while he plays f***ing with Frank. Not in this PG-13 movie or not, despite what the finale will want us to believe.
Peter makes damn sure that whoever is driving this tank has zero opportunity to smash it into the department for damage control. by beating them to the punch. Also, there is no way that Peter could have known that there weren't people right up against this wall before he threw a tank through it.
Peter seems to be the only person whose solution to the trolley problem is adding more people to the track and accelerating the trolley. This woman, who is clearly not wearing a seatbelt, somehow escapes this apocalyptic tank crash without a strap. Get out of the vehicle, ma'am.
I was thinking the same thing. We'll learn that Jean Grey is puppeting people to get what she needs. So why wouldn't she jump straight into Spider-Man? At this point, she has no idea that he can mentally resist her. So why did she choose the random guard instead of the person with actual superpowers?
I mean, damn it. She could abandon the break-Scorpion-out-of-jail-plan entirely and just use Spider-Man. This jump shows that Jean doesn't need Linus Wright to move her consciousness to a new body. So why did she give herself away by making direct eye contact with this guard when she jumped from the old lady?
My plan is to get away by constantly switching bodies, but that feels a little overpowered. I'd better be a good sport and flash Spidey a grin. It's not like my sister's life is on the line. You won't be seeing much daylight in Supermax. Scorpions are nocturnal, buddy!
Dialogue! Change of plan! Take him to the helicopter! I failed you! What? This helicopter pilot follows the orders of some guard on the rooftop. Instead of being suspicious as to why these orders aren't being sent directly through the helicopter's radio.
Spider-Man! Save me, would you? Who are you? You can see me. No, he can see that a bunch of people are acting very strangely.
He doesn't know much more than that. Holy s***, we finally found an example of playing the pronoun game that actually gives away more information than you need it to. The whole time you've been chasing me, you forgot to ask yourself a very important question. What's in the tank?
A better question might be, why didn't anyone from Damage Control bother searching the tank when they were removing the driver for interrogation? What about the tank? Stolen from the Damage Control warehouse in Broadbent, driver was a janitor who worked there.
So how the f*** were they operating the tank? I doubt Gene picked up that particular skill set on the streets, And I doubly doubt the janitor is moonlighting as a tank driver. Also, why did the janitor even have access to the tank? Why wouldn't Gene just possess someone who actually had the knowledge to drive the tank and the ability to tank it?
Hi. Uh, is this 3250 Brighton Beach? If your new heads-up display doesn't have Google f***ing maps, I think it's back to the drawing board time. Take a look at the globe. Until this movie, I had no idea that you could die an entire pool of PG-13.
This way, you get to enjoy a nice, nice tank stroke. And I get to see that you don't have any weapons. Assuming there aren't still places he could be concealing a weapon. Could we just talk about what I came here to talk to you about the attack on damage control?
Yes. So that is more your area. Like small potato stuff. Something that Yelena could have mentioned on the phone when Dieter made the appointment for this meeting, saving him a trip and an afternoon of swimming through the city in wet underwear.
Also potatoes. I mean could these alien tech or secretive weapon programs or launch codes or I don know This is for you to figure out This is where the baby potatoes come
Alien tech, secret weapons programs, and launch codes seem pretty important. I think we need at least one clarifying scene of Yelena explaining relative potato size. Maybe I'll just go ask Dennis to control myself. But Peter, then there wouldn't have been any reason at all to have naked Florence Pugh in the movie
and remind everyone the Thunderbolt asterisk exists. Silly Peter. You know, you're not completely anonymous anymore. I've seen you very much. I don't remember seeing belly button identification on Yelena's weakness of power.
Believe me, I would have found it. These short glass walls that pretty much anyone could jump or shoot over without having to pass through the high-tech security scanner. Well, they don't have it. Oh, the hand? I just asked them to be randomly walking through this floor
so I could tell you that they're here and it won't be a surprise when they suddenly turn up later. After you brought them in, I realized that fundamentally they're a group of kids without a leader. If there's one thing the MCU has nailed and fazed whatever we're in, it's the long-standing tradition of undermining anything remotely badass in its TV shows.
I don't remember simply bringing them in being an option for Mr. Murdock. And suddenly all the things that made them dangerous turned them into an invaluable part of our security team. Using the same hiring logic to provide security for your top-secret government facility that the Rolling Stones used when they hired the Hells Angels to provide security to out-the-mouth in 1969.
Not. After I'm old. I'm listening to redirect destructive energy into something useful. We will briefly tickle our philosophical with this brush at becoming Spidenheimer. Sadly, vomiting out the same old story about government entities not being trustworthy with advanced technology
turned out to be far too tempting a topic to retread. It is a faceless threat we can't control. One we can't even see. But you can. I saw the security footage. But the only thing the security footage would have shown him is Spider-Man chasing each person as they were possessed.
He didn't spot them because of his spidey senses. He spotted them because they had a whole body spasm and suddenly started swimming upstream. Maybe the most unbelievable thing in a cinematic universe full of aliens, mutants, superheroes, and literal gods is that two recently graduated MIT students from Queens can afford an apartment this huge in New York City.
I actually created this app that monitors just sightings. Peter thinks this app is pretty cool, instead of condemning it as the Spider-Man's coming early warning system for criminals that it actually is. But I have been able to narrow it down to two primes for sex.
The fact that Ned's been able to narrow it down to these two people means that he has never, not once, seen a Spidey sighting report when he's been in the company of Flash or Mr. Harrington. Not impossible, but not bloody likely, considering how active Peter has been and how much time Ned now spends with Flash.
You two don't know each other? No, I'm a neighbor. Family neighbor? Aw, the letter is just as sad as Peter is. Previously on Spider-Man, the one you absolutely need to have watched for any of this to make sense, so it's weird you assume I didn't from home.
Bring back dead characters via flashback because they happen to be fan favorites that you'd not regret killing off. I don't see a single fly or bug caught in this web. Peter sucks at being Spider-Man. None of these people walking down this busy New York street notices a man falling five stories and noisily crashing to what should be his death in the alley.
I, uh, I live here. I just, um, I'm gonna grab my stuff. This works. Can you start? Thinking you have an exclusive apparel deal on that rarest of clothing items known as the generic black desktop. The results of your body scan show a surge in the hormones associated with your arachnid DNA,
resulting in the formation of organic web spinners. Knowing that we all wanted a man spider, teasing us with a man spider, but never ultimately delivering us a man spider. Prolonged isolation or emotional trauma could be contributing to this sudden change.
E.V. jumps to the most thematically impactful answer, instead of the most scientific one. Does she even bother to dig into the effects of long-term exposure to asbestos on his spider DNA? Mechanical web shooters and organic webs cannot be used simultaneously.
Okay, but why? The mechanical shooters are independent of his body. Can't he move them to be on top of his arm? Or somewhere cool like his nose or butt? Alert! Sensors are overloaded. Alert! Sensors are overloaded.
He even thinks that piping a looping audio warning into the mix will somehow help Peter to deal with his already overloaded senses. Okay, great. Come on, man! Go, Peter! Taking four movies to copy what Garfield only took one movie to copy from Maguire,
who also only took one movie to copy from the comics. Shots fired at the Damage Control Data Center in Manhattan. Suspect facial match with Scorpion. Facial match? Facial? Not giant mechanical Scorpion tail match?
You can't sense me anymore. A cover-blowing thing you did not need to point out, Gene. Who are you? I'm Batman. Considering how many times Spider-Man has apprehended Scorpion, it's self-defeatingly weird that they haven't just destroyed his Scorpion tail yet.
Listen, I don't know what to do, but I need you to pull it together. You almost killed the cop. Don't worry, I'd only arrest you if the cop actually died. If I took you in for every case of reckless endangerment, you'd be serving consecutive life sentences by now.
If Ferris was so worried about overpopulation, why didn't he just use the magic glove to make more food? Looks like it's time for Spider-Man Brand New Day to pay its state-mandated post-endgame fielding questions from Reddit packs.
Arthur, you want to answer that question? Hulk. Hulk. No! Smashing the fifth. I'm not going to turn into the big green raging monster machine in the cafeteria.
But if you do see me with this thing off, run. In case you didn't watch She-Hulk, Banner is no longer Smart Hulk and uses an inhibitor to stay fully human. Oh, and he has a son now, too. I get it. For some bullshit reason, the MCU can't make Hulk movies,
but I'd just like them to stop pretending that chopping up his story into C and D plots is the next best thing. What's his name, man? Uh, Ned. bleeds. Forgetting that Peter Parker is the perfect alias, since no one remembers that Peter Parker exists.
Has the movie mentioned that yet? That Peter doesn't exist? That his friends, colleagues, and loved ones have no memory of him? I can't remember if it's come up yet. So could you surprise me some part of that DNA expression? You mean, like, if I wanted to keep some part of Hulk's analogy?
Isn't that exactly what he did to become Smart Hulk? What the f*** was that if it wasn't exactly what we're talking about right now? I mean, if you apply the same thinking, You could even develop some kind of automatic inhibitor that would just adjust to any type of mutation.
Plot of the next X-Men movie says what? You shouldn't have spider stuff all the time. Turning off video. Did anyone else pick up on how weird it is that Peter is getting his spider knowledge from a documentary and reducing his actual AI assistant to TV remote?
You okay? Yeah. I'm just trying out some new tech. Oh, yeah. To get rid of that monster inside you? Has Jean just been waiting in random bodies until she bumps into Spider-Man on the street? I'd buy the theatrics a bit more if she was truly evil and not on a dead sister time crunch.
I will always be in your way. Well, if you were me, then I'd be you! And I'd use your body to get to the top. You can't stop me, no matter who you are. You know, your apartment is kind of like a parody of where you think a sad single guy in his 20s might live.
The highly specific way one of the writers decided to fire shots at the set design team. I just thought swinging. I'm bad. Spidey starts chasing Gene across the city without sparing a thought or even a call to 911 about that guy who just got waggled by a car.
Come on, I need an answer! Thinking computer pressure to AI into computing faster. You have a limit to your jump radius, don't you? 33 feet! I think Gene absolutely knows, so why would she ever risk taking a helicopter that I heard tends to fly more than 33 feet above the New York skyline?
I don't see anybody up here for you to hop into. Peter is very smug about this fact, and since he doesn't know that Jean can ping back to her own body over any distance, he should assume that her only other way out of this is to jump from the helicopter, switch bodies at last second, and leave this man to a faulty death.
Also, since he pretty much has her trapped here, does he even need to rescue MJ? He's only protecting her from Jean, the person he now has trapped in a helicopter. Was this plan to just leave her and this poor man here indefinitely? Oh, we should be safe up here.
I could take you to Frank's place, which is my ultimate plan, but this is a much more fitting spot for this conversation at the trail. Or at least remembers that cool scene from Spider with Pierce and Duff ahead Peter Touch her Hold her Jean pretending to be MJ is one of the most devastating scenes in the MCU to date
but that doesn't excuse why Jean has once again forgotten that her sister is in peril in favor of this twisted side quest to f*** with Peter. If you love someone more than I love her, then you'd know that what you're doing right now is unforgivable. Hard agree, which is why the scene loses 75% of its emotional wallop
when Peter eventually forgives Jean for no other reason than, I guess hurt people hurt people. Well, he isn't brave enough to pull a Gwen Stacy on Mary Jean. There, I said it. After going to great lengths to protect her eye-dad Eddie up to this point, Jean gives Peter a clear look at her face,
just because the movie is finally ready to reveal what the trailer already spoiled. I'm going to take you someplace safe. Convenient period of unconsciousness that lasts just long enough for Jean and Spidey's conversation to run its course is convenient. Hey, look, sorry, I'm just trying to take you someplace safe, okay?
Peter doesn't think it was a dumb f***ing idea to drop in unannounced on the man who bathes in a cocktail of depression, paranoia, and semi-automatic weapons. What are you, mind-crawling? I'm going to see you twice to get a face-up. That guy just hit me with a handful of rice.
What does that sound like to you? I don't know what we're yelling about! I have got to keep her safe, okay? And I don't have anywhere else to go. And for reasons unknowable, I can't take her to Dr. Banner, or maybe even the head of the
Thunderbolts Asterix, who I am sure would happily take care of my tiny potato. Who is she? Until a couple months ago, nobody. If there's this much information about Jean in the system, including a ton of pictures and her foster care history
and her classification as a telepath, she's clearly been somebody for more than a couple minutes. And now we have a name. Jean Grey. Can you imagine how cool this would have been if it was an actual surprise? I don't just mean the trailer stuff.
I mean, like, if we didn't even know that the X-Men were going to be introduced to the MCU. Instead of living in a world where every major plot point is revealed on a stage at a Disney expo or a Reddit AMA. Before I switched to aerospace, I was going to major in biotechnical engineering, so...
Do you mind if I... MJ somehow has the knowledge required to fix a genetic inhibitor device, which she's never seen before and could not have possibly learned about in a biochemical engineering class that she never took. What are those?
Uh, what are you calling? Uh, they would create a field. It would be tiny, but... But it's on your head. It's just very close to the inhibitor. But the mask was nowhere near the inhibitor when it overheated on the table just a minute ago. Also, since she's never seen Spidey without his mask on,
MJ would have no way of knowing where he wears the inhibitor in the first place. Are you sure she isn't Jean Grey? A little coffee. Sure. Those little stove-top coffee things make precisely half a cup of coffee.
And since Frank just got here and is also partaking, I hope Peter really savors that one quarter of a room temperature cup of jokes. I don't have anybody. I'm like you. I just keep to myself. You're like me. What do you know about me, kid?
1813 Spider-Man and R-Rated Punisher might seem like an unlikely team-up, but come on, people. They're bonded by their trauma of being alone and how you choose to deal with that aloneness. It's profound s**t. Besides, I for one can't wait for all the kids who enjoy Frank to go home and enjoy his very age-appropriate adventures on Disney Plus before bedtime.
I got a facial match. A match that is so good because she is looking directly at the camera. That inhibitor might be inhibiting his ability to detect a very obvious trap. It is a user the opportunity to run the same search again after it turns up nothing the first time.
Also, since Jean has access to all the knowledge of the people she inhabits, why doesn't she just jump from person to person throughout the building and search her brain for VMAX? Going to all the effort of breaking in and getting to a computer in every damage control facility
seems like unnecessarily stretching your mission, so Spider-Man has time to find you between breakdowns. He can't hide from me forever, though. Metzger's secret vault ended up being a panic room, so does every floor have one of these, or just the floors with the people he likes?
They've got a strong door, but it's the walls you have to worry about. Valid point. Panic rooms only really work if they're a metal cube. The huge vault door is only as strong as the not-vault door around it. So why the f*** was the teenager able to figure that out before the Department of Housing Dangerous People?
Also, we've seen nothing that indicates that doors, no matter how strong, can block Gene's power. So unless there's more than 33 feet between the door and where Metzger is standing, which there clearly isn't, there's no reason why Gene can't just jump into him and get him to open the door.
He's definitely not getting inside that vault. Maybe not. But this car, Mike, is everyone who could possibly know how to get into the vault currently inside the vault?
Movie makes it seem like the Hulk is the only option here, but I think it's more likely he was just the coolest one. Also, why did Peter's faker recognition software not also flag that some version of Bruce Banner or the Hulk was with Genie? Did he not want to spoil the surprise?
All right, then. Keep your secrets. What the hell? Oh, I see. Trying to muzzle me like you muzzle yourself? Even with Bruce's knowledge, I have no idea how Gene knows exactly what this thing that Peter just invented actually is just on sight alone.
I thought I told you to stay home and watch MJ. Yeah, you did. And then she tells me I gotta come watch you. Wait, so Snacky said that to you? Are you blushing? That's a pill. You can tell me you're scared of a Hulk, but your ability to have this quick bit of banter
tells me you're not actually all that scared of Hulk. You contain it. I go find a source, I take it down. You got it? Are you just trying to get out of fighting the Hulk? It's kind of s***y that this isn't the original plan, since of the two people in this conversation,
Peter's the only one with the super healing and super strength. Frank would last about two seconds in this fight before becoming a puny Punisher pancake. I'm so good within 33 feet! Not explaining why the 33 feet is important at all and just firing it out as a casual FYI.
I just need you to put this on. No, you just need to put it on. For the sake of everyone, he doesn't need to be any part of it. I didn't know you could say that. What? I'm not your performing monkey. Write your own college girlfriend jokes. Also, I am so glad that the MCU's finally addressed
that the Hulk size has in fact changed from the Norton movie to Avengers to Endgame and beyond. And by address, I mean showing they don't give a single bountiful s*** about addressing it at all. Hulk, providing a visual interpretation of the thing my college girlfriend gave me after our first time, somehow makes it into the script.
No, it's allowed. Waiting this long to arm the weapons that you've had so much time to arm already. Oh, let me count the infinite ways this shouldn't work.
One, everyone's memory has been wiped of Peter's existence, so, friends or not, this should not compute with Hulk. Two, we've never seen them even have an on-screen conversation prior to the memory wipe, let alone a friendship. Okay, that's the only two ways I can think of, but their sheer lack of making sense-a-tude is nearly infinite if it's alright.
Well, I'd love to talk to her when she wakes up, if that's alright. Well, of course. She'll be transferred to a facility on Roosevelt Island. Peter believes this. Old Metra's telling the truth. Why would he tell the friendly neighborhood Detective Do-Gooder where he actually intends to take Jean for torturing?
Well, don't chop. The year I went off to school. Nope, I'm not buying that she remembers his face after four years of college dorming. The face of a man who bought a single coffee one time.
Not true, Rant May died about four years before the events of this movie. Meaning that's four years of opportunity for you to still get her killed. Yes, I totally forgot I had something for this. You guys really do look like best friends.
Just hours after Peter made it clear why he was willing to give up everything to keep his identity a secret, MJ starts drawing pictures of him with his mask off. I sure said he remembers thinking about someone named Sarah, but what you're saying is that you don't remember anything at all.
A shocking revelation that we all figured the second Trammell Tillman of ambiguous villain from Severance fame was cast in the role. Does that look secular? Do you see if there's a connection between Gene and someone named Sarah?
Hmm, this particular sound eager. Elena isn't assessing the worth of my meager spuds in this scene. Also, even knowing that the most recent damage control attack involved the Hulk ripping apart the entire building, Yelena is still not convinced this is important.
If everyone's priorities are just skewed outside the big team-up movies, I'm starting to see why nobody ever thinks of lend a hand in the solo films. Internet, government records, and the luck of data related to Jean Grey have been scrubbed by damage control.
That's a shame. I guess there's no point in tearing on looking. Nice to see Yelena again, though. Hello, Grey. Also, a telegraph? Damage control is open into custody. God damn what the hell kind of half intern was in charge of this data scrubbing Hey Peter Be careful all right Yeah I know Spider famous cheater
Damn it, I'm supposed to hate the MCU, but the potatoes and the neds make it so hard. Could he do that to everyone in this park at once? Yeah, maybe one day. If you get really good. Hey, she's talking about the very thing that's going to happen at the end of the movie.
Well, could she just send us away? Unless the mother just sent you away this morning, how are you just now having this conversation? Yeah, well, that's all it takes for you to stop being a mom. You're not a mom. What would you do if you had daughters like us? I'd bless them.
But then there wouldn't be an option to live in a universe where you're loved by Patrick Stewart and James McAvoy. So, swings and roundabouts, you know. You love each other. Premature sister-rations. You're the real, the golden girl girl!
For a pair of telepaths, they sure are terrible at seeing multiple SUVs full of secret ops people coming. Also, considering what Sarah is able to do, you need to make sure you drop her in one shot. Or maybe fire two darts instead of one that gives her just enough consciousness to secure her or her sister's escape.
Before I can... Before I can keep you safe. And the best way to do this is by sending you on a little walk instead of teaming up with you so we can both escape. I'm sure there's no way this will send you on a dark path of revenge that will absolutely not keep you safe.
She's running through the park. Looking for sis. Finding that she's too late now. Like your sister, you've been blessed with a power that has the potential to do tremendous good in the world.
of tremendous damage. So we figured we'd bring you here, tell you your sister's dead, and see which way things go. Hector wants to map Jean's brain to copy her powers and has built a machine that can do just that. So what the f*** is with this room?
Is this supposed to be some recreation of her childhood bedroom? Why? It never plays into what they're doing to her here. Neither of them even acknowledge it. Distance check. Forty foot ten. Assuming that seven feet of clearance is enough margin for error
when your margin of error could be putting her in a bunker in the Mojave Desert and doing this entire thing remotely. She communicated with you telepathically across all that distance? We did register a huge spike in that session.
Fascinating. Discovering this fact and then quoting Spock instead of enacting my Mojave Desert Bunker Plan. It's gonna be like that. You wanna go? Alright. Alright. Give me a sec. The movie has time to allow the guards to have time to allow Spider-Man to have time for this.
The whole E-Max thing isn't a secret program, prison, or super serum after all. It was an homage to V'ger from Star Trek The Motion Picture. And while that's objectively the best Star Trek movie, it's still copying someone else's homework. The last thing my sister saw was this goddamn room!
And the only message she could send to you was a label on a vent? What about Metzger? Or DDC? Sarah used her final mental breath to send Jean a f***ing riddle, the answer to which is only useful if Jean ends up just as f***ed as she was. Shut it down!
Or you could turn the inhibitor back on. The only limbs that will wield this power are mine. Professor Charles Xavier has remotely entered the chat.
I mean, at this point, you'd just stop living in New York, right? God, that's cool. I get that his spidey senses would allow him to see this coolness in slow motion, but what about the words he just said? Did he actually say that super fast? Or are the hands genuinely moving in slow motion?
Will the representatives from the Laws of Physics lobby please kindly hold their questions for the duration of this fight scene? Oh, now, someone spilled some upgrade in my house with a flying spider.
Isn't it funny how your friends from Damage Control developed a special weapon just for you? You've got a whole task force ready. Just in case you ever get out of line. Honestly, as a super-powered being, I'd be personally offended if they didn't have a special weapon and a task force ready to take me out.
Tactical HUDs that put incoming phone calls in your direct line of sight mid-battle. There's no reason for Spidey to take his mask off you. He has no idea when Jean will blip out of the hand's consciousness, which would mean, bam, they all know his identity. All because we suddenly need to be able to see how cool it is when its eyes turn black.
You don't get to have friends or family. Those people are gone. That life is over. Character inadvertently says just the right thing to trigger the hero's transformation and give them the power to save the day cliche.
His slow motion powers are impressive, but since he barely needed to move to dodge any of these throwing stars, I think he would have been fine either way. Come on, you're not a killer, Jean. Except for the people who for sure died during that tank chase. Or when she blew up the tank after the chase.
And when she set the Hulk loose at damage control in Manhattan. But other than that, yet totally not a killer. Fortunately for his purposes, the wall that Gene blew out of the building is facing the exact direction of the building that Frank randomly chose for a sniper's nest.
You're a really special person. And I would hope that that will always make you feel really great about yourself. But I know, sometimes it doesn't. But look! Peter has the exact mother figure buried in his consciousness that Jean needs and is saying the exact things she needs to hear.
If Jean had run in a Deadpool instead of Spider-Man, we'd all be f***ed. Peter's spidey suit is the perfect composition to allow this sniper bullet to hit Peter but not travel through him to also hit Jean. It's not often you're saved by someone else's plot armor.
You gotta get out of here. You'd think so, but for some reason the half dozen or so people who were 40 feet away in the control room have inexplicably disappeared. Wait, why the f*** is Frank bringing them in? Frank was way the f*** across town, which means he would have had to find his truck, get all the way to Roosevelt Island, grab Spider, throw him in the truck with Gene, and then drive him to hospital.
Quicker than an ambulance would have been on the scene. Frank should have turned up at the Department of Damage Control to find that Peter was already in surgery. Also, we'll learn that Gene used her powers to keep him alive. So where the f*** is she? Why isn't she running in with Frank? Seems like a pretty crucial time to be hiding in the band.
Frank, you were not sorry for what I did? No, Frank. I didn't say no to a lot of things, but it sure as f*** ain't okay, all right? But it would have been okay if he'd shot and killed Gene? He didn't slip. Listen, he's sorry about the result, not the action. Meaning he did exactly what he thought was okay at the time.
It's not Frank's fault Peter got in the way of his righteous kill. He came in and had to cut through the shoe, but if you're ready to split, I got a plan. Was this plan really necessary? No one out here knows that Peter Parker is Spider-Man, so why would Peter leaving the hospital draw any kind of attention?
Is he the only patient in there? It's like Frank thinks everyone will immediately assume the first person to leave the hospital was Spider-Man. I think he just wanted to wear the mask. Also, I know this is all so that Peter can see how much New York loves him. but they've loved him all movie.
All the news is about how much Peter has cleaned up New York. What I want to see is him visiting that one cop he hospitalized and how he intends to cover her medical bills and lost pay. Much like Peter's debut in the Oscar-nominated Iron Man 2,
I can't wait for whatever movie comes out in 2031 that confirms this kid grows up to be Captain Britain, Beta Ray Bill, or Molecule Man. I'm calling my doctor. What I need you to do is ask, how's the investigation going?
Well, that's good. Don't you see? How did that happen? Did they rescue Peter and then just completely forget that Metzger was tied to a chair? I know Gene was focusing on keeping Peter alive, but the police must have depended on this place as soon as Gene's bubble popped, right?
Peter. Listen, I'm fine with Ned remembering. Ah yeah, besides, maybe Ned is just remembering that MJ called Spider-Man Peter earlier on. Sure, it doesn't explain why Ned thinks the guy he knows as Maynard is Peter, or why he remembers the f***ing handshake. I mean, MJ didn't accidentally give away the handshake at the same time, did she?
Does the magic just ignore muscle memory? Why would that be a thing? Does Ned have some sensitivity to magic as demonstrated by his ability to use the sling ring? Probably. But it's still bulls**t. And it's still s**t all over Peter's sacrifice at the end of No Way Home.
I said I'm fine! The movie ends on several minutes of documentary footage of the streets of New York. You know, for kids. No Spider-Man sighting. Location, unknown. Then it's not a sighting, is it? Location, found.
By who? Maybe it's the Fantastic Four and their spaceship or Dr. Doom abducting him. But either way, this presumes that one of them has logged into Ned's f**king spider tracker app and updating his location, which is too cute by half, my friends, too cute. Also, the movie is missing precisely one Hulk-shaped post-credits scene
that you'll only be able to watch on the big screen by showing out at the encore of a different movie entirely.
What is Zero? What is Zero? I'm so glad you're on.