[00:05] justifying genius imagineer at Disney thought we needed to be teased and trolled with a teaser and two trailers for a movie we saw a mere 10 years ago. Disney's Moana starts with the Disney logo. For a hot second there, I thought
[00:18] there was a slim chance we might be in an A24 or Blumbhouse production. And for Remember when Moana put her hand in the ocean? Remember the feels? What if I tell you the technology existed to make that hand real? Coming to a theater near
[00:32] you. People doing things that's not aliio. Wow. Can you imagine being a content creator like Disney, choosing to mine your most popular IP, tweak it slightly, and then try to pass it off as something brand new, and then having the
[00:45] that made that content so entertaining, just naively hoping no one will care or notice or care enough to notice. I mean, I'd be flooding the comment section with it's definitely Disney we're talking about here, has ruined the thing that I
[01:00] trying to pull a stunt like that? This trailer exists mainly to remind you that when Disney says live action, they 100% without question unequivocally mean itself twice in the first 24 seconds of a 1 minute trailer is apparently not a
[01:16] contractual breach of The Rock's ego. Time to be tempted by a rapid cut of you recognize but have definitely never seen in live action before. Like this bird, these boats, and this drum. A drum that was very important in the 2016 Moana.
[01:28] And I for one am excited to see how we redeem its criminally underdeveloped arc. Being coy with a full frontal shot of Maui as if the movie might be teasing some other fish hook wielding demigod. I mean, damn. The teaser for the OG Moana
[01:40] was like 90% Maui. We know the dude is going to be in the movie and we also know he's going to look weird as with that hair. Quit edging my Johnson in case you confused it with this summer, last summer, or summer 2136. Oh, good.
[01:52] More Kakamura Kaka this time in for Kaka. Maui. Damn, I love this song. And even this smallest glimpse of Katherine Lara has me pumped to see a whole movie of her Moana. And the fact that our equal stepped away so Pacific Islander
[02:07] equal stepped away so Pacific Islander could take the spotlight is topnotch. Oh without any last minute sarcasm. Surprise. the bold choice that is months after your live action Hercules remake.
[02:20] thousand petting zoo chickens to brutal death by coconutting. Also, apparently many coconuts were harmed in the making of this liveaction movie. Trailer for a reboot edges us with an echoey whisper of a theme they know we
[02:34] love all over again cliche. Well, thanks for spoiling the fact that Puera will still be animated, proving that no one cared enough to train a pig to play this part. They're already 99% adorable. How hard would it have been? It's the
[02:47] mean, it's Dom's Dodge Charger. I mean, Ecto1. >> The story has just begun. >> So, the second trailer of a reboot of a story that started 10 years ago, I am getting so much new information from
[03:00] ever see the magic wave during the day, but this trailer shows a completely different angle of the wave. And at night, tickets purchased. After screwing Marvel, Star Wars, and Fox, Disney wept. for there were no more worlds left to
[03:14] start transforming islands into effiges of their sacred magic kingdom castle. What you're actually looking at here is what's left of Scotland. what's left of Scotland. >> Beyond our reef, the evil darkness has
[03:27] >> A literal cry for help from the original Moana somehow makes it into the trailer for this remake. An untrained ear might mistake that beep accompany important characters in trailers. On this occasion, it's
[03:41] balls on the person who in all earnestness put that hairpiece on Dwayne >> Maybe it's Maybelline. >> Also uncertain if trailer for movie or Essences team up. >> So it goes like this. Maui, shape
[03:56] hero of men. >> H, this feels very familiar. >> It's actually Maui, shape shifter, demigod of the wind and sea, hero of men. Look, of course there's going to be repetition, but that's a clip from the
[04:10] repetition, but that's a clip from the OG Moana trailer. It's the same thing. didn't just release that trailer with a big label that says this, but with mostly real people and the rock. >> Ah, women. [music] Women, too. Men and
[04:24] >> Trailer does us all a public service by making sure it shows us the funniest sure none of that pesky, unexpected laughter ruins the movie going experience. This trailer also wants you to know that Moana 2026 will be fixing
[04:37] anything remotely problematic from Moana 2016. Even the stuff that wasn't even remotely problematic and was actually a joke that Moana 2016 knew it was making >> You're welcome.
[04:50] some they can't hold out that pretense for the length of a two-minute trailer. Climax of a trailer feels like it has to
[05:02] with an epic drum beat for us to care. It does not. My cares have long since >> And it chose you, too. >> Yeah, I'm pretty sure he chose himself. people who could have nailed this role. And the wig me every time Disney
[05:17] announces another live action remake that isn't Atlantis. [screaming] I think I have officially heard everying chi who this yahoo could possibly squeeze into the movie through these first two trailers alone. Also, it's
[05:30] other trailers. Why can't we say anything new? It's too much to ask. >> Let's go save the world. >> I got your back. asleep or chosen to pickle their internal organs instead of continuing to
[05:44] rundown. Moana's grandma tells her about some bad ju guu and her only hope is to find some semi demi miniigod called Maui. Maui refuses to help her. Maui agrees to help her. Trailer over. That's also theing movie. W Derpney. Okay,
[05:58] maybe they're not worried about spoiling a movie we've already seen. But wait, why did they make this movie again? >> I might just be done with movies. >> What? Is there something in my teeth? >> I was being cheeky, but damn, that and
[06:12] women joke really will be the best gag in the movie. one. This is the one where we find out why Disney wants us to pay money to watch a movie we've already paid to see. You've got this, Disney. Let's not do
[06:25] what other trailers do and just reuse footage we've already dreams. >> Well, I guess I [music] kind of >> Disney managing to predict the exact amount of time it would take for the
[06:37] internet to shut down this trailer. Wait, what? This is a Disney movie. Disney logo in all three trailers, I've realized that this magic trail isn't Tinkerbell. Meaning she's lost her job
[06:50] to this random bird that Disney has decided to enslave and force feed rocket fuel pixie dust until it sheds its brain out all over their not Disney castle. to you. >> We know at this point Disney, you're
[07:04] intelligence or willfully disrespecting my time. everyone's hero. >> Would he? I mean, the world is only cursed because he stole the heart in the first place. Do bank robbers become
[07:17] damn it, trailer narrator, save it for the sins video. >> Ah, but the question is whether the movie will reveal whose beautiful hair he's been gifted with. This singular and useless second of Heii being taunted by
[07:29] when you've had to break down the trailer second by second, and you happened. >> This mission has no chance. listing all the bad stuff that will happen before another character says,
[07:41] >> Maui is not spelled with a Wii, it's spelled with an I. math. >> What do you do in the realm of monsters? >> I can't believe that Jermaine Clement is of being truly representative and letting an authentic member of the giant
[07:55] >> Pick an eye, babe. >> Maybe she's struggling because they both wonder why they'd even bother making two of them in the first place. >> This is somehow not the tagline on the poster. Disney specifically finding a
[08:10] way to make sure I won't be within a thousand miles of a theater on July 10th is deeply suspicious. Uncertain if trailer for Moana remake or the eventual Avatar. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is this
[08:22] trailer telling us that Heihei, a dinosaur of the chicken variety and little Moana grew up together? How old is Hei? Fine, I will do chicken math. movie. In this clip, I'd say she's four, maybe five. So, that puts Heii at maybe
[08:37] 10 years old. And the world record for the world's oldest chicken is oh 16. They live for 5 to 10 years on average. Okay, fine. Heii could be this old, but chickens weren't being waterboarded by the literal personification of the
[08:51] >> There is no escape. >> Sure seems like Disney wants us to feel that way, doesn't it? So, based on this clip, it's pretty easy to deduce exactly They find him, steal the thing, get caught, escape, which is fine because we
[09:04] would just like the trailer to pretend that there will be something new to under the chin, and tell me I'm a good boy that'll get all my wishes. These trailers really hope you remember how much you love Heihei as much as they
[09:18] you loved Heii. When really all we wanted was Alan Tudic dressed as a geriatric chicken being waterboarded by the personification of the ocean. Honestly, Disney, fine. Do it. Go and make a movie about this already told
[09:30] guess what? It's going to make a bajillion trillion dollars, which will only encourage them to do the same thing with Zootopia, Frozen, and god forbid, Toy Story. Mostly because we keep feeding them all of our dollar bills.
[09:43] Meaning that being mad at Disney for remaking movies is like yelling at our it laxatives and locking it in the living room. Hey, that could be my living room. Hey, that could be my letter box review from Moana 2026.
[09:58] hilarious. And here's the we wish we'd written. Disney coming to a theater near you. Me, is that a threat? Beautifully brutal. 10 out of 10. This trailer makes me want to sit on my TV and look at my couch. A Vance approved
[10:10] burn allegedly. Comment section is more creative than the trailer itself. Harding agree, internet citizen. This movie makes Shark Tale look like a Renaissance painting. A hot take that 100% slaps. Allegedly, how will
[10:24] Rock in the Avengers doomsday hilarious, but please stop manifesting things that could actually happen. The hierarchy of power in the Moana universe is about to change. Rock on, comment section. Rock on. If I saw this movie on a plane, I
[10:38] Sins branded parachute to the merch store. Link in the bio.
[10:53] >> YOU NEED TO STOP ALL THIS. >> But you just pointed to all of me.