[00:00] Last night on stream, someone asked me if I had heard of the SeaWorld Dark Romance event. And I had never heard such a beautiful combination of words. That is what the English language was made for.
[00:12] SeaWorld apparently hosted a dark romance spooky-scary zone for Hollow Scream, which Home Run SeaWorld got their finger on the pulse here.
[00:24] What are the people like? Dark romance. Send it. That's how desperate SeaWorld has become. now as an expert in the dark romance erotica genre many of you know this but i'm a survivor
[00:37] of haunting adeline i read that bitch cover to cover i know all the ins and outs of dark romance i'm the preeminent expert on this genre now so i had to peer into the abyss here and i'm happy to
[00:51] say it looked back into me as well what a fucking event man Ooh, just one more chapter.
[01:22] You think you'll make it to the other side without getting wet or cum in your pants? Think again. So, one more chapter. You go in there, and it's not really scary.
[01:34] It's more so like the goon zone. So it's a bunch of sometimes shirtless and semi-shirtless dudes, sometimes with airbrushed abs and sometimes not, walking around and, like, sometimes talking to you.
[01:48] And then they also have a few haunt sliders that slide around. It's fucking cinema. And speaking of cinema, usechic.com best soap and best deodorant in the universe upgrade your hygiene, take it seriously
[02:25] Nothing says scary quite like a boner in your trousers, am I right, sports fans?
[02:40] So, this is SeaWorld scraping the bottom of the barrel. This is a business that I cannot believe is still around. I've hated SeaWorld since I was a child, well before a lot of the big stories and stuff came out about them.
[02:55] Because I always just hated the amusement park. It was boring. It was just no fun And it really just seemed like one of the most joyless places on earth So I never really liked SeaWorld And then of course everything with the animal cruelty and all that comes out
[03:09] and that only further cemented my disdain for it. I haven't been to SeaWorld probably since I was 10 years old, and I'd never plan on going back. But if they could just spin off the Just One More Chapter scary Halloween experience,
[03:26] I would consider getting tickets. This is a special kind of out of touch. This is like a very rare breed of delusion where you accidentally fart out a masterpiece. You squeak that out from between your butt cheeks in an act of desperation,
[03:40] and you create something iconic, man. This is when you get to the gyms. I really want to go to the Just One More Chapter scare zone, but I don't want to buy tickets to SeaWorld to do so.
[03:54] Now, to really send shivers down your spine, and they had this haunting Instagram photo op spot, Good Girls Go for the Bad Boys, and it's a page out of, I don't know, some kind of dark romance novel,
[04:09] and I was trying to read it. It's pretty awful, and there is just a whole line in there about fingering. You can see it right above boys there. It talks about being fingered.
[04:21] So that's cool. Thanks, Hallow Scream. I can pose in front of the fingering page in the cathedral chapter of the poop that took a peeing dark romance book, whatever the fuck this is.
[04:33] Now, I've watched a lot of clips of this event, and I feel really bad for this guy in particular because he's kind of become the face of it due to the airbrushed abs there. Now, I'm going to tell you, I doubt it was his idea to have abs airbrushed on him.
[04:49] That was probably a corporate decision here. They were probably like, we gotta make sure all the hunks here got real tight airbrushed abs. And unfortunately, because it's put on while the sun's still out,
[05:03] you can blatantly see the airbrushing on him in particular. But there's multiple other performers that have the same kind of airbrushing treatment, which a lot of people have been clowning on. I do really feel bad for them because
[05:16] in a lot of the little short clips and the videos I've seen it doesn't look like they want to be there either this is probably not what they really wanted to sign up for when it came to being a scare actor at Hallow's Scream
[05:30] having to be dark romance characters I am a monster your love won't be that Go ahead, run all you want.
[05:44] You'll always come back for me. They don't listen. They never do. You could be the next one in my chapter if you like.
[05:56] No. What happens? Come sign your name. What? What? She doesn even realize she signed her name in the death note right there Just one more chapter she thought
[06:15] What's the harm? Last mistake she ever made. So yeah, it's a pretty cool zone there. So, you know, reading dark romance, you know, fanfic up there,
[06:28] and having them sign their names into his chapter, pretty pretty cool when I saw it I thought it was a bit the spray tanned abs who what was the thought process I don't think that I don't think that a lot of people would be like you have to
[06:42] have abs I think if you were I mean they didn't even look like they were they weren't in shape better if they don't have abs just close them and then and then they're still dark and mysterious I mean that's that is true put a shirt on them yeah it looks fucking stupid also makes them look
[06:55] way more out of shape than they actually are none of those guys were out of shape I just want to say that, okay? The comments on all the videos taken from the event were lighting them up, claiming it was the pathetic Teemu version of a dark romance fantasy world. So Papa Meat also talked about this
[07:09] recently in a video. I got hungry for more clips from just one more chapter, so I was perusing everywhere, and it looks like Papa Meat beat me to it and compiled some of the best moments, the highlights. So there are some bangers in there that we're going to have to sink our teeth into.
[07:25] And also, that's a really good point from Papa Meat there. The poorly airbrushed abs there, they do just make the performers look more out of shape than they are. They've done such a terrible job with the airbrushing
[07:37] that it actually makes them look much more out of shape. It is a simple solution. If they really cared that much about, like, visible abs, you could just have, you know, like a tank top on the ones
[07:50] that don't have visible abs and shit like that, and it would have made far more sense and been a lot less cartoonish. And, like, there are performers there that do have, like, clothes on, like, shirts on and stuff, so, like, very, very weird decision there from the higher-ups.
[08:05] I also have a hunch that the higher-ups maybe did this for their own pleasure. I think they might be avid consumers of dark fantasy. I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to do, like, a fucking collab, SeaWorld cross-haunting Adeline and bring in, like, Zayn
[08:19] as a full-time, you know, fixture of SeaWorld. My favorite one, though, is where my hug at type jump scare. People who'd been aching to see tall, dangerous beecakes were met with the palest twink Florida had to offer,
[08:33] unconfidently throwing out lines like, Hey, we're having fun. Which I'm not going to fault the people, right? They're just doing what they're told, whatever. And one actor dramatically runs up to someone filming on their phone and asks,
[08:46] Why is everyone leaving? Why is everyone leaving? Why is everyone leaving? Is there any other attraction where you just walk through a duck? I'm horny now. Oh, I love that! My god, my buggy is getting
[08:58] soiled! Wow, what a great line! Why is everyone leaving? That shows ballistic! That is That is actually perfect Off off you went rogue he went rogue He was cooking I mean as Papa Meat also points out it is so weird like conceptually to have an entire area dedicated to trying to make the guests horny
[09:24] Like, arouse them as they're going through your park. What could possibly be the benefit of that? Why would you want that? that's so fucking peculiar in what is supposed to be like
[09:36] a family park now of course this is Hello Scream so it's not like you know the same atmosphere as you know the not dark romance times in Sea World but even still
[09:48] why would that be the goal of your Halloween season scare zone to make your guests go like like why would you like what overtly horny trashy taking place at this year's hollow screen. Throttle
[10:00] is an immersive biker themed dance and stunt show that includes all sorts of erotic outfits, BMX tricks, and rock music. Florida. During a dance number with
[10:12] a female dancer, the choreography becomes much more sexual. People in the comments were shocked to realize that this was taking place at SeaWorld of all places because it seemed so insanely out of place. I mean, it kind of looks like a show you would see
[10:24] like a burlesque show in New York or something. Others are simply baffled to see the choreography choices, like during one moment where the skull face dancer starts humping a machete and just makes me unmoved from the spot. Paradise, it's looking so good!
[10:37] I love some of the dance moves there, the choreography. Like, as probably said, there's a guy that just looks like he's shadowboxing. Like, it genuinely looks like some dance moves I would make up, you know, with my terrible dance move repertoire that I like to break out,
[10:51] like the JoJo Siwon shit, that kind of thing. That guy's just over there doing this. It's pretty cool, and then, yeah, it gets, like, very erotic, it appears. Which, again, what an interesting idea for SeaWorld
[11:03] for, like, the scare zone and the Halloween season spookies. I'm not sure what they expected in terms of reception, but I wonder if they view this as a success,
[11:15] because it has generated a lot of buzz, from what I can tell. A lot of people are talking about it and making fun of it because this is, it is pretty special. This is fucking unhinged. So I wonder if they'll double down next year.
[11:30] You know, they really commit to it, go hog wild. They got, you know, 50 Shades of Grey themed scare zone next year. I don't make love. I fuck. Hard. Now sign here, are you here to see Shamu?
[11:43] This is so good, man. Just one more chapter. But I can't get enough, I need more chapters, SeaWorld. you did it, you finally found the way to save your business, lead into dark romance, let's go,
[11:57] wow, they cook, yes, I hate SeaWorld, no, I, like, legitimately hate SeaWorld, but man, I gotta give credit where credit's due, what an entertaining, terrible fucking idea, and even worse execution
[12:10] here for their, uh, Halloween scares, anyway, I had to yap about it a little bit, that's it, see ya.