[00:00] I am light. I am light. I thought you said your name was Brentis. I am light. I can even make potato salads for all of you.
[00:16] Why did the Witcher music kick in? Blood of the Dawn Walkers. Will you walk or will you run? It's like Witcher, I think, and I hope it's cool like that. The first cutscene was cool, so I hope it's like that. Come in.
[00:28] Come get the bread while it's still warm. Does that count as a quest? Luka! Get Luka in this game. Luka? Luka! Luka, go on in. Luka, go over there.
[00:40] Luka has a target. Luka! Get him moving. Luka? Luka? Are you all right? Luka, go down now.
[00:52] God, I'll get this. Luka. Luka. Did you kill all the deer in the whole forest and put them in a big pile again? Yes, sir. Don't you blame me. Very good. Luka!
[01:05] Luka, there's only one way. God help me. Take this. This is the enemy. I told you guys Luka was badass.
[01:18] I didn't know. I swear to god this is the witcher soundtrack Am I crazy? Oh, I hunked him Oh, you actually have to block from different directions
[01:34] That's pretty cool Not if I block downwards Towards my balls Come on, bubby Foolish, foolish guy Oh, oh, get him
[01:49] Hey I was playing! Stupid cup scene man you got me killed! I was winning in the gameplay!
[02:06] He had to pause his game. I think his mom called him to dinner or something. In vampire form he can replenish health by drinking blood. Or ranch dressing soda. But most people prefer blood. blood. Get him a guy
[02:19] that's different than the witcher. Hit him with the Dracula's charm. Do you have to leave a tip You a monster now Lunker You a monster now Lunker go boom now Lunker hold R2 and then you go whoop
[02:36] Oh, that's cool. Me and Lunker are teleporting. This is how you get around in Half-Life Alyx.
[02:48] You have to go to Evil Vampire Church. It's all red so you know that it's evil for vampires. Wake up. What? What? What's going on? The sun's up and you're still in bed! That's what!
[03:06] Where's Lunker? Where's Lunker? Here! Get off! Which way? I tried to set the music from Witcher Simul 3!
[03:19] I'm stunned that it's like working as good as it is so far I know I'm only like three seconds in but still. Press square to pick up sausage. Nice. Oh eat the sausage, yeah. Pass the soup Peter. I don't think I'll eat it.
[03:31] I see a chicken in the window. Oh I can use my witch's sense to see another chicken. I made you some oatmeal. She doesn't like oatmeal. Why can't mommy turn her on? She wants pizza. My teeth started wriggling. This one. Monka, you're turning into a Dracula. Press R2 to feed her oatmeal. That wasn't a good idea. I'm going to go get some more.
[03:43] I'm going to go get some more. I'm going to go get some more. I'm going to go get some more. I'm going to go get some more. I'm going to go get some more. That's R2 to feed her oatmeal. That would have worked if I was level 4. Go. And don't dawdle.
[03:57] I never dawdle. Don't they throw hits you? If you try to hit me I'll block downwards. Should I steal an onion?
[04:09] Am I really that far gone? Down the vampire path? Wait, they can't even eat onions, they'll die. Grandma? What happened? Someone took the banner! Who took it?
[04:21] Oh, don't do it you scoundrels! Blonde, maybe the thief cut himself taking the banner off the loom. He solves mysteries, this big witcher.
[04:33] The footprints lead right to the chicken. Go do something useful for the change. Well, I have another quest to find a pig. What we need is a nice tree. I gotta buy the herbs, find the banner, catch the pig, arrest the chicken, then chop this tree down.
[04:49] And don't dawdle. Take off your shirt. Gotta take my shirt off brush my teeth Wait I being tamed Is that dead rising I been looking for this pig for like seven hours Here your onion soup
[05:05] I can almost see people opening them now. This purse lets you smell where pigs are. Brew three scoops of this mixture with water that's hot, but not quite boiling. Give it to half a full mouth, and then twice daily. What were you doing out here by the river?
[05:18] We don't have time to ask about stuff like that, man. Why are we being tamed? How long were you there? What thingy? Seven hours. I could overwrite away. These are dangerous times to be so nosy, Cullen. That's what I'm saying. Maybe we'll stay a little longer then. We could practice your Latin again.
[05:31] Should we get a practice Latin, make the tea, find the pig, cut down a tree, defeat Rentis, arrest the chicken, and then get some hot dogs on the way home? I really have to go. Go. Go. Time has passed. Oh, no. Oh, no.
[05:44] It's funny to be in a witcher world where everybody just wants you to do chores for them and If time is passing and you're gonna... Can't even do the game in time. The pig found me.
[05:58] Maybe he's being timed also. We're losing time. You know it. Don't worry. I already found the pig. Now I just have to gather 174 acorns. Did you do what I asked?
[06:10] Whoops. She told you how to prepare these? She did, yes. Ah, crap. Actually, I had to remember that. We're three scoops of this mixture with water that's hot, but not quite boiling.
[06:22] She said, like, my tooth is wiggling, the pig will teach us Latin. I think boiled water was one of the steps. Crap, how many spoons for us? It was three, right?
[06:34] Three? Just need the moment to steep. Let's wait. There's no time. Afterwards, we'll go practice a little. Latin. Little angel, no need to cry.
[06:48] Man, we're running out of time. See? Man, you better put that moon back. I still got a chop down three branches of the moon's fence.
[07:06] What the hell was that? Must be Vox. They live in the Lilliland. Hey, Red. That was like a hundred thousand. Target, what are you targeting? Oh, no. Oh, no.
[07:18] Rats must have done this. Who's that? It is rats Rats are goes for me I not gonna jump and die Are you kidding me I beaten Crash Bandicoot on nightmare difficulty
[07:39] Or was that Ratatouille? Oh, there's the rats. I knew it was them. I've always said that you should be able to teleport to a distant rat in The Witcher 3 to take a bite out of them.
[07:52] out of them how do I get out of here we found it now go no man
[08:07] oh that's cool that's why they call this town the wee hours you only get 30 days to beat the game
[08:19] so it's just like Pikmin should have called this the witch man oh crap no loitering yeah whatever man
[08:31] just go about your day again oh no behind the bear they don't know
[08:43] come on boy why can't I bite a bear oh my god I blocked your attack, you bastard. I blocked your attack, you bastard.
[08:55] Wait, how did I, wait. I'm with you. Yeah! That was some beef. Are you serious?
[09:08] Who the hell are you? So what makes the Dawn Walker different from Blade is that Blade is a day walker, okay? Blade has vampire powers during daytime and nighttime.
[09:21] Dawn walkers only have vampire powers at nighttime, like a werehog, so they can't get sued by Marvel, but they can get sued by Richard III, maybe. Whoa, I'm like Marvel's copyright character, The Flash.
[09:33] Nothing against Roach, but you gotta admit, like, this is a million times fun to do it like this.
[09:47] Thank you.