---
title: 'How Supermax Prisons Actually Work | How Crime Works | Insider'
source: 'https://youtube.com/watch?v=iMlvLm1yJek'
video_id: 'iMlvLm1yJek'
date: 2026-08-05
duration_sec: 2478
---

# How Supermax Prisons Actually Work | How Crime Works | Insider

> Source: [How Supermax Prisons Actually Work | How Crime Works | Insider](https://youtube.com/watch?v=iMlvLm1yJek)

## Summary

The video provides an insider's account of life inside ADX Florence, the only federal supermax prison in the United States, based on the narrator's personal experience. It details the extreme security measures, isolation, daily routines, and psychological impact of incarceration in this facility.

### Key Points

- **Introduction to ADX** [00:00] — The narrator was held at ADX, the only federal supermax in the US, describing the extreme security and isolation.
- **Reason for Incarceration** [00:35] — The narrator threw Molotov cocktails at an empty government building, receiving a 10-year sentence. After an assault by a lieutenant and fighting back, he was labeled as having 'leadership status' and sent to ADX.
- **History of Supermax** [01:13] — Alcatraz was the first federal supermax. A supermax holds prisoners 24 hours a day. The narrator was transferred via Oklahoma Transfer Center to Colorado.
- **Processing at ADX** [02:11] — Upon arrival, prisoners are stripped, searched, and given a number. The narrator was 27090-045. They are marched down a slope to C unit, through electronic gates.
- **Population and Notable Inmates** [03:25] — ADX holds at most 470 prisoners. Notable inmates include Terry Nichols, Eric Rudolph, and Tsarnaev (Boston bomber). El Chapo and Richard Reid are also there.
- **Gang Dynamics** [05:04] — Gang rivalries are muted due to isolation, but fights can occur. The narrator mentions a rare fight between a DC Black and Aryan Brotherhood member.
- **Mental Health Issues** [06:11] — Many inmates are mentally ill and should not be in such isolation. They scream and cry for help, but administration ignores them.
- **Communication and Intel** [07:11] — Gang leaders are kept in ADX to prevent them from controlling outside operations. The prison monitors communications to gather intelligence.
- **Politics and Respect** [08:22] — The narrator, with leftist tattoos, was cautious about politics. He stayed respectful and honest to avoid being targeted. He never had a bad interaction with cartel guys or others.
- **Security Measures** [10:15] — ADX is built into the ground. Prisoners are always shackled when moving. In restrictive units like Range 13, cameras are in cells. Cells are concrete with a small window.
- **Cell Rotation** [11:37] — Cells are rotated every 2-3 months to prevent comfort and disrupt patterns. Guards control movement via a 'bubble' system.
- **Cell Blocks and Units** [12:51] — ADX has different units: C unit for those with set sentences, SAMs for special administrative measures (often jihadis), K-A for prerelease, K-B for those never getting out, and J unit for those working their way out.
- **Prerelease Unit Experience** [14:02] — In K-A unit, the narrator got one hour of indoor rec with others. He made a close friend accused of transcribing speeches for al-Qaida.
- **Guard Abuse** [14:44] — Guards have immense power and often abuse it, insulting families, playing games with mail, and being disrespectful. Some are decent, but others are cruel.
- **Isolation and Psychological Impact** [16:54] — The worst part is isolation. It's a 'quiet hell' that weighs on you. The narrator didn't get his property for two weeks, leading to dizziness and vertigo.
- **Coping Strategies** [18:22] — The narrator stayed focused on his release date, ensured dopamine and purpose, and used psych packets. The hardest part was not knowing his family's situation.
- **Daily Life and Hygiene** [19:19] — Prisoners clean their cells with body wash. Cell rotation every 30-60 days. Some prisoners lose their minds and stop caring about reality.
- **News and Media** [20:13] — News stations are available, but when George Floyd happened, they cut the news to prevent unrest. Some cells have bonuses, but violence is a risk.
- **History and Food** [21:00] — ADX opened in January 1995 after violence at USP Marion. Food is poor quality, following the national menu. The narrator used to be vegan and got veggie patties that were 'horse food'.
- **Commissary and Medical** [23:23] — Commissary allows buying items like coffee and stamps. Medical comes twice a day, but care is often inadequate. The narrator had a tooth root die and waited ten days for help.
- **Recreation** [24:42] — Recreation is in small cages or concrete boxes. Indoor rec has a dip bar and pull-up bar. Outside rec is in dog kennels. Prisoners can talk to each other through walls.
- **Classes and Education** [26:06] — Classes are mostly over TV, like Roman history. Completing packets can earn treats. Some prisoners can go to a gym for psych programs.
- **Library and Email** [27:31] — There is no physical library; books are ordered via a list. In prerelease unit, emails are allowed but must be approved by SIS.
- **Orderlies and Counts** [28:40] — Orderlies are prisoners with jobs. Counts happen multiple times a day. Hunger strikes occur, often by jihadis, leading to force feedings.
- **Daily Routine** [29:41] — The narrator's routine included cleaning, exercise (laps, burpees), TV, reading, and letter writing. He made a ranking system for days, with a Manchester United win being a five-star day.
- **Phone Calls and Visits** [31:12] — The narrator didn't get a phone call for the first year. After eight months, he got non-contact visits. Visits were rare and could be cut short. Mail was delayed.
- **Monitoring and Legal Visits** [33:12] — All communications are monitored. Legal visits are slightly different but still shackled. The narrator's family had to fly in, and visits could be canceled arbitrarily.
- **Path to ADX** [35:31] — The narrator was assaulted by a lieutenant, fought back, and was put in a four-point room. He was prosecuted for 20 extra years but won at trial. Despite that, he was sent to ADX for 'leadership status'.
- **Fear of Guards** [37:00] — The narrator feared being set up by guards, so he tied his sheet to the cell door for warning. He advises his younger self to keep loving life.
- **Message to Free World** [38:10] — He urges people to treat prisoners with empathy, as they are someone's family. He was released on December 13, 2023.
- **Reentry Challenges** [38:52] — Getting out was hard; being around people was triggering. He had to deprogram his 'prison brain' and get therapy and medication. He became a paralegal and got a book deal with PM Press called 'A Clean Hell'.

### Conclusion

The video offers a rare, first-hand account of the harsh realities of supermax incarceration, emphasizing the extreme isolation and psychological toll. It underscores the need for empathy and reform in the prison system.

## Transcript

I was held at the ADX, the only federal supermax in the United States. This is how crime works. no one's getting out because that security is too tight.
Even if you got out of your cell, you're running into door to door, door, And that had a real impact on me, that level of isolation. That's a brutal situation.
I went to ADX in August of 2022, the only federal supermax in the United States. there was an empty government building in Kansas City,
and I threw two Molotov cocktails at it, and it got me ten years in federal prison. I was assaulted by a lieutenant at FCI Florence, and I fought back. They prosecuted me trying to give me 20 extra years in prison.
And instead they said, actually, you have leadership status And so from that, that was their excuse to put me in ADX
Historically, places like Alcatraz, that was the first federal supermax. A supermax prison is a prison that will hold you for 24 hours a day So I was at the Oklahoma Transfer Center.
and you land in Colorado, and they march you to whatever bus you're going to be on. So the prison is tiny.
Normal prisons federal system have like multiple dorms. because most of it is built into the ground where we live. Nothing daunting besides the razor wire.
and the guards are walking now beside the bus with their guns. They just have you walk off and march you right to the holding cells. So the person I was with was a white guy, a Gangster Disciple.
Once you're in the holding cell, they strip you out and make you get naked, Look at the bottom of your feet inside of federal jail or federal prison. I was 27090-045.
That's Western District of Missouri, Kansas City. no matter how many years you've been there. And so they walk you down this long slope.
And then when you're at the finally bottom of the hill, you're at C unit. And they open the first gate, close it, then they open a second gate, The doors, it's all electronic.
Has your mugshot, your status and your number. The outside door is a solid steel door, and you're inside. And so they open both doors and you walk in.
the guards step backwards. And now you're doing time. And that's when you got to figure out how you want to do your do your bid.
I think it holds at most 470 something. So because it's such a hard process to get there, they never fill it.
One of the things that ADX is known for is it's like almost celebrity prisoners, Terry Nichols, of course, Eric Rudolph is another big one. One of the biggest name people there is, the one that folks know the most now,
And he is in each unit and SAMs unit. And then obviously Tsarnaev, the Boston bomber. There are different things that can get you sent to ADX.
And they place that on anyone who has too much power. He was the head of the GDS, the Gangster Disciples. You have too much of a say so.
That's where you get people like El Chapo, who's both a leader and high profile. Richard Reid, try to kill 300 people so those cats will all be there
people think that you can just get away with that. You will go to ADX no matter what. Or if you're a sex offender or PC person
or you're disrupting stuff like that, And it is sometimes ADX. you got the mass murderers, and then you have me.
And this is just my experience is people from different gangs You're no longer beefing because you're behind doors. You're just yelling through the door, "I'm going to kill you,"
because the person that you're talking to, you may also like they're also a killer. But if those doors open, that's out the window. And so the only fight that I knew of, actually, within ADX, it's rare.
It was on a range and the orderly was out there. And while the audio is out there, there's also what's called the law library. He was a DC Black.
And then in the Aryan Brotherhood are vicious rivals still. The DC cat. And so the Aryan and then battled on this range
have to like, get their chemical weapons or the short team to break it up. Something that shocked me was, there's a lot of mentally ill people there.
that should never be locked down, ever, that desperately need help. screaming, crying, begging for help. And the administration will never give it because they don't care.
disregarded the lives of the people are and not prison. gang members in ADX and usually it's the highest status ones.
But I know that the top echelon are in ADX, The head of the GDS, the head of the the brand, that's Aryan Brotherhood. because they're so powerful that if they get out the prisons, afraid
of what they will do, and they control hundreds and hundreds of people. So these are very serious cats that do not play games like D unit, whatever. I've heard that they pull like a majority West Coast people, so be like Brand.
And the reason they do comms is so they can hear, they want to hear. And that's why they let letters and the gang members, they're building a profile. So we'll let you send a crazy letter
so that we can get the crazy one back and know what's going on in the gang. that they are constantly collecting Intel and ADX. with gang members is the same way you would interact with anyone else.
And for someone like me, I'm not affiliated. I don't have that in me. I'm not built that way. And as long as you talk to them respectfully, you will be fine.
weird questions like, what's your hierarchical structure? But like some of the old heads, they like telling these stories.
Like they like telling stories like San Quentin in Folsom back in the 70s and 80s. I want to hear what you're saying, but I will not ask the questions. because that's not my business.
And one thing you learn in prison is that you mind your business, when it comes to politics. And that's not very common inside federal prison.
leftist affiliations tattooed visibly on my body. And that stuff I do get nervous about, but for the most part because it's behind They never said anything about it.
Sometimes they would ask me how I felt about something like. or the release unit, like, "oh, did you see that piece of crap" I don't care about Biden.
I was very cautious because you don't want to make yourself a target ever. You don't want them to get to another yard and then say like, "hey, I met this guy" "He was, an anti-fascist, had tattoos, and he was a piece of trash."
Green light means that anyone can attack you. So you stay respectful. You stay honest, you don't lie to them.
The most people are around I was around would be cartel guys, There was never a bad interaction, even with people that hated my politics
And that's like, we're from different worlds, I get it. But behind these doors, there was only kindness, only respect. And that's a good thing for people like me who do not want to have
anything but chill. No one's getting out because that security is too tight.
It's not underground, but it's built into the ground. so you're not getting into that cell. So ADX has some slightly different security stuff.
Any time you move your hands are either a couple behind your back or shackled and a normal prison, if they call you to the lieutenant's office, you just walk. You literally just walk right to medical ADX.
And so you go nowhere alone. And if you're in one of the harsher restrictive units like Range 13, which is a further disciplinary unit, they'll have cameras in your cells.
So the beds are poured concrete. The roof is concrete. The walls are concrete. So you can sit down comfortably and write.
I never sat on that stool because it was so wildly uncomfortable. Usually everything's metal and people can do good things with that. The window that they have is a very skinny,
maybe 3 or 4 inches by two feet. At the very top, you can see a sliver of the sky, everything else. the other units.
and you got to find a way to exist in a little world and regular prisons. Your cell row table is usually once a year, maybe once every two years They do this in ADX and it's every 2 or 3 months.
So you don't get too comfortable, So they try to make it seem like we're just digging holes. We don't have metal.
It's of disrupt your pattern. And the guards do sit in. So if a guard wants Johnson out of C5, "Johnson C5,"
you got two men and they pull you out. The guards then have to check in with the bubble. The bubble then checks to see, are you registered for medical?
So it's all bubble. At that section, the prison for the B.O.P. centers, Bureau of Prisons and Federal Prisons is actually kind of nice.
It's over 100 years old, but it does have a dirty old feel to it. At the ADX they have different cell blocks or we call them ranges or units,
And so I was on C unit that is this one. That's for people who have a set sentence. you're going to be on this unit for five years, ten years for whatever.
unit is for people on S.A.Ms special administrative measures. And those are almost always jihadis or people who ordered murders from prison. And then there's the elderly range and that is called K-b.
There's a k-a and a K-b and k-A is for prerelease people that are going home and KB is for people that are never getting out. And then there's J unit, and J is for people
that are working their way out, but not for a long time, 2 or 3, 4 or 5 years. they sent me the K-A, the prerelease unit. And the only way that's different is that you get
I was there with a cartel guy and some PC guy from Washington, So you get an hour out of your cell indoor rec with them.
I made one really close friend, and I won't say his name. But it was in K-A unit, and he would talk to me through the door. He was accused of transcribing, speeches for al-Qaida.
And so he got 18 years for that and meet him would talk and talk, and sometimes we butt heads, but we also had a lot we had in common. you can develop a relationship and a close friendship.
And we were able to, for those one hours a day that we got to communicate. in ADX and other prisons is just the two man hold,
because they have so much power, because they control everything behind the doors. They insult your family more and then they play those games like the mail and stuff, knowing you can't do anything at a penitentiary.
They would have trouble. You're not going to do nothing about it. It's probably 70%, but that other 30% don't do anything about it.
So there were times where, a guard would ask me a question and I would forget that you need to look straight ahead, and I would turn just casually, "see soccer today?" and be just this short and turn
Don't turn your head and make. you learn very quickly that some of them just treat it like a job. And it's usually the people that have been there for 15, 20 years.
And then there's the guards that think that they're in a gang because they are. that will take away your recreation because they're mad at you. or just drop it outside your cell so you see it, but you can't have it.
These are the guards I will intentionally give your mail to someone else. There aren't enough bad words to describe them, and I've had guards My family had different booth for 15 or 20 minutes.
I've had guards that made my mom, who survived breast cancer, on the concrete for an hour before I demanded like, mom.
At this point in there disrespecting me, you got to talk to them. They feel that power. They feel dominance. and it is the most despicable profession I can think of.
These are the same people that tortured me a couple of years earlier. I don't have a word for these people. When you're at the ADX, the worst thing you can experience is the isolation.
but like you're not hearing your friends talk. And so the isolation feels different. It weighs on you more when you can't touch another person or interact or laugh
It's a quiet hell, and they call it that because it's so casual and quiet. If people are yelling loud enough, you can hear the pain that people have
So that shocked me, and that had a real impact on me, that level of isolation. It's a psychological program to make sure you don't lose your mind.
I didn't get mine for two weeks and it was hard. No books, no radio, no mail, no magazines, no newspaper, no TV. And that wasn't what I expected.
Because you're so alone and because you're so isolated, you do start to get like. I don't want to say a dizziness, but almost like a minor vertigo I don't know if I'm underground or above ground.
The way that I stayed, I had a release date. I have people that are looking forward to me and counting on me being home.
I ensured that I had dopamine, I ensured that I had a purpose. They will give you packets to read and try to help yourself.
the psych person like real talk was was a very decent person. they placed on her. The hardest part about being in was not knowing what my family was going through.
One of my lowest moments inside is when I thought I was getting released sooner. U.S probation, changed the rules that hurt bad.
No orderly is going to come in and clean yourself. So if you get body wash soap, you use that. you use that to clean your cell, your toilet and your shower.
So you try to keep your cell as spotless as possible, every 30 days or 60 days, depending on what unit you're in and when you cell rotate, you don't want to disrespect the person coming after you.
There are people that have lost their minds just falling into that world. They stop caring about their actual existence
and start caring about Sheldon's existence and Big Bang Theory or whatever. They have news stations. They have a right wing one, a moderate one, and then what they call left wing
When George Floyd happened, they cut the news They don't want us getting a fire in our belly. There are some things that I guess could be considered bonuses to the cells,
or you might have to stab somebody. I don't like violence very much. I hate it, and I don't want to have someone try to book me so not to,
prop this up as something good, but because I had a short time there, that would have been the one silver lining. That was at least the least bad thing.
in the terms that it is supposed to be ran poorly. became the USP Marion that became a control unit
because there was so much violence, so much radicalism. And January of 1995, they opened what was known as ADX, the administrative maximum in Florence, Colorado.
Their job is to make money. Food every single year, every single month. Everything about that place is built to be trash.
The food in ADX is still run on the Bureau of Prisons National menu. Wednesday is hamburger day, Thursday is chicken day, Friday is fish.
And the quality of it is what you would expect from a supermax prison, because I used to be vegan. And so I would get a on Wednesdays, I get all veggie patty and it's horse food.
Everything's rubber because they don't want you to be able to sharpen it. If you're in a lower security institution, It is cereal with milk and big pancakes and sirup.
It's good when you go up to the higher custody levels. When I was at USP Lee in Virginia, it was full of ants. because I had to get acclimated when I was free
But the food in penitentiaries is almost edible, and it mirrors the food in ADX. And as the national menu came and the food administrators started getting bonuses,
they cut the food budget, which means the food gets worse and worse. The commissary is good for a locked down situation on a yard. But because it's comparable to a
You can buy peanut butter, you can buy socks, you can buy sweaters. They got rid of that because they said people were making hooch out of it. for people to make really good food because they're they have, ingenuity.
You can spend $100 a week. I don't, so I buy three bags of coffee to last me a month. That's how you get stamps, right? Your family.
I think 40 stamps are called a book and they're $22, $24, whatever. And that enables you to be able to send out letters to those you love. Medical will come around twice a day,
Sometimes if you have health issues they'll give you won't be again Sometimes they'll give you, tranquilizers because they want you to sleep. I've seen men that had to go to surgery because things were so bad for them,
had to get rushed to the hospital again because their blood got infected. One of the roots of my teeth died and so I was in the worst pain I can imagine feeling besides the torture.
I asked for help for ten days. That's ten days barely sleeping. They say it wasn't an emergency.
You can force that stuff in a SHU. One day I'll be inside. One day I'll be outside. Depending on the elements and the indoor recreation cage is on
your unit is the other side of the hallway that you're in, and it's just a room. And it's got a dip bar in it and a pull up bar, and then has a little bench for you
to sit on, some benches, a concrete slab, and that's it outside. Because the same way you go into this dog kennel or concrete box But that's the time where you can talk to people,
because if you do outside rec on your range and you're on a normal range, they put you in dog kennels and there's 3 or 4 on each side. So that's why most cats go to outside rec.
And then the other option is screaming at the top of your lungs. And I think I did it with, one person for the Super Bowl. And so we bet on that door now he owes me burpees.
I've got 20 burpees on Chiefs. then you can yell back. you can just casually talk through the walls.
They have classes at most 99% of them are over the TV. And so we'll be like Roman history and you'll watch that channel. So if you want to get, points to maybe bring down your sentence somehow,
You have to answer like a book like question. And if you turn it in enough packets, you get like a treat, If you have been in that prison long enough and you have a certain
amount of good conduct, you can go to what's called the gym for classes. And it is like a it's like it feels like an empty gymnasium, I guess, And that's usually for like psych programs like mental health stuff.
But for those moments you can talk to each other, which is interesting. I was never able to get into those are usually the recreation department or the education department.
Recreation runs like the fun classes, like here's crossword puzzles, so you'll get the booklet or whatever they have for that class, And then they actually do review it.
like, oh, I'm so proud of you. And so it makes it's infantile, like it makes you feel like a baby. But at the same time, for some people, that's the only positive reinforcement
So there is a bonus in that for the people that need that, normal prisons, there's an actual library, and you walk in and you actually get books and they have a sheet of it's a paper.
and it has a list of the books that they have available. And you send a cop out to the education department, and you write down what book you want and what it's number is.
If not, you don't get a book that week. And a unit, the prerelease unit you can email now, the emails have to get approved by a SIS, but you can send it.
And so the Bureau of Prisons approves a certain group of music, But like I download like Taylor Swift or like some emo stuff,
some of them let me express my feelings cause like $3 a song is very expensive. gives you time to walk to other cells and not release units. So you can talk to the orderly and orderly.
And this is for all prisons and orderly is someone that their job is literally I met some cool dudes through that two one like some of the head commissioners I just get along with them so well.
you still have the same disciplinary, expectations as in any other prison and normal prisons, no matter where you're at, whether it's a SHU or on a compound, you have to stand for count.
They do multiple counts throughout the day before lunch, before dinner, They just see if you're there, they see the shape of your body and that's it. There were countless hunger strikes ADX and it's almost always the jihadi
because ADX will not allow some of the tenants of their faith, And there was lots and lots of force feedings, Obey. And those men would be tortured.
And so they would do deep hunger strikes like 30, 40 days. that I don't have. My daily routine was based off my previous four and a half years in segregation,
and clean my cell and then I would eat breakfast. I'd hit laps. thousand at least. small laps and then I would do my burpees
and that's a push up like a jump push up sort of situation. And then around that time, somewhere between 11 to noon is lunch. And so that would be my TV time.
reading, taking a nap. now, as you say, like your old meat loaf or whatever. And then after dinner it is letter writing, our intention.
It had to include reading because your brain has got to stay active. I made a ranking system of like, how good a day could be in the morning. and that would include like I clean while the guards and harass me.
Manchester United won. That's a five star day. That's why I would call it.
personally, my first year within ADX, I was not given a phone call. and that's what allowed me having tougher restrictions. It would usually be two to three months late and no visits.
After about eight months, I was given non-contact visits back and so my wife would have to drive the two hours from Denver And those those visits are non-contact, and you have to call on a phone
They can cut the line in the middle of a conversation and shut it short. I was able to get maybe a visit a week and maybe two phone calls a month and so it was only during my rec time.
So it'd be either you talk on the phone for 15 minutes or you get recreation. and they open the door electronically, and you have to pick it up, make sure the cis guy is there,
and then then they answer and hopefully you get a call. And the other units in ADX, they will wheel the phone to your inside door. And so you take the phone right through the bars and do your own typing.
You can't just call anybody and they can say, no, they can block you. But the phone calls, you have to get it approved ahead of time by SIS. And then my mail was always so far behind
You can't talk about certain stuff So they do let in certain things that other prisons wouldn't, but then reject certain things of like the two loving guys, like they're weird.
no matter who you are, who you are in ADX, they are reading every single word. They have to run a lot of them by the FBI and your specific SIS officer.
It's just them. And so I had to pray that my SIS officer wasn't on some They're listening to every single word you say on the phone.
to every single word you say at visit because you might not be somebody, but you might know people who are you might your your spouse, my, go to visit at the same time with somebody and pass a message that way.
They want to know who's passing messages to who are visiting. They have a concrete stool, and you sit on this stool, or you sit on the phone ledge and your partner or family or whoever it is comes in.
and you have to pick up the phone and you have to dial a number. from all over the United States, and their family has to fly in. And then if the guards decide no visits that day, they just waste all that money.
because they're being jerks or whatever, that's it. They don't care that you just flew in from Azure by John or Toronto. Prior to ADX, I'd gone five years without seeing my family.
And so your kids grow up. I didn't recognize them. Now I had a big ass beard and stuff.
And that's hard. It's hard to, like, connect with someone for that hour or two. It's slightly different
because you are taken to a different part of the visiting room. And for me, I was always shackled during legal visits too, But I would sit on the ledge and they have like this circle,
So you would get the legal visits that way in a slightly bigger room. except for you can just talk to the little slits. the prison knows ahead of time that they're coming.
very long, detailed story, but I lead with an assault and a mob closet where I was assaulted by a lieutenant at FCI Florence. And I fought back after the, fight with the lieutenant.
I was taken to a room, and it's called a four point room. And the letter X chained up like this. And it's the most immense pain I've ever felt in my life.
They prosecuted me, trying to give me 20 extra years in prison. At trial, less than 1% of prisoners ever, or people in life
And so when I wanted trial, I was supposed to be sent back to a medium security prison, and instead they said, actually, you have leadership status And so from that, that was their excuse to put me in ADX for the last year.
it was for leadership status the same way as the top gang leaders. The reason I was so shocked and thought they were joking and so it made no sense to me why someone was such a little bit
would have to go to a prison that is known for housing the worst of the worst, these infamous people, these big time people that you hear about. So it it confused the hell out of me when I showed up there.
The literal only things I was worried about was getting set up by the guards. I had that previous, violent assault they said on a lieutenant. So I even though I won that case in trial
So I was always worried about the same guards saying I was trying to escape, saying I made a move on them. So my first, probably 2 or 3 weeks, I ripped off part of my sheet
and I tied it amongst the bottom part of the inside cells. You can't open that door if it's tied shut. I would at least have some warning I could strap up or get ready to fight.
I would say to my younger self, if I had a chance that you're doing good, The only way you will win this bid is by continuing to love life
If I could say one thing to people in the free world, If your grandparent, your father, your mother, your brother, your partner,
and they were placed in prison, how would you want them to be treated because they are that to somebody and they deserve to be loved.
So please treat prisoners well and with empathy. on December 13th, 2023.
ADX doesn't hold very many people, so a lot fewer actually get released. It's rare that you get a glimpse into that prison without having to give them so much of yourself, so many decades of your life.
When I was in the prerelease unit, there was seven people that were going to get out there. That weren't.
The hardest part about getting out of ADX was being around people. People being close to me was triggering, my daughter were like, sit near me and I would burn my skin, almost like, don't touch me right now.
You have to institutionalize and trying to convince little kids why it's important to do dishes, why it's important to not have What if someone comes in, wants to hurt us because our room's not clean?
And so it was deprogramming myself so that I don't have my prison brain And I never did it in a bad way, but it was always there. and that can make you feel really dumb, like it can make you feel like the world
that you are the worst of the worst, and you don't belong to this society anymore. And a lot of people don't shake it. I get lots of therapy, lots of like mood stabilizing medicine, because if I don't,
They don't have a loving system, but if I didn't have support, I probably would have been back in prison because, like, I need help. Since I was released, I got the opportunity to be a, paralegal.
People gave me an opportunity to be a paralegal, which I'm grateful for, and I was also able to get a book deal with PM press. PM press believed in me. called A Clean Hell because that's what a warden described it as.
He said it's a clean version of hell, and I couldn't agree more.
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