[0:11] Just packed up a real money load and
[0:12] it's coming your way.
[0:14] >> Inside man on shipping heist crew risks
[0:16] everything by openly talking about the
[0:17] theft at his workplace.
[0:20] >> Honking truck driver is oblivious to
[0:22] obvious heist. Also with two hands on
[0:24] the wheel, he's not honking anything.
[0:26] truck just happens to have clearance to
[0:28] accommodate a car driving underneath it.
[0:29] When we first meet the Torettos, it's at
[0:31] their family restaurant with the hot
[0:32] sister working the counter. But then we
[0:34] never see this restaurant again, and no
[0:35] one in the entire Toretto clan has to
[0:37] work there for the rest of the movie.
[0:38] Synchronized driving. Also, no one in LA
[0:41] is driving around today. Just these
[0:42] [ __ ]
[0:45] >> Okay, so according to Mia, Brian has
[0:46] been coming to this restaurant every day
[0:48] for 3 weeks, but this [ __ ] Vince is
[0:50] just now getting pissed off about it.
[0:52] >> Cliche villain is cliche cliche. Watch
[0:55] your back. Watch your back. [music]
[0:57] >> The song Watch Your Back.
[0:58] >> Just can't climb in the ring with Ali
[1:00] cuz you think you box.
[1:02] >> He knows I can box.
[1:04] >> Yeah, he knows that you can hit him in
[1:05] the face. But we're talking about
[1:06] racing right?
[1:08] >> What the hell's going on?
[1:09] >> The only person who is inconvenienced by
[1:11] all this is a pizza delivery guy. And I
[1:13] suspect only because the movie had a
[1:14] tie-in with Pizza Hut. Do you really
[1:16] need to lay down a chalk starting line
[1:18] right next to the already there
[1:19] permanent painted white line? Isn't this
[1:21] like playing Rock Band before you go out
[1:23] to play a live show? I got a 187 in
[1:25] Glendale. Cops [music] are all over,
[1:27] man. We're good to
[1:28] >> murder. It's fantastic. Also, one murder
[1:31] is enough to tie up all of LAPD's forces
[1:34] so that the illegal and super loud
[1:35] street race can take place.
[1:41] Wait, his car is still running? There
[1:43] was white smoke coming from under the
[1:45] hood, which I usually take as a bad
[1:47] sign. I mean, look at this. You're
[1:49] telling me this car can even run when it
[1:50] does this? minutes. We have reported
[1:52] street racing along Hawthorne.
[1:54] >> Now, wait just a damn minute. Earlier
[1:56] during the race, we saw them driving
[1:57] past 120th Street. And the police
[1:59] dispatcher says they're on Hawthorne,
[2:01] which puts them roughly here, like three
[2:04] blocks from LAX. There was no way in
[2:06] hell these streets would be this
[2:07] deserted or that it would take anywhere
[2:09] near this long for the racing to be
[2:10] reported to the cops.
[2:11] >> Toretto, stop right there. The cops
[2:14] recognize Tretto, but he runs anyway,
[2:16] which turns out to be a good strategy
[2:17] since the cops never show up at his
[2:19] house later to question him about the
[2:20] street race in which he was placed at
[2:21] the scene. Okay, so Toretto is running
[2:23] down this alley, and the cop had already
[2:25] turned his car around, but apparently
[2:26] the cop can't close the distance before
[2:28] Brian does way down at the end of the
[2:29] street here. Did anything really happen
[2:31] to Brian's car? He can still lead a
[2:33] high-speed chase with this thing. This
[2:35] station wagon honks its horn at Brian's
[2:37] car, but the station wagon has a red
[2:38] light, which makes it all the more
[2:39] stupid when the station wagon guy honks
[2:41] at a cop and runs into his car. How the
[2:43] hell did the Asian street gang know that
[2:45] Tretto would be in this otherwise random
[2:47] green car driving down a lonely stretch
[2:48] of road?
[2:51] >> These pictures.
[2:52] >> You can have any brew you want
[2:54] >> as long as it's a Corona.
[2:56] >> Roll credits. Oh, wait. This is a movie,
[2:59] not a beer commercial.
[3:00] >> Thanks, man.
[3:01] >> That's Vincent, so enjoy it.
[3:03] >> Villain backwash.
[3:04] >> Hey, buddy. You got a bathroom?
[3:07] >> First door on the right.
[3:09] >> Twostory house has no bathroom on the
[3:10] first floor.
[3:13] news. Will you take these things off?
[3:15] These cops make Brian wear the handcuffs
[3:17] all the way back to police headquarters.
[3:18] So, this guy owns a restaurant, a house,
[3:20] a professional auto garage, and wins
[3:22] constantly at street racing. What the
[3:24] does he have to be stealing [ __ ] for
[3:26] again? Who's manning the Toretto Delhi
[3:28] restaurant? Anyone? Makes for a cool
[3:30] shot, but no one who is truly putting a
[3:32] car together would buy all the parts at
[3:33] once, open them from their packaging,
[3:35] and lay them out on the ground like
[3:36] this. It's going to take more than an
[3:38] afternoon to use all these parts. You
[3:40] know, I think we should go out sometime.
[3:41] >> No, I don't I don't date my brother's
[3:43] friends,
[3:43] >> but I do make myself look good for them
[3:45] if they happen to show up to a party and
[3:46] I wasn't expecting them.
[3:47] >> Cha cha cha.
[3:48] >> Yeah, that's it.
[3:49] >> Yeah.
[3:51] >> Well, you can take me there.
[3:52] >> Mia says she's tired of all the
[3:54] fighting, but then teases Vince and asks
[3:55] Brian out right in front of him.
[3:57] >> Hey, you said you need three of all this
[3:59] stuff.
[3:59] >> Movie piles an orgy of evidence against
[4:01] the Hispanic street racers by having
[4:02] Hector order parts for the exact number
[4:04] of oddly specific Honda Civics
[4:06] implicated in the truck heists. Oh, come
[4:08] on. You're an undercover cop, man.
[4:10] Haven't you ever heard of parking a few
[4:11] blocks away or using a different car
[4:13] when doing your undercover? Dude, you
[4:15] are right across the street from these
[4:16] fools. Don't you think waving a
[4:18] flashlight around in their garage is a
[4:19] good way to get caught?
[4:20] >> Mo like a cop.
[4:22] >> So, Toretto somehow knew Brian was going
[4:24] to do something copish. So, he agreed to
[4:25] let the hotthehead tail him even though
[4:27] he's been pissed at the head for hating
[4:28] Brian all movie.
[4:30] >> He's a cop.
[4:31] >> I know we need to create some dramatic
[4:32] tension, but all Brian did was break
[4:34] into a garage. How on earth did
[4:36] hotthehead guy jump to the conclusion
[4:37] that he's a cop? Do criminals never
[4:39] break an enter? Is that something only
[4:41] cops do? Johnny trans guys spotted
[4:43] Dretto and Brian's green car earlier
[4:45] just because he was driving in their
[4:46] neighborhood, but now he just drives one
[4:47] of his own cars into that same
[4:49] neighborhood without any issue. Dom and
[4:50] crew access the Asian garage through
[4:52] some bull [music] hatch on the roof.
[4:54] Also, the Asian garage full of street
[4:55] racing cars has an easily accessible
[4:57] roof.
[4:57] >> There's no engines.
[4:59] >> What are they planning on racing with?
[5:00] Hopes and dreams.
[5:01] >> Yep. Hopes and dreams. They couldn't
[5:03] possibly be putting new engines in later
[5:05] or as we find out in a second, someone
[5:07] stole them. Movie piles an orgy of
[5:08] evidence against the Asian street racers
[5:10] by having a stash of the exact number of
[5:12] oddly specific Panasonic DVD players
[5:14] stolen in the truck heists in their
[5:15] garage.
[5:16] >> But Jess,
[5:20] [music]
[5:21] we got a wolf pack.
[5:23] >> Dude, that took you forever to spit out.
[5:25] Were you worried the guys on the
[5:26] motorcycle might hear you?
[5:29] >> They didn't see him.
[5:30] >> We got no WAY TO DO IT. YES, thieving is
[5:33] bad, but your garage is not the most
[5:34] fortified place in the world. And even
[5:36] after someone stole your engines, you
[5:37] didn't even crack down on security.
[5:39] >> A garage full of DVD players and
[5:41] generally psychotic behavior. And tell
[5:42] me why we shouldn't move on Johnny TR
[5:44] right now. And see,
[5:45] >> can the FBI arrest someone based on the
[5:46] illegal breakin of an undercover cop? I
[5:48] mean, why not make everyone an
[5:49] undercover cop if you can just break
[5:51] into any place and find evidence?
[5:53] >> I watched my dad burn to death.
[5:56] >> Main character had a dad who died doing
[5:57] the same cliche. Random unexplained shot
[6:00] of a car graveyard. has made his
[6:01] decision. We're going to move on Johnny
[6:03] Tran and his guys at 1700 hours.
[6:05] >> Why so long? That's like 5:00 in the
[6:07] afternoon. Would they really take the
[6:09] unnecessary risk of letting their only
[6:10] undercover officer in the street racing
[6:12] world participate in the police raid of
[6:13] a street racing team? So, these FBI guys
[6:15] are going to crack down on an Asian
[6:17] gang, but why are we seeing Donald Ley's
[6:19] sex scene during it? Does their sex have
[6:21] anything to do with this sting
[6:22] operation?
[6:23] >> The DVD players were purchased legally.
[6:25] So naturally, they would store them in
[6:26] the garage of their race cars because
[6:28] that's what you would do when you're a
[6:29] gun toing Asian street gang. You buy
[6:31] electronics in bulk and store them for
[6:33] safekeeping.
[6:34] >> I know there's no end you paid for all
[6:35] that that's under the hood of those cars
[6:37] by doing tuneups and selling groceries.
[6:40] >> Well, yeah, he won a load of money in
[6:41] those illegal drag races. You were
[6:43] there. What's up, man? Welcome to Race
[6:45] Wars.
[6:45] >> And if you can read lips, welcome to
[6:47] race wars again. So on the street race
[6:48] to open the movie, they used red chalk
[6:50] to mark the starting line. But at the
[6:52] uber big deal race wars, they set out
[6:54] jugs of antifreeze to mark the center
[6:55] line of the racetrack. Really?
[7:01] >> Did this guy seriously come to race wars
[7:03] without NS in his car? What a idiot.
[7:05] This event is too large [music] and too
[7:07] illegal to ever actually be pulled off
[7:08] without cops descending to arrest
[7:10] everyone. Why does the post-race pathway
[7:12] marked with metal trash cans lead racers
[7:14] directly to Tretto's tent? [music]
[7:17] >> No, don't give me that crap. We're doing
[7:18] this for you. There is no way Brian
[7:20] could plainly hear this from this
[7:22] distance inside a motor home while
[7:23] technomusic blasts outside.
[7:25] >> Okay, what's the cell number?
[7:27] >> What's the cell phone number?
[7:28] >> Bull. You don't know Dom's cell phone
[7:30] number? Does he only give that out to
[7:32] family or something? I mean, even if he
[7:35] didn't give it to you, wouldn't that be
[7:36] high on the list of things you need to
[7:37] get during an investigation? Yeah, I
[7:39] guess no one ever comes up here to this
[7:40] sewage treatment plant or [music]
[7:41] whatever it is. They definitely wouldn't
[7:43] report the suspicious cars parked
[7:45] outside. Civics are stuck somewhere
[7:46] outside of thermal.
[7:48] >> So, normally when Dom and his crew have
[7:49] to get the cars, they have to make the
[7:50] 2-hour drive from LA to Thermal. How do
[7:53] they catch up with a truck that has a
[7:54] 2-hour head start?
[7:55] >> We shouldn't be doing this without
[7:56] Jesse.
[7:57] >> And what did Jesse do? You have three
[7:59] cars. Someone basically plays passenger
[8:01] the whole time anyway with this rash of
[8:03] truck robberies happening. Why do any
[8:04] truck drivers go down this stretch of
[8:06] road and with no partners or help? Also,
[8:08] these roads never have any other drivers
[8:10] on them. Look, this is the exact same
[8:12] way they've been jacking trucks the
[8:14] whole movie. Isn't it about time the
[8:16] truck drivers put something in the front
[8:17] seat to prevent this? Like a mannequin
[8:19] or a stack of books hanging from the
[8:21] front of a semi at 65 mph on the
[8:23] highway? Better take off that helmet.
[8:27] >> I'm going to
[8:29] >> I know. What a dick. Defending his
[8:30] truck. And Dom's car has amazing
[8:33] resilience with a blown out tire. He's
[8:34] still keeping up with the truck with no
[8:36] problem. Isn't it someone's job to make
[8:38] sure the stunt men at least somewhat
[8:40] resemble the actors they're taking the
[8:41] place of? Okay, it's 2001. We're in a
[8:43] desert. Sure. Cell phones work fine.
[8:46] Wow, Dom, perfect timing. How did you
[8:49] know to take this route? Also, Lance was
[8:51] right on Brian's tail. So, how is there
[8:53] enough space for Dom to come roaring in
[8:54] like this? This truck driver sees two
[8:56] souped-up cars speeding down the street
[8:57] and says, "Yep, probably safe to pull
[8:59] out in traffic."
[9:03] Cop lets bad guy go, and the movie
[9:05] treats it like an act of heroism. End
[9:06] credit scene used to tease the sequel
[9:08] stars the one guy who won't be in the
[9:10] next two sequels. Also, despite a highly
[9:12] probable warrant for his arrest, Dom
[9:13] makes it into Mexico with no problem.
[9:21] Unnecessary forcing of the Universal
[9:23] logo onto Carwheel is unnecessary.
[9:26] >> These jackasses are yelling and making
[9:27] all kinds of noise while rushing out
[9:28] when they'd be safer just beinging quiet
[9:30] and going at a normal speed. If TZ
[9:32] really owns a garage and worked on cars,
[9:34] you might expect his outfit to be a
[9:35] little dirtier. But what you don't know
[9:37] is this is his formal jumpsuit. Movie is
[9:39] a dick to people with epilepsy. Even
[9:40] though Suki is one of the four racers
[9:42] tonight, she's wearing an insane outfit
[9:43] more conducive to a slow-mo grinding
[9:45] dance montage than a street race. Suki's
[9:47] pit crew consists of two people who
[9:48] barely know how to use shammy towels.
[9:50] Sexual assault.
[9:51] >> Now, where's your fourth at?
[9:52] >> Can someone remind me why we need four
[9:54] drivers for this race? Is it to force
[9:55] awkward character introductions?
[9:56] >> You want to race tonight?
[9:58] >> Yeah, you know, I could use the money.
[9:59] >> Okay, so Brian needs money, so why
[10:01] hasn't he been able to get in any street
[10:02] races? Why is he just now being called
[10:04] about this awesome street race? You know
[10:06] why I think he's not already there? The
[10:07] movie wanted to make Brian's entrance
[10:09] more dramatic. Hell, the guy lives in
[10:10] Ted's garage, so it's not like these
[10:12] guys are mere acquaintances. Movie
[10:14] wastes time with what I can only assume
[10:15] is exhibit wet dream. Miami, in addition
[10:17] to being a huge city of over 2 million
[10:19] people, is also dead empty everywhere
[10:20] you go because Miami is boring. No one
[10:22] calls the cops on this loud, invasive
[10:24] group of [ __ ] that illegally blocked
[10:26] off roads in a semi- urban area.
[10:28] >> Nobody said nothing about raising the
[10:29] stakes.
[10:30] >> Brian comes in at the last minute,
[10:31] suggests raising the stakes, and
[10:32] suddenly everybody has to raise the
[10:33] stakes just because he said so. And
[10:35] while Brian needs money, he can
[10:36] apparently plunk down $3,500 on a
[10:38] goddamn car race.
[10:39] >> 35 large, huh? Either that or you can go
[10:41] home.
[10:42] >> Why do all four of them have at least
[10:43] $3,500 on hand? I get their criminals,
[10:45] but this still seems like an
[10:46] irresponsibly large amount of money to
[10:47] keep on your person.
[10:48] >> When you going to pop my clutch,
[10:49] >> Ted will certainly eat his words when
[10:51] Suki grabs the head of his penis and
[10:52] jerks it like a clutch. You know, it
[10:54] might be helpful if we had any idea how
[10:56] this course is mapped out to get more
[10:57] involved with this race. As is, it's
[10:59] just racing shifting blurriness. Movie
[11:02] expects me to believe that all these
[11:03] streets are empty and all these stop
[11:04] lights are disabled because a group of
[11:06] people in a pickup truck put up a road
[11:07] close sign.
[11:08] >> Move, [ __ ]
[11:09] >> Suki's car top is down, yet her hair
[11:11] isn't out of control blowing in her
[11:12] face, and she's able to audibly scream
[11:14] expletives at other drivers. This guy
[11:16] just hit the NOS button, but acts
[11:17] surprised when his car starts going
[11:18] faster. Wait, does the NOS take a car
[11:20] into hyperspace?
[11:21] >> Hit it, baby. Hit it.
[11:23] >> Pedge not only knows someone who can
[11:24] make a drawbridge go up in the middle of
[11:26] the night, but also someone who knows
[11:27] how to kill four street racers with this
[11:28] move. If Slapjack is only going over
[11:30] 100, then seconds later, Brian hits the
[11:32] NOS and is blasting past 160. How is
[11:34] Slapjack not eating Brian's dust? These
[11:36] cars don't nose dive into the pavement,
[11:37] stopping them immediately and killing
[11:38] the drivers instantly. This wreck is
[11:40] brought to you by I forgot what company
[11:42] it is. Also, wasn't he just going close
[11:44] to 100 miles an hour? How the is he not
[11:46] dead?
[11:46] >> So, you know, we can we can work on that
[11:48] front end of yours.
[11:49] >> At this rate, Ted may run out of sexual
[11:51] car ponds. Perfect timing. Despite
[11:53] everyone getting pinned in by cops as
[11:55] they try to escape street race central,
[11:56] Brian apparently has some here to for
[11:58] unknown secret exit out of this place so
[12:00] he can outrun the cops. Lucius Fox is
[12:01] apparently designing weapons for the
[12:03] FBI.
[12:03] >> Card of her own. Born in Argentina.
[12:05] >> Expositional cop briefing cliche. And
[12:07] >> if I don't here's a list of the laws you
[12:09] broke in LA.
[12:10] >> Movie assumes that if it triple X's
[12:12] itself a little bit, we won't notice
[12:13] that Vin Diesel isn't in it.
[12:14] >> What would be better motor for my
[12:15] Skyline? A Gallow 12 or a Gallow 24? 24.
[12:19] I didn't know pizza places made motors.
[12:20] Why is it in movies that the FBI is
[12:22] somehow this incompetent when it comes
[12:23] to undercover work? Like they can't find
[12:25] anybody who knows cars in the entirety
[12:27] of the bureau.
[12:28] >> That's your boy in Monte Carlo.
[12:29] >> Agent Billkins doesn't already know
[12:30] this.
[12:31] >> He's crazy as hell.
[12:32] >> Sounds like just the kind of liability
[12:33] that the FBI loves to take on. The front
[12:35] of Roman's car smashed to. There's no
[12:37] way he could get the nose of his car
[12:38] under this station wagon enough to flip
[12:40] it. Also, this ridiculous redneck
[12:42] demolition derby doesn't prove he's a
[12:43] good driver in the slightest. It proves
[12:44] he's an idiot for not wearing a helmet.
[12:46] >> Blondy head. Not a cop anymore.
[12:48] >> That's true. No badge. Roman asks
[12:50] Bilkins this question like he knows that
[12:52] Bilkins is a cop who can corroborate
[12:53] Brian's previous statement. As Roman and
[12:55] Brian fight here, I wonder why the did
[12:57] he think this was the best guy to get
[12:59] for the job. Sure, he can play a street
[13:01] racer, no problem, but work for the
[13:02] cops. He could have probably asked any
[13:04] number of people to do this job and it
[13:05] would have been better than this guy.
[13:06] That's like the fourth or fifth good
[13:07] punch Rome has gotten in during this
[13:08] fight. Yet Brian's face remains
[13:10] unscathed.
[13:10] >> I need you to come to Miami and drive
[13:12] with me. If you do, they'll take off
[13:14] that anklet and they'll clear your
[13:15] entire record. I did 3 years in jail. I
[13:18] know you better than you think.
[13:19] >> This deal legit.
[13:20] >> Rome went from dismissing Brian's
[13:22] request because he's a habitual betrayer
[13:23] to being interested in the deal in
[13:25] literally 15 seconds.
[13:27] >> I thought you couldn't wander more than
[13:28] 100 yards from your home.
[13:29] >> Why you think I'm parked so close to the
[13:30] derby?
[13:31] >> God damn it. Do they really expect me to
[13:33] believe that a judge sentenced a man to
[13:35] house arrest who lives in a mobile home?
[13:37] That's not house arrest. That's just
[13:38] being completely free because she can
[13:39] drive that [ __ ] thing anywhere. Also,
[13:41] how the would this even work? Those
[13:42] ankle monitors rely on geo fencing which
[13:44] is fixed to a specific location. It's
[13:46] not a magical anklet that can tell you
[13:47] when you walk a certain distance away
[13:48] from a Winnebago. They would have to put
[13:50] a tracking device in his mobile home in
[13:52] order to see how far away he is from it.
[13:53] But unless they arrest the thing for
[13:55] aiding in a bedding, that would be
[13:56] extremely unfair to an innocent
[13:57] Winnebago.
[13:58] >> I don't know if I should be trusting
[13:59] you man.
[14:00] >> Does Roman have some outstanding
[14:01] warrants the movie forgot to tell us
[14:02] about. We've established these aren't
[14:04] crooked cops. Unless you count hiring
[14:05] former criminals whose only marketable
[14:07] skill is driving well to do their
[14:08] undercover work as crooked. So why is he
[14:10] worth? Does he think they're going to
[14:11] arrest him for something he's already
[14:13] served jail time for? I wouldn't need a
[14:14] fresh start if it wasn't for you.
[14:16] >> Have we established that Rome blames
[14:17] Brian for his criminal record? We have
[14:19] three times in the last 5 minutes. Okay,
[14:20] great. Just checking.
[14:22] >> I'm not going back to bar stuff.
[14:24] >> Takes Roman a matter of seconds to
[14:25] overcome any objections he has to going
[14:26] through with this deal. It's almost as
[14:28] if this movie is just manufacturing all
[14:29] this [ __ ] conflict.
[14:30] >> Me Monica Fuentes
[14:31] >> wearing her standard police issue sexy
[14:33] blouse. Also, Monica either opted to or
[14:36] was forced to ride standing in the back
[14:37] of this truck, which is refrigerated for
[14:39] maximum sexiness.
[14:40] >> They've been briefed.
[14:41] >> All right, here's the deal.
[14:42] >> Never mind. I'm going to brief you
[14:44] anyway.
[14:44] >> Don't even think about taking the
[14:45] convertible
[14:46] >> because it's less aerodynamic and an
[14:48] open cabin causes lots of drag at high
[14:49] speeds. Wait, is it because he wants it
[14:51] for himself? Movie shoots standard
[14:52] driving down the road like it's a chase
[14:54] scene. If these two are supposed to be
[14:55] badass street racers driving badass fast
[14:57] cars, then explain to me why they just
[14:59] got passed by a Ford Explorer.
[15:00] >> Turn right here.
[15:01] >> If you're undercover cops posing as
[15:03] street racers, you need to have a
[15:04] prestige level of commitment to the bit
[15:06] and do street racer on the way to the
[15:07] meeting. This is an easy trick if you're
[15:09] not actually driving.
[15:10] >> He did the stare and drive on you,
[15:11] didn't he? Roman and Brian pulled that
[15:13] frequently enough for it to have a name.
[15:14] Movie pads runtime with 30 more seconds
[15:16] of car porn.
[15:17] >> Hey, where'd you get them cars at bottom
[15:18] of a cereal box?
[15:20] >> Semi-legitimate burn makes me wonder why
[15:21] the FBI opted to go with Japanese sports
[15:23] cars instead of springing for some nice
[15:25] American muscle cars. Carter is the
[15:26] proud owner of a golden easel that he
[15:28] uses to hold the apparently wireless
[15:29] monitor that displays his surveillance
[15:31] system. Also, the number of camera views
[15:32] displayed here suggests that Carter has
[15:34] 12 cameras around his property, but at
[15:35] least two of the views displayed to the
[15:37] same. I don't know who Carter is trying
[15:38] to impress here, but he would have been
[15:39] better served by swallowing a spride and
[15:41] just displaying four views on the
[15:42] smaller screen. It's good to see that
[15:44] Smashmouth could make it to the street
[15:45] race meeting on time. Man, the cops in
[15:47] Miami must be up to their ears and
[15:48] cocaine busts to miss all these tricked
[15:50] out sleds gunning it down I95. I'm glad
[15:52] they paid all that money to animate
[15:53] this. Otherwise, I'd have no idea the
[15:55] FBI is tracking the whereabouts of a car
[15:56] they own that's being used in an
[15:58] undercover operation.
[15:59] >> They're running. What a surprise.
[16:01] >> Why the would Markhamm think they were
[16:03] running? even if he is enough at his job
[16:04] not to assume the obvious here. Monica
[16:06] would definitely have told him that
[16:07] there would be some kind of a test and
[16:09] that this is all part of the plan.
[16:10] Roman, Brian, and all the other drivers
[16:12] slow down to the flow of traffic just so
[16:13] they can have this playful moment just
[16:15] before they start weaving through
[16:16] traffic again. This semi doesn't stop
[16:17] before this happens.
[16:18] >> Crazy ass white boy.
[16:20] >> Tyrese finally earns his paycheck in
[16:21] this movie. Running into this doesn't up
[16:23] Brian's car or Brian.
[16:24] >> What do we got?
[16:25] >> You're just now checking up on Roman's
[16:27] credentials. Whoever decides to read up
[16:28] on Roman Pierce is going to be confused
[16:30] because it talks about Brian here and
[16:32] then suddenly switches pronouns to she
[16:33] here and here.
[16:34] >> Look in the center. Look in the center.
[16:36] >> The package is in the center console
[16:37] instead of in the
[16:38] >> in the glove box, which is where Carter
[16:40] said it would be.
[16:42] >> Cops. What the hell they doing here?
[16:44] >> I mean, right. It's such a free-for-all
[16:46] in Miami that criminals can do outrage
[16:48] like this and still question why cops
[16:49] are here. Also, yeah, why are the cops
[16:51] here? Yeah, he thinks Roman and Brian
[16:53] are running, but you've got to be
[16:54] kidding me with this mess. If their cars
[16:56] have GPS trackers and you can find them
[16:57] at any time, then why take the risk of
[16:59] [ __ ] up an investigation? Why not at
[17:01] least hang back and see what they're up
[17:02] to before going insane? Good thing Veron
[17:04] doesn't check this thing because what's
[17:06] with April 8th? This guy has five
[17:07] speeding tickets, all on April 8th and
[17:09] three in one day in 1992. Twice he got
[17:11] careless driving violations on
[17:13] Valentine's Day in 1982, even though he
[17:15] was born in 1973. That's a 9-year-old
[17:17] carelessly driving. Also, I find it
[17:18] tremendously endearing that one day in
[17:20] 1991, the cops pulled over this man for
[17:22] a seat belt violation. He must have been
[17:24] totally going the speed limit that day.
[17:25] >> What you checking her out for?
[17:27] >> I'm not checking her out.
[17:28] >> She can't hear this.
[17:29] >> Yes, you were.
[17:30] >> No, I wasn't.
[17:31] >> And now you're still arguing about this
[17:32] [ __ ] I mean, yes, he was checking
[17:34] her out. Tyrese was checking her out. I
[17:36] was checking her out. THIS WHOLE TRIAL
[17:38] IS OUT OF ORDER. ADICA. ADICA. I don't
[17:42] care how rich you are. It's a waste to
[17:43] throw away a perfectly good barely
[17:44] smoked cigar. As I see TZ barking out
[17:46] stuff through a megaphone at his garage
[17:48] where he's an ace street car mechanic, I
[17:50] wonder how he became such an amazing
[17:51] computer hacker in the later movies.
[17:53] >> That's how they do it out here, man.
[17:54] >> Every day,
[17:55] >> no one in law enforcement seems to be
[17:56] upset that Tez is running illegal
[17:58] gambling outside of his business and
[17:59] that he's clearly using his garage to
[18:01] launder the money he makes from this jet
[18:02] ski racing scheme. I mean, it's pretty
[18:04] clear that only one dude is actually
[18:05] doing any work on cars.
[18:06] >> I hit a wall doing like a buck 20 a
[18:08] couple years ago.
[18:09] >> But because I'm a member of the Fast and
[18:10] Furious team and didn't have a Wonder
[18:12] Woman movie to do, I didn't die from
[18:14] that. Both of them are wired up like I
[18:15] never seen before.
[18:17] >> What? How the actual is Roman surprised
[18:19] that the FBI is tracking them? Also, why
[18:21] the [ __ ] do they care that the FBI is
[18:22] tracking them? Wasn't the whole deal for
[18:24] them to work with the FBI to bring down
[18:25] Carter so they could get their records
[18:27] cleaned? If they ripped out the tracking
[18:28] info from their cars, that would mean
[18:30] the deal is off, right? Right.
[18:31] >> Yeah. Well, they've been honest since we
[18:33] left the Rowan's house.
[18:34] >> And instead of losing them much earlier,
[18:36] Brian decided to lead them right to the
[18:37] place where they plan to hide out. Did
[18:39] these federal agents forget the old
[18:40] idiom, those who meet in mostly glass
[18:42] restaurants should not meet with
[18:43] undercover operatives because passers by
[18:45] can see them meeting with you? I think
[18:46] that's how it goes.
[18:47] >> What's this about, man?
[18:48] >> It couldn't be about that time I shot at
[18:50] you 20 times, right?
[18:51] >> You think she's compromised? You should
[18:52] know. And your old pal Connor didn't
[18:54] tell you he flipped on Billings in LA,
[18:56] gave his Mark his car keys, and let him
[18:57] disappear.
[18:58] >> So, because Okconor did this in the
[18:59] first movie, he should know if Monica
[19:01] ising the drug lord. Why is Miami able
[19:03] to shut down during impromptu street
[19:04] races? TZ doesn't market modify these
[19:06] cars to use NOS as ludicrous speed.
[19:09] Seems appropriate for some reason.
[19:10] >> Good move, kid. Let's see if he got the
[19:12] ball.
[19:12] >> Given how fast they're both traveling
[19:14] and [snorts] how far away they are from
[19:15] each other, I severely doubt that Fona
[19:16] would have enough time to even say,
[19:17] "Good move, kid." before Brian crashed
[19:19] into him head on. Brian successfully
[19:21] gets this guy to swerve off course for a
[19:22] second, but he's still way, way, way
[19:24] behind and will somehow [ __ ] his
[19:25] [music] way back to neck andneck with
[19:27] this [ __ ] just because of the NOS.
[19:28] Movie continues to act like hitting the
[19:29] nitrous button and going over 100 miles
[19:31] an hour is the same as the Millennium
[19:32] Falcon making the jump to light speed.
[19:34] Carter's Club is a magical fantasy told
[19:36] of in ancient legends that contains more
[19:37] women than men.
[19:38] >> It's a hoasist in here, bro.
[19:40] >> That's hoasist.
[19:41] >> What is his deal?
[19:42] >> He doesn't trust people that carry
[19:43] badges.
[19:44] >> Brian says this right in the middle of
[19:45] Carter Veron's club while they're both
[19:46] undercover because he is very interested
[19:48] in getting them all killed.
[19:49] >> I've been a cop about 2 months when
[19:52] Roman was busted in a garage raid. And I
[19:54] miss the day where they tell you not to
[19:55] talk about being a cop while undercover.
[19:57] Also, movie decides now is the time to
[19:59] explain why Roman was so mad at Brian
[20:00] when they met up earlier in the film.
[20:01] Explaining it then when it made more
[20:03] sense to do so would have been too easy.
[20:04] >> Earlier.
[20:06] >> Yeah, actually I want it.
[20:08] >> Wrist touching. We all know what that
[20:10] leads to. Handholding, which can get you
[20:12] pregnant.
[20:12] >> He's here, man.
[20:13] >> Why is this such big news? Didn't Veron
[20:15] invite them here?
[20:15] >> He's over there. Don't look.
[20:16] >> Even though he's clearly staring at you
[20:18] guys right now and notices you're here,
[20:19] so play it cool.
[20:20] >> It's all right. Let him in.
[20:21] >> Why does this even need to be said?
[20:23] Didn't he specifically ask for them to
[20:24] come to his little VIP room?
[20:26] >> 5 minutes of her time and she can get
[20:28] anything she wants from him.
[20:30] >> Carter is so brilliant. He was able to
[20:31] figure out that attractive women can use
[20:32] their sexuality to manipulate weak men.
[20:34] Who knew?
[20:35] >> I got a problem with authority. I have
[20:37] that same problem. For me, it's cops.
[20:40] >> For me, it's firemen. They're all like,
[20:42] "Get out of the house. It's on fire."
[20:43] And I'm like, "I don't have to listen to
[20:44] you, pig." Oh, you know, I just carry
[20:46] around a rat anywhere I go, just in case
[20:48] there's somebody I want to torture at a
[20:49] moment's notice.
[20:50] >> Once the bucket gets hot enough,
[20:52] detective, the rat is going to want out,
[20:56] and the only direction it can go is
[20:57] south. This overly complicated torture
[21:00] technique is basically here to show what
[21:01] a sadistic bastard this guy is. But it's
[21:03] an insane waste of time and rats. Rat
[21:05] cam. This torture by rat in a heated
[21:07] bucket just got a whole lot sexier. Oh
[21:09] yeah,
[21:10] >> I'll burn him.
[21:11] >> Out. I'll burn him out.
[21:12] >> Why not just do that? Save a rat.
[21:14] >> I'm a low budget mechanic, but I
[21:16] overcharge. Pay me. Let's go.
[21:19] >> Sure. Just start raking in the pot
[21:21] before Ted even shows his cards. Why you
[21:23] haven't been shot playing poker yet is
[21:24] beyond me.
[21:25] >> [ __ ] my garage boy. Royal flesh. TZ
[21:28] totally slow rolls his employee. It's a
[21:29] wonder both of these guys haven't been
[21:30] shot playing poker. And a royal flush.
[21:32] Come on. Who the [ __ ] gets a royal flush
[21:34] when the stakes are highest? Except TZ
[21:36] and James Bond.
[21:36] >> I'm a crash, TZ. I'll catch you
[21:38] tomorrow.
[21:38] >> What was the point of this entire scene?
[21:40] Is Monica wet right now because she swam
[21:41] to Brian's houseboat? Or did she get
[21:43] there a normal way, but the scene wasn't
[21:45] sexy enough, so they dumped a bucket of
[21:46] water on her?
[21:46] >> Once you finish the run, they're putting
[21:48] a bullet in your head.
[21:49] >> Why the [ __ ] is she going to Brian about
[21:50] this? Did she forget she's a customs
[21:52] agent working with the FBI? She's
[21:53] clearly risking her own life by sneaking
[21:55] on to Brian's houseboat, given that
[21:56] Carter said,
[21:57] >> "You ever touch another man again, and
[22:00] I'll kill you."
[22:01] >> You'd think it'd be in everyone's best
[22:02] interest for Monica to go and tell the
[22:04] team of federal agents she works for
[22:05] about this instead of going directly to
[22:07] Brian. But that wouldn't be nearly as
[22:08] romantic and probably a lot less damp.
[22:10] >> They don't know I'm here. I snuck out.
[22:12] >> And besides me not being there and no
[22:14] one having any idea where I am and
[22:15] Carter being suspicious that there's
[22:16] something going on between me and Brian,
[22:18] there is no reason for them to be here.
[22:19] There's a skylight above the bathroom.
[22:20] How's the peeping, Tommy? Also, this
[22:22] movie is going to have us believe that
[22:23] Monica can somehow lift herself through
[22:25] this window without making any noise or
[22:26] rocking the boat a little or she's dead
[22:29] is what I'm saying. All of them are
[22:30] dead. I'm going to remove three sins
[22:32] because Eva Menddees exists.
[22:34] >> Man, you remember us growing up?
[22:36] >> That transition into this attempt at
[22:37] emotional character development just
[22:39] gave me whiplash.
[22:40] >> I got Veron's navigator leaving the
[22:41] residence.
[22:42] >> The FBI has guys on the inside at
[22:43] Veron's place, but only when it's
[22:45] convenient to the plot. This guy is
[22:46] checking in at his office so we can see
[22:48] pictures of his family, allowing the
[22:49] viewer to remember his internal
[22:50] conflict. move on a trailer property
[22:53] right now.
[22:53] >> Okay, so I understand that Veron paid
[22:55] this guy off to keep a window open for
[22:56] his guys to steal the money, but my
[22:58] question is why does the cop know about
[22:59] this operation at all? Seems like they
[23:01] could have stolen this money without any
[23:02] cop involvement. Unless this is a place
[23:04] where cops were already scoping out and
[23:06] we're waiting for Veron to take the
[23:07] money out of it, but this movie has
[23:08] never explained this money or why he hid
[23:09] it in a wall in a random house or why
[23:11] the cops are involved.
[23:14] >> Sure, that SUV stayed in a straight line
[23:16] without anyone gripping the steering
[23:17] wheel. Sure, it did. Let's get the
[23:19] chopper over them. And one eye is right
[23:20] on top.
[23:21] >> No one in the local police department
[23:22] questions why an FBI chopper is also
[23:24] chasing these guys. This weapon, which
[23:25] is clearly complete bull, is only stuck
[23:27] to the door, yet still messes up all the
[23:29] inner workings of the car. I guess it's
[23:30] sending its [ __ ] bolts to the
[23:32] [ __ ] inside the car's [ __ ]
[23:34] which is causing everything to go
[23:35] haywire. Brian conveniently pulls out
[23:36] the car stopper hook at the very last
[23:38] second. And apparently, you don't even
[23:39] need a gun to fire this thing into a
[23:41] car. You just need a good throwing arm.
[23:42] And even though the hook of this thing
[23:44] basically shut the car completely down
[23:45] before Brian removed it, the car still
[23:47] works just fine even after it's removed.
[23:48] Man, I would love to actually watch this
[23:50] car chase, but I guess seeing extreme
[23:51] close-ups of gas pedals, eyeballs, and
[23:53] gear shifts will do just fine. The
[23:54] police don't immediately start yelling
[23:56] at these [ __ ] to come out with their
[23:57] hands up. Cops don't immediately start
[23:58] shooting at these [ __ ] There are
[23:59] seriously this many street racers who
[24:01] could help out with operation confuse
[24:02] the cops today.
[24:03] >> Must have lost them in the scramble.
[24:05] >> For some reason, neither the local
[24:06] police nor the FBI used their resources
[24:08] to block the entrances and exits to this
[24:10] facility, preventing anyone from
[24:11] escaping. and then start arresting those
[24:13] fools for whatever the they can
[24:14] definitely arrest them for.
[24:15] >> All right, we got them going west on
[24:17] beach.
[24:17] >> Billkins doesn't assume they ditch those
[24:19] cars and are now using them as a decoy
[24:21] because that's what I, a normal person
[24:22] who is not an FBI agent, assume they're
[24:24] doing. Okay, so Roman and Brian switch
[24:25] cars, but aren't TE and Suki in serious
[24:27] trouble for aiding and abetting? Why so
[24:29] happy? And with all the goddamn cars you
[24:30] guys just threw at the cops, why even
[24:32] bother driving these? Sure, you get them
[24:33] chasing after cars that don't actually
[24:34] have the money, but with all the
[24:36] confusion, you could have just kept
[24:37] these cars parked in the garage. So,
[24:38] what's their plan here? The money isn't
[24:40] showing up. So, I guess they're just
[24:41] going to arrest Veron for almost getting
[24:43] onto his own plane.
[24:43] >> Where's the rest of it?
[24:44] >> The other car.
[24:45] >> Another car. Where's the other car?
[24:47] >> How do you not know? Didn't you have
[24:48] this master plan to provide Roman and
[24:50] Brian with one goon each to go with them
[24:52] when they got the money? How do you not
[24:53] know there's another car? And how do you
[24:54] not know something happened to one of
[24:56] them? And then this [ __ ] decides he's
[24:57] going to leave without the other half of
[24:58] his money for some reason, without any
[25:00] other explanation.
[25:01] >> So, you know nothing about the agents
[25:03] that stole my jet.
[25:04] >> So, if you don't know about the other
[25:05] car, how do you know about this? They
[25:07] arrested the guys that were out there,
[25:08] right? Did the feds give them all their
[25:09] one phone call and they used it to call
[25:11] of her own and tell him about the jet?
[25:12] >> Custom agents sure are getting pretty.
[25:14] >> How the [ __ ] does he know that she's a
[25:16] customs agent? I'm sure he could assume
[25:17] that she's informing the police based on
[25:19] what she knows and what the cops now
[25:20] know, but he knows her exact role. Did
[25:22] the screenwriter whisper it to him
[25:24] because there are only 7 minutes left in
[25:25] the movie.
[25:25] >> Get on the boat.
[25:26] >> No idea why Veron doesn't just kill
[25:28] Monica and Brian right here and now.
[25:29] This is a guy who doesn't even have to
[25:30] think twice about heating up a rat in a
[25:32] metal pale to torture a dude. But he
[25:34] can't just kill some fools, take his
[25:35] money, and leave.
[25:36] >> What's that?
[25:37] >> Who cares? Just kill him already.
[25:38] >> What's that?
[25:39] >> IT'S FOR STILL, BABY.
[25:40] >> Roman Han solos in at the last minute
[25:42] and announces himself over the walk just
[25:44] before Brian gets shot. Are they really
[25:45] going to try and pull this Dukes?
[25:46] >> Real Dukes of
[25:47] >> He beat me to it. That yacht probably
[25:48] maxes out at maybe 50 mph. And Brian and
[25:51] Roman are going 90. But somehow they
[25:52] don't whiz past the boat and just shoot
[25:54] off into the water. They probably know
[25:55] there was a ramp here. If so, how so?
[25:57] Also, it just happens to be in a perfect
[25:59] place to fly his car into the boat. That
[26:01] ramp's anywhere else. This ending
[26:02] doesn't happen. Also, they survive this.
[26:04] Some [ __ ] The guys with guns on
[26:06] this boat don't come up and shoot both
[26:07] these [ __ ] dead or they're dead and
[26:09] the movie didn't tell us they're dead
[26:10] and just made us assume that even though
[26:12] Veron has the draw and then Brian still
[26:13] managed to shoot first. Downstairs, the
[26:15] screenwriter was fighting off the
[26:16] remaining guards and vigorously untying
[26:18] Monica so she could make it back up here
[26:19] just in time to conveniently take the
[26:20] gun from Veron.
[26:21] >> Open a garage together. How we going to
[26:23] do that, bro? Pockets ain't empty, cuz
[26:25] Brian says this like he's got some big
[26:26] surprise for Roman here, but Roman has
[26:28] some of the money stuffed down in his
[26:29] jeans. So, why did he think opening up a
[26:31] garage would be hard to do when he's got
[26:33] stacks of cash in his pants?
[26:35] [music]
[26:47] >> Right out of the gate, movie is a dick
[26:49] to people with epilepsy. Also, why are
[26:50] there metal detectors outside? Did the
[26:52] school splurge on weather resistant
[26:54] metal detectors? Or is this just some
[26:55] idiotic plot device to make Shawn look
[26:57] like more of a badass when it actually
[26:58] just makes him look like he favors large
[27:00] belt buckles? How is the mascot kid able
[27:02] to fit through the metal detector in the
[27:03] first place? And why does he already
[27:05] have all on the mascot costume? Did he
[27:06] wear it at home and then drive to school
[27:07] with his [ __ ] on? This teacher writes
[27:09] some math on the marker board and then
[27:10] walks over to this other marker board
[27:12] and simply writes Monday on it, then
[27:13] goes back to the math. Also, this is the
[27:15] most complicated series of instructions
[27:16] for 8x= 72 I've ever seen. I mean, x is
[27:20] 9, god damn it. It's that simple. And
[27:21] she not only writes the same equation
[27:23] down twice for some reason, but she's
[27:24] also making solving for X the most
[27:26] confusing thing ever. Two since one for
[27:27] the racist Indian mascot and a second
[27:29] one for the racist Indian piñata. So
[27:31] it's come to this. The Fast and Furious
[27:33] franchise unable to get Paul Walker, Vin
[27:35] Diesel, and others to come back for a
[27:36] third movie rated home improvement for
[27:38] stars 7 years after that show went off
[27:39] the air. Shawn goes to a fancy school
[27:41] where they offer slow-mo car repair as
[27:42] an elective, giving him an unfair
[27:44] advantage to star in this franchise. If
[27:45] they aren't painting him purple to make
[27:47] him look like Grimace, then this is a
[27:48] terrible waste of bullying. This movie
[27:49] was written. This [ __ ] football
[27:51] player carries around a spare baseball
[27:52] just in case Lucas Black from Sling
[27:54] Blade talks to his girlfriend and needs
[27:55] to smash his window with it. Also, this
[27:57] kid certainly has one hell of an arm.
[27:59] He's able to completely bust through the
[28:00] rear windshield of this car just by
[28:02] throwing a baseball. Also, also, also,
[28:04] the ball went through the rear
[28:05] windshield, passed through a wormhole
[28:06] that exists in the back seat, then came
[28:08] out behind the car. This movie took
[28:10] great pains to show us that Shawn had
[28:11] put the wrench back in the toolbox. So,
[28:13] what is this supposed to be? It's either
[28:14] the dumbest misdirection in a movie's
[28:16] first 5 minutes ever, or it's a
[28:17] continuity error. Either way, it's
[28:18] sinful as
[28:19] >> winner [music] gets
[28:22] me. [laughter]
[28:25] >> I mean, you're sexy and all, but
[28:28] also the movie thinks it can avoid the
[28:30] women are prized to be won criticism by
[28:31] having this girl volunteer herself as
[28:33] the prize. No one's working in this
[28:34] large development during a weekday.
[28:36] Either this subdivision really feels the
[28:38] effects of the housing market crash 2
[28:39] years before it actually happened, or
[28:40] this is some [ __ ] This truck that
[28:42] is not part of the race is able to keep
[28:43] up with two cars that are customuilt to
[28:45] go fast. Back in 2006, there were many
[28:47] issues people faced every day, and we
[28:49] dealt with them the best we could. But
[28:50] two movies, Cars and The Fast and
[28:52] Furious 3, made clear that many
[28:54] Americans suffered from the embarrassing
[28:55] inability to drift. These movies need to
[28:57] explain how when Shawn was way behind,
[28:59] he caught up in a matter of seconds. But
[29:00] now that he's caught up and on a
[29:02] completely different road, he can't pass
[29:03] the guy he so easily caught up to.
[29:05] >> I thought you loved me.
[29:06] >> This prompts Qu to do the thing he
[29:07] should have done 10 minutes ago. Drive
[29:09] faster than the other guy. Shawn busts
[29:11] through a framed house with little to no
[29:12] damage to his car because his car only
[29:14] sustains damage when it's convenient to
[29:15] the plot. They survive this and Shawn
[29:17] survives all this. This seems like an
[29:19] awkward time for a tobasco product
[29:20] placement movie. Wait a minute. Who is
[29:22] in position to record this? When Shawn
[29:23] did his stunt, there was no one around
[29:25] with a camera. Only one set of parents
[29:26] show up for Clay and Cindy, which makes
[29:28] me think that they're brother and
[29:29] sister. So now I'm in some kind of
[29:30] flowers in the attic subplot that's way
[29:32] more interesting than Shawn moving to
[29:33] Tokyo and learning how to drive
[29:34] sideways.
[29:35] >> So where are we moving this time? Why
[29:37] does everyone seem to think you can
[29:38] avoid being prosecuted for a crime by
[29:39] moving to a different city? This kid
[29:40] broke several laws. They can move all
[29:42] they want, but he'll still have to go
[29:43] before a judge in the town where he
[29:44] committed the crimes. In case you
[29:46] confused it with Tokyo, French Giana.
[29:48] Shawn is upset that his single adult dad
[29:49] has a woman over. Because if Shawn isn't
[29:51] getting laid, then no one should get
[29:52] laid.
[29:53] >> But your mom, she said the seventh. See,
[29:55] we're a day ahead of you in Japan.
[29:57] >> Which would mean it's the eighth in
[29:58] Japan. Which would mean the seventh came
[30:00] and went. And you weren't at all
[30:01] concerned that your son didn't show up
[30:02] at the airport. Yeah, but which train?
[30:04] How does he get to the station? Which
[30:06] one is his stop? Does he need to make
[30:07] transfers? Can he read the signs to be
[30:09] able to buy a ticket? So many questions
[30:10] left by this note. Shawn makes it to
[30:12] school without getting lost as a
[30:15] >> Nolan is even slightly concerned that
[30:17] Shawn speaks basically no Japanese and
[30:18] is still expected to be successful at a
[30:20] Japanese high school. Shawn grimaces at
[30:22] what looks delicious. Did he already
[30:23] forget what American school lunches look
[30:24] like?
[30:25] >> You sell a Sparkco steering wheel.
[30:27] >> The steering wheel isn't inside his bag
[30:28] because writing meaningful dialogue that
[30:30] would reveal their mutual interest in
[30:31] cars would be way too much work.
[30:33] Twinkies Ride is an incredible Hulk
[30:34] themed Volkswagen minivan because he
[30:36] thinks the name of this franchise is the
[30:38] function and the spaciousness
[30:40] >> for when you blow your wide man.
[30:41] >> Everyone loves Seaman jokes. This large
[30:43] group of car enthusiasts somehow has the
[30:45] ability to take over this entire parking
[30:46] garage at night. Convenient cute girl we
[30:48] saw at school earlier who also shows up
[30:50] to the late night street races is
[30:51] convenient.
[30:52] >> No, right?
[30:53] >> You're a quick learner.
[30:54] >> Being able to recall one person's name
[30:55] is hardly indicative of learning speed.
[30:57] Yo, look man, he's out.
[30:58] >> Now, see, that's funny cuz I thought
[31:01] this was like a free country.
[31:02] >> Is this guy supposed to be our
[31:03] protagonist? Because he's really been
[31:05] nothing but a dick the whole movie. If
[31:07] you saw this dude from any other
[31:08] character's perspective, you'd
[31:09] understand why everyone else is a dick
[31:10] back to him.
[31:11] >> You know who I am, boy? You like the
[31:12] Justin Timberlake of Japan, right?
[31:14] >> Man, this movie can't even get its
[31:15] insults right. Future Sex Love Sounds
[31:17] was a mere 3 months away, and it took
[31:19] the piss right out of this insult in
[31:20] record time.
[31:20] >> Do you know Yakuza, the mafia?
[31:22] >> This is really Twinkiey's fault for not
[31:24] briefing Shawn on the potential gang
[31:25] activity in this parking garage. You're
[31:27] the one that's
[31:29] race.
[31:30] >> Didn't we see the entire last 13 minutes
[31:32] of this movie in the first 12 minutes?
[31:33] Is this like Groundhog Day and no one
[31:35] told me?
[31:35] >> Take mine.
[31:36] >> This is the worst decision this guy will
[31:37] make today.
[31:38] >> I want to see what the kids got.
[31:39] >> And I have gobs of disposable income and
[31:41] insanely good car insurance. So, I don't
[31:43] care if he beats the out of my car.
[31:44] >> You know what DK stands for? Drift king.
[31:46] >> Drifting.
[31:47] >> Sean, who is a car and racing
[31:49] enthusiast, doesn't know what drifting
[31:50] is, forcing the movie to explain it to
[31:52] him and me and you.
[31:53] >> You know that real famous painting, the
[31:54] one and the woman who's smiling all the
[31:56] time. The Mona Lisa.
[31:57] >> Come on. You're telling me this dude
[31:58] didn't know what the Mona Lisa was
[32:00] called? I mean, for Christ's sake, pick
[32:01] something different for him to be
[32:02] ignorant about.
[32:03] >> This car right here is like the Mona
[32:04] Lisa, the drift world.
[32:05] >> And even though Shawn has never drifted
[32:07] before, they still let him drive it.
[32:08] This guy is eating out of a magical Mary
[32:10] Poppins bag of croutons that never runs
[32:12] out. It's literally insane that Shawn
[32:13] doesn't kill anyone during this race
[32:14] with his lack of drift knowledge and
[32:16] all. By the way, how is Shawn even close
[32:17] right now? This guy is drifting all over
[32:19] his ass and Shawn crashed like twice,
[32:20] but here he is making it some kind of a
[32:22] race. It's amazing this movie wasn't
[32:24] more successful. took something really
[32:25] cool, racing, and made it look like
[32:26] someone aggressively trying to find a
[32:28] parking spot. Shawn decides to keep
[32:29] racing instead of stopping and saying,
[32:31] "You know what? You've clearly won this
[32:32] round because I don't know how to do
[32:33] this. So, I'm going to go and learn how
[32:35] to drift during a 5-minute montage and
[32:36] we'll try again next week." If an
[32:38] [ __ ] drifts up a spiral ramp and no
[32:39] one can see him, is he still an [ __ ]
[32:41] The answer is yes. Shawn loses the race
[32:43] in Rex Han's car, which is exactly the
[32:45] kind of purple rain or 8 mile kind of
[32:46] conflict this movie needs, will he ever
[32:48] learn to drift or win respect? Watch
[32:49] those other two movies to find out.
[32:51] >> Have you been racing, Sean?
[32:52] >> Don't lie to me. I can smell it on your
[32:54] breath.
[32:54] >> This isn't a game. If you're going to
[32:56] live under my roof, you're gonna go by
[32:58] my rules.
[32:59] >> Oh man, movie just unlocked the secret
[33:01] cliche prize box. Tell them what they've
[33:02] won, Jeremy. Thanks, Jeremy. Movie, you
[33:04] have won an additional 10 sins for all
[33:06] the cliches in this movie.
[33:07] >> There's a guy in there with a paw that
[33:09] owes me some money.
[33:10] >> How hard would it be to say this guy has
[33:12] a paw tattoo on his shoulder? Han
[33:13] decides to be needlessly cryptic to
[33:15] create this unsatisfying reveal. Han is
[33:17] making a convincing case to change the
[33:18] apple [ __ ] sin to nondescript bag of
[33:20] snacks. It's basically working the same
[33:22] magic here. Movie continues the
[33:23] tradition of this franchise putting its
[33:25] cars on roads where there is no traffic.
[33:26] >> I call you show. Only if you teach me
[33:28] how [music] to drift. This ain't a
[33:30] negotiation.
[33:30] >> I wasn't negotiating.
[33:32] >> Uh, okay. So, I'd be happy to teach you
[33:33] how to drift in my spare time then. As
[33:35] long as it's not a negotiation, which
[33:36] your language, context clues, and tonal
[33:38] inflection all suggested. I am totally
[33:40] down with the drift lessons. Jeez. Let
[33:41] me state for the record that Sunkang is
[33:43] the most oral actor in history.
[33:45] >> You really need to stop following me
[33:46] around.
[33:46] >> Nila is attracted to Shawn for several
[33:48] reasons, but mostly because the
[33:49] screenwriter told her to.
[33:51] Let me guess. You're an army brat who
[33:53] moved around a lot.
[33:54] >> Why do all these army kids go to regular
[33:56] Japanese high school? Isn't there a
[33:57] special army kid English speaking school
[33:59] they can all attend?
[34:00] >> Why are you letting me race? Cuz your
[34:01] DK's kryptonite.
[34:02] >> Why though? He's been here for maybe a
[34:04] week and all he's done is severely
[34:05] underperform in one goddamn race.
[34:07] >> You can do better than 180k. They can't
[34:09] catch you.
[34:09] >> They ever find out they can bring in
[34:10] other cop cars to block them off or use
[34:12] helicopters to track speeders, they'll
[34:13] be unstoppable. Movie totally thinks
[34:15] it's the good fellas of drip movies.
[34:17] Okay, cars are great and all, but I have
[34:18] trouble believing that a heterosexual
[34:20] 18-year-old dude can take his eyes off
[34:21] two beautiful women who are giving him
[34:23] attention to go look at some cars.
[34:24] >> The red ego's yours.
[34:26] >> Crashing this dude's car was the best
[34:28] thing Shawn could ever do in his life.
[34:29] Why is this [ __ ] being taught to
[34:31] drift on a dock? Are there no empty
[34:33] parking lots where you can practice
[34:34] this?
[34:37] >> Do they want him to stop the fight? Why
[34:39] don't they just grab a teacher?
[34:41] >> I would like to pause in the middle of
[34:42] this fight to tell you why we're
[34:44] fighting in the first place. You know,
[34:45] in case any students/filmgovers don't
[34:47] know what this is about, spitfisting.
[34:49] >> So, how'd you end up over here anyway?
[34:51] >> Well, you know those old westerns, the
[34:53] cowboys make a run for the border. This
[34:54] is my Mexico.
[34:56] >> Oh, also, Han continues to be insanely
[34:59] cryptic because creating an identifiable
[35:01] backstory for this character would be
[35:02] way too challenging and would get in the
[35:03] way of all the establishing shots of
[35:05] brightly colored cars and pretty girls.
[35:06] >> It's trust and character I need around
[35:08] me. Who you choose to be around you, but
[35:10] you know who you are. or who you're
[35:12] forcing to be with you because he
[35:13] wrecked your car and you need him to pay
[35:14] off the debt. That, too.
[35:15] >> I want car in exchange for knowing what
[35:17] a man's made of. That's a price I can
[35:19] live with.
[35:20] >> So, having Shawn wreck your car proves
[35:21] to you that he's reckless, cocky, and
[35:22] possibly stupid. I guess those are all
[35:24] the qualities of character he's looking
[35:25] for.
[35:26] >> So, if you don't drift [music] to win,
[35:27] what do you drift for?
[35:28] >> Holy, this movie is a stones throw from
[35:31] Disney's Prink.
[35:38] >> You know, you can also say hello to meet
[35:40] women. That also works. Also, drift
[35:42] seduction. Also, how many tires do you
[35:44] go through per day to keep up a drifting
[35:46] habit?
[35:49] All of that just to get a number. Sorry.
[35:51] If that type of is required for simple
[35:52] digits, then count me out of the dating
[35:54] pool and drift world. The first drifters
[35:56] invented drifting out here in the
[35:57] mountains by feeling it.
[35:58] >> They lived in a terrible feudal society
[36:00] where they had to drift for their
[36:01] leisures in order to keep their lands.
[36:02] Also, Han leaves out all the crucial
[36:04] technique needed to actually drift. But
[36:06] yeah, just feel it and see how that
[36:07] goes. again.
[36:09] >> Does he mean repeat this shot again?
[36:10] Because we've seen it three times.
[36:15] >> That guy's learned so much. When are we
[36:17] ever going to stop fishing and get
[36:18] married? This movie expects me to
[36:20] believe that Shawn was able to learn
[36:21] drifting at an expert level in a matter
[36:23] of months and is able to beat these guys
[36:24] that have been doing it for presumably
[36:26] several years. This guy needs to take a
[36:28] drift management class.
[36:31] >> Yeah, totally.
[36:33] >> But I realize now outside or insider, it
[36:35] doesn't really matter. All it matters is
[36:36] knowing what you really want and going
[36:38] after.
[36:39] >> And serendipitously crashing some
[36:40] stranger's car who happens to take you
[36:42] under his wing helps too. Also, Shawn
[36:44] knows what he wants. He wants to win a
[36:45] drifting race just for the sake of
[36:46] winning one. Synchronized drifting.
[36:48] >> We used to come up here when we were
[36:49] kids. Even before we could drive,
[36:51] [music] we'd cut class, sneak out, come
[36:53] up here and watch the older kids drift.
[36:55] >> So before you could drive, you used to
[36:57] come up here to the mountains to watch
[36:58] people drift. How did thating happen?
[37:00] Did you hike up here or did you Marty
[37:02] McFly and hitch a ride on someone's car
[37:03] while on a skateboard? Also, even while
[37:05] drifting, Nila is able to softly whisper
[37:07] this story to Shawn. And Shawn seems to
[37:08] understand every word.
[37:11] Yo, come on, man. Look.
[37:12] >> Are you telling me that Shawn saw this
[37:14] dude get out of his car, saw him start
[37:15] walking angrily towards him, and didn't
[37:17] think to run, defend himself, or
[37:18] otherwise prepare for a fight?
[37:19] >> Stay away from him, or the only thing
[37:22] you'll be driving is a wheelchair.
[37:24] >> I'll help you beat the out of him if you
[37:25] promise me a wheelchair drifting
[37:26] montage.
[37:27] >> Do you know who you are? Do you know who
[37:29] you put on? I'm starting to think all
[37:31] the dialogue in this movie was
[37:32] constructed like a ransom note using
[37:34] screenplay clippings of other popular
[37:35] movies. I like how Shawn made friends
[37:37] with two other people in high school and
[37:38] the movie doesn't explain anything about
[37:39] them or what they have in common.
[37:40] There's enough space for them to just
[37:42] drive straight away, right? The drifting
[37:43] thing is fun and they back themselves
[37:45] into a corner by making it the main
[37:46] reason the movie exists. But would it be
[37:48] way more efficient to just drive
[37:49] normally?
[37:50] >> Sean. Sean.
[37:53] [screaming]
[37:54] >> Look, even with a good honk warning, you
[37:55] would not be able to clear out a crowd
[37:56] full of pedestrians and sneak through.
[37:58] Some won't hear the honk and others will
[37:59] be screwed by their fellow pedestrians.
[38:00] And you will kill 10 of them before
[38:02] everything's over. Chase scenes with
[38:03] cars like this can be fun. But editing
[38:05] like this is [ __ ] ridiculous. Given
[38:07] how fast they're going, I find it hard
[38:08] to believe they would both be able to
[38:09] walk away unscathed from this crash.
[38:11] Hans's death scene doesn't include Jason
[38:13] Stathithm. And yes, that's a sin I'm
[38:14] giving this movie for something that
[38:15] happened at the end of Fast and Furious
[38:17] 6. Franchise retroactive sinning, baby.
[38:19] No law enforcement shows up, allowing
[38:20] them to just walk away and casually get
[38:22] on a subway. DK knew to find them at
[38:24] Shawn's dad's house because he was
[38:25] tipped off by the screenwriter. I
[38:26] wouldn't do that if I were you.
[38:28] >> Neglectful dad exmachina. Also, how did
[38:30] he get out here in time? Did his dad
[38:32] sense tingle and he knew the commotion
[38:33] outside was related to Shawn? The guy
[38:35] left without a note and has been gone
[38:36] for, I don't know, let's say 3 weeks
[38:38] >> and I'm responsible for my mess. I got
[38:40] to do this.
[38:41] >> Can someone explain to me what he has to
[38:43] do exactly? Is he going to kill DK? Turn
[38:45] himself into police, rescue the girl,
[38:46] convince Bowo to add the Lul back, and
[38:48] Shawn's vague vagory somehow convince
[38:50] his father to let him go do this.
[38:52] >> At least you're not redoing my mistakes.
[38:54] I guess that's one way to do it if you
[38:55] ignore all the original mistakes he's
[38:57] made all by himself. Also, is he saying
[38:58] that Shawn's mess doesn't at least equal
[39:00] or exceed the mistakes he's made? Come
[39:02] the on. All Shawn's dad did was be a bad
[39:04] father. Shawn's going to be wanted on
[39:06] two continents after this.
[39:07] >> Maybe I should talk to Kamada.
[39:08] >> I'll let Twinkie take this one.
[39:09] >> I know. I just didn't hit it.
[39:11] >> You can't just walk into Kamata's place,
[39:13] man.
[39:13] >> It's all I got.
[39:14] >> So Shawn walks right up to Kamada's
[39:16] place, gets shot dead, and the movie
[39:17] ends with 23 minutes of credits.
[39:19] >> Something I think Han would have wanted
[39:20] you to have. You're going to need it if
[39:21] you're going to make it out of Kamada's
[39:22] place alive. Don't you need it? No,
[39:25] >> it's cool. Look, I I'll figure it out.
[39:27] >> Wait a minute. Twinkie said, "This is
[39:28] something I think Han would have wanted
[39:30] you to have." So, did Twinkie mean Han
[39:32] would have wanted you to take my money?
[39:33] Isn't it Twinkie who was giving Shawn
[39:34] this money, and it has nothing to do
[39:35] with Han whatsoever? The Apparently, you
[39:38] can just walk right up to Kamata's
[39:39] place. Who knew?
[39:41] >> The drift training montage ran long and
[39:43] bumped the learning Japanese montage.
[39:44] >> I'm here to offer you a peaceful
[39:46] solution.
[39:46] >> Is it a race?
[39:47] >> A race you movie.
[39:49] >> It's the cops to call the cause. In
[39:51] addition to being an unexplained friend,
[39:52] this guy also serves as the narrator.
[39:54] Luckily, Sean's dad just happens to be
[39:55] working on a car that could easily be
[39:57] retrofitted with street racing parts for
[39:58] this finale to happen. But this dude's
[40:00] nickname in the army was God in the
[40:02] machine. Is this our third or fourth
[40:03] montage? I lost count. Also, after Shawn
[40:05] requested the race, did he get a full
[40:07] week or so to prepare for it? The Yakuza
[40:09] overlords must have said, "I agreed to
[40:10] the race, but first get in a good week
[40:12] to prepare." You know what? Make it two
[40:14] weeks. And here's 50 grand to start your
[40:15] new business.
[40:16] >> DK picked this road for a reason. This
[40:18] is his mountain.
[40:19] >> And he's got some barrels. he's going to
[40:20] throw at you. As I see the old man get
[40:22] out of the car, I'm wondering why did he
[40:23] even agree to this? This is a massive
[40:25] waste of time. The stakes are loser
[40:27] leaves town for good. So what? He
[40:29] doesn't get anything from that
[40:29] arrangement. Sean already gave him the
[40:31] money Han owed. If he loses, he doesn't
[40:33] die or learn a lesson or have to give
[40:34] him more money. This is a [ __ ] man.
[40:36] I was hoping this dude was going to use
[40:37] his bra to start the race. How the [ __ ]
[40:39] are they all watching this on their cell
[40:40] phones? Even if there were invisible
[40:42] drones filming it, there's no way those
[40:43] mid2000 era cell phones could play back
[40:46] live streaming video. Have you ever
[40:47] tried to stream anything on Edge
[40:48] Network? That was the fastesting thing
[40:50] at the time. I know they're all about
[40:51] drifting, but they could easily turn
[40:52] around some of these corners normally.
[40:54] And as far as I know, you don't get
[40:55] bonus points for style in this race, nor
[40:57] do you get a little power boost coming
[40:58] out of the slide like in Mario Kart 64.
[41:00] It's just whoever gets to the bottom
[41:01] first, right? And here, in this case,
[41:03] who's recording this part of the action?
[41:05] There's no one around to broadcast this,
[41:06] but yet everybody looking at their phone
[41:08] sure seems to see the race perfectly
[41:09] clear in their tiny ass screens. This
[41:11] camera move illustrates the cliff that
[41:13] Shawn might tumble over if his car
[41:14] continues to do what this camera just
[41:16] did, which is to confuse us as to how
[41:18] far away Shawn is from this clip. I
[41:20] couldn't really see what was going on,
[41:21] but I definitely smelled some [ __ ]
[41:22] It's too bad I don't know how far away
[41:24] from the finish line these guys are,
[41:25] giving us a course and some updates on
[41:27] their status might have made this
[41:28] exciting. DK conveniently and impossibly
[41:30] falls right in front of where Shawn is
[41:32] driving, only so this shot can exist.
[41:33] And he survives this.
[41:35] >> Heard he's been beating everybody around
[41:36] Asia, too. Well, you heard wrong because
[41:38] Furious 7 makes you a liar because Dom
[41:41] didn't come to Asia to beat a whole
[41:42] bunch of people racing. He came here to
[41:43] pick up Han. And yes, that's not only a
[41:46] retroactive sin for a future movie, but
[41:47] that's also a sin we already mentioned
[41:49] in the Furious 7 video. Take that,
[41:51] Furious.
[41:51] >> This dude over here want to race. Said
[41:53] he knew Han.
[41:54] >> Then why the does he want to race? Why
[41:56] can't they just sit and talk about their
[41:57] dead friends? It's because we got 2
[41:58] minutes left and that would require
[42:00] writing dialogue. Well, all right then.
[42:02] >> I got [music] nothing but time.
[42:03] >> Yep. You're just in the middle of all
[42:05] that Jason Staithm bull and Furious 7.
[42:07] It can wait. Darwin Awards by Ad Space
[42:09] at the end of this movie.
[42:17] >> Let's make some money.
[42:18] >> Battlecry is the model for this crew,
[42:19] sure, but also for this rebooted movie
[42:21] franchise.
[42:22] >> I thought we'd be robbing banks by now.
[42:25] Not some gas truck in the middle of
[42:26] nowhere.
[42:27] >> Isn't this something you say before you
[42:28] go to rob the gas truck in the middle of
[42:29] nowhere? Movie expects me to believe
[42:31] this go into reverse via E brake turn
[42:32] maneuver is possible at 60 mph. This
[42:34] pickup truck can travel in reverse at
[42:36] the same speed as a semi-truck on the
[42:37] highway because well this is only the
[42:40] beginning of this crap and you know it.
[42:42] Well, that's some [ __ ] Why doesn't
[42:44] everyone have the same hands-free
[42:45] headset that Lety does. It's really
[42:47] strange to me that during these heists
[42:48] absolutely no one else drives on these
[42:50] roads. The one thing they never counted
[42:51] on was the truck driver seeing something
[42:53] odd in his mirrors. This bullet hits
[42:56] exactly in the spot where Toretto's
[42:57] torso is, and all he has to worry about
[42:58] is shattered glass. Oh no, something.
[43:02] This guy pumps the brakes once, then
[43:03] bails at a lot of miles per hour and
[43:05] lives. How has this gas tank on fire not
[43:07] exploded yet? Sometimes an exciting
[43:09] scene is so much [ __ ] the danger
[43:10] isn't real anymore. After this, there's
[43:12] no reason to feel any tension.
[43:13] Spectacular explosion just for the hell
[43:15] of it. All the excitement of the first
[43:16] movie without the movie is a dick to
[43:18] epileptics, but is kind of a good friend
[43:20] to my boner. So, I'm conflicted. None of
[43:22] the girls in any of these shots is my
[43:24] girlfriend, so they stole a gas truck to
[43:25] use for illegal street races. Is gas
[43:27] that hard to come by? Don't you bet pink
[43:30] slips and how is a $40 fill up that big
[43:32] a deal?
[43:33] >> Time for you to go do your own thing.
[43:35] >> Heard they're doing some crazy [ __ ] in
[43:36] Tokyo.
[43:37] >> Like nearly drifting this franchise into
[43:39] obscurity,
[43:39] >> Dom, how long have we been doing this?
[43:42] >> I have no idea, but I'm going to guess
[43:44] long enough to know better.
[43:45] >> We'll figure it out. We always do.
[43:48] >> Man, that's touching. I really hope
[43:49] these criminals find a happy ending. Dom
[43:51] is a addict to Letty, but at least he
[43:52] left the cash on the nightstand like
[43:54] she's a [ __ ] Running Paul Walker
[43:56] Bplot. How's the movie so far,
[43:57] gentlemen? Jump cut chase scene has no
[43:59] intention of letting you get your
[44:00] bearings. Rando security guard goes out
[44:02] like a [ __ ] and gives up his gun so the
[44:04] scene can have added tension. Jeez, just
[44:05] call backup, dude. He had no place to
[44:07] go. They both survived this.
[44:09] >> GIVE ME YOUR NAME. DAVID PARK.
[44:11] >> AMAZING. I can remember that after
[44:12] crashing through a car. Why am I even
[44:14] alive?
[44:15] >> David Park. I could throw a fortune
[44:17] cookie out this one and hit 50
[44:18] [clears throat] David Parks right now.
[44:19] That's super racist. Also, that's one
[44:21] magic fortune cookie. Wait, how did
[44:23] Okconor get another job after absolutely
[44:24] [ __ ] the police rulebook the last
[44:26] movie?
[44:26] >> Um, it's Letty. She's been murdered.
[44:28] >> Because you left her alone, most likely.
[44:30] Also, amazing that her death means so
[44:32] little to this franchise. It wasn't even
[44:33] shown on screen. Probably so they can
[44:35] bring her back later. Everyone in the
[44:36] movie decides to believe Letty's dead
[44:38] without seeing a body, which is
[44:39] convenient beyond words.
[44:40] >> Facial recognition software matched
[44:42] Toretto about 10 minutes after he
[44:44] crossed the border. Thought he'd show.
[44:45] Even though I supposedly have cop
[44:46] instincts, there's no reason for me to
[44:48] check other areas of the cemetery where
[44:49] he might be watching the funeral. Also,
[44:50] how is it that you don't have anyone
[44:52] watching the streets in and around the
[44:53] cemetery just in case he shows up
[44:54] anywhere near the area? Out of 360°,
[44:57] Brian chooses to dramatically look in
[44:58] the one spot where Dom had actually
[45:00] been. Cops are staking out this home,
[45:01] but not the back way, which Dom so
[45:03] obviously used to sneak in here.
[45:05] >> They're staking the place out if they
[45:07] find you.
[45:07] >> They won't.
[45:08] >> That's all I have to say about that.
[45:09] Anyway, cops are dump.
[45:11] >> Letty wouldn't let them junk it.
[45:12] >> You mean the cops? Letty wouldn't allow
[45:14] law enforcement to junk the car. Isn't
[45:16] it their property after that Brian Dom
[45:17] drag race at the end of the first movie?
[45:19] >> I want to see the crash site.
[45:20] >> I'm going to crack this case because in
[45:22] addition to being a badass car high sky,
[45:24] I'm also an honorary Scotland Yards lle
[45:25] sleuth.
[45:26] >> If we don't make serious inroads into
[45:27] the Bragga case in the next 72 hours,
[45:29] they're going to shut us down because
[45:31] it's been 2 years and the last three
[45:33] agents we sent to infiltrate his
[45:35] organization have come back in body
[45:36] bags.
[45:37] >> So basically, the government will be
[45:38] cool with all his illegal activities
[45:40] after that because this case is too damn
[45:41] hard. Also, you sent three other
[45:43] undercover dudes before sending Brian
[45:45] undercover god Okconor.
[45:46] >> Your boy Tretto's red Chevel has been
[45:48] spotted in his own neighborhood. Going
[45:49] to bring his ass in.
[45:50] >> Despite this fact, we'll let him drive
[45:52] all the way here. And then we're going
[45:53] to show up after Dom does his Sherlock
[45:54] Holmes routine because nobody in law
[45:56] enforcement is worth a [ __ ] Vin Diesel
[45:58] is fast and curious. Oh [ __ ] he can
[46:00] actually create memories of an accident
[46:02] he knows nothing about by merely
[46:03] standing on this road. He is really good
[46:05] at deducing.
[46:06] >> You found something back there.
[46:07] >> Yes, memories that are not from my own
[46:10] brain. There were burn marks on the
[46:11] ground. The kind that could only be
[46:13] caused by natural meth. There's only one
[46:16] guy in all of LA that sells that.
[46:18] >> This is something the detectives
[46:19] couldn't figure out. This is [ __ ]
[46:20] police work 101. Also, what a bunch of
[46:22] [ __ ] One guy. One [ __ ] guy sells
[46:25] something that is this coveted in the
[46:26] street racing world. Oneing guy. Sin
[46:28] city stylized driving shot brought to
[46:30] you by Sin City.
[46:31] >> I narrowed it down to 50 or so David
[46:33] Parks.
[46:33] >> I want you to throw a fortune cookie at
[46:34] them like that racist agent was talking
[46:36] about earlier. See which one flinches.
[46:37] That's your man. Don't ever put your
[46:39] hands on me again. Okay. Say hi to your
[46:42] sister for me.
[46:42] >> Jesus. What world does this dude live
[46:44] in?
[46:44] >> Korean kid brought it in.
[46:47] >> David Park.
[46:48] >> Brian might be one of the worst agents
[46:49] in history. Letty's murder case didn't
[46:51] lead Brian to the same information Dom
[46:52] just got. The only guy who sells
[46:54] nitromemethane in the area. And the one
[46:55] guy who knows what David Park and his
[46:57] car look like.
[46:58] >> I lied to you.
[46:58] >> Well, no.
[46:59] >> I lied to Dom. I lied to everybody.
[47:01] That's what I do best. That's why the
[47:02] feds recruited me.
[47:03] >> Brian's amazing lying was so renowned
[47:05] they recruited him for it. Of course.
[47:06] How did they know he was a liar if he
[47:08] was so good at it? And Brian didn't get
[47:09] in any trouble for letting the girl go
[47:10] yesterday by tricking the other FBI guy
[47:12] and faking transfer orders.
[47:14] >> 98 Saturn, a 95 Sebring, a 98 Nissan 240
[47:18] with an illegal mod.
[47:19] >> That's it.
[47:20] >> Why didn't you plug in all the David
[47:21] Parks with an illegal mod in the
[47:22] database and narrow the search time
[47:24] down? Jesus, do I have to do everything
[47:25] for you? Fate and the screenwriter have
[47:27] conspired to get Brian and Dom to
[47:28] investigate the same guy at the same
[47:30] exact time.
[47:30] >> All I can do is get you in the race.
[47:32] >> What race? guy who was spilling his guts
[47:33] somehow decides to stop so that this
[47:35] window breakage can happen. Either that
[47:36] or Toetto threw him through the window
[47:38] before giving him time to answer the
[47:39] question. There is no freaking way Park
[47:41] was able to hold on to a curtain after
[47:42] being dangled out of a window by his
[47:44] feet and then dropped.
[47:44] >> Connor, do you know the difference
[47:46] between a cop and a criminal? What? One
[47:49] bad judgment call.
[47:50] >> Whether or not you mean to, you're
[47:51] saying that all cops have avoided making
[47:52] one bad judgment call, which is
[47:54] preposterous.
[47:55] >> We have intel that Bragg's number two.
[47:57] Raone Campos will hold a street race in
[47:59] Korea Town tomorrow night to fill a slot
[48:01] on his team.
[48:02] >> Let me guess. Winner gets the slot.
[48:04] >> Did you just say let me guess and then
[48:06] fill in the rest of the sentence with
[48:07] information the first dude already said?
[48:08] This doublefisted montage of Garwork
[48:10] makes me angry. Are they going to mirror
[48:12] each other the entire film?
[48:13] >> You want to park guys?
[48:15] >> I'm wondering how does a guy who blew
[48:16] his cover in the first movie get to go
[48:18] undercover in the same street racing
[48:19] world a second time with nobody noticing
[48:21] it.
[48:21] >> My job is to find the best drivers.
[48:24] Period. Whoever wins a race gets the
[48:26] info.
[48:27] >> This seems like a weird way to get your
[48:28] trusted drivers. You run one race,
[48:30] something that could easily end in a
[48:31] fluke, and that's how you pick people.
[48:32] Revving, tires, satellite maps.
[48:35] >> You sure you want to do this?
[48:36] >> Can he even hear you with all this
[48:38] noise? Is it possible for a car in only
[48:39] two wheels to move faster than cars on
[48:41] four wheels? I'm sure it is, but it
[48:43] probably requires either sluggishness on
[48:44] the part of the other drivers or those
[48:45] two tires touching the ground moving at
[48:46] a speed twice that of any other car's
[48:48] tires, which is kooky, right?
[48:50] >> How my ass love Chia. The 2009 movie
[48:52] makes a Chia Pet reference, yet we'll
[48:54] spawn at least three more sequels
[48:55] because there is no God. No cops were
[48:57] called in the running of this massively
[48:58] inconvenient street race. Brian should
[49:00] definitely have killed some fools here,
[49:01] but for the power of screenwriting.
[49:03] >> Sorry, car.
[49:04] >> And then this car proceeds to bust
[49:05] through a wooden staircase and down a
[49:06] hill without stalling or busting tires.
[49:08] >> At least we know you can't beat me
[49:09] straight up.
[49:10] >> I didn't know there were any rules.
[49:11] >> True that, Dom. It actually makes me
[49:13] wonder why you guys didn't start racing
[49:14] immediately before the countdown got to
[49:16] zero. Wouldn't this kind of race reward
[49:17] cheaters? Stupid guy is getting his
[49:19] stupid face arrested during sexual
[49:21] relations cliche. Wherever this is going
[49:22] on, cops would be noticing. This is some
[49:24] loud invasive [ __ ] right here. This
[49:26] girl's ass is not my girlfriend in this
[49:27] seat. I mean, this girl is not my ass in
[49:29] this seat. I mean, this ass is not Oh,
[49:31] it
[49:31] >> Yeah, corona.
[49:32] >> Dom orders without the waitress even
[49:33] acknowledging him.
[49:34] >> Let's just stop someone from telling him
[49:36] you're a cop.
[49:37] >> Are we still going with the idea that
[49:38] Dom is the only guy who recognizes
[49:39] Brian? This guy's feast was everywhere
[49:41] in that first movie.
[49:42] >> I also heard you just got out of the
[49:43] county.
[49:44] >> When Brian arrested David Park, the race
[49:45] was the very next night. So, how did
[49:47] Brian get the just got out of county
[49:48] street credit? Don't undercover guys
[49:49] have to actually be in jail for a while
[49:51] so that it can be verified? They simply
[49:53] go on Park's Word, which I cannot
[49:54] believe is how this worked considering
[49:56] how hard Bragga is to find.
[49:57] >> Any one of them would die for Braa,
[49:59] >> including you,
[50:00] >> especially me.
[50:01] >> Even though Brian is a dumbass and
[50:02] doesn't realize it, Braa basically just
[50:04] gave away his identity. This is the guy
[50:05] who's so hard to find. This is the guy
[50:07] who's killed three other FBI guys before
[50:09] he could be identified.
[50:10] >> Braa is mine. I'm taking no house down.
[50:12] and also talking about it in front of a
[50:13] club full of people you were just told
[50:15] are so loyal to Braa they'd die for him.
[50:16] This room with the boss is no longer
[50:18] important to guard now that a girl with
[50:19] a hot ass just walked by. How does Brian
[50:21] know this door isn't leading to a single
[50:22] dead end room? At which point he'll be
[50:24] caught by the boss man for snooping.
[50:26] Answer, heing doesn't. Thankfully for
[50:27] Brian, everything about the layout of
[50:28] the rest of this building cooperates
[50:30] with his eavesdropping. Same here. Don
[50:31] has no [ __ ] clue where this elevator
[50:33] will take him, but whatever. Can we just
[50:34] go back to the three girls kissing?
[50:36] >> Are you one of those boys who prefers
[50:39] cars to women? I'm one of those boys
[50:41] that appreciates a fine body regardless
[50:43] of the make.
[50:44] >> Are we at a James Bond film all of a
[50:45] sudden?
[50:46] >> A dirty shot glass. Just what I always
[50:48] wanted.
[50:49] >> How in the did Brian get into the office
[50:50] where Braga was drinking without being
[50:52] seen?
[50:52] >> So that means I have to contact
[50:54] individual agencies and that could take
[50:55] weeks.
[50:56] >> Fingerprints somehow take weeks of
[50:57] verification. But hey, that's convenient
[50:59] for the plot. So that's something we
[51:00] have going for us.
[51:02] >> Yep.
[51:03] >> That's your third traffic violation in
[51:05] less than three blocks.
[51:06] >> Is this guy serious? Doesn't he know
[51:08] what Braa expects from his drivers?
[51:10] >> He stopped.
[51:10] >> Thanks, movie narrator. Bad guy gives
[51:12] potential undercover agents plenty of
[51:13] time to destroy any bugs they might have
[51:15] in their cars by making it way too
[51:16] obvious and not inspecting all the cars
[51:18] at the exact same time. Also, it makes
[51:19] you wonder how dumb the other FBI guys
[51:21] were to get killed by this guy. Also,
[51:22] luckily, Brian has an unfinished can of
[51:24] NS in which he can throw this bug.
[51:26] That's some seriously convenient product
[51:27] placement right there.
[51:28] >> I don't have a tally on the target.
[51:30] Repeat, I don't have a tally on the
[51:32] target. So, the FBI knows that Brian
[51:33] went into this one place, but when a
[51:35] huge truck comes driving out of it, they
[51:36] don't follow it for any reason. How do
[51:38] you build a tunnel like this on the
[51:39] Mexico border without anyone ever
[51:40] noticing?
[51:40] >> You're running out of time.
[51:42] >> Do the drivers who are driving as fast
[51:43] as they can need anyone telling them to
[51:45] get out as fast as they can?
[51:47] >> 70 Plymouth. My name was Letty.
[51:49] >> Dom spills [clears throat] all his cards
[51:50] during Mexican desert standoff with bad
[51:52] guys that have guns. And
[51:54] >> somebody wrecked a car.
[51:55] >> I wrecked a car.
[51:56] >> So, you can tell this is a guy bent on
[51:58] revenge. Why don't you just go ahead and
[51:59] kill him right now? Last time I saw it,
[52:01] it was burning.
[52:02] >> The dom you have presented in these
[52:03] movies would crush thiser's neck right
[52:05] here and now, even if he has some NOS
[52:07] cigarette lighter bomb ready to explode
[52:08] soon.
[52:09] >> COME ON, GET IN THE [ __ ] CAR.
[52:10] >> SOMEHOW, I'll be able to guide us back
[52:11] over the Mexican border without my FBI
[52:13] buddies tracking us, not to mention
[52:14] border patrol. Wait, Dom is getting in
[52:16] the Humvey with Brian and leaving
[52:17] without killing the guy that killed
[52:18] Letty. What was all that about then? Are
[52:20] there seriously no cameras on an impound
[52:22] lot? Then what happens when they drive
[52:23] out of here in a completely different
[52:24] car and there's a smash window on the
[52:26] driver's side? Does the guard say,
[52:27] "Okay, move along." Bullet's not in
[52:30] there.
[52:30] >> Do you have x-ray vision or something?
[52:32] Corona continues their assault on your
[52:33] good taste with second egregious product
[52:35] placement. I have no idea where they are
[52:37] now. And the sister had to drive to get
[52:38] to this oil field trailer, but somehow
[52:40] there is a box full of Lety memories for
[52:42] Don to sift through. Magic. I wonder how
[52:44] much of a discount does Campbell's soup
[52:45] get for product placement that is blurry
[52:46] as hell but still obvious. Dom knows who
[52:48] killed Letty, but he's unnecessarily
[52:50] curious about who she was talking to
[52:51] before she died so that he and Brian can
[52:53] fight.
[52:53] >> SHE DID IT FOR YOU, DOM.
[52:55] SHE DID IT FOR YOU. Brian waits a stupid
[52:57] amount of time in this fight to share
[52:58] the fight stopping information. With a
[53:00] single fist brush, Brian removes all the
[53:01] blood caused by 10 punches to the face
[53:03] Dom threw a second ago.
[53:04] >> Let's use the shipment to lure Braga out
[53:06] and mop the head off a multi-billion
[53:08] dollar cartel.
[53:09] >> And how do you suggest we do that?
[53:11] >> A handtohand exchange with Braa. He'll
[53:14] never show. He can't afford not to.
[53:16] >> You just said this was a multi-billion
[53:17] dollar cartel. The shipment you're
[53:19] talking about is 60 million. Sorry to
[53:21] say, Braa isn't going to stick his head
[53:23] out for that. But for the movie, [sighs]
[53:25] he will. What do you want? It's
[53:26] >> delivered by Braga himself.
[53:28] >> Well, that's not a suspicious way of
[53:30] trying to get Braa at the meeting. Nope,
[53:31] not at all.
[53:32] >> Well, Connor hasn't given us a signal
[53:33] yet. What
[53:34] >> part of that didn't you understand? We
[53:35] just got confirmation. Do it
[53:36] >> because that's how FBI operations are
[53:38] done. You go against the plan mid-stream
[53:40] because you got a supposed fingerprint
[53:41] match in an extremely fluid situation.
[53:43] This isn't much of a surprise, so I
[53:44] guess we'll send dramatic irony here.
[53:46] Machine guns go off in every possible
[53:47] direction and somehow everyone doesn't
[53:49] die. This hench girl, for some reason,
[53:50] runs out and stops in front of her
[53:51] boss's speeding car. I guess so Don
[53:53] could save her and she could be in
[53:54] future sequels. Wait, are you telling me
[53:56] that absolutely no FBI guys are around
[53:58] to stop this car just in case this exact
[54:00] thing happens?
[54:00] >> He was under your nose the whole time.
[54:02] >> You know, he's right. He should have
[54:03] known, but even with intuition, he had
[54:05] to verify fingerprints, which uh somehow
[54:07] take weeks to verify, even if you're in
[54:08] the FBI.
[54:09] >> To heading south, probably long across
[54:11] the border by now,
[54:12] >> despite the fact that we have facial
[54:13] recognition software that verifies this
[54:14] type of should know he hasn't crossed
[54:16] the border yet.
[54:17] >> The first bad guy you helped escape the
[54:18] law's grasp.
[54:19] >> Actually, he is. He's just done it twice
[54:21] for the same person. Of course, none of
[54:22] the Angry at Brian FBI agents are
[54:24] sneaking out to Reto's house because
[54:25] that would make too much sense.
[54:27] >> Everyone's looking for you.
[54:28] >> But not here for some reason. Hey,
[54:30] you're crying. I've got just the thing
[54:32] for that. Also, let's [ __ ] right here in
[54:33] the kitchen because God knows there's no
[54:34] way your brother Dom will stumble upon
[54:36] such a horrific sight. If it's so easy
[54:37] to cross the Mexican border, why all the
[54:39] drama going through the Batman tunnels
[54:40] and to get a shipment? Just admit to me
[54:42] you created that scene through the
[54:43] tunnels so you could have a cool car
[54:44] scene. I'm a big boy. You can tell me.
[54:46] Something about this note passing scene
[54:48] is keeping me from paying attention to
[54:49] the note passing. I can't quite put my
[54:51] finger on it.
[54:51] >> So, this is where my jurisdiction is.
[54:53] >> Being that I'm not an FBI agent anymore,
[54:54] I don't really have jurisdiction
[54:56] anywhere. I don't even know why I said
[54:57] that. Well, they aren't all black, but
[54:59] these are definitely tailgating SUVs.
[55:00] Two of the three telltale signs of an
[55:02] evil convoy. Hey, remember what hot
[55:03] chick I'll never bang said.
[55:04] >> Going in there is suicide.
[55:07] >> Yeah, it seems like they got in there
[55:08] without it being even remotely suicidal.
[55:10] All of his dudes are out front. And this
[55:12] is a church, so it has other exits.
[55:14] >> You and me, we know so different.
[55:16] >> You and I are not so different. Cliche.
[55:17] Wait a minute. My evil boss's prayer is
[55:19] taking too long. I'd better go insert
[55:21] myself into the plot. Security fail. You
[55:23] didn't even know about the side
[55:24] entrance, let alone have a guy guarding
[55:26] it.
[55:26] >> You'll make it a couple of miles out if
[55:28] you're lucky.
[55:29] >> Your cars, which are souped-up amatrons,
[55:31] cannot possibly outrun my guy's cars,
[55:33] which are super duper souped-up
[55:34] amatrons. [ __ ] fighting.
[55:36] >> You know where you going?
[55:37] >> He should, but somehow he'll not have a
[55:39] proper escape plan.
[55:39] >> Where you boys at? Are they going to
[55:42] show up or what?
[55:43] >> Right after you say this, I'm sure. How
[55:44] did the bad guys know to show up to this
[55:45] random spot in the middle of the Mexican
[55:47] desert? At best, they got a message the
[55:48] boss was kidnapped and the kidnappers
[55:50] were headed out of town, but all of them
[55:51] show up at the same time and correctly
[55:53] guess which spot outside of town to go
[55:54] to. How is there aing red station wagon
[55:56] in on this chase? This is a
[55:58] multi-billion dollar cartel. God damn
[55:59] it. Also, how did these dumbass cars
[56:01] catch up to the souped-up you cars that
[56:02] Dom and Brian drive? HOW
[56:07] >> somebody
[56:09] >> only one evil henchman is smart enough
[56:11] to know this obvious rule.
[56:12] >> Dom, end of the tunnel. Let's use the
[56:14] tunnel.
[56:15] >> What? He just so happened to be at the
[56:16] exact same stretch of US Mexican border
[56:18] as earlier in the movie. How convenient.
[56:20] Suddenly, all the Mexicans.
[56:22] >> This might hurt.
[56:23] >> After one time through these tunnels, he
[56:24] knows he can smash through the entrance
[56:25] like this without killing himself. For
[56:26] all he knew, that entrance was made of
[56:28] steel. But thankfully, the correct
[56:29] answer is papier-mâché. Brian waits
[56:30] entirely too long to do this. Brian
[56:32] survives this. Um, awkwardness
[56:34] acknowledged. The last time we saw Dom,
[56:36] his car got super banged up and a bunch
[56:38] of cars were wrecking into it and
[56:39] causing various tunnel block issues.
[56:41] Now, the car looks essentially brand new
[56:42] and is driving perfectly without any
[56:43] issue. Thank god for film editing,
[56:45] right? That makes people totally forget
[56:47] like that.
[56:50] Uh, no. Huge rocks are obviously falling
[56:52] in front of Dom, but Dom sees your rocks
[56:54] and raises you infinity impossible
[56:56] escape. Instead of shooting Brian, this
[56:57] [ __ ] decides to monologue by kicking.
[56:59] Brian somehow grabs dude's leg to hold
[57:01] him in place, but also then isn't
[57:02] smashed by the impact of Dom's car on
[57:04] this guy's body.
[57:05] >> I've listened to the testimony and taken
[57:07] into special consideration Agent
[57:09] Okconor's appeal of clemency on behalf
[57:11] of Mr. Tretto. How does the judge
[57:13] consider Brian's appeal since he's no
[57:15] longer an agent and performed an illegal
[57:16] operation in Mexico as a civilian? What
[57:18] was the point of that no longer on
[57:20] active duty scene? Even prisoner
[57:21] transfer buses drive on interstates with
[57:23] nobody on them. Man, if heists and
[57:24] prison breaks were this easy, everyone
[57:26] would do them. Sorry, disclaimer.
[57:27] Everyone who's dumb enough to do the
[57:28] stunts from this movie are already in
[57:29] the lobby talking about how sick this
[57:31] movie is.
[57:38] Previously on Fast and Furious. I said
[57:40] it before in the last Fast and Furious
[57:42] and I'll say it again. It's amazing how
[57:43] many highway crimes have absolutely zero
[57:45] other traffic on the roads. It's a
[57:47] perfect day for a prison break. And if I
[57:49] saw three souped-up cars blasting down
[57:50] the road while I was transporting
[57:51] prisoners, I'd probably ready my
[57:53] shotgun, maybe even stop the bus and put
[57:55] the odds ever in my favor. Even though
[57:56] Brian's hitting the brakes, this bus
[57:57] impact should still have blown that car
[57:59] off the road. Instead, the bus flips,
[58:01] the car sticks, and Brian lives.
[58:02] Clearly, Brian's plan for springing Dom
[58:04] includes killing Donald. Never mind any
[58:05] of the non-main character prisoners that
[58:07] died in this horrific crash. out where
[58:09] everyone on board has been accounted for
[58:11] except for one Dominic Tretto.
[58:13] >> Accounted for? Did anyone die? Is this
[58:16] the most remarkable bus crash ever? This
[58:18] news broadcast montage never once
[58:19] mentions fatalities, which is what the
[58:21] news lives for.
[58:22] >> Where Fredo and Okconor are now is
[58:24] anyone's guess.
[58:25] >> With the terrible copying we saw in the
[58:26] last film, couldn't they be in LA having
[58:28] beers at the Toretto home without law
[58:29] enforcement knowing about it? Rio porn.
[58:31] Yep, this [ __ ] head is back.
[58:32] >> How's it feel?
[58:33] >> Feels great. Wait a minute. What the are
[58:35] you talking about? can be on the other
[58:37] side of a wanted poster.
[58:38] >> Well, you can't really be on any other
[58:39] side of a wanted poster, can you? You
[58:41] can pick any side and you'll still be on
[58:43] a wanted poster. There's no good side.
[58:45] This Mia putting the baby to bed scene
[58:46] couldn't possibly be foreshadowing her
[58:48] own pregnancy, could it?
[58:49] >> Elisabi.
[58:50] >> Oh man, I cannot believe it.
[58:52] >> It looks like you both could use the
[58:54] payday.
[58:55] >> Sure, they're poor. So, naturally, the
[58:56] only possible action to take is Grand
[58:58] Theft Auto. I guess it's a good thing
[58:59] these DEA agents and anyone else on this
[59:01] train who are Americans are super
[59:02] unobservant. What with Brian and Mia's
[59:04] faces plastered everywhere after the
[59:06] prison break. This stupid heist would
[59:07] never work. The chances of anyone seeing
[59:09] your crew alongside the train are much
[59:10] too high. There are many passengers
[59:12] facing the backside of the train looking
[59:13] out windows and would easily see you.
[59:15] These guys fall on their faces to avoid
[59:16] being killed by the dangerous sheet of
[59:18] death they ripped off the train. But in
[59:19] the next shot, they're standing tall,
[59:20] looking like conquering heroes, as if
[59:22] half the crew didn't almost die from
[59:23] their own stupidity.
[59:24] >> GT40.
[59:25] >> Wouldn't the plan be pre-arranged?
[59:27] Because he says this and isn't careful
[59:28] enough to think Dom speaks Portuguese.
[59:29] Dom gets suspicious and the whole plan
[59:31] blows up in their faces for no reason.
[59:32] And the method of car theft virtually
[59:34] guarantees massive damage to all three
[59:36] vehicles, even though the movie doesn't
[59:37] think so. This car obviously has
[59:38] something in it that these guys want.
[59:40] But why didn't they call some sort of
[59:41] criminal dibs on it before this robbery
[59:42] even started? They could have said,
[59:44] "Look, you can have any car on that
[59:45] train, but the GT40 is off limits.
[59:47] >> Change your plans. Wait for my call."
[59:49] >> They got to Rio yesterday and had no
[59:51] idea until you stepped on this train car
[59:53] you were even coming. What pre-arranged
[59:54] meeting point could you possibly have
[59:56] under this scenario? Why didn't me at
[59:57] least pretend to be going the right way
[59:59] until the [ __ ] on the train were
[60:00] out of sight? Dom throws this guy to the
[60:02] floor rather than outside, making this
[60:03] fight to the death harder for himself.
[60:05] This movie wants to have everything both
[60:06] ways. Windows don't matter until they
[60:08] do. You movie.
[60:10] >> Yeah. Catch up to the GT40, which has a
[60:12] huge head start in this clunky ass
[60:14] vehicle. Thing comes out of nowhere to
[60:15] impair all the stuff.
[60:16] >> ACCESS CARD. GET THE ACCESS CARD.
[60:18] >> COPS here to protect the train don't
[60:19] have an access card to the train doors.
[60:21] This guy picks up a crowbar, but he hits
[60:22] Dom in the back instead of lodging it
[60:24] into his head or neck and causing major
[60:25] damage. Maybe this weird vehicle has a
[60:27] blowtorrch on it. Maybe. But for this
[60:29] guy getting kicked and driving the
[60:30] vehicle to be able to reach back and
[60:32] turn on the blow torch to use as a
[60:33] weapon. Yeah, I know. Why haven't you
[60:34] thrown him off the train yet? Brian
[60:36] survives this. Also, wow, that is a lot
[60:38] of dead people for our heroes to steal a
[60:40] few cars. Am I right? This train is this
[60:42] [ __ ] close to the bridge when Brian
[60:43] tells Dom about it. But somehow this
[60:45] will take more than 1 minute of movie
[60:46] time to actually get there. Car stunts
[60:47] that aren't possible are one thing.
[60:49] Humans living through like this over and
[60:50] over. That's sinful. How are there any
[60:52] bad guys waiting for them anywhere near
[60:54] this water? Even if the dude back on the
[60:56] train radioed it in, how are there
[60:57] readily available [ __ ] on standby
[60:59] under the train bridge? All right, I'm
[61:01] going to leave you in an easily
[61:02] escapable situation with my worst
[61:03] henchman on guard. I'll see you later in
[61:05] the movie. Walmart cuffs random guy with
[61:07] gun decides that guns don't have
[61:08] long-range capabilities and points it as
[61:10] close as possible to Dom's head. It's
[61:11] easy to look badass when these bad guys
[61:13] are idiots.
[61:14] >> Where's Vince?
[61:14] >> That's a good question.
[61:15] >> Did Vince even know there was a change
[61:17] in plans? He was the first dude off the
[61:18] train and it was only when Dom realized
[61:20] that the other dudes wanted the GT40
[61:21] that he changed the plan. There's
[61:23] something I have to tell you.
[61:24] >> But I'm sure to be interrupted before I
[61:25] can say it.
[61:26] >> THAT WAS YOUR JOB.
[61:28] >> THE PROBLEM WITH THIS MOVIE IS that we
[61:29] don't know what the original plan was,
[61:30] who was supposed to do what, or if the
[61:31] plan got changed before they got on the
[61:33] train. They never explained.
[61:34] >> 500 years ago, the Portuguese and the
[61:36] Spanish came here.
[61:37] >> This business deal will require the
[61:38] history of Brazil in order to move
[61:40] forward.
[61:42] >> Almost wish I didn't see that.
[61:44] >> Why did the bad guys bother with this
[61:46] huge operation to steal cars if all they
[61:47] wanted was a chip? They could have hired
[61:49] a pickpocket and an auto mechanic to
[61:50] board the train and find the chip and
[61:52] pulled this job off with way less
[61:53] problems.
[61:54] >> I thought the job was for the cars.
[61:56] >> This whole movie is predicated on the
[61:57] fact that Dom overheard Zezy say he
[61:59] wanted the GT40 and got suspicious.
[62:01] Because of this suspicion, it leads to a
[62:02] chain of events that didn't need to
[62:04] happen. Why did Don care if they stole
[62:05] that particular car or not? Why does he
[62:07] care if it has a chip in it? Was he
[62:08] worried that once the bad guys took the
[62:10] GT40, they were going to get screwed
[62:11] over or even killed? We don't know.
[62:13] Nothing is implied or explicitly stated.
[62:15] >> Wils, I want a list of every place
[62:16] within 50 mi. Bus crash, prisoner
[62:18] escape, train accident, Marshall barking
[62:20] out orders. This movie is the fugitive.
[62:22] >> The ground rolls into a hard pack and we
[62:24] lost that track, too.
[62:25] >> Not necessarily. That road heads up
[62:28] through the hills into the favllas. It's
[62:30] all dirt a mile from where you were.
[62:32] >> Okay, but don't tracks become really
[62:33] hard to find after a day or so because
[62:35] of people driving over the dirt and
[62:36] walking over it. Rio porn too. Fast,
[62:38] furious, fellatio. I didn't see one damn
[62:40] dirt road on their way up here. Lots of
[62:42] cobbled streets and concrete and
[62:43] whatever you want to call it, but
[62:44] certainly not something so easy to find
[62:46] tracks that they went straight to the
[62:47] hideout.
[62:48] >> 100 million plus in cash houses. It's
[62:50] >> how it keeps it off the grid.
[62:51] >> Wait, what? He's trying to keep the
[62:53] location of cashous off the grid and has
[62:55] commissioned a custom computer chip and
[62:56] software interface that is then plugged
[62:58] into regular devices. That puts it on
[63:01] the [ __ ] grid. Just use ink and
[63:03] paper. It does not get any more off the
[63:05] grid than that. Once again, [ __ ]
[63:06] don't bother finding the other potential
[63:07] exits and guarding them before going in
[63:09] for an attack. How did he miss? Two full
[63:12] minutes of discount born ultimatum.
[63:14] >> This is the third time someone's pulled
[63:15] a gun on Dom this close to him. DSS guys
[63:18] shoot everyone except one of the main
[63:19] bad guys.
[63:23] >> Let's go.
[63:23] >> By the way, I'm pregnant. Oh, forget it.
[63:25] Brian and Mia survived this.
[63:28] Dom did not lose this freaking necklace.
[63:30] Last time we saw him, it was perfectly
[63:31] fine around his neck and no danger of
[63:33] slipping off.
[63:33] >> I'm pregnant.
[63:34] >> Well, maybe I did just jump off of a
[63:36] roof into another roof a minute ago, but
[63:38] last time I checked, pregnant. All these
[63:39] guys are names on a list. They come up,
[63:41] we take them down. Not a phone call,
[63:43] more, not a bullet less.
[63:44] >> Whatever that means. I know you mean we
[63:46] don't ask any further questions, but
[63:47] that's just silly.
[63:48] >> Anything else?
[63:49] >> Yeah, we tracked the owner off the
[63:50] vehicle ID,
[63:51] >> which we should have already known
[63:52] considering they were in the DEA's
[63:54] possession just a day ago.
[63:55] >> That's just it. I don't remember [ __ ]
[63:56] about my dad.
[63:57] >> Sudden character backstory is sudden and
[63:59] cliche and considering the pending baby.
[64:01] Super convenient. It's sudden vignion
[64:03] cliche.
[64:04] >> We're going to do one last job. We're
[64:05] going to take all of Reyes's money.
[64:07] Here's the Fast and Furious franchise
[64:09] officially turning the keys over to
[64:10] Oceans 11.
[64:11] >> We're going to take all of Rey's money,
[64:14] every dime of it, and disappear.
[64:16] >> Why not just disappear? Wouldn't that be
[64:18] easier and safer? I guess you might need
[64:20] money to start a new life somewhere, but
[64:22] Jesus, if you're that addicted to
[64:23] stealing, I think I'm going to have to
[64:24] start considering you the bad guys of
[64:26] this series. Oh, I see. You're going to
[64:27] take the three or four weeks to debate
[64:29] on the right guys, then contact them,
[64:30] then wait for them to get to Rio, and
[64:32] then take down the crime boss you have
[64:33] no real beef with whatsoever. Oh [ __ ]
[64:35] Tyrese dragged this movie into this
[64:37] [ __ ] didn't he? Also, how are you going
[64:38] to coordinate and communicate with all
[64:40] these people while The Rock is actively
[64:41] seeking you out? And what? None of your
[64:43] former associates are being bugged or
[64:44] followed or anything?
[64:46] >> Sexy legs, baby girl. What time do they
[64:48] open?
[64:48] >> Jesus, even we wouldn't say some
[64:50] [ __ ] like this, but movie gets away
[64:52] with it because I have no idea. Also,
[64:54] this is a convergence of all the
[64:55] franchises. Now we have Too Fast Too
[64:57] Furious and Tokyo Drift thrown into this
[64:59] mess. Eventually, they'll all be joined
[65:00] by the Expendables
[65:01] >> cuz we got a job. Instead of escaping
[65:03] Rio, we've decided to target the biggest
[65:05] crime boss in the city and steal his
[65:06] money. We think that's justifiable
[65:08] because one time we tried to steal a car
[65:09] that he wanted to steal and he chained
[65:10] us up for a bit before we escaped. Don't
[65:12] ask any questions, just listen. This is
[65:14] what constitutes security at this place.
[65:15] Guy owns the whole city and he can
[65:17] afford security cameras on the outside
[65:18] of the building to make sure something
[65:19] like this doesn't happen. Meanwhile, he
[65:21] has four on the naked counting chicks.
[65:25] >> Random Reyes soldier plays the pronoun
[65:26] game with Reyes so that he has to ask
[65:28] who the hell they are. cousins.
[65:30] >> There's no reason to simply up the
[65:32] security or have more guys guarding it.
[65:33] Nope. Just put it all in one place. Why
[65:35] not?
[65:36] >> If he's moving into a police station,
[65:38] he's got some serious brass in his
[65:40] pocket.
[65:40] >> Kind of makes you wonder why he bothers
[65:41] with 10 different secret money houses if
[65:43] he can just openly stash his cash in the
[65:45] police station.
[65:45] >> This just went from mission impossible
[65:47] to mission freaking sanity.
[65:49] >> Yeah, earn that paycheck, Tyrese.
[65:51] >> Enhance it.
[65:52] >> Zoom in and enhance cliche.
[65:53] >> Their faces are covered.
[65:54] >> Run it through FRS.
[65:56] >> Facial recognition software. But you
[65:57] just said their faces were covered. The
[65:59] beauty of public offices, public
[66:01] records.
[66:02] >> Even in Brazil, it took the US until the
[66:04] Freedom of Information Act for most to
[66:05] become public. And even then, I'm not
[66:07] sure police station blueprints count.
[66:08] >> He says Caucasian. That's a tan.
[66:12] >> No, it's tan.
[66:13] >> Jesus Christ. So, of course, the box
[66:14] that Tyrese brings in goes right in the
[66:16] room with a safe because whenever you
[66:17] make a stupid plan with 1% chance of it
[66:19] working, it works. If you had a [ __ ]
[66:21] camera robot in this box, then why even
[66:22] go to the trouble of trying so hard or
[66:24] at all to get them to let you into the
[66:26] evidence room physically? Was it just to
[66:27] create some [ __ ] comic relief? Also,
[66:29] these cops on the take from billionaire
[66:30] crime lord don't have cameras in the
[66:32] evidence room that contains his vault of
[66:33] billions in order to see this RC car
[66:36] movie depicts exactly what it's like
[66:38] watching these movies.
[66:39] >> Okana, let's go get some cars.
[66:41] >> Okay, but just as a reminder, this is
[66:42] all just for revenge. You're doing all
[66:44] this to steal from a dude that [ __ ]
[66:45] with you one time over a car that you
[66:47] were in the act of stealing. Thinnest
[66:49] premise ever. Yes, let's collectively
[66:51] enjoy the hot asses of girls who aren't
[66:52] my sister that you knocked up. Word on
[66:54] the street is a lot of people looking
[66:56] for you two.
[66:57] >> And yet
[66:57] >> what? You didn't think we'd recognize
[66:59] you
[66:59] >> after the last movie? No, actually. We
[67:01] assume Brian was unrecognizable to the
[67:03] street racing world since they let him
[67:04] back in undercover after he [ __ ] over
[67:06] everyone in the first film. But
[67:07] whatever, just get to the race already.
[67:09] >> Car for car.
[67:10] >> You want to come and get it?
[67:11] >> If the feds IDed his car from a traffic
[67:13] cam, how the is Dom able to drive it
[67:15] anywhere in this city without being
[67:16] found? Aren't they searching for it via
[67:18] satellite every 15 minutes?
[67:21] >> Where'd you get that from? Papa Smart.
[67:24] >> Okay, Tyrese, we need to talk. I'm
[67:25] beginning to wonder if you even deserve
[67:27] to keep earning paychecks. Please call
[67:28] me. The highly wanted Dom and Brian
[67:30] being tracked by the entire Rio police
[67:31] force and the DSS can not only find a
[67:33] space where no one can find them, it's
[67:34] also big enough to simulate the police
[67:36] station they're about to rob.
[67:37] >> Oh, look. While the feds are actively
[67:38] hunting you with satellites, you can
[67:39] have a ginormous safe delivered to some
[67:41] warehouse without anyone anywhere
[67:42] getting suspicious.
[67:43] >> There's still another problem. Palm
[67:45] scanner,
[67:45] >> which I somehow didn't notice despite my
[67:47] zoomed-in RC car camera view of the
[67:49] thing. More Rio porn. Fast five gang
[67:51] bang. Hobbs specifically told his crew
[67:53] he wanted them to follow Reyes to the
[67:54] point of knowing how much he shakes it
[67:55] when he goes to the bathroom. Nobody
[67:57] from the DEA here today. Ah, not only
[67:59] did you stop for a change of clothes,
[68:01] you also made sure to choose fingerprint
[68:02] friendly material. Nice.
[68:04] >> So, did he just like slap that ass or
[68:06] did he like grab and hold on to it?
[68:08] >> I know you're kidding, but no. It was
[68:10] like he was actually trying to help you
[68:11] rob him with the way he touched her ass.
[68:13] >> Guys, guys, guys, we have a problem.
[68:16] >> And the whole team just got burnt.
[68:17] >> You mean just now? That's convenient
[68:19] since we saw all of you getting
[68:20] investigated 17 minutes ago in movie
[68:22] time, which is like an eternity in real
[68:24] time. This did not just happen despite
[68:26] the movie wishing it did.
[68:27] >> Roman's right. Think we need to get some
[68:29] fresh air.
[68:30] >> You people did not speak this vaguely.
[68:32] You just wanted the audience to wonder
[68:33] what he meant.
[68:34] >> Who's got a hit? 70s charger.
[68:36] >> The [ __ ] How did this thing not work
[68:37] properly the night of the street race
[68:38] earlier?
[68:39] >> You turn around and put your hands
[68:40] behind your back.
[68:41] >> I don't think so.
[68:42] >> Seems like he could have waited this out
[68:44] and got Dom and Brian later when there
[68:45] weren't so many people around, but
[68:46] that's just me. This is Brazil.
[68:48] >> Something that Hob's local agent, Elena,
[68:50] should have been able to tell him. But
[68:51] seeing how Hobbs talks to her, she
[68:53] probably thinks she's a 1950s housewife
[68:54] at this point. Guys, I don't know if you
[68:56] realize it, but this is the moment when
[68:57] the stars of the Pacifier and Tooth
[68:59] Fairy finally squared off. The only
[69:00] reason this necklace [ __ ] is in the
[69:02] movie is so that Dom could have another
[69:03] I missy scene with a woman who misses
[69:05] her husband. And they really shot for
[69:06] the moon on their helicopter shot budget
[69:07] for this movie, didn't they?
[69:08] >> The only way we're going to beat the
[69:09] cameras is with invisible cars.
[69:12] >> And I know just where to get them. If
[69:14] it's so easy to steal cop cars, why
[69:15] didn't they do this in the first place?
[69:17] Meanwhile, security at a souped-up cop
[69:18] car mecca is extremely lax. They
[69:20] probably fed the dog steaks, slipped the
[69:22] guard sleeping pills in their coffee,
[69:23] and found a way for security cameras to
[69:24] not exist.
[69:25] >> Next, too late.
[69:27] >> These [ __ ] idiots are actually going
[69:28] to drag race stolen police cars in Rio
[69:30] right now. Also, isn't this a pretty
[69:32] stupid race? Aren't all four of these
[69:34] cars identical? Shouldn't this end in a
[69:35] four-way tie? Welcome to a world with
[69:37] zero rules, ladies and gentlemen. My
[69:38] brain has officially ended itself
[69:40] watching this scene. I mean, does Rio
[69:42] have a strict nobody out past 900 p.m.
[69:43] curfew or some [ __ ] Here's Mia, wanted
[69:45] by Brazilian and US forces openly
[69:47] shopping in a public market because
[69:48] screw you. We'll do what we want.
[69:50] >> Vince, what are you doing?
[69:51] >> Quiet. They've been tracking you.
[69:52] >> Oh, I see. Mia is being followed by the
[69:54] drug lord soldiers, not the cops and by
[69:57] Vince conveniently.
[69:58] >> Grace's guys were waiting for me at the
[69:59] market.
[70:00] >> And that's all they were doing. Just
[70:01] sitting there waiting until Vince showed
[70:03] up to save me. I don't know why they
[70:04] haven't started tracking you [ __ ]
[70:06] yet, but enough of that. Hey, Vince. Dom
[70:08] agrees to let Vince take part in the
[70:09] heist, which is fine. A nice family
[70:11] moment, but doesn't that mean the entire
[70:12] plan has to be reworked to include him?
[70:14] Or at least he needs to spend all night
[70:15] studying to learn his role? Family is
[70:17] one thing, but this is sort of careless
[70:19] if you ask me.
[70:19] >> We're less than 24 hours from the
[70:22] biggest celebration of our life.
[70:24] >> Movie that is over 2 hours long has time
[70:25] for a long premature celebration scene.
[70:27] >> Hey, wait, wait, hold on a second. So,
[70:29] did he just smack the ass or did he grab
[70:31] him?
[70:33] >> Haha. That's an inside joke that we
[70:34] don't know the context for, but
[70:35] hilarious nonetheless. Took me a while
[70:37] to find that tracking chip,
[70:38] >> which had little or no bearing on the
[70:40] story. Also, this doesn't explain how
[70:41] they all of a sudden know where the
[70:42] hideout is, despite the fact that they
[70:44] should have found it way earlier in this
[70:45] movie. Super important cop mission goes
[70:46] out the window for mono fisticuffs. How
[70:49] the did they know the DSS people were
[70:50] going to drive through here? Also, does
[70:52] this movie know that it just stole a
[70:53] page from Clear and Present Danger? A
[70:54] movie where the villain was played by
[70:56] the exact same actor who plays the
[70:57] villain in this movie. Look how many
[70:58] poor people in this poor part of Rio
[71:00] haveing satellite television. And how
[71:01] much does it cost there for American
[71:03] only Dish Network? This ambush rescue
[71:04] seems to have a high likelihood of
[71:06] killing the people being rescued.
[71:07] Movie's long string of unconsequences
[71:09] continues. But I'm sorry, I fell asleep
[71:11] there for a minute. What's going on? Did
[71:13] we win? Somehow all this guy's men died
[71:15] in the shootout, but he lived, which is
[71:16] probably only because he already had
[71:18] lines in the movie or something. Vince
[71:19] got shot, and the movie actually expects
[71:20] me to feel bad about it. Hideout eulogy.
[71:22] Meanwhile, all the other good guy
[71:23] thieves are halfway through the police
[71:24] station heist, right? I mean, how much
[71:27] time has passed since they tore out of
[71:28] here?
[71:28] >> It's a suicide mission. That's your man
[71:30] over there on the table. Yeah, but the
[71:32] original plan didn't even include him,
[71:34] right?
[71:34] >> Amen.
[71:35] >> You saved my life, so the law no longer
[71:37] matters. And in fact, I'm going to break
[71:38] that law with you.
[71:39] >> We can't just go sneaking around
[71:40] anymore.
[71:41] >> You weren't even sneaking around at all.
[71:42] You were brazenly shopping in street
[71:44] markets and participating in street
[71:45] races. Hell, it's a good thing that all
[71:47] of these police officers are bad guys,
[71:48] and none of them are actually just
[71:49] innocent men protecting the police
[71:51] station, because this might seem rash.
[71:52] All that nonsense about hairpin turns
[71:54] and fast cars avoiding video cameras,
[71:56] and the movie is going to ultimately
[71:57] have them steal the entire safe through
[71:58] to cable brute force. Because if you're
[72:00] still watching, you certainly don't
[72:02] care. Why wasn't the original plan to
[72:03] get an armored vehicle and do this? A
[72:05] couple of fast muscle cars can just pull
[72:07] how much was it ludicrous?
[72:08] >> 10 tons of top-of-the-line security
[72:10] >> out of a [ __ ] wall. Can't we agree at
[72:12] this point that this is where the cars
[72:13] would flip over from, you know, all the
[72:15] physics? I'd complain about the terrible
[72:17] aim, but I'm more concerned about this
[72:18] zillion ton safe being dragged by two
[72:20] Americanmade cars.
[72:21] >> Well, the plan's working. You guys have
[72:23] every corrupt cop in Rio on your tail.
[72:25] >> How do you know that all of them are
[72:26] corrupt? Some of these guys, I don't
[72:28] know, might just be doing their job. Dom
[72:30] and Brian very likely kill lots of
[72:31] people and cause millions of dollars of
[72:33] property damage because they're trying
[72:34] to get back at a guy who just wanted a
[72:35] computer chip from a car seized by the
[72:37] DEA. I'm still trying to figure out if
[72:39] this plot is even real. They're now
[72:40] pulling a safe that is crashing through
[72:41] a store. I wish this safe were
[72:43] magnetized so we could watch with
[72:44] hilarity as they pulled all the cars and
[72:46] boats and planes and jewelry and
[72:47] basically all that from Spider-Man 2.
[72:49] Now Domcar is pulling the safe and the
[72:50] other car by itself because there's a
[72:52] great disturbance in the force. Not the
[72:54] Star Wars force, mind you. The force
[72:55] described by Isaac Newton is disturbed.
[73:01] Brian laughs because he doesn't yet
[73:03] realize how many innocent people he's
[73:04] killed during the scene. Anytime this
[73:06] cadre of police officers chasing Brian
[73:08] and Dom want to shoot for the tires is
[73:09] okay with me. Why are they still firing
[73:11] guns anyway when that's been proven
[73:12] ineffective in this movie?
[73:13] >> LICENSE AND REGISTRATION, PLEASE.
[73:16] >> Please cut another check to Mr. Gibson.
[73:19] >> Wow, that's like murder. How has no one
[73:22] in this movie said the word hemi yet? It
[73:24] was always the [music] plan.
[73:26] >> Take care of Mia.
[73:27] >> How was it always the plan when the
[73:28] original plan before The Rock came on
[73:30] board did not involve you dragging the
[73:32] safe out of town like this. Also, Hero
[73:34] sacrifices himself to save the others.
[73:35] Cliche. I guess this is entertaining for
[73:37] many people with nothing being grounded
[73:38] in any realism at all. We just accept
[73:40] that Dom's pulling a 10-tonon safe with
[73:42] this one car right now, maneuvering in
[73:43] such a way that he can guide the safe
[73:44] anywhere he wants it to go. I think this
[73:46] movie is basically just telling you,
[73:47] "Relax. It's only a movie." Which I
[73:49] hate. Now, the safe and all its weight
[73:50] and momentum can suddenly pull Dom's car
[73:52] in another direction. I guess it was
[73:54] waiting for the movie to allow it to do
[73:55] what it should have done way back at the
[73:56] police station. Guy about to shoot
[73:57] another guy gets shot at the last second
[73:58] by some surprise exmachina [ __ ]
[74:00] cliche.
[74:01] >> It's a hell of a mess.
[74:02] >> Beyond all the damage to Rio and all the
[74:03] likely fatalities, we're now left with a
[74:05] Rio that currently has no living police
[74:07] department. To put the kid from Die Hard
[74:08] with a vengeance, it's Christmas. You
[74:10] could steal city hall.
[74:11] >> Just come tomorrow, I will find you.
[74:13] >> He's already allowed them to do this
[74:14] crash the safe through Rio thing. He
[74:16] doesn't owe them anything anymore. His
[74:17] character in no way benefits from
[74:18] letting them have 24 hours to go play
[74:20] hide-and-seek. Hobbs lets these guys go
[74:22] and doesn't check the safe until after
[74:23] they're gone.
[74:24] >> You guys just carved out a 10second
[74:26] window.
[74:26] >> A 10-second window to unload a 10-tonon
[74:28] safe into a garbage truck and switch it
[74:29] with another 10-tonon safe before anyone
[74:31] notices. And despite your considerable
[74:33] driving skills, something you've never
[74:34] practiced in your life is going to go
[74:35] off without a hitch and fool everyone.
[74:37] So, you somehow plan this [ __ ]
[74:38] discreetly in a matter of minutes after
[74:40] the rock join the cause, which is
[74:41] complete [ __ ] Cop that tried to
[74:43] bust our heroes ends up respecting them
[74:44] so much he laughs upon learning they got
[74:46] away with a cliche. I know they've been
[74:47] given 24 hours, but I can't believe
[74:49] Hobbs doesn't raid this hideout again.
[74:50] Part of the deal was that they couldn't
[74:52] take the money and he knows they
[74:53] switched the safes, but he decides to
[74:54] lay off for some stupid reason. Let that
[74:56] be a lesson to you kids. Stealing is
[74:57] totally okay as long as you steal from a
[74:59] bigger head than yourself. Unearned
[75:01] romantic coupling. Aw, they got together
[75:02] because their significant others died,
[75:04] didn't they? But they have so much in
[75:06] common beyond the tragic deaths that
[75:07] tied them together.
[75:08] >> You need to look at that.
[75:09] >> The irony is we are looking at that, but
[75:10] Hobbs can't look at that because she's
[75:12] turned the wrong way. Well, well,
[75:14] Letty's not dead. I'm sure there will be
[75:15] some terrific explanation for this
[75:17] considering that dude Phoenix from the
[75:18] last movie asked Dom, "You remember?
[75:20] Last time I saw it, it was burning."
[75:22] >> Probably just a twin sister or
[75:23] something. Poor long lost, previously
[75:25] unknown and dead twin sister.
[75:33] Comcast least original film franchise
[75:36] continues to be produced by ironically
[75:37] named company. Here's yet another Fast
[75:39] and Furious road with no one on it but
[75:40] our main characters.
[75:41] >> You're going to be a great father,
[75:42] Brian. Wait, did they drag race just to
[75:44] be here for the child birth? Is there
[75:46] ever a time these guys think, you know
[75:47] what, today is not a day to risk my
[75:49] life. Let's carpool in a Miata for once.
[75:51] >> Let's go for a little ride.
[75:52] >> Fast and Furious flashback montage
[75:54] opening credit sequence.
[75:55] >> Riley Hicks read your file.
[75:57] >> Now I'm going to read the file out loud
[75:59] to the audience.
[76:02] >> Is that legal?
[76:04] >> No.
[76:04] >> But we'll let it slide because it's
[76:05] awesome. Their sex is made better by
[76:07] remembering their former lovers deaths.
[76:09] >> It wasn't that hard to find you, Tretto.
[76:11] This surprise visit brought to you by
[76:12] Under Armour.
[76:13] >> I need your help, Dom. I need your team.
[76:15] >> Well, it should be easy to pry them away
[76:16] from their retired millionaire lives in
[76:18] order to take down a crew that does the
[76:19] exact same illegal things they did to
[76:20] become millionaires in the first place
[76:22] just because your old girlfriend is
[76:23] involved. I am not the director of
[76:24] photography on this movie. Everyone at
[76:26] this table enjoys a nice Coca-Cola
[76:28] except one who ordered it, popped the
[76:30] top, and then just left it full. movie
[76:32] expects me to believe this kind of third
[76:33] world ATM rigging [ __ ] is possible.
[76:36] [music]
[76:37] >> Despite the fact that it's in some sort
[76:38] of container where I can't actually see
[76:40] the food right now. So glad to see these
[76:41] two I didn't care about from the last
[76:42] movie are still together.
[76:44] >> Starting a life together.
[76:45] >> Aren't we doing that?
[76:46] >> Maybe. But something tells me this
[76:47] conversation is going to get interrupted
[76:48] by something. So you can't answer this
[76:50] right now. Also, clearly you aren't
[76:51] since Tokyo Drift technically comes
[76:53] after this movie and you aren't in it.
[76:54] So clearly you're going to die at least
[76:56] until the franchise needs you back. Is
[76:58] this a situation these two have been in
[76:59] enough in order to get into formation?
[77:00] And if so, how many times did it work
[77:02] when they were completely surrounded?
[77:04] >> No franchise in history has done as much
[77:06] to push beer as this one.
[77:08] >> Letty's dead.
[77:08] >> Somehow, despite the fact that I was in
[77:10] the FBI when she died, and she was
[77:11] working for me at the time, I don't have
[77:13] any real evidence of her dead body for
[77:14] some reason. And don't give me that
[77:16] because someone else is body burned and
[77:17] they couldn't verify it. [ __ ]
[77:18] either. I'm wondering if she really
[77:19] died. Sunset,
[77:20] >> her target's Owen Shaw,
[77:21] >> depicted here in the middle of a
[77:22] military operation having his picture
[77:24] taken like he's on vacation.
[77:25] >> Hey, man.
[77:26] >> Of course, this secret meeting warehouse
[77:27] garage has vending machines because why
[77:29] wouldn't it? something about
[77:32] my house.
[77:32] >> And there was no quieter or safer way to
[77:34] tell you that
[77:35] >> we getting paid, right?
[77:36] >> Yeah, you'll definitely earn that
[77:37] paycheck. Tyrese, I know this place is
[77:39] surrounded by police, but do you put a
[77:40] wire on someone out in the open like
[77:42] this?
[77:42] >> I just got confirmation on Shaw. They're
[77:44] going in.
[77:44] >> Arresting one man requires all the
[77:46] Interpol.
[77:47] >> Police scanners are saying alarms are
[77:48] going off at Interpol headquarters.
[77:50] >> You brought us here so you could take
[77:51] down Interpol.
[77:52] >> Because much like the police station in
[77:53] Bad Boys, Interpol decided to empty
[77:55] their entire station to go after one
[77:56] dude.
[77:57] >> Guys, it's a ghost town over here. which
[77:58] is notable because that has been the
[78:00] case in every other previous movie as
[78:01] well. How did Shaw rig all these columns
[78:03] with explosives that nobody could see?
[78:05] They'd have to be inside the columns,
[78:06] right? How do you manage that?
[78:08] Especially in the time he had. Interpol
[78:09] decides in a major operation that
[78:10] roadblocks are for suckers. Man, bullets
[78:12] in these movies are worthless.
[78:14] >> Sure. We have three cars tailing us.
[78:16] >> You know what to do.
[78:17] >> You want me to blow all three drivers?
[78:19] How are any of our heroes cars fit for
[78:21] driving after the hail of machine gun
[78:22] fire they just endured? Shaw is like a
[78:24] more villainy Batman with all sorts of
[78:26] wonderful toys, but this weapon makes
[78:27] you unable to control your car. That's
[78:29] it. All sorts of explosive technology
[78:31] could be implemented here, but this will
[78:33] just end up causing a wreck, which these
[78:34] guys survive all the time. And oh yeah,
[78:36] he survives this.
[78:37] >> Oh je,
[78:39] >> what just now? Brian ninja drives, so
[78:41] this car grenade thing gets knocked off,
[78:42] which is [ __ ] regardless, but is
[78:44] extra [ __ ] since it was launched in
[78:46] the front bumper where he could never in
[78:47] a million years see it to know its
[78:48] location well enough to do that.
[78:50] >> Approaching rendevous point. Doesn't
[78:51] that mean you both left at specific
[78:53] times and drove at specific speeds
[78:54] despite traffic and police interference
[78:56] to get here at the same time?
[79:01] Wrecks are meaningless. This hench girl
[79:03] is not amazed by Brian's survival.
[79:04] However, it is a perfect opportunity to
[79:06] wink at him and establish superiority.
[79:08] Running into things simply does not
[79:09] matter.
[79:13] You also Hobbs jumps out of his vehicle
[79:15] and lands on a car that while he's in
[79:16] midair should be long gone due to things
[79:18] like science. They were not only able to
[79:20] survive the crashes, but recover the
[79:21] cars and drive back with no problem.
[79:23] >> You don't turn your back on family, even
[79:25] when they do.
[79:27] >> What? But if they did, then they aren't
[79:29] family anymore. According to this motto,
[79:31] right? Somehow, despite never really
[79:33] seeing their faces or knowing their
[79:34] names, this crew is able to find all the
[79:35] heroes rap sheets with no information
[79:37] whatsoever.
[79:38] >> You might want to see this.
[79:39] >> A picture that is strangely a surprise
[79:40] despite the fact that the blonde chick
[79:42] neatly stacked all this evidence into
[79:43] one big file before presenting it to the
[79:44] team.
[79:47] Shaw somehow even has a screenshot of a
[79:49] moment from the firsting movie.
[79:51] >> Yeah, that's the guy I shot.
[79:52] >> It's weird that I'm in this picture,
[79:54] too, but I chose not to acknowledge
[79:55] that.
[79:56] >> I don't remember him.
[79:57] >> Amnesia.
[79:58] >> You heard that flip car going through
[79:59] those gears.
[79:59] >> It's a quaint transmission.
[80:01] >> That didn't sound like a normal engine.
[80:03] >> Oh, I guess everyone in this scene gets
[80:04] at least one line. How democratic. Also,
[80:06] this is a scene that could have used a
[80:07] nice long take. This scene is cut to
[80:09] death and we're not even in a confusing
[80:10] action sequence, but I guess a long take
[80:12] would have required everyone remembering
[80:13] their line. We find the guy who made
[80:15] that car. We find Shaw
[80:18] >> because underground auto mechanics who
[80:19] build custom Batmobiles just happen to
[80:21] know the address of extremely careful
[80:22] international criminals.
[80:24] >> Kitchen help entrances towards the back.
[80:26] >> This unnecessary prejudice person
[80:27] assumes entirely too much for the
[80:29] audience's amusement.
[80:30] >> I don't mean any offense, gentlemen.
[80:31] >> This entire scene means offense to me.
[80:33] >> Clearly, you're not a baller.
[80:35] >> This man's face goes way too unpunched
[80:36] for me.
[80:37] >> What's the dude playing on hunting? Obby
[80:39] dick
[80:40] >> paycheck Tyrese.
[80:41] >> It's specific to one handgun. the PSM.
[80:44] >> Everything in the Fast and Furious world
[80:45] comes from one freaking source. Making
[80:47] investigations look so easy. I just
[80:48] passed the FBI exam, sitting in my
[80:50] apartment masturbating at porn.
[80:52] >> After a handful of truly terrible line
[80:54] readings, Gina Carano finally explains
[80:56] her reason for being in this film.
[80:57] Basher, so this guy's comeuppance is
[80:59] that he has to give his clothes to The
[81:01] Rock. Prejudice is fought one garment at
[81:03] a time, ladies and gentlemen. Also, this
[81:04] scene where they bully this guy into
[81:05] taking off his shirt is so Michael Bay
[81:07] it makes me ask, how can people pile on
[81:09] the Michael Bay Transformers hate train
[81:10] and still defend this [ __ ] series
[81:12] here? What is it that makes you see them
[81:14] as different?
[81:14] >> Damn, you need some hedge clippers for
[81:16] that.
[81:16] >> Hilarity.
[81:18] These women somehow miss the obvious
[81:20] beep this phone makes. Doesn't the
[81:21] gaping hole in this window negate the
[81:23] purpose of having such a secure boot?
[81:24] Also, he keeps his weapons just far
[81:26] enough away to be useless in a pinch.
[81:27] >> What if she's a street racer?
[81:29] >> Where can we find her?
[81:31] >> How do I know?
[81:31] >> These guys actually went to a pawn shop
[81:33] expecting the owner to know anything of
[81:34] the whereabouts of the woman who came in
[81:36] to buy guns from him earlier. I guess
[81:37] you follow every lead, but this is
[81:38] extremely worthless movie-wise. Is this
[81:40] how you execute people? God, these are
[81:42] supposed to be professionals. Seriously,
[81:44] did we need to bring Braa back? Also,
[81:46] this spits out one helpful name before
[81:48] dying because he totally rethought his
[81:49] life choices in the last 30 seconds and
[81:51] became a good guy. Totally.
[81:55] This is one of the only gunshots in this
[81:57] entire franchise to be super accurate.
[81:59] Dude, you had all the space on the right
[82:01] side. It's not like you needed to run in
[82:03] one direction the whole time. The
[82:05] Bobbies go out like little [ __ ] and
[82:07] of course try to apprehend him one by
[82:08] one and don't call for backup. Michelle
[82:09] Rodriguez sort of holds her own in a
[82:11] fight with Gina Corano. Guy who was
[82:12] running from these two a minute ago
[82:14] suddenly feels the need to stay here and
[82:15] fight more dudes and waste more time.
[82:18] [screaming] Both women survive this
[82:19] without paralysis. Meanwhile, somehow no
[82:21] other cops have been called to the scene
[82:22] and this fight has gone on for ages.
[82:26] Train that is just now leaving because
[82:27] it's convenient exmachina. Well, they
[82:29] got their asses kicked. Makes you wonder
[82:30] how they survived those massive wrecks
[82:32] with absolutely no injuries.
[82:33] >> If Ivory is dead, he made a mistake.
[82:35] Letty's been working with this guy for a
[82:36] while now and is just now coming to the
[82:38] shocking conclusion that he's not that
[82:39] sentimental.
[82:40] >> Braa will know what Shaw is up to. I'm
[82:42] going to pay him a visit.
[82:42] >> Don't they have that dude's cell phone,
[82:44] though? He punched a button and it
[82:45] called one of Shaw's men. Can't you find
[82:47] out a lot more from this cell phone than
[82:48] you can by flying into the US and
[82:50] risking arrest just to talk to Braa?
[82:51] Funny how we never see anyone actually
[82:53] drinking NS in these movies, but there
[82:55] are always cans on display.
[82:56] >> I'm the one that served her up to Braa
[82:58] >> and then did a shitty job actually
[82:59] investigating anything related to her
[83:01] death. I'm actually a bad guy and good
[83:02] guy as it turns out.
[83:06] Hand shaking contest.
[83:08] >> Tell me something, O' Connor. How is it
[83:10] you keep running around the world
[83:11] breaking every law known to man and yet
[83:13] here I am putting my job on the line for
[83:15] you?
[83:15] >> These guys never got along in the fourth
[83:17] Fast and Furious movie and there was no
[83:18] "Hey man, I hate you, but I respect you
[83:20] scene." And we're supposed to believe
[83:21] that this FBI guy gives a [ __ ] about
[83:22] nabbing Shaw, who's won by Interpol and
[83:24] does most of his crime outside America.
[83:26] Also, why couldn't Hobbs pull some
[83:27] strings on this? Better yet, why doesn't
[83:29] he get somebody to talk to Bragga?
[83:30] >> It's a 24-hour hole. You need to be out
[83:33] of there by 9:00 a.m. That's when
[83:34] forensics will run your fingerprints to
[83:36] the national database.
[83:37] >> Not to mention, that's when all the
[83:38] [ __ ] who saw your face plastered all
[83:40] over TV during the last movie will
[83:42] suddenly recover from their memorabs
[83:43] that you're a highly wanted fugitive
[83:44] named Brian Okconor.
[83:45] >> Man, man, this guy would be excellent at
[83:47] cinema sense. Movie is full of
[83:49] unbelievable [ __ ] but this harpoon
[83:50] gag may be the hardest for me to
[83:52] swallow.
[83:52] >> So, tell me something because I buried
[83:54] her.
[83:54] >> Well, no, you didn't. In fact, this is
[83:56] the first time you've even acknowledged
[83:58] you were around her dead body. Did they
[83:59] not have DNA, dental records, or any
[84:01] kind of real identification? And again,
[84:03] don't give me that some other body burn
[84:04] beyond recognition [ __ ]
[84:06] >> Humor me, please.
[84:07] >> You're a dead man walking. What does it
[84:09] matter? I ran everything for Shaw.
[84:12] >> Villain spills evil plan details to his
[84:14] enemy instead of just killing him.
[84:15] Phoenix decides, nah, I won't shoot her
[84:17] directly. I'll let a violent expansion
[84:18] or bursting with noise decide this.
[84:20] >> Shaw found her in the hospital two days
[84:22] later. He went to finish the job.
[84:24] >> What told Shaw to go to the hospital?
[84:25] Did Phoenix find this guy Shaw who was
[84:27] not his boss in Fast and Furious and
[84:29] tell him, "Man, I blew up this car and
[84:30] I'm pretty sure Letty died, but you
[84:32] might want to go check the local
[84:32] hospitals and see if she turned up
[84:34] because I did not verify whether or not
[84:36] she died." Also, this hospital had no
[84:38] idea who Letty was. Didn't call any law
[84:40] enforcement whatsoever. An international
[84:42] criminal Shaw was just hanging around LA
[84:44] looking for random tough street racing
[84:45] chicks. This is some [ __ ] just to
[84:47] get Letty back in the franchise because
[84:49] he's a main character. Movie will now
[84:50] allow Brian to win this unwininnable
[84:52] prison shiv fight. How do you think he
[84:54] knows your next move before you make it?
[84:56] He's got eyes on you.
[84:58] >> I'm dying, so I might as well tell you
[84:59] oh everything. Also, so far we've seen
[85:02] nothing that Shawn knows anything about
[85:03] what's coming when it comes to Brian and
[85:04] Dom's crew. In the last scene, the only
[85:06] reason he knew was because this dude
[85:08] called them. In the scene before that,
[85:09] they didn't even know who they were.
[85:10] This is setting up the big Riley
[85:12] surprise later, but she's done a poor
[85:13] job telling Shawn Jack 10 full seconds
[85:15] of a nighttime London establishing shot.
[85:17] Bravo movie. Bravo. Every damn one of
[85:20] these pre- street racing scenes are the
[85:21] exact damn same. For all I know, they
[85:23] shot this for Too Fast Too Furious and
[85:25] inserted it into this movie. Also,
[85:26] didn't you spend time in this film
[85:28] talking about the Big Brother
[85:29] surveillance state of London? Maybe some
[85:31] street races take place, but neon dance
[85:33] parties with this many people would be
[85:34] quashed in a hurry.
[85:35] >> Ready? Ready?
[85:36] >> Ready to drive? Sure. But can you tell
[85:38] me what the course is? Cuz I literally
[85:40] just got here. It's goddamn Piccadilly
[85:42] Circus, and only one cop shows up to
[85:43] track these illegal street racers down.
[85:45] Come on. We need to stop street racing
[85:46] so we can stop this movie in its tracks
[85:48] even further by having an intimate
[85:49] moment.
[85:50] >> Just because you know how I ride doesn't
[85:52] mean you know me.
[85:53] >> People with amnesia shouldn't say like
[85:54] this to people that obviously know them.
[85:56] >> Nice scar like this scar in here.
[85:58] >> Scar history.
[85:59] >> What else do you know about me?
[86:01] >> I know your favorite sexual positions,
[86:02] your favorite beer, your tattoos and
[86:04] birtharks. Jesus woman. What's it going
[86:06] to take for you someone with amnesia to
[86:08] be open to the idea that someone else
[86:09] knows you very well? Some kid [snorts]
[86:11] trying to show off lost control of his
[86:14] car wiped out right next to you. You're
[86:15] lucky you didn't lose your arm.
[86:17] >> Is this girl's entire backstory filled
[86:18] with surviving odds defying ridiculous
[86:20] car accidents? Okay, I've been giving
[86:22] her a hard time for not trusting him
[86:23] more. But trusting him this much for a
[86:25] sexy hair touch now she's trusting too
[86:27] much.
[86:27] >> How about this one?
[86:29] >> What the Okay, I'm now in camp. You're
[86:31] trusting him way too much right now?
[86:33] >> Predictable means vulnerable. And that
[86:36] means I can reach out and break you
[86:37] whenever I want. So do it.
[86:40] >> At least when I go, I'll know what it's
[86:41] for.
[86:42] >> That's deep.
[86:43] >> It appears this inspiring tale has come
[86:45] to an end.
[86:47] >> If that's the way it has to go.
[86:49] >> Does Hobbs, who is behind Dom, know
[86:51] there's a laser sight pointed at him?
[86:53] Because he did that right on Q. And
[86:55] since he tracked Dom here, why didn't he
[86:56] bring more people to arrest Shaw right
[86:58] now? Good god, man. I would have won
[86:59] this already.
[87:00] >> You know what would have happened if I
[87:01] didn't put that tracker in your car?
[87:02] >> Not to mention spending 5 minutes with
[87:04] Letty discussing scar tissue. You were
[87:06] able to track Shaw after you left you
[87:07] and Dom. But this guy's smart, so we can
[87:10] only track him so far.
[87:11] >> If only we had more people who aren't
[87:12] doing anything right now who could have
[87:13] been there when Shaw went to go kill
[87:15] Dom. If only we had people who were like
[87:16] really awesome drivers who could maybe
[87:18] have followed him or even better been
[87:20] there to stop him from getting in his
[87:21] car in the first place. Damn. Oh well.
[87:24] Back to the digital surveillance. So you
[87:25] think you've got Shaw located and you're
[87:27] going in with two people holding
[87:28] revolvers. Rock looks down at the exact
[87:30] spot where the crucial evidence is.
[87:32] Haha. Funny, but how many Marvel
[87:34] characters is Dwayne Johnson supposed to
[87:35] be in this movie? He's Captain America.
[87:37] >> Well, somebody tell Captain America
[87:39] here. That requires clearance.
[87:41] >> Now he's Thor. Next up, Black Widow.
[87:43] >> Yeah, that paint you got from Shaw's
[87:44] place highly specialized.
[87:46] >> Of course it is.
[87:47] >> Fine. Whatever you find out. That's for
[87:50] you.
[87:51] >> Discount Morpheus. Also, Brian's highly
[87:53] risky, impossible trip to the US to find
[87:55] Braa was basically so he could find out
[87:56] what he already knew. And it's that Lady
[87:58] didn't die, got amnesia, and was
[87:59] recruited by Shaw. Plus some [ __ ]
[88:01] Braa didn't even have to volunteer.
[88:03] >> Braa said the only way you get near Shaw
[88:06] is if he wants you to.
[88:07] >> Information that was strangely
[88:08] volunteered without any good reason, but
[88:10] will help us now. Also, Braa is to be
[88:11] trusted completely. That goes without
[88:13] saying, right? Former cartel leader. I
[88:15] mean, this guy knows his [ __ ] right?
[88:17] >> Sh ain't hitting [music] that base.
[88:18] >> He's hitting the convoy.
[88:20] >> Great. Now, call Hobbs on the phone or
[88:21] radio and tell him that. Then, problem
[88:23] solved, right? Right. So, you think a
[88:25] huge heavily armed criminal is coming
[88:27] for this thing, and you decide to move
[88:28] it with two personnel trucks as the only
[88:30] backup.
[88:31] >> Let's go.
[88:31] >> Military personnel carrying an important
[88:33] component did not notice this military
[88:34] grade vehicle behind them clearly up to
[88:36] no good.
[88:38] >> What caused this truck to start rolling
[88:39] on the ground like that? Also, good guy
[88:40] truck goes flying off bridge, but other
[88:42] good guys driving cargo truck with
[88:43] obvious rearview side mirrors don't
[88:45] notice it. These everyday drivers in
[88:46] front of aing tank blowing through
[88:48] military vehicles on the highway are not
[88:49] in any way amazed or concerned.
[88:51] >> So, who's got a plan B?
[88:52] >> Plan B? Plan B? We need a plan CPE. WE
[88:56] NEED MORE ALPHABETS.
[88:57] >> That's ludicrous.
[88:58] >> Hey, we do what we do best.
[89:00] >> Defy the laws of physics.
[89:01] >> We improvise. All right.
[89:03] >> Oh, also that still leaves all of you
[89:05] doing your own thing and guessing. Why
[89:06] not at least talk through the
[89:08] improvisational plan? Also, we'll
[89:09] improvise a wholeing special place on
[89:11] the highway where we can magically turn
[89:12] around and follow them.
[89:17] >> You lucky bastard. Lucky that you missed
[89:19] or lucky that the [ __ ] tank
[89:20] that's been absolutely destroying cars
[89:22] merely bumps into Roman's car after you
[89:24] miss.
[89:24] >> SOMEBODY BETTER DO SOMETHING. I GOT A
[89:27] TANK ON MY ASS.
[89:28] >> Earn that paycheck, Ty. You will believe
[89:30] a man can fly.
[89:31] >> Lety go take care of the cable.
[89:33] >> You need to be outside when the tank
[89:34] gets thrown so something really [ __ ]
[89:36] can happen to save your life.
[89:38] >> Why would a [ __ ] tank be impeded in
[89:40] any way by the weight of a single
[89:41] Mustang? Wouldn't the cable break before
[89:43] the Mustang stops the tank?
[89:50] This movie is fast and spirious.
[89:53] This movie took an interesting twist
[89:54] because the remainder of it will be
[89:56] about how Dom and Letty helped their
[89:57] friends in the afterlife. Because though
[89:59] they appear to be living right now, I
[90:00] assure you they died. Homs and his
[90:01] helicopter arrive way too late to
[90:03] matter, but only because cell phones and
[90:04] radios don't exist in this universe for
[90:06] just this 10-minute stretch.
[90:08] >> Can't believe they stole a 70 ton tank
[90:10] for a 3oz computer chip.
[90:11] >> Okay, so 70 tons. That tank 70 tons.
[90:15] were in any way slowed down or stopped
[90:17] by a [ __ ] mustang. [ __ ] you in the
[90:19] ear movie.
[90:20] >> Nobody makes me do anything I don't want
[90:22] to.
[90:22] >> Except Shawn, the entirety of this movie
[90:24] until this point. But yeah, I hear you.
[90:26] >> So, what's our next adventure after
[90:28] this?
[90:28] >> Marriage.
[90:29] >> How did you know that there would be a
[90:30] car there to break our fall?
[90:32] >> Honey, that is really the most minor of
[90:33] the questions that you should be asking
[90:34] as to why you survived all that [ __ ]
[90:36] we just saw 3 minutes ago.
[90:37] >> Some things you just have to take on
[90:39] faith
[90:40] >> one quarter mile at a time. So, he's got
[90:42] me a hostage. Great. Doesn't the greater
[90:44] good still demand they don't let him go
[90:45] right now? I mean, I like Mia, too, but
[90:48] let's use our heads here, people.
[90:49] >> But this changes nothing.
[90:53] >> H's character changes whenever the
[90:54] script needs to be good, bad, or
[90:56] somewhere in between.
[90:56] >> Words like amnesty and pardon. Walk out
[90:59] with him.
[90:59] >> We're six movies in. I don't think it
[91:01] matters whether or not these [ __ ]
[91:02] are wanted by cops.
[91:03] >> Come in, babe.
[91:06] >> Of course.
[91:06] >> This so-called surprise only serves to
[91:08] make me even angrier about this movie.
[91:10] Also, yeah, like you didn't have use for
[91:11] her anymore. planted inside Hob's crew.
[91:13] Do you need the surprise reveal now?
[91:15] Why? She can join you at any time. It
[91:17] should be noted that during Hob's dumb
[91:19] surprise that Riley is not a good
[91:20] person. He's not holding a gun to the
[91:21] NATO guy anymore. These bad guys are
[91:23] completely in the open and can be shot.
[91:25] But I guess they really care about Mia
[91:26] like the audience does. Actually, I
[91:28] think the past 40 minutes of this movie
[91:29] probably needs an extra hundred sins for
[91:30] no reason. Everyone cool with that? No.
[91:33] Too bad. This movie is really, really
[91:35] hard to swallow on any basis, even if
[91:37] it's just a fun, stupid movie. It's kind
[91:39] of hilarious that Gina Carano, the worst
[91:41] actor in this movie, ends up playing the
[91:43] surprise mole. A character that would
[91:44] have to be the best actor among them to
[91:46] actually pull off the job.
[91:47] >> I just jammed every signal up and down
[91:48] the spectrum. Let's move.
[91:50] >> So, your plan is to go after and attack
[91:51] a guy that you just had right in front
[91:53] of you with none of the he has a hostage
[91:55] situation changed whatsoever. Why
[91:57] couldn't you jam the signal before he
[91:58] left and just shoot his ass?
[92:00] >> That ain't a plane, that's a planet.
[92:02] >> Yeah, Tyrese. Oh, this runway is long
[92:05] enough for a plane to land board moving
[92:06] cargo and I presume take off again.
[92:08] Since this movie has no regard for
[92:09] common sense,
[92:10] >> she's as good as dead if Shaw gets away
[92:12] on that plane.
[92:13] >> Just in case you or anyone in the
[92:15] audience needed reminding of that,
[92:16] >> ride or die.
[92:17] >> Now that I've hit my already as far as
[92:19] it goes gear shift, I'm really going to
[92:20] start driving fast. They brought Mia all
[92:22] the way here. But why? Meanwhile, these
[92:24] [ __ ] don't close the ramp or guard
[92:26] it, allowing easy access for Dom to
[92:27] speed to the rescue. If these vehicles
[92:29] are going 60 mph, then this runway is
[92:31] already over 2 mi long.
[92:33] This is a chick who just got crashed by
[92:35] a car. By the way, this fight is
[92:36] interesting because you already fought
[92:38] once, but you were both on the same
[92:39] side, so all that was pretend. Or did
[92:42] Letty not know that this chick was a
[92:43] double agent, which means this fight is
[92:44] just a rehash, and I'm going to call you
[92:46] lazy.
[92:48] >> Don't you have a lot less weight than
[92:49] you were expecting? Some of the bad guys
[92:51] in their jeeps did make it into the
[92:52] plane, and only Dom's car drove in. So,
[92:55] what a bunch of [ __ ] is what I'm
[92:56] saying. You took that harpoon thing with
[92:58] you? How convenient. If the plane and
[92:59] cars chasing it are going at least 60
[93:01] mph, and they are, then this runway is
[93:03] now over 4 m long. Dom knew that a
[93:05] precisely timed headbutt would knock
[93:07] this guy so far back it'd knock him out
[93:08] and save Brian at the same time. Two
[93:10] heavy cars drive off the plane, but the
[93:12] pilots still can't get the plane in the
[93:13] air. They probably forgot about that
[93:14] weight nonsense when they made this
[93:16] scene. Everything about this mission is
[93:17] rescuing Mia, who is now rescued, so
[93:19] naturally Brian drives her right back
[93:21] into the action.
[93:24] [screaming]
[93:29] That's
[93:30] >> right.
[93:31] >> Also, Brian just knew this ramp car
[93:33] hitting him would merely pop him up in
[93:34] the air harmlessly because he's Batman.
[93:37] >> Wherever this [ __ ] came from, man, I
[93:39] no longer have any clue what the is
[93:41] going on. I'm still pretty mad lady.
[93:43] Runway now at 6 milesi and counting if
[93:45] you're keeping track. But of course,
[93:46] this movie is just for fun. So, you're
[93:48] not supposed to give a [ __ ] right?
[93:50] >> Oh, you mean just now? The Rock fights
[93:52] discount Brock Lesnar.
[93:54] [groaning and screaming]
[93:56] Ali, you punch. Something random is
[93:58] within arms length to get out of choking
[93:59] cliche. Homs has the luxury of wasting
[94:01] time to throw this to Letty rather than
[94:02] just smoking Riley with it himself.
[94:04] Meanwhile, Riley just stands there and
[94:05] lets all this happen rather than using
[94:06] her considerable reflexes to tackle
[94:08] Letty or anything that might save her.
[94:10] This movie is the kind of thing fourth
[94:11] grade me made up in the bathtub with
[94:12] Star Wars action figures. I'm pretty
[94:14] sure this runway spans 150 mi. I mean,
[94:16] this chase has been going on without one
[94:18] single turn in another direction for at
[94:19] least 8 minutes.
[94:25] >> Yeah. Also, these [ __ ] should enter
[94:26] all the lotteryies. Impossible things.
[94:29] Excitement.
[94:32] Don't worry, Han. She'll show up with
[94:34] amnesia and working for the bad guys two
[94:35] movies from now. And you'll be able to
[94:36] turn her back by giving the history of
[94:38] all her scars. Also, taking out your gun
[94:40] and shooting people with amazing
[94:41] precision is possible at these speeds
[94:42] when you're falling from a jeep that is
[94:44] harpooned to a plane taking off. More
[94:46] thrilling punching movie rips off bad
[94:47] guy Death from Incredibles, which ripped
[94:49] it off from Die Hard 2, which ripped it
[94:51] off from Raiders of the Lost Arc.
[94:52] Jumping from one speeding thing to
[94:53] another is just like breathing in this
[94:55] movie.
[94:57] >> Double god damn it.
[95:00] Triple godamn it. All the good guys will
[95:02] survive this. The acceptance of like
[95:03] this is why we can't have good movies.
[95:06] Lety. It's just a wreck that kills
[95:08] people. Dom will be fine. Not even at
[95:10] the end of the runway yet. And it's been
[95:11] 12 miles. You can sit back and drink
[95:13] your Red Bull and blab all you want
[95:14] about how these movies are escape is fun
[95:16] and you're not supposed to take them
[95:17] seriously, but I'm still going to your
[95:18] sister later tonight. The end of the
[95:20] runway finally shows up when the action
[95:21] is over. As if they built the runway for
[95:23] this movie or something. Tom is fine and
[95:24] I'm okay with that. Wait a minute. I am
[95:26] not okay with that. Your romance.
[95:28] >> Where's yourself?
[95:29] >> Mia, that's [ __ ] greedy.
[95:31] >> Try to keep him out of trouble, though.
[95:32] >> I guess this chick needs to get on
[95:34] e-harmony now and look under all the
[95:35] available widowers. You know, honestly,
[95:37] I think Corona and this franchise are a
[95:39] perfect match. Seriously. Both are
[95:40] enormously popular despite being
[95:42] complete with glossy marketing.
[95:43] >> You know, you don't have to go.
[95:45] >> Dom. That'sing greedy. recent love
[95:46] interest is way more cool about
[95:48] boyfriend's other recent love interest
[95:49] showing back up than any real person
[95:51] would actually be. I'm glad these
[95:52] criminals finally did enough wrongs to
[95:53] make it right. Movie thinks that in any
[95:55] world there wouldn't be at least 10
[95:56] deaths because of this stunt. I'm going
[95:58] to go ahead and tell everyone, whether
[95:59] you believe me or not, that I called
[96:00] this [ __ ] before it even happened or
[96:01] looked at any spoilers. This franchise
[96:03] is not too far away from becoming the
[96:05] Expendables. And this is proof.
[96:13] Comcast. This [bell] production company
[96:15] continues to be a bit of hilarious
[96:16] irony. Look, I know this is London and
[96:18] I've never been there. I mostly know
[96:19] this from Star Trek Into Darkness and
[96:21] that one Fantastic 4 movie. My point is
[96:22] the average person knows this is London
[96:24] without being told. So why are we being
[96:25] told?
[96:26] >> I say if you want a glimpse the future.
[96:27] >> Guy talking to himself basically
[96:29] disguises that this is opening
[96:30] narration. But you bet your bloody
[96:31] Yankee whimpern nuts that this is
[96:32] narration or however British people
[96:34] express it.
[96:35] >> When we were kids,
[96:36] >> first of all, that this [ __ ] somehow
[96:37] survived that in the last movie. Second
[96:39] of all, talking to an obviously
[96:40] comeomaos person. Third of all, sudden
[96:42] even more badass brother villain is
[96:43] sudden. Yeah, but shouldn't there still
[96:45] be a dozen SWAT teams waiting for him
[96:47] once he reaches the main floor? Yep.
[96:48] Movie would have you believe you can do
[96:49] this much damage to a place and then
[96:51] walk out of said place several minutes
[96:52] later with no cops having shown up. By
[96:54] the way, what kind of [ __ ] hospital
[96:55] building waits until you're outside
[96:56] before collapsing parts of itself. And
[96:58] somehow all the destruction managed to
[97:00] avoid hitting this new villain's
[97:01] precious white sports car. It took four
[97:03] editors to edit this [ __ ] and two to
[97:05] photograph it. Friends, when you start
[97:06] seeing the star of the movie serve as a
[97:08] producer, it's just like those TV shows
[97:09] that have gone too long and they start
[97:11] giving the cast unnecessary credits to
[97:12] make them feel like they're people. From
[97:13] the creator of the Saw franchise, which
[97:15] is a good fit for the series that has
[97:16] devolved into the car version of torture
[97:18] porn anyway.
[97:19] >> They say an open road helps you think.
[97:21] >> I thought it shuts down during
[97:22] cryosleep.
[97:23] >> Oh, where you been? Where are you going?
[97:26] >> They do not say that.
[97:27] >> Race wars.
[97:28] >> Someone needs to rename this event
[97:29] quickly. Whoa. When did dirt bikes get
[97:31] invited to girls? Well, I guess it's
[97:34] important to let everyone know just how
[97:35] much you respect women. Thankfully,
[97:36] amidst all this female showering, they
[97:38] remember to actually hold some car
[97:39] races. This girl's ass apparently just
[97:41] signed a seven-picture deal at Universal
[97:42] because it was featured at least 15
[97:44] times during this pre-race action. Also,
[97:45] I thought this crew was all about heists
[97:47] now, not car racing. Judging by the last
[97:49] several movies, they should give two
[97:50] shits about race wars. Iggy Aelia isn't
[97:52] in this scene. Dom allows Hector to
[97:54] touch him with his hands, which were
[97:55] just a minute ago wiping off bloody
[97:56] mouth fluids.
[98:02] This is supposed to be funny.
[98:04] >> Buddy, where's the door button at?
[98:05] >> Didn't you use the door button when you
[98:06] left this morning? Or did Jordana
[98:08] Brewster do it for you? You're telling
[98:09] me a gearhead like this guy can't figure
[98:10] out where the button is just because
[98:11] he's driving a minivan? Brian just lets
[98:13] this chick take his kid, assuming she
[98:15] works here, which thankfully for him,
[98:16] she does. But Jesus, right? Here, take
[98:19] my kid. I've got a crime to commit.
[98:20] Character knows exactly where other
[98:21] character is because character knows
[98:22] other characters so well. Cliche. Lety
[98:24] gets deep by staring at her own fake
[98:25] gravestone.
[98:26] >> That's the date that I lost my memory.
[98:28] >> Jesus. Skip. I have to find myself for
[98:31] me.
[98:32] >> Letty breaks up with Dom at her own
[98:33] grave while he's holding a sledgehammer.
[98:34] And somehow no one thought to walk out
[98:36] of the theater right at this moment.
[98:37] Camera dollies away from a dude wielding
[98:38] a sledgehammer he was going to use to
[98:40] destroy the headstone of his
[98:41] ex-girlfriend who's not dead. Cliche.
[98:44] Decard is apparently so good he can
[98:46] sneak into this place without anybody
[98:47] noticing, which is a skill I guess you
[98:48] develop because your brother's in a coma
[98:50] and you really want revenge for it.
[98:51] >> So you better start talking before I
[98:53] break that finger six different ways.
[98:54] And
[98:55] >> why aren't you doing that already?
[98:56] >> You just earned yourself a dance with
[98:58] the devil boy. that line.
[99:00] >> Like I said, I'm here for the team that
[99:02] crippled my brother.
[99:03] >> You didn't say anything about your
[99:04] crippled brother until this statement.
[99:06] These guys have hit each other in the
[99:07] face way too many times for neither of
[99:08] them to be bleeding profusely. I guess I
[99:10] should be excited about seeing The Rock
[99:11] and Jason Staithm getting in a fight,
[99:12] but I just can't help but think The Rock
[99:14] should win this easily. Also, Rock Stock
[99:16] and two smoking barrels. Decard survives
[99:17] this. Probably because that table he
[99:19] kicked out in front of him was so
[99:20] sturdy. And Hobs and Elena survived this
[99:22] because you don't care anyway.
[99:23] Apparently, we're still not past Tokyo
[99:25] Drift yet in this series, despite the
[99:26] fact that we saw Decard finish Hanoff at
[99:28] the end of the last movie. So, we
[99:29] basically just saw a 15-minute prequel
[99:30] to the end of Fast and Furious 6, which
[99:32] is chronologically the fifth movie in
[99:34] the seventh movie of the series.
[99:36] >> I'm [laughter] having another baby.
[99:38] >> And you didn't tell him, did you?
[99:39] >> Telling your brother this before your
[99:40] husband?
[99:41] >> I don't want him to be disappointed with
[99:43] his life.
[99:44] >> This is the flimsiest of all movie
[99:45] romance obstacles. She's lying to her
[99:46] beloved husband because she thinks he
[99:48] misses the action and crime of his old
[99:50] life so much he can't possibly take the
[99:51] news of yet another kid. You don't know
[99:53] me. You're about to.
[99:57] >> Dom decides, you know what? That box
[99:58] that came from Han, probably a bomb sent
[100:00] by this mysterious voice on the phone
[100:02] coming from Tokyo because what else
[100:03] could it be? Also, the fact that Decker
[100:05] gives any warning before the box
[100:06] explodes. This bomb blows up the entire
[100:08] house, but somehow doesn't harm Dom and
[100:09] his sister who were standing right
[100:10] outside the house. Yeah, totally. Also,
[100:12] despite the considerable force that ran
[100:14] Brian's face into the window and nearly
[100:15] broke through it, his face is as
[100:17] pristine as when he was born. Vin Diesel
[100:18] is wondering where his sledgehammer is
[100:20] for this shot. Also, did Decard set that
[100:22] bomb up knowing it would fail? He's on
[100:23] this oddly personal vendetta, but he
[100:25] tries to kill Dom, Brian, and Mia with
[100:26] remotec controlled bomb, which might be
[100:28] the dumbest movie bomb in history.
[100:29] >> Shuttered his collarbone fractured his
[100:31] leg in two places.
[100:32] >> I know. Getting exploded out of a window
[100:34] and falling 10 stories into your car.
[100:35] You'd think that would taste like
[100:36] cupcakes, but Hobbs was really unlucky.
[100:38] When The Rock suffers, he suffers
[100:39] sexily.
[100:40] >> You risk life and limb to save the free
[100:42] world. And what do they give you? Jello
[100:44] and a bad '7s TV show.
[100:46] >> Did you not see the gun, though? They
[100:48] also gave him a big ass gun. Also, that
[100:50] show ruled, so shut your [ __ ] mouth.
[100:52] >> You remember Owen Shaw, the one we tore
[100:54] half of London down China trying to get?
[100:55] >> Nope. Was that the last movie? Wasn't it
[100:57] Carl Urban or somebody from Lord of the
[100:59] Hobbit? That was that bad guy. I get my
[101:00] Fast and Drive angry mixed up. Hey, how
[101:02] do we make The Rock a star of this movie
[101:04] while still letting him honor his WWE
[101:05] contract? Easy. Injure him early on and
[101:07] have him show back up for the finale.
[101:09] Brilliant. This is a lot of dramatic
[101:10] camera movement for what is a simple
[101:11] phone call, especially for this series.
[101:13] >> Just promise me after this, we're done.
[101:16] She says this roughly 5 years and five
[101:18] movies too late. In case you confused it
[101:20] with Tokyo Equatorial Guinea. Hey, look.
[101:22] In Tokyo, they also have unreasonably
[101:24] short skirts at car gatherings. We're
[101:25] not really so different after all.
[101:27] >> Hey yo, sir. Movie saves money by
[101:28] actually playing the end of Tokyo Drift
[101:30] and cutting some of BowWow's lines.
[101:32] Also, they cut out the part where Bow
[101:33] told Shawn about Dom beating everybody
[101:35] all over Asia because clearly that's not
[101:36] why Dom came out here.
[101:38] >> Han said you was fast, but not that damn
[101:41] fast.
[101:41] >> Okay, first of all, did you bring your
[101:43] American muscle car to Japan? cuz that
[101:46] had to have taken weeks. Second of all,
[101:47] is the race over? Did you guys race and
[101:49] show us none of it?
[101:50] >> We found a couple of things by the
[101:51] crash.
[101:52] >> You did? Were you driving around when
[101:53] Decard killed him? How did you get your
[101:55] hands on crash site memorabilia?
[101:57] >> When you find the guy that killed, huh?
[101:58] What are you going to do?
[101:59] >> Words ain't even been invented yet.
[102:02] >> Jesus, we're in for a real treat when
[102:03] Decard gets killed because we've been
[102:05] promised twice it's going to be
[102:06] something the English language has
[102:07] trouble translating.
[102:08] >> They say to live in the hearts of those
[102:10] we leave behind.
[102:11] >> I [snorts] thought it shuts down during
[102:12] cryosleep. I can't do no more funerals.
[102:14] >> But how else are you going to earn that
[102:16] paycheck Tyrese?
[102:17] >> First Han, now Hobbs is laid up for all
[102:20] people.
[102:21] >> That line makes no sense. Jazelle died
[102:23] first, then Han. And Hobbs is merely
[102:24] hurt. So he does not belong in this
[102:26] train of thought you just began.
[102:27] >> Promise me, Brian. No more funerals.
[102:30] >> Uncapable promise me. Also, the sad
[102:32] irony is thick and uncomfortable. Yeah,
[102:35] zoom that film out to make it look
[102:36] faster, Tyrie. I mean four editors who
[102:38] did this movie. Now we know why Kurt
[102:39] Russell is in this movie because these
[102:40] cars are definitely death proof.
[102:42] >> Thought this was going to be a street
[102:43] fight.
[102:44] >> Sudden SWAT X Machina has the element of
[102:46] surprise and they still miss Deckard.
[102:48] >> More of a Corona man myself.
[102:50] >> We already knew that because we've seen
[102:51] the previous six movies, but still super
[102:53] obvious dialogue based product placement
[102:55] is ass.
[102:56] >> Say hello
[102:57] to God's eye.
[102:59] >> Fast and Furious takes Lucius Fox's
[103:00] sonar concept and applies it to this
[103:02] movie.
[103:02] >> This is wrong. Any rescue plans
[103:05] involving any US government forces or
[103:07] entity has been strictly ruled out.
[103:10] >> Yeah, but foreign governments would
[103:11] rightfully blame the US anyway if they
[103:12] saw a bunch of drag racing Americans
[103:14] insert themselves into this situation.
[103:15] So why not use somebody in the world
[103:17] who's less criminal than Dom and his
[103:18] group?
[103:18] >> I mean, I could go back outside, enjoy
[103:21] the rest of the Coronas.
[103:22] >> Corona. Corona. Corona. Corona. Corona.
[103:25] Ah Corona.
[103:26] >> Let come to me.
[103:28] >> You can do that. How's that working out
[103:30] for you so far?
[103:30] >> It's working out no different from every
[103:32] other Fast and Furious movie. But Dom
[103:33] decides to help Mr. Nobody because
[103:34] Deckard's been slightly more successful
[103:36] than the other bad guys in this series.
[103:38] >> Which is why I've taken the liberty of
[103:40] gathering your team.
[103:41] >> Right on Q and straight from Han's
[103:43] funeral. Also, none of them needed the
[103:45] factual persuading you did apparently.
[103:46] And all just came with my agents without
[103:48] incident. Amazing. No,
[103:50] >> this is crazy.
[103:51] >> Paycheck, Tyrese. Movie steals that
[103:52] stupid [ __ ] from a team and makes it
[103:54] even more stupid bullshittier.
[103:55] >> I'm sorry to let you down.
[103:57] >> What?
[103:58] Okay, so now the parachute is already
[104:00] deployed miles up in the sky attached to
[104:01] aing car and somehow Tyrese is going to
[104:03] survive this. We're supposed to be
[104:05] concerned that anybody can die in this.
[104:06] That's why they've been talking funerals
[104:08] so much. But I'm not really all that
[104:09] worried and that's a problem. They've
[104:11] never done this before, but they're
[104:12] going to land perfectly in the drop zone
[104:13] as if it's routine.
[104:14] >> Sit tight, Roman. We'll come back for
[104:15] you.
[104:16] >> Come back for him. Why did you even
[104:17] shoot him out of the plane if you don't
[104:18] need him in the first place?
[104:19] >> All right, you got one chance to hit him
[104:21] here, Dom. You missed. They'll make it
[104:22] to their black site.
[104:23] >> Unnecessary orders.
[104:25] >> Cash shield.
[104:25] >> Why wasn't he already ahead of them? Did
[104:27] they really think they were sneaking up
[104:28] on these guys?
[104:29] >> Bulletproof, baby. Can't touch this.
[104:31] >> I'll overlook the casual MC Hammer
[104:32] reference and instead say, "If this
[104:34] vehicle is bulletproof, how did the
[104:35] other cars survive the bullets?" Then,
[104:37] not that I buy any of the bull these
[104:38] movies have shown me, but these movies
[104:40] have shown me this crew being very
[104:41] detailed in their planning to the point
[104:43] that these surprise guns should not be a
[104:44] surprise.
[104:45] >> Armor piercing round.
[104:47] >> Brian Scion was able to withstand
[104:48] hundreds of armor-piercing rounds. The
[104:51] look, I know this series gets off on
[104:52] showing us not believable stuff, but
[104:54] this is well beyond that into the realm
[104:55] of you footage. Also, it's worth noting
[104:58] you don't even need armor-piercing
[104:59] bullets if you shoot at the tires.
[105:02] Watch the road.
[105:05] >> Brian, Tess, blow it.
[105:07] >> Let's split up the detonators from the
[105:09] cars firing the bombs because there's no
[105:11] chance any of the four cars will get
[105:12] taken out before this point in the
[105:14] battle.
[105:19] That was easy.
[105:21] >> Chick with guy's name is a chick cliche.
[105:22] I guess the bad guy who's driving this
[105:24] bus is completely oblivious to all the
[105:25] stuff that just happened in the back of
[105:26] it. Probably has headphones on like all
[105:28] people who miss things in movies do.
[105:30] >> One, two.
[105:31] >> Ah, the old trick where you throw a
[105:33] woman onto a speeding car before she's
[105:34] ready for it. And then she loses her
[105:36] grip and has never done this before, but
[105:37] somehow stays in the car. How does this
[105:38] assholeing know anything about this? How
[105:41] is he here? How is she screaming when
[105:43] she's clearly dead? Guy with plenty of
[105:45] guns at his disposal decides to do this.
[105:47] Paul Walker versus Tony Jaw. You didn't
[105:49] know you wanted it, but you got it. This
[105:50] should be a pretty easy fight, I'd say.
[105:52] But somehow Brian's going to hold his
[105:53] own. What is she even holding on to?
[105:55] Also, I'm genuinely convinced at this
[105:57] point this franchise is actively trying
[105:58] to create more work for us. Maybe the
[106:00] villain's tank buggy will be fine, but
[106:02] this vehicle Doming is not going
[106:03] downhill off-road in a forest without a
[106:05] fiery accident. This all these street
[106:07] vehicles driving down a mountainside
[106:08] scene is way more Teenage Mutant Ninja
[106:10] Turtles than I think the movie intended.
[106:12] >> What are you doing? This is crazy.
[106:14] >> Keeping you alive
[106:15] >> barely. Also, she probably had better
[106:17] odds to survive longer back in the
[106:18] villain's custody if we're being honest.
[106:19] Even GTA 5 won't let you drive a vehicle
[106:21] down Mount Chiliad without dying for
[106:23] sake.
[106:28] Stunt jump failed. Just because you
[106:29] decide to make this slow motion doesn't
[106:31] mean they should survive this fall. But
[106:32] screw it. What do I know? This is the
[106:34] most critically acclaimed episode in the
[106:35] series.
[106:37] I would have removed 100 sins if that
[106:39] happened to be Lett's car instead of the
[106:40] bad guys. Also, same gun that hit
[106:42] Brian's car a thousand times will now
[106:43] flip a villain car off the cliff in 3
[106:45] seconds. The bus driver is in plain view
[106:47] of all this stuff going on in the back.
[106:48] Why did he even keep driving after Brian
[106:50] saved Ramsay? Dead driver somehow
[106:52] manages to keep this bus on the road.
[106:53] You know how hard shuffle board and
[106:55] paper football is? In the movies, they
[106:56] can score maximum points every time with
[106:58] large vehicles.
[106:59] >> Yeah,
[107:01] this movie is so very tiring. This is an
[107:03] ex Machina, a how the [ __ ] did he know
[107:04] they were here moment and a paycheck
[107:06] scene all rolled into one. Lost [bell]
[107:08] World Jurassic Park Brian moment is
[107:09] still pretty Lost World Jurassic Park.
[107:11] Everyone who loves these movies
[107:12] basically just loves cartoons. That's
[107:14] okay as long as you can admit it. Okay,
[107:16] so where the hell was she this whole
[107:17] time? And how is she able to accurately
[107:19] assess that Brian is running up the bus
[107:20] when she can't even see them? Also, I
[107:22] guess Ted is hanging out somewhere with
[107:24] his bulletproof SUV in Xmachina mode,
[107:26] waiting to pounce on a situation that
[107:27] needs Xmachina ink. Oh no, whatever will
[107:30] he do to get out of this situation? I'm
[107:31] so heartbroken right now. How could you?
[107:33] I feel bad for this guy. He's fantastic.
[107:35] But aside from Amastad and Blood Diamond
[107:36] has been typ cast as token action
[107:38] henchmen in everything from the island
[107:39] to Push to Guardians of the Galaxy to
[107:41] this farce of a movie.
[107:42] >> What's he going to do?
[107:44] >> Legit. Having not seen this film until
[107:45] now, I'm betting he still drives off the
[107:47] cliff and somehow survives.
[107:49] >> Fire on my mark.
[107:50] >> On your mark, why not just shoot now?
[107:52] Because no one cares. This is allowed to
[107:53] happen even in a movie. And people are
[107:55] like, "Thrilling. Let's go give this
[107:56] movie a billion dollars worldwide. I
[107:58] love it when there are no consequences
[107:59] whatsoever."
[108:01] [laughter]
[108:03] [ __ ] If these [ __ ] could make it
[108:05] down to the crash site in time, then
[108:07] surely give us freeze henchmen could
[108:08] have. It's like I mean I just What do
[108:12] you even What's more, Dom isn't even
[108:14] hurt. I don't care what kind of
[108:15] reinforced [ __ ] vehicle they made.
[108:16] He doesn't even have a scar. We were
[108:18] worried about funerals in this movie for
[108:19] some reason.
[108:20] >> I mailed it to a friend in Abu Dhabi.
[108:23] >> Movie rips off Garfield's favorite place
[108:24] to ship OD.
[108:25] >> The way you took out them guys shows
[108:27] training.
[108:28] >> Yeah, but you had a hood on during all
[108:30] that. So, how did you see his
[108:31] techniques? We're going to the Middle
[108:33] East.
[108:33] >> You're in Azerbaijan. You're like
[108:35] basically already in the Middle East. Go
[108:37] a few miles south and you're in Iran.
[108:39] Dude, do you even map? Meanwhile, very
[108:41] close to our last location. Discount
[108:42] Dubai. This side shot makes it look like
[108:44] they all pulled up in order like this.
[108:46] But then this wide front shot shows how
[108:47] impossible basically any of those timed
[108:49] entries were due to, you know, all that
[108:51] behind them. Before we've seen one
[108:53] hacker skill, the sexy Ramsay is in a
[108:55] bikini getting augled by me, you,
[108:57] everyone. And well, I like to feel
[108:58] superior by saying liberal douche stuff,
[109:00] even though I'm secretly enjoying this.
[109:01] But damn, can't we see her at her job
[109:03] first before we see this?
[109:05] >> I tried to call dibs on Ramsey 2 years
[109:08] ago.
[109:08] >> Who are you? And how did you know what
[109:09] they were talking about?
[109:10] >> I need the speed drive I sent you. Where
[109:12] is it?
[109:12] >> I sold it.
[109:13] >> Why would you sell it? Oh, because of
[109:15] the cinematic adventure. I get it.
[109:17] >> Now, why in the hell would he keep his
[109:18] car in his penthouse?
[109:19] >> He's a billionaire, my friend. He can do
[109:21] whatever he wants.
[109:22] >> Plus, we needed some reason for that
[109:23] stupid stunt that's going to happen
[109:24] later. So, we'll blame it on the crazy
[109:26] billionaire. Now, why in the hell would
[109:27] he keep his car in his penthouse?
[109:29] >> Despite swapping the word why into the
[109:30] question in place of how Ludicrous would
[109:32] be excellent at cinema sins.
[109:33] >> I think I'm going to start a new
[109:34] culture. It's called Blara. You know,
[109:37] like black Arab.
[109:38] >> That's racist. We got to move in sync if
[109:40] we're going to pull this off. So, let's
[109:41] go over it to make sure everyone clearly
[109:43] understands their role.
[109:44] >> Yeah, let's go over the plan during the
[109:46] plan instead of beforehand. Brilliant.
[109:48] You had a whole plane ride.
[109:54] Thank god this paranoid billionaire
[109:55] Middle East prince doesn't believe in
[109:57] video surveillance. Am I right?
[109:58] >> What about my steps? What am I supposed
[109:59] to be doing?
[110:00] >> It's kind of like the series realized
[110:01] that Roman was the Hawkeye of the group
[110:03] and started making jokes about it. Guess
[110:04] what? Just like Age of Ultron, making
[110:06] jokes doesn't redeem his character at
[110:07] all. As I stare at these two female
[110:09] asses, which the camera dictates I do, I
[110:11] have to wonder, do I have time to
[110:12] masturbate before anything important
[110:14] happens on screen? Everying guard gets
[110:15] distracted by Roman's happy birthday
[110:17] ruse. I guess Michelle Rodriguez is
[110:18] always going to be tasked to fight some
[110:20] female MMA star in these movies. We're
[110:21] pretty sure she could beat up most guys,
[110:23] but got to keep those showdowns strictly
[110:24] double XX. None of these soldiers use
[110:26] guns. By the way, where in Letty's
[110:28] training was she able to take on three
[110:29] experienced fighters all at once? She
[110:30] had her hands full with Gina Carano last
[110:32] movie. It took forever for these guards
[110:34] to finally say enough's enough and stop
[110:35] Roman from doing whatever he was doing.
[110:37] Tonight, the part of Holly Holmes, we
[110:38] played by Michelle Rodriguez. Movie
[110:40] pretends that fall in any way hurt these
[110:41] two women. By Fast and Furious rules,
[110:43] they should have actually gotten
[110:44] stronger by crashing into the DJ
[110:45] station.
[110:46] >> I'm losing the final gate. You got to
[110:47] get out of there.
[110:48] >> You're losing the final gate. First of
[110:50] all, how do you even have control over
[110:51] this gate? Second of all, why is one of
[110:52] the gates tartier than all the other
[110:54] gates that fell down at the same time a
[110:55] minute ago? Movie gives TZ even more
[110:56] badassery way before they consider
[110:58] giving Roman anything worthwhile at all.
[111:00] Extremely fragile sports car blasts
[111:02] through the vault wall and gets no
[111:03] damage. I realize this is the bad guy of
[111:04] this movie, but I have no idea how or
[111:06] why he's here right now. Actually, I'm
[111:08] not even sure why our heroes are here
[111:09] right now. I think the movie just hopes
[111:10] to blind me to the nonsensical story
[111:12] line with crazy action.
[111:14] There are more bulletproof cars in this
[111:15] movie than there are human actors.
[111:17] Instead of just running over Decard with
[111:18] this car, Dom decides, "Yeah, I can make
[111:20] this car crash through the window and
[111:21] fly over to the other building. That
[111:23] makes way more sense, I think. Yeah, I'm
[111:25] adding 1,000 sins for this." One [ __ ]
[111:27] thousand. Most critically acclaimed
[111:29] movie in the series. Also, at this
[111:30] point, this would be considered a terror
[111:32] attack, and there would be thousands of
[111:33] soldiers, police, and government
[111:34] agencies swarming this place by the time
[111:35] they get downstairs. Also, how many
[111:37] windows that they crash through at high
[111:38] impact? A spectacular stunt should have
[111:40] some element of danger, but it shouldn't
[111:42] be impossible. I mean, how lucky are
[111:43] these dicks that they didn't hit this
[111:45] building between floors or like on a
[111:46] support beam or something? Also, why
[111:48] isn't Optimus helping them during the
[111:49] battle? People doing normal stuff don't
[111:51] see the crazy falling from the sky
[111:52] outside cliche. They still would have
[111:54] been okay. Movie will now gloss over how
[111:55] nobody arrests them for this. And even
[111:57] Deckard doesn't go down to the ground to
[111:58] figure out where the hell they went next
[112:00] or wait for them anywhere. Also, if this
[112:01] movie thinks those two stunts are as
[112:03] cool as it thinks it is, they missed a
[112:04] golden opportunity to show in one shot
[112:06] all three buildings with all five holes
[112:08] cut through them.
[112:09] >> My guys are racist. Best drivers in the
[112:11] world. But they ain't killers.
[112:14] [laughter]
[112:21] >> Have you even seen any of the previous
[112:23] movies?
[112:24] >> I hope you're enjoying your last meal
[112:25] >> before prison. You meant to say last
[112:27] meal before prison, right? Because you
[112:28] didn't come here specifically to
[112:30] assassinate this guy, did you?
[112:33] None of these guys. Shoot this [ __ ]
[112:34] right now. For some reason, redness,
[112:36] darkness, gunfire [ __ ] Good thing
[112:38] he gave everyone a pair of those night
[112:39] vision sunglass. Oh, night vision
[112:41] glasses advantage lasts all of 15
[112:43] seconds. Awesome. Okay, so why did they
[112:45] bring the god's eye here? They knew
[112:47] where Decard was. They could have simply
[112:48] left this back at the garage and Lety,
[112:49] Ramsay, Tz, or Roman could have radioed
[112:51] in any movements. But now it's here so
[112:53] the bad guy can have it. And I can't
[112:54] think of anything more critically
[112:55] acclaimed than that. Grenade thrown by
[112:57] Shaw seems to basically only hinder
[112:59] Shaw's men.
[113:00] >> If a war is coming, we're going to face
[113:02] them on the streets we know best.
[113:03] >> Piccadilli circus, the US Mexican
[113:05] border. You guys have had so many
[113:06] adventures. I'm honestly not sure what
[113:08] you're talking about here. I guess maybe
[113:09] LA, but then that was mostly just the
[113:11] first movie, so I give up. I don't know.
[113:13] Guys, I brought you here today to show
[113:15] you Los Angeles. It has nothing to do
[113:16] with what we need to do, but I get this
[113:18] weird feeling people are watching us and
[113:19] need to know where we are. Also, we're
[113:21] going to discuss our plan here, even
[113:22] though we had 16 hours of flight between
[113:24] Abu Dhabi and LA to work it out.
[113:25] >> If they use God's Eye, it'll tap the
[113:27] cameras around town to find our
[113:28] location.
[113:29] >> Is God's Eye supposed to be Jason
[113:30] Stathithm? Because this guy manages to
[113:32] find wherever these people are, even
[113:33] without a God's eye. We can't start a
[113:35] hack on them until they're within a
[113:36] two-mile range.
[113:38] >> Oh,
[113:39] >> I don't know about y'all, but I didn't
[113:41] really plan on dying today.
[113:43] >> The completion of that sentence required
[113:44] me to look at my watch. Obviously,
[113:46] >> we're going to have another baby.
[113:47] >> Jesus. Do you now see why you might have
[113:49] told him this earlier?
[113:50] >> Okay, kiss Jack for me.
[113:52] >> I will.
[113:52] >> Mia really got screwed in this movie,
[113:54] eh? She might as well be an answering
[113:55] machine. Of course, the entire house was
[113:57] destroyed by fire except the garage and
[113:59] the classic Dad remembrance car. Good
[114:00] guys and bad guys both head out from
[114:02] their layers at the same time. Almost as
[114:04] though this climax was scheduled. Oh no,
[114:06] we're being hacked and we're in an
[114:07] attack helicopter. I know. Send in the
[114:09] automated drones. So, a few things here.
[114:11] Luckily, Brian and Ramsay are right next
[114:12] to one of those rigs where a car can fit
[114:14] underneath. But also, everyone on this
[114:16] street stops and moves to the side of
[114:17] the road except the rig they need to
[114:18] drive under. And then, when the main
[114:20] action starts up, suddenly, no one cares
[114:21] about the drone, and they're all going
[114:22] for a merry drive like nothing major is
[114:24] happening. And what happened to all the
[114:26] people who stopped in the middle of the
[114:27] road? It vanished. Oh, now you notice
[114:29] something crazy going on in this town.
[114:30] The cops here have less reaction time
[114:32] than the Grand Theft Auto cops. A second
[114:34] game of chicken in a movie is an
[114:35] immediate sin. In fact, it's another
[114:36] hundred. Yes, Brian is running this red
[114:38] light because climactic reasons, but why
[114:40] is the light blue Prius in the next lane
[114:42] over also running the solid red light?
[114:43] And the SUV on the opposite lane. I
[114:45] mean, seriously, all we're asking is
[114:47] just once where one of these things does
[114:48] not work and the person doing the stupid
[114:50] thing dies. I could accept loads of
[114:51] [ __ ] There were more hero deaths in
[114:53] these situations. In fact, I'd be the
[114:54] first to say [ __ ] Enchilada
[114:56] Supreme, please, with extra [ __ ] He
[114:57] jumped, but he's also dead. I look
[114:59] forward to this movie explaining to me
[115:00] why he isn't dead. The military still
[115:01] hasn't made it to Los Angeles yet. So,
[115:03] draw. Oh, the rock is in this movie. I
[115:06] totally forgot. Mostly because he's
[115:07] basically making a cameo.
[115:09] >> Tretto.
[115:10] >> Yes, some crazy explosion happens. And
[115:12] it must be Tretto. Phew. Glad no one was
[115:14] driving down this road in downtown LA.
[115:16] Less believable than him flexing off his
[115:18] cast is the fact that he's got all the
[115:19] military gear in the world in this
[115:21] hospital room. Hero toss his weapon to
[115:23] settle things with Vistauff's cliche.
[115:25] Shoot him, dude. Jesus. We've been
[115:28] waiting for this for so long.
[115:31] [snorts]
[115:31] >> Letty, the football's on fire. We need
[115:34] help.
[115:34] >> Seriously, what the [ __ ] has she been
[115:35] doing this whole time? She's just
[115:37] backup. Isn't she way more badass than
[115:38] this to be driving around as a backup?
[115:40] James Juan definitely thinks these
[115:41] camera movements all through the movie
[115:42] when people are falling down are
[115:44] exciting. They are not. This whole movie
[115:45] could have been about Tony Jaw and I
[115:47] would have loved it. Instead, the guy
[115:48] basically has a glorified cameo in the
[115:50] movie. Another expendable. It's amazing
[115:51] when these guys are getting their brains
[115:53] beat in, they suddenly have the clarity
[115:54] to arrange an almost Rube Goldberg like
[115:56] escape. Oh yeah, The Rock is in this
[115:58] movie. Somehow, this missile's direct
[115:59] hit does not destroy or even
[116:00] incapacitate the car. How does this guy
[116:03] know where to go and what the situation
[116:04] is in order to make this crash of fate?
[116:06] This could be the luckiest thing I've
[116:07] ever seen in this series. And I'm still
[116:08] spinning from that Dom becomes Superman
[116:10] to save Letty scene in past six.
[116:14] >> No way.
[116:15] >> Hey, Letty. You
[116:16] >> woman, I am the calvary.
[116:19] >> Who is that?
[116:20] >> Well, based on this movie alone, the
[116:22] Terminator plus God.
[116:24] >> Shaw's in the way. And it seems our
[116:26] friendship is at an end.
[116:27] >> Why does Jakanda give two shits about
[116:28] Tretto? This whole time he cared about
[116:30] the God's eye and killing Ramsay. But
[116:32] now he allows the killing of Decard
[116:33] because he suddenly needs to kill
[116:34] Tretto. All while the military is 3
[116:36] minutes away.
[116:37] >> Thing about street fights, the street
[116:40] always wins.
[116:41] >> You're on a roof. How did Dom not only
[116:43] know that stomping would open a huge
[116:44] hole, but also that it would open
[116:46] perfectly to swallow Shaw, but leave Dom
[116:47] himself right on the edge.
[116:49] >> Goodbye, Torto.
[116:50] >> We have such a crazy history together.
[116:52] HMS is trying to be helpful, but it's
[116:54] taking his ass forever to shoot down
[116:56] this chopper. Another impossible
[116:57] survival. But for those of you who
[116:59] enjoyed this movie, what's it like being
[117:00] in the Matrix? Ignorance is bliss,
[117:02] right?
[117:03] >> Don't miss.
[117:04] >> Tom, you're in a Fast and Furious movie
[117:05] where the thing that is a million to one
[117:07] actually has way better odds, like even
[117:09] money. Stop acting like there's any
[117:10] difficulty here. When critics love this
[117:12] to the point that its Rotten Tomato
[117:13] score is 81%. Are they really loving it
[117:16] or are they worried the younger
[117:17] generation will accuse them of being out
[117:18] of touch?
[117:20] >> Lety just He survived it. Okay. Oh, from
[117:23] way down here on the ground, HMS just
[117:24] knew that bag was full of grenades.
[117:26] That's some ridiculous intuition right
[117:27] there. This is some Shazam Black atom
[117:29] test footage that somehow made its way
[117:30] into this film's final cut. Are we
[117:32] really going to go through this Dom
[117:32] might have died nonsense? What a waste
[117:34] of time. Lety finally remembering is
[117:36] what somehow makes Dom come back to
[117:37] life. Movies, man. They take and they
[117:40] [ __ ] take. Dude, by the way, I'm
[117:42] still pissed the military hasn't shown
[117:43] up yet.
[117:44] >> Why didn't you tell me we were married?
[117:46] >> Because he didn't know about it until
[117:47] now. The screenwriter went back in time
[117:49] and put this in there so there'd be
[117:50] something emotional to revive it. So,
[117:52] this is news to him as well. Yep, he
[117:53] survived that parking garage collapse
[117:55] just fine.
[117:56] >> You do know none of this will keep me
[117:58] right.
[117:58] >> Sure, for Furious 8, you'll have the
[118:00] X-Men come and save you with the help of
[118:02] Quicksilver, but he might be considered
[118:03] dead in one franchise and not dead in
[118:05] another. Anyway, enjoy your escape when
[118:07] the US government gets compromised. It's
[118:08] a waste of time to lock his ass up. And
[118:10] I thought Hobbs were going to do
[118:11] something so bad to him the English
[118:12] language needed to invent new words.
[118:14] Obviously, not Paul Walker shot. What?
[118:16] It's not too soon, right? That was over
[118:18] a year ago. And this is pretty obvious.
[118:20] No. Paul Walker tribute doesn't include
[118:22] his performance in Running Scared,
[118:23] Varsity Blues, Joy Ride, Into the Blue,
[118:25] and Apollo.
[118:33] 43 seconds of logos. Comcast. When
[118:35] you're the eighth movie of a franchise
[118:37] and your production company is called
[118:38] Original Film, at what point do you
[118:40] consider a name change? Also, you have a
[118:42] Goosebumps sequel and a Sonic the
[118:43] Hedgehog movie coming out soon. So, it's
[118:45] time to invest in a U and an N for your
[118:46] name, in case you confused it with
[118:48] Havana, India. You see, it's different
[118:49] this time because they're using classic
[118:51] cars this time.
[118:52] >> You make a deal, you got to live up to
[118:53] it.
[118:54] >> You make a deal, you going to live up to
[118:56] it.
[118:57] >> Tom's in a new country in this chapter.
[118:58] So, therefore, the movie has to
[118:59] manufacture some [ __ ] conflict so we
[119:01] can get a classic Fast and Furious race
[119:02] in before it becomes XX Ocean 17
[119:05] identity.
[119:05] >> He knows it doesn't matter what's under
[119:07] a hood. The only thing that matters is
[119:10] who's behind the wheel.
[119:11] >> Okay, then. I'd like to see you race
[119:13] this guy driving a 1985 Toyota Camry.
[119:15] >> And we ain't racing no quarter mile
[119:17] here. You raced the Cuban mile.
[119:20] >> It's like a baker's dozen, only with
[119:21] empanadas instead of donuts.
[119:23] >> Don't.
[119:24] >> Dom agrees to race this [ __ ] in this
[119:25] dilapidated old truck because the movie
[119:27] is unsure if the audience realizes how
[119:28] good a driver Dom really is. So, the
[119:30] stakes against him have to keep going
[119:31] up, even past the point of insanity.
[119:33] >> Laughing us.
[119:34] >> Nah, Fed. This is Cuban Nas. Is there a
[119:36] difference between Cuban NS and regular
[119:38] NS? I thought NS stood for nitrous
[119:40] oxide. Like as in if it were any
[119:42] different, it would no longer be NS, but
[119:43] some other compound entirely.
[119:45] Conspicuous Coke can confounds consumers
[119:47] calculating cola comparisons.
[119:48] >> Only needs to go a mile.
[119:50] >> A [clears throat] Cuban mile. Don, I
[119:52] wonder what the casting call is like for
[119:53] the Flag Girls in this franchise. Like,
[119:54] they must tell them you won't be in any
[119:56] other movies after this. But on the plus
[119:57] side, you'll get to show your ass to
[119:59] everybody. This is broad daylight. I
[120:00] realize Cuba is a foreign communist
[120:02] country, but I still don't think they
[120:03] allow Havana streets to be shut down for
[120:05] drag races without some cops showing up.
[120:06] Motorcycle traffic stoppers lock out by
[120:08] getting a wide space to stop traffic in
[120:10] time and not get run over. How have they
[120:11] not already gone a mile? Yeah, yeah, I
[120:13] know it's a Cuban mile, but how have
[120:14] they not already gone the amount of
[120:16] distance I think a Cuban mile is?
[120:17] >> Okay, Buster,
[120:19] let's see if this works.
[120:21] >> This works. It's not enough for Dom to
[120:22] win this race with a bag car. It also
[120:24] has to catch fire before the finish
[120:26] line. This is all these movies summed up
[120:27] in one scene, honestly. Also, sure, this
[120:30] car can drive and drive fast while on
[120:32] fire. It's just Cuban fire.
[120:38] You movie?
[120:41] Yeah, but do they have this slow-mo
[120:43] technology to figure out if Dom actually
[120:44] won?
[120:46] You know what would have been more
[120:47] awesome? To actually see the car at full
[120:49] speed crash into the water without five
[120:50] cuts. What is this motherucker Gandhi
[120:52] now?
[120:53] >> You won my car and you've earned my
[120:55] respect. I'll bet $10,000 right now. Dom
[120:58] asks this guy for a favor before the end
[121:00] of the movie.
[121:00] >> Yours was too slow for a Toronto anyway.
[121:03] >> You're impala.
[121:04] >> So let that be a lesson to you kids. You
[121:05] can somehow make a deal with a gangster,
[121:07] not fulfill your end of the bargain.
[121:08] Have a cousin who just happens to be in
[121:10] your hometown who's a legendary street
[121:11] racer try to race your piece of car
[121:14] against the gangster's car at a terrible
[121:15] disadvantage. Have your cousin destroy
[121:17] that car during the race, then have the
[121:18] same cousin give you his awesome car and
[121:21] have absolutely no consequences at all.
[121:22] It's like they keep trying to invent new
[121:24] ways to keep all these movies titles
[121:25] confusing and overlapping. Fate rhymes
[121:27] with eight. Hilarious.
[121:31] Ah, Letty and Dom's love. The heart and
[121:33] soul of this entire Hey, wait a second.
[121:36] >> How's that honeymoon going, Dom?
[121:37] >> Cipher decides the best way to get Dom's
[121:39] attention is to fake a breakdown rather
[121:40] than go to some of the many places she's
[121:42] about to rattle off that she knows Dom
[121:43] goes to every day.
[121:44] >> Is this the road you take to your
[121:46] apartment every morning? What else is
[121:48] different, Dom? Santiago's closed. How
[121:50] does Dom, who has no job and is simply
[121:52] hanging out in Cuba, have a predictable
[121:54] routine every morning?
[121:56] >> Oh, and Dom.
[121:57] >> So, I heard Cipher open the door to her
[121:59] car, but I'm pretty sure she never
[122:00] closed that hood. Also, she shows him
[122:02] something on a phone that we don't see
[122:03] that causes him to betray his friends
[122:04] and family. So, I think it's pretty
[122:05] clear she showed him the Sins video for
[122:07] Furious 7. Movies continue to think we
[122:09] need to know the longitude and latitude
[122:10] of a new place during a scene change.
[122:12] The rock coach's girl soccer was
[122:13] probably a movie idea at one time during
[122:15] that tooth fairy face. Thank god we
[122:17] finally got to see a nod to that
[122:18] cinematic greatness here. movie that is
[122:20] over two hours has time for this. Hey
[122:21] Hobs, this important world crisis needed
[122:23] to be brought to your attention at the
[122:25] soccer game. Not before, not after, but
[122:27] now. Damn it. I look at I mean, he's
[122:30] just out in the open and in case you
[122:33] confused it with Berlin of Take My
[122:34] Breath Away fame. Also, here's the job
[122:36] Dom and his crew are on mid- operation.
[122:38] We don't need to know how they stole the
[122:39] EMP or what the plan was because this
[122:41] movie is way more interested in dropping
[122:42] surprise plot twists and girls soccer on
[122:44] you than giving you details of a heist
[122:45] or character motivations. Also, also,
[122:48] why did the movie give us that scene
[122:49] showing Charize talking to Dom? Now we
[122:51] know to expect something weird from him.
[122:53] Imagine if we experienced this job the
[122:54] way his teammates do and learn of his
[122:56] deception on the spot. That would have
[122:58] been way better.
[122:59] >> Bombs away.
[123:00] >> Seriously, how did the team get in here
[123:02] and set up all these bombs and gadgets
[123:03] without anyone seeing it? And this
[123:05] mother is attached to a wrecking ball. I
[123:07] don't care how he did it, someone would
[123:08] have noticed. Also, why not set up bombs
[123:10] on the roadway instead of hoping the
[123:11] wrecking ball plan works? Oh, it's so we
[123:14] can see all those cars get hit by a
[123:15] wrecking ball, isn't it? I hate you,
[123:17] Ted.
[123:17] >> Earn that paycheck, Tyrese. By the way,
[123:19] considering they didn't tell him about
[123:20] the wrecking ball plan, couldn't he have
[123:21] like died?
[123:24] >> Hob survives all kinds of this. Oh,
[123:26] great. Another airirst strip. I wonder
[123:28] if this one's also 22 mi long.
[123:29] Apparently, a cargo plane can just land
[123:31] on a dime going whatever speed it was
[123:32] going, allow a car to drive onto it, and
[123:34] fly straight up into the air with its
[123:36] rear cargo entrance still open. And no
[123:38] one in the control tower was able to ID
[123:39] that plane's transponder signal or
[123:41] decipher where it went after this using
[123:42] radar. Honestly, this movie suggests a
[123:44] successful takeoff is all this plane
[123:45] needs to get away with it. But that's
[123:47] not how airspace works. Germany would be
[123:49] scrambling some fighters right about
[123:50] now. Why did Letty go to Berlin, bring
[123:52] keepsake pictures of her and Dom, and
[123:53] put them in the glove box of the
[123:55] borrowed or stolen vehicle she drove
[123:56] during the robbery?
[123:57] >> Dom is clearly communicating with
[123:59] somebody that's above our pay grade.
[124:00] >> Hey, remember when they introduced
[124:01] Ramsay Bolton? I mean, Missande to the
[124:03] Fast and Furious crew and she was some
[124:05] badass hacker or some Yeah, they still
[124:07] haven't given her anything to do.
[124:08] Packard's in the same prison. What are
[124:10] the odds? Yeah, good luck with that,
[124:12] Hercules.
[124:12] >> I love how characters in both Central
[124:14] Intelligence and Fate of the Furious
[124:15] refer to The Rock as Hercules. As if
[124:17] this meta joke is something
[124:18] sidplittingly hilarious.
[124:20] >> All showing no god.
[124:22] >> This prison rivalry is still going on.
[124:24] >> Cuz where I'm from, we don't settle
[124:26] fights BY THROWING BOMBS.
[124:27] >> WELL, THAT'S FUNNY BECAUSE WHERE I'M
[124:29] FROM,
[124:29] >> skip a malfunction.
[124:32] >> What?
[124:35] What? Also, if teasing one cell's camera
[124:37] electrical thingy opens all the cells,
[124:39] then the designer of this prison is
[124:40] facing a serious lawsuit after this
[124:42] editing and this camera work.
[124:46] The rocks punches are made of dynamite
[124:48] or a shark NATO or some
[124:51] [panting]
[124:52] omnipotence. This pronounced makes me
[124:54] wonder why you can't steal the mcguffin
[124:55] thing back via your own general godlike
[124:57] abilities rather than recruiting a bunch
[124:58] of car thieves. A location so
[125:00] undisclosed the movie doesn't even know.
[125:02] 6 8 9 10.
[125:06] >> So literally half the Interpole top 10
[125:07] is made up of members of this crew. Is
[125:09] that even possible? Isn't DB Cooper
[125:11] still out there? And
[125:12] >> her digital identity is scrubbed every
[125:14] few seconds worldwide. [laughter]
[125:16] >> What? Also, despite this, we knew who we
[125:19] were looking for when we took this
[125:20] picture of her.
[125:20] >> I'm bringing in an extra pair of hands.
[125:22] >> You know, your mortal enemy as a big
[125:24] surprise, which definitely builds trust
[125:25] between all of us. I had him waiting
[125:27] outside until I gave him an electric
[125:28] shock to queue him into the room. Also,
[125:29] this franchise is officially Pirates of
[125:31] the Caribbean, where everybody changes
[125:32] their good guy and bad guy status to fit
[125:34] some sort of crazy ass narrative. And
[125:36] somehow, this secret government doesn't
[125:37] have anyone as good as this guy with
[125:39] computers.
[125:39] >> Now, aside from myself, there's only two
[125:41] men in the world that have ever managed
[125:42] to actually track him down with any
[125:44] success.
[125:44] >> Plus, one woman, so that's four people
[125:46] at least, so he apparently isn't that
[125:47] hard to find. But sure, we still need
[125:49] Shaw for some reason.
[125:50] >> So, like it or not, you two are going to
[125:52] work together.
[125:53] >> It's just like in all those other movies
[125:55] that paired up two cops criminals that
[125:56] hated each other.
[125:57] >> He's still green. Yeah, like fresh baby.
[126:01] [sighs]
[126:02] >> All right, they're not in China.
[126:03] >> Thanks for holding our hand during this,
[126:04] T.
[126:05] >> Europe's clear.
[126:05] >> You too, girl. They sometimes give lines
[126:07] to
[126:07] >> This is interesting.
[126:08] >> Why?
[126:09] >> Because that's here. [screaming]
[126:11] >> You mean Dom and Cipher were attacking
[126:12] this place at the same time they were
[126:14] being tracked? What great dramatic
[126:15] timing. Dom shoots a whole bunch of
[126:17] glass for some reason, as if he lives
[126:18] his life threequarters through the
[126:19] script of Die Hard at a time. We're
[126:21] supposed to be reminded that Dom is now
[126:22] evil. But everything about this movie
[126:23] tells me he's just faking and will turn
[126:25] good at the last second. So, like this
[126:26] is lost on me. We can't bring Brian and
[126:29] me into this.
[126:30] >> Can't you just make a phone call? Do
[126:31] they even have to be dragged into the
[126:33] situation to help?
[126:33] >> The problem with putting your foot on a
[126:35] tiger's neck is you could never let it
[126:37] out.
[126:37] >> The problem with lines like this is the
[126:38] movie thinks they're cool sounding,
[126:40] which they're not, but also that they
[126:41] make no goddamn sense. Oh [ __ ] that's
[126:43] Elena from A Crap. Which one was it? I
[126:45] think it's the third one. No, it's the
[126:47] fourth one for sure. Wait, it might even
[126:49] be the fifth one. A baby. So, I guess
[126:51] that YouTube video she showed him
[126:52] earlier in Cuba was of this gal in
[126:53] captivity. Even so, how was that enough
[126:56] to get Dom to go 100% rogue to the point
[126:58] where he wouldn't even tip off Letty or
[126:59] the others somehow unexpected Elena?
[127:01] Everyone else,
[127:02] >> I realized I was pregnant. You had just
[127:04] found out Lady was alive.
[127:05] >> This is where the Fast and Furious
[127:07] franchise officially became the Days of
[127:08] Our Lives. It's amazing how side chicks
[127:10] be getting pregnant just before the last
[127:11] time you saw them. Vin Diesel's Oscar
[127:13] clip. Cipher gives Dom a gun and goes
[127:14] through all the reasons why he won't
[127:15] kill her. Ultimately saying, "There's a
[127:16] bunch of dudes ready to kill the son you
[127:18] didn't know you had up until 2 minutes
[127:19] ago." I don't know why she even bothered
[127:20] with this exercise since I thought it
[127:21] was already common knowledge, but
[127:22] bloated movies got a bloat. Yo,
[127:24] >> satellites and radar grids all across
[127:26] the globe. Shift like an ocean.
[127:29] >> If you say so.
[127:30] >> So, you know where Dom is headed?
[127:32] >> Yeah, New York.
[127:33] >> Wait, was he online chatting with
[127:34] somebody who knew where Dom was headed?
[127:36] Did he post a query on Usenet or some? I
[127:38] think it would be a lot more awesome to
[127:39] know how he did this, even if you had to
[127:41] go through some sort of Ant-Man
[127:42] explanation. Speeding like this on this
[127:43] famous bridge brings out zero cops.
[127:45] Weird. Dom just happens to be driving
[127:47] over a bridge that Roman and Tez are
[127:49] currently driving under. That may be the
[127:50] least believable moment in this movie,
[127:52] including the submarine crap.
[127:53] >> Welcome to our new base of operations,
[127:55] >> aka God's car warehouse. Yes, the Fast
[127:58] and Furious series has always been about
[127:59] cars, but this is pushing it to some
[128:01] total [ __ ] levels. This is like all
[128:03] the cars.
[128:04] >> It's neon orange. Don't choose anything
[128:07] less conspicuous.
[128:08] >> Dude, this entire warehouse of cars has
[128:10] nothing conspicuous.
[128:11] >> I like your beard. You're Blanta. Black
[128:14] Santa.
[128:14] >> I got an ATM.
[128:18] Dom can see this ATM from here, which is
[128:20] fine, I guess. But where is it? You and
[128:22] I both know there's no ATM outside that
[128:24] red building there. We find out later
[128:25] that Dom got help to block the ATM
[128:27] camera so that he could set up some plan
[128:28] with Shaw's mom. But how did he
[128:30] communicate his plan with everybody when
[128:31] he's being monitored? Are you saying
[128:32] that Cipher trusts Dom enough to allow
[128:34] him to communicate to people
[128:35] unmonitored? Whatever the case may be,
[128:36] he orchestrated impossible connections
[128:38] in an impossible amount of time
[128:39] >> to give you something back.
[128:43] There is no way Dom does this in 5
[128:45] minutes. I mean, come the on.
[128:47] >> And I'm going to knock your teeth so far
[128:48] down your throat, you're going to stick
[128:50] a toothbrush right up your ass to brush
[128:51] them. Movie believes that we anticipate
[128:53] a rock stith fight so much that we'll be
[128:54] delighted with several scenes devoted to
[128:56] dick swinging.
[129:00] The God's Eye really is the only true
[129:02] conclusion to Hollywood's zoom and
[129:03] enhance obsession. It was always going
[129:04] to end this way.
[129:08] >> It's zombie time.
[129:09] >> Oh, it was zombie time by the fourth or
[129:10] fifth movie. But at least you're finally
[129:12] acknowledging it. Why do you even need
[129:13] Dom? Let alone badly need him for this
[129:15] job.
[129:18] >> Ouch.
[129:19] >> I guess this is kind of cool and all,
[129:20] but this is a super complicated way to
[129:22] get what you want. If you've got God's
[129:23] eye, you can find anyone anywhere in the
[129:24] world. With her connections and knowhow,
[129:26] did it really require a bunch of hacked
[129:28] cars crashing into him to get what she
[129:29] wants?
[129:30] >> Take out the lead and follow cars.
[129:31] >> Luckily, there's a car dealership full
[129:33] of cars we can hack that can crash into
[129:34] them right now.
[129:37] Remember,
[129:40] this is all just to steal a case from
[129:42] one man. Overkill watched this movie and
[129:44] walked out after finding it excessive.
[129:45] >> I don't care if you SEND THE GODDAMN BOY
[129:47] SCOUTS. JUST SEND HIM SOME HELP.
[129:49] >> Now that's dumb.
[129:50] >> It's actually not though. Dom hasn't
[129:52] done dick yet. It's actually 1,000
[129:53] autonomous cars controlled by Charize
[129:55] and one hacker guy. And Dom is just kind
[129:57] of following along and watching. But
[129:58] whatever. Even after that repeated
[130:00] lecture about choosing inconspicuous
[130:01] cars, all these [ __ ] drive out
[130:03] into battle in the most conspicuous cars
[130:05] ever.
[130:09] And all that car control utter bull
[130:11] technobabble was just to set up this
[130:13] raining car shot. And sometimes guys,
[130:15] the visual is not worth the flimsy
[130:16] explanation you weave for. Also,
[130:18] seriously, there are this many cars that
[130:19] you can hack remotely. I don't doubt
[130:21] there would be a lot, but this movie
[130:22] makes it sound like every single car
[130:23] everyone drives is hooked up to a
[130:25] network.
[130:25] >> Target immobilized.
[130:26] >> You're up, Tom.
[130:27] >> Oh, she needed 1,000 cars to immobilize
[130:30] the Russian guy. But Dom is super
[130:32] important as the guy that then goes in
[130:33] to grab the case. Any hired goon could
[130:35] take over here, lady. The more this
[130:36] series focuses on spectacle, the more
[130:38] they raise the middle finger to people
[130:39] who want even a sliver of logic or
[130:41] consistency.
[130:42] >> Give me the case.
[130:43] >> This is how the usual suspects foiled
[130:44] New York's finest taxi service. Only way
[130:46] louder and stupider.
[130:51] >> And I won't be needing this anymore.
[130:53] >> I think I know where my team's at.
[130:55] >> Where?
[130:56] >> Right in front of me.
[130:57] >> I mean, god, these movies. Everything
[130:59] has to be some sort of reveal. Looking
[131:00] for someone? They're in the building
[131:02] right now. Found your team? Make your
[131:03] boss gas before revealing they're here
[131:05] right now.
[131:05] >> Police scanners are saying he stole a
[131:07] nuclear football.
[131:08] >> What? First of all, would police even
[131:10] broadcast that panic-inducing
[131:11] information on channels they know some
[131:12] citizens and journalists are listening
[131:14] to? Also, how would anyone know that
[131:16] this soon after it happened in order to
[131:17] even broadcast it on police scanners in
[131:19] the first place? I don't know. It's
[131:20] funnier, that there's nobody who needs
[131:22] to go down this street or that this guy
[131:23] just totally ran a red light and didn't
[131:25] give a or these people casually sitting
[131:27] down next to the cars watching the
[131:28] movie. If only there were cops in this
[131:30] city.
[131:32] I love how this is so clearly impossible
[131:34] that the filmmakers cut several times
[131:35] during this bull to cover up all the
[131:37] times this car crashed during the stunt.
[131:38] Whoever put together this scene has
[131:40] clearly never driven in Manhattan
[131:41] before. Miles of open road enough to
[131:44] stare down at your ex. Enough to engage
[131:45] the NOS. Somehow of all the stupid they
[131:48] tossed out in brainstorming for this
[131:49] movie, Car Harpoon still made the final
[131:51] cut or Carpon if you will. I love how
[131:53] these movies show cars that are clearly
[131:54] already going as fast as they can,
[131:56] complete with a NOS injection, and yet
[131:57] there's always another gear that these
[131:59] [ __ ] can try. Like there's a
[132:00] theoretical notch on the stick that
[132:02] summons Dumbledore to make your ride
[132:03] sicker.
[132:04] >> You got to have about 2,000 horsepower
[132:05] in that thing.
[132:06] >> Try 30,000.
[132:08] >> Try five.
[132:09] >> Whatever it is, it's [ __ ] Five
[132:11] government made cars can't stop this
[132:12] thing. Also, does nobody have a gun that
[132:14] can shoot out the tires.
[132:17] >> GO.
[132:17] >> While Dom is fake reacting to fake
[132:19] killing Deckard, Lettying ninjas up on
[132:21] him and steals the case somehow.
[132:23] >> What are you going to do?
[132:24] >> I feel bad for Charlies Then in this
[132:25] movie because for half of it, she's by
[132:27] herself looking at a screen delivering
[132:28] pointless lines. I don't know why you're
[132:30] doing this, but I know one thing.
[132:32] >> You better have a previously hereto for
[132:34] unknown young son being held hostage or
[132:35] so help me God.
[132:36] >> I will just take it from a dead girl.
[132:39] >> Love is what finally makes Dom abandon
[132:41] his evil character and break good. Love
[132:43] for Lety over love for his son or
[132:45] something. I don't really think
[132:46] character motivation is something these
[132:47] movies give much thought to.
[132:48] >> Decard, he didn't make it.
[132:50] >> Movie flat out lies to you to set up a
[132:51] stupid reveal later. But also, why are
[132:53] they sad about Deckard's death? He was
[132:55] the villain in the last movie. They
[132:57] don't exactly love that guy, right? You
[132:58] made the choice to let her go and now I
[133:01] have to make one of my own.
[133:02] >> So I turned off all the lights and
[133:04] waited until you got here to set up this
[133:05] surprise. I'm going to kill your baby
[133:06] party.
[133:09] >> This kid would not be calling Dom da on
[133:12] his second encounter with him. This is
[133:13] one of the cheapest boys to pull
[133:14] audience heartstrings ever.
[133:16] >> NO. [screaming and groaning]
[133:19] >> Now they're going to have to find a
[133:20] babysitter.
[133:21] >> Connor Rhodess. He's also linked to
[133:23] somebody I'd quite like to forget.
[133:24] >> This movie just became Spectre all of a
[133:26] sudden. Hey, remember all those
[133:27] characters from previous chapters?
[133:28] They're all tied to one main baddy
[133:30] somehow, even though that's clearly
[133:32] impossible.
[133:32] >> Thinking your son got me the codes? The
[133:35] codes will get me the nukes.
[133:36] >> Yeah, but shouldn't you have done
[133:38] something with those codes as soon as
[133:39] you got them? You know, besides setting
[133:40] up that elaborate threat to kill Dom's
[133:42] baby mama and kid. Doesn't Russia know
[133:44] that somebody has their codes and are
[133:45] changing them at this very second? Or
[133:46] are nuclear codes that insecure that if
[133:48] they got stolen, someone really has this
[133:50] kind of power? The problem we've had
[133:51] with tracking Cipher is there's nothing
[133:52] to trace
[133:53] >> except for the satellite blind spots
[133:54] that Jason Staithm figured out to track
[133:56] Dom's secret flight to New York City.
[133:58] But he didn't bother teaching anyone
[133:59] that. So I guess that knowledge died
[134:00] with him.
[134:01] >> We got to call this in all the way up
[134:02] the chain.
[134:03] >> Unfortunately, the Russian Minister of
[134:05] Defense got himself involved in a little
[134:06] incident on US territory and two
[134:09] governments aren't talking to each other
[134:10] for a while.
[134:10] >> Huh. So you shouldn't even try. Is it
[134:13] really that simple of a reason? Come the
[134:14] on. We're talking about goddamn stolen
[134:16] nuclear codes here. Not shooting down a
[134:18] spy plane. Pray that the apocalypse
[134:20] doesn't come knocking on your mama's
[134:21] front door.
[134:22] >> The Rock has reverted back to full WWE
[134:24] mode these days, and his movies are
[134:26] suffering for it.
[134:26] >> Take whatever vehicle you want. All bets
[134:29] are off.
[134:29] >> Yeah, but you're going to ice Russia.
[134:31] And yet some of these fools will still
[134:32] choose Lambos and stupid ass like that.
[134:38] [laughter]
[134:38] Do they parachute these cars on top of
[134:40] this mountain? Are you telling me
[134:41] Russian airspace is this awful they
[134:43] didn't spot a large cargo plane flying
[134:44] through here? Or that the separatists
[134:46] who control this base somehow missed
[134:47] them? Yep. about to drive dangerously on
[134:49] ice and snow in a goddamn Lambo. Common
[134:51] sense beed, damned, again, and left for
[134:54] dead on the side of the road. I mean,
[134:56] really, only three of the five heroes
[134:58] make sensible snow vehicle choices.
[134:59] >> I tried to take a piss. I didn't even
[135:02] recognize myself.
[135:03] >> That's a dick joke right there. If this
[135:05] EMP is as powerful as this movie says it
[135:07] is, then why doesn't it also stop Dom's
[135:09] car dead in its tracks? You know, since
[135:10] it's on top of it.
[135:11] >> I think Cipher just rebooted that sub to
[135:13] slave its command system. Wait, are you
[135:15] telling me this nuclear submarine can be
[135:16] remotely hacked just because Cipher used
[135:18] the EMP? A nuclear submarine? Seriously,
[135:21] >> if you can get me into that wheelhouse,
[135:23] I can tap the network and counter hack
[135:24] Cipher. [laughter]
[135:28] [gasps]
[135:31] >> Look, I know this car was made by God or
[135:33] whatever, but now it's able to crash
[135:34] into a building and an armored truck
[135:35] like they're not even there. And oh,
[135:37] look, the bad guys are at a facility
[135:38] that has all these exposed gas tanks
[135:40] around, so things can explode easily.
[135:42] Isn't that nice?
[135:43] >> Knock knock. Open up the door. It's
[135:44] real.
[135:48] >> Who is where? You don't care, guys. I'm
[135:51] just tired. I actively hope Dom dies or
[135:53] at the very least fails every time he
[135:55] does a stunt like this. On top of this,
[135:56] he even kills a ton of bad guys in the
[135:58] process. He can't be this good or lucky.
[136:00] It takes all the tension out of the
[136:01] scenes when the guy doesn't ever lose.
[136:03] >> Okay, how do you like this? While it's
[136:05] taken roughly a movie and a half for
[136:07] Ramsay to actually do anything, and we
[136:08] know she's a crazy good hacker, I find
[136:10] it extraordinarily laughable that she
[136:12] could counterhack Cipher this quickly
[136:13] since she's supposed to be equally good,
[136:15] if not better.
[136:16] >> Hi, Ramsay.
[136:17] >> And then she counterounter hacks. And I
[136:19] wonder how these two amazing hackers
[136:20] don't have any protections in play when
[136:21] they're off doing their hacking.
[136:22] >> They're entering the weapons room.
[136:24] >> Yeah, my computer can totally show you
[136:26] detailed heat maps of people running
[136:27] around inside a nuclear sub.
[136:33] God's eye, my ass. She's just God.
[136:40] [groaning]
[136:40] >> By the way, all this punching and
[136:41] kicking and yelling, is this doing
[136:43] anything for you? These are the scenes
[136:44] where the characters who have nothing to
[136:45] do are inserted into the action to fight
[136:47] basically faceless drones inducing
[136:49] yawning.
[136:50] >> She's locked me out.
[136:51] >> Weird that she didn't do that before.
[136:53] >> What in the HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
[136:55] IT'LL BE LABELED GUIDANCE GO.
[136:56] >> Why didn't you say that in the first
[136:58] place?
[137:01] >> Yep. You've got the upper hand on one
[137:03] person when your entire base just goted
[137:05] up. Time for a good cackle, which will
[137:07] ultimately lead to your demise. This is
[137:08] like the guy who sacks the backup
[137:10] quarterback in the fourth quarter in a
[137:11] game his team is losing 67 to3.
[137:13] >> And we have a countdown.
[137:14] >> I'd like to remind at this point that
[137:15] Cipher got access to this missile
[137:17] because she stole nuclear codes from a
[137:18] Russian Minister of Defense. This base
[137:20] was taken over by Russian separatists
[137:21] and yet the Russian government was still
[137:23] in control of those missiles.
[137:24] Apparently, they didn't bother to change
[137:26] or remove those codes from the nuclear
[137:27] football when those guys took over. I
[137:29] find that unlikely, but hey, I guess
[137:30] stupid things happen in the real world
[137:32] all the time.
[137:32] >> We got the chip. No nukes for her.
[137:34] >> What are you, the nuke Nazi?
[137:36] >> God, we got company. A lot of company.
[137:38] >> A lot of military company. Are they
[137:40] supporting Charize or just defending a
[137:42] Russian base? Who knows? Who cares? And
[137:44] who let the dogs out?
[137:45] >> No, no, no, no, no. This is not good.
[137:47] >> You have no sympathy from me, Tyrese.
[137:49] You chose the Lambo knowing you were
[137:50] headed to Ice Russia. Personally, I feel
[137:52] like this is payback for years of
[137:53] coasting on your part. Despite the fact
[137:54] that Roman is comically spinning on the
[137:56] ice, the Russian terrorist guys can't
[137:58] hit him or really anybody. They're kind
[137:59] of a terrible group of thugs. Actually,
[138:00] I don't even know how they took this
[138:01] base over in the first place.
[138:03] >> Dom, do you really want to put that car
[138:05] in gear?
[138:06] >> While we contemplate whether Dom wants
[138:07] to put this car in gear, who's taking
[138:09] care of his kid? Is there really a bad
[138:11] guy who's feeding his son and changing
[138:12] diapers? I would love to see that movie.
[138:14] Oh, wait, maybe not. Forget what I said.
[138:16] TZ starts blasting away and instantly
[138:18] hits one of the trucks. Something that
[138:19] none of the [ __ ] behind him could do
[138:21] for a full minute of blasting. And oh
[138:22] look, this one is going to take out more
[138:24] trucks. It reminds me of that old adage,
[138:26] life is always fair and full of constant
[138:28] good luck.
[138:32] Okay, so how's he holding on to the
[138:34] outside of the door? Remember, the door
[138:36] is closed until the tank rips it off. So
[138:38] once that tears off, he better be
[138:40] holding on to the inside of it, or else
[138:41] he's done for. Maybe once it rips off,
[138:43] he grabs the outside, but that would be
[138:45] an incredible feat considering the speed
[138:46] at which all this takes place. Come on,
[138:48] guys. Kill him. Sweep the leg. If Dom is
[138:51] constantly being monitored on this
[138:52] operation, then how is he getting away
[138:53] with these obvious shenanigans?
[138:55] >> Surprise.
[138:56] >> Okay, so Dom shot Deckard earlier and to
[138:58] no one's surprise except Cipher, he's
[139:00] still alive. My question is, how did
[139:01] they plan this? Remember all this? How
[139:03] did Dom know it would come to this? As
[139:05] luck would have it, this entire scene
[139:06] leads to the moment where Decard is able
[139:08] to chase him to a secluded area to fake
[139:09] his death. Also, with God's eye, how did
[139:11] Cipher not track every movement Decard
[139:13] made until she can confirm his death?
[139:19] See, I told you. But hilariously, the
[139:22] movie made him so paper thin in the
[139:23] opening scene, it doesn't trust you to
[139:24] remember his face and has to literally
[139:26] show you who he is. Also, you movie. You
[139:28] mean Dom asked this guy from the
[139:30] beginning to fly from Cuba all the way
[139:31] to New York City to do 5 minutes worth
[139:33] of work. Doesn't Dom have like closer
[139:34] connections who could easily do this
[139:36] job.
[139:36] >> Congratulations, Dom. You just killed
[139:38] your son.
[139:39] >> How stupid is Cipher right now? She saw
[139:41] the transporter and barred the Bowman 3
[139:42] minutes ago. Does she really think Dom
[139:44] would be so arrogant if he didn't have
[139:45] his son secured? You're wrong. I just
[139:48] saved him.
[139:49] >> By the way, to play the devil's advocate
[139:50] here, and I will since Charlie's Theren
[139:52] is in this movie, Dom is still a little
[139:53] too arrogant here dealing with Cipher.
[139:55] For all he knows, she's crazy enough to
[139:56] crash the plane with her, the Shaw
[139:58] brothers, and his son on it.
[139:59] >> What do we do now?
[140:00] >> We start praying.
[140:04] >> Fast and Furious crew must have started
[140:05] praying because Dom in his supercar, a
[140:08] literal deexmakina, comes to the rescue.
[140:10] Also, they made a car that is too
[140:11] awesome in this movie. No flaws
[140:13] whatsoever. You're literally Superman in
[140:15] this car. Not setting the baby down
[140:16] before fighting.
[140:18] >> GRAB THEM BACK. WHAT? TURN THE GODDAMN
[140:21] WHEEL TO THE LEFT REALLY QUICKLY.
[140:25] >> God damn. This scene This scene just
[140:27] broke the sin counter. Meanwhile, a
[140:29] movie still has the audacity to steal
[140:31] the kid has headphones on during the
[140:32] gunfight scene from Face Off.
[140:34] >> It's right under us. Get out the way.
[140:35] >> How did the submarine catch up to the
[140:37] cars? If you're telling me the cars are
[140:38] only going 40 mph, okay, maybe I'll
[140:41] believe you. But they're going pretty
[140:42] much full speed as best they can. Am I
[140:44] right? And subs can go like 45 mph tops.
[140:47] Correct.
[140:47] >> We got this.
[140:54] >> Are you okay? Are you okay? Help. Chris,
[140:57] the sin counter isn't breathing, man.
[140:59] Help 911. Oh my god. [laughter]
[141:02] It's dead, isn't it? It's [ __ ] dead.
[141:08] [laughter] Why? God,
[141:11] why
[141:13] take me? [laughter]
[141:15] >> All right,
[141:17] come and get him.
[141:18] >> Dom foolishly believes this
[141:19] indestructible car can be destroyed by a
[141:21] heat-seeking missile. He could just put
[141:23] this in park and watch the thing
[141:24] harmlessly glance off the side view
[141:25] mirror.
[141:29] Well, they finally did it. The Fast and
[141:31] Furious franchise just jumped the sub.
[141:33] No. No. [ __ ] you. This movie
[141:40] That is not how fire works. Um, a
[141:44] handful of cars around a guy generally
[141:46] will not save said guy from damage
[141:47] during a raging explosion fire. Just
[141:49] FYI.
[141:50] >> How did you find me?
[141:52] >> You want to see the old town?
[141:55] Watch.
[141:55] >> If Dom gave Cipher a necklace by which
[141:57] Decard could track her, why didn't he
[141:59] pass this information onto his team as
[142:00] well? They lucked out finding her in
[142:02] Russia by guessing her most logical
[142:03] target. But that would have been really
[142:05] handy information to have no matter
[142:06] what. Why did Decard's death need to be
[142:08] a surprise to the team?
[142:09] >> There's only one flaw in your plan.
[142:12] >> What's that?
[142:13] >> Only one of us has a parachute.
[142:15] >> That's extremely presumptuous on your
[142:16] part. But anything that gets us closer
[142:18] to the ending of the movie is fine by
[142:19] me.
[142:19] >> Cuz it's all kind of nuclearism
[142:21] happening under this ice.
[142:23] >> Relax. Without the trigger chips, those
[142:25] nukes are harmless.
[142:26] >> Not to mention, the entire sub exploded
[142:28] a minute ago. You really think the nuke
[142:30] survived that? Is it going to be
[142:33] Revenge of the Nerds or The Dark Knight?
[142:37] >> Obviously, this isn't even a real choice
[142:38] when it comes to movies, but is this
[142:40] movie really saying that Ramsay wants
[142:41] either of these guys? Are these her only
[142:43] choices in life? Is she even considering
[142:45] going out with one of them? I would have
[142:47] loved it if she suddenly had a
[142:48] girlfriend or a Grey Worm.
[142:50] >> You've heard me say that you never turn
[142:53] your back on family.
[142:54] >> No, never heard you say that once in one
[142:56] movie. That's a new concept you just
[142:58] invented right now.
[143:05] Comcast
[143:06] >> MI6 wants him alive [music] for
[143:08] questioning. Targets in a metal coffer.
[143:10] Every agency and terrace cell is looking
[143:12] for it.
[143:12] >> Big nasty supervirus McGuffin can
[143:14] destroy humanity. Blah blah blah. And
[143:16] two random people. Oh, and one was once
[143:18] the bad guy are the only ones who can
[143:19] save the world. Cliche. Considering
[143:21] these two dudes were not in her line of
[143:23] sight when she started running, how
[143:24] exactly did she know she was about to do
[143:26] this awesome jump, kick, and roll move?
[143:27] KILL THE GROUND [screaming] NOW.
[143:29] >> GLAD THE FAST AND Furious franchise
[143:31] finally got around to introducing
[143:32] Heimdoll. Also, why does he even need
[143:34] this? This guy's attack probability was
[143:36] 30%. Would he do anything differently in
[143:38] this scene? And excuse me, finger
[143:39] pressure. Don't worry, the editing will
[143:40] beat the ass for you. Never mind that
[143:42] Ela has a built-in computer screen that
[143:44] can calculate attack probability and
[143:46] finger pressure. It can't make him shoot
[143:48] straight. Unless that virus also turned
[143:49] Hattie into a superhuman, there is zero
[143:51] chance she has run this far away from
[143:53] the scene in the time it would have
[143:54] taken Brixton to get to the truck. Two
[143:56] minutes ago, the movie showed us a split
[143:57] screen of Rock and Stam getting up and
[143:59] going through their daily routine. Why
[144:00] not just do that with the fighting as
[144:01] well? And none of this is all that
[144:03] thrilling on its own. They could have
[144:04] even staged the fights in such a way
[144:05] that the parallels between them could
[144:07] have been funny.
[144:07] >> Why don't you ever talk about Sam? Did
[144:09] something happen?
[144:10] >> For the LOVE OF GOD, SKIP.
[144:12] >> CHEAT DAY.
[144:12] >> Cheat day.
[144:13] >> Movie you thought was the ninth Fast and
[144:15] Furious film is actually a stealth
[144:16] prequel to the gluttony victim in seven.
[144:18] >> If someone leaves a back door open, it's
[144:20] a bit da not to try and use it.
[144:21] >> Porn proverbs.
[144:22] >> What's dafted? He's paying one of the
[144:24] screws to leave it open, but not paying
[144:25] them enough to get their mouth shut.
[144:26] >> Porn psalms.
[144:27] >> Now listen, have you spoken with your
[144:29] sister?
[144:30] >> Jesus. This movie should have titled
[144:31] Fast and Furious presents Hobbs and Shaw
[144:33] Bloodlines. With all the surprised
[144:35] family members these [ __ ] suddenly
[144:36] have.
[144:36] >> It was called The Keith Moon because
[144:38] [music]
[144:38] >> it involves lots of explosive percussion
[144:40] and permanent ear damage.
[144:41] >> Jesus, this movie should have been
[144:43] called the Keith Moon. It seems like a
[144:44] good time to bring up that Jason Staithm
[144:46] and Vanessa Kirby have a 21-year age
[144:48] difference between them. And look it. So
[144:50] the idea that they were kids together is
[144:52] possibly the most ridiculous plot point
[144:54] in this entire series. And there was a
[144:55] scene in one of the movies where cars
[144:56] outran a submarine on ice.
[144:58] >> Lucas Rebecca Hobbs.
[145:00] >> Ah, sudden Deadpool.
[145:02] >> I seem to remember getting a little
[145:03] something like this.
[145:05] >> Ryan Reynolds is a welcome addition to
[145:06] just about any film, but I have zero
[145:08] clue if I'm supposed to think he's just
[145:10] being funny or if he's the creepiest
[145:12] movie stalker since Play Misty for me.
[145:14] >> Say hello to the CT17 virus,
[145:16] affectionately cenamed the snowflake.
[145:18] While the document lock shows Hobs does
[145:20] say Snowflake, it actually says it's
[145:22] affectionately codenamed the unicorn.
[145:23] >> Last night, she was part of an MI6 team
[145:25] tasked with securing the virus.
[145:26] >> Some say she appeared in a movie that
[145:28] you could refer to as MI6, but confusing
[145:31] those would cause massive fallout
[145:32] between your friends.
[145:33] >> He knows I can see him, right?
[145:34] >> He knows nothing, Jon Snow.
[145:36] >> So, if he knows what Game of Thrones is,
[145:38] then why did he say
[145:39] >> Game of Thrones Janet's house?
[145:41] >> Lannister always pays his debt. This
[145:43] movie thinks someone not knowing what
[145:44] Game of Thrones is, then in a twist
[145:46] reveals that he does know is somehow
[145:48] amusing.
[145:48] >> All right, who's on the case?
[145:50] >> Why in the is Shaw on any CIA case? He's
[145:53] essentially a bad guy. He spent all of
[145:55] Furious 7 trying to kill the main
[145:56] characters and then they retcon Tokyo
[145:58] Drift so we could see that he killed
[146:00] Han. Remember that? And sure, he helped
[146:02] save a baby in the last Fast and Furious
[146:04] movie, but he also killed like an entire
[146:06] hospital when he went to go visit his
[146:08] brother in Furious 7. Little
[146:09] >> joke for you, L. What do uh CIA
[146:11] operatives and police boss have in
[146:13] common? They are two things I don't give
[146:15] a toss about. [sighs]
[146:17] >> We at the CIA believe that when we hire
[146:18] someone to find somebody, we need to get
[146:20] their sibling to do it. No chance
[146:21] there's a conflict of interest there.
[146:22] No, sir Reek.
[146:23] >> I mean, you think you're going to be
[146:24] able to put aside any petty rivalries to
[146:25] save the world?
[146:26] >> No way.
[146:28] >> Good to know our planet's top agencies
[146:30] feel perfectly comfortable putting two
[146:31] guys who hate each other on the same
[146:33] team just for the comedy. Also, why only
[146:35] two guys if the virus is such a threat
[146:37] to the entire world? Two guys.
[146:39] >> Exactly. Why I hate working with you?
[146:42] It's your voice.
[146:44] It's your nasly prepubescent Harry
[146:47] Potter voice.
[146:48] >> Movie wastes about a quarter of its
[146:49] runtime on Hobs and Shaw insulting each
[146:51] other without whit for long stretches of
[146:52] time.
[146:53] >> Guys,
[146:53] >> why don't you two take a seat and we'll
[146:55] talk through this.
[146:56] >> What are these guys doing in this other
[146:57] room anyways? Why would they be
[146:58] recording Hobbs and Shaw's conversation?
[147:00] Why is this scene?
[147:01] >> Me and you, us have been [music] down
[147:03] this route. It's a total waste of time.
[147:05] >> Initial test screening reactions for
[147:06] this film somehow made it into the final
[147:08] cut. I don't undercover often, but if
[147:10] you want to make yourself less
[147:11] noticeable, is going for the exotic and
[147:12] sexy librarian look, the best avenue to
[147:14] take? Got
[147:15] >> a lot of nasty people looking for you.
[147:16] >> Okay, so the only thing Hobbs had to go
[147:18] on to find Harriet was this picture and
[147:20] this map showing places the cameras
[147:22] didn't cover. How was he able to know
[147:23] exactly where she was going to be and
[147:25] recognize her with a wig and sunglasses
[147:26] using just that? Everything involving
[147:28] this darkly lit, quickly edited action
[147:30] scene with Jason Stathithm is eye
[147:31] cancer. Well, good thing this grenade
[147:33] they kicked over 20 seconds ago didn't
[147:35] explode and is still spinning so that
[147:36] Shaw can realize it's the danger and
[147:38] disarm it at the last minute.
[147:39] >> When you saw her photo, you definitely
[147:41] gave the eyebrow.
[147:42] >> Please don't do the eye thing. Please
[147:43] don't do the eye thing. Please don't do
[147:44] the eye thing. Please don't do the eye
[147:45] thing. Damn it. Also, Hobbs thought this
[147:47] phone call was important enough to take
[147:49] while interviewing the most wanted
[147:50] person on the planet. A person he left
[147:52] guarded by an underling.
[147:53] >> That is my sister.
[147:55] >> How the does Hobbs not know this? You
[147:56] mean he got the job from Lock, who gave
[147:58] him a dossier, flew all the way to
[147:59] London, got further briefings on the
[148:01] mission when he got there, and the
[148:02] connection didn't come up once.
[148:03] >> Bull, she's too good-look to be your
[148:05] sister.
[148:05] >> I honestly can't figure out half the
[148:07] time if these are actual thoughts Hobbs
[148:08] is having about Shaw or if he's just
[148:10] with him, and vice versa. I also can't
[148:12] figure out half the time if this movie
[148:13] is for real or is just punching me in
[148:14] the for 2 hours and 16 minutes. What is
[148:16] this place again? Oh yeah, it's a CIA
[148:19] black site. How in the did these guys
[148:20] get up here to do this without being
[148:22] detected? Every time a character
[148:23] survives something like this, for the
[148:24] rest of the movie, I'm just going to say
[148:26] chumanji. Once again, why does Brixton
[148:28] need this? This seems to be more of an
[148:29] advertisement for The Rock's punching
[148:30] strength than it is useful information.
[148:32] Oh, look. It took Brixton this exact
[148:33] amount of time to lick the car off
[148:35] himself so that Hobbs and the two Shaws
[148:36] could get away and the movie could have
[148:37] a chase scene. Nothing like random
[148:39] product placement for a car 99% of the
[148:41] viewing audience can't afford.
[148:42] >> You want to tell me just what in [music]
[148:43] the fresh turkey hell we're dealing with
[148:45] here?
[148:45] >> Fresh turkey hell.
[148:46] >> Eight years ago, I pulled a bullet
[148:48] through his brain.
[148:48] >> Great. So, we're being chased by the
[148:50] Terminator.
[148:51] >> Honestly, if a Terminator showed up
[148:52] right now, would this film be any
[148:54] sillier? I'm going with no. Will a movie
[148:56] just once show a scene like this at full
[148:57] speed? Is slow-mo the only way this is
[148:59] exciting? Of course, it cuts like four
[149:01] times during this stunt. So, my guess is
[149:03] it isn't even possible at full speed.
[149:04] And all your movie magic takes all the
[149:06] piss out of it. So, why would the
[149:07] motorcycle even have that function? The
[149:09] real weapon is Brixton and not the bike.
[149:10] Was there a meeting where someone piped
[149:12] up, you know, there might be a time when
[149:13] Brixton has to get his bike under a
[149:14] large moving vehicle and then someone
[149:16] else said, "Good point. Does anyone here
[149:17] know how to build a transformer?" Okay,
[149:19] ride's over. Going to lose this car.
[149:21] >> We also might be responsible for a lot
[149:22] of deaths that occurred over the last
[149:23] few minutes, including the people on
[149:25] that double-decker bus we just
[149:26] recklessly sent Brixton flying through.
[149:28] But no need to think about that now.
[149:29] We've got more things to punch our way
[149:30] through.
[149:31] >> Just got real.
[149:33] >> Even if Eton can control the media like
[149:35] this, they can't create a script and
[149:36] upload doctor pictures and footage to
[149:38] all of the networks and have the
[149:39] reporters reciting it in the two or
[149:41] three minutes it took Hobbs and Shaw to
[149:42] walk to the street corner.
[149:43] >> No time for alpha male right now.
[149:45] >> Too bad summer movie audiences didn't
[149:47] say the same thing. Maybe they will when
[149:48] Fast and Furious presents Hobs and Shaw,
[149:50] too. Two Hobs, two Shaw, go to space in
[149:52] 2022.
[149:53] >> Russian newspaper. There's only one
[149:54] place in London that sells that.
[149:56] >> How the do you know this is a Russian
[149:57] newspaper that can only be sold in one
[149:59] place just by looking at a grading photo
[150:01] on Hobs's phone? And how do you know
[150:02] that's the only place that sells the
[150:04] newspaper? A
[150:04] >> super disaster.
[150:05] >> If this guy's been buying this very
[150:07] specific newspaper from this news stand
[150:08] every day, why did the CIA have a hard
[150:10] time finding? The guy does this as a
[150:12] matter of routine and they took a
[150:13] picture of him because he's a person of
[150:14] interest. Finding him would have been
[150:16] super easy. You kill her.
[150:17] >> Excuse me?
[150:18] >> No. And burn the body. Of course.
[150:19] >> Of course.
[150:20] >> Of course.
[150:20] >> I guess this hilarious comedy scene was
[150:22] written by Jimmy two times. Jimmy two
[150:24] times.
[150:24] >> Used it for a job over in Italy.
[150:26] >> You might even say it was the Italian
[150:28] job.
[150:28] >> Now, regular back channels aren't going
[150:30] to work this time. We're going to have
[150:31] to do our best to blend in.
[150:32] >> As brother and sister Shaw have pointed
[150:33] out in this movie, blending in is not a
[150:35] strong suit for Hobbs. And how does he
[150:37] know the regular back channels wouldn't
[150:38] work? Lock is clearly on board with him.
[150:39] And he's freaking CIA, so pretty sure
[150:41] they could figure something out.
[150:42] >> I'm France. Gruber
[150:43] >> Shaw is wearing glasses as a disguise.
[150:46] But this picture on his fake passport
[150:47] looks pretty much the same as the photo
[150:49] that's being shown all around the world.
[150:51] There is no disguise on this picture at
[150:52] all.
[150:53] >> Hands on your head, Oxmall. Can't
[150:55] believe you did that.
[150:56] >> He was going to slow us down.
[150:57] >> I know Shaw hates Hobbs, but that entire
[150:59] Mike Oxmall scene was for the comedy and
[151:02] definitely not the practicality. Even
[151:03] though he knows Hobbs is going to get
[151:04] out of it anyway, the whole thing
[151:06] stupidly endangers the mission in a
[151:07] hundred ways. Why did she take her wig
[151:09] off? They're trying not to get caught,
[151:10] right? That was quicker than I thought.
[151:12] >> Yep. Because I have a secret weapon.
[151:14] People actually like me.
[151:15] >> This is the only explanation the movie
[151:17] gives for Hobbes being let go from
[151:18] airport security and to be allowed on
[151:20] the plane in time. By the way, now
[151:22] nobody's wearing disguises. Hobbs and
[151:23] Shaw have been on every news program
[151:25] saying they're terrorists for the last
[151:26] 24 hours. And if I know TV, every
[151:28] commercial break had a trailer for this
[151:29] movie playing on it, so they're doubly
[151:31] screwed if they don't want to get
[151:32] recognized.
[151:33] >> Anytime you ever say anything, it makes
[151:34] me want to take my boot and shove it so
[151:36] far up your ass, you're going to be
[151:37] spitting out shoelaces all week.
[151:39] >> We did this earlier. It's not even
[151:41] believable they hate each other this
[151:42] much anymore. In fact, if I'm reading
[151:43] into what Hobbs's daughter said about
[151:45] two people annoying each other being
[151:46] flirting, then these [ __ ] are about
[151:48] to join the Mile High Club.
[151:49] >> Want to do an Irish jig on your ass ugly
[151:51] face at 30,000 ft.
[151:53] >> Okay, skip. And yes, that includes a
[151:56] surprise Kevin Hart cameo that happens
[151:57] during the scene that I definitely don't
[151:58] know about because I just skipped it.
[152:00] >> I want our property out of that girl's
[152:01] blood.
[152:02] >> Okay, why? You have a scientist who
[152:04] created the virus, but you'd rather
[152:05] extract it out of Hattie's blood because
[152:08] the plot. I know Eion wants Hobbs and
[152:09] Shaw on their side. So, capturing Hattie
[152:11] might be important, but you really don't
[152:13] need the virus that's inside her if you
[152:14] can just make it. A group of foxy chicks
[152:16] who steal from Russian mobsters. Why
[152:18] can't we see that movie? How this movie
[152:19] has a cyborg Idris Elba, and yet it's
[152:22] way more concerned with what kind of
[152:23] childish insult Hobs and Shaw can throw
[152:25] at each other than the badassery of that
[152:27] premise.
[152:27] >> McJagger was a job that required one
[152:29] person to showboat to draw all the eyes
[152:31] while the others made the music.
[152:34] It also requires two guys to be riding
[152:36] bikes and two other guys running
[152:38] directly behind them and keeping up with
[152:39] them somehow. So that when I swung the
[152:41] paddle, all four of them would end up
[152:42] crumpled on the sidewalk.
[152:43] >> I got a shotgun. I got a shotgun. No,
[152:45] no, no. Don't start.
[152:46] >> These guys are arguing about riding
[152:47] shotgun on a jet. Next argument. Apples
[152:49] versus oranges TO THE DEATH.
[152:51] >> WE'RE ENTERING THE DROP ZONE. You ready?
[152:53] >> This drop zone contains neither Wesley
[152:54] Snipes nor Gary Buucy.
[152:58] Damn, you guys waited a long ass time to
[153:00] open those parachutes, didn't you,
[153:01] Jamanji?
[153:03] >> [music]
[153:05] >> Yeah, why should we see a good fight?
[153:06] It's not like you built it up to be one
[153:08] or anything.
[153:11] For once, this movie is in sync with the
[153:13] audience.
[153:14] >> Axis, deny.
[153:15] >> I was going to say Shaw might need to
[153:16] remove the half mask from the guy's
[153:18] face, but here he doesn't have it, even
[153:20] though in the previous shot he did.
[153:21] Also, these [ __ ] are on a time
[153:23] crunch, so I don't know why Shaw doesn't
[153:24] simply run over to Hob's side and run
[153:26] through his door. These doors go to the
[153:27] same place. Also, also, why didn't Hob's
[153:30] door open immediately after he got the
[153:31] access granted message? Why would these
[153:32] two doors be connected to each other for
[153:34] any reason? To have two people open one
[153:36] door that makes sense for security
[153:38] reasons, but two people two different
[153:39] doors.
[153:41] Wait, why didn't you use that infrared
[153:43] thing you used before you walked into
[153:44] the [ __ ] room with a bull henchman?
[153:46] So that's all she had restraining her
[153:47] arm, a band of Velcro. She had a cuff on
[153:50] her left hand and Velcro on her right,
[153:51] which is a mismatch in confinement and
[153:53] when you do Fifty Shades of Roleplay.
[153:55] >> Genocide.
[153:56] >> This was the working title of this
[153:57] movie.
[153:58] >> Look at the two of you. The fate of the
[153:59] world is in your hands and you can't
[154:00] even get along. I'm still amazed that
[154:02] Hobbs and Shaw are the only ones taking
[154:03] on this job. Like, as soon as Brixton
[154:05] went to the lab, Hobbs and Shaw should
[154:07] have had all sorts of backup on this
[154:08] mission. Remember, this movie is about a
[154:10] virus that can kill everybody on Earth
[154:12] in a week.
[154:13] >> Look at me. I'm like Superman.
[154:15] >> Once again, the movie introduces story
[154:17] ideas that are better than this one. Not
[154:18] only that, but they've wasted the
[154:20] premise of the Elvinator in this movie.
[154:21] >> I'm going to rip the arm off this chair.
[154:23] I'm going to smash him right in the
[154:24] face. Stab him right in the neck for
[154:26] looking that way. As much as I enjoy
[154:28] True Lies, it's absolutely insane to me
[154:30] how many versions of the chair scene
[154:31] have been created since its release. And
[154:33] this just makes me realize I'd rather be
[154:34] watching Charlie's Angels again over
[154:36] this. And that is 100% a sin.
[154:38] >> You're not going to shoot me
[154:40] because you need an activation chip to
[154:42] fire that gun.
[154:42] >> Feels like super spyt would know this
[154:44] and the gun itself would light up or
[154:46] something to tell the user that the
[154:47] activation wasn't set before pulling the
[154:49] trigger. But I guess this unauthorized
[154:51] gun usage happens so often that they
[154:52] want to keep its activation secret just
[154:54] in case this very situation COMES UP.
[154:58] >> They make Hattie out to be the most
[154:59] badass character in this movie, but when
[155:01] it comes down to stopping Brixton, she
[155:03] has to be saved by the professor. I love
[155:05] Eddie Marson as much as the next person,
[155:07] but World's End wouldn't stand a chance
[155:09] against Princess Margaret. So having him
[155:10] be the one to save her just seems so
[155:12] wrong. Also, guns needing activation
[155:14] chips, finger matches, etc. to work in
[155:16] movies is so dumb. There are too many
[155:18] variables that would screw everything
[155:19] up. As annoying as forgot to take the
[155:20] safety off is, it still makes way more
[155:22] sense than this common plot device.
[155:24] Hobbs just busts through his chains
[155:26] because he's super strong. I'll allow
[155:27] that. But then Shaw jumps on the chair
[155:29] and does something. And whatever it is
[155:31] sets him free. I hate this entire scene
[155:33] where Hobbs and Shaw need to save
[155:34] Hattie. When we see the car, we don't
[155:36] see her running. When we see her
[155:37] running, we don't see the car. The rooms
[155:38] aren't even numbered sequentially to
[155:40] help provide context for where they are
[155:41] and where she is.
[155:43] >> McJagger
[155:44] >> never files.
[155:44] >> What? That is exactly what happened. The
[155:46] Mcjagger stopped working once Hattie
[155:48] couldn't fire the gun. And then the
[155:49] Eddie Marson kicked in and saved all of
[155:51] your asses. As ridiculous as what I just
[155:52] pointed out was, it's still what
[155:54] happened. So own it movie.
[155:59] >> That sense really is Black Superman.
[156:02] >> Because Superman is known for his
[156:03] amazing skills on a motorcycle. RUNNING
[156:05] OUT.
[156:06] >> HOLD ON.
[156:06] >> THERE IS no way that Shaw knows there's
[156:08] a magic track that he can drive this
[156:10] vehicle onto. He either knows this lab's
[156:12] layout by heart or he just got lucky. He
[156:13] didn't even look in that direction the
[156:15] entire time they were getting chased.
[156:16] Good thing this random metal great track
[156:18] was at this exact level of the building
[156:19] where Shaw jumped his jeep through
[156:21] because otherwise this movie will be
[156:22] over quickly. Wait, this could have been
[156:23] over. Metal great tracks.
[156:27] >> Pretty sure this whole sequence is going
[156:28] to be Jumanji times 100. So, let's just
[156:30] go ahead and Jumanji the sins.
[156:33] This ain't going to make it.
[156:35] >> You thinking what I'm thinking?
[156:36] >> You pretty much have to be because you
[156:37] guys have nothing equipped to talk to
[156:39] each other. I guess we just take for
[156:40] granted that you have radios or
[156:42] something, but you don't.
[156:48] >> I know. I got them.
[156:49] >> Unless you both have cybernetic
[156:50] enhancements. Neither one of you hasn't.
[156:52] But by the gods of too old for this Mel
[156:54] Gibson and Danny Glover versus Jetley
[156:56] and Lethal Weapon 4, something tells me
[156:57] you'll beat him regardless.
[156:59] >> I'm tired. Thank
[157:00] >> me too, Hattie. But we've still got 50
[157:01] minutes left somehow. So, let's all down
[157:03] a Red Bull and some who news and get to
[157:05] the finish line. These guys have a
[157:07] little bit more than a day to get the
[157:08] virus out of Hattie. So, they take about
[157:10] a 17- hour flight to goddamn Samoa
[157:12] because that's Hobbs's home where his
[157:13] brother is conveniently a mechanic. But
[157:15] with all the contacts these two have,
[157:16] it's insane they didn't just go back to
[157:18] Shaw's place and get, I don't know,
[157:19] ludicrous to hell.
[157:20] >> From Moscow to Samoa. That is not an
[157:22] easy flight to charter.
[157:23] >> They went to Moscow to get that flight.
[157:25] They were in the Ukraine, which means
[157:26] they had to drive somewhere around 9
[157:27] hours to get there. There's no way this
[157:29] is their best option. Bringing your
[157:31] problems here to this house. These
[157:32] [ __ ] flew from Russia to Samoa and
[157:34] didn't even call Hobbs's brother before
[157:36] they got there. Even if it was to check
[157:37] that he was home.
[157:38] >> They hopped an unregistered cargo plane
[157:39] [music] to where?
[157:40] >> Samoa. Yeah, finding that out must have
[157:43] been super easy. Show your work movie.
[157:45] This is goddamn bull. At
[157:46] >> least one good thing came out of me
[157:48] jamming that thing into my hand.
[157:49] >> Unfortunately, it wasn't this movie. But
[157:51] yeah, I guess Hobbs being reunited with
[157:52] his brother I've never once been told
[157:54] about in previous movies or given two
[157:56] about counts as a good thing.
[157:57] >> All right, we're going to war with the
[157:59] family heirlooms. Man, I can't wait
[158:00] until the Ewoks show up in this movie.
[158:02] >> Wars do
[158:03] >> and the name of a terrible movie you
[158:05] were in. So, there's that. CSI Samoa.
[158:08] What this montage tells me is that they
[158:09] don't have nearly enough time to pull
[158:10] all this off. But montages are good
[158:12] about making it seem like they do.
[158:13] Condensing days or maybe even weeks of
[158:15] work down to mere hours, so nobody asks
[158:17] any questions. How can you question
[158:18] whether they succeed or not? They're
[158:20] working so hard, man.
[158:21] >> I'm in. The only thing is I can only
[158:23] bought the signal repeaters on the
[158:24] satellite for 6 minutes.
[158:26] >> She literally just hacked in. How could
[158:27] she possibly know that? Also, Hadtie was
[158:29] able to hack Eton's entire weapons
[158:31] inventory using just a stolen
[158:32] authenticator glove.
[158:34] >> Wasted
[158:36] so much time.
[158:37] >> Movie accidentally films Vanessa Kirby
[158:39] commenting on this very scene and puts
[158:40] it in the final edit. Had he made it so
[158:42] that these guns wouldn't work for 6
[158:44] minutes, but why can't she do the same
[158:45] thing once the weapons go back online
[158:47] and get another 6 minutes? Granted,
[158:49] Brixton and his guys have no clue that
[158:51] they have to wait 6 minutes for the guns
[158:52] to go back online, but Hob sure as does,
[158:55] so maybe less synchronized chanting and
[158:57] more punching. Remember the whole
[158:58] Brixton doesn't want to kill Hattie
[159:00] because they need the virus thing. That
[159:01] should still be a thing, but the bad
[159:02] guys sure aren't acting like it is.
[159:04] Hattie walks toward the helicopter
[159:05] because I guess the virus is acting up
[159:07] inside of her, even though I thought the
[159:09] virus was in capsules and wouldn't take
[159:10] effect for another 20 minutes or so.
[159:12] Anyway, Hattie is the most important
[159:14] person to keep track of. And for some
[159:15] reason, Hobs and Shaw just let her
[159:16] wander out in the open because movie.
[159:18] Even though this helicopter is ready to
[159:20] go and Brixton is getting Hatty on it
[159:21] immediately, Hobs and Shaw will get in a
[159:23] tow truck and be able to catch up to
[159:24] them in time to do this [ __ ]
[159:26] Because as we all know, tow trucks
[159:27] constantly beat helicopters in races.
[159:29] >> You get us close and I'll get her. I'll
[159:31] keep his snakes down. You win me.
[159:33] >> Once again, I have to ask, how the are
[159:35] they having conversations in moments
[159:36] like this?
[159:39] >> God damn it. Every single action taken
[159:41] in this movie gets accomplished on the
[159:43] first try. Like these dicks are
[159:44] practicing this in their spare time.
[159:46] >> Hit him with the moon side. Now
[159:49] >> I mean Jesus Christ. Feels like this
[159:51] movie has created a new sin in the
[159:52] tradition of this works and they
[159:54] survived this and that is called he
[159:56] heard this. This military grade
[159:57] helicopter keeps missing with its
[159:59] missiles. Why is it so good at missing
[160:00] but not that great at missling?
[160:06] [laughter]
[160:09] >> JAMANJI, YOU DON'T DIE UNTIL YOU DIE. Oh
[160:12] well, makes about as much sense as
[160:13] everything else in this movie. Look, we
[160:14] just saw Hobbs hold the helicopter in
[160:16] place with a chain, so I don't think he
[160:18] should be losing this fight at any
[160:20] moment.
[160:20] >> Work together, we can hurt him. If
[160:22] >> you're right, doesn't work as a team.
[160:24] >> What the do you think you've been doing
[160:26] ever since you got to Samoa?
[160:27] >> Here comes the kryptonite.
[160:30] >> I don't think Hobbs understands what
[160:31] kryptonite is. Or he thinks that Brocks
[160:33] are Brixton's weakness. But considering
[160:35] how much of the Rock's ass he's been
[160:36] kicking in this movie, that's clearly
[160:38] not the case. Braxton never really lived
[160:40] up to our expectations.
[160:42] >> Yeah, you didn't need to say anything.
[160:43] They didn't even know you existed. But
[160:45] good job taking away the element of
[160:47] surprise.
[160:47] >> You don't remember me, do you, Hobs?
[160:50] >> You will.
[160:50] >> It's going to be a hell of a reunion.
[160:52] >> Sequel baiting.
[160:53] >> Hey, Lock. This is Sam.
[160:54] >> Sam,
[160:55] >> you must want to talk to my dad.
[160:56] >> Wow, you sound exactly like your dad.
[161:00] >> First off, this is the first thing she
[161:01] said on the phone call. Second off, she
[161:03] does not. Jesus, this movie has more end
[161:05] credit scenes than Guardians of the
[161:07] Galaxy 2.
[161:14] 45 seconds of logos. Comcast. It took
[161:17] nine movies for us to finally get a
[161:19] flashback to Papa Toretto's racing days.
[161:21] This is some formative [ __ ] This should
[161:22] have opened the second movie. Maybe even
[161:24] the first, but not the ninth. This is
[161:26] the biggest problem with these movies.
[161:27] They just make up new [ __ ] and say,
[161:28] "This new [ __ ] is now super important."
[161:30] Like the sudden Tourettto brother who
[161:32] shows up later in this movie. By fast
[161:33] 10, it'll be revealed that little Dom
[161:35] and little Brian went to preschool
[161:36] together. It used to race big wheels for
[161:37] nickels during recess. And also, they'll
[161:39] be related by blood, which Dom finds out
[161:41] when his long- lost real dad shows up.
[161:42] And also, Dom will have three arms now,
[161:44] but it'll never be explained or
[161:45] acknowledged. And he just uses the third
[161:46] arm to constantly hold a corona.
[161:48] >> Jack, you realize you got this in the
[161:50] bag right?
[161:51] >> When last we saw Rowdy Burns, he had
[161:53] short hair and was clean shaven. But in
[161:54] the next shot, he's got long hair and a
[161:56] beard, and his last name is Hubard. Holy
[161:58] [ __ ] This is a tiny track. I raced my
[161:59] Hot Wheels on longer tracks than this.
[162:01] Is the winner's trophy a thimble?
[162:02] >> He's going to come at you for that. No,
[162:04] you've been talking about this number 23
[162:06] car and what a dick he is for the last 3
[162:08] minutes. What else is he going to do?
[162:09] >> We come in peace.
[162:11] >> Roman knows that Dom would react this
[162:12] way to a strange car driving towards his
[162:14] home, right? Why doesn't this family
[162:15] have a way of communicating with each
[162:17] other if they want to come visit? I
[162:18] mean, at least do the thing in all the
[162:19] President's Men and stick a flag in a
[162:21] flower pot or something. Jesus,
[162:22] >> we would to fuss.
[162:24] >> Except you actually need phones in order
[162:26] to get phone calls. And we wanted to
[162:28] ratchet up the tension for absolutely no
[162:29] reason other than to show that Dom and
[162:31] Letty are serious about protecting their
[162:32] home right down to a Rogue One
[162:33] hidey-hole for their kid.
[162:35] >> Did anybody else get this?
[162:36] >> Sent it only to us.
[162:37] >> How the do you know that? Is there
[162:39] something about the transmission that
[162:40] allows you to know he only sent it to
[162:42] one place?
[162:43] >> Dom, this is Cipher, the woman who
[162:46] killed the mother of your child.
[162:48] >> I'm glad you reminded me, Roman, because
[162:50] I honestly didn't remember. I bet Dom
[162:52] doesn't even remember.
[162:52] >> Brian and Mia got out of the game when
[162:54] they became parents. We're not them.
[162:57] >> But we did get a house out in the middle
[162:58] of nowhere and armed ourselves to the
[163:00] teeth just so we could protect this
[163:01] family. Going on this dangerous mission
[163:03] where I could die totally jives with
[163:05] that. First off, this is the
[163:06] bullshittiest zoom and enhance that is
[163:07] ever [ __ ] Second off, you mean to
[163:09] tell me that the hacker crew, Ted and
[163:10] Ramsay didn't try to do this? Also, what
[163:13] would have happened if they had found
[163:14] the cross? Could we have been spared
[163:15] this [ __ ] that Dom wasn't going to
[163:17] go on this mission?
[163:18] >> I'll take points.
[163:19] >> Careful.
[163:20] >> Careful is when you get hurt.
[163:22] >> Philosophy of half the drivers in
[163:23] Nashville makes it into this moody.
[163:24] Yeah, well, their mistake was trying to
[163:25] cut into it. But just give me a minute.
[163:27] I can get in.
[163:28] >> It kills me that a team that can hijack
[163:29] a plane and break out one of the most
[163:31] dangerous criminals in the world didn't
[163:33] have someone like Ramsay who could crack
[163:34] into this thing. They get shot at and
[163:36] these fools scramble. They've done
[163:37] insane heists and prevented even crazier
[163:39] ones, but they came here with no plan,
[163:41] no exit strategy, no if we're being
[163:42] watched. The aim is so non-existent that
[163:44] I'm actually wondering if this is the
[163:45] worst aim I've ever seen in any movie
[163:47] ever. Like in UHF in the Rambo parody
[163:49] scene when the guy is 6 feet away from
[163:50] Weird Alienovic and can't hit him. Still
[163:52] not as bad as this, right? What? You
[163:55] don't know who I am?
[163:57] >> You think I'm scared?
[163:58] >> Nope. I just think you're trying to earn
[163:59] your paycheck, man. Obi-Wan Kenobi is
[164:01] going to have a [ __ ] [ __ ] fit when he
[164:02] sees Roman kicking all this ass and he
[164:04] doesn't even have the high ground. God
[164:06] damn it. This movie, I'm already done.
[164:08] The military misses every target in this
[164:10] scene with every bullet and later every
[164:12] helicopter rocket. I know these [ __ ]
[164:14] aren't going to die, but the least you
[164:15] could do is give a better reason than
[164:16] nobody can hit ever. We're only 16
[164:18] minutes in and I've already forgotten
[164:20] where we are and why we are even here.
[164:22] LIGRO MEAN US? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
[164:24] >> MOVIE will now force Roman to ask this
[164:25] question three times before anyone
[164:27] answers him. Also, even though Dom and
[164:29] Roman have been talking with radios this
[164:30] whole time, Ramsay and TZ somehow have
[164:32] earpieces to talk to everybody. Why
[164:34] doesn't everyone have an earpiece? But
[164:35] how does her earpiece tap into the
[164:37] radios they're using? These [ __ ] are
[164:38] literally going to navigate a minefield
[164:40] and survive while the people with the
[164:42] best idea of where the mines are located
[164:43] are going to DIE LIKE CHUMPS. MY ASS IS
[164:46] FUEGO. IS HE TRYING TO unearn his
[164:48] paycheck? There's never been a less
[164:50] tense scene than Roman getting out of
[164:51] this vehicle before it falls on a
[164:52] landmine. Actually called my aunt during
[164:54] this moment and honestly talking to my
[164:56] aunt is my least favorite thing next to
[164:57] scratching my balls with a steak knife.
[164:59] >> How in the hell are you not dead?
[165:01] >> I was going to ask the same question and
[165:02] I was about to write a really
[165:03] well-worded sin about it. It was a
[165:05] doozy, but I slow-moed the scene and it
[165:06] appears that Roman was behind the tank
[165:07] when it landed. This might be the first
[165:09] time we've ever given a sin to a movie
[165:10] because they didn't actually do anything
[165:12] wrong and yet the movie thinks it did.
[165:14] This is for self-p policing your own
[165:15] sins, you [ __ ] [ __ ] movie. Now,
[165:17] where the is this thing coming from?
[165:18] Isn't it all jungle to their left? How
[165:20] did this thing gather enough speed to
[165:22] catch up to them on uneven ground
[165:23] through what looks like mostly jungle?
[165:25] This is seriously the speeder bike
[165:26] sequence from Return of the Jedi. Also,
[165:28] why doesn't this vehicle just ram
[165:29] Letty's bike into a tree or something?
[165:31] How did this out of nowhere buggy time
[165:32] the jump to do this when Letty only
[165:34] decided to make this jump a split second
[165:35] ago? Yeah, you're right, dumb. Having
[165:37] Letty land on your car is way better
[165:39] than the ground. Good thinking. She
[165:40] would have died if she hit the ground.
[165:42] Also, this series is notoriously mum
[165:44] when it comes to where everybody is in
[165:46] relation to everybody else. So, I'm
[165:47] having trouble figuring out how Dom is
[165:49] even in the position to catch Letty with
[165:50] the hood of his car. Dom was on Lett's
[165:52] left when she slung that dude into the
[165:54] tree. And then she made this jump
[165:55] complete with the collision immediately
[165:57] after that. But Dom is somehow in the
[165:58] perfect position from below to see all
[166:00] this and make his heroic move in mere
[166:02] seconds from what appears to be Letty's
[166:04] right when all the goes down.
[166:05] >> That was Jacob back there, wasn't it?
[166:07] >> Who? Jacob, my longlost brother that no
[166:09] one has ever heard of except for you.
[166:11] And somehow you've also seen him in
[166:12] person. That Jacob, why would he show up
[166:14] out of the blue after eight movies of
[166:15] doing nothing? That's just absurd.
[166:17] >> Are we supposed TO DRIVE ACROSS THAT?
[166:19] >> I said it looks like a bridge.
[166:20] >> There's pretty much no reason to risk
[166:22] crossing that bridge, right? We don't
[166:23] even know what the stakes are. They
[166:24] don't even know what the stakes are. All
[166:26] we know is that Furiosa killed Groot's
[166:27] baby mama, and that's the only reason
[166:29] they're out here. It's definitely not
[166:30] because they have any allegiance to
[166:31] snake. Ah, you man. Why do you make me
[166:34] do this? Why do you make me say, is this
[166:35] the single biggest you to physics ever
[166:37] put to film? This is not remotely how
[166:39] gravity and friction work, you dicks.
[166:42] Eat my ass to the 10th power. Also, why
[166:46] do people like this?
[166:49] Can't quite explain why Letty's grunt
[166:51] here irks me so much, except for the
[166:53] fact that it's the only consequence of
[166:54] getting hit by a missile. Okay, so I'll
[166:56] drive off the mountain, but that's
[166:57] totally cool because we can send in a
[166:59] jet to catch the car as it's falling
[167:00] down. You'll have to make sure you catch
[167:01] me and miss the mountain on the other
[167:03] side, but don't worry about it. We did
[167:04] this on Microsoft Flight Simulator a
[167:06] 100,000 times. Where's the bridge?
[167:08] >> Dom's about to do something insane, but
[167:09] it's less insane when you think about
[167:11] the alternative. Could have turned
[167:12] around and let the helicopters firing
[167:14] missiles miss him a 100 more times.
[167:21] Hang on here. Just give me a minute.
[167:28] Okay, I think I'm ready to address with
[167:30] just
[167:52] These [ __ ] crash into a mountain and
[167:54] nothing happens. Again, when you ask us
[167:56] why we don't think any of this is
[167:57] exciting, it's because there is
[167:58] literally zero danger in anything they
[168:00] do. Dom contacted the guy from Fast and
[168:01] Furious 6 to help him out, but I just
[168:03] want to know how they got off that
[168:04] mountain they crash landed on.
[168:06] >> Jacob is or was Dom's brother,
[168:12] >> except you. The flashback reveals that
[168:13] Jacob was also at the racetrack when he
[168:15] and Dom's father died. They could have
[168:17] simply introduced a character named
[168:18] Jacob in that opening scene, and they
[168:20] could have still made the surprise
[168:21] reveal that Dom had a brother if it
[168:22] wasn't for the fact that the trailer
[168:23] already spoiled that. Way too many
[168:25] minutes of the TV spin-off. The young
[168:27] Touretttos. This is Young Dom, despite
[168:29] the fact that when we meet him in the
[168:30] original film, he is not much older than
[168:31] this. But he looks nothing like this.
[168:33] And this is one of those moments where
[168:34] I'm like, why didn't you write Young Dom
[168:36] to be younger, Yo, or at least cast a
[168:38] better lookalike or just grandoff taring
[168:40] his ass like Rogue One? Do
[168:41] >> you know who I am?
[168:42] >> I know who you are. Do you? [sighs]
[168:45] >> Tell me,
[168:47] do you hate him enough that it keeps you
[168:49] up at night?
[168:50] >> Look, I love Charlie Stan. You love
[168:52] Charlie Stan, but this Hannif Lectar bit
[168:54] is unconvincing and boring. Mainly, it's
[168:56] the dialogue which sounds like it came
[168:57] from a 1990s Skinnamax movie called Head
[168:59] Games of Desire or Psychological
[169:01] Temptation, starring Shannon Worry.
[169:03] >> I should have just hired you instead of
[169:05] coercing your brother a couple of years
[169:06] back.
[169:07] >> We forgive you, Cipher. Nobody knew his
[169:09] character existed back then.
[169:10] >> The rest of the hardware is a bit dated
[169:12] pre- internet to make sure you don't go
[169:13] hacking into anything we don't want you
[169:14] to.
[169:15] >> So, she can hack into a government
[169:17] agency with this old technology, but not
[169:19] anything else because
[169:21] >> say you get what you're after,
[169:24] a weapon. so dangerous it shouldn't
[169:26] exist for another half century.
[169:28] >> She's in a glass case of exposition.
[169:30] >> Kha'Zar Khan, Genghaskhan's little
[169:32] brother. Nobody's heard of him either.
[169:33] >> What is this stupid insult supposed to
[169:35] accomplish? She's already talked a bunch
[169:36] of [ __ ] about how Jacob's not dumb and
[169:38] doesn't compare to him in any way. So,
[169:39] how would Genghask Khan's not famous
[169:41] little brother move the needle? This
[169:42] reminds me of that moment in
[169:43] Transformers and the Holy Grail where
[169:44] Mark recited that famous line about any
[169:46] sufficiently advanced technology is
[169:48] indistinguishable from magic and
[169:49] expected a BJ for knowing it.
[169:50] >> Ninja Turtle pop out, homie. Tell you
[169:53] right now, I'm out. Let's break down
[169:55] this oneliner for a second. This is the
[169:56] equivalent of saying we are in an
[169:57] underground space. The Ninja Turtles
[169:58] live in an underground space. Ninja
[170:00] Turtles reference. Press enter.
[170:01] >> Y'all ever thought about how many wild
[170:03] missions we've been on and we somehow
[170:06] always survive.
[170:07] >> Roman sin script for this franchise ends
[170:09] with Ludicrous saying,
[170:10] >> "Or maybe
[170:12] you're just a dumbass."
[170:14] >> Oh, that hurts. Fast and Furious
[170:16] franchise. To quote the great Brian
[170:17] Adams, cuts like a knife. Calgadote's
[170:19] character Jazelle says, "Hi, by the way.
[170:21] This is the movie's method of saying
[170:23] it's just a movie without breaking the
[170:24] fourth wall.
[170:24] >> Pretty impressive driving out there.
[170:27] >> What? This is Lety, your gal, your
[170:29] soulmate. You have seen her drive for
[170:31] years. She's good at it. And that is not
[170:32] news to you, you dick.
[170:34] >> You should have told me. She deserved to
[170:36] know. Jacob's my brother, TOO.
[170:39] [laughter]
[170:44] >> [laughter]
[170:47] >> My kids and yours are in the safest
[170:50] hands possible with Brian.
[170:52] >> Um, Tom would know that, right? Since he
[170:54] was going to stay behind with little
[170:55] Brian until he saw Jacob's necklace in
[170:57] the SOS transmission, he would have
[170:58] dropped the kid off on his way to the
[170:59] plane. Anyway, this awkward Brian
[171:00] reference is awkward in so many ways and
[171:02] would take longer than we have to
[171:03] discuss them.
[171:04] >> That's what we got from Mr. Nobody's
[171:05] plane.
[171:06] >> If I had a nickel for every time they
[171:07] said Mr. Nobody in this movie, I'd have
[171:08] at least four or five nickels. But the
[171:10] amount of nickels isn't as important as
[171:11] the amount of times they've said Mr.
[171:13] Nobody, which is a lot, way more than 20
[171:15] or 25 cents worth.
[171:16] >> You take Aries and upload it to a
[171:18] satellite, it will spread like a virus.
[171:20] Then it'll be a matter of time before
[171:21] someone can control any weapon system.
[171:24] Traditional nuclear stuff we haven't
[171:26] even seen yet.
[171:27] >> That sounds literally impossible.
[171:28] >> Aries is the god of war, right?
[171:30] >> Yes, he is. I remember Jazelle fighting
[171:32] him during that airplane sequence at the
[171:34] end of Furious 7. Because of how
[171:36] dangerous it was, the Aries prototype
[171:37] was recovered and split into two halves
[171:39] by Mr. Nobody.
[171:40] >> Why he didn't just blow it up or bury it
[171:42] next to Parallax is anyone's guess.
[171:43] >> Mr. Nobody's transmission had one name
[171:46] connected to the key.
[171:47] >> This is huge news about Han, our friend
[171:49] you thought was dead, but we decided not
[171:51] to reveal this information until later.
[171:52] We felt like everyone needed more drama
[171:54] in their lives.
[171:55] >> I got this the day Han died.
[171:57] >> On an absolute whim, I grabbed this
[171:59] before I left our house, and it turns
[172:00] out it was super appreciate now that Han
[172:02] is alive. What are you going to do about
[172:04] Jacob?
[172:05] >> I'm going to find him.
[172:06] >> Dialogue. How?
[172:08] >> An old friend.
[172:09] >> God damn, this movie's exasperating.
[172:14] >> Thank god Dom went to prison and while
[172:15] there got to work on cars and while
[172:17] working on one, another prisoner was
[172:18] able to identify a flaw on Dom's car
[172:20] that had the exact issue his dad's car
[172:22] had when he died.
[172:23] >> You win
[172:25] and come back on,
[172:27] you lose.
[172:29] You keep driving. Winning equals
[172:31] forgiveness for murdering our dad.
[172:33] >> Tell me why you killed dad's race.
[172:37] >> Or I don't really need an answer at all.
[172:39] We should just race the pain away. Also,
[172:41] tell me why it's so quiet right now.
[172:42] There are hundreds of people around here
[172:44] unreving cars and boom boxes and
[172:46] >> arms robbery in Echo Park. Forest Street
[172:48] Bridge is open.
[172:48] >> How does an armed robbery make a bridge
[172:50] open?
[172:51] >> The worst thing you can do to a to
[172:54] take away their family. That's what you
[172:56] did to Jacob.
[172:57] >> Sounds like Jacob did a lot of that on
[172:58] his own, right? And can we stop with
[173:00] this Toretto family [ __ ] For most
[173:01] people, taking away their family would
[173:03] be the worst thing. This isn't a Toto
[173:04] exclusive. Corona, my favorite. You
[173:07] remembered.
[173:08] >> How about you?
[173:10] How are you doing?
[173:10] >> I realize people have to eat, but this
[173:12] is not a vacation, ladies. Time is of
[173:14] the essence. The Aries weapon is a real
[173:16] threat. The mystic portal awaits. This
[173:17] is so casual it's infuriating.
[173:19] >> Cowboys would make a run for the border
[173:20] to get away from the law. How Tokyo was
[173:23] his Mexico. I don't even know if they
[173:26] were searching this particular area of
[173:27] Tokyo because it meant something to Han,
[173:29] but what are the [ __ ] odds they'd see
[173:30] this flag? Also, Han sent a postcard
[173:32] with a picture of Mexico and a Tokyo
[173:34] postmark and expected these [ __ ] to
[173:35] know what the it meant. What's worse, he
[173:37] sent the postcard on the very day he
[173:38] died, which means it's been years since
[173:40] he sent it. So, why did Dom even think
[173:42] about this postcard when he saw Jacob's
[173:43] necklace in the Mr. Nobody transmission?
[173:45] If you're telling me the necklace
[173:46] reminded him of the postcard because
[173:47] there's a church on it, then you are the
[173:49] screenwriter of this film.
[173:50] >> Dominic Tretto sent us.
[173:51] >> Who's Dominic Toretto? I can see why
[173:53] this guy doesn't know who Dominic Tretto
[173:55] is, but why is Shawn confused? They
[173:56] raced each other at the end of Tokyo
[173:58] Drift. And then we saw them talking
[173:59] about Han and Furious 7. Even if Shawn
[174:01] isn't confused, takes the sting out of
[174:03] that joke completely.
[174:04] >> Nice necklace, Queenie.
[174:05] >> How the did Dom know Queenie would be
[174:07] here. Thus, she steal from this place so
[174:09] often that it's a known haunt. This is
[174:10] the dumbest car chase ever. Here's a
[174:12] seasoned driver in a [ __ ] Noble M600
[174:14] supercar. This thing costs hundreds of
[174:16] thousands of dollars and goes 0 to 60 in
[174:18] three [ __ ] seconds. The Batmobile is
[174:21] jealous of this car. This car chase
[174:22] shouldn't last more than 10 seconds.
[174:24] >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Word did go around on a
[174:26] crew that just turned up led by an
[174:27] American.
[174:28] >> Isn't it great that Dom knows so many
[174:29] people around the world who know
[174:30] everything about every single crime
[174:32] that's going down and just happen to be
[174:33] characters from prior movies? Like this
[174:35] went down in France. Who does he talk
[174:36] to? So, let me get this straight. This
[174:37] is a white party for supercar owners and
[174:40] hot people being held in a three-story
[174:41] Wayne man or duplicate where most of the
[174:43] beautiful people wearing white are
[174:44] standing out in a rocky dusty parking
[174:46] lot. Since my dad is head of state,
[174:50] >> it makes me a foreign dignitary and this
[174:52] place an embassy, which means you just
[174:55] trespassed into my country and attempted
[174:57] murder.
[174:58] >> I don't know if this is [ __ ] or not,
[174:59] but this long-winded explanation got
[175:01] tiresome as soon as he said since.
[175:02] Regardless of embassy rules, I feel like
[175:04] this scene plays the exact same way.
[175:06] >> What's up?
[175:07] >> These movies really have become the
[175:08] Oceans franchise. A powerful son of a
[175:10] head of state calls Interpol to arrest
[175:12] Dom, and somehow it turns into Dom
[175:14] getting arrested by Cardi B and a bunch
[175:15] of supermodel. They reference Queenie is
[175:17] the reason behind it and that's all you
[175:18] need to know because that's how works.
[175:20] >> Your boy Jacob biometrics are incored to
[175:22] this gun. You have no trouble tracking
[175:25] him now.
[175:26] >> Biometrics rear their ugly head again.
[175:27] Was there a huge problem in the criminal
[175:29] underworld where people kept getting
[175:30] shot with their own guns? So they
[175:31] started adding biometrics to them to
[175:32] stop the trend. All biometrics ever do
[175:34] is make it easier for the good guys when
[175:35] the biometrics fail or in this case
[175:37] allow others to track you.
[175:39] >> Han never mentioned a girl. Not ever.
[175:41] >> Oh my god, that's so suspicious. Here's
[175:43] the big reveal that Han is officially
[175:45] back. And thank God he was able to shoot
[175:47] all the bad guys in this alley. Phew.
[175:48] But I got one question. How did he know
[175:50] that he would be needed outside of the
[175:52] apartment that Letty, Mia, and Ellen
[175:54] were fighting in? How did he know to set
[175:55] up a sniper nest out here when all the
[175:57] action was inside? Also, Han, the guy
[175:59] you thought was dead, but also the guy
[176:01] you totally remember is a master sniper.
[176:03] Right. He was a master sniper before,
[176:05] right? Right.
[176:06] >> I pulled Jacob's biometric signature off
[176:08] the gun. And the algorithm I've run says
[176:09] Jacob's team is right on top of us.
[176:11] >> Wait, you're getting all that from what
[176:13] amounts to fingerprints? Does the gun
[176:14] have facial recognition software, too?
[176:16] We throw around terms like biometrics
[176:17] and algorithm and expect that to be
[176:19] enough of an explanation, but you got to
[176:21] have more than that to find someone like
[176:22] this.
[176:23] >> But tracking chips follow the chip.
[176:24] Before we know it, we'd be chasing some
[176:26] expensive yet tacky jacket to the dry
[176:28] cleaners.
[176:29] >> Sure. Sure, but stick with me now. What
[176:31] if you had biometrics and a tracking
[176:32] chip and the chip stayed on the person
[176:34] you were tracking? That would be better.
[176:35] Correct.
[176:36] >> What the hell, Jimmy?
[176:37] >> Flaming Jimmy.
[176:38] >> Say we had a big electromagnet turned up
[176:40] right around here. Wouldn't that disrupt
[176:43] all electronic signals,
[176:44] >> including security systems? That's it.
[176:47] >> But it doesn't disrupt your discussion
[176:48] over these radios for some reason.
[176:49] That's cool. These dudes must have been
[176:51] oblivious to the fighting outside a
[176:53] minute ago, including all this slamming
[176:54] into the side of this truck.
[176:55] >> I got eyes on Jacob.
[176:56] >> He then says nothing else and gets in
[176:58] his car to chase a ziplining Jacob
[177:00] himself.
[177:03] I was going to point out how convenient
[177:04] it is that it runs parallel to the roads
[177:06] Dom can take to keep an eye on it. But
[177:08] in a moment, we see that Jacob has some
[177:09] kind of absurd zipline gun and he keeps
[177:11] shooting new zip lines. So then why does
[177:13] he keep shooting in one direction?
[177:15] Surely he knows someone is going to
[177:16] chase him, right? Why not turn or set it
[177:18] up for turning during the planning
[177:19] stage? This is like the Prometheus
[177:21] school of zipline guning away from
[177:22] things. Also, this is yet another plan
[177:24] from Jacob that I don't understand.
[177:25] After stealing the Aries, his escape
[177:27] route is multiple zip lines across
[177:29] rooftops. Like, I understand getting out
[177:30] of the immediate area. But why isn't he
[177:32] in a car or a car that can get caught by
[177:34] a jet by now? It's not that this
[177:36] sequence of Game of Thrones here not
[177:37] knowing how to drive a car is bad. It's
[177:39] great. It's just that it owes so much to
[177:40] sneakers it feels derivative.
[177:44] I'd like to know how Dom caught up to
[177:45] Jacob since Jacob ziplining and Dom is
[177:47] on foot. Sure, Jacob had to stop to get
[177:49] another zipline gone, but that's just
[177:50] not enough time for someone to close the
[177:52] gap on a zipliner. Then you have to time
[177:53] it so that you make this crazying jump
[177:55] off a rooftop. I would have removed all
[177:57] the sins if Dom missed Jacob and fell to
[177:59] his death here.
[178:01] [groaning]
[178:02] Man, this building has some shoddy
[178:04] drywall work. Yo, wait a minute. That
[178:07] sounds like a tour bus coming to a stop
[178:08] right outside this window. Shrug, I will
[178:11] jump out and expect it to be there. No
[178:12] whmies. No whmies. Stop. Dom sees the
[178:14] yellow truck and is able to calculate
[178:15] the speed and the distance it will
[178:17] travel in the time it takes him to jump
[178:18] onto a van going the other way. Catch up
[178:20] with Jacob and tackle him to the roof of
[178:22] the truck as it drives under this
[178:23] bridge. Bad guy takes off in a sports
[178:25] sedan. Good guys are in a huge delivery
[178:27] van. Let's see how long this chase
[178:29] lasts, shall we? Okay, the fact that
[178:30] this vehicle has a massive magnet wall
[178:32] is stupid, and I can't argue with that.
[178:34] But this moment here where she uses that
[178:35] to her advantage and literally pulls the
[178:37] bad guy car to her vehicle with magnets
[178:40] through a building is awesome. In this
[178:42] rare case, the awesome beats the stupid.
[178:44] But also, Ramsay potentially kills
[178:46] several shoppers and store owners so
[178:47] that she can electromagnet this car to
[178:49] the side of the truck.
[178:50] >> Okay, listen up. I want 50 of the best
[178:52] men.
[178:52] >> Why 50? Why not everyone?
[178:57] >> Did they forget to put the extra
[178:58] security around Cipher? Earlier, you had
[178:59] to turn off a laser grid to walk to her
[179:01] cell, but I guess she played some head
[179:03] games with Otto's weaker personnel and
[179:04] got them to lift the laser field.
[179:06] Probably called them fat or something.
[179:08] >> Me? I'm Luke freaking Skywalker.
[179:10] >> Are you sure about that?
[179:11] >> Cipher plays head games with Otto about
[179:13] what Star Wars character is. It's as
[179:15] exciting as it is. [snorts]
[179:18] Apparently, Dom and the crew drove that
[179:19] yellow truck with a car-shaped hole on
[179:21] the left side of it all the way to this
[179:23] facility, and not a single cop pulled
[179:24] him over on the way. If you have time to
[179:26] lean, you have time to clean. And yeah,
[179:28] that doesn't apply directly here, but my
[179:30] point is these three are goofing off
[179:31] like there's no mission.
[179:32] >> But can you get to the part where the
[179:35] car exploded and you're still alive?
[179:37] >> Roman is correct. And yet, the movie
[179:39] will allow Han to go through an entire
[179:41] movie's worth of backstory just to get
[179:42] to the part where he's somehow still
[179:43] alive. The bloat on this movie is
[179:45] strong. In fact, he left out the most
[179:47] important part.
[179:48] >> I was 11.
[179:49] >> Holy [laughter]
[179:51] [ __ ]
[179:55] This is a prayer meeting without the
[179:56] religion. Holy [ __ ]
[179:58] >> At first, I didn't see it.
[179:59] >> And by at first I didn't see it. I mean,
[180:01] I saw it immediately.
[180:02] >> Turns out I wasn't the only one looking
[180:04] for this thing.
[180:05] >> But on the same night though,
[180:06] >> he taught me how to survive.
[180:07] >> Life or death survive or like disco
[180:09] survive?
[180:10] >> We became a family. Oh, you and your
[180:12] family and all these movies family
[180:14] [ __ ] that they hide behind for lazy
[180:15] exposition and lazy emotional moments.
[180:18] >> My parents didn't want Project Aries to
[180:19] fall into the wrong hands. So, they
[180:21] locked it with their own DNA. Something
[180:23] we share.
[180:24] >> Please tell me how something like
[180:25] Project Aries can be used for good. This
[180:27] movie is essentially sneakers, but with
[180:28] measurably more rat seammen. This object
[180:30] can hack into anything it wants. Unless
[180:32] you're planning on stealing from corrupt
[180:33] politicians to donate to Anasty
[180:35] International, Greenpeace, and the
[180:36] United Fund. What's this orb's purpose
[180:38] other than bad? So when Decor Cha came
[180:40] calling,
[180:42] we used it as cover.
[180:43] >> This is some extraordinary [ __ ] The
[180:45] movie pretty much figures that you don't
[180:46] remember Tokyo Drift. And they're
[180:48] probably right. But still, in Tokyo
[180:49] Drift, Han was being chased by a guy
[180:51] named DK because Han was stealing from
[180:53] him and his father. There's no way to
[180:54] coordinate DK finding out about that,
[180:56] confronting Han, initiating a car chase,
[180:58] and Han driving through Tokyo to fake
[180:59] his death. None. Also, this is being
[181:01] told as some great love story. How
[181:03] Jazelle talked Han into living with her
[181:05] in Tokyo, and when she died, he was
[181:06] super broken up about it, I'm sure. But
[181:08] in Tokyo Drift, seems like he got over
[181:10] her death pretty quickly.
[181:11] >> My death
[181:12] >> became the best way to stay alive.
[181:13] >> So why did you pick some busy ass place
[181:15] in Tokyo to hide out? Why not go into
[181:17] the country? Is it because you already
[181:19] sent the postcard with the Tokyo
[181:20] postmark and the Mexico clue that Dom
[181:22] didn't even bother to think about until
[181:23] a later movie told him to do it? Man,
[181:25] did they choose a super obvious hideout?
[181:27] Or did Batista just get lucky?
[181:28] >> You know, the only good thing to come
[181:30] from dad dying, if he hadn't, I'd have
[181:31] spent my entire life in your shadow.
[181:33] This movie has done nothing to build up
[181:35] that tension about Jacob living in Dom
[181:36] shadow other than people mentioning it.
[181:38] >> Dad died because he was trying to throw
[181:40] that Rex.
[181:42] We were in deep debt.
[181:43] >> So, at the beginning of the movie,
[181:44] Michael Rooker said,
[181:45] >> "You realize you got this in the bag,
[181:47] right? Season's wrapped up, man. Doesn't
[181:49] matter who you play."
[181:50] >> Implying that Jack Tretto was kicking
[181:52] all sorts of ass in whatever racing
[181:53] series this is. So, how are they in
[181:55] debt? Gambling. Furthermore, Jack didn't
[181:56] do a very good job of throwing this race
[181:58] if he already had it in the bag and was
[181:59] asking Dom for advice about any
[182:01] obstacles he could see on the track.
[182:02] It's almost like they're already
[182:03] retconing what happened in that race in
[182:05] this very movie.
[182:06] >> Do all of it. I kept that promise.
[182:09] >> John Cena is pretty good at comedy.
[182:15] TZ has been standing next to this
[182:16] electromagnet the whole time. Could have
[182:18] turned this on while Jacob gave all that
[182:20] backstory and they could have taken all
[182:21] these people out. But no, they wait
[182:22] until now. After Jacob's taken Aries and
[182:24] the DNA girl, Dom sacrifices himself
[182:26] here when there appears to be plenty of
[182:28] time for him to go through and close the
[182:29] door from the other side. This is an
[182:31] unnecessary sacrifice. Character gets so
[182:33] overwhelmed by baddies that there's no
[182:34] way they can come back and they will
[182:36] definitely come back from this. Okay, so
[182:37] I know Dom punched a couple guys, but
[182:39] where are the other 500 people who can
[182:41] stop him from grabbing these chains
[182:42] right now? They just let him do this for
[182:43] no reason.
[182:47] This is possible. Incredible. But I
[182:49] think Dom is still dreaming and he's
[182:50] been using Mal's totem this whole time.
[182:52] So he'll never be able to figure out if
[182:53] he's in someone else's dream. So this is
[182:55] a happy ending, but only in the sense
[182:56] that Dom doesn't know what's real
[182:58] anymore. And this is the best he can
[182:59] get. Just want to remind everyone that
[183:01] Dom is figuring all this stuff out while
[183:02] he's drowning. Given that we've already
[183:04] been over the death of Papa Torto a few
[183:06] times, both in dreams and flashbacks.
[183:07] It's kind of pushing it to have this
[183:08] entire scene here that merely visually
[183:10] confirms the thing we've heard several
[183:11] times. Fantastic. Ly's coming to save
[183:14] Dom. But how does she drag him out to
[183:15] safety? He fell down a deep shaft. Even
[183:17] if there are ladders, how does she climb
[183:19] back up with him? Does she tie him to
[183:20] her waist?
[183:21] >> Is this who we are?
[183:22] >> Given it's been nine movies. Yeah, this
[183:24] is who you are, you stupid idiot. Why
[183:26] does L's DNA jump start Aries but
[183:29] doesn't power down when someone else
[183:30] touches it?
[183:31] >> 4 minutes to launch. You fellas good to
[183:33] go.
[183:33] >> So Lucas Black is now flying this plane
[183:35] and that's acceptable to everyone
[183:37] because why? It's hilarious to me that
[183:39] TZ and Roman came to visit these fools
[183:41] nearly an hour ago in movie time, told
[183:42] them that Dom needed their help and then
[183:44] vanished until the movie manufactured a
[183:46] reason for them to need a rocket. Also,
[183:47] they didn't get permission to fly this
[183:48] jet over Georgian airspace. Right. How
[183:50] does this jet not get shot down?
[183:57] This worked. Car in space. We have a car
[183:59] in space. Dom assumes that he won't kill
[184:01] innocent bystanders with this move. This
[184:03] is fun. But releasing the magnetic pulse
[184:05] would not shoot the trucks away from the
[184:06] hero's vehicle. It would just release
[184:08] them. There's no force on the other side
[184:10] of them pulling against them. This scene
[184:11] watched the barn fight scenes and
[184:13] declared, "We shall make it even
[184:14] shakier." Taking a break from this
[184:16] action to say that the cops around this
[184:18] place don't seem to give a [ __ ] about
[184:19] all this destruction and reckless
[184:20] driving going on in the streets.
[184:23] [ __ ]
[184:24] >> not all of us.
[184:25] >> Han wastes time saying this line instead
[184:27] of opening the back hatch immediately. I
[184:29] mean, taking this car into space and
[184:30] surviving is crazy enough, but I just
[184:32] keep thinking Shawn and his crew
[184:33] modified this car to go into space in
[184:34] mere hours. I feel like this scene
[184:36] deserves over a trillion sins for being
[184:38] so dumb that I almost respect it.
[184:39] >> I have a new business partner. Maybe you
[184:41] know her.
[184:42] >> Surely Otto could have double crossed
[184:43] Jacob well before this moment instead of
[184:45] relying on one of his muscle guys to
[184:46] beat him up on top of the beast while
[184:48] the operation was going on. What did he
[184:49] need Jacob for once he partnered with
[184:51] Cipher? He could have left his ass back
[184:52] in the prison. and he sprung him from
[184:55] billboard
[184:59] movie perpetuates the myth that cars are
[185:01] mattresses. Dom bumps the wrecked car to
[185:03] save Jacob and then Mia climbs out to
[185:04] grab Jacob, further saving his life. And
[185:06] I know he's your brother and I know
[185:08] someone on his team has usurped him and
[185:10] taken over the evil mission. But that
[185:11] does not make Jacob a good guy now. Let
[185:14] his ass bounce and flesh scrape off as
[185:16] he hits the pavement who's trying to
[185:17] take over the world. God damn. It's
[185:19] amazing how these people use technology
[185:21] for the first time and everything works
[185:22] perfectly on the first try every time.
[185:24] So many unseen innocent people have died
[185:25] in this movie that they're making
[185:26] another Batman v Superman to apologize
[185:28] for it. Awesome guys. He showed up right
[185:30] on time.
[185:31] >> The download's [music] almost done.
[185:32] >> I totally forgot there was a
[185:33] time-sensitive download happening. Is it
[185:35] HD porn? I sure hope it's not a car. You
[185:37] wouldn't download a car, would you? What
[185:39] the hell is that guy looking at?
[185:41] >> Dom, I can't get to you.
[185:43] >> But I can.
[185:44] >> The dude wanted the end of the world 3
[185:46] minutes ago. Then his underling kicked
[185:48] him out of the evil club and now he's a
[185:49] good guy. This is like Kim Jong-un's
[185:51] sister overthrowing him and then him
[185:52] deciding, well, I guess I love democracy
[185:54] now. America, here I come. Also, John
[185:56] Cena, despite being pure evil this
[185:58] movie, is going to be one of the good
[185:59] guys next movie, but this is par for the
[186:01] Fast and Furious course. The Rock was an
[186:03] antagonist before he was a protagonist.
[186:04] Jason Staithm, even Dom was the
[186:06] antagonist in the first movie and then
[186:08] became the leader. That's what this
[186:09] series does. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat.
[186:11] Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat. Rinse.
[186:13] Repeat. Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat.
[186:15] Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat. Rinse.
[186:26] first three Rocky movies during the
[186:28] driving sequence.
[186:29] >> Guys, what's happening up there?
[186:31] >> Do they really have radios that have
[186:32] this kind of range? Oh man, there goes
[186:34] HBO. Dom throws an explosive, gets down
[186:36] into the beast. The explosive somehow
[186:38] flips the thing over. And why didn't he
[186:40] just jump off? Does he need this vehicle
[186:42] anymore? They blew up the satellite and
[186:43] they have the Aries. What is this stunt
[186:45] even for? Meanwhile, Dom's in a vehicle
[186:46] that is flipping over and over rapidly,
[186:48] but he can maintain his balance as he
[186:50] runs to the driver's seat.
[186:54] >> Yes. Why don't you just have them fight
[186:56] a predator in a car with lightsaber
[186:58] headlights and be done with it?
[187:03] What the [ __ ] is Dom even steering? The
[187:05] [ __ ] front of this vehicle is on its
[187:06] side. You're an [ __ ] for even
[187:08] suggesting Dom can control this anymore.
[187:14] >> I'm sorry, Dave. I can't do this
[187:16] anymore.
[187:17] >> Okay, I think the sin counter just went
[187:19] full self-destruct and the timer is
[187:21] borked. I think we still have to rattle
[187:22] off a few more sins, though.
[187:25] I haven't been this disappointed in a
[187:27] movie starring Vin Diesel that featured
[187:28] failed remote drone warfare since
[187:30] Guardians of the Galaxy 2.
[187:34] It was a simulator and she wasn't in the
[187:36] plane.
[187:38] But this is an open ass [ __ ] hanger.
[187:40] This is the least secure place an
[187:41] escaped criminal could have done this
[187:42] [ __ ] from. This is the hanger from Paris
[187:43] Hilton's infamous Hardies commercial.
[187:45] >> Lost you once.
[187:48] Don't let that happen again. Okay.
[187:50] >> And these guys really do value family
[187:51] above all else. This guy literally set
[187:53] the entire movie in motion by trying to
[187:55] end the goddamn world. Then a biscuit
[187:58] later, hugs and here's the keys to my
[188:00] car and I love you, bro. This movie this
[188:02] movie
[188:06] Comcast doubles down on their awfulness
[188:08] by mentioning minions in a Fast and
[188:10] Furious movie. What's next? A barbwire
[188:12] reference. This is where my daddy died
[188:13] in a horrifying wreck. I wanted to share
[188:16] that with you, little Gupper. Now, let's
[188:17] go get an ice cream. Everything I needed
[188:20] to know about life I learned on this
[188:21] track.
[188:22] >> You did?
[188:23] >> I did.
[188:24] >> He did. Oh, Christ. We're doing another
[188:26] flashback.
[188:27] >> I couldn't believe it when I heard you
[188:28] were alive. It's a long story.
[188:30] >> When I tell it to you, you'll be in a
[188:31] unique position to point out all the
[188:32] plot holes.
[188:33] >> It's still an empty chair.
[188:35] >> This Brian so late for his wife is here.
[188:37] Was she like, I'll take a separate car
[188:39] to the barbecue while you dick around at
[188:40] home and wait to make a dramatic
[188:42] entrance. 12 and 1/2 minutes of credits.
[188:49] Holy [ __ ] Han's alive.
[188:59] You guys have made 10 of these things.
[189:01] 10. You made 10 of these films. Goddamn
[189:04] 10. 10. ROMAN NUMERAL X. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
[189:08] 9 10. 10. NOT FIVE, WHICH WOULD BE
[189:10] EXCESSIVE, BUT 10. 10. HOLY [ __ ]
[189:13] BASTARDIZ BITTING. DAMNING [ __ ] 10.
[189:15] NOT ONE. Not two, NOT THREE, [ __ ] 10.
[189:18] I'M SO UPSET about it that I'm going to
[189:19] replace the sin counter ding noise on
[189:21] this video with a sped up version of ME
[189:23] SCREAMING 10 OF THESE THINGS AND WE WILL
[189:24] ALL probably regret it. 10 of these
[189:26] things. Comcast. 10 of these things.
[189:28] Maybe originality ain't worth what it
[189:30] used to be. 10 of these things. 45
[189:32] seconds of logos. 10 of these things.
[189:34] Movie cares about time but has no regard
[189:36] for the other three dimensions. 10 of
[189:38] these things.
[189:38] >> There is nothing your father wouldn't do
[189:40] for his son.
[189:41] >> Nothing.
[189:43] Hey, Dad. I really, really, really want
[189:46] you to eat a whole ghost pepper. 10 of
[189:48] these things. I have a lot of questions
[189:49] about the money in this vault. Why are
[189:51] some stacks up to the ceiling and out of
[189:52] frame, but others waste height? Why do
[189:54] almost all the stacks of neat, tight
[189:56] bills have random, carelessly tossed
[189:57] individual bandit bills tossed on like
[189:59] an afterthought? Why are some of these
[190:01] bills green while others are blue?
[190:02] >> 10 of these things.
[190:06] >> Oh, Jesus Christ. 10 of these things.
[190:08] >> Forgetting to put rebar in these
[190:10] concrete ballards.
[190:11] >> 10 of these things. Well, it's a good
[190:12] thing that all of these police officers
[190:14] are bad guys and none of them are
[190:15] actually just innocent men protecting
[190:17] the police station because this might
[190:18] seem rash.
[190:19] >> 10 of these things. Also making me
[190:21] repeat sins already addressed in
[190:23] everything wrong with fast five.
[190:24] >> 10 10 of these things.
[190:26] >> Aquaman origins.
[190:28] >> 10 of these things.
[190:28] >> If you want to do donuts in the Dodger
[190:30] Stadium parking lot, go for it. No
[190:32] security whatsoever, apparently.
[190:33] >> 10 of these things.
[190:34] >> Car becomes suddenly airborne without
[190:36] reason. Huh. That would have been a
[190:37] pretty good name for this franchise. The
[190:39] CBS WRU. 10 of these things.
[190:41] >> You're not afraid of anything.
[190:43] >> Because he is obviously a Highlander and
[190:45] these movies won't just come out and say
[190:46] it.
[190:46] >> 10 of these things.
[190:47] >> Imagine paying however many millions to
[190:49] have your foldable phone show up in a
[190:51] movie and prominently feature its
[190:52] obvious crease.
[190:53] >> 10 of these things.
[190:54] >> Ah, sudden Rita Mareno. Grandma is
[190:56] sudden. I checked so you don't have to.
[190:58] This is her first appearance in a Fast
[190:59] and Furious movie. But she's grandma, so
[191:01] she's super important. And this is kind
[191:03] of maybe 20% of why I hate these [ __ ]
[191:05] movies. They just make up whatever the
[191:06] they want and act like the previous
[191:07] movies don't exist. Even though this
[191:09] movie opened with a sequence from a
[191:11] previous movie.
[191:11] >> 10 of these things.
[191:12] >> Ted's very funny seat change is undone
[191:14] by the very next shot.
[191:15] >> 10 of these things.
[191:16] >> Look at all those Corona butt family.
[191:18] >> 10 of these things.
[191:19] >> Also, why doesn't this family ever eat
[191:21] indoors? Do they like ants?
[191:22] >> 10 of these things.
[191:23] >> Making your kid drink orange juice with
[191:25] his backyard cookout food.
[191:26] >> 10 of these things.
[191:27] >> The agency put you in charge and you
[191:29] said I get to drive.
[191:30] >> The agency put Roman in charge.
[191:32] >> 10 of these things.
[191:33] >> Tomorrow, a nextg quantum computer chip
[191:35] will be transported through the streets
[191:36] of Rome. And these [ __ ] are in LA
[191:38] today, so they can all be jetlagged
[191:40] during the mission.
[191:41] >> 10 of these things.
[191:42] >> I checked Roman's intel. It's legit.
[191:44] >> Well, if you checked it.
[191:45] >> 10 of these things.
[191:46] >> Only thing you know about Roman is Roman
[191:48] noodles.
[191:49] >> This movie is over 2 hours.
[191:50] >> 10 of these things.
[191:51] >> Well, you better watch out. Little man's
[191:53] going to be a better wrench than any of
[191:54] us by the time he's 12.
[191:56] >> I mean, that's the whole point, isn't
[191:57] it?
[191:58] >> The point of doing the car drills or the
[191:59] point of having a kid?
[192:00] >> 10 of these things.
[192:01] >> Roman asked if he could lead this
[192:03] mission. How could I tell him no?
[192:05] >> By telling him no. 10 of these things.
[192:08] >> Just what the [ __ ] is going on here?
[192:10] This grandma character has emerged from
[192:11] the goddamn ether and she's suddenly
[192:13] Dominic's rock of Jialter and it's
[192:15] fishy.
[192:15] >> 10 of these things.
[192:16] >> Holy [ __ ] That neighbor's fence is
[192:18] either protecting the torettos or
[192:19] protecting the neighbor from the
[192:20] torettos. And honestly, either is
[192:22] believable. The sin is for that fence
[192:23] being so [ __ ] high. Honey, I'm going
[192:25] out to relax on the prison patio. Okay,
[192:28] babe. Just don't try climbing over that
[192:29] fence without the Tretto's permission.
[192:31] >> 10 of these things.
[192:32] >> You will be better than me. movie thinks
[192:34] telling your kid you would be better
[192:35] than me is inspirational parenting when
[192:37] in reality it's a projective abusive
[192:39] parenting mindset.
[192:40] >> 10 of these things.
[192:41] >> Doc Brown and Marty don't get out of
[192:42] this car and tell us they're here to set
[192:43] right with this franchise has broken in
[192:45] the timeline.
[192:46] >> 10 of these things.
[192:47] >> Also, shot or not, she could easily have
[192:49] parked parallel to the curb.
[192:50] >> 10 of these things.
[192:51] >> I met the devil tonight.
[192:52] >> That's all. I beat that dude damn near
[192:54] every night.
[192:55] >> 10 of these things. So after his dad
[192:57] died and he was left with nothing, he
[192:59] somehow grew to a level of power or
[193:01] wealth that he could afford to not only
[193:02] find out who all of Chariz's guards are,
[193:05] but also get to and kidnap people close
[193:08] to each of them. Listen, if he has this
[193:09] kind of power and reach, then this is
[193:10] all theatrics and he could be in Dom's
[193:12] living room right now with Dom's balls
[193:13] in a vice and his wife in a dunk tank.
[193:15] >> 10 of these things
[193:16] >> ingesting the blood of your victims.
[193:17] This is a problem on a whole bunch of
[193:18] levels.
[193:19] >> 10 of these things
[193:20] >> running all the electricity in the room
[193:22] through one plug.
[193:23] >> 10 of these things. I don't recall
[193:25] anyone calling this elevator. Cipher is
[193:27] a hacker, not a magician.
[193:28] >> 10 of these things.
[193:29] >> Yeah, me and Brian are safe.
[193:30] >> Phew. Guess we don't need to worry about
[193:32] them during this international globe
[193:33] trotting revenge tour against us.
[193:35] >> 10 of these things.
[193:36] >> You and I will finish that driving
[193:37] lesson.
[193:38] >> Really? Because at 8 years old, he is
[193:40] really breaking a lot of laws driving a
[193:41] car. Especially the way you were
[193:42] teaching it. And you are too actually.
[193:44] >> 10 of these things.
[193:45] >> No matter what happens, I always keep my
[193:48] promises.
[193:48] >> Uncapable promises about unkeepable
[193:50] promises.
[193:50] >> 10 of these things. So, can somebody
[193:52] please help me understand how we're
[193:54] pulling off a mobile heist, but I don't
[193:56] even get to drive?
[193:56] >> Can somebody please let him drive home
[193:58] so we don't have to hear him be
[193:59] irritated at everything all the time for
[194:01] no reason?
[194:02] >> 10 of these things.
[194:02] >> Well, the sooner we break into the truck
[194:04] and steal the chip, the sooner you get
[194:06] [music] to live Vita. Okay.
[194:07] >> Oh [ __ ] they dried Fellini into this.
[194:09] >> 10 of these things
[194:10] >> and now they will pump gas into the
[194:11] cabin through what looks like the
[194:13] transmission.
[194:13] >> 10 of these things.
[194:14] >> Back is blind.
[194:15] >> This armored convoy let you get in
[194:17] between them and just kept going. It's
[194:18] not you guys that are good at heists.
[194:20] It's that everyone else is bad at
[194:21] stopping them.
[194:22] >> 10 of these things.
[194:23] >> The truck's being saved remotely.
[194:24] >> I'm surprised that you're surprised
[194:25] because I had thought that was what was
[194:27] happening all along, considering the
[194:28] driver passed out 20 seconds ago and the
[194:30] truck hadn't veered off the road yet.
[194:31] >> 10 of these things.
[194:32] >> Found it. I can disarm it with an agency
[194:34] kill switch.
[194:35] >> Holy convenience, Batman.
[194:36] >> 10 of these things.
[194:37] >> We got a blocked path.
[194:38] >> I'm going to get ahead of it.
[194:39] >> Lety thinks getting ahead of it with
[194:41] this motorcycle will help.
[194:42] >> 10 of these things.
[194:43] >> The truck's about to go over the hill.
[194:45] >> We have to crash into it.
[194:46] >> Of course you do. And with no further
[194:48] communication, we will both know that
[194:49] means sandwiching the truck between our
[194:51] cars in a cyine chapel maneuver. In
[194:53] France, I believe that's referred to as
[194:54] an Eiffel Tower.
[194:55] >> 10 OF THESE THINGS.
[194:57] >> I too thought friction would have ground
[194:59] these movies to a halt years ago, but
[195:00] here we are.
[195:01] >> 10 of THESE THINGS.
[195:04] >> How does this cop not see the sewer?
[195:05] Great move.
[195:06] >> 10 of these things.
[195:07] >> This is not the sewer of a country known
[195:08] for its cheeses and salted meats.
[195:10] >> 10 of these things.
[195:11] >> The wheels don't fall right the off this
[195:13] car.
[195:13] >> 10 of these things.
[195:14] >> The Prometheus School of Running Away
[195:15] from Things. Study abroad class of 2023.
[195:18] >> 10 of these things.
[195:18] >> I can lock on to your location and
[195:20] transmit cellular interference through
[195:22] your phone. That should jam his
[195:23] detonator and buy us some time.
[195:24] >> TZ realizes he is a deuse and that he
[195:26] has a machina in his pocket.
[195:27] >> 10 of these things.
[195:28] >> This thing is still rolling towards its
[195:30] target because Vatican City was designed
[195:32] like a pinball machine. Apparently
[195:33] >> 10 of these things.
[195:34] >> These wimpy Italian cars get thrown
[195:36] around, but not this American muscle car
[195:38] because it's so damn heavy and gets poor
[195:40] gas mileage.
[195:41] >> 10 of these things. So the movie is
[195:43] saying he had time to outrun the bomb's
[195:46] shockwave.
[195:47] >> Kennedy thinks the Vatican has sustained
[195:49] some structural damage.
[195:50] >> No lives were claimed.
[195:52] >> Trying to make me believe that the
[195:53] people working on the bridge survived
[195:54] this.
[195:55] >> Kennedy thinks
[195:55] >> reminding me that I'd rather watch
[195:57] Captain Marvel and Jack Reacher have a
[195:58] conversation in Cerebro. I wouldn't even
[196:00] ask any questions.
[196:01] >> Kennedy thinks.
[196:02] >> Street racers who became hijackers
[196:04] graduated to high-speed smuggling.
[196:06] >> Describing the progression of this
[196:07] fiasco, I mean franchise, won't make
[196:09] anything that's going on less absurd.
[196:10] Kennedy thinks
[196:11] >> and at least one nuclear sub.
[196:14] >> I love how the dude is using footage
[196:16] from the movies to accentuate his
[196:17] points. Like in your world, man. Where
[196:19] is camera?
[196:20] >> Kennedy thinks.
[196:20] >> The real question is how did we let this
[196:22] go on? So,
[196:23] >> I asked the same thing, but someone
[196:24] keeps going to watch these movies and he
[196:26] apparently goes to see it like 35
[196:28] million times in the theater.
[196:29] >> Kennedy thinks they've driven to the
[196:30] gates of hell and back for this agency.
[196:33] >> I'll give like one or two cents back if
[196:35] that happens in the next movie, but for
[196:36] now, I'm adding one as a deposit.
[196:38] >> Kennedy, thanks. We should be standing
[196:39] with Dom and his family. That is the
[196:41] very least that we can do.
[196:42] >> Man, she was great in room.
[196:44] >> Kennedy thinks
[196:44] >> the fallout will be existential.
[196:46] >> Did he mean exponential? How can the
[196:48] fallout from a violent bombing be
[196:50] existential?
[196:51] >> Kennedy thinks.
[196:52] >> When Rome falls, so does the world.
[196:54] >> But as long as the coliseum stands, Rome
[196:56] shall stand. And you just showed us that
[196:58] it was fine.
[196:59] >> Kennedy thinks.
[197:00] >> Any attempt to contact your team will be
[197:02] traced.
[197:02] >> You literally just said
[197:04] >> your team's gone to ground. They're safe
[197:05] for now.
[197:06] >> So what the are you talking about,
[197:08] >> Kennedy? thinks
[197:08] >> these fake looking trucks driving past
[197:10] your fake looking mountains.
[197:11] >> Kennedy thinks.
[197:12] >> Bring God's eye online. I'm so tired of
[197:14] the God's Eye in these movies. It first
[197:16] showed up four movies ago.
[197:18] >> Kennedy thinks.
[197:18] >> Earlier they literally said Mia and
[197:20] Brian are safe, but Mia is right here,
[197:23] Brianless, babysitting little bee at
[197:25] Dom's house in LA.
[197:27] >> Kennedy thinks.
[197:27] >> Search everywhere. We need them alive.
[197:29] >> You wouldn't have to search anywhere if
[197:30] you tried the doorbell instead of smoke
[197:32] grenades. Everything's a nail with these
[197:33] hammers.
[197:34] >> Kennedy thinks. I know she's tough, but
[197:36] these are agency SWAT guys in full riot
[197:38] gear. Come on.
[197:39] >> Kennedy thinks.
[197:40] >> Here we have a completely unnecessary
[197:42] bar fight.
[197:42] >> Kennedy thinks.
[197:44] >> Why is this bartender giving the random
[197:46] stranger a gun?
[197:47] >> Kennedy thinks
[197:48] >> beers. Two of them.
[197:49] >> This is one of those tough guy dive bars
[197:51] that interpret the order of two beers as
[197:53] Stella Artois and serve them in the
[197:55] branded chalice as they do.
[197:56] >> Kennedy thinks
[197:57] >> nothing's impossible.
[198:00] You just have to have faith. Tell that
[198:01] to 8-year-old me about to confidently
[198:03] jump off the roof wearing my homemade
[198:04] cape.
[198:05] >> Kennedy thinks.
[198:05] >> Why do I feel like the kayak on top of
[198:07] this car is going to be revealed to be
[198:09] some kind of heavily weaponized kayak?
[198:11] Or maybe not even a kayak at all?
[198:13] >> Kennedy thinks.
[198:14] >> In case you confused it with Agency
[198:15] Blackite Connecticut,
[198:16] >> Kennedy thinks.
[198:17] >> Did they need to keep Letty at a cell
[198:18] designed to contain a child of Krypton?
[198:20] >> Kennedy thinks.
[198:21] >> It's one of those iconic car parties
[198:23] that no fast movie is complete without
[198:25] because family and boners.
[198:27] >> Kennedy thinks. The most wanted man in
[198:28] the world pulls his signature car into a
[198:30] car racing event in Rio and hundreds of
[198:33] spectators cheer. And this is how you
[198:35] get caught. He won't get caught until he
[198:37] wants to. But still, I don't think the
[198:38] agency even needs God's eye to find Dom
[198:40] here.
[198:40] >> Kennedy thinks
[198:41] >> ball through the city was a bit of an
[198:43] homage to my family's safe. Except it
[198:46] was on fire.
[198:46] >> Don't act like any of that was on
[198:48] purpose. The only reason it got out of
[198:49] the truck was because they flipped it.
[198:50] And the only reason it was on fire was
[198:52] because it hit those faulty gas pumps
[198:54] completely by accident.
[198:55] >> Kennedy thinks
[198:55] >> and I OWN THIS CITY.
[198:58] >> [laughter]
[199:01] >> THIS IS THE greatest scene in American
[199:02] film history. Holy
[199:04] >> enemy thinks.
[199:04] >> So, how about we all just start shooting
[199:06] each other and see what happens. Or we
[199:09] race. If you win, you take me in. If you
[199:13] lose, don't lose.
[199:14] >> All right, they're going to settle it
[199:16] mono and mono. Why are there four cars
[199:17] lined up?
[199:18] >> How do you think?
[199:19] >> I can't believe I'm going to race the
[199:20] great Dominic Tretto. I have
[199:22] butterflies.
[199:23] >> This performance is really distracting.
[199:24] I realized he was probably given notes
[199:26] and direction, but the play it like a
[199:28] 5-year-old hopped up on red Kool-Aid
[199:30] doesn't actually play very well at all.
[199:32] It's not menacing. It's not humorous.
[199:34] It's just distracting.
[199:35] >> Kennedy thinks
[199:35] >> the car is on fire, Dom Parks directly
[199:37] next to it, pulls the driver out, and
[199:39] then just cuddles her right there next
[199:41] to the burning car.
[199:42] >> Kennedy thinks
[199:43] >> Looking this surprised that the person
[199:44] who tried to blow up the Vatican didn't
[199:46] race fairly.
[199:46] >> Kennedy thinks
[199:47] >> every account, every dollar we made over
[199:50] the last 20 years is gone. This happened
[199:52] to Bruce Wayne in The Dark Knight Rises
[199:53] and he ended up Okay.
[199:54] >> Kennedy thinks.
[199:55] >> Decrypt.
[199:55] >> Decrypt the blockchain. I'm on it.
[199:57] >> Just decrypt the blockchain.
[199:58] >> Kennedy thinks.
[199:59] >> The coding is next level.
[200:00] >> NEXT LEVEL. OH NO.
[200:02] >> KENNEDY THINK
[200:03] >> WALKING around during live or die heists
[200:04] while wearing several hundred,000 of
[200:06] cash money on your person.
[200:08] >> Kennedy thinks.
[200:08] >> So where do we go to shop off the grid?
[200:11] >> I know a place.
[200:12] >> Of course you do.
[200:13] >> Think.
[200:13] >> They drove from LA to Yuma and found a
[200:15] rest stop with this much Daytona 500
[200:18] swag. Even though the United Reynolds
[200:19] 500 is right there in Phoenix.
[200:21] >> Kennedy thinks
[200:21] >> this movie is 10% shots of this statue.
[200:23] Jesus Christ.
[200:24] >> Kennedy.
[200:25] >> Your sister smiled with her eyes
[200:28] >> and led with her heart.
[200:29] >> Skip.
[200:30] >> Sometimes I would think that the wrong
[200:32] sister died.
[200:34] Why the good one AND NOT ME?
[200:36] >> WHY GOOD SISTER? WHY
[200:38] >> DO YOU THINK
[200:38] >> A COP AND A street racer?
[200:41] I tell you something. They traveled down
[200:43] the same road long enough and they
[200:45] realize how much alike they really are.
[200:47] Oh, you moving. You would say this about
[200:49] a baker and an accountant if the movie
[200:51] involved quick breads and turbo tax.
[200:53] >> She's still doing it, isn't she? She's
[200:55] still helping people.
[200:57] >> Nah, she's dead.
[200:58] >> You started eating this muffin less than
[200:59] a minute ago. Get the [ __ ] out of here
[201:01] with this hallucination starting.
[201:05] >> What the hell was that?
[201:06] >> You know what it is, bro?
[201:07] >> Movie is just as confused as we are
[201:09] about what happened. So, it asks itself
[201:11] a question, but doesn't answer it. So, I
[201:12] end up asking the internet, which tells
[201:14] me it's a LeBron James reference. To
[201:15] which I reply, "Fucking why."
[201:18] >> Cipher is able to pull out a wire that
[201:19] overrides reality instead of just
[201:21] shutting it down.
[201:22] >> Why would the prisoner patient table
[201:24] have access to the main frame in order
[201:26] to guest? I should have just yelled,
[201:27] "God damn it."
[201:31] >> Anyone that thinks those finger
[201:32] movements did anything but order a
[201:34] coffee, they did not authorize this
[201:35] robot to spring into action.
[201:37] >> Here are several seconds of Fast X
[201:39] learning all the wrong lessons from the
[201:40] MCU about how to shoot combat. Tony
[201:42] thinks I
[201:43] >> think I took the bus.
[201:44] >> Talking about public transportation.
[201:46] >> Swearing is for song lyrics only and
[201:49] stub toes.
[201:50] >> That tiny face.
[201:52] >> That's rosé. Not going to work. Long
[201:54] story, but good initiative.
[201:55] >> This road trip with Jacob and his nephew
[201:57] is fun and one of the high points of the
[201:58] movie. I'm sure they wouldn't break this
[201:59] pair up.
[202:00] >> Tubby.
[202:00] >> Passenger planes with Bombay doors.
[202:03] >> Movie says you to the previous movie
[202:05] postredit scene. Justice for Holland's
[202:06] hair. Tony should have stayed dead. I
[202:09] think I might find this awesome if I had
[202:10] any memory whatsoever about the
[202:12] relationship between these two. The only
[202:13] thing I know for sure is that they both
[202:14] died in this franchise and then came
[202:16] back to life. So, it's tough to feel too
[202:18] deeply about this fight if I'm honest.
[202:20] >> You're ruining my snacks.
[202:21] >> This was written by an AI.
[202:23] >> These agency doofuses are mostly
[202:25] unsuccessful because their plans have
[202:27] zero chill and zero planning.
[202:30] >> Great. He saved Han. Now the internet
[202:32] can safely remove its seat belt, move
[202:33] about the cabin, and orgasm in its
[202:35] collective pants.
[202:36] I only care about protecting the people
[202:38] that I love.
[202:39] >> So Dom is Batman now, taunted by the
[202:41] Joker. These movies just get lazier and
[202:43] lazier. Fast 15 will literally be
[202:45] security cam footage of Dom sleeping for
[202:47] 2 hours
[202:48] >> and a little embarrassed. You saw my
[202:50] vision board.
[202:50] >> Vision board my ass. This is you dumping
[202:52] your Google Photos account onto multiple
[202:54] monitors. I see no creative goals here
[202:56] whatsoever.
[202:57] >> Without family, you've got nothing.
[203:00] >> Sorry, orphans. They are arresting the
[203:02] number one fugitive in all the world,
[203:04] but they do not put cuffs on him. If
[203:06] this is Antarctica, how did they dig the
[203:08] massive deep hole and pour the concrete
[203:10] for this structure?
[203:11] >> So, this guy doesn't just want us dead,
[203:13] he wants to erase us off the planet.
[203:14] >> You had to see his detailed plans before
[203:16] you figured that out.
[203:17] >> You need to see this.
[203:18] >> You better come take a look at this
[203:19] cliche.
[203:20] >> Since he's angry about his mom being in
[203:23] danger, we're forced to watch him load
[203:24] up on guns for all the sometime. Oh no,
[203:27] it's that girl who's the sister of the
[203:29] other girl and who has only been in this
[203:30] one movie.
[203:33] >> NO. [screaming]
[203:35] >> HOW DOES A [ __ ] helicopter sneak up
[203:37] on you? You're
[203:38] >> going to be okay, Tess. It won't clear
[203:40] through.
[203:40] >> Cinemalistic ballistics.
[203:42] >> And I messed this thing up every step of
[203:44] the way. That sounds like a leader.
[203:46] >> Oh, all the way off.
[203:48] >> Ready?
[203:51] >> That kid just did a murder.
[203:52] >> Dumb. There's really nowhere to land.
[203:56] Who said anything about landing?
[203:58] >> Maybe this is an indication that you
[203:59] need to explain your plan better and not
[204:01] scoff at the fact that normal people
[204:02] don't start their day butt chugging a
[204:04] bottle of NOS. No one can convince me
[204:06] this movie wasn't written by a child
[204:08] playing with Matchbox cars. Also, Dom's
[204:10] car survives this. This kid just climbed
[204:13] out the back of a speeding car to fix a
[204:14] cannon. Why isn't he biting Dante or
[204:16] punching him in the balls or otherwise
[204:18] behaving like a regular ass hyper child?
[204:20] He's just sitting here like, "Well,
[204:21] guess I've been kidnapped." For no good
[204:24] reason that I can think of, Jacob
[204:25] decides to die instead of just not
[204:27] dying.
[204:28] >> Dom, you got one mile left.
[204:30] >> Correction, he's got four quarter miles
[204:31] left. Dom just threw a burning
[204:33] helicopter at the moving car his child
[204:35] is in. And I'm not getting lazier as the
[204:37] movie goes on. The movie is getting
[204:38] stupider so that jokes aren't needed.
[204:40] And merely stating what is happening in
[204:41] the film lampoons the film enough on its
[204:43] own. [screaming]
[204:48] >> Yep, that's me. You're probably
[204:50] wondering how I got into this mess. The
[204:51] answer is a lot simpler than you might
[204:53] think. I am an idiot.
[204:55] >> I'm real proud of you, son.
[204:56] >> And I will celebrate as I always do by
[204:58] shifting gears.
[205:00] >> Calvary's here. We got you, dumb.
[205:02] >> How the did these guys with cars inside
[205:04] a cargo plane think they were going to
[205:05] help in this situation?
[205:07] >> Problem is, Amsel's mine first.
[205:10] >> Movie twists the titty of this plot so
[205:12] hard that I wish we had established a
[205:13] safe word.
[205:14] >> And you're going to die knowing that you
[205:16] couldn't save your son. No, he's
[205:18] probably just going to drive down the
[205:19] face of the damn and everything will be
[205:20] fine. That's what's going to happen,
[205:22] isn't it? Dom is the best driver in the
[205:24] Milky Way, but he can't see a way to
[205:26] drive around one of these two trucks. If
[205:28] my calculations are correct, Dom is now
[205:30] driving faster than the expansion of the
[205:32] universe. And those calculations were
[205:33] based on every physical occurrence that
[205:35] has ever happened in a Fast franchise
[205:37] movie. Oh, she's she's alive again, too.
[205:40] The people who love these movies and the
[205:42] people who love soap operas don't have a
[205:43] lot of overlap, but that's weird since
[205:45] they are the exact same thing.
[205:50] >> [laughter]
[205:50] >> THEY MADE A 2HOUR and 20 minute part
[205:53] one.
[205:55] There is zero resolution. None. Vin
[205:58] Diesel could die tomorrow and then what?
[206:01] I mean, yeah, we'd be sad about him
[206:02] dying, but this movie never gets its
[206:04] part two. The problem with this new
[206:05] trend of making part one movies is that
[206:07] part two is never guaranteed. That and
[206:09] there's no emotional payoff whatsoever.
[206:11] Anyway, um yeah, say Vin Black Adam
[206:15] didn't really pan out, man. And I need a
[206:17] lifeline. What are the odds you can
[206:18] squeeze me back into the FNF movies? And
[206:20] for the record, I was talking about a
[206:22] different candy ass, not you.
[206:33] I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a
[206:35] stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped
[206:36] some more. I failed to yield at a
[206:38] crosswalk. I changed lanes in the
[206:39] intersection. I changed lanes without
[206:40] signaling while running a RED LIGHT AND
[206:42] SPEEDING.
[206:43] >> IF I'M going nuts, I'll calm down
[206:45] tomorrow. I'll slip the hot can off the
[206:46] pier. If I'm right about this, they'll
[206:48] thank me. Make sure nobody's living in
[206:50] that can when you stack it.
[206:52] >> I want all that in here. They said it
[206:55] was me who was screaming.
[206:58] >> They say most of your brain shuts down
[207:00] in cryosleep.
[207:04] All but the primitive side.
[207:07] >> What are you going to do?
[207:09] >> What are you going to do?
[207:10] >> You have a hair trigger aimed at your
[207:12] head. What do you do?
[207:15] What do you do?
[207:19] [music]
[207:27] >> Remember when I said this car was death
[207:29] proof?
[207:31] Well, that wasn't a lie.
[207:33] This car is 100% death proof.
[207:37] Only to get the benefit of it, honey,
[207:40] you really need to be sitting in my
[207:42] seat.
[207:48] I think it was an Asian gang or
[207:50] something. I saw someone. He looked
[207:53] Asian and he was speaking another
[207:55] language. [laughter]
[207:56] I'm pretty sure it was Asian.
[208:00] >> Hey, where did you get those clothes? At
[208:02] the toilet store.
[208:05] [music]
[208:11] >> Hey, man. You just [ __ ] up your
[208:14] Ferrari. It's not mine. You
[208:16] >> think you CAN SHOOT AT ME? I'M A GODDAMN
[208:18] FEDERAL AGENT.
[208:18] >> I AM AN FBI
[208:21] agent.
[208:24] >> Long about now. I bet that boy wishes he
[208:26] had a parachute.
[208:29] [music]
[208:29] >> Like a piece of cake.
[208:30] >> Cut that one awfully close there, Hos.
[208:33] >> Oh no.
[208:34] >> American muscle.
[208:45] I'm going to go take a piss.
[208:47] >> That's a little bit more information
[208:49] than I needed advance, but go right
[208:50] ahead.
[208:58] [music]
[209:04] [music]
[209:06] >> How you doing, Gino? How are you? Good.
[209:08] Good.
[209:11] >> So, how'd you end up over here anyway?
[209:12] >> Well, you know those old westerns
[209:15] where the cowboys make a run for the
[209:17] border? This is my Mexico.
[209:19] >> Don't change the subject. Just answer
[209:21] the [ __ ] question.
[209:23] >> Hey, crazy boy. Get cool boy
[209:28] got a rocket in your pocket.
[209:36] >> [music]
[209:39] >> I like the way you talk. I like
[209:57] the driving cat. [music]
[209:59] The cat who could drive a car.
[210:13] I close [music and singing]
[210:15] my eyes
[210:19] only [music] for a moment [singing] and
[210:21] the moment's gone.
[210:22] >> You always say that the same thing every
[210:24] time. I'm through. Never again. Too
[210:27] dangerous.
[210:28] >> I know. That's why I always say I'm
[210:29] always right, too.
[210:30] >> But you forget about it in a day or two.
[210:32] >> Yeah. Yeah. Well, the days of me
[210:33] forgetting are over. The days me
[210:34] remembering have just begun.
[210:36] >> Tommy,
[210:38] how's it beeping?
[210:40] [music]
[210:42] >> They ran over here.
[210:45] >> They were followed.
[210:49] [screaming]
[210:49] >> The belt tracks lead away from the
[210:51] battle
[210:53] into Fangorn forest.
[210:55] >> I once caught a fish this day. Frost
[211:00] Brewed Co Light, the world's most
[211:01] refreshing beer.
[211:14] >> I hear your sister is very beautiful
[211:16] >> and your wife
[211:19] moaned like a [ __ ]
[211:22] when they ravaged her
[211:25] again
[211:26] and again. What I want out of each and
[211:29] every one of you is a hard target search
[211:31] of every gas station, residence,
[211:35] warehouse, farmhouse, hen house. Now,
[211:38] >> this guy is he's Old Testament. Blood,
[211:41] bullets, wrath of God,
[211:43] >> fire and brimstone coming down from the
[211:44] skies. RIVERS AND SEAS BOILING.
[211:46] >> 40 YEARS OF DARKNESS, EARTHQUAKES,
[211:48] VOLCANOES, THE DEAD RISING FROM THE
[211:49] GRAVE,
[211:50] >> HUMAN SACRIFICE, dogs and cats living
[211:52] together.
[211:53] >> You realize we're talking about going up
[211:55] against the most powerful guy in all of
[211:56] real? Yes, we are.
[212:00] >> Then we're going to need a team.
[212:01] >> You think we need one more?
[212:05] >> All right, we'll get one more.
[212:07] >> They say most of your brain shuts down
[212:10] in cryosleep.
[212:12] All but the animal side.
[212:16] Guess that's why I'm still awake.
[212:18] >> Maybe it's because uh
[212:21] you don't realize how much you
[212:22] appreciate something until somebody
[212:23] takes it away.
[212:29] Take the wheel.
[212:30] >> Jesus. Take the wheel. [music]
[212:44] [music]
[212:48] >> You know what they say where we're from.
[212:50] >> You do not truly know someone until you
[212:52] find them.
[213:03] You just earned yourself a dance with
[213:05] the devil boy.
[213:06] >> Like I said, I'm here for the team that
[213:09] crippled my brother.
[213:10] >> You ever dance with the devil in the
[213:12] pale MOONLIGHT
[213:13] >> IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER?
[213:15] >> AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA.
[213:18] [music]
[213:20] >> WORSE, they created a monster. I created
[213:22] a monster. If nobody wants to see
[213:24] Marshall no more, they want Shady. I'm
[213:26] Chop Li.
[213:27] >> I'm bringing Han home.
[213:28] >> Chewy,
[213:30] we're home.
[213:33] [music]
[213:40] >> They say an open road helps you think
[213:43] about where you been, where you going.
[213:47] Mom always said there's an awful lot you
[213:49] can tell about a person by their shoes.
[213:53] Where they going, where they been.
[213:57] >> I close my eyes
[214:02] [music] only [singing] for a moment.
[214:05] >> Attention.
[214:06] Attention all personnel.
[214:13] Besides, we have to be
[214:16] just look at
[214:21] all over the town.
[214:26] [music]
[214:32] [screaming]
[214:42] I'm halfway there. [music]
[214:46] >> Halfway there. [singing]
[214:51] >> Breaking news on Los Angeles.
[214:53] >> This is This is AC. I have OJ in the
[214:56] car.
[214:56] >> Okay. Where are you? Please. I'm
[214:59] >> Mr. Anderson. Welcome back.
[215:02] We missed you.
[215:14] It's about time showed up. Not dead yet.
[215:18] Let that be a lesson to you boys and
[215:19] girls. Don't ever argue with the big
[215:21] dog. Big dog is always right.
[215:23] >> Dead man.
[215:25] Dead man walking.
[215:29] That is one scary ass decepticle.
[215:35] >> [music]
[215:42] [music]
[215:45] >> Joe, you had one of those Potter houses,
[215:47] didn't you? Well, have you forgotten?
[215:48] Have you forgotten what he charged you
[215:49] for that broken down shack?
[215:53] [music]
[216:02] You are 9 hours behind the toughest
[216:04] target you have ever tracked. Now I want
[216:06] everyone to sit down, strap in, and turn
[216:08] on all you've got.
[216:11] >> That would mean now
[216:12] >> every dime that passes through each of
[216:14] the three casinos above it, we're going
[216:17] to rob it. Smash and grab job, huh?
[216:19] Slightly more complicated than that.
[216:23] >> Yeah.
[216:24] >> How are we doing in there, guys?
[216:25] >> We're all good in here. How are things
[216:26] looking out there, Nick? Things are
[216:28] good. Hey, can you not say my name over
[216:29] the radio, please?
[216:31] step of your master plan.
[216:34] >> Crashing this plane,
[216:37] you can
[216:38] >> I believe that's the cyber terrorist
[216:41] known as Cipher.
[216:42] >> Cipher?
[216:43] >> I know someone from the Franklin area.
[216:49] >> You
[216:50] stay.
[216:53] I [clears throat]
[216:54] go.
[216:56] >> Give me the case. Give me the thing.
[216:59] Give me the thing. What the
[217:05] >> move? You are 9 hours behind the
[217:07] toughest target you have ever tracked.
[217:10] >> How'd you get your balls from freezing
[217:11] off? You
[217:12] >> got to keep moving. That's the secret.
[217:14] Walking's good. Fighting's better.'s
[217:17] best.
[217:18] >> You are who you choose to be. [music]
[217:25] >> I want to buy them all. I will have them
[217:27] all or take none.
[217:28] >> She stfens. Shoot the glass.
[217:33] >> The last time I put bullet in.
[217:34] >> If you want to get laid, you really
[217:35] don't have to pretend to be interested
[217:37] in the pyramid scam.
[217:38] >> You're in a war. Then
[217:40] >> I'll give you A WAR. [screaming]
[217:43] >> WE'RE RUNNING OUT, BRO.
[217:45] >> But we're going. We don't need roads.
[217:48] >> So say it now. Say it.
[217:50] >> SAY IT. [screaming] SAY IT.
[217:54] >> First try. It's like dragging my balls
[217:57] across shattered glass
[218:01] and it hurts.
[218:02] >> Formula has infinite depth in its
[218:04] efficacy and application, but it is
[218:06] staggeringly simple and completely
[218:08] consistent.
[218:09] >> Virus gets in the wrong hands. That's
[218:10] it. It's game over it,
[218:12] >> man. Game over, man. It's game over.
[218:14] >> You thinking what I'm thinking, partner?
[218:16] Aim for the bushes.
[218:17] >> This sticker is dangerous and
[218:19] inconvenient, but I do love
[218:21] >> We come in peace.
[218:23] >> I come in peace.
[218:26] My world is fire and blood.
[218:50] The worst thing you can do to a to
[218:53] take away their family.
[218:55] >> I mean, how the hell do you know who
[218:56] your daddy is? Cuz your mama told you
[218:59] so. In the captain's quarters, there's a
[219:02] prototype fin. The thing I wore on my
[219:05] head, there's a drawer next to the bunk.
[219:08] It's in that. It's red. You got it.
[219:11] >> I am.
[219:12] >> He's not your cousin or something, is
[219:14] he? Is it my brother?
[219:16] >> NEED MY SISTER AND MY DAUGHTER.
[219:19] >> HE ain't using roads.
[219:21] >> Where we're going, we don't need roads.
[219:25] >> Oh, sorry.
[219:27] >> Oh, should I write them a note?
[219:29] >> Okay. First, I'll access a secret
[219:32] military spy satellite [music] that's in
[219:33] a geocynchronous assortment over the
[219:34] Midwest. Then, I'll ID the limo by the
[219:37] vanity plate, Mr. Big, and get it
[219:39] approximate position.
[219:41] Then I'll reposition the transmitter
[219:43] edition the road truck to 17.32°
[219:46] east. Hit west [music] four over the
[219:48] Atlantic. Bounce a signal down here to
[219:49] the Azors up to Compat 6. Beam it back
[219:52] to satcom through transmitter number 137
[219:54] and down to the dish in the back of Mr.
[219:55] Pig's limo.
[219:58] >> It's almost too easy.
[220:00] >> I want 50 of the best men. I want guns.
[220:03] I want him dead. I want his family dead.
[220:06] >> You stay.
[220:09] I go.
[220:25] [music]
[220:27] >> They should have said the poet.
[220:33] >> What?
[220:35] He has a piston cup.
[220:41] Oh, you think darkness is your ally?
[220:45] You merely adopted the dark.
[220:48] I was born in it.
[220:50] >> I'm trying to put Tiger Bomb on this
[220:52] jungle's nuts.
[220:53] >> Dom, the bomb is out.
[220:57] >> Everybody stay clear.
[220:58] >> It's going to sh
[220:59] >> I'm looking for someone.
[221:02] >> I know that some scumbag in here knows
[221:05] one of the guys who murdered my wife.
[221:07] And nobody can.
[221:09] >> Nobody would.
[221:10] >> Nobody cares. THESE MOVIES ARE TERRIBLE.
[221:14] >> And then he was like, "Boom." And I was
[221:15] like "Blam."
[221:16] >> I went down to the beach and saw Kiki.
[221:18] She was all like,
[221:20] >> "All right. So where [music] to now,
[221:21] huh? Jail."
[221:23] >> Little Caesars.
[221:25] >> Koolak. We have a cool leak. Everybody.
[221:28] >> Me? What are you doing?
[221:30] >> I am the man who gets the sun to
[221:34] [screaming]
[221:40] Get a Peter Pan right here off of this
[221:42] damn right