---
title: 'Everything Wrong With Every Planet of the Apes Movie (That We''ve Sinned So Far)'
source: 'https://youtube.com/watch?v=gUX_WluN2gI'
video_id: 'gUX_WluN2gI'
date: 2026-07-18
duration_sec: 6128
channel: 'CinemaSins'
---

# Everything Wrong With Every Planet of the Apes Movie (That We've Sinned So Far)

> Source: [Everything Wrong With Every Planet of the Apes Movie (That We've Sinned So Far)](https://youtube.com/watch?v=gUX_WluN2gI)

## Summary



## Transcript

>> Even in 1968, the Fox logo took 15 goddamn seconds, proving this logo is a bullying audiences. >> And that completes my final report until >> Narration. >> I've tucked my crew in for the long
sleep and I'll be joining them soon. Heaven's gate. Why did NASA make this spacecraft soundproof? Apparently, even in 1968, it was an acceptable future for in the shuttle. Apparently, even in 1968, it was an acceptable future for
astronauts to place their cigar right next to flammable wall material. Okay, left a voice message for Earth, mentioning the people who sent him on suggesting he's been in crow sleep a while. Moles around a moment, then puts
that right? I guess NASA didn't give this movie permission to use their name. creative liberty to switch two letters. Nearly 2 minutes of opening credits that cryosleep pods open when the ship encounters a problem. Something 2016's
>> Steuart, >> that is one of the weirdest cuts in all of the history of film editing. Ah, 1960s Uncentered Zoom. Ah, 1960s horror hibernation chamber is cracked and the others aren't is because it was that
Also, ah, the late '60s when the only killed before even having a line. In fact, they didn't even need to hire an prop. God damn. Other than the two weird
movie's opening 25 minutes are actually fantastic. Disorienting without little to no dialogue, this movie is way better than you remember it being is >> THE AIR'S OKAY. >> THANK GOD. I mean, it's Earth, but you
don't know that. So, in your eyes, this is lucky as you just crash landed on a sinking. >> 15 seconds of this guy giving sinking. >> You didn't have time to read the tapes.
movie so that these astronauts won't suspect they're on Earth, but somehow information. I guess Ana really is a discount NASA. >> We've got food and water enough for 3 days.
metallic backpacks have 3 days of rations. That's it, dude. Why even then? Apart from that, you look pretty chipper for a man who's 231 years old.
>> This dick waited until now to tell these guys the year. Like that whole raft ride spring this fact on these [ __ ] Let them wonder. That's my motto. >> Like the fake background behind me right now.
>> Well, if there's no life here, we've got just 72 hours to find it. Let's spell it out again for posterity. >> If there's no life here, we've got just 72 hours to find it. Notice this flag. God help you if you don't. [laughter]
United States, right? Doesn't it look like the Western United States? Truly, were going to with a sun that looks suspiciously like ours, even if they if they didn't have time to check the tapes. As much as I love this movie and
most Grand Canyon porn film ever made. Right. Outside of those three connected boulder, realizing the movie needed some action, decided to start falling at this something to do other than imitate the Lord of the Rings the whole movie.
>> Cloud covered night, that strange luminosity, yet there's no moon. Even if we're supposed to believe they've seen nighttime here, the movie planet is wonky. Better light a cigarette. Also, with precious cargo
still sent cigarettes. I'm shocked they even set up a guy addicted to that addiction. Is that why there's only room for 3 days of rations? They stopped here to smoke and argue. And they somehow all completely avoided the shade
Seriously, all theseers are in direct sunlight right now. Jeez, Dodge somehow conversation. >> Like, let's immediately kill the first up, yo. Movie overestimates my tolerance
made it, but they climbed down these rocks to get here, which is hilarious. I literally impossible. But love the movie's optimism. How unobservant do you have to be to not even be looking for danger? Tree.
>> That's easy to say when you don't realize you're the crow in this but you're on an alien planet. At least in your mind. Be weirded out by weird, [music] Did Jerry Goldsmith really do the score
for this movie? You guys have got to be astronauts. Also, I'm kind of wondering their female colleague had lived. I'm beginning to think that is the only could skinny dip in peace. Also, just two naked men swimming and frolicking
crash landing and having their crew mate die. Totally normal right here, folks. I'm not judging. I just wonder if they have time for this. Finally, and only these guys see the natives that have been following them for a long time.
Is this summer camp the planet? George is only interested in who's stealing keep a G rating and keep us from seeing Charlton's Hon. Also, this movie is doesn't come in for a few more months, so this movie was rated afterwards, but
the MPA saw this and said, "General audiences, I want that MPA back." This optometrist looking to make a quick buck. The crew conveniently find stuff one place, so this whole movie doesn't have to be blocked with rocks, trees,
that with the running, hiding, and stealing natives was just an elaborate he get a fruit? And why is he not sharing? Now the middle guy has a fruit, >> Well, at least they haven't tried to bite us.
>> You think you're 2,000 years ahead in time and on an alien planet, and you're instead of something like, "Holy, the aliens on this planet look just like we >> They look more or less human, but I think they're mute."
seconds, [ __ ] What a weirding thing to say. I shall meet with that one over to say. I shall meet with that one over there. [music] accompanied by this music. Awesome. Once in removed. Why are they cutting down
away through the corn. Apes walking slowly and chopping down all the corn Though this movie will claim the opposite. This is extremely inefficient people by the time it's done. And in fact, just looks like a minor
[ __ ] who go by two man teams to catch one person. I mean, figure out a human race for years. And this is some cut rate. I'm an animal psychologist. >> Expositional arguing. >> Come on, speak. Come on, speak.
after the apes took over their planet, humans forgot how to speak. Again, at technically know that this is Earth. But that final reveal sure makes most of the doesn't it? >> He keeps pretending he can talk.
earlier does his speaking ability take a while to manifest. do. >> Har. hilarious, but not really idiom is hilarious, but not really hilarious. George tries to grab Zer's
animallike way. Because of course he does, but never once does Zer, who do, try to give the pen and notepad to him anyway, even on a whim. Because I guess pens and notepads are in scarce supply in 3978. And she probably has a
written down, so wouldn't want to lose those. Also, the standard prison guard weapon here is apparently an oversized crotch. This guy was credited as super paid exactly $20 for his work, but he clearly gave it his all.
Hot ape action. George writes something in the sand. And while I know that he can't tap the cage or do something to get Zer's attention during this. Nova, starts to wipe out what George wrote in the sand. Your punishment for fighting
another cage. That'll teach you. Thankfully, for I guess the extras budget, this jail appears to be completely empty during this scene.
you're Charlton H. >> Fort Wayne, >> Woohoo. Shout out to Fort Wayne, where I lived for 5 years of my youth. Go you Huskys. Well, not Huskys. Probably IPFW's mastadon, which admittedly
does better fit the motif of the joke. >> Flight is a scientific impossibility. still somehow took over Earth at some point a century or more after humans had discovered flight. Come on. Are we supposed to believe that
figured out paper airplanes? These [ __ ] are talking about brain surgery never crossed their minds. Also, this ape society has learned the joys of ink have other modern things like a paper mill and machinery that can cut the
complexities of producing an ink pen. I know this movie needs a couple things to you latitude movie. >> That the ape evolved from a lower order primate, possibly man. Movie just thinks it can reverse everything, even
leash or some rather than the lacrosse stick thing that everybody else uses. >> Yes, he has found peace in heaven. >> Church ape nets continue to be insanely last several minutes is now a meaningless distraction after he gets
caught again. Thanks for that movie. I enjoyed being teased. No, seriously. Oh, is a long chase scene. Charlton H's balls cam. Thankfully, these apes have a humans museum which he fortunately wandered into on accident. Also, even
only two dudes chasing him. Instead of mannequins, this movie uses live extras here to pose as the three cavemen next to our hero. And if you rewatch their So, they made a museum exhibit out of his fellow crew member. That's fine. But
considering the crash was just a few days ago, is astounding. Anything for a great visual, though, I guess. This is bad aim, sure, but he's also not even aiming at George. He's clearly shooting to the left. Have apes figured out that
to all break or magically spill off with little to no effort. Because the shot in a dramatic way, this is the one that will actually capture George. that will actually capture George. >> Take your STINKING PAWS OFF ME, you damn
>> It looks like running around like a fool around this village gave George's voice walked through that church? It's a miracle. That being said, I'm also because it's iconic and also because Rise of the Planet of the Apes later
perfectly mirrors the moment with Caesar yelling no at the primate refuge. I like this ape future, but they don't have central heat and air. Stupid apes. >> Did I tell you about Stuart? There was a lovely girl. She was to be the new Eve.
>> You see, when three male astronauts love one female astronaut very much, a gang Children which will grow up and eventually incest each other. Nova, have let me tell. By the way, what was the point of all that [ __ ] a few minutes
different one and leave only to come back and take George away to some sort this scene. Judge Dicks says the defendant's robes are stinky and thought given to the fact that his unwashed body might have been driving
allowed to kneel, steal pen and paper, and write out a message without anyone objecting. All while the prosecutor is making his opening arguments. >> Some apes, it seems, are more equal than others. A great quote from the amazing
work, Human Farm. How in the is a horseshoe ever the right incision shape for any kind of surgery. With this, the apes now have 20% net success in this little luck, they could finally get into Rajan Rondo territory. Okay, guys, let's
try to make this see no evil, hear no evil, say no evil subtle. I mean, try. God damn it, try. >> In a way, you did the state of service because you made it possible for us to expose Zer and Cornelius. Let's talk
that it's much better for them to go ahead and kill or lobomize George and stage a whole trial in order to expose two apes they suspect don't believe in the council holds, it's actually amazing they couldn't just dispose of Zer and
Cornelius through basic lies and general. I just noticed something. And I clothes? Sure, they might have had some sort of Adam and Eve shame, but they live in a desert and they're covered in hair wearing jackets and pants. Someone
get these apes a lemonade. Pronto, >> I give you just 6 hours to make a full >> Why six? That's a super strange arbitrary number. Yo, no matter what else happens in this movie, this ape smoking a stogy is cool as and I'll even
>> Cornelius and I have been indicted for heresy. indicted on the charge of general assholeery, are somehow able to walk shaving camp. >> I didn't realize that men could be
monogamous. This sounds like some sort of comment on human society, but what this movie? Just because he brought one hot chick with him doesn't mean literally paired him with the hottest woman on the planet and she was the only
one around during the prison break. >> There is no contradiction between faith >> I probably should remove a sin for this movie mimicking real life, but let's anyway. >> Always giving orders just like every
>> That's what this movie really needed. A whiny teen. A full minute of dialogue whiny teen. A full minute of dialogue free climactic beach cave exploring. still MAKE NOISE. >> CEASE FIRE. WITHDRAW UP THERE.
that can be heard by people below me. I now need to use my above me voice. I withdraw, but what's really preventing them from coming back and doing a sneak attack on these sitting ducks right now? >> Oh, they can convict us of heresy.
>> Are you [ __ ] kidding me? You trust this society to accept your evidence? with this. >> But still, did you fall for the girl cages? If she were ugly, would we still be seeing the same ending?
>> All my life, I've awaited your coming and dreaded it like death itself. >> That's what my ex-girlfriend told me when we had sex. About 2 minutes of from The Force Awakens give up. Not going to lie, Statue of Liberty looks
tear. That said, I'm going to remove five sins for one of the best cinematic reveals ever. I mean, what a [ __ ] whammy.
>> We get it. Humanity sucks. And I'm not saying we don't, but most of us come to the movies to forget that depressing fact. I don't like spending the first 3 highlights from the final 10 minutes of the previous movie. It honestly feels
you ask me. >> All my life I've awaited your coming and girlfriend said when we Wait, did I make that joke at the end of the synth video knew I should have opened this video with a highlight reel. A
>> planet where apes evolved from men. There's got to be an answer. will eventually provide some answers to your question, Taylor, those answers will vary from movie to movie and will eventually be completely ignored just
fox. >> Damn you. Holy hell. The Planet of the Apes movie franchise is barely 2 years old and it can already be sin for minutes of credits against a backdrop of H and Hamilton riding in a desert. And
hoping for, you damn dirty apes. Ted Post would direct the second Dirty Harry film Magnum Force 3 years after this, not to mention work on the television like, "We don't want Post for the first film in a franchise, but when we need to
money, Post is our match." James Franciscus looks so much like Discount Charlton and H. It would have made way more sense to just recast Colonel Taylor spaceship sent to look for Taylor and crew captained by a discount trout and
Hester. I guess Ana really had a type. >> Well, we were following Taylor's must have happened to him. >> Only because the laws of physics these movies instead of following any
>> I don't know what planet we're on. That is now a grand total of five astronauts who refuse to even consider the fact that an Earthlike planet with an Earthlike atmosphere and an Earthlike sun might just be [ __ ] Earth. At what
the best and brightest into space? >> Yeah, we're going to be all right, >> They will not. >> If it's 3955 AD, oh my god, my wife. >> Movie steals. The crew realizes they're so far in the future they've missed
Emotional arc from Interstellar. Also, in the first movie, Taylor was aware possibility. So, why wasn't this guy prepped? Like, why did he even agree to to risk missing a few thousand birthdays? Taylor. Let's break down how
this guy get sent on a rescue mission to find Taylor, but fall into the same time travel [ __ ] and manage to crash land not only on the same planet, but on the same piece of [ __ ] desert mere days or possibly hours after Taylor
disappears, allowing Nova to stumble upon them. Forgive me if this does not >> You've already established she can't speak and you're not even sure she you hoping for here, Brent? Other than to scare the [ __ ] out of her some more.
a colony? >> Just a reminder that this is a woman who has been unable to give consent and has likely just been latching on to the most successful caveman. A problematic situation that Taylor seems happy to
beautiful. Taylor throws the full weight of his of trying something less risky like a rock. It's almost as if Taylor knew how be in this movie. Getting behind someone on horseback without their explicit
>> Taylor, no. >> What about your supplies and rations, dude? Why are you leaving them behind when you have no idea what lies ahead? No matter how silly these movies get in the original franchise, I will never not
be amazed at the awesome ape makeup work. And they did this in 1970. >> My god, it's it's a city of apes. >> Oh, so close to a roll credits. But we Brent. But go ahead and tell him what he's won, Johnny. I hope it's the quezin
art. I've always wanted a QUEZIN ART. >> THE ONLY GOOD HUMAN IS A DEAD HUMAN. >> HAR. Except not actually har because either the universe is willing this line into existence across thousands of years into the mouth of a different species.
Or this gorilla has been reading up on quotes from a 2,000-year-old racist >> Sir, stop. You're in danger. >> Cornelius is not voiced by Rody McDow in this installment. Is therefore our holy duty to put our feet upon it, to enter
it, to put the marks of our guns and our wheels and our flags upon it. allegorories covering everything from manifest destiny to the dangers of nuclear war. Unfortunately, subtlety will not be its chosen delivery method.
she's right about everything. But how is she still alive? or at the very least not behind bars with all of her public displays of rebellion. And weren't Zer trial after Dr. Zas had the Forbidden Zone's cave blown up in the last film?
>> You're aware of the reports we've been receiving of strange manifestations in >> If there's one thing I can guarantee, it's that this literal example of summoning any strange manifestations in my forbidden zone. Also, I know we're
inacronizing, but what would a creature who is 99% body hair get out of a sauna danger of overheating? >> What is more dangerous than famine? >> Unless the unknown is also going to starve you to death. I'm still leaning
might even be able to eat the unknown. Probably taste like chicken. >> The trouble with us intellectuals is that we have responsibilities and no >> Movie boldly contradicts the holy doctrine of disciple Ben from the book
chocolate icing. Do you like chocolate? >> We interrupt your high concept science fiction movie for this random detour into the great apish baking show. This wound. Melissa's arm was grazed by a gunfiring red food coloring.
>> That's impossible. >> You were exposed to a talking human for sentence. >> And get out of those things that you're >> Considering he's in a house with multiple rooms, couldn't Brent just get
really does make things more difficult than they need to be. >> Thank us by finding Taylor. >> Yeah, if he's still alive. >> Or willing to take a 37% pay cut. How's the beeping? Nova. How's the beeping
Nova? No. Nova. Brent decides to hide his astronaut clothes by bringing them from here to over here and calling it a job well done. The gorillas either have a ton of these nets and soldiers set up throughout this entire countryside or
this way. Either way, I'm not sure what this net is achieving that the two their own. So basically the movie started off with an astronaut who looks a lot like Charlton Hston crash landing and realizing he's way in the future.
planet filled with human hunting apes. He then discovers there are a couple of apes named Zer and Cornelius willing to help him and then is eventually captured in a cage with a bunch of other humans. In summary, the first 30 minutes of this
of the previous film. Yay! These prisoners are addicted to personal on for what feels like several hours and doesn't tell us anything we didn't disdain for humans. >> This is a type E cranium.
they were transferred to this prison cell during Zero's shift. If she wasn't practice and are most likely killed. But that would have also ended the movie. >> Wait, I better double lock the door. >> Never mind the fact that single locking
grateful I'm here and ask no further questions. branch X mocking him. Thankfully, in all of Brent's astronaut training, they took
horsedrawn carriage. You never know what challenges space will present. Everybody challenges space will present. Everybody is horseback riding.
the planet of the apes was already predicting the end of payoneses. And I asking, "What's the pay phone?" when I'm here to tell you to get off my lawn. who speak English, horses, and human [ __ ] beings weren't good enough
telephone, and an entire New York subway station for him to say, "Oh, this is [ __ ] Earth, isn't it?" Being this aggressive with a wall. Buy it a drink points in the movie where all I can think about is these poor actors feet.
damn thing and just stomping on dirt, stone, and no doubt a ton of LSD from these 70s film sets. >> My god, did we finally do it. Can we already watched a scene with a man who looks almost identical to this man in
the last movie. In fact, we've already experienced said scene in this movie. experienced said scene in this movie. >> That we, your chosen servants, created and born in your divine image. >> This Simeon on the mount scene exists
still a thing in the future. And this sin exists mostly to justify that great Simeon on the Mount Punk. >> Dr. Sey is trottting along beside them. >> Don't be too hard on the old boy's era. >> Don't be too hard on him. He tried to
destroy proof that would have exonerated Cornelius and Zer in the first film and potentially execute them. They should be hard on Zeus extraing hard. Did none of They've got the apes walking in the back with flags. So why are they making this
might need that other hand at some point. He's riding a horse. The apes have somehow invented a magic powder that creates a second skin over wounds. But somehow they're still living in huts in a mostly agricultural society. It's
not impossible. I'm just saying it sucks when a movie's budget holds back the ape >> Why can't we go back to our outfits? >> Because the sard says to keep looking >> Brent pops up at the perfect time to overhear these gorillas talking so he
it matters because this entrance won't be found until the movie is ready for >> At home, you hear it, too. >> We all do. And it will go on for an ungodly amount of time and will be more irritating than being in a theater and
trying to decipher any of the dialogue and tenant. Well, whoever or whatever, are, they breathe air. >> Is that surprising? Why did Brent feel the need to say that? Was he concerned they might be following fish people?
from the ladder. >> That sound, good or bad, it's either a device. It doesn't much matter. They know we're here. stopped when he touched the ladder and started again when he let go. I would
terrible way to find out that you have visitors incoming as it is literally the to work. Libraries. And yes, yes, I know libraries are very important to a lot of people, but there's just so much reading going on there. My hands are tight. This
is clearly a matte painting, but I'll give it a pass because it's the 70s. You know, the longer you look at it, the worse it gets. This should have been a driveby, but you decided to stay on it for almost 10 seconds. Now I have to sin
for almost 10 seconds. Now I have to sin it. here? I wouldn't drink subway water if I found it today, let alone in the year 3955 and with this much visible pulp. I'm not sure that Nova is getting any
stream of water is hitting her hair. Bombs that look like golden penises. This whole mind beeping instead of talking thing goes on for all the some time. >> What do you mean there's no point? And
give us an idea of what they are saying when they do the inner mind beeping. We Brent. So not sure why they don't start doing that sooner because just listening not hearing asked is more annoying than it sounds.
>> Your lips don't move. >> You just figuring that out now? You've been facing Julio Fuentes from Sanford and Sun this whole time. All of a sudden my Planet of the Apes movie and I don't like it. Was camop focus just like not a
evolved the ability to always be a little bit blurry? Scene contains a hall little bit blurry? Scene contains a hall of heads, but no, they might be giants. If they communicate telepathically, was the head turn and nod really needed or
>> These humans have developed the ability to communicate telepathically. So, do projection thing? Perhaps they've also evolved to a point where they realize individuals watching them who need some helpful visual prompts.
hit with one of their mind zaps when he was in the other room with Nova alone. top. >> She helped me to break out of Ape City. with questions. But why is this so shocking? They have Taylor in prison and
he spent months or maybe even a year in Ap. What could Brent have possibly found get out of Taylor? >> Like the visual deterrent or the sonic don't think you're using that word correctly. Working deterrents don't
usually lead people straighting to you. No one runs into the arms of Brent for safety, who just tried to strangle and drown her less than 10 minutes ago. >> We never harm anyone, Mr. Brent. You're going to harm her.
to John Kramer? >> You're lying, honey. No. >> They can speak to you with their minds, Brent. Why are you shocked at anything when it comes to them?
knowledge that you are about to attack and the direction you are attacking >> Get your soldiers to shoot our poor people. >> I can't order them to do what the lawgiver has forbidden. They shall not
>> Well, and what was your plan earlier with the protesters? You were happily >> "We don't want." >> I'm pretty sure one has to die before lawmaker then? H >> this is a vision and it is a lie. Just
doesn't make the fact that he figured out all this subtrafuge with no proof >> Stupid animals. They don't have the brain to hold our illusions. you jump the shark with that statue. I get the imaginary fire. I get the
But did you not think a bleeding statue of their most holy figure was going to "What's it doing all the way out here in the forbidden zone?" or "Who built it? >> We have no defense >> except our bombs.
powers suddenly stop working at close range? They seem to work fine on Brent. prepare the bomb as a backup, but try some of these loud noises or a Valley of Lava or something at the same time. I am now very confused about how these guns
to be a hole for the bullet to come out of. Hey, they've got the Superman Fortress of Solitude crystal thingy, too. I have to give props to the movie for the no doubt intentional symbolism of making this crucifix inspired holy
presents the complex layers that represent humanity's search for a higher power contrasted to our ability to create a power great enough to destroy like a >> I reveal my inmost self unto my god.
steals the impossible face mask technology from the Mission Impossible franchise. Also, this would be a much cooler reveal if it made any damn sense. considering that normal hasn't been normal for hundreds, if not thousands of
years. Are the kids wearing masks? Why go to all this trouble if you're all thinking about how much they look like Toby from the movie Popcorn. [singing] >> Bright [music] and beautiful,
>> Bright [music] and beautiful, all creatures, [singing] >> When may we hope to be set free? >> You may hope whenever you please, Mr.
>> Casper would be excellent at cinema sins. This jailhouse fight scene goes on for 1 minute and 32 seconds and feels like it goes on for 30 minutes and 32 SECONDS. [screaming] HERE WE see Brett scream as he is thrown
into the spiky bars. And we even see the damage this did as his blood is smeared in this shot, there's no blood and seemingly no injury from the bars. I doubt the legacy of 70s cinema will ever recover from this humiliating continuity
Brent was thrown into it a few times, which makes this not a very good prison wouldn't have had a problem escaping from had H wanted to be a real part of with the door wide open, leaving all of
his resting laurels exposed. Well, now I have all the questions. Are aren't really mute? How is she suddenly talking? How does emotional trauma vocal cords? And yes, you can argue that the humans being mute was purely
enslavement to the apes. But the movie never tells us this or gives us any real explanation for how the humans dee evolved, which means sin. They shoot it off at some of those apes. It could set up a chain reaction in the whole
much about what is presumably a top secret worldending atomic bomb? Like they literally just painted a bus into this scene and expected us to buy it. how expensive would it have been to find a beat up bus and park it on the stage?
How could they possibly know when that ape moved away from the bars? It's the 3950s and women are still being treated like trauma dolls. Poor Novas males, all so that she can be randomly
shot moments after finally finding her voice. present his true image to God before he died. So, why didn't Albina do the same ahead of killing herself? This is the instrument of my god.
>> He can speak. >> Wait, are we saying up until this point not a single human has said a word to any of the invading apes? Because this single solitary PERSON SCREAMED, "AH, THERE'S a gorilla WITH A MACHINE GUN.
PLEASE, BOMB LORD, SAVE ME." >> THAT WEAPON IS BUILT BY MAN. You can't bullets. >> What the heck are you basing that on? A could even speak. Why are you now making assertions about the strength of their
us all >> again. How do you know that? These Zas recognizing this as a weapon of mass destruction as opposed to some giant falluslike statue? >> ASH THE PILLAR.
for a big swing by killing off Taylor. I'm less impressed that said swing lands will eventually place him within groping distance of the red dildo of Brent in the face. We spent the whole movie getting invested in him and then
the movie just ends his arc like a bad dream. Well, the joke's on you movie because I was never invested. >> Bloody bastard. >> Oh man, did he just set off the nuke? That's [ __ ] wild. I guess that's it
for these apes. I assume future movies will be set on other parts of the PL. will be set on other parts of the PL. >> A green and insignificant planet is now >> Well, god damn. They nuked the entire planet and just ended the movie. Like
that's it. No more Earth. No more Taylor. No more bus painting in the subway. Story time over, kids. Roll those credits. The sin here is that this famous Statue of Liberty reveal, but because the rest of the movie is so
blah, we just never [ __ ] talk about it. eyes are really scary. Cliche 3 minutes and 15 seconds of opening credits.
Obvious simulator is obvious. Unexpected Mark Wahlberg again. Mark Wahlberg is addict to monkeys. Jesus ship reading facility dedicated to animal research animals. Probably because it figures into the plot later. Monkeys are in
Cliche. Mark Wahberg is yet again addict to monkeys. >> But caging them makes them feel warm and cozy. Movie rips off the video postcard there's no way this many people love this guy.
>> Why would he keep his apartment down on Earth when he's on an indefinite mission that the prop guy went to Spencer Gifts. This guy is such a badass he doesn't >> I'm getting every electronic communication from Earth from all time.
>> How could you possibly know this? Also, Hitler, Eojima, Bill Clinton, and Asian Chef equal everything. Also, Earth is broadcasting only iconic moments. Also, job? >> Why don't you allow me to do my job?
>> He's the canary. That's the coal mine. >> That's racist. I know this needs to be a Planet of the Apes, but why do they even need a monkey? They have all this sort of remote control pod they control from the ship. Sure, this ship can pick
up frequency patterns, but it can't pick up that a pod is being used 20 ft away. >> Ship can detect pod only when it launches and not any other thing it sensors. This pod somehow knows exactly what year it is. Also, British calendar.
signify the coming of an apocalypse that should happen oh every day. Captain simple as [ __ ] We interrupt this Mark Wahberg Tim Burton monkey movie to bring you the Daba crash from Empire Strikes Back. Fire from the ship at the bottom
surface. Out of all the places Captain Davidson could crash land on this mostly desolate planet, he finds the one area at the exact time when fellow humans and chief antagonists. These monkeys have gotten really good at throwing kids into
burlap sacks in the middle of the woods. Things excitement horses has been punched in the nose so hard that he would have been thrown 20 ft. Rounding up humans is simply a business venture. Why do they need an entire army
to get this job done? Jungle trampoline. Also, how did this monkey know from the can't possibly see his target? Monkeys don't say anything until it's time for it to be dramatic. Tim Roth isn't Andy Circus in this scene. Also, is it bad
that monkey makeup? >> You damn dirty human. Also, Davidson's nose is made out of adamantium. Hookah is an evolutionary inevitability. Why does everyone need to see you're getting groomed? Also,
spinning barber pole. Irony. Basketball is an evolutionary inevitability. >> These are the scariest, scaviest, sciest >> Paul Giamati turned in this clip as his audition for 12 Years a Slave. These are
the only two [ __ ] who need the neck harness. Everyone else all good. >> why do they bother separating women from men when they end up in the same place? humans, and it sounded like he had a choice on whether or not he buys them.
So, if he didn't buy them, where would all these humans go? Would they not be military is rounding up humans, why do they sell these humans to Limbo and then human, why don't they just take what they need before selling them? Also,
>> keep your eye on this one. He's feisty. >> Captain Davidson has not done anything feisty. Also, the only one who was shown feistiness is apparently not worthy of >> One thing you don't want in your house is a human teenager.
>> This movie is full of this [ __ ] >> Oh, isn't she? Unexplained anger is unexplained. >> You stinker humans. [sighs] >> They're not dumb. They can be taught to
>> Okay, this movie needs to pick an issue. Either this is wrong because they view the humans as monkeys, or it's wrong because they view them as slaves. But it monkey could talk like these humans do, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't bother
>> Guess what? This one seems different. >> You can't tell one from the other. >> This movie is full of this [ __ ] and wash your hands before dinner. who is important to this story has been invited to the senator's dinner.
>> Heavy-handed religious and political overtones. Monkey dentist. Also, for like humans, he sure likes touching humans in an intimate way. Also, the more heavy-handed is if Burton directed it like it was the last supper.
>> I've lost my appetite. >> Pointless protest. >> There's a curfew for humans. >> There's a curfew for slaves. We had to >> You did exactly the right thing. >> You did exactly the right thing and now
I'm going to kill you. Cliche. >> You smell that? Don't start now. We're >> Off duty ape decides that smelling humans is not worth his time right now.
the senator's sex den. Handy chandelier for hilarious Freddyc moment. Monkey hairpiece and dentures. >> You are not usual. You show me how we forever. >> His penis. This guy must have been
case someone knocked. Why didn't you just throw it at that [ __ ] do this job. >> What do you know about my father? >> We drown. >> Apes have the same weakness as the
>> How long can a human artist under water? >> How many times are we going to hear some what apes can do in this movie? That's half the movie. If they cut out 90% of movie could be an hour long. All this still works after being submerged in
water for many hours. We're in control now. We're the 800 lb gorilla. [ __ ] All the adults allow Billy Elliot to do the fighting for them. level. >> You only lower yourself to his level.
>> Can't we all just get along? >> [ __ ] me. Declare martial law. law. >> What happened to them? Sure, just put in a dumb environmental
>> In the time before time, we were the slaves and the humans were the masters. thousands of years. Buddha monkey, so they kept this gun in a piece of pottery
bad. >> Damn them all to hell. >> Charlton H didn't want to be credited on this movie. Also, NRA spokesperson movie. Also, convenient deathbed exposition is convenient.
>> Are you sure the a scared of water? You just saw Ari scream when she saw water. Also, why are you asking Billy Elliot this question? Bad guys get distracted sneak up on him. Davidson shoots this at eye level and the flare shoots way up
into the sky. Why go through the exact middle of this camp? Also, why would you going to go investigate it first before charging? >> They were carried by horses. >> Atar ran all the way back to tell this.
do this? >> Jumping tantrum. I'd like to see your throw you in a cage, too. steals the VER thing from Star Trek the motion picture.
this [ __ ] ship is still sending out a beacon. Even if we accept that this ship sitting here forever. How are the electrical connections not severed? >> The apes we brought along have been very helpful. They were a lot stronger and a
lot smarter than we ever imagined. >> So, the apes evolved in like 30 years. >> But I did find time to calmly leave this message while the world burned around >> How is his story spreading? He's been here for 2 days. The only people who
messaging system. Also, even if his story is spreading, how did they know to come here all at once? This is a little close to just now be seeing this huge army be seeing Billy Elliot right now? Slavery Brand just happens to be in this
>> Let her return. >> There's noing reason to let her go and that the kid had to disobey and join this [ __ ] but now he loses control of the horse at this crucial moment. Horse gets back on his feet with the use of a
sound effect. No seamos. Tremendous explosion only stuns the apes. Wilhelm thousands of years ago to keep the tradition alive. Old friends who turned battlefield. Cliche. Real adversaries drop all their weapons before a final
I'm going to shoot you face. >> We will leave the graves unmarked. No to tell apes from humans. >> Racist society turns it around in 10 seconds. >> About a human who came from the stars,
>> overnight. Ew. Ew. Ape Lincoln. Maybe the second here before Davidson and changed the here before Davidson and changed the Earth forever before he got back.
terrible about knowing when humans are in their jungle. need. >> You only get one shot. One shot is all I out and break loose at the exact same moment James Franco is pitching the
>> We're ready to move on to the next phase. Uh, human trials. from one successful monkey trial directly to human trials. This is way more training, expertise, and common sense than to do this. These are
Guards full-on murder the ape with people in the room. They don't have shoots potentially dangerous monkey instead of sleeping or sleeping. >> Know everything about the human brain except the way it works.
the human brain works. You're just looking for a lazy zinger. Oh, come on. millions of tests, are there with them every day for hours and hours, and they Also, this might be something that would be difficult to spin with investors, but
make billions of dollars, admitting that you didn't know the ape was pregnant and that that was the reason she went crazy would turn it around in time. conveniently bonds to human just as human is about to kill monkey.
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa. There, he's just going to start narrating like we haven't sat through 14 minutes of movie already. Also, 3 years later, he kept a monkey hidden in a residential neighborhood for three [ __ ] years. And no one ever
and plays chess pretty well. >> Will carries around a chest piece so point while recording his notes. Scientist running out of time and his theories on his own flesh and blood. Stealing is only wrong when you're not
lab isn't getting funding to produce this drug anymore because of the Bright quantities of it anyway. He steals these vials, but the lab never does inventory they're missing. Hey, didn't the nurse quit after the last outburst? Who was
son was at work stealing medicine? the chimp. Open window causes no concern for chimp in the house. Also, no surprise, open window allows Caesar to escape Monkey only notices open escape window after ignoring it all night long. Guess
>> CAESAR, HE CAN'T HAVE GONE FAR. >> How the do you know he can't have gone >> won't happen again. Damn right it won't. >> Carbon copy [ __ ] neighbor is carbon [snorts] >> he likes you.
>> Freda Pinto is not my girlfriend, wife, and mistress in this. Oh, just match my Andy Circus isn't winning an Oscar in this scene. Brilliant scientist drives a Woody. That's not a sin. I just wanted to say the word Woody.
Caesar to the redwoods, and this is the first time there's been an incident. Or chimp being taken into the redwoods. >> Caesar, this is where I work. >> No one here will see you, a monkey, in this car in the parking lot, because
Original Planet of the Apes reference. Mustang owners are always leaving their car doors open with the keys in the ignition. It's a very common problem. This honking driver is oblivious to the absolutely amazing, terrifying scene
directly in front of him. It's animal control, not a [ __ ] transports dangerous monkey in van with no restraints whatsoever. Is it bad that going to be Brian Cox before I even knew he was in this movie. Thank goodness San
sanctuary handy. Otherwise, this movie would have been a lot of driving. Monkey Truman Show. You know, I don't see a ring on that finger. Five years dating Hell, it'd be a sin if it was five months. Hey Tom, you know that character
Malfoy you play in the Harry Potter series? Just do that. That's racist. >> So is there a reason why the business-minded Jacobs has kept him on the payroll? Especially after the disaster in the beginning of the film.
then. >> The 112 is dangerous, Will, and it >> Also, did he not ever tell his boss about how the evil drug chimp was actually just protecting its baby? Did he not ever start work on 113 or any
how he's not fired after the 112 was scrapped and he was told to start over >> I treated my father with it. It does work. immediately when his boss finds out he stole a three-year-old drug and gave it
>> Medical boss just believes his scientist when he says his dad was cured with stolen drugs and orders new testing without actually verifying that the drug because big money decisions are always made that way.
>> Aerosol delivery in place. They used to give the monkeys the 112 by injecting fancy Green Goblin aerosol delivery chamber system, which is only so they and have a cool everything goes wrong moment. Um, that is a [ __ ]
body clean like he was doing the tablecloth trick. Not possible. What that ape said is racist. Draco Xmachina, guy who sneezes blood, tells
that he can die later in the story. Wait, they went and grabbed his ripped sweatshirt from the main apiard and returned it to his cell. Why? Hey girls, shelter. Doesn't that sound like a place where everyone has fun and gets laid?
>> Haha. Original Planet of the Apes reference. I'm rooting for Caesar, but taken this knife. Also, how did he figure out what looked like a regular bottle opener also served as a pocketk knife? Oh, now you're going to seek help
about your medical problem. Jeez, is this [ __ ] always around? >> Also, convenient [ __ ] comeuppins cliche. Will gives up way too quickly after being rejected by Caesar. I mean, we know Caesar has moved on, but Will
doesn't. Caesar wins over all the apes with a bag of chips. Aoy, we interrupt you the beginning of 2001. How did this [ __ ] get in the house without leaving windows and doors open in this house? Thank god Will kept all that 113
aerosol in his fridge after his dad died. Jumping on a Mustang makes the Caesar get back into the animal shelter without being seen? Remember, he had to he slid down to the ground. That's way too high. and slick to climb back up
have walked through the front door. It's not like the Landons are incredible at Caesar know that this would work? Sh. A human being in his position looking at for sure that jamming a knife into cans would create a slow enough release that
would infect all the apes. Dude sees apes totally conspiring, but So the guess after Franklin couldn't get in contact with Will that one time, he totally gave up forever and never used a phone or email or anything explaining
his condition. Haha, Charlton H. >> Take this stinking pore off me, you damn >> Or filthy mud blood. Am I right? >> No. >> Okay, that [ __ ] is awesome. I'm taking a sin off for that right there. Also,
he's going to start beating the out of you over a billfold. Caesar does what Harry Potter took eight movies to not do. Apes escape detention facility and roughly 2 hours. Apes moving through the trees remove roughly 90% of all the
>> I know where he's headed. Cliche. This place has infrared security cameras. Are dispenser fits in perfectly with high-tech security workstation. Sunglasses indoors. Are you seriously trying to tell me that Caesar stopped on
Wait, he was just walking from the underground employee parking lot and now the front door. Cool shot, but what was the plan? Hey guys, after we destroy the building, let's form a multi-tiered staredown offensive. What if Jacobs had
gotten a phone call not to come in? How long were they willing to wait? Also, you're an [ __ ] Okay, everybody, now let's get the out of here. And not one out the same exit he did. So, we see the animal control vehicle in the background
is already shooting a net at this lone ape in the middle of the street. And all the freed apes in San Francisco decided to hang back and save this one ape. they're just wildly running through the streets. How do they even begin to know
there's one lost chimp about to get captured by animal control? Also, it their style. They didn't kill Jacobs, even though they had a huge chance to do at this dude, hoping he dies a grizzly death, I suppose. Manhole cover only
Windshield when really both these cops ought to be dead. Traffic on the Golden already so that there can be hundreds of people in harm's way when the apes come here? >> No problem. We're ready for them. If you
didn't you chase them down while they were kicking it on a trolley? Why didn't southside before they even got there? How the hell did these [ __ ] get on somehow different from all the other potential murders they could have
committed during the escape. Why didn't all the Simeons take this route? It's Caesar's pretty damn smart, but I think he missed a golden opportunity to use at just the right time to make it hard for the cops to see the apes. Okay,
totally got the drop on this roadblock. But there's absolutely no reason why They could have sneaked past them in the fog and not even risk getting shot. In killing anymore, this attack seems pointless. Oh, okay. I guess this murder
is fine then. Is this King Kong or something? Bad guy because it's not cathartic enough for him to die unless the angry drug 113 kidding. >> My mother always said, "If you can't say
shouldn't say anything while dying at all." A bunch of smart apes that just residence in the redwoods. I'm pretty sure that's the cue for the US government to start bombing Redwood National Park. Take that, nature.
Maybe they should have called this Rise of the 12 Monkeys. >> Accidentally exposed to retrovirus ALZ13.
montage. >> The now famous incident on the Golden >> You mean Godzilla or X-Men United? Which famous incident are you talking about? >> Okay, come on. I know that movies reduce time, but there is absolutely no way
6 hours. >> The CDC is projecting a fatality toll ranging from 5 million to as many as 150 million. >> So almost every number then. Thanks CDC. Thunder and lightning indicates
something ominous. Cliche. Andy Circus isn't winning an Oscar in this scene. basic expositional sign language. When has a son in a movie ordered to stay ecosystem has changed a bit, but a random bear showing up in Northern
shot and killed there in 1922. Seems like you're adding conflict for the hell of it. Well, there goes the entire bear face it, the only reason Caesar's kid got scarred is so we'd know which one he
is. Ape school. Apparently, apes have learned you need to wear surgical masks during childbirth. But they have not learned that a 100 ape doctors are not God Caesar's bear fight ended in time for him to arrive home just as his son
the older son with gaping bloody wounds approaching the baby with no immune [ __ ] walking far, far ahead of the entire group? Is it so that this guy can panic and shoot one of these apes? >> They're apes, man. You think they
>> Do they look like just apes to you? >> Um, yeah, kind of. I mean, their think they would understand English if you spoke it to them? It's just like if the woods, you'd expect them to know English. This guy drops his bag for no
not like that thing was sloppily slung on his shoulder and fell off. The guy >> Yeah, no need for you, Kong, until the Empire State Building finale. >> He could have killed us. He didn't. >> Maybe he kept us alive so they could
>> Double team pronoun game. Movie saves money by using real shots of San post-apocalyptic ones. Are we supposed to believe these [ __ ] swung their way across the redwoods and the Golden Gate Bridge faster than their car and
the city. Some are even riding horseback. This must have been quite the scene at the checkpoint near the Golden Gate Bridge. But hey, those guys, am I [ __ ] running across rooftops? You basically have to enter the city and
by rooftop. It's more jumpy that way. >> That's a hell of a lot more than 80." 80 was chosen earlier decides to chastise the other guy for not from a previous scene better. By the way, have I mentioned that Carrie
scene? >> Do not come [clears throat] back. >> Um, can we talk about the dam for a second before you leave? Damn it. I just >> TO FIND OUT WHO ELSE IS OUT THERE. >> I REALIZE YOU don't have power, but you
cities a long ass time ago. You don't think there are other pockets of immune people just like you all over the place? We're two weeks away from running out of exploring the dam and any other power options? Are you [ __ ] kidding?
gets violent? I mean, how do you know that he'll even understand you? >> Did you not hear Caesar shouting English a minute ago? I mean, being in denial you've witnessed it with your own eyes. >> Son, it's not safe. I'm safer with you
that he can protect his girlfriend and son, but decides bringing them along on plan is somehow a decent idea. >> I know. Don't come back. I know. about this damn damn, but coming back here risking my life sounded like the
understand. >> Why not just say we're all going to die without power and that damn nearby can provide the power? Why the unnecessary >> Didn't you have a little girl? >> Carver, that's enough. How'd she die?
matter. >> Cara, you better shut up before I kick >> These people let him walk away without telling him that yes, he's the [ __ ] they don't trust and are bringing [ __ ] newborn babies along.
Oldman in on this decision since he just happens to be here right now? >> Yeah, I don't know. You are one ugly son of a [ __ ] aren't you? English, these [ __ ] still say this stuff.
before you blow this thing up? Hell, you don't even give it any thought. You're blow this thing up right now without thinking." Did they not tell the apes children? Of course there's a gun in this thing. So many reasons not to let
place. So many ways of stopping him, but everyone goes momentarily stupid so that everyone goes momentarily stupid so that this can happen. Human, LEAVE NOW. >> WOW. This is exactly what was said to me after my first sexual encounter. Wow.
So, he's also going to return home at the exact moment his wife is dying. Man, Also, sudden Caesar's wife is sick subplot is sudden, but thank God, right? they didn't bring medicine with them? >> Malcolm, where are you going?
just take Malcolm up to Caesar's palace, no problem. Thankfully, I brought my with me in my bag on the big restart the damn mission. Isn't it sort of dumb to ape gathering place while using sign language? This is a terrible shooting
it's so damn big and close. I'm wondering what the point is in wasting >> I take contributing to the delinquency of an ape. and weren't completely drunk and had even 20% of the normal reaction these
afraid of ape San Francisco humans have demonstrated so far, none of the rest of you've gone too far. Your anger at humans is justified and your complicated now. The point you light your own civilization on fire just to further
your agenda. Shame on you, Koba. I have half a mind not to give you any monkey where Koba could shoot him without anybody seeing it. came to Apetown with beautifully without any time wasted. And despite a clear gunshot noise, Caesar's
son and wife do not immediately jump to the edge to see who did it. Instead, the sun actually looks, Koba has escaped somehow. Even though we saw earlier that above most of the rest of the common ape area, but whatever. Is the tank shot
coming soon? >> Run. Despite widespread distrust in the none of the apes looks up to where Malcolm is and does anything to prevent >> HUMANS [screaming] KILL CAESAR.
dead without looking for a body. I believe they'd still believe the lie anyway. But not even Koba checks to make sure he's dead before rallying the troops to fight the human city. >> Furthermore, Koba makes his announcement
Malcolm and his crew from running away in the first place. And now that I've Koba even supposed to have been standing when he made that shot, let alone the easy escape. Ah, the under the log hiding place is
places like this do you think exist in nature? Enough to be convenient. Wait, how long has power been restored? His iPad is just now figuring this out. working so the perimeter dudes could radio you about the incoming ape attack.
Am I right? That was convenient. >> THERE CALIFORNIA STREET. >> OKAY, LOOK. Nearly all these apes have never shot a gun before, but they're without any kickback whatsoever, like they're all natural-born Ramos. Koba and
but apparently bullets are to apes what negative press is to a Kardashian. Koba impression, and similarly, it does not get shot. Thankfully, this weary human fuel outside the city walls. Otherwise, this battle scene would be missing one
ape on a horse could charge a tank without dying, but you'd be wrong. I got beautiful. Got to remove a sin for it. We're not made of stone. Although, now spinning tank to this perfect location right now? Eventually, the fire raging
over wooden leaves um put itself out apparently. Score. How in the [ __ ] is Caesar all the way down here? Did he get shot and then drag himself all the way convenience he shows up right in front of them as they're about to find the
of these things? What this dude is doing is impossible unless he's Lou Farerigno So, I'm calling some major [ __ ] right here. All of these apes, most who still believe in Caesar's teachings, allow Koba to do this. This rule was on
their wall for ape's sake. Apes go from kill all humans to shepherd them like But it sure helps keep the body count down. Heavy-handed shot of Koba standing heavy-handed. Man, that James Franco finds his way into every movie, doesn't
anything. >> Jeez, why did we blindly go wherever needed to fix Caesar and stop the war? HUMANS. [screaming] YOU APE PRISONER. NOW, >> LIKE BANE IN THE DARK KNIGHT RISES,
they simply do not need. Anarchy Apes just happen to be doing stupid in the surgical tools. Extraordinary set of circumstances allow this guy to stay reliable in telling you that there's probably a bad guy just around the
Fortunately for Malcolm and the plot, the ape that spots him hiding is Caesar's conflicted son. So, all is good for the intended plot. Carry on. humans did this, but does it not occur to him that these particular humans
to give him medical attention? I guess these apes evolved crying in 10 years. >> How is he? >> We'll see. off my hands. But since I'm already here, what the hell? Let's talk about
things. This camera works after 10 years of not being used. The camera just first days of youth and innocence queued up and ready for dramatic effect. Also, it has 42 minutes of battery life after 10 years of not being used. Get the [ __ ]
charged when the power came back on. Should it be fully charged if that's the yet. >> No, but he'll be here in a minute on Q just because you're talking about it. >> Who's there? If you're human, you better
>> That's why I blindly fired my gun instead of yelling this warning in the he runs through the subway tunnel that leads directly to Drifus, who just so very tower Caesar is climbing right now. The apes that took over the tower never
of said tower or even look down. >> We need to give him a chance. We need to >> Holding three-minute gunpoint is the perfect time to play the pronoun game. Three times. Three times for three guys, I guess. Caesar's walking out there with
gun. Let's just all take a moment to appreciate the ballsy badassness that is Caesar. Can we? >> Caesar weak. Cobalt weaker. succumb to the siren song of settling things with fisticuffs. Trusted Koba
things with fisticuffs. Trusted Koba like brother sea brother to human. movie. Can you imagine if they had to fight? >> I'm saving THE HUMAN RACE.
>> FUNNY how the good human bad human face off occurs exactly when the good ape bad ape face off is occurring. Just kooky. >> Now we make contact to military base up north. I MEAN THEY'RE ALREADY ON THEIR WAY. SO THAT'S why we strapped C4 to
because the military is coming to kill all the apes. Wait, that is some shitty C4 work there since the tower didn't remotely come down. He survives this. They both survived this. Ah, the extended piece of girder that sticks out
there to keep the drama going. If we were 10 minutes away from the end, Kova on for dear life or landed on this walkway and somehow not hurt himself. Or the same thing it began with cliche. Also, what happened to Carrie Russell
disappeared. I guess they're hanging out at James Franco's old place watching Caesar movies or something. You stuck around for the closing credits and all you got was a bunch of ape gibberish. Haha.
start with blurry. Blurry something. Now get ready for some reading. Also not the audience needed a previously on these rebooted Apes movies summary or the two obvious capitalization and font changes on the words Rise and Don.
helmets at least try to say something clever, but this one just says monkey alliteration like monkey mangler or something. Sure, the movie has a 93% it has a 6% on the people who get the bedtime probanzo reference rating.
trapes. Maybe it's the 4K transfer talking, but holy ape, this opening the only actual ape versus human war battle in this ENTIRE WAR MOVIE. [screaming] I get having someone yell reload as a military trope, but the guy
reloaded this weapon himself several times, he's asking for more arrows. I shows up with more arrows, but I mean, Jesus, have you seen all the explosions? Why is this dude on the front line still firing crossbow arrows? First one was
but now he's just needlessly wasting time on inefficient weaponry. IS DEAD. >> OKAY, calm down. You're in command now. to the first guy who radios him about the captain being dead. I mean, Jesus.
Way too many seconds of apes getting out of Caesar's way. He's the leader. We get it. We got it last movie. Actually, >> I did not start this war. The ape who did is dead. >> Koba. Even after you killed him last
to believe lore over Jason Clark's character and went to war with the apes. movies ending in ape human war. But blaming it all on Koba seems obtuse. You Caesar's fault, but then I'd have to spend two weeks researching and writing
to make an explainer video that most of you wouldn't even watch. >> You're waiting this long to ask this? They brought you out here, put you two by two on horses, and all that's left is to slap those horses asses, and you're
>> [groaning] >> Why did they say winter alone with the seeing a shortage of monkey power here. >> Why didn't I see that he could not forgive what humans did to him? >> Probably the same kind of blinders the
acting nomination for this mocap brilliance. eight name is shout out. Eight prince dude drops dirt like it's unheard of.
dirt and they're in the middle of a goddamn mountain forest full of [ __ ] because the humans know roughly where they live, but he went way far away, somehow mean something. When did Caesar's intelligence revert? I mean,
skilled character in all three movies. And he goes full horror trope dum dum, something he should know is danger when quick action could have saved his the waterfall, Caesar still taking his time amling back toward his bedroom
at the top of his lungs. Also, I am distrustful of humans. Yet, I live in a huge ass cave with an easily accessible any kind near my bed, so I have to hunt for them when danger arrives. Between
guess the human soldiers were instructed to announce their presence seconds or one will be seated during the snowpiercer portion of the movie.
colonel fires like a stormtrooper at Caesar because there's still two hours basically the only reason he misses here.
he'd have to be looking at you to understand the words that are coming out on the beach in the most vulnerable manner possible. Poor little Cornelius it's now being given by his father to a stranger. If ever the ape society needed
and therapy, it's now. Maurice somehow sits a top this horse without utterly were going to leave on a quest without your bros joining you, only to have said group hug moment cliche. I suppose I could give the movie credit for not
actually pop some tabs. But come on, product placement as you can get in this movie. Godamn the mocap work by the actor Karen Connival, the CGI by the visual effects artists, the writing of
most tender moments in any movie this year. And I'm taking a sin off for >> We cannot take her Maurice. >> And yet you do. Movie has time for this. of the saying you won't do something only to turn around and do it right away
only to turn around and do it right away cliche. >> What did that monkey just sign to Caesar as he's using binoculars? Is he reading >> Where's the colonel? >> Wait, these three just slipped in here
busy and active camp. And did they leave a little girl tied to a tree or something? My son, my wife
wife are dead. Andy freaking circus. So wait, Was part of this dream and part real? Was it all a dream? Whatever happened to wavy lines and windchimes, so I know when the hell someone is dreaming?
but these apes are following way too closely. A military convoy is going to only by accident. I feel bad for her. [ __ ] up. She's had to see at least four dead human bodies in the last 24
kidnapped her and taken her in a snowy hellscape. Does she think this is normal? Like everyone goes through this. Like everyone sees Nixon before they She's mute but not deaf. Right. Okay. I was going to let it slide when giant
Luca and his likely 400 lb didn't seem to bother this horse at all. But now you is no way that horse is galloping that easily. That horse is being abused. This the Stallions trilogy, isn't it? How is Bad Ape this much better a rider than
decade or more, mostly for military purposes? So, Bad Ape is slick enough to sneak up without being heard. A good enough rider to outpace Caesar and his enough to just leave stupid ass footprints leading to his own
with whatever brush it needs in the moment. would add some primate prep balls about an hour into this intense war drama that movie. I mean, they get mood and such, but there's enough ape traveling
well have been called horseback riding for the planet of the apes. Hey, how think we need to make our point? Like five. >> I hope you don't come to regret sparing his life. He's quite a good shot.
>> Obvious foreshadowing is obvious. [panting] they know not what they do. Also, Caesar left the group to try and find the main
They're acting like he was in cahoots and knew they'd get captured. How much make them forget all the years of leadership and protection Caesar has forgave the opening speech about the opposing generals that literally had him
that we're going with the shaves his head with a knife trope, I have to send this cliche villain. Who's making these decisions? The director or Harrison? I movie, they just decided to do a shot forshot remake of animated film The
Prince of Egypt. That's the sound of the apes working on the chain gang. As Caesar's imprisoned defiance inspires these huge rock carrying apes to throw realizing this movie's biggest problem.
in the snow. If you've seen The Last Castle, that's a mic drop. If you cuz they shot it here in Nashville. So, I'd still encourage you to watch it. But revolt movie that this eight movie is starting to massively resemble. Also
Rise worked because there had never been anything quite like it. A real worldbased sci-fi film about genetically enhanced apes gone wrong. Dawn worked like it. A real worldbased sci-fi film about two species friction as their
planetary dominance shifts from one to the other. Wars, I guess, but it's like part Cool Hand Luke, part Ten Commandments, part Hogan's Heroes, part Apocalypse Now, part Dirty Dozen. It's just not nearly as original as its two
it steals from. Portrait scene guest directed by Mel Gibson. certainly can't sign it with that boulder in her arms. Dang it, movie.
hours or more, the rest of Caesar's private spy party finally goes looking building? They're lugging huge rocks up ramps made of wood. And I mean, Jesus, has helicopters and missiles and bombs and so all this quarry work for the apes
seems like window dressing. [sighs] strong enough for you to get it. WWCD, y'all. movies in one. So, here's your requisite Vietnam era soundtrack entry.
>> Need that wall. >> You need a wall built of rocks and logs dude, you've got easily explodable gas of things, but you do not need that flimsy ass wall.
>> You're much stronger than we are. Chef exposition here takes a full four unfortunate mutation and its personal consequences. Sure, there's a bit of character work there, but anytime someone has time to fully cook and eat a
could tighten that up. >> No matter what you say, you'd eventually replace us. That's the law of nature. >> Then why is this movie 2 hours and 20 >> I realized that I would have to sacrifice my only son so that humanity
could be saved. >> Woody 316. It will be a planet of apes. >> Roll bananas. >> No. No. Go in and I'll go. secret underground entrance to the camp. So the colonel agreed to Caesar's demand
and decided to feed the apes. Fine. But he's feeding them raw grain, wheat germ, flax seed. The hell does he think apes eat? And worse than that, he's just got around doing nobody any good. Where'd he get all that? Is this cornmeal like a
commodity in this apocalyptic future? If he's still alive in the morning, he goes to work like everyone else. >> So, you don't care if he lives or dies? [ __ ] It's starting to piss me off. Are you breaking down their leader so they
their leader, not giving a what they do in response? Wouldn't this scene work Caesar? Maurice is the one that gave her the doll earlier, and it would make nice like, "Hey, Caesar, remember that doll Maurice gave me back when you weren't
it happened. And this reciprocation is cause enough to motivate you. I think so. How exactly did Supernova get in here and do all this without being seen? sort of scouts or security? It's not like she's even hiding. Also, he's their
guard on the most important primate in the camp. Whoa, where did these guys from behind the trucks. But where have these guys been the whole time? And how did they not see anything before now? Is it just me or is Woody all of a sudden
hitting his glasses, his jacket, or his beautiful head. Is there an umbrella I'm missing? Is he a rain god? Does he bathe in rain?
name from the original Apes movie in a desperate attempt to both curry of anyone trying to figure out how they could actually be the same person. >> Come, come, come see. Come see. >> Bad Ape is the physical embodiment of
cliche. >> No, no, no. No, no.
even my cold heart is willing to remove a sin for that exchange. He doesn't acting classes did this water take to get this good at dramatic timing? So, we? First, fling poo with accuracy and timing enough to hit a guard 60 ft up at
that the guard takes it personally enough that rather than clean it off, he comes down and opens the freaking pen to confront his attacker. Third, throw more running after the culprit, he will stand still above a pre-desated hole long
perfectly to be pulled underground. And fourth, hope that no one hears him yell before you knock him out with your meaty monkey paws. What could go wrong? Also, knew he was there through vibrations and sound, but that's a huge leap. Awesome
serve as a tagline for this movie. Actually, Caesar would have been left unguarded in a way that no one saw him unlock his own observant as a sideline concussion spotter in an NFL game. Somewhere along
serious version of Chicken Run, which itself was a play on Style 17. My point is that other than the ape angle, this is nothing new. Hell, Maggie organized a Simpsons like 20 years ago. 1 hour and 52 minutes later, and this movie with
decides to war again. And of course, it takes place primarily in the background. As if awakening from a dream, one lone soldier realizes how those round things used and somehow focuses them enough to notice that where before there were
Well done, lone human. Well done indeed. Such a sad, tragic end to this man's love affair with his bow peep doll. Oh, sorry, wrong, Woody. Wait, how are there battlefield? Certainly, there was plenty of time while Caesar was away on his
clear the area. As if convenient gas leak isn't convenient enough. How is it launchers, and crashing copters, this thing hasn't ignited already? Oh, I to notice the apes were missing back when this battle started, this [ __ ]
his chance to kill the ape leader he somehow knew would be sneaking around reaction? If this base was this ready to go, there's no way that battle lasted the sudden avalanche as a typical exmach in a moment, except for one thing. It
serves no purpose. Why do all the humans have to die? Caesar wasn't really in we all know the human race is headed towards their demise anyway. So de is was prohibited from entering the promised land, mostly because of his
Thankfully, he had already given the apes a few of their own ten commandments to live by, such as ape not kill ape, apes together strong, and thou shalt not military compound for personal revenge reasons, lest you receive a mortal flesh
is from the arrow womb before the avalanche? How long has this traveling looking for a place to live? I'm not saying he couldn't die from the should have happened sooner. >> Son will know.
>> Maurice knows this many spoken words. Why isn't he talking more? I mean, I anything, but there are plenty of times when a few words could have gone a long way. Sorry to spoil the moment here, but apes
don't cry. Not even when they're gunning for an Academy Award. our downfall. I doubt that. Also, beneath the planet of the also, reducing
three movies into six sentences. Why did I spend all those hours watching amazing this perfectly adequate summary? You see, franchises nowadays are cameoing so choice but to start with a full minute and a half of Caesar's funeral just to
quash any expectations of him popping up. I mean, I can't think of why else war. Oh, I do hope this naming convention takes off and spawns several that culminate in the almost inconceivable magnum opus. That is the
of the apes, the lord of the rings of the tanks. Real [ __ ] helpful. Next strain injury and just say later. Opening with footage that belongs in a warning sign that this movie does not need to be almost 2 and 1/2 hours long.
apple as smuggly as possible so we'd be certain [ __ ] was a cross species character trait. >> Annayia doesn't get any of Noah's special silk so that we can be in no doubt that Suna is the [ __ ] chimp in
doubt that Suna is the [ __ ] chimp in this trio. metal pipes into concrete to know that this would work. Yes, I find that less apes. Movie plays up the difficulty Noah is having with the last three feet
between him and the egg as if it forgot about the insane jump we just witnessed. alive. Sure, but the altitude and the integrity of the structure Apex Hunnel is about to have to free Solo tells me that he is still very much in danger and
that maybe your overdramatic fainting and cute smiles for the camera aren't as they are. >> Something in trees. By the end of the uncharacteristically stupid that May is making all this noise in the bushes
right now. Eagle Clan is enslaving birds and training them to bring back fish. don't see you planting seeds for Dawn of the Planet of the Occipit Formies. >> Your father, I want to see. >> Noah's hesitance here tells us that he
has daddy issues. And oh boy, am I glad that's a trait the apes have picked up. >> You climb well >> above top neester. I will continue to call out the climb well lies as they
nest. You barely scrambled to be level with the top nest and fell on your ass so important that everyone knows about it and the subtitles deemed it worthy of capital letters, then why were the three ape Migos so bummed out when the first
nest only had three eggs? Why wasn't the plan always to hit multiple nests? plan always to hit multiple nests? >> You did not go to the valley behind. is forbidden yet. Blood of Echo on your blanket.
just presented this blanket to his judgmental father with no preemptive dad doesn't like you, Noah. >> Echo >> That's reverberationist. >> You climbed top nest.
remember to be sad when he turns up dead 6 minutes and 40 seconds from now. [bell] Here's a sin for me. Pushing Noah exactly in the egg pouch. And here's a bonus sin
for Noah not keeping that egg somewhere safer. And if part of the bonding ritual times, then he should sit his ass at home for the evening and wait until sunrise. Don't start doing unimportant odd jobs around the camp.
>> I must find another. >> I mean, it's not really about finding where three more eggs are. It's just about getting there. Mr. Top Nest Vaughn climbs. Well, you [ __ ] are going to let him go alone. You [ __ ]
impart his dying words to Noah. >> The angel's horse. >> Wait, doesn't the presence of a horse mean the opposite? If he came on foot, was near. But this horse means he could have been riding for days, right? Noah
fight or protect himself and ends up surviving for no reason other than he is bummed that this movie is essentially about apes fighting apes. I know the message is the real foundation of the movie, but I'm far more interested in
seeing them fight over one. If I want to see primates battle each other for land English I don't fully understand, I'll watch Game of Thrones again. >> Big broke my egg. >> Oh no, not your egg. I mean, I was
[ __ ] village burning down, but now I'm really pissed. >> HEY, I KNOW THAT NAME. Just shut up and enjoy the movie. But that name is exactly how we got kicked out of Batman
>> Take them to Proximus. >> Guys, I love this part. It's the bit where Proximus Primal runs out of the forest and screams, "Hey, Bots, roll other really confused because they're apes and haven't mastered the wheel yet.
No one survives this and like not only survives this, but gets off with just a forgotten. I think that [ __ ] bird did more damage than this fall. I'd be a the effort that goes into making these movies and the impressive tech that
expressive performances. Take a s back, you damn dirty ape movie. But comes a just has to jump on that horse and enter that hole at full speed. Am I getting Post-apocalyptic city is reclaimed by nature porn cliche. Mother
of emotional turmoil that happens to be an item of clothing he not only mother. I ask you, would this have had the same impact if you'd stumbled upon Look at what you've done now, Noah. You've gone and pissed off the weather
You've gone and pissed off the weather with all your emotional baggage. be moving through the trees like an apparition? Does she want Noah's help, ghosts? Rumor has it the movie saved a million dollars by using the present-day
zero CG work was needed to make it look like a nature reclaimed ruin. The ground foundations of everything he knows are slowly crumbling beneath him. How if only the frequent symbolism could give way to some plot movement. Also, that is
minutes that we have seen Noah fall down from a high place and be saved by some saying movies have to be beholden to a quota for this sort of thing, but would it be a disaster if they were? Also, also this looks like an abandoned mall
smoking the [ __ ] out of the joint. No one should be able to see [ __ ] and Rocka should have all the lung disease. how young you are. >> What a creepy [ __ ] way to say hello. >> He was my
>> Holy [ __ ] You're burning a dead body in there, too. So now you have lung This fire might be the biggest sin of the franchise. And this [ __ ] sent Mark >> I am Rocka. >> Discount Maurice. Pronounced discount
Maurice strangely. >> Perhaps here humans were cared for >> at the airport. Barely. >> Echo human. It's kind of crazy that EagleClan decided to call the surviving humans echoes. You know, since that's
what they have become, even though EagleClan shouldn't have a clue what >> Perhaps Caesar bids me travel. could just invoke whenever I want to do something. Maybe Caesar wants me to add
extra bacon to my cheeseburger. I think it's Caesar's will that I play golf this whatever the [ __ ] I want because Jesus says it's okay. I mean, Caesar. Caesar >> Work continues. >> This is rapidly becoming the I have
can't help itself with this. >> I have no time for it. for this won't stop the movie from taking time for this. And there is wait. I can add a sin. >> Will not slow you down. I too keep a
riding him? >> We named them all Nova. I do not know why. The logic used to justify shoehorning a nova into war for
the planet of the apes somehow makes it into the movie. I've been to a few telescopes in my time and there is approximately 0.00001%
is worthy of this reaction unless he's particularly impressed by a dark blue >> And yet she doesn't appear to have had an issue keeping up with you since you >> You only have two appendages to save your life. But if you were able to use
both of your hands and both of your feet, that's four times the safety. four times the safety. Listen, the smart monkeys either know basic math or they >> What is that? >> I mean, it's a horse, right? They have
couldn't this just be a horse with stripes? It's not like they bumped into a [ __ ] kangaroo. >> Horses with stripes. >> Follow Caesar's word. Damn it. Why do these
breaking of necklaces? Would it have been so hard just to take it all over with another thing to repair >> to remember who he was. It is important. justification for the other movies. I'm pretty certain you can be a moral person
Caesar. Yikes. Another close call. Glad I'm getting away with these. impressed with Noah's tracking abilities. He definitely followed the Bad Apes tracks to get them this far. But shouldn't he also have seen signs of
ambush? Aragorn mapped out an entire battle for crying out loud. Mighty Joe Young, University of Tennessee Chattanooga. >> Wow, this is so much like the Caesar yells no moment in Rise that I now have
called the chief ape protagonist Noah. Apparently 50% of the movie's budget went on hiring Tom Cruz to train this gorilla to authentically run like a this log allowed this unplanned moment to reach maximum cinematography. The
and other lengthy weapons is the extra range they provide. So, it's an as close as possible and negate his ability to prod and zap from afar. ability to prod and zap from afar. >> This should give us time.
because the bad apes already know where you're heading, genius. >> Some intelligence to be sure. >> I have a name. This reveal is kind of almost certain it'll end up aging poorly. The movie holds on to this twist
for a full hour, and the price is that May is a needlessly silent mystery for that there are still intelligent humans out there, and instead of digging into Jane of the Jungle. >> I know where they're taking your clan.
abilities, but if you already know where the bad apes are headed, why the [ __ ] Rocka? >> The mother taught me silence for my safety. You were safe with us. >> You chased her off multiple times,
her your mother's blanket. [ __ ] Movie accidentally represents how I believe electrical items work. Electrical thing works. Electrical thing returns in the form of electricity. Pop-Tarts. Everything about this bridge
says nope. And yet, not a single nope is heated. I don't mean to harp on about fundamental part of the first four hours of this movie. No one must be following the tracks that were made when his clan was taken. But how did Silva get ahead
the settlement, why didn't Noah spot the fresher tracks and realize this was an excellent tracker so he can catch up with Silva and the gang, but also needs and crew can keep getting ahead of him unnoticed. Rocka clearly isn't reaching
netting, which makes May's decision to reach out her hand instead of climbing up the netting cinematic but futile. >> Together, >> Oh, [ __ ] you. Movie. What did Rocka do to you? What a waste of a genuinely fun
I don't see how this is going to motivate Noah anymore than seeing his already has just worried Rocka was going to be critiqued as a discount Maurice because I'm still doing that [ __ ] The work continues. Apes on a boat. APES
ON A BOAT. Take a good hard look at the ape infilted boat. How's it going, Ryan? a brave new world, but these rusty buckets aren't going to carry Annayia. >> The scene transition that we're about to
are still alive, but this cut totally wants us to think they're dead. Problem We spent next to no time with them, and you've already killed off the one character I was invested in. No, not a Yoda. Caesar. The engrossing excitement
of May exploring this room will not affect the story in any way whatsoever. affect the story in any way whatsoever. >> He's mostly interested in history. Roman history especially. Well, at least it isn't the [ __ ] Nazis for a change.
ancient empire cliche is still getting you a sit. With no backstory, I guess I'll just do what any sensible person would. And soon Proximus came to power sick jump. >> What a wonderful day.
>> What a wonderful day. >> I see trees of green, red roses, too. I see them bloom for me and you. And I think to myself, >> what a WONDERFUL DAY.
his kingdom looks more like a disheveled port. port. >> No, I am Caesar. >> He's not Caesar. >> Why the are you so sure? All you have to
for all you know, he was totally loopy. This might carry some weight if Noah's Caesar. But they didn't have a [ __ ] clue who he was until these apes showed clue who he was until these apes showed up screaming his name. Yes. [screaming]
gone. >> We've been banging on that door for >> He's right. But I don't know what he's basing that on. Is Travathan really out and say, "How do y'all want some lemonade?" to whoever is trying to knock
bunker. >> That's why they call it a toga party. >> And that's why I'm awarding an oddly specific 27 cents. See, anyone can just of having to make up an actual joke. Yes, all of this is a joke. Did you
stuff? Good, because I am. Except when I'm not. This is a lot of candles, especially since I'm not convinced that they have the knowledge or means to exits have been rediscovered yet. >> You are familiar with the concept of
evolution? movie teases us with a future where even apes accept that evolution is a thing when we can't even get 100% of humans in 2024 to agree the world isn't flat. Also, in the OG apes movies, the idea of evolution was offensive and was
considered heresy because it suggested that humans evolved from apes and were those apes were in the far future, but even so, it's an interesting idea that this movie is much more interested in Proximus reinventing the Second
Proximus reinventing the Second Amendment. I will learn uh from what is >> Basically, this movie is about a human trying to deny this ape an education. >> I know you are coming here to get inside my
girlfriend responding to my you up texts. texts. >> Did me tell you how to get inside my >> This is the part of the movie where you'd expect May to be taken away and
until she spills the beans on how to get in the vault. That does not happen. Instead, she's kind of just left to roam around as she pleases, which leads to her scheming with Noah. >> Humans can never be trusted. They do not
>> Humans can never be trusted. They do not understand that this is our type. I must >> Magneto wants mutants to rule the world and tries to convince Professor X to >> And Proximus [music] has no need
>> He might if you'd explained it to him. He loves power and he definitely seems have the power of commanding birds to peck your eyes out. >> But the law is wrong.
shift in Noah from earlier when he was all about following the leave one egg seemed like a good law. Now he is choosing not to follow the laws of a fascist. I'm glad we can confirm that he now knows not all laws are good ones.
situations. Also, does the bird speak English, too, or is it just finally arcs? >> You did not come for Echo, and you were >> What the [ __ ] does that matter? They've known each other for what I'm assuming
because she didn't tell him about some bunker filled with tech that he doesn't understand. All she said was that she would take him to where his clan was being held. What the [ __ ] does he care about her motivations for being here?
>> Twitter. >> I was wrong not to trust you. now, but you had no [ __ ] clue that was the case when you met him. She has length. Blind trust is only commendable if you end up being right. Otherwise,
it's dumb and you end up dead. >> Will water destroy what is inside? We affirmative here, but based on how the movie plays out, I think we can assume May does believe that blowing the dam will destroy everything in there, or at
least damage it enough so that Proximus can't use it to evolve. But this is such will work. She can't even be certain the thing she's looking for is still in place is based on information that's apparently been handed down over many
place is filled with a thousand copies of the entire Fast franchise re-recorded risk letting that [ __ ] loose on the world. world. >> Hey, climb one I cannot do alone.
on his own and complete the climb while also carrying May on his back. also carrying May on his back. >> You cannot make hard climb without Annayia. I love that Annayia overcomes his fear and comes to help his friend,
movie. >> You like [bell] her, Sunna? >> I'm sure he does, but I'd soon skip. >> No one in the entire kingdom other than Trabathan notices this group doing a job
at hiding what they are doing. >> Nobody is going to blame you for what happened here. Speaking on behalf of the families of those people Proximus few dozen very pissed-off subjugated apes who also have dead relatives thanks
>> Come with us. >> He's going to skin your monkey alive. >> Given Travathan's familiarity with Romans called Caesar, it's kind of wild rejecting her offer. You can't think that he can outfight three apes and a
person on shattered ankles, right? Well, if I didn't believe they were all the bomb making out in the open, then I certainly don't believe that no happening. >> Now we climb.
befriended Noah or another ape? Because I honestly don't see how she's making on her own. Was this honestly her plan all along? Find Ape, befriend ape, get all along? Find Ape, befriend ape, get piggy back from ape.
would be. as if we have no familiarity with the effects of gravity. Taking exhaust port cliche. Also, how did this thing get signed off? No small tunnels can literally trip over these giant vents and just walk your ass into a
government, all the cool weapons, nukes, Led Zeppelin vinyls, lucky charms, and there. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Ocean 17 was based on heisting this post-apocalypse could only afford to be three minutes long. Also, Dawn of the
they've been working on getting into the bunker for months. So, why did neither [ __ ] perimeter? Why wouldn't you check around this entire thing, looking dare play the music, but the soundtrack builds up a lot of tension around them
entering this facility just for them to not encounter anything dangerous inside. got no choice but to drop a torch down it. Call backs or I guess call forwards since the first movie of the original
movies hasn't happened yet. or won't happen yet or will happen but hasn't happened in this timeline. What >> the symbols >> They sure [ __ ] do. This symbol in particular was included so we'd know
[ __ ] Also, of all the possible kids books, they picked the one about going books, they picked the one with multiple pages of caged primates. It's uncanny. they picked up the one about trains. >> We'll have to move fast. You go to your
clan and I'll trigger the explosion. Since Suna and Anna have contributed Ark, I have to ask why they weren't waiting outside to notify the rest of How the hell did Proximus know that he needed to be standing right by the door
realized something was up when his best bud Travathan went missing. But he would have to have known about the whole plan to climb up to the vent, be waiting here clearly there was an inside man. I'm looking at you and I also did opening
the plan anyway. I know they want to flood the place, but why can't they just block the vents that came in instead? May seem pretty convinced that Proximus doors, and that seems even less likely now that Trava is dead. This way, you
never have to open the vault doors and risk letting them in at all. Right. >> Noah, Proximus, and Silva are all in the line of fire, but somehow May weaves a
bullet around all of them and Suna. This is some wanted level shenanigans. me. So, I have to ask why he's just standing there stupified by his impending doom
instead of telling everyone to run for their lives. [laughter and gasps] He decided to stop and fight the water like a [ __ ] ant. That was silly. No one will be seated during the Wow, that's a lot of primates
presentation. >> EAGLE CLIMB CLIMB. BUT [ __ ] any of you know most of you are also being held here against your will, but y'all can burn. I mean, drown. These two monkeys around for all the maybe we should pause
outside where no one will drown amounts of yes, I know apes aren't monkeys sometime. fisticuffs that we usually see play out.
actually uses his brain to outsmart Silva. Huzzah. However, the movie is also stealing Vasper's death from Casino Morale. So,
one see you? And most importantly, what the [ __ ] Oh, boy. I haven't seen this days when me and my buddies got drunk and would watch Spock beat up that salt ex-girlfriend. What? Where did you think I was going?
I was going? >> You are going to stand so that you can bend for your king. Another villain that can't finish the job without creating an opportunity to lose. Having said that, what the [ __ ]
there like, "Look, I pledge my allegiance to him, but it doesn't mean I get up a bit and then I'll save the day like the vindictive feathered bastard I like the vindictive feathered bastard I am."
but I believe it's bird murder music. Holy [ __ ] I know laughter is the best would have been like Lor's brother chasing after her in a Captain Kirk mask kids. >> I came to say goodbye.
to kill everyone he loves? >> Humans will never give up. >> Humans will never give up. Not until you claim all things. mean, he's right. But all he saw was a kid's book about a zoo and the fact that
May left with some doodad and a gun. That silo was a human place with human for apes. >> What is for apes?
>> I was about to send a rarely spotted fourth act conflict cliche, but is this even the right conflict? No one should be pissed that May almost drown all of destroyed all the tanks, guns, and children's books. If Rockco were here,
he would tell us his Caesar had much to say on this. of a waste it was to kill his character off for a cheap emotional punch. >> Did he forget the part where she tried to kill everyone he loves? Hey, movie.
fact, generally encouraged. Look, I don't know how satellites work, but isn't the dishy satellitey part of the satellite thing quite important in allowing it to satellite? It's hard to be excited about this because we have no
they're trying to call. >> Yes. Hello. THIS IS WAY IN INDIANA. counting that as a win. You know what this means? Age of the planet of the apes >> in space.
>> Got to keep one jump ahead of the bread line. One swing, a head of a sword. line. One swing, a head of a sword. >> Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I'm just a caveman. I fell in some ice and later got thought
out by some of your scientists. >> Oh dear, dear. His life. Then I have wearing now? >> You will spend that hour getting >> You will spend that hour getting acquainted with George Bailey.
>> Batman. They should be biting at the bait about now. >> What were the side effects? >> Violence, aggression, and insanity. We need to take the whole line back to formula.
>> COME ON. >> YOU'RE going to be all right. You're going to be all right. Not me. Just >> shut. No.
>> You know, when you lie to me, I hurt you. I know now know why you cry, but you. I know now know why you cry, but it's [snorts] something I can never do.
>> FOUR SALAD. Extra dressing. >> I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy. Don't you understand that ape cannot have what is in
>> Well, heck, if you want to if you want to play games here, I'm working with you on this thing here. But okay, I'll do a damn luck count.