[00:02] food, delicious cooking, fresh food! Look, guys, I prepared a delicious feast here for myself! Oh, so many delicious things, mmm mmm delicious things, mmm mmm
[00:33] eat. I can't go two weeks without eating because I start to feel bad. I get better, my organs start to fail, I wish I could die. I think this thing about eating is essential for me, indispensable, like, I need it, it's almost
[00:45] like I need it every day, it's something very serious for me. So today, I combine two things I like, which are eating and TikTok. I take my TikTok away from me, I start here, I wish I could kill the others. I wake up like this, I
[00:58] watch 50 videos, contacts, then I manage to get out of bed and do my chores like this: oh, don't watch TikTok! I get nervous, man, hit my hand, kick I get nervous, man, hit my hand, kick my dad out, throw the dog out hard! My
[01:13] comfort is messing with something very dark inside me. What happens is I discovered that there are little recipe videos on TikTok, but a kind of recipe...  Corrupted like that, it's kind of like a TikTok, I
[01:26] mean TikTok, and it doesn't have that, right? I 'm looking properly, I'm even finding let's see, look, preparing fluffy rice for my boyfriend's lunch. Wow, look, fluffy rice for my boyfriend's lunch. Wow, look, mouthwatering, I love it, so
[01:40] delicious! Let's see the rice, and I wanted to share the recipe with you. This is my rice, it comes out really fluffy. So for that, you'll need a rice cooker. You'll start frying the rice and you'll
[01:53] put a little oil in it, right? Wow, look at the broth in this dish! Wow, it 's horrible, it looks like honey, well, it's thick, and look, so it doesn't
[02:06] get too thick because it has that candy, I have that same one, I don't know, so I just put a pinch of salt, then I tasted it, right? I saw that it would get a little more in this batch. Wow, why do n't you just throw rat poison in there? Since it's going to
[02:20] die anyway, take a can of rat poison, those that come in cans, pour it into that calling food and give it to your... Boyfriend, poor thing, so he can have a peaceful death once and for all. This rice is simply
[02:33] sensational! Now just let it boil, boil it, right? Then when you do that, you use it to unclog the sink and prepare two packets of instant noodles for your 'll say, "Wow, it's been a long time since I've eaten such a
[02:48] delicious, fresh meal!" 200 packets of chicken noodles, all the water. You'll cover it so it gets nice and fluffy, and our rice is ready! To accompany it with whatever you want, a teaspoon of castor oil.
[03:10] Pay close attention, here you're going to take an egg, crack it inside here take an egg, crack it inside here to fry it. Wow, preparing asphalt, this black bubbling, I thought it was pavement!
[03:36] say, "It's quite a lot, I do this here, I dip the egg in the pot of salt. How do I do it? I want to learn, to learn you need to ask, it
[03:55] 's very good, this tip, this recipe, look, look, it's coming loose, see?" Ready, now we're going to take it and put it inside the bread.  To eat... Oh yes, I would eat that little egg if I were hungry, but if I were
[04:09] starving, I would eat it if I were hungry, of course. Before, I would see if there were any little animals, any little rats on the ground, something cheap. Now, if there were n't any, I would see if there were any corpses around me. If I were on
[04:23] a deserted island, for example, starving, malnourished, let's suppose, right? I'm on an island, people start starving, and there are corpses piled up there. I would consume that
[04:37] meat, that... Now, if there weren't any corpses, my autophagy would be to eat my limbs, sometimes a little finger, a little thing. Then, when only my torso and head remained, there you go, for sure, why wouldn't I eat the little egg?
[04:54] sure, why wouldn't I eat the little egg? this is important. Will rice be ready now? Rice is essential in any Brazilian home. For you, here's how to make rice without washing the rice. Here
[05:09] I put the fat, now let's put the rice in these little pans, I think.  Okay, rice in these little pans, I think.  Okay, add a pinch of salt, you know,
[05:22] not too much, just a little bit like this, the rice will get nice and toasted, see? I'll add a little more salt because I think I put too little. Just a little more, a little more, right?
[05:35] a little more, right? going to be delicious! Now I'm going to add hot water.
[05:52] [Music] [Applause] There you go, now just let it cook. See here, folks? See here, folks? Oh dear, what's that thick black stuff in
[06:07] your rice? That fish that's emerging? That viscous symbiont coming out of the rice? Something like that? What's that resinous texture? That's it?
[06:20] There's a dark, globular substance in your rice. What is that? Does n't it look appetizing? What's that nitrate coming out of that [ __ ] stuff in your rice? Oh no, that doesn't make my mouth water. I'm not going to eat that. I'll fold the rice
[06:35] and move on to the next one. There you go, folks! That's the tip Carandiru Penitentiary, you see the little pot and it really gives off that kind of Carandiru vibe, it's
[06:50] Nova Iguaçu prison, Angu 2, Pavilion 9, cell 514, right? A vibe like that, very much like the 9, cell 514, right? A vibe like that, very much like the Etec de Catanduvas detention center. Etec de Catanduvas detention center. Put
[07:05] Cheetos in the water, now I'm going to put the ramen noodles here, now I'm going to put the ramen seasoning here, I'm going to mix it up, put it here, it's ready. Now our pasta with shiitake flavor. That was it. How did you finish recording?
[07:21] Closed. Okay, grab that little trash can over there for me, will compensate. I'm getting nervous, I have n't seen anything tasty, just
[07:36] evil recipes, I'm feeling bad, just things of Satan, it's giving me bad energy. I want to see something tasty, something delicious. This is a family recipe. Mmm, delicious,
[07:48] delicious, look, mouthwatering sausage sausages, then I came cutting onion and tomato to make the  My sauce, but the
[08:04] sausage and onion go on the picanha, the reddish stuff onion go on the picanha, the reddish stuff that comes out of the sausage. That's right, angel, this sauce is delicious, and since I love tomatoes, and you mix soy and corn and make
[08:19] a little broth and give it to your husband's pig, okay? You excuse me, I have nothing against you, I want what's best for you. I'm saw sausage broth for your husband... He 's a very sad man, you're making
[08:33] him a very sad man. You drink this sausage liquor regularly, I'm sure you'll die soon, it won't be long now. Look, I discovering other people's deaths, I give you two years, start asking your family. It's like you ca
[08:48] n't wait too long, can you? The mistake was mine for creating expectations, killing myself, I'm not feeling well, I'm disgusted, I'm going to skip the next 10 meals, the beginning is only in three days, until next time.