---
title: 'How Counter-Strike Took Over My Life'
source: 'https://youtube.com/watch?v=NbJIbdcLn6M'
video_id: 'NbJIbdcLn6M'
date: 2026-06-28
duration_sec: 0
---

# How Counter-Strike Took Over My Life

> Source: [How Counter-Strike Took Over My Life](https://youtube.com/watch?v=NbJIbdcLn6M)

## Summary



## Transcript

In all my years of playing video games,
I have never felt morally conflicted
about being a
fan. You likely know what Counterstrike
is, but what do you really know about
Striking a Counter?
massively popular FPS that began as a
Half-Life mod in 1999 and proceeded to
take over the entire online universe
with its groundbreaking realistic
approach to strategic combat. Virtual
slot machine that allows miners to
gamble. Counterstrike has been around
for a quarter of a century. Sorry, hold
on. What? Um, let's go back over here.
What? What's up? What's going on?
Entering the world of Counterstrike is
like trying to scale a massive building.
A building with two sides. Well, most
buildings traditionally have four sides,
but I'm not exactly a geomet or
anything, but Okay. So, do you just like
want to do this part or I mean, yeah.
All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can do
it. This side is communitydriven
innovation paired with passionate
storied competition together sculpting
modern esports and all FPS games forever
for eternity period. Final answer. And
then there's this other side, one of
frequent racism, rampant cheating, and
gambling. A side where several of your
own teammates will call you a creative
slur and then try to vote kick you from
the match. A side that makes you
question your own active participation.
Many of you have surely seen the
Coffeezilla series on CS Gambling. It's
an excellent deep dive on how and why we
got to where we are with the billiondoll
skin economy Valve has manufactured.
Because make no mistake, Valve is an
amazingly talented game industry icon.
And they've also very intentionally
crafted a highly addictive slot machine
system for virtual skins that are worth
real life money in a game that's free to
play that has no enforceable age limit.
Along with wild untamed snakes, weird,
highly sexual mobile game ads, and
anything to do with the Paul Brothers,
gambling belongs over here in the zone I
like to call Wait, what are you doing?
Get away from my son, you freak [ __ ]
But I'm a 30-year-old man. What if I
want to gamble? What if I want to dress
up my virtual kill Barbie and spend
hundreds of hours playing a game in
which I unearth every slur ever
invented? You're not my dad. [ __ ] you.
You're not my dad. What the [ __ ]
Clearly, millions of people choose to
play this game every night. But why? Why
exactly do you all keep coming back for
more and more and more? Is it just the
gambling? People played this game before
it had the gambling. You know, I make a
living out of talking about video games
and researching different topics like
speedrunning or esports or why my
underwear's game design is outdated and
I should probably throw them in the
trash. I've had them since high school.
But what if for once in an attempt to
understand something, I actually
participated myself? What if I tried to
get good at
Counterstrike? This is the story of how
Counterstrike took over my life.
[Music]
Source was the first Steam game I ever
played after my friend Terry showed me
in middle school. I was 12 and I was
horrible at it. I didn't know the point
was to be planting a bomb or defending.
I didn't know how to buy guns. Dude, I
don't think I knew if I was in the
United States of America. So, I played
iceworld deathmatch or office deathmatch
or bots on office hostage mode. Look, I
don't know why I liked Office so much.
Okay, pre-teens, we like cubicles. We
feel safe and nurtured in here. But in
high school, I began spending a lot of
time with my dear dear friend Jake, aka
Shig, who is very good at Counter
Strike. I'd go over to his house all the
time and watch him play Source on this
total piece of [ __ ] gateway like
all-in-one family PC that probably
barely managed 60fps, but he fragged out
like that song [ __ ] had a 5090 duct
tape to its ass. Jake eventually taught
me how to play a bit of CS:GO years
later, and it was always a very fun
time.
Holy [ __ ] I got a kill. Holy [ __ ] I
got a kill. All right, watch out, boys.
I'm feeling hot. I'm feeling like a hot
boy. But CS:GO never fully stuck, and I
still much preferred watching versus
playing, whether it was Jake grinding
away in ranked or occasionally watching
esports. I had only dipped a
metaphorical toe in the metaphorical
pool. But if I was going to really do
this and try to get good, I needed a
clear goal. Okay, ball boy, do your
stuff. Yes, sir. So, Premiere is the
primary ranked mode in CS2 and rates a
player from 0 to 30,000 points. Jake,
aka Master Shig, has reached 23,000 and
at one point was ranked 663rd in all of
North America. So, needless to say, he
is objectively pretty capable at
plugging in his computer mouse. So, when
I say get good, it's in huge air quotes
and is relative as [ __ ] One player will
tell you that anyone under 15k is dog
stool and another person will say that
5k was a huge achievement for them and
both opinions are mine. After observing
my abilities over Discord, Master Shig
declared that 10K would be an
appropriate goal for me. 10K would
likely be described by most as you're no
longer a pipsqueak and you might know a
thing or two, but you still really ain't
[ __ ] sort of like an eighth grader at
the end of middle school who has no idea
how [ __ ] high school is about to be.
At this point, however, I was given more
of a fourth grader vibe. In order to
even get my initial rank, I had to first
win 10 placement matches so the game
could properly assess my striking
abilities. Unfortunately, I didn't
record any of these matches, but trust,
you don't need to see what happened.
Eventually, I received my starting rank
of
3,747, essentially making me the LeBron
James of sucking ass at Counter-Strike.
Only way to go up from here, though, is
up, right, chat? Right, Twitch
chat? Wait, am I not on Twitch? Who just
gave me these 50 gifted subs, then?
Where did these come from? Who the [ __ ]
are you? Real quick, here's a very brief
explanation of Counter-Strike rules for
my mom, who also watches my videos.
Thank you, mom. Great to have you here.
Long time son. First time
[Music]
uh son. Take it away, Teensy Peeny. Hi
everyone. I'm Tinsy Peeny, a fast
talking little son [ __ ] who's here to
explain stuff. So try and keep up.
Counter-Strike is a 5v5 team-based game.
Terrorists versus counterterrorists.
Terrorists try to plant a bomb at one of
two bomb sites. Counterterrorists have
to defend those A and B bomb sites and
uh defend them. You buy guns and
equipment using money gained from the
previous round. And if you die, you lose
all of that equipment and you have to
spectate for the rest of the round.
Okay, so Tinsy is like his sidekick. He
has a sidekick now. What the [ __ ] This
is not in the script. Rounds are won by
either killing the entire opposing enemy
team, successfully planting and
detonating a bomb after a short timer.
Or on the CT side, if that bomb gets
planted, you diffuse the bomb within
that timer, regardless of who is left
alive. Win or lose, if you're alive at
the end of a round, you get to keep all
of your guns and equipment. So sometimes
it's worth hiding and just saving if you
know you're probably going to lose the
round. You switch sides after 12 rounds
played and first team to win 13 rounds
wins the game. But you have to win by
two. So if it gets to 1212, it goes into
overtime. So mom, check this out. With
CS being a very team oriented game, I
would describe the act of solo queuing
as a masochistic dice roll sent from
hell for demented souls. Luckily, I
somehow have friends. This is my Michael
aka Goob aka Master Shig's younger
brother. He's one of those little
bastards that just picks up a game and
is immediately good at it and can
somehow emote do a douge on your corpse.
So, you got Grand Champ 1 and Rocket
League. Honestly, [ __ ] both of you and
your like gaming dynasty family. And
this is my Eric, aka Rick, aka Big Body
Operations, who has been a COD demon for
eons on controller, but recently built
his first gaming PC and has been quickly
learning how to hit flicky clicks with
his Ricky tips. All right, first Premier
game of the season. Let's [ __ ] go. I
got my boy Rick. I got Nuke, an
excellent map. Probably my favorite map.
I cannot wait to start this journey. Two
of my teammates immediately start
shooting people through the walls while
perfectly bee hopping across the map.
Welcome to Counter-Strike 2. [ __ ] this
kind of feels like a ball moment. Hold
on. Prior to starting this journey, I
heard tale of how egregious cheating
was. But this was the first time I
witnessed cheating so blatant it wasn't
even up for discussion in my first
ranked game. Me and Rick spent most of
the game in spawn
uh practicing and I tried to conduct an
honest interview with the cheaters by
simply asking why. Why spend all the
money on cheats and prime matchmaking to
play Premiere just to risk getting your
account banned? There are so many people
who use cheats that are way more low-key
and harder to detect to further their
perceived ability while competing for
money or growing their streaming career.
Wait, Clara, but this this isn't that.
Obviously though, instead of responding
to me, they said a bunch of crazy [ __ ]
in chat at the opposing team who were
obviously pissed off and said a bunch of
predictable [ __ ] which was exactly
what the cheaters wanted and expected
and feed off of. Anyways, we won the
game 13 to zero and I ranked up to 4,280
after doing absolutely nothing. Yeah. Hi
again. So, uh, Premier's ranking system
is complete horshit, by the way. Py, I
don't know who you are, but I swear to
God I have only talked about the first
game, so please just let me move on. No,
no, this will only take a second.
Premier uses an ELO system like chess
where a player gains or loses points
relative to the ELO of their opponent.
So if you play against someone with an
ELO higher than you and win, you'll get
more points than you would if you played
someone with a similar or lower ELO than
you. And if you lose against someone
with a higher ELO than you, you won't
lose as many points because you're kind
of expected to lose. That all make
sense? No, honestly, who cares? Great,
cool, awesome, chill system for chess
where it's 1 v one. Counter-Strike is
not 1v1. It's 5v5. And last time I
checked, the pawn couldn't team kill you
and call you a Did you ever consider
that vow? So when you queue up, it looks
at all the ranks of the other team and
then your team and says, "Hey, if you
win, you'll get this much and if you
lose, you get this much." This gesture
makes me feel like I moderate something
important. Why would he ever moderate
some? What the hell? But say you get
into a game and drop 30 kills and play
out of your damn mind while your
teammates [ __ ] their pants and spawn and
do jack diddly squat the whole time.
Sorry. Individual performance bears zero
weight on this number. And what's really
[ __ ] cool is that there's also this
whole win loss streak system where if
you start winning games in a row, you
gain more bonus points that way. And if
you start losing games in a row, you
gain more bonus points to lose that way.
So, I think you can see how this all
adds up to kind of make a person want to
go baddy, right? Oh my god, Tinsy, just
shut the [ __ ] up. And how it can maybe
reinforce really toxic behavior that
already exists in the community, right?
Face it, an alternative matchmaking
system actually does put a weight on
individual performance where you won't
lose as many points if you do really
well. But not Premiere, not the stupid
[ __ ] I signed up for. I could be playing
Tony Hawks Underground right now, but
no, I had to choose the slur game. Game
two. Okay, Karma kicked in to tip the
scales and we got our asses kicked. Me
and Rick did better than our teammates,
but that's like saying a rat ate trash
better than a slightly uglier rat. What
the hell is this man? Who is this
flashbang even for, Jacob? Holy [ __ ]
Game three. The demo file corrupted, but
my notes say, quote, "Cookie kept being
toxic and was starting to throw, but me
and Eric kept it cool and had several
clutches. Great teammates, too,
especially Brian."
So, shout out shout out Brian. Game
four, solo queue on Dust 2. Coach Jake
watching over Discord. This one started
out a little tough, but thanks to Master
Shig's tips on simple stuff like not
[ __ ] running through fire out long
doors while you have the bomb. Jesus
Christ, snake boy. We gradually brought
it back largely thanks to great
teammates who were actually willing to
work together. Go
on. Oh,
counterterrorist.
I'm glad we got that. Hey, young cheesy.
I got lost in a smoke grenade on a very
important round.
Oh, I can't I don't hear that. Where am
I? I think you're doors now.
Oh my god.
Yep.
Yeah.
We got this though. He needs to push
long, bro. Yo, push long, Grandma. [ __ ]
Push up behind them. They won't see
it. Nice. Okay.
GG's. Great job bringing it back, gang.
It's a pleasure. We successfully secured
the W. After the game, Shig coached me
on smart grenade usage and helpful
specific throws. Let's just say whenever
you're falling back long and they're,
you know, coming back this way, you
could time it to where this flash always
works for me. Like let's say this is
smoked off, you can even push it because
it's really hard to react to. You just
bounce it off here and then you go take
it like this and they should like I've
[ __ ] people so many times. If like
you're here and like you know they're
coming up like you could hear them
coming up, I would just bank it off the
wall there. Oh, I didn't even think
about banking it. Then they have to back
up, you know, and they can hardly cross
and it's just easier. They're exposed
more that way, too. He also gave me a
pro tip on how I should individually
hotkey all the nade types instead of
slowly cycling through them with four by
default, which was weird at first to get
used to, but oh my god, it made a world
of difference. But most importantly, he
taught me to do the Terminator 2 theme
whenever I won.
Wow, that's a pretty cool sounding song.
Good thing he didn't play the actual one
though, cuz I would have sued his ass
into an early grave. Hi, I'm Jakey.
Jakey and Jakey and
Teensy. Thanks to Rocket Money for
sponsoring this video. My ultimate goal
in life is to save up for a a really
cool jet ski so I can ride out on the
open sea away from all my problems. So,
I really want to get on top of all of my
expenses. Well, today's sponsor, Rocket
Money, is here to help. Rocket Money is
an all-in-one personal finance app that
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budget better. Rocket Money will notify
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balance is low to help you avoid
overdrafts and late fees. I also have a
billion subscriptions that I have no
recollection of ever signing up for that
I want to cancel. Who even are you?
Cancel. Cancel. Cancel. Get out of my
life. Cancel. Once you connect your bank
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From there, you can select the ones you
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and unlock more features with premium,
head to
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link in the video description. Thanks to
Rocket Money for sponsoring this video
and thanks to Tinsy Peeny for taking the
my throne as the most annoying character
in the JCU. Back to you,
Jbone. [ __ ] probably wishes
people called him Jbone. Loser loser.
Game five, I played with Gooby and
Ricky. And thanks to Gooby Goat doing
the gooby
most. Nice. Go. Nice.
Come on, big daddy. Big body walnuts
playing big body hungry.
Last one secret. Oh, just hang back,
man. He's got to come to you.
Orbeez Savage.
My occasional moment of brain activity.
One super lit on he's playing right now.
And another teammate looking extremely
clean.
Oh, off the top to a Wow.
Wow.
We earned a hard fought W. Let's go.
That's a GG.
All right, dude. I got my promotion game
next. Hi again. Okay, so another really
cool thing that Counter-Strike does is
promo games where if you get to a
certain threshold, aka 5, 10, 15k, etc.,
you first go to $4,999 and have to win
that game in order to rank up.
Essentially, at those points, you have
to win two games in a row. Game six,
promo game for
5K. Not going to lie, chat, we got
straight up destroyed by a five stack
who were just very clearly better than
us. They did super convincing fake
pushes into sites that got us all sorts
of crossed up. I once again didn't know
if I was in the United States of
America. We lost five to 13. Game seven
with Gooby running it back on Mirage
against another five stack with three
anime profile picks, four if you count
the hedgehog. [ __ ] was looking very iffy
at first, but then we decided to become
dynasty warriors and lock the [ __ ] in.
No, another one. Another one there.
Nice.
What the [ __ ] How did that not kill?
Firebox and Tetris. You may have heard
my teammate just call out Tetris, which
no doesn't mean we get to go play that
game now, unfortunately. He means to say
that an enemy is at this spot called
Tetris. There's all sorts of call outs
for specific places on a Counter-Strike
map. Like this is vent. This is bench.
This is car even though it's not a car
anymore. Uh this is Donkey Kong. You can
tell by the
barrels better. No, that was great
comms. Other teammates also had very
good comms this game. Don't be afraid to
get them med. They don't really hold it
well.
To give them what? Head. Give them head.
Did you say don't be afraid to give them
head?
I mean that's I had this nice little
moment which was a big deal for me.
Planning one apps.
That's planner dead. One van, one
apps. How's guy
apps? Nice shots. Good
[ __ ]
Beautiful. Amazing. Great times. GG's
all around. All right, game eight. Back
to the promo for 5K. Let's see what we
can do. Me and Goob had this random dude
on our team who really loved Goob's
name.
Wa.
Wa. Wa. Wa. Wa. W.
I like goo.
Good work. Where you from? Goo. How did
he just say to me? Goomba is from
Gubana. It was a really good time
giggling with the team, which is really
what it should be all about. Should be.
But we um also got our asses kicked and
5K eluded me yet again. Nice.
Oh, wait. No, not nice. He just got on.
He
smoked me. GG's. At this point, it was
pretty clear which areas of my play
needed a lot of work. Yeah, aka
everything. Big ass mouse pad and lower
sensitivity were crucial tips from
Master Shig to really lock in on my
accuracy and ability to track targets. I
needed to get used to whipping around my
entire arm and not just my wrist.
Crosshair placement, aka not just aiming
at the ground while you're moving
around, but instead putting your
crosshair at head level at predictable
spots where an enemy's head might be on
some object permanence [ __ ] Goob showed
me some pre-fire workshop maps to help
study common spots that enemies might
be. So, I started incorporating those
into my warm-up routine. Accuracy while
you're moving around in CS is generally
horrible. Okay, this isn't Call of Duty
where even if you're sprinting, you have
like laser accuracy. But at the same
time, a moving target that's strafing
around is much harder to hit. CS objects
in motion tend to stay in motion though,
so counter strafing is vital. Aka, move
one direction, immediately tap the
opposite direction to stop moving,
shoot, move the other direction,
immediately tap the opposite direction
to stop. You get the idea. Rinse and
repeat. Mix it up. Mix up the timings.
Throw in some crouches in there. All of
these things were much, much easier said
than done and needed a lot of practice,
but were clearly imperative in order to
start winning more gunfights. Game 10
once again with Goo once again a promo
match. I really wanted to get past this
5k barrier. I called the save and rush
mid and this somehow
happened. No, no, another one. Two
more. Nice.
Holy [ __ ] There's there's an AK you.
Yeah.
Where should Where should I watch Jake?
He could go down suicide. I don't know.
Nice job. I hit some solid OP shots.
Taking me back to my ice world
deathmatch days.
Last one on. Jump up.
Nice
[ __ ] Shampoo my couch.
It got really close for a bit, but
thanks to Goob and everyone else winning
most of their duels, we kind of popped
off winning 13-6. Let's [ __ ] go,
baby. Nice job, guys. There we [ __ ]
go.
Yeah. Wow. That solid performances all
around. Proud of you, boys. Hell [ __ ]
yeah. Good game. 5K, the first major
milestone in my journey, was now
achieved. Partially thanks to my own
inconsistent abilities, but if I'm being
honest, mostly thanks to luck of the
draw teammates and at times cheaters on
my team. So, wow, Premiere, thank you.
So cool. To celebrate 5K, I spent real
life money on agent skins.
Unfortunately, I think it's time to talk
about the gambling, you bouncy bastard.
All right. Yeah. No, let's let's get
into it. On the one hand, cosmetics in
video games are usually the biggest
motivator for me. I've talked about this
before, but I'm someone who when playing
Elden Ring is so much more stoked by a
new armor set than another [ __ ] spell
that's allowing me to minmax my stats.
I'm trying to minmax my lats. I'm trying
to minmax my lats my latitudes and my
latitudes. I'm trying to max I'm trying
to
maxim Oh my god. I'm trying to maximize
my attitude. And it is no different with
CS. The amount of style and expression
that is possible with the plethora of
skin combos, it's insane. I love it.
Combine that with all of the sticker
crafting, the HUD color, the view model,
you can truly personalize this game to
feel like it's yours. And I quickly
realized that a fully black and white
loadout would be possible. So, to help
motivate myself on this hell journey, I
set certain skins as goals for hitting
specific ranks. It felt fun to have like
a reward system, even though at the end
of the day, it's still just me spending
my own money. I wasn't going to get any
of these skins by trying to get them
through cases with [ __ ] gambling.
Hell, I was only going to purchase them
directly from other players. But some
skins can get crazy expensive. Knives in
particular. For example, Master Shig
very generously gave me this Bright
Water bayonet back in like 2018 that I
think was worth like 120,$130, something
like that at the time. That knife is now
worth like 350 real human dollars. But
regardless of the value, most skins are
originally sourced by opening cases. And
by purchasing them from others, I would
still inherently be supporting the
ecosystem of opening cases. Is opening a
case fun? Do people like watching
opening [ __ ] cases? Yes, of course it
is. I'm human. I'll admit it. But just
like gambling is fun. And just like
gambling, when you buy a case, you need
to feel very okay that you are saying
bye-bye because you are very likely not
going to make that back. Why do you
think they sell them? To lose money? No.
They expect you to keep buying them,
which everyone does when you inevitably
don't get the exact thing that you
wanted. The exciting potential of a
0.21% chance of getting a knife. That's
what people make entire careers out of
chasing while also spending way more
money on cases than they're making back.
Even though the sponsored gambling site
in their stream likely gave them all the
money to blow away in the first place to
influence others with way less money to
go gamble all their money away, too.
Jesus Christ. Good. N, Drew, go watch
Drew's video on online gambling. It's
very good. I love that sweet, sweet
smell of dew on the grass in the
morning. Yeah, the game is rated M, but
we all know that doesn't mean [ __ ]
Grand Theft Auto Vice City was rated M.
I played it when I was like 10. And I'm
a YouTuber now. That's horrifying. And
these cases are such a crystal clear
gateway to even more casino-like
gambling sites that Valve does very
little to shut down, which is a huge
focus of the Coffeezilla series I was
talking about that coincidentally came
out as I was personally going into this
whole world myself. In my videos, I feel
I often have a pretty clear opinion and
like thesis on why I believe something
and then I say all this [ __ ] to try
to prove that opinion and blah blah
blah. This isn't one of those videos. I
love cosmetics. I love that I can buy a
$5 slate AK and like some 30 cent
stickers and make a snake 47 based on a
YouTube short I saw. I'm excited to see
what other sticker crafts other people
do, assuming it's not a [ __ ] slur.
But I also didn't want to inadvertently
support minors getting addicted to
gambling while shooting virtual guns
with my friends. If I felt so strongly
about all this, should I have just shut
the [ __ ] up and stopped using any skins
in some hopeless protest? Should I have
just stopped playing Counterstrike? Does
the video just end right
here? No, because I kept going.
[Music]
Counter-Strike was consuming all hours
of my day, even when I wasn't playing
it. If I wasn't playing, I was watching.
If I wasn't watching, I was learning. If
I wasn't learning, I was probably
dreaming about snipers. I was glued to
my phone, getting super invested in the
Shanghai Major, learning more about each
team, and witnessing the absolute
destruction of players like Donk and
Monosy. But there's so many targets, and
he can often prove enough on his own.
And can this little nuisance pull off an
unbelievable clutch to keep his team in
it? Yes, he can. These [ __ ] kids,
dude. Or I was taking my new puppy Doy
out to go potty or Doy helped me find
cheap black and white skins.
Counter-Strike encounter pee on the
floor was basically my entire day. The
group chat I started with Shig, Goob,
and Rick was constantly active. It felt
so fun to have a tight-knit community
where we all shared the same goal of
improving and would constantly hype each
other up. It all felt super motivating
to keep going.
Boys, I'm not going to lie to you. I am
[ __ ] viciously high right now. Nice.
This was a very important game to me
because it felt like it was the first
time where I was actually starting to do
things differently, expecting certain
angles after practicing pre-fire maps
over and over. Nice. Crosshair placement
not always being dog
[ __ ] Nice. Using utility with some
amount of brain cells, I can confidently
say that I was improving, if only a
little bit.
Oh my god, I just [ __ ]
came. Ultimately though, it wasn't
enough, losing a close game 11 to13. But
as Master Shig then told me, ELO may be
lost, but knowledge is gained. Shake
Scriptures 3:17 Chapter 900 game 14. I
solo queued and played very average to
my ability with good teammates who were
actually very communicative and kind.
Yo, Rim, could I get a buy? Yeah, I got
you. Thanks, baby. It's easy to assume
random teammates will likely be toxic or
racist when solo queuing, but I was
happy to be proven wrong more and more
often as I kept playing. After all,
millions of people play this game, and I
think the shittiest voices are just
often the loudest. I had this one v one
bomb plant featuring some super nervous
aim.
[Music]
We're gone. We're gone. We're gone.
Terrorists win. I remember having crazy
anxiety during this game to the point
where my hands felt a little shaky. More
like shaky jaky. Hope that's not
foreshadowing. We started throwing a
pretty significant lead as the game went
on.
Good shot.
But we fortunately got it back together
and finished 13- 10. Well done. Good
[ __ ] gang.
After this game, I flew from New York to
Tennessee to stay with my lady, who was
still living in Nashville at the time,
but I brought my laptop and a monitor to
keep the grind going. You could say I
was trying to be a Tony Hawk clone for
the PS1. Yes, that is a grind session
reference in the chat. Game 15, one of
the worst ever. We simply couldn't
counter their smokes and executes on CT
side. I hit a couple doinks with the
scout, but honestly, that's the only
real highlight. Man, no scope. Teammate
went AFK halfway in. What is he doing?
Oh, is he not here? I nearly clutched
one round.
No.
Nice. You've But couldn't find the
[ __ ] bomb because I have tonka truck
brain. Where the [ __ ] was it, dude?
Jesus Christ. I suck. I hated every
second of this game. We lost one to 13.
Game 16 was another struggle. I somehow
ended up top damage, but dude, I still
did the dumbest [ __ ] Why did I not just
play time in this 1v one when I had bomb
planted in a spot where I could see it
from a safe place? Got to be CT, right?
Maybe behind me. [ __ ] a [ __ ]
Ah, should have just played the time.
Yeah, there's a way better hiding spot I
could have been in. That was stupid.
My bad. This loss was a new low. It
somehow felt different from the others.
Like, I knew better at this point and
still completely [ __ ] it up. There was
zero consistency to my gameplay.
Good try, guys. You guys had some good
rounds.
Yeah.
I guess after that game, I flew back to
South Dakota for Thanksgiving, but
brought my laptop in case I wanted to
sneak in a practice session. This was
apparently a horrible idea. I tried to
play a casual game and quickly got vote
kicked for not immediately planting the
bomb, which I guess was my bad, but it
still didn't feel great. But honestly, I
needed to step away for a bit. I had to
get my mind off CS and remember the rest
of my life existed, too. So, I played
other games with my family and helped my
nieces and nephew make a zombie movie,
which was way more fun because none of
them scream slurs at me.
No, that's dramatic.
Admittedly though, after a few days,
brother, I was jonesing pretty hard for
some CS. This damn game demands so much
of you, but scratches such a specific
itch. An itch I didn't really know I
had. It was the first time since playing
Dark Souls 1 that a game effectively
ruined all other games for me at the
time. Nothing else was hitting as hard.
The snappy animations, the sounds, the
fantasy of whipping out the dig, hitting
one more headsh shot, and hearing that
slide click after a reload. God damn, it
all boomeranged in my mind. Valve really
got my ass. I wasn't just dipping a toe.
My whole ass foot was slipping into that
CS pool now. Boy, I came back after
Thanksgiving feeling recharged,
motivated, and eager to play. Starting
with some casual comp games with the
boys and girls. Shout out Dean. The
thing about CS is that because it
requires so much focus and teamwork,
every [ __ ] in a casual game is that
much funnier. And then Shig drops like
40 kills and everyone thinks he's
cheating.
Oh. Oh, what the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] was
that? Okay, let's play. Let's play,
brother. I'm looking at my Instagram.
Let's see.
Feel like the goddamn Tomb
Raider. Let's go. A ramp. A ramp.
Yo, look at Shake. Get his foot up for
y'all. Oh, everybody.
[Music]
I got tattoos of shoes on my feet, so I
know how to wear shoes. I'm just letting
all you guys know. I'm going to hop.
Right on. Right on, dude. Just thought
I'd kind of let you guys know it's
situation. Hold on. Molly [ __ ] Molly
[ __ ] up. Double kill. Mommy wants
more. Mommy's hungry. That's just the
beginning of what mommy can do. So, I'm
going to I'm going to throw a frag into
this site so I can peek it.
Minnesota. I went there once when I was
a child cuz my cousins used to live
there and uh I was scared I was going to
get a swirly.
Hold on. I think we do the same thing.
Go B and then change our mind and go A.
Changing our mind.
All right. I changed my mind. Go A.
Change my mind. Let's go B. Okay, let's
go B.
Uh, I don't know. I'm changing my mind.
Let's go back A. I'm not feeling it no
more. I'm not feeling it. N I didn't
shoot you. Lucifer, do I sound like a
cougar?
That real quick.
Get off. Get it off. Get it off. Hey,
check this out.
I did it before I sprayed it.
[Music]
Yo, you respected it so much. But you
did it. That's the thing. Gooby or goat?
Gooby to go. Gooby to go. Goop. Make
your famous goat sound.
What the?
That was definitely a sound. Game 20. I
had decent CT side starting off, but
T-side is where things really came
together
[Music]
on
site. I'm
down. I got a shot through the smoke on
cat.
[Music]
I was on site. Likely because of the
pre-fire maps, I got accused of cheating
for the first time, which Shik said is a
right of passage when you start playing
well. So, I guess I popped my cheater
cherry. I'm really sorry I said that.
Please don't clap.
Terrorists win. GG's fellas.
Game 24 was sent as a trial from the
powers above to test my patience. I was
somehow always a day late and a bullet
short. I had very quickly learned that
nothing is free in this abusive game.
Nothing. Well, I mean, yeah, unless
there's a cheater on your team, unlike
other multiplayer games that might say,
"You know what? Your bullet was close
enough. We'll give you the kill." Oh,
you meant to jump up here. Ah, that's
okay. We'll give you upies. Oh, you're
in last place. Don't worry, we'll rubber
band the speed of the other carts for
you. Bro, the only rubber band in
Counter-Strike is flick directly into
your favorite eyeball. SH pointed out
that I was often the one trying to call
for any kind of strats on T-side. And he
was right. Usually out of necessity, I
would throw a loose plan out there
because no one else was saying anything.
And it typically helped to have some
sort of unified game plan. Okay, I think
we play mad slow. I think we let them
use all their util and then creep B.
Yeah, man. Just keep playing like that.
Just keep uh keep not dying and winning.
Exactly. Mhm. Little little trick my
father taught me. Yeah. Click on head. I
realized though that if I was going to
continue being this focal, I should
probably know more smoke lineups to
assist my hairbrain schemes. So, I
watched a bunch of YouTube guides and
practiced smoke lineups over and over
and over again until I felt like I
consistently got them. Mostly for Mirage
because it was definitely the map
popping up the most. Game 26 on, you
guessed it, Mirage. And I immediately
got the chance to put these T-side
smokes into action. Don't be doodling
over there again. What' I say? You
doodle. You doodle and you're done. You
doodle. It's tooodles, [ __ ]
You're not going to believe it. This I
might go be this round. But through me,
I can smoke window.
Smoke that for me, please. Well, I'll
try. I'm still I think I got it down.
Let me see.
I got it down. He [ __ ] it up. Get in
that corner, boy. Throw that
smoke. Good. Feels good. Did it work? It
worked. All right, let's go. B, get him,
Julie.
On side. On side. On. Let's go. Eric,
you are a fiend this game, baby. I don't
know what's going on. Okay, now we go B.
Someone dropped me a smoke. pack and
smoke market and uh kitty cat. What the
[ __ ] is kitty cat? Is that me?
Hey, little step.
Well, I'm dead. The real step is dead.
We ended first half 10 to2. So, I guess
you could say it went pretty swimmingly.
Followed by Nice.
Oh my god, the bomb ain't even over
here. I spent a lot of time dying with
minimal impact, but fortunately, Big
Ricky was there to pick up the slack and
secure the dub.
Counterterrorist, dude, you are having a
hell of a game. That was like one of the
best games I've seen you play. You had
like Yeah, most three kills. You had
four 3ks. Oh, it put you at 496. So, you
have to win two more. That's so what
what followed, however, was the first
major loss streak of my journey. A 4-ame
slaughter that started at
7,357 and ended at
5,963. Back to Tennessee once again.
Game 32. We lost 3 to 13. I was just
happy I didn't bottom frag. Game 33.
Maybe if your Maybe if your skin didn't
have a gay flag on it, we would have
won. Just saying.
It's just a [ __ ] rainbow, man. It's a
gay flag. Two of them. I hate Hello. I
present to you the muttor's dilemma.
Say, for example, your teammates are
saying really homophobic and unfunny
racist [ __ ] Well, if you mute someone,
it means that they also can't hear,
which while that is probably for the
best, voicecoms are imperative to
winning rounds and can be the crucial
difference between life and death. So,
therein lies our dilemma. Would you like
inner peace or would you like a
competitive edge whilst being subjected
to heinous
chicainery? This time I chose competit I
chose edge. This time I unfortunately
chose edge. We ended up winning 13 to8
but at what cost? Seeing my [ __ ]
number go up is unfortunately the goal
here, but it brought me back to how I
felt when I ranked up because of
cheaters that first game. It just
doesn't really feel that good. Game 34
was the hardest carry in the history of
carries. I ended the game with 698
damage. I provided close to nothing.
Yet, we win 13 to8. And my special
number still goes up. Yay. Which brings
us to game 35.
[Music]
Okay. Oh my god. It's going to be one of
those. It's going to be one of those
counterterrorist. No way. Was that
bullies? I thought there was someone in
the corner there. No, that's too first,
but then I seen him. He was just going
through the wall. Honestly though, I
always wonder like like why? Like
obviously haha trolling griefing and
stuff, but it's just like how's it fun,
bro? Yeah, this game is the perfect
antithesis to getting carried. Losing
one to 13 because of two insanely racist
cheaters that somehow go undetected.
Game 36. The CS [ __ ] pendulum just
keeps on swinging though because now I
win 13 to2 after getting carried the
[ __ ] out of while someone on the other
team is AFK most of the time. Like, can
I just get one normal match? But big
number gets to go up yet again. Yippee.
Good for me. Yes, Big Number. I love
you Big
Number. Game 38. I bottom frag with 799
damage. Holy [ __ ] But we win 13 to1.
And my special number still goes up like
everyone else. Yippee. Big number. I
love you. I didn't do [ __ ] Number goes
up. Are you seeing how bunk Premiere is
yet, Mom? I love you. Thank you for
watching. Game 39. Once again, weirdo
[ __ ] dude. where someone on the other
team disconnects super early on. They
actually kept it kind of competitive
considering it was a 5v4, but then on
T-side, we swept them 11 to 5 until
three of them disconnected at the same
time to only then return a bit later
immediately followed by one getting
kicked for not passing the Valve
anti-che challenge. Yo, [ __ ] a Mr. Beast
challenge. That challenge all day. I
wish Bro would pay Valve a billion
dollars to permanently ban all cheaters
instead of just exploiting and
permanently damaging the minds and
bodies of our youth. I don't give a
[ __ ] I hate YouTube. I hate this. [ __ ]
you. I work at Arby's now. I just don't
get how this guy gets detected
immediately and gets kicked before
anything actually happens, but the very
iconic racist obvious cheer brothers
from earlier just somehow go completely
undetected. Whatever. Cute number goes
up. Yay. I love you number. Oh, you're
so cute. You're growing so close. Game
40. Another weirdo blowout. We win 13
to1 largely thanks to Goob. At one
point, his voice chat stopped working so
I tried to communicate via text
horribly. If you can he can hear us.
Smoke minister.
Michael. Don't say no. No. No. Don't say
it at all. Oh no. I meant to do.
Dude, honestly, that's some [ __ ] I would
have Why did I send it anyway? He's
dead.
[Music]
You said you already dead to the other
team.
That's actually really funny. still
changes the context one v one to vote.
I had made it to 8K. But did I really? I
had won six games in a row and I think I
could have [ __ ] did close my eyes Mr.
Beast challenge through all of them and
it wouldn't have mattered. Regardless,
my 8K goal was to finally sell that
bayonet knife I had been sitting on and
get the cheapest white snow leopard
gloves I could. So that's what I did. an
expensive ass reward for my meaningless
number achievement where I mostly did
nothing. Sure, why not reward myself
with my own money for doing practically
nothing. It was becoming increasingly
obvious just how many games at my skill
level were total blowouts. A close
competitive game was really rare to
find. Game 48, however, was one of those
rarities. Let's
go. They know you're going to be there.
They know that. Flash back.
Oh,
nice.
Let's go.
Very clean. Thank you, baby.
[Music]
It's
[Music]
just one's cat.
One more cat.
[Music]
Cat.
Oh my god. Ah.
Oh, just play safe. Catch a cat. Yeah.
Don't even peek. Peek.
I got to move.
[Music]
That works.
Oh, nice try. I thought I had him. So
close bro.
One connected.
He's on sight.
H. Nice. To your left.
Triple. Could be anywhere.
[Music]
Oh, I'm so bad. Damn. Nice try. Nice
try. That's just unlucky. Bit more to
the right.
Ah, he panicked a little there. Mhm.
Feels good. No, I did. It's true. Got to
get the nerves down. I just couldn't
stick the landing. Once again, for what
felt like the billionth time, I fumbled
under pressure. We did go on to win 13
to1, but it did not really feel like a
victory because A, we were super carried
by this one guy who dropped 3,500
damage. Jesus Christ. And B, I couldn't
stop thinking about those two clutches I
nearly had, specifically the second one
where I couldn't track this person even
though they're 5 ft in front of my
[ __ ] face. But somehow things always
found a way to get worse.
[Music]
Seven losses in a row. My impressive
cute new record. I went from
8,269 to
6,97. I thought I had to be improving
from playing so much. So why is this
stupid number still going down? And then
Master Shig told me something that
wasn't the immediate solution I wanted,
but unfortunately the truth. Yes,
Counterstrike isn't chess. Yes, it's a
team game, but in order to progress in
Premiere, you have to be the carry. You
have to be top damage. You need to be
the one clutching out rounds and making
the difference. Yes, I was slowly
improving from all the practice and play
time, but I still wasn't having the
impact I needed if I wanted to
significantly rank up. Unfortunately, I
think 6K was the accurate ELO for me. I
had to stop blaming factors other than
myself. But as the days went on, when it
came to my performance, unfortunately, I
had very clearly plateaued. Game 64.
[ __ ] Okay, this was a great start. Uh,
spirits were high and I was playing
well. What's good? What's good? Yes.
Don't be don't be don't be shy. I have a
secret for you, my friend. Okay. I have
a secret. Help me.
Help me. I tell you, man. You I tell you
to help me. You No, I was coming. You
were right. You were right. [ __ ] your
secret, man. [ __ ] my secret. You were
right. Well, I thought you were saying I
have a secret. Like you were going to
tell me something.
[Laughter]
What? Bro, I thought you wanted to be
friends. Oh, that's so [ __ ] funny,
bro.
Bro, help me, man. Second time. Oh, stop
flanking.
You have no
Oh. Oh, you got it. You got it.
What? What?
Save sniping. Same. That guy needs to
shut
up. Where? Where?
[Music]
He goes. Diffuse.
Diffuse. The bomb.
I miss.
Good [ __ ] bro. How
did the save, but Oh, go for it. You got
the Yeah.
Oh my god.
Three in a row, baby. Dude, what? Bro,
wait. There was one more left. Here we
go. That's three times. It was one of
those games where I was actually having
a major impact beyond trying to call a
strat or saying dumbass goofy type [ __ ]
to my team. But this next bit, uh, dude,
it it honestly cringes me out to watch
it back. So, usually when I play
Premiere, I'm also streaming on Discord
to someone like Shig or my brother
Isaac, but I'm also using pushto talk
and CS for the in-game voice chat. So
sometimes when I'm saying stuff or
reacting, I'll often hold my push to
talk button out of habit.
They pass it. Bro, just finish him.
Jesus Christ. Jesus. Yeah. The [ __ ]
2v3. They could do this though. We have
an AK.
[Music]
That would look mean.
I don't I don't want to troll him. I
shouldn't have [ __ ] in game chat
that. that like he's done. What did you
say in the game? I didn't I just laughed
on Mike cuz I was in disbelie like No,
he knows. I'm pretty sure he knows. He
was like, "Okay, that was terrible."
I've done [ __ ] like that, too. It's
whatever. We've all We're all learning.
He doesn't have a rank. Yes, clearly
this guy had a god awful spray in this
moment, but 90% of the time I do, too.
If I whiffed like this and some dumbass
was screeching on the mic, I would
definitely mute him. And I assume that's
exactly what he did. I did actually
continue to play well over on T-side.
[Music]
You tried to get rid of the bomb and
they threw it right back at you, but it
worked out.
Okay. Oh,
burn the body.
Hide the sprays. Hide the [ __ ]
evidence. Thank you. Close the door.
But then this happened. Just go.
Damn. Yellow. Come
on. Oh, he pushed through. Nice.
Yeah, he must have felt like too.
Yellow, you have bomb. Come downstairs.
Come downstairs. Go down the stairs.
Don't peek it. Don't peek it. Oh, just
come down. Come down. You have bomb.
What are you doing? Yo, where are we
planting? Yo, mayonnaise is up top. What
are you doing, bro? God, bro,
[Music]
you should say that to the other team,
too.
No respect.
You have We win that. We We win that.
You Oh, yeah. That's so That's just
That's just like on purpose being
stupid. Like he one shot
with bomb. Like what? By yourself. You
told him. You told him go down the
stairs like immediately. Yellow. If
you're going to have bomb, drop it
before doing some [ __ ] like that. Maybe
he did need you because there's no
excuse. Yeah. But if you have there's no
excuse if you have [ __ ] bomb. Don't
even say it. Yeah, that's Yo, yellow or
blue? Could I get a AK?
Yellow. Yellow. Yellow. Drop. Drop the
AK. Yellow. I think he muted all of us.
We will grab your yellow. Can I please
have a gun? Jesus Christ. That's my
fault. No. He's a [ __ ] dick licker.
Oh,
J. I don't think I've ever seen you like
this. You can hear me try to rationalize
all my choices and words and obviously
my friends are going to support me. But
I knew the truth. I knew how I actually
felt in this moment. I was a [ __ ]
hypocrite. This whole time I'm over here
criticizing toxic teammates that flame
you or blame you or just say mean [ __ ]
for no reason. But here I was just like
Jake said. Yeah, I don't think I've ever
seen you this mad, Jakey.
I was becoming just like them.
Hundreds of hours in, 64 premier games
played, and even more comp games with
the gang added on top, I had fully
become a part of the Counter-Strike
community. I had started out pretty
level-headed with definitely a kill them
with kindness approach when faced with
any toxicity, and I often had the
surprising pleasure of playing with so
many pleasant teammates. contrary to the
stereotype. But over time, I case
hardened and got way too invested
specifically on the value of this cursed
number. The next day, I immediately got
back into the grind with the boys and it
was all too familiar territory. A win, a
loss, a win, all games with average to
below average impact. a continued
capital P plateau followed by another
loss and then another loss and then
another loss and wow, holy crap, Lois,
you guessed it, another loss. Each game
somehow uglier than the prior. This loss
streak and what preceded had me feeling
like I truly had nothing left. And I was
right back at 6K. I stopped playing for
several days after this. I simply had to
for my sanity. I went out, saw friends,
saw my friends at their setups. A site
that provided a surprisingly stark
reminder. Regardless of who your
teammate or opponent is, they are also a
human sitting at some sort of setup.
Maybe it's this one. Maybe it's this
one. Maybe it's a Leaprog tablet.
Sitting on Rick's couch that evening, we
somehow ended up watching I Got Faded
First Day Back at School, a video essay
on Red Dead 2 by Fulcrum uploaded in
2023. I'm just starting content
creation. What would you give like you
do things like what would you give if
you start over right now? If you
starting over, how would you do it?
Would you like and how what's your
advice, brother? The only moment you
fail is when you give up. You feel me?
You can't give up. You're going to um
take L's. You're going to lose money,
but [ __ ] you got to keep pushing like
for like what you want to do, bro. Like,
it's not going to be easy. It's not
going to take place overnight, but just
know like the only moment you fail is
when you give up. How the [ __ ] did
YouTube know this was exactly what I
needed to hear. Also, I needed to get
absolutely obliviated first day back at
school. I desperately needed to switch
up my mental game. I simply had to be
very okay with the idea of this cursed
number potentially dropping all the way
back to 3,000 where I started cuz it
wouldn't mean I'd stop. ELO may be lost,
but experience is gained. Returning to
the game days later, playing casual comp
games with the lads, something began to
snap into focus. When I played comp, I
wasn't hyperfocused on the win or loss.
I was only focused on achieving moments
where I really did something regardless
of the end result. These moments,
moments often only witnessed by the
other nine souls on that server. That is
Counterstrike. That was the very simple
answer as to why millions log on every
night and get the [ __ ] beat out of them
again and again and again only to do it
the next day. The potential contained in
every round for you, your friends, or a
complete stranger to witness something
incredible regardless of the score line
or favorable odds. And also,
unfortunately, a lot of people log on
just to gamble. Counterstrike was no
longer just a goal or a thing for me to
beat. It's a brutal highway that never
ends. You will never beat this game, but
that brutal, unrelenting road contains a
beauty I feel eternally grateful to
experience with my friends. Regardless
of our jobs, our kids, or our zip codes,
that road is always going to be there.
And thinking of that long road gave me
peace because it meant I wasn't in any
sort of rush anymore. The problem wasn't
the game. Okay, like Premiere is
[ __ ] and cheaters are horrible, but
barring that stuff, the problem was very
clearly me. I was explaining how the
journey was going to the mother of my
dog and how I was getting increasingly
tilted culminating with that moment in
game 64. And she summed up my problem
perfectly by asking one simple question.
Who do you want to be in those moments?
It's super easy for everyone to be happy
and kind when winning, but when
everything goes wrong and you're down,
who you are in those moments is what
actually makes a difference and takes
way more effort. I was determined to
love this game even when it didn't love
me back. I wasn't beholden to this
[ __ ] challenge. The stupid challenge
was beholden to me, and I was going to
enjoy it. I revamped my warm-up routine
by incorporating even more workshop maps
like spray training and aim tracking for
20 minutes each every day before even
thinking about hopping into deathmatch.
My lease was up at the end of the month,
so I spent most of January apartment
hunting during the day and grinding CS
in the evening. The grind session on PS1
didn't get any easier, nor did
controlling my emotions. But all I could
do was put my head down and remain
consistent every day. My rank wasn't
really improving. I was still often
bottom fragging, but man, I was
definitely having way more fun.
Terrorists win. Yo, good game. Far cry
from how I've been doing, man.
I don't know
how he's
terrorist 100.
Damn. We take that. Yo, thanks for the
hard carry, gang.
Cat, one of them.
Yep. Cat.
[Music]
Counter.
[Music]
Nice.
[Music]
Nice. Red.
Let's [ __ ] go, baby. Let's [ __ ]
go. Keeping us keeping us in this. I
finally secured a new home for my lady,
my dog, and I. But all I managed to
secure in CS was a very familiar return
to 6K. Well, what are you going to do?
Valve, however, decided to hit a lick
and announced during this time that
after a year and some change, it was
finally time for season 1 to receive a
sequel. You'll never guess the title.
And with this transition, every player
would need to once again get 10
placement wins in order to receive their
rank because of course this is happening
right now. Apparently, your previous
rank is used as a jumping off point and
then the placement games will just go
from there depending on your
performance. After moving my things in
the new apartment and getting a bit
settled, I decided it was finally time
to go to the microenter in Brooklyn. CS2
is unfortunately way more demanding than
CS:GO. And while ideally most players
would want at least a consistent 120ish
FPS, CS2 said, "Fuck your CPU. This game
is going to run horribly and fluctuate
all over the place." So, I got a 9800
X3D and a 5080 and an Xbox made by my
nephew and a 3D printed Yoga Ball gamer
made by Drew Gooden to power my new
workhorse. Between my new home, my new
build, and my new mentality, it felt
extremely good to be back on the server
regardless of the outcome. They're
pushing up uh chair side.
Down.
Here comes CT right now. I just heard
one try to jump up window. Be careful.
Yep.
Oh, he's uh he's like on cat beneath
windowish.
To the right. To the right. To the
right.
Go.
I think you got it. You got her. Have
it. You don't have it. You got it. Let's
go, baby. We are so back. I have seen
this movie
before. Mark it.
More market.
Bomb has been planted.
All right. Yeah. Mark it.
He's coming from cat right now.
Terrorist save. That was the partial
save bro.
I On sight. On sight. Open the lock.
Below window. Below window.
[Music]
[ __ ] I should have just played time.
Beautiful. Oh my god. Beefy business
from beefy business, bro. Come on
[Music]
now. Uh, one more cat. Bomb down low.
That's my cat. Nice.
Nice. That was weird. Bomb has planted.
I
think
you're exciting.
grenade. Let's go, buddy. Bet they're
going to come out. Yep. Nice. Bomb down
low. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank
you. That's Oh, I think I heard him.
Yeah, he's up. Wait, what? I heard him
scope in.
He in a scope. Running the guitar and
watching places.
Oh, you like that little doinker right
off rip.
What? Two doinkers.
There he is. Dead as [ __ ] There we are.
Two CT
one stack. Isaac, you guys.
Oh, wait. No, got me.
You got to get this head shot.
Sh. You don't have a choice. Terrorist.
That was entertaining, guys. That was
great. Yeah, it was a great game. Game
88. It was clear at this point that I
was finally becoming someone who could
actually perform under pressure and be
the difference maker.
Flashbang.
Bomb has clean.
Nice. Oh Jesus Christ. Lovely work.
Let's [ __ ] go, baby.
Oh, he's double.
[ __ ]
nice shot. Heard him reloading and so I
was like, I think I could peak this.
What?
Nice sleep.
Get bomb down. Smoke off ramp if you
can.
Bomb has planted on ramp.
[Music]
Brand left side.
Oh my [ __ ] god. Jakey. Holy [ __ ]
Come on.
Oh, you are playing out of your [ __ ]
mind right now. Hell of a try, dude.
Thank you. Terrorist mean your aim. Said
it, man. It's feeling crispy. You have
taken a step. I'm not just blowing smoke
up your ass, dude. Like, thank you, man.
You're making me want to play really bad
right now. That's the That's the feeling
I want to. Very good. We're going to
play, Jakey. I was kind of It's just
You're like a different player. Like,
I'm serious.
You looked really good. Thank you, man.
We ended up losing 8 to 13, but I
honestly felt better after this game
than probably any other game I had
played prior. To hear Jake confirm that
I had truly progressed as a player was
worth so much more than any possible
win. I don't have any footage of this,
but after that game, I went to my
kitchen to get a bowl of cereal, and I
was so deep in thought thinking about
what Jake had said, and I was so stoked
that while I was cleaning this glass
bowl, absent- mindedly, I like slammed
it against the counter, and it broke
into a billion tiny pieces and I got
cuts all over my hands. I was mostly
fine. And I just had to clean up a bunch
of glass. But clearly I was locked
[Music]
in down
low. Beautiful.
On top of uh
Ellis flashing
flash caught it.
[Music]
Oh, got it. Outside. One marshmallow.
There's no
nice good eye on that bomb. Right out of
the range of the [ __ ] flames, bro.
[Music]
Terrorists.
God damn, that felt like I was aimbot.
I'm going to
rotate. Yeah, cat.
[Music]
Okay,
we can't lose the game of three, bro.
I [ __ ] woke up my dog with that one.
What the [ __ ] Keep an eye out for a
cat.
[Music]
CT. Nice.
[Music]
All I needed was one more win. Game 97
with Rick and Nathan. I'm going just let
this play out for a bit. You guys want
to go uh fast then?
Yeah.
[ __ ] [ __ ]
Nice. Good [ __ ] Go down. Go down.
Vince,
he's lit. Got the guy. Vince one ramp.
He's super lit.
He's coming down now.
Just play safe. No, he's he's a double.
Yeah, just sit. I got your cross.
Terrorist win.
Okay, one more. Hey,
straight right there.
What the [ __ ] Coming.
Terrorist win. [ __ ] Let's do it
again. Oh. Oh, [ __ ] Oh, [ __ ] Oh,
Kenny.
One behind. Let's go ramp. Let's go
[Music]
ramp. I want to ramp.
[Music]
Counterterrorists win. And uh let's
let's go secret. I'll throw a smoke. Or
big body, you throw a smoke. You know
what to
do. Oh. Uh-oh. Did you unplug the
router? No, it's out there. Yeah. I
haven't been in here.
Uhoh. In the kitchen. Oh jeez. Oh, I
Okay, I'm I'm back. I'm back. Yo, sorry
gang. My internet crapped out. You're
good. I was worried. I was having an
okay game, providing a big impact at
times, even with my random disconnect.
But even in moments where I faltered, my
teammates were all there to immediately
pick up any slack. Especially big body
Eric.
Nice Eric. Let's go, baby.
and mini weak
bomb has been planted. Oh, you saw him
squeaky. Want you can use that if
needed.
Counterterrorist. I saw the tip of his
barrel, dude. I thought it was tweaked.
That's a good call out, bro.
Secret, I think.
[Music]
It's grown so much.
Oh,
squeaky. Nice. Oh, [ __ ] You have a
molly in case he starts diffusing.
[Music]
Nice
terrorist outside.
He's weak on top of marshmallow. Nice.
[Music]
Oh, let's go.
I
flash to push around.
Nice.
[Music]
I thought he was coming from outside.
Sorry. Sorry.
Counter win. Nice work. Thank you,
Cammy.
Oh my god, there's better rush. They're
all
Yep. One more round.
Oh, you're go. Good [ __ ] Good [ __ ]
Good [ __ ]
Uh, behind you. Where? To the right.
[ __ ] Jesus Christ. No, dude. I've been
[ __ ] up by that so many times.
He ran down.
What's CT
[Music]
spawn?
SP might be I might be heaven right
[Music]
now. He just ran on secret.
Got it. Bomb has been planted.
Damn.
Okay, you got this.
You got a kit.
You got it. There you go.
Ah, nice try, dude. Tried to look up as
fast as I could, dude. My heart was
beating out of my chest. 97. I probably
should have just faked diffuse and
immediately looked up. But I'm guessing
my thought in the moment was that I
didn't know if I had enough time, so I
had to just stick it and couldn't make
up my mind. I don't know. I was feeling
frustrated by this personal mistake
because I wanted this win so bad. And
now we need to win two in a row to
prevent the game from going to overtime.
I had to just shake it off and keep
going up. I don't know why I held it
[Music]
for the most part. What's outside?
[Music]
Marshmallow. [ __ ] Yep.
Marshmallow made it sweet.
Nice picture. Good [ __ ]
They're planning right now. Hey, bomb
has planted.
Nice. Huge. Nice work. One more right.
[Music]
He's
bent. Nice. Drop down. Drop down. Drop
down. Get the
diffuse. Nice. That's everyone. Get it.
There we go. It worked. Nice. It worked.
That was in amazing.
Bomb has been diffused.
Huge round. My heart rate is still crazy
from that previous round, man.
Oh, you guys are doing fine now. You
still got two kills despite that. What
the [ __ ]
Nice. Yeah, they are. There we go.
Deploying flash.
One more out.
One was on high. Okay. Pushing behind.
That's bomb. That's bomb. Good [ __ ]
Let's [ __ ] go. Let's [ __ ] go.
Teags, baby. Oh god, my heart rate was
crazy on those last rounds. Let's go,
bro. I got 10k. What the [ __ ] 10k. What
the [ __ ] Wow.
Let's go. You deserve it, man.
Holy [ __ ] dude. I'm in like near tears
disbelief. Of course that was the
[ __ ] game we got it. Holy [ __ ] That
had to be it, dude. That had to be it.
Oh [ __ ] I'm like shaking. So
Oh my god, dude. 10.6. Not even 10 flat,
bro. Holy [ __ ] dude. And I got the P250
sand dude.
You perform so well, I think. Holy
matches, dude. Like, good [ __ ] bro. I'm
glad I got to witness that. I was in
disbelief. Honestly, I think I was still
recovering from that one round and
couldn't even fully process what just
happened. Five months of my life and
hundreds of hours later, I finally did
it. And eventually, I purchased my 10K
goal, the knife I dreamt about for my
monochrome setup, an urban mast
butterfly for
$820, which felt insane to actually
purchase, but hey, it was part of the
plan, right? And for a couple weeks, I
continued playing regularly. I even
managed to hit 12K in Premiere cuz my
performance remained really solid after
that game. But at the same time, I
couldn't shake this weird hollow
feeling. Part of it was, I think, the
reality setting in that damn, now I have
to actually sort through hundreds of
files and figure out how the hell I was
going to make this video. But mostly, I
think I just actually missed the grind.
As brutal as it was, it felt good to
have a specific goal to chase every day
and consistently work toward that goal.
I fantasized about hitting 10K for so
long. But as cliche as it sounds, it
turned out the journey was far more
interesting than the destination. And I
didn't want the journey to end. And even
though I had wet dreams about this
knife, I was having just as meaningful
an experience with the vanilla one.
Yeah. Woo. Woo! Let's [ __ ] go. So, I
sold it and my gloves and most of my
inventory. I sold nearly everything
except my trusty Snake K47. And then I
went back to MicroEnter. For this entire
journey, both Big Body Operations Eric
and Shig Jake had been streaming on
Twitch. But with how demanding CS2 was
on Jake's setup, he barely managed 100
FPS and it was even worse while
streaming. It meant so much to have a
coach like Shig, but it means even more
to have a friend like
Jake. Ah, [ __ ] I knew this part was
[Music]
coming. The only reason I'm even a part
of this Counterstrike world is because
of how many hours I've enjoyed watching
Jake play CS since the beginning of our
friendship, regardless of our zip codes.
So, I bought him a new CPU and
motherboard and dedicated RAM because
now he could maybe actually play Train
without the rain effects making his
games stutter and run at 70 FPS. He
hates playing Train because of it and I
always want to play it cuz I like Train.
Uh, also shout out the [ __ ] guys at
the Brooklyn MicroEnter. They were so
sweet. We have MicroEnter in Brooklyn,
New York, baby. We got that bundle. Got
the best deals. We got that bundle. Best
deals. Thank you, Jake. Mhm. Thank you
for
being able to enjoy a game with a friend
felt far more important and rewarding
than a fancy virtual knife I could spin
around. Not that I didn't like spinning
it around. I'm still human. I I love a
butterfly knife and I'm sure at some
point I'll, you know, I'm I'm not immune
to my love for cosmetics. I'm sure I'll
buy another knife at some point. Or
maybe I won't. I don't know.
Counterstrike is truly more than just a
game to me at this point. Yes, it's
unfortunately also a vehicle for
gambling, and I will always feel
conflicted about that side. But it is
also the primary way I get to spend time
and keep in touch with friends I no
longer live near, or even the ones I do
live near. It's the sport I now
primarily watch. It's the hobby that
reminds me that I am capable of learning
new skills and quite frankly, growing as
a person. My journey with CS isn't done.
It never will be. And I know 15K is
possible, even though I should probably
just go play Face It instead. And that's
why starting May 30th, I'm gonna start
streaming on Twitch again on a regular
schedule to grind CS and anything else.
I feel like [ __ ] it. We're going to
grind. We're going to speedrun grind
session. I don't know. I've taken a bit
of a break from playing CS while making
this longass video, but I do still need
to help Rick get to 10K like he did for
me. He streams nearly every night at
twitch.tv/bigbody operations. Jake
occasionally streams as well if his
schedule allows and you can find him at
twitch.tv/shigcs. Thank you so much for
watching my video. I will see you soon.