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[1:18] Want to be starting something? plays
[1:20] over a full minute of logos, proving
[1:21] this movie does not, in fact, want to be
[1:23] starting something. Bad start, Michael.
[1:25] BAD START.
[1:27] Michael Jackson demonstrates the
[1:28] emotional state of every Cinema Sins
[1:30] writer assigned to a biopic. Also,
[1:32] Comcast
[1:35] chant credits, in case you confused it
[1:37] with Gary Cise. Also, movie introduces
[1:39] Gary before Michael. How's the beeping,
[1:41] Michael? How's the beeping, Michael?
[1:43] Michael. Michael.
[1:44] >> Mike, get back in line. Movie King
[1:45] Richards itself so hard from the get-go,
[1:47] I felt like I was getting slapped in the
[1:48] face by Will Smith in front of a live
[1:50] audience. Thank goodness that's not
[1:51] something Will Smith would do to anyone
[1:53] in real life. This makeup occupies the
[1:55] fascinating middle ground between Joseph
[1:56] Domingo and Coleman Jackson. This
[1:58] Volkswagen product placement is
[1:59] directing interested customers to the
[2:01] year 1966.
[2:02] >> Mikey, why are you playing with your
[2:04] food?
[2:04] >> Movie has time to prove that those give
[2:06] it to Mikey, he'll eat anything
[2:07] commercials were always [ __ ]
[2:08] >> Come on. You know he never eats.
[2:10] >> Shut up, Latoya.
[2:11] >> Poor Latoya. I can't imagine what it
[2:13] must have been like to be the only girl
[2:14] in the Jackson family because Joseph and
[2:16] Catherine Jackson only had the one
[2:17] daughter. No need to fact check.
[2:19] >> Look, I made a face.
[2:20] >> Just count Mr. Bill.
[2:21] >> Let me tell you something.
[2:22] >> Cuz it's the fastest who gets paid and
[2:24] it's the fastest who gets laid.
[2:26] >> Yeah. Some poor black kids from Gary,
[2:28] Indiana. Ain't nothing going to be added
[2:30] to you.
[2:30] >> Joseph Jackson is saying an
[2:32] uncomfortable truth here. The problem is
[2:33] that acknowledging structural realities
[2:35] of race and poverty makes him a
[2:36] considerably more complicated antagonist
[2:38] than your typical stock abusive father.
[2:40] And the movie never fully develops him
[2:41] into a person whose worst behaviors were
[2:43] built around some very real
[2:44] observations.
[2:45] >> No more Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlin,
[2:49] >> or Janet, Randy, or Reby either,
[2:51] apparently. Throwing coins at performers
[2:52] on stage.
[2:53] >> Set up your instruments. Come on.
[2:54] >> They have school in the morning. What do
[2:55] you mean?
[2:56] >> The movie spends a lot of time showing
[2:57] the Jacksons practicing and almost no
[2:59] time showing what they were practicing.
[3:00] Did Joseph Jackson have an actual
[3:02] teaching philosophy or was his entire
[3:04] curriculum just again?
[3:05] >> You tired and you think you did good. Is
[3:07] that right, Michael? Seriously, the
[3:08] heavy makeup and prosthetics can be so
[3:10] distracting at times. I think I'm about
[3:11] to hear Eddie Murphy's impersonation of
[3:13] a Queen's Barber whenever he opens his
[3:15] mouth.
[3:15] >> You and you. Who's next?
[3:18] >> Gone. Big nose.
[3:20] >> The biopic equivalent of planting a tree
[3:22] whose fruit is future plastic surgery.
[3:24] >> Captain Hook met his fate in the jaws of
[3:26] his old enemy.
[3:27] >> Actually, in just about every version of
[3:28] Peter Pan, Captain Hook survives this.
[3:30] So, also, the other Jackson kids are
[3:32] sleeping surprisingly well with Michael
[3:33] inventing the audio book and all.
[3:35] Michael appears to have confused
[3:36] emotional processing with evidence for
[3:37] the audience creation. Living room
[3:39] rehearsal. Joseph asking Michael to keep
[3:41] his eyes on him. More living room
[3:42] rehearsal. Excitement. Movia has given
[3:44] this Volkswagen bus more screen time
[3:46] than several family members. Reading.
[3:48] The audience knows Michael will
[3:49] eventually star in The Whiz, so the
[3:50] movie plants the Wizard of Oz in his
[3:52] childhood as a retroactive destiny
[3:53] marker. The movie spends a lot of time
[3:55] showing us how Michael Jackson assembled
[3:56] his identity as a performer. Every
[3:58] influence becomes a future dance move,
[4:00] vocal choice, or stage persona. By the
[4:01] end of the film, Michael Jackson feels
[4:03] meticulously constructed as an
[4:04] entertainer and strangely underdeveloped
[4:06] as a human being. Joseph's narrative
[4:07] function as an abuser continues
[4:09] replacing his character with a living,
[4:10] breathing trauma explanation. Laughing
[4:12] together as a family gets reduced to a
[4:14] montage footnote while every trauma
[4:16] receives a full congressional hearing.
[4:18] Also, generic shot of a family laughing
[4:19] around the dinner table during a montage
[4:21] is generic and montagey.
[4:24] >> We are laughing.
[4:25] >> Am I removing a sin for never can say
[4:27] goodbye? Yes. Am I adding a sin because
[4:29] we aren't even into 1969 yet and they
[4:31] didn't release this song until 1971?
[4:32] Also, yes. Mot
[4:35] laughing at a noun.
[4:36] >> I'll be in touch, Mr. Jackson.
[4:38] >> Suzanne says she'll be in touch, but
[4:40] gives Joseph a card with her number on
[4:41] it and doesn't get his number. Is she
[4:42] going to call her own number? Also, the
[4:44] movie wants us to believe that Suzanne
[4:45] Deac discovered the Jackson 5 and
[4:47] brought them to Mottown Records, but in
[4:49] reality, a Canadian soul band helped
[4:51] them get a recorded audition at Mottown
[4:53] that convinced Barry Gordy to sign them.
[4:54] So, the sin as always is Canada. Also,
[4:57] also the Jackson 5's brief and exciting
[4:59] search for industry connections has been
[5:00] completed at the speed required by the
[5:02] runtime. Nice year.
[5:04] >> We'll start with Michael.
[5:05] >> This subtle foreshadowing of Michael as
[5:06] the alpha and the omega of pop music.
[5:08] Heaven Loren Tate and Neil Long both in
[5:10] the same movie, but not giving them one
[5:12] scene together and the proper reunion
[5:13] that all of us Love Jones fans have been
[5:15] jonesing for.
[5:16] >> Michael, um, this is Clen Fandango. Can
[5:18] you hear me?
[5:19] >> Say Joseph, don't you worry about
[5:20] keeping the boys on schedule. We got
[5:22] this over here. Joseph Jackson's
[5:23] displacement becomes one of the movies's
[5:25] biggest recurring tracks. The deeper
[5:27] cuts appear to have been left off the
[5:28] album, but also scene sets up all this
[5:30] tension between Joseph and Barry Gordy
[5:32] that is never brought up again. Gordy is
[5:33] only in a couple more scenes after this
[5:35] bit and they're basically drivebys.
[5:36] Pointless tension is pointless.
[5:38] >> I've been doing this a long time. Never
[5:39] heard a voice quite like yours.
[5:41] >> The Supremes, the four tops, Marvin Gay,
[5:43] the Temptations, Glattus Knight, and
[5:44] Stevie Wonder have all entered the chat.
[5:46] >> What's EQ?
[5:46] >> Equalization.
[5:47] >> And Antoine Fukqua directed The
[5:49] Equalizer, which can't possibly be
[5:50] unrelated. movie treats this hug like a
[5:52] major transfer of emotional power. Yet,
[5:54] there are no signs that either Joseph or
[5:56] Barry experienced the quickening.
[5:58] >> Hey, Michael, you can ask me anything
[5:59] anytime you want.
[6:00] >> And by most accounts, Barry Gordy was an
[6:02] influential figure in Michael's life.
[6:03] But judging by Loren Tate's screen time,
[6:05] Michael never asked him another question
[6:06] that the movie thought was relevant.
[6:08] >> In this business, you can make up just
[6:09] about anything.
[6:10] >> Bold statement coming from a movie based
[6:12] on a true story, humanity briefly
[6:13] considered making televisions almost
[6:15] round.
[6:16] >> Michael, how old are you? presenting
[6:17] child superstardom as a fascinating fact
[6:19] rather than a potentially alarming
[6:21] situation. In this press conference,
[6:22] Michael has asked how old he is. And
[6:24] even though he's 10, he says eight, like
[6:26] Barry Gordy instructed him to. So this
[6:27] movie has now spent two goddamn scenes
[6:29] on this kid lying about his age by two
[6:31] whole [ __ ] years. And yet it gives us
[6:33] zero explanation as to why that's
[6:34] important and it never comes up again.
[6:36] Musical biopic has a random insert of
[6:38] the Billboard chart showing the song's
[6:40] climb to the top cliche. This Peacock
[6:42] reminding me I need to cancel Peacock
[6:43] before I get build again. There is more
[6:45] Disney masturbation going on in this
[6:46] movie than in most movies that are
[6:47] actually produced by Walt Disney.
[6:49] >> And make sure you put your rat in the
[6:50] cage this time.
[6:51] >> Movie accidentally credits Marlon
[6:52] Jackson on melancholy and the infinite
[6:54] sadness.
[6:55] >> Meet Bill Bray. He's your new head of
[6:56] security.
[6:57] >> Skipping the casual chain of why
[6:59] security and jumping straight to the
[7:00] narrative importance of this guy. Also,
[7:02] Bill Bray spends the rest of the movie
[7:03] appearing to be both head of security
[7:05] and all of security.
[7:06] >> Guard him with your life.
[7:07] >> I don't know why this line is trying to
[7:08] make me think Bill eventually took a
[7:10] bullet for Michael instead of living to
[7:11] be 80 years old. Michael, you're missing
[7:14] the best part.
[7:15] >> Pretending there's even a good part in
[7:16] Singing in the Rain. Also, Michael
[7:18] watches Singing in the Rain and the
[7:19] movie immediately starts refining it
[7:21] into the fuel for some future
[7:23] performance, ignoring the possibility
[7:24] that he simply enjoyed a film wanton.
[7:26] >> And llamas have three stomachs so they
[7:28] can digest their food because all they
[7:30] eat is vegetables.
[7:31] >> Support for my argument that I'm
[7:32] anatomically obligated to eat
[7:34] cheeseburgers somehow makes it into the
[7:35] script.
[7:36] >> So, you want me to bring some spitting,
[7:37] agitated animal into my house? Catherine
[7:39] acts like she didn't raise nine
[7:41] children.
[7:41] >> And you don't need another pet.
[7:43] >> They're not my pets. They're my friends.
[7:45] >> As generic and tiresome as much of this
[7:47] movie can be, one striking thing is the
[7:50] performances. And while Jafar Jackson is
[7:51] rightly credited for bringing the pop
[7:53] singer to life as an adult, we shouldn't
[7:54] discount Juliano Valdi's performance as
[7:56] a young Michael. He makes acting seem
[7:58] like it's ABC. Easy as one, two, three.
[8:00] Sorry, I'll leave now.
[8:02] >> But don't you want to meet real friends?
[8:03] Like kids your own age?
[8:05] >> I'm not like the other kids. They don't
[8:07] treat me like a real person. All they
[8:09] want to do is stare at and take pictures
[8:10] of me.
[8:11] >> The psychology of growing up famous
[8:12] enough that your peers stop treating you
[8:14] like a person may have deserved more
[8:16] than one conversation in a movie
[8:17] covering the entirety of his youth.
[8:18] >> Then you know what Jehovah says.
[8:20] >> Scene that mentions Jehovah does not
[8:22] also contain a Last Crusade.
[8:23] >> May you let your light shine.
[8:25] >> Understanding skip. Michael delivers an
[8:27] emotionally convincing performance of
[8:28] I'll be there in a movie mostly
[8:30] uninterested in the question of where a
[8:32] child acquired that emotional
[8:33] vocabulary. serenating an audience
[8:35] member without their explicit consent. I
[8:36] know it's the 70s and I have heard the
[8:38] Steve Harvey bit, but god damn, as
[8:40] popular as the Jackson 5 were at this
[8:42] point, they couldn't afford to have more
[8:43] than one mic on stage.
[8:44] >> Pure escapism, Quincy.
[8:46] >> Damn, Jafar Jackson nails the voice
[8:47] without making it weird. Well, any
[8:49] weirder than Michael Jackson's voice
[8:50] already wants?
[8:51] >> How are you going to tell your father
[8:52] about a solo album?
[8:53] >> Just the tip of the iceberg on what
[8:54] we'll hear about Joseph's feelings on
[8:56] Michael's solo career. While the movie
[8:57] remains considerably less curious about
[8:59] his brother's opinions on the matter. I
[9:00] need you to tell my father that the solo
[9:02] album is your idea.
[9:04] >> I hope you enjoy that. Michael decides
[9:05] something he wants to do but is scared
[9:07] to tell his dad so he'll have someone
[9:08] else do it until finally he kind of does
[9:10] it himself in the end stick because it
[9:11] will happen around 87 more times.
[9:13] >> I need the freedom to write the music
[9:15] and lyrics that pop into my head.
[9:17] >> The movie treats this like a major
[9:18] creative breakthrough without ever fully
[9:20] explaining what was stopping Michael
[9:21] from writing songs in the first place.
[9:22] It's not like we all arrived at the
[9:24] theater with a working knowledge of
[9:25] 1970s Mottown songwriting policies. I
[9:27] own his ass from 9 to5.
[9:29] >> Painting the life of a rock star as a
[9:31] Monday through Friday 9 to5 situation
[9:32] might be the most unbelievable part of
[9:34] this movie.
[9:34] >> We get some sleep, Lily.
[9:36] >> The movie keeps presenting potentially
[9:37] deeper character revealing behaviors and
[9:39] then filing them away under Michael was
[9:41] quirky. Also, kissing a llama without
[9:43] his explicit consent.
[9:44] >> You ready, Joker?
[9:44] >> Honestly, one of the better portrayals
[9:46] of the character that DC has put out in
[9:48] recent years. I'd
[9:48] >> rather let Louie drive.
[9:50] >> To be fair, llamas are statistically
[9:51] better drivers than 98% of humans.
[9:53] >> Keep these feet still. The fact that
[9:55] this movie thinks Michael not being able
[9:56] to keep his feet still in a recording
[9:58] studio is an interesting enough subject
[9:59] that it had to be broached twice.
[10:01] >> You're confident, you're strong, you're
[10:04] beautiful.
[10:04] >> Using a discount Steuart Smallley guide
[10:06] to hyping yourself up in the recording
[10:08] studio.
[10:08] >> I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And
[10:10] dog gone it, people like me.
[10:12] >> The song he is singing, Don't Stop Till
[10:14] You Get Enough, becomes a musical
[10:15] metaphor for consuming enough great
[10:17] Michael Jackson songs that you stop
[10:18] noticing how little new information
[10:20] you're learning about Michael Jackson. I
[10:21] hope Michael will ask the air for
[10:22] consent for gyrating that forcefully,
[10:24] but I doubt he did. The days when Tower
[10:26] Records still existed in the US. Godamn
[10:28] you, Spotify. Fan mail will consume a
[10:30] surprising square footage of this house
[10:32] and this movie's runtime. Michael's
[10:33] charitable work isn't really up for
[10:34] debate here. The movie's tendency to
[10:36] deploy it as supporting evidence
[10:37] absolutely is. Scarface money counting
[10:39] meme energy. Oh man, they drag poor
[10:42] Robbie Williams into this mess.
[10:43] >> I want you to be my new friend. Bubbles
[10:45] >> scene does not contain the relief on
[10:46] Joseph and Catherine's face when the
[10:48] bubbles Michael is referring to ends up
[10:50] being a chimpanzeee and not a random
[10:51] stripper he brought home. Also, we are
[10:53] currently in the year of our lord 1980.
[10:55] And while the exact year that Michael
[10:56] adopted bubbles has never been agreed
[10:57] upon publicly, it was definitely closer
[10:59] to 1983 than 1980. Movie doesn't adopt
[11:01] bubbles correctly.
[11:02] >> I rescued him from this awful place, you
[11:04] know, where they do testing on animals.
[11:06] >> But I left all the other animals there
[11:07] because [ __ ] them. Am I right?
[11:09] >> Chimps are sensitive though, you know,
[11:10] discern sounds and and people. Movie
[11:12] thinks it has time for a quick lesson on
[11:14] the safety measures to take around
[11:15] chimpanzees and it does not.
[11:17] >> This is Neverland.
[11:18] >> Movie repeatedly points us toward it
[11:20] connection to Peter Pan as though the
[11:22] reference itself constitutes an
[11:23] explanation.
[11:24] >> The Lost Boys
[11:25] >> scene mentioning the Lost Boys does not
[11:27] contain a Kefir William Frederick
[11:29] Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland.
[11:30] >> Just Ben cream from a veneiligo.
[11:32] >> Somehow certain topics became mandatory
[11:34] stops on the Michael Jackson storytime
[11:36] express.
[11:36] >> You see my face isn't symmetrical.
[11:38] >> It is.
[11:40] >> You're the boss. Bruce Springsteen has
[11:41] entered the chat trying to touch the
[11:43] whole world without enthusiastic
[11:44] consent.
[11:45] >> Maybe I should get a nose job.
[11:46] >> Sister
[11:47] >> muscle says everybody does.
[11:48] >> Taking your plastic surgery advice from
[11:50] a python. As reported in many medical
[11:52] journals, pythons give terrible medical
[11:54] advice. Also using everybody does it as
[11:56] your reason for doing said thing
[11:57] everybody is doing.
[11:58] >> The Jackson family is the brand. That's
[12:01] our Coca-Cola.
[12:02] >> The Rock and Roller Cola Wars are never
[12:04] credited on this film.
[12:05] >> Folks going to go out there and stop
[12:06] buying some Pepsi.
[12:07] >> They will not. Let's go. Michael storms
[12:08] out of the family meeting to find Billy
[12:10] ready and waiting by his car. This may
[12:11] have really happened this way, but it's
[12:13] still hella convenient that he wasn't
[12:14] taking a poop. Wait, did Billy read the
[12:16] script? One minute of mopey motor
[12:17] moving.
[12:18] >> And no matter what you do, he's only
[12:19] ever going to see it as a family
[12:21] success.
[12:21] >> Viscount Den Visel encourages you to
[12:23] move against the family. Oh no. Movie
[12:25] really spells this one out for us and
[12:27] underlines it multiple times. The fact
[12:29] that skinny ties were ever in fashion.
[12:31] >> I mean, the whole point's going solo,
[12:33] right? Alex Hnold. Every time he walks
[12:34] past something that doesn't need to be
[12:35] climbed, somehow makes it into the
[12:37] script.
[12:37] >> You want to be the biggest star in the
[12:38] world.
[12:39] >> Can you help make that happen?
[12:40] >> They could have just smashed cut to
[12:41] Michael standing on the torch of the
[12:42] Statue of Liberty and gotten me out of
[12:43] here in under an hour.
[12:44] >> How?
[12:45] >> Because I believe there's no one like
[12:47] you.
[12:48] >> John Brana was just asked how he could
[12:49] make Michael the biggest star in the
[12:51] world. And instead of answering
[12:52] specifically how he would do it, he just
[12:53] blew more smoke up Michael's ass. And so
[12:55] this works. Joseph did not get fired by
[12:57] Fax Machine in real life. And I don't
[12:59] mind the movie attempting to make this a
[13:00] more dramatic kind of thing than what
[13:02] was probably a boring meaning in real
[13:04] life. But fired by facts isn't exactly
[13:06] lighting the place on fire either. This
[13:08] joker's got terrible marksmanship.
[13:09] >> How do I sign this?
[13:11] >> Signing something that the person is now
[13:12] forced to purchase in order to keep the
[13:14] autograph. Also, autographing items in a
[13:16] store before the customers have bought
[13:17] said items.
[13:18] >> Guys, look. I got Twister.
[13:20] >> I can't figure out if it's weirder that
[13:22] Michael thinks his grown brothers would
[13:23] want to play Twister or that if he was
[13:25] that into board games, he didn't already
[13:27] own Twister. Or maybe I'm just weird.
[13:28] Let's just send all three. Who has time
[13:30] for this? His dad is right there when he
[13:32] turns around because being caught off
[13:33] guard remains one of the cheapest ways
[13:35] to manufacture tension. Also, Michael
[13:37] seems surprisingly unprepared for the
[13:38] possibility of encountering the angry
[13:40] man he just fired in the house they both
[13:41] live in.
[13:42] >> Firing your own father.
[13:43] >> Thinking that's worse than exploiting
[13:44] your own son for your own financial
[13:46] gain. And maybe that's the point. But
[13:47] god damn it, I still hate fathers like
[13:49] Joseph. So, I'm going to send the out of
[13:50] him.
[13:50] >> You got a lot to learn about family.
[13:52] >> Joe will continue trying to get this
[13:53] movie to cross over into the Fast
[13:55] franchise.
[13:56] >> He's an actor. He's a movie director and
[13:58] he writes songs.
[13:59] >> I have a dog.
[14:00] >> Kids,
[14:01] >> it's a dog send. He's getting fat.
[14:03] >> Body shaming your pets. What an [ __ ]
[14:05] >> If Haley's comic came every year, just
[14:08] year after year, would you look at it?
[14:10] >> Yes. Humans line up for Manhattan every
[14:13] year. Michael, we are not complicated.
[14:14] >> If I'm not here to receive these ideas,
[14:17] God might give him the prince.
[14:20] >> But also, that's Princess. I can't
[14:22] imagine a world where taking your llama
[14:23] for a walk makes you the weird one.
[14:28] This finger snapping song forming
[14:29] sequence just beats it for all the
[14:31] sometime. As someone who believed before
[14:33] the movie that the man had thoughts and
[14:34] took notes, I find that not much is
[14:36] being revealed here.
[14:37] >> I think music and dance is what we all
[14:39] have in common.
[14:40] >> Michael gives a stump speech about why
[14:41] gang violence is bad. And the movie
[14:43] seems prepared to declare mission cure
[14:44] the world of gang violence accomplished.
[14:46] We're still beating it, y'all. The
[14:48] movie's idea of people working on this
[14:49] together is less meaningful rhetorical
[14:51] exchange and more watching Michael and
[14:53] professional dancers rehearse
[14:54] choreography. Considering Michael's
[14:55] infamous sponsorship of Pepsi Coke's
[14:57] product placement in this movie might be
[14:58] the biggest [ __ ] you and I don't hate
[15:00] it. I'm going to send it, but I don't
[15:01] hate it.
[15:02] >> CBS wants you to call the album Michael
[15:03] Jackson
[15:04] >> two week century.
[15:05] >> But this is not his first album. He
[15:07] would call the first album Michael or
[15:08] Michael Jackson, not a later album. So
[15:10] the sin is always his record executives
[15:12] and Michael Jackson since in 2010 he
[15:14] would release an album called Michael
[15:15] like an [ __ ] If a horror movie is
[15:17] being shown on television within a
[15:18] movie, nine times out of 10 it's Night
[15:20] of the Living Dead because it's in the
[15:21] public domain cliche.
[15:23] >> That's rock and roll. That's some Van
[15:24] Halen.
[15:25] >> I mean, maybe some Van Halen 3 [ __ ] but
[15:27] otherwise, it most definitely is not. I
[15:29] get you can't do a Michael Jackson movie
[15:31] covering the 80s without showing some of
[15:32] the thriller video, but it's still
[15:34] cliched as hell and not as thrilling as
[15:36] the movie would lead you to believe, and
[15:37] definitely getting sick. Also, it's a
[15:39] great music video. I've seen it a
[15:41] thousand times. However, watching it
[15:42] again somehow still doesn't tell me much
[15:44] about the man making it.
[15:45] >> If this kid did a duet with Reaper, we'd
[15:48] own the goddamn country charts.
[15:49] >> You're okay, Shrek.
[15:50] >> We need to get his videos on MTV. MTV
[15:53] tries as hard as it can to not play
[15:54] music cliche.
[15:56] >> Believe me, John, I have tried.
[15:58] >> With love, Walter, please try harder.
[16:00] >> And this record executive's heart grew
[16:01] three sizes that day. He was having a
[16:04] coronary, but once word spread of
[16:05] Michael's powerful and vengeful magic, a
[16:07] fear for their lives compelled MTV to
[16:09] embrace black artists while somehow
[16:10] continuing to grow more racist with each
[16:12] successive season of The Real World.
[16:14] >> Better still, second row. You don't want
[16:16] to be in the front row for them. Those
[16:17] French artists, they're not so big on
[16:19] showering.
[16:19] >> That's frenchest. Also, how would being
[16:21] only one row back help you get away from
[16:23] the stench?
[16:24] >> You can put them all in a plastic bag,
[16:26] cover the plastic bag in Crisco, and
[16:28] then shove them up your ass. Yeah, your
[16:31] butthole.
[16:32] >> Krisco later issued guidance that this
[16:33] was outside the intended use and put you
[16:35] at higher risk for cholesterol-related
[16:37] heart disease, but stopped short of
[16:39] actively discouraging it. Also, the idea
[16:40] that the head of MTV would have to have
[16:42] the meaning of ass explained to him.
[16:43] movie makes it seem like Michael
[16:44] performed Billy Gene at the Mottown
[16:46] Special after he filmed the Thriller
[16:47] video. But the Mottown special was
[16:49] filmed in March of 1983 and aired in May
[16:51] of 1983. The Thriller Video didn't even
[16:53] start filming until September of 1983.
[16:56] >> They single-handedly revitalized the
[16:58] music business.
[16:58] >> This movie sure is a lot of tell and no
[17:00] show. Maybe we could have at least seen
[17:01] a little more of how he revitalized the
[17:03] music business and less shopping for
[17:04] toys. This singular dance move blew the
[17:06] world's collective mind loads. So, it
[17:08] would be criminal for a Michael Jackson
[17:10] biopic not to include it. However, this
[17:12] doesn't mean that the process by which a
[17:13] human being first conceived of moving
[17:15] like that must remain classified. Movie
[17:17] acts like this crowd is any different
[17:18] than a typical day in New York City.
[17:20] Random final appearance of Barry Gordy
[17:22] is random.
[17:22] >> I love the way you promote your
[17:24] fighters. You're the king of marketing.
[17:25] >> Don King was a hell of a marketing
[17:27] genius, but there were also countless
[17:28] marketing geniuses that actually worked
[17:30] in the music business that Joseph would
[17:32] have been able to contact just as
[17:33] easily. Just because the Don King
[17:34] connection really happened doesn't make
[17:36] it any less weird.
[17:37] >> I may have something for you,
[17:38] >> Pepsi.
[17:38] >> Don King survives this. people who lays
[17:40] around the house watching television who
[17:42] don't take off their ties first.
[17:44] >> Why are you here?
[17:44] >> Well, he's here because the movie
[17:46] remains convinced that Joseph Jackson
[17:47] was the only obstacle in Michael's life
[17:49] story and will continue to act
[17:50] accordingly.
[17:51] >> Can a father visit his son?
[17:52] >> Equating visiting your son to snooping
[17:54] around your son's bedroom when they
[17:55] aren't there.
[17:56] >> How many need you to do this for me, for
[17:57] your family?
[17:58] >> The movie remains frustratingly vague on
[18:00] whether Joseph needs the victory tour
[18:02] for his family, his finances, his
[18:03] legacy, his ego, or some combination
[18:05] thereof. Yeah, you'll be with all the
[18:07] money in the world surrounded by people
[18:09] who say yes to everything.
[18:11] >> Joe is kind of right here. And the movie
[18:12] does want you to know that, but it never
[18:14] really wants you to feel that. Pepsi
[18:15] almost killed arguably the most popular
[18:17] person on the planet and didn't have to
[18:19] shut down. The whole thing is [ __ ] up,
[18:21] but in a weirdly impressive way. I mean,
[18:22] 2 hours of that legal minefield might
[18:24] have been a more revealing narrative.
[18:25] >> You have to stay on the demo for a
[18:27] while.
[18:27] >> I don't want to take medication. through
[18:29] line to the circumstances of his
[18:31] ultimate death is hinted at here as if
[18:32] it is out of necessity even though it is
[18:34] not in service of the story.
[18:36] >> You see the number of people who have
[18:37] already gathered outside the hospital.
[18:39] If that isn't a testament to the star
[18:41] power of Michael Jackson, I don't know
[18:43] what is.
[18:43] >> It's also the testament to how nosy and
[18:45] unaware of personal boundaries most
[18:47] people are. But for whatever reason, the
[18:49] news never reports that aspect. I'm not
[18:50] trying to downplay the extent to which
[18:52] prescription meds led to the eventual
[18:54] death of Michael Jackson, but this
[18:55] movie's obvious and somewhat tackless
[18:57] way of pointing us to where it started
[18:58] is obvious and tackless. This movie
[19:00] beats us over the head with a Peter Pan
[19:02] metaphor harder than Peter Pan's
[19:03] Neverland Nightmare. I didn't actually
[19:05] see that movie, but just wanted to point
[19:06] out the absurdity of a slasher film
[19:08] called Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare.
[19:10] >> What about the other boys?
[19:11] >> And Latoya can just go herself, I guess.
[19:13] Jafar Jackson's stage performance as
[19:14] Michael is very effective. I don't have
[19:16] an interesting way to say everything.
[19:17] Jeez, the Dodgers. This is our last and
[19:20] final tour.
[19:20] >> I get the telling his dad to off part of
[19:22] all this, but his brothers have done
[19:24] nothing. And I feel like at the very
[19:26] least, Michael could have let them in on
[19:27] this plan, making me kind of dislike the
[19:29] title character less than 10 minutes
[19:31] from the ending is a weird shift, but
[19:32] here we are. Movie ends on 4 minutes and
[19:34] 4 seconds of a bad performance. Also,
[19:36] this movie is 75% musical montages and
[19:39] performances. And while considering it's
[19:40] a movie about arguably the most famous
[19:42] musical artist ever, it makes sense we'd
[19:44] hear some songs, but there is so little
[19:46] story in between that it almost feels
[19:47] like a selection of home videos versus
[19:49] an intricately laidout story. And maybe
[19:51] you'd say, "I just came to hear the
[19:52] songs." And then I would say, "That's
[19:54] what Spotify is for, asshole." And then
[19:55] you would say, "Why so hostile?" And
[19:57] then I would give my best Julia Styles
[19:58] impression and say,
[19:59] >> "I'm not hostile. I'm annoyed."
[20:02] >> And then you would say, "Oh god, 10
[20:03] Things I Hate About You is a bigger
[20:04] insult to Shakespeare than she's the
[20:06] man." And then I killed you. juxtaposing
[20:08] the possible death of this woman with
[20:09] Michael Jackson lighting up the crowd
[20:10] was a choice.
[20:13] And that was it. Nothing else ever
[20:16] happened of any interest in Michael
[20:17] Jackson's life. That is the end of the
[20:20] story. Oh, it's not the end of the
[20:21] story. They've just decided to build two
[20:22] biopics for twice the price.
[20:30] Why does it hurt so much?