[0:00] so i've watched the final two episodes
[0:02] of neon genesis evangelion as well as
[0:04] the end of evangelion and i have
[0:08] thoughts
[0:09] and feelings and
[0:12] ideas
[0:13] and i want to share them with you and
[0:15] what you're about to see is an excerpt
[0:17] from my weekly show story secrets that i
[0:20] record every week for my patrons if you
[0:23] would like to get access to the full
[0:25] show take a look at patreon.com father
[0:29] roderick i would love it if you could
[0:30] join my patreon community
[0:36] [Music]
[0:49] in this episode i want to talk about my
[0:51] first impressions and it's just first
[0:53] impressions i'm not at the point yet
[0:54] where i would dare to give an analysis
[0:57] and an explanation of the finale of this
[1:00] story but i want to
[1:02] tell you
[1:03] what my first thoughts are after having
[1:06] seen the two last episodes of the
[1:08] television series
[1:10] and then also the two other episodes
[1:12] that were made a year later after the
[1:15] television series finale got a lot of
[1:18] backlash from from the fans at the time
[1:21] so they retold the story of what happens
[1:24] at the end
[1:25] of of uh
[1:27] shinji's journey you could say
[1:30] but this time from another perspective
[1:32] and and from a different angle and also
[1:34] with changes and it's fascinating uh to
[1:39] juxtapose these two to compare them to
[1:41] one another
[1:42] and it also had a huge impact on me
[1:45] because i was expecting certain things
[1:48] to happen and i was at first utterly
[1:50] confused and i have had a lot of
[1:52] emotions while watching both the ending
[1:54] of the television series and also
[1:56] the end of evangelion that's the name
[1:59] the overall title for these two
[2:01] kind of remake
[2:03] remade episodes
[2:05] um
[2:06] and and that that kind of wraps up that
[2:08] first part of the story because of
[2:09] course the manga continues the story and
[2:12] there are also a few other
[2:14] made for tv
[2:16] uh
[2:16] movies
[2:17] that have come out afterwards which i
[2:19] haven't seen yet but i'll get to that at
[2:21] a later point
[2:22] so that's what i would want to do first
[2:24] give you my overall
[2:27] sentiment and my first thoughts about
[2:29] the way this story
[2:31] uh ends and and where everything that
[2:34] i've been studying for so many months
[2:36] actually led to
[2:37] um and and and then what i want to do
[2:40] next time
[2:41] is
[2:42] to go back and re-watch now that i know
[2:44] how the story is ending
[2:47] i want to go
[2:48] back to the first episode and do a deep
[2:51] dive analysis of everything
[2:54] that i now can see in that first episode
[2:57] and then the second and the third we'll
[2:59] we'll be busy for a while
[3:01] that i've met that i missed because i
[3:03] didn't know where the story went i
[3:04] didn't know the full background this is
[3:06] one of those genius stories that
[3:09] it really pays off to go back after
[3:11] you've seen how it ends
[3:13] it's kind of
[3:14] a little bit with you know i'm a big
[3:16] star wars fan with star wars as well
[3:18] what they do now is to enhance the
[3:20] movies that we already know
[3:22] by telling the backstory so we've seen
[3:25] the story of obi-wan kenobi and now that
[3:28] we know how he spent his time on
[3:30] tatooine between the prequels and a new
[3:33] hope
[3:34] that when you now re-watch a new hope
[3:37] that character all of a sudden has way
[3:39] more depth than some of the things
[3:41] things that he says
[3:42] carry much more weight than they had
[3:45] when that backstory wasn't there and so
[3:48] i love that when when when the story has
[3:50] so many layers and and so many layers
[3:52] are added to that story that it makes
[3:54] you want to go back and re-evaluate what
[3:56] you thought you knew that for me is
[3:59] is part of the attraction of neon
[4:00] evangelion
[4:02] or neon genesis evangelion so that's
[4:05] what we're going to do
[4:07] and then every week when i do a deep
[4:08] dive per episode i will also create a
[4:11] short tic talk video where i just take
[4:13] one highlight of of that episode or i
[4:16] will just probably repackage it or
[4:18] re-record it um
[4:20] but as you know the tick tocks are only
[4:23] a few minutes you know it's two three
[4:24] minutes what i do on tick tock is
[4:26] usually considered to be very long
[4:28] because it's a short attention span type
[4:30] of medium but i hope that people are are
[4:34] are intrigued by what they see on tick
[4:36] tock so that they come over and if they
[4:38] become a patron they can also join you
[4:40] as an audience and listen to these shows
[4:42] what i love about this story is that it
[4:45] is not just
[4:46] a story about you know huge mega robots
[4:50] fighting each other uh what
[4:53] the the creators wanted to do was to set
[4:55] it apart from
[4:58] series that do that that
[5:00] you know are about these big
[5:02] uh mech robots fighting and battling
[5:05] each other they wanted to give this
[5:07] story
[5:08] um more of a soul maybe even literally
[5:11] in a certain way
[5:12] and that is why from the beginning we
[5:14] follow the pilots of those big you know
[5:18] robots or whatever creatures they are
[5:20] and we get to know a little bit of their
[5:22] backstory and the series constantly
[5:25] switches between the very mundane
[5:28] day-to-day life of these kids because
[5:30] they're all like 13 14 years old um
[5:34] trying to deal with school with you know
[5:36] their burgeoning emotions and going
[5:38] through puberty and whatnot so it
[5:41] from on the one hand this looks like a
[5:43] very kind of common
[5:45] japanese slice of life type of anime
[5:48] and then
[5:49] there are these big dramatic fighting
[5:52] scenes this overall
[5:54] huge mythology
[5:56] that
[5:57] shows you little pieces of what's going
[6:01] on but never reveals the full truth and
[6:04] and even at points during the story
[6:07] tries to
[6:08] kind of make you think
[6:10] about about things in a certain way and
[6:11] only to completely turn that up upside
[6:14] down later on when you realize what is
[6:16] truly going on and this is not just true
[6:18] for us as an audience but it's also true
[6:20] for a lot of the main characters who
[6:22] have actually no idea what they are
[6:24] involved in
[6:26] and then there is a third layer so
[6:28] you've got the slice of life stuff
[6:30] you've got the the big
[6:32] mythological apocalyptic battle going on
[6:35] and then there is the inner journey
[6:38] there is a
[6:39] what connects these two stories is what
[6:41] happens on the inside
[6:44] of the main characters and more
[6:45] particularly of shinji who is the the
[6:49] main the main character i wouldn't say
[6:50] the hero of the story because he's he
[6:52] definitely is not a hero and doesn't see
[6:55] himself as a hero but he's a protagonist
[6:57] and
[6:59] because of this inner story
[7:02] which also is about a battle but it's
[7:04] not a battle with forces from the
[7:06] outside it's a battle an inside battle
[7:09] between the good and evil inside of
[7:11] every one of us
[7:13] with with trauma and hurt and fear and
[7:16] everything that holds us back and then
[7:18] at the same time this longing for
[7:20] liberation for healing for you know
[7:23] something else
[7:24] and
[7:26] because you have that external story of
[7:28] a battle and you've got that internal
[7:30] story and it is at the same time
[7:32] about these regular kids that a lot of
[7:35] us can identify with because we've all
[7:37] been you know at that age 13 14 years
[7:39] old so we do recognize a lot of
[7:41] their emotions and the conflicts and the
[7:43] little things that make life very hard
[7:44] at that age
[7:47] but
[7:49] what i believe
[7:50] is so genius about this story is that
[7:52] ultimately the bigger story of the big
[7:56] outside external battle
[7:58] is
[8:00] i think a metaphor of the inner battle
[8:02] and that
[8:03] brings me to the last two episodes of
[8:05] the television series and why they are
[8:08] so incredibly good
[8:10] um
[8:11] and i know that this is
[8:14] this is kind of uh
[8:16] a solitary position not many people
[8:18] actually liked the ending of the
[8:21] television series even the majority of
[8:23] the people that follow me on tik tok and
[8:24] there are hundreds of thousands of them
[8:27] most of them agree that the way the
[8:29] television show ends is rubbish and if
[8:32] you really want to get a good experience
[8:34] of the ending of the story you have to
[8:35] watch the end of evangelion i
[8:38] disagree and i i really want to to
[8:43] stress
[8:44] how much these last two episodes first
[8:47] of all follow from the entire story that
[8:50] that came before it
[8:52] and then secondly are
[8:54] told in a way that is so
[8:57] creative and innovative
[8:59] and and touch upon such deep layers that
[9:03] that that are so relatable
[9:06] that i actually believe that the way the
[9:08] television show ended is far superior
[9:11] to the way they wrap up the story in the
[9:13] end of evangelion
[9:15] it's it's for me it's no doubt no
[9:17] discussion possible the television show
[9:20] ending
[9:21] is the ending that this story needed
[9:23] and yes
[9:24] the movie gives a lot of context and
[9:27] gives you a lot of like oh so what's
[9:29] going on
[9:31] what we didn't see in the television
[9:33] show
[9:34] but it's only information it doesn't for
[9:37] me it doesn't go to the core of what
[9:39] this story is about which is this inner
[9:41] conflict and so the last two episodes of
[9:43] the series are almost entirely taking
[9:46] place inside the minds
[9:49] of the main protagonists especially
[9:52] shinji but also to a lesser extent asuka
[9:55] and and and rey
[9:57] um
[9:58] and
[10:00] it's very atypical now one of the kind
[10:03] of pragmatic reasons for these final two
[10:06] episodes to be so different also
[10:08] stylistically
[10:10] is that they actually ran out of time
[10:12] and they ran out of resources
[10:14] the whole
[10:16] series was made under extreme duress it
[10:20] was very very difficult
[10:22] to get these episodes done in time
[10:25] especially getting the story started
[10:27] took months and months of preparation i
[10:29] think the first episode it took them six
[10:32] months to write it and to prepare for it
[10:34] and so they were in a crunch time wise
[10:37] they also were in a crunch budget-wise
[10:40] there was almost no money left and this
[10:42] is still an anime from the time that
[10:43] everything was hand-drawn and so
[10:46] yes of course there are a few i think
[10:48] computer graphics involved but still
[10:52] every
[10:53] second
[10:54] that you see consists of 24 individual
[10:57] frames you know that's how that's how uh
[11:00] uh animation works or in this case in
[11:03] anime oftentimes much less frames and
[11:06] that's one of the ways that anime has
[11:08] such a distinct
[11:09] style it's oftentimes because they use
[11:11] one cell sometimes for several seconds
[11:14] and they will just change the or move
[11:16] the background
[11:18] but but the rest of the image is static
[11:20] that's why
[11:21] everything is so stylized and and and
[11:24] oftentimes you're looking at a scene for
[11:26] instance when they go down to the the
[11:28] city below the surface of tokyo three
[11:31] and the only thing that moves is the
[11:33] background it's it's the the elevator
[11:36] but the rest is static it was just a
[11:38] very pragmatic way of saving money
[11:40] because
[11:40] then you don't have to draw all these
[11:43] different
[11:44] you know cells you can just use one
[11:46] drawing and then just
[11:47] have the background move you just make a
[11:49] bigger background
[11:50] so what was
[11:52] what was
[11:53] uh
[11:54] conceived as a as a way to cut the
[11:57] budget it was something that was that
[11:59] made also in a certain way the look that
[12:02] we associate so much with anime
[12:04] and
[12:05] the problem was that for the last two
[12:08] episodes of the television series they
[12:10] were under contract
[12:11] they didn't even have the money the
[12:13] budget to do like super low level
[12:17] cell animation
[12:19] so even with the tricks that they used
[12:21] in in previous episodes they weren't
[12:22] able to get to the end of the story and
[12:24] so that's why they they had to resort
[12:27] to even
[12:29] more mundane sources of imagery and
[12:31] that's why in this these two last
[12:34] episodes you will also see real footage
[12:36] like just stock footage from from people
[12:39] from trains from whatever and you see
[12:41] sketches you see pencil sketches
[12:44] they reuse almost everything that they
[12:47] created in the past including their
[12:49] their their pencil sketches to
[12:53] tell that story
[12:54] uh um of what happens on the inside of
[12:58] of shinji's mind
[13:00] so it's super abstract and i can i can
[13:02] totally
[13:03] see why that is jarring to a lot of
[13:06] people but what i think is so genius is
[13:08] that despite those constraints despite
[13:10] that crunch
[13:12] it still does something extraordinary
[13:15] because the
[13:17] the journey of
[13:18] shinji what he goes through what he
[13:22] starts to realize over time
[13:25] is is so
[13:26] deep and so true and the reason i think
[13:29] that it has such an emotional impact at
[13:31] least on me
[13:32] is that this is actually
[13:34] based on
[13:36] on uh hideako anno's
[13:38] own experiences
[13:40] he has often
[13:42] said in interviews that he suffers from
[13:45] depression and that before he started to
[13:47] make neon genesis evangelion he had
[13:51] had a period of time several years where
[13:54] he was in a deep depression
[13:56] and then someone
[13:58] gave him
[13:59] a book
[14:00] about psychology i'm not exactly sure
[14:02] which book it was
[14:04] but but during his depression he started
[14:05] to read that book and to him it was a
[14:07] revelation
[14:08] that psychology book helped him
[14:11] to understand what was going on
[14:14] why he was suffering from depression
[14:16] what the choices were
[14:19] that he needed to make and a lot of what
[14:22] you see in shinji's character and that
[14:24] also is sometimes grating and irritating
[14:26] is like he's always
[14:28] crying always whining complaining always
[14:32] blaming everyone around him
[14:34] but he's afraid to look inside so he he
[14:37] is constantly on the run
[14:39] he he wants to hide between other people
[14:42] and then when other people don't help
[14:43] him he feels even more powerless very
[14:46] very similar i think to what many people
[14:49] who suffer from depression also
[14:50] experience this is this this you're
[14:53] closed up from the world it seems like
[14:55] you're completely isolated no one can
[14:57] help you and you can't help yourself
[14:59] so
[15:00] there doesn't seem to be an exit and
[15:03] having more insight in
[15:05] how your brain works
[15:07] how your emotions are linked to neural
[15:10] pathways and how trauma can can make
[15:14] certain connections in your brain that
[15:16] are not healthy but you keep
[15:19] repeating the patterns and so that
[15:21] always kind of repeats and even
[15:23] strengthens
[15:24] the the depressed feelings
[15:27] once you start to understand how that
[15:28] works you can also
[15:30] maybe
[15:31] discover a way out
[15:34] and that is what is happening in these
[15:36] last two episodes where shinji who has
[15:39] gone through so much emotional trauma in
[15:41] his early years he lost his mom he has a
[15:45] horrible father again not spoiler
[15:47] because it's it's in the first episode
[15:50] his father is a horrible person
[15:53] um
[15:54] he he
[15:56] every time
[15:58] that he fights these
[16:00] big these angels these these aggressive
[16:03] monsters
[16:04] it's it's a reflection of what's
[16:06] happening inside of him he feels like
[16:08] he's he's in a fight with with forces
[16:10] that he can't understand that seem to
[16:12] come back all the time and there's
[16:14] there's no end to it and if you've
[16:16] defeated one then there is another one
[16:17] that pops up just like in depression you
[16:19] may sometimes have that feeling that no
[16:21] matter what you do no matter how
[16:23] much you try to resist
[16:25] it comes back in waves and then it takes
[16:28] you back into that darkness and into
[16:29] that solitude
[16:32] and and there seems to be no victory
[16:34] possible
[16:35] until
[16:36] you start to realize
[16:38] that
[16:40] you are the one
[16:41] that can make a change
[16:43] that
[16:44] healing has to come from
[16:46] the inside yes with maybe outside help
[16:50] and with people that explain to you or a
[16:52] book you know what that can tell you
[16:54] this is how it works
[16:56] you have to do the work there's no one
[16:57] who can do it for you you can't take a
[16:59] pill against depression you can take
[17:02] medication to suppress the symptoms
[17:05] but the the the origin
[17:08] of what causes this inner darkness that
[17:10] is something that's a fight you have to
[17:12] fight yourself
[17:13] that i think when i'm not a psychologist
[17:16] but this is what i gather from from the
[17:19] story this is what
[17:20] uh idiacoano wanted to tell
[17:24] the this is it's about his own battle
[17:26] and his own efforts to overcome
[17:29] this this isolation by opening up to the
[17:32] people and by accepting that life is
[17:36] fundamentally broken
[17:37] that that it's not you know it's no use
[17:41] to run away from pain and suffering like
[17:43] we all do but
[17:46] people that suffer from depression do it
[17:48] maybe to the extreme
[17:49] um but that the the the only way to to
[17:53] get out of that darkness is to accept
[17:56] that even though you may step into the
[17:58] light it's not all going to be it's not
[18:00] going to be like heaven there's still
[18:01] going to be pain and violence and
[18:03] suffering
[18:04] but you have to grow stronger you have
[18:06] to make the deliberate decision that you
[18:08] want to live
[18:09] and that you are worth
[18:11] living
[18:13] and that despite suffering you still
[18:16] have value
[18:18] and and so
[18:19] that's a journey that i think is is
[18:21] explained very well in these last two
[18:23] episodes and and for me that was the
[18:25] core of the story so i was so
[18:28] uh
[18:29] i was so fascinated that they that they
[18:31] dared to tell that part of the story and
[18:34] forego
[18:36] the whole you know bigger mythology
[18:38] which brings me to the to the end of
[18:40] evangelion which is which is the movie
[18:43] where in in the
[18:45] well these two more cinematic
[18:48] versions
[18:49] of this ending they show what happened
[18:51] at the same time in the outside world
[18:54] and so
[18:56] yeah that's fascinating that's
[18:58] really riveting and it's it's also very
[19:01] shocking because that that battle also
[19:03] culminates in a lot of violence and
[19:06] there were times there was like oh my
[19:07] gosh i can't believe they i can't
[19:10] believe they put this in the movie uh
[19:12] there was this infamous scene in in the
[19:14] hospital that a lot of people on tik tok
[19:16] wanted me to comment upon
[19:17] um
[19:19] and and that's just part of the
[19:22] tragic decisions that shinji takes over
[19:25] and over again
[19:27] and
[19:28] it's just
[19:29] minor tragedy compared to the
[19:32] mass murder that takes place in that
[19:34] final episode it's me it's really
[19:36] gruesome i want to warn you that this is
[19:39] unlike anything you've seen in the
[19:40] television series um and yet
[19:43] it's kind of a logical conclusion of
[19:45] that story it's it is an apocalyptic
[19:47] battle
[19:49] but what is the big
[19:51] shocker
[19:52] of the end of evangelion is not
[19:55] the scope of that final battle
[19:59] but it is that in that movie shinji
[20:02] takes
[20:03] different
[20:05] decisions
[20:06] instead of
[20:08] healing
[20:09] he is actually getting worse
[20:12] and so it's almost like a a mirror image
[20:16] of the end of the television series
[20:18] it's like the
[20:21] you know that in in in stranger things
[20:22] you've got the the regular world and
[20:24] then you've got the
[20:26] you know how do they call it the the
[20:27] underworld or the the upside down and
[20:30] and this is what
[20:31] what gave me such a whiplash when when
[20:34] watching the end of evangelion is like
[20:36] but where where is the story that they
[20:38] were telling in the last two television
[20:40] episodes this is the opposite
[20:43] and and it's only after seeing the whole
[20:45] thing that i started to wonder well
[20:47] maybe that's on purpose as well maybe
[20:49] that is what they wanted to do
[20:51] to tell
[20:53] two possible endings
[20:55] which then
[20:56] makes the end of evangelion very
[20:59] intriguing and definitely worth
[21:02] re-exploring but and i'm going to wrap
[21:05] things up and then i'm going into
[21:06] spoiler territory but my final thoughts
[21:10] about the end of evangelion is
[21:13] that
[21:14] it it baffled me i was watching and
[21:17] again i've studied this series i thought
[21:20] i knew what was going on
[21:22] and then i i'm just there were so many
[21:24] moments during that movie that i was
[21:26] like what is happening what what am i
[21:29] watching there are like minute long
[21:31] sequences where i'm completely
[21:34] out of
[21:35] any clue as to why that is included i
[21:38] there are hints
[21:40] that there is a rhyme and reason to all
[21:41] that
[21:42] but at the same time it goes so fast and
[21:44] there's so much happening that i just
[21:46] don't have the time to to think about it
[21:48] and so at the end of that movie i was
[21:50] exhausted
[21:52] i was emotionally intellectually
[21:54] completely exhausted i was like
[21:56] oh my goodness i have to re-watch this
[21:59] multiple times and i probably will have
[22:01] to do a lot of research
[22:03] in order to fully understand why they
[22:06] told the story this way and why
[22:09] this story this version of the story is
[22:11] so different and in many ways
[22:15] opposite to what they showed at the end
[22:17] of the television series
[22:19] so
[22:21] i i had so many emotions there was also
[22:25] a lot of tragedy
[22:26] in the end of evangelion there are
[22:28] moments where you're like
[22:30] no
[22:31] no they they ju they didn't do
[22:34] really
[22:38] there were there were just times that
[22:39] where i was just
[22:41] man
[22:43] don't tell this i don't want to see this
[22:45] story it's just too it's too emotional
[22:48] it's too hard it's too painful
[22:51] and you know what that's probably again
[22:53] on purpose they want us to feel like
[22:56] that this is why this series is so good
[22:58] it makes us feel so much
[23:00] it makes us emote and and reflect and
[23:04] and relate
[23:06] to what we see and there are not many
[23:09] series or many movies
[23:11] that are able to do that because we're
[23:14] so engulfed with media with stories and
[23:17] a lot of it is
[23:19] forgettable
[23:20] there's so many stories where like yeah
[23:22] that's that's a good popcorn movie i had
[23:24] a good time and then you asked me a week
[23:25] later what was the movie about uh yes
[23:27] something with dinosaurs i i don't know
[23:29] about the rest with neon genesis
[23:31] evangelion i mean i can tell you uh for
[23:35] hours
[23:36] what
[23:37] which moments struck me and what made me
[23:40] think and what i discovered and there's
[23:42] there's not a single day that i'm not
[23:44] thinking about the meaning of neon even
[23:47] uh neon genesis evangelion and it's not
[23:50] just because i i make stuff for tic toc
[23:53] it's just because this story is so good
[23:54] and i want to re-watch it and you know
[23:57] well that's why i'm doing this show
[23:59] that's why i'm sharing that with you
[24:00] knowing very well that not everyone will
[24:02] be as passionate about this series but i
[24:05] know that there are
[24:06] enough of you that that appreciate this
[24:09] and maybe even years later some of you
[24:11] may listen to this years after i've
[24:13] recorded this and still hopefully get
[24:15] some value out of it
[24:22] [Music]