--- title: 'The Witcher 3 Remastered' source: 'https://youtube.com/watch?v=FJmywISvJSc' video_id: 'FJmywISvJSc' date: 2026-10-03 duration_sec: 530 channel: 'videogamedunkey' --- # The Witcher 3 Remastered > Source: [The Witcher 3 Remastered](https://youtube.com/watch?v=FJmywISvJSc) ## Summary This video is a humorous, commentary-style playthrough of The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt Remastered, where the creator riffs on the game's mechanics, lore, and differences from the original version. The content is largely comedic and observational, mixing gameplay with jokes about Harry Potter, Skyrim, and the game's quirks. ### Key Points - **Introduction to the Game** [00:00] — The creator introduces The Witcher 3, joking that it rips off Harry Potter, and sets up a comedic tone by referencing the game's fantasy elements. - **Witcher Abilities and Lore** [00:12] — Explains that the Witcher is a magical witch with three spells, and humorously compares reading ghouls to reading Harry Potter books, referencing the game's lore. - **Combat and Ghouls** [01:03] — Discusses combat against ghouls and alghouls, noting the need to identify markings (red text) to distinguish them, and jokes about calling 'owl Puccino' for help. - **Remastered Changes** [01:30] — Points out that the Prima strategy guide is outdated because the remastered version allows the Witcher to catch fire, a feature not in the original. - **Gameplay Quirks** [02:00] — Highlights that the Witcher can extinguish candles and that some candles float, attributing this to the 'magical Harry Potter world.' - **Grass Simulation and Jumping** [02:18] — Notes that the remastered version adds grass and trees, which were absent in the original, and that the Witcher can now jump, a new ability. - **Visual and UI Changes** [02:30] — Criticizes the new red magical lines (compared to Wolverine) for navigation, saying they ruined the experience compared to the original. - **Stealing and Inventory** [03:07] — Jokes about accidentally stealing items, referencing Skyrim's mechanics, and the awkwardness of picking up items from the floor. - **Combat and Enemies** [03:33] — Comments on the aggressive behavior of drowners in the remastered version, noting they were allies in the original, and jokes about 'floaters' that can't drown. - **Swimming and Physics** [04:00] — Mentions that the Witcher can now swim, a feature not in the original, and jokes about the remastered physics engine. - **Graphics and Open World** [04:30] — Praises the forest graphics, calling them 'holy crap,' and questions why nobody talks about the game, while also noting the game is more 'open zone' than 'open world.' - **Missing Features** [05:09] — Points out that despite remastering, the game still lacks a crouch mechanic, and jokes about buying herbs from a merchant. - **Fall Damage and Swords** [05:46] — Notes that the Witcher has no fall damage, a change from the original, and that he now carries two swords in the remaster. - **Card Game and Economy** [06:11] — Jokes about a $700 card in the Gwent card game and the importance of not letting it get away, mixing real-world value with in-game items. - **Map Boundaries** [06:43] — Discusses the game's map boundaries, noting that bears are placed around the perimeter to prevent players from going out of bounds, a humorous observation. - **Lighting and Environment** [07:15] — Appreciates the lighting effects on trees and mentions an 80-foot drop with no fall damage, reinforcing the remaster's changes. - **Story and Characters** [07:41] — References the Bloody Baron quest and the character's backstory, with jokes about memory loss and relationships, typical of the game's narrative. - **Combat Mishaps** [08:09] — Ends with a comedic mishap involving casting Igni (fire spell) and a toxic vapor, leading to a humorous 'what the hell' moment. ### Conclusion The video is a lighthearted, comedic exploration of The Witcher 3 Remastered, focusing on gameplay changes, visual upgrades, and the creator's humorous commentary. It's not a tutorial but an entertaining playthrough for fans of the game. ## Transcript You guys ever hear of this game before? Witcher 3? I guess it's ripping off of that Harry Potter game. I wasn't allowed to play that. It does have stars like Harry Potter. It is kind of like that. The guy I'm playing as is called the Witcher. He's a magical witch. He can do three spells. Old witcher has to sleep. No, you're the witcher. You're gonna read ghouls and owl ghouls in its entirety. No, please! Then you have to read Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Then you have to read all of the Gooflumps novels. No, please! Then you have to read the Witcher 3 Prima Strategy Guide. Learn some strategies, and then come back to me, and then you will have to read the Witcher book, actually. I'm very sorry, Uncle Vesemir. Young blood craves action, I understand that. And so I'm allowing you to also read the Glover strategy guide. At the very least, you ought to be able to tell a ghoul from an owl ghoul. By locking. Well, you're a quick study. Quick. But slow. Dummy. Fine, we talked enough. How about that? They've even included maps of every hair-pulling level. Kinda sounds like maybe we shouldn't play this game. Yeah, that's... WOOF! FIRE... GOOLS... We have to be careful. Are they ghouls or are they owl ghouls? We need to look at the markings first. See the red text that says ghoul? Those are the markings. This tells us that this is an owl ghoul. We're gonna have to call owl Puccino to win this battle. Hey, this is riffing off of the Blood of the Dawn law. Whoops! Almost hurt my horse in play. It's supposed to be like a walk of the wizards. Witcher not fire emblem. Oh that's interesting. Witcher 3 can get lit on fire in the remastered version. The Prima strategy guide is outdated. It says you don't have to worry about that. I ever tell you about this sorcerer I knew? Harry Potter. Found a sorcerer's stone once. Gryffindor! Nice ass horse. I knew a guy that went to Gryffindor once. Found a whole jumbledore stuff. Peace on! What up, Tolkien? Oh yeah, what if I press A again? What up, Tolkien? I tricked you with my Witcher magic. Now, in Witcher 3, you can extinguish every candle. Some candles are even able to fly in the air because it's a magical Harry Potter world. You have a knock for this game. Knock? Witcher 3 activate the grass simulation Thank you Witcher 3 Remastered Now with grass there was never grass or trees in the original version of the game What He can jump now? He can never do this in the old one. I can read on time. What now? Now we need to add in the magical blue lines from Wolverine so that I know where to go next. This isn't the same. This is red and it'll never work. Oh, they ruined it. Come on, Witcher 3 Remastered. come on now that's in the original version these were fixed this is free I can take this stuff what it didn't say I was stealing I didn't know it was an accident it was an accident I didn't know that counted as stealing I'm sorry it should have said like in Skyrim now can I have all these cards store don't you shoot me with it oh I didn't feel like you're I'm not even using it right at all. Yeah, that's right. Put it back on the floor for me to get. Oh, no, don't. You pick it back up. You can't get it from yourself. I'm a hot bear. Why don't you use your bow that you have, though? Lady, your son is trying to fight a bear with no arrows equipped. Stay away from me and my family. All right. Is that a house cat? Well, it's not a bobcat, I'll tell you that much. An adult male bobcat can weigh anywhere from 14 to 40 pounds. Who we got playing? Who we got playing? Gimme this shi- gimme this This thing is about collecting planets You trying to drown me, huh? I'm not watching Hey, stick! See how much air that guy got? He was more of a flyer It's weird how aggressive the drowners are in this remastered version They used to be your allies in the original This one's just idiotic He's called floaters He can't even drown in the newly remastered physics engineering, can he? Dang, I'm getting like a epic short Epic Shored and all this stuff. I'm a level a million different from training this folk. Oh, the Witcher can swim now. You can never do this in Sankey. Deserters? What are you guys doing at the bandit camp? You got to be in the desert, not in the forest. Holy crap Look at the forest graphics on this forest how does nobody know about this game are you talking ghouls or el ghouls? how you gonna die to a normal ghoul? any man that dies to a ghoul is a fool and if it was an el ghoul that would be a whole different situation that's what there's no fault in See? How come I'm not being attacked by a bear constantly? This is not a true open world game. Did they remaster the color of a thing? I thought it used to be black. Grounders were red before and could speak English. Witcher. A ludger. A witcher. For all they remastered in this Witcher, you still can't crouch. Don't let her load. Got any herbs you're willing to sell? I'll buy some for me, actually. I got a lot. Whoa, that's a big drop. The King Witcher has no fall damage. See? All signs point to a new race. Yeah, it must be a new race. I'll have to meditate here until 9 p.m. Under the right conditions, bloodstains can remain visible for decades. He didn't know that was true in the original. He remastered that in his knowledge of that. Gotta jump down there. Hope I don't break my legs. Don't worry, Witchy. There's no fall damage in this one. Remember? Wait a minute. He has two swords in the remaster. I'm a level three, Witches three. Look at this beautiful place. Well, uh, yeah. It's amazing. Welcome to our shithole. The crossbow. Wanted in a card game. Why you run around? Oh, I was playing cards too. This guy has egg rocked in his deck. That's a $700 card. Don't let it get away! I'm coming to get you, Dr. J. Let me harvest these crops first. Oh no, that's a normal rate. They're much more powerful than noon rates. Because they can come out during any time of the day Wait so my next quest it takes me out of this So this isn It not really an open world game It more like an open zone game Witcher 3 is kind of unique I surprised nobody talks about this game Alright, so when you reach the edge of the map, it's like... It tells you only the devil can go past that part. But look, there's a little enemy. Oh, right. It's a bear! Oh, that's genius! There's like a perimeter of bears around the entire map to kind of keep you from going out of bounds. No wonder they're never attacking you. They're all resting at the very edges of the map. Oh, he can fly down the hill. Oh, that was never in the original. Wild dog. Are you working for the wild hunter? Is there a perk where I can get all of these deers to fight for me? Look at how the light just hits certain trees. Man, what the heck, man. Oh, there's like an 80 foot drop. Wait, there's no fall damage. That's right. Unless you throw a punch before you jump, that's right. I can doubt how the sword went, too. I have two swords, because I'm the Witcher 3. Right, two, three. Why didn't you contact me? I'd heard you and Triss made a great couple. Damn, I'd lost my memory. Damn, neither could I. That's your excuse? Made a great son like your pa. Well, it's nighttime, so we'll see about that. I don't generally poke my nose in other people's business. Bloody Baron, how'd he get that marker? There a story to it? Baron's not from around here, right? What are you doing? Tell me what happened here, step by step. Careful, that oily mill of vapor, it's toxic. I hardly need instruction from you. Oh, my God. What the hell? What the heck? Terrible idea. What happened? Well, she survived. And wounds. Oh, oh. We're coming here, Richard. Come on. Ah! What were they saying about don't cast Igme?