[0:00] Pick the choice as often as possible [0:02] that is slightly more difficult. To me, [0:04] it's the small stuff that nobody sees [0:06] that makes the biggest difference in the [0:08] world. Everybody knows the harder choice [0:11] versus the easier choice. [0:13] Everybody, [0:15] to include myself, [0:16] will look externally and say, "What do I [0:19] need to do?" [0:21] I know what I need to do, and so do [0:22] they. They need to do the thing [0:25] that even if it's microscopic, that they [0:28] want to do less more often than they do [0:30] the thing that they want to do more. [0:31] Over time [0:33] is the juice. [0:34] >> Welcome to the Huberman Lab Podcast, [0:36] where we discuss science [music] [0:37] and science-based tools for everyday [0:39] life. [0:43] I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor [0:45] of neurobiology and ophthalmology at [0:47] Stanford School of Medicine. My guest [0:50] today is Andy Stumpf, a retired Navy [0:52] SEAL and subsequently a member of the [0:54] Red Bull High-Performance Team, where he [0:56] was a wingsuiter, where they literally [0:58] get into what some people call squirrel [0:59] suits and fly. He set two world records [1:02] wingsuiting, but today's discussion is [1:04] not really prompted by his career in the [1:06] military, nor his wingsuiting, although [1:08] it does impact the discussion. Today's [1:10] discussion was prompted by my reading of [1:11] Andy's recent book called Drownproof. [1:14] Now, there are a lot of books out there [1:15] by former Navy SEALs, but upon reading [1:17] it, I realized that this was a special [1:19] book, and that Andy's experience and the [1:21] lessons he shares, and most importantly [1:22] the tools he shares, are both unique and [1:25] indeed important for everyone to hear. [1:27] For instance, he describes a tool in [1:29] there that I now use every single week, [1:31] which has allowed me and many other [1:33] people, and I'm certain you, to separate [1:35] out issues of concern versus issues of [1:38] impact, meaning to allow you to actually [1:40] be able to impact, perhaps not control, [1:43] but certainly have an impact on certain [1:45] things while ignoring the issues in life [1:47] that distract you, that pull you into [1:49] drama, and that can numb you out, and [1:51] that essentially waste your life. Today, [1:54] you'll learn what that exercise is and [1:55] how to implement it in your life. You'll [1:57] also learn a lot of other simple tools [1:59] about how to take the slightly harder [2:01] road in certain moments versus the [2:03] easier road. You'll also learn from Andy [2:05] about the most difficult things that he [2:08] encountered in life and how he navigated [2:10] them. And no, those weren't in the [2:12] military nor wing suiting. It actually [2:14] comes from his personal life, which he [2:15] shares very candidly. [2:17] And finally, we have a very serious and [2:19] in many ways somewhat emotional [2:21] discussion about suicide and mental [2:23] health more generally. I do hope that [2:25] that discussion will benefit all of you. [2:27] I'm certainly we are certainly, I should [2:29] say, very open to your input. That [2:31] discussion, of course, raises more [2:33] questions than it provides answers, but [2:35] I think we can all agree that this is an [2:37] extremely important and timely topic. [2:39] The frequency of suicide is increasing [2:41] significantly in all communities. So, [2:44] for reasons related to the range and the [2:46] nature of the specific topics that we [2:48] discussed today, you're in for a very [2:50] special episode. Thank you, Andy Stumpf. [2:53] Before we begin, I'd like to emphasize [2:55] podcast is separate from my teaching and [2:57] research roles at Stanford. It is, [2:58] however, part of my desire and effort to [3:00] bring zero cost to consumer information [3:02] about science and science-related tools [3:04] to the general public. In keeping with [3:06] that theme, today's episode does include [3:08] sponsors. All right, my book is finally [3:10] ready for release. [3:12] Protocols, an operating manual for the [3:14] human body, is coming out in 3 months. [3:16] It's my first book and I've been working [3:18] on it for many years now and it's really [3:21] a reflection of decades of research and [3:23] experience that came even prior to [3:24] starting the book. My goal for this book [3:26] is that it serves as an easy-to-use [3:28] manual for dealing with any number of [3:30] different pain points or performance [3:31] goals that you might have in terms of [3:33] mental health, physical health, and [3:35] performance. It covers the science and [3:37] most effective protocols for sleep, [3:38] nutrition, exercise, focus learning and [3:41] neuroplasticity, stress management, and [3:43] much more. I'm super excited to share it [3:45] with all of you. The launch date is [3:47] September 15th. You can learn more about [3:49] it or pre-order by going to [3:50] protocolsbook.com. [3:52] It's also available on amazon.com and [3:55] I'm super excited that protocols is [3:58] finally ready for release. And as [4:00] always, thank you for your interest in [4:02] science. And now for my discussion with [4:04] Andy Stumpf. Andy Stumpf, welcome. [4:07] >> Thank you for having me. [4:09] >> I read your book, "Drownproof", [4:11] recently. [4:12] >> me nervous, by the way. Telling you that [4:13] before we started. I've read it. [4:15] >> [laughter] [4:16] >> A lot of books including a lot of the [4:18] quote-unquote seal books. It's awesome. [4:20] I'll mention a few of the reasons why [4:22] it's awesome, but I'll let people read [4:23] it for themselves, but just to really [4:26] get right to it, one of the practices [4:29] that you describe in the book is [4:31] something that I decided to do right [4:33] away and I've been doing every week [4:34] since I listened to it. Now granted, I [4:35] just listened to the book a few weeks [4:37] ago, so that means twice, but I found it [4:39] to be tremendously useful not just [4:41] during the exercise, but in the days [4:43] that follow and it's really [4:45] remapped a lot of what I would call my [4:48] unhealthy tendencies and given me much [4:52] more sense of agency and my days are are [4:54] just going so much better. In fact, I [4:56] was on time today for the first time in [4:57] my life. [4:58] >> Influence versus concern? [4:59] >> Yes. So, could you describe this simple [5:01] exercise because I'll tell you having [5:04] having done it, it is immensely [5:06] powerful. I only wish I had learned [5:07] about it like in junior high school. [5:10] >> Story of my life. [5:12] >> Yeah. So, first off, not my creation. [5:15] This is something I don't remember and I [5:17] think I said this multiple times in the [5:19] book because I want to be very clear [5:20] that of basically taking ownership over [5:23] nothing in that book because they're not [5:24] my unique ideas. They were things that [5:26] were taught to me [5:27] that I'm trying to pass forward. So, I [5:29] don't remember exactly where I first saw [5:31] this, but the way it was first [5:34] positioned to me was your circle or [5:37] sphere of [5:39] influence, which is very small, and your [5:42] sphere of concern, which for most people [5:44] to include myself is very large. So, if [5:46] it was the size of this table, that [5:48] would be your concern, [5:50] the influence would be the size of a pin [5:51] drop on the table. And the exercise is [5:53] actually really simple. Take a standard [5:55] piece of paper, draw a line down the [5:56] middle, [5:57] concern on one side, influence on the [5:59] other, and you just take the time to [6:00] write down the things that are occupying [6:03] your waking hours. So, I don't know if [6:04] you're anything like me, [6:06] I try not to set an alarm unless I have [6:08] something really pressing that day, but [6:10] if I do wake up and my brain does [6:11] revolution, I have to get out of bed [6:13] because otherwise I'm staring at the [6:14] ceiling in the bedroom. [6:16] And [6:18] if I have really sticky things in the [6:20] morning, I'll I'll usually do this about [6:22] once a month or once every 6 months now, [6:24] but almost every time that thought will [6:27] be on the left-hand side of the column. [6:28] It's just a concern. But why is it [6:30] preventing me from going back to sleep? [6:32] Why can't I let go of it? And it's [6:34] social media, the world that we all live [6:36] in. It's things you can't control. It's [6:38] just all the stuff that you spend your [6:41] energy and effort focusing on. And then [6:43] you go to the other side of that paper, [6:45] and I'm still yet to find more than one [6:48] thing that you can write down, [6:50] and that's the direct influence that you [6:51] have. And all you really can write on [6:53] that is yourself. Now, you can you can [6:55] trunch that out and say your thought [6:56] process, the way you speak to yourself, [6:58] the way you plan your day, the way you [7:00] manage your time, [7:01] but all that goes back into things you [7:03] can actually directly control, [7:05] which leads you [7:07] to the realization or leads me to the [7:09] realization that I have no control over [7:12] what happens to me in my life, but I [7:13] have absolute and complete and total [7:15] control over how I respond to it. And I [7:17] think that speaks to the agency piece. [7:19] And it helps me, especially when I have [7:21] those sticky thoughts, [7:23] it helps me at least take a step back. [7:25] I'm not going to say I'm perfect and I [7:26] can put down a lot of the things that [7:27] I'm concerned with, but it will identify [7:29] for me a healthy or an unhealthy [7:31] attachment to those things, and it does [7:33] help me cross back over to [7:35] okay, I understand that this is [7:38] scary or concerning, but being scared or [7:41] concerned about it doesn't impact [7:42] outcome. Everything on the right-hand [7:44] side of the paper does. So, that's what [7:45] it does for me. [7:47] Man, you want to talk about developing [7:49] some more efficiencies? It's a great [7:51] tool. [7:51] It's startling how much is going to be [7:53] on the left and how little is going to [7:54] be on the right. [7:55] >> Yeah, it's been a game-changer for me [7:57] because and maybe I misinterpreted the [8:00] exercise a little bit because on the [8:02] right-hand side of the [8:03] page, I've been listing out the things [8:07] that I can control and the things that I [8:08] can do with my time. [8:10] >> Listen, it goes back to you controlling [8:11] the management of your time. That's [8:12] totally fine. And with all these tools, [8:15] I don't think there is a wrong answer. [8:16] If it has the impact that you're looking [8:18] for, again, you could titrate all that [8:20] back up to you controlling yourself and [8:22] what you do with your time. I think it's [8:23] perfect. [8:24] >> Yeah, again, just an awesome exercise. I [8:26] really encourage everyone to do it. For [8:29] me, once a week has been very helpful. [8:31] And it just pops to mind anytime I'm [8:34] thinking like I saw something in the [8:35] news yesterday and and you start going [8:37] down these rabbit holes and you're like, [8:38] "Wait, what am I doing?" [8:39] >> Yeah. [8:39] >> They're like, "What am I doing?" And and [8:40] we can blame the algorithms, we can [8:42] blame the world, but ultimately, yeah, [8:44] you know, it's you know, once you [8:46] realize that you're being manipulated, I [8:48] think the obligation is to not follow [8:50] that that path. [8:51] >> is real. I don't know what it means. [8:52] I've listened to people argue about it [8:54] ad nauseam, but I have the choice as to [8:56] whether or not I interface with the [8:57] algorithm. And that's where the power [8:59] That's what I think the algorithm is [9:01] trying to do is figure out a way to take [9:02] that power away from you and put it back [9:05] into their hands, but it's optional. [9:07] >> You learned this some years ago. [9:09] >> Yes. [9:10] >> In the teens. [9:10] >> Yes. [9:11] >> But you still do it now about once a [9:12] month. [9:13] >> Mhm. [9:14] Yeah. [clears throat] [9:14] >> it around with you? [9:15] >> If you're anything like me, I spend a [9:16] lot of time on airplanes. It's a really [9:18] good time to occupy yourself with [9:19] something that is, for me at least, [9:21] productive as opposed to just tuning out [9:22] and watching YouTube videos of sovereign [9:24] citizens get arrested, which is one of [9:26] my favorite pastimes. [9:27] I highly recommend people get into it. [9:29] >> These are the people that that say you [9:31] can't arrest me, I'm a sovereign [9:33] citizen. [9:33] >> travel. [9:34] >> Right to travel. [9:35] >> the right, which they do have the right [9:36] to travel, but you can't [9:37] >> right to drive without a driver's [9:38] license in all 50 states. [9:40] >> Are they out there testing the law or [9:42] are they hoping that they'll get, you [9:44] know, flagged and and there'll be a [9:46] video so they can promote the sovereign [9:48] citizen thing or they or they just [9:49] really into being sovereign citizens and [9:51] living their lives? [9:53] >> I think some of them fall into the first [9:54] category and I think some of them [9:56] actually just legitimately believe. [9:58] >> Okay. [9:59] >> And they [10:00] There's amazing things on the internet. [10:02] You shouldn't believe all of them. [10:04] >> Right. [10:05] >> [laughter] [10:06] >> Maybe even most of them. [10:07] >> That's a fair point, actually. The vast [10:09] majority of things you should take, I [10:10] think, with a large dose of scrutiny on [10:12] the internet. [10:13] >> We're about the same age. So, late 40s [10:16] for you, 50 for me. I was thinking about [10:18] this in light of this concern versus [10:20] influence exercise, which is, you know, [10:23] that they created these like 10 and 20 [10:25] and 30-year high school reunion things. [10:27] I think for the reason that you have the [10:29] choice to go back and learn about what [10:32] people are doing and [10:33] who's [10:34] still married, who's still alive, who's [10:36] thriving or what whatever. Whatever the [10:38] reason is, we have these things called [10:40] reunions. But with social media, [10:43] there's this opportunity to be [10:44] constantly aware of everybody you grew [10:46] up with, them of you, people you knew 5 [10:48] years ago in a job that you no longer [10:50] think about. So, [10:52] I feel like that left column now has [10:53] grown tremendously, regardless of [10:55] somebody's age, the opportunity to be [10:57] aware of so many more things, not just [11:00] distant in other countries and other [11:03] other issues entirely, but like our past [11:05] lives are very much like anchored to us [11:08] now, unless we really [11:10] literally draw that line and and sever [11:12] from all that stuff. Cuz like, as much [11:14] as I wish the best for all my classmates [11:16] and all these people in graduate school [11:17] and like, it it really a lot of it [11:21] should not occupy one's mind. [11:23] >> Do you ever wonder whether social media [11:25] itself is making it harder to do this [11:26] exercise? [11:27] >> I think it could be. Do you know who [11:29] Chad Wright is? [11:30] >> Yes. I know of him and we've [11:31] corresponded a little bit. [11:33] >> He is [11:35] hilarious. [11:35] >> You want to we should probably describe [11:37] a He does the same type of stuff that [11:38] Goggins does. He's an endurance athlete, [11:41] long red beard. I call him the Forrest [11:43] Gump of the SEAL Teams, to his face, so [11:44] I'm comfortable saying it. He's amazing. [11:46] I've had him on the show a couple times. [11:48] Knew him when we were in the Teams [11:49] together. [11:50] And he came on the show on my show in [11:52] November. [11:54] And I don't know how [clears throat] we [11:54] started talking about it, but it was [11:55] this conversation around screen time. [11:58] It's like, all right, bud, [11:59] >> [clears throat] [11:59] >> let's pull the phones out. Let's see [12:00] what we got. [12:02] It's not awesome. I think it was 4 and [12:03] 1/2 hours. [12:05] So, we decided that in January of this [12:07] year we're going to try to drive our [12:08] screen time per day to under an hour for [12:10] total phone usage. I think phone calls [12:13] we were able to strip out of that. [12:14] >> [gasps] [12:15] >> I think the closest he got was about 90 [12:17] minutes. And then the last week of [12:18] January for me I got mine down to 30 [12:20] minutes. Now, for clarity, I was still [12:22] doing a lot of the stuff that I was [12:24] doing on my phone, but I forced it over [12:25] to my laptop, which was a really [12:27] interesting experience because it's way [12:29] less sticky on that platform. So, [12:32] Instagram on your laptop sucks. [snorts] [12:35] It It's not intuitive. The things that [12:37] you would normally just do with your [12:38] thumb, they don't exist, so you end up [12:39] closing your laptop up. So, I'd get on [12:41] there, post what I wanted to, and then [12:42] just leave. [12:44] My mental health was better in January [12:46] than it had been in a long time. [12:48] So, I 100% think that social media is [12:52] not only designed to suck up as much as [12:55] that left-hand [12:57] portion of the your list as possible, [12:59] but again, it it's it's it's optional. I [13:02] mean, [13:03] you create content, you have a massive [13:05] platform. I create content, we can [13:07] easily tell ourselves we have to exist [13:10] on these platforms, which to a degree we [13:11] do. The question I ask myself is, is the [13:14] platform working for me, or am I working [13:16] for it? And that's the healthy [13:18] relationship. And I think actually that [13:19] goes right back to that exercise. Am I [13:21] targeting what I do with my time and [13:23] being efficient with it, and then moving [13:24] on, or am I just getting stuck into this [13:27] thumb scroll of death, which is right [13:28] before bed. I've heard you say it's the [13:29] best time to have electronic device [13:31] light. [13:32] Yeah, [laughter] real bright in a dark [13:34] room. [13:34] >> Right before bed, right? [13:35] >> really want to maximize, make sure you [13:37] do it first thing in the morning, too, [13:38] and don't get outside and look at the [13:40] sun. Yeah. But it's so sticky. I'm [13:43] telling you when I hopped over to my [13:44] laptop, at first I couldn't even figure [13:47] out how to post a picture. And it's so [13:50] clunky and so not intuitive that you [13:52] don't want to play with it. [13:53] >> Are you still there now? [13:55] >> Oh no, I went right back to using my [13:56] thumb. [13:57] >> What's Chad doing now with his social [13:59] media? Is he still [14:00] >> He's probably doubled it. [14:01] >> He said the same thing, too, by the way. [14:03] Man, this is amazing. [14:05] >> We should do this more often. [14:06] >> And just right back to being on your [14:07] thumb again by probably March. [14:09] >> So what's mind-boggling about this is, [14:11] and you'll tell me no, we're just [14:13] ordinary people who were trained to do [14:14] extraordinary things, but you know, SEAL [14:16] SEAL selection, you know, pairs down, [14:18] you know, for every 100 guys, you know, [14:20] maybe 15 get through, maybe 10, you [14:22] know, consistently, right? Discipline is [14:25] certainly a piece of that. Resilience, [14:26] mental toughness, you know, what [14:27] whatever language you want to throw at [14:29] it. You have that, Chad has that. You [14:31] guys were weaned in that, you were [14:32] forged in that. Then you do high-risk, [14:34] high-consequence work, right? And on [14:37] minimal sleep, et cetera, et cetera, and [14:39] here are two guys challenging each other [14:41] to spend less time on social media, [14:45] accomplish it by virtue of competition. [14:47] Okay, cool. And then you say revert. [14:49] What does that say, not about SEALs, [14:52] >> [laughter] [14:52] >> what does that say about the platforms? [14:53] Cuz I mean, think about the rest of the [14:55] world. [14:55] >> says everything you need to know about [14:57] the platform. The fact that you can like [14:59] you just said, you can recognize all of [15:01] those things. You can both text each [15:03] other back and forth in your limited [15:04] phone usage for the day. Man, this is [15:06] awesome. And 60 days later you're back [15:08] to the same behavior that led you to the [15:11] November-December conversation. [15:13] That's all you need to know about the [15:14] platforms. [15:15] >> Okay, I I have to drill into this. This [15:17] is not where I thought we would [15:18] >> [laughter] [15:18] >> we would go first, but but it gets right [15:20] to the heart of discipline and [15:21] self-control versus influence and time [15:23] and and time is everything. When you are [15:25] on a social media platform and you're [15:26] scrolling away, are you aware of the [15:28] time that's drifting away from you? [15:30] >> Yes. [15:31] >> Are you thinking, "Why am I doing this, [15:34] but I feel compelled to do it?" [15:35] >> Almost always. [15:36] >> oblivious? Is it like being drunk, where [15:37] you don't you you're not thinking about [15:39] the the the fact that you shouldn't be [15:41] doing it until you sober up? [15:42] >> I'm aware. I am aware that it's not [15:44] healthy, and I will actually sometimes [15:47] I don't know if you're like this. I talk [15:48] to myself out loud. I Somebody from the [15:50] outside would probably think I'm a [15:51] psychopath. But uh I would I will say to [15:53] myself, "Why why are you doing this? [15:55] This doesn't feel good." [15:57] And just [15:58] for hours. [15:59] >> Not for an hour. An hour. 4 to 5 [16:01] minutes. [16:01] >> go that far. I I would I would feel as [16:03] if I needed to take a shower if I went [16:05] that far. But if I have 15 minutes, [16:08] >> Mhm. [16:08] >> man, it's it's enticing. [16:10] >> Mhm. [16:11] >> And I don't know what it is about it. I [16:13] mean, I don't feel joyful after doing [16:15] it. I try not to compare myself to other [16:17] people. Good luck being on the internet [16:18] and doing that. [16:20] I try not to get caught in the the [16:22] negativity aspect of it because I can I [16:24] recognize the negativity bias in myself, [16:26] where you'll get 99 like, "This is [16:29] amazing." and one guy's like, "You kind [16:30] of suck." and you're just like, "You [16:31] mother [16:32] That's [laughter and clears throat] the [16:33] only comment you pay attention to. [16:34] >> the brain is is uh wired for to identify [16:38] those outliers. [16:39] >> So, I refuse to be mean on social media. [16:40] I won't make negative comments. Um what [16:43] Don't get me wrong. You can insult [16:44] people by not being mean. [16:45] Just have to work your way around it, [16:47] and it takes a little bit longer. But uh [16:49] I know it's not healthy. I know I could [16:51] do [16:53] anything other than that time and be [16:55] more productive and maybe move my life [16:57] just a little bit in the direction I [16:58] want to, [16:59] but I don't. [17:01] >> I'd like to take a quick break to [17:02] acknowledge our sponsor, Our Place. Our [17:05] Place makes my favorite pots, pans, and [17:07] other cookware. [17:08] Surprisingly, toxic compounds such as [17:10] PFASes, or forever chemicals, are still [17:13] found in 80% of nonstick pans, as well [17:16] as utensils, appliances, and countless [17:18] other kitchen products. 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[20:13] >> that I've been thinking about a lot [20:14] lately [20:15] having just spent some time with let's [20:17] just say one of the major providers of [20:20] online content. It's not a social media [20:22] platform. [20:23] So, I have this theory that unlike being [20:26] drunk [20:27] or doing [20:29] drugs of any kind, opioids or or or [20:32] amphetamines or something where people [20:33] exit the state of of intoxication and [20:36] and they realize like, "Oh my god, like [20:37] that was a huge waste of my time, my [20:39] life. I made these mistakes, etc." [20:42] Being on social media is different [20:44] because [20:45] there's this awareness that we're on [20:47] there and we probably could or should be [20:49] doing something else often. [20:51] And I have this theory that it's the [20:53] perfect addiction [20:55] because [20:57] it's what I would call low resolution [20:59] enough that it doesn't occupy all of [21:02] your mind. Like when people are really [21:03] intoxicated, they're not thinking about [21:04] the fact that they shouldn't be [21:05] intoxicated. That's the state they're [21:06] trying to achieve. This is a state that [21:08] people come out of and report. There are [21:10] data on this. They go, "Yeah, it didn't [21:11] feel good being on there for the last 45 [21:13] minutes or 30 minutes or I feel like I [21:15] wasted a lot of time." So, they're aware [21:17] of that even while they're doing it. [21:18] Very unusual for addictions, right? Most [21:21] addictions fall into the category of [21:22] trying to erase the sense of time, lose [21:25] themselves in the activity, forget the [21:27] trauma if you think it's trauma related [21:28] just forget everything else and just be [21:30] in this moment. Gamblers will say this, [21:32] right? It's that zone they they crave so [21:34] much. This is different. Doesn't feel [21:36] really good. You're aware that you're [21:37] not supposed to be doing it quite like [21:39] that or that much. [21:41] So, I actually think it's it's the [21:42] quote-unquote ultimate addiction because [21:45] it's low-resolution enough that your [21:47] brain circuits can get attached to it [21:49] and keep doing it while you're [21:50] monitoring yourself. [21:52] And yet you can run these two tracks at [21:55] the same time. So, you're not getting [21:57] absorbed and coming out of it and going, [21:58] "Oh my god, I didn't study for my final [22:00] exam. Oh my goodness, I didn't pick up [22:02] the kids from school." It's just [22:04] low-resolution enough that you can still [22:06] kind of tend to the the kids, kind of be [22:08] in a conversation, sort of be on the [22:10] Zoom, sort of like and [22:12] >> Kind of still be driving your car. [22:13] >> your life doesn't totally fall apart. [22:15] Exactly. And so, in some ways because [22:17] it's not so extreme, I think that's [22:19] actually one of the problems. The other [22:21] problem is of course our brains can but [22:24] are not really designed to be split into [22:25] these, you know, two different [22:26] activities for for terribly long. It's [22:29] not just an inability to multitask. I [22:30] actually think that low-resolution thing [22:32] is to you can kind of do it while you're [22:33] doing other things. [22:34] >> Yeah. [22:35] >> So, I'm just this is something that I [22:36] actually want some laboratories to look [22:38] at. [22:38] >> Where does that lead if left unchecked? [22:40] >> Well, for you and for me, the [22:42] consequences are different and [22:45] probably less immediate because we've [22:46] already built our careers. There's the [22:49] social detriment, you know, [22:50] relationships to family and stuff that [22:52] undoubtedly suffer somewhat, right? But [22:54] they're doing it, too, right? So, [22:55] there's that. I do worry now I really [22:57] sound like I'm in my 50s like about the [22:59] younger generation because [23:01] I don't know whether I would have been [23:03] able to escape this tunnel [23:05] >> Yeah. [23:06] >> had these devices been around. So, I [23:08] think that otherwise incredible [23:10] accomplishments and human beings and [23:12] careers and families and everything in [23:14] between, art and music is literally not [23:17] going to be made. I fear this much more [23:20] than I fear AI, to be honest. [23:22] Yeah, I much, much more. [23:24] >> Yeah. [23:24] >> In terms of taking away jobs and taking [23:26] away careers, I think that because it's [23:29] it's I'll tell you this, I am confident [23:31] that it is way, way [23:33] worse than the than the quote-unquote [23:35] opioid crisis, which was already [23:37] terrible. [23:38] >> I think we're going to be okay. So, I [23:39] have three data points, which happen to [23:41] be my children. [23:42] >> Mhm. [23:42] >> So, almost 18, almost 21, almost 23. My [23:46] middle son has got it dialed. [23:48] He's going to college in Bozeman. I [23:50] think he's getting ready to start his [23:51] junior year in mechanical engineering. [23:52] He's doing an internship at a quantum [23:55] computing laboratory. [23:56] I don't know what that means. He tries [23:58] to tell me, I'm like, he just talk to my [24:01] wife. [24:01] >> It's super cool stuff. [24:02] >> He made a robotic hand. Of course, the [24:04] first way he tested it was a middle [24:05] finger, which I deeply, deeply [24:07] appreciate. [24:08] >> He is your son. [24:09] >> 100%. He [24:11] exists on social media. [24:12] He downloads the app once per week, [24:15] spends an hour on it, [24:17] erases it. [24:18] Because [24:20] it's the pendulum going the other [24:21] direction for him. [24:22] >> Mhm. [24:23] >> My oldest keeps it on his phone, but [24:26] uses it very sporadically, and it's [24:28] almost at least [24:29] uh the middle one is going to be 21, the [24:30] other one's going to be 23. [24:32] My oldest now is almost at the point, [24:34] and I think his peer group is almost at [24:35] the point a little bit of mocking people [24:38] who spend You know what I mean? It's [24:40] almost now it's almost almost on the [24:41] other side like, "Oh, [24:43] you're one of those." Even though they [24:44] were raised with electronic devices in [24:46] their hand. My daughter, on the other [24:47] hand, [24:48] surgically connected to her hand [24:51] and is constantly consuming. So, I I she [24:55] will get there as well, too, because [24:57] when I can kind of pull her out of that [24:58] digital world or we go places that have [25:01] less than optimal cell coverage [25:02] intentionally and somehow the Wi-Fi [25:05] doesn't show up cuz dad unplugs the [25:07] router but like, "Oh, there's no Wi-Fi [25:08] at the house. That sucks." [25:10] She can see the light, but my other two [25:11] as they've gotten a little bit older, [25:13] they have they have seen it and found it [25:15] on their own. And I I think we're going [25:17] to be okay because I think that [25:19] generation now is really [25:22] viewing these platforms with a little [25:23] bit more of a wary eye. [25:25] >> Mhm. [25:25] >> And I don't know why. But my middle son [25:27] was the first one he just was like, [25:29] "Nope, this is what I do. I'm on there [25:30] for an hour. It's 100% for memes for [25:33] him." And then he just deletes the [25:35] thing. Great. [25:36] >> No, I'm I'm I'm very reassured by by [25:38] what you just said. [25:39] >> That's at that a point of three though. [25:40] So [25:41] >> Well, it's interesting because that the [25:42] data on for instance um smoking in [25:45] teens, like when we were growing up a [25:47] lot of people smoked, young people [25:48] smoked you know that [25:49] >> That'd be your first act of rebellion. [25:51] >> There were all these campaigns to try [25:52] and get young people to quit smoking and [25:54] they did not work. It's going to give [25:55] you lung cancers. This is your lungs [25:57] after smoke None of that worked. What [25:59] worked was the ad campaign that had [26:01] these old white dudes [26:04] cackling and talking about all the money [26:06] they were going to make on these young [26:08] kids smoking. So the rebellion of youth [26:10] if you leverage it against the big [26:11] industry platforms, [26:13] no one likes to be manipulated. But when [26:15] kids realize and teens realize that [26:18] they're being manipulated, they'll push [26:20] back in a way that can be really good [26:22] for them, which is a little bit of what [26:24] what we're hearing here. So So you know [26:26] >> As a parent I can tell you they push [26:27] back in ways [26:28] super hard. Maybe almost pendulum the [26:30] other way. I tell you what they're also [26:32] pushing back on in my all three of their [26:34] generation, alcohol consumption. [26:37] Damn. Don't get me wrong. [26:40] They [26:41] there's a time and place for everything. [26:43] We go to a yearly jiu-jitsu retreat in [26:45] Costa Rica. [26:47] The drinking age is 18. [26:49] One of my sons is in college like I [26:51] said. It's an interesting watching those [26:52] two. [26:54] That might be the only singular time [26:56] they drink in an entire year. That was [26:59] the opposite of me growing up and the [27:01] the culture of the first community I [27:03] went into. [27:04] It is wild [27:05] to see the push in the other direction. [27:08] And now I talk peptides or [27:11] it's my middle son. I told him I was [27:13] coming here. He was just like, "Oh, I'll [27:14] ask him what I need to be doing for [27:15] sleep optimization." I'm like, "Oh my [27:16] [laughter] god." Happy to send it to [27:18] him. That's his generation. [27:19] >> Mhm. [27:20] >> I was not I think I started looking at [27:22] sleep optimization about last Thursday. [27:25] You know, it just wasn't the thing that [27:26] we were looking at. So, I actually [27:29] as much as my children, I truly believe [27:31] children are just designed to sharpen [27:32] their teeth on the parents' bones. I [27:34] also have a lot of faith on the next [27:36] wave coming through. [27:38] >> This is not a question I ever thought I [27:39] would ask on this podcast as somebody [27:40] who did an episode on alcohol that got [27:43] some reach and got people rethinking [27:45] whether or not they wanted to drink. And [27:47] I should just quickly say [27:48] the major response to that was one of [27:51] three different um types. One was, "I [27:53] don't like drinking and now I can [27:55] justify not drinking." There were a lot [27:56] of people who felt that they had to [27:57] drink and now they had a justification [27:59] not to. Other people who said, "Wow, I [28:01] didn't realize that, you know, it can [28:03] increase breast cancer risk or, you [28:04] know, we have cancers in our family and [28:06] that's a real thing." It's, you know, [28:07] class one carcinogen, etc. And then the [28:09] third category like, "You know, I wish [28:11] you hadn't told me this information. I [28:12] really enjoyed drinking and now my [28:13] friends don't want to drink with me." [28:14] Fair and I don't tell people what to do [28:16] and I, you know, etc. But [28:19] I have to ask do you think that your [28:21] kids and their generation are possibly [28:23] missing out by virtue of, you know, not [28:28] drinking at all? [28:29] >> That's a fantastic question. I mean, it [28:31] is a social lubricant [28:32] >> Mhm. [28:33] >> for a degree. I was probably [28:35] and still am antisocial in large crowds. [28:38] Is there an aspect of that where it [28:40] legitimately helped me not necessarily [28:42] feel more comfortable, but maybe get out [28:44] of my own way when I was younger? [28:46] Yes. [28:47] Did it lead to some bad decisions along [28:50] the way? [28:51] Yes. Did bad decisions and those [28:54] consequences shape the human being that [28:56] I would become along the way? [28:59] Yes. [29:00] I don't know where it it where it lands. [29:03] I do think that there is a chance [29:06] that yes, they are missing out on I'm [29:08] not maybe not formative life [29:10] experiences, but important life [29:13] experiences. [29:14] >> I think that the camera phones are a big [29:16] concern with drinking now because people [29:18] are so worried about becoming [29:20] less inhibited and [29:22] maybe not even saying or doing the wrong [29:23] thing, but even things as trivial as [29:25] like not everyone is an awesome dancer. [29:27] They can get filmed, it can get posted, [29:29] they can get teased, there's social [29:30] shame. The other problem is that [29:33] many, many people are awesome at certain [29:35] things and those are the things that [29:36] tend to be high amplitude also, and so [29:38] people feel like they, you know, if [29:40] they're going to be seen online, they [29:41] have to be in some in impressive form. [29:44] So, I don't really know. I I do worry [29:47] about the cannabis thing because I'm not [29:48] anti-cannabis, but I do think given a [29:51] couple drinks a week versus smoking weed [29:55] in terms of like the the overall [29:57] risk-benefit, [29:58] >> Yeah. [29:58] >> alcohol seems less risky to me, but the [30:00] the can Yeah, I think so. I mean, look, [30:02] there are high high performers and [30:04] people who can use cannabis and they're [30:06] like not a problem. [30:07] Young males in particular who have a [30:09] predisposition to psychosis or bipolar [30:12] disorder, [30:13] >> Yeah. [30:13] >> some of them smoke high potency weed or [30:16] even low potency weed and they never [30:18] come back from the psychotic episode. I [30:20] know a lot of examples of that and [30:23] that's in the data now. So, [30:26] alcohol, yeah, you can drive off a [30:27] cliff, you can run somebody over, you [30:29] can say or do something really, really [30:30] stupid, but assuming those things don't [30:31] happen, the the immediate risks and [30:35] long-term consequences of like [30:37] having a having a couple beers or a [30:39] couple drinks or maybe even a few more, [30:42] try to get home safe. You don't say or [30:44] do anything stupid like [30:45] >> Yeah. [30:45] >> You're not going to make yourself [30:46] psychotic. [30:47] >> I'm kind of in the same boat that you [30:48] are. I'm not here to tell people how to [30:49] live their life. I do think that they [30:51] should pay attention to the risk versus [30:52] reward. You know, live your life how you [30:54] want. Your choices are going to have [30:56] potential consequences and some of those [30:57] can be pretty big. [30:58] There's some things I deeply regret [31:00] about my expressions of being a human [31:02] being when I was drinking when I was [31:04] younger. [31:05] And there are some things [31:07] that I feel like my life would be [31:09] completely different without and that I [31:10] would never want to give those [31:11] experiences back. [31:12] >> Mhm. [31:13] >> I don't know how you table that though. [31:16] This is a fascinating conver- [31:18] >> Didn't know we were going to go here. [31:19] >> It's I mean I [31:21] In my own life, I wouldn't give up those [31:24] experiences. [31:25] >> Mhm. [31:26] >> But I also don't feel comfortable saying [31:28] you have to drink to have them. [31:30] >> Mhm. [31:31] >> I don't know what the difference looks [31:32] like though. Maybe later on as you grow [31:35] into your I mean, I'm a more confident [31:36] person now absent alcohol than I was a [31:39] more confident person younger absent [31:41] alcohol. So maybe time will help you get [31:43] to this places where you could take [31:44] those actions where you needed that [31:46] social lubricant. But maybe not. I don't [31:48] know man. [31:49] >> Well, it's like sleep is super important [31:50] and I think it's great for everyone, [31:52] especially young people to understand [31:53] just how great they can feel and [31:55] mentally and physically perform when [31:57] they're well rested. I think it's also [31:59] an important, not just right of passage, [32:01] but experience to know just how terrible [32:02] you can feel after a night of no sleep [32:05] and still go take a midterm exam or go [32:08] for the run you were supposed to go for. [32:09] Not because it's quote unquote the best [32:11] thing for you, but just because how do [32:13] you explore the outer margins of your [32:15] capacity unless you know [32:17] how feeling really great feels and how [32:21] let's just say not lousy, but how like [32:24] minimally good you can feel and still [32:26] complete something while you're [32:27] completely crushed. Like I mean, like [32:30] after a breakup, after two or three [32:32] nights of poor sleep, in a very [32:33] stressful time, not having eaten [32:35] perfectly. Like [32:36] it's good to understand what a workout [32:38] or what going to class and forcing [32:39] yourself to stay awake or having a hard [32:41] conversation with your significant other [32:43] feels like when it's like the the last [32:45] thing your body wants you to do. I think [32:47] there's utility there. You know, it's [32:49] kind of like the ice bath of of mental [32:50] experiences right? [32:52] >> Are you a fan of the ice bath? [32:53] >> I am and [32:55] >> What temperature? [32:56] >> Cold. I It's on [32:57] >> 34? [32:58] >> It's on Rogan I said, you know, low 50s [33:00] and he he like he was shocked and [33:02] dismayed. He looked He seemed It was [33:04] like an older brother or guy you respect [33:07] looking at you like, "Oh man, should we [33:08] even continue this podcast?" I was like [33:10] >> I thought I knew you. [33:11] >> And I quickly went to Yeah, but I go [33:13] into the sauna at 220° F, you know, [33:15] which I do. I'm very heat tolerant, not [33:16] as cold tolerant. I like to do cold [33:19] shower, cold plunge or or whatever. [33:21] Like, you know, low 40s now. [33:23] >> All right. [33:23] >> To me there's nothing as reliable and [33:27] provided you don't like jump into an ice [33:28] hole or something stupid like that or [33:29] do, you know, hyperventilation breathing [33:31] and then jump into cold water which has [33:33] killed people. [33:34] >> Yeah. [33:34] >> don't do that, I I don't know of [33:36] anything that is both safe and reliably [33:38] can give you that adrenaline spike in a [33:40] way that you can start to learn to work [33:42] with what it's like to be in a highly [33:44] adrenalized state. I think there's just [33:46] value in having your but body flooded [33:49] with adrenaline somewhat against your [33:51] will but you're controlling some of it [33:53] and learning I think it's a great space [33:55] to explore [33:57] Okay, do I distract myself? Do I lean [33:59] into it? Like you can you can explore a [34:01] lot of your own consciousness in these [34:03] high arousal states and I do think [34:05] there's carryover. And yes, there's a [34:07] nice long wave of dopamine that lasts [34:09] many hours, that's known. There's a nice [34:10] long wave of adrenaline. But [34:13] yeah, I think it's a great training [34:14] tool. If you don't want to do it [34:16] immediately after resistance training [34:17] cuz it can [34:19] it can reduce some of the the the quote [34:20] unquote gains you would get because it [34:22] it it vasoconstricts. You want blood [34:24] flow. You want to perfuse the muscles in [34:25] order to you know, get get the strength [34:28] and hypertrophy [34:29] benefits from in training but it [34:30] provided you do it before or on off days [34:34] or 6 hours after you resistance train, I [34:35] think it's a really valuable tool. [34:38] >> What protocol would you use? I like to [34:39] have my cold plunge at about 80. What [34:42] would you do? Like 10 in, five out, [34:43] couple times? [34:44] >> 80° Fahrenheit. It's great. [34:46] >> I can bump it to 85 if you think that's [34:48] a little too low. [34:50] >> You know, team guys have this advantage [34:51] that they did all that so they can be [34:53] like, I did it, I don't want to do it, [34:54] right? That's kind of like I went [34:55] through that. [34:57] >> It's like the people who are sleep [34:57] deprived in medical school. They're [34:59] like, yeah, I don't do that anymore. I [35:00] get it. Like you guys suffered enough. [35:02] When I went down to Jocko's, he he [35:04] specifically had me do a heat cold [35:06] protocol because I like to do three [35:08] rounds of each. [35:09] >> Okay. [35:09] >> You know, heat at somewhere about, you [35:11] know, 210, 215, maybe as high as 220. It [35:13] was just hot, but I'm pretty heat [35:14] tolerant. [35:15] >> For how long? [35:15] >> That'll be 20 minutes and then go into [35:17] the You don't want to start right off [35:19] with that, right? And then go into the [35:20] cold. And so [35:22] they packed the sauna, they cranked that [35:24] thing up, and they kept resetting the [35:26] clock. [35:27] And literally, he'll tell you, I was [35:29] down on the [35:30] >> floor where it's you know, not cool, but [35:32] it's still [35:32] >> colder. Heat rises, obviously. And his [35:34] daughters, they were laughing, his [35:36] family, and then so everyone in there, [35:38] young and old, male and female, was just [35:40] laughing at me. So, he has what he calls [35:42] the factory reset protocol, which is [35:44] where you don't know how hot or how long [35:45] you're going to be in there, and you [35:46] don't know how cold or how long you're [35:47] going to be in there. And that We'll [35:49] talk about this a little bit about time, [35:51] but I don't know. If you don't like the [35:52] cold, you don't have to do it, but I do [35:54] think most people can really benefit [35:55] from it. [35:56] >> I'm saying [35:58] I'll develop a protocol for 80. [36:00] The sauna will be at [36:02] 97. [36:04] Easy transition back and forth. [36:06] Who knows? [36:07] >> All right. Um speaking of the guy who [36:09] jumps out of or off of mountains in a in [36:12] a squirrel suit. Let's talk about the [36:13] squirrel suit. [36:13] >> Sure. [36:14] >> And why in the world anyone who values [36:16] their life, seriously though, [36:17] >> Yeah, I know. I get it. [36:18] >> would do this. And is there an off-ramp? [36:21] Is there a parachute? And when you learn [36:23] how to do this? [36:24] >> Yeah. [36:25] >> How hard is it to learn? And what's the [36:27] juice there? [36:28] >> Okay, a lot of questions there. Okay, [36:29] it's funny a lot of people call them [36:31] squirrel suits. It's just a wing suit. [36:33] Squirrel is actually a manufacturer of [36:35] one of the suits, fantastic branding. [36:37] They happen to be the suit that I jump. [36:39] So essentially it is [36:42] a human body turning into a nylon wing. [36:45] That's really all it is. It's nylon, [36:46] it's some neoprene around the wrists so [36:48] you have a little bit of flexibility in [36:49] the wrist. They're really actually [36:51] advancing the leading edge technology [36:53] with the fabric. It's just I mean it's [36:55] crazy to look I don't know the name of [36:57] the program but you're looking at all of [36:58] these [36:59] images from the side of wind angles and [37:02] how the suits they're looking to reduce [37:04] drag. Um and it's more than just the [37:06] rigidity of your body. So at least the [37:08] suits that I jump are modern suits. [37:11] They are ram air inflated. So there is [37:14] an outer layer on both sides an upper [37:16] layer let's say for the your back and an [37:17] under layer for your belly. In between [37:20] it's much like a canopy. There's ribbed [37:22] fabric with port holes and on the front [37:25] and back of the wing [37:27] as you [37:28] give it air speed either exiting an [37:30] airplane that's already in flight. It's [37:32] most skydiving airplanes are probably [37:33] doing 80 to 120 [37:35] miles an hour or in the base jumping [37:37] world and this is where it can get spicy [37:39] as you have no air flow for about the [37:41] first 4 seconds. [37:42] >> Base jumping for those that don't know [37:43] is [37:44] >> Fixed up. Call it a fixed object. [37:45] Building antenna span or earth is what [37:47] the acronym stands for. You're probably [37:49] not going to do it off of buildings cuz [37:50] it's it you need time to get the suit [37:52] actually flying. [37:54] But it's a different experience because [37:56] if you jump out of an airplane those ram [37:57] air inlets fill up your suit is it's [37:59] pressurized. You can feel it and you can [38:01] already fly your suit. You can flip [38:03] over. You can actually I've gotten above [38:04] aircraft many time. You can basically [38:06] translate that horizontal lift into [38:09] power and go above them. Surely you're [38:10] going to come back down [38:12] um otherwise you'll stall the suit and [38:13] it starts waffling down. [38:15] But in the base jumping world it's a [38:16] zero air speed exit. So for the first [38:18] about zero to 4 seconds [38:21] you don't have any air filling up the [38:23] ram air inlets. So, if you don't go off [38:25] in the right body position or if you go [38:27] head low and are scorpioning or head [38:30] high and then you pitch through that and [38:32] there is terrain below you, that's how a [38:34] lot of people die. But, the suit itself [38:36] is is basically that. It's uh there's [38:38] wings there's a large wing between your [38:39] leg, a wing underneath your arm on both [38:42] the left and right-hand side and they [38:43] come in a variety of sizes. So, learning [38:45] it [38:46] is [38:47] >> [gasps] [38:49] >> it's simple, not easy. First off, [38:51] skydive before you throw a wingsuit on [38:53] in the skydiving world. I think I had [38:54] 3,000 jumps before I put a wingsuit on [38:56] the first time. [38:57] >> Is it important that people do different [38:59] types of skydiving? Uh by the way, I'm [39:00] not versed in skydiving. So, what what's [39:03] the most basic type of I I assume a [39:05] tandem jump and you start doing [39:06] individual jumps. [39:07] >> Some people go I like I went right to [39:09] the first time I did a skydive, I had an [39:11] instructor holding on to me from for [39:12] both sides until my parachute deployed. [39:14] It's a very structured [39:16] program that most modern drop zones will [39:18] have. A lot of people will do a tandem [39:20] first, which I recommend. If you're un- [39:22] if you've never done it and you're [39:23] uncertain about whether or not you would [39:24] like it, I I think there's two really [39:26] good options. [39:27] One is a tandem. [39:29] But, if even that idea makes you a [39:31] little bit uncertain, there's now enough [39:32] wind tunnels around, commercial wind [39:34] tunnels. There's down There's Oceanside [39:36] wind tunnel. There's one in LA. There's [39:37] one in San Diego. They're all over the [39:39] place. I was just in Virginia Beach. [39:41] There's one in Virginia Beach. So, it [39:43] simulates [39:44] the sensation of falling through the air [39:46] in an environment where you don't have [39:47] to wear a parachute, you don't have to [39:48] ride an airplane. You literally hop in [39:50] there. They can hold on to you and it [39:52] feels like skydive. [39:54] >> Sounds like fun. [39:54] >> It's leveled up what people can do in [39:57] the air cuz it's this contained [39:59] environment where you can see if you're [40:00] moving a millimeter. [40:01] The number of jumps I have had where you [40:03] get out you jump out into the air where [40:05] your only reference is another person [40:06] that's moving around and you get you are [40:09] sliding all over the place. Like, [ __ ] [40:10] you. You were sliding all over the [40:11] place. Neither of you know cuz your [40:13] reference is the earth just flying [40:14] around. And then you get in the wind [40:15] tunnel and you're both up against the [40:16] glass, and you're like, "Oh, we both [40:17] suck." So, [40:18] makes it a little bit more difficult. [40:20] The most basic type of skydive would be [40:22] just exiting the plane in flight, [40:24] falling with your belly to the oriented [40:27] towards the ground, and deploying your [40:28] parachute on time. Skydiving is two [40:29] parachutes, main parachute and reserve. [40:31] Reserve is packed by an FAA rigger. [40:34] And I believe it's For one period of [40:36] time, it was 90 days in between pack [40:37] jobs. I think it's 6 months in between [40:39] pack jobs now. But, full they open it [40:41] up, the reserve. They open the parachute [40:43] up, they inspect it, they make sure that [40:45] the canopy is good, the lines are good. [40:47] Um the automatic activation devices, [40:49] which are computers, [40:51] sensing uh fall rate, barometric [40:53] pressure, with a firing criteria, which [40:55] will fire your reserve for you if you do [40:57] nothing, which has hundreds of [40:59] documented saves, by the way. [41:01] Um for an unconscious jumper, or [41:03] whatever it may be, or somebody is crazy [41:05] as it is to say, [41:07] somebody falling through the air [41:09] forgetting to look at their altimeter [41:10] cuz they're having so much fun. [41:13] It happens. [41:15] So, [41:15] Cypresses or uh Vigils or just AADs, [41:18] automatic activation devices, have saved [41:20] hundreds of lives. [41:22] So, that reserve parachute is packed by [41:23] a rigger. Most civilian jumpers will [41:25] pack their own main parachute. It takes [41:28] 5 minutes for an experienced jumper, [41:29] maybe 20 minutes for somebody who is [41:31] learning. [41:32] And you can go do [41:34] I think the most jumps I've ever done in [41:35] a day was probably 30. [41:37] That was at at a at a an event called a [41:39] boogie, where it's just as fast as you [41:41] can go. And you're just jumping, [41:42] jumping, jumping. An average day for me [41:43] when I lived in San Diego would be six [41:45] to eight jumps. [41:47] >> I'd like to take a quick break and [41:48] acknowledge our sponsor, AG1. [41:51] AG1 is a vitamin, mineral, probiotic [41:53] drink that also includes prebiotics and [41:55] adaptogens. [41:56] I discovered AG1 way back in 2012, long [41:59] before I ever had a podcast, and I've [42:01] been taking it every day since. The [42:03] reason I started taking AG1, and the [42:05] reason I still take it every day, is [42:07] because AG1 is, to my knowledge, the [42:09] highest quality and most comprehensive [42:11] of the foundational nutritional [42:12] supplements on the market. AG1 is [42:14] designed to support things like gut [42:15] health, immune health, and overall [42:17] energy. And it does so by helping to [42:19] fill any gaps that you might have in [42:21] your daily nutrition. I get asked pretty [42:23] much all the time, "If I could only take [42:25] one supplement, what should that [42:26] supplement be?" And my answer is always [42:28] AG1. It has just been so helpful for [42:31] supporting all aspects of physical [42:33] health, mental health, and performance. [42:35] If you would like to try AG1, you can go [42:37] to drinkag1.com/huberman [42:40] to get a special offer. For a limited [42:42] time, AG1 is giving away a free bottle [42:44] of their new omega-3 coenzyme Q10 [42:46] product. Omega-3 and coenzyme Q10 are [42:49] known to support cardiovascular health, [42:51] cellular health and energy generally, [42:53] brain health, and much more. I [42:55] personally take them both every day. [42:57] Again, go to drinkag1.com/huberman [43:00] to get a free bottle of the new omega-3 [43:02] coenzyme Q10 with your first AG1 [43:04] subscription. [43:05] >> For somebody's first uh non-tandem jump, [43:08] how high is the plane off the ground? [43:10] >> 13,000 is about average. 13 AGL. So, if [43:14] you're learning in Colorado or another [43:17] Rocky Mountain state, [43:18] you might only get [43:20] 12 AGL because you might be up to the 16 [43:22] to 18,000 ft. But, there's [43:24] [clears throat] flying with your belly [43:26] oriented to the earth. There's people [43:27] who like to do it vertically, either [43:29] feet down or head down. [43:31] People who fly on their back. There are [43:33] formation jumps where they'll get a [43:34] bunch of people together. I think the [43:36] world record is [43:37] hundreds of people linked up in [43:39] freefall. You can watch it from the [43:40] ground. It's crazy to see. They'll have [43:43] eight air cra- aircraft and you just see [43:45] these just people bombing out of the [43:47] back. And they'll make these snowflake [43:49] configurations and people just sitting [43:50] there on the ground watching with their [43:51] naked eye or with uh [43:53] with binoculars. And then they break off [43:54] altitude, everybody's tracking away, and [43:56] then all these canopies open up, and [43:58] then on landing it gets a little bit [43:59] wild. So, it can get as much as you [44:01] want, and then um wingsuiting is just a [44:03] part of that. But, you can jump a a [44:06] smaller wingsuit. So, if the suits I [44:08] ended up jumping had a lot of fabric [44:10] because I wanted to have a nice glide [44:13] ratio and I wanted to be able to extend [44:15] the amount of time in the air. You can [44:17] get suits with a smaller wing, which [44:18] give you more maneuverability. [44:20] And you learn in those and then get a [44:21] little bit bigger, [44:23] a little bit bigger and bigger and [44:24] bigger. So, [44:25] as safely as possible, graduating your [44:28] way towards those larger suits that can [44:30] have more consequence. [44:32] Uh you can end up on your back in the [44:33] wingsuits in flat spins. And I've seen [44:35] people [44:36] they can you can get out of it. You need [44:38] to get out of it quickly, but we're [44:39] talking fully blown uh red eyes when [44:41] they get to the ground from centrifugal [44:43] force. [44:44] And pretty quick, too. That's the [44:47] skydiving world. [44:48] Two parachutes. The BASE jumping world [44:50] is you're now down to one parachute that [44:53] is packed very similar to a reserve, but [44:55] it's packed now by the jumper who is [44:57] doing the BASE jumping. [44:59] And the reason for that is you are [45:00] generally very close to the ground at an [45:02] altitude where a reserve isn't going to [45:04] save you because it does take a couple [45:05] hundred feet for a reserve to open up. [45:07] And um [45:10] in the US, there's one place to legally [45:11] do it 24/7 365. It's the Perrine Bridge [45:15] up in Twin Falls, [45:17] which is where I learned. It's, you [45:18] know, the legality aspect is if people [45:21] pursue to go that they want to go that [45:23] way, um do your research because there's [45:25] some cities that had some problems with [45:27] it. So, they made it a felony, which [45:29] will change your life if you want to [45:30] test gravity off of a building. I don't [45:32] know if the capital F is necessarily [45:33] worth it. Vegas and New York are two [45:35] good examples of that. [45:37] Um [45:38] most people start off at that bridge. Uh [45:41] and then an antenna is of course exactly [45:43] that, radio antennas. And there are [45:44] other countries in the world where that [45:46] is legal to do. And a lot of times [45:47] people will travel. [45:49] >> [gasps] [45:49] >> Uh buildings, you can get permission uh [45:51] depending um I know one of your guys [45:53] worked with Red Bull, not for Red Bull. [45:55] He clarified for us. Shockingly enough, [45:57] if you write a large check, things that [45:59] were once illegal [46:01] can become legal for short periods of [46:03] So, they will get permission to go off [46:05] of buildings or you can go to Dubai [46:07] where for I think it was a year they had [46:09] this huge just it was fully just set up [46:12] for legal base jumping off one of the [46:13] top floors of one of those skyscrapers, [46:15] which is unbelievable. [46:17] And then Earth, which is obviously that [46:18] and [46:19] cliffs um my first [46:22] uh base jump off of a [46:24] uh [46:25] actually it was from the bridge. I have [46:28] actually I've done an antenna [46:30] buildings [46:31] not many bitty building not many [46:33] buildings, but my first jump uh off the [46:35] Earth was Monte Brento in Italy. [46:38] Which [46:39] you jump, open your canopy, land, walk [46:42] across the street, and there's an [46:43] Italian espresso just waiting for you. [46:45] Perfect. It's basically heaven. [46:47] And then we stayed there for 2 and 1/2 [46:48] weeks and went into Lauterbrunnen in [46:50] Switzerland. [46:51] But I had been skydiving [46:54] and [46:55] flying a wingsuit, then I had to learn [46:56] how to base jump, and then at some point [46:58] you have to combine those two. So, one [47:00] day you have to go from never having [47:03] pushed off of a cliff in a wingsuit [47:06] and having time flying it in the air [47:09] to kind of bridging that gap where now [47:10] you have this first 4 seconds that you [47:12] have to deal with where the suit the [47:13] suit feels really sloppy, it doesn't [47:15] feel rigid, and you can't really do [47:17] anything until it powers up [47:20] and you can pull away. [47:21] So, that's kind of the activities. The [47:23] why I can't answer for anybody other [47:26] than myself. [47:27] But the why for me actually had nothing [47:30] to do with the activity itself. And it [47:32] is dangerous. There are some people who [47:34] try to romanticize the danger of that [47:36] and [47:37] if people want to par- participate in [47:38] things [47:40] because they're dangerous and that's how [47:41] they want to define themselves, I leave [47:43] that to you. Um just, you know, be aware [47:45] of the potential consequences you might [47:46] get yourself into. [47:48] For me, I got into that about 3 years [47:50] after I got out of the Navy and I didn't [47:52] realize what it was I enjoyed so much. [47:55] But it was the mental reset associated [47:57] with that. [47:59] Um [48:00] At about 1 minute out on a helicopter [48:02] for me and I can only speak for me. [48:05] Your entire you know we're talking about [48:07] time. [48:08] Your entire [48:10] circle of [48:12] concern [48:13] goes away. [48:15] Completely gone. [48:16] And there are very few times in my life [48:19] where I've ever been able to get into [48:20] that headspace. [48:22] But it might be the most powerful [48:23] headspace I've ever been able to arrive [48:25] into and my ability to find my way there [48:28] lasted for months afterwards. Because [48:30] overseas [48:32] yeah, they ask you to do some some [48:34] bizarre stuff. But you also likely at [48:37] some point in your in your career will [48:38] have [clears throat] a family. [48:40] Maybe your first house, whatever it is [48:41] and [48:42] like talking the washing machine just [48:43] broke and you're dealing with real life [48:45] stuff. Did I did I write enough checks [48:46] before I left the before the digital age [48:48] did I write enough checks before I left [48:50] to make sure that the rent was already [48:52] paid. Now these are the things you're [48:53] thinking about. Just normal everyday [48:54] life. An argument with your spouse, your [48:56] kids, the holidays you may have missed, [48:57] all that stuff. [48:59] Get on a helicopter and you start [49:00] heading towards an objective [49:02] and all that stuff starts to go away. [49:04] And in about for me about the 1 minute [49:06] and in until it lands or you're stepping [49:09] off it becomes this focus on the next 3 [49:13] seconds of your life. [49:15] Is the only thing I was capable of [49:17] thinking about. [49:18] And that is such a beautiful place. God, [49:21] you want to talk about [49:22] the ability [49:24] to perform [49:26] and not feel like you're necessarily [49:28] you're not trying to force it. You're [49:30] just there's books been written about [49:32] the flow state for lack of a better [49:33] term. Incredibly impactful. [49:35] And I didn't realize how much I needed [49:38] that. [49:39] And I didn't realize how much that job [49:41] was providing for me until it was gone. [49:44] And then the static of everyday life [49:46] just is overwhelming. Skydiving [49:50] I guess you could get that or maybe I [49:51] got that when I first started, but after [49:53] a few thousand jumps [49:55] about everything that's going to go [49:57] wrong, you're going to have your first [49:58] cutaway, you're going to have a mal, you [50:00] know what I mean? You're going to deal [50:00] with your gear, your reserve is going to [50:02] open. And so that that really narrowed [50:05] focus it actually starts opening back [50:07] up. [50:09] The BASE jumping world, I remember the [50:10] first time I was with the guy who taught [50:12] me, he's like, "All right, let's climb [50:14] over the edge of the rail here and [50:15] you're looking at 486 ft. You test the [50:18] wind by spitting. [50:19] And if you and if it drifts past a [50:21] certain point, you're good to go." [50:23] So [laughter] [50:24] you can track your spit to where you are [50:26] going to deck if you don't pull your [50:28] parachute. Now, on the first one, he's [50:29] holding onto the pilot chute, so it rips [50:31] it off for you, so you don't have to [50:32] worry about it. [50:33] >> [snorts] [50:33] >> But you want to talk about that [50:35] right back into that space, holy cow. [50:38] That's what BASE jumping was for me. [50:41] I had some of the the deepest [50:43] conversations with my friends on the [50:45] 4-hour hikes that would lead to a [50:46] 90-second jump. [50:48] And [50:49] 2 weeks of those 90-second jumps, I [50:51] could get myself into such a more dialed [50:53] head space [50:55] for 6 months and be better at business, [50:58] better at, you know, a more patient [50:59] father, a more patient husband. That's [51:02] that to me is why. [51:05] And at some point [51:07] it probably due to the death of my [51:08] friends and I had found other activities [51:11] that had started to provide that, it [51:13] crossed the [51:14] metric for me where the risk was no [51:17] longer worth worth the reward. I I have [51:19] been skydiving since 1999, I can take 5 [51:22] years off and go jump out of an airplane [51:23] and I'd be fine, but I can't do that in [51:25] the BASE jumping world. The currency and [51:27] competency piece is so important and [51:30] then when I moved to Montana, my access [51:31] to the drop zones and the ability to [51:33] maintain currency and competency in that [51:35] wingsuit really decreased. [51:38] So, it got to a place where it just it [51:41] wasn't worth the risk. Skydiving is [51:42] still a bunch of fun, but I found other [51:45] activities that I could kind of lose [51:46] myself in. [51:48] Maybe not to the same I don't think to [51:49] the same degree. I I [51:52] It's hard to describe zipping up in that [51:54] suit [51:55] with a maximal heart rate to the point [51:58] where you're looking over your buddy [51:59] like "Hey [52:00] can Are you hearing my heart, too? Cuz [52:02] it's pretty loud. It's about the You [52:03] know what I mean? Like that thrush in [52:05] your ears." [52:05] >> That's informative to [laughter] hear [52:07] that your heart was maxed out because I [52:10] wondered if you you know, if adrenaline [52:11] was low, if it was high, you know, [52:13] something had had happened [52:14] systematically over the years in the [52:16] teams where your adrenaline was set too [52:17] low. You need to crank it above a [52:19] certain threshold. Sounds like you were [52:20] right where any rational person would [52:23] be, which was terrified. [52:25] >> Cuz at some point you grab your little [52:26] tail wing and you make a little nice [52:28] little teepee with it and you get your [52:29] toes to the edge [52:31] and you check all your stuff [52:33] and then you are just looking out into [52:35] the abyss. [52:36] And you have to make yourself rock [52:39] forward past a point of no return that [52:42] if you change your mind, whoopsies, that [52:45] doesn't work anymore and then you need [52:46] to have maximal human performance for [52:48] about the next 4 seconds of your life if [52:51] you want your life to continue. [52:53] So, if you're not scared in that [52:55] environment, I would recommend you stop [52:57] that activity immediately cuz you're not [52:58] paying attention. [52:59] It was [53:01] terrifying. [53:02] And that's probably why I liked it so [53:04] much. It was awesome. Don't get me [53:06] wrong. Ripping down a mountain in [53:08] Switzerland 6 ft off the ground almost [53:10] playing tag with your shadow and then [53:12] turning around and like carving through [53:13] trees amazing. [53:14] >> So, you're actually pretty low to the [53:15] ground just going very, very fast over [53:17] steep ground. [53:18] >> Yes. If you want to be. Not everybody [53:20] chooses to fly that way. And you can you [53:22] can have on the exact same jump [53:25] I can think of one very [53:26] specifically. It's at the far end of the [53:28] valley in Switzerland. It's a 4-hour [53:30] hike up and it's [53:31] I mean, you're getting water out of your [53:33] in your you know, canteen or Nalgene out [53:35] of like these glacially just spouting [53:37] out of the rocks and there's sheep and [53:38] stuff and you know, it's it's like a [53:40] postcard. You walk for 4 hours. [53:43] You can have a really aggressive jump on [53:45] that and fly for 60 seconds or you could [53:47] flatten your suit out and just glide and [53:49] fly for 2 and 1/2 minutes. Same jump, [53:51] different choices. Not that, you know, [53:53] necessarily flying farther out. You [53:54] still need to pack your parachute [53:55] correctly and all those things, but your [53:57] likelihood of impacting a tree at 100 [53:58] miles an hour with your face [54:00] is a lot better than flying 6 ft off the [54:03] ground around corners that hopefully [54:05] you've done some test jumps on and [54:07] gotten lower and lower and lower and [54:08] lower instead of just flash point in [54:10] that thing hoping for the best as you [54:12] come around the corner. Which a lot of [54:13] people do. [54:13] >> How fast are you moving when you're [54:15] above the ground? [54:17] >> If you really bend those suits over, I'd [54:18] say you could get them to about 120. [54:22] Face first. [54:23] >> You're a human missile. [54:25] >> It's awesome. [54:27] >> [laughter] [54:27] >> I can, you know, we can the those of us [54:30] like myself listening to this can only [54:33] wonder right? [54:34] >> feel [clears throat] it in the suit. So, [54:35] again, the ram air inlets, [54:37] when you're a little bit flatter, flying [54:39] slow, you just It feels like you're on [54:41] an air mattress. It's really what flying [54:42] feels like. As you bend the suit over [54:45] and you're just violently diving at the [54:48] ground, you can feel the suit. It's [54:50] almost like it's it's just your power [54:52] meter is just all the way up. And so, if [54:54] you get in trouble, you can flatten that [54:56] out and that's how you that's your [54:57] safety. You can disconnect from the [54:58] terrain. [54:59] Which is how, unfortunately, some people [55:01] die. They're not paying attention to [55:02] that sensation and they're slowly [55:03] getting flatter and flatter and flatter [55:05] and flatter. [55:06] Then they encounter flat terrain and [55:08] they don't have enough performance in [55:09] the suit to clear it and they impact. [55:12] But that, when you're pitched over like [55:13] that and that thing is just [55:16] and you [55:17] it feels like you are licking the [55:21] largest 9-volt battery you've ever [55:22] licked in your life. [55:24] >> [laughter] [55:25] >> Uh would your uh would your parents say [55:27] that this this is a window into the [55:29] young Andy Stumpf or or is this a a [55:32] departure or an an evolution devolution [55:35] evolution? [55:37] >> I don't know if they would have called [55:38] that one. I don't think [55:41] I I don't know if I would have called [55:43] that activity. If I would have said this [55:44] one was going to be interesting to me. [55:46] >> Let me ask you this. When you were a [55:47] kid, not recommending anyone do this, [55:49] but when you were a kid and your and [55:52] your guy friends [snorts] [55:52] someone found one of the larger [55:54] firecrackers available, were you the kid [55:56] that would hold it [55:58] after it was lit until the last second [56:00] and then throw it? Cuz I knew that kid, [56:01] but it wasn't me. [56:03] >> Does he still have both hands? [56:04] >> Uh yes, but the He was great [56:06] skateboarder, by the way. Became pro [56:07] skateboarder right out of high school. [56:09] Um moved on to other things eventually. [56:11] I think those things were correlated, [56:12] right? I mean, he used to do big rails. [56:13] Like he had a very very good [56:15] relationship with confronting fear. [56:17] There was another kid in our crew who [56:19] would have been around the corner the [56:20] moment the thing came out. Okay, I was [56:22] neither of those kids, right? And then [56:25] there's a distribution in the middle. [56:26] >> Yeah. [56:27] >> Where were you? [56:28] >> My answer's not going to make sense to [56:29] you because [56:30] holding it that long sounds dangerous. [56:32] >> [laughter] [56:34] >> It is dangerous, but but wingsuit [56:36] >> I know, that's what I'm saying. It's not [56:37] going to make sense. That sounds [56:38] dangerous, but just for the sake of [56:40] danger, which somebody could 100% say [56:42] about base jumping as well. But I don't [56:44] know if holding on to, say, an M80 and [56:47] wondering, you know, how long you can [56:50] provides for you [56:52] that mental I mean, I'm talking about [56:54] your canopy opens, you land, you're [56:56] laying in a [ __ ] meadow in [56:58] Switzerland on your back. [57:01] Like [57:02] it is a sense of ease and peace. [57:05] I don't think you're getting that from [57:06] an M80. [57:07] >> No. The reason I ask is that, you know, [57:09] there are a lot of questions that the [57:10] scientist in me wants to know about, you [57:12] know, resetting of adrenaline set points [57:14] and you know, and because people can [57:16] become desensitized to to um high-risk, [57:18] high-consequence type situations. [57:20] >> You see that in the wingsuiting [57:22] community. I would say specifically the [57:23] wingsuit base jumping community. The [57:25] fatality rate is high. [57:27] >> Mhm. [57:27] >> I would never tell anybody that it is a [57:29] safe activity, but I think you can do it [57:31] as safely as possible. There's still [57:33] immense residual risk. So, you have to [57:35] ask yourself, what is it worth? [57:36] >> If we were to plot out um number of [57:40] wingsuit jumps [57:41] >> Mhm. [57:41] >> and [57:43] plot fatality time of fatality relative [57:46] to first jump, right? So, so that the [57:48] question like the area under the curve. [57:49] So, are you getting to address what you [57:52] just said? Are you getting more deaths [57:54] the longer people have been doing it [57:56] independent of the number of jumps, [57:57] right? They can't really do that [57:58] experiment. It's It's not a perfect [58:00] experiment. The The question is, are [58:01] people getting more dangerous to [58:02] themselves because [58:05] they need They're pushing further and [58:07] further into [58:09] the abyss, getting closer to the edge, [58:12] uh taking risks, or is the novice more [58:14] dangerous because they're a novice? [58:16] >> I think the Dunning-Kruger effect is [58:17] always [58:18] >> Mhm. [58:19] >> the most dangerous aspect of it. I think [58:21] it would probably track You certainly [58:23] see people [58:24] especially in the [58:27] content age, I've seen people reach out [58:30] not to me, but to forums, "Hey, I just [58:32] want to get into wingsuit base jumping [58:34] as fast as possible." And everybody on [58:36] there is like, "Whoa." [58:37] >> Mhm. [58:38] >> No, you need to go I mean, most people [58:39] will recommend skydiving 200 jumps to [58:42] even before you put a wingsuit on, which [58:43] for most people who aren't doing it [58:45] professionally, that's going to take a [58:46] year or two. It's a slow progression. [58:49] But that person reaching out saying that [58:50] doesn't have time for that. [58:52] So, you're definitely going to get some [58:53] people early on. The guys who are around [58:56] the longest, the ones that I know who [58:59] are kind of the titans in the sport, [59:00] it's not that I don't worry about them, [59:02] I worry less. I think it's maybe more I [59:05] honestly, I think it's that [59:05] Dunning-Kruger curve where it's going to [59:07] get people. Especially when [59:10] let's say you do this amazing jump, [59:11] right? You're ripping around a corner [59:13] and [59:14] things you learn later on, like, "Hey, [59:17] is it ascending or descending thermals [59:19] right now? Where's the wind coming from? [59:21] What type of day is this? Is the slope [59:24] I'm just jumped off maybe it was a [59:28] western facing slope that I jumped [59:30] towards and I felt this amazing uprush [59:32] of air which is what you want to feel on [59:34] an exit point. Same thing as why [59:35] airplanes take off into the wind, it [59:36] helps with performance. [59:38] Well, as I am cruising down this [59:41] mountain, am I thinking about the fact [59:43] that 3/4 of it is covered in the shade [59:45] and maybe the thermals have switched [59:47] along the way and you're going to start [59:48] feeling this pressure of almost a hand [59:50] on your back? You You know, you do it [59:52] The first time you do that jump [59:55] and you survive [59:57] the dangerous thing to say is [59:59] nailed it. [60:01] But did you nail it or did you get away [60:03] with it? And that's what kills people. [60:05] And that's that perfect Dunning-Kruger [60:07] ascending line. [60:08] >> Man, there's a a quote that should be [60:10] stamped into everyone's brain young and [60:12] old. Did Did you nail it or did you get [60:14] away with it? Because [60:15] >> There's a difference to a lot of areas [60:17] of life. They could spare people a lot [60:19] of pain and some important insights. I [60:23] got away with it more than I nailed it. [60:25] I'm I am [60:26] >> being humble? [60:27] >> No. [60:28] >> Okay. [60:28] >> No, you don't know what you don't know [60:30] until [60:32] you [60:33] see somebody else get bit by the same [60:35] thing. Or you're on a jump with somebody [60:37] and only one of the three makes it out [60:39] or two of the three makes it out and [60:40] they all had the same idea and plan. [60:43] >> And you describe some of that in your [60:44] book. I don't want to give that story [60:45] away but [60:46] >> with Alex specifically. I wasn't there [60:47] for Alex's jump but I had jumped with [60:50] Alex enough for years. [60:53] The The one thing I wish I could do [60:54] looking back with him is I was there [60:56] with him for some close calls that he [60:59] had. [61:00] A few were bad decisions [61:02] that he [61:03] I would like to think corrected for [61:05] because there there is a phase in [61:06] anything that you're doing [61:08] that my [61:09] uh instructor taught me how to fly [61:10] helicopters. He's like, "Listen, once [61:13] you know better, you can do better." [61:15] But there's a phase where you don't know [61:17] any better. And so you think what you're [61:19] doing is correct until either somebody [61:20] points it out or you watch something so [61:23] horrific happen and you pay attention to [61:25] an investigation afterwards or a debrief [61:27] afterwards [61:28] and you can learn from that. [61:30] But with uh with Alex, I I wish I could [61:33] go back and just honestly slap him [61:35] around a little bit cuz that's what it [61:36] would take for him to pay attention. He [61:38] would be appreciative of it, I think, if [61:39] he understood what it would save. [61:42] But [61:43] I I would associate his death directly [61:46] also with that [61:47] Dunning-Kruger curve and he had been [61:49] doing it for years. [61:50] That doesn't mean you're out of that. [61:51] It's that middle area where you think [61:53] you have everything dialed. [61:55] I think he had gotten away with it more [61:56] than he had nailed it and I and I had [61:58] to. [61:59] >> Would you let [62:00] your kids [62:02] squirrel suit? [62:03] >> Do I have the right to stop them? [62:05] >> Yes. [62:07] >> No. [62:10] >> Knowing the risk? [62:11] >> I mean, I would do everything I could to [62:13] prepare them as much as possible [62:15] and and by that I mean scare the [62:17] absolute dog [ __ ] out of them with the [62:19] reality and confront them with the [62:21] actual reality of it. Show them how long [62:24] it would actually take. [62:26] What they would need to do. What they [62:28] would need to sacrifice in order to be [62:30] able to get at that level. [62:32] But then if they [62:35] wanted to make that choice [62:39] I don't feel like I have the right to [62:40] stand in between them and that desire. [62:45] >> Appreciate the honest answer. I'm sure [62:46] they I'm sure they do, too. I don't know [62:48] if your wife appreciates that particular [62:50] answer, but we'll ask her. I don't get [62:51] involved in marital disputes. That's a [62:53] that's a [62:53] >> We don't have any. Our relationship is [62:55] perfect. [62:56] >> [laughter] [62:56] >> Excellent excellent answer. Wait, you've [62:58] been married before. No, that was a that [63:00] was a joke. [63:01] >> That is correct. I'll tell you what, I [63:02] learned some stuff. I learned some [63:04] stuff. [63:04] >> You talk very openly in [63:07] in the book. I mean, to the extent you [63:08] don't reveal specifics, but about that [63:10] the challenges of of uh [63:12] of that the ending of that first [63:14] marriage. [63:14] >> Hardest thing I've ever done in my life. [63:16] People think that being a SEAL is hard, [63:18] and it is. [63:20] Um but a lot of that is truncated with [63:22] hey, we're going to go overseas for this [63:24] short period of time, and time away, and [63:26] it can be physiologically and [63:27] psychologically challenging, but [63:29] once you're in that community, [63:32] I didn't encounter anything [63:34] the military never asked me to do [63:36] anything that that got me to a place [63:38] where I was judging or asking myself [63:42] what type of person I was, or if I was a [63:45] good enough person to be able to [63:48] continue going forward with anybody [63:50] other than just myself. Like those [63:51] questions I wasn't asking myself in the [63:53] military. [63:54] At the lowest points of a nearly 2-year [63:56] divorce process that was very [63:58] contentious. And quite frankly, the [63:59] reason I I don't go into details is I [64:02] have built a larger or a platform, and [64:03] my ex-wife doesn't have one, and that's [64:05] the fairest way to be about it. And I [64:06] totally respect that. If you want to go [64:08] talk with her, trust me, I know the [64:10] story you're going to get. Enjoy it. [64:11] Believe what you want to believe. I [64:12] always tell people if you hear bad stuff [64:14] about me, please believe it. [64:16] >> That's what you tell them? Yeah. [64:18] >> I mean, why not? It It I am certainly [64:21] not everybody's cup of tea. [64:23] There's no way to please everybody [64:26] ever. [64:26] >> Amen to that. [64:27] >> So, if somebody is out there [64:30] who wants to run me through the mud, [64:32] cool. Just believe every word that you [64:35] were told if you want to, but if you [64:37] want to get the real spit, [64:38] come hang out with me for a bit, and [64:39] maybe compare and contrast those two [64:41] things. But if you don't want to do [64:42] that, cool. Yeah, that's on you. [64:44] It took every tool that I wrote about in [64:46] that book to get through that. Circle of [64:47] influence, circle of concern, all the [64:49] things that I was worried about, what [64:50] can I do today? Breaking time down into [64:52] the shortest chunks humanly possible, [64:54] controlling how I talk to myself. It was [64:57] absolutely soul-crushing. [65:00] And [65:02] 10 out of 10, do not recommend. [65:04] Yeah, zero stars on Trip Advisor. [65:07] >> Yeah, that portion of the book um [65:09] stopped me. I I to say, and and I uh [65:12] there were other parts of the book that [65:13] that paused me where I was like, "Whoa, [65:15] I didn't expect this coming." And you [65:17] know, I take notes on what I listen to. [65:19] I also read the hard copy. I should have [65:20] mentioned that earlier. I like to do [65:21] both. It's really helpful for me. [65:23] I think maybe other people would benefit [65:25] from that as well. But that segment [65:27] where you said this is the hardest thing [65:29] I'd ever been through and it was as you [65:31] put it again, soul-crushing. And what I [65:33] gathered was and I certainly can't say [65:37] I've experienced this before in a [65:38] different context that when [65:40] other people's narratives start to the [65:43] boundaries between other people's [65:44] narratives and and your narratives and [65:46] then and in your case kids were being [65:48] affected which is [65:50] which is huge. As a child of a divorced [65:52] parents, I think it's also probably got [65:54] to be somewhat different. [65:55] I mean you talk very kindly of your own [65:57] parents. Your story of [65:59] of your relationship to your mom and her [66:01] passing which we can also get to. That [66:03] also stopped me. Also got me to call my [66:05] mom. [66:06] >> [laughter] [66:06] >> So she'll thank you, right? I called my [66:08] mom. [66:09] >> You know you I'm well, you know, time [66:11] and you know, and [66:12] >> You never know how much you have left. [66:14] >> You never know how much time you have [66:15] left. But [66:16] what inspired you to talk about that in [66:19] particular? I know you're not one of [66:20] these guys and [66:22] you know, I don't want to say team guys [66:24] in particular, but not you're not one of [66:25] these guys who wants to paint a perfect [66:26] picture of himself. But talking about [66:29] how a contentious divorce [66:32] came close to you know, brought you [66:34] really close to your edge. Maybe to your [66:35] edge, but fortunately not over it. It's [66:37] an interesting choice and one that I [66:39] appreciate and I know readers will [66:40] appreciate. You humanized the whole [66:43] thing, but what at what point did you [66:44] decide that you wanted that in the book? [66:47] >> I mean probably from the beginning. I [66:49] think one of the biggest mistakes people [66:50] would make is if they would look at a [66:52] job like the one I used to have and [66:54] think that the people who do it are not [66:57] normal people. I was talking with Chris [66:59] Williamson about this and it's a mistake [67:02] that people make. There's no Captain [67:04] America shield [67:06] and cape and cowl that you actually [67:08] wear, [67:09] the things they ask you to do are [67:11] sometimes pretty nutty. [67:13] But, [67:15] after that, [67:16] you go take your gear off, [67:19] clean yourself up, get some food, [67:23] get together with the guys, and you just [67:24] talk about normal day-to-day [ __ ] If [67:27] you were having an argument with your [67:29] wife before you went out on an [67:31] operation, you're coming back to that. [67:34] If your [67:35] house had burned down, [67:38] which I wish I could say I didn't know [67:39] somebody's house burned down, but I did. [67:41] They got that notification shortly [67:43] before we went out on objective. [67:45] Hopefully, didn't allow that to invade [67:46] their mental thought process during, but [67:48] when they came back, [67:49] that's what they're dealing with. Then, [67:50] you come back from deployment, [67:52] and you're presented with all of those [67:54] things. [67:55] It's just It is such a mistake to think [67:57] that there are people out there [68:00] who have everything figured out, or that [68:02] are impervious to the things that are [68:04] damaging [68:06] to you as the person. [68:08] I started doing Q&A [68:10] sessions on Friday for my show because I [68:12] kept getting just this volume and wave [68:15] of emails. [68:16] >> [snorts] [68:16] >> And at first, I wasn't really trying to, [68:18] you know, tranche them into buckets, and [68:19] I thought if I started doing the Friday [68:20] episodes, it would decrease, but [68:22] instead, it multiplied them by orders of [68:24] magnitude. And I realized there really [68:26] were some deep themes. You know, one of [68:29] them is, "I I just don't know how to get [68:31] started on my goals." But, another one [68:33] is, and this is the most dangerous one, [68:36] "I feel like I'm alone. [68:38] I feel like I'm the only person dealing [68:40] with this. [68:42] How can you give me some advice? I look [68:45] at your life from the outside, and it [68:46] seems like you just have, you know, [68:48] you're able to do all these hard [68:49] physical things. What would you do if [68:51] you were me?" I'm like, "Dude, [68:53] I am you." [68:55] So, you have to put that in there. How [68:57] can you not? I mean, at the end of the [68:59] day, I don't know what I I to do with my [69:00] life, but I want to try to help people. [69:03] I don't think you can do that if you're [69:05] trying to sell [ __ ] [69:07] But I do think you can help if you can [69:09] talk about your own personal experiences [69:11] and your own mistakes and the whole [69:12] thing the things that you have suffered [69:15] with not always past tense because my [69:17] life is certainly not perfect and I go [69:18] through seasons in my life now as does [69:20] everybody. [69:21] Why not be honest about that? Why try to [69:23] portray this [69:25] you know, [69:26] follow my 12-step program for $19.99 [69:29] every month and you're going to have it [69:29] all figured out. Those are some of the [69:31] most unhappy people that I know by the [69:32] way and often times not nearly as [69:34] successful as they are presenting [69:35] themselves. [69:36] >> Definitely. [69:37] >> I would rather just be like, "Listen, [69:40] you think your life is bad? Why don't [69:41] you put a seat belt on your chair? Got a [69:43] little story for you." And then people [69:44] hear that like, "What? [69:46] You mean you guys deal with that stuff [69:47] too?" It's like, "Yes, that's the whole [69:49] point. You're not alone. You're not [69:51] unique in this." [69:53] So I think from the very beginning of [69:54] deciding to write it I I didn't know [69:55] necessarily that I would [69:57] that I would use that particular [69:59] example. [70:00] But it was the most difficult thing I've [70:03] done in my life, I'm obligated to put [70:05] that in there and talk about it [70:08] as openly as possible while maintaining [70:09] the privacy of the other person [70:11] involved. [70:11] >> Yeah, I was impressed how you main [70:13] maintained respect for your kids, for [70:15] your ex-wife, your your current [70:17] relationship, you know, and um and at [70:19] the same time acknowledge that, you [70:21] know, the the exchange was anything but [70:23] cordial. [70:24] >> It was anything but cordial and you [70:25] know, as I've talked about this before, [70:26] but and I don't know if it made it in [70:28] the book, but I lost contact with my [70:30] oldest son for 18 months. I was the one [70:33] who initiated the end of the [70:34] relationship [70:35] and he was the oldest at the time and I [70:37] don't know if it was a matter of him [70:39] being in a certain phase of his own life [70:42] and [ __ ] you know the deal being a [70:45] a young man is not the easiest path nor [70:47] is being a young woman by any stretch, [70:49] but it's really interesting how [70:51] adults forget how difficult it was in [70:53] those years to just get through the day [70:55] when you think that everything is you [70:57] don't even know who you are. You're [70:57] trying to figure it all out. [70:59] But for 18 months, I I tried calling [71:03] him. [71:04] I tried texting him. I tried writing him [71:07] letters to his mom's house. I would pull [71:10] up next to him at a parking lot that he [71:12] would go to before he went to work. [71:14] And he would burn out [clears throat] [71:15] out of the parking lot without even [71:18] acknowledging that I was there and [71:20] you think SEAL training's hard? Imagine [71:23] something that you don't have the [71:24] vocabulary to describe how much you love [71:28] and thinking every day [71:30] I don't know if I'm going to get this [71:31] back. What else can I do? [71:35] And now, thankfully, by staying the [71:37] course, I think I have a closer [71:38] relationship. And And not everybody has [71:40] that that outcome. But our relationship [71:44] is probably closer than it has ever been [71:47] and he'll call and ask for my advice or [71:49] just [71:50] want to bounce stuff off of me, which I [71:51] think is apparent. Like, if your kids [71:53] are [71:54] soliciting your time to ask questions, [71:57] whatever it is you're doing, stop doing [71:59] that and take the time because it's [72:02] pretty awesome. [72:03] And it means [72:04] that they care about what you say. [72:06] But I thought that was gone, man. You [72:08] want to talk about soul-searching? It's [72:09] nothing I did in the SEAL teams that [72:11] made me wonder whether or not I was a [72:12] good enough man to still exist. But that [72:15] experience did. [72:17] I'd like to take a quick break and [72:18] acknowledge our sponsor, Function. [72:20] Function provides over 160 advanced lab [72:23] tests to give you a clear snapshot of [72:25] your bodily health. This snapshot gives [72:27] you insights into your heart health, [72:29] your hormone health, autoimmune [72:31] function, nutrient levels, and much [72:33] more. They've also recently added access [72:35] to advanced MRI and CT scans. 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Well, I I will say um [73:58] as the description of your your final [74:00] moments with your mom led me to call my [74:03] mom. I wasn't being facetious, I really [74:05] did. You know, the description of the [74:08] divorce process and the challenges that [74:10] go there that, you know, I don't want to [74:11] make this about my story, resonated in [74:13] certain ways. I grew up in a very [74:14] high-conflict divorce. What you just [74:16] said now, [74:17] uh [74:18] I'm on good terms with my dad, but I you [74:20] know, I'm familiar with being the son [74:22] who wants to be protective of his mom, [74:24] but still loves his dad, and being [74:25] caught in the middle. [74:26] >> And I would think about those two. How [74:27] could you not? With all three of my [74:29] kids, how And I have this conversation [74:31] with with my wife now, [74:34] who [74:35] honestly is the only reason that I think [74:37] I pulled out of that was [74:39] the recognition and seeing from somebody [74:41] else, like, "Hey, just so you know, [74:43] like I know you're going through it, but [74:44] this person sees something in you that [74:47] is worth" I mean, I dedicated the book [74:48] to my kids and to my wife for that [74:50] reason. [74:52] But we'll talk about this now because I [74:54] mean it's like why why would they say [74:55] that or why would they do that? And [74:57] she's like listen, that's always going [74:59] to be there mom. I'm like yep, got it. [75:00] Totally nailed it. I understand now. And [75:02] it re-centers and like okay. Doesn't [75:04] make it any easier to deal with, but I [75:06] understand. [75:07] >> Sons and fathers have a certain dynamic [75:09] and mothers and sons have a certain [75:11] dynamic. And mothers and mothers and [75:13] daughters and fathers I only know my own [75:14] experience. I do have a sister so [75:17] there's a parallel experiment there's a [75:18] control experiment. She wouldn't [75:19] appreciate me calling her the control [75:21] experiment but [75:22] >> Did you realize in your parents divorce [75:24] that it was going bad before it did? [75:25] Before they got divorced? [75:27] >> Definitely. [75:28] And listen, I've done a lot of work with [75:30] both of my parents to we're on great [75:32] terms now. I can truly say that. My dad [75:34] was on this podcast. I know you've had [75:36] conversations with your dad publicly. My [75:37] dad and I are quite close. [75:39] You know, and I I now look at it [75:41] differently. I I I'm living in a state [75:43] of gratitude these days where I [75:44] basically like okay, they gave me life. [75:46] That's huge. Like you [75:48] you can't realize that when you're [75:49] younger cuz you're like, you know, F my [75:51] life you know, at times but they gave me [75:53] life so there's that. They gave me so [75:54] many opportunities and then the hardship [75:56] of those years I had my own story and [75:58] version of it, but recently just because [76:01] of some evolutions in my personal life [76:02] which are all good. I'm like I'm going [76:05] to put myself in my dad's [76:07] try and put myself in my dad's frame [76:10] where he was, what he was trying to do [76:11] in his career and in his personal life [76:13] and then my mom's frame. I confess it's [76:16] a little harder to do that because my [76:18] dad and I are both male and there's [76:19] always going to be that, but my mom and [76:20] I were still at home and he was living [76:22] elsewhere. So [76:23] I tried to really work through it in [76:25] those ways and I keep coming back to [76:27] this place where I I now I go, oh my [76:30] god, that must have been so hard for [76:32] them. [76:33] Like not for me. Like I had I mean I had [76:35] years of understanding about how hard it [76:36] was for me. I go for them I'm like holy [76:38] [ __ ] Like that's got to be so tough. I [76:41] would I mean I was really hard on my [76:42] dad. [76:43] >> How old were you when you realized your [76:44] parents were just people doing the best [76:46] they could? [76:47] >> Yesterday. No, I'm just kidding. [76:48] >> No, but that I mean [76:49] >> No, I No, I [76:50] >> For a long time in life as kids though, [76:53] your parents are [76:55] what they say, gospel. And they have [76:57] they must have the answers to everything [76:59] because they're older than any human [77:01] beings ever been. [77:01] >> Oh, man. [77:02] >> And then you realize they are out there [77:04] making [ __ ] up on the fly, doing the [77:07] best they can with the data set that [77:09] they have in front of them. [77:11] Not doing great most of the time. It's [77:13] not because they're not trying to do [77:14] great, they're just [ __ ] people. [77:16] >> Yeah. Well, I can't speak for your kids [77:19] and I wouldn't, but I can say that for [77:20] me, I I joke yesterday, but it was [77:23] actually very young because I I came to [77:25] this kind of black and white conclusion, [77:27] which was not the correct one, which was [77:29] they don't know what they're talking [77:30] about. And that led me to go elsewhere [77:33] to look for answers, and I found a lot [77:35] of answers to a lot of things that I [77:36] wanted. I also found some wrong answers. [77:38] >> Yeah. [77:38] >> I had great mentors throughout my life, [77:40] and the day you realize that your PhD [77:42] advisor doesn't have the answers, that's [77:45] when you go get a post-doc advisor. And [77:47] then you realize they don't have the [77:48] answers, and you go start your own lab, [77:49] and then you realize, "Oh my god, how [77:50] hard their job was?" Cuz now you're [77:52] dealing with graduate students that are [77:53] like saying things like, "Do you even [77:55] know what you're doing?" Until the paper [77:56] gets accepted, and then they're like, [77:57] "Oh my god, like you really know what [77:59] you're doing." [78:00] >> [laughter] [78:00] >> My first graduate student will laugh [78:01] when she hears that. She's actually a [78:02] professor now with a She has two kids, [78:04] she's happily married, she has super [78:05] successful lab. So, but and I said, [78:08] "Have you gone through that evolution?" [78:09] And she's like, "Absolutely." So, [78:12] I will say this, and I again, I can't [78:14] speak for your kids whatsoever, but [78:17] there was a real [78:19] benefit to having that realization early [78:22] that they don't know everything Yeah. [78:24] Because you're [78:25] you're forced to go look for certain [78:27] answers elsewhere. There's also [78:28] something really beautiful to the the [78:31] reconnect, you know, that I have with my [78:33] dad. And my mom and I were more constant [78:35] over the years because our as you said, [78:37] the relationship can be that much [78:38] closer. Would you wish it on anyone? [78:40] Would you wish a divorce on anyone? No. [78:43] But at the same time, like, you know, my [78:46] life wouldn't be what it was. So, that [78:48] portion of the book I have to say [78:49] surprised me. I know you're you're very [78:51] humble, so please hear this as it lands. [78:53] It impressed me that you were willing to [78:55] put it in there in the way you did and [78:56] how you handled it. And it really got me [78:58] thinking about my relationship to my [78:59] dad, my own family life now, where [79:02] that's going, and [79:04] and gave me a lot of uh [79:07] hope and humility around like it's hard [79:10] being a person, let alone being a [79:12] parent. [79:13] >> Yeah. [79:13] >> You know, [laughter] and [79:14] and and and the kid the kid the kid [79:17] piece is easy is easy to relate to, but [79:19] it really opened my perspective. So, I'm [79:20] grateful to you for putting that in [79:22] there. [79:22] >> Yeah, I didn't uh it to me it just [79:24] seemed natural. I didn't even give it a [79:25] second thought. [79:26] >> Yeah, but you're also jumping out [79:28] off mountainsides in squirrel suits. [79:30] >> Yeah. [79:30] >> You know, you [79:31] >> But I'm telling you if you've ever [79:32] tasted that 9-V the way I did, you might [79:34] you might actually be like, "So, what is [79:36] this progression?" [79:37] >> Let's talk about the wingsuit and the [79:38] 9-V battery a little bit more because [79:40] you talked about the state that you were [79:42] in not just during but in the 6 months [79:45] or so afterwards. [79:46] >> So, [79:47] that's not going to be the long tail of [79:50] adrenaline, I'm guessing. I don't think [79:51] you were walking around for 6 months [79:53] like amped on life completely. [79:55] >> Oh, no, the opposite. [79:55] >> able to dial in. Could you talk a little [79:58] bit more about that? Did you ever [79:59] take some time to think about like, [80:01] "What is this?" And did you get that [80:03] after a gunfight? Did you get that after [80:07] uh [80:07] you know, a funeral? Uh you've gone to [80:10] more than your fair share of those. [80:11] Like, what do you think's going on [80:13] there? [80:13] >> It was the opposite of walking around [80:15] adrenalized. Uh people oftentimes have [80:18] asked me, you know, "What does it feel [80:19] like to be an adrenaline junkie?" And [80:20] I'd say, "I don't know. I don't feel [80:22] like I am one. I might participate in [80:24] some things that from the outside would [80:25] be viewed as people seeking adrenaline, [80:28] but I don't [80:29] I don't like that hyper-adrenalized [80:32] feeling where [80:34] you know, well and it could be different [80:36] for anybody and everybody whether it's [80:38] at the taste and copper in your mouth or [80:41] the heart rate or the you know, feeling [80:43] your hair. I don't I don't like that [80:45] sensation and that's not what I felt on [80:47] the edge just was scared shitless quite [80:49] frankly. [80:50] It's not an adrenaline and it would be [80:52] the opposite of walking around feeling [80:53] like that. [80:55] I would describe it as feeling [80:57] settled [80:59] or anchored. [81:00] >> Mhm. [81:00] >> And the ability to just [81:05] sit into it and think clear. It's It's [81:08] like having a stereo dial and the static [81:11] and you're just [81:13] twisting it down. [81:15] And then the BS of life and it comes [81:16] back up and it comes back up and it [81:17] comes back up and you go on another one [81:19] of those trips or I I should say I would [81:21] go on another one of those trips and it [81:22] would it would dial it down. [81:24] After a gunfight it's not like the [81:27] movies. Most of the time it is so fast [81:29] but it's such a road decision. [81:32] But it's high adrenaline. Presumably. [81:35] Moderate. [81:36] I think it would depend on how much time [81:38] you had to make a call. I mean, it most [81:41] of it is [81:44] or in many times a broad example. Come [81:46] around a corner binary threat or not [81:48] threat. There's not a whole lot of time [81:50] to get ramped I mean, you got to make a [81:52] decision right there. I think maybe [81:53] afterwards you might get an adrenaline [81:55] dump [81:56] or it it might catch up with you [81:58] and I and I don't I can't really think [82:01] of any anytime I've thought about an [82:03] adrenaline dump or I've seen it is [82:04] people actually kind of melt a little [82:06] bit the far side of that where they just [82:08] >> Mhm. [82:09] >> their performance degrades for sure. [82:10] They're on the other side of the bell [82:11] curve of performance. [82:13] I didn't see anybody [82:15] experiencing that or maybe they were [82:16] doing that when we were on a helicopter [82:18] or vehicle on the way out. Not that much [82:19] adrenaline. And again, it [82:22] it's just not as much time as movies and [82:24] TV shows make it out. It's just not that [82:26] It's not that sexy. [82:28] When you got back, I would say for [82:30] myself, [82:32] you know, if the if the optic of time [82:34] starts coming in [clears throat] at [82:35] about the 1-minute out, I would say [82:37] as you were to get back [82:40] and it and I would say for most guys [82:41] it's more of a routine, [82:43] but taking gear off a certain way, hang [82:46] it up, uniform off, shower, food. I [82:49] think you find that settling spot once [82:51] the guys come back together, generally [82:52] communally over a meal or back in your [82:54] hut, whatever. Your team, you know, we [82:55] would usually have it separated by team. [82:57] I think you would find your way to that [82:59] settled space as well, too. So, similar. [83:02] I don't know if it was as powerful, [83:03] though. [83:03] >> Let me ask it slightly differently. [83:05] Coming back from a wingsuit jump and it [83:07] went well. Everybody lived, including [83:10] you. Maybe learned a few things. Maybe [83:13] some errors you were able to correct, [83:14] which is also learning, but you you feel [83:16] good about it. How do you sleep that [83:17] night? [83:18] >> Oh, so good. [83:19] >> Mhm. [83:19] >> Yeah. [83:20] >> [clears throat] [83:20] >> Mhm. [83:21] >> Yeah, probably better sleep. [83:23] Um [83:24] I see Trying to think about sleep. God, [83:27] you mean you're going out so [83:28] repetitively? [83:31] Yeah. I mean, guys are [83:33] Is it Well, [83:35] wasn't an unhealthy reliance upon [83:37] ambient. Is that sleep or hallucinating? [83:39] >> [laughter] [83:39] >> I mean, [83:39] >> Ambient can induce [83:41] some amnesia, [83:43] but you know, it it has its place, but I [83:45] it's not it's not the first line of [83:46] attack. I you know, I I know SEAL Team [83:48] guys like like to ambient and I think [83:50] nowadays they're using things less um [83:52] >> It's what they had available. [83:53] >> Yeah. Yeah. [83:53] >> And I mean, unrestricted in a bowl, take [83:56] what you want. [83:57] >> I know people who would take two. [84:00] Unpackage another two, put them next to [84:03] their bed with a little cup of water for [84:05] the middle of the night when they woke [84:06] up but [84:08] I don't think four is healthy. I'm not a [84:09] doctor, but I don't think four is [84:11] healthy. [84:11] >> are better ways, but but when you're out [84:13] with your wingsuit buddies and you you [84:15] guys had a great jump that day and [84:16] you're going back, everyone knocks out. [84:18] >> You're wiped. You're just wiped. [84:20] >> And so for that next 6 months you're [84:21] feeling like you're in a you're in a [84:22] really good space. [84:24] >> You would feel it changing at like the [84:26] 3-month mark, but for for a nice 3 [84:28] months for me it was it was clean. You [84:30] could just think better. [84:31] And I I don't know the mechanism behind [84:33] it other than maybe your brain [84:35] gets better at parsing out the [ __ ] [84:38] that doesn't actually matter and as you [84:40] get that focus, so once it identifies it [84:42] in that moment you hold on to it less. I [84:44] don't know what's going on there. [84:45] >> It's still a mystery. You know, I've [84:46] spent some time looking at this in [84:48] advance of this conversation and the the [84:50] simple theory would be it raises your [84:53] stress threshold. So the things that get [84:55] you to secrete adrenaline like everyday [84:56] trivial things, that's not happening [84:58] anymore. Okay, that's a reasonable [84:59] theory. That's actually what what the [85:01] ice bath will do. That's what a morning [85:02] workout will do. But turns out that's [85:04] not what happens when in when people go [85:06] into these flow states and you get this [85:07] long tail of a of flow opportunities [85:10] because the tendency when people's [85:13] stress threshold goes up too high is [85:15] that uh they tend to engage in a lot of [85:18] meaningless behaviors cuz they're not [85:20] stressful enough. You want the sensation [85:22] of like that was a tough conversation [85:24] and I've got to deal with it or that was [85:26] a tough conversation. I just need to [85:27] avoid this person, right? Like this is [85:29] just not a healthy you know, it's stress [85:31] is a good indicator of of pain and [85:33] sometimes it's a psychological pain that [85:35] we need to overcome ourselves. Sometimes [85:36] there's psychological pain we need to [85:37] exercise from our lives. So it sounds [85:40] very different than that. And the reason [85:41] I'm so interested in this is it's the [85:43] exact same way that seems to come up a [85:46] lot on this podcast that like Rick Rubin [85:48] has described [85:49] after putting together an album with [85:52] some amazing artists where they've just [85:54] been working and working and working. [85:57] It's not just the time [86:00] while doing the work, it's in the it's [86:02] in the months that follow. It's like [86:03] this peace. It's like it's the post flow [86:06] state something. We don't have a name [86:07] for this. [86:08] >> And it's almost like it lowers your [86:10] stress threshold. Not it because I agree [86:13] with you. If if it just raised your [86:14] stress threshold, [86:16] I would have just continued to do [86:18] riskier and riskier behaviors, but at [86:20] the end, I feel like it lowers it and [86:23] just strips away the BS stress, [86:26] and makes you less likely to invest in [86:28] those other potentially nonsense [86:30] high-risk behaviors. I have no ability [86:32] to describe it whatsoever. And again, I [86:34] didn't realize what that headspace was [86:36] giving me while I was in the military. I [86:39] knew something was missing after I had [86:40] gotten out, and I think a lot of guys [86:41] find themselves in that kind of abyss of [86:44] how do I replicate this? [86:46] Spoiler alert, you can't really, and [86:47] they have to deal with that and work [86:49] their way through that. And I'm not [86:50] recommending [86:52] that wingsuit skydiving or base jumping [86:53] is the path for guys getting out. And I [86:55] specifically wrote about this. [86:57] I've seen people who can do this in art, [87:00] getting lost in creating something, or [87:02] yoga, or meditation, or ice bath, or [87:04] sauna, or I found a lot of it in the [87:07] ability to detach and be in the moment [87:08] in jiu-jitsu. [87:10] Even though it's totally artificial [87:11] violence, you're in the moment cuz it [87:13] sucks when your friend chokes you cuz [87:15] you want to choke your friend, [87:16] obviously. But, [87:18] you can find it It doesn't have to be [87:20] prescriptive. [87:22] But, if you can find your way there, I [87:23] don't care that nobody can describe what [87:25] it is. I am here to tell you it will [87:27] change your life if you can find your [87:29] way into that space. It really will. [87:32] >> There's a wonderful book, um, in [87:34] addition to yours. Uh, there turns out [87:35] there's another great book out there. [87:37] Um, [87:37] >> How dare someone [87:38] >> No no audio version, but it's called The [87:39] Secret Pulse of Time, and it's about [87:41] time perception. And so, the idea that [87:44] comes to mind that maybe we could talk [87:46] about is perhaps [87:48] these [87:49] endeavors, whether or not it's [87:50] wingsuiting, or producing an album, or [87:52] painting, or gardening, or whatever it [87:54] is, jiu-jitsu, whatever it is that [87:55] somebody does to access this flow state [87:57] and get this gets this long tail of [87:59] post-flow benefit, whatever we [88:02] what whatever that is. We don't have a [88:03] name for it, again. It seems to [88:04] calibrate our time perception is one [88:07] idea that perhaps brings us so much into [88:09] each moment that it's almost like our [88:11] ability to capture moments that becomes [88:13] high fidelity. Again, you talked about [88:14] getting the static out. Right? And then [88:17] when we go back into everyday life, it's [88:18] almost like we're perfectly calibrated. [88:20] This is I'm stating a theory here. So, [88:22] now you wake up the next morning, you're [88:23] home, and your kid comes in and they're [88:25] talking about something, and you're [88:26] thinking, and we'll get back to toilet [88:28] paper in a little bit. You'll be like, [88:29] "Listen, dude, you're talking about [88:30] this, but you didn't take [laughter] [88:31] care of the toilet paper." This will [88:32] become relevant in a moment. You read [88:34] Andy's I've never thought so much about [88:35] toilet paper rolls in the bathroom and [88:37] how they're stacked. My girlfriend and I [88:39] had a conversation about it the other [88:40] day. It's because of Andy's book. That [88:42] will all make sense in a few moments. [88:43] But, it's almost like you can still be [88:45] in that real world stuff, but your time [88:48] perception is adjusted so that you know [88:51] what you're doing. It's just that thing. [88:53] So, then when you pivot to the next [88:54] thing, you need to sit down and do some [88:55] work, it's almost like you can adjust [88:57] your your your frame rate appropriately. [89:00] It's like it pulls you into that. [89:02] >> It It allows you to sink into those [89:05] things [89:06] and digest better, to think better. [89:10] The yeah, the clarity of thought was [89:12] just and it would change how I thought [89:14] about [89:15] an argument or a conversation, and it [89:18] would allow me to look at it from a [89:19] different perspective. And I have no [89:21] idea why that was the case, but I agree [89:24] with what you're saying. I think there [89:24] might be some aspect of that. The [89:26] fidelity [89:27] and the ability to truly see clearly in [89:29] that moment, pulling you or anchoring [89:32] you into that. There's something there. [89:34] I don't know. [89:35] A really cool paper [89:37] came out just the other day showing that [89:39] when [89:40] we're stressed, [89:43] prior memories, while we can still [89:45] access them, we can't make um insightful [89:47] connections between things. And I won't [89:49] describe the whole experiment. It was [89:50] really cool. They basically have people [89:51] reme- remember pairs of of objects, and [89:54] then there's some link between the two [89:55] pairs. So, like it would be like apple [89:57] yerba mate, and there'll be a yerba mate [90:00] uh wing suit. And then at some point [90:01] later, you need to link, you know, the [90:03] wing suit to the apple. Right? You know, [90:04] it conceptually, not just that way. They [90:07] they up from basic things like I just [90:09] described. And And as you ramp up [90:10] people's levels of stress, [90:12] you essentially lose the ability to make [90:14] these connected insights. And this [90:16] speaks to the the hardwiring and the [90:18] software that the brain uses. I almost [90:20] wonder whether or not your stress [90:22] threshold, as you said, is brought down [90:23] so that you can now have novel insights. [90:25] Like, "Oh, this conversation with my son [90:26] about the toilet paper is actually [90:28] important [90:29] >> Yeah. [90:29] >> in [clears throat] a way that isn't just [90:30] me being annoyed." And and I feel like [90:32] maybe maybe be fun to explore this as [90:34] the science evolves with you you know, [90:36] and and talk about it more cuz I think [90:38] >> Yeah. [90:38] >> the reason I'm so obsessed with this is [90:40] for two reasons. One is navigating [90:42] everyday life, [90:44] which is [90:45] a lot. It's a lot of what people are [90:47] challenged with. It's so vital. The [90:49] other is how to navigate the hard stuff [90:53] in life. So, I want to get to both of [90:55] those things and talk about some [90:56] examples from your life and from your [90:58] book. But before we do that, I feel like [90:59] we're obligated to talk about toilet [91:00] paper. [91:02] >> The number of [clears throat] pictures I [91:03] have received via email [91:06] of people taking pictures of their kids' [91:08] bathrooms [91:10] and and basically saying, "I thought I [91:12] was the only one." [91:13] >> [laughter] [91:16] >> All right, this is really seeming like [91:17] an inside joke now for those that read [91:19] Andy's. What you got? All right, we will [91:20] get back to time perception and [91:22] navigating the everyday and the hard [91:23] things in life. I won't forget. We'll [91:25] spin that plate in the background. It's [91:26] spinning. [91:28] The toilet paper section, yes, it made [91:30] me laugh. It also made me think about [91:32] the little things I do each day and the [91:35] little teeny itty-bitty shortcuts that [91:37] I'm taking and how those ratchet up. So, [91:40] tell us about toilet paper. [91:41] >> It always takes longer to do it wrong is [91:43] the bottom line. And we all are tempted [91:45] with these shortcuts. So, [91:46] >> That's the mantra we have to remember. [91:48] >> My children, their bathroom, [91:50] if there was going to be an Ebola [91:52] outbreak in the US, it might start [91:53] there. I don't know anything about [91:54] Ebola, but I feel like [91:56] it might start there. So, [91:58] as with most bathrooms, there's toilet [91:59] paper rolls. And [92:02] my kids [92:04] when they finish a toilet paper roll, [92:05] instead of popping it off the holder, [92:09] taking it and going and getting a new [92:11] one, they go get a new one. [92:13] And they sit it right there. So, it's [92:15] like [92:17] empty toilet paper roll [92:19] up against the wall. [92:21] You would think [92:23] that when this one is done, they would [92:25] take them both. But, instead they do [92:29] this. [92:30] So, there's two against the wall, and [92:31] then the other roll goes here. [92:34] Now, I can't use this one cuz this is [92:35] open. But, when this roll is done, you [92:38] would think [92:40] that they wouldn't create a pyramid, [92:42] which historically, from my [92:43] understanding of math, isn't great to [92:45] balance things on. But, they will make a [92:46] pyramid [92:48] and then put this up here, and [92:49] inevitably this roll goes forward, hits [92:51] the ground behind the toilet, and then [92:53] they start screaming from the bathroom, [92:55] "I need toilet paper, Dad." To which I [92:56] respond, "You got yourself there. You [92:59] can figure it out on your own." [93:01] >> This is all of your kids? [93:03] >> Yeah, for sure. [93:04] >> Okay. [93:05] >> Yeah. [93:05] >> And they're all your kids? [93:07] >> Yeah. [93:07] >> All right. I'm not I'm not really saying [93:09] anything. I'm just [93:10] >> I'm [laughter] just just And so, the [93:12] point of all of this is, if you don't [93:14] want to be somebody screaming for a [93:16] toilet paper roll, [93:17] it actually takes less time to go and [93:21] when you're out of toilet paper, [93:22] disconnect it, throw it away on the way, [93:25] and bring another one in. It's the same [93:27] thing as laundry. Do you laundry? [93:30] I'm not perfect at this by any stretch. [93:32] But, do your laundry, fold your laundry, [93:34] put it away. That always takes less time [93:37] than do your laundry in a pile, then [93:39] you're in a pinch, and you're looking [93:40] for your t-shirt, or whatever shirt you [93:42] want to wear. [93:42] >> And I own a lot of black clothing. [93:44] >> Oh, my god. I do, too. It's all blues, [93:46] blacks, and the occasional red. The red [93:48] ones are easy to find in that particular [93:49] cohort. But, otherwise, you're in there [93:51] to and it's socks inside out, so you [93:53] don't know if it's got the right logo, [93:54] there's socks coming out of the sleeves. [93:57] Five x the amount of time that would [93:58] take you as opposed to just wash your [94:01] laundry, dry it, fold it, put it away. [94:04] I have tried to express this message to [94:06] my children to the limits of my [94:08] vocabulary. [94:09] I went into my daughter's bathroom [94:11] before we came up here. [94:14] There was three rolls of toilet paper. [94:16] Two of them were empty and wedged on the [94:17] side, and the third one was vertical. [94:19] And I just closed the door and walked [94:20] away, pretend like it didn't happen. [94:22] They don't They don't listen to me. [94:24] It always takes longer to do it wrong. [94:27] And those are the little shortcuts that [94:28] we all take. We tell ourselves, [94:31] "I'll do it later." Or I I I don't have [94:33] time to do it right now. You We all have [94:34] the same amount of time. It's where [94:36] you're allocating your time. [94:37] Do it up front, and I assure you like [94:40] the McRaven speech about making your [94:41] bed. [94:43] The number of parents that probably [94:46] thought that was life-changing was just [94:47] amazing. Like, "Yes, somebody else is [94:49] telling my kid to make the bed." It's [94:50] not actually about that. It's about [94:52] having the discipline to do the little [94:53] things, and it is way better at the end [94:55] of the night when you're tired to come [94:57] back to a bed that is made and ready for [94:59] you to hop into than having to Well, not [95:01] most people would do this, but make it [95:02] first and then get into it. But it just [95:03] gets worse and worse and worse. And in [95:05] the end, it will take you longer to [95:06] correct for that than the individual [95:08] action of just doing it right the first [95:10] time. What's your advice with respect to [95:12] this? [95:15] >> [sighs] [95:17] >> I mean, I can give you the advice, but I [95:18] also don't follow it all the time, [95:20] either. Every Every single decision that [95:22] you have in front of you in your life [95:24] will have a slightly easier and a [95:25] slightly harder choice. Make the [95:27] slightly harder one more often than the [95:28] slightly easier one. And the thing I [95:31] liked a lot about McRaven's messaging [95:33] around the bed is that it started your [95:35] day with an a small act of discipline [95:38] that could seem meaningless, but then [95:39] what if you pair another small one with [95:41] that? And then another small one with [95:43] that. I think that can really set you up [95:45] for success in your day. And yes, at the [95:47] end of the day, boom, your bed's ready [95:48] to go, and you can hop back into it. It [95:49] just feels better to get into a made [95:51] bed. [95:52] >> It took me a while to realize that most [95:55] of the people that I [95:57] could tell were really squared away in [95:59] their jobs and because I happen to know [96:01] their personal lives, too, also their [96:02] personal lives, [96:04] they're pretty tidy people. [96:06] >> Yeah. [96:07] >> Uh whether by sheer will or by reflex, [96:10] they're just pretty tidy. [96:12] >> I don't think it's everybody reflex. I [96:13] think it's always by always by will. [96:16] And it's not fun. And I'm Don't get me [96:19] wrong. I'm not I'm not perfect at it, [96:20] but if I can look back at my lives or my [96:22] life at times where things were [96:26] a little bit less [96:28] effort involved in and being successful [96:31] or making traction, it wasn't in chaos. [96:34] It was in a little bit more of a [96:35] controlled environment by me, again, [96:37] controlling what I can control, which is [96:39] my actions in the morning. You know, it [96:42] If you sit down in front of a desk and [96:43] you can't even find the thing that [96:44] you're looking for to do the work on it, [96:46] I I how I don't know anybody who has [96:48] become ultra successful in life with [96:50] that model. [96:51] But, I think we could both sit down and [96:53] talk about some people who are nailing [96:54] it, and I think the vast majority of [96:56] them would fall into that tidy category [96:58] or disciplined category. But, it's micro [97:01] discipline. They can make it seem as if [97:03] you have this macro discipline, but [97:05] that's not actually what it is. It's the [97:06] little things that nobody sees. That's [97:08] what leads you to that end state. [97:10] >> It's interesting. Earlier we were [97:11] talking about social pressure and um [97:13] alcohol and social media. You know, it [97:17] it's [97:18] interesting to me that there seems to be [97:21] some degree of social pressure to not do [97:25] the slightly harder thing. You know, [97:27] like [snorts] what we're what we're [97:28] describing now, I never get into uh [97:30] thinking about what the comments would [97:31] be, but I [97:33] I'd be willing to bet one pinky that [97:36] a fair number of people are either [97:38] thinking or commenting directly, [97:41] "Yeah, like that's really neurotic. Like [97:42] loosen up." [97:43] >> Yeah, take a picture of your [ __ ] [97:44] room and And it to me. I bet it looks [97:46] like [ __ ] [97:46] >> [laughter] [97:47] >> Exactly. My dad's first generation [97:49] immigrant from South America and and on [97:51] that never forget when in it was in the [97:53] mid-90s [97:55] he was probably took me to a movie in an [97:57] attempt to repair a relationship and [97:58] eventually worked out. We're doing [97:59] great. [laughter] Talk to him today. I [98:01] called him today. We're on such great [98:02] terms. It feels good to be able to say [98:03] it. And I'll never forget we were at the [98:06] movies and there were these people [98:07] walking by and they were wearing kind of [98:09] like baggy sweats and flip-flops or [98:12] something and he stopped me and he's a [98:14] very orderly guy and he said [98:17] "See that? That's the beginning of the [98:19] end." [98:20] And I said, "What do you mean?" [98:21] >> [laughter] [98:21] >> And he said [98:23] "I come from a third world country [98:25] when people start going to the movies in [98:27] their pajamas it's the beginning of the [98:29] end." And I thought, "Hey, this is like [98:31] you couldn't be more out He's I I [98:33] actually think he's right." What he was [98:34] talking about is that that the when the [98:37] social pressure is not sufficient to [98:39] like keep people feeling as if they need [98:41] to show up as if they're in public, [98:43] right? [98:44] >> And he might have been a bit extreme, [98:45] but you know, when when that social [98:46] pressure isn't there, then the social [98:48] pressure eventually erodes around what [98:50] people can say, what they can do and [98:51] then I do think that era of kind of [98:52] Jerry Springer daytime television where [98:54] people would watch people who were way [98:57] more screwed up than them so they could [98:59] feel a lot less screwed up. What's that [99:01] called? Schadenfreude when you take [99:03] >> pleasure in other people's pain? [99:05] >> Yeah. Well, I think that there's that's [99:07] that's the word for it for sure, but I [99:09] think this is [99:10] kind of adjacent to that where it's it's [99:12] like giving yourself license to not feel [99:14] that bad because like [99:16] like either they're just so neurotic [99:18] that I won't anything to do with that [99:20] kind of world where everything's right [99:21] angles or like well, at least I'm not in [99:24] total squalor. And this is where I think [99:26] that you know, we hear so much about oh, [99:28] everyone's presenting them best self the [99:29] their best selves on social media. Also [99:31] a problem to seem perfect cuz no one's [99:33] perfect, but I do think that there is [99:35] this drift where we go well, like [99:39] it's not going to crush my life with [99:40] that toilet paper thing. Like if it were [99:42] going to cost me my relationship or, you [99:43] know, my allowance, you know, your kids [99:45] might think about it differently, right? [99:46] >> Yeah. [99:46] >> But, so I think but what I got from your [99:49] book this this section of your book is [99:50] that it's because the consequences are [99:53] so small [99:55] at the individual level, but the upside [99:57] is so big [99:58] >> Yes. [99:59] >> it when you, you know, collect these [100:01] things together that the real incentive [100:04] to do the slightly harder thing is [100:05] there. [100:06] >> I mean, the toilet paper is not going to [100:07] cost your life. If it does, I'm going to [100:08] need a case study on how that happened [100:10] because I'm fascinated at this point. [100:12] But, what if it the we'll call it what [100:15] it is, either the lack of discipline or [100:16] the laziness in the moment changes the [100:19] trajectory of your life because you [100:21] apply that to everything in your life [100:23] because [100:24] that's how you start your day and how [100:26] you end your day. I get it. People on [100:29] I could I'll take a picture of my room [100:30] and send it out. Guess what? It's not [100:31] hospital corners on the bed and there's [100:33] probably something in the corner. I'm [100:35] not saying that I'm perfect in this, but [100:38] it's not being neurotic. [100:40] It's doing the work that nobody sees. [100:43] And for the people who can, you know, [100:44] say, "Oh, it's, you know, that seems too [100:46] neurotic for me." Like, let's [100:48] let's have a cup of coffee. Where do you [100:50] want to be in your life and where are [100:52] you at in that journey? I would love I'm [100:53] fascinated by [100:55] and that and you know, like we're [100:56] saying, internet's the best worst thing. [100:58] People can [101:00] find this conversation [101:02] and then critique us to death and say [101:03] that we're being neurotic, but I'd also [101:05] love to connect with somebody and say, [101:06] "Listen, [101:08] why do you have the your an allergic [101:09] reaction to that particular statement? [101:11] Is it because perhaps you're living it? [101:14] And if you are, let's talk about the [101:16] potential impact that it's having." [101:18] Because again, I didn't create this. I'm [101:20] passing along, you know, one of the [101:22] mantras in the teams, how you do [101:23] anything is how you do everything. But, [101:26] there's so many stupid small things [101:30] that you do specifically in training [101:32] that have nothing to do with anything [101:34] except doing the stupid small thing. [101:37] That That's it. I mean [101:39] you know, this the [101:41] 2-mi swim. You have a K-Bar knife in one [101:43] of your hands and a CO2 cartridge in [101:45] another, and you're wearing your life [101:46] jacket, and we're like got a jeweler's [101:49] loop out looking at the you know, the [101:52] little uh twist-in section of the CO2 [101:55] cartridge. [101:56] God help you if I find a grain of sand [101:58] or a fleck of rust. Guess what? The [102:00] jacket's still going to function even if [102:03] both of those things still exist because [102:05] it actually has nothing to do with the [102:06] knurling of the CO2 cartridge and [102:09] everything to do with I told you to have [102:12] nothing in this to make sure it was [102:14] basically brand new because you have to [102:16] follow the procedure because the [102:18] procedure is what's going to save your [102:19] life. Can you [102:21] even when you're exhausted and you don't [102:23] want to and you have limited time do [102:25] what I told you to do because of the [102:26] impact that it'll have. I mean, that [102:28] exists in that community everywhere. So, [102:31] it's not me. I'm just telling you. [102:34] The most successful people that I have [102:35] encountered are not becoming successful [102:39] in chaos. Now, of course, there will be [102:41] an uh somebody that can point to [102:43] something and say, "Well, what about [102:44] this person?" I'm not saying that [102:45] there's not a What do they call it? A [102:47] white elephant or a black elephant? [102:48] Whatever it may be. Does that scale? No, [102:51] it doesn't. So, if you're trying to [102:54] replicate that, "Oh, they did it through [102:55] chaos, so I'm going to as well." Live [102:57] your life however you want to, but maybe [102:59] you and I aren't being neurotic. Maybe [103:01] we're just trying to help. [103:02] >> Yeah, uh you said even when exhausted [103:04] and limited uh in time. Those are the [103:07] two times when these little I guess I [103:11] used to think about them as extras. I'm [103:12] trying to start thinking about them as [103:14] foundational. That's when they become [103:16] really tough. [103:17] >> It's when they matter the most, though. [103:18] >> Mhm? [103:19] >> Because if you I mean [103:20] >> [laughter] [103:22] >> It's like this toilet paper roll weighs [103:24] 2,000 lb. There's no way I can get it to [103:25] the garbage if it's tired. That's [103:26] exactly like the days you don't want to [103:28] work out. Those are the most important [103:30] days. Even if you do less, the mental [103:32] victory there, [103:34] in my mind at least, and I'm not an [103:36] expert in any of this, far outweighs any [103:37] of the physical aspect. It's the fact [103:39] that you did and you didn't want to. If [103:41] you stack that up over a lifetime, [103:44] you're going to blow people away with [103:45] what you can [103:46] can accomplish. [103:47] >> Yeah, and the [103:49] generalizability of what you just [103:51] described is definitely supported by [103:53] science. People have perhaps heard me [103:54] say this before, so I'll make it very [103:55] brief, but there's this brain area, the [103:57] anterior mid-cingulate cortex, which [103:59] most neuroscientists that teach [104:01] neuroanatomy, including me, didn't know [104:02] what it did until a few years ago. A guy [104:05] at Stanford, Joe Parvizi, is a [104:06] neurosurgeon. He was stimulating this [104:08] brain area and regions adjacent to it [104:10] looking for [104:11] foci in a patient. That's how they find [104:13] out where the where to burn out the [104:15] seizure site. And he's stimulating in [104:18] the cingulate cortex and then he gets to [104:20] this anterior mid-cingulate cortex and [104:21] in every patient where he taps this [104:23] region electrically, the person feels [104:26] and reports, "I feel like there's a [104:28] storm coming [104:29] and I want to lean into it. I know I can [104:32] go through it." Someone else might [104:33] describe it as, "I feel like there's [104:35] this like big thing about to happen, [104:38] but I I'm going to [104:40] persevere." So, it's amazing, [104:42] [clears throat] right? So, this anterior [104:43] mid-cingulate cortex turns out [104:45] hypertrophies. Well, it grows in volume [104:48] per maybe in number of connections, etc. [104:51] Number of neurons, maybe, but certainly [104:52] grows in volume [104:54] when people successfully diet, [104:56] when they take their existing exercise [104:58] program and just add three 30-minute [105:01] uh sessions of cardio, but here's the [105:03] caveat, if they hate cardio. [105:06] If [laughter] you love the ice bath, [105:08] this your anterior mid-cingulate cortex, [105:10] which by the way predicts successful [105:11] dieting, predicts successful completion [105:13] of any of other hard things, [105:16] all of that relates to whether or not [105:18] the thing that you're introducing [105:20] is something that you do not want to do [105:22] in the moment that you do it. And so, [105:24] there's real science to this now. [105:25] There's a long review that I can put a [105:27] link to in the in the caption if people [105:28] want to get into the science. So, this [105:29] is in human studies and it goes just on [105:32] and on. So, it's not the thing it's the [105:35] thing you don't want to do. [105:36] >> Yeah. [105:37] >> And so, when people say, "I love working [105:38] out in the final two reps of that set, [105:40] that teaches me how to be hard in life." [105:42] You're like, "Do you like working out?" [105:43] They're like, "Love it." And you're [105:44] like, "Ah, it's not doing anything for [105:45] your anterior cingulate cortex." So, I [105:47] think this is very important science, [105:48] which is why I keep bringing it up on [105:49] multiple podcasts. And and I think the [105:51] toilet paper roll. So, your kids have [105:52] this amazing opportunity. [105:54] Uh other people have to uh I don't know, [105:57] do whatever. Um you know, they seem like [105:59] very uh uh hard-driving kids and um the [106:01] way you describe them. Anyway, so it [106:03] turns out that for them the the the [106:05] toilet paper thing [106:07] and no, uh your dad didn't pay me to say [106:09] this. The toilet paper thing turns out [106:11] to be your the the route to anterior [106:13] cingulate cortex growth, which then [106:16] translates to a By the way, [106:19] growth of this structure is the defining [106:21] feature of what are called super agers. [106:23] Bit of a misnomer because these are [106:24] people who maintain cognitive ability [106:27] and many of their physical abilities [106:28] relative to their peers into their 80s [106:30] and 90s. [106:31] >> That makes sense. [106:31] >> So, it it's so it may even be related to [106:34] the will to live. It may be this the [106:36] tenacity structure in the brain, which [106:38] people who successfully push back [106:41] against certain uh you know, life [106:42] confrontations and things and on and on. [106:44] So, it's pretty it's pretty cool [106:45] structure and it may be the basis of the [106:47] toilet paper phenomenon. [106:48] >> It's same thing as putting your dishes [106:50] in the dishwasher when you're done as [106:52] opposed to just dropping them in the [106:53] sink for the next morning. The examples [106:56] are everywhere. Not that that would ever [106:57] happen in our house, but [106:59] >> [laughter] [107:00] >> Uh [107:00] we're going to get back to the time [107:01] perception piece, but um you've [107:03] mentioned jujitsu a few times. [107:05] >> Yeah. [107:05] >> What's an aspect of jujitsu that for you [107:09] is this thing, this friction point where [107:11] you actually don't want to do or do you [107:12] just love the whole thing? [107:13] >> What I love about jujitsu is it can't be [107:15] mastered. There's no way. I and I have [107:17] been very fortunate enough now to train [107:18] with people or be around them [107:20] that have been black belts for damn near [107:22] as long as I have been alive. And I love [107:25] asking them, you know, what do they like [107:26] about it? And it's these seasons and [107:28] phases where [107:30] they think they have it figured out and [107:31] then they see something else and their [107:33] realization is they haven't even begun [107:36] to understand. And then so they build [107:37] back up and something again and they the [107:40] more experience these people have, the [107:42] less they think it have they that they [107:44] have it all figured out. And I [107:46] I don't know what the key to aging is, [107:48] but I love doing things that seem as if [107:51] it is impossible to master them. [107:54] I think that's the key to staying at [107:55] least mentally as young as possible. [107:57] Constantly learning new stuff. [108:00] I would like to take a quick break and [108:01] acknowledge one of our sponsors, Joovv. [108:04] Joovv makes medical grade red light [108:05] therapy devices. [108:07] Now, if there's one thing that I have [108:08] consistently emphasized on this podcast, [108:11] is the incredible impact that light can [108:12] have on our biology and our health. [108:15] Now, in addition to sunlight, which I've [108:17] talked about a lot on this podcast, red [108:19] light, near infrared, and infrared light [108:21] have been specifically shown to have [108:23] positive effects on improving numerous [108:25] aspects of cellular and organ health. [108:27] These include faster muscle recovery, [108:29] improved skin health, wound healing, [108:32] improvements in acne, reduced pain and [108:34] inflammation, improved mitochondrial [108:36] function, and even improvements in [108:38] vision. Nowadays, there are a lot of red [108:40] light devices out there. But what sets [108:42] Joovv lights apart and why they're my [108:44] preferred red light therapy device is [108:46] that they use clinically proven [108:47] wavelengths, meaning they use the [108:49] specific wavelengths of red light, near [108:51] infrared, and infrared light in [108:53] combination to trigger the optimal [108:55] cellular adaptations. Personally, I use [108:57] the Joovv whole body panel about three [108:59] to four times a week, usually for about [109:01] 10 to 20 minutes per session, and I use [109:03] the Joovv handheld light both at home [109:05] and when I travel. If you would like to [109:07] try Joovv, they're offering up to $400 [109:09] off select products for listeners of [109:11] this podcast. To learn more, visit [109:13] Joovv, spelled j o o v v {dot} com [109:16] {slash} Huberman. Again, that's j o o v [109:19] v.com/huberman. [109:22] >> I seem to be referencing your book a [109:23] lot, but there's a great story in your [109:24] book about some intense intestinal [109:26] distress that that is not uh [109:28] >> Is that what we're calling it? [109:29] >> Yeah. That is not of the just the the [109:31] diarrhea constipation type but like you [109:34] described as the worst pain [109:36] >> Yeah. [109:36] >> you'd ever experienced. Which when most [109:39] people hear a statement like that, they [109:40] go, "Okay, well, what pain have you [109:41] experienced?" [109:42] >> I touch [109:42] >> Turns out you also been shot. [109:44] >> Yeah. [109:44] >> Um turns out uh [109:47] you were you know, your your job [109:49] selection process involved a fair amount [109:50] of [109:51] immediate and long-term pain processes [109:53] under, you know, uh limited sleep and so [109:55] on. So, we we can check the box easily [109:58] for you like understands pain and then [110:00] this was the worst pain. What do you [110:02] think about this notion? Maybe I heard [110:03] this from Chad Wright that when you [110:05] vocalize about how hard something is [110:08] that you make it more real. I was [110:11] wondering if in that moment where you're [110:12] in the hospital, I don't want to give it [110:14] all away. It's it's a great chapter [110:15] actually uh and you're dealing with this [110:18] worst pain of your life, not from being [110:20] shot but from the other thing, that were [110:23] you just cursing? Were you quietly [110:26] cursing in your head? Do you think that [110:28] we can make our physical pain and just [110:30] challenges in general worse by talking [110:32] about them? Or do you think holding it [110:35] in makes it worse? [110:36] >> I don't think you could make it worse [110:39] by talking about it. I think if people [110:41] were open and honest about let's just [110:43] say pain in general, whether that is [110:45] internal or external [110:47] I think what they would be shocked to [110:48] find is they're generally surrounded by [110:49] people willing to do anything they can [110:51] to help relieve that pain. So, I think [110:52] you could probably make it much better. [110:54] >> Mhm. [110:55] >> For anybody who thinks that I might have [110:56] stuff figured out or I'm an intelligent [110:58] person, here's a story for you. Here's [111:00] how stupid I am. So, I was doing a [111:02] podcast when I first felt the first [111:04] little shift in my stomach. I had took a [111:06] sip of coffee. I was like, "Huh, [111:07] >> [laughter] [111:08] >> that's weird." [111:09] And I thought it was a gas bubble. [111:12] My wife was teaching a jujitsu seminar [111:13] at the time. We were just south of Salt [111:15] Lake City. [111:16] So, I got done with that. [111:18] Couldn't really [clears throat] stand up [111:19] straight. But, it was the open mat [111:21] portion. So, throw the gear on, go roll [111:23] for 90 minutes. [111:25] Couldn't [111:26] definitely could not stand up straight [111:28] after that. So, I was just slouching in [111:29] a chair, you know, to try to hide it [111:31] from my wife who had at that point [111:33] started looking over at me. [111:35] And she's like, "What's going on?" I'm [111:37] like, "Ah, I just got a stomach ache. [111:38] It's not that big of a deal." [111:39] And we were going to drive from Salt [111:42] Lake City back to Kalispell, Montana, [111:44] where I live, which should take a day. [111:47] And she was saying, "Hey, let's get you [111:49] some like, you know, gas medicine or [111:51] something like that." [111:52] And she wanted to go to In-N-Out. We [111:53] don't have any In-N-Outs in Montana. For [111:55] people who live around In-N-Outs, I'm [111:57] here to tell you it's a really big thing [111:58] to people who don't live around them. I [112:00] don't know why. [112:01] >> No, it's pretty darn good. [112:02] >> Yeah, I'm I was raised by them or around [112:04] them. So, to me, not that big of a deal. [112:06] I'll grab them when I can, but also not [112:08] going to totally detour off to go get [112:10] one. [112:11] So, she goes and gets her, you know, [112:12] double-double, whatever it is. Pulls [112:14] into the Walgreens. I'm in the passenger [112:16] seat at this point. She First off, she [112:17] tricks me. I drove her to the [112:19] In-N-Out. She's like, "Just let me [112:20] drive." I'm like, "Fine." We get to the [112:22] Walgreens. [112:24] I'm in a good amount of pain at this [112:25] point. She goes inside to get [112:27] Gas-X pills or whatever. She comes out. [112:29] I am upside down in my seat trying to [112:31] relieve the gas bubble cuz that's what I [112:33] thought it was. So, my head was down by [112:34] where you keep your feet. [112:36] I didn't let her know I was So, I she [112:38] comes back into the car and is like, [112:40] "What are you doing?" Just fully [112:42] inverted in the car. [112:44] I'm like, "I'm fine. Just, you know, I'm [112:45] just trying to see if I could get the [112:46] gas bubble to dislodge." [112:48] And she asked me, [112:50] "What do you want to do? Do you need to [112:51] go to the hospital?" I'm like, "I think [112:53] we're going to be okay. Just start [112:54] driving home. We'll be going through [112:55] Salt Lake, so we'll get to a higher [112:56] level of care if it gets worse." [112:58] She got on the phone, [113:00] Googled the nearest hospital, and drove [113:01] me straight there. So, that's how smart [113:03] I am when it comes to pain. [113:05] I wasn't verbalizing [113:06] how bad it was. and it wasn't It was [113:08] incrementally getting worse, but that's [113:10] an example of A, I 100% don't have [113:13] anything figured out. That's how dumb I [113:14] am. And B, keeping it to myself didn't [113:16] help much, but she knew me well enough [113:18] that it was time to go. I was able to [113:20] walk into the emergency room, and then I [113:22] ended up laying on the emergency room [113:23] floor, mostly because it was cool, and I [113:25] I was starting to sweat at that point. [113:27] They bring me in, and [113:29] uh did a bunch of imaging, and I had an [113:31] intestinal blockage, which required [113:32] emergency surgery the next day. The most [113:34] painful portion of that, though, was [113:38] about 6 hours when they gave me this [113:40] fluid that you drink to constrict all of [113:43] your intestines that they generally give [113:44] to elderly people who haven't [ __ ] in [113:46] weeks. [113:47] So, what ended up having is I had a loop [113:48] of scar tissue on the inside wall of my [113:50] stomach that a piece of intestines had [113:52] gone through, and it cinched. [113:55] So, that particular red juice of death [113:59] was the single most consistent pain that [114:02] I have ever been in. [114:04] I sweat like I sweat through all of my [114:06] clothing. [114:07] Uh my sister and I have a genetic blood [114:09] abnormality where I don't process [114:10] opiates the same way as people do, so [114:12] morphine to me doesn't even do anything. [114:13] I did not know that until I got to the [114:15] emergency room in Baghdad after being [114:17] shot. And I kept asking for more [114:19] morphine, and the guy pulled out a chart [114:21] and said, "This [clears throat] is what [114:22] you weigh. [114:23] This is your dosage. You are now at the [114:25] threshold. If we give you more, your [114:27] heart's going to stop." So, they stopped [114:29] the morphine, [114:30] put me on Dilaudid, [114:32] barely touching the pain at the maximum [114:35] dosage of Dilaudid. [114:37] But, that was [114:39] the worst pain I've ever been in, and [114:42] it's funny that you ask about talking [114:45] about it or not. [114:46] My sister is a nurse. She's been in [114:48] health care for quite some time, and [114:51] they had just gone on vacation. [114:54] And my wife wanted to get a hold of [114:57] them. And I'm like, "Whatever you do, do [114:59] not call them and ruin their vacation." [115:01] What she was trying to do [115:04] was understand what she needed to say to [115:06] the staff so she could talk to them in [115:08] their language because the dosages they [115:10] were getting just wasn't doing anything. [115:11] And I think to the degree they thought I [115:13] was [115:14] uh [115:15] like seeking meds even though I think [115:17] the athletic sweat might have been a [115:18] little bit of a tell and the fact that [115:20] I'm like [115:21] writhing and the doctor's coming I'm [115:22] like, "I don't care what it is, cut it [115:23] out right now. We can just do sur- He's [115:25] like, "Oh, we got to do imagery and [115:27] you got to do paperwork." I'm like, [115:28] "Sign my name. Let like let's just do [115:30] the uh knock me out and cut this out of [115:31] my body right now. I don't even care [115:32] what's left." [115:34] But [115:35] I didn't even want to share that with my [115:37] sister [115:39] cuz I didn't want to ruin her experience [115:40] with her family in another country and [115:42] that didn't make anything better. [115:44] Shortly after that [115:45] right after I told my wife not to call [115:47] her, she went outside and called her. [115:49] And then I got switched over to the ICU [115:50] where they hit me with ketamine and that [115:52] did the trick. [115:53] Almost to the point where they almost [115:55] they almost pushed me into the K hole [115:56] and I didn't like that at all. I could [115:58] hear the hairs on the inside of my ears [116:01] starting to move around. And it was a [116:03] dead quiet room and I remember saying to [116:04] my wife [116:05] "Can you hear it? It's so loud in here." [116:07] And she's like [116:09] "It is [116:10] completely and utterly silent." Right at [116:12] the lip. To the point where I told the [116:14] doctor, "Please no more ketamine [116:15] regardless of what it takes." But then [116:16] they went and did the surgery. [116:19] All of that to say [116:21] the more open and honest I was [116:23] the better it got. [116:25] And that time where I was trying to not [116:27] share that or not talk about the pain, [116:29] it was still just as real for me. [116:32] But there was no benefit in being quiet [116:34] like that. And I think that that's [116:35] something that people can [116:37] in my life and I'm not sure yours [116:41] every time I've verbalized pain or grief [116:44] or struggle [116:46] surrounded by people willing to help [116:48] out. [116:49] Why not talk about it? What's the [116:51] potential downside if you look at it [116:53] purely from a physical perspective was [116:54] me suffering for a few more hours [116:57] because I'm an idiot. [116:59] >> [laughter] [117:01] >> Well, I totally agree that when it's [117:03] real pain [117:04] it's important to [117:06] share. Also, uh God bless your your wife [117:09] for not listening to you around this [117:12] particular issue. [117:13] >> me figured out. It's everything up to a [117:14] point she's like, "Nope, I'm we're going [117:16] to we're going to go ahead and take the [117:17] wheel from here." [117:18] >> Yeah. [117:18] >> [laughter] [117:18] >> Once I got in uh [117:20] uh before we came in here we were [117:21] talking about dogs. Uh we'll get back to [117:23] but you know, having owned a bulldog [117:25] >> I must have you realized that they hide [117:26] their pain. Like he you know, you know [117:29] >> ran out to uh you know, two they don't [117:33] have knees, right? But ran out to uh [117:34] ACLs, right? I mean, he was his own [117:36] worst enemy. But he would never quit on [117:38] me either. So, it's like you kind of [117:39] have to know [clears throat] that about [117:40] bulldogs, right? So, there's enough uh [117:42] bulldog in you. Uh [117:44] you have a dachshund. [117:45] >> Yes. [117:46] >> dog. I know that they're very, very [117:47] smart and they're kind of mischievous. [117:49] >> Yeah. [117:50] >> Right? But they're loyal. They like [117:52] >> Um [117:53] You are either one of their people or [117:56] you're one of their enemies. [117:58] >> Is that you? [117:59] >> I'm his I'm probably his favorite [118:00] person. [118:01] >> No, I meant is that your your phenotype, [118:02] too? Is that your you're either one of [118:04] my people or you're one of my enemies? [118:06] >> I don't think so. [118:07] >> Okay. Yeah, you don't strike me that [118:08] way. [118:08] >> I am inherently distrustful of human [118:10] beings just based off my own personal [118:12] experience. [118:12] >> All human beings? [118:13] >> Not all human beings. Well, yes, the [118:16] species but not every person that I that [118:18] I meet. I am just aware [118:21] that there is a subsection of who we are [118:25] that is out there [118:26] that ticks in the completely opposite [118:29] manner with which I do and I'm not to [118:30] say here to say that's right or wrong, [118:33] but I've seen it enough with my own eyes [118:35] that I can never forget that. [118:38] >> You're talking about from your your time [118:39] on deployments? [118:40] >> Yeah. [118:40] >> Yeah. [118:41] >> Just seeing beliefs and ideologies that [118:43] are completely at odds with what my [118:45] beliefs and ideologies are and [118:47] sorry for anybody listening to this, [118:49] whatever your belief and ideology is, [118:50] there is an axis out there that feels [118:52] that way. that's just the way that it [118:53] is. It doesn't mean you should distrust [118:55] everybody. I just remind myself that [118:57] human beings are really capable of some [118:59] gnarly stuff, but I also don't walk [119:00] around [119:02] snap judging everybody. But I try to [119:04] enjoy my life, just like everybody else [119:06] does. But yeah, for that dog, it's uh [119:09] you can go from being one of his enemies [119:11] to one of his friends though. If you [119:12] have enough treats and spend enough time [119:14] around him, then he gets super excited [119:15] when he sees you. But they're amazing [119:16] dogs. [119:17] >> Yeah, I love dachshunds. I I don't know [119:19] that I have the [119:21] the tenacity to own one. But I mean cuz [119:24] bulldogs are stubborn. [119:26] >> Yeah. [119:27] >> But [119:28] they're so food driven [119:30] and [119:31] they're not that smart. [119:33] >> [laughter] [119:33] >> Don't tell them that. I've had a bulldog [119:35] long enough and now a second one to know [119:36] that they're [119:37] um and it's part of what makes them [119:39] great. [119:39] They they don't do advanced math on on [119:42] their life experience. They're doing [119:43] basic addition [119:46] and sleeping. [119:47] >> We have [119:47] >> They'll die for you, [119:49] but if your life isn't on the line, [119:50] they're not doing [ __ ] at all. That's [119:52] kind of like the bulldog. [119:54] >> Our dog does puzzles. [119:55] >> Yeah. So, right. That that's what I'm [119:58] talking about. Yeah. [119:59] >> And like we have an outside fetch ball [120:01] that I thought didn't fit through the [120:02] doggy door. It was in the house the [120:03] other day. [120:04] >> What's going on here? [120:05] >> Right. Right. [laughter] Totally same [120:07] same species, all completely different [120:09] brain structures. [120:09] >> Man. [120:10] >> Well, and they were bred to be [120:11] independent because they were bred to be [120:12] at down in little tunnels going for I [120:14] tell people they were bred to fight [120:15] lions. Nobody seems to believe me. And [120:17] I'm also not sure that that's true, but [120:18] >> You need 75 of those. [120:20] >> Yeah, like rats. Yeah, that's that's [120:21] what I tell people. They hunt in packs, [120:22] obviously. I would be terrified of 75 [120:24] wiener dogs chasing me down. [120:25] >> Absolutely. [120:27] >> [laughter] [120:28] >> No, they're down down in tunnels and [120:29] that's also why they bark so much and [120:31] why their bark is so loud. It's so it's [120:32] their handlers could track them as they [120:34] went. So, a lot of that stuff makes [120:36] sense. [120:37] Not necessarily in an urban setting, but [120:39] you know, it's fun to deal with. [120:42] Your dog needs to do puzzles or he'll [120:43] drive you crazy. [120:45] >> Yeah, we do go down the the the [120:47] conceptual rabbit hole of uh [120:50] of dog breeds, but we won't because we [120:52] left an important plate spinning that I [120:54] want to return to. What do we leave? [120:56] This notion of time perception to [120:58] navigate everyday life more effectively [121:02] and time perception [121:05] to navigate the real really hard stuff. [121:09] Your community by virtue of the work [121:11] that you guys [121:12] did and do lose a lot of people. [121:15] Relative to other professions, there's a [121:17] there's a high fatality rate relative to [121:19] other professions, but in the larger [121:22] outside world now, you know, we are [121:24] seeing much more suicide. Let's just be [121:28] real blunt. [121:29] >> Yeah. [121:29] >> Walking in here today, we were talking [121:30] to one of our [121:32] team members here, not SEAL team [121:33] members, but editors, you know, somebody [121:36] a real [121:37] um [121:38] a real luminary in the [121:40] skateboarding world, you know, [121:42] cause of death still unclear, but you [121:44] know, like this yet another example of [121:46] somebody highly accomplished, [121:48] family, etc. I have a colleague who [121:51] recently [121:52] sadly took his own life. Like this just [121:53] happens across domains, right? And it's [121:56] not just men, it's women, too, but it [121:57] does seem to be higher among men these [121:59] days. You know, it raises some really [122:02] complicated, but I think important [122:04] questions around [122:06] what [122:07] is going through people's minds that [122:08] would lead them them to think that it [122:11] was or should be the end of the line for [122:13] them [122:14] for themselves. Goes against every bit [122:16] of adaptive evolutionary biology. It [122:19] goes against all religious doctrine in [122:21] terms of what's adaptive. So, you know, [122:23] there's no straightforward answer to [122:25] this but [122:26] earlier we were talking about before we [122:28] were recording, perhaps people get into [122:31] a tunnel of the idea that the way they [122:34] feel in a given moment is the way it's [122:35] going to be forever. [122:37] So, two guys sitting here who are not in [122:38] that state to kind of wonder what that [122:40] is is we can only speculate. But [122:45] what do you think [122:47] based on what you've observed and you're [122:49] welcome to share if you like this from [122:50] your book you talk about Dave. [122:52] >> Yeah. [122:52] >> Is there any understanding of of what's [122:54] going on for people in the in the days, [122:57] weeks, months, moments leading up to [122:59] those decisions that you know, maybe we [123:02] can do some good here. [123:03] And help people identify if they're [123:06] starting to enter that it's always going [123:08] to feel like this mode. [123:10] >> And there have been so many [123:11] conversations about this and there are [123:13] so many programs that exist to try to [123:16] help. I'll I'll say guys because that's [123:18] the community that I came from with [123:20] this. [123:21] The Green Beret community [123:23] has now lost more people to suicide than [123:26] combat operations since 2001. [123:28] >> What? [123:29] >> Yep. I don't know where the SEAL [123:30] community is with that, but I bet you [123:32] they're close. [123:34] The numbers will eclipse for sure. [123:36] So [123:37] it is an issue, but it is an unavoidable [123:40] issue. Every situation is different to a [123:44] degree that they share some [123:46] similarities. The So in speaking [123:48] specifically of the SEAL teams [123:50] I mean there's the biggest similarity, [123:51] right? They came from that community and [123:53] they probably had [123:55] some semblance of shared experiences [123:57] whether that be deployments, time away [124:00] from family, the psychological and [124:02] physiological stresses of the job. [124:05] But it doesn't seem to impact everybody [124:08] equally either. Everybody's experiences [124:10] differ. You could be in a room I was [124:12] going to say with six people, but it's [124:13] unlikely you'll be in a room with six [124:15] people just because uh [124:17] we don't generally have that many people [124:18] and we try to solve issues with as few [124:21] as possible. Well, let's say four. I [124:23] have no understanding why [124:26] the same shared experience although [124:28] maybe [124:29] viewed from a slightly different angle [124:32] in totality could break somebody, but [124:34] not the other three or why everybody has [124:36] a different volume of you know, [124:38] somebody's got this much volume versus [124:39] this much versus a thimble. And I don't [124:42] I don't understand why [124:45] those experiences [124:47] seem to break some people. [124:49] Or, in my opinion, I think they can, if [124:51] you put the work in, make you an even [124:53] better version of yourself. And I also [124:55] think that you can pour some of the [124:56] stuff out or drill a hole in the bottom [124:58] and work through these things. [125:00] Dave being the example, [125:03] I The things that stick out would be And [125:06] again, this is me This is me speaking. I [125:08] can't speak for Dave. [125:12] There was a huge delta, I think, between [125:15] how he thought of himself and how other [125:18] people thought of him. [125:22] And in most of the funerals that I've [125:24] gone to that involved suicide, [125:27] the number one question is [125:29] why? [125:31] Why didn't somebody reach out for help? [125:33] Or, and maybe they did, because you [125:34] don't you know, you don't I mean, I [125:35] guess you could look at their electronic [125:36] device or maybe it was a face-to-face. [125:39] It's hard to say. [125:40] But, the difference in [125:44] what Dave left behind. He left behind [125:46] some journals. [125:48] And I think that there are [125:51] pros and cons. [125:53] If you are in a place where you have the [125:56] opportunity to read somebody's what they [125:58] have left behind and not, [126:00] you may not want to know. It may make it [126:02] more difficult because I've also seen [126:04] people attach a a very immense amount of [126:07] grief because they either think that [126:08] what was written and left behind [126:10] was specifically about them. Or, they Oh [126:13] man, I was there and I could have, you [126:15] know, the coulda, woulda, shoulda, which [126:17] is all hypothetical and doesn't change [126:18] the fact that it already happened. But, [126:20] I've seen people deeply, deeply struggle [126:22] with that. [126:23] So, that would be the negative. The pro [126:25] could be [126:26] perhaps, I don't know, closure. So, it [126:28] really depends on the person. Choose [126:30] wisely as somebody who is a [126:32] experienced that. [126:34] Um my experience is it was a combination [126:35] of both. I I felt a deeper level of [126:38] understanding, but also a deep sense I [126:40] wish I would have done more. [126:42] >> [snorts] [126:45] >> The internal struggles [126:48] and self-talk [126:50] and monologue [126:52] I couldn't read it without crying. [126:57] And I don't think he realized [127:01] how highly [127:03] other people thought of him. [127:05] The gap between the two is just [127:06] unbelievable. He He and not everybody [127:09] is. [127:10] He was isolated at the time. [127:12] There was alcohol involved to the best [127:14] of my knowledge. [127:16] Which unfortunately, especially in the [127:17] community that I come from, those two [127:19] things are pretty often tied, not [127:21] always, but often tied alcohol in that [127:23] decision as well. [127:24] And the stats are [127:26] pretty well back about, you know, that [127:27] alcohol being a You could speak to this, [127:29] you know, but [127:31] >> [snorts] [127:31] >> central nervous system depressant. It's [127:33] not like, "Yeah, yeah, I'm feeling the [127:34] best I've ever felt." It generally will [127:35] spiral you in the other direction. [127:38] But when I look at Dave, he was and is [127:41] to this day what I would consider to be [127:43] the standard for a team guy. [127:46] And what I loved about him so much is [127:48] that not only did he expect that [127:50] standard from other people, but he held [127:52] it himself. And actually more than that. [127:54] I think I would say he held himself to a [127:57] higher standard [127:59] than he would hold other people to. [128:01] If you met his standard, you were going [128:02] to get two thumbs up. Probably not a pat [128:04] on the back, but you were going to get [128:05] two thumbs up, and you were going to [128:06] know you did a good job. [128:08] If you did not meet his standard, which [128:10] I tested many times, you were very [128:12] specifically told [128:14] where you were deficient in life and as [128:16] a human being. [128:17] >> [laughter] [128:18] >> And he God, he had a tongue like a whip. [128:20] He was awesome. And uh [128:24] I I at the end, and this is me speaking [128:28] for him a little bit, [128:30] I think he arrived at a place [128:33] where he couldn't live with the reality [128:35] that he couldn't hold himself to the [128:37] standard that he had expected from other [128:39] people, and I think it destroyed him. [128:41] But I don't know if he shared that with [128:42] anybody. I don't think so. Some of the [128:44] last people that he spoke with [128:48] knew that he was [128:51] struggling for sure. He He had an [128:53] alcohol addiction issue for sure. And [128:54] for clarity, I mean, that's [128:57] Dave would be pissed actually if I [128:58] didn't mention that cuz he would never [129:00] tolerate anybody else beating around the [129:02] bush. He legitimately had an an issue [129:03] with alcohol as [129:05] some people do from that community. [129:07] They knew that he was struggling. He's [129:09] the only guy I know who did multiple [129:12] treatments of [129:13] I have zero experience in psychedelics, [129:15] but from listening to people talk about [129:16] ayahuasca and ibogaine [129:18] rides that don't seem to be a very good [129:20] time. [129:21] And often times will instantaneously [129:23] change the relationship they have with [129:24] substances, whether it's [129:26] opiates or alcohol. Not that you would [129:28] never drink again, but their their [129:30] relationship with it just shifts. [129:32] They're like, "You know what? Uh, I [129:33] don't even have the desire to do so." [129:36] 72 hours later, 96 hours later, and it's [129:39] not like he just tried once. [129:41] He would go back. [129:43] He would even facilitate [129:45] treatment for other people. [snorts] [129:49] But it wasn't working for him, but he [129:51] wasn't he wasn't sharing that. And that [129:54] isolation and loneliness [129:57] and that difference between that [129:59] standard and what he was able to do [130:03] got him to that place [130:04] where he put a gun in his mouth, you [130:06] know alone [130:07] isolated at his family home in Florida. [130:11] And when everybody showed up at the [130:12] funeral, it's like, [130:14] "What could we What could we have done [130:16] more?" And [clears throat] that And that [130:17] happens at every Nobody's at a funeral [130:20] saying, "I did everything I could." [130:21] Never have heard that, by the way. To [130:23] just God, I nailed it. I'm like, really? [130:26] Exhibit A would like none of us nailed [130:28] it. We all [ __ ] up. Or [130:32] did we do the best that we could and [130:34] it's something that we can't stop. I [130:36] don't know. I've have I've started to [130:37] have pretty deep conversations with [130:40] friends around from that community [130:42] around what can be done. [130:45] I don't think an absolutist approach is [130:47] good. I think driving to zero is [130:49] possible because is impossible because [130:51] it's a it's a an affliction that strikes [130:53] all of humanity. [130:55] A reductionist approach I think is [130:57] helpful. [130:58] But at this point I don't know what else [131:01] can be done. [131:03] I mean, millions of dollars advocated [131:06] towards these type of programs. Things [131:08] like [131:09] Ambio, you know, just south of the [131:11] border or what Marcus and Amber [131:13] compeller doing with the vets, which are [131:15] largely an interface to the and there's [131:16] portals and people and I'm on some of [131:18] these groups where [131:20] even the inkling [131:22] somebody is in trouble or you need help [131:23] like people are they're trying to get [131:25] stuff done, getting connected. People [131:26] are getting on airplanes and I was with [131:30] mutual friend DJ, I think it was last [131:31] week and one of his new guys who had [131:34] become a team leader who had gotten out [131:37] just killed himself. [131:39] And both and [131:41] we we sit there with faces like this [131:43] with [131:45] things that are un that we don't know [131:46] what to say. And between us, I don't [131:48] know. [131:49] >> [sighs] [131:50] >> I don't know what's going on there. [131:52] >> Yeah, well I certainly don't know [131:54] either. I think that um [131:58] if we can [131:59] borrow anything useful from other areas [132:02] of [132:03] uh mental health and neuroscience cuz it [132:06] I think ultimately this is a brain [132:08] issue. [132:08] >> Mhm. [132:09] >> Right? I don't think it's like a gut [132:10] health issue, although that could impact [132:12] it, right? I might be wrong. [132:13] >> correlary. I mean [132:13] >> Right, could be yeah. I mean that it [132:14] could be but but I think it's a a [132:17] thought process that leads to a decision [132:18] that, you know, and that's in the brain. [132:20] So, if we were to just take like start [132:21] at ground truths, [132:23] not to try and make this reductionist, [132:25] we'd say maybe suicidality is not one [132:28] thing. [132:29] Just like we know that [132:31] you can get a fever from a lot of [132:32] things. Yeah. I don't want to say no one [132:33] is immune because I do think that [132:36] fortunately, it's, you know, [132:38] not everybody, but maybe everyone has [132:39] the potential to go there and there are [132:41] certain buffers that we're not aware of. [132:43] >> You might come out of the box immune to [132:45] it, but I think either something [132:47] psychologically or physiologically can [132:49] happen that maybe could open a door that [132:51] had started off closed. [132:52] >> Mhm. [132:54] >> That's a guess. [132:55] >> In all these instances, they're leaping [132:56] to mind are [132:58] unfortunately, real-life suicides. Every [133:00] single one of the people um was a very [133:03] high-performer at one point, highly very [133:05] highly regarded, yeah, revered, etc. [133:08] And so, I think you've really um [133:11] touched on something important, which is [133:12] that this notion of like it's lonely at [133:14] the top. There there's It's true that [133:16] there's [133:17] people are busy, you know, there's not [133:19] the general public is not so concerned [133:21] about, you know, winners and their [133:23] plight, you know, but when you hear [133:25] about something like this, you know, um [133:28] you realize that it people can be quite [133:30] lonely and perhaps as the number of true [133:33] peers that somebody has because they're [133:35] in a leadership position over already [133:36] ultra-high performers, the need to [133:38] impress, the need to not have their [133:40] their image shattered is it goes up and [133:42] up and up and up. There might be [133:44] something there. I think there's [133:46] certainly important work to be done, but [133:48] there aren't real data, I don't think, [133:50] on the number of people who were kind of [133:52] veering in this direction, but somebody [133:54] reached out. [133:55] >> Yeah. [133:56] >> And then they're 6 months later saying, [133:57] "Hey, thanks, you know, I you know, you [133:58] really helped me back when." And maybe [134:00] they weren't right at that edge. Yeah. [134:01] So, we don't have data on what worked to [134:03] keep people away from this edge, either. [134:05] So, it's a really tough problem, but, [134:08] you know, tough problems [134:10] are tractable. [134:11] >> Yeah, I worry less about the guys who [134:13] are able to verbalize what they're going [134:15] through. [134:17] It's the ones who are [134:18] more quiet. You know, you talk about, [134:20] you know, lonely at the top. Dave I left [134:22] Dave's military career largely out of [134:24] it. [134:25] He originally wanted to go to [134:28] development group and didn't make it [134:29] through the screen process. I think [134:31] largely more due to a personality [134:32] conflict with one of the instructors, [134:34] which totally happens. You get on [134:35] somebody's radar, [134:36] you might have to come back through. But [134:38] he ended up going to another JSOC [134:40] command [134:42] that works at an incredibly high level, [134:44] very less known, [134:47] often times [134:49] by yourself [134:51] in adversarial countries. And he crushed [134:53] it there I think like 10 years. [134:56] I mean like [134:58] the top performer [135:01] of performers. And then they contracted [135:02] him to come back and teach guys in their [135:04] own very long selection course. [135:07] What I didn't realize [135:09] is how much he was struggling [135:12] just holding up that image though. [135:14] >> A part of their selection course occurs [135:15] out in Las Vegas. [135:18] He had more than one incident where he [135:20] thought his career was going to be over [135:21] cuz he went out and got shit-faced and [135:23] got arrested. [135:25] They work so independently and [135:28] individually so often, [135:30] nobody even realized he'd gotten in [135:31] trouble [135:32] until his security clearance came back [135:34] around and it popped on his security [135:35] clearance. [135:37] Which then, you know, leads to a whole [135:38] variety of other things. But that [135:40] happened to him while he was active and [135:41] then after while he was out. [135:44] But if you were look at the guy, [135:46] you you mean you'd say to him, "How do I [135:48] match your career exactly? What exactly [135:50] are you doing to be able to do what it [135:52] is that you're doing?" [135:54] Then behind the curtain, holy [ __ ] [135:57] Just suffering. [136:02] You can see it in the writing. Just in [136:04] the [136:06] the shape and texture [136:09] of the words. You can You can see it [136:11] degrading [136:13] towards the end. It's gnarly. [136:16] And look, I'm not one of these people [136:17] that thinks everyone should just go do [136:19] Ibogaine, which is not a recreational [136:21] experience. You know, right, but I was [136:22] going to say the fact that he did that [136:24] has worked. I'll just say this on I've [136:26] said it publicly before, but I'll make [136:27] sure I hammer this, you know, [136:30] straight in the middle that I've been [136:31] very supportive of Veteran Solutions [136:33] because [136:34] and the work that was being done at [136:35] Stanford to support them. The arc of [136:38] both successful escape from addiction [136:41] and PTSD or whatever you want to call it [136:43] through the proper use of Ibogaine [136:45] medically supervised [136:48] as well as the number of just tragic [136:51] instances of people who didn't make it [136:54] there. [136:55] I happen to know Chad Wilkins' [136:56] wife and talk to Sarah, you know, and [136:58] you know, it's a painful thing to be at [136:59] these things and hear all these [137:01] wonderful stories of people that feel [137:02] like they were rescued, their spouse was [137:03] rescued and then [137:05] um the spouses that are there are [137:06] saying, you know, it's [137:08] grateful this exists and I'm I'm [137:09] frustrated that it wasn't there in time [137:12] for their spouse or parent or you know, [137:14] so or kid. So, many people have [137:17] benefited, but some people just seem [137:19] like they're refractory to it. [137:20] >> Well, hopefully [137:22] talking about suicide [137:24] frankly will will um get people thinking [137:27] about [137:28] different avenues around it. I don't [137:30] know the angle. [137:31] >> Yeah, I don't know the angle. I mean, [137:33] I've tried to focus sometimes on talking [137:35] about [137:36] the impact that it has on those left [137:39] behind in the hopes that that would [137:42] I don't know. [137:44] Buy somebody a 1% [137:46] maybe think about that for 1% [137:47] [clears throat] and it changes literally [137:49] the trajectory of their life. [137:51] I don't understand [137:53] the choice I will I will describe the [137:56] choice of ending your own life as an [137:57] irrational decision. That's [138:00] I can't make any sense of it other than [138:01] to say, like you said, it goes against [138:03] every evolutionary [138:05] everything that we can understand. So, [138:08] somehow people are arriving at an [138:11] irrational decision and considering it [138:13] to be [138:15] the only rational solution. [138:17] Talking about the people that they left [138:19] behind and the impact it's going to have [138:22] doesn't seem to have impacted it at all. [138:25] I don't I don't know what the answer is. [138:28] Many times, you know, I [138:30] whatever is left behind are text [138:32] messages the world's better off with You [138:33] know what I mean? Better off without me. [138:34] They feel it. I'm not going to say they [138:36] feel as if they're doing the world a [138:37] favor. That's That's not what I mean to [138:39] say, but often times the language is [138:40] close to that. Like, [138:42] "I'm doing this because you will be [138:44] better off without me." And again, [138:46] irrational decision as their only [138:48] rational option. I don't I don't know. [138:52] I do know that statistically it's way [138:53] higher in the occupation that I came [138:55] from. What I didn't realize and what [138:57] I've started talking with a lot more [138:58] about guys I served with is their time [139:00] before the military, though. [139:03] The trauma in in the military can [139:05] certainly be unique, but I tell you [139:07] what, the number of guys that I've [139:08] talked to now that I didn't have these [139:10] conversations with that I when I was in, [139:12] they brought a full sea bag of trauma [139:14] with them before. [139:16] And if you layer that on top of [139:19] everything that happens while you're in [139:21] and you don't get a handle on that, [139:23] >> [snorts] [139:24] >> it's going to get a handle on you. And I [139:26] think that's played itself out many [139:27] times. A lot of the emphasis is on just [139:30] the military aspect. And I'm not saying [139:32] that everybody from the military world [139:33] came in with the broken, shattered, fill [139:35] in the blank [139:36] bucket of trauma, [139:38] but there's a lot of them the more that [139:40] you dig into this. And that has to be [139:42] addressed as well, too. [139:44] It makes sense. If you had a jacked-up [139:46] childhood or you were bullied, what [139:48] better job than to be able to dispatch [139:51] bullies or those that are preying upon [139:53] others? Yeah, that's exactly what you're [139:55] going to want to do. But that doesn't [139:57] mean that the little suitcase you [139:59] brought with you [140:00] isn't going to meet you on the tail end [140:02] of that journey. Then you pair that with [140:03] isolation. A lot of times guys get out, [140:05] they'll move uh you know, back to where [140:06] they came from. So, away from their [140:08] social circle. The uniform goes up in [140:10] the closet. [140:12] Identity and purpose struggle that we [140:14] all have when you go from that [140:15] occupation. [140:17] Social isolation. Maybe they bring with [140:19] them some unhealthy social habits. [140:22] Alcohol, whatever else it may be with [140:25] them, with that isolation, with those [140:27] struggles, with that baggage. [140:30] It's a lot, man. [140:32] >> You make a very important point. I [140:33] think, you know, perhaps one of the [140:36] reasons they went into that profession [140:38] is they were traumatized going in. But, [140:40] of course, as you also pointed out, many [140:42] guys are not. They [140:43] >> I won the genetic lottery with my [140:44] parents. They were spectacular. [140:47] But, I I now [140:49] I just I wish I had been mature enough [140:52] to sit down with people when I was [140:54] younger and be like, "Dude, [140:56] like, are you okay? [140:58] What was your What was your background [140:59] like coming up? [141:00] You know, [141:01] tell me about your life before the [141:02] teams." Cuz nobody ever asked about your [141:04] life. Like, "Where are you from? Cool, [141:05] shut up. You made it through buds, [141:06] great. Go get your [ __ ] It's time to go [141:07] do gangster shit." I'm like, "Okay, [141:09] cool. Let's go do gangster shit." [141:11] It's afterwards where I I would get to [141:13] know these people better at a deeper [141:14] level. I'm like, "I'm sorry, what? [141:17] What situation did you come from?" [141:19] Dave was a good example. [141:21] He brought a lot with him. [141:24] Again, that's a data point. I can't [141:26] apply that broadly. [141:28] But, in the anecdotal conversations I [141:30] have had, it is trending past 50% of the [141:33] guys brought a lot of stuff with them. [141:36] >> Yeah, and the [141:37] um [141:38] the sort of hyper proclivity for alcohol [141:40] might have been related to that. I mean, [141:42] we can do a just-so story, but what [141:44] you're saying, you know, it it [141:47] ratchets together in in a logical way. [141:49] And of course, everything we're talking [141:50] about wicks out to the the world at [141:53] large. I mean, checking in on people is [141:55] no small thing. [141:57] >> Yeah. [141:57] >> You know, I I like a few years ago I [141:59] talked about how like, you know, this [142:00] group of like people would just like [142:01] check in in the morning and it seemed [142:02] people like, "Oh, well, that's like it's [142:04] supposed to be the health act." It's [142:04] like, "Oh, no, there's one guy in my in [142:07] my crew that like he's he's like every [142:09] single morning. If we don't hear from [142:10] him by 8:00 a.m. we're like, "He's [142:13] dead." You know, [142:14] >> [laughter] [142:14] >> like you know, and then like 8:15 he's [142:16] like, "Sorry, I'm late, guys." And you [142:17] know, just by virtue of that group he [142:18] sends out he's, you know, he sends [142:20] around a little Bible passage, sometimes [142:22] like a wish for the day for folks. [142:23] Everyone checks in. It's like, it's a [142:24] real thing. Like it's a real thing. It's [142:27] not just that I'd be worried about him. [142:28] I honestly I'd be worried about me if if [142:30] he didn't send that. Now, is it am I [142:31] completely dependent on it? No, but [142:34] those small things, back to this notion [142:36] of small things, they can really matter. [142:38] They can they can really make the [142:39] difference. I don't know, my mind goes [142:40] to all these places and maybe I've [142:42] spent more than my fair share of time [142:44] with uh [142:45] a our mutual friend Eddie Penny where I [142:47] I actually think and and forgive me cuz [142:49] I'm a scientist, but these days I talk [142:51] very openly. I actually think that evil [142:53] forces can hijack people's minds. [142:56] I know it sounds crazy, it sounds like [142:57] conspiracy, but I believe that inside of [142:59] our minds we have a susceptibility to [143:02] positive messaging and we have a [143:04] susceptibility to evil messaging and it [143:06] can come in in different forms and I [143:08] think bad forces can work through us and [143:11] they tend to come through the places of [143:14] shame. They come through the things that [143:16] we don't want to acknowledge. They're [143:17] like the way it was described to me by [143:19] someone far smarter than me is it's like [143:20] a lighthouse that's, you know, [143:22] spinning its um [143:24] its illumination and then there's like [143:26] there's still like some [143:28] like dirt on the on the lighthouse and [143:30] it casts this like shard of a shadow and [143:32] that's where stuff comes in and gets us [143:34] and if we can kind of see that stuff and [143:37] really acknowledge it, that's kind of [143:38] what the real trauma process trauma [143:40] healing process is about. Once you own [143:42] it, it's very different. Things can't [143:43] get to you the same way. Now, I'm [143:45] speaking in like riddles and metaphors [143:47] here, So it So I want to be careful cuz [143:49] I'm a scientist. I believe in biology, [143:51] but I think that hopefully conversations [143:53] like these will start to open up the the [143:55] thought and maybe in the dialogue around [143:57] this cuz I think the mental health [143:58] community, but really the general public [143:59] needs to start thinking about this [144:01] >> Yeah. [144:01] >> in a real way because the numbers as you [144:04] mentioned in the SEAL Teams and other [144:05] special operations communities are [144:06] staggering, but it's growing. I mean and [144:10] on and on and I don't believe anyone is [144:13] completely immune just given the the the [144:15] examples. These are people who [144:16] quote unquote [clears throat] everything [144:17] going for them and then some. So [144:20] God willing this will have some positive [144:22] impact. [144:23] >> I think it's important that somebody [144:25] like yourself as a scientist is open to [144:28] other non-scientific [144:30] answers or [144:32] possibilities at least [144:35] because we clearly don't have [snorts] [144:36] it figured all out yet. That I'm not a [144:39] scientist, but I'm pretty sure [144:40] scientists don't know everything [144:42] regardless of how some of them might [144:44] like to tell you that they do. [144:45] >> Definitely do not know everything. [144:47] >> And if we don't know everything, maybe [144:49] let's just keep it open to possibilities [144:52] because in that journey hopefully one [144:54] day we will figure out everything. [144:56] But if we lose a bunch people along the [144:58] way because we were unwilling to at [144:59] least even [145:01] table a conversation about something [145:03] maybe outside of the science realm [145:05] I don't think it's worth knowing [145:06] everything. [145:06] >> I think that our We're talking about [145:08] dogs before. I think our species is a [145:11] remarkable species technology [145:13] development. I think that we have [145:14] incredible capacity for for goodness and [145:18] I think we also should finally [145:20] acknowledge after many thousands of [145:22] years that we have a hardwired failure [145:25] to understand ourselves. That [145:28] the answers are just not going to come [145:30] from us. This is where I sit now. I [145:33] don't want to sound too dogmatic about [145:34] this. Like it's just obvious. Like you [145:35] wouldn't expect uh 50,000 dachshunds to [145:39] come up with uh well maybe they could [145:40] come up with a supercomputer, but you [145:42] know [145:42] >> I'm in on this experiment so far. Do you [145:44] know anybody who'd be willing to back [145:45] us? [145:46] >> [laughter] [145:46] >> In this day and age, I probably do. Um, [145:49] but it's be it's just so, you know, we [145:50] we tend to think that because we are the [145:52] curators of the Earth, we are the ones [145:54] that control the technology. All that is [145:55] true, that we're sort of above our own [145:58] [ __ ] and we're not. And so, the big [146:01] revelation for me was like, "Oh, [146:04] maybe we shouldn't look to [146:07] ourselves, certainly, or even other [146:09] humans, or even groups of humans, or the [146:10] technologies we create, or that [146:12] combination for every answer. I do think [146:14] gene therapies are going to cure a lot [146:15] of diseases. I think that AI actually [146:17] has is going to be of great benefit, [146:18] etc., etc. It's got its issues, but [146:21] we'll navigate that. But, when it comes [146:23] to [146:24] how somebody like Dave could be [146:26] literally [146:27] take his own life, I think the [146:29] implementation of the solutions will [146:31] have to come from humans, but that [146:32] really understanding the root of the [146:34] problem is not going to come from from a [146:36] from a strictly scientific psychological [146:39] understanding. It's just not [146:41] >> I think that's okay. I think I I like [146:42] that type of malleable [146:45] willingness to accept other options much [146:48] more than I like the dogmatic, rigid, [146:50] you're not going to do anything other [146:52] than it's either this way or the [146:53] highway. [146:54] >> I feel comfortable sharing this. Let's [146:55] just say that I knew someone very well, [146:57] I still know him, fortunately he's still [146:58] alive, in your community, who was in a [147:00] really challenging place. And the only [147:02] language I heard someone else speak to [147:03] him, unfortunately he's still around, [147:05] they'd said something to him to the [147:07] words of like, "Your goggles are foggy, [147:11] so you can't trust anything you think or [147:13] see about yourself for the next 6 [147:15] months. [147:17] You only can trust these three people." [147:20] >> It's not a bad approach. [147:21] >> And he said, "Okay." [147:24] And he's like, "You cannot do that. It's [147:25] It's as if you're you're you're wearing [147:27] prism glasses." It's kind of what I [147:29] jumped in with. Borrowed that from a [147:31] neuroscience experiment. [147:32] >> glasses is a better analogy [147:34] >> You're grasping for the mug here, but [147:36] it's actually right here. And if you can [147:38] just accept the fact that your [147:40] optics are off, your thinking is off, [147:42] you cannot trust it. [147:44] And And the reason that resonated with [147:46] me and got me thinking about the other [147:47] thing I just said is the [147:49] I I think that we all have this innate [147:51] desire to not be controlled. And I think [147:53] that I'm not going to do the if only [147:55] game, coulda, woulda, shoulda, but if [147:57] people as [147:59] as hard driving as like team guys or [148:01] just anybody were told to listen that [148:03] what you feel it actually is not coming [148:05] from you. You're being controlled. [148:07] That can set up a resilience. It can I [148:09] do think you can trigger that anterior [148:11] mid cingulate cortex. And it's like [148:13] instead of [ __ ] me [148:15] or [ __ ] all that all these other people, [148:16] it becomes [148:18] no. You can just start to like you can [148:20] start to resist these forces. And I I do [148:23] think there's something there. So, I [148:24] don't think science alone is going to [148:26] cure suicidality or psychology alone. I [148:28] don't think it'll come in the form of a [148:29] pill. Again, I think the implementation [148:31] will be very much of the human world, [148:32] but I think that the [148:34] um the core understanding about what's [148:36] happening in those moments is going to [148:39] come from accepting a a bigger picture. [148:42] And I think it's obvious what I'm [148:43] talking about here. And hey, what why [148:46] not? [148:46] >> It's a It's a deep topic, man. It's a [148:48] tough one. [148:49] I know everybody wants easy solutions. I [148:51] just don't think there is one on that [148:52] topic. [148:54] It's a painful, long road. [148:57] >> Bringing it to the everyday life. [148:59] >> Mhm. [149:00] >> I was imagining if I was like a I don't [149:02] know [149:03] 20-year-old or 30-year-old or 40 or [149:05] 50-year-old. [149:06] >> Do you ever think you'd be 50? [149:08] >> [laughter] [149:09] >> Actually, no. At my 50th birthday, I was [149:10] like Joe Strummer, one of my heroes, [149:12] died at 50. My graduate advisor, dead at [149:14] 50. Like a lot of friends, even though I [149:16] was in the military, dead early. Like I [149:19] felt really lucky to make it to 50. And [149:21] uh I feel very excited about what's to [149:24] come, but I'm mindful [149:26] of everything we just talked about. You [149:28] know, um but no, I never never did. But [149:30] the fifth floor is awesome cuz Kelly [149:31] Starrett described it to me best. He He [149:33] said, "Listen, when you're in your 40s [149:35] and you're like in good shape and your [149:36] life is together, you're like, yeah, [149:37] like you're doing okay relative to your [149:39] peers. The moment you hit 50, like [149:41] you're like, all right, I'm doing great. [149:42] And And he said, "You have to be very [149:43] careful, cuz that's like comparing [149:45] yourself to people who are really [149:46] slacking. So, [laughter] you got to [149:47] triple down, Huberman." He goes, "Don't [149:49] come off the gas pedal." So, [149:51] >> Hello, Kelly Starrett. [149:52] >> Yeah. I can imagine that many people are [149:55] thinking, okay, get give me the program. [149:57] I know you're anti-hacks. I am, too. [149:59] But, what would that look like? What can [150:01] they do? Start with the bed. So, wake [150:04] wake up in the morning. Let's Let's walk [150:05] through it. [150:06] >> The bed do the bed, don't do the bed. I [150:09] would say start as early as you can with [150:11] some semblance of a discipline act. If [150:14] you don't want to do the bed, drink a [150:15] drink a 16-oz glass of water in the [150:17] morning before you have a cup of coffee. [150:19] Not many people enjoy doing that. [150:21] Uh especially if it's not flavored with [150:23] something, but I tell you what, I [150:25] implemented that, and it's kind of [150:27] amazing how much better you feel when [150:28] you hydrate a little bit after you sleep [150:31] with your mouth tape, of course, on your [150:33] sleep metrics, cuz you have to have a [150:35] competition with your wife on who's [150:36] winning the sleep score. Not a big deal. [150:38] And I I hate being prescriptive. And so, [150:41] just broadly, I tell people to pick the [150:44] choice as often as possible that is [150:46] slightly more difficult. And the reason [150:48] why the bed doesn't work for some people [150:50] is that you have somebody you care about [150:51] deeply still sleeping on the other side. [150:52] Maybe your day starts at a time where [150:54] they're not ready to get out of bed, [150:55] right? So, you don't want to negatively [150:56] impact somebody else's life so you can [150:58] have this I have to do this to get [151:00] started. [151:01] To me, it's the small stuff that nobody [151:04] sees that makes the biggest difference [151:05] in the world. It's the choice to have [151:07] the water before your coffee. It's the [151:09] choice to [151:11] the night before you go to bed, if [151:12] you're you know you're going to have a [151:13] busy day, [151:16] meal prep, or if you're going to have a [151:18] breakfast that is other than ready to [151:19] eat or complicated, do all the prep work [151:21] beforehand. So, it makes it, you know [151:23] what I mean? It's just the small things [151:24] that [151:25] nobody Oh, great, posting on Instagram. [151:27] Look, I'm cutting up asparagus so I can [151:28] put it into my omelet, but in next [151:30] morning when it's ready to go and you [151:31] actually have a healthy breakfast over [151:33] something far less healthy, [151:36] the difference in your life and the [151:37] difference in your energy and your [151:38] thought process and all these things [151:39] continue to build. [151:41] I try to get people or advocate sweat or [151:45] get as close to sweat as you can once a [151:46] day. For some people that's just getting [151:48] off the couch and walking around. And I [151:50] get it. I have limited time just like [151:51] everybody else does. [151:53] If I push my physical exertion until [151:55] later in the day, I'm far more likely to [151:57] push it off until the next day. So I try [151:59] to bring it a little bit earlier into my [152:00] day. The jiu-jitsu training for me [152:02] usually occurs around midday, so that's [152:03] a nice setup and that's based off a [152:05] class schedule, not my own creation. [152:07] >> Are you working out early days well? [152:10] >> Uh I will either do jiu-jitsu or work [152:12] out. I generally don't do both. Um as [152:15] I'm getting older as well, I see the [152:17] utility in both and the lack of utility [152:20] in doing both a very hard in the same [152:21] day because man, you can auger yourself [152:24] in with a little bit too much. So I'll [152:25] do one or the other. But also sweat [152:28] could be and again, this I mean they can [152:29] get [152:30] as far out there as you want. It could [152:31] be sitting in the sauna for 30 minutes. [152:33] If that's all you got and you don't [152:34] have, you know what I mean? Figure it [152:35] out. [152:36] >> Which in your case is an ice bath. [152:38] >> [laughter] [152:39] >> Well, I mean [152:40] >> I'm just teasing cuz the 80, yeah. [152:42] >> Set the sauna to 105, which is the [152:44] perfect temperature for a sauna. Easy. I [152:46] mean, you could put one in the other. [152:48] You could [152:49] ice bath and sauna. How much research [152:50] has been done on that, Andrew? Not [152:52] enough, you know? [152:54] We could create the world's first ice [152:55] bath sauna. [152:57] >> I don't think it's going to sell. [152:58] >> it the stump. [152:59] >> It's not going to sell. [laughter] [153:00] >> It's not going to sell. [153:01] >> Yeah, it would just be at 90° for both [153:02] of them, which I think actually would be [153:04] perfect and delightful. [153:05] Everybody knows [153:08] the harder choice [153:10] versus the easier choice. [153:12] Everybody [153:14] to include myself [153:16] will look externally and say, "What do I [153:18] need to do?" [153:20] I know what I need to do and so do they. [153:22] They need to do the thing [153:25] then even if it's microscopic that they [153:27] want to do less more often than they do [153:29] the thing that they want to do more. [153:30] It's the And I know that's broad, and I [153:32] know people want more of a prescription [153:33] than that. [153:34] But that over time [153:37] is the juice. What I like about it so [153:39] much is that it it [153:41] transcends circumstances, and it [153:43] transcends the kind of moment-to-moment. [153:45] So, there's always an opportunity to do [153:47] something slightly harder. And then you [153:49] find yourself in that friction point, [153:50] that laziness point of like, "I'll do [153:52] this later." Or, you know, like leave [153:53] that dish in the sink and you know times [153:55] you realize, "Oh, [ __ ] I got to go." [153:57] And you got a coffee cup in your hand, [153:59] finish it off, and the sink's right [154:00] there and so is the dishwasher. [154:02] This is a perfect example. Easy one, put [154:04] it in the sink, which you have to deal [154:05] with later. Crack the dishwasher open, [154:07] put the thing in there, close it up, and [154:08] be on your way. That is an example to me [154:12] of a small victory. That's making the [154:13] slightly harder choice. Is that in and [154:15] of itself going to change your life? No. [154:17] But what if you make that choice 100 [154:19] times in your day? You're telling me [154:21] it's going to look the same as it did [154:23] yesterday? No way in hell. No way in [154:26] hell. [154:27] Pair that out over a week, over a month, [154:29] over a year. Your life's not going to [154:30] look the same. [154:32] Yeah, I think the the social pressure to [154:35] not do that stuff is the new [154:38] counteracting pressure and the draw to [154:40] to the phone and all these things. But [154:42] look, it's just all more opportunities [154:44] to grow your interior mid-cingulate [154:45] cortex size. Without somebody sticking, [154:47] I'm assuming a thing in your head. That [154:49] doesn't Yeah. The funny thing about [154:51] neurosurgeons is they'll tell you, [154:52] "Well, listen, after we make the little [154:54] hole in your skull." They literally say [154:55] this. One of my best friends from [154:56] childhood is the chair of neurosurgery [154:57] at UCSF, and he'll tell you, "Look, you [154:59] know, yeah, we make the hole, like we do [155:01] the thing, but then we put a titanium [155:02] plate in there afterwards, and that's [155:04] actually better than a skull cuz it can [155:06] protect your brain even better." Maybe [155:08] on that one little tiny area. actually, [155:10] if you look this up, there are people [155:11] who have, you know, these big pieces of [155:13] titanium plate. Anyway, fortunately, [155:15] the wingsuiting thing, you close shop [155:17] with that early enough that you don't [155:18] need those things, which brings me to [155:20] have the the uh [155:22] final question, although there might be [155:23] one more. What are you super excited [155:25] about these days? [155:26] >> So, of all the things I do now [155:29] and for people who are unfamiliar with [155:30] me, I own a coffee shop. Um [155:33] >> Black Rifle. [155:34] >> Black I own a Black Rifle coffee shop in [155:35] Kalispell Montana. [155:37] Uh I'm very good friends with the [155:38] founder. He allowed me to open up the [155:39] first one in Montana. [155:41] Uh host a podcast. I travel the world [155:44] with my wife. She's coaching. I do not [155:46] coach jiu-jitsu. I participate in [155:48] jiu-jitsu. Please don't ask me for [155:49] jiu-jitsu advice cuz I'm going to tell [155:50] you I'm not a coach. Go talk to someone [155:52] who does this professionally. [155:53] >> You roll with her? [155:54] >> Yes. [155:55] If you can beat your spouse, don't. [155:57] That's going to save people a lot of [155:59] pain and suffering right there. It's not [156:01] worth it. [156:02] I have beat my wife one time. [156:04] And for clarity, before somebody clips [156:06] this, I am talking in the context of a [156:09] jiu-jitsu [156:10] >> [laughter] [156:11] >> As that was coming out, I'm like, oh, [156:13] no. [156:15] in a jiu-jitsu consensual jiu-jitsu [156:18] exchange, I have submitted my wife one [156:21] time. [156:23] And [156:25] the visual of our eye contact, [156:28] I should have realized before finishing [156:31] the submission what the potential [156:33] long-term consequences would be. [156:35] I did not and uh let me be the test [156:38] subject for anybody else out there who [156:40] trains with their significant other. [156:41] Just drill. [156:43] Just drill. Let them assume a dominant [156:45] position and if they beat you, [156:47] great. [156:49] Take my advice for that. So, jiu-jitsu, [156:51] coffee, podcast, I guess I can say I'm [156:54] an author now. I have no plans for a [156:55] second book. I had no plans for a first [156:57] book, but here we are. [156:59] All of those things, [157:01] if you had given me an unlimited amount [157:03] of time for a month when I was getting [157:06] out of the SEAL Teams and had said, [157:09] here's [157:11] bunch of legal paperwork [157:12] like legal notebooks and a pen as many [157:14] as you want. Write down anything that [157:16] you think you could possibly be doing [157:18] when you get out. [157:19] Not a single thing that I am doing right [157:21] now would have been on that list. [157:22] Couldn't even have fathomed it. I worked [157:25] for a strength and conditioning company [157:26] for a while. In doing that, I started [157:28] being the pilot for the owner of that [157:30] company, which led me to doing part 135 [157:32] charter operations flying jets. [157:35] Which I did that for a little bit. Well, [157:37] and then I was a professional skydiver [157:38] and base jumper for years. I got into [157:40] the public speaking world. Uh moved to [157:42] Montana. Then got into the coffee shop [157:45] stuff. And I lost complete and utter [157:48] sense of what the hell I wanted to do [157:49] with my life somewhere in that mix. [157:53] And what I am actually the most excited [157:55] about now is that I have absolutely no [157:57] idea [157:58] what I want to do next. [158:01] And I am old enough [158:03] to realize [158:05] that I don't have to like white-knuckle [158:07] it. That it's going to present itself. [158:10] Because that has what been the case in [158:13] my life up to this point. So, [158:16] you know, money's a great thing. I only [158:18] want to make enough money so I can say [158:19] no to things. That's my favorite most [158:21] powerful word. Yes, the addition and [158:23] subtraction, it is the older I get [158:25] subtraction is way more powerful. Are [158:27] you good at saying no? [158:28] No. [158:29] >> [laughter] [158:31] >> It can be hard. It depends. Because if [158:33] [clears throat] the question comes from [158:34] a pure business aspect, my litmus test [158:37] is do I naturally do this in my life and [158:39] would I actually enjoy this regardless [158:41] of the check? If either of those is a [158:43] no, it's an easy no. [158:45] Tougher ones are [158:46] uh friends, family. Hey, do you want to [158:48] do this? That would get a little bit [158:49] tougher cuz it's a little bit of a mix [158:51] of personal and professional. [158:52] But I am at a place where I know that I [158:56] have the tools [158:58] that I will be able to sort whatever [158:59] comes my way. [159:01] And by relaxing a little bit and [159:03] white-knuckling it less and not having a [159:06] specific target that I'm throwing darts [159:08] at, it has actually provided more [159:10] opportunities for me [159:11] than anything else. [159:13] So, [159:16] yeah I [159:17] I wish I could give you a specific [159:19] answer, but truly the realization that I [159:22] know I'm prepared for whatever comes [159:24] next is actually what I'm the most [159:26] excited about. [159:27] >> Very cool. I I can sense your excitement [159:30] about the uncertainty about exactly what [159:33] it will be, [159:34] but the certainty that you've got a [159:36] process that's now well worked out [159:37] within you that just emerges and that's [159:39] going to happen. [159:40] >> You know, when I first got out of the [159:41] military, it was almost crisis mode. I [159:43] was working for the strength and [159:44] conditioning company as my initial [159:46] bridge out and I've been doing so on the [159:48] weekends moonlighting. So, I had from a [159:49] economic off-ramp, I went from making [159:53] what I was making in the military to [159:54] what I was making for that company. [159:55] There was a slight increase as opposed [159:56] to a decrease, which is great. [159:59] Until that ended 16 months later when I [160:02] quit without having uh another job lined [160:04] up whatsoever and then went into the [160:05] garage and started selling things on [160:07] Craigslist, which is a really good way [160:09] to meet really weird people. If you [160:10] haven't tried it, give it a give it a [160:12] go. [160:13] Um maybe meet them away from your house [160:15] or you know, [laughter] meet them down [160:16] the street somewhere. [160:18] But, it was for years [160:21] am I going to have enough money to pay [160:22] the bills? Am I going to have enough [160:23] money for the mortgage? What am I going [160:25] to do? [160:26] What am I going to do if somebody [160:27] doesn't reach out with an opportunity? [160:30] Built a a uh [160:32] I would say more I mean, I was going to [160:33] say a tool [160:34] a tool kit or a skill set, but it's more [160:36] of a mentality than anything [160:38] to realize that you can solve what does [160:39] come out and you can kind of build on [160:41] your you know, your foundation of the [160:42] work that you have done and that can [160:44] slowly build out over time. It takes [160:45] time. This is not something that [160:47] happened in a matter of 1 year. This is [160:48] well well over a decade at this point, [160:51] but getting out of that survival mode [160:54] and just having the ability to assess [160:57] opportunities from a place of do I even [161:00] want to do this as opposed to a place of [161:02] I feel like I have to. [161:04] Man, you want to talk about a sleep [161:06] score difference? [161:07] >> Totally [laughter] [161:09] can can relate. [161:10] Can relate. Oh, it's it's a world apart. [161:13] >> Yeah. [161:14] >> And you've earned it. [161:15] >> But it takes time and that's what people [161:17] don't want to see. It's the overnight [161:18] 10-year success. [161:20] Which [161:21] >> Again, I'm sure you could point to [161:23] somebody who has that. [161:25] Does that scale broadly? [161:27] >> Yeah. And it doesn't last. I don't know [161:29] anyone that came up quick and it just [161:30] had like a step function where it's [161:31] still going. It's [161:33] >> Yeah. [161:33] >> Or continued on the the vertical [161:34] forever. [161:35] >> Yeah. Yeah. [161:35] >> Yeah. [161:36] >> And again, it's an outlier. Cool, [161:37] totally get it and two thumbs up for [161:39] that person. [161:40] But for everybody who thinks they're [161:41] going to replicate that, even by doing [161:43] exactly the same things, [161:46] hasn't been my experience. [161:47] >> Last question. You talk about the price [161:50] of success. [161:51] >> Mhm. [161:52] >> And just acknowledging it. [161:54] Wouldn't want to scare anyone out of [161:56] going after their dreams. [161:58] >> I would. That's what I'm here for. [162:00] >> [laughter] [162:01] >> Either short-term or long-term dreams [162:02] cuz I'm like a, you know, I pick the [162:04] target and go after it. And you know, [162:06] you know, [162:07] I think five-year [162:09] five-year increments are really good. [162:10] That's [162:11] Anyway, that's just my bias, but there's [162:14] a price. [162:15] >> Mhm. [162:15] >> Yeah. I could list off the number of [162:16] things I missed or didn't do or failed [162:18] or whatever. You certainly talk about [162:20] some of those and and they can go from, [162:23] you know, the many small things that one [162:25] can miss out on that it, you know, in [162:27] total or turn out to be bigger things. [162:30] And then there like key moments that, [162:32] you know, people miss and maybe let's [162:34] just get your thoughts on [162:36] gauging the price of success. Should [162:38] people have a sense of what their line [162:40] is before they, you know, jump into the [162:44] you know, the line of pursuit for their [162:46] goal or do you think it's just something [162:47] that, you know, you just got to learn by [162:49] experience? [162:50] >> I think until you learn through at least [162:52] a little bit of experience, it's hard to [162:54] gauge where your line is. Because for a [162:56] while, [162:57] you just don't know what you don't know. [163:00] And maybe we live in a in a world where [163:02] information is more accessible and so [163:04] people can figure it out. Like my middle [163:06] son as an example, it's fascinating [163:08] watching my kids [163:09] use the internet to bridge gaps in [163:11] knowledge. [163:12] Going on to you My middle son [163:13] specifically started two businesses when [163:15] he was [163:16] in high school. [163:17] Uh he started a window cleaning company [163:19] called Peeping Tom's Windows. [163:22] >> [laughter] [163:22] >> Which By the way, I came up with both of [163:24] these names. That was on the only [163:25] marketing help I had. And he had a [163:28] Christmas light company that was called [163:29] Epstein's Lights cuz they're not going [163:31] to hang themselves. [163:32] Right? Again, I I came up with the [163:34] names. He had to go door to door. [163:36] But everything to include LLCs, [163:39] equipment, it's YouTube. How do you [163:42] How do you start an LLC? How do you [163:45] get a business license? How do you get [163:47] insurance for a window cleaning company? [163:50] So [163:52] I think when you and I were growing up, [163:53] you were kind of out there smacking your [163:55] head against the wall a little bit [163:56] unless you could find somebody who was [163:57] exactly in that profession. [164:00] So when I was in high school wanting to [164:01] be a team guy, I didn't know any team [164:03] guys. [164:04] I mean, I knew Charlie Sheen, but [164:06] who didn't, right? Documentary movie who [164:08] probably inspired thousands of people to [164:11] join the military and then they get [164:12] there and like, oh, [164:13] this is all made up. Damn it. Except for [164:16] the opening scene where he shit-faced [164:17] wakes up in the ocean, relatively [164:19] accurate. [164:19] >> [laughter] [164:20] >> Beyond that though, don't take that [164:21] movie seriously. You're not jumping off [164:22] your Jeep over the bridge and you know, [164:24] Chesapeake to get to work. [164:26] I didn't actually run into a SEAL to get [164:30] beta from until I was in the military. [164:33] So I didn't even have access to that. [164:35] There are I mean, I saw this when I was [164:37] an instructor, there are websites that [164:38] list every single day of training with [164:41] relative accuracy to everything you're [164:43] going to do that day. [164:44] Which actually the instructors were [164:47] pissed about and then I realized, oh, [164:49] that's a good thing. That plays to our [164:50] favor. [164:51] >> Mhm. [164:51] >> If you an instructor [164:53] >> I was an instructor. [164:54] You can then remind them how much time [164:57] they have left. You can play the time [164:58] game in reverse with them. [165:01] But again, growing up, I [165:03] I didn't have a real good place to get [165:06] this information where my kids do now. [165:08] So, I think there's an opportunity if [165:10] you smartly use these tools [165:13] that you can maybe learn a little bit [165:14] more and at least get access to [165:17] some of the mistakes or just the the [165:19] mistakes that you would naturally make [165:20] because you just didn't know. Like you [165:21] probably can do a window cleaning [165:22] business, but you might get in trouble [165:24] from the city because of you're into it, [165:25] you didn't realize you needed to have a [165:26] business license. Like, okay, you can [165:28] skip that because you could go to the [165:29] internet and find out what you need [165:31] and the requirements and all that stuff. [165:35] I [165:36] much like you, I don't ever want to tell [165:39] people that they shouldn't pursue their [165:41] goals, both short-term and long-term. [165:44] But I am now of the opinion as I get [165:48] older [165:49] that I would rather have people arrive a [165:52] little bit under this massive lifetime [165:55] goal [165:57] and be a really happy [165:59] really fulfilled, really enriched person [166:02] than somebody who carves out everything [166:04] from their life [166:06] life experiences, social experiences, [166:09] family experiences, holidays, and they [166:12] get exactly what it is that they wanted [166:15] and they have nothing. Cuz I think both [166:17] you and I know people who from the [166:20] outside, oh my god, [166:22] the money, [166:23] the fame, the fill in the blank. They're [166:26] not that happy, but they have everything [166:28] that they wanted and they have nothing. [166:32] That sounds like hell. [166:34] I'd rather have people fall a little bit [166:35] short of that and be really happy about [166:37] where they are. [166:38] But [166:40] it's tough. I mean, how can you be [166:41] prescriptive with that? How do you say, [166:43] "Aim for your goal, Andrew, but just a [166:45] little bit short." Yeah. That's a shitty [166:47] fortune cookie. [166:48] >> You know? [166:50] >> Try hard. Believe some for yourself. [166:54] >> It is a tough one. And um if people at [166:58] sort of top 1% of their careers were [167:00] willing to open the veil on their lives [167:03] and show what, you know, Christmas Day [167:05] looks like for them or what, you know, [167:06] New Year's Day looks like for them or a [167:08] typical, you know, Friday evening looks [167:11] like for them, [167:12] >> Yeah. [167:12] >> you know, a lot of people would probably [167:14] rethink their goals. [167:15] >> I think it would shock a lot of people. [167:18] And again, I don't consider my [167:21] the people we're talking about, I mean, [167:22] these are publicly facing people. You [167:24] could look at them and think [167:26] that it's perfection. And we have a [167:29] little bit of social circle overlap and [167:30] I've rubbed elbows with a couple of [167:32] these people [167:33] and kind of leave with the perception [167:35] of man [167:37] you have everything, but at what cost? [167:40] I just don't think it's worth it. [167:42] >> Yeah, I don't think it's worth it, [167:43] either. And it sort of brings us [167:45] >> to elements of our prior conversation [167:47] about when things really, you know, drop [167:48] into the trench for certain people who [167:50] are, you know, at least from the outside [167:52] doing incredible in their professions or [167:54] their craft. [167:55] >> I think there is a a place to find [167:57] balance on the whole. Maybe it's like [168:00] first 50 years, you just, you know, I'm [168:02] talking to myself, right? Uh you just [168:04] grind it out and then you go, "Okay, [168:05] cool." Like the, you know, someone said [168:07] it, I didn't say this. I think it was [168:08] Naval that said this. Like you, you [168:10] know, one of the reasons to win the game [168:11] is so you can stop playing the game. So [168:13] you have to sort of define what winning [168:15] the game is and and that's different for [168:17] different things. But that portion of [168:19] your book really got me thinking. You [168:21] know, [168:22] >> is an interesting aspect. [168:24] More seems to be the number of people [168:26] are after more than a number. [168:29] And I don't know what that looks like [168:30] because what if your number is never [168:32] enough and you're constantly seeking and [168:34] you never get to enjoy what you have via [168:36] an experience as opposed to a thing that [168:38] you're not going to get to take with [168:39] you anyway? [168:41] Doesn't more end up netting you less? [168:44] Yeah, Morgan Housel has a He has a [168:46] couple of really good books. Um I [168:48] actually like the second one more. Uh [168:50] they're both excellent, but uh the [168:51] second one is called The Art of Spending [168:53] Money, which sounds like, you know, [168:54] here's a rich guy telling people how to [168:56] spend their money. Very interesting [168:57] book. Uh mostly psychological but how to [169:00] really um assess what's what things are [169:02] worth to you both in terms of what it [169:04] takes to get the resources and then when [169:06] to use them. And I mean, I will say, you [169:09] know, all the There's a lot of data [169:11] saying that, you know, you know, past it [169:12] used to be like $70,000 a year. Now, I [169:14] think it's scaled up with inflation, you [169:15] know, past a certain amount of money [169:17] people aren't happier. I disagree. I [169:19] actually think that money cannot buy [169:21] happiness, but it certainly can buffer [169:23] certain kinds of stress. [169:25] >> I agree. [169:26] >> Not all forms, right? I know some very [169:28] wealthy people that used to fund my lab [169:29] for studies on optic nerve repair who [169:31] had kids with diseases that were [169:33] blinding disease. I'll tell you, you can [169:34] have a billions of dollars in the bank [169:38] and [169:40] they're putting money to try and heal [169:41] that pain and solve the problem. [169:44] Fortunately for their kid and many [169:46] others, that's the Fortunately part is [169:48] that they're willing to do that. [169:49] >> Yeah. [169:50] >> But money can solve certain problems, [169:52] not others, but it can buffer stress, [169:55] certain forms of stress. And I think [169:57] that's not that that's just the honest [169:59] truth. [170:00] >> Yeah. [170:00] >> It can't buy connection of a real kind, [170:02] and it can undermine. [170:04] >> I was going to say at a certain level of [170:05] money, [170:06] I've seen it undermine the connection [170:08] because the person becomes wary of why [170:09] does this person want to have a [170:10] connection with me in the first place. [170:12] And they're they didn't come that way. [170:14] They got taken advantage of enough times [170:17] that they developed that thought [170:18] process. [170:19] >> You know, it's a whole other [170:20] conversation, but money's a certain form [170:21] of energy, and when people have a lot of [170:23] it, [170:24] it it tends to attract people who want [170:26] to I don't want to say steal, but they [170:27] they feel like some they're entitled to [170:29] some of that energy. At the end of the [170:31] day, I I think if everyone could define [170:34] what enough for themselves is, maybe [170:36] with that includes a buffer. Like cuz [170:37] they grew up with a lot of financial [170:39] fear or something, they need enough plus [170:41] a little bit more just in case kind of [170:43] thing. I know people like that. Past [170:45] that, I I don't think there's anything [170:47] more to be gained in terms of well-being [170:49] or life experiences. [170:50] >> I do agree with the stress. I mean, if [170:51] you can get to a place where you could [170:53] outsource food or [170:56] menial tasks that will give you more [170:57] time to do the things that you are [170:59] enriched by, yes, it 100% can help with [171:02] that. [171:03] But, you know, the example you said, you [171:04] know, a billionaire [171:06] who probably feels helpless. [171:09] What? [171:10] You know? Like, those two things [171:12] shouldn't go together in a sentence, but [171:13] that's the reality. No amount of money [171:15] is going to make that person not feel [171:16] helpless, especially when they're [171:17] touched by that particular situation in [171:19] their life. [171:21] May not be the end-all, be-all that [171:22] people think it is. [171:23] >> Well, Andy, [171:25] loved the book. I know I've said that [171:27] many times, so I don't want to diminish [171:29] from that statement by saying it too [171:30] many times, but it's an awesome book. [171:32] Thank you. Really has changed my life [171:34] for the better. I've been recommending [171:35] it like crazy. I was in New York last [171:36] week giving a talk to uh this group [171:38] raising money for uh a different [171:40] laboratory and um they said, you know, [171:42] what's what's the difference between [171:44] people who are like 11th to 100th in [171:46] their profession versus the top 10? And [171:49] I said, well, so much of it is about how [171:50] they allocate their energy, and I found [171:52] this tool recently in, you know, Andy's [171:54] book and, you know, [171:56] I've been talking about the book like [171:57] crazy because of the practical value [171:59] that it has and also the potency of the [172:02] of the true life examples that you give [172:04] that really extend to everybody. I know [172:06] we talked a lot about teams and guys and [172:08] stuff and everything in there really is [172:11] a benefit, I say this with certainty, to [172:14] men, women, boys, girls, young and old. [172:16] So much value there. You're you're [172:18] clearly uh get-after-it kind of person. [172:20] You're also clearly very reflective. And [172:23] whatever friction it took to write [172:25] portions or or that book and get it out [172:27] there, I'm just very grateful that you [172:28] did. It's it's a real asset. And um I'm [172:31] also very grateful you came here today [172:32] to to share [172:34] >> We finally linked up. [172:34] >> And we finally linked up. I have to say [172:36] Montana is my favorite state in the [172:38] entire country and maybe my favorite [172:40] place in the entire world. Many years [172:42] ago I dreamed of living there and I love [172:44] hiking in Glacier and yes, they do have [172:46] real bears there, not like in Yosemite [172:47] where they have bears but not the kind [172:49] of bears that will hunt you. So wear [172:51] your bear bell, story for another time. [172:53] And [172:53] >> got somebody not too long ago. Yeah, in [172:55] Glacier. [172:56] >> Yeah, wear your bear bell. [172:58] Hang [laughter] your food, wear your [172:59] bear bell. But uh, [173:01] listen man, you're doing amazing work [173:03] and we'll put links to all the things [173:05] mentioned but thanks so much. Let's do [173:07] it again. [173:07] >> Thank you. I appreciate it. [173:09] >> Thank you for joining me for today's [173:10] discussion with Andy Stumpf. To find [173:13] links to his book Drownproof, which [173:15] again I highly recommend everybody read [173:17] or listen to, as well as to find links [173:19] to his work and to his podcast, please [173:21] see the links in the show note caption. [173:23] If you're learning from and/or enjoying [173:25] this podcast, please subscribe to our [173:26] YouTube channel. That's a terrific [173:28] zero-cost way to support us. In [173:30] addition, please follow the podcast by [173:32] clicking the follow button on both [173:33] Spotify and Apple. And on both Spotify [173:36] and Apple, you can leave us up to a [173:37] five-star review. And you can now leave [173:39] us comments at both Spotify and Apple. [173:42] Please also check out the sponsors [173:43] mentioned at the beginning and [173:44] throughout today's episode. That's the [173:46] best way to support this podcast. 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