[0:00] people often ask me how i'm able to stay
[0:02] calm
[0:03] or how i avoid tilting when bad things
[0:05] happen while i'm playing and
[0:06] particularly when i'm streaming
[0:07] and they can see me having some really
[0:09] frustrating losses or annoying teammates
[0:11] i'm gonna tell you guys now the
[0:13] mentality that i adopted a while back
[0:15] that has really really helped me to
[0:16] almost never tilt
[0:18] getting angry is a normal human emotion
[0:20] and we will sometimes feel frustrated
[0:22] and annoyed
[0:23] but letting it take over you is so
[0:25] incredibly harmful
[0:26] and even from a playing perspective it
[0:28] will stop you from playing the way you
[0:29] want to play
[0:30] so while i can't guarantee you'll never
[0:32] tilt i do think that if you internalize
[0:34] what i'm about to tell you and i mean
[0:36] really believe it to the core
[0:37] then you will find gaming to be a much
[0:39] less stressful experience and you'll
[0:40] actually find it easier to get better
[0:42] and have a healthy relationship with
[0:44] video games as a whole
[0:46] ninety percent of the time when people
[0:47] tell me about them tilting from losing
[0:49] an online multiplayer game
[0:50] it's because of the game's rating system
[0:52] it's because they're mad at having lost
[0:53] something they perceive to be valuable
[0:55] sr mmr rank or whatever it's called in
[0:58] their game
[0:59] why would you care about the rating
[1:00] system well you would care if you're
[1:02] using it to either define
[1:04] or validate yourself this is the first
[1:06] mistake right here
[1:07] the problem comes from that very
[1:09] self-definition people always want to
[1:10] know
[1:11] how good am i and i get that that's a
[1:13] perfectly normal desire to have
[1:15] you want to know how you stack up
[1:16] against other people playing the game
[1:17] but putting too much emphasis on the
[1:19] number itself
[1:20] is going to lead you down a very dark
[1:22] path if you value yourself
[1:23] and your happiness with your performance
[1:25] or your happiness with the game
[1:26] based on that number you basically
[1:28] guarantee that your mental health will
[1:30] go
[1:30] up and down alongside that number two
[1:32] every time that number goes up
[1:34] you think yeah i'm great i'm a really
[1:36] awesome player
[1:37] and every time the number goes down you
[1:39] think ah this is so stupid
[1:41] this number is wrong my teammates are
[1:43] stupid i played way better than what
[1:45] this number is telling me
[1:46] or maybe you do even think god am i a
[1:48] terrible player
[1:49] am i as bad as this number is telling me
[1:51] all of this
[1:52] is a lie and deep down you know this too
[1:55] you're not the sum of your best moments
[1:57] and you're not the sum of your worst
[1:59] moments
[2:00] you are what you do most of the time and
[2:02] whatever your great plays or bad days
[2:04] your real level in the game
[2:05] is whatever you're averaging out to be
[2:07] it's whatever you are when you're
[2:09] normally playing
[2:10] if you want to improve you're never
[2:11] going to get anywhere by fixating on the
[2:13] lows or the highs
[2:14] you're going to improve when you raise
[2:15] that average when you raise that base
[2:17] level of what you do most of the time
[2:19] rating systems are arbitrary it doesn't
[2:21] matter what game you're playing doesn't
[2:22] matter how good or bad you think the
[2:23] system is it's just there to provide a
[2:25] rough value
[2:26] chances are it's probably fairly
[2:28] accurate but the main issue that people
[2:29] have
[2:29] is that they get the order of events
[2:31] completely the wrong way around
[2:32] the rating increase will always come
[2:34] after you improve never before
[2:36] how do you expect to be baited higher if
[2:38] you never become a better player
[2:39] people get mad at the rating system
[2:41] because they think it's telling them a
[2:42] lie or they think that they should be
[2:43] higher
[2:44] why put it in another context imagine
[2:47] you really want to be a 200 meter
[2:48] sprinter
[2:49] getting mad at the rating system because
[2:50] you don't think that number is right is
[2:52] like getting mad at a stopwatch
[2:54] after you finish last in the race
[2:55] because you don't think the time was
[2:56] right sure maybe the stopwatch is old
[2:58] maybe it was started too early and maybe
[3:00] the screen is a little faded
[3:02] but you still lost the race and the
[3:03] watch is just counting time
[3:05] so how wrong could it really be who
[3:07] should you actually be upset with the
[3:08] stopwatch
[3:09] or your performance let's say you lose a
[3:11] game and you get really tilted maybe you
[3:13] feel the odds are stacked against you
[3:15] if the matchmaking was unfair or that
[3:17] your teammates were just really stupid
[3:19] next time before you get really mad just
[3:21] ask yourself a couple questions
[3:22] number one did i actually do enough to
[3:25] deserve to win that game
[3:26] now to answer this requires you to have
[3:28] some level of self-awareness and
[3:30] objectivity
[3:30] but in truth if you ever want to improve
[3:32] at anything whether that's a video game
[3:34] or in life
[3:35] you need to be able to self-reflect and
[3:37] ask yourself for honest answers
[3:38] not always what is most comforting or
[3:40] what you most want to hear
[3:42] so did you do enough to win the game in
[3:44] the case of overwatch were you playing
[3:46] better than your teammates
[3:47] were you playing better than the person
[3:48] in the other team that is playing the
[3:50] same role because really that is your
[3:52] competition
[3:52] if you're better than that person then
[3:54] you will make more of an impact than
[3:55] them
[3:56] every time the both of you get into a
[3:57] game and therefore you will make it more
[3:59] likely your team wins it's the
[4:00] foundation of the whole ladder system
[4:02] if the answer is no then what grounds do
[4:04] you really have to complain
[4:06] whatever stupid things your teammates
[4:07] did or whatever unlucky things happened
[4:09] you flat out didn't play as well as you
[4:11] could have done so you need to work on
[4:12] that first and foremost why would you
[4:14] focus on the things
[4:15] out of your control when there's
[4:16] something in your control that you can
[4:17] fix that would have changed the outcome
[4:19] of your game
[4:20] but maybe the answer the question is yes
[4:22] you think
[4:23] yeah i did actually do a lot and it's
[4:25] unfair that i lost the game i deserve to
[4:27] win
[4:27] okay fair enough but then you should be
[4:29] even less upset that you lost
[4:31] why because you actually achieved the
[4:34] goal the actual goal when playing the
[4:36] game
[4:36] and trying to climb a ladder system is
[4:38] to be as good as you can be
[4:40] to be challenged to improve and to play
[4:42] better than those around you so that you
[4:44] can reach the next rank
[4:45] if you've played better than the players
[4:46] in your lobby then you're well on your
[4:48] way to climbing and getting to that next
[4:49] rank
[4:50] because it simply follows logic if you
[4:52] continue to be one of the best players
[4:54] in every lobby you're put into you will
[4:55] naturally
[4:56] have more impact and make it more likely
[4:57] your team wins and you will therefore
[4:59] win more than anyone else in your rank
[5:00] you may have lost one particular game
[5:02] but that's to be expected in a team game
[5:04] even the best player in the world will
[5:06] sometimes lose but over the long term
[5:08] over many games
[5:09] your superior skill will show and you
[5:11] will find success more often than not
[5:13] it's just not physically possible to be
[5:14] making more impact than any other
[5:16] individual in the lobby consistently
[5:17] and still not winning more games than
[5:19] them at least not in any games i know
[5:22] if you think you're constantly better
[5:23] than everyone else and yet you're still
[5:25] losing
[5:25] you're probably not as good as you think
[5:27] you are it's not an easy pill to swallow
[5:29] but you're likely lying to yourself and
[5:31] inflating your self-assessment
[5:33] alternatively you just genuinely don't
[5:35] have the tools to understand your
[5:36] mistakes
[5:37] you don't actually know enough about the
[5:39] game to spot all your own errors
[5:40] so you think you're playing flawlessly
[5:42] in which case i recommend getting a
[5:44] better player or a friend or a coach of
[5:46] some sort to have a look at your
[5:47] gameplay
[5:48] i guarantee you they will show you a
[5:49] million things you're doing wrong
[5:51] and let's say you've got a slightly
[5:52] different problem let's say you're mad
[5:54] because you actually played really well
[5:56] and you played way better than you
[5:57] normally would and you're upset because
[5:58] despite that amazing performance
[6:00] you still lost ok understandable
[6:03] that sucks you played your heart out but
[6:05] you couldn't claim the win
[6:06] but again what's there to really be mad
[6:09] at you may have lost that one game
[6:11] but ask yourself why do i not play like
[6:13] this more often again
[6:14] if you consistently played like this
[6:16] chances are you wouldn't be losing so
[6:17] much anymore
[6:18] multiplayer games like this are almost
[6:20] always about odds and percentages
[6:22] one player can only ever tilt the scales
[6:24] in their team's favor no matter how good
[6:26] you are
[6:26] unless there's a severe mismatch it's
[6:28] very unlikely that you alone can
[6:29] guarantee your team wins every time
[6:31] all you can do is play well and increase
[6:34] the percentage that your team wins by
[6:36] consistently making a difference
[6:37] compared to what a different player in
[6:38] your position would do
[6:40] if you're not making that consistent
[6:41] difference and you're only doing it
[6:43] occasionally then why is that the case
[6:44] how can you justify to yourself
[6:46] deserving to be rated higher or be at a
[6:48] higher rank
[6:48] if you only ever play to a higher level
[6:50] once every few games
[6:52] what about those other games should we
[6:53] just pretend they didn't happen no of
[6:55] course not
[6:56] again you are not your best moments or
[6:58] your worst you are what you do most of
[7:00] the time
[7:01] so if you can be really good sometimes
[7:02] and you need to figure out how you can
[7:04] reach that level most of the time
[7:05] because that's the only way you can
[7:06] ensure you're going to be a better
[7:07] player
[7:08] and that's what we're all after right
[7:10] right
[7:12] well no and that's another problem a lot
[7:14] of people have
[7:15] a lot of people who really suffer from
[7:16] tilting and toxicity do so because
[7:18] they're not really striving to be a
[7:19] better player
[7:20] they just want a higher rank either they
[7:22] think they already deserve it or they
[7:23] just want that rank as a symbol of
[7:25] achievement
[7:26] this is another really unhealthy
[7:28] approach to gaming take it from someone
[7:30] who knows
[7:30] chasing that rank symbol is completely
[7:32] hollow and will never make you happy
[7:34] let's say you really want to achieve
[7:36] platinum rank you feel like that will
[7:37] really indicate that you're a good
[7:38] player
[7:39] and that you've achieved a lot in the
[7:40] game i promise you it won't help
[7:43] when you get platinum you'll be happy of
[7:45] course for a day maybe
[7:47] then you're going to realize that you
[7:48] actually want to be diamond now
[7:50] and then when you reach diamond you're
[7:52] going to want master and grand master
[7:54] then top 500
[7:55] then you're going to want to be 4.5 k or
[7:57] 4.6 k if all you ever do is chase these
[7:59] markers
[8:00] you will never be happy because there is
[8:02] no magic ceiling
[8:03] there is no point where this greed for
[8:04] the next thing will ever stop
[8:06] it's just human nature as the saying
[8:08] goes you will always want what you can't
[8:10] have
[8:11] that's why you have to change your goal
[8:13] to a much simpler one
[8:14] and one that every single one of us
[8:16] regardless of ability and time and
[8:18] talent can achieve
[8:20] being a better player be a better player
[8:22] than you were yesterday
[8:23] if your only goal is to be a better
[8:24] player than you were yesterday i promise
[8:26] you you will feel much healthier
[8:28] because when you play just to be a
[8:29] better player you will see that you're
[8:30] the one in control
[8:31] and you have been all along if you chase
[8:34] the rank symbols
[8:35] you will always feel like you have no
[8:36] power you will always feel like your
[8:38] teammates or the rank system or the game
[8:40] balancing
[8:41] is keeping you from this thing that you
[8:42] desperately need you will feel powerless
[8:44] you'll feel like there's nothing you can
[8:45] do to get what you want or what you feel
[8:47] you deserve
[8:48] but playing to be a better player is
[8:50] entirely in your control
[8:51] you have the autonomy sure my teammate
[8:53] did something stupid but what did i do
[8:55] did i make a mistake did i make several
[8:57] mistakes how could i have impacted the
[8:59] game more
[9:00] why did i die there why did i misuse
[9:02] this ability here when you look inward
[9:04] you will always find something to
[9:05] improve on and when you do you'll feel
[9:07] much more proud when you fix those
[9:08] mistakes and see that progress
[9:10] definitely more so than if you just
[9:12] chase numbers if you chase numbers
[9:14] someone could just hack the system
[9:15] overnight and give you 1 000 more rating
[9:17] points on your screen
[9:19] would that really make you more happy if
[9:21] the answer is yes
[9:22] you may as well just buy an account or
[9:23] cheat because you're not really
[9:25] interested in the game anymore you're
[9:26] just looking for a status symbol
[9:28] ironically
[9:29] it's only when you look to improving
[9:30] yourself that you will see sustained and
[9:32] lasting growth
[9:33] and that's the only healthy and reliable
[9:35] way of actually gaining rating and
[9:36] climbing higher in multiplayer games
[9:38] like these
[9:38] i've said it before the players who come
[9:40] to me for advice and i'll say it again
[9:42] stop chasing a number or symbol and
[9:44] chase being a better player
[9:45] because when you do i promise you will
[9:47] realize how silly it is to be mad at
[9:48] things beyond your control
[9:50] and you'll have a much healthier
[9:51] relationship with gaming as a whole and
[9:53] hopefully
[9:53] even life that's all i got for today
[9:56] guys hope you found this video helpful
[9:57] and i hope it can genuinely provide
[9:59] guidance for those of you who do
[10:00] struggle with tilting i understand how
[10:02] natural that impulse is
[10:03] but once you realize your goals are
[10:04] within your reach that being to just
[10:06] improve your mistakes
[10:07] you won't feel that powerlessness that
[10:09] leads to anger you should i hope
[10:11] just feel the satisfaction when you see
[10:12] improvement and the occasional
[10:14] frustration at yourself when you fail
[10:16] which is normal and part of the process
[10:18] of self-improvement as always
[10:19] i want to give a big shout out to my
[10:21] twit subs and my patrons who do the
[10:22] awesome job of supporting me
[10:24] including my newest top tier patron ok
[10:26] vixen if you like what you saw or want
[10:28] to see more
[10:28] please do like and subscribe and hit the
[10:30] bell icon for notifications and all that
[10:32] jazz
[10:32] but also do please consider signing up
[10:34] to my patreon it really does help and it
[10:36] lets me keep making these videos
[10:38] if you want to watch me play live and
[10:39] talk to me or ask me any questions you
[10:41] have i stream on twitch mondays
[10:43] wednesdays and fridays
[10:44] at 8 30 pm british time and 3 30 pm
[10:46] american eastern time
[10:48] in that same time slot on sunday on
[10:50] youtube but that's all i got for today
[10:52] i'll be back before you know it with
[10:53] another video see you guys soon