---
title: 'Everything Wrong With The Flintstones In 31 Minutes Or Less'
source: 'https://youtube.com/watch?v=KGWtz9545I4'
video_id: 'KGWtz9545I4'
date: 2026-10-01
duration_sec: 1904
channel: 'CinemaSins'
---

# Everything Wrong With The Flintstones In 31 Minutes Or Less

> Source: [Everything Wrong With The Flintstones In 31 Minutes Or Less](https://youtube.com/watch?v=KGWtz9545I4)

## Summary

This video is a critical, comedic breakdown of the 1994 live-action film The Flintstones. The narrator dissects the movie's anachronisms, world-building contradictions, corporate satire, and 90s filmmaking tropes, offering a humorous and insightful analysis of why the film is both a fascinating failure and a time capsule of its era.

### Key Points

- **Spielberg's Discomfort** [00:00] — The movie starts by congratulating itself for getting Spielberg, punning on his name, and making him so uncomfortable he changes his producer credit.
- **Fire-Setting Accuracy** [00:27] — Fire-setting is a real quarrying technique, but the movie depicts it with cartoonish flames.
- **Accidental Corporate Satire** [00:43] — The movie accidentally creates the kind of supervisor LinkedIn influencers would praise as a high-performance leader.
- **Meritocracy in Six Words** [01:10] — The movie speedruns the entire debate over meritocracy in six words: 'Because you lied on your resume?'
- **The Catchphrase's Dual Reality** [01:52] — The catchphrase 'yabba-dabba-doo' is forced to exist in two realities: one of joy, and one of a studio cashing a check.
- **The Radio Ecosystem** [03:05] — The radio station K-O-V-E implies an entire broadcasting ecosystem, which means Bedrock invented the broadcasting industry using the engineering infrastructure of a pelican.
- **The Satellite Contradiction** [20:33] — The movie shows a satellite in orbit, which implies rocket science, in a world that runs on animal power.
- **Copying The Simpsons** [12:00] — The movie copies every single Homer Simpson centered plot from The Simpsons, which had been around for five years already.
- **Einstein and Relativity** [11:20] — The movie indicates the existence of Albert Einstein, which implies the theory of special relativity, which states that the farther you get into the movie, the more it feels like time is slowing down.
- **Rushed Conflict Resolution** [15:19] — The time from Fred firing Barney to Barney telling him it's all good is less than 30 seconds. The movie doesn't know how to conflict correctly.
- **Sidestepping Character Growth** [30:31] — The movie spends two hours teaching Fred that power requires responsibility, then concludes the best use of that lesson is refusing power altogether.
- **The Tar Wars Twist** [31:21] — The movie ends with the twist that the entire thing was just a movie within this universe called Tar Wars, directed by Gord Lucas.

### Conclusion

The Flintstones (1994) is a fascinating failure, a movie that's too smart for its own good in some places and painfully dumb in others. It's a time capsule of 90s filmmaking and a masterclass in how not to build a consistent fictional world.

## Transcript

Spielberg was so culturally ubiquitous in the 90s that this movie starts by congratulating
itself for getting Spielberg, congratulating itself for punning Spielberg, and congratulating Spielberg for existing, also making the movie so bad that Spielberg changes his name on the producer credit out of shape. Fire setting is a real quarrying technique.
He filled an enormous fire against the rock, maintained it for hours, then rapidly cooled the stone until it fractured under verbal stress. The Flintstones deserve genuine credit for knowing that. It deserves considerably less credit for depicting the process with what appears to be the residual flames from Doc Brown's morning commute.
Hey! Back to work! You guys had a fight two days ago! The Flintstones accidentally creates the exact kind of supervisor that LinkedIn influencers would praise as a high-performance leader. Look at those pathetic worms burrowing their lives away.
Burrowing suggests tunnels. Those workers are literally walking around in an open-air quarry. He could have gone with ants or just about anything else from the generic rich-guy-contempt starter pack. You know why I'm up here and they're down there, Mr. Stump?
Because you're cashing in on your twin-peak goodwill with a brilliant corporate satire? Am I close? Because you lied on your resume? Ah, Southern Post boomerang free X-Men Halle Berry. Also, speedrunning the entire debate over meritocracy in six words is shockingly efficient.
Frankly, I resent being out social commentaried by a movie with talking appliances. The movie will now do a ridiculous faithful recreation of the opening credits of the Flintstones cartoon. And for those of you who have been begging for live animation remakes to be more faithful to the original material,
this is why we hate you. Also, this song says they are a modern Stone Age family, and considering Stone Age men have lasted three and a half million years, I'm going to need you to narrow down exactly what modern means in this context.
Iconic line and a big reason we're all watching this movie. If Fred didn't yell yabba-dabba-doo, we'd all have felt robbed. However, the catchphrase is forced to exist in two realities. In one, Fred is expressing joy. In the other, a studio is cashing a check.
In 1994, this felt like a fun pop culture nod. Today, it mostly feels like Hollywood masturbating to the memory of previously inventing a Star Wars. Conquest! The question is just turned on the speaker. commercial aviation is built on an astonishing accumulation of failures every safety briefing
every checklist every seatbelt sign exists because somebody wants to discover the alternative the hard way which means somewhere in triassic world airlines history is the equivalent of every famous aviation disaster you've ever heard of this fearful family movie quietly sits atop a mountain
of implied dinosaur related fatalities and on your left you'll be able to see the grand canyon in about 15 million years. Airline personnel who relegate their ability to see into the distant future to tasks like self-aware universe-breaking jokes.
I'm aware of anachronism as a key feature of the Flintstones, but radio isn't just a technology, it's an ecosystem. K-O-V-E implies transmitters, receivers, broadcast towers, licensing, advertisers, DJs, engineers,
and enough competing stations that branding actually matters, which means Bedrock didn't just invent radio, It would invent the entire broadcasting industry using the engineering infrastructure of a pelican. Quick traffic update. Due to lava flows, Highway 1 will be closed.
Forever! Pessimistic radio hosts. Forever's a long time, Rock Jock, and this is why we invented words like indefinitely. Also, I've had it with the technology contradiction of the glowstone. The end of work siren is a bird, but they have the recording and transmitting capabilities to pull off in-vehicle radio?
Is world-building consistency a joke to you, Amblin? Yeah, Sightman? You think I'll be a good daddy? Well, you're bound to find something you're good at. The realization that this is about 100% more thought than goes into many humans' decisions to bring a child into the world.
In my case, I reign supreme. You live in a house. I won't tell this, Fred. Thanks, pal. Fred's reign lasts about the length of one Barney response before collapsing entirely. Shane in this movie insists on treating that as a joke.
Instead of the graduate thesis it so clearly deserves to be. Fred uses his classic foot propulsion to start the vehicle moving, but then pulls his feet up despite the fact that he's going uphill? Do these vehicles have a foot start engine?
Because that's not something I've ever seen in the historical documents about this very real era of human history. Well, he does not convince me that there is any part of this creature that is sharp enough to cut any grass. Therefore, this is just a guy who likes to walk his pet scorpion lobster around his yard with a grass-filled container strapped to it,
and that is funny weird enough for me to sit. Fred Dog! Calling a dinosaur a dog. He's a dino. You literally named him Dino. Sure, you pronounce it like the legendary pianist, but that doesn't change the fact that you know he's not a dog, or make games of farmlifts for extravagant chandeliers.
I think my throttle cranks pregnant again. I tell ya. Forget to lock her up one Saturday night. By this point, I'd expect Bedrock to have invented staying and neutering for construction equipment,
starting your perusal of your stone tablet newspaper with the back. They put a lot of thought into what goes on that front page, Fred. What you're doing is disrespectful. Casually hiding one of history's bleakest survival stories in the background of a PG family movie and trusting the children not to get it.
The 90s were wonderfully unmonitored. It's our disposal. There's nothing wrong with this one. Fred's definition of nothing wrong appears to include several obvious medical emergencies. And yes, that's the joke the movie is making. What interests me, however, is the remarkable comfort we have with laughing at the institutionalized suffering of household appliances.
We will now have Fred Mouthfist, a living prehistoric hog-dispool, while it audibly wretches and sweats profusely with distorted food remains caked over its wet and slimy body. And for those of you who have been begging for movies to use more practical sex, this
is why we hate you. Also, we somehow normalized reaching elbow-deep into the mouths of sentient household appliances without so much as a mind if I? Now, sing here, Wilma! In this cave, I am the king!
Gender dynamics are humor. Men and women are different, as we laugh. All right. All together, folks. Good to see public transportation hasn't changed since the Paleolithic period. We'll love him like he was our own. Oh, no, no. This little fellow belongs to the Henderson.
That's kind of on you, then, for bringing him directly to the rubble. So glad you'll be nursing. Congratulations. Making a moral judgment on how a primate decides to feed her primate child. Keep your pride to yourself, adoption lady.
He doesn't speak yet. He's a little skittish around humans. But then again, I guess I would be too if I had been raised by wild mastodons. Shirley Routes isn't in an argument with Principal Ava in this scene. But also, if I'd been raised by wild mastodons, I wouldn't be skittish at all.
I'd probably find humans disappointingly fragile and wonder why hairless bipeds need so many tools. Listen, I'm Nick Ticker. Mammals are mammals. A mammal's a mammal may be one of my favorite logical fallacies. In this context, it is hilarious and even sounds persuasive.
Till you remember that humans, whales, bats, tigers, and platypuses are also mammals. Taxonomy is a fantastic way to organize life. It's a considerably worse way to predict the quality of someone's upbringing. So, psyching's a need it.
If you're wondering how long the Bam Bam, Bam Bam-ing montage will last in this movie that can't even crack 90 minutes, you'll be pleased to know that they find a way to stretch it out over a full minute. We have Rocktronic here, and RockDonald's over here. At some point, Bedrock collectively decided every business should be a mineral pond,
but apparently stopped just short of standardization. This civilization has been in corporate branding, multinational franchises, and trademark identities all before choosing between rock and rock. Now, is this a mastodon or a mammoth?
The distinction matters more than usual here, because one of them implies Bam Bam was raised by a bathroom fixture. The rubble leading that club lying around represents about as much child-grouping as parking a loaded forklift in a nursery. Being raised in the wild explains socialization.
It explains almost nothing about your benefits. And Bam apparently inherited the same supernatural arm as the kid from Rookie of the Year. Where's Rocky of the Year? I feel like we're owed a Rocky of the Year. Someone used to explain to me why the invention of the wheel led to four vehicles and three vehicles but no one figured out you could get around on just two wheels even faster Queen would be so very disappointed This unpaid crustacean assigned to landscaping duty
is further strengthening my ongoing case for the creation of a bedrock department of appliance welfare. Well, you do it. Okay. Is the earth flat? Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
I'm unconvinced frog breath and improved grip have ever appeared in the same scientific paper. You think, you think? He may be loud. Did he duct-tape these rocks together? Why not just find a rock big enough to chisel the whole thing into?
Fair yet, since he clearly speak and write the common tongue, just jar it down on a piece of tree bark. Why does everyone in this world seem to search for the most outlandish and impractical way of doing things? But for my friend, the special part is what's behind his wrist.
His heart. This level of prehistoric anatomical awareness. This doesn't get any better than this. The movie's admission that it peaked only 16 minutes into the film and that this peak is more of a valley somehow makes it into the script.
Chunk is a skunk-asaurus. I'm going to use this movie to establish where the skunk-asaurus falls on the dinosaur family tree or confirm it's just treating asaurus like a universal subject. Oh, really? Well, for your information, the lodge no longer accepts Neanderthals.
Being proud of your organization's hominidophobia. That's it! Where's my club, Wilma? You just tried, asshole! I'm sensing some deeply confusing chemistry here. I mean, are they going to f*** if you were their marionette's narcine brand?
You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Thank you, Wilma. I didn't want to have to be the one to say it, so I'm glad you're bringing attention to the problematic way we allow stereotypical mother-in-law humor to intersect with stereotypical masculine violence humor in our entertainment.
Though I myself am usually a little more forgiving of such stale cliches, understanding the context of the era of release, comedic entertainment, and the need to push boundaries, It's good that a person like you would choose to take the stand. Thank you for giving voice to such an important issue.
And when I think of all the sacrifices your father made for you, Rand, Oxen, your brother Jerry. Casual suicide is casual and suicidal.
Just call if he's alive, so even if things don't work out, he can give you a great deal on some time. Movies have always dramatically overstated the value of knowing a guy. Most businesses are trying to stay in business on surprisingly thin margins
and not sitting on a secret 40% discount they're just waiting to give your cousin. Technically, this job bites, though sucking the caps off the bottles would have been genuinely impressive.
Also, I have good news, then, because like most strange things they have animals doing in this anachronism-forward monstrosity, there's a very simple way to do your job of removing bottle caps that doesn't involve technology at all. They could literally replace you with a specifically crafted rock.
And now you're unemployed. You're welcome. I haven't eaten too much red meat, especially. Party warns Fred about eating too much red meat, while Fred appears to be chewing on what every visual instinct tells me is a giant chicken leg. I don't know why the dialogue and visual storytelling disagree,
but I'm siding with the props department. That's right. This Saturday, an aptitude test will be given, granting one of you the opportunity to crawl out of the primordial ooze. We later find out that this person is being set up to be a fall guy.
So why go through an actual test when you can just pick the person who works best for your scheme and be done with it? If Fred scores the highest on that test, I'll have to hire someone to revive me. What? Oh, it's true. Fred's no Albert Einstein.
The movie indicates the existence of Albert Einstein, which indicates the existence of the theory of special relativity, which states that the farther you get into this movie, the more it feels like time is slowing down and you long for the sweet release of non-existence.
Oh, I know. I've never seen him so excited about something that you couldn't spread mayonnaise on. Wives, friends. And I stand before my peers and vow, I'll pay you back someday, somehow.
Backpacks are things we saw when they happened less than ten minutes ago. We never see the Shark Tank pitch where Bill from Omaha describes how he discovered frogs have a gag reflex and then immediately identified the commercial applications. He must have cheated. He's dense. He's witless.
He's perfect. movie copies every single Homer Simpson centered plot from The Simpsons, which had been around for five years already when this came out, somehow. Having a catchphrase so iconic that you spontaneously levitate and nobody even finds it strange.
Also, John Goodman is an exceptionally good sport about a wire rig slowly destroying his dignity. Resetting this Rube Goldberg wake-up machine every day seems considerably more exhausting than simply waking up. I'm fascinated by the evolutionary niche occupied by an obligate hero,
and I'd like to know if he uses this thing on his balls. having a talking shower nozzle and not blindfolding it during your showers like a properly body-formed westerner. I'm only one man. Not from the back.
Are they gonna f***? You know what we do, LaPete? Well, me and the guys have always wondered. We interface, French don't. Are they gonna f***? We strategize. Analyze.
Conceptualize. Prioritize. Thinking that comedic rhyming is better than comedic... timing. This was part of your office? That's right. This is my chair. Mm-hmm.
This is the movie's actual dialogue? Indeed it is. Fred, I'd like you to meet your new secretary, Miss Sharon Stone. This feels suspiciously like a joke written before someone found out they couldn't book Sharon Stone. I can't prove that's what happened, but I also don't have to.
Well, I'm sure the two of you would like to get better acquainted. Choosing this moment for a blatant fourth wall break. In a movie like this, you could get away with a couple of these, but not if you're going to waste them at weird, non-winky moments.
This fourth wall break is basically this character channeling the audience's excitement that Fred and Sharon might f***. And while I'm not opposed to the idea, I'm not sure I need the weird perv energy of the direct eye contact. So feel free to use me, however you see fit.
The MPAA watching this scene and still going with PG for this movie is a clear indication of a complete lack of imagination and the wide range of possibilities implied in this offer. This is I, your dictabird. Dictabird? Dictabird!
That reminds me of a joke I heard when I was in London. Listen, party, let's get the pecking order straight here. He said pecking order to a bird, and we laughed and laughed and laughed. Not just yet. We've got to make absolutely certain he'll do whatever we say.
Plus, we still have an hour left to stretch this plot that probably would have felt like too little substance even for a 25-minute episode of the original cartoon. So how about a forced and anticlimactic first act conflict between the buddies? Good. I want you to fire Bernard Rubble.
I understand that some people named Bernard are nicknamed Barney, but I'm standing firm that they should instead be nicknamed Bernie, without exception, because I'm a man of meaning and integrity here to shine a light on the important things in this world.
The movie makes a big deal about this guy lighting this street lamp by using stilts, and for the life of me, I can't figure out what is supposed to be interesting or funny about that. Fine, birdbeaks come to a point like a record needle, I get it, but where is that audio vibration being amplified from then?
The mouth remains closed, so I'm left with the unpleasant realization that this music is being sent into the world by a Quaker speaker. How come, Fred? Because you can't afford it, Bond. Sure I can, pal.
Not anymore. You're fired. There's absolutely no narrative reason Fred couldn't have accepted the present and saved the rest for a private conversation, except that public firing's test better with an audience. He knows an absolute CG monstrosity in this movie,
and somehow, simultaneously, as good as some CG monstrosities of the 2020s. Don't worry about me, Fred. The time from Fred firing Barney to Barney telling him it's all good is less than 30 seconds. The movie doesn't know how to conflict correctly.
I've been working in that quarry since it was only 8cc. Rick Moranis thinks he can just steal metaphors about my college ex-girlfriend. Well, you're a wonderful father, a loving husband. Thinking you know how wonderful a father or husband is without having had the experience of being that person's child or spouse.
Earlier we had Triassic World Airlines now it Jurassic Park apparently Prehistoric branding has no editorial standards for geologic period puns I watched an entire episode of How It Made devoted exclusively to explaining whatever biomechanical nightmare is powering this ATM
Also, those big-ass buttons are the least secure pin-entry system ever devised in the history of banking. Wilma, that is beautiful. Given Barring was just fired and the rubble's financial future is now uncertain,
this shopping trip feels like a mutually agreed-upon exercise in emotional self-sabotage. No. And thanks.
Also, nobody stopped to ask the perfectly reasonable question, maybe today is not the day of the luxury shopping with the superhuman cave child. Gentlemen, please. I cannot endorse this modernization if it means laying off all those workers.
What if I get quadruple your income? I'll miss them. Ah, yes, nothing has lasted the test of time more than corporate greed and the private equitization of the American dream. Comedy! I have a theme. This is a remarkably disciplined group of executives collectively ignoring the several-ton rock hanging from the ceiling.
We're all steam-powered conveyor belts, chariots. Steve, he's a madman! Or he just doesn't like paying $900 for a six-year-old console, so he'd rather use his PC. I may have misunderstood. Also, the screenplay briefly pauses so William Hanna can object to technological progress.
Fair enough. I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life. Forgetting that, Exit to Eden came out the same year, and you're only a year removed from another stakeout. No, we're not! I give all the sins back if this scene went full Jurassic World on these kids instead of whatever shit joke it plans on ending on.
Speaking of which, this movie dared to ask what would it look like if a giant bird took a shi- The answer, apparently, much closer to pouring foundation than I would have expected. Hi. Don't we look handsome today? Using we when giving someone a compliment.
No, Sharon, we don't look handsome. I look handsome. And you look like you're trying to seduce me every time you walk in the room, like it's your only defining characteristic. You're right, I'm not. Wilma, what a surprise!
So it would seem. The movie adds up to believe Fred is so distracted by an attractive woman that he fails to notice his own wife entering the room and standing a few feet away. That's less the power of voters and more temporary neurological failure. Whatever you want.
Your secretary is very attractive. Really? I hadn't noticed. Look, I get it. It was a different time when the objectification of women as a punchline and soul-flop purpose was acceptable and hilarious. But in this house, when someone asks you if you notice Halle Berry in a leopard-priced bikini top riding around on your desk,
you show that woman some respect and admit to properly laughing after her like she wants you to. We are pro-women. My wife is the most beautiful gal in bedrock. My wife is the most beautiful gal in bedrock. Nice try, Fred. Every interaction we've seen suggests that Dick the Bird is entirely voice-operated.
The buttons appear to exist solely because audiences in 94 expected machines to have buttons. Great! I've come to talk about the rubble's troubles. Housing bubbles doubled their likelihood of Barney growing stubble.
Hey, Freddy! Couple of cool ones. But how? Is there, like, a frozen tom-tom on a mountain somewhere that you stored them in? Oh, Barney, my guy. You've lost your job, your dignity, but not your sense of humor.
The audacity of this movie to pretend like it would know whether a sense of humor is in the lost or found category is the personification of pride and avarice. But some gets the rock. Get it? We call the basketball the rock,
and it's an actual rock. But they also play basketball in this world with rocks that bounce, I guess. Do you get it? Oh no, forget the first time I met her. She was working at a restaurant. Is the movie feeling flat to you?
Because I think this rock might skip. You really want to become a top executive at this company? You've got to start living like one. This movie, having never met a mom it doesn't want to cause, will now shift the plot hard into Fred and Wilma becoming complete assholes with money
through a minute-long spending spree, even though we have seen no previous indication that this would be part of their character. A third act got a third act, I guess. I know this is supposed to be shorthand for Fred losing touch with what really matters, but it's not like his family disappeared when he got promoted.
Yet he traded in a family sedan for a car that's objectively worse at doing the one thing his car actually needs to do. Also, we are now into the second version of the original theme song from the cartoon. and this one's a souped-up 90s version with lots of synth and the B-52s,
and yes, that's exactly as sinful as it sounds. Hey, good afternoon, madam. Oh, sir, please. If you're going to treat dirty feet as the biological equivalent of an empty gas tank, I'm going to need to know exactly what happens if you don't stop and get them washed.
Like, is there a dramatic loss of torque? The claws aren't even touching the grass! Touch grass, claws! Touch grass! The flintstones, usually yada-yada, is modern technology by claiming it can function entirely on animal power. A satellite, however, implies someone launched an object into orbit.
You can't just show me that and expect me to move on with my day. Just count Nick Offerman. Who'd be surprisingly confident that I won't notice this is very clearly not Rick Moranis? Who's that money gun by, Abby? Some guy from the future named Aristotle, probably.
Though actually nobody yet. Let's make sure to protest a bit of a strongman's fallacy, to be fair. One minute people are your best friends, and the next you're fantasizing of being ripped apart by a pack of rabid wolves. Said the freeloading house guest. I'm Team Flintstone on this one.
She said, I hope so, Betty. Cause tomorrow they got me testing shark repellent. Somewhere Batman is feeling very sane. Ladies and gentlemen, the B-52! And now the B-52s will do another full minute of a song we already heard on the radio at the beginning of the movie.
I'm beginning to think this movie might be stretched thin of ideas. Like butt that has been scraped over too much bread. As Bill Duff the Elf used to say. Also, this pointless song is titled Twitch, Twitch. And yet this performance isn't even being live streamed.
Table seven, sonny. Barney Actie's surprise that he would see them here when they all live together is ridiculous, and this hard-hitting drama about corporate greed suffers because of it. The demonstration continues to get uglier at Slade and Company.
Forced News' position has apparently existed since the Stone Age, and it was sinful right from the beginning. Also, this broadcast is doing an extraordinary amount of narrative heavy lifting. It arrives at exactly the moment the audience needs an update on the plot, while continuing to ask absolutely no questions about how Bedrock apparently maintains a live television news network.
That bug boy is your best friend! I enter a response every time a server makes casual conversation with me, and the resulting abandonment I feel when they leave the check somehow makes it into my next therapy session. There's just a couple of rich snob!
Better than being a couple of petty in-graves. Apparently even Prius Kirk's screenplays follow the rule that your central relationship has to implode just before the climax. It's absurd how quickly years of friendship become subordinate to the structural requirement that they reconcile 20 minutes from now.
Hang on, Betty. I forgot the punch out. The fact that the movie goes full third act conflict cliche when it's faked an identical first act conflict cliche earlier is something they will be teaching in film school for never.
Come on. I mean, we all said things that we didn't mean. But also punched faces. Don't forget about the face punching. It's a bit harder to come back from. I don't need this necklace.
Anymore. I don't need this. Anymore. I don't need this. Anymore. Because I don't have any friends to invite to dinner. Stop having more than one couple as friends sounds like a you problem, Wilma. Maybe get out of your shell a bit more.
Take some risks. All right, Wilma. Enough of this charade. Come back down and I'll forgive ya. Apparently, even prehistoric screenplay has followed the rule that you have to split the aces and further dismantle the central relationship just before the climax.
It's absurd how quickly years of marriage become subordinate to the screenplay's structural requirements that they reconcile 20 minutes from now. Joke appears to be that Betty is so instinctively domestic that she'll perform meaningless labor without questioning it. And in the 90s, I probably could have gotten away with a
women-am-I-right joke. Stacy, we've hit rock bottom. You could even say you've hit dead rock. I'll see myself out. Also, it's about time someone took this movie to task for its anti-science stance on the cohabitation of dinosaurs and man.
Science has conclusively proved that humans and dinos never existed together after God sent the plan I was today years old when I learned skinflint isn a camping euphemism Yeah I onto your little scam Building phony companies and keeping the money for yourself
Idiot who is never anything but a complete idiot for the entire movie still manages to figure out the details of the plan, please say. If he's missing seven years, you can remarry. I will never forgive this movie for dragging Elizabeth Taylor into this mess.
I'm an executive. I'm in Beverly. Taking a joke out of the most authentic part of the movie. A lot of guys down here would like to get their hands on the guy who's responsible for all this. The screenplay is asking me to focus on the dialogue,
while the costume department has dressed John Winter like he's about to sell me a Pogs collection. Convenient, talking, thankless, Benedict Arnold garbage disposal that forgot you pulled a fork out of it earlier is convenient.
Also, if this garbage disposal ever manages to rebuild its life after everything it's been through, I fully expect the inevitable biopic to sweep awards season. Someone at Universal has clearly dropped the ball. Or rock, I guess. For your protection, darling,
I thought I would go on a business trip while you stay here to keep up appearances. Then, when we're sure it's safe, I'll send for you. If you're successfully escaping with millions of dollars, voluntarily leaving your co-conspirator behind is a remarkably creative way to introduce unnecessary risk
into an otherwise successful criminal enterprise. Excuse me. Not just pressing the playback button on this machine. However that works. Oh, no, Bumsy. I don't want to go to school. The other boys make fun of me.
Every time this bird showed up, the movie got noticeably better. It's not a criticism of Harvey Korman. It's a criticism of everyone else. Isn't she one with a stinky old dick? Wasn't he just saying? Was that an intentional word cutoff or an unintentional one? Why does it matter when it won't change my response?
Now, Clint, I guess you haven't thought of everything. What? The owner of the Top Evil Bag Guy let Pride get in the way of a plan that would work in a movie? This is perhaps the most interesting... Anybody want a snow cone?
Barney X Snow Cone Muckadon. What are you doing here? I'm getting lynched. After two hours of broad cartoon logic, the movie suddenly decides to explore the total gap between Yabba Dabba Doo and I'm getting lynched. Why? I thought you came to save me.
Nothing like a little light double hangin' in your PG movie. Ah, the 80s or 90s. Honestly, probably until around the mid-2010s, when we all realized how problematic we had always been. I want you to know that if I had to have someone hanging next to me, I'm glad it's you.
The sentiment is sweet, but the implication of this phrasing is considerably less touching than Fred seems to think it is. Everybody loves you, Fred. Except, of course, for this lynch mob. Barney would be excellent at contradicting himself, since.
Stealing George of the Jungle is only catchphrase. Will you have your own? I've seen inflatable tube men put up more resistance than this freak. Fred is innocent. Come on, we know Fred isn't innocent. Looney knows Fred isn't innocent. Every character who's spent more than five minutes with Fred knows he isn't innocent.
At a certain point, this encouragement starts feeling weirdly patronizing. I don't think they heard you in the back. We're doing a gift apology in the lounge. First, we want our children. Of course.
Hey, Ben. Fan Arcade was already an effective corporate villain. The screenplay simply didn't trust that to carry the climax. so it abruptly upgrades him to someone willing to murder an entire family. That's escalation by necessity, not characterization.
Take one more step, Mr. Rubble, and this story's safety record will be severely tarnished. Let's talk about the villain's plan. In order to get back the Dictabird proof, he kidnaps the children and bond villains them to a machine with low safety standards
to give himself time to get away. But if his goal was to get rid of the proof that he was the evildoer, then why did he create a situation where he left a whole bunch more proof that he was the evildoer? He shouldn't be in clear-his-name mode.
He should be in get-the-hell-out-of-Bedrock-Dodge mode. And this plan only makes it more likely for him to get caught. I should have signed with Disney. They never would have allowed this sort of thing to happen. Pretending Disney doesn't like putting its animal characters in peril or even killing them.
Remind me, what studio did Old Yeller? Manufacturing generally prioritizes precision, repeatability, and reliability. This machine appears to have been engineered by the guys at Dude Perfect, who aren't going to go out on a limb and say probably shouldn't be designing industrial production lines.
F*** me, granted. Gritty, have I ever told you you have a very distinguished chin? Showing appreciation for the enemy's ability to maul you instead of mauling the enemy. The movie wants this machine to represent the unstoppable efficiency of automation,
but the demonstration raises more questions than confidence. Mostly appears to feed perfectly good rocks into a giant axe. If there's a sophisticated manufacturing process happening here, the movie has chosen an unusually unconvincing part of it to showcase.
I wasn't expecting there to be a bird alarm inside that machine because there absolutely shouldn't be. If this thing only activates during emergencies, then every emergency begins by discovering whether the alarm has been stored a live bird or a dead one.
It's a fucking Schrodinger's alarm. What am I going to do? I've got to think of something. It really is copyright-deaf how Homer coded this character is, and yet Steven Spielberg still walks free to this day. Will there be anything else, Mr. Flintstone?
This day's ex-hop secretarian moment is brought to you by the National Organization of Women and the Association of Bad Girls who turn good at the last second when the plot needs it. No, it's gone. Take the rest of the day off. The screenplay runs one last office joke before switching genres into Rescue Your Family.
The problem is that Fred knows his daughter is in immediate danger and does not have time for this. Cliff, it's time for you and me to interface. Well, now, these two are definitely going to f***.
No? Vander Koehler has went to the Prometheus School and is running away from things that have been bowled at you. How did this happen? Well, Mr. Slate, it all started when the rebels here wanted to adopt a baby. At first I was afraid that I was going to have to listen to this entire plot again.
But then I realized it was basically just Fred did a nice thing for Barney, so Barney did a nice thing for Fred that backfired when he was picked as a fall guy for an embezzlement scheme. A skin that fell apart because everything was recorded in a bird. And I realized for once that the shallowness of a movie can save you some pain down the road.
It was a true turning point in my understanding of art and cinema. Mr. Slade, I'm sorry. Sorry? I love this stuff! Production design found an unfortunate overlap between freshly poured concrete and the aftermath of a pterodactyl flyover.
And kept that s*** to themselves. Wait, Slade! You're a genius! Come on, we know Fred isn't a genius. The movie knows Fred isn't a genius. every character who's spent more than five minutes with Fred knows he isn't a genius. At a certain point, this encouragement starts feeling weirdly patronizing.
Don't you see? Thanks to concrete, man can now take his own destiny. Mr. Slate has become remarkably philosophical about poured concrete. The speech sounds less like the unveiling of a new building material and more like the opening monologue of The Brutalist.
That's right. You are hereby promoted to president of the entire concrete division. All I want is my old job back and my old wife. The movie spends two hours teaching Fred that power requires responsibility,
then concludes the best use of that lesson is refusing power altogether. It completely sidesteps the opportunity to demonstrate the wisdom and character growth it spent the entire movie developing. Bonnie, all my life I wanted to be a somebody, and when I finally did,
I turned into somebody I didn't like. Blaming the money for your asshole behavior. Money doesn't create assholes, it just lets the asshole do whatever they want. Sorry Fred, pretty sure your latent assholitude is a you problem. I was always the richest man in the world.
I just never knew her. Is he going to sell his wife and kids? Not this time! The movie ends with the brain-busting twist that the entire thing was just a movie within this universe called Tar Wars, for reasons, and directed by Gord Lucas.
At least we got out of here without them playing the theme for the third time. It's playing again, isn't it? Dab-a-dab-a-ding!
Because once you've been there long enough, the only thing you'll care about is when your next year increases, how many vacation days you've accrued, and if your health insurance is going to pay for the cholesterol medicine that keeps your heart pumping no matter how much s*** you work through.