Gary Vaynerchuk's Raw Advice on Life, Control, and Happiness

You're going to be dead forever and you weren't born for a long time. And so in this little window that all of us have, why not try to fight for enjoyment? This concept of beating yourself up for what you're not just kills me. Do you know how many people think they're supposed to have their life figured out at 18, 22, and 30 when the parents that are putting pressure on them to figure out their lives don't

have their lives figured out? Oh, I like that one. How the [ __ ] are you supposed to have your whole life figured out at 28 years old? It's ludicrous. [ __ ] your grandparents. I always say this, my favorite keynote speech moment maybe of my career was at VCON and my opening line to the keynote. Like 10,000 people in the crowd. I'm like, I just want to start with, "Fuck your grandparents." And like the crowd was like shook. Everyone

in the crowd's like, "What the [ __ ] is going on?" So many people in here running around with so much [ __ ] anger and hate towards their mom and their dad, but the grandma was the [ __ ] problem. A lot of times grandma is sweet to you cuz she's still [ __ ] up her daughter >> or she feels guilty about >> correct. It's one of the two. It's either they're like [ __ ] They're trying to make amends with you, the grandchild,

or they want granddaughter to side with grandma on this [ __ ] 40-year debate so they're sweet to you. Meanwhile, everything you're mad at in life is based on this thing you're mad at your mom for, and your poor mom got [ __ ] by this grandma. How about instead of being really [ __ ] mad at your parents, then moving that on to hating the [ __ ] out of your grandparents, then deciding your great-grandparents were the actual [ __ ] and then starting some

weird [ __ ] family tree [ __ ] hate framework. How about we start deploying compassion? >> It's about being aware that aware and awake to everything is good. >> All of your unhappiness is that you've believed all the people that told you they're going to take care of you and you're not in control. All of the happiness in life is realizing you are 100% in control of your life and you are capable of making tough decisions that might hurt

for a couple of weeks and months but can lead to long-term happiness. If you [ __ ] on your parents and they give you money, you're a [ __ ] [ __ ] If you take money from your parents and you're over the age of 22, get their names out of your [ __ ] mouth in any negative form. Kiss the ground they walk on. Shut your [ __ ] mouth. You don't want them to have say, stop taking the bag. >> Whoever pays for something

has say. You don't want your parents to have say, stop taking the [ __ ] money. And don't do it cute. Like, let them still pay for your Uber cuz it's on their credit card. >> Your cell phone. >> Yeah. Or you're on the [ __ ] family plan. Get the [ __ ] off the family plan. >> Is Netflix okay? >> No. >> Okay. >> Not even the shared [ __ ] password, even though they shut that [ __ ] down. Good job, Netflix. Your

[ __ ] bank account has no impact on who the [ __ ] you are as a human. You think somebody with a Mercedes and a Louis Vuitton bag is better than you? The [ __ ] the matter with you? If you've smiled at a person in an airport where you walked by them and you made them feel good, you contributed more than someone who's made a million dollars of economic impact and has never been kind to anyone. People saying you're awesome

means nothing. >> And learning not to react to positive things and negative. >> It's the goat emojis in my Instagram posts that I have to not pay attention to. Not the you suck Gary or you got lucky you're a snake oil. Like to me it's not hearing the accolades. I'm telling you that that's where the lack of anxiety comes from. I don't need to have a house or a plane or a third home or a Nobel

Peace Prize or 40 million followers or an exit. I don't need that. It is not what my life is about. I like it, but I feel like I'm an athlete who wants to be great on the field, but off the field that is not the man that I think I am. If you're a 22-year-old and you got something and you have self-esteem and you're not scared of losing, you're about to [ __ ] dominate. >> The [ __ ] 22-year-old

that's got a chip on their shoulder is about to dis I dismantled everybody growing up 22 to 40 that I was around, but a lot of them weren't cuddled either. I was just more ridiculous. >> This new crew it just undo that. >> Yeah, it's like doesn't believe me and that's cool and whatever, but I don't want to like talk to him about it. >> Don't talk to him. So just like [ __ ] off. >> Yeah. Just

eliminate >> cuz then they're like on my ass like what are you doing? Where are you? >> Do you live in their home? >> Yes. >> You got to get out. >> It's not hard. What's hard is what you're doing now. Going into a place that you know when you're opening the door, negativity is going to hit you in the face. What's not hard is going in a place that might be a shitty looking place, but

it's [ __ ] positive. That's easy. If you are 22 years old, this next 5year window is when you don't go practical and safe. This is not the time to get the job mom wanted you to. This is the time to realize that there's a five-year window for you to attack the life that you want to win. What you should do is go and travel and learn. Go and start that business that you've always wanted. Hook up with

those three teammates and start that band you've always wanted. This is the time to be massively risk, massively riskoriented. But boy, if you're lucky enough to be graduating today with not a [ __ ] idea of what you're going to do with your future, nobody's ever been luckier than you. Please recognize it. Most people in their early 20s greatest mistake is not understanding how young there they are. You have a 100red years of life in front of you.

You haven't even started. Having it figured out by 25, 27, 30 is ridiculous. Enjoy your vacation. And by the way, you have no money and you can't enjoy. Get six roommates. Like, you're a kid. Do not listen to your parents or society that you have to have it figured out. It's just not true. Most of your parents have not had it figured out ever, let alone at 22, 23. Take a breath. I don't give a [ __ ]

that you suck and YOU'VE LOST EVERY JOB AND NOBODY likes you and you're 39. You're not even at halftime. You're just losing. If you suck at a lot of things, that doesn't mean you suck. It means you're a human being. I suck at a lot of things. But just cuz you suck at a lot of things doesn't mean you're a loser. There's not one loser on earth. There's just people who are currently losing cuz they want

to be happier. You're not a loser. You're currently losing. >> So what should we do, Gary Vee? What should people do? >> People should [ __ ] stop complaining, >> right? >> People should figure out who the [ __ ] they are. Figure out what you [ __ ] puts you on fire and you're halfway decent at. If you're lucky enough right now to be listening and you're good at what you like, become tunnel [ __ ] vision. If you are fired, there is

a good chance that your next job is going to be more fun and pay you more. Can I just say something to everybody? Jobs will always be there for you. Jobs exist. Stop being scared of adversity. Being ghosted, being dumped, being fired are often the best thing that ever happened to you. Everyone has just decided universally that it's the worst. When you start going to those 80s, 90s, hundreds, you're not going to be happy that you

didn't take those risks. You're going to regret it. And I think regret is a very devastating energy. >> How old are you, Jordan? >> 20. >> [ __ ] I was literally starting to be a social media content creator, and you were literally in your mother's stomach. It's just patience. If I can leave you with anything, it's patience. I was 34 years old before I made a single piece of content. You don't get it. I feel exactly the

same way I did when I was 16. I got straight fire in my chest. I'm hungry. I want it. Feels the same. I don't even know what to tell you. And all the nine people that just raised your hand will tell you the same thing. We're still thinking about the same dumb [ __ ] we did when we were 15. We're still ambitious. We still want it. We're still growing. It's the same thing. And you can't see that

now. And neither could I. You want to be happy in life? Realize everything's your fault. The second you realize everything's your fault. You may think that's [ __ ] up and it's bad. It actually is liberating because then you're in control. This is about being in control. When you're doing this, you've admitted, you've submitted that somebody else is in control. [ __ ] that [ __ ] Accountability leads to happiness. I [ __ ] up. I [ __ ] up. My fault. My fault leads to

smiles. You, them, it frowns. [ __ ] frowns. Life doesn't give a [ __ ] about your feelings. Some days it's easy, some days it's harder. But it's always good if you realize like you could be dead. You could have never been born. This is what's killing people. Keeping up with the Joneses, other people's opinions. Whatever you're worried about, you can go backwards. Gary, [ __ ] you. You don't get it. I Yeah, I do get it actually. Perspective. Deciding to be

grateful for what I have versus dwelling on what I don't have or what's not going well and just like living that life. Why do you own a BMW? cuz I love the car, just the brand, and I I love driving it. So, I don't know. >> So, to me, that's where it gets interesting, right? Do you or do you like what the brand does to make you look to other people? I don't know. I'm not assuming.

>> You have a point. You have a point. >> I know I have a point. I don't know you, but I know in the macro that 98% of people that buy a Mercedes or BMW likes what it makes other people think of them, not that they like it. And that $487 a month versus what they really need, which is $100 a month, is why they have a job they hate because they're paying for a life that

means nothing. >> Guys, the amount of people in here that have a job they hate and they buy things they don't care about to impress people they don't give a [ __ ] about scares the [ __ ] out of me. You love your parents? >> Absolutely. If you don't do what you want to do, you're going to end up regretting it, which is then going to manifest at being mad at them and you are doing a greater disservice to

the relationship of you and your parents by not doing what you want to do than by doing what they want you to do. There's a seed of what you actually want to do. You're hiding that seed because you love your parents so much, >> right? You're going to then do that and then you're going to be 42 and not have the chance to do your thing and you're going to be mad at them and you're going

to blame them for it >> and then it's going to hurt your relationship, not help. If you're sitting and watching right now and you're 28 and you don't have [ __ ] and you can get [ __ ] at 28 years old, I was in the basement of a liquor store packing wine in a box to ship. You're under 30. You got your whole life ready. 34 is when I started. 34. The fact that people actually think at 18, 22,

or 30 you have to have your [ __ ] figured out is [ __ ] ridiculous. What's your advice for a 22-year-old? [ __ ] party out. You're 22. You have it so good. >> You're 22. You can live at home. Nobody's got anything to say. You got no [ __ ] stress. And the only stress you actually got is ideology or delusion. Almost everybody on earth wants financial success in their 20s to prove it to others, not themselves. The 22-year-old that wants to

be successful fast is in these f in these foundational bricks, they are doing it for everyone else. Because if you're doing it for yourself, you're more guaranteed to get successful. Slow when you want to do it to impress everyone else. Whether it's noble, your parents, whether it's it's deeply toxic, your parents, again, your parents both thought you were losers. That's going to make someone want to win. Cliche for guys, the opposite sex, have fun. Like, that's

what guys see. They're like, I want to take a private jet with a a 10 and go to St. Barnes. Like, sure, that's great, but like, is it soulful? Why are so many people that have that life miserable as [ __ ] Sounds like it's not guaranteed. Like do do it do it the right way. If you do it for them, you want it fast. If you do it for yourself, you want it slow. Spend one hour with

somebody who's 90 that's not your grandpa or grandma. Hour. One hour and really chop with them. And you will realize everything you complain about is nonsense. When you're 90, you just wish you spent more time with people you loved and you wish you did [ __ ] you liked. >> Too many people are just doing [ __ ] they don't like. Nobody gives a [ __ ] about you or me or anybody. They care about their own [ __ ] Here is why I'm

always happy. I got a lot going on. I know who the [ __ ] I am. And I'm telling you, nobody gives a [ __ ] That humility is everything. Everybody's so insecure cuz they ain't [ __ ] humble. You think you're somebody. You think you're supposed to be somebody. Once you lean into humility, it's over. Nobody can beat you. It's okay to lose. What's going to happen if you lose? Who's going to say what? >> At least I tried, right? >>

100. >> You know how much regret you'll have if you don't? Whose opinion are you most worried about? Parents. >> I think just what the world thinks. >> Don't listen to the world. You're young. >> Thank you so much. You're welcome. >> I know one day I'm going to be somebody. You'll know when I I'll definitely find >> Please look at my face. >> You're somebody now. >> Do you understand? >> Yeah. >> That's the game.

I was somebody long before people knew who I was. And I believed that you're somebody now. >> Thank you. You're welcome. It's all going to be fine. There is no right way. You have 100 years to live more. You know how pissed I am at you? Like [ __ ] enjoy it at work. I don't know. It's so easy. We're now in the thinking generation. We're overanalyzing. Work and have fun. Like it all comes down to not beating

yourself up. If you go hard for the next seven months cuz you're building your [ __ ] future. I mean 15 hours a day, no hanging out with friends work sleep work sleep work sleep. And then you wake up after 7 months, you're like, "Fuck this bullshit." And go to [ __ ] a visa for 2 weeks and not work. It's all going to be fine. And there's so much serendipity. Who you fall in love with? What happens? How the

macro market micro bro, you can't control this [ __ ] All you can do is realize you have unlimited time. You could literally do everything wrong. You could literally [ __ ] around for the next 10 years and do nothing financially smart or work. Wake up, literally do nothing good except have fun for 10 straight years. Wake up and be so [ __ ] young at 31 that you could then focus on having a good financial. And bro, I was the reverse.

I gave up my entire 20s. I was obsessed to build a business for my parents. I don't know why. I really like it's a little bit I think I went too far like but from 21 to 28 I worked a h 100red [ __ ] hours a week. I went out zero days. I built something for my family and then I woke up at 28 and I was like okay wait a minute maybe I should start thinking. And

then at 34 I was like had no money but built a huge business for my dad. I was like [ __ ] I'm 34. Maybe I should start worrying about myself and had plenty of time to do what I'm doing. You have unlimited [ __ ] time. I made a wrong decision. I married the wrong person. I picked the wrong job. I moved to the wrong city. How about not believing that? How about believing it was just part of your

[ __ ] story? You think any book that's interesting doesn't have the chapters where there's adversity, there's conflict? You ever watch a [ __ ] movie, they get you all juiced up and uh-oh, here comes the [ __ ] up part, but good news, here comes the [ __ ] fix part. Like, you think anybody goes to [ __ ] heaven and played it 100% correct? Who the [ __ ] played it 100% correct? Like, the [ __ ] bro? You didn't waste [ __ ] People waste time and energy dwelling

on what they're not good at. That it's actually about things that you're good at, not things that you wish you were good at. >> People try to fight reality. I try to focus on what you can actually control. >> What's the alternative? You're in control. We get to sit in a room and say, "What are we going to do?" I love chaos. Yeah, it's not fun or scary or whatever, but I'm in control. I'm most calm

when there's the most chaos because I go into a place in my mind of like, "What's the worst that can happen? Want to die? Oh, no. Then business. Who gives a crap? Put it in perspective. Stop being scared. Calm the [ __ ] down. Close your [ __ ] ears. Don't listen to the world. Definitely not your parents. Definitely not society. Definitely not your friends. Nobody. This is your [ __ ] life. You're either going to realize this at 90 or you're

going to realize it right now. You're going to either hear me now or hear me in a moment of despair or hear me in a moment of prosperity or hear me in a moment of just living life. You're going to hear me at 50, 60, 70, 80, 90. Literally, all I'm doing is speeding in a world where I hate speeding [ __ ] up, all I'm doing is speeding people's wisdom of actual life up. You feel lesser than

in a room? [ __ ] that room. [ __ ] that room. I don't [ __ ] give a [ __ ] about any room that doesn't [ __ ] want you there. [ __ ] that room. Don't put a room on a pedestal. [ __ ] that room. If a room doesn't want me, they [ __ ] lost. I promise you that. Your self-esteem is broken. You're not confident enough that you can get another job. You're not confident enough that you're better than the room. I've been in every room. And

guess what? I don't give a [ __ ] about any room I've ever been in. I'm not letting anybody make me feel lesser than. If you are 22 years old, don't settle. Go for your dream job. Pound for it. And if you can't get into Vayner Media, then go for the second best or third best or fourth best on your list. Aspire for as high as you possibly can and be patient. It sucks not having a job in

September when all your friends do. The pressure's on and maybe your parents don't like that you don't have a job. Please start with the moon and go backwards. The amount of you that start at a hilltop and just settle there is an enormous mistake. You [ __ ] under 30. I'm going to kill all of you. What are you worried about? You know what you're all crying about? My friend Heather is already MARRIED AND JUST HAD HER FIRST

WHAT THE [ __ ] DOES Heather's life have to do with you? What is this? What about 47? What is this? What about 32? You could be 90 and a piece of [ __ ] and a [ __ ] loser your whole life and pull it out in the last 3 years. NOTHING IS BAD. YOU'VE got unlimited time to make everything awesome. You're sitting here and you're dead [ __ ] broke, but you're actually extremely nice. You are more a winner to me than

someone who has a million dollars in their bank account. I know unlimited millionaires who are straight pieces of [ __ ] I respect them. Zero. Please stop putting other people on a pedestal for what? They made more money than you. They're more attractive than you. Like more people think they're cool. It's not [ __ ] high school anymore. Stop putting other people on a pedestal and start putting yourself on a pedestal. And let me tell you why. Cuz you can

choose what to put your p self on a pedestal of. Everybody should go ham from 22 to 30 and do a ton of ridiculous [ __ ] and figure themselves out. Again, one man's point of view. I'm not sure anybody is taking enough risk from 20 to 30. It is the most interesting thing that I've been thinking about, which is it is never more practical to be disproportionately risky than from 22 to 30. Yet, everybody goes the other

way because now they're the real world and it's time to prove something to their parents, to themselves, to everybody else. And everybody goes conservative. It is a huge mistake. We need to flip it upside down. If you're not feeling it, find new friends. I'm being dead serious about this. Add one new winner friend and cut one loser friend. Like, yeah, I know he's been your boy since fourth grade, but he sits at home and [ __ ] smokes

weed and plays 2K all day. Like, you can only love him so much. Go home, cut one, cut your loserist loser friend, and go find a winner friend. Go like, go somewhere. Go to meetup.com. Go to a Facebook group. Join some [ __ ] DM the 800 people that you think are Make sure they're not bullshitting. They're like doing what you want and just make one new friend. It's unbelievable to watch my team like they get faster, they

get smarter, they get more confident, right? It's real, man. It's real. Confidence and like hunger gets passed on to each other. It's like team dynamics. It's why like a great player that sucks [ __ ] can [ __ ] a team up. Like go audit your circle, add one more winner, decrease one more loser. I actually think being lazy is a good thing. Let me explain. This is going to be an interesting moment. I think if you're lazy, you're actually

giving yourself an indication that you don't like it because >> that you don't like what >> whatever the task at hand. I am lazy around housework, around logistics. I think quote unquote laziness can have a more thoughtful conversation of actually is it laziness or are you showing yourself that you don't like that thing and it becomes a mechanism to self-awareness. I think it's that. I think it's that I think we need to stop apologizing for being

lazy and we need to use it as an indicator of I don't like that thing, this job, this relationship, this school, this startup, and then use it as a starting point to try something else on the side that eventually can become your thing and you can stop doing that thing that you're quote unquote lazy. >> So this makes >> this is you. This is me and this is all the famous people that you wish that you

were or could be. Little [ __ ] specks in the scheme of the world. And when the world looks at it, they don't give a [ __ ] For all the things that people accomplish, the ones that are able to have humility and realize it doesn't [ __ ] matter if you won seven Super Bowls or made $4 trillion or invented a startup. In the scheme of things, it's nice. It's good. But my friends, I promise you, the [ __ ] that you're worried

about that they think about you, they don't give a [ __ ] They don't give a [ __ ] And in a weird way, that's awesome. Once you realize that nobody gives a [ __ ] about you, they've got their own [ __ ] problems. Your life gets better. You have to know what you are good at and what you like. So many people are chasing what they wish they were or where the money is. But this is a simple game of self-awareness. Are

you good at it? And do you like it? Because you have to like it because it's too hard if you don't. Stop being a complaining [ __ ] Complaining doesn't work. All you do is rolling in your own [ __ ] You hate your [ __ ] banking job. You're bankrupt. Get another [ __ ] job. Everything's hard. I do not know why everyone thinks everything should be easy. It's always been hard. And once you fall in love with hard, it gets good. When

you make your goals for yourself, don't make them too short. Make them actually wonderful in their length. Making a million bucks by the time you're 25 or owning a home by the time you're 30 or making the 40 under 40 list. These are traps. Enjoy the process of achievement, not the surface level dynamics that surround achieving.