Video S7UM5lSgAg8

[00:00] These 500 drones are programmed with one mission in mind, to give my nephew Beckham his first date. And I'm not stopping there, because I've also secretly adhered a bunch of other contraptions to ensure my nephew comes off as an absolute hero to his date,

[00:15] who genuinely has no idea any of this is about to happen. Now, for a clip, it might seem odd that Beckham would come to his middle-aged uncle for dating.

[00:28] This is going to be a real book of his first date. But compared to some of the other feats of engineering I've designed over the years, getting two people to fall in love wouldn't exactly be rockin' violence. To kick things off, I sat Beckham down for a standard-ish new romantic assessment questionnaire.

[00:42] How are you been friends? Top five here. Any known allergies? No, I don't think so. Dietary restrictions? Uh, I don't think so. Who's a third grade teacher? I don't know. Does that matter? Not even what. Oh gosh. Look, this is why you came to me for my services.

[00:55] I get you from the friend zone to the end zone. Okay? That's barred. Tell me about the girl. And it took him a minute to finally open up. Um, her name's Vena. But when he started talking about Vena... She's super nice, she's super athletic, she's super smart.

[01:10] It was clear this was the real deal. She's like the most fun person you will ever meet. She is absolutely beautiful. Me and her do barn together. She skinboards. Otherwise, I'm thinking you're out of your league. I mean, I have your help now.

[01:22] That should give me some bonus points. You're smarter than I originally thought. Having said that, this is going to be an uphill battle. For over a decade, in my ongoing quest to be the favorite uncle, I featured all my nephews in a bunch of my YouTube videos, building memories that will last a lifetime.

[01:45] On top of that, in my early years, I was also known as quite the Rizner myself. So today I'm engineering every last detail of Beck's first date to guarantee him a second date. This is Uncle for You.

[01:59] First up at Heart Thraw Boot Camp was to get a baseline reading of how cool his nerves were under pressure with the help of a heart rate monitor and 42 tiny nightmares. No. No! You can't do it!

[02:11] You're all I can do. Oh my gosh! Gross! Ah! Ah! Ah! I can feel it on the back of my hair. Oh, he's going on my hair. You see yourself on a date and she asks you if you've ever kissed someone before.

[02:24] Oh my gosh. Heart rate's going up. 127! Clearly he was going to require significant coaching for me on how to remain cool under fire. Oh, there's one that's great! Ah! And while this was certainly a discouraging start,

[02:36] Relax, Franco, relax! You're at 135! I had higher hopes for this next drill, where I rigged a two-way swinging door with a pair of solenoids that would functionally toggle it randomly between a push or a pull door.

[02:49] It's very important you do not begin the down-first depression. Pushing on a pull door is a very hard-holder traditional pattern. So we're going to run some drills. And step up. And start. Good.

[03:01] Again. Good. Double time. Go. Again. Again. Go. So good. Faster. Keep watching you.

[03:13] Go. Keep waiting for you. Faster. So good. Go. We're going to have to work on that. Yeah. Which meant it was the perfect time for me to Mr. Miyagi this thing. Give me that drink.

[03:25] Yeah, the tropical one. With a 15-second, thirsty conditioning sequence. All right, I'm going to need you to go up there. We've got to swap all the bosses in that department with the bosses in that department. Let's go!

[03:37] Let's go to me! Oh, oh no!

[03:49] Oh, thank you. Yeah, of course. Back to work. I literally just feel like I'm doing chores for you.

[04:04] Don't you see? When you were up there pushing in all the bins, that was training you to push and pull out her chair. When you came down here and put the sweatshirt down, so bam, if it's raining, you're going to need to cover a puddle.

[04:17] Well, what about the toilet? Oh, that just needed to be quick. So with our training complete, It was time to assess his likelihood of walking in a second date. I know this is a blind date. Leave the joke for me. Okay.

[04:29] I'd like to officially introduce you to... Rube Hilda. This is our AI date assessment bop. Is that even a broom? It is a bop. I just couldn't think of a cool name with bop. Using state-of-the-art artificial intelligence algorithms,

[04:42] Rube Hilda was engineered to listen and respond to Beckham just like a human girl would. Sorry. And just like a date with a human girl, That's when we still need to be a gentleman. Hi, Groom Hilda.

[04:54] Hey, so nice to finally meet you. I want to actually try a pickup line on you, if that's okay. I wanted to bring a polar bear to break the ice, but it actually wouldn't fit through the door. What do you think about that?

[05:06] A polar bear, that's quite the effort. Good thing it didn't actually happen, but seriously, what can you do for fun? A lot of times I like to help my mom around the house with some chores, and then... Uh-huh. Wow. Blushes slightly with a little smile.

[05:19] Uh, crap, I just straightforwarded. Beckham, sorry. You cannot do that on your date. As for me, I'm a huge bookworm. I also love trying out new cafes and boba places with my friends.

[05:31] Well, I also do, like, boba myself, so what's your favorite flavor? Maybe one of these times I could make you a boba? Wait, you make your own boba? No way, that seriously impresses Beckham. Maybe I could take you up on that someday.

[05:44] Uh-huh. Leans forward slightly, a playful glimpse in her eye. Um, you mentioned that you like reading and books. I actually really enjoy reading, too. What kind of books do you like to read? Do you like fantasy, sci-fi? Like, what about some romance?

[05:57] A good love story can definitely reel me in. Why don't we just make our own romance story? Well, Beckham, that's quite a proposition. Small surprise giggle, a blush creeping into her cheeks. Speaking of diving into new ideas, it always makes me think of your Uncle Mark Roker.

[06:14] He's just so brilliant at exploring and explaining things. It's like all his inventions. too much. Uh-huh. Wow. All right, Beckham, you're a fantastic talker. Second date likelihood is 95%.

[06:27] I had an amazing time and I'd absolutely love to see you again. Okay. So to get us to 100%, I have a plan. After picking her up from her house, the day will unfold in three key locations. Where Beckham would

[06:39] kick things off on the way to mini-golf by heroically saving a little girl's cat from a tree. And after absolutely destroying her at mini-golf, he would continue his domination at the arcade and then end the night with a romantic dinner at a high Italian restaurant Now of course at each location I would be orchestrating some W for Beckham using various engineering interventions to raise his Liz level to that of his favorite uncle

[07:01] But just to be sure, I'd be following them in a state-of-the-art surveillance vehicle disguised as a plumber's fan. And if nothing else, she'll at least be impressed with a brand-new car. I'm going to keep it? Absolutely not. All right, rest up. We got a big day tomorrow.

[07:14] I'm feeling pretty optimistic. You can't. So while Beckham went to get his much-needed beauty sleep, I ran through my plan one final time. And so the next day, once every final detail was locked into place, Operation Favorite Uncle was officially a go.

[07:27] Here we go. Weather's not great, but, you know, you gotta be nimble on your feet when it comes to dating. Do you hear anything, I'm not? Yeah. Tell me, I'm very good at it. Yeah, I'm good, I'm excited. I will be with you the whole time.

[07:39] You're not plumbing me out, you're right. Yeah. Guarantee the world's worth plumbing. Okay, bye. Beckham, please don't wreck my brand new radio. I will. I'll try not to. All right, let's do this.

[07:51] Go up, say hello, and bring her back to the car. Okay, did you bring an umbrella? Me? Okay. This isn't our best start, but... Okay. All right. When you get to the door, you've got to use the right number of buttons.

[08:03] Two feels like you're bored, four is too eager. Oh, there's a gate. Wait. Remember your training. Oh, sure. So good. Okay. Is it a push or a pull?

[08:18] It's a push. Okay, good. Push it just like we... I went through. Oh, nice. All right, here we go. Three knocks. Oh, gosh.

[08:33] I really hope she felt it. Hi, Becca. Hi, Lena. Do you look nice? Sorry about the weather. That's good. Bro, speed up!

[08:45] Do not let her open her own door. Thank you. Good. So far, so good. Alright, here we go. Remember what works with Brazil, though. You ready? Yeah. Alright, give it more.

[08:57] Well, I was going to bring a polar bear. Wait. Finish the line! To break the ice. That's cool. We'll make up for that.

[09:10] You can't expect to hit them all. So what that is, maybe the three-row start is trying to get color walkers and move on to the next... You gotta start the car, Beckham. There we go. Okay. I'm gonna need you to count how long this is.

[09:22] Oh, I have a headshot. This is a new car, so. Yeah. I have to be careful what this car bar takes. I may or may not have two tickets in a car accident on my record. Ugh. You want to see how fast this car goes? No!

[09:34] Yeah, I do, actually. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh, Mike! Do not ruin my brand new living room. That was fun. That was fun. But this was not the time for fun. What the state needed was the first phase in my engineered master plan.

[09:49] The car would be flagged down by a desperate little girl whose cat is stuck in a tree. Only it's not her real cat, it's a fake cat. And it's mostly used to lever attached to a remote control servo motor, exactly like the one I used when I was in the abandoned city.

[10:02] And he's a covert way to prank Mr. D. This is the most Mark Lolo thing I've ever seen. So once Beckham is in position, I'll trigger the motor, which will push the cat out of the tree, as he definitely performs a Texas witch with the real cat on the ground

[10:15] and returns the little girl's actual prize pet like the nonchalant hero he is. Here we go, we're in place, Beckham. Call this low green and act surprised. What's up?

[10:28] Excuse me guys, my cat is stuck in the rain. Excuse me, can't you get her down? Oh my gosh, yeah. With confidence. Poor cat. ok

[10:45] ok he's ok man oh my gosh are you kidding? are you kidding, kidding come here i'll be back come here

[10:58] Oh my gosh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[11:12] Thank you. That's a shame. You just saved her day. Hello, that's not even your first time. That's like the third time this week. Wow. I just have like a thing with animals, I think.

[11:25] So with phase one of success, it was time for phase two. What was that? What was that? That only happens in the movie. It was encouraging to see how impressive that it was. Because that was nothing compared to what was coming next at Softland.

[11:40] Ooh! Okay, back in one day park. Just make sure that she stays in the car. Wait in the car. When you get out, at three o'clock, there's a puddle. You know what to do.

[11:55] Here. Good Time to keep your shoes dry We'll just leave the jacket We don't need it So once Beckham purchased his golf ball No credit sound Here No credit sound

[12:07] Here No credit sound And then realized he also had to purchase Then his golf ball Being broke, that's not a good look They got to the green Ladies first, of course Alright Beckham, remember Ladies like winners

[12:20] I'm very lucky So you're gonna have to win First ball You're worse than me. I may have overshot a little bit. And that's why I was here.

[12:33] Because the next hole, I do solve a hidden rotating paddle wheel attached to a 50 RPM motor that will activate only when it senses bend is fall. Brutally rejecting it every time. Are you sure you don't want to go first? You got this.

[12:45] Oh my god. No, she doesn't. Huh? Huh. What? Here, reach out, reach out, reach out.

[12:58] Oh, that's okay. Don't worry. You got this, you got this. Oh. Wow. I was on a pretty easy. Here, I'm 10.

[13:10] 11. Give it another shot. That's 12. I'm 16. Here, I'll help you out, I'll help you out. Ready, ready, ready? I'm pretty good at tough, huh? Ready? Okay, back up. I am turning off the paddle wheel. You know exactly what it is.

[13:23] So what you gotta do, set a line up right behind it. Uh huh. That's very close. Okay, and you gotta pull that. Sweet. Look at that! Yeah! That was awesome! Thank you. That's 13.

[13:35] And with that healthy lead, it was up to Beckham to keep this competitive edge. Oh. I was almost dead So close And since he was incapable of doing that Wait I made sure the cup on the final hole was connected to a flexible motor that would use the typical force to selffully inject only then as well anytime you think of it

[13:56] Oh my god. You almost had it. Just go again. Don't worry about it. What? What is it doing? Yeah, I'll go, I'll go.

[14:08] There we go. Good. Good. Let's go play our same game. So with that mineral victory, Beckham and Venna made their way into the arcade, where they would kick things off at the vending machine. Because after running a search-and-scan algorithm of Venna's entire social footprint,

[14:21] I knew goldfish crackers were her favorite snack. So with nothing but a nonchalant bump of her fist, a hidden server loader would advance exactly one bag of goldfish crackers, proving that in addition to being a winner, Beckham was a capable of provider.

[14:35] Got a snack? Please make goldfish. I want the goldfish. Goldfish? Yeah. I got it. Nailed it.

[14:47] What? Yeah. Okay. I want six. Unfortunately, we weren't prepared for seconds. Uh, no, no, no, no more. One for play. Great work, Becca. Now, reminder, you're still a winner. Oh, yeah.

[15:00] I'm way back to them. No mercy. No. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Don't forget to rub it in. In your face. Eh, just kidding.

[15:12] Now that he has some wins on his belt, we wanted to close things out with the knockout punch. I know I found a good punch! Which Beckham did not lose. Is it laughing at you?

[15:24] Benna, on the other hand, nailed it. What? Bro, she is stronger than you. What did you say? What? Are you kidding me? Knowing he couldn't end on the nail,

[15:36] I had an idea. When Benna went to the bathroom, we had to improvise. Go get a Pez dispenser and an extra arcade card I'll walk you through it I need a Pez dispenser and an extra arcade card From my arcade engineering hack video

[15:48] I'd already figured out that you'd attach an arcade card with a slot cut next to the end of the Pez dispenser And then release it right in front of the game break sensor You could fool the game into thinking it was actually a really fast punch Now it's up to my nephew to not get caught

[16:02] I'm taking another go out there Um Just make her look the other way Now look at the monkey Time to see if Beckham's engineering passed a punch that he couldn't.

[16:16] Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Oh, oh, oh, oh! Thank you. Good thing I have you covered, dog. Thank you. I don't think so. You respect the winner. Put me up against Mike Tyson. With a new high score achieved and the prize wall cleared,

[16:29] it was nearly time for the final phase of Beckham's date. Okay, pal, Tom, did you ever hear that wrong power? Here's your moment. It parsed so close. So close! Let's go baby!

[16:45] Yes! There's no plane! But there was a Zingaway, and it was by secretly placing the car on the tray of TVs, which as we've shown many times here at Crunch Labs, reduces your friction force to HB clean zero.

[17:02] Freeze mode! Are you okay? Yeah. How do you- This is why you don't tip like this. This is why you don't tip like this. Just in case somebody's heart's too close. Exactly.

[17:14] Too easy. Does that never happen to you? Now, all things considered, things have done pretty well for Beckham. Which meant if I was going to cement my place in the Uncle Hall of Fame, it was up to me to take the landing. All right, so we're headed up to this killer view to close this down.

[17:27] The final stretch was a perfect fine dining experience over a breathtaking city-wide view maximally romanticize via three innovations of engineering and science. The first, a single 30-foot long spaghetti noodle

[17:39] prepared by the Internet's favorite chef, Mark, I've got you, Nick DiGiovanni from The Oaks Exactly, Making Giant Hostel. The two of them eating the single unbroken noodle provides a perfect opportunity for a lady in the train style for his kiss,

[17:53] enabled by the second innovation, the decently mobile robotic chair designed to bring them closer together physically as they grow together emotionally. And for the third, Chopsticks the piano would play them a perfect musical accompaniment

[18:05] as they relaxed to a surprise show of 500 drones taken in the sky, recreating the best moments of their first date. It was a foolproof formula for flying sparks, which is exactly what was needed I'm just glad they're looking better.

[18:18] And they were. For someone with my nephew's level of risk. Thanks, brother. But I knew as long as he didn't blow it on the commute to the restaurant, the second they got there, wow. Oh my gosh. Look at this fight.

[18:30] Love was guaranteed because we couldn't have possibly asked for a better place to meet the love of your life. I'll leave it to her. Alright, thank you. This will be your table. Thank you. Look at this view.

[18:42] This is so fancy. Two cups, two screens, two boards. How'd you pull this off? Um... Tell her that Dairy Queen pays pretty well these days. I got a raise. Not... Oh!

[18:54] But the real reason he could afford a space like this is because we created a space like this just for him. because we'd rented this empty venue in order to create an entire restaurant centering on getting these two together. We filled the other tables with customers from Craigslist,

[19:08] who were told they would be filmed eating a three meal during a restaurant's restaurant. What are we doing tonight? Welcome to restaurants. Are we doing food? And then I filled the waitstaff with our Crunch Labs toy engineer. Talk to me better.

[19:20] Thanks for me. Okay. This is sure if I can control absolutely everything. From the menu, fresh hot squid, to the placement of the hidden cameras, It's our first date. It's a flow of conversation. All right, dude, let's do this.

[19:33] Start by, um... Ask your question about yourself. What's your favorite blusher flavor? My favorite blusher flavor, yeah. I have a butterfinger. That was actually so easy to make. There's one ingredient, like there's some ingredients that are like sharp,

[19:45] and they'll just like, do you have to count, and you're like, don't get in the weeds on making blusher. Give her an apple, baby. Yeah, that looks good. Good to see you. I'm actually. Thank you. No, I didn't know it.

[19:57] Not actually, Beckham. Not actually. It looks great. Oh my gosh. Lauren. Get in there and go take the order. Have you guys had some time to look over the menu? What do you recommend?

[20:09] Our chef Anthony does a great spaghetti. I'll take that. You got her. I kind of want to try the gnocchi. I'm telling you, this spaghetti is great. Oh. Get the spaghetti. That's the whole point.

[20:21] Uh, I guess I could just get spaghetti. Great, sorry. Despite Beckham seemingly trying his hardest to screw things up, I felt things were going relatively well. But we were pretty soon interrupted. Maybe apologize that it so windy Fine I so windy It okay And then we tried to power through and swirled the glass glass and say the Martin Dallis has great legs Its food became shockingly clear

[20:43] Whether or not already been a restaurant on top of this beautiful windy food side. Let's go ahead and send the spaghetti in, Lauren. Time to kick off part one of our scientific romantic tour de force by serving up Nick DiGiovanni's 30 foot long single strand of spaghetti.

[21:00] Doesn't even fit in my kitchen anymore. Once it was dressed and ready to consume, we set it out to the floor to recapture the moment. Things might be about to heat up a little bit, if you know what I mean. Now it's time for the grand entrance of the chef's magnificent spaghetti.

[21:13] Hi guys. The chef's magnificent spaghetti. Enjoy. Thank you. Thank you, Lauren. Beckham, it's all you. And now we had a waiting game. Time for each to enjoy their servings of this delicious meal.

[21:26] Beckham, you're making a mess. I'd laugh about that. Ha ha. Good laugh until they hit that magic spot in the noodle that would give them their very first... Wait.

[21:38] Um. Um? What happened? She cut it? Are you gonna, like, get that off the table or...? Yeah, I'll get it off the table. Ugh. Enjoy. Enjoy. This is a disaster. You guys should be kissing by this point.

[21:51] Part 1 has completely failed to bring them emotionally closer. That's actually pretty good. So it was up to part 2 to bring them physically closer. Because while that may look like a normal chair, it's actually an omnidirectional power chair.

[22:05] Made by basically attaching a hoverboard to the bottom of a normal chair with four additional chassis wheels for stability, which meant that all we needed is an opportunity to secretly deploy it. Okay Beckham, join the tractor. That game is actually amazing.

[22:18] It is amazing. Are you moving? No. Good Beckham. Good. I wish there's more stars left.

[22:35] No? Let's cover the distance. One last distraction, Beckham. Something really big this time. Look at all this greenery. Perfect. Like, I love this greenery.

[22:47] But all of a sudden... Hold on, we hit technical difficulties. I'm here! Back up! Alright. Stand by. I'm looking at it. Alright. Uncle Mark!

[22:59] Oh, hi guys. Hi. What's going on? I think I'll go back to my table. Uncle Mark. What was that? What was happening? I'm sorry. The wind's pretty bad right now.

[23:12] You need to eat more then. I'll make up for it, pal. I'm going to start chopsticks. This point, phase three, was going to have to save everything. My trusty cell phone piano chopsticks would finally give me some control back on the evening.

[23:25] Who were you talking to when you were going on the joyride? Just like getting mad at the chair. Turned me back to the wrong table. I didn't have the pretty girl.

[23:39] Oh, God. All right, back. There you go. This should help recover nicely. That's so perfect. We can dance. We can dance. You want to dance? Sure. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't dance. Make up. Do not dance.

[23:51] This is going to be... This was unbelievable. Did he do? My punk statue had gone totally rogue and was risking everything. Beckham! What? Are you crazy?

[24:03] You're going to hurt your video? Even if you're a terrible dancer. You might get hurt. Beckham! Can you even hear me? I'm near the right. You're right. Yeah. All right, just like that.

[24:15] Fortunately, the musical accompaniment was controlled by me. So if it's used to simple keystrokes. I don't know. I was able to put the kibosh on this ridiculous dancing. Um, okay.

[24:28] All right, Duncan. Now just get back to the table where I sit. But he couldn't even hold that on. I mean, let me get going. Okay. So, I'll look fine. I wrote a song.

[24:40] You wrote a song? Yeah, I did. What? When? I prepared myself for the secondhand embarrassment. But then he started to play. And pretty suddenly, the mood shifted.

[24:53] His heads started to turn. The crowds started to pay attention. No one was listening harder than Beckham's date. And that's when I realized maybe my young little nephew might end up signing love on his own.

[25:07] He rambles when he's excited. He's a little clumsy when he's nervous. And he's never been able to be in any game we've ever played, ever. But he doesn't give love to find all that. I suppose he was very well because of all that.

[25:20] Because those are the things that make him... Here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. That was awesome. That's the development. I don't know if you've noticed some of the weird things that have been going on.

[25:32] I'm pretty. Yeah. So, I just want to come clean. I really want to be impressed with you. So I call up my uncle and he's an engineer. We do all this stuff to... Can you trust me? You don't have to do all that. Sounds like a lot of trouble.

[25:45] Yeah. And if Becca was coming clean, I'm really sorry about that. I might as well, too. Oh. How's it going? I'm Mark. I'm Becca's uncle. It's good to be here. I'm sorry about all this.

[25:57] Yeah? I've been watching you from a plumber's hand all day. In the non-creepy way to say that. There's no non-creepy way to say that. I think you're right. I had one last surprise. Oh, gosh.

[26:09] All right, let's go ahead and send them up. And with that cue, 500 drones took to the air to put the perfect capper. and what was hopefully the last first date of Becky's life.

[26:21] Oh, whoa. Is that a category? Oh my God. Oh, a little plug for it. Oh, it made it awesome. Oh, I guess it's been awful.

[26:34] The drones ran through the highlights of this very unique date with one last showstopper which is the one I was most nervous about. Did the first thing go get enough?

[26:47] Definitely. Now that was out of this world. What? I just asked him to do a UFO because I thought it was a girl. The only question left was, see, on the second date or no?

[27:00] I'm going to say no. I mean, I'm pretty booked out. I don't think I could have come anyways. Right. All that was left was to pay the bill. It's not a good look if you don't pay for the day. It's not a free drone show.

[27:13] Come on. You got this, pal. And as I drifted away, it felt really good to know. 12.15 an hour, GQ's got you. That I had finally become the favorite uncle. Uncle advice for $10,000?

[27:26] Dude, you are my least favorite uncle ever.