Everything Wrong With Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind In 25 Minutes Or Less

[00:15] that we too are awakening into a new world cliché. That's it. I knew it. This movie is derivative nonsense. No further research needed. Forcing anyone to sleep on a pullout couch. These haphazard window shade levels. I might give you

[00:28] between the center and right shades, but what kind of agent of blind chaos leaves up? Assuming the car next to you did the damage with no visible proof. That could far as you know. Did you even call the zoo? Standing on the yellow caution

[00:44] and no one's going to tell you where you independence and the way you face the world without fear. 2004. >> Jim Carrey-ation.

[00:57] card companies. >> It did not. The Romans did it in the 5th century. And even the idea of sending a Valentine's card can be traced back to the 15th century. Hallmark was founded in 1910. Stop just saying things you

[01:10] >> I ditched work today. Took a train out >> Excitement? >> It's goddamn freezing on this beach. conditions when it's snowing and having already clearly prepared for said

[01:23] expected weather by wearing a coat and a toboggan. And by toboggan I of course now realizing the inherent comedy in seeing someone walking alongside a beach that. >> Sand is overrated. It's just tiny little

[01:37] rocks. >> It's coarse and rough and irritating and >> Also, I don't think sand is overrated. Or maybe it is. God dammit, Eternal in and you've already got me questioning my life choices and I don't like it. I

[01:50] journey this movie will be taking me on and it already knows it. Neither that consent to be looked in, and you know >> Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of

[02:04] sensing this about half of the population. Drawing this giant woman who is apparently large enough to take up the entire width of both seats and whose head is almost hitting the overhang, and then paying it off with a very

[02:17] >> Do you have a shop at Barnes & Noble? >> The imminent demise of bookstores. I'm that no one will remember what a Barnes & Noble was, but just in case you've 20th century hormonal teenagers would go to leaf through books from the art

[02:31] weren't allowed to see and had no access to anywhere else. Also see the public library. Also reading. Also also people. >> Book slave there for like 5 years now. slavery. >> Agent Orange. I came up with that one.

[02:46] >> US military officers stationed in Vietnam between the years 1961 and 1972 who were in charge of releasing a potent herbicide {slash} defoliant mixture containing the toxic contaminant dioxin TCDD have entered the chat.

[03:01] >> I apply my personality in a paste. >> Connecting anyone's personality to the that blondes do tiptoe past medicine cabinets so they don't wake up the >> Huckleberry Hound? Are you nuts? >> Give him a break, Clementine. A lot of

[03:15] people have forgotten about Huckleberry Hound. I blame that [ __ ] Yogi Bear. Huck's show, and then Yogi got his own much more popular series, even though it Hound. Not to mention completely

[03:27] Jinks. And oh my god, why do I care about this so much? [ __ ] Yogi Bear. And yeah, [ __ ] you too, Boo Boo. Also, just in general, chastising someone for What are you, some sort of bogart? >> Seem nice, so.

[03:41] >> Oh, now I'm nice? Don't you know any other adjectives? >> I'm sorry I yelled at you. >> How How you also apologize to all the trying to get through their travel time in peace and quiet and not having to

[03:56] listen to you incapable of using your inside voice and judging Joel on his use of adjectives, Clementine. >> My embarrassing admission is I really >> And my embarrassing admission is I have been struggling not to take a sin off

[04:08] for how amazing both Jim and Kate are in this already. Such a failure. >> I'm sorry. Okay. >> Using writing as an excuse to minimize don't have any friends or do anything anymore and why does my soul hurt?

[04:23] give you a ride if you need. >> Stalking. >> There are multiple actually and every god damn one of them is written by >> Look, I'm sorry if I came off sort of nuts, so

[04:35] >> She's not, nor do I believe she feels she has to apologize for this. She's a immediately running out the door after seeing these potato people displayed. asking Leonardo DiCaprio to draw her like one of his french fry girls.

[04:50] >> Jesus, one blue ruin was more than enough. I mean, having to watch Macon performance as Dwight and Jeremy Saulnier's dark visual instincts and Right? Anyways, if you're in the mood for a great movie that will also disturb

[05:05] Blue Ruin. Might honestly be a perfect double feature with this movie now that >> Drink up, young man. Make the whole seduction part less repugnant. of awareness of social space norms from Clementine way more offensive than her

[05:19] take advantage of it. >> You should read my journal, but I mean, >> Lying to someone that your journal is blank at the same time you're asking >> You should come up to the Charles with me sometime. It gets frozen this time of

[05:33] year. I'll pack a picnic. >> People who have picnics outside at night >> But I I should go now. >> You should stay. >> He goes. >> You said I do. I guess that means we're

[05:45] >> Me just realizing my response words have now unwittingly married me to my best from Buc-ee's that asked me yesterday if >> I think I should go back. >> Come on.

[05:57] >> Come on. It's all right. Look. >> Iconic shot is iconic, sure. But most importantly, what giant thing made this crack this far out on this solidly frozen river? Did someone drop a bowling

[06:12] >> You're full of [ __ ] right? >> Nope. I said it is. Right there. Swoop >> Cock-a-doodle-doo. >> This weak-ass rooster imitation that >> What are you doing here? >> I'm not really sure what you're asking

[06:27] >> This weird response that exists only to make the audience feel some sort of way normal response to this very clear out with a friend who ran in real quick to grab something. Movie takes 18

[06:39] minutes and 9 seconds to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. then throwing it out the window to possibly cause a cassette wreck.

[06:51] from my mother. How pathetic is that? >> No more pathetic than being upset as a Valentine's Day cards. >> Better make some reservations or >> Well, not with that attitude you don't. >> Nick Romance. You want some fries with

[07:05] >> McDonald's missing out on making this an official Valentine's Day slogan. They've been going around since the 1940s and objectification was completely fine for a good portion of that time. >> I have to go to sleep now, Frank.

[07:17] >> Shaming someone for wanting to go to bed at 8:30. >> Scene with someone saying the words Patrick, stop it does not include a >> Showtime at the Apollo. >> Confusing the Apollo with open mic night

[07:30] at Yuk Yuk's. Discount Mark Ruffalo. Holy [ __ ] know, to get her something. >> Naming your shop Antic Attic instead of Anica's Anarchic Anti-Attic for antique addicts.

[07:45] and last letter like a goddamn lunatic, so it looks like your name is Joe with a last initial of L instead of Joel, which is your [ __ ] name. >> I can't believe it. She's there with this guy, this really young guy.

[07:58] on to another relationship after getting out of a previous one. And yeah, she's already had her memory of him removed, but he doesn't know that. surprise you. >> And they do some random expositional PDA

[08:11] as I am want to do. Also, movie tries to hide the fact that this is Elijah Wood character, Patrick, who has clearly crossed some serious ethical lines. this reveal a secret at this point because the only way that earlier weird

[08:24] interaction with Patrick and Joel makes any kind of [ __ ] sense is if he's >> Hey, anybody want a joint? >> God, Rob, give it a rest. >> That's kind of the joint's job, Carrie. There is no 210 these Grand Street in

[08:37] Mount Vernon, New York, but that's different in case someone erased how actual company that would send out a cryptic memo such as this with no further explanation. Also, how would it even be possible for Lacuna to contact

[08:50] interacted with Joel and Clementine and is aware they were in a relationship? why they don't contact the person who is being forgotten about, but I'm not sure I understand why. If all the friends and family are being told, then the scorned

[09:03] somehow, so why not rip the band-aid off immediately? Lacuna could even work that >> What is it? >> I don't know. It's some place that does >> Being so general in your description that you could either be talking about a

[09:15] company that erases bad memories or your liver. I would expect that each patient of Lacuna probably has quite a few people in their peripheral lives that the highest of inefficiencies that they seem to be printing three different

[09:27] cases at the same time. You're just begging to end up with Chris's friends >> You should not have seen this. I apologize. Lacuna has to know there's a very good chance that any friends or family of the

[09:40] person being forgotten who are notified will let said party know immediately. to deal with this kind of scenario, and I would believe it more if he came out and said he has to deal with 40 grieved lovers a day storming into his office.

[09:52] >> Sorry, I am making a birdhouse. >> Store in your garage and your kitchen. >> The first thing we need you to do, Mr. Barish, is to go home and collect everything you own that has some association with

[10:05] >> Thinking that memories are all contained in object association, and furthermore, of all objects that have an association. Who's going to call the MTA and tell Montauk line? >> You can't have the procedure done three

[10:18] time to begin with. >> And my friends, Robin and Carrie, invited us to this party at the beach. I don't like parties, and I >> Considering this isn't the meet-up we saw in the beginning beach scene, the

[10:32] non-linear brain >> bendiness. So, you might think, "Aha! comes after this." Confirmed by the fact that he noticed his car damage for the first time just that morning, except when he drops Clem off at home and she

[10:46] asks him for a nightcap, we see the car is undamaged again. Unless, maybe there the story, and the movie doesn't want you to assume that anything is real. real in movies. Also, shooting Nerf

[10:59] balls at the beach where they are bound to get lost. I mean, kids. I'm not sure room. >> Technically speaking, the procedure is brain damage, but it's it's on a par with a night of heavy drinking.

[11:13] of memories in your brain to a simple Sunday morning hangover. like here. >> Not realizing that you should probably just go ahead and buy a bidet. >> We'll dispose of these mementos when

[11:25] Christopher Nolan movie that has already played into a lot of these themes and scenarios 4 years earlier. But also, who remembers the exact words and cadence of office, especially in times of great psychological turmoil?

[11:38] will be invaluable. >> Sure, and it's a callback to the pages question is, why tear out the pages and give it back instead of just disposing of the journal altogether? >> I kind of sort of wrecked your car.

[11:53] telling you exactly the order that things that may or may not have happened Doesn't that feel wonderful? >> What are you, like, a wino? >> [laughter] >> Are you from the '50s or something?

[12:07] >> Clementine would be terrible at wino popularity since the word wino has been around since the early 20th century, but it was at its height in the late '90s, were from the '50s, you would have said a souse.

[12:19] that how you get people to like you? >> Joel survives this. >> Did I tell you I have a new girlfriend? >> Uh, we got to focus here, Patrick. of many beers while working on this very delicate procedure where one is removing

[12:32] memories from someone's [ __ ] brain. >> The situation is It's a little weird. My >> I swear if he says he's cheating with Rosie Cotton, I'm throwing him into Mr. Doo myself for plagiarizing my fanfic. Distracting us with the raining cars so

[12:46] one leg during this walk, which I'm sure >> Stole a pair of her panties as well. >> Trying to break out of your squeaky-clean childhood image and broaden your range beyond just being

[12:58] that's possible is if you had never starred in the Potter movies at all. >> Patrick, you stole a girl's panties. >> The lost and most controversial episode the script. The shot where the TV in the foreground is a shot of what Joel is

[13:12] the coolest ideas in the movie, and I would totally take a sin off for it if I sitting on top of the television that I'm now sure has cursed me to hell. If head will keep me from sinning that the ketchup has moved from his neck to his

[13:27] underestimated my hatred for condiment-based continuity errors. >> Showing us all the worst parts of this terrible these two are for each other so that we will be actively disconnected

[13:41] together. >> You have anything real to drink? memories at this point because when we last saw the two of them, the beer they is a Labatt Blue that Stan is handing

[13:55] me. And the director said, "Place a random apple on this VCR just in case we person who works at this company is a complete [ __ ] yet." And also because themes of the movie to being kicked out of Eden and forgetting paradise or

[14:09] >> Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blenders. toast is convenient. Movie creates this fun game of guess where they are in the then, like most of the symbolism in the

[14:22] never really amounts to much. This movie is like if a murder mystery left a bunch you ended up realizing you were actually watching a documentary on the mating habits of the South African springbok. >> People have to share things, Joel.

[14:35] >> Are we the dining dead? >> George A. Romero's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Also, The Dining Dead isn't a zombie apocalypse Top Chef style it ever does happen, this sin is my copyright claim to the IP and all future

[14:49] Clementine's memories of Joel, but I still think calling her from his phone number is not the smartest idea in the world. So, the sin as always is >> All right, it wasn't just the art section, but the self-help section, too.

[15:03] carry a copy of the Kama Sutra and you could What were we talking about again? >> I need a tangerine with no seeds. >> Ooh, juicy and seedless. >> Except that tangerines can have seeds and wide varieties do. Look, if you're

[15:17] one has to at least get the seed quantity correct. My mother told me >> You look a baby and it's so pure and so free and so clean. >> People who have never been around an actual baby before. Clean.

[15:30] know for a certainty that Joel can't wake up. And considering he does a few different times, they clearly don't. >> Hi, it's Joel. Leave a message after the >> Stan will answer this call after the beep, meaning the start of the

[15:43] will never see him give a thought towards deleting it. Even though At least use it as a plot point or something, considering it's a clear and >> I've never gone out with a guy who bought me a piece of jewelry I liked.

[15:56] buy you jewelry you don't like. >> Am I ugly? >> Am I skipping? Yes. Yes, I am. >> My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine and I keep yelling at her, "You can't be ugly. Be pretty."

[16:09] of this relationship so that we understand how meaningful these two are actively connected to the desire for them to be together forever. memory."

[16:21] about the makeup of their mind. Also, making me remember how much I hate >> Can you hear me? I don't want this anymore. want to be good. >> Not seeing the ability to have other

[16:34] the superpower that it is. Introverts unite in separate locations. >> Ah, sudden upside down eyes Golem looking for Frodo. Why do we pause it? play, dammit. >> Oh, he he he works for us. That's

[16:48] accurate. [screaming] >> If Dr. Myers react is part of Joel's imagination currently, then how is he able to ask questions about people Joel >> He's seducing my girlfriend with my words and

[17:00] >> How does he know this? All he heard from the conversation in the room was that he the bag full of memories and he's quoting Joel's lines at the Charles River, but Joel shouldn't. >> I tried really hard. Here we go. That's

[17:12] a great idea. Here. Okay. What else? Working like gangbusters. >> This works like gangbusters. >> You know me, I'm impulsive. know I'm an [ __ ] but at least I'm admitting it." And I [ __ ] don't like

[17:24] >> This is a memory of me, the way you wanted to have sex on the couch after >> Pause it. Notice anything? Sorry, I'll help you focus. Why is the blanket that used to be leopard print suddenly plaid? Seriously, how did you miss that?

[17:37] it's gross, but more because it will take you forever to get your 64 oz for >> I'm supposed to come, too. >> Hey, that line is also in all my sexy time memories. >> God, I love this kitchen.

[17:50] you're in a time crunch to hide in one of your ex-boyfriend's memories so he he signed up for. There's a time and place, Clem. Time and place. Fact that picture Joel drew was. I mean, thumbs do not grow out of the side of the arm.

[18:06] >> Kids. >> My crotch is still here, just as you >> Pause it. Notice anything? Dang it. Right, I'll help again. Why is the table cloth that used to hang a good foot below the table now just an inch or two?

[18:20] Seriously, how did you miss that? >> You said it. I'm sorry. What should we what to do, what should we do is on for all of the sometime. away from the monitor for a minute. >> Pretending you lasted a whole minute.

[18:33] >> Neither Arnold Schwarzenegger nor James Caan is saying, "Goodbye, Johnny." in >> You're kind, beautiful, smart, and funny, and >> Oh, come on, there's no way Patrick had time to study the game tapes enough to

[18:49] know that was a trigger word. In fact, the only time we saw that was in the following day anyway. And Clementine's deja vu reaction doesn't make any sense, either, because Joel won't upset her with the nice comment until after this.

[19:02] memory, see if something comes up. >> You know, just the entire memory. Going The entirety of this man's memories. Just going to go through all those right entire memory.

[19:15] >> Try and not to process too much about the imagination that would lead Joel to him and his adult lover. >> I don't understand why it's off the map >> And I still don't understand how you found it off the map like that amongst

[19:29] approximately 1 quadrillion synapses in the brain. >> The scene somehow reminds me both of Whose Line Is It Anyway? and Gen V. And

[19:41] chocolate situation, I assure you. >> You can run, but you can't hide. >> You were looking at a scan. How would you even know he is running? Also, instantly happen progressively for the sake of false tension cliché.

[19:53] we've already erased. >> Which is a thing that can happen. Keeping your shame masturbatorium so cold that you can see your breath. Yeah, kids, ding, totally. But what's incredible is the way that this movie

[20:07] has slyly become about buried trauma and the importance of having someone to talk with someone who cares about you can be as powerful as any joy. I mean, I still apparently took her pillow outside and now the movie is ruined because of it,

[20:21] >> I still don't understand it, but I'm finding it quickly enough. new JavaScript program with an emphasis on the script part. >> Joel? Joel?

[20:33] >> Criticizing your boyfriend for not staying dead long enough. >> I like watching you work out. >> Thinking this Mary falls for Howard anything that hasn't already been accomplished elsewhere other than making

[20:45] even sniff a passing grade on their Kirsten Dunst in anything, and she's solid in this movie, but I'm also pretty erased from all of our memories and we would be fine. The only thing she adds

[20:59] a conscience and deliver the tapes. And I'm not even sure her delivering the >> You like quotes, Howard? >> Which is now technically a quote from this movie. It's a quote about quotes. A quote quote. You can quote me on that.

[21:12] >> The quote goes, "How happy is the blameless fool's lot? The world forgetting by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind." >> Well, good morning, Mrs. Mierzwiak. >> Mrs. Mierzwiak conveniently showing up

[21:26] out with Kirsten Dunst by an open window is convenient. >> I feel for you, kid. You can have him. You did. characters and have only been given a passing glance by the film up until

[21:39] not knowing it's a thing to seeing it become a thing and then bam, it's actually a different thing. Priceless. The amount of books on the shelves that purposeful commentary on the emptiness of an unknown future and the blank decay

[21:54] of Joel's memories and life. Maybe, but still absolutely infuriating. for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours. manifestation of the man she's speaking to. Yep, they're all blank now. Awesome.

[22:08] Except you missed this one, which is especially weird because it went fully one, too. Sloppy work and the clear reason no one will ever love your movie. >> Record over and skip. >> I'm Clementine.

[22:22] get it? >> Can I >> Borrowing food. >> There are several sacred things in this world that you don't ever mess with. One of them happens to be another man's

[22:36] >> No, of course not. >> Either Joel knows that he's in the middle of all his memories or he's not and the movie can't seem to decide cuz if he's aware, as he for the most part has been, then he would know there is no

[22:48] the house since it's not his current reality. >> Identifying a pet as the key factor in deciding not to break into someone's >> We are David and Ruth Laskin. Which one do you

[23:01] >> That's Davidist. >> I wish I'd stayed, too. Now I wish I'd >> I wish I'd stayed, too. Now I wish I'd stayed. I wish I'd done a lot of things. >> Not finishing this sentence with a rabbit in a hat and a bat and a 64

[23:13] in Montauk. >> This is a fine explanation for why Joel ends up in Montauk after the brain wipe, but how would the real Clem know to get there? Did she also have a run-through

[23:25] of memories with her memory Joel that ended with him whispering the same >> She was um just a girl. >> Calling Kate Winslet just a girl. >> So, I I got to I got to drop the van

[23:37] >> This super important conversation about dropping the van off. >> Aren't you happy happy with a secret? >> Thinking you know what happy with a Stealing. >> Vámonos, señor.

[23:50] >> Assuming someone speaks Spanish. >> To all patients of Dr. Howard Mierzwiak. patients who went through the process of erasing their memories. And while we can obviously question the moral quandaries this procedure dodges, this is a legit

[24:02] in wanting this procedure done. These are people who wanted these memories violating here as well, in that she's >> That sort of wounded puppy that he does, you know. What are you doing?

[24:15] wounded puppy dog, you aren't exactly beating the allegations here, Joel. library, library. >> Movie thinks I'm going to root for any relationship that involves someone who says library instead of library. I bet

[24:28] she says often instead of often, too. Run, Joel. Run. with someone only to find out that she's a stranger. >> Because when he erased her, she became a literal stranger again to him. Do you

[24:40] a pretty nuanced take on how experiencing pain, when processed and deeper and more meaningful relationships. And denial only serves to might happen both in our relationships and ourselves. And holy [ __ ] this movie

[24:54] is layered like a therapeutic lasagna. >> Okay. minutes ago where Joel was calling her a [ __ ]

[25:09] >> As we two ate of the fruit of love, the fruit of love. Oh.