Inglourious Basterds Sins — Full Breakdown & Transcript

[00:00] 🎵 Comcast, such a guarantee now, not content with simply rewriting history, also choosing to rewrite the English language.

[00:17] One minute and four seconds of opening credits that do nothing for nobody. Also, the blatant elitism that resulted in all these poor bastards only being worthy of a basic-ass white font, instead of the decidedly more artistic yellow font that was reserved for these first eight names.

[00:32] Also, also, it is some real s*** that Michael Fassbender, who is in the film for all of 28 minutes, gets a higher billing than Melanie Laurent. Sweetie. Also, the fact that all of Tarantino's films could be titled Once Upon a Time in something.

[00:45] You got Once Upon a Time in the West, Once Upon a Time in the West with More Racism, Once Upon a Time There Was Fighting, oh, Once Upon a Time in that Brad Pitt and Leo movie that I can't remember the name of. So, I've been watching a lot of war movies lately. Let me tell you, I just like a good tank battle or airplane dogfight.

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[02:22] Ever has there ever in the history of this earth existed a batch of laundry that consisted of an exactly even amount of socks. We see this lady straighten out the sheet, and in the very next shot, it is suddenly pegged in place. Even though we never see a peg in her hand, and her basket of pegs are all the way over here.

[02:36] Jesus, Tarantino really fell off, didn't he? Unpegging the sheet you just pegged because simply moving your head to see the cars wouldn't have dramatically revealed them to the camera behind you. Judy, I've actually enjoyed that book a lot. I've always wanted to sin the fact that he shouldn't be taking the time to casually clean up

[02:52] when the Nazis are rapidly approaching his abode. But since 20 seconds of real time has passed, and they've only managed to move from here to here, I think we might even have time for a full bubble bath. Holy s***, now it looks like they're further away than when they started.

[03:05] It's taken them 40 seconds to just get around this corner. Tarantino might have put the U in Inglorious, but he sure did take the piss out of continuity. Ah, suddenly a subdued. Which is an oddly specific way to insult his eldest daughter, if you think about it.

[03:21] Milk drinkers, I said it, I stand by it. The director left a basket of apples here, so we'd know the remaining people in this conversation were assholes.

[03:33] If there's one thing I hate more than reading subtitles, it's movies that try to do away with subtitles by introducing a contrived reason to have two non-English characters speak English. The Germans moved from my house nine months ago for hiding Jews and found nothing.

[03:48] But isn't a re-inspection possible? I mean, nine months is a long time. Plenty of time to have found another Jewish family to hide. I want to take this opportunity to be clear. I'm not in the habit of giving tips to the Nazis in anything beyond a satirical sense.

[04:02] I love rumors. Facts can be so misleading. That is factually not how facts work. So you can milk on the counter. Just because you're in the presence of a monster, sir, it doesn't mean you have to turn it along. I, on the other hand, love my unreached title precisely because I've earned it.

[04:18] Listen, you know it. I know it. The scene rules. Christoph Waltz gives a masterclass in bad guy tension, largely because he knows Hans Landa doesn't see himself as a bad guy. Now, let's get this scene removal out of the way so the rest of the scene can be free to hide under the floorboards.

[04:32] And I assume you don't share the same animosity with Schroes as you do with rats, do you? No. As a farmer, he should find them annoying as balls. He would know that anything a rat does, a squirrel will also do. The only difference is that a squirrel will stare you down nuts in hand as he does it.

[04:47] I'm aware of the tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they abandon dignity. A worryingly apt summation of my experience that every and any all-you-can-eat buffet somehow makes it into the movie. May I smoke my bucket, sir?

[05:00] Ha-dee-ha, his is bigger, but this hilarity is at the expense of practicality. If there's one thing a smoker doesn't need, it's a massive pipe that requires above-average lung capacity to properly use. What if I haven't heard any of these derby-tied people while they are listening?

[05:12] They don't speak English. What a time to ask this. I mean, sure, they probably would have made a noise while escaping, but what if they didn't? What if they've used the nine months to create a tunnel, great escape style, that they can silently shuffle down and use to escape a mile down the road?

[05:25] Wait, why didn't they use the nine months to do that? I'm not going to sit here and sin the terrified girl frantically running from the Nazis after seeing her family shot with some witty remark about her attending the Prometheus school and running away from rumor-holding German things.

[05:37] But I'll just mention this pre-line is a lot closer than the horizon she ends up hiding behind. Where is she? Shoshanna! There are any number of reasons why Colonel Sata's here lets Shoshanna go, none of which are as compelling as the fact that the movie needs to burn down the cinema

[05:51] and they want a motivated Shoshanna to do it. Roll chapter titles! Also, we're not reading a f***ing book. Chapter titles belong in libraries and DVD menus. And while those formats might be doomed, using chapter titles in movies is not the way to keep their legend alive.

[06:04] My name is Lieutenant Aldo Wright. This is one of the very rare occasions where Missouri-born Brad Pitt is actually able to use his own accent. But what's the sin? The very, of course. I sure as hell didn't come down from the goddamn Smoky Mountains,

[06:17] cross 5,000 miles of water, find my way through half of Sicily, and jump out of a f***ing airplane to teach the Nazis lessons in humanity. Mary Tarantino's final movie is going to take the form of a teaching humanity to the Nazis TED talk by Aldo Rain.

[06:30] Now I'm the direct descendant of the mountain man Jim Bridger. Citation needed. Ah, sudden, uh, film director, I should note. This movie is second to none when it comes to introducing a roster of characters in fact ruined by this clearly pierced ear that I do not for one second believe

[06:44] that the Bennett Aldo ring would be sporting. Nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine! Ten, I mean, nine. Tony Stark was able to build this in a cave with a box of scraps! Well, how far?

[06:57] How much longer? How far? I know how to start. The unknown and found in the hour. Jump cuts to scalping. Also, I don't have first-hand experience, but I feel like scalping shouldn't be as easy as peeling a banana.

[07:09] I 100% believe that Tarantino would add some unnecessary use to Inglourious. I do not believe that any of the bastards, including an especially smoky Mountain Aldo ring, would be adding extra use to Inglourious.

[07:21] While this article is relevant to Stiglitz's escape, this paragraph here is simply repeating text from over here. Don't worry about it if he's lost. The reason for Hugo Stiglitz's celebrity among German soldiers is simple. Ah, Southern Samuel Jackson or anything.

[07:33] Also, Samuel L. Jackson Ration. I will never not be disappointed that this drumbeat doesn launch into a 418 theme tune escape montage I literally refuse it You hear that Of course he does

[07:48] What doesn't make sense is how Eli Rath here heard this almost whispered refusal and interpreted it as the obvious cue for his baseball intimidation taps. I hope you get your shit in the paint, Tom. Because you are about to shit your pants.

[08:02] Seriously, 50 fucking seconds of baseball bat tapping. Hey, f***ing Williams! Knock the door down! I feel like Ted Williams would have nailed this swing in one hit, instead of the dozen that took Billy here. Looks like La La Land, I'm sure I'm supposed to appreciate the technical accuracy of the camera swings here.

[08:17] And I'll be sure to do that once the acute motion sickness is past. You get the Carnegie Hall notion. Crack. I would not be surprised if this is legitimately the kind of ticket Tarantino would put together for Carnegie Hall. In case you confuse her with some other female character we might have a reason to be invested in.

[08:32] It's unlikely this was a literal aunt So it's kind of wild that she managed to gain favor with a stranger who owned a cinema And became close enough to them that in nearly four years

[08:45] She inherited the cinema from them Of course, I might believe it if I actually saw a scene of them together That scene was ultimately cut Fine, we would have skipped it anyway But I don't like having that choice taken from me Stop stealing my power, Tarantino Her birth date here is 1926

[08:58] Meaning she's only 18 years old Which is odd, because the farmer said she was 18 or 19 when she escaped the farm four years ago. Meaning the person running away was 14 years old? Could these be forged documents? Sure, but you'd think they'd at least get her age in the right ballpark.

[09:14] He seems disappointed when she doesn't recognize his name, but isn't that the best case scenario? The reason he's famous is because he killed a couple hundred Allied troops recently, a fact that she should be horrified by, not swooning over. I don't know if he knows this, but the Nazis aren't all that popular with the French.

[09:28] In this distinct story, Simon Templar goes undercover to avenge a murder committed by a gang in New York. A revenge story that mirrors Shoshanna. This is either a coincidence or Shoshanna is exclusively consuming media that aligns with her new branding as victim on a warpath.

[09:46] Burns that will only make sense to history nerds and YouTube narrators with too much time on their hands and access to Wikipedia. Zola would be a pedant at the Turdysons.

[10:05] How does she not know about this movie? It's not being written or currently in production. It's a finished movie that is premiering this week in her city. I mean, they've made posters for it. She absolutely knows it exists and that he's the leading man.

[10:19] Between this cut and this cut, the lady in the background has dropped her book, and whatever animal she was petting is now barely visible. I await Mr. Tarantino's rebuttal with patience. You know, like all those other tiny cinema owners with deputations a Nazi would find impressive.

[10:34] Zola does all the legwork of convincing Gerlach to move the premiere to Shoshanna Cinema, which worked out great for Nazi-hating Shoshanna, but is nonetheless an incredible stroke of luck. Of course he is, because poor Shoshanna is like a f***ing Nazi magnet to this man specifically.

[10:49] Chargé de la sécurité pour la première. Then maybe he should have been included in the entire meeting deciding a potential change in venue? Au revoir, je te salade! This only happened 34 minutes ago, so do we really need this flashback reminder on top of the subtle reminder we already had?

[11:06] Pour moi, un café suré. Et pour la demi-noite, un verre de lait. This doesn't freak her out nearly as much as it should. I mean, who orders milk? The guy who knows exactly who the f*** you are, that's who. Also, how the f*** did he possibly know who she is?

[11:19] He only ever saw the back of her while she was running away. A memory from four years ago. I suppose the milk serving could be chance. But it's a bloody weird one considering he can see the champagne in front of her.

[11:32] A fact so baffling that the movie can't help but hang several lanterns on it instead of actually explaining it. Meanwhile, in whatever cooking show, this has suddenly become.

[11:44] Which is why it's some real bulls**t that they handed ownership of the cinema to me instead of him. He's surprisingly cool about it, though. At some point during the casting process, Christoph Waltz was asked, Sure, you've got the scary German thing going for you, but can you deliver on being genuinely intimidating?

[11:57] To which he replied something like, Yes, but only if you have access to milk, cream, and fruit. And nobody thought that was weird. I don't understand how this cover story holds up. Sure, up until now, she was probably able to fly under the radar.

[12:09] But now the famous Jew hunter, Landa Calary-Richian, is on the case, it shouldn't be hard to figure out that she isn't their niece, and didn't even exist until four years ago. Okay. Okay, wow. Question, please. I'm going to keep going.

[12:21] This slight always hit me as weird. Landa isn't casually racist. He treats racism as fat. So why this dig about black people being good projectionists? No metaphor, no explanation. It just feels mean. Yes, for once and for all, I am sinning the Nazi man for being over-meaning me.

[12:35] We seem strudel. Every other sin up until this point has been a manufactured stretch of this perfect movie, but this one I f***ing stand by. Jesus, Shoshana, get your s*** together. I doubt he's even out of earshot. I'd have removed at least 20 sins if he walked back in here and asked her why she was suddenly sobbing over his mediocre strupe.

[12:49] Having this poster from 1942 still up in 1944 just because you want to foreshadow your revenge bona fides at every opportunity. This French interpreter is either stupid or suicidal,

[13:02] considering Lillian Harvey would be about as popular with Goebbels as Winston Churchill. Or you could find a way to get this information to the French resistance and then back to the Allies and let them handle it.

[13:17] That way you might still have a cinema at the end of it. Plus you wouldn't be taking on all the risk and responsibility when Paul was probably happy to be a projectionist for the rest of his life, Marcel. Neither of you should be talking about that in the open

[13:30] and shouting across the entire fucking lobby. No, no, please shout louder. Just in case the Nazis who just left aren't able to hear the entire plan. At that time, 35mm nitrate film was so flammable that you couldn't even bring a reel onto a streetcar.

[13:45] Tarantino drafting in SLJ to apprehend a sin that I wasn't even going to write. You see, I'd force people to know that nitrate film was flammable. I would never disrespect true movie nerds. It's your name, it's your staymaker. Ah, skip it.

[13:57] Little man's tennis. Confirmed. Mike Myers has precisely one English accent and it is decidedly groovy, baby. Great. If you offer me a sculpture-frame wall, I'll have a sculpture-frame window. In English we say yes.

[14:09] I don't hear that you speak German fluently. Does it also say that he has Superman's hearing? How the f**k does he hear a single word with this amount of echo and his back turned? I mean, how big is this f**king roof? What's it even used for? Senate meetings for the Galactic Republic?

[14:22] And your occupation before the war? I'm a film critic. Intended that this joyous, germatification will be Gettles, Gurry, Borman, and most of the German high commanders.

[14:34] A happenstance so convenient that Tom Cruise's Valkyrie is currently spinning in its far superior yet underrated grid. The objective of Operation Keen Air? That's the Valkyrie. He really can't help himself, can he?

[14:47] Myers is so out of place in this movie. I'm honestly expecting him to pull off the hair and stache and reveal himself as Austin Powers, sent back in time to kill Hitler. Holy shit, that's going to be Austin Powers 4, isn't it? Your contact is Bridget von Hammersnok.

[14:59] But sometimes it's not. Sometimes the movie star is working for the woman. You'd think that maybe an operation like this would be better suited to someone who wasn't such a public figure. Who maybe wouldn't grab a lot of attention at a French bar filled with Germans.

[15:12] And who might leave behind evidence easily recognizable to a German colonel. You know, fighting in the basement offers a lot of difficulties. Number one being you fighting in the basement And in spite of this very astute observation fight in the basement they shall end up doing She a British spy She make a rendezvous Um actually she a German spy

[15:32] and I can't work out if that makes his argument based on a stereotype stronger or weaker. I need to know who the old man called. Hello, I'm Tom T. Yes, but I think he's more worried about how calm you'll be

[15:46] when a German is pointing a gun at your boss's d*** just as a random example. Just because they isolated. Without Germans. Spats got to a bunch of Germans, but why didn't Hammersmark leave as soon as she saw the rabble of Germans?

[15:58] At the very least, she didn't have to start a f***ing party game with them. Also, wouldn't it have been smart to send one bastard in there first? Just to check the place out and make sure it isn't a trap and or... Bill's a f***ing German! That's... that's... that's...

[16:10] Schnapps-Eitmann? The old man over there just got a call. And then the officer gave him and his friends a cup of tea so they could celebrate. It's the damnedest thing. As an actress I completely reject any script that came to me with such an absurd twist of fate.

[16:26] Yeah, I could do it. No. We should stay. No, you shouldn't. Down the whiskies and get the **** outta here. Who the **** cares if it looks suspicious? It would be a lot more suspicious if they overhear you talking about a secret premiere and how you plan to blow it up.

[16:41] If I were a barman, I would have been drinking without anything. Not again! Could just mean that you enjoy drinking while waiting to be picked up by your entourage. A fully uniformed entourage who may well be on duty and therefore wouldn't drink anyway.

[16:55] Honestly, it's weird at this point they don't think she's actually working for the Nazis. Shut up. That's a sweet thing you said, Lucy. Just because the barman is French doesn't mean that he's necessarily on your side. You might overhear this very suspicious f***ing statement and decide to do something about it.

[17:09] This s*** right here is why you were never born, Fastender! Have they just been sat there in silence while the Germans were drafting in the pill that the bar made? The only information that she needs to communicate here is venue changed, Hitler attending, meet at Taylor.

[17:21] I mean, Jesus, they didn't even need to meet in person. She could have stuffed it into a baguette or something. If Mary came home, it's really just trying to get the fruits. If in French they'd have the ice with the fruits in it, they'd have missed the doctor's record card.

[17:33] Assuming that you can get the bombs in there, a smaller venue means it's easier to lock down and guard. It's almost like the military professionals shouldn't be taking tactical judgments from the defecting movie star. You're sure about that, Robert? I don't really care about the inconvenient timing here.

[17:46] What I do care about is that no one noticed young Wilhelm here approaching the table, meaning they have no clue how much he overheard. You'd think all of them would be on high alert, especially Hammersmart, who has a direct f***ing line of sight on his arrival.

[17:58] Also, the inconvenient timing is some f***ing truth. That special overhead, David, is quite a different type of one. Since everything goes to s*** because of this newly born child, I'm choosing to take that as a direct endorsement from Tarantino of our long-running kids' stint.

[18:12] Also, kids. And by best, I mean this bar napkin.

[18:24] This is something that the two actual German members of the bastards would have been able to tell. So why the f*** weren't they the ones trying to get rid of Wilhelm? The Englishman with an accent thicker than pork pie and Earl Grey King should be the last resort for a German confrontation.

[18:37] See, this is exactly why you do a f***ing ranking before heading into the murder basement.

[18:49] Also, it is some real s*** that one of the top Gestapo guys was sat here the entire time. It only makes sense if he knew about the rendezvous, but there is no evidence of that. We're just supposed to believe he hangs out in the one obscure bar they chose to meet in.

[19:02] The movie never tells us what bookmaker Hellstrom is reading, But, knowing how much this movie gobbles the schnitzel of foreshadowing, I'm expecting it to be a little-known German story called The Bogenmann Sitten Schwarzen Gornen Wiener Wakingford in Big Momentum.

[19:22] The fan cool that he nails these accents so quickly. What would have been even cooler is if he'd noticed that Lieutenant Frankfurt was the notorious Stiglitz who was likely on the Gestapo's most wanted list. Also, remember when the German sergeant said,

[19:34] We're both in the German army, so we'll go shut the gate. Well, that probably makes him a pretty piss-poor choice for any kind of covert mission, right? Isn't it a little bit like the first one I've ever seen? The most important Nazis will all be at this premiere,

[19:47] so you'd think the Gestapo would be intimately familiar with everyone. Even movie star entourages us that's attending. This movie doesn't think that's the case and wants to distract you with a masterclass of tension instead. Lassen Sie mich mein Glas erheben auf die drei glücklichsten Männer im Raub.

[20:00] Premature three luckiest men in the room abrasion. The thing of the game is to write the name of a famous person on a card. I think you need to spend any amount of time explaining the rules of Who Am I, especially when this scene opens with a live-action play for it.

[20:13] You take the card off without turning it around. You're supposed to use your tongue. The craziest thing about this scene is that the good guys didn't need to expose themselves at all. I'm pretty sure Major Hellstrom just reduced his life expectancy to three minutes after licking that bar card.

[20:26] I think it's my birthday. As an absurd description. Yeah. Or Egypt, or the Moon, or the Caribbean.

[20:38] Jesus, the only way exotic only means the jungle or Asia is if someone is feeding you lines under the table. A crucial rule that he's missed is that there are a limited amount of questions you can ask

[20:51] and no f***ing seems to be keeping count. Almost like they have other things to worry about. Do I love that this slip is the reason that healthful suspicions are confirmed? Yes, of course. Do I think it's some bulls**t that Hickox hasn't consumed off German culture to not be tripped up by this?

[21:05] F**k yes. In your left hand, which I am unwilling and unable to leave, Hellstrom wasn't able to spot.

[21:17] It's interesting that this appeal to humanity works, since Hickox might be forgiven for arguing that 40,000 people were dying every day during the war, and that Wilhelm's sacrifice would contribute to ending more deaths, and potentially even saving his son. Like they never even heard of the trolley problem that won't be a thing until 1967.

[21:32] I hope you don't mind if I go out speaking to kings. By all means, Captain. None of the German soldiers, drunk as they may be, hear this sudden switch to English. I hope there isn't any one thing that few do.

[21:44] That one thing is apparently get shot in the balls, and then reflexively return fire and shoot Hickox in the balls. It does always bug me. What if Stiglitz had decided to shoot Hellstrom in the hand, potentially saving Hickox? Okay, you've still got the other German soldiers to deal with, but they're drunk as f***,

[21:58] and maybe you can convince them Hellstrom was the traitor. Honestly, anything feels better than just hoping you maybe make it through the basement blitz you're about to initiate. Yeah, if he doesn't figure Nazi balls. It would appear those nasty Nazi balls were hooked up to a Tarantino-branded blood hose.

[22:11] If that much pressurized blood was just waiting to spew forth, I don't think the major was very long for this world anyway. For some bizarre reason, Stiglitz decides to keep stabbing the very much already dead Hellstrom, instead of paying any attention to the tables of Germans behind it.

[22:24] Also, this scene in general is a f***ing mess if you slow it down. At this point, Stiglitz and Ricky seem to go down, but when we cut from Ricky falling into the stairs, Stiglitz is still up shooting the lady German officer. After the barman joins the fight, Ricky is no longer dying on the stairs,

[22:37] but is fully upright taking shots at the barman. Even weirder, in this shot, it now looks like Stiglitz has vanished entirely, along with Stassbender's body, which should be on the floor next to the chair he was sitting in. But of course, all those errors are magically hidden by a dozen cuts over the course of eight seconds.

[22:51] Editing! Who's that? Cigar on the off-tide! Which girl? How many f***ing girls did you think were meeting tonight that weren't Von Hammersmart? Keep the cup down. You letting your men and ladies get the pickles Well you can always hurry up and tell him what actually happened

[23:15] It could. What if Wilhelm's baby story was a cover story you set up ahead of time to make it look convincing and then sacrifice poor Wilhelm before he could expose you? We know she's telling the truth, but Aldo could and should still think she's full of shite.

[23:28] He ordered three glasses. He ordered three glasses. If she spotted this, she must have also spotted Hellstrom's reaction to it. But why didn't she think to give Hickok so much of a nudge under the table

[23:40] where any kind of heads-up that s*** is about to get Barry Tarantino up in here? Let's pretend there were no Germans. And everything went exactly as we were supposed to. What was next there? Considering they feel safe enough to have the discussion in what looks to be a vet's office,

[23:53] I'm now wondering why this wasn't the original rendezvous point. Seems like a much less likely place to be bumping into celebrating Germans. Dying military uniforms as well as a military jab would have been suicide. Which raises another interesting point. Did they even have to go to the rendezvous at a bar as military men?

[24:08] It clearly didn't help them. Aldo and his remaining bastards will dress up as members of the German film industry to get to the premiere, so why couldn't they have been in civilian clothes for the bar rendezvous? I don't know. I'd pay that to fix my tuxedos tonight. Then why the f*** didn't you all just meet there?

[24:22] If anyone asks questions, guess what? You're there fitting them for tuxedos. Why was the bar ever a part of this plan? Thank goodness for this visual cutaway explaining the concept of an ambush in its most gratuitous form.

[24:39] The movie would have made no sense without it. Also, is it still an ambush? If you're just three men standing in the middle of a dirt road waiting for your target to politely sit there and be shot? Discuss. Eyeliner. Rambo-roozing?

[24:51] Lipsticking. Same fatale segment? Reframing text updates that add zero value. I will assume all the Nazis that are needed to be present are in fact present until I'm told otherwise. That's it.

[25:03] That's it. That's it. That's it. This I fell down a mountain excuse was a dumbass idea from the beginning. You know what's easier to explain than falling down a mountain? Falling down the stairs in the hotel you're staying in. I mean, Jesus, isn't she supposed to be an actress?

[25:16] You didn't even pick a f***ing mountain? Holy ****, why are they waiting until the end of the movie?

[25:30] Why not just blow up the place the second Hitler arrives? Sure, he wants them to know it was her, but at the risk of them prematurely leaving? Besides, the person who would appreciate it most isn't even going to be in the **** room to appreciate the message anyway. Wait, is the plan to blow themselves up?

[25:43] Why can't they just hide the bombs or leave them under a chair a minute before they blow up? Seriously, it seems like Shoshana's plan is way more thought out and has a better chance of survival than the plan coming from the military men with all the actual tactical expertise.

[25:55] It appears that Colonel Landa went to the Tarantino school of exposing spies and things. Also, I think Aldo Raine himself covers this scene very nicely.

[26:08] Why does Landa kill Hammersmart? He's about to switch sides, so I doubt it's a matter of national pride. You'd think he'd actually try to leverage her connection to the Allies to get him safely to America. Sure, maybe he wants all the credit for himself,

[26:20] but I think it's more likely the movie just wanted a Nazi colonel to throttle a German movie star. I can't advise him smoking. Oh my God, the quarterback is toast.

[26:34] Sure, he's probably f***ed either way, but I don't believe for a second that Aldo doesn't know a slew of Italian curse words that he could have used instead of immediately exposing his Americanism. You're the Jew Hunter. Jew Hunter?

[26:46] Just a name that stuck. What happened to being proud of the Jew Hunter title? And if you get all four, you end the war tonight. Which is assuming that Hitler didn't have anyone lined up to replace him, or a single contingency plan in place should he, Garbo, Goring, and Borman die.

[27:02] Where's the actual leader of the SS in all this? You know, Heinrich Himmler? If you need those four, you certainly need him, too. Over there is a very capable two-wave radio, and sitting behind it is a more than capable radio operator named...

[27:16] Hell. Being this casually dismissive of the only other German who's going to be in on your plan, I would be lavishing this man with praise and ensuring his frugal was properly greened to ensure his loyalty. But in the pages of history, fate freaks itself and extends its hand.

[27:30] Especially when those pages of history are being rewritten to make a movie more exciting. Snipers who decide to call their shots while hanging out at the bell tower. Oh, and the Allied forces who don't repay him for that kindness with a swift exit from the war.

[27:44] Oh, I'm sorry, did you think I wouldn't jump on the opportunity to send a fake movie made by fake gerbils? Actual footage of Eli Roth walking out of a movie QT forced him to make. There were close to one million German soldiers stationed in France in 1944.

[27:56] So why the f*** aren't a few of them guarding these doors from the outside? As we've been told many times, all the important Nazis are in here, and no one seems to be protecting them. Get in here! But why?

[28:10] Just leave him out there. Tell him you're busy. Whatever you do, though, do not open the door, right? And with these ignored shots and a bizarre twist of fate, an 11-year-old kid called Dolby was in this very theater

[28:24] and thought to himself, how did they manage to pull off surround sound decades before I'm going to invent it? Oh, no, he died! Maybe. Tushana dies before she can see her plan work,

[28:37] before she can see the people who killed her family punished. I'm sure there's a message here about war and revenge ultimately being a self-defeating exercise, but I prefer if my movies weren't also self-defeating in nature. I'm going to kill that guy. You've got 30 feet to get to that guy.

[28:50] Can you do it? I have to. That has nothing to do with whether you can. Also, what would be so weird about the two of you just walking down the hall together? Okay, that is enough. This movie from 1944, including a Wilhelm scream that won't be recorded until 1951,

[29:06] is one revisionist history step too far. In the shot, we can see a swastika made out of bullet holes, but who made it? I can't imagine Zoller would waste the ammunition, or even have the angle to create it. Equally, why would the Americans waste time on such a...

[29:18] Oh, never mind. It's completely vanished in the next shot. Who wants to send a message to Germany? The great odds have spoken. My Lord, this is what I've been behind the curtain. Holy ! He knows your real name? That's not just putting her at risk, that's putting him at risk too!

[29:36] Just own that new identity! There is no reason for him to know your real name until long after the war is done! Explaining Hitler was killed by two Americans with terrible Italian accents might be the most American thing ever put to film. Also, why aren't the bastards wondering what the is going on here?

[29:50] They haven't set off the bombs yet, so why are they confused as to what started the fire? Oh, oh, oh! Nice shooting, Tex! Also, if they can see the place going up, why not get the f*** out of there and live another day?

[30:03] I mean, it's the 2020s and there are still Nazis they could be apprehending. I'm not surprised that Landa made a deal with the American.

[30:15] I am surprised that he's surprised it went south this quickly. It is extremely problematic to be proud of your swastika art. Even if you're meeting him in his Nazi forehead on a skull canvas.

[30:27] Bob Ross, probably. There's no bastard ever won war by dying for his country.

[30:42] He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.