How NOT to Become a Streamer in 2026

[00:02] Hello, Vovchik. Hello. Don't know what to say? [music] Then I'll do it this way.

[00:18] If after all you've seen you're still here, then I have some truly bad news for you. Let's not waste time on your whining. Yes, because in just 18 days there will be a grand event: Sley at Twitch or

[00:32] asses. Five. Come here, brother. This already means immortalizing your name, leaving a [musical] mark in history. [ __ ] this slave, actually, from the

[00:45] booster. Who even watches it? I'll create my own nomination, not for the best streamer, but for the worst streamer of 2026. Attention.

[00:57] a five. [applause] So how do you get such a really cool award to become the most untalented guaranteed instruction on how to become a loser, how to [ __ ] up three, or even five years of

[01:11] online. Let's go. I 'll take the phone and call your mom. Choose the most pathetic and anti-DV games, like World of Tanks or some other crap simulator. I understand, of course, that

[01:25] RKN banned everything and left you no choice, and now you're begging. But still, tanks remain your only choice, determining your immediate success. More precisely, to complete failure, [ __ ] hell. And if for some reason you are not satisfied with

[01:39] the games, touch the grass. Yes, literally touch the grass. Get your Xiaomi Redmi for 15,000 rubles. and start creating. Go and film your village. This is so interesting. Get ready . Or how do you sell jeeps, taxi. This is brilliant content. A cut

[01:53] above what the top streamers do. to cover myself, tell me, [music] how I found the bucket. [ __ ] my mom. M. Krasnodar, lake Old Kuban.

[02:05] So many memories. Hey guys. How are you doing here? Fry the shashlik. You dig a 50 cm hole. Wow. Your goal is to get lost. You must be a small drop of diarrhea in a huge ocean of [ __ ]. If you're doing something that has

[02:18] get your ass off the couch and start your great journey, [ __ ]. Play something that no one needs, or something where no one will find you. Schedule. We've decided what you'll be streaming, of course, but now let's talk about the

[02:31] schedule, or rather, the fact that you wo n't need one at all. Go get me, go get your [ __ ]. [ __ ] the schedule. Remember consistency, the fate of bio-waste, your content is for lonely workers, factory workers, and for those

[02:46] who go to work at the office at 6:00 in the morning, like office plankton. For those who fear the change of seasons. You are not like that. You shouldn't be predictable. Your viewer must be in constant nervous tone. He shouldn't know when you're going to go on

[02:58] air. He must visit your channel 15 times a day and each time see this miserable gray stub offline. Go on air randomly. Tuesday at 4:00 Go on air randomly. Tuesday at 4:00 am is ideal. Thursday at 11:58 pm,

[03:11] awesome. Saturday at 5:00 pm? No, are you an idiot? We are heading down the path of failure, not success. Remember. The main thing is, don't warn anyone. There is no need to make these pathetic posts on Telegram. Wait. TG, Telegram, under no

[03:26] I'm five. Yes. He was a grolov. Certainly. attached to the boy. Let your career be a surprise, like the sudden stink of a [ __ ] granny's perfume on public transport. All

[03:39] channel because you are a chaotic, useless unit. If you are not expected, you are of no use to anyone. Remember, routines and discipline are for those who want to become someone. We

[03:51] guarantee that you will not become anyone at all . Understood? Got it, understood it. Oh, [ __ ], my retention is falling again. Well, you like videos from DVG, right? And [ __ ] Evelyn, who watched the film yesterday, watched 50k.

[04:06] You can't even imagine how happy my heart was when Evilon started streaming with Ginsuha again. Ah, Twitch's best couple. Do you also want half the internet to discuss you, damn it? No, you don't want to. Don't forget, you're here

[04:20] for the schawi award. Jump for chat. Well, I don't shake like that. Don't look at their fake emotions. You don't need this, but you need to be real. I called this term Stone

[04:34] Face, stone face syndrome. Your face is not just a lack of emotion, it is a metaphysical immersion. Do you think about the paradoxes of existence, about quantum mechanics? People, looking at your face, should immediately understand that they have come to the stream of

[04:48] nothing can pull out. Your maximum is two bots. And that's all, that's all you can popularity, you don't need it. Remained a needle. Haystacks. [laughter]

[05:00] Oh, did you know that it has been snowing in Murina for a long time now ? Or not? Exactly the same. You didn't know you needed a microphone for 200 rubles. with Walbers and 360 camera? Advice: don't give people what they don't need at all. Give them what they really

[05:15] footsteps because of all the noise you make. One individual has already picked up this great trend and is actively promoting it. Take an example from Martyshkin. You will learn a lot. Why spend money on quality? Tell me,

[05:29] should I invest under any circumstances? Work is the engine, and patience is the fuel long enough to achieve its goals. For you it should be the other way around. Laziness is your engine, your motivator, and your

[05:41] fuel remains patience. Sit back, wait for a miracle, stream for months, years, millennia, don't study TikTok's algorithms, for example, to post your own edit from the stream. No, it's not worth it. You are the

[05:55] Final Meaning. Achievement rarely comes to those who work hard. They come to those who are ready to kick dicks long and hard, giving in to end of this video, I sincerely congratulate you. You've just absorbed the basics of

[06:09] how to behave on Twitch. This is definitely a success and a well-earned definitely a success and a well-earned US statuette, here you go.

[06:22] I highly recommend sending this video to your mom and your mom's mom and listening to their valuable opinions. All the bad things.