THE ONLY REASON TO LEARN RUSSIAN

[00:00] You try reading Dstoyki, but you end up

[00:02] a mindbroken fool. Many such cases.

[00:04] Today we're covering everything you need

[00:06] to know about Russians, so you never

[00:07] feel out of place again. Cerillic is a

[00:10] bit of a misnomer because St. Sirill

[00:12] didn't invent it. His actual

[00:13] contribution is glagalytic, which is an

[00:15] entirely original alphabet, albeit it

[00:17] was too difficult to write and copy

[00:18] quickly. The solution was brought about

[00:20] by his students in the Preslav Literary

[00:22] School. They took Greek, they added a

[00:24] bunch of letters to represent the sounds

[00:25] it was missing, and they named it after

[00:27] St. Sirill. But this still looks

[00:28] different from modern cerillic. How do

[00:30] we get that? Mm- Peter the Great. The

[00:32] man was completely unstoppable and

[00:34] practically the greatest reformer any

[00:35] country had ever seen. He changed civil

[00:37] administration, religious law, and

[00:39] society as a whole to the point where

[00:40] he'd come cut your beard off personally

[00:41] or force you to pay up. He would

[00:43] initiate and oversee a reform that would

[00:45] give the nation its own civic script. If

[00:47] it was redundant, it was done away with.

[00:49] The decree was only a formality because

[00:50] these letters weren't really used much

[00:52] at that point anyway. Finally, in the

[00:54] beginning of the 20th century, a few

[00:56] leftover letters would be purged, giving

[00:58] us today's modern Russian cerillic, now

[01:00] redundancyfree.

[01:02] Bonus round. This letter was used in one

[01:04] book of Psalms in the 15th century, and

[01:06] for whatever reason, it was turned into

[01:08] an asy character. Biblically accurate

[01:10] Russian letters, I guess. Good news,

[01:13] Russian has dialects, but most people

[01:15] today speak the standardized language.

[01:17] Bad news, nailing Russian pronunciation

[01:19] is like assembling IKEA furniture

[01:21] without a manual. Everyone tries it.

[01:23] Nobody does it well and you always end

[01:24] up pacing your living room going.

[01:27] There's 10 vowel letters. Five of them

[01:29] are hard vowel sounds and five of them

[01:31] are soft vowel sounds. Why are we

[01:33] establishing this distinction? In

[01:35] Russian, consonants are basically held

[01:37] hostage by the vowels. If one is

[01:39] standing next to an ah, it sounds normal

[01:41] to us. But when followed by yah, it's

[01:43] forced to sound soft. It's palatalized.

[01:47] M. The way I think about it, though, my

[01:50] pronunciation isn't perfect. Imagine

[01:52] you're trying to say the consonant and

[01:54] the Y sound that Y makes at the same

[01:56] time. And if you want this effect, but

[01:58] you don't have a vowel handy, it's okay.

[02:00] There's the soft sign and the hard sign.

[02:02] But this isn't universal. Some

[02:03] consonants are always hard, some are

[02:05] always soft, and the vast majority of

[02:07] them can be either. Oh, but hold your

[02:09] horses. We're not done yet. Russian has

[02:10] vowel reduction, like English. The most

[02:12] recognizable example being

[02:14] >> musva,

[02:14] >> musva,

[02:15] >> musva.

[02:16] >> But that's not all. As a newbie, you're

[02:18] going to have to memorize three things

[02:19] at once. The spelling, the reduced

[02:21] pronunciation, and the stress. The

[02:23] stress. Yes, Russian stress is mobile,

[02:25] which is a fancy way of saying it's

[02:27] completely unpredictable. Vada. Vod. You

[02:30] might think, "Who cares if I get it

[02:31] wrong? They'll know what I mean." In

[02:32] Russian, pis means to write. But pis

[02:35] means to urinate. Imagine you're at a

[02:38] bar in Moscow. You successfully language

[02:41] mogged your way through a conversation.

[02:42] You hand her your unlocked iPhone to get

[02:44] her number. You want to confidently tell

[02:46] her to write it down, but that's not

[02:49] what you actually said. Speaking of

[02:51] phones and the importance of stress,

[02:52] it's a widespread cultural phenomena

[02:54] that Russians will refuse to associate

[02:55] with someone who says zonit as opposed

[02:57] to zanit. So stress is incredibly

[03:00] important. Don't get it wrong. Vowels

[03:03] aren't the only letters that change

[03:04] based on placement. At the end of a

[03:06] word, a voiced consonant to voices droo

[03:08] zup. Inside a consonant cluster, the

[03:10] letter to the right decides. It forces

[03:12] the one before it to match its exact

[03:13] state. If the right side letter is

[03:15] voiceless, the previous letter becomes

[03:17] voiceless with it. Vodka. If it's

[03:19] voiced, the previous letter becomes

[03:20] voiced.

[03:22] Oh boy, that Russian sure is easy, huh?

[03:26] Please like and subscribe. That's how

[03:28] you support the channel. Cases might

[03:29] seem like they're these facemelting,

[03:31] mindbreakingly difficult things, but

[03:33] that's only because you've probably had

[03:35] them explained to you through the lens

[03:36] of that horrible linguistic mumbo jumbo.

[03:39] Get it away from me. The relationships

[03:42] between words in Russian are not decided

[03:43] by word order, but instead by case

[03:45] endings. Here's all six of them in one

[03:47] sentence.

[03:53] Nominative marks who or what is the main

[03:55] focus of this sentence. In our case,

[03:57] Broly. Dative marks to whom or for whom

[04:00] an action is being directed. Accusative

[04:02] identifies who or what directly receives

[04:04] the action. In this case, Broly is

[04:06] showing the essence to Goku, but it's

[04:09] the essence of horror, right? Which

[04:11] means it needs to go in the genative

[04:12] case, which shows ownership. No

[04:15] different from apostrophe s in English.

[04:16] Instrumental explains the tool, method,

[04:18] or companion used to accomplish an

[04:20] action. In our case, a vision.

[04:22] Prepositional is used exclusively after

[04:24] certain prepositions to describe a

[04:26] physical location or what you're talking

[04:29] about. The concept of case is easy to

[04:31] wrap your head around. The difficulty

[04:32] comes from gendered nouns. Russian has

[04:34] three genders.

[04:42] There are a lot of declenion patterns

[04:44] and you need to know all of them. As

[04:46] many of my Russian viewers pointed out

[04:47] in my last video, Russian numerals are

[04:49] one of the best examples of the

[04:51] complexity of this whole thing. Russian

[04:53] numbers make nouns change case. With

[04:56] one, the noun stays in the nominative

[04:58] singular. With two through four, it

[05:00] usually takes the form of the genative

[05:02] singular. And with five and above, it

[05:04] usually takes the form of the genative

[05:05] plural. Do you know your animacy status?

[05:08] In Russian, nouns are split into groups

[05:10] of animate, like family members,

[05:13] snowmen, dolls, and the deceased or

[05:16] inanimate like chairs, bacteria, trees,

[05:19] and the deceased. It also affects cases.

[05:25] A key feature of the Russian verb is the

[05:27] aspect. Italian for example marks aspect

[05:30] but only in the past tense. Russian on

[05:32] the other hand categorizes all verbs as

[05:34] inherently perfective or imperfective uh

[05:37] finished or ongoing. Many important

[05:39] verbs come in pairs of both aspects

[05:41] because verbs are then further

[05:42] conjugated for tenses, persons and

[05:44] sometimes gender.

[05:47] Speaking of going places, to go anywhere

[05:49] in Russian, you need to think about how.

[05:51] Is this a one-way trip or are you

[05:53] trudging back and forth? Is this your

[05:55] grand one-time expedition or something

[05:57] you do every year?

[05:59] After you heard all that, you're

[06:00] probably thinking to yourself, "Russian

[06:03] is so precise in particular, and you

[06:05] couldn't be more right. Even commas are

[06:07] written based on concrete rule sets.

[06:10] Style and pause are completely

[06:11] irrelevant." This is a very explosive

[06:13] area of conversation, and I will handle

[06:15] it with incredible caution as to not

[06:17] give you the magic words necessary to

[06:18] get yourself on Fodena's bad side.

[06:21] However, I did say I teach you

[06:23] everything. To summon Russian Exodia,

[06:25] you must gather the five forbidden

[06:27] pieces, the pillar of masculinity, the

[06:29] feline of femininity, the act, the lady

[06:32] of the night, and the ultimate

[06:34] collateral damage, someone else's

[06:36] mother. I know what you're thinking

[06:37] right now. Are they really that few?

[06:39] Yes, they are. But Russian profanity is

[06:41] additive. Let's look at an example using

[06:43] the symbol of masculinity. Depending on

[06:46] what you snap in front of it, it either

[06:47] means you're completely shocked,

[06:49] absolutely apathetic, or enjoying a

[06:51] succulent meal. Ble is my personal

[06:53] favorite. You don't attach anything to

[06:55] it. You just treat it like punctuation.

[06:56] And I want to make sure you understand

[06:58] me when I tell you, you don't use these

[07:00] words with people you don't know, and

[07:02] you never bring up somebody's mother

[07:04] because that's how you get sent to the

[07:05] shadow realm after Yuggeti challenges

[07:07] you to a duel. Imagine learning all of

[07:09] that just to watch Russian brain rot all

[07:11] day. Ratuka. Russian literature has a

[07:13] prestigious reputation, but I bet the

[07:15] first image you're getting in your mind

[07:16] is a heavy thousandpage book full of

[07:18] moral grandstanding, brooding

[07:20] characters, and an obligatory depressing

[07:22] ending. It was great for its time, but

[07:24] now we got better ones, don't we? Wrong.

[07:26] We got to stop acting like Dsttoyk is

[07:28] the only Russian author ever. There's a

[07:30] saying, Russian literature came out of

[07:32] Goy's overcoat. He has some of the most

[07:34] innovative pros and storytelling, and

[07:36] you've never heard of him, have you? He

[07:37] literally inspired Kafka. for Gregor

[07:40] Samson and waking up his monstrous

[07:41] vermin. Major Kavalof wakes up without

[07:44] his nose, which he finds casually

[07:45] walking around downtown St. Petersburg

[07:47] in a uniform. Kavalof is too afraid to

[07:49] directly ask his nose to return to his

[07:51] face because it outranks him. Then he

[07:53] ends up struggling against an

[07:54] indifferent society and bureaucratic

[07:55] hell until the nose is finally brought

[07:57] back to him after getting arrested

[07:58] trying to flee St. Petersburg on a

[08:00] forged passport. The only reason the

[08:02] nose was caught in the first place was

[08:03] because the officer at the border put

[08:05] his glasses on and realized he wasn't

[08:07] looking at a government official, but a

[08:08] giant nose. Speaking of bureaucracy,

[08:11] Chichikov is an ex-government clerk who

[08:13] managed to come up with a cunning

[08:14] scheme. In Imperial Russia, wealthy land

[08:16] owners owned surfs who were legally tied

[08:19] to the land. For tax purposes, the

[08:20] government counted these surfs in a

[08:22] census every few years. What it didn't

[08:24] do is check if the souls are alive

[08:26] before the next census, and so the owner

[08:27] still had to pay taxes on them as if

[08:29] they were living. Titikov wants to amass

[08:31] a massive portfolio of thousands of dead

[08:33] souls and use them as collateral for a

[08:35] massive loan he will not be paying back.

[08:37] On this little undertaking, he has the

[08:39] misfortune of running into some of the

[08:40] most bossly people this side of the

[08:42] Never River. We have a pillar of the

[08:44] aristocracy in a man-like money who

[08:47] spends his days in idle fantasy. He's

[08:49] overly polite and totally indifferent to

[08:50] the morality or even legality of

[08:52] Chicha's little operation. He signs the

[08:54] souls over without asking for anything

[08:56] in return, even wrapping the deed with a

[08:58] nice little ribbon. How thoughtful is

[09:00] he? The next personality he runs into is

[09:02] the widow Kurabachka. She has no qualms

[09:04] about selling dead people, but she is

[09:06] concerned about getting ripped off. They

[09:08] argue for hours about whether there

[09:10] could be a sudden spike in the market

[09:11] price for the dead. She only agrees to

[09:13] the sale after Chichiku promises to buy

[09:15] her lard sometime in the future.

[09:17] Speaking of ripoff, Nazdr is a drunkard,

[09:19] a gambler, and an utter psychopath who

[09:21] tries to force our protagonist to buy

[09:23] all sorts of useless things from him,

[09:25] including but not limited to a blind

[09:27] horse until he offers they gamble for

[09:29] the souls in a game of checkers. He then

[09:31] proceeds to immediately blatantly cheat

[09:33] at the game, is caught, and then tells

[09:35] his servants to attack Chichikov, who is

[09:37] forced to flee for his life. From

[09:39] haggling with a sly aristocrat who knows

[09:41] exactly what he's doing to Chichikov

[09:43] becoming suspected of being an imperial

[09:44] spy or even the escape Napoleon

[09:46] Bonapart, he ends up having to skip

[09:48] town, a town that is rapidly

[09:49] degenerating into an insane frenzy. If

[09:52] you've never heard of these books

[09:53] before, start referencing them on a

[09:54] daily basis. When you get called out,

[09:56] reluctantly confess that you've actually

[09:58] been reading Russian literature for many

[10:00] years, but you're deeply embarrassed to

[10:01] admit it. If they start asking too many

[10:03] questions, start declining nouns.

[10:07] Stoltoy

[10:09] has a wonderful cautionary tale about a

[10:10] man who can't control his urges. It has

[10:12] two endings and both of them are very

[10:14] bad and not really suitable for YouTube.

[10:16] Although he appears normal on the

[10:18] outside, his lust is driving him

[10:19] completely mad. He doesn't share his

[10:21] problems with anybody and he

[10:22] continuously externalizes them, blaming

[10:25] the peasant girl he's infatuated with

[10:27] for everything he feels. And then

[10:28] everyone lives happily ever after. No,

[10:31] something really bad happens. Depends on

[10:32] which ending you read. That varies

[10:34] between really, really bad to just sad.

[10:36] oddly relevant to modern society. And

[10:38] speaking of poignant in the current day,

[10:40] we have DSTVKI's Notes from the

[10:42] Underground, a book that has made me

[10:44] reconsider my life. You almost can't

[10:46] believe this wasn't written yesterday.

[10:48] It feels like a criticism of the type of

[10:50] hyperironic, totally quote unquote

[10:52] logical thinker. These isolated,

[10:55] terminally online people who think they

[10:57] have the whole world figured out, then

[10:58] you look at their life and it's just

[11:00] miserable. Paralysis by Overanalysis.

[11:03] This one you have to read right now.

[11:05] It's so good I can't put it into words

[11:07] and my whole life has been dedicated to

[11:08] communicating things to other people.

[11:09] Okay, I talk about what I want to talk

[11:12] about all the time. I don't know how to

[11:13] describe this because you need to

[11:15] experience it for yourself. It's

[11:17] impossible not to draw parallels between

[11:19] the bronze horsemen and Don Juan, which

[11:21] interestingly enough Pushkin himself has

[11:22] adapted. But unlike Don Huan, which is

[11:24] about a scandal who lives a debaucherous

[11:26] life and is dragged off to hell by a

[11:28] statue of the man he kills, this poem is

[11:31] very different. It's instead an

[11:32] inversion of the original story in which

[11:34] an innocent man is utterly destroyed by

[11:36] a bronze statue of Peter the Great.

[11:38] That's supposed to function as more of a

[11:40] metaphor because the real destruction in

[11:42] his life comes from the flooding of the

[11:43] river Neva. But none of that would have

[11:45] happened if Peter the Great hadn't built

[11:46] his capital at top a literal swamp that

[11:48] was known to flood. But as with all

[11:50] poems, the magic is in the verse. So if

[11:52] you want to know how good it is, you're

[11:53] going to have to read it for yourself.

[11:55] In the original language, of course, you

[11:56] wouldn't read the Divine Comedy in

[11:58] English. I hope the main reason for

[12:00] making this video was to a give people

[12:02] an understanding of how the Russian

[12:03] language actually works like in depth as

[12:06] much as one can cover in 12 minutes or

[12:08] so and b the greatest reason to learn

[12:10] Russian which is the amazing literature.

[12:12] Sure, there's revolutionary animation

[12:14] and some incredible music, but those are

[12:16] pretty easy to find. Good books, those

[12:18] get recommended to you directly by crazy

[12:20] language guys on YouTube. Either way,

[12:22] I've been your host, Plasterine Hart.

[12:24] See you in two weeks when I make the

[12:25] Italian video. Like, subscribe, and

[12:27] donate a trillion dollars to me so I

[12:29] could buy myself a country and become a

[12:31] brutal zar.