This is Only for Losers

[00:03] putrid fungus that can't be trusted to do even the most basic of tasks because you're too busy withering away on idle mode? Well, luckily your first AI assistant that understands you is here, Orchid, and they released a super hype

[00:18] video showcasing the capabilities of how it could actually even save your relationship that is doomed to failure. And even when it's circling the [ __ ] Orchid's going to be there like Spider-Man, holding back the train from

[00:30] going off the rails to keep you two together under Orchid's bosom, doing all the heavy lifting for you while you just blue screen in the brain, drooling until >> Big day. >> It's huge. Keep going. I got you. I got

[00:46] you. I got you. Send it. Send it. >> You don't even know what it is. How is it 2026 and these mindless corporations still can't grasp the most

[01:00] basic concept of gaming? Why is this [ __ ] imbecile looking down to the controller so many times? He's the worst teammate imaginable if he can't even the on the controller that he's using to play. Ban that guy from the game. He

[01:14] [ __ ] staring at it like he's going to forget if he doesn't look. >> Jonathan, he forgot. >> And you just call him about it?

[01:29] >> This is Sam we're talking about. >> Don't worry, I got it. Thank heavens the relationship is saved thanks to her consulting the AI assistant that's damn near omnisient and I guess always paying attention to the wants and needs of both

[01:44] parties in the relationship in order to put band-aids on it so that way they still stay together in this catastrophically awful environment. Why? Like I don't know how this even makes it past like the think tank there.

[01:59] really brainstorming. I imagine these ideas are also AI generated from companies like this. But even still, conceptually, this is such a stupid idea assistant to be the one that keeps your relationship together? If your partner

[02:13] can't remember like things that are important like anniversaries or do things that you are hoping that they'll do or expecting them to do for the betterment of the relationship between the two of you. Why is it saved if AI

[02:26] does it and then gives credit to the partner? Like you still know he forgot. You know he forgot. You are now venting to your AI assistant, Orchid, using it as a shoulder to cry on about it. Like, oh man, he forgot. Then you're going to

[02:40] another friend about, "Yeah, he forgot. That sucks. But don't worry, I've got it cuz I told Orchid about it so that way Orchid can get everything set up for our anniversary since he forgot." I'm basically dating Orchid.

[03:16] have finally been answered. This is what we've all been asking for. It's about time. Now I can have my phone blow up with unsolicited advice from my AI assistant, Orchid, who really gets me and is constantly just inundating my ass

[03:30] with SAS for even simple things like opening the fridge looking for food. I can be perpetually bered by my AI assistant. assistant. YES.

[04:00] becoming in advertisements and [ __ ] from corporations like this where this guy now understands that it's their anniversary. He forgot and instead of trying to do it himself, he's like, "Okay, can you do it for me? Or can fix

[04:13] everything, please? Mommy. Mommy. Mommy, fix everything. Please. Please anything. Please do it for me. And they just totally lean into that. And I bet

[04:25] they're not even wrong. I bet there are actually millions of losers just like this out there that are seeing this and thinking about like what a boon it'll be to their life. So that way they can continue to just do nothing but rot and

[04:37] just put the onus of living their life for them on Orchid. So that way they don't have to think or do anything ever. It's so [ __ ] pathetic. It is so sad.

[04:49] So Orchid in this advertisement was able to book reservations at a restaurant for their anniversary and get flowers. The reservations I could see an AI assistant being able to do that online, like setting up an online reservation if

[05:04] given permission to do so. I could see that being a possibility for it. It's not something that I like the idea of for obvious reasons that is very easily these [ __ ] reservations that no one ever even goes to. So then it's just

[05:18] cooked. But the thing that I don't believe AI is capable of doing right now is the second part there with the flowers. How is AI going to get those flowers to you? And spoiler alert in the rest of the ad, the flowers end up at

[05:30] touching them. So how the [ __ ] did Orchid get those flowers to the table? comments tried to pose to Orchid. And of course, Orchid didn't have a real paste. It's not something that it's actually capable of doing. It's just

[05:45] in the most cringe way imaginable because all of these AI corporations are run by like the actual rejects that are just wedgie magnets. So like this person manage to book the flowers on its own? How was there a vendor in between that

[05:59] understand the product better." and they just said, "Orchid works in mysterious ways." Excellent. Slam dunk. So then he just responds, "Or maybe Orchid has a misdirecting video about their product."

[06:12] I'm asking if Orchid is capable of that because that's hell of a feature. Radio because that's hell of a feature. Radio silence crickets from there.

[06:36] that really gets you is also going to snitch. It's just going to tattletail on you. So, it's just openly now telling her, "Yep, he thinks he did it." Wink, nudge. It was It No, no, he didn't. So, like, even if you were relying on this

[06:51] to like sneakily plan [ __ ] for you in case you forgot your anniversary, it's like, great. I guess the issue is still there. The issue of your relationship isn't solved. Orchid just did it for you while

[07:06] you just ate cereal in your room playing video games poorly. And then it also told your partner that it did it instead of you. So what benefit did it provide?

[07:18] like now you go to this dinner, there's going to be friction there because she knows, you know, and Orchid knows because Orchid's like a big part of this relationship really that it it's just a fraud. It's a facade. It's not real. So,

[07:32] uncomfortable dinner anyway. And to be honest, I think it's far more insulting and worse for the relationship if you are so dog [ __ ] at it that even when you are made aware that you forgot your anniversary or something important to

[07:48] your partner and instead of you being the one to correct it, you instead just make AI do it for you. I feel like that's so much worse. Like like I feel upset about that. Like, oh, maybe he made an honest mistake and just forgot

[08:02] it just didn't register with him. time got away from like you can rationalize all these things but then once it's become clear that they forgot instead of fixing it instead they just say orchid can you just go do it orchid fix

[08:14] everything orchid orchid magic wand magic wand orchid fix it fix it fix it I got to keep feeding in league well then I think it's so much worse it shows a complete lack of care you couldn't even be bothered to fix it yourself or even

[08:26] attempt to just so [ __ ] lazy and irredeemable useless trash that instead you just have your AI assistant do it all for you instead. Like, I just think that is a lot worse than just being honest about, "Yeah, I forgot. Here,

[08:41] I'll try and book us a table and I'll get you some flowers,

[09:04] >> You remembered? >> Of course I did. I pay attention to that >> Of course I did. I pay attention to that stuff.

[09:19] even if you are one of these losers that's like salivating at the idea of an AI assistant being able to do everything for you, this has to be like the worst iteration of that idea where it just keeps sending you iMss. constantly.

[09:33] Every time you do something, every time you breathe, it's like, "Hey, idiot. Did you forget this?" Or, "Food doesn't spawn there, by the way, buddy." Oh. Oh, just Anyway, just wanted to yap about this. This is like certified super turbo

[09:49] loser type [ __ ] man. That's really about it. Tip.