Everything Wrong With 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple In 22 Minutes Or Less

[00:00] Inbending an auditory cue that Killian Murphy will be returning later this movie that

[00:22] only super fans of the original will recognize, thereby outing me as having spent way too many hours of my life rewatching these films. Letting children beyond any point. Okay, movie fans, first things, first this video is sponsored by Teemu, we're back again

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[01:56] Click the link in the description or scan the QR code to access these deals now. Back to the show! The world ended before this man could ever be forced to sit through a middle-grade history class about the rarity of Tyrion Purple Die in the Byzantine Empire.

[02:08] How does he know that this is the color of royalty? Make it easier for you. Ubers! And you dropped your knife! Jimmy Shite is using a he won't be needing this anymore tactic, and that's my thing.

[02:21] I don't f***ing appreciate it. The Jimmy's need to get their own s***. I'm going to spend you with your own f***ing blade. The pull-out method. Jesus! K! F***! Jesus! Being in a satanic cult and name-checking Jesus more than your dark lord and master.

[02:35] I feel like what I've learned the most in these post-apocalyptic zombie-slash-infected universes is that if the infected don't kill you, gingivitis just might. Why is brushing teeth the first thing to go when the apocalypse happens? Nerfing the zombies in your zombie movie to the point that they provide zero scares the

[02:54] entire film. What is causing that tower of smoke in the distance? If that is Kelsen's people killed, why does it take the Jimmy you so long to discover it? 28 years later, the bone temple is not a great title, I guess. But it's even weirder that they're just nixing the 28 years later bit on the title screen.

[03:08] If you were changing channels and came across this title screen, you'd probably settle back, maybe take your pants off and prepare yourself for some hot, church-sex action. And then less than two minutes later, this happens. On your left explaining why you still have your pants off.

[03:20] Also, if you're asking what changing channels means, get off my infected and festive long towns made of bones, trees, a single deer, excitement? Discount Revenant here was able to get this close to the deer, but hadn't gotten a shot

[03:32] off yet. Movie doesn't catnise every day, incorrectly. Decapitation participation trophies, not only to Dr. Kelsen and Samson enjoy doing heroin together, but they also both share a passion for dismembering corpses and cleaning their

[03:45] skeletons. Plenty of time for hobbies after the end of the world. I agree it's strange that Samson has stopped mid-spirits, especially if it's something he hasn't done before, but I still don't understand why Kelsen doesn't go ahead and shoot

[03:58] him, since Samson getting any closer can't be a good idea. Ah, Dr. Kelsen is such a tease, just blow him already. An infected patient. This is strange.

[04:10] Very Kelsen has a grand opportunity to kill the fuck out of Samson right now and doesn't take it. I know he told Spike in the previous film it was hard to bring down the ones like Samson, but has Kelsen ever thought of, I don't know, cutting off the f***ing head.

[04:29] Including mythological illusions that I have to pause the movie to look up. I get Kelsen's desire to help those in need, I guess, but why is he taking such a risk getting this close to Samson's open wounds? We saw in 28 days later how much damage one drop of infected blood in the eye could cause

[04:43] to an uninfected person. I know Kelsen told Spike that the iodine protects him from the virus but is he putting iodine in open wounds, his eyes, his f***ing nose, there are still places the blood can get that would cause him a whole lot of hurt.

[04:55] Kelsen is a f***ing doctor, he should know better. Just kidding, I'm NHS, no charge. British humor. Leaving infected meat out for the crows to pick at is just asking the rage virus to mutate into the type of avian flu Alfred Hitchcock would have looked at and said that's too much,

[05:10] birds can't be that evil. Abstract art really gets taken up a notch when we get to the apocalypse, huh? Showing us a few lit candles and expecting us to believe that fills the entire underground bunker with a uniform light, unbathed ball sweat on your bed sheets.

[05:25] Link and you'll miss Kelsen's core backstory that explains why he's looking for a replacement son among the demonic and undead. Some men bring flowers to woo their dates, the rage apocalypse is number one drug pusher brings morphine darts.

[05:37] This is interesting. It is not. Is Kelsen seriously motioning Samson to come closer to him? This is day of the dead's doctor Logan levels are crazy, but at least Logan had Bob chained up.

[05:49] These two are just out in the f***ing wild where anything can happen. I'm going to trust you Samson. But f***ing why? That's the decision I've made. But seriously, f***ing why? Suddenly, I'm not entirely sure you understand that.

[06:01] Ryan Kelsen, assuming Samson even still or ever did understand English, will do I just give you peace and respite? Yapping at someone who's just trying to enjoy their buzz. Getting high on your own supply. Also Dr. Kelsen will knock himself out with his own drugs right next to a tranquil Samson

[06:16] because I honestly have no f***ing clue with this point. Going with that Dr. Kelsen survives this and moving the f*** on with my life. Kelsen believes he has accomplished something here, other than surviving stupidity, but he is not.

[06:28] And now to Randirand's ordinary world begins playing, I assume to underscore the irony that this world is anything but ordinary. However, I've decided that it more likely unintentionally implies that just because the world has decided your career is not at the height it once was, you can still come back

[06:43] some years later and create a banger over record like the wedding album. As if it was just yesterday you were selling millions of albums and touring the stadiums of the world in not nearly a decade of disappointing results. The only problem is that the first 28 years later was the wedding album of late gestating

[06:57] horror sequels. Based on the box office results of Bone Temple, this feels more in line with Dr. Randirand's two-year follow-up. Thank you. Many people humming along to perfect day or that weird cover of white lines, but hey, maybe there's a little more d*** on the bone or something.

[07:11] Previously on their sitcom Spinoff Dr. Kelsen and Sampson, friends till the end. Also, there has now officially been more to Randirand played in the first 22 minutes of this movie than has been collectively heard on the radio for the last 22 years.

[07:23] When your friend's housewarming gift doesn't really fit the decor, but you feel obligated to display it anyway. In the previous film, they said that very few people even traveled to the mainland where all the infected are. But now, there are f***ing people everywhere between the Jimmy's, who I still have zero

[07:36] clue how no one on Spike's island knew about, and these assholes. So then I will walk out into the open where he will definitely see me in, probably scream.

[07:48] We all go with that? Causing a problem and then being upset when the heavily pregnant woman doesn't let you drag her into it. I still love that this franchise is definition of how quickly someone turns after getting

[08:00] infected depends solely on how quickly the plot needs them to turn. If only the apocalypse would happen 20 years later. We could be listening to Jimmy's sadist-splain-blueie instead.

[08:18] When anyone describes teletubbies, I have a hard time believing it was anything other than an excuse to get kids on hallucinogens as early in age as possible. This is not, in fact, how dipsy-danced.

[08:33] That's Jimmy's, delivering the most insidiously real-world moment of misogynistic total control in the middle of my horror-scape as a movie. This woman's one character trait is running away whenever her family and friends are about

[08:45] to be killed. Fun. Sadly, this is not the title of an episode of teletubbies, and I would like to send that. Characters wait to the last second to pull out their weapons to kill the infected because, I guess, they think it looks cool cliché.

[09:03] This movie is at least 4% Dr. Kelsen singing to ran to ran out of tune. We express this like 20 minutes ago, Jimmy Inc. Keep the fuck up. I think Jimmy Crystal might need to take a look at Samson's, um, generous endowments before

[09:20] he commits to believing the world failed every man. You could be referring to the world itself failing, but I'm too mesmerized and jealous right now to give a sh** for hookshadowing. These are my fingers.

[09:32] We travel the land. Fingering people? And we offer you. Chocolate. You keep using the word. I don't think it means what you think it means. For the purposes of skinning humans, you really need better eyesight than these masks would

[09:44] provide. Or so I've heard. I can't avoid this kid. This is what we do. Saying this is casually as you would if Spike were refusing to take part in a company potluck. They are f**king skinny people alive in there.

[09:59] This works. Repaying your friend for not killing you in your sleep by planning to kill him to keep the last of the drugs for yourself. If there was just some way you could give consent.

[10:13] To be fair, Kelsey, you haven't f**king asked for any consent for all the more thing you've been doping Samson up with, so why start now? Excitement? Oh goody. Still doing the skinning. That's fun.

[10:25] 28 years worth of skin seems kind of fun. If you genuinely wanted the strongest, you would have made this offer to the bigger guy hanging

[10:37] to the crying man's right, who already put up a fight with a pot of boiling water. Jimmy Lyre wants the emotionally weak and controllable. The worst set of all is Jimmy Lyre lying to himself. The most unbelievable part of this movie is that this woman has managed to remain still

[10:51] and quiet enough, not to be noticed by the Jimmy's while her entire f**king family is getting skinned alive. Old neck is here, Jimmy's. I guess I should applaud this movie for not beating us over the head with nonsense like the humans are the real walking dead, but it still has the humans turning into crazy evangelical

[11:06] monsters when the apocalypse strikes cliche, so my hands are tied. Andy Circus's son brought a backhand to a knife fight. I hate to agree with one of the Jimmy's, but she's not wrong about his stupidity and

[11:20] the way he chose. He should have gone for the f**king kid who ran out of the barn and puke once they started the charity. Also f**king satis that make f**king great points. Just no. There! Up there!

[11:32] Wanting a deadly attack and then standing around waiting for the survivors to see you before escaping, letting yourself get so distracted by one survivor on the loose that you ignore the other survivor on the loose who has the motive and means to kill you. I WANT TO GET A LIFE!

[11:45] I WANT TO GET A LIFE! Taking Dr. Frankenstein's intellectual property in vain. Catch! Catch her! Bring her to me! Now Spike feels the need to help out, Jimmy Crystal. Now!

[11:57] I know Spike's not going to shoot her with the arrow, and everyone who has seen a movie before knows that Spike's not going to shoot her with the arrow, so the suspense this scene is trying to build as non-f**king existed. Please! Please take me with you.

[12:09] Expecting her to take you with her after holding her at arrow point and everything else that happened. I'm confused, I thought I told you to bring the woman to me. Jack O'Connell, Scottish accent isn't as good as Irish accent. Shufflepuck, and her art to kill her.

[12:22] This works. Did you not think that cut over her face? Bring that to me, or her unborn child. Started to think Jimmy Crystal's requirements for employment are a little insane. And now everything in its right place by Radiohead begins playing and using the same Goddamn

[12:35] Radiohead song every other film or commercial is used since the year 2000 is getting you a sin, even though it's a banger of a song. And now I have to give myself a sin again for enjoying this repetitive and cliché nonsense. Those skulls do look suspiciously alike, almost like they came from a mold, rather than

[12:49] from hundreds of real human heads. I'm now wondering if Kelsen just looted a hobby lobby, am I kind of want to see that movie? Career opportunities in the post-apocalypse has a nice ring to it. So if we're to believe that morphine is the cure for the infected, then I would like

[13:02] to be infected right now. I guess the sin is on me. With limited space on his bunker bookshelf, Kelsen still grabbed two copies of Food for free by Richard Mayby, but having both editions does not unfortunately make the food twice as free. Doctors have a legible handwriting cliche.

[13:15] It's actually old neck. It's not actually old neck. It's not actually old neck. It's not actually old neck. Are we actually asking this question three times? Apparently more human awareness means more shame and self-clothing, how ironically biblical

[13:27] for this film about false satanism. I've f***ing the skull tower without the skull tower's explicit consent. You're not old neck. I'm not old neck. This conversation, are you old knicks on for all to some time? Well, you can relax.

[13:39] I'm not satan. Sitation needed. Doctor. Atheist doctor. Assuming people are atheists, even if they f***ing are, still makes an ass out of you and Ming. I'm an atheist from your satanist.

[13:52] Their cousins, identical cousins all the way. I don't mind talking. I was going to say skip, but I had honestly watched an entire series of these therapy sessions, so the sin is for not giving us that.

[14:04] I don't actually know my father too well. OK, never mind. Skip. Jimmy Inc. Is a dick to trees. Orange skin. Palace of bones. Communion of demons. You called it red skin last night.

[14:16] Was there an off-screen conversation where you and Jimmy Crystal suddenly both decided to start calling the color a less devil relevant orange? That's not some old man. To be fair, if that is satan, he would most definitely be an old man. Do you ever get the sense to say Jimmy is full of shy?

[14:30] The only character in the villain's gang that realizes the villain is full of shy is the one who's played by an actor we recognize cliché. Also, stating the obvious to the obvious person who already obviously believes this about Sir Jimmy. But what it was actually like to live with shops and fridges and telephones and personal

[14:47] computers, and have no real memory of that at all. Bearing the lead on the real horror in this film. There were dramas and upheavals inevitably, but the foundations, they seemed unshakable.

[14:59] People who have this much hope. If my mother and sister had had in the church, they'd have been alright. Forgetting that the last film opened with child Jimmy's father throwing open the doors of the church to the infected and welcoming them in.

[15:11] What about your father? He was leading the infected. Once again, I'm very confused about Sir Jimmy's belief that the mother and sisters would have been alright in the church. I would like to let this go, but the movie fucking won't, so why should I? Well, we said charity starts at home.

[15:26] Leaving out the minor detail that charity could involve skinny people in life. And that was the last time you saw him. Yeah. Then I saw you. Is 28 years later the bone temple trying to make us feel something for the guy who enjoys watching his followers torture people?

[15:39] I think 28 years later the bone temple is trying to make us feel something for the guy who enjoys watching his followers torture people. If you can't help me with my problem, I'm going to force feed you your own intestines until you can no longer breathe. Yes, that is a bind.

[15:51] Kelsen would be excellent at knowing when one is at a bind since. But also, I think Jimmy is confusing a bind with a chokehold. And sadistic assholes like him should fucking know better. As I sit here and watch Jimmy crystal give a bowl of speech to his legion,

[16:03] I don't get a sh** about. I wonder if those sitting by a bright fire taking in reasonably loud voices. Remember, there are still a bunch of infected out there ready to eat them all. I also asked this question because I believe the movie has forgotten. Nobody may touch him.

[16:16] The fact this has to be said to anybody before they meet someone for the first time. Are we crystal crystal? At least the movie was nice enough to give Jody Comer's character from the previous film Camilla. I thought what would happen to Samson if I'm gone.

[16:29] Pretty sure Samson has survived just fine before Kelsen started unconcentually doping him up. They're coming back tomorrow, so I want to try something tonight. Time to learn a new Latin phrase, Samson. Beusex, unnamed anti-psychotica.

[16:42] I've been developing an idea about the nature of the infection. Exposition dubbing on someone who was just starting to re-learn in English. Seeing something that isn't there, a doctor would call that psychosis

[16:54] and a doctor would say that psychosis can be treated. Math or science. Your choice, I choose both. I'm a doctor, Samson. But not of psychiatry. And that seems to be the important element in this moment. I honestly can't figure out why Jimmy Crystal or any of the Jimmy's for that matter have let

[17:08] Spike remain alive. And the movie has not given a single reason to help me understand. Also, is this really the first time Spike has tried to sneak away? He's been with them for days. And I'm going to assume they've all slept before in that time period. Spike survives this.

[17:22] Kind of him to let her unalive him without using the knife in his stabbing hand to fight back. Also, I honestly can't figure out why Jimmy Inc has decided to be the protector of Spike

[17:35] and the movie has not given a single reason to help me understand. He was better than you. I've been to anywhere. It's not. It is. Samson! Samson! Samson. Were you lost? And now I've found?

[17:50] Finding something that sounds more like the fray in a movie surrounded by Durandoran. Richard Blade just sent the movie some bad, new wave mojo. I'm no doctor, but I believe anti-psychotics are supposed to typically stop auditory hallucinations.

[18:07] Convenient moon train, link memory is convenient. I have a ticket. Well, then, of course, the infected start fighting Samson because... No ticket. Not quite a human, no longer an infected, but seriously, must be a carrier now.

[18:22] Meaning he can't be with the infected anymore, but he also can't be with humans either. Why would you put Samson through all this just to leave him a Frankenstein's monster destined to be rejected by all? Let's turn this up to 11.

[18:34] While I find number of the beast to be a borderline perfect album, do you know what really would have turned things up to 11? Not letting Samson get away. You had the perfect attack dog, Kelsen. I'm so bored of the post-apocalypse experts constantly pointing out that gastigrades

[18:48] over decades. It would not last long in the apocalypse, and almost every movie and TV shows set the apocalypse ignoring that fact anyway. That's two sins for Megamy and repeat this sin yet again. NOOOOO!

[19:00] Enough with the Christ illusions, we f***ing get it, god damn. The movie never gives us the story behind a tiara's importance, and it should have. Would we also sin the movie for wasting our time on exposition about the tiara, yes, yes

[19:12] we would. It's one hour and 25 god damn minutes to number of the beast. I'm not even sure an Iron Maiden concert would make us wait that long. Baptized in blood while a heavy metal song plays cliche, guys I no longer know what is going

[19:24] on. How's that? How's that? Is having your best sequence not come till over 80 minutes into the god damn movie. The whole you are the fingers of my right hand.

[19:36] Old Nick is an old dick to approximately 10 to 12% of the world population. Also, Kelsen agrees to go along with this at first, undermining his doctor Dugutter not afraid of dying characterization today.

[19:51] So Pride is wriggling and using specialized mouth hooks to tear tissues while laying eggs in natural orifices or wounds, that is some gross and very detailed pride he's got going on there. Also it's wild how good Kelsen is at this performance, it's almost like he should have been an actor

[20:04] instead of a doctor who just gives out morphine and heroin like it's candy on Halloween. He would have made a lot fewer people drug addicts that way for sure.

[20:20] I always enjoyed the part in church where the preacher gave us all the rules on dealing with fucking back chat. Well considering you kind of have to have fingers to make the fist, I'm not sure Jimmy Crystal understands the dynamics of fisting, wait.

[20:36] Having to see a kid to grow back your conscience instead of growing back your conscience for the same reason the rest of us do, threats that our bad behavior will be filmed and uploaded to the internet. And you know that in order for God's only son to ascend and take his place by his father's

[20:51] side, Christ was first required to be crucified. If you had the evil sadist people to turn on him, negating the danger he presents to them, you or anyone else in your back pocket, why wouldn't you play that card regardless?

[21:04] You are my only son Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy. Bringing Madonna lyrics into one sermon, not backing away after condemning the unpredictable

[21:19] Jimmy Crystal to death. Also a single stab wound shouldn't kill Kelsen as quickly as this one does. He would be more likely to die a slow, painful death from sepsis. I'm glad they didn't show us that, but I'm going to sit in them for it anyway.

[21:31] Kids, so now he gets to suffer the pain of seeing the last man on this island he admires bleed out, way to spare the kid.

[21:44] And my name is Skip, littering. Mama's boys, redeemed anti hero returns to thank the man who saved him at the coincidentally exact moment of his death cliche.

[22:01] Little Green Men, Clyde Bruckman's final repose, sorry, I thought we were just shouting out titles of X-Files episodes. Movie kills off this new trilogy's best character at the end of the second movie, but considering the box office response, this movie got there might not be a third film.

[22:13] But for now, at least, shame on you, Nia de Costa and Alex Carlin. I have you for a second. Attempting to trick me into empathy for the psychopath again by calling back to the last thing he said to his real father at the beginning of the last film.

[22:29] The big game is potential hallucination cliffhanger that we will most likely never see the explanation for. Literally leaving us and Jimmy hanging. Wait, so in this universe Oppenheimer still alive? Why helped her to save the enemy?

[22:41] Home school's positioning the central lesson of the film trilogy is about as unsuddle as giving the lead of each of the three movies some variation of the same name, leaving the front door wide open and an infected film apocalypse.

[22:55] Even after the experience with the Jimmy's, Spike would rather run days in the opposite direction than go home and talk it out with his dad.