Everything Wrong With A Goofy Movie In 28 Minutes Or Less

[00:18] >> There has been an awakening. Have you felt it? heading off to defend Greece from an invading Persian army, but here we are instead of as the several hundred dollars worth of lawn damage and direct

[00:33] psychological attack against suburban fathers that it really is. >> The nightmare here is obviously about Max's fear of becoming his father, but because dream logic physically transforms him into Goofy, Roxanne's

[00:45] reasonable response to discovering the boy she likes is suddenly a middle-aged man. Mickey being a globally recognized corporate icon does not make it any less weird that Max owns a phone shaped like

[00:58] >> Dad. >> Oops, I forgot. >> Disney clearly intends this interaction as endearing parental awkwardness, but installing a lock immediately after this conversation. Disney casually teaching

[01:11] scale. >> Oh, not bigger than Xavier Cugat, the mambo king. >> Xavier Cugat was the king of the rumba, jurisdiction. This important reminder that a significant percentage of 90s

[01:25] comedy was built on men being coded feminine for 6 seconds. that jockstraps operate in this universe like trendy loose pocket accessories, and no kid in '95 was carrying one with a higher priority than their chain

[01:38] wallet. Space, the final frontier of visual shorthand for >> weird planet accurately describing whatever the hell this timeline became. school I logically concluded that kicking all the hurdles down like they

[01:54] jumping over. It turns out hurdle racing contains several anti-fun regulations I contains several anti-fun regulations I was previously unaware of. >> Y'all skip. >> Look, Max, if my dad catches me with

[02:07] >> It's truly fascinating how much of '90s family entertainment operated on a baseline of implied parental homicide. >> Mhm, >> Man, Pauly Shore got an unbelievable amount of mileage out of adding edge to

[02:20] the end of words. >> SHRED IT. FOR SNACK FOODS. >> GET IT, WUSSY. >> DESPITE THE ILLUSION and our instinctual default to cheese whiz, this specific

[02:33] cheese whiz, which came in a jar, not a this excited about any flavor of cheese baby. >> This is the kind of absolutely reckless

[02:46] displayed by someone who has never experienced meaningful social consequences. >> And also that I hope you can all come to my totally amazing end-of-school party next Saturday to watch Powerline concert

[02:59] >> '90s pay-per-view culture briefly allowed children to purchase social as an entirely reasonable foundation for friendship. Movie conveys impressive technical expertise by having Bobby perform irreversible structural damage

[03:12] to the school's A/V equipment. >> How about science slumber parties? Mazur encouraging science slumber parties immediately activated several mandatory reporting protocols. >> A little smoke it.

[03:27] before committing an entirely different category of misdemeanor. still need to let everyone know this works. of media was contractually obligated to include at least one moonwalk, and I

[03:41] from that. Surprise, wire work performed without performer feels significantly closer to criminal negligence than stagecraft. >> Oh, Max is a good kid. He'd never get mixed up in something like that.

[03:54] the assumption that good people are somehow incapable of doing simultaneously insisting that catastrophically stupid people can still >> I had one chance to impress Roxanne and I blew it.

[04:07] >> Max immediately concludes he's ruined everything, even though Roxanne is very emotional logic remains one of humanity's least evidence-based most profitable. >> It's the Leaning Tower of Cheesa. Huh.

[04:21] this was a line that Pauly Shore improvised, but that's an animated cheese that had to be drawn and animated. So, what was the original Leaning Tower of Cheesa? Disney somehow making canned cheese

[04:36] residue read like a substance abuse problem. Damn, Stacy. This movie's rated G. >> Um uh Roxanne. >> You don't have to put on a red light.

[04:49] GOING TO BREAK YOU. >> The movie frames this like a harmless workplace joke, but I can only dance during approved break periods feels like a surprisingly early symptom of modern labor culture. We really ignored a lot

[05:01] of red flags because Disney added music. Giving Principal Mazur the wall decor of someone who definitely uses a safe word. >> I'd seriously reevaluate the way you're raising your child BEFORE HE ENDS UP IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.

[05:15] >> The electric chair? >> I did some research to see if Ohio, had the electric chair as an option for the death penalty in 1995. And yes, they people in the Buckeye State. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that a state

[05:29] possible wouldn't love a good electrocution or two, but I didn't expect 13 more goddamn states to boot. Hope you continue to enjoy all the historical context I'll be sharing about anthropomorphic dogs. Also, this use of

[05:41] electric chair is framed as obvious comedic hyperbole, but Goofy never fully mildly worried about it. As Max's father, his response should have less why the [ __ ] are you discussing state-sponsored execution for a school

[05:54] incident? >> What am I going to do? >> Blue light special on aisle three. >> Goofy immediately accepting the first random sentence spoken by the universe as actionable guidance is never fully

[06:06] taken to task by this movie. >> I'm going fishing with my boy. >> Anyone who gets this excited about [ __ ] fishing. wicked dance. >> Thanks. I think the power of dance is

[06:18] being a tad overstated. >> Max! [screaming] Max! Bueller's Day Off, whole generations were convinced that teen angst justified Stealing the sky skateboard. >> Getting there is half the fun.

[06:34] significantly less inspirational once you begin testing it against you. >> You'll wrinkle my past. >> This sounds sweet until you unpack the fact that Goofy is saying Max's desire

[06:48] emotionally. The movie just disguises parental anxiety as warmth, humor, and communicate through passive-aggressive psychological warfare. parties when you're older.

[07:01] astonishing confidence considering human beings occasionally just die. Granted, meaningfully to those statistics. >> Guess I'll just have to go all alone. That's all. >> Goofy the manipulative [ __ ] may have

[07:16] film. >> Goodbye house. Goodbye mailbox. >> Is this an eccentric father or an adult man discovering object permanence?

[07:29] have to talk to someone. >> While weren't already being taught that emotional urgency occasionally justifies >> Oh, don't worry about it, Max. It's just a dumb [music] party.

[07:43] wanted to go with you. I >> Roxanne emotionally interpreting my father forced me into a surprise road trip as I chose not to prioritize you is psychological self-centering, even for a Disney romance subplot. Kids would

[07:58] absolutely get this is not his choice. And Max's dad is even there as a >> Yeah, my dad is my dad's taking me to the Powerline >> This movie frames this like Max has emotionally recovered the situation. But

[08:11] he is still actively canceling on Roxanne and not inviting her to the concert. Honestly, I'm canceling our date to go to a cool concert should land forcing me onto a fishing trip. >> Uh well, you see my dad

[08:25] um knew knows knows Powerline. They they used to play together in a band. function as one of evolution's least ethical creative writing tools. >> Out on the open road, retracing the steps of my boyhood. And here

[08:40] >> Goofy prioritizing cinematography over basic roadway awareness quietly laying the foundation for the Fast franchise. >> What kind of games they used to play >> Goofy appears to retrieve memories exclusively through spoken exposition.

[08:53] >> Walt Disney. >> Walt Disney. Goof is now singing questions at Max asking if he longs to shed his weary load. And I have to say Max is angry that he's on this trip and unable to go on his date with Roxanne.

[09:07] drives like a klutz. Which is unfathomably disconnected from the visuals that suggest either elite stunt training or complete spiritual immunity to death. Max singing longingly about hoping Roxanne doesn't forget him is

[09:19] psychological trauma making this scene medically unpleasant for me. Now this fatal workplace accident with the emotional seriousness of a pie to the face. Goofy interpreting creepy smiling piano man in the back of a moving truck

[09:32] as wholesome roadside fun instead of the the act of a horror movie. These ladies Nashville, but even in pre-everyone-has-GPS-on-their-phones you're headed in the right direction for a major [ __ ] city? Also, Nashville.

[09:47] threatening to tow Goofy's car at highway speed, which feels logistically ambitious, even by cartoon standards. Goofy and Max conveniently driving past a state prison transport when Goofy is conveniently concerned about Max's

[10:00] convenient. This couple bluntly added suggestive lyrics about having an odd romantic episode, but they never finish the story. Mickey and Donald appearing corporation manufactured this emotional experience.

[10:13] whimsical note despite accidentally necessary for a catastrophic chain reaction death scene. Man, Final relationship with infrastructure. >> Dad, you're going to get us killed.

[10:25] >> The dialogue briefly acknowledges that Goofy's driving could realistically kill resumes pretending it's adorable. >> You party pooper. Come on. This is going >> It will not. >> Lester's proud to present the possum

[10:41] possy jamboree. Here it is. >> Disney proudly presents the slow death of the performing arts in real time. Lesters, the idea of anywhere near this many people getting excited about a

[10:54] jamboreeish. >> Who's your favorite possum? >> There aren't many possible answers to this question, so let me explain that if regular old bandicoot. If you choose Miss Possum, you might as well throw

[11:08] your racist ass in a briar patch. And if you select Pogo, you can go [ __ ] off in the Okefenokee Swamp. Got it? Good. >> Let's go. >> Let me introduce you to the possy. >> I'm genuinely not convinced the Five

[11:21] scarier version of this concept. >> Here's Beuford, Beulah, and Mordecai. >> Excitement? >> Hey, Lester. Ready for yodeling? questions. In the call and response

[11:36] possum, "Don't you want to be hanging from a tree?" To which the possum possum do not possess a strong enough association with tree antics to prevent the phrase from transforming this cute possum song into a deeply alarming

[11:49] >> My life's a living >> Hello, little buddy. a curse word right before it is cut off with a non naughty word that has the cliche. >> I know. You need a big hug from Lester.

[12:04] >> Don't even think about it. >> 90s kids deserve more credit than they get for navigating a world where mascots aggressively disregarded clearly established physical boundaries. >> You have got to be kidding.

[12:16] like this, but he's got to be kidding, too, right? Goofy might be the most sincere person ever exist on film. Max has to [ __ ] know this and should know when his daddy is and is not joking. Max currently has a live possum under

[12:29] out of him, but not only does no one offer any help, the band decides this some tunes. If Max's goal when he stormed out was to leave altogether, car first? Was he going to drive? Wouldn't Goofy have the keys? Why is he

[12:44] hitchhiking? >> This is the stupidest vacation. You Call me when the trip's over. >> I get that the movie wants us to feel sad for Goofy here, but he dragged Max on a vacation and Max had no interest in

[12:56] going. More importantly, he sprung the trip out of nowhere when Max was elated his dreams and instead of showing any empathy towards his son, he dragged him along anyway. I get Goofy wanted to bond with his son and make sure that the

[13:08] principal made it out to be, but god damn, this was not the right way and the movie should [ __ ] know that. I don't really get the Davy Crockett caps, but god damn head still on them. Who wants to appear to be wearing a dead possum on

[13:22] their heads? Movie expects me to believe this tent is big enough to fit Goofy and believe you, movie. You want to get in some fishing practice? Thinking anyone needs practice to stand holding a fishing pole. Goofy's

[13:35] neck and back have survived this horrible posture. Pete pulling up in his environmental crime utility vehicle like the RDA landing on Pandora signals through line into Avatar. >> Now, that's camping.

[13:48] But also, the term glamping really gets under my skin. So, here's an extra sin people say. Pete? That's a strange way for Goofy to say, "You mother you almost ran me over and left my child fatherless."

[14:03] >> What a serendipity do-da. >> Using Disney speak to hang a hat on plot convenience. Also, scene does not contain a John Paul Cusack or Kate There's a lot of stairs inside the RV, and while multi-story motorhomes do

[14:17] exist, we could see from the outside that there's no way this is one of them. same principle as a TARDIS. Turning on PJ's music without his >> OUT LOUD. >> PJ SHOWS US HOW TO HAVE FUN EVEN WHEN

[14:31] your dad is a superior [ __ ] but somehow he is not the protagonist. Making this make more sense than Pete just rolling another ball down the lane not getting the [ __ ] strike. And here, he's not even getting a legal

[14:43] >> If you keep them under your thumb, they'll never end up in the gutter. making sure you're controlling every aspect of your child's life to the point society when they are on their own as adults. Family films always make bad

[14:59] parenting incredibly easy to identify. >> Dad, I don't even know how to fish. hook, and you hold the rod and hope to catch a fish. Anyone acting like there's is pretentious as [ __ ] and you should move away from them as quickly as

[15:12] general. >> Let me show you a little family secret handed down through about 12 or 13 Goof generations. >> Just want to point out that Goofy's full name is Goofy Goof. It's like people

[15:25] with the last name head naming their son Richard. Goofy Goof's parents are dicks. >> The perfect cast. >> Like Glengarry Glen Ross, like that? Shore, Dolph Lundgren, Flo from Progressive Insurance, Mr. Bill, and

[15:38] Ariana Madix. And you know you would watch a [ __ ] out of a movie with that >> You got to be loony. Relax. Relax with your feet apart. >> Proctological procedure prep somehow makes it into the script.

[15:52] >> Go to the store. Two or you pay. Twist. Over. Potta do. I'm a little teapot. >> While that Disney didn't get in any from A River Runs Through It. >> At that moment, I knew surely and

[16:05] that I was witnessing perfection. Goofy's normal-sized fishing rod goes against the laws of fishing rod physics, something I just made up because I couldn't figure out a way to end this

[16:17] Choosing to take a bite out of a stick instead of the fresh steak that landed at your feet. >> It's Bigfoot. Max. It could be the Sasquatch known as Bigfoot, but the chances of that are

[16:29] being a race of animals known as Sasquatch. Probably not a Frankenstein's to turn it into one. >> BEHOLD LEGENDARY BIGFOOT.

[16:44] immediately dropped the camera. >> It's locked. Quick, the sunroof. your conveniently locked car is convenient. Bigfoot knows what car keys convenient. Bigfoot knows what car keys are.

[16:58] >> X-Men. Also, Bigfoot does not have the puppetry skills of the Super Mario like a missed opportunity for a movie released 21 years before. >> Man, I'm starving. You

[17:11] alphabet soup coming up. >> It's weird that Asking You Shall Receive only got paid as a day player on this show. The Bee Gees Stayin' Alive is Bigfoot now has on his head. And the most unbelievable part of this movie,

[17:23] which I might remind you has a [ __ ] Bigfoot in it, is that Max's power line loving ass would ever be listening to the Bee Gees. Also, who has time for >> Well, it's nice to know this thing's good for something.

[17:35] lighter can burn your fingerprint off, but it can't heat an entire can of soup >> What's so funny? >> Not the last 44 minutes of this movie, I >> Is it soup yet? >> It always was soup, Max. It would have

[17:50] little less cold soup, but it's always been [ __ ] soup. >> Wow, where did you learn to do that? >> Max acting like his dad biting down on a can lid with his oversized teeth is some

[18:02] seems like a very good way to get all the broth out of the can without any of >> Well, we might as well get some shut eye. I >> You should not. You have no idea what Bigfoot is capable of, and you should

[18:16] keep an eye on him all night. Also, I'm now way too curious about how they're bathroom situation. Max conveniently having the exact letters he needed and no more to spell out "Hi, Dad" is convenient.

[18:29] >> Kid can't get to sleep because his father and the Sasquatch sleeping What? I've seen some weird [ __ ] movies.

[18:41] without him getting one. >> Dear Roxanne, just choosing to make it one? Because there's nothing on the side he's writing it is a postcard, why did he buy a [ __ ] postcard? And how exactly is he

[18:55] damn woods? Having a glove compartment light that glows on the entire person sitting outside of it, like the god damn Having a pencil that is sentient enough to know your true wishes and can

[19:08] make Max scream and take his chances outside with the Sasquatch, instead of he might be able to go to Los Angeles. That pencil is clearly evil, Max. Run. Max actually expects that changing the route on the map will work. And somehow

[19:23] isn't looking at the map anymore. But there is no reason for Max to have choice suddenly. >> How many cups of sugar does it take to >> I did the math on this and eventually realized the bigger issue is that I

[19:36] calculating the thermodynamic limitations of a hypothetical something like 16.4 million cups, give or take several million because math. Littering. Also leaving your car window open when there's a hungry Sasquatch

[19:51] >> Here you go, hon. Eggs. >> Uh-oh. Yeah, here right here. Sorry. >> Did she need verbal confirmation to put >> Here you go, cutie. >> Strangers calling you cutie, baby, or

[20:05] consent. Max's bacon has disappeared and no, it's not under the excess yolk. Yolk is not covering any of the plate that the bacon was originally on. And why is no one more concerned about the missing bacon?

[20:17] more concerned about the missing bacon? >> I Goofy hereby dub my son Maximilian official navigator and head which wayer of this here road trip. hedge knight. Placing your dirty shoe on a surface people [ __ ] eat off of.

[20:32] >> I'm not even looking at the map anymore. >> But who's to say Max can even read a read a map and I lived when maps were Oh, thank god. At least the bacon is back on the plate. Still pissed no one

[20:44] was concerned about its disappearance in the first place. It's bacon, people. Also diners that only give you one [ __ ] strip of bacon with your order. the big rig parking area. Goofy doesn't serve any time for all the

[20:57] the cabanas. This Goof's only bathroom can't possibly Movie's plot doesn't further explore the creepy fact that these nuns have been following Max and Goofy since the diner. Sure, Goofy negligently cut the rope,

[21:11] the legally required signage for hoisting a piano with an invisible rope. been liable, which means leaving the mime to die was more of a creative mime to die was more of a creative choice than an act of self-preservation.

[21:29] trip. Do they have more than one spare tire? And if so, why? The fact that I personally find the play on words with Carl's butt caverns as getting a sin. Look, sometimes I suck as well. Seriously, where the [ __ ] are they

[21:43] even keeping all those spare tires? >> Check out the bed. whimsical instead of biologically threatening. >> The innocent's required to see a motel dresser as whimsical instead of

[21:56] >> The innocent's required to You know what? I'm just going to say it. There's >> I can't believe you, man. Whatever made you think your dad would fall for a >> It wasn't stupid. >> It was.

[22:18] >> Taking a break from the MTV generation, huh? have known how dated this reference would be 20 years later. You had one god damn job, MTV, show music videos, and you [ __ ] it up.

[22:31] P.J. that he changed the map. >> As much as I wish Sport Pack were in this movie, he is not. Disney really began fumbling the MCU long before they I mean, yeah, Goofy is going to betray his son's trust by checking the map, but

[22:43] I'm honestly more concerned that he would just sit in the car in a bathing without putting the towel underneath him. rundown on how they achieved this level of pizza dispersion. I'm not saying that

[22:56] red and blue Route 66 road signs didn't exist, just that in 1995, those colors Interstate Highway System, making this sign not federally compliant. sign not federally compliant. >> Come on, Max.

[23:09] opportunity to wrap this up in under 60 >> I got to tell you something, Dad. >> Why bother? I'm probably too stupid to could have just taken the correct turn

[23:22] you were disappointed in him. I would say Max is a dick to tires, but amount of spare tires, I guess it doesn't matter. Thinking you can catch up to a runaway car on foot and they [ __ ] do it with the help of a random

[23:35] the [ __ ] >> I didn't do anything, Dad. I only >> Puberty conversations. >> I never wanted to go. ARE THEY STUPID? >> [screaming] >> Making Max's exclamation about not

[23:50] wanting to go on the vacation rev up the third act conflict cliché, even though Goofy. >> I've got my own life now. I know that. I just wanted to be part of >> Aw, skip.

[24:04] >> You're my son, Max. No matter how big you get, you'll always be my son. situation where the [ __ ] car, along with the two of you, are about to drown. Also, the car will, I [ __ ] you not, survive this. They will honestly drive

[24:19] generation will spend a lifetime surviving crashes they absolutely intervention, as this movie would suggest, but because the National has spent decades forcing car manufacturers to improve safety

[24:31] This car remains floaty for exactly as long as the plot requires, instead of immediately sinking the way physics and or chemistry would have preferred. an hour, and I really wish it could have forgotten for just 12 more minutes.

[24:44] >> Anyway, I figure she's never going to want to >> And with good reason. There was no reason to lie to her about any of this. make us feel actual sympathy for Goofy or Max.

[24:56] I think the only thing for us to do now is to get you up on stage with this >> thinking this is the lesson that Max should learn. Also, assuming Goofy still which it seems like he [ __ ] does, this car accident actually gives Max a

[25:10] the show, but they won't just take that win in favor of doing more crime. >> A waterfall. >> IF ANYONE EVER GETS STUCK IN A MOVING river in a movie, there has to be a big

[25:22] cliché. This works or Max and Goofy survive this, your choice. I choose both. >> Perfect cast. >> The Godfather Part Two. >> Also, scene does not contain a Mr. T,

[25:35] Patrick Starfish, Lucy Liu, Limu Emu, and Carrot Top, and you know you would cast. >> And it's not over yet. >> Doesn't mean it shouldn't be. Can we roll credits? Please?

[25:47] car out of that waterfall. Let's just fast forward to that concert. Also, them. The movie skips over the significantly more complicated operation themselves inside these music cases undetected. It's genuinely the most

[26:02] would be like Ethan Hunt's entire plan being, step one, we steal the knock list. Step two, we have the knock list. >> Uh maybe this isn't such a good idea. >> The power of boners continues to be the cause and solution to stage fright.

[26:14] >> That goof kid ain't there. >> Bobby, who helped Max stage an elaborate cheese, referring to him as that goof kid, like they've never shared a This stage prop appears to violently electrocute whoever's inside it, which

[26:28] means Powerline presumably does this to himself during every performance. It's dancers. >> Hey, hey Dad, Dad, do the perfect cast. >> Goofy has not been tackled by security yet. This [ __ ] homicidal crowd

[26:41] guard. The movie treats this like Max has willing to dance and have fun with Goofy, despite the fact that they are now on stage at the exact concert Max has spent the entire film desperately

[26:53] been Max finding joy with his dad somewhere other than the place he already wanted to go. This isn't character development so much as all of Max's incentives achieving perfect alignment.

[27:07] movie. >> Well, if she doesn't, maybe she's just >> If Roxanne doesn't want to date Max because he lied to her and betrayed her, terrible father. >> You mean that story about Powerline and

[27:22] something like that? >> Roxanne fails to recognize one of the recorded. >> I guess I just wanted you to like me. >> I already liked you, Max.

[27:34] retroactively invalidate an astonishing amount of this movie. inconvenience instead of a life-altering event, the more everyone's emotional

[27:48] this universe has ever had to develop a healthy relationship with consequences >> Roxanne, I'd like you to meet my dad. >> I'm not saying I wanted to see Roxanne's dad beat Goofy's ass after crashing

[28:00] through his roof, but I'm not not saying it, either.