Everything Wrong With The Entire Fast & Furious Franchise

[00:11] Just packed up a real money load and

[00:12] it's coming your way.

[00:14] >> Inside man on shipping heist crew risks

[00:16] everything by openly talking about the

[00:17] theft at his workplace.

[00:20] >> Honking truck driver is oblivious to

[00:22] obvious heist. Also with two hands on

[00:24] the wheel, he's not honking anything.

[00:26] truck just happens to have clearance to

[00:28] accommodate a car driving underneath it.

[00:29] When we first meet the Torettos, it's at

[00:31] their family restaurant with the hot

[00:32] sister working the counter. But then we

[00:34] never see this restaurant again, and no

[00:35] one in the entire Toretto clan has to

[00:37] work there for the rest of the movie.

[00:38] Synchronized driving. Also, no one in LA

[00:41] is driving around today. Just these

[00:42] [ __ ]

[00:45] >> Okay, so according to Mia, Brian has

[00:46] been coming to this restaurant every day

[00:48] for 3 weeks, but this [ __ ] Vince is

[00:50] just now getting pissed off about it.

[00:52] >> Cliche villain is cliche cliche. Watch

[00:55] your back. Watch your back. [music]

[00:57] >> The song Watch Your Back.

[00:58] >> Just can't climb in the ring with Ali

[01:00] cuz you think you box.

[01:02] >> He knows I can box.

[01:04] >> Yeah, he knows that you can hit him in

[01:05] the face. But we're talking about

[01:06] racing right?

[01:08] >> What the hell's going on?

[01:09] >> The only person who is inconvenienced by

[01:11] all this is a pizza delivery guy. And I

[01:13] suspect only because the movie had a

[01:14] tie-in with Pizza Hut. Do you really

[01:16] need to lay down a chalk starting line

[01:18] right next to the already there

[01:19] permanent painted white line? Isn't this

[01:21] like playing Rock Band before you go out

[01:23] to play a live show? I got a 187 in

[01:25] Glendale. Cops [music] are all over,

[01:27] man. We're good to

[01:28] >> murder. It's fantastic. Also, one murder

[01:31] is enough to tie up all of LAPD's forces

[01:34] so that the illegal and super loud

[01:35] street race can take place.

[01:41] Wait, his car is still running? There

[01:43] was white smoke coming from under the

[01:45] hood, which I usually take as a bad

[01:47] sign. I mean, look at this. You're

[01:49] telling me this car can even run when it

[01:50] does this? minutes. We have reported

[01:52] street racing along Hawthorne.

[01:54] >> Now, wait just a damn minute. Earlier

[01:56] during the race, we saw them driving

[01:57] past 120th Street. And the police

[01:59] dispatcher says they're on Hawthorne,

[02:01] which puts them roughly here, like three

[02:04] blocks from LAX. There was no way in

[02:06] hell these streets would be this

[02:07] deserted or that it would take anywhere

[02:09] near this long for the racing to be

[02:10] reported to the cops.

[02:11] >> Toretto, stop right there. The cops

[02:14] recognize Tretto, but he runs anyway,

[02:16] which turns out to be a good strategy

[02:17] since the cops never show up at his

[02:19] house later to question him about the

[02:20] street race in which he was placed at

[02:21] the scene. Okay, so Toretto is running

[02:23] down this alley, and the cop had already

[02:25] turned his car around, but apparently

[02:26] the cop can't close the distance before

[02:28] Brian does way down at the end of the

[02:29] street here. Did anything really happen

[02:31] to Brian's car? He can still lead a

[02:33] high-speed chase with this thing. This

[02:35] station wagon honks its horn at Brian's

[02:37] car, but the station wagon has a red

[02:38] light, which makes it all the more

[02:39] stupid when the station wagon guy honks

[02:41] at a cop and runs into his car. How the

[02:43] hell did the Asian street gang know that

[02:45] Tretto would be in this otherwise random

[02:47] green car driving down a lonely stretch

[02:48] of road?

[02:51] >> These pictures.

[02:52] >> You can have any brew you want

[02:54] >> as long as it's a Corona.

[02:56] >> Roll credits. Oh, wait. This is a movie,

[02:59] not a beer commercial.

[03:00] >> Thanks, man.

[03:01] >> That's Vincent, so enjoy it.

[03:03] >> Villain backwash.

[03:04] >> Hey, buddy. You got a bathroom?

[03:07] >> First door on the right.

[03:09] >> Twostory house has no bathroom on the

[03:10] first floor.

[03:13] news. Will you take these things off?

[03:15] These cops make Brian wear the handcuffs

[03:17] all the way back to police headquarters.

[03:18] So, this guy owns a restaurant, a house,

[03:20] a professional auto garage, and wins

[03:22] constantly at street racing. What the

[03:24] does he have to be stealing [ __ ] for

[03:26] again? Who's manning the Toretto Delhi

[03:28] restaurant? Anyone? Makes for a cool

[03:30] shot, but no one who is truly putting a

[03:32] car together would buy all the parts at

[03:33] once, open them from their packaging,

[03:35] and lay them out on the ground like

[03:36] this. It's going to take more than an

[03:38] afternoon to use all these parts. You

[03:40] know, I think we should go out sometime.

[03:41] >> No, I don't I don't date my brother's

[03:43] friends,

[03:43] >> but I do make myself look good for them

[03:45] if they happen to show up to a party and

[03:46] I wasn't expecting them.

[03:47] >> Cha cha cha.

[03:48] >> Yeah, that's it.

[03:49] >> Yeah.

[03:51] >> Well, you can take me there.

[03:52] >> Mia says she's tired of all the

[03:54] fighting, but then teases Vince and asks

[03:55] Brian out right in front of him.

[03:57] >> Hey, you said you need three of all this

[03:59] stuff.

[03:59] >> Movie piles an orgy of evidence against

[04:01] the Hispanic street racers by having

[04:02] Hector order parts for the exact number

[04:04] of oddly specific Honda Civics

[04:06] implicated in the truck heists. Oh, come

[04:08] on. You're an undercover cop, man.

[04:10] Haven't you ever heard of parking a few

[04:11] blocks away or using a different car

[04:13] when doing your undercover? Dude, you

[04:15] are right across the street from these

[04:16] fools. Don't you think waving a

[04:18] flashlight around in their garage is a

[04:19] good way to get caught?

[04:20] >> Mo like a cop.

[04:22] >> So, Toretto somehow knew Brian was going

[04:24] to do something copish. So, he agreed to

[04:25] let the hotthehead tail him even though

[04:27] he's been pissed at the head for hating

[04:28] Brian all movie.

[04:30] >> He's a cop.

[04:31] >> I know we need to create some dramatic

[04:32] tension, but all Brian did was break

[04:34] into a garage. How on earth did

[04:36] hotthehead guy jump to the conclusion

[04:37] that he's a cop? Do criminals never

[04:39] break an enter? Is that something only

[04:41] cops do? Johnny trans guys spotted

[04:43] Dretto and Brian's green car earlier

[04:45] just because he was driving in their

[04:46] neighborhood, but now he just drives one

[04:47] of his own cars into that same

[04:49] neighborhood without any issue. Dom and

[04:50] crew access the Asian garage through

[04:52] some bull [music] hatch on the roof.

[04:54] Also, the Asian garage full of street

[04:55] racing cars has an easily accessible

[04:57] roof.

[04:57] >> There's no engines.

[04:59] >> What are they planning on racing with?

[05:00] Hopes and dreams.

[05:01] >> Yep. Hopes and dreams. They couldn't

[05:03] possibly be putting new engines in later

[05:05] or as we find out in a second, someone

[05:07] stole them. Movie piles an orgy of

[05:08] evidence against the Asian street racers

[05:10] by having a stash of the exact number of

[05:12] oddly specific Panasonic DVD players

[05:14] stolen in the truck heists in their

[05:15] garage.

[05:16] >> But Jess,

[05:20] [music]

[05:21] we got a wolf pack.

[05:23] >> Dude, that took you forever to spit out.

[05:25] Were you worried the guys on the

[05:26] motorcycle might hear you?

[05:29] >> They didn't see him.

[05:30] >> We got no WAY TO DO IT. YES, thieving is

[05:33] bad, but your garage is not the most

[05:34] fortified place in the world. And even

[05:36] after someone stole your engines, you

[05:37] didn't even crack down on security.

[05:39] >> A garage full of DVD players and

[05:41] generally psychotic behavior. And tell

[05:42] me why we shouldn't move on Johnny TR

[05:44] right now. And see,

[05:45] >> can the FBI arrest someone based on the

[05:46] illegal breakin of an undercover cop? I

[05:48] mean, why not make everyone an

[05:49] undercover cop if you can just break

[05:51] into any place and find evidence?

[05:53] >> I watched my dad burn to death.

[05:56] >> Main character had a dad who died doing

[05:57] the same cliche. Random unexplained shot

[06:00] of a car graveyard. has made his

[06:01] decision. We're going to move on Johnny

[06:03] Tran and his guys at 1700 hours.

[06:05] >> Why so long? That's like 5:00 in the

[06:07] afternoon. Would they really take the

[06:09] unnecessary risk of letting their only

[06:10] undercover officer in the street racing

[06:12] world participate in the police raid of

[06:13] a street racing team? So, these FBI guys

[06:15] are going to crack down on an Asian

[06:17] gang, but why are we seeing Donald Ley's

[06:19] sex scene during it? Does their sex have

[06:21] anything to do with this sting

[06:22] operation?

[06:23] >> The DVD players were purchased legally.

[06:25] So naturally, they would store them in

[06:26] the garage of their race cars because

[06:28] that's what you would do when you're a

[06:29] gun toing Asian street gang. You buy

[06:31] electronics in bulk and store them for

[06:33] safekeeping.

[06:34] >> I know there's no end you paid for all

[06:35] that that's under the hood of those cars

[06:37] by doing tuneups and selling groceries.

[06:40] >> Well, yeah, he won a load of money in

[06:41] those illegal drag races. You were

[06:43] there. What's up, man? Welcome to Race

[06:45] Wars.

[06:45] >> And if you can read lips, welcome to

[06:47] race wars again. So on the street race

[06:48] to open the movie, they used red chalk

[06:50] to mark the starting line. But at the

[06:52] uber big deal race wars, they set out

[06:54] jugs of antifreeze to mark the center

[06:55] line of the racetrack. Really?

[07:01] >> Did this guy seriously come to race wars

[07:03] without NS in his car? What a idiot.

[07:05] This event is too large [music] and too

[07:07] illegal to ever actually be pulled off

[07:08] without cops descending to arrest

[07:10] everyone. Why does the post-race pathway

[07:12] marked with metal trash cans lead racers

[07:14] directly to Tretto's tent? [music]

[07:17] >> No, don't give me that crap. We're doing

[07:18] this for you. There is no way Brian

[07:20] could plainly hear this from this

[07:22] distance inside a motor home while

[07:23] technomusic blasts outside.

[07:25] >> Okay, what's the cell number?

[07:27] >> What's the cell phone number?

[07:28] >> Bull. You don't know Dom's cell phone

[07:30] number? Does he only give that out to

[07:32] family or something? I mean, even if he

[07:35] didn't give it to you, wouldn't that be

[07:36] high on the list of things you need to

[07:37] get during an investigation? Yeah, I

[07:39] guess no one ever comes up here to this

[07:40] sewage treatment plant or [music]

[07:41] whatever it is. They definitely wouldn't

[07:43] report the suspicious cars parked

[07:45] outside. Civics are stuck somewhere

[07:46] outside of thermal.

[07:48] >> So, normally when Dom and his crew have

[07:49] to get the cars, they have to make the

[07:50] 2-hour drive from LA to Thermal. How do

[07:53] they catch up with a truck that has a

[07:54] 2-hour head start?

[07:55] >> We shouldn't be doing this without

[07:56] Jesse.

[07:57] >> And what did Jesse do? You have three

[07:59] cars. Someone basically plays passenger

[08:01] the whole time anyway with this rash of

[08:03] truck robberies happening. Why do any

[08:04] truck drivers go down this stretch of

[08:06] road and with no partners or help? Also,

[08:08] these roads never have any other drivers

[08:10] on them. Look, this is the exact same

[08:12] way they've been jacking trucks the

[08:14] whole movie. Isn't it about time the

[08:16] truck drivers put something in the front

[08:17] seat to prevent this? Like a mannequin

[08:19] or a stack of books hanging from the

[08:21] front of a semi at 65 mph on the

[08:23] highway? Better take off that helmet.

[08:27] >> I'm going to

[08:29] >> I know. What a dick. Defending his

[08:30] truck. And Dom's car has amazing

[08:33] resilience with a blown out tire. He's

[08:34] still keeping up with the truck with no

[08:36] problem. Isn't it someone's job to make

[08:38] sure the stunt men at least somewhat

[08:40] resemble the actors they're taking the

[08:41] place of? Okay, it's 2001. We're in a

[08:43] desert. Sure. Cell phones work fine.

[08:46] Wow, Dom, perfect timing. How did you

[08:49] know to take this route? Also, Lance was

[08:51] right on Brian's tail. So, how is there

[08:53] enough space for Dom to come roaring in

[08:54] like this? This truck driver sees two

[08:56] souped-up cars speeding down the street

[08:57] and says, "Yep, probably safe to pull

[08:59] out in traffic."

[09:03] Cop lets bad guy go, and the movie

[09:05] treats it like an act of heroism. End

[09:06] credit scene used to tease the sequel

[09:08] stars the one guy who won't be in the

[09:10] next two sequels. Also, despite a highly

[09:12] probable warrant for his arrest, Dom

[09:13] makes it into Mexico with no problem.

[09:21] Unnecessary forcing of the Universal

[09:23] logo onto Carwheel is unnecessary.

[09:26] >> These jackasses are yelling and making

[09:27] all kinds of noise while rushing out

[09:28] when they'd be safer just beinging quiet

[09:30] and going at a normal speed. If TZ

[09:32] really owns a garage and worked on cars,

[09:34] you might expect his outfit to be a

[09:35] little dirtier. But what you don't know

[09:37] is this is his formal jumpsuit. Movie is

[09:39] a dick to people with epilepsy. Even

[09:40] though Suki is one of the four racers

[09:42] tonight, she's wearing an insane outfit

[09:43] more conducive to a slow-mo grinding

[09:45] dance montage than a street race. Suki's

[09:47] pit crew consists of two people who

[09:48] barely know how to use shammy towels.

[09:50] Sexual assault.

[09:51] >> Now, where's your fourth at?

[09:52] >> Can someone remind me why we need four

[09:54] drivers for this race? Is it to force

[09:55] awkward character introductions?

[09:56] >> You want to race tonight?

[09:58] >> Yeah, you know, I could use the money.

[09:59] >> Okay, so Brian needs money, so why

[10:01] hasn't he been able to get in any street

[10:02] races? Why is he just now being called

[10:04] about this awesome street race? You know

[10:06] why I think he's not already there? The

[10:07] movie wanted to make Brian's entrance

[10:09] more dramatic. Hell, the guy lives in

[10:10] Ted's garage, so it's not like these

[10:12] guys are mere acquaintances. Movie

[10:14] wastes time with what I can only assume

[10:15] is exhibit wet dream. Miami, in addition

[10:17] to being a huge city of over 2 million

[10:19] people, is also dead empty everywhere

[10:20] you go because Miami is boring. No one

[10:22] calls the cops on this loud, invasive

[10:24] group of [ __ ] that illegally blocked

[10:26] off roads in a semi- urban area.

[10:28] >> Nobody said nothing about raising the

[10:29] stakes.

[10:30] >> Brian comes in at the last minute,

[10:31] suggests raising the stakes, and

[10:32] suddenly everybody has to raise the

[10:33] stakes just because he said so. And

[10:35] while Brian needs money, he can

[10:36] apparently plunk down $3,500 on a

[10:38] goddamn car race.

[10:39] >> 35 large, huh? Either that or you can go

[10:41] home.

[10:42] >> Why do all four of them have at least

[10:43] $3,500 on hand? I get their criminals,

[10:45] but this still seems like an

[10:46] irresponsibly large amount of money to

[10:47] keep on your person.

[10:48] >> When you going to pop my clutch,

[10:49] >> Ted will certainly eat his words when

[10:51] Suki grabs the head of his penis and

[10:52] jerks it like a clutch. You know, it

[10:54] might be helpful if we had any idea how

[10:56] this course is mapped out to get more

[10:57] involved with this race. As is, it's

[10:59] just racing shifting blurriness. Movie

[11:02] expects me to believe that all these

[11:03] streets are empty and all these stop

[11:04] lights are disabled because a group of

[11:06] people in a pickup truck put up a road

[11:07] close sign.

[11:08] >> Move, [ __ ]

[11:09] >> Suki's car top is down, yet her hair

[11:11] isn't out of control blowing in her

[11:12] face, and she's able to audibly scream

[11:14] expletives at other drivers. This guy

[11:16] just hit the NOS button, but acts

[11:17] surprised when his car starts going

[11:18] faster. Wait, does the NOS take a car

[11:20] into hyperspace?

[11:21] >> Hit it, baby. Hit it.

[11:23] >> Pedge not only knows someone who can

[11:24] make a drawbridge go up in the middle of

[11:26] the night, but also someone who knows

[11:27] how to kill four street racers with this

[11:28] move. If Slapjack is only going over

[11:30] 100, then seconds later, Brian hits the

[11:32] NOS and is blasting past 160. How is

[11:34] Slapjack not eating Brian's dust? These

[11:36] cars don't nose dive into the pavement,

[11:37] stopping them immediately and killing

[11:38] the drivers instantly. This wreck is

[11:40] brought to you by I forgot what company

[11:42] it is. Also, wasn't he just going close

[11:44] to 100 miles an hour? How the is he not

[11:46] dead?

[11:46] >> So, you know, we can we can work on that

[11:48] front end of yours.

[11:49] >> At this rate, Ted may run out of sexual

[11:51] car ponds. Perfect timing. Despite

[11:53] everyone getting pinned in by cops as

[11:55] they try to escape street race central,

[11:56] Brian apparently has some here to for

[11:58] unknown secret exit out of this place so

[12:00] he can outrun the cops. Lucius Fox is

[12:01] apparently designing weapons for the

[12:03] FBI.

[12:03] >> Card of her own. Born in Argentina.

[12:05] >> Expositional cop briefing cliche. And

[12:07] >> if I don't here's a list of the laws you

[12:09] broke in LA.

[12:10] >> Movie assumes that if it triple X's

[12:12] itself a little bit, we won't notice

[12:13] that Vin Diesel isn't in it.

[12:14] >> What would be better motor for my

[12:15] Skyline? A Gallow 12 or a Gallow 24? 24.

[12:19] I didn't know pizza places made motors.

[12:20] Why is it in movies that the FBI is

[12:22] somehow this incompetent when it comes

[12:23] to undercover work? Like they can't find

[12:25] anybody who knows cars in the entirety

[12:27] of the bureau.

[12:28] >> That's your boy in Monte Carlo.

[12:29] >> Agent Billkins doesn't already know

[12:30] this.

[12:31] >> He's crazy as hell.

[12:32] >> Sounds like just the kind of liability

[12:33] that the FBI loves to take on. The front

[12:35] of Roman's car smashed to. There's no

[12:37] way he could get the nose of his car

[12:38] under this station wagon enough to flip

[12:40] it. Also, this ridiculous redneck

[12:42] demolition derby doesn't prove he's a

[12:43] good driver in the slightest. It proves

[12:44] he's an idiot for not wearing a helmet.

[12:46] >> Blondy head. Not a cop anymore.

[12:48] >> That's true. No badge. Roman asks

[12:50] Bilkins this question like he knows that

[12:52] Bilkins is a cop who can corroborate

[12:53] Brian's previous statement. As Roman and

[12:55] Brian fight here, I wonder why the did

[12:57] he think this was the best guy to get

[12:59] for the job. Sure, he can play a street

[13:01] racer, no problem, but work for the

[13:02] cops. He could have probably asked any

[13:04] number of people to do this job and it

[13:05] would have been better than this guy.

[13:06] That's like the fourth or fifth good

[13:07] punch Rome has gotten in during this

[13:08] fight. Yet Brian's face remains

[13:10] unscathed.

[13:10] >> I need you to come to Miami and drive

[13:12] with me. If you do, they'll take off

[13:14] that anklet and they'll clear your

[13:15] entire record. I did 3 years in jail. I

[13:18] know you better than you think.

[13:19] >> This deal legit.

[13:20] >> Rome went from dismissing Brian's

[13:22] request because he's a habitual betrayer

[13:23] to being interested in the deal in

[13:25] literally 15 seconds.

[13:27] >> I thought you couldn't wander more than

[13:28] 100 yards from your home.

[13:29] >> Why you think I'm parked so close to the

[13:30] derby?

[13:31] >> God damn it. Do they really expect me to

[13:33] believe that a judge sentenced a man to

[13:35] house arrest who lives in a mobile home?

[13:37] That's not house arrest. That's just

[13:38] being completely free because she can

[13:39] drive that [ __ ] thing anywhere. Also,

[13:41] how the would this even work? Those

[13:42] ankle monitors rely on geo fencing which

[13:44] is fixed to a specific location. It's

[13:46] not a magical anklet that can tell you

[13:47] when you walk a certain distance away

[13:48] from a Winnebago. They would have to put

[13:50] a tracking device in his mobile home in

[13:52] order to see how far away he is from it.

[13:53] But unless they arrest the thing for

[13:55] aiding in a bedding, that would be

[13:56] extremely unfair to an innocent

[13:57] Winnebago.

[13:58] >> I don't know if I should be trusting

[13:59] you man.

[14:00] >> Does Roman have some outstanding

[14:01] warrants the movie forgot to tell us

[14:02] about. We've established these aren't

[14:04] crooked cops. Unless you count hiring

[14:05] former criminals whose only marketable

[14:07] skill is driving well to do their

[14:08] undercover work as crooked. So why is he

[14:10] worth? Does he think they're going to

[14:11] arrest him for something he's already

[14:13] served jail time for? I wouldn't need a

[14:14] fresh start if it wasn't for you.

[14:16] >> Have we established that Rome blames

[14:17] Brian for his criminal record? We have

[14:19] three times in the last 5 minutes. Okay,

[14:20] great. Just checking.

[14:22] >> I'm not going back to bar stuff.

[14:24] >> Takes Roman a matter of seconds to

[14:25] overcome any objections he has to going

[14:26] through with this deal. It's almost as

[14:28] if this movie is just manufacturing all

[14:29] this [ __ ] conflict.

[14:30] >> Me Monica Fuentes

[14:31] >> wearing her standard police issue sexy

[14:33] blouse. Also, Monica either opted to or

[14:36] was forced to ride standing in the back

[14:37] of this truck, which is refrigerated for

[14:39] maximum sexiness.

[14:40] >> They've been briefed.

[14:41] >> All right, here's the deal.

[14:42] >> Never mind. I'm going to brief you

[14:44] anyway.

[14:44] >> Don't even think about taking the

[14:45] convertible

[14:46] >> because it's less aerodynamic and an

[14:48] open cabin causes lots of drag at high

[14:49] speeds. Wait, is it because he wants it

[14:51] for himself? Movie shoots standard

[14:52] driving down the road like it's a chase

[14:54] scene. If these two are supposed to be

[14:55] badass street racers driving badass fast

[14:57] cars, then explain to me why they just

[14:59] got passed by a Ford Explorer.

[15:00] >> Turn right here.

[15:01] >> If you're undercover cops posing as

[15:03] street racers, you need to have a

[15:04] prestige level of commitment to the bit

[15:06] and do street racer on the way to the

[15:07] meeting. This is an easy trick if you're

[15:09] not actually driving.

[15:10] >> He did the stare and drive on you,

[15:11] didn't he? Roman and Brian pulled that

[15:13] frequently enough for it to have a name.

[15:14] Movie pads runtime with 30 more seconds

[15:16] of car porn.

[15:17] >> Hey, where'd you get them cars at bottom

[15:18] of a cereal box?

[15:20] >> Semi-legitimate burn makes me wonder why

[15:21] the FBI opted to go with Japanese sports

[15:23] cars instead of springing for some nice

[15:25] American muscle cars. Carter is the

[15:26] proud owner of a golden easel that he

[15:28] uses to hold the apparently wireless

[15:29] monitor that displays his surveillance

[15:31] system. Also, the number of camera views

[15:32] displayed here suggests that Carter has

[15:34] 12 cameras around his property, but at

[15:35] least two of the views displayed to the

[15:37] same. I don't know who Carter is trying

[15:38] to impress here, but he would have been

[15:39] better served by swallowing a spride and

[15:41] just displaying four views on the

[15:42] smaller screen. It's good to see that

[15:44] Smashmouth could make it to the street

[15:45] race meeting on time. Man, the cops in

[15:47] Miami must be up to their ears and

[15:48] cocaine busts to miss all these tricked

[15:50] out sleds gunning it down I95. I'm glad

[15:52] they paid all that money to animate

[15:53] this. Otherwise, I'd have no idea the

[15:55] FBI is tracking the whereabouts of a car

[15:56] they own that's being used in an

[15:58] undercover operation.

[15:59] >> They're running. What a surprise.

[16:01] >> Why the would Markhamm think they were

[16:03] running? even if he is enough at his job

[16:04] not to assume the obvious here. Monica

[16:06] would definitely have told him that

[16:07] there would be some kind of a test and

[16:09] that this is all part of the plan.

[16:10] Roman, Brian, and all the other drivers

[16:12] slow down to the flow of traffic just so

[16:13] they can have this playful moment just

[16:15] before they start weaving through

[16:16] traffic again. This semi doesn't stop

[16:17] before this happens.

[16:18] >> Crazy ass white boy.

[16:20] >> Tyrese finally earns his paycheck in

[16:21] this movie. Running into this doesn't up

[16:23] Brian's car or Brian.

[16:24] >> What do we got?

[16:25] >> You're just now checking up on Roman's

[16:27] credentials. Whoever decides to read up

[16:28] on Roman Pierce is going to be confused

[16:30] because it talks about Brian here and

[16:32] then suddenly switches pronouns to she

[16:33] here and here.

[16:34] >> Look in the center. Look in the center.

[16:36] >> The package is in the center console

[16:37] instead of in the

[16:38] >> in the glove box, which is where Carter

[16:40] said it would be.

[16:42] >> Cops. What the hell they doing here?

[16:44] >> I mean, right. It's such a free-for-all

[16:46] in Miami that criminals can do outrage

[16:48] like this and still question why cops

[16:49] are here. Also, yeah, why are the cops

[16:51] here? Yeah, he thinks Roman and Brian

[16:53] are running, but you've got to be

[16:54] kidding me with this mess. If their cars

[16:56] have GPS trackers and you can find them

[16:57] at any time, then why take the risk of

[16:59] [ __ ] up an investigation? Why not at

[17:01] least hang back and see what they're up

[17:02] to before going insane? Good thing Veron

[17:04] doesn't check this thing because what's

[17:06] with April 8th? This guy has five

[17:07] speeding tickets, all on April 8th and

[17:09] three in one day in 1992. Twice he got

[17:11] careless driving violations on

[17:13] Valentine's Day in 1982, even though he

[17:15] was born in 1973. That's a 9-year-old

[17:17] carelessly driving. Also, I find it

[17:18] tremendously endearing that one day in

[17:20] 1991, the cops pulled over this man for

[17:22] a seat belt violation. He must have been

[17:24] totally going the speed limit that day.

[17:25] >> What you checking her out for?

[17:27] >> I'm not checking her out.

[17:28] >> She can't hear this.

[17:29] >> Yes, you were.

[17:30] >> No, I wasn't.

[17:31] >> And now you're still arguing about this

[17:32] [ __ ] I mean, yes, he was checking

[17:34] her out. Tyrese was checking her out. I

[17:36] was checking her out. THIS WHOLE TRIAL

[17:38] IS OUT OF ORDER. ADICA. ADICA. I don't

[17:42] care how rich you are. It's a waste to

[17:43] throw away a perfectly good barely

[17:44] smoked cigar. As I see TZ barking out

[17:46] stuff through a megaphone at his garage

[17:48] where he's an ace street car mechanic, I

[17:50] wonder how he became such an amazing

[17:51] computer hacker in the later movies.

[17:53] >> That's how they do it out here, man.

[17:54] >> Every day,

[17:55] >> no one in law enforcement seems to be

[17:56] upset that Tez is running illegal

[17:58] gambling outside of his business and

[17:59] that he's clearly using his garage to

[18:01] launder the money he makes from this jet

[18:02] ski racing scheme. I mean, it's pretty

[18:04] clear that only one dude is actually

[18:05] doing any work on cars.

[18:06] >> I hit a wall doing like a buck 20 a

[18:08] couple years ago.

[18:09] >> But because I'm a member of the Fast and

[18:10] Furious team and didn't have a Wonder

[18:12] Woman movie to do, I didn't die from

[18:14] that. Both of them are wired up like I

[18:15] never seen before.

[18:17] >> What? How the actual is Roman surprised

[18:19] that the FBI is tracking them? Also, why

[18:21] the [ __ ] do they care that the FBI is

[18:22] tracking them? Wasn't the whole deal for

[18:24] them to work with the FBI to bring down

[18:25] Carter so they could get their records

[18:27] cleaned? If they ripped out the tracking

[18:28] info from their cars, that would mean

[18:30] the deal is off, right? Right.

[18:31] >> Yeah. Well, they've been honest since we

[18:33] left the Rowan's house.

[18:34] >> And instead of losing them much earlier,

[18:36] Brian decided to lead them right to the

[18:37] place where they plan to hide out. Did

[18:39] these federal agents forget the old

[18:40] idiom, those who meet in mostly glass

[18:42] restaurants should not meet with

[18:43] undercover operatives because passers by

[18:45] can see them meeting with you? I think

[18:46] that's how it goes.

[18:47] >> What's this about, man?

[18:48] >> It couldn't be about that time I shot at

[18:50] you 20 times, right?

[18:51] >> You think she's compromised? You should

[18:52] know. And your old pal Connor didn't

[18:54] tell you he flipped on Billings in LA,

[18:56] gave his Mark his car keys, and let him

[18:57] disappear.

[18:58] >> So, because Okconor did this in the

[18:59] first movie, he should know if Monica

[19:01] ising the drug lord. Why is Miami able

[19:03] to shut down during impromptu street

[19:04] races? TZ doesn't market modify these

[19:06] cars to use NOS as ludicrous speed.

[19:09] Seems appropriate for some reason.

[19:10] >> Good move, kid. Let's see if he got the

[19:12] ball.

[19:12] >> Given how fast they're both traveling

[19:14] and [snorts] how far away they are from

[19:15] each other, I severely doubt that Fona

[19:16] would have enough time to even say,

[19:17] "Good move, kid." before Brian crashed

[19:19] into him head on. Brian successfully

[19:21] gets this guy to swerve off course for a

[19:22] second, but he's still way, way, way

[19:24] behind and will somehow [ __ ] his

[19:25] [music] way back to neck andneck with

[19:27] this [ __ ] just because of the NOS.

[19:28] Movie continues to act like hitting the

[19:29] nitrous button and going over 100 miles

[19:31] an hour is the same as the Millennium

[19:32] Falcon making the jump to light speed.

[19:34] Carter's Club is a magical fantasy told

[19:36] of in ancient legends that contains more

[19:37] women than men.

[19:38] >> It's a hoasist in here, bro.

[19:40] >> That's hoasist.

[19:41] >> What is his deal?

[19:42] >> He doesn't trust people that carry

[19:43] badges.

[19:44] >> Brian says this right in the middle of

[19:45] Carter Veron's club while they're both

[19:46] undercover because he is very interested

[19:48] in getting them all killed.

[19:49] >> I've been a cop about 2 months when

[19:52] Roman was busted in a garage raid. And I

[19:54] miss the day where they tell you not to

[19:55] talk about being a cop while undercover.

[19:57] Also, movie decides now is the time to

[19:59] explain why Roman was so mad at Brian

[20:00] when they met up earlier in the film.

[20:01] Explaining it then when it made more

[20:03] sense to do so would have been too easy.

[20:04] >> Earlier.

[20:06] >> Yeah, actually I want it.

[20:08] >> Wrist touching. We all know what that

[20:10] leads to. Handholding, which can get you

[20:12] pregnant.

[20:12] >> He's here, man.

[20:13] >> Why is this such big news? Didn't Veron

[20:15] invite them here?

[20:15] >> He's over there. Don't look.

[20:16] >> Even though he's clearly staring at you

[20:18] guys right now and notices you're here,

[20:19] so play it cool.

[20:20] >> It's all right. Let him in.

[20:21] >> Why does this even need to be said?

[20:23] Didn't he specifically ask for them to

[20:24] come to his little VIP room?

[20:26] >> 5 minutes of her time and she can get

[20:28] anything she wants from him.

[20:30] >> Carter is so brilliant. He was able to

[20:31] figure out that attractive women can use

[20:32] their sexuality to manipulate weak men.

[20:34] Who knew?

[20:35] >> I got a problem with authority. I have

[20:37] that same problem. For me, it's cops.

[20:40] >> For me, it's firemen. They're all like,

[20:42] "Get out of the house. It's on fire."

[20:43] And I'm like, "I don't have to listen to

[20:44] you, pig." Oh, you know, I just carry

[20:46] around a rat anywhere I go, just in case

[20:48] there's somebody I want to torture at a

[20:49] moment's notice.

[20:50] >> Once the bucket gets hot enough,

[20:52] detective, the rat is going to want out,

[20:56] and the only direction it can go is

[20:57] south. This overly complicated torture

[21:00] technique is basically here to show what

[21:01] a sadistic bastard this guy is. But it's

[21:03] an insane waste of time and rats. Rat

[21:05] cam. This torture by rat in a heated

[21:07] bucket just got a whole lot sexier. Oh

[21:09] yeah,

[21:10] >> I'll burn him.

[21:11] >> Out. I'll burn him out.

[21:12] >> Why not just do that? Save a rat.

[21:14] >> I'm a low budget mechanic, but I

[21:16] overcharge. Pay me. Let's go.

[21:19] >> Sure. Just start raking in the pot

[21:21] before Ted even shows his cards. Why you

[21:23] haven't been shot playing poker yet is

[21:24] beyond me.

[21:25] >> [ __ ] my garage boy. Royal flesh. TZ

[21:28] totally slow rolls his employee. It's a

[21:29] wonder both of these guys haven't been

[21:30] shot playing poker. And a royal flush.

[21:32] Come on. Who the [ __ ] gets a royal flush

[21:34] when the stakes are highest? Except TZ

[21:36] and James Bond.

[21:36] >> I'm a crash, TZ. I'll catch you

[21:38] tomorrow.

[21:38] >> What was the point of this entire scene?

[21:40] Is Monica wet right now because she swam

[21:41] to Brian's houseboat? Or did she get

[21:43] there a normal way, but the scene wasn't

[21:45] sexy enough, so they dumped a bucket of

[21:46] water on her?

[21:46] >> Once you finish the run, they're putting

[21:48] a bullet in your head.

[21:49] >> Why the [ __ ] is she going to Brian about

[21:50] this? Did she forget she's a customs

[21:52] agent working with the FBI? She's

[21:53] clearly risking her own life by sneaking

[21:55] on to Brian's houseboat, given that

[21:56] Carter said,

[21:57] >> "You ever touch another man again, and

[22:00] I'll kill you."

[22:01] >> You'd think it'd be in everyone's best

[22:02] interest for Monica to go and tell the

[22:04] team of federal agents she works for

[22:05] about this instead of going directly to

[22:07] Brian. But that wouldn't be nearly as

[22:08] romantic and probably a lot less damp.

[22:10] >> They don't know I'm here. I snuck out.

[22:12] >> And besides me not being there and no

[22:14] one having any idea where I am and

[22:15] Carter being suspicious that there's

[22:16] something going on between me and Brian,

[22:18] there is no reason for them to be here.

[22:19] There's a skylight above the bathroom.

[22:20] How's the peeping, Tommy? Also, this

[22:22] movie is going to have us believe that

[22:23] Monica can somehow lift herself through

[22:25] this window without making any noise or

[22:26] rocking the boat a little or she's dead

[22:29] is what I'm saying. All of them are

[22:30] dead. I'm going to remove three sins

[22:32] because Eva Menddees exists.

[22:34] >> Man, you remember us growing up?

[22:36] >> That transition into this attempt at

[22:37] emotional character development just

[22:39] gave me whiplash.

[22:40] >> I got Veron's navigator leaving the

[22:41] residence.

[22:42] >> The FBI has guys on the inside at

[22:43] Veron's place, but only when it's

[22:45] convenient to the plot. This guy is

[22:46] checking in at his office so we can see

[22:48] pictures of his family, allowing the

[22:49] viewer to remember his internal

[22:50] conflict. move on a trailer property

[22:53] right now.

[22:53] >> Okay, so I understand that Veron paid

[22:55] this guy off to keep a window open for

[22:56] his guys to steal the money, but my

[22:58] question is why does the cop know about

[22:59] this operation at all? Seems like they

[23:01] could have stolen this money without any

[23:02] cop involvement. Unless this is a place

[23:04] where cops were already scoping out and

[23:06] we're waiting for Veron to take the

[23:07] money out of it, but this movie has

[23:08] never explained this money or why he hid

[23:09] it in a wall in a random house or why

[23:11] the cops are involved.

[23:14] >> Sure, that SUV stayed in a straight line

[23:16] without anyone gripping the steering

[23:17] wheel. Sure, it did. Let's get the

[23:19] chopper over them. And one eye is right

[23:20] on top.

[23:21] >> No one in the local police department

[23:22] questions why an FBI chopper is also

[23:24] chasing these guys. This weapon, which

[23:25] is clearly complete bull, is only stuck

[23:27] to the door, yet still messes up all the

[23:29] inner workings of the car. I guess it's

[23:30] sending its [ __ ] bolts to the

[23:32] [ __ ] inside the car's [ __ ]

[23:34] which is causing everything to go

[23:35] haywire. Brian conveniently pulls out

[23:36] the car stopper hook at the very last

[23:38] second. And apparently, you don't even

[23:39] need a gun to fire this thing into a

[23:41] car. You just need a good throwing arm.

[23:42] And even though the hook of this thing

[23:44] basically shut the car completely down

[23:45] before Brian removed it, the car still

[23:47] works just fine even after it's removed.

[23:48] Man, I would love to actually watch this

[23:50] car chase, but I guess seeing extreme

[23:51] close-ups of gas pedals, eyeballs, and

[23:53] gear shifts will do just fine. The

[23:54] police don't immediately start yelling

[23:56] at these [ __ ] to come out with their

[23:57] hands up. Cops don't immediately start

[23:58] shooting at these [ __ ] There are

[23:59] seriously this many street racers who

[24:01] could help out with operation confuse

[24:02] the cops today.

[24:03] >> Must have lost them in the scramble.

[24:05] >> For some reason, neither the local

[24:06] police nor the FBI used their resources

[24:08] to block the entrances and exits to this

[24:10] facility, preventing anyone from

[24:11] escaping. and then start arresting those

[24:13] fools for whatever the they can

[24:14] definitely arrest them for.

[24:15] >> All right, we got them going west on

[24:17] beach.

[24:17] >> Billkins doesn't assume they ditch those

[24:19] cars and are now using them as a decoy

[24:21] because that's what I, a normal person

[24:22] who is not an FBI agent, assume they're

[24:24] doing. Okay, so Roman and Brian switch

[24:25] cars, but aren't TE and Suki in serious

[24:27] trouble for aiding and abetting? Why so

[24:29] happy? And with all the goddamn cars you

[24:30] guys just threw at the cops, why even

[24:32] bother driving these? Sure, you get them

[24:33] chasing after cars that don't actually

[24:34] have the money, but with all the

[24:36] confusion, you could have just kept

[24:37] these cars parked in the garage. So,

[24:38] what's their plan here? The money isn't

[24:40] showing up. So, I guess they're just

[24:41] going to arrest Veron for almost getting

[24:43] onto his own plane.

[24:43] >> Where's the rest of it?

[24:44] >> The other car.

[24:45] >> Another car. Where's the other car?

[24:47] >> How do you not know? Didn't you have

[24:48] this master plan to provide Roman and

[24:50] Brian with one goon each to go with them

[24:52] when they got the money? How do you not

[24:53] know there's another car? And how do you

[24:54] not know something happened to one of

[24:56] them? And then this [ __ ] decides he's

[24:57] going to leave without the other half of

[24:58] his money for some reason, without any

[25:00] other explanation.

[25:01] >> So, you know nothing about the agents

[25:03] that stole my jet.

[25:04] >> So, if you don't know about the other

[25:05] car, how do you know about this? They

[25:07] arrested the guys that were out there,

[25:08] right? Did the feds give them all their

[25:09] one phone call and they used it to call

[25:11] of her own and tell him about the jet?

[25:12] >> Custom agents sure are getting pretty.

[25:14] >> How the [ __ ] does he know that she's a

[25:16] customs agent? I'm sure he could assume

[25:17] that she's informing the police based on

[25:19] what she knows and what the cops now

[25:20] know, but he knows her exact role. Did

[25:22] the screenwriter whisper it to him

[25:24] because there are only 7 minutes left in

[25:25] the movie.

[25:25] >> Get on the boat.

[25:26] >> No idea why Veron doesn't just kill

[25:28] Monica and Brian right here and now.

[25:29] This is a guy who doesn't even have to

[25:30] think twice about heating up a rat in a

[25:32] metal pale to torture a dude. But he

[25:34] can't just kill some fools, take his

[25:35] money, and leave.

[25:36] >> What's that?

[25:37] >> Who cares? Just kill him already.

[25:38] >> What's that?

[25:39] >> IT'S FOR STILL, BABY.

[25:40] >> Roman Han solos in at the last minute

[25:42] and announces himself over the walk just

[25:44] before Brian gets shot. Are they really

[25:45] going to try and pull this Dukes?

[25:46] >> Real Dukes of

[25:47] >> He beat me to it. That yacht probably

[25:48] maxes out at maybe 50 mph. And Brian and

[25:51] Roman are going 90. But somehow they

[25:52] don't whiz past the boat and just shoot

[25:54] off into the water. They probably know

[25:55] there was a ramp here. If so, how so?

[25:57] Also, it just happens to be in a perfect

[25:59] place to fly his car into the boat. That

[26:01] ramp's anywhere else. This ending

[26:02] doesn't happen. Also, they survive this.

[26:04] Some [ __ ] The guys with guns on

[26:06] this boat don't come up and shoot both

[26:07] these [ __ ] dead or they're dead and

[26:09] the movie didn't tell us they're dead

[26:10] and just made us assume that even though

[26:12] Veron has the draw and then Brian still

[26:13] managed to shoot first. Downstairs, the

[26:15] screenwriter was fighting off the

[26:16] remaining guards and vigorously untying

[26:18] Monica so she could make it back up here

[26:19] just in time to conveniently take the

[26:20] gun from Veron.

[26:21] >> Open a garage together. How we going to

[26:23] do that, bro? Pockets ain't empty, cuz

[26:25] Brian says this like he's got some big

[26:26] surprise for Roman here, but Roman has

[26:28] some of the money stuffed down in his

[26:29] jeans. So, why did he think opening up a

[26:31] garage would be hard to do when he's got

[26:33] stacks of cash in his pants?

[26:35] [music]

[26:47] >> Right out of the gate, movie is a dick

[26:49] to people with epilepsy. Also, why are

[26:50] there metal detectors outside? Did the

[26:52] school splurge on weather resistant

[26:54] metal detectors? Or is this just some

[26:55] idiotic plot device to make Shawn look

[26:57] like more of a badass when it actually

[26:58] just makes him look like he favors large

[27:00] belt buckles? How is the mascot kid able

[27:02] to fit through the metal detector in the

[27:03] first place? And why does he already

[27:05] have all on the mascot costume? Did he

[27:06] wear it at home and then drive to school

[27:07] with his [ __ ] on? This teacher writes

[27:09] some math on the marker board and then

[27:10] walks over to this other marker board

[27:12] and simply writes Monday on it, then

[27:13] goes back to the math. Also, this is the

[27:15] most complicated series of instructions

[27:16] for 8x= 72 I've ever seen. I mean, x is

[27:20] 9, god damn it. It's that simple. And

[27:21] she not only writes the same equation

[27:23] down twice for some reason, but she's

[27:24] also making solving for X the most

[27:26] confusing thing ever. Two since one for

[27:27] the racist Indian mascot and a second

[27:29] one for the racist Indian piñata. So

[27:31] it's come to this. The Fast and Furious

[27:33] franchise unable to get Paul Walker, Vin

[27:35] Diesel, and others to come back for a

[27:36] third movie rated home improvement for

[27:38] stars 7 years after that show went off

[27:39] the air. Shawn goes to a fancy school

[27:41] where they offer slow-mo car repair as

[27:42] an elective, giving him an unfair

[27:44] advantage to star in this franchise. If

[27:45] they aren't painting him purple to make

[27:47] him look like Grimace, then this is a

[27:48] terrible waste of bullying. This movie

[27:49] was written. This [ __ ] football

[27:51] player carries around a spare baseball

[27:52] just in case Lucas Black from Sling

[27:54] Blade talks to his girlfriend and needs

[27:55] to smash his window with it. Also, this

[27:57] kid certainly has one hell of an arm.

[27:59] He's able to completely bust through the

[28:00] rear windshield of this car just by

[28:02] throwing a baseball. Also, also, also,

[28:04] the ball went through the rear

[28:05] windshield, passed through a wormhole

[28:06] that exists in the back seat, then came

[28:08] out behind the car. This movie took

[28:10] great pains to show us that Shawn had

[28:11] put the wrench back in the toolbox. So,

[28:13] what is this supposed to be? It's either

[28:14] the dumbest misdirection in a movie's

[28:16] first 5 minutes ever, or it's a

[28:17] continuity error. Either way, it's

[28:18] sinful as

[28:19] >> winner [music] gets

[28:22] me. [laughter]

[28:25] >> I mean, you're sexy and all, but

[28:28] also the movie thinks it can avoid the

[28:30] women are prized to be won criticism by

[28:31] having this girl volunteer herself as

[28:33] the prize. No one's working in this

[28:34] large development during a weekday.

[28:36] Either this subdivision really feels the

[28:38] effects of the housing market crash 2

[28:39] years before it actually happened, or

[28:40] this is some [ __ ] This truck that

[28:42] is not part of the race is able to keep

[28:43] up with two cars that are customuilt to

[28:45] go fast. Back in 2006, there were many

[28:47] issues people faced every day, and we

[28:49] dealt with them the best we could. But

[28:50] two movies, Cars and The Fast and

[28:52] Furious 3, made clear that many

[28:54] Americans suffered from the embarrassing

[28:55] inability to drift. These movies need to

[28:57] explain how when Shawn was way behind,

[28:59] he caught up in a matter of seconds. But

[29:00] now that he's caught up and on a

[29:02] completely different road, he can't pass

[29:03] the guy he so easily caught up to.

[29:05] >> I thought you loved me.

[29:06] >> This prompts Qu to do the thing he

[29:07] should have done 10 minutes ago. Drive

[29:09] faster than the other guy. Shawn busts

[29:11] through a framed house with little to no

[29:12] damage to his car because his car only

[29:14] sustains damage when it's convenient to

[29:15] the plot. They survive this and Shawn

[29:17] survives all this. This seems like an

[29:19] awkward time for a tobasco product

[29:20] placement movie. Wait a minute. Who is

[29:22] in position to record this? When Shawn

[29:23] did his stunt, there was no one around

[29:25] with a camera. Only one set of parents

[29:26] show up for Clay and Cindy, which makes

[29:28] me think that they're brother and

[29:29] sister. So now I'm in some kind of

[29:30] flowers in the attic subplot that's way

[29:32] more interesting than Shawn moving to

[29:33] Tokyo and learning how to drive

[29:34] sideways.

[29:35] >> So where are we moving this time? Why

[29:37] does everyone seem to think you can

[29:38] avoid being prosecuted for a crime by

[29:39] moving to a different city? This kid

[29:40] broke several laws. They can move all

[29:42] they want, but he'll still have to go

[29:43] before a judge in the town where he

[29:44] committed the crimes. In case you

[29:46] confused it with Tokyo, French Giana.

[29:48] Shawn is upset that his single adult dad

[29:49] has a woman over. Because if Shawn isn't

[29:51] getting laid, then no one should get

[29:52] laid.

[29:53] >> But your mom, she said the seventh. See,

[29:55] we're a day ahead of you in Japan.

[29:57] >> Which would mean it's the eighth in

[29:58] Japan. Which would mean the seventh came

[30:00] and went. And you weren't at all

[30:01] concerned that your son didn't show up

[30:02] at the airport. Yeah, but which train?

[30:04] How does he get to the station? Which

[30:06] one is his stop? Does he need to make

[30:07] transfers? Can he read the signs to be

[30:09] able to buy a ticket? So many questions

[30:10] left by this note. Shawn makes it to

[30:12] school without getting lost as a

[30:15] >> Nolan is even slightly concerned that

[30:17] Shawn speaks basically no Japanese and

[30:18] is still expected to be successful at a

[30:20] Japanese high school. Shawn grimaces at

[30:22] what looks delicious. Did he already

[30:23] forget what American school lunches look

[30:24] like?

[30:25] >> You sell a Sparkco steering wheel.

[30:27] >> The steering wheel isn't inside his bag

[30:28] because writing meaningful dialogue that

[30:30] would reveal their mutual interest in

[30:31] cars would be way too much work.

[30:33] Twinkies Ride is an incredible Hulk

[30:34] themed Volkswagen minivan because he

[30:36] thinks the name of this franchise is the

[30:38] function and the spaciousness

[30:40] >> for when you blow your wide man.

[30:41] >> Everyone loves Seaman jokes. This large

[30:43] group of car enthusiasts somehow has the

[30:45] ability to take over this entire parking

[30:46] garage at night. Convenient cute girl we

[30:48] saw at school earlier who also shows up

[30:50] to the late night street races is

[30:51] convenient.

[30:52] >> No, right?

[30:53] >> You're a quick learner.

[30:54] >> Being able to recall one person's name

[30:55] is hardly indicative of learning speed.

[30:57] Yo, look man, he's out.

[30:58] >> Now, see, that's funny cuz I thought

[31:01] this was like a free country.

[31:02] >> Is this guy supposed to be our

[31:03] protagonist? Because he's really been

[31:05] nothing but a dick the whole movie. If

[31:07] you saw this dude from any other

[31:08] character's perspective, you'd

[31:09] understand why everyone else is a dick

[31:10] back to him.

[31:11] >> You know who I am, boy? You like the

[31:12] Justin Timberlake of Japan, right?

[31:14] >> Man, this movie can't even get its

[31:15] insults right. Future Sex Love Sounds

[31:17] was a mere 3 months away, and it took

[31:19] the piss right out of this insult in

[31:20] record time.

[31:20] >> Do you know Yakuza, the mafia?

[31:22] >> This is really Twinkiey's fault for not

[31:24] briefing Shawn on the potential gang

[31:25] activity in this parking garage. You're

[31:27] the one that's

[31:29] race.

[31:30] >> Didn't we see the entire last 13 minutes

[31:32] of this movie in the first 12 minutes?

[31:33] Is this like Groundhog Day and no one

[31:35] told me?

[31:35] >> Take mine.

[31:36] >> This is the worst decision this guy will

[31:37] make today.

[31:38] >> I want to see what the kids got.

[31:39] >> And I have gobs of disposable income and

[31:41] insanely good car insurance. So, I don't

[31:43] care if he beats the out of my car.

[31:44] >> You know what DK stands for? Drift king.

[31:46] >> Drifting.

[31:47] >> Sean, who is a car and racing

[31:49] enthusiast, doesn't know what drifting

[31:50] is, forcing the movie to explain it to

[31:52] him and me and you.

[31:53] >> You know that real famous painting, the

[31:54] one and the woman who's smiling all the

[31:56] time. The Mona Lisa.

[31:57] >> Come on. You're telling me this dude

[31:58] didn't know what the Mona Lisa was

[32:00] called? I mean, for Christ's sake, pick

[32:01] something different for him to be

[32:02] ignorant about.

[32:03] >> This car right here is like the Mona

[32:04] Lisa, the drift world.

[32:05] >> And even though Shawn has never drifted

[32:07] before, they still let him drive it.

[32:08] This guy is eating out of a magical Mary

[32:10] Poppins bag of croutons that never runs

[32:12] out. It's literally insane that Shawn

[32:13] doesn't kill anyone during this race

[32:14] with his lack of drift knowledge and

[32:16] all. By the way, how is Shawn even close

[32:17] right now? This guy is drifting all over

[32:19] his ass and Shawn crashed like twice,

[32:20] but here he is making it some kind of a

[32:22] race. It's amazing this movie wasn't

[32:24] more successful. took something really

[32:25] cool, racing, and made it look like

[32:26] someone aggressively trying to find a

[32:28] parking spot. Shawn decides to keep

[32:29] racing instead of stopping and saying,

[32:31] "You know what? You've clearly won this

[32:32] round because I don't know how to do

[32:33] this. So, I'm going to go and learn how

[32:35] to drift during a 5-minute montage and

[32:36] we'll try again next week." If an

[32:38] [ __ ] drifts up a spiral ramp and no

[32:39] one can see him, is he still an [ __ ]

[32:41] The answer is yes. Shawn loses the race

[32:43] in Rex Han's car, which is exactly the

[32:45] kind of purple rain or 8 mile kind of

[32:46] conflict this movie needs, will he ever

[32:48] learn to drift or win respect? Watch

[32:49] those other two movies to find out.

[32:51] >> Have you been racing, Sean?

[32:52] >> Don't lie to me. I can smell it on your

[32:54] breath.

[32:54] >> This isn't a game. If you're going to

[32:56] live under my roof, you're gonna go by

[32:58] my rules.

[32:59] >> Oh man, movie just unlocked the secret

[33:01] cliche prize box. Tell them what they've

[33:02] won, Jeremy. Thanks, Jeremy. Movie, you

[33:04] have won an additional 10 sins for all

[33:06] the cliches in this movie.

[33:07] >> There's a guy in there with a paw that

[33:09] owes me some money.

[33:10] >> How hard would it be to say this guy has

[33:12] a paw tattoo on his shoulder? Han

[33:13] decides to be needlessly cryptic to

[33:15] create this unsatisfying reveal. Han is

[33:17] making a convincing case to change the

[33:18] apple [ __ ] sin to nondescript bag of

[33:20] snacks. It's basically working the same

[33:22] magic here. Movie continues the

[33:23] tradition of this franchise putting its

[33:25] cars on roads where there is no traffic.

[33:26] >> I call you show. Only if you teach me

[33:28] how [music] to drift. This ain't a

[33:30] negotiation.

[33:30] >> I wasn't negotiating.

[33:32] >> Uh, okay. So, I'd be happy to teach you

[33:33] how to drift in my spare time then. As

[33:35] long as it's not a negotiation, which

[33:36] your language, context clues, and tonal

[33:38] inflection all suggested. I am totally

[33:40] down with the drift lessons. Jeez. Let

[33:41] me state for the record that Sunkang is

[33:43] the most oral actor in history.

[33:45] >> You really need to stop following me

[33:46] around.

[33:46] >> Nila is attracted to Shawn for several

[33:48] reasons, but mostly because the

[33:49] screenwriter told her to.

[33:51] Let me guess. You're an army brat who

[33:53] moved around a lot.

[33:54] >> Why do all these army kids go to regular

[33:56] Japanese high school? Isn't there a

[33:57] special army kid English speaking school

[33:59] they can all attend?

[34:00] >> Why are you letting me race? Cuz your

[34:01] DK's kryptonite.

[34:02] >> Why though? He's been here for maybe a

[34:04] week and all he's done is severely

[34:05] underperform in one goddamn race.

[34:07] >> You can do better than 180k. They can't

[34:09] catch you.

[34:09] >> They ever find out they can bring in

[34:10] other cop cars to block them off or use

[34:12] helicopters to track speeders, they'll

[34:13] be unstoppable. Movie totally thinks

[34:15] it's the good fellas of drip movies.

[34:17] Okay, cars are great and all, but I have

[34:18] trouble believing that a heterosexual

[34:20] 18-year-old dude can take his eyes off

[34:21] two beautiful women who are giving him

[34:23] attention to go look at some cars.

[34:24] >> The red ego's yours.

[34:26] >> Crashing this dude's car was the best

[34:28] thing Shawn could ever do in his life.

[34:29] Why is this [ __ ] being taught to

[34:31] drift on a dock? Are there no empty

[34:33] parking lots where you can practice

[34:34] this?

[34:37] >> Do they want him to stop the fight? Why

[34:39] don't they just grab a teacher?

[34:41] >> I would like to pause in the middle of

[34:42] this fight to tell you why we're

[34:44] fighting in the first place. You know,

[34:45] in case any students/filmgovers don't

[34:47] know what this is about, spitfisting.

[34:49] >> So, how'd you end up over here anyway?

[34:51] >> Well, you know those old westerns, the

[34:53] cowboys make a run for the border. This

[34:54] is my Mexico.

[34:56] >> Oh, also, Han continues to be insanely

[34:59] cryptic because creating an identifiable

[35:01] backstory for this character would be

[35:02] way too challenging and would get in the

[35:03] way of all the establishing shots of

[35:05] brightly colored cars and pretty girls.

[35:06] >> It's trust and character I need around

[35:08] me. Who you choose to be around you, but

[35:10] you know who you are. or who you're

[35:12] forcing to be with you because he

[35:13] wrecked your car and you need him to pay

[35:14] off the debt. That, too.

[35:15] >> I want car in exchange for knowing what

[35:17] a man's made of. That's a price I can

[35:19] live with.

[35:20] >> So, having Shawn wreck your car proves

[35:21] to you that he's reckless, cocky, and

[35:22] possibly stupid. I guess those are all

[35:24] the qualities of character he's looking

[35:25] for.

[35:26] >> So, if you don't drift [music] to win,

[35:27] what do you drift for?

[35:28] >> Holy, this movie is a stones throw from

[35:31] Disney's Prink.

[35:38] >> You know, you can also say hello to meet

[35:40] women. That also works. Also, drift

[35:42] seduction. Also, how many tires do you

[35:44] go through per day to keep up a drifting

[35:46] habit?

[35:49] All of that just to get a number. Sorry.

[35:51] If that type of is required for simple

[35:52] digits, then count me out of the dating

[35:54] pool and drift world. The first drifters

[35:56] invented drifting out here in the

[35:57] mountains by feeling it.

[35:58] >> They lived in a terrible feudal society

[36:00] where they had to drift for their

[36:01] leisures in order to keep their lands.

[36:02] Also, Han leaves out all the crucial

[36:04] technique needed to actually drift. But

[36:06] yeah, just feel it and see how that

[36:07] goes. again.

[36:09] >> Does he mean repeat this shot again?

[36:10] Because we've seen it three times.

[36:15] >> That guy's learned so much. When are we

[36:17] ever going to stop fishing and get

[36:18] married? This movie expects me to

[36:20] believe that Shawn was able to learn

[36:21] drifting at an expert level in a matter

[36:23] of months and is able to beat these guys

[36:24] that have been doing it for presumably

[36:26] several years. This guy needs to take a

[36:28] drift management class.

[36:31] >> Yeah, totally.

[36:33] >> But I realize now outside or insider, it

[36:35] doesn't really matter. All it matters is

[36:36] knowing what you really want and going

[36:38] after.

[36:39] >> And serendipitously crashing some

[36:40] stranger's car who happens to take you

[36:42] under his wing helps too. Also, Shawn

[36:44] knows what he wants. He wants to win a

[36:45] drifting race just for the sake of

[36:46] winning one. Synchronized drifting.

[36:48] >> We used to come up here when we were

[36:49] kids. Even before we could drive,

[36:51] [music] we'd cut class, sneak out, come

[36:53] up here and watch the older kids drift.

[36:55] >> So before you could drive, you used to

[36:57] come up here to the mountains to watch

[36:58] people drift. How did thating happen?

[37:00] Did you hike up here or did you Marty

[37:02] McFly and hitch a ride on someone's car

[37:03] while on a skateboard? Also, even while

[37:05] drifting, Nila is able to softly whisper

[37:07] this story to Shawn. And Shawn seems to

[37:08] understand every word.

[37:11] Yo, come on, man. Look.

[37:12] >> Are you telling me that Shawn saw this

[37:14] dude get out of his car, saw him start

[37:15] walking angrily towards him, and didn't

[37:17] think to run, defend himself, or

[37:18] otherwise prepare for a fight?

[37:19] >> Stay away from him, or the only thing

[37:22] you'll be driving is a wheelchair.

[37:24] >> I'll help you beat the out of him if you

[37:25] promise me a wheelchair drifting

[37:26] montage.

[37:27] >> Do you know who you are? Do you know who

[37:29] you put on? I'm starting to think all

[37:31] the dialogue in this movie was

[37:32] constructed like a ransom note using

[37:34] screenplay clippings of other popular

[37:35] movies. I like how Shawn made friends

[37:37] with two other people in high school and

[37:38] the movie doesn't explain anything about

[37:39] them or what they have in common.

[37:40] There's enough space for them to just

[37:42] drive straight away, right? The drifting

[37:43] thing is fun and they back themselves

[37:45] into a corner by making it the main

[37:46] reason the movie exists. But would it be

[37:48] way more efficient to just drive

[37:49] normally?

[37:50] >> Sean. Sean.

[37:53] [screaming]

[37:54] >> Look, even with a good honk warning, you

[37:55] would not be able to clear out a crowd

[37:56] full of pedestrians and sneak through.

[37:58] Some won't hear the honk and others will

[37:59] be screwed by their fellow pedestrians.

[38:00] And you will kill 10 of them before

[38:02] everything's over. Chase scenes with

[38:03] cars like this can be fun. But editing

[38:05] like this is [ __ ] ridiculous. Given

[38:07] how fast they're going, I find it hard

[38:08] to believe they would both be able to

[38:09] walk away unscathed from this crash.

[38:11] Hans's death scene doesn't include Jason

[38:13] Stathithm. And yes, that's a sin I'm

[38:14] giving this movie for something that

[38:15] happened at the end of Fast and Furious

[38:17] 6. Franchise retroactive sinning, baby.

[38:19] No law enforcement shows up, allowing

[38:20] them to just walk away and casually get

[38:22] on a subway. DK knew to find them at

[38:24] Shawn's dad's house because he was

[38:25] tipped off by the screenwriter. I

[38:26] wouldn't do that if I were you.

[38:28] >> Neglectful dad exmachina. Also, how did

[38:30] he get out here in time? Did his dad

[38:32] sense tingle and he knew the commotion

[38:33] outside was related to Shawn? The guy

[38:35] left without a note and has been gone

[38:36] for, I don't know, let's say 3 weeks

[38:38] >> and I'm responsible for my mess. I got

[38:40] to do this.

[38:41] >> Can someone explain to me what he has to

[38:43] do exactly? Is he going to kill DK? Turn

[38:45] himself into police, rescue the girl,

[38:46] convince Bowo to add the Lul back, and

[38:48] Shawn's vague vagory somehow convince

[38:50] his father to let him go do this.

[38:52] >> At least you're not redoing my mistakes.

[38:54] I guess that's one way to do it if you

[38:55] ignore all the original mistakes he's

[38:57] made all by himself. Also, is he saying

[38:58] that Shawn's mess doesn't at least equal

[39:00] or exceed the mistakes he's made? Come

[39:02] the on. All Shawn's dad did was be a bad

[39:04] father. Shawn's going to be wanted on

[39:06] two continents after this.

[39:07] >> Maybe I should talk to Kamada.

[39:08] >> I'll let Twinkie take this one.

[39:09] >> I know. I just didn't hit it.

[39:11] >> You can't just walk into Kamata's place,

[39:13] man.

[39:13] >> It's all I got.

[39:14] >> So Shawn walks right up to Kamada's

[39:16] place, gets shot dead, and the movie

[39:17] ends with 23 minutes of credits.

[39:19] >> Something I think Han would have wanted

[39:20] you to have. You're going to need it if

[39:21] you're going to make it out of Kamada's

[39:22] place alive. Don't you need it? No,

[39:25] >> it's cool. Look, I I'll figure it out.

[39:27] >> Wait a minute. Twinkie said, "This is

[39:28] something I think Han would have wanted

[39:30] you to have." So, did Twinkie mean Han

[39:32] would have wanted you to take my money?

[39:33] Isn't it Twinkie who was giving Shawn

[39:34] this money, and it has nothing to do

[39:35] with Han whatsoever? The Apparently, you

[39:38] can just walk right up to Kamata's

[39:39] place. Who knew?

[39:41] >> The drift training montage ran long and

[39:43] bumped the learning Japanese montage.

[39:44] >> I'm here to offer you a peaceful

[39:46] solution.

[39:46] >> Is it a race?

[39:47] >> A race you movie.

[39:49] >> It's the cops to call the cause. In

[39:51] addition to being an unexplained friend,

[39:52] this guy also serves as the narrator.

[39:54] Luckily, Sean's dad just happens to be

[39:55] working on a car that could easily be

[39:57] retrofitted with street racing parts for

[39:58] this finale to happen. But this dude's

[40:00] nickname in the army was God in the

[40:02] machine. Is this our third or fourth

[40:03] montage? I lost count. Also, after Shawn

[40:05] requested the race, did he get a full

[40:07] week or so to prepare for it? The Yakuza

[40:09] overlords must have said, "I agreed to

[40:10] the race, but first get in a good week

[40:12] to prepare." You know what? Make it two

[40:14] weeks. And here's 50 grand to start your

[40:15] new business.

[40:16] >> DK picked this road for a reason. This

[40:18] is his mountain.

[40:19] >> And he's got some barrels. he's going to

[40:20] throw at you. As I see the old man get

[40:22] out of the car, I'm wondering why did he

[40:23] even agree to this? This is a massive

[40:25] waste of time. The stakes are loser

[40:27] leaves town for good. So what? He

[40:29] doesn't get anything from that

[40:29] arrangement. Sean already gave him the

[40:31] money Han owed. If he loses, he doesn't

[40:33] die or learn a lesson or have to give

[40:34] him more money. This is a [ __ ] man.

[40:36] I was hoping this dude was going to use

[40:37] his bra to start the race. How the [ __ ]

[40:39] are they all watching this on their cell

[40:40] phones? Even if there were invisible

[40:42] drones filming it, there's no way those

[40:43] mid2000 era cell phones could play back

[40:46] live streaming video. Have you ever

[40:47] tried to stream anything on Edge

[40:48] Network? That was the fastesting thing

[40:50] at the time. I know they're all about

[40:51] drifting, but they could easily turn

[40:52] around some of these corners normally.

[40:54] And as far as I know, you don't get

[40:55] bonus points for style in this race, nor

[40:57] do you get a little power boost coming

[40:58] out of the slide like in Mario Kart 64.

[41:00] It's just whoever gets to the bottom

[41:01] first, right? And here, in this case,

[41:03] who's recording this part of the action?

[41:05] There's no one around to broadcast this,

[41:06] but yet everybody looking at their phone

[41:08] sure seems to see the race perfectly

[41:09] clear in their tiny ass screens. This

[41:11] camera move illustrates the cliff that

[41:13] Shawn might tumble over if his car

[41:14] continues to do what this camera just

[41:16] did, which is to confuse us as to how

[41:18] far away Shawn is from this clip. I

[41:20] couldn't really see what was going on,

[41:21] but I definitely smelled some [ __ ]

[41:22] It's too bad I don't know how far away

[41:24] from the finish line these guys are,

[41:25] giving us a course and some updates on

[41:27] their status might have made this

[41:28] exciting. DK conveniently and impossibly

[41:30] falls right in front of where Shawn is

[41:32] driving, only so this shot can exist.

[41:33] And he survives this.

[41:35] >> Heard he's been beating everybody around

[41:36] Asia, too. Well, you heard wrong because

[41:38] Furious 7 makes you a liar because Dom

[41:41] didn't come to Asia to beat a whole

[41:42] bunch of people racing. He came here to

[41:43] pick up Han. And yes, that's not only a

[41:46] retroactive sin for a future movie, but

[41:47] that's also a sin we already mentioned

[41:49] in the Furious 7 video. Take that,

[41:51] Furious.

[41:51] >> This dude over here want to race. Said

[41:53] he knew Han.

[41:54] >> Then why the does he want to race? Why

[41:56] can't they just sit and talk about their

[41:57] dead friends? It's because we got 2

[41:58] minutes left and that would require

[42:00] writing dialogue. Well, all right then.

[42:02] >> I got [music] nothing but time.

[42:03] >> Yep. You're just in the middle of all

[42:05] that Jason Staithm bull and Furious 7.

[42:07] It can wait. Darwin Awards by Ad Space

[42:09] at the end of this movie.

[42:17] >> Let's make some money.

[42:18] >> Battlecry is the model for this crew,

[42:19] sure, but also for this rebooted movie

[42:21] franchise.

[42:22] >> I thought we'd be robbing banks by now.

[42:25] Not some gas truck in the middle of

[42:26] nowhere.

[42:27] >> Isn't this something you say before you

[42:28] go to rob the gas truck in the middle of

[42:29] nowhere? Movie expects me to believe

[42:31] this go into reverse via E brake turn

[42:32] maneuver is possible at 60 mph. This

[42:34] pickup truck can travel in reverse at

[42:36] the same speed as a semi-truck on the

[42:37] highway because well this is only the

[42:40] beginning of this crap and you know it.

[42:42] Well, that's some [ __ ] Why doesn't

[42:44] everyone have the same hands-free

[42:45] headset that Lety does. It's really

[42:47] strange to me that during these heists

[42:48] absolutely no one else drives on these

[42:50] roads. The one thing they never counted

[42:51] on was the truck driver seeing something

[42:53] odd in his mirrors. This bullet hits

[42:56] exactly in the spot where Toretto's

[42:57] torso is, and all he has to worry about

[42:58] is shattered glass. Oh no, something.

[43:02] This guy pumps the brakes once, then

[43:03] bails at a lot of miles per hour and

[43:05] lives. How has this gas tank on fire not

[43:07] exploded yet? Sometimes an exciting

[43:09] scene is so much [ __ ] the danger

[43:10] isn't real anymore. After this, there's

[43:12] no reason to feel any tension.

[43:13] Spectacular explosion just for the hell

[43:15] of it. All the excitement of the first

[43:16] movie without the movie is a dick to

[43:18] epileptics, but is kind of a good friend

[43:20] to my boner. So, I'm conflicted. None of

[43:22] the girls in any of these shots is my

[43:24] girlfriend, so they stole a gas truck to

[43:25] use for illegal street races. Is gas

[43:27] that hard to come by? Don't you bet pink

[43:30] slips and how is a $40 fill up that big

[43:32] a deal?

[43:33] >> Time for you to go do your own thing.

[43:35] >> Heard they're doing some crazy [ __ ] in

[43:36] Tokyo.

[43:37] >> Like nearly drifting this franchise into

[43:39] obscurity,

[43:39] >> Dom, how long have we been doing this?

[43:42] >> I have no idea, but I'm going to guess

[43:44] long enough to know better.

[43:45] >> We'll figure it out. We always do.

[43:48] >> Man, that's touching. I really hope

[43:49] these criminals find a happy ending. Dom

[43:51] is a addict to Letty, but at least he

[43:52] left the cash on the nightstand like

[43:54] she's a [ __ ] Running Paul Walker

[43:56] Bplot. How's the movie so far,

[43:57] gentlemen? Jump cut chase scene has no

[43:59] intention of letting you get your

[44:00] bearings. Rando security guard goes out

[44:02] like a [ __ ] and gives up his gun so the

[44:04] scene can have added tension. Jeez, just

[44:05] call backup, dude. He had no place to

[44:07] go. They both survived this.

[44:09] >> GIVE ME YOUR NAME. DAVID PARK.

[44:11] >> AMAZING. I can remember that after

[44:12] crashing through a car. Why am I even

[44:14] alive?

[44:15] >> David Park. I could throw a fortune

[44:17] cookie out this one and hit 50

[44:18] [clears throat] David Parks right now.

[44:19] That's super racist. Also, that's one

[44:21] magic fortune cookie. Wait, how did

[44:23] Okconor get another job after absolutely

[44:24] [ __ ] the police rulebook the last

[44:26] movie?

[44:26] >> Um, it's Letty. She's been murdered.

[44:28] >> Because you left her alone, most likely.

[44:30] Also, amazing that her death means so

[44:32] little to this franchise. It wasn't even

[44:33] shown on screen. Probably so they can

[44:35] bring her back later. Everyone in the

[44:36] movie decides to believe Letty's dead

[44:38] without seeing a body, which is

[44:39] convenient beyond words.

[44:40] >> Facial recognition software matched

[44:42] Toretto about 10 minutes after he

[44:44] crossed the border. Thought he'd show.

[44:45] Even though I supposedly have cop

[44:46] instincts, there's no reason for me to

[44:48] check other areas of the cemetery where

[44:49] he might be watching the funeral. Also,

[44:50] how is it that you don't have anyone

[44:52] watching the streets in and around the

[44:53] cemetery just in case he shows up

[44:54] anywhere near the area? Out of 360°,

[44:57] Brian chooses to dramatically look in

[44:58] the one spot where Dom had actually

[45:00] been. Cops are staking out this home,

[45:01] but not the back way, which Dom so

[45:03] obviously used to sneak in here.

[45:05] >> They're staking the place out if they

[45:07] find you.

[45:07] >> They won't.

[45:08] >> That's all I have to say about that.

[45:09] Anyway, cops are dump.

[45:11] >> Letty wouldn't let them junk it.

[45:12] >> You mean the cops? Letty wouldn't allow

[45:14] law enforcement to junk the car. Isn't

[45:16] it their property after that Brian Dom

[45:17] drag race at the end of the first movie?

[45:19] >> I want to see the crash site.

[45:20] >> I'm going to crack this case because in

[45:22] addition to being a badass car high sky,

[45:24] I'm also an honorary Scotland Yards lle

[45:25] sleuth.

[45:26] >> If we don't make serious inroads into

[45:27] the Bragga case in the next 72 hours,

[45:29] they're going to shut us down because

[45:31] it's been 2 years and the last three

[45:33] agents we sent to infiltrate his

[45:35] organization have come back in body

[45:36] bags.

[45:37] >> So basically, the government will be

[45:38] cool with all his illegal activities

[45:40] after that because this case is too damn

[45:41] hard. Also, you sent three other

[45:43] undercover dudes before sending Brian

[45:45] undercover god Okconor.

[45:46] >> Your boy Tretto's red Chevel has been

[45:48] spotted in his own neighborhood. Going

[45:49] to bring his ass in.

[45:50] >> Despite this fact, we'll let him drive

[45:52] all the way here. And then we're going

[45:53] to show up after Dom does his Sherlock

[45:54] Holmes routine because nobody in law

[45:56] enforcement is worth a [ __ ] Vin Diesel

[45:58] is fast and curious. Oh [ __ ] he can

[46:00] actually create memories of an accident

[46:02] he knows nothing about by merely

[46:03] standing on this road. He is really good

[46:05] at deducing.

[46:06] >> You found something back there.

[46:07] >> Yes, memories that are not from my own

[46:10] brain. There were burn marks on the

[46:11] ground. The kind that could only be

[46:13] caused by natural meth. There's only one

[46:16] guy in all of LA that sells that.

[46:18] >> This is something the detectives

[46:19] couldn't figure out. This is [ __ ]

[46:20] police work 101. Also, what a bunch of

[46:22] [ __ ] One guy. One [ __ ] guy sells

[46:25] something that is this coveted in the

[46:26] street racing world. Oneing guy. Sin

[46:28] city stylized driving shot brought to

[46:30] you by Sin City.

[46:31] >> I narrowed it down to 50 or so David

[46:33] Parks.

[46:33] >> I want you to throw a fortune cookie at

[46:34] them like that racist agent was talking

[46:36] about earlier. See which one flinches.

[46:37] That's your man. Don't ever put your

[46:39] hands on me again. Okay. Say hi to your

[46:42] sister for me.

[46:42] >> Jesus. What world does this dude live

[46:44] in?

[46:44] >> Korean kid brought it in.

[46:47] >> David Park.

[46:48] >> Brian might be one of the worst agents

[46:49] in history. Letty's murder case didn't

[46:51] lead Brian to the same information Dom

[46:52] just got. The only guy who sells

[46:54] nitromemethane in the area. And the one

[46:55] guy who knows what David Park and his

[46:57] car look like.

[46:58] >> I lied to you.

[46:58] >> Well, no.

[46:59] >> I lied to Dom. I lied to everybody.

[47:01] That's what I do best. That's why the

[47:02] feds recruited me.

[47:03] >> Brian's amazing lying was so renowned

[47:05] they recruited him for it. Of course.

[47:06] How did they know he was a liar if he

[47:08] was so good at it? And Brian didn't get

[47:09] in any trouble for letting the girl go

[47:10] yesterday by tricking the other FBI guy

[47:12] and faking transfer orders.

[47:14] >> 98 Saturn, a 95 Sebring, a 98 Nissan 240

[47:18] with an illegal mod.

[47:19] >> That's it.

[47:20] >> Why didn't you plug in all the David

[47:21] Parks with an illegal mod in the

[47:22] database and narrow the search time

[47:24] down? Jesus, do I have to do everything

[47:25] for you? Fate and the screenwriter have

[47:27] conspired to get Brian and Dom to

[47:28] investigate the same guy at the same

[47:30] exact time.

[47:30] >> All I can do is get you in the race.

[47:32] >> What race? guy who was spilling his guts

[47:33] somehow decides to stop so that this

[47:35] window breakage can happen. Either that

[47:36] or Toetto threw him through the window

[47:38] before giving him time to answer the

[47:39] question. There is no freaking way Park

[47:41] was able to hold on to a curtain after

[47:42] being dangled out of a window by his

[47:44] feet and then dropped.

[47:44] >> Connor, do you know the difference

[47:46] between a cop and a criminal? What? One

[47:49] bad judgment call.

[47:50] >> Whether or not you mean to, you're

[47:51] saying that all cops have avoided making

[47:52] one bad judgment call, which is

[47:54] preposterous.

[47:55] >> We have intel that Bragg's number two.

[47:57] Raone Campos will hold a street race in

[47:59] Korea Town tomorrow night to fill a slot

[48:01] on his team.

[48:02] >> Let me guess. Winner gets the slot.

[48:04] >> Did you just say let me guess and then

[48:06] fill in the rest of the sentence with

[48:07] information the first dude already said?

[48:08] This doublefisted montage of Garwork

[48:10] makes me angry. Are they going to mirror

[48:12] each other the entire film?

[48:13] >> You want to park guys?

[48:15] >> I'm wondering how does a guy who blew

[48:16] his cover in the first movie get to go

[48:18] undercover in the same street racing

[48:19] world a second time with nobody noticing

[48:21] it.

[48:21] >> My job is to find the best drivers.

[48:24] Period. Whoever wins a race gets the

[48:26] info.

[48:27] >> This seems like a weird way to get your

[48:28] trusted drivers. You run one race,

[48:30] something that could easily end in a

[48:31] fluke, and that's how you pick people.

[48:32] Revving, tires, satellite maps.

[48:35] >> You sure you want to do this?

[48:36] >> Can he even hear you with all this

[48:38] noise? Is it possible for a car in only

[48:39] two wheels to move faster than cars on

[48:41] four wheels? I'm sure it is, but it

[48:43] probably requires either sluggishness on

[48:44] the part of the other drivers or those

[48:45] two tires touching the ground moving at

[48:46] a speed twice that of any other car's

[48:48] tires, which is kooky, right?

[48:50] >> How my ass love Chia. The 2009 movie

[48:52] makes a Chia Pet reference, yet we'll

[48:54] spawn at least three more sequels

[48:55] because there is no God. No cops were

[48:57] called in the running of this massively

[48:58] inconvenient street race. Brian should

[49:00] definitely have killed some fools here,

[49:01] but for the power of screenwriting.

[49:03] >> Sorry, car.

[49:04] >> And then this car proceeds to bust

[49:05] through a wooden staircase and down a

[49:06] hill without stalling or busting tires.

[49:08] >> At least we know you can't beat me

[49:09] straight up.

[49:10] >> I didn't know there were any rules.

[49:11] >> True that, Dom. It actually makes me

[49:13] wonder why you guys didn't start racing

[49:14] immediately before the countdown got to

[49:16] zero. Wouldn't this kind of race reward

[49:17] cheaters? Stupid guy is getting his

[49:19] stupid face arrested during sexual

[49:21] relations cliche. Wherever this is going

[49:22] on, cops would be noticing. This is some

[49:24] loud invasive [ __ ] right here. This

[49:26] girl's ass is not my girlfriend in this

[49:27] seat. I mean, this girl is not my ass in

[49:29] this seat. I mean, this ass is not Oh,

[49:31] it

[49:31] >> Yeah, corona.

[49:32] >> Dom orders without the waitress even

[49:33] acknowledging him.

[49:34] >> Let's just stop someone from telling him

[49:36] you're a cop.

[49:37] >> Are we still going with the idea that

[49:38] Dom is the only guy who recognizes

[49:39] Brian? This guy's feast was everywhere

[49:41] in that first movie.

[49:42] >> I also heard you just got out of the

[49:43] county.

[49:44] >> When Brian arrested David Park, the race

[49:45] was the very next night. So, how did

[49:47] Brian get the just got out of county

[49:48] street credit? Don't undercover guys

[49:49] have to actually be in jail for a while

[49:51] so that it can be verified? They simply

[49:53] go on Park's Word, which I cannot

[49:54] believe is how this worked considering

[49:56] how hard Bragga is to find.

[49:57] >> Any one of them would die for Braa,

[49:59] >> including you,

[50:00] >> especially me.

[50:01] >> Even though Brian is a dumbass and

[50:02] doesn't realize it, Braa basically just

[50:04] gave away his identity. This is the guy

[50:05] who's so hard to find. This is the guy

[50:07] who's killed three other FBI guys before

[50:09] he could be identified.

[50:10] >> Braa is mine. I'm taking no house down.

[50:12] and also talking about it in front of a

[50:13] club full of people you were just told

[50:15] are so loyal to Braa they'd die for him.

[50:16] This room with the boss is no longer

[50:18] important to guard now that a girl with

[50:19] a hot ass just walked by. How does Brian

[50:21] know this door isn't leading to a single

[50:22] dead end room? At which point he'll be

[50:24] caught by the boss man for snooping.

[50:26] Answer, heing doesn't. Thankfully for

[50:27] Brian, everything about the layout of

[50:28] the rest of this building cooperates

[50:30] with his eavesdropping. Same here. Don

[50:31] has no [ __ ] clue where this elevator

[50:33] will take him, but whatever. Can we just

[50:34] go back to the three girls kissing?

[50:36] >> Are you one of those boys who prefers

[50:39] cars to women? I'm one of those boys

[50:41] that appreciates a fine body regardless

[50:43] of the make.

[50:44] >> Are we at a James Bond film all of a

[50:45] sudden?

[50:46] >> A dirty shot glass. Just what I always

[50:48] wanted.

[50:49] >> How in the did Brian get into the office

[50:50] where Braga was drinking without being

[50:52] seen?

[50:52] >> So that means I have to contact

[50:54] individual agencies and that could take

[50:55] weeks.

[50:56] >> Fingerprints somehow take weeks of

[50:57] verification. But hey, that's convenient

[50:59] for the plot. So that's something we

[51:00] have going for us.

[51:02] >> Yep.

[51:03] >> That's your third traffic violation in

[51:05] less than three blocks.

[51:06] >> Is this guy serious? Doesn't he know

[51:08] what Braa expects from his drivers?

[51:10] >> He stopped.

[51:10] >> Thanks, movie narrator. Bad guy gives

[51:12] potential undercover agents plenty of

[51:13] time to destroy any bugs they might have

[51:15] in their cars by making it way too

[51:16] obvious and not inspecting all the cars

[51:18] at the exact same time. Also, it makes

[51:19] you wonder how dumb the other FBI guys

[51:21] were to get killed by this guy. Also,

[51:22] luckily, Brian has an unfinished can of

[51:24] NS in which he can throw this bug.

[51:26] That's some seriously convenient product

[51:27] placement right there.

[51:28] >> I don't have a tally on the target.

[51:30] Repeat, I don't have a tally on the

[51:32] target. So, the FBI knows that Brian

[51:33] went into this one place, but when a

[51:35] huge truck comes driving out of it, they

[51:36] don't follow it for any reason. How do

[51:38] you build a tunnel like this on the

[51:39] Mexico border without anyone ever

[51:40] noticing?

[51:40] >> You're running out of time.

[51:42] >> Do the drivers who are driving as fast

[51:43] as they can need anyone telling them to

[51:45] get out as fast as they can?

[51:47] >> 70 Plymouth. My name was Letty.

[51:49] >> Dom spills [clears throat] all his cards

[51:50] during Mexican desert standoff with bad

[51:52] guys that have guns. And

[51:54] >> somebody wrecked a car.

[51:55] >> I wrecked a car.

[51:56] >> So, you can tell this is a guy bent on

[51:58] revenge. Why don't you just go ahead and

[51:59] kill him right now? Last time I saw it,

[52:01] it was burning.

[52:02] >> The dom you have presented in these

[52:03] movies would crush thiser's neck right

[52:05] here and now, even if he has some NOS

[52:07] cigarette lighter bomb ready to explode

[52:08] soon.

[52:09] >> COME ON, GET IN THE [ __ ] CAR.

[52:10] >> SOMEHOW, I'll be able to guide us back

[52:11] over the Mexican border without my FBI

[52:13] buddies tracking us, not to mention

[52:14] border patrol. Wait, Dom is getting in

[52:16] the Humvey with Brian and leaving

[52:17] without killing the guy that killed

[52:18] Letty. What was all that about then? Are

[52:20] there seriously no cameras on an impound

[52:22] lot? Then what happens when they drive

[52:23] out of here in a completely different

[52:24] car and there's a smash window on the

[52:26] driver's side? Does the guard say,

[52:27] "Okay, move along." Bullet's not in

[52:30] there.

[52:30] >> Do you have x-ray vision or something?

[52:32] Corona continues their assault on your

[52:33] good taste with second egregious product

[52:35] placement. I have no idea where they are

[52:37] now. And the sister had to drive to get

[52:38] to this oil field trailer, but somehow

[52:40] there is a box full of Lety memories for

[52:42] Don to sift through. Magic. I wonder how

[52:44] much of a discount does Campbell's soup

[52:45] get for product placement that is blurry

[52:46] as hell but still obvious. Dom knows who

[52:48] killed Letty, but he's unnecessarily

[52:50] curious about who she was talking to

[52:51] before she died so that he and Brian can

[52:53] fight.

[52:53] >> SHE DID IT FOR YOU, DOM.

[52:55] SHE DID IT FOR YOU. Brian waits a stupid

[52:57] amount of time in this fight to share

[52:58] the fight stopping information. With a

[53:00] single fist brush, Brian removes all the

[53:01] blood caused by 10 punches to the face

[53:03] Dom threw a second ago.

[53:04] >> Let's use the shipment to lure Braga out

[53:06] and mop the head off a multi-billion

[53:08] dollar cartel.

[53:09] >> And how do you suggest we do that?

[53:11] >> A handtohand exchange with Braa. He'll

[53:14] never show. He can't afford not to.

[53:16] >> You just said this was a multi-billion

[53:17] dollar cartel. The shipment you're

[53:19] talking about is 60 million. Sorry to

[53:21] say, Braa isn't going to stick his head

[53:23] out for that. But for the movie, [sighs]

[53:25] he will. What do you want? It's

[53:26] >> delivered by Braga himself.

[53:28] >> Well, that's not a suspicious way of

[53:30] trying to get Braa at the meeting. Nope,

[53:31] not at all.

[53:32] >> Well, Connor hasn't given us a signal

[53:33] yet. What

[53:34] >> part of that didn't you understand? We

[53:35] just got confirmation. Do it

[53:36] >> because that's how FBI operations are

[53:38] done. You go against the plan mid-stream

[53:40] because you got a supposed fingerprint

[53:41] match in an extremely fluid situation.

[53:43] This isn't much of a surprise, so I

[53:44] guess we'll send dramatic irony here.

[53:46] Machine guns go off in every possible

[53:47] direction and somehow everyone doesn't

[53:49] die. This hench girl, for some reason,

[53:50] runs out and stops in front of her

[53:51] boss's speeding car. I guess so Don

[53:53] could save her and she could be in

[53:54] future sequels. Wait, are you telling me

[53:56] that absolutely no FBI guys are around

[53:58] to stop this car just in case this exact

[54:00] thing happens?

[54:00] >> He was under your nose the whole time.

[54:02] >> You know, he's right. He should have

[54:03] known, but even with intuition, he had

[54:05] to verify fingerprints, which uh somehow

[54:07] take weeks to verify, even if you're in

[54:08] the FBI.

[54:09] >> To heading south, probably long across

[54:11] the border by now,

[54:12] >> despite the fact that we have facial

[54:13] recognition software that verifies this

[54:14] type of should know he hasn't crossed

[54:16] the border yet.

[54:17] >> The first bad guy you helped escape the

[54:18] law's grasp.

[54:19] >> Actually, he is. He's just done it twice

[54:21] for the same person. Of course, none of

[54:22] the Angry at Brian FBI agents are

[54:24] sneaking out to Reto's house because

[54:25] that would make too much sense.

[54:27] >> Everyone's looking for you.

[54:28] >> But not here for some reason. Hey,

[54:30] you're crying. I've got just the thing

[54:32] for that. Also, let's [ __ ] right here in

[54:33] the kitchen because God knows there's no

[54:34] way your brother Dom will stumble upon

[54:36] such a horrific sight. If it's so easy

[54:37] to cross the Mexican border, why all the

[54:39] drama going through the Batman tunnels

[54:40] and to get a shipment? Just admit to me

[54:42] you created that scene through the

[54:43] tunnels so you could have a cool car

[54:44] scene. I'm a big boy. You can tell me.

[54:46] Something about this note passing scene

[54:48] is keeping me from paying attention to

[54:49] the note passing. I can't quite put my

[54:51] finger on it.

[54:51] >> So, this is where my jurisdiction is.

[54:53] >> Being that I'm not an FBI agent anymore,

[54:54] I don't really have jurisdiction

[54:56] anywhere. I don't even know why I said

[54:57] that. Well, they aren't all black, but

[54:59] these are definitely tailgating SUVs.

[55:00] Two of the three telltale signs of an

[55:02] evil convoy. Hey, remember what hot

[55:03] chick I'll never bang said.

[55:04] >> Going in there is suicide.

[55:07] >> Yeah, it seems like they got in there

[55:08] without it being even remotely suicidal.

[55:10] All of his dudes are out front. And this

[55:12] is a church, so it has other exits.

[55:14] >> You and me, we know so different.

[55:16] >> You and I are not so different. Cliche.

[55:17] Wait a minute. My evil boss's prayer is

[55:19] taking too long. I'd better go insert

[55:21] myself into the plot. Security fail. You

[55:23] didn't even know about the side

[55:24] entrance, let alone have a guy guarding

[55:26] it.

[55:26] >> You'll make it a couple of miles out if

[55:28] you're lucky.

[55:29] >> Your cars, which are souped-up amatrons,

[55:31] cannot possibly outrun my guy's cars,

[55:33] which are super duper souped-up

[55:34] amatrons. [ __ ] fighting.

[55:36] >> You know where you going?

[55:37] >> He should, but somehow he'll not have a

[55:39] proper escape plan.

[55:39] >> Where you boys at? Are they going to

[55:42] show up or what?

[55:43] >> Right after you say this, I'm sure. How

[55:44] did the bad guys know to show up to this

[55:45] random spot in the middle of the Mexican

[55:47] desert? At best, they got a message the

[55:48] boss was kidnapped and the kidnappers

[55:50] were headed out of town, but all of them

[55:51] show up at the same time and correctly

[55:53] guess which spot outside of town to go

[55:54] to. How is there aing red station wagon

[55:56] in on this chase? This is a

[55:58] multi-billion dollar cartel. God damn

[55:59] it. Also, how did these dumbass cars

[56:01] catch up to the souped-up you cars that

[56:02] Dom and Brian drive? HOW

[56:07] >> somebody

[56:09] >> only one evil henchman is smart enough

[56:11] to know this obvious rule.

[56:12] >> Dom, end of the tunnel. Let's use the

[56:14] tunnel.

[56:15] >> What? He just so happened to be at the

[56:16] exact same stretch of US Mexican border

[56:18] as earlier in the movie. How convenient.

[56:20] Suddenly, all the Mexicans.

[56:22] >> This might hurt.

[56:23] >> After one time through these tunnels, he

[56:24] knows he can smash through the entrance

[56:25] like this without killing himself. For

[56:26] all he knew, that entrance was made of

[56:28] steel. But thankfully, the correct

[56:29] answer is papier-mâché. Brian waits

[56:30] entirely too long to do this. Brian

[56:32] survives this. Um, awkwardness

[56:34] acknowledged. The last time we saw Dom,

[56:36] his car got super banged up and a bunch

[56:38] of cars were wrecking into it and

[56:39] causing various tunnel block issues.

[56:41] Now, the car looks essentially brand new

[56:42] and is driving perfectly without any

[56:43] issue. Thank god for film editing,

[56:45] right? That makes people totally forget

[56:47] like that.

[56:50] Uh, no. Huge rocks are obviously falling

[56:52] in front of Dom, but Dom sees your rocks

[56:54] and raises you infinity impossible

[56:56] escape. Instead of shooting Brian, this

[56:57] [ __ ] decides to monologue by kicking.

[56:59] Brian somehow grabs dude's leg to hold

[57:01] him in place, but also then isn't

[57:02] smashed by the impact of Dom's car on

[57:04] this guy's body.

[57:05] >> I've listened to the testimony and taken

[57:07] into special consideration Agent

[57:09] Okconor's appeal of clemency on behalf

[57:11] of Mr. Tretto. How does the judge

[57:13] consider Brian's appeal since he's no

[57:15] longer an agent and performed an illegal

[57:16] operation in Mexico as a civilian? What

[57:18] was the point of that no longer on

[57:20] active duty scene? Even prisoner

[57:21] transfer buses drive on interstates with

[57:23] nobody on them. Man, if heists and

[57:24] prison breaks were this easy, everyone

[57:26] would do them. Sorry, disclaimer.

[57:27] Everyone who's dumb enough to do the

[57:28] stunts from this movie are already in

[57:29] the lobby talking about how sick this

[57:31] movie is.

[57:38] Previously on Fast and Furious. I said

[57:40] it before in the last Fast and Furious

[57:42] and I'll say it again. It's amazing how

[57:43] many highway crimes have absolutely zero

[57:45] other traffic on the roads. It's a

[57:47] perfect day for a prison break. And if I

[57:49] saw three souped-up cars blasting down

[57:50] the road while I was transporting

[57:51] prisoners, I'd probably ready my

[57:53] shotgun, maybe even stop the bus and put

[57:55] the odds ever in my favor. Even though

[57:56] Brian's hitting the brakes, this bus

[57:57] impact should still have blown that car

[57:59] off the road. Instead, the bus flips,

[58:01] the car sticks, and Brian lives.

[58:02] Clearly, Brian's plan for springing Dom

[58:04] includes killing Donald. Never mind any

[58:05] of the non-main character prisoners that

[58:07] died in this horrific crash. out where

[58:09] everyone on board has been accounted for

[58:11] except for one Dominic Tretto.

[58:13] >> Accounted for? Did anyone die? Is this

[58:16] the most remarkable bus crash ever? This

[58:18] news broadcast montage never once

[58:19] mentions fatalities, which is what the

[58:21] news lives for.

[58:22] >> Where Fredo and Okconor are now is

[58:24] anyone's guess.

[58:25] >> With the terrible copying we saw in the

[58:26] last film, couldn't they be in LA having

[58:28] beers at the Toretto home without law

[58:29] enforcement knowing about it? Rio porn.

[58:31] Yep, this [ __ ] head is back.

[58:32] >> How's it feel?

[58:33] >> Feels great. Wait a minute. What the are

[58:35] you talking about? can be on the other

[58:37] side of a wanted poster.

[58:38] >> Well, you can't really be on any other

[58:39] side of a wanted poster, can you? You

[58:41] can pick any side and you'll still be on

[58:43] a wanted poster. There's no good side.

[58:45] This Mia putting the baby to bed scene

[58:46] couldn't possibly be foreshadowing her

[58:48] own pregnancy, could it?

[58:49] >> Elisabi.

[58:50] >> Oh man, I cannot believe it.

[58:52] >> It looks like you both could use the

[58:54] payday.

[58:55] >> Sure, they're poor. So, naturally, the

[58:56] only possible action to take is Grand

[58:58] Theft Auto. I guess it's a good thing

[58:59] these DEA agents and anyone else on this

[59:01] train who are Americans are super

[59:02] unobservant. What with Brian and Mia's

[59:04] faces plastered everywhere after the

[59:06] prison break. This stupid heist would

[59:07] never work. The chances of anyone seeing

[59:09] your crew alongside the train are much

[59:10] too high. There are many passengers

[59:12] facing the backside of the train looking

[59:13] out windows and would easily see you.

[59:15] These guys fall on their faces to avoid

[59:16] being killed by the dangerous sheet of

[59:18] death they ripped off the train. But in

[59:19] the next shot, they're standing tall,

[59:20] looking like conquering heroes, as if

[59:22] half the crew didn't almost die from

[59:23] their own stupidity.

[59:24] >> GT40.

[59:25] >> Wouldn't the plan be pre-arranged?

[59:27] Because he says this and isn't careful

[59:28] enough to think Dom speaks Portuguese.

[59:29] Dom gets suspicious and the whole plan

[59:31] blows up in their faces for no reason.

[59:32] And the method of car theft virtually

[59:34] guarantees massive damage to all three

[59:36] vehicles, even though the movie doesn't

[59:37] think so. This car obviously has

[59:38] something in it that these guys want.

[59:40] But why didn't they call some sort of

[59:41] criminal dibs on it before this robbery

[59:42] even started? They could have said,

[59:44] "Look, you can have any car on that

[59:45] train, but the GT40 is off limits.

[59:47] >> Change your plans. Wait for my call."

[59:49] >> They got to Rio yesterday and had no

[59:51] idea until you stepped on this train car

[59:53] you were even coming. What pre-arranged

[59:54] meeting point could you possibly have

[59:56] under this scenario? Why didn't me at

[59:57] least pretend to be going the right way

[59:59] until the [ __ ] on the train were

[1:00:00] out of sight? Dom throws this guy to the

[1:00:02] floor rather than outside, making this

[1:00:03] fight to the death harder for himself.

[1:00:05] This movie wants to have everything both

[1:00:06] ways. Windows don't matter until they

[1:00:08] do. You movie.

[1:00:10] >> Yeah. Catch up to the GT40, which has a

[1:00:12] huge head start in this clunky ass

[1:00:14] vehicle. Thing comes out of nowhere to

[1:00:15] impair all the stuff.

[1:00:16] >> ACCESS CARD. GET THE ACCESS CARD.

[1:00:18] >> COPS here to protect the train don't

[1:00:19] have an access card to the train doors.

[1:00:21] This guy picks up a crowbar, but he hits

[1:00:22] Dom in the back instead of lodging it

[1:00:24] into his head or neck and causing major

[1:00:25] damage. Maybe this weird vehicle has a

[1:00:27] blowtorrch on it. Maybe. But for this

[1:00:29] guy getting kicked and driving the

[1:00:30] vehicle to be able to reach back and

[1:00:32] turn on the blow torch to use as a

[1:00:33] weapon. Yeah, I know. Why haven't you

[1:00:34] thrown him off the train yet? Brian

[1:00:36] survives this. Also, wow, that is a lot

[1:00:38] of dead people for our heroes to steal a

[1:00:40] few cars. Am I right? This train is this

[1:00:42] [ __ ] close to the bridge when Brian

[1:00:43] tells Dom about it. But somehow this

[1:00:45] will take more than 1 minute of movie

[1:00:46] time to actually get there. Car stunts

[1:00:47] that aren't possible are one thing.

[1:00:49] Humans living through like this over and

[1:00:50] over. That's sinful. How are there any

[1:00:52] bad guys waiting for them anywhere near

[1:00:54] this water? Even if the dude back on the

[1:00:56] train radioed it in, how are there

[1:00:57] readily available [ __ ] on standby

[1:00:59] under the train bridge? All right, I'm

[1:01:01] going to leave you in an easily

[1:01:02] escapable situation with my worst

[1:01:03] henchman on guard. I'll see you later in

[1:01:05] the movie. Walmart cuffs random guy with

[1:01:07] gun decides that guns don't have

[1:01:08] long-range capabilities and points it as

[1:01:10] close as possible to Dom's head. It's

[1:01:11] easy to look badass when these bad guys

[1:01:13] are idiots.

[1:01:14] >> Where's Vince?

[1:01:14] >> That's a good question.

[1:01:15] >> Did Vince even know there was a change

[1:01:17] in plans? He was the first dude off the

[1:01:18] train and it was only when Dom realized

[1:01:20] that the other dudes wanted the GT40

[1:01:21] that he changed the plan. There's

[1:01:23] something I have to tell you.

[1:01:24] >> But I'm sure to be interrupted before I

[1:01:25] can say it.

[1:01:26] >> THAT WAS YOUR JOB.

[1:01:28] >> THE PROBLEM WITH THIS MOVIE IS that we

[1:01:29] don't know what the original plan was,

[1:01:30] who was supposed to do what, or if the

[1:01:31] plan got changed before they got on the

[1:01:33] train. They never explained.

[1:01:34] >> 500 years ago, the Portuguese and the

[1:01:36] Spanish came here.

[1:01:37] >> This business deal will require the

[1:01:38] history of Brazil in order to move

[1:01:40] forward.

[1:01:42] >> Almost wish I didn't see that.

[1:01:44] >> Why did the bad guys bother with this

[1:01:46] huge operation to steal cars if all they

[1:01:47] wanted was a chip? They could have hired

[1:01:49] a pickpocket and an auto mechanic to

[1:01:50] board the train and find the chip and

[1:01:52] pulled this job off with way less

[1:01:53] problems.

[1:01:54] >> I thought the job was for the cars.

[1:01:56] >> This whole movie is predicated on the

[1:01:57] fact that Dom overheard Zezy say he

[1:01:59] wanted the GT40 and got suspicious.

[1:02:01] Because of this suspicion, it leads to a

[1:02:02] chain of events that didn't need to

[1:02:04] happen. Why did Don care if they stole

[1:02:05] that particular car or not? Why does he

[1:02:07] care if it has a chip in it? Was he

[1:02:08] worried that once the bad guys took the

[1:02:10] GT40, they were going to get screwed

[1:02:11] over or even killed? We don't know.

[1:02:13] Nothing is implied or explicitly stated.

[1:02:15] >> Wils, I want a list of every place

[1:02:16] within 50 mi. Bus crash, prisoner

[1:02:18] escape, train accident, Marshall barking

[1:02:20] out orders. This movie is the fugitive.

[1:02:22] >> The ground rolls into a hard pack and we

[1:02:24] lost that track, too.

[1:02:25] >> Not necessarily. That road heads up

[1:02:28] through the hills into the favllas. It's

[1:02:30] all dirt a mile from where you were.

[1:02:32] >> Okay, but don't tracks become really

[1:02:33] hard to find after a day or so because

[1:02:35] of people driving over the dirt and

[1:02:36] walking over it. Rio porn too. Fast,

[1:02:38] furious, fellatio. I didn't see one damn

[1:02:40] dirt road on their way up here. Lots of

[1:02:42] cobbled streets and concrete and

[1:02:43] whatever you want to call it, but

[1:02:44] certainly not something so easy to find

[1:02:46] tracks that they went straight to the

[1:02:47] hideout.

[1:02:48] >> 100 million plus in cash houses. It's

[1:02:50] >> how it keeps it off the grid.

[1:02:51] >> Wait, what? He's trying to keep the

[1:02:53] location of cashous off the grid and has

[1:02:55] commissioned a custom computer chip and

[1:02:56] software interface that is then plugged

[1:02:58] into regular devices. That puts it on

[1:03:01] the [ __ ] grid. Just use ink and

[1:03:03] paper. It does not get any more off the

[1:03:05] grid than that. Once again, [ __ ]

[1:03:06] don't bother finding the other potential

[1:03:07] exits and guarding them before going in

[1:03:09] for an attack. How did he miss? Two full

[1:03:12] minutes of discount born ultimatum.

[1:03:14] >> This is the third time someone's pulled

[1:03:15] a gun on Dom this close to him. DSS guys

[1:03:18] shoot everyone except one of the main

[1:03:19] bad guys.

[1:03:23] >> Let's go.

[1:03:23] >> By the way, I'm pregnant. Oh, forget it.

[1:03:25] Brian and Mia survived this.

[1:03:28] Dom did not lose this freaking necklace.

[1:03:30] Last time we saw him, it was perfectly

[1:03:31] fine around his neck and no danger of

[1:03:33] slipping off.

[1:03:33] >> I'm pregnant.

[1:03:34] >> Well, maybe I did just jump off of a

[1:03:36] roof into another roof a minute ago, but

[1:03:38] last time I checked, pregnant. All these

[1:03:39] guys are names on a list. They come up,

[1:03:41] we take them down. Not a phone call,

[1:03:43] more, not a bullet less.

[1:03:44] >> Whatever that means. I know you mean we

[1:03:46] don't ask any further questions, but

[1:03:47] that's just silly.

[1:03:48] >> Anything else?

[1:03:49] >> Yeah, we tracked the owner off the

[1:03:50] vehicle ID,

[1:03:51] >> which we should have already known

[1:03:52] considering they were in the DEA's

[1:03:54] possession just a day ago.

[1:03:55] >> That's just it. I don't remember [ __ ]

[1:03:56] about my dad.

[1:03:57] >> Sudden character backstory is sudden and

[1:03:59] cliche and considering the pending baby.

[1:04:01] Super convenient. It's sudden vignion

[1:04:03] cliche.

[1:04:04] >> We're going to do one last job. We're

[1:04:05] going to take all of Reyes's money.

[1:04:07] Here's the Fast and Furious franchise

[1:04:09] officially turning the keys over to

[1:04:10] Oceans 11.

[1:04:11] >> We're going to take all of Rey's money,

[1:04:14] every dime of it, and disappear.

[1:04:16] >> Why not just disappear? Wouldn't that be

[1:04:18] easier and safer? I guess you might need

[1:04:20] money to start a new life somewhere, but

[1:04:22] Jesus, if you're that addicted to

[1:04:23] stealing, I think I'm going to have to

[1:04:24] start considering you the bad guys of

[1:04:26] this series. Oh, I see. You're going to

[1:04:27] take the three or four weeks to debate

[1:04:29] on the right guys, then contact them,

[1:04:30] then wait for them to get to Rio, and

[1:04:32] then take down the crime boss you have

[1:04:33] no real beef with whatsoever. Oh [ __ ]

[1:04:35] Tyrese dragged this movie into this

[1:04:37] [ __ ] didn't he? Also, how are you going

[1:04:38] to coordinate and communicate with all

[1:04:40] these people while The Rock is actively

[1:04:41] seeking you out? And what? None of your

[1:04:43] former associates are being bugged or

[1:04:44] followed or anything?

[1:04:46] >> Sexy legs, baby girl. What time do they

[1:04:48] open?

[1:04:48] >> Jesus, even we wouldn't say some

[1:04:50] [ __ ] like this, but movie gets away

[1:04:52] with it because I have no idea. Also,

[1:04:54] this is a convergence of all the

[1:04:55] franchises. Now we have Too Fast Too

[1:04:57] Furious and Tokyo Drift thrown into this

[1:04:59] mess. Eventually, they'll all be joined

[1:05:00] by the Expendables

[1:05:01] >> cuz we got a job. Instead of escaping

[1:05:03] Rio, we've decided to target the biggest

[1:05:05] crime boss in the city and steal his

[1:05:06] money. We think that's justifiable

[1:05:08] because one time we tried to steal a car

[1:05:09] that he wanted to steal and he chained

[1:05:10] us up for a bit before we escaped. Don't

[1:05:12] ask any questions, just listen. This is

[1:05:14] what constitutes security at this place.

[1:05:15] Guy owns the whole city and he can

[1:05:17] afford security cameras on the outside

[1:05:18] of the building to make sure something

[1:05:19] like this doesn't happen. Meanwhile, he

[1:05:21] has four on the naked counting chicks.

[1:05:25] >> Random Reyes soldier plays the pronoun

[1:05:26] game with Reyes so that he has to ask

[1:05:28] who the hell they are. cousins.

[1:05:30] >> There's no reason to simply up the

[1:05:32] security or have more guys guarding it.

[1:05:33] Nope. Just put it all in one place. Why

[1:05:35] not?

[1:05:36] >> If he's moving into a police station,

[1:05:38] he's got some serious brass in his

[1:05:40] pocket.

[1:05:40] >> Kind of makes you wonder why he bothers

[1:05:41] with 10 different secret money houses if

[1:05:43] he can just openly stash his cash in the

[1:05:45] police station.

[1:05:45] >> This just went from mission impossible

[1:05:47] to mission freaking sanity.

[1:05:49] >> Yeah, earn that paycheck, Tyrese.

[1:05:51] >> Enhance it.

[1:05:52] >> Zoom in and enhance cliche.

[1:05:53] >> Their faces are covered.

[1:05:54] >> Run it through FRS.

[1:05:56] >> Facial recognition software. But you

[1:05:57] just said their faces were covered. The

[1:05:59] beauty of public offices, public

[1:06:01] records.

[1:06:02] >> Even in Brazil, it took the US until the

[1:06:04] Freedom of Information Act for most to

[1:06:05] become public. And even then, I'm not

[1:06:07] sure police station blueprints count.

[1:06:08] >> He says Caucasian. That's a tan.

[1:06:12] >> No, it's tan.

[1:06:13] >> Jesus Christ. So, of course, the box

[1:06:14] that Tyrese brings in goes right in the

[1:06:16] room with a safe because whenever you

[1:06:17] make a stupid plan with 1% chance of it

[1:06:19] working, it works. If you had a [ __ ]

[1:06:21] camera robot in this box, then why even

[1:06:22] go to the trouble of trying so hard or

[1:06:24] at all to get them to let you into the

[1:06:26] evidence room physically? Was it just to

[1:06:27] create some [ __ ] comic relief? Also,

[1:06:29] these cops on the take from billionaire

[1:06:30] crime lord don't have cameras in the

[1:06:32] evidence room that contains his vault of

[1:06:33] billions in order to see this RC car

[1:06:36] movie depicts exactly what it's like

[1:06:38] watching these movies.

[1:06:39] >> Okana, let's go get some cars.

[1:06:41] >> Okay, but just as a reminder, this is

[1:06:42] all just for revenge. You're doing all

[1:06:44] this to steal from a dude that [ __ ]

[1:06:45] with you one time over a car that you

[1:06:47] were in the act of stealing. Thinnest

[1:06:49] premise ever. Yes, let's collectively

[1:06:51] enjoy the hot asses of girls who aren't

[1:06:52] my sister that you knocked up. Word on

[1:06:54] the street is a lot of people looking

[1:06:56] for you two.

[1:06:57] >> And yet

[1:06:57] >> what? You didn't think we'd recognize

[1:06:59] you

[1:06:59] >> after the last movie? No, actually. We

[1:07:01] assume Brian was unrecognizable to the

[1:07:03] street racing world since they let him

[1:07:04] back in undercover after he [ __ ] over

[1:07:06] everyone in the first film. But

[1:07:07] whatever, just get to the race already.

[1:07:09] >> Car for car.

[1:07:10] >> You want to come and get it?

[1:07:11] >> If the feds IDed his car from a traffic

[1:07:13] cam, how the is Dom able to drive it

[1:07:15] anywhere in this city without being

[1:07:16] found? Aren't they searching for it via

[1:07:18] satellite every 15 minutes?

[1:07:21] >> Where'd you get that from? Papa Smart.

[1:07:24] >> Okay, Tyrese, we need to talk. I'm

[1:07:25] beginning to wonder if you even deserve

[1:07:27] to keep earning paychecks. Please call

[1:07:28] me. The highly wanted Dom and Brian

[1:07:30] being tracked by the entire Rio police

[1:07:31] force and the DSS can not only find a

[1:07:33] space where no one can find them, it's

[1:07:34] also big enough to simulate the police

[1:07:36] station they're about to rob.

[1:07:37] >> Oh, look. While the feds are actively

[1:07:38] hunting you with satellites, you can

[1:07:39] have a ginormous safe delivered to some

[1:07:41] warehouse without anyone anywhere

[1:07:42] getting suspicious.

[1:07:43] >> There's still another problem. Palm

[1:07:45] scanner,

[1:07:45] >> which I somehow didn't notice despite my

[1:07:47] zoomed-in RC car camera view of the

[1:07:49] thing. More Rio porn. Fast five gang

[1:07:51] bang. Hobbs specifically told his crew

[1:07:53] he wanted them to follow Reyes to the

[1:07:54] point of knowing how much he shakes it

[1:07:55] when he goes to the bathroom. Nobody

[1:07:57] from the DEA here today. Ah, not only

[1:07:59] did you stop for a change of clothes,

[1:08:01] you also made sure to choose fingerprint

[1:08:02] friendly material. Nice.

[1:08:04] >> So, did he just like slap that ass or

[1:08:06] did he like grab and hold on to it?

[1:08:08] >> I know you're kidding, but no. It was

[1:08:10] like he was actually trying to help you

[1:08:11] rob him with the way he touched her ass.

[1:08:13] >> Guys, guys, guys, we have a problem.

[1:08:16] >> And the whole team just got burnt.

[1:08:17] >> You mean just now? That's convenient

[1:08:19] since we saw all of you getting

[1:08:20] investigated 17 minutes ago in movie

[1:08:22] time, which is like an eternity in real

[1:08:24] time. This did not just happen despite

[1:08:26] the movie wishing it did.

[1:08:27] >> Roman's right. Think we need to get some

[1:08:29] fresh air.

[1:08:30] >> You people did not speak this vaguely.

[1:08:32] You just wanted the audience to wonder

[1:08:33] what he meant.

[1:08:34] >> Who's got a hit? 70s charger.

[1:08:36] >> The [ __ ] How did this thing not work

[1:08:37] properly the night of the street race

[1:08:38] earlier?

[1:08:39] >> You turn around and put your hands

[1:08:40] behind your back.

[1:08:41] >> I don't think so.

[1:08:42] >> Seems like he could have waited this out

[1:08:44] and got Dom and Brian later when there

[1:08:45] weren't so many people around, but

[1:08:46] that's just me. This is Brazil.

[1:08:48] >> Something that Hob's local agent, Elena,

[1:08:50] should have been able to tell him. But

[1:08:51] seeing how Hobbs talks to her, she

[1:08:53] probably thinks she's a 1950s housewife

[1:08:54] at this point. Guys, I don't know if you

[1:08:56] realize it, but this is the moment when

[1:08:57] the stars of the Pacifier and Tooth

[1:08:59] Fairy finally squared off. The only

[1:09:00] reason this necklace [ __ ] is in the

[1:09:02] movie is so that Dom could have another

[1:09:03] I missy scene with a woman who misses

[1:09:05] her husband. And they really shot for

[1:09:06] the moon on their helicopter shot budget

[1:09:07] for this movie, didn't they?

[1:09:08] >> The only way we're going to beat the

[1:09:09] cameras is with invisible cars.

[1:09:12] >> And I know just where to get them. If

[1:09:14] it's so easy to steal cop cars, why

[1:09:15] didn't they do this in the first place?

[1:09:17] Meanwhile, security at a souped-up cop

[1:09:18] car mecca is extremely lax. They

[1:09:20] probably fed the dog steaks, slipped the

[1:09:22] guard sleeping pills in their coffee,

[1:09:23] and found a way for security cameras to

[1:09:24] not exist.

[1:09:25] >> Next, too late.

[1:09:27] >> These [ __ ] idiots are actually going

[1:09:28] to drag race stolen police cars in Rio

[1:09:30] right now. Also, isn't this a pretty

[1:09:32] stupid race? Aren't all four of these

[1:09:34] cars identical? Shouldn't this end in a

[1:09:35] four-way tie? Welcome to a world with

[1:09:37] zero rules, ladies and gentlemen. My

[1:09:38] brain has officially ended itself

[1:09:40] watching this scene. I mean, does Rio

[1:09:42] have a strict nobody out past 900 p.m.

[1:09:43] curfew or some [ __ ] Here's Mia, wanted

[1:09:45] by Brazilian and US forces openly

[1:09:47] shopping in a public market because

[1:09:48] screw you. We'll do what we want.

[1:09:50] >> Vince, what are you doing?

[1:09:51] >> Quiet. They've been tracking you.

[1:09:52] >> Oh, I see. Mia is being followed by the

[1:09:54] drug lord soldiers, not the cops and by

[1:09:57] Vince conveniently.

[1:09:58] >> Grace's guys were waiting for me at the

[1:09:59] market.

[1:10:00] >> And that's all they were doing. Just

[1:10:01] sitting there waiting until Vince showed

[1:10:03] up to save me. I don't know why they

[1:10:04] haven't started tracking you [ __ ]

[1:10:06] yet, but enough of that. Hey, Vince. Dom

[1:10:08] agrees to let Vince take part in the

[1:10:09] heist, which is fine. A nice family

[1:10:11] moment, but doesn't that mean the entire

[1:10:12] plan has to be reworked to include him?

[1:10:14] Or at least he needs to spend all night

[1:10:15] studying to learn his role? Family is

[1:10:17] one thing, but this is sort of careless

[1:10:19] if you ask me.

[1:10:19] >> We're less than 24 hours from the

[1:10:22] biggest celebration of our life.

[1:10:24] >> Movie that is over 2 hours long has time

[1:10:25] for a long premature celebration scene.

[1:10:27] >> Hey, wait, wait, hold on a second. So,

[1:10:29] did he just smack the ass or did he grab

[1:10:31] him?

[1:10:33] >> Haha. That's an inside joke that we

[1:10:34] don't know the context for, but

[1:10:35] hilarious nonetheless. Took me a while

[1:10:37] to find that tracking chip,

[1:10:38] >> which had little or no bearing on the

[1:10:40] story. Also, this doesn't explain how

[1:10:41] they all of a sudden know where the

[1:10:42] hideout is, despite the fact that they

[1:10:44] should have found it way earlier in this

[1:10:45] movie. Super important cop mission goes

[1:10:46] out the window for mono fisticuffs. How

[1:10:49] the did they know the DSS people were

[1:10:50] going to drive through here? Also, does

[1:10:52] this movie know that it just stole a

[1:10:53] page from Clear and Present Danger? A

[1:10:54] movie where the villain was played by

[1:10:56] the exact same actor who plays the

[1:10:57] villain in this movie. Look how many

[1:10:58] poor people in this poor part of Rio

[1:11:00] haveing satellite television. And how

[1:11:01] much does it cost there for American

[1:11:03] only Dish Network? This ambush rescue

[1:11:04] seems to have a high likelihood of

[1:11:06] killing the people being rescued.

[1:11:07] Movie's long string of unconsequences

[1:11:09] continues. But I'm sorry, I fell asleep

[1:11:11] there for a minute. What's going on? Did

[1:11:13] we win? Somehow all this guy's men died

[1:11:15] in the shootout, but he lived, which is

[1:11:16] probably only because he already had

[1:11:18] lines in the movie or something. Vince

[1:11:19] got shot, and the movie actually expects

[1:11:20] me to feel bad about it. Hideout eulogy.

[1:11:22] Meanwhile, all the other good guy

[1:11:23] thieves are halfway through the police

[1:11:24] station heist, right? I mean, how much

[1:11:27] time has passed since they tore out of

[1:11:28] here?

[1:11:28] >> It's a suicide mission. That's your man

[1:11:30] over there on the table. Yeah, but the

[1:11:32] original plan didn't even include him,

[1:11:34] right?

[1:11:34] >> Amen.

[1:11:35] >> You saved my life, so the law no longer

[1:11:37] matters. And in fact, I'm going to break

[1:11:38] that law with you.

[1:11:39] >> We can't just go sneaking around

[1:11:40] anymore.

[1:11:41] >> You weren't even sneaking around at all.

[1:11:42] You were brazenly shopping in street

[1:11:44] markets and participating in street

[1:11:45] races. Hell, it's a good thing that all

[1:11:47] of these police officers are bad guys,

[1:11:48] and none of them are actually just

[1:11:49] innocent men protecting the police

[1:11:51] station, because this might seem rash.

[1:11:52] All that nonsense about hairpin turns

[1:11:54] and fast cars avoiding video cameras,

[1:11:56] and the movie is going to ultimately

[1:11:57] have them steal the entire safe through

[1:11:58] to cable brute force. Because if you're

[1:12:00] still watching, you certainly don't

[1:12:02] care. Why wasn't the original plan to

[1:12:03] get an armored vehicle and do this? A

[1:12:05] couple of fast muscle cars can just pull

[1:12:07] how much was it ludicrous?

[1:12:08] >> 10 tons of top-of-the-line security

[1:12:10] >> out of a [ __ ] wall. Can't we agree at

[1:12:12] this point that this is where the cars

[1:12:13] would flip over from, you know, all the

[1:12:15] physics? I'd complain about the terrible

[1:12:17] aim, but I'm more concerned about this

[1:12:18] zillion ton safe being dragged by two

[1:12:20] Americanmade cars.

[1:12:21] >> Well, the plan's working. You guys have

[1:12:23] every corrupt cop in Rio on your tail.

[1:12:25] >> How do you know that all of them are

[1:12:26] corrupt? Some of these guys, I don't

[1:12:28] know, might just be doing their job. Dom

[1:12:30] and Brian very likely kill lots of

[1:12:31] people and cause millions of dollars of

[1:12:33] property damage because they're trying

[1:12:34] to get back at a guy who just wanted a

[1:12:35] computer chip from a car seized by the

[1:12:37] DEA. I'm still trying to figure out if

[1:12:39] this plot is even real. They're now

[1:12:40] pulling a safe that is crashing through

[1:12:41] a store. I wish this safe were

[1:12:43] magnetized so we could watch with

[1:12:44] hilarity as they pulled all the cars and

[1:12:46] boats and planes and jewelry and

[1:12:47] basically all that from Spider-Man 2.

[1:12:49] Now Domcar is pulling the safe and the

[1:12:50] other car by itself because there's a

[1:12:52] great disturbance in the force. Not the

[1:12:54] Star Wars force, mind you. The force

[1:12:55] described by Isaac Newton is disturbed.

[1:13:01] Brian laughs because he doesn't yet

[1:13:03] realize how many innocent people he's

[1:13:04] killed during the scene. Anytime this

[1:13:06] cadre of police officers chasing Brian

[1:13:08] and Dom want to shoot for the tires is

[1:13:09] okay with me. Why are they still firing

[1:13:11] guns anyway when that's been proven

[1:13:12] ineffective in this movie?

[1:13:13] >> LICENSE AND REGISTRATION, PLEASE.

[1:13:16] >> Please cut another check to Mr. Gibson.

[1:13:19] >> Wow, that's like murder. How has no one

[1:13:22] in this movie said the word hemi yet? It

[1:13:24] was always the [music] plan.

[1:13:26] >> Take care of Mia.

[1:13:27] >> How was it always the plan when the

[1:13:28] original plan before The Rock came on

[1:13:30] board did not involve you dragging the

[1:13:32] safe out of town like this. Also, Hero

[1:13:34] sacrifices himself to save the others.

[1:13:35] Cliche. I guess this is entertaining for

[1:13:37] many people with nothing being grounded

[1:13:38] in any realism at all. We just accept

[1:13:40] that Dom's pulling a 10-tonon safe with

[1:13:42] this one car right now, maneuvering in

[1:13:43] such a way that he can guide the safe

[1:13:44] anywhere he wants it to go. I think this

[1:13:46] movie is basically just telling you,

[1:13:47] "Relax. It's only a movie." Which I

[1:13:49] hate. Now, the safe and all its weight

[1:13:50] and momentum can suddenly pull Dom's car

[1:13:52] in another direction. I guess it was

[1:13:54] waiting for the movie to allow it to do

[1:13:55] what it should have done way back at the

[1:13:56] police station. Guy about to shoot

[1:13:57] another guy gets shot at the last second

[1:13:58] by some surprise exmachina [ __ ]

[1:14:00] cliche.

[1:14:01] >> It's a hell of a mess.

[1:14:02] >> Beyond all the damage to Rio and all the

[1:14:03] likely fatalities, we're now left with a

[1:14:05] Rio that currently has no living police

[1:14:07] department. To put the kid from Die Hard

[1:14:08] with a vengeance, it's Christmas. You

[1:14:10] could steal city hall.

[1:14:11] >> Just come tomorrow, I will find you.

[1:14:13] >> He's already allowed them to do this

[1:14:14] crash the safe through Rio thing. He

[1:14:16] doesn't owe them anything anymore. His

[1:14:17] character in no way benefits from

[1:14:18] letting them have 24 hours to go play

[1:14:20] hide-and-seek. Hobbs lets these guys go

[1:14:22] and doesn't check the safe until after

[1:14:23] they're gone.

[1:14:24] >> You guys just carved out a 10second

[1:14:26] window.

[1:14:26] >> A 10-second window to unload a 10-tonon

[1:14:28] safe into a garbage truck and switch it

[1:14:29] with another 10-tonon safe before anyone

[1:14:31] notices. And despite your considerable

[1:14:33] driving skills, something you've never

[1:14:34] practiced in your life is going to go

[1:14:35] off without a hitch and fool everyone.

[1:14:37] So, you somehow plan this [ __ ]

[1:14:38] discreetly in a matter of minutes after

[1:14:40] the rock join the cause, which is

[1:14:41] complete [ __ ] Cop that tried to

[1:14:43] bust our heroes ends up respecting them

[1:14:44] so much he laughs upon learning they got

[1:14:46] away with a cliche. I know they've been

[1:14:47] given 24 hours, but I can't believe

[1:14:49] Hobbs doesn't raid this hideout again.

[1:14:50] Part of the deal was that they couldn't

[1:14:52] take the money and he knows they

[1:14:53] switched the safes, but he decides to

[1:14:54] lay off for some stupid reason. Let that

[1:14:56] be a lesson to you kids. Stealing is

[1:14:57] totally okay as long as you steal from a

[1:14:59] bigger head than yourself. Unearned

[1:15:01] romantic coupling. Aw, they got together

[1:15:02] because their significant others died,

[1:15:04] didn't they? But they have so much in

[1:15:06] common beyond the tragic deaths that

[1:15:07] tied them together.

[1:15:08] >> You need to look at that.

[1:15:09] >> The irony is we are looking at that, but

[1:15:10] Hobbs can't look at that because she's

[1:15:12] turned the wrong way. Well, well,

[1:15:14] Letty's not dead. I'm sure there will be

[1:15:15] some terrific explanation for this

[1:15:17] considering that dude Phoenix from the

[1:15:18] last movie asked Dom, "You remember?

[1:15:20] Last time I saw it, it was burning."

[1:15:22] >> Probably just a twin sister or

[1:15:23] something. Poor long lost, previously

[1:15:25] unknown and dead twin sister.

[1:15:33] Comcast least original film franchise

[1:15:36] continues to be produced by ironically

[1:15:37] named company. Here's yet another Fast

[1:15:39] and Furious road with no one on it but

[1:15:40] our main characters.

[1:15:41] >> You're going to be a great father,

[1:15:42] Brian. Wait, did they drag race just to

[1:15:44] be here for the child birth? Is there

[1:15:46] ever a time these guys think, you know

[1:15:47] what, today is not a day to risk my

[1:15:49] life. Let's carpool in a Miata for once.

[1:15:51] >> Let's go for a little ride.

[1:15:52] >> Fast and Furious flashback montage

[1:15:54] opening credit sequence.

[1:15:55] >> Riley Hicks read your file.

[1:15:57] >> Now I'm going to read the file out loud

[1:15:59] to the audience.

[1:16:02] >> Is that legal?

[1:16:04] >> No.

[1:16:04] >> But we'll let it slide because it's

[1:16:05] awesome. Their sex is made better by

[1:16:07] remembering their former lovers deaths.

[1:16:09] >> It wasn't that hard to find you, Tretto.

[1:16:11] This surprise visit brought to you by

[1:16:12] Under Armour.

[1:16:13] >> I need your help, Dom. I need your team.

[1:16:15] >> Well, it should be easy to pry them away

[1:16:16] from their retired millionaire lives in

[1:16:18] order to take down a crew that does the

[1:16:19] exact same illegal things they did to

[1:16:20] become millionaires in the first place

[1:16:22] just because your old girlfriend is

[1:16:23] involved. I am not the director of

[1:16:24] photography on this movie. Everyone at

[1:16:26] this table enjoys a nice Coca-Cola

[1:16:28] except one who ordered it, popped the

[1:16:30] top, and then just left it full. movie

[1:16:32] expects me to believe this kind of third

[1:16:33] world ATM rigging [ __ ] is possible.

[1:16:36] [music]

[1:16:37] >> Despite the fact that it's in some sort

[1:16:38] of container where I can't actually see

[1:16:40] the food right now. So glad to see these

[1:16:41] two I didn't care about from the last

[1:16:42] movie are still together.

[1:16:44] >> Starting a life together.

[1:16:45] >> Aren't we doing that?

[1:16:46] >> Maybe. But something tells me this

[1:16:47] conversation is going to get interrupted

[1:16:48] by something. So you can't answer this

[1:16:50] right now. Also, clearly you aren't

[1:16:51] since Tokyo Drift technically comes

[1:16:53] after this movie and you aren't in it.

[1:16:54] So clearly you're going to die at least

[1:16:56] until the franchise needs you back. Is

[1:16:58] this a situation these two have been in

[1:16:59] enough in order to get into formation?

[1:17:00] And if so, how many times did it work

[1:17:02] when they were completely surrounded?

[1:17:04] >> No franchise in history has done as much

[1:17:06] to push beer as this one.

[1:17:08] >> Letty's dead.

[1:17:08] >> Somehow, despite the fact that I was in

[1:17:10] the FBI when she died, and she was

[1:17:11] working for me at the time, I don't have

[1:17:13] any real evidence of her dead body for

[1:17:14] some reason. And don't give me that

[1:17:16] because someone else is body burned and

[1:17:17] they couldn't verify it. [ __ ]

[1:17:18] either. I'm wondering if she really

[1:17:19] died. Sunset,

[1:17:20] >> her target's Owen Shaw,

[1:17:21] >> depicted here in the middle of a

[1:17:22] military operation having his picture

[1:17:24] taken like he's on vacation.

[1:17:25] >> Hey, man.

[1:17:26] >> Of course, this secret meeting warehouse

[1:17:27] garage has vending machines because why

[1:17:29] wouldn't it? something about

[1:17:32] my house.

[1:17:32] >> And there was no quieter or safer way to

[1:17:34] tell you that

[1:17:35] >> we getting paid, right?

[1:17:36] >> Yeah, you'll definitely earn that

[1:17:37] paycheck. Tyrese, I know this place is

[1:17:39] surrounded by police, but do you put a

[1:17:40] wire on someone out in the open like

[1:17:42] this?

[1:17:42] >> I just got confirmation on Shaw. They're

[1:17:44] going in.

[1:17:44] >> Arresting one man requires all the

[1:17:46] Interpol.

[1:17:47] >> Police scanners are saying alarms are

[1:17:48] going off at Interpol headquarters.

[1:17:50] >> You brought us here so you could take

[1:17:51] down Interpol.

[1:17:52] >> Because much like the police station in

[1:17:53] Bad Boys, Interpol decided to empty

[1:17:55] their entire station to go after one

[1:17:56] dude.

[1:17:57] >> Guys, it's a ghost town over here. which

[1:17:58] is notable because that has been the

[1:18:00] case in every other previous movie as

[1:18:01] well. How did Shaw rig all these columns

[1:18:03] with explosives that nobody could see?

[1:18:05] They'd have to be inside the columns,

[1:18:06] right? How do you manage that?

[1:18:08] Especially in the time he had. Interpol

[1:18:09] decides in a major operation that

[1:18:10] roadblocks are for suckers. Man, bullets

[1:18:12] in these movies are worthless.

[1:18:14] >> Sure. We have three cars tailing us.

[1:18:16] >> You know what to do.

[1:18:17] >> You want me to blow all three drivers?

[1:18:19] How are any of our heroes cars fit for

[1:18:21] driving after the hail of machine gun

[1:18:22] fire they just endured? Shaw is like a

[1:18:24] more villainy Batman with all sorts of

[1:18:26] wonderful toys, but this weapon makes

[1:18:27] you unable to control your car. That's

[1:18:29] it. All sorts of explosive technology

[1:18:31] could be implemented here, but this will

[1:18:33] just end up causing a wreck, which these

[1:18:34] guys survive all the time. And oh yeah,

[1:18:36] he survives this.

[1:18:37] >> Oh je,

[1:18:39] >> what just now? Brian ninja drives, so

[1:18:41] this car grenade thing gets knocked off,

[1:18:42] which is [ __ ] regardless, but is

[1:18:44] extra [ __ ] since it was launched in

[1:18:46] the front bumper where he could never in

[1:18:47] a million years see it to know its

[1:18:48] location well enough to do that.

[1:18:50] >> Approaching rendevous point. Doesn't

[1:18:51] that mean you both left at specific

[1:18:53] times and drove at specific speeds

[1:18:54] despite traffic and police interference

[1:18:56] to get here at the same time?

[1:19:01] Wrecks are meaningless. This hench girl

[1:19:03] is not amazed by Brian's survival.

[1:19:04] However, it is a perfect opportunity to

[1:19:06] wink at him and establish superiority.

[1:19:08] Running into things simply does not

[1:19:09] matter.

[1:19:13] You also Hobbs jumps out of his vehicle

[1:19:15] and lands on a car that while he's in

[1:19:16] midair should be long gone due to things

[1:19:18] like science. They were not only able to

[1:19:20] survive the crashes, but recover the

[1:19:21] cars and drive back with no problem.

[1:19:23] >> You don't turn your back on family, even

[1:19:25] when they do.

[1:19:27] >> What? But if they did, then they aren't

[1:19:29] family anymore. According to this motto,

[1:19:31] right? Somehow, despite never really

[1:19:33] seeing their faces or knowing their

[1:19:34] names, this crew is able to find all the

[1:19:35] heroes rap sheets with no information

[1:19:37] whatsoever.

[1:19:38] >> You might want to see this.

[1:19:39] >> A picture that is strangely a surprise

[1:19:40] despite the fact that the blonde chick

[1:19:42] neatly stacked all this evidence into

[1:19:43] one big file before presenting it to the

[1:19:44] team.

[1:19:47] Shaw somehow even has a screenshot of a

[1:19:49] moment from the firsting movie.

[1:19:51] >> Yeah, that's the guy I shot.

[1:19:52] >> It's weird that I'm in this picture,

[1:19:54] too, but I chose not to acknowledge

[1:19:55] that.

[1:19:56] >> I don't remember him.

[1:19:57] >> Amnesia.

[1:19:58] >> You heard that flip car going through

[1:19:59] those gears.

[1:19:59] >> It's a quaint transmission.

[1:20:01] >> That didn't sound like a normal engine.

[1:20:03] >> Oh, I guess everyone in this scene gets

[1:20:04] at least one line. How democratic. Also,

[1:20:06] this is a scene that could have used a

[1:20:07] nice long take. This scene is cut to

[1:20:09] death and we're not even in a confusing

[1:20:10] action sequence, but I guess a long take

[1:20:12] would have required everyone remembering

[1:20:13] their line. We find the guy who made

[1:20:15] that car. We find Shaw

[1:20:18] >> because underground auto mechanics who

[1:20:19] build custom Batmobiles just happen to

[1:20:21] know the address of extremely careful

[1:20:22] international criminals.

[1:20:24] >> Kitchen help entrances towards the back.

[1:20:26] >> This unnecessary prejudice person

[1:20:27] assumes entirely too much for the

[1:20:29] audience's amusement.

[1:20:30] >> I don't mean any offense, gentlemen.

[1:20:31] >> This entire scene means offense to me.

[1:20:33] >> Clearly, you're not a baller.

[1:20:35] >> This man's face goes way too unpunched

[1:20:36] for me.

[1:20:37] >> What's the dude playing on hunting? Obby

[1:20:39] dick

[1:20:40] >> paycheck Tyrese.

[1:20:41] >> It's specific to one handgun. the PSM.

[1:20:44] >> Everything in the Fast and Furious world

[1:20:45] comes from one freaking source. Making

[1:20:47] investigations look so easy. I just

[1:20:48] passed the FBI exam, sitting in my

[1:20:50] apartment masturbating at porn.

[1:20:52] >> After a handful of truly terrible line

[1:20:54] readings, Gina Carano finally explains

[1:20:56] her reason for being in this film.

[1:20:57] Basher, so this guy's comeuppance is

[1:20:59] that he has to give his clothes to The

[1:21:01] Rock. Prejudice is fought one garment at

[1:21:03] a time, ladies and gentlemen. Also, this

[1:21:04] scene where they bully this guy into

[1:21:05] taking off his shirt is so Michael Bay

[1:21:07] it makes me ask, how can people pile on

[1:21:09] the Michael Bay Transformers hate train

[1:21:10] and still defend this [ __ ] series

[1:21:12] here? What is it that makes you see them

[1:21:14] as different?

[1:21:14] >> Damn, you need some hedge clippers for

[1:21:16] that.

[1:21:16] >> Hilarity.

[1:21:18] These women somehow miss the obvious

[1:21:20] beep this phone makes. Doesn't the

[1:21:21] gaping hole in this window negate the

[1:21:23] purpose of having such a secure boot?

[1:21:24] Also, he keeps his weapons just far

[1:21:26] enough away to be useless in a pinch.

[1:21:27] >> What if she's a street racer?

[1:21:29] >> Where can we find her?

[1:21:31] >> How do I know?

[1:21:31] >> These guys actually went to a pawn shop

[1:21:33] expecting the owner to know anything of

[1:21:34] the whereabouts of the woman who came in

[1:21:36] to buy guns from him earlier. I guess

[1:21:37] you follow every lead, but this is

[1:21:38] extremely worthless movie-wise. Is this

[1:21:40] how you execute people? God, these are

[1:21:42] supposed to be professionals. Seriously,

[1:21:44] did we need to bring Braa back? Also,

[1:21:46] this spits out one helpful name before

[1:21:48] dying because he totally rethought his

[1:21:49] life choices in the last 30 seconds and

[1:21:51] became a good guy. Totally.

[1:21:55] This is one of the only gunshots in this

[1:21:57] entire franchise to be super accurate.

[1:21:59] Dude, you had all the space on the right

[1:22:01] side. It's not like you needed to run in

[1:22:03] one direction the whole time. The

[1:22:05] Bobbies go out like little [ __ ] and

[1:22:07] of course try to apprehend him one by

[1:22:08] one and don't call for backup. Michelle

[1:22:09] Rodriguez sort of holds her own in a

[1:22:11] fight with Gina Corano. Guy who was

[1:22:12] running from these two a minute ago

[1:22:14] suddenly feels the need to stay here and

[1:22:15] fight more dudes and waste more time.

[1:22:18] [screaming] Both women survive this

[1:22:19] without paralysis. Meanwhile, somehow no

[1:22:21] other cops have been called to the scene

[1:22:22] and this fight has gone on for ages.

[1:22:26] Train that is just now leaving because

[1:22:27] it's convenient exmachina. Well, they

[1:22:29] got their asses kicked. Makes you wonder

[1:22:30] how they survived those massive wrecks

[1:22:32] with absolutely no injuries.

[1:22:33] >> If Ivory is dead, he made a mistake.

[1:22:35] Letty's been working with this guy for a

[1:22:36] while now and is just now coming to the

[1:22:38] shocking conclusion that he's not that

[1:22:39] sentimental.

[1:22:40] >> Braa will know what Shaw is up to. I'm

[1:22:42] going to pay him a visit.

[1:22:42] >> Don't they have that dude's cell phone,

[1:22:44] though? He punched a button and it

[1:22:45] called one of Shaw's men. Can't you find

[1:22:47] out a lot more from this cell phone than

[1:22:48] you can by flying into the US and

[1:22:50] risking arrest just to talk to Braa?

[1:22:51] Funny how we never see anyone actually

[1:22:53] drinking NS in these movies, but there

[1:22:55] are always cans on display.

[1:22:56] >> I'm the one that served her up to Braa

[1:22:58] >> and then did a shitty job actually

[1:22:59] investigating anything related to her

[1:23:01] death. I'm actually a bad guy and good

[1:23:02] guy as it turns out.

[1:23:06] Hand shaking contest.

[1:23:08] >> Tell me something, O' Connor. How is it

[1:23:10] you keep running around the world

[1:23:11] breaking every law known to man and yet

[1:23:13] here I am putting my job on the line for

[1:23:15] you?

[1:23:15] >> These guys never got along in the fourth

[1:23:17] Fast and Furious movie and there was no

[1:23:18] "Hey man, I hate you, but I respect you

[1:23:20] scene." And we're supposed to believe

[1:23:21] that this FBI guy gives a [ __ ] about

[1:23:22] nabbing Shaw, who's won by Interpol and

[1:23:24] does most of his crime outside America.

[1:23:26] Also, why couldn't Hobbs pull some

[1:23:27] strings on this? Better yet, why doesn't

[1:23:29] he get somebody to talk to Bragga?

[1:23:30] >> It's a 24-hour hole. You need to be out

[1:23:33] of there by 9:00 a.m. That's when

[1:23:34] forensics will run your fingerprints to

[1:23:36] the national database.

[1:23:37] >> Not to mention, that's when all the

[1:23:38] [ __ ] who saw your face plastered all

[1:23:40] over TV during the last movie will

[1:23:42] suddenly recover from their memorabs

[1:23:43] that you're a highly wanted fugitive

[1:23:44] named Brian Okconor.

[1:23:45] >> Man, man, this guy would be excellent at

[1:23:47] cinema sense. Movie is full of

[1:23:49] unbelievable [ __ ] but this harpoon

[1:23:50] gag may be the hardest for me to

[1:23:52] swallow.

[1:23:52] >> So, tell me something because I buried

[1:23:54] her.

[1:23:54] >> Well, no, you didn't. In fact, this is

[1:23:56] the first time you've even acknowledged

[1:23:58] you were around her dead body. Did they

[1:23:59] not have DNA, dental records, or any

[1:24:01] kind of real identification? And again,

[1:24:03] don't give me that some other body burn

[1:24:04] beyond recognition [ __ ]

[1:24:06] >> Humor me, please.

[1:24:07] >> You're a dead man walking. What does it

[1:24:09] matter? I ran everything for Shaw.

[1:24:12] >> Villain spills evil plan details to his

[1:24:14] enemy instead of just killing him.

[1:24:15] Phoenix decides, nah, I won't shoot her

[1:24:17] directly. I'll let a violent expansion

[1:24:18] or bursting with noise decide this.

[1:24:20] >> Shaw found her in the hospital two days

[1:24:22] later. He went to finish the job.

[1:24:24] >> What told Shaw to go to the hospital?

[1:24:25] Did Phoenix find this guy Shaw who was

[1:24:27] not his boss in Fast and Furious and

[1:24:29] tell him, "Man, I blew up this car and

[1:24:30] I'm pretty sure Letty died, but you

[1:24:32] might want to go check the local

[1:24:32] hospitals and see if she turned up

[1:24:34] because I did not verify whether or not

[1:24:36] she died." Also, this hospital had no

[1:24:38] idea who Letty was. Didn't call any law

[1:24:40] enforcement whatsoever. An international

[1:24:42] criminal Shaw was just hanging around LA

[1:24:44] looking for random tough street racing

[1:24:45] chicks. This is some [ __ ] just to

[1:24:47] get Letty back in the franchise because

[1:24:49] he's a main character. Movie will now

[1:24:50] allow Brian to win this unwininnable

[1:24:52] prison shiv fight. How do you think he

[1:24:54] knows your next move before you make it?

[1:24:56] He's got eyes on you.

[1:24:58] >> I'm dying, so I might as well tell you

[1:24:59] oh everything. Also, so far we've seen

[1:25:02] nothing that Shawn knows anything about

[1:25:03] what's coming when it comes to Brian and

[1:25:04] Dom's crew. In the last scene, the only

[1:25:06] reason he knew was because this dude

[1:25:08] called them. In the scene before that,

[1:25:09] they didn't even know who they were.

[1:25:10] This is setting up the big Riley

[1:25:12] surprise later, but she's done a poor

[1:25:13] job telling Shawn Jack 10 full seconds

[1:25:15] of a nighttime London establishing shot.

[1:25:17] Bravo movie. Bravo. Every damn one of

[1:25:20] these pre- street racing scenes are the

[1:25:21] exact damn same. For all I know, they

[1:25:23] shot this for Too Fast Too Furious and

[1:25:25] inserted it into this movie. Also,

[1:25:26] didn't you spend time in this film

[1:25:28] talking about the Big Brother

[1:25:29] surveillance state of London? Maybe some

[1:25:31] street races take place, but neon dance

[1:25:33] parties with this many people would be

[1:25:34] quashed in a hurry.

[1:25:35] >> Ready? Ready?

[1:25:36] >> Ready to drive? Sure. But can you tell

[1:25:38] me what the course is? Cuz I literally

[1:25:40] just got here. It's goddamn Piccadilly

[1:25:42] Circus, and only one cop shows up to

[1:25:43] track these illegal street racers down.

[1:25:45] Come on. We need to stop street racing

[1:25:46] so we can stop this movie in its tracks

[1:25:48] even further by having an intimate

[1:25:49] moment.

[1:25:50] >> Just because you know how I ride doesn't

[1:25:52] mean you know me.

[1:25:53] >> People with amnesia shouldn't say like

[1:25:54] this to people that obviously know them.

[1:25:56] >> Nice scar like this scar in here.

[1:25:58] >> Scar history.

[1:25:59] >> What else do you know about me?

[1:26:01] >> I know your favorite sexual positions,

[1:26:02] your favorite beer, your tattoos and

[1:26:04] birtharks. Jesus woman. What's it going

[1:26:06] to take for you someone with amnesia to

[1:26:08] be open to the idea that someone else

[1:26:09] knows you very well? Some kid [snorts]

[1:26:11] trying to show off lost control of his

[1:26:14] car wiped out right next to you. You're

[1:26:15] lucky you didn't lose your arm.

[1:26:17] >> Is this girl's entire backstory filled

[1:26:18] with surviving odds defying ridiculous

[1:26:20] car accidents? Okay, I've been giving

[1:26:22] her a hard time for not trusting him

[1:26:23] more. But trusting him this much for a

[1:26:25] sexy hair touch now she's trusting too

[1:26:27] much.

[1:26:27] >> How about this one?

[1:26:29] >> What the Okay, I'm now in camp. You're

[1:26:31] trusting him way too much right now?

[1:26:33] >> Predictable means vulnerable. And that

[1:26:36] means I can reach out and break you

[1:26:37] whenever I want. So do it.

[1:26:40] >> At least when I go, I'll know what it's

[1:26:41] for.

[1:26:42] >> That's deep.

[1:26:43] >> It appears this inspiring tale has come

[1:26:45] to an end.

[1:26:47] >> If that's the way it has to go.

[1:26:49] >> Does Hobbs, who is behind Dom, know

[1:26:51] there's a laser sight pointed at him?

[1:26:53] Because he did that right on Q. And

[1:26:55] since he tracked Dom here, why didn't he

[1:26:56] bring more people to arrest Shaw right

[1:26:58] now? Good god, man. I would have won

[1:26:59] this already.

[1:27:00] >> You know what would have happened if I

[1:27:01] didn't put that tracker in your car?

[1:27:02] >> Not to mention spending 5 minutes with

[1:27:04] Letty discussing scar tissue. You were

[1:27:06] able to track Shaw after you left you

[1:27:07] and Dom. But this guy's smart, so we can

[1:27:10] only track him so far.

[1:27:11] >> If only we had more people who aren't

[1:27:12] doing anything right now who could have

[1:27:13] been there when Shaw went to go kill

[1:27:15] Dom. If only we had people who were like

[1:27:16] really awesome drivers who could maybe

[1:27:18] have followed him or even better been

[1:27:20] there to stop him from getting in his

[1:27:21] car in the first place. Damn. Oh well.

[1:27:24] Back to the digital surveillance. So you

[1:27:25] think you've got Shaw located and you're

[1:27:27] going in with two people holding

[1:27:28] revolvers. Rock looks down at the exact

[1:27:30] spot where the crucial evidence is.

[1:27:32] Haha. Funny, but how many Marvel

[1:27:34] characters is Dwayne Johnson supposed to

[1:27:35] be in this movie? He's Captain America.

[1:27:37] >> Well, somebody tell Captain America

[1:27:39] here. That requires clearance.

[1:27:41] >> Now he's Thor. Next up, Black Widow.

[1:27:43] >> Yeah, that paint you got from Shaw's

[1:27:44] place highly specialized.

[1:27:46] >> Of course it is.

[1:27:47] >> Fine. Whatever you find out. That's for

[1:27:50] you.

[1:27:51] >> Discount Morpheus. Also, Brian's highly

[1:27:53] risky, impossible trip to the US to find

[1:27:55] Braa was basically so he could find out

[1:27:56] what he already knew. And it's that Lady

[1:27:58] didn't die, got amnesia, and was

[1:27:59] recruited by Shaw. Plus some [ __ ]

[1:28:01] Braa didn't even have to volunteer.

[1:28:03] >> Braa said the only way you get near Shaw

[1:28:06] is if he wants you to.

[1:28:07] >> Information that was strangely

[1:28:08] volunteered without any good reason, but

[1:28:10] will help us now. Also, Braa is to be

[1:28:11] trusted completely. That goes without

[1:28:13] saying, right? Former cartel leader. I

[1:28:15] mean, this guy knows his [ __ ] right?

[1:28:17] >> Sh ain't hitting [music] that base.

[1:28:18] >> He's hitting the convoy.

[1:28:20] >> Great. Now, call Hobbs on the phone or

[1:28:21] radio and tell him that. Then, problem

[1:28:23] solved, right? Right. So, you think a

[1:28:25] huge heavily armed criminal is coming

[1:28:27] for this thing, and you decide to move

[1:28:28] it with two personnel trucks as the only

[1:28:30] backup.

[1:28:31] >> Let's go.

[1:28:31] >> Military personnel carrying an important

[1:28:33] component did not notice this military

[1:28:34] grade vehicle behind them clearly up to

[1:28:36] no good.

[1:28:38] >> What caused this truck to start rolling

[1:28:39] on the ground like that? Also, good guy

[1:28:40] truck goes flying off bridge, but other

[1:28:42] good guys driving cargo truck with

[1:28:43] obvious rearview side mirrors don't

[1:28:45] notice it. These everyday drivers in

[1:28:46] front of aing tank blowing through

[1:28:48] military vehicles on the highway are not

[1:28:49] in any way amazed or concerned.

[1:28:51] >> So, who's got a plan B?

[1:28:52] >> Plan B? Plan B? We need a plan CPE. WE

[1:28:56] NEED MORE ALPHABETS.

[1:28:57] >> That's ludicrous.

[1:28:58] >> Hey, we do what we do best.

[1:29:00] >> Defy the laws of physics.

[1:29:01] >> We improvise. All right.

[1:29:03] >> Oh, also that still leaves all of you

[1:29:05] doing your own thing and guessing. Why

[1:29:06] not at least talk through the

[1:29:08] improvisational plan? Also, we'll

[1:29:09] improvise a wholeing special place on

[1:29:11] the highway where we can magically turn

[1:29:12] around and follow them.

[1:29:17] >> You lucky bastard. Lucky that you missed

[1:29:19] or lucky that the [ __ ] tank

[1:29:20] that's been absolutely destroying cars

[1:29:22] merely bumps into Roman's car after you

[1:29:24] miss.

[1:29:24] >> SOMEBODY BETTER DO SOMETHING. I GOT A

[1:29:27] TANK ON MY ASS.

[1:29:28] >> Earn that paycheck, Ty. You will believe

[1:29:30] a man can fly.

[1:29:31] >> Lety go take care of the cable.

[1:29:33] >> You need to be outside when the tank

[1:29:34] gets thrown so something really [ __ ]

[1:29:36] can happen to save your life.

[1:29:38] >> Why would a [ __ ] tank be impeded in

[1:29:40] any way by the weight of a single

[1:29:41] Mustang? Wouldn't the cable break before

[1:29:43] the Mustang stops the tank?

[1:29:50] This movie is fast and spirious.

[1:29:53] This movie took an interesting twist

[1:29:54] because the remainder of it will be

[1:29:56] about how Dom and Letty helped their

[1:29:57] friends in the afterlife. Because though

[1:29:59] they appear to be living right now, I

[1:30:00] assure you they died. Homs and his

[1:30:01] helicopter arrive way too late to

[1:30:03] matter, but only because cell phones and

[1:30:04] radios don't exist in this universe for

[1:30:06] just this 10-minute stretch.

[1:30:08] >> Can't believe they stole a 70 ton tank

[1:30:10] for a 3oz computer chip.

[1:30:11] >> Okay, so 70 tons. That tank 70 tons.

[1:30:15] were in any way slowed down or stopped

[1:30:17] by a [ __ ] mustang. [ __ ] you in the

[1:30:19] ear movie.

[1:30:20] >> Nobody makes me do anything I don't want

[1:30:22] to.

[1:30:22] >> Except Shawn, the entirety of this movie

[1:30:24] until this point. But yeah, I hear you.

[1:30:26] >> So, what's our next adventure after

[1:30:28] this?

[1:30:28] >> Marriage.

[1:30:29] >> How did you know that there would be a

[1:30:30] car there to break our fall?

[1:30:32] >> Honey, that is really the most minor of

[1:30:33] the questions that you should be asking

[1:30:34] as to why you survived all that [ __ ]

[1:30:36] we just saw 3 minutes ago.

[1:30:37] >> Some things you just have to take on

[1:30:39] faith

[1:30:40] >> one quarter mile at a time. So, he's got

[1:30:42] me a hostage. Great. Doesn't the greater

[1:30:44] good still demand they don't let him go

[1:30:45] right now? I mean, I like Mia, too, but

[1:30:48] let's use our heads here, people.

[1:30:49] >> But this changes nothing.

[1:30:53] >> H's character changes whenever the

[1:30:54] script needs to be good, bad, or

[1:30:56] somewhere in between.

[1:30:56] >> Words like amnesty and pardon. Walk out

[1:30:59] with him.

[1:30:59] >> We're six movies in. I don't think it

[1:31:01] matters whether or not these [ __ ]

[1:31:02] are wanted by cops.

[1:31:03] >> Come in, babe.

[1:31:06] >> Of course.

[1:31:06] >> This so-called surprise only serves to

[1:31:08] make me even angrier about this movie.

[1:31:10] Also, yeah, like you didn't have use for

[1:31:11] her anymore. planted inside Hob's crew.

[1:31:13] Do you need the surprise reveal now?

[1:31:15] Why? She can join you at any time. It

[1:31:17] should be noted that during Hob's dumb

[1:31:19] surprise that Riley is not a good

[1:31:20] person. He's not holding a gun to the

[1:31:21] NATO guy anymore. These bad guys are

[1:31:23] completely in the open and can be shot.

[1:31:25] But I guess they really care about Mia

[1:31:26] like the audience does. Actually, I

[1:31:28] think the past 40 minutes of this movie

[1:31:29] probably needs an extra hundred sins for

[1:31:30] no reason. Everyone cool with that? No.

[1:31:33] Too bad. This movie is really, really

[1:31:35] hard to swallow on any basis, even if

[1:31:37] it's just a fun, stupid movie. It's kind

[1:31:39] of hilarious that Gina Carano, the worst

[1:31:41] actor in this movie, ends up playing the

[1:31:43] surprise mole. A character that would

[1:31:44] have to be the best actor among them to

[1:31:46] actually pull off the job.

[1:31:47] >> I just jammed every signal up and down

[1:31:48] the spectrum. Let's move.

[1:31:50] >> So, your plan is to go after and attack

[1:31:51] a guy that you just had right in front

[1:31:53] of you with none of the he has a hostage

[1:31:55] situation changed whatsoever. Why

[1:31:57] couldn't you jam the signal before he

[1:31:58] left and just shoot his ass?

[1:32:00] >> That ain't a plane, that's a planet.

[1:32:02] >> Yeah, Tyrese. Oh, this runway is long

[1:32:05] enough for a plane to land board moving

[1:32:06] cargo and I presume take off again.

[1:32:08] Since this movie has no regard for

[1:32:09] common sense,

[1:32:10] >> she's as good as dead if Shaw gets away

[1:32:12] on that plane.

[1:32:13] >> Just in case you or anyone in the

[1:32:15] audience needed reminding of that,

[1:32:16] >> ride or die.

[1:32:17] >> Now that I've hit my already as far as

[1:32:19] it goes gear shift, I'm really going to

[1:32:20] start driving fast. They brought Mia all

[1:32:22] the way here. But why? Meanwhile, these

[1:32:24] [ __ ] don't close the ramp or guard

[1:32:26] it, allowing easy access for Dom to

[1:32:27] speed to the rescue. If these vehicles

[1:32:29] are going 60 mph, then this runway is

[1:32:31] already over 2 mi long.

[1:32:33] This is a chick who just got crashed by

[1:32:35] a car. By the way, this fight is

[1:32:36] interesting because you already fought

[1:32:38] once, but you were both on the same

[1:32:39] side, so all that was pretend. Or did

[1:32:42] Letty not know that this chick was a

[1:32:43] double agent, which means this fight is

[1:32:44] just a rehash, and I'm going to call you

[1:32:46] lazy.

[1:32:48] >> Don't you have a lot less weight than

[1:32:49] you were expecting? Some of the bad guys

[1:32:51] in their jeeps did make it into the

[1:32:52] plane, and only Dom's car drove in. So,

[1:32:55] what a bunch of [ __ ] is what I'm

[1:32:56] saying. You took that harpoon thing with

[1:32:58] you? How convenient. If the plane and

[1:32:59] cars chasing it are going at least 60

[1:33:01] mph, and they are, then this runway is

[1:33:03] now over 4 m long. Dom knew that a

[1:33:05] precisely timed headbutt would knock

[1:33:07] this guy so far back it'd knock him out

[1:33:08] and save Brian at the same time. Two

[1:33:10] heavy cars drive off the plane, but the

[1:33:12] pilots still can't get the plane in the

[1:33:13] air. They probably forgot about that

[1:33:14] weight nonsense when they made this

[1:33:16] scene. Everything about this mission is

[1:33:17] rescuing Mia, who is now rescued, so

[1:33:19] naturally Brian drives her right back

[1:33:21] into the action.

[1:33:24] [screaming]

[1:33:29] That's

[1:33:30] >> right.

[1:33:31] >> Also, Brian just knew this ramp car

[1:33:33] hitting him would merely pop him up in

[1:33:34] the air harmlessly because he's Batman.

[1:33:37] >> Wherever this [ __ ] came from, man, I

[1:33:39] no longer have any clue what the is

[1:33:41] going on. I'm still pretty mad lady.

[1:33:43] Runway now at 6 milesi and counting if

[1:33:45] you're keeping track. But of course,

[1:33:46] this movie is just for fun. So, you're

[1:33:48] not supposed to give a [ __ ] right?

[1:33:50] >> Oh, you mean just now? The Rock fights

[1:33:52] discount Brock Lesnar.

[1:33:54] [groaning and screaming]

[1:33:56] Ali, you punch. Something random is

[1:33:58] within arms length to get out of choking

[1:33:59] cliche. Homs has the luxury of wasting

[1:34:01] time to throw this to Letty rather than

[1:34:02] just smoking Riley with it himself.

[1:34:04] Meanwhile, Riley just stands there and

[1:34:05] lets all this happen rather than using

[1:34:06] her considerable reflexes to tackle

[1:34:08] Letty or anything that might save her.

[1:34:10] This movie is the kind of thing fourth

[1:34:11] grade me made up in the bathtub with

[1:34:12] Star Wars action figures. I'm pretty

[1:34:14] sure this runway spans 150 mi. I mean,

[1:34:16] this chase has been going on without one

[1:34:18] single turn in another direction for at

[1:34:19] least 8 minutes.

[1:34:25] >> Yeah. Also, these [ __ ] should enter

[1:34:26] all the lotteryies. Impossible things.

[1:34:29] Excitement.

[1:34:32] Don't worry, Han. She'll show up with

[1:34:34] amnesia and working for the bad guys two

[1:34:35] movies from now. And you'll be able to

[1:34:36] turn her back by giving the history of

[1:34:38] all her scars. Also, taking out your gun

[1:34:40] and shooting people with amazing

[1:34:41] precision is possible at these speeds

[1:34:42] when you're falling from a jeep that is

[1:34:44] harpooned to a plane taking off. More

[1:34:46] thrilling punching movie rips off bad

[1:34:47] guy Death from Incredibles, which ripped

[1:34:49] it off from Die Hard 2, which ripped it

[1:34:51] off from Raiders of the Lost Arc.

[1:34:52] Jumping from one speeding thing to

[1:34:53] another is just like breathing in this

[1:34:55] movie.

[1:34:57] >> Double god damn it.

[1:35:00] Triple godamn it. All the good guys will

[1:35:02] survive this. The acceptance of like

[1:35:03] this is why we can't have good movies.

[1:35:06] Lety. It's just a wreck that kills

[1:35:08] people. Dom will be fine. Not even at

[1:35:10] the end of the runway yet. And it's been

[1:35:11] 12 miles. You can sit back and drink

[1:35:13] your Red Bull and blab all you want

[1:35:14] about how these movies are escape is fun

[1:35:16] and you're not supposed to take them

[1:35:17] seriously, but I'm still going to your

[1:35:18] sister later tonight. The end of the

[1:35:20] runway finally shows up when the action

[1:35:21] is over. As if they built the runway for

[1:35:23] this movie or something. Tom is fine and

[1:35:24] I'm okay with that. Wait a minute. I am

[1:35:26] not okay with that. Your romance.

[1:35:28] >> Where's yourself?

[1:35:29] >> Mia, that's [ __ ] greedy.

[1:35:31] >> Try to keep him out of trouble, though.

[1:35:32] >> I guess this chick needs to get on

[1:35:34] e-harmony now and look under all the

[1:35:35] available widowers. You know, honestly,

[1:35:37] I think Corona and this franchise are a

[1:35:39] perfect match. Seriously. Both are

[1:35:40] enormously popular despite being

[1:35:42] complete with glossy marketing.

[1:35:43] >> You know, you don't have to go.

[1:35:45] >> Dom. That'sing greedy. recent love

[1:35:46] interest is way more cool about

[1:35:48] boyfriend's other recent love interest

[1:35:49] showing back up than any real person

[1:35:51] would actually be. I'm glad these

[1:35:52] criminals finally did enough wrongs to

[1:35:53] make it right. Movie thinks that in any

[1:35:55] world there wouldn't be at least 10

[1:35:56] deaths because of this stunt. I'm going

[1:35:58] to go ahead and tell everyone, whether

[1:35:59] you believe me or not, that I called

[1:36:00] this [ __ ] before it even happened or

[1:36:01] looked at any spoilers. This franchise

[1:36:03] is not too far away from becoming the

[1:36:05] Expendables. And this is proof.

[1:36:13] Comcast. This [bell] production company

[1:36:15] continues to be a bit of hilarious

[1:36:16] irony. Look, I know this is London and

[1:36:18] I've never been there. I mostly know

[1:36:19] this from Star Trek Into Darkness and

[1:36:21] that one Fantastic 4 movie. My point is

[1:36:22] the average person knows this is London

[1:36:24] without being told. So why are we being

[1:36:25] told?

[1:36:26] >> I say if you want a glimpse the future.

[1:36:27] >> Guy talking to himself basically

[1:36:29] disguises that this is opening

[1:36:30] narration. But you bet your bloody

[1:36:31] Yankee whimpern nuts that this is

[1:36:32] narration or however British people

[1:36:34] express it.

[1:36:35] >> When we were kids,

[1:36:36] >> first of all, that this [ __ ] somehow

[1:36:37] survived that in the last movie. Second

[1:36:39] of all, talking to an obviously

[1:36:40] comeomaos person. Third of all, sudden

[1:36:42] even more badass brother villain is

[1:36:43] sudden. Yeah, but shouldn't there still

[1:36:45] be a dozen SWAT teams waiting for him

[1:36:47] once he reaches the main floor? Yep.

[1:36:48] Movie would have you believe you can do

[1:36:49] this much damage to a place and then

[1:36:51] walk out of said place several minutes

[1:36:52] later with no cops having shown up. By

[1:36:54] the way, what kind of [ __ ] hospital

[1:36:55] building waits until you're outside

[1:36:56] before collapsing parts of itself. And

[1:36:58] somehow all the destruction managed to

[1:37:00] avoid hitting this new villain's

[1:37:01] precious white sports car. It took four

[1:37:03] editors to edit this [ __ ] and two to

[1:37:05] photograph it. Friends, when you start

[1:37:06] seeing the star of the movie serve as a

[1:37:08] producer, it's just like those TV shows

[1:37:09] that have gone too long and they start

[1:37:11] giving the cast unnecessary credits to

[1:37:12] make them feel like they're people. From

[1:37:13] the creator of the Saw franchise, which

[1:37:15] is a good fit for the series that has

[1:37:16] devolved into the car version of torture

[1:37:18] porn anyway.

[1:37:19] >> They say an open road helps you think.

[1:37:21] >> I thought it shuts down during

[1:37:22] cryosleep.

[1:37:23] >> Oh, where you been? Where are you going?

[1:37:26] >> They do not say that.

[1:37:27] >> Race wars.

[1:37:28] >> Someone needs to rename this event

[1:37:29] quickly. Whoa. When did dirt bikes get

[1:37:31] invited to girls? Well, I guess it's

[1:37:34] important to let everyone know just how

[1:37:35] much you respect women. Thankfully,

[1:37:36] amidst all this female showering, they

[1:37:38] remember to actually hold some car

[1:37:39] races. This girl's ass apparently just

[1:37:41] signed a seven-picture deal at Universal

[1:37:42] because it was featured at least 15

[1:37:44] times during this pre-race action. Also,

[1:37:45] I thought this crew was all about heists

[1:37:47] now, not car racing. Judging by the last

[1:37:49] several movies, they should give two

[1:37:50] shits about race wars. Iggy Aelia isn't

[1:37:52] in this scene. Dom allows Hector to

[1:37:54] touch him with his hands, which were

[1:37:55] just a minute ago wiping off bloody

[1:37:56] mouth fluids.

[1:38:02] This is supposed to be funny.

[1:38:04] >> Buddy, where's the door button at?

[1:38:05] >> Didn't you use the door button when you

[1:38:06] left this morning? Or did Jordana

[1:38:08] Brewster do it for you? You're telling

[1:38:09] me a gearhead like this guy can't figure

[1:38:10] out where the button is just because

[1:38:11] he's driving a minivan? Brian just lets

[1:38:13] this chick take his kid, assuming she

[1:38:15] works here, which thankfully for him,

[1:38:16] she does. But Jesus, right? Here, take

[1:38:19] my kid. I've got a crime to commit.

[1:38:20] Character knows exactly where other

[1:38:21] character is because character knows

[1:38:22] other characters so well. Cliche. Lety

[1:38:24] gets deep by staring at her own fake

[1:38:25] gravestone.

[1:38:26] >> That's the date that I lost my memory.

[1:38:28] >> Jesus. Skip. I have to find myself for

[1:38:31] me.

[1:38:32] >> Letty breaks up with Dom at her own

[1:38:33] grave while he's holding a sledgehammer.

[1:38:34] And somehow no one thought to walk out

[1:38:36] of the theater right at this moment.

[1:38:37] Camera dollies away from a dude wielding

[1:38:38] a sledgehammer he was going to use to

[1:38:40] destroy the headstone of his

[1:38:41] ex-girlfriend who's not dead. Cliche.

[1:38:44] Decard is apparently so good he can

[1:38:46] sneak into this place without anybody

[1:38:47] noticing, which is a skill I guess you

[1:38:48] develop because your brother's in a coma

[1:38:50] and you really want revenge for it.

[1:38:51] >> So you better start talking before I

[1:38:53] break that finger six different ways.

[1:38:54] And

[1:38:55] >> why aren't you doing that already?

[1:38:56] >> You just earned yourself a dance with

[1:38:58] the devil boy. that line.

[1:39:00] >> Like I said, I'm here for the team that

[1:39:02] crippled my brother.

[1:39:03] >> You didn't say anything about your

[1:39:04] crippled brother until this statement.

[1:39:06] These guys have hit each other in the

[1:39:07] face way too many times for neither of

[1:39:08] them to be bleeding profusely. I guess I

[1:39:10] should be excited about seeing The Rock

[1:39:11] and Jason Staithm getting in a fight,

[1:39:12] but I just can't help but think The Rock

[1:39:14] should win this easily. Also, Rock Stock

[1:39:16] and two smoking barrels. Decard survives

[1:39:17] this. Probably because that table he

[1:39:19] kicked out in front of him was so

[1:39:20] sturdy. And Hobs and Elena survived this

[1:39:22] because you don't care anyway.

[1:39:23] Apparently, we're still not past Tokyo

[1:39:25] Drift yet in this series, despite the

[1:39:26] fact that we saw Decard finish Hanoff at

[1:39:28] the end of the last movie. So, we

[1:39:29] basically just saw a 15-minute prequel

[1:39:30] to the end of Fast and Furious 6, which

[1:39:32] is chronologically the fifth movie in

[1:39:34] the seventh movie of the series.

[1:39:36] >> I'm [laughter] having another baby.

[1:39:38] >> And you didn't tell him, did you?

[1:39:39] >> Telling your brother this before your

[1:39:40] husband?

[1:39:41] >> I don't want him to be disappointed with

[1:39:43] his life.

[1:39:44] >> This is the flimsiest of all movie

[1:39:45] romance obstacles. She's lying to her

[1:39:46] beloved husband because she thinks he

[1:39:48] misses the action and crime of his old

[1:39:50] life so much he can't possibly take the

[1:39:51] news of yet another kid. You don't know

[1:39:53] me. You're about to.

[1:39:57] >> Dom decides, you know what? That box

[1:39:58] that came from Han, probably a bomb sent