How Counter-Strike Took Over My Life

[00:04] In all my years of playing video games,

[00:06] I have never felt morally conflicted

[00:09] about being a

[00:11] fan. You likely know what Counterstrike

[00:14] is, but what do you really know about

[00:16] Striking a Counter?

[00:20] massively popular FPS that began as a

[00:22] Half-Life mod in 1999 and proceeded to

[00:25] take over the entire online universe

[00:27] with its groundbreaking realistic

[00:29] approach to strategic combat. Virtual

[00:32] slot machine that allows miners to

[00:33] gamble. Counterstrike has been around

[00:35] for a quarter of a century. Sorry, hold

[00:37] on. What? Um, let's go back over here.

[00:41] What? What's up? What's going on?

[00:42] Entering the world of Counterstrike is

[00:44] like trying to scale a massive building.

[00:46] A building with two sides. Well, most

[00:48] buildings traditionally have four sides,

[00:50] but I'm not exactly a geomet or

[00:52] anything, but Okay. So, do you just like

[00:53] want to do this part or I mean, yeah.

[00:56] All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can do

[00:57] it. This side is communitydriven

[00:59] innovation paired with passionate

[01:01] storied competition together sculpting

[01:04] modern esports and all FPS games forever

[01:07] for eternity period. Final answer. And

[01:10] then there's this other side, one of

[01:12] frequent racism, rampant cheating, and

[01:16] gambling. A side where several of your

[01:18] own teammates will call you a creative

[01:20] slur and then try to vote kick you from

[01:22] the match. A side that makes you

[01:24] question your own active participation.

[01:26] Many of you have surely seen the

[01:28] Coffeezilla series on CS Gambling. It's

[01:31] an excellent deep dive on how and why we

[01:33] got to where we are with the billiondoll

[01:35] skin economy Valve has manufactured.

[01:38] Because make no mistake, Valve is an

[01:39] amazingly talented game industry icon.

[01:42] And they've also very intentionally

[01:45] crafted a highly addictive slot machine

[01:47] system for virtual skins that are worth

[01:49] real life money in a game that's free to

[01:51] play that has no enforceable age limit.

[01:53] Along with wild untamed snakes, weird,

[01:56] highly sexual mobile game ads, and

[01:58] anything to do with the Paul Brothers,

[02:00] gambling belongs over here in the zone I

[02:03] like to call Wait, what are you doing?

[02:04] Get away from my son, you freak [ __ ]

[02:06] But I'm a 30-year-old man. What if I

[02:08] want to gamble? What if I want to dress

[02:10] up my virtual kill Barbie and spend

[02:12] hundreds of hours playing a game in

[02:13] which I unearth every slur ever

[02:15] invented? You're not my dad. [ __ ] you.

[02:17] You're not my dad. What the [ __ ]

[02:19] Clearly, millions of people choose to

[02:20] play this game every night. But why? Why

[02:24] exactly do you all keep coming back for

[02:26] more and more and more? Is it just the

[02:28] gambling? People played this game before

[02:30] it had the gambling. You know, I make a

[02:32] living out of talking about video games

[02:34] and researching different topics like

[02:36] speedrunning or esports or why my

[02:37] underwear's game design is outdated and

[02:39] I should probably throw them in the

[02:40] trash. I've had them since high school.

[02:41] But what if for once in an attempt to

[02:44] understand something, I actually

[02:46] participated myself? What if I tried to

[02:50] get good at

[02:54] Counterstrike? This is the story of how

[02:56] Counterstrike took over my life.

[03:11] [Music]

[03:22] Source was the first Steam game I ever

[03:24] played after my friend Terry showed me

[03:25] in middle school. I was 12 and I was

[03:28] horrible at it. I didn't know the point

[03:30] was to be planting a bomb or defending.

[03:32] I didn't know how to buy guns. Dude, I

[03:34] don't think I knew if I was in the

[03:35] United States of America. So, I played

[03:38] iceworld deathmatch or office deathmatch

[03:40] or bots on office hostage mode. Look, I

[03:43] don't know why I liked Office so much.

[03:45] Okay, pre-teens, we like cubicles. We

[03:47] feel safe and nurtured in here. But in

[03:49] high school, I began spending a lot of

[03:51] time with my dear dear friend Jake, aka

[03:53] Shig, who is very good at Counter

[03:56] Strike. I'd go over to his house all the

[03:58] time and watch him play Source on this

[04:00] total piece of [ __ ] gateway like

[04:03] all-in-one family PC that probably

[04:05] barely managed 60fps, but he fragged out

[04:08] like that song [ __ ] had a 5090 duct

[04:11] tape to its ass. Jake eventually taught

[04:13] me how to play a bit of CS:GO years

[04:15] later, and it was always a very fun

[04:17] time.

[04:18] Holy [ __ ] I got a kill. Holy [ __ ] I

[04:20] got a kill. All right, watch out, boys.

[04:23] I'm feeling hot. I'm feeling like a hot

[04:24] boy. But CS:GO never fully stuck, and I

[04:27] still much preferred watching versus

[04:30] playing, whether it was Jake grinding

[04:31] away in ranked or occasionally watching

[04:34] esports. I had only dipped a

[04:36] metaphorical toe in the metaphorical

[04:39] pool. But if I was going to really do

[04:40] this and try to get good, I needed a

[04:43] clear goal. Okay, ball boy, do your

[04:46] stuff. Yes, sir. So, Premiere is the

[04:48] primary ranked mode in CS2 and rates a

[04:50] player from 0 to 30,000 points. Jake,

[04:52] aka Master Shig, has reached 23,000 and

[04:55] at one point was ranked 663rd in all of

[04:58] North America. So, needless to say, he

[05:01] is objectively pretty capable at

[05:03] plugging in his computer mouse. So, when

[05:05] I say get good, it's in huge air quotes

[05:08] and is relative as [ __ ] One player will

[05:10] tell you that anyone under 15k is dog

[05:12] stool and another person will say that

[05:14] 5k was a huge achievement for them and

[05:17] both opinions are mine. After observing

[05:20] my abilities over Discord, Master Shig

[05:22] declared that 10K would be an

[05:25] appropriate goal for me. 10K would

[05:26] likely be described by most as you're no

[05:29] longer a pipsqueak and you might know a

[05:30] thing or two, but you still really ain't

[05:33] [ __ ] sort of like an eighth grader at

[05:35] the end of middle school who has no idea

[05:37] how [ __ ] high school is about to be.

[05:39] At this point, however, I was given more

[05:41] of a fourth grader vibe. In order to

[05:43] even get my initial rank, I had to first

[05:46] win 10 placement matches so the game

[05:48] could properly assess my striking

[05:50] abilities. Unfortunately, I didn't

[05:52] record any of these matches, but trust,

[05:54] you don't need to see what happened.

[05:56] Eventually, I received my starting rank

[05:58] of

[05:59] 3,747, essentially making me the LeBron

[06:01] James of sucking ass at Counter-Strike.

[06:03] Only way to go up from here, though, is

[06:05] up, right, chat? Right, Twitch

[06:08] chat? Wait, am I not on Twitch? Who just

[06:11] gave me these 50 gifted subs, then?

[06:14] Where did these come from? Who the [ __ ]

[06:17] are you? Real quick, here's a very brief

[06:19] explanation of Counter-Strike rules for

[06:21] my mom, who also watches my videos.

[06:23] Thank you, mom. Great to have you here.

[06:25] Long time son. First time

[06:28] [Music]

[06:30] uh son. Take it away, Teensy Peeny. Hi

[06:33] everyone. I'm Tinsy Peeny, a fast

[06:35] talking little son [ __ ] who's here to

[06:37] explain stuff. So try and keep up.

[06:39] Counter-Strike is a 5v5 team-based game.

[06:41] Terrorists versus counterterrorists.

[06:42] Terrorists try to plant a bomb at one of

[06:44] two bomb sites. Counterterrorists have

[06:46] to defend those A and B bomb sites and

[06:48] uh defend them. You buy guns and

[06:50] equipment using money gained from the

[06:51] previous round. And if you die, you lose

[06:52] all of that equipment and you have to

[06:54] spectate for the rest of the round.

[06:56] Okay, so Tinsy is like his sidekick. He

[06:59] has a sidekick now. What the [ __ ] This

[07:01] is not in the script. Rounds are won by

[07:03] either killing the entire opposing enemy

[07:04] team, successfully planting and

[07:06] detonating a bomb after a short timer.

[07:07] Or on the CT side, if that bomb gets

[07:09] planted, you diffuse the bomb within

[07:10] that timer, regardless of who is left

[07:12] alive. Win or lose, if you're alive at

[07:13] the end of a round, you get to keep all

[07:14] of your guns and equipment. So sometimes

[07:16] it's worth hiding and just saving if you

[07:17] know you're probably going to lose the

[07:18] round. You switch sides after 12 rounds

[07:20] played and first team to win 13 rounds

[07:22] wins the game. But you have to win by

[07:23] two. So if it gets to 1212, it goes into

[07:25] overtime. So mom, check this out. With

[07:27] CS being a very team oriented game, I

[07:29] would describe the act of solo queuing

[07:31] as a masochistic dice roll sent from

[07:34] hell for demented souls. Luckily, I

[07:36] somehow have friends. This is my Michael

[07:38] aka Goob aka Master Shig's younger

[07:41] brother. He's one of those little

[07:42] bastards that just picks up a game and

[07:44] is immediately good at it and can

[07:45] somehow emote do a douge on your corpse.

[07:48] So, you got Grand Champ 1 and Rocket

[07:50] League. Honestly, [ __ ] both of you and

[07:51] your like gaming dynasty family. And

[07:54] this is my Eric, aka Rick, aka Big Body

[07:57] Operations, who has been a COD demon for

[07:59] eons on controller, but recently built

[08:01] his first gaming PC and has been quickly

[08:04] learning how to hit flicky clicks with

[08:05] his Ricky tips. All right, first Premier

[08:08] game of the season. Let's [ __ ] go. I

[08:10] got my boy Rick. I got Nuke, an

[08:12] excellent map. Probably my favorite map.

[08:13] I cannot wait to start this journey. Two

[08:16] of my teammates immediately start

[08:17] shooting people through the walls while

[08:19] perfectly bee hopping across the map.

[08:21] Welcome to Counter-Strike 2. [ __ ] this

[08:23] kind of feels like a ball moment. Hold

[08:24] on. Prior to starting this journey, I

[08:26] heard tale of how egregious cheating

[08:28] was. But this was the first time I

[08:30] witnessed cheating so blatant it wasn't

[08:32] even up for discussion in my first

[08:35] ranked game. Me and Rick spent most of

[08:37] the game in spawn

[08:39] uh practicing and I tried to conduct an

[08:42] honest interview with the cheaters by

[08:44] simply asking why. Why spend all the

[08:47] money on cheats and prime matchmaking to

[08:49] play Premiere just to risk getting your

[08:52] account banned? There are so many people

[08:53] who use cheats that are way more low-key

[08:55] and harder to detect to further their

[08:57] perceived ability while competing for

[08:59] money or growing their streaming career.

[09:01] Wait, Clara, but this this isn't that.

[09:05] Obviously though, instead of responding

[09:06] to me, they said a bunch of crazy [ __ ]

[09:08] in chat at the opposing team who were

[09:10] obviously pissed off and said a bunch of

[09:11] predictable [ __ ] which was exactly

[09:13] what the cheaters wanted and expected

[09:16] and feed off of. Anyways, we won the

[09:18] game 13 to zero and I ranked up to 4,280

[09:21] after doing absolutely nothing. Yeah. Hi

[09:23] again. So, uh, Premier's ranking system

[09:25] is complete horshit, by the way. Py, I

[09:26] don't know who you are, but I swear to

[09:28] God I have only talked about the first

[09:30] game, so please just let me move on. No,

[09:33] no, this will only take a second.

[09:34] Premier uses an ELO system like chess

[09:35] where a player gains or loses points

[09:37] relative to the ELO of their opponent.

[09:38] So if you play against someone with an

[09:39] ELO higher than you and win, you'll get

[09:40] more points than you would if you played

[09:41] someone with a similar or lower ELO than

[09:43] you. And if you lose against someone

[09:44] with a higher ELO than you, you won't

[09:45] lose as many points because you're kind

[09:46] of expected to lose. That all make

[09:47] sense? No, honestly, who cares? Great,

[09:50] cool, awesome, chill system for chess

[09:52] where it's 1 v one. Counter-Strike is

[09:54] not 1v1. It's 5v5. And last time I

[09:57] checked, the pawn couldn't team kill you

[09:58] and call you a Did you ever consider

[10:00] that vow? So when you queue up, it looks

[10:01] at all the ranks of the other team and

[10:02] then your team and says, "Hey, if you

[10:03] win, you'll get this much and if you

[10:04] lose, you get this much." This gesture

[10:05] makes me feel like I moderate something

[10:06] important. Why would he ever moderate

[10:09] some? What the hell? But say you get

[10:11] into a game and drop 30 kills and play

[10:12] out of your damn mind while your

[10:13] teammates [ __ ] their pants and spawn and

[10:14] do jack diddly squat the whole time.

[10:16] Sorry. Individual performance bears zero

[10:18] weight on this number. And what's really

[10:19] [ __ ] cool is that there's also this

[10:20] whole win loss streak system where if

[10:22] you start winning games in a row, you

[10:23] gain more bonus points that way. And if

[10:24] you start losing games in a row, you

[10:26] gain more bonus points to lose that way.

[10:27] So, I think you can see how this all

[10:29] adds up to kind of make a person want to

[10:31] go baddy, right? Oh my god, Tinsy, just

[10:33] shut the [ __ ] up. And how it can maybe

[10:35] reinforce really toxic behavior that

[10:37] already exists in the community, right?

[10:38] Face it, an alternative matchmaking

[10:40] system actually does put a weight on

[10:41] individual performance where you won't

[10:42] lose as many points if you do really

[10:44] well. But not Premiere, not the stupid

[10:45] [ __ ] I signed up for. I could be playing

[10:47] Tony Hawks Underground right now, but

[10:48] no, I had to choose the slur game. Game

[10:50] two. Okay, Karma kicked in to tip the

[10:52] scales and we got our asses kicked. Me

[10:54] and Rick did better than our teammates,

[10:56] but that's like saying a rat ate trash

[10:57] better than a slightly uglier rat. What

[11:00] the hell is this man? Who is this

[11:01] flashbang even for, Jacob? Holy [ __ ]

[11:04] Game three. The demo file corrupted, but

[11:06] my notes say, quote, "Cookie kept being

[11:08] toxic and was starting to throw, but me

[11:10] and Eric kept it cool and had several

[11:12] clutches. Great teammates, too,

[11:13] especially Brian."

[11:15] So, shout out shout out Brian. Game

[11:18] four, solo queue on Dust 2. Coach Jake

[11:20] watching over Discord. This one started

[11:22] out a little tough, but thanks to Master

[11:24] Shig's tips on simple stuff like not

[11:27] [ __ ] running through fire out long

[11:30] doors while you have the bomb. Jesus

[11:31] Christ, snake boy. We gradually brought

[11:33] it back largely thanks to great

[11:35] teammates who were actually willing to

[11:37] work together. Go

[11:39] on. Oh,

[11:41] counterterrorist.

[11:44] I'm glad we got that. Hey, young cheesy.

[11:47] I got lost in a smoke grenade on a very

[11:50] important round.

[11:51] Oh, I can't I don't hear that. Where am

[11:57] I? I think you're doors now.

[12:01] Oh my god.

[12:06] Yep.

[12:08] Yeah.

[12:16] We got this though. He needs to push

[12:17] long, bro. Yo, push long, Grandma. [ __ ]

[12:20] Push up behind them. They won't see

[12:25] it. Nice. Okay.

[12:28] GG's. Great job bringing it back, gang.

[12:31] It's a pleasure. We successfully secured

[12:33] the W. After the game, Shig coached me

[12:35] on smart grenade usage and helpful

[12:37] specific throws. Let's just say whenever

[12:39] you're falling back long and they're,

[12:41] you know, coming back this way, you

[12:42] could time it to where this flash always

[12:44] works for me. Like let's say this is

[12:46] smoked off, you can even push it because

[12:48] it's really hard to react to. You just

[12:50] bounce it off here and then you go take

[12:53] it like this and they should like I've

[12:54] [ __ ] people so many times. If like

[12:56] you're here and like you know they're

[12:58] coming up like you could hear them

[12:58] coming up, I would just bank it off the

[13:00] wall there. Oh, I didn't even think

[13:02] about banking it. Then they have to back

[13:04] up, you know, and they can hardly cross

[13:06] and it's just easier. They're exposed

[13:08] more that way, too. He also gave me a

[13:09] pro tip on how I should individually

[13:11] hotkey all the nade types instead of

[13:13] slowly cycling through them with four by

[13:15] default, which was weird at first to get

[13:18] used to, but oh my god, it made a world

[13:21] of difference. But most importantly, he

[13:23] taught me to do the Terminator 2 theme

[13:25] whenever I won.

[13:30] Wow, that's a pretty cool sounding song.

[13:32] Good thing he didn't play the actual one

[13:34] though, cuz I would have sued his ass

[13:35] into an early grave. Hi, I'm Jakey.

[13:38] Jakey and Jakey and

[13:41] Teensy. Thanks to Rocket Money for

[13:44] sponsoring this video. My ultimate goal

[13:45] in life is to save up for a a really

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[14:59] and thanks to Tinsy Peeny for taking the

[15:01] my throne as the most annoying character

[15:04] in the JCU. Back to you,

[15:06] Jbone. [ __ ] probably wishes

[15:08] people called him Jbone. Loser loser.

[15:10] Game five, I played with Gooby and

[15:12] Ricky. And thanks to Gooby Goat doing

[15:14] the gooby

[15:16] most. Nice. Go. Nice.

[15:29] Come on, big daddy. Big body walnuts

[15:32] playing big body hungry.

[15:35] Last one secret. Oh, just hang back,

[15:37] man. He's got to come to you.

[15:40] Orbeez Savage.

[15:42] My occasional moment of brain activity.

[15:45] One super lit on he's playing right now.

[15:50] And another teammate looking extremely

[15:52] clean.

[15:54] Oh, off the top to a Wow.

[15:57] Wow.

[16:01] We earned a hard fought W. Let's go.

[16:04] That's a GG.

[16:07] All right, dude. I got my promotion game

[16:09] next. Hi again. Okay, so another really

[16:11] cool thing that Counter-Strike does is

[16:13] promo games where if you get to a

[16:15] certain threshold, aka 5, 10, 15k, etc.,

[16:17] you first go to $4,999 and have to win

[16:20] that game in order to rank up.

[16:21] Essentially, at those points, you have

[16:22] to win two games in a row. Game six,

[16:24] promo game for

[16:26] 5K. Not going to lie, chat, we got

[16:28] straight up destroyed by a five stack

[16:29] who were just very clearly better than

[16:31] us. They did super convincing fake

[16:33] pushes into sites that got us all sorts

[16:35] of crossed up. I once again didn't know

[16:37] if I was in the United States of

[16:39] America. We lost five to 13. Game seven

[16:42] with Gooby running it back on Mirage

[16:44] against another five stack with three

[16:46] anime profile picks, four if you count

[16:48] the hedgehog. [ __ ] was looking very iffy

[16:50] at first, but then we decided to become

[16:52] dynasty warriors and lock the [ __ ] in.

[16:56] No, another one. Another one there.

[17:03] Nice.

[17:06] What the [ __ ] How did that not kill?

[17:11] Firebox and Tetris. You may have heard

[17:13] my teammate just call out Tetris, which

[17:14] no doesn't mean we get to go play that

[17:16] game now, unfortunately. He means to say

[17:17] that an enemy is at this spot called

[17:19] Tetris. There's all sorts of call outs

[17:20] for specific places on a Counter-Strike

[17:22] map. Like this is vent. This is bench.

[17:24] This is car even though it's not a car

[17:26] anymore. Uh this is Donkey Kong. You can

[17:28] tell by the

[17:34] barrels better. No, that was great

[17:36] comms. Other teammates also had very

[17:39] good comms this game. Don't be afraid to

[17:41] get them med. They don't really hold it

[17:43] well.

[17:45] To give them what? Head. Give them head.

[17:49] Did you say don't be afraid to give them

[17:50] head?

[17:52] I mean that's I had this nice little

[17:54] moment which was a big deal for me.

[17:56] Planning one apps.

[17:59] That's planner dead. One van, one

[18:02] apps. How's guy

[18:06] apps? Nice shots. Good

[18:09] [ __ ]

[18:12] Beautiful. Amazing. Great times. GG's

[18:14] all around. All right, game eight. Back

[18:16] to the promo for 5K. Let's see what we

[18:18] can do. Me and Goob had this random dude

[18:20] on our team who really loved Goob's

[18:22] name.

[18:23] Wa.

[18:25] Wa. Wa. Wa. Wa. W.

[18:31] I like goo.

[18:35] Good work. Where you from? Goo. How did

[18:38] he just say to me? Goomba is from

[18:41] Gubana. It was a really good time

[18:43] giggling with the team, which is really

[18:45] what it should be all about. Should be.

[18:48] But we um also got our asses kicked and

[18:51] 5K eluded me yet again. Nice.

[18:56] Oh, wait. No, not nice. He just got on.

[19:00] He

[19:00] smoked me. GG's. At this point, it was

[19:05] pretty clear which areas of my play

[19:07] needed a lot of work. Yeah, aka

[19:09] everything. Big ass mouse pad and lower

[19:11] sensitivity were crucial tips from

[19:13] Master Shig to really lock in on my

[19:15] accuracy and ability to track targets. I

[19:18] needed to get used to whipping around my

[19:20] entire arm and not just my wrist.

[19:22] Crosshair placement, aka not just aiming

[19:24] at the ground while you're moving

[19:25] around, but instead putting your

[19:26] crosshair at head level at predictable

[19:28] spots where an enemy's head might be on

[19:30] some object permanence [ __ ] Goob showed

[19:32] me some pre-fire workshop maps to help

[19:34] study common spots that enemies might

[19:36] be. So, I started incorporating those

[19:38] into my warm-up routine. Accuracy while

[19:40] you're moving around in CS is generally

[19:42] horrible. Okay, this isn't Call of Duty

[19:44] where even if you're sprinting, you have

[19:46] like laser accuracy. But at the same

[19:48] time, a moving target that's strafing

[19:50] around is much harder to hit. CS objects

[19:52] in motion tend to stay in motion though,

[19:54] so counter strafing is vital. Aka, move

[19:57] one direction, immediately tap the

[20:00] opposite direction to stop moving,

[20:02] shoot, move the other direction,

[20:04] immediately tap the opposite direction

[20:05] to stop. You get the idea. Rinse and

[20:07] repeat. Mix it up. Mix up the timings.

[20:10] Throw in some crouches in there. All of

[20:11] these things were much, much easier said

[20:14] than done and needed a lot of practice,

[20:16] but were clearly imperative in order to

[20:18] start winning more gunfights. Game 10

[20:21] once again with Goo once again a promo

[20:23] match. I really wanted to get past this

[20:25] 5k barrier. I called the save and rush

[20:28] mid and this somehow

[20:36] happened. No, no, another one. Two

[20:39] more. Nice.

[20:45] Holy [ __ ] There's there's an AK you.

[20:48] Yeah.

[20:50] Where should Where should I watch Jake?

[20:52] He could go down suicide. I don't know.

[20:57] Nice job. I hit some solid OP shots.

[21:00] Taking me back to my ice world

[21:02] deathmatch days.

[21:13] Last one on. Jump up.

[21:18] Nice

[21:21] [ __ ] Shampoo my couch.

[21:24] It got really close for a bit, but

[21:27] thanks to Goob and everyone else winning

[21:29] most of their duels, we kind of popped

[21:31] off winning 13-6. Let's [ __ ] go,

[21:35] baby. Nice job, guys. There we [ __ ]

[21:37] go.

[21:39] Yeah. Wow. That solid performances all

[21:41] around. Proud of you, boys. Hell [ __ ]

[21:43] yeah. Good game. 5K, the first major

[21:46] milestone in my journey, was now

[21:48] achieved. Partially thanks to my own

[21:50] inconsistent abilities, but if I'm being

[21:52] honest, mostly thanks to luck of the

[21:54] draw teammates and at times cheaters on

[21:56] my team. So, wow, Premiere, thank you.

[21:58] So cool. To celebrate 5K, I spent real

[22:01] life money on agent skins.

[22:03] Unfortunately, I think it's time to talk

[22:04] about the gambling, you bouncy bastard.

[22:06] All right. Yeah. No, let's let's get

[22:08] into it. On the one hand, cosmetics in

[22:10] video games are usually the biggest

[22:12] motivator for me. I've talked about this

[22:14] before, but I'm someone who when playing

[22:15] Elden Ring is so much more stoked by a

[22:18] new armor set than another [ __ ] spell

[22:20] that's allowing me to minmax my stats.

[22:22] I'm trying to minmax my lats. I'm trying

[22:25] to minmax my lats my latitudes and my

[22:27] latitudes. I'm trying to max I'm trying

[22:29] to

[22:30] maxim Oh my god. I'm trying to maximize

[22:33] my attitude. And it is no different with

[22:36] CS. The amount of style and expression

[22:38] that is possible with the plethora of

[22:40] skin combos, it's insane. I love it.

[22:42] Combine that with all of the sticker

[22:44] crafting, the HUD color, the view model,

[22:46] you can truly personalize this game to

[22:49] feel like it's yours. And I quickly

[22:50] realized that a fully black and white

[22:52] loadout would be possible. So, to help

[22:54] motivate myself on this hell journey, I

[22:56] set certain skins as goals for hitting

[22:59] specific ranks. It felt fun to have like

[23:01] a reward system, even though at the end

[23:02] of the day, it's still just me spending

[23:04] my own money. I wasn't going to get any

[23:06] of these skins by trying to get them

[23:07] through cases with [ __ ] gambling.

[23:10] Hell, I was only going to purchase them

[23:11] directly from other players. But some

[23:13] skins can get crazy expensive. Knives in

[23:16] particular. For example, Master Shig

[23:18] very generously gave me this Bright

[23:20] Water bayonet back in like 2018 that I

[23:22] think was worth like 120,$130, something

[23:24] like that at the time. That knife is now

[23:26] worth like 350 real human dollars. But

[23:29] regardless of the value, most skins are

[23:32] originally sourced by opening cases. And

[23:35] by purchasing them from others, I would

[23:37] still inherently be supporting the

[23:39] ecosystem of opening cases. Is opening a

[23:42] case fun? Do people like watching

[23:44] opening [ __ ] cases? Yes, of course it

[23:47] is. I'm human. I'll admit it. But just

[23:49] like gambling is fun. And just like

[23:51] gambling, when you buy a case, you need

[23:53] to feel very okay that you are saying

[23:55] bye-bye because you are very likely not

[23:57] going to make that back. Why do you

[23:59] think they sell them? To lose money? No.

[24:02] They expect you to keep buying them,

[24:04] which everyone does when you inevitably

[24:06] don't get the exact thing that you

[24:08] wanted. The exciting potential of a

[24:10] 0.21% chance of getting a knife. That's

[24:13] what people make entire careers out of

[24:15] chasing while also spending way more

[24:17] money on cases than they're making back.

[24:19] Even though the sponsored gambling site

[24:20] in their stream likely gave them all the

[24:22] money to blow away in the first place to

[24:23] influence others with way less money to

[24:25] go gamble all their money away, too.

[24:26] Jesus Christ. Good. N, Drew, go watch

[24:29] Drew's video on online gambling. It's

[24:31] very good. I love that sweet, sweet

[24:32] smell of dew on the grass in the

[24:34] morning. Yeah, the game is rated M, but

[24:36] we all know that doesn't mean [ __ ]

[24:37] Grand Theft Auto Vice City was rated M.

[24:39] I played it when I was like 10. And I'm

[24:41] a YouTuber now. That's horrifying. And

[24:43] these cases are such a crystal clear

[24:45] gateway to even more casino-like

[24:47] gambling sites that Valve does very

[24:48] little to shut down, which is a huge

[24:50] focus of the Coffeezilla series I was

[24:52] talking about that coincidentally came

[24:54] out as I was personally going into this

[24:56] whole world myself. In my videos, I feel

[24:58] I often have a pretty clear opinion and

[25:00] like thesis on why I believe something

[25:02] and then I say all this [ __ ] to try

[25:04] to prove that opinion and blah blah

[25:06] blah. This isn't one of those videos. I

[25:09] love cosmetics. I love that I can buy a

[25:12] $5 slate AK and like some 30 cent

[25:14] stickers and make a snake 47 based on a

[25:18] YouTube short I saw. I'm excited to see

[25:19] what other sticker crafts other people

[25:21] do, assuming it's not a [ __ ] slur.

[25:23] But I also didn't want to inadvertently

[25:25] support minors getting addicted to

[25:27] gambling while shooting virtual guns

[25:28] with my friends. If I felt so strongly

[25:30] about all this, should I have just shut

[25:32] the [ __ ] up and stopped using any skins

[25:34] in some hopeless protest? Should I have

[25:36] just stopped playing Counterstrike? Does

[25:38] the video just end right

[25:41] here? No, because I kept going.

[25:46] [Music]

[25:52] Counter-Strike was consuming all hours

[25:54] of my day, even when I wasn't playing

[25:56] it. If I wasn't playing, I was watching.

[25:58] If I wasn't watching, I was learning. If

[26:00] I wasn't learning, I was probably

[26:02] dreaming about snipers. I was glued to

[26:04] my phone, getting super invested in the

[26:06] Shanghai Major, learning more about each

[26:08] team, and witnessing the absolute

[26:09] destruction of players like Donk and

[26:11] Monosy. But there's so many targets, and

[26:14] he can often prove enough on his own.

[26:17] And can this little nuisance pull off an

[26:19] unbelievable clutch to keep his team in

[26:22] it? Yes, he can. These [ __ ] kids,

[26:24] dude. Or I was taking my new puppy Doy

[26:27] out to go potty or Doy helped me find

[26:30] cheap black and white skins.

[26:31] Counter-Strike encounter pee on the

[26:33] floor was basically my entire day. The

[26:35] group chat I started with Shig, Goob,

[26:37] and Rick was constantly active. It felt

[26:39] so fun to have a tight-knit community

[26:41] where we all shared the same goal of

[26:43] improving and would constantly hype each

[26:45] other up. It all felt super motivating

[26:47] to keep going.

[26:53] Boys, I'm not going to lie to you. I am

[26:55] [ __ ] viciously high right now. Nice.

[26:58] This was a very important game to me

[27:00] because it felt like it was the first

[27:01] time where I was actually starting to do

[27:04] things differently, expecting certain

[27:06] angles after practicing pre-fire maps

[27:08] over and over. Nice. Crosshair placement

[27:11] not always being dog

[27:13] [ __ ] Nice. Using utility with some

[27:16] amount of brain cells, I can confidently

[27:18] say that I was improving, if only a

[27:21] little bit.

[27:26] Oh my god, I just [ __ ]

[27:31] came. Ultimately though, it wasn't

[27:33] enough, losing a close game 11 to13. But

[27:36] as Master Shig then told me, ELO may be

[27:39] lost, but knowledge is gained. Shake

[27:42] Scriptures 3:17 Chapter 900 game 14. I

[27:46] solo queued and played very average to

[27:48] my ability with good teammates who were

[27:50] actually very communicative and kind.

[27:52] Yo, Rim, could I get a buy? Yeah, I got

[27:55] you. Thanks, baby. It's easy to assume

[27:58] random teammates will likely be toxic or

[28:00] racist when solo queuing, but I was

[28:02] happy to be proven wrong more and more

[28:04] often as I kept playing. After all,

[28:06] millions of people play this game, and I

[28:08] think the shittiest voices are just

[28:10] often the loudest. I had this one v one

[28:12] bomb plant featuring some super nervous

[28:14] aim.

[28:18] [Music]

[28:21] We're gone. We're gone. We're gone.

[28:36] Terrorists win. I remember having crazy

[28:38] anxiety during this game to the point

[28:40] where my hands felt a little shaky. More

[28:42] like shaky jaky. Hope that's not

[28:45] foreshadowing. We started throwing a

[28:46] pretty significant lead as the game went

[28:48] on.

[28:55] Good shot.

[28:57] But we fortunately got it back together

[28:59] and finished 13- 10. Well done. Good

[29:02] [ __ ] gang.

[29:05] After this game, I flew from New York to

[29:07] Tennessee to stay with my lady, who was

[29:09] still living in Nashville at the time,

[29:10] but I brought my laptop and a monitor to

[29:13] keep the grind going. You could say I

[29:15] was trying to be a Tony Hawk clone for

[29:17] the PS1. Yes, that is a grind session

[29:20] reference in the chat. Game 15, one of

[29:23] the worst ever. We simply couldn't

[29:25] counter their smokes and executes on CT

[29:27] side. I hit a couple doinks with the

[29:30] scout, but honestly, that's the only

[29:32] real highlight. Man, no scope. Teammate

[29:35] went AFK halfway in. What is he doing?

[29:38] Oh, is he not here? I nearly clutched

[29:40] one round.

[29:48] No.

[29:49] Nice. You've But couldn't find the

[29:52] [ __ ] bomb because I have tonka truck

[29:54] brain. Where the [ __ ] was it, dude?

[29:56] Jesus Christ. I suck. I hated every

[29:59] second of this game. We lost one to 13.

[30:03] Game 16 was another struggle. I somehow

[30:06] ended up top damage, but dude, I still

[30:08] did the dumbest [ __ ] Why did I not just

[30:11] play time in this 1v one when I had bomb

[30:13] planted in a spot where I could see it

[30:15] from a safe place? Got to be CT, right?

[30:22] Maybe behind me. [ __ ] a [ __ ]

[30:26] Ah, should have just played the time.

[30:29] Yeah, there's a way better hiding spot I

[30:32] could have been in. That was stupid.

[30:35] My bad. This loss was a new low. It

[30:37] somehow felt different from the others.

[30:39] Like, I knew better at this point and

[30:41] still completely [ __ ] it up. There was

[30:44] zero consistency to my gameplay.

[30:49] Good try, guys. You guys had some good

[30:51] rounds.

[30:53] Yeah.

[30:56] I guess after that game, I flew back to

[30:58] South Dakota for Thanksgiving, but

[31:00] brought my laptop in case I wanted to

[31:02] sneak in a practice session. This was

[31:04] apparently a horrible idea. I tried to

[31:05] play a casual game and quickly got vote

[31:07] kicked for not immediately planting the

[31:14] bomb, which I guess was my bad, but it

[31:17] still didn't feel great. But honestly, I

[31:19] needed to step away for a bit. I had to

[31:21] get my mind off CS and remember the rest

[31:24] of my life existed, too. So, I played

[31:26] other games with my family and helped my

[31:28] nieces and nephew make a zombie movie,

[31:30] which was way more fun because none of

[31:32] them scream slurs at me.

[31:35] No, that's dramatic.

[31:40] Admittedly though, after a few days,

[31:43] brother, I was jonesing pretty hard for

[31:45] some CS. This damn game demands so much

[31:48] of you, but scratches such a specific

[31:50] itch. An itch I didn't really know I

[31:53] had. It was the first time since playing

[31:55] Dark Souls 1 that a game effectively

[31:57] ruined all other games for me at the

[31:59] time. Nothing else was hitting as hard.

[32:02] The snappy animations, the sounds, the

[32:05] fantasy of whipping out the dig, hitting

[32:08] one more headsh shot, and hearing that

[32:09] slide click after a reload. God damn, it

[32:12] all boomeranged in my mind. Valve really

[32:15] got my ass. I wasn't just dipping a toe.

[32:18] My whole ass foot was slipping into that

[32:20] CS pool now. Boy, I came back after

[32:23] Thanksgiving feeling recharged,

[32:24] motivated, and eager to play. Starting

[32:26] with some casual comp games with the

[32:28] boys and girls. Shout out Dean. The

[32:30] thing about CS is that because it

[32:32] requires so much focus and teamwork,

[32:34] every [ __ ] in a casual game is that

[32:36] much funnier. And then Shig drops like

[32:39] 40 kills and everyone thinks he's

[32:40] cheating.

[32:42] Oh. Oh, what the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] was

[32:45] that? Okay, let's play. Let's play,

[32:47] brother. I'm looking at my Instagram.

[32:49] Let's see.

[32:54] Feel like the goddamn Tomb

[32:57] Raider. Let's go. A ramp. A ramp.

[33:04] Yo, look at Shake. Get his foot up for

[33:06] y'all. Oh, everybody.

[33:09] [Music]

[33:15] I got tattoos of shoes on my feet, so I

[33:17] know how to wear shoes. I'm just letting

[33:19] all you guys know. I'm going to hop.

[33:21] Right on. Right on, dude. Just thought

[33:23] I'd kind of let you guys know it's

[33:26] situation. Hold on. Molly [ __ ] Molly

[33:29] [ __ ] up. Double kill. Mommy wants

[33:33] more. Mommy's hungry. That's just the

[33:36] beginning of what mommy can do. So, I'm

[33:38] going to I'm going to throw a frag into

[33:40] this site so I can peek it.

[33:44] Minnesota. I went there once when I was

[33:45] a child cuz my cousins used to live

[33:47] there and uh I was scared I was going to

[33:50] get a swirly.

[33:52] Hold on. I think we do the same thing.

[33:53] Go B and then change our mind and go A.

[33:56] Changing our mind.

[34:01] All right. I changed my mind. Go A.

[34:03] Change my mind. Let's go B. Okay, let's

[34:05] go B.

[34:07] Uh, I don't know. I'm changing my mind.

[34:08] Let's go back A. I'm not feeling it no

[34:10] more. I'm not feeling it. N I didn't

[34:12] shoot you. Lucifer, do I sound like a

[34:14] cougar?

[34:16] That real quick.

[34:18] Get off. Get it off. Get it off. Hey,

[34:22] check this out.

[34:24] I did it before I sprayed it.

[34:27] [Music]

[34:35] Yo, you respected it so much. But you

[34:39] did it. That's the thing. Gooby or goat?

[34:43] Gooby to go. Gooby to go. Goop. Make

[34:47] your famous goat sound.

[34:54] What the?

[34:57] That was definitely a sound. Game 20. I

[35:01] had decent CT side starting off, but

[35:03] T-side is where things really came

[35:05] together

[35:12] [Music]

[35:14] on

[35:17] site. I'm

[35:20] down. I got a shot through the smoke on

[35:23] cat.

[35:31] [Music]

[35:36] I was on site. Likely because of the

[35:38] pre-fire maps, I got accused of cheating

[35:40] for the first time, which Shik said is a

[35:42] right of passage when you start playing

[35:44] well. So, I guess I popped my cheater

[35:47] cherry. I'm really sorry I said that.

[35:49] Please don't clap.

[35:54] Terrorists win. GG's fellas.

[36:00] Game 24 was sent as a trial from the

[36:02] powers above to test my patience. I was

[36:05] somehow always a day late and a bullet

[36:07] short. I had very quickly learned that

[36:09] nothing is free in this abusive game.

[36:12] Nothing. Well, I mean, yeah, unless

[36:13] there's a cheater on your team, unlike

[36:15] other multiplayer games that might say,

[36:16] "You know what? Your bullet was close

[36:18] enough. We'll give you the kill." Oh,

[36:19] you meant to jump up here. Ah, that's

[36:20] okay. We'll give you upies. Oh, you're

[36:21] in last place. Don't worry, we'll rubber

[36:23] band the speed of the other carts for

[36:24] you. Bro, the only rubber band in

[36:25] Counter-Strike is flick directly into

[36:27] your favorite eyeball. SH pointed out

[36:29] that I was often the one trying to call

[36:31] for any kind of strats on T-side. And he

[36:34] was right. Usually out of necessity, I

[36:36] would throw a loose plan out there

[36:37] because no one else was saying anything.

[36:39] And it typically helped to have some

[36:41] sort of unified game plan. Okay, I think

[36:44] we play mad slow. I think we let them

[36:47] use all their util and then creep B.

[36:50] Yeah, man. Just keep playing like that.

[36:52] Just keep uh keep not dying and winning.

[36:54] Exactly. Mhm. Little little trick my

[36:57] father taught me. Yeah. Click on head. I

[37:00] realized though that if I was going to

[37:02] continue being this focal, I should

[37:03] probably know more smoke lineups to

[37:05] assist my hairbrain schemes. So, I

[37:08] watched a bunch of YouTube guides and

[37:10] practiced smoke lineups over and over

[37:12] and over again until I felt like I

[37:13] consistently got them. Mostly for Mirage

[37:16] because it was definitely the map

[37:17] popping up the most. Game 26 on, you

[37:20] guessed it, Mirage. And I immediately

[37:22] got the chance to put these T-side

[37:24] smokes into action. Don't be doodling

[37:26] over there again. What' I say? You

[37:28] doodle. You doodle and you're done. You

[37:31] doodle. It's tooodles, [ __ ]

[37:34] You're not going to believe it. This I

[37:35] might go be this round. But through me,

[37:39] I can smoke window.

[37:43] Smoke that for me, please. Well, I'll

[37:44] try. I'm still I think I got it down.

[37:46] Let me see.

[37:48] I got it down. He [ __ ] it up. Get in

[37:51] that corner, boy. Throw that

[37:55] smoke. Good. Feels good. Did it work? It

[38:00] worked. All right, let's go. B, get him,

[38:03] Julie.

[38:06] On side. On side. On. Let's go. Eric,

[38:10] you are a fiend this game, baby. I don't

[38:12] know what's going on. Okay, now we go B.

[38:15] Someone dropped me a smoke. pack and

[38:16] smoke market and uh kitty cat. What the

[38:21] [ __ ] is kitty cat? Is that me?

[38:26] Hey, little step.

[38:31] Well, I'm dead. The real step is dead.

[38:39] We ended first half 10 to2. So, I guess

[38:42] you could say it went pretty swimmingly.

[38:43] Followed by Nice.

[38:49] Oh my god, the bomb ain't even over

[38:51] here. I spent a lot of time dying with

[38:53] minimal impact, but fortunately, Big

[38:56] Ricky was there to pick up the slack and

[38:58] secure the dub.

[39:01] Counterterrorist, dude, you are having a

[39:03] hell of a game. That was like one of the

[39:06] best games I've seen you play. You had

[39:08] like Yeah, most three kills. You had

[39:11] four 3ks. Oh, it put you at 496. So, you

[39:14] have to win two more. That's so what

[39:17] what followed, however, was the first

[39:18] major loss streak of my journey. A 4-ame

[39:21] slaughter that started at

[39:24] 7,357 and ended at

[39:27] 5,963. Back to Tennessee once again.

[39:30] Game 32. We lost 3 to 13. I was just

[39:34] happy I didn't bottom frag. Game 33.

[39:36] Maybe if your Maybe if your skin didn't

[39:38] have a gay flag on it, we would have

[39:39] won. Just saying.

[39:42] It's just a [ __ ] rainbow, man. It's a

[39:44] gay flag. Two of them. I hate Hello. I

[39:48] present to you the muttor's dilemma.

[39:50] Say, for example, your teammates are

[39:52] saying really homophobic and unfunny

[39:54] racist [ __ ] Well, if you mute someone,

[39:55] it means that they also can't hear,

[39:57] which while that is probably for the

[39:58] best, voicecoms are imperative to

[40:00] winning rounds and can be the crucial

[40:01] difference between life and death. So,

[40:03] therein lies our dilemma. Would you like

[40:05] inner peace or would you like a

[40:07] competitive edge whilst being subjected

[40:09] to heinous

[40:10] chicainery? This time I chose competit I

[40:12] chose edge. This time I unfortunately

[40:14] chose edge. We ended up winning 13 to8

[40:16] but at what cost? Seeing my [ __ ]

[40:19] number go up is unfortunately the goal

[40:21] here, but it brought me back to how I

[40:23] felt when I ranked up because of

[40:25] cheaters that first game. It just

[40:27] doesn't really feel that good. Game 34

[40:30] was the hardest carry in the history of

[40:32] carries. I ended the game with 698

[40:35] damage. I provided close to nothing.

[40:38] Yet, we win 13 to8. And my special

[40:40] number still goes up. Yay. Which brings

[40:42] us to game 35.

[40:45] [Music]

[40:48] Okay. Oh my god. It's going to be one of

[40:50] those. It's going to be one of those

[40:53] counterterrorist. No way. Was that

[40:56] bullies? I thought there was someone in

[40:57] the corner there. No, that's too first,

[41:00] but then I seen him. He was just going

[41:02] through the wall. Honestly though, I

[41:04] always wonder like like why? Like

[41:06] obviously haha trolling griefing and

[41:08] stuff, but it's just like how's it fun,

[41:10] bro? Yeah, this game is the perfect

[41:12] antithesis to getting carried. Losing

[41:15] one to 13 because of two insanely racist

[41:18] cheaters that somehow go undetected.

[41:21] Game 36. The CS [ __ ] pendulum just

[41:24] keeps on swinging though because now I

[41:26] win 13 to2 after getting carried the

[41:28] [ __ ] out of while someone on the other

[41:29] team is AFK most of the time. Like, can

[41:31] I just get one normal match? But big

[41:33] number gets to go up yet again. Yippee.

[41:35] Good for me. Yes, Big Number. I love

[41:36] you Big

[41:38] Number. Game 38. I bottom frag with 799

[41:43] damage. Holy [ __ ] But we win 13 to1.

[41:47] And my special number still goes up like

[41:49] everyone else. Yippee. Big number. I

[41:51] love you. I didn't do [ __ ] Number goes

[41:52] up. Are you seeing how bunk Premiere is

[41:54] yet, Mom? I love you. Thank you for

[41:56] watching. Game 39. Once again, weirdo

[41:59] [ __ ] dude. where someone on the other

[42:00] team disconnects super early on. They

[42:03] actually kept it kind of competitive

[42:04] considering it was a 5v4, but then on

[42:06] T-side, we swept them 11 to 5 until

[42:09] three of them disconnected at the same

[42:12] time to only then return a bit later

[42:14] immediately followed by one getting

[42:16] kicked for not passing the Valve

[42:18] anti-che challenge. Yo, [ __ ] a Mr. Beast

[42:20] challenge. That challenge all day. I

[42:21] wish Bro would pay Valve a billion

[42:22] dollars to permanently ban all cheaters

[42:23] instead of just exploiting and

[42:24] permanently damaging the minds and

[42:26] bodies of our youth. I don't give a

[42:27] [ __ ] I hate YouTube. I hate this. [ __ ]

[42:28] you. I work at Arby's now. I just don't

[42:30] get how this guy gets detected

[42:31] immediately and gets kicked before

[42:32] anything actually happens, but the very

[42:34] iconic racist obvious cheer brothers

[42:36] from earlier just somehow go completely

[42:38] undetected. Whatever. Cute number goes

[42:40] up. Yay. I love you number. Oh, you're

[42:42] so cute. You're growing so close. Game

[42:44] 40. Another weirdo blowout. We win 13

[42:47] to1 largely thanks to Goob. At one

[42:50] point, his voice chat stopped working so

[42:52] I tried to communicate via text

[42:54] horribly. If you can he can hear us.

[42:57] Smoke minister.

[42:59] Michael. Don't say no. No. No. Don't say

[43:01] it at all. Oh no. I meant to do.

[43:06] Dude, honestly, that's some [ __ ] I would

[43:08] have Why did I send it anyway? He's

[43:09] dead.

[43:13] [Music]

[43:17] You said you already dead to the other

[43:19] team.

[43:21] That's actually really funny. still

[43:23] changes the context one v one to vote.

[43:28] I had made it to 8K. But did I really? I

[43:31] had won six games in a row and I think I

[43:34] could have [ __ ] did close my eyes Mr.

[43:37] Beast challenge through all of them and

[43:38] it wouldn't have mattered. Regardless,

[43:40] my 8K goal was to finally sell that

[43:42] bayonet knife I had been sitting on and

[43:44] get the cheapest white snow leopard

[43:46] gloves I could. So that's what I did. an

[43:49] expensive ass reward for my meaningless

[43:51] number achievement where I mostly did

[43:53] nothing. Sure, why not reward myself

[43:54] with my own money for doing practically

[43:56] nothing. It was becoming increasingly

[43:58] obvious just how many games at my skill

[44:00] level were total blowouts. A close

[44:03] competitive game was really rare to

[44:05] find. Game 48, however, was one of those

[44:08] rarities. Let's

[44:13] go. They know you're going to be there.

[44:15] They know that. Flash back.

[44:21] Oh,

[44:23] nice.

[44:25] Let's go.

[44:27] Very clean. Thank you, baby.

[44:31] [Music]

[44:39] It's

[44:41] [Music]

[44:43] just one's cat.

[44:49] One more cat.

[44:50] [Music]

[44:53] Cat.

[44:56] Oh my god. Ah.

[44:59] Oh, just play safe. Catch a cat. Yeah.

[45:01] Don't even peek. Peek.

[45:05] I got to move.

[45:10] [Music]

[45:14] That works.

[45:19] Oh, nice try. I thought I had him. So

[45:23] close bro.

[45:26] One connected.

[45:29] He's on sight.

[45:31] H. Nice. To your left.

[45:36] Triple. Could be anywhere.

[46:06] [Music]

[46:13] Oh, I'm so bad. Damn. Nice try. Nice

[46:16] try. That's just unlucky. Bit more to

[46:18] the right.

[46:19] Ah, he panicked a little there. Mhm.

[46:23] Feels good. No, I did. It's true. Got to

[46:27] get the nerves down. I just couldn't

[46:30] stick the landing. Once again, for what

[46:33] felt like the billionth time, I fumbled

[46:36] under pressure. We did go on to win 13

[46:39] to1, but it did not really feel like a

[46:41] victory because A, we were super carried

[46:44] by this one guy who dropped 3,500

[46:47] damage. Jesus Christ. And B, I couldn't

[46:50] stop thinking about those two clutches I

[46:52] nearly had, specifically the second one

[46:54] where I couldn't track this person even

[46:56] though they're 5 ft in front of my

[46:58] [ __ ] face. But somehow things always

[47:01] found a way to get worse.

[47:03] [Music]

[47:20] Seven losses in a row. My impressive

[47:23] cute new record. I went from

[47:27] 8,269 to

[47:29] 6,97. I thought I had to be improving

[47:33] from playing so much. So why is this

[47:35] stupid number still going down? And then

[47:37] Master Shig told me something that

[47:39] wasn't the immediate solution I wanted,

[47:41] but unfortunately the truth. Yes,

[47:43] Counterstrike isn't chess. Yes, it's a

[47:46] team game, but in order to progress in

[47:48] Premiere, you have to be the carry. You

[47:51] have to be top damage. You need to be

[47:53] the one clutching out rounds and making

[47:55] the difference. Yes, I was slowly

[47:57] improving from all the practice and play

[47:59] time, but I still wasn't having the

[48:01] impact I needed if I wanted to

[48:02] significantly rank up. Unfortunately, I

[48:05] think 6K was the accurate ELO for me. I

[48:08] had to stop blaming factors other than

[48:10] myself. But as the days went on, when it

[48:13] came to my performance, unfortunately, I

[48:16] had very clearly plateaued. Game 64.

[48:19] [ __ ] Okay, this was a great start. Uh,

[48:23] spirits were high and I was playing

[48:25] well. What's good? What's good? Yes.

[48:27] Don't be don't be don't be shy. I have a

[48:30] secret for you, my friend. Okay. I have

[48:33] a secret. Help me.

[48:36] Help me. I tell you, man. You I tell you

[48:38] to help me. You No, I was coming. You

[48:40] were right. You were right. [ __ ] your

[48:42] secret, man. [ __ ] my secret. You were

[48:44] right. Well, I thought you were saying I

[48:45] have a secret. Like you were going to

[48:46] tell me something.

[48:48] [Laughter]

[48:51] What? Bro, I thought you wanted to be

[48:53] friends. Oh, that's so [ __ ] funny,

[48:55] bro.

[48:57] Bro, help me, man. Second time. Oh, stop

[49:02] flanking.

[49:07] You have no

[49:11] Oh. Oh, you got it. You got it.

[49:15] What? What?

[49:18] Save sniping. Same. That guy needs to

[49:21] shut

[49:25] up. Where? Where?

[49:28] [Music]

[49:30] He goes. Diffuse.

[49:33] Diffuse. The bomb.

[49:37] I miss.

[49:40] Good [ __ ] bro. How

[49:46] did the save, but Oh, go for it. You got

[49:57] the Yeah.

[50:04] Oh my god.

[50:06] Three in a row, baby. Dude, what? Bro,

[50:11] wait. There was one more left. Here we

[50:13] go. That's three times. It was one of

[50:15] those games where I was actually having

[50:17] a major impact beyond trying to call a

[50:20] strat or saying dumbass goofy type [ __ ]

[50:22] to my team. But this next bit, uh, dude,

[50:26] it it honestly cringes me out to watch

[50:28] it back. So, usually when I play

[50:29] Premiere, I'm also streaming on Discord

[50:31] to someone like Shig or my brother

[50:32] Isaac, but I'm also using pushto talk

[50:35] and CS for the in-game voice chat. So

[50:38] sometimes when I'm saying stuff or

[50:39] reacting, I'll often hold my push to

[50:41] talk button out of habit.

[50:44] They pass it. Bro, just finish him.

[50:47] Jesus Christ. Jesus. Yeah. The [ __ ]

[50:51] 2v3. They could do this though. We have

[50:52] an AK.

[50:56] [Music]

[50:58] That would look mean.

[51:01] I don't I don't want to troll him. I

[51:03] shouldn't have [ __ ] in game chat

[51:05] that. that like he's done. What did you

[51:07] say in the game? I didn't I just laughed

[51:09] on Mike cuz I was in disbelie like No,

[51:12] he knows. I'm pretty sure he knows. He

[51:14] was like, "Okay, that was terrible."

[51:16] I've done [ __ ] like that, too. It's

[51:18] whatever. We've all We're all learning.

[51:20] He doesn't have a rank. Yes, clearly

[51:22] this guy had a god awful spray in this

[51:24] moment, but 90% of the time I do, too.

[51:28] If I whiffed like this and some dumbass

[51:30] was screeching on the mic, I would

[51:32] definitely mute him. And I assume that's

[51:35] exactly what he did. I did actually

[51:37] continue to play well over on T-side.

[51:48] [Music]

[51:51] You tried to get rid of the bomb and

[51:52] they threw it right back at you, but it

[51:54] worked out.

[52:01] Okay. Oh,

[52:05] burn the body.

[52:08] Hide the sprays. Hide the [ __ ]

[52:10] evidence. Thank you. Close the door.

[52:15] But then this happened. Just go.

[52:20] Damn. Yellow. Come

[52:29] on. Oh, he pushed through. Nice.

[52:33] Yeah, he must have felt like too.

[52:37] Yellow, you have bomb. Come downstairs.

[52:39] Come downstairs. Go down the stairs.

[52:40] Don't peek it. Don't peek it. Oh, just

[52:42] come down. Come down. You have bomb.

[52:45] What are you doing? Yo, where are we

[52:47] planting? Yo, mayonnaise is up top. What

[52:49] are you doing, bro? God, bro,

[52:53] [Music]

[52:54] you should say that to the other team,

[52:56] too.

[52:59] No respect.

[53:02] You have We win that. We We win that.

[53:04] You Oh, yeah. That's so That's just

[53:08] That's just like on purpose being

[53:09] stupid. Like he one shot

[53:12] with bomb. Like what? By yourself. You

[53:15] told him. You told him go down the

[53:18] stairs like immediately. Yellow. If

[53:19] you're going to have bomb, drop it

[53:21] before doing some [ __ ] like that. Maybe

[53:23] he did need you because there's no

[53:26] excuse. Yeah. But if you have there's no

[53:28] excuse if you have [ __ ] bomb. Don't

[53:30] even say it. Yeah, that's Yo, yellow or

[53:32] blue? Could I get a AK?

[53:38] Yellow. Yellow. Yellow. Drop. Drop the

[53:41] AK. Yellow. I think he muted all of us.

[53:44] We will grab your yellow. Can I please

[53:46] have a gun? Jesus Christ. That's my

[53:49] fault. No. He's a [ __ ] dick licker.

[53:53] Oh,

[53:57] J. I don't think I've ever seen you like

[53:59] this. You can hear me try to rationalize

[54:01] all my choices and words and obviously

[54:03] my friends are going to support me. But

[54:05] I knew the truth. I knew how I actually

[54:08] felt in this moment. I was a [ __ ]

[54:10] hypocrite. This whole time I'm over here

[54:12] criticizing toxic teammates that flame

[54:14] you or blame you or just say mean [ __ ]

[54:16] for no reason. But here I was just like

[54:19] Jake said. Yeah, I don't think I've ever

[54:21] seen you this mad, Jakey.

[54:24] I was becoming just like them.

[54:36] Hundreds of hours in, 64 premier games

[54:39] played, and even more comp games with

[54:41] the gang added on top, I had fully

[54:43] become a part of the Counter-Strike

[54:45] community. I had started out pretty

[54:47] level-headed with definitely a kill them

[54:48] with kindness approach when faced with

[54:50] any toxicity, and I often had the

[54:52] surprising pleasure of playing with so

[54:54] many pleasant teammates. contrary to the

[54:57] stereotype. But over time, I case

[55:00] hardened and got way too invested

[55:02] specifically on the value of this cursed

[55:05] number. The next day, I immediately got

[55:07] back into the grind with the boys and it

[55:09] was all too familiar territory. A win, a

[55:13] loss, a win, all games with average to

[55:17] below average impact. a continued

[55:19] capital P plateau followed by another

[55:22] loss and then another loss and then

[55:26] another loss and wow, holy crap, Lois,

[55:29] you guessed it, another loss. Each game

[55:32] somehow uglier than the prior. This loss

[55:34] streak and what preceded had me feeling

[55:36] like I truly had nothing left. And I was

[55:40] right back at 6K. I stopped playing for

[55:42] several days after this. I simply had to

[55:45] for my sanity. I went out, saw friends,

[55:48] saw my friends at their setups. A site

[55:51] that provided a surprisingly stark

[55:54] reminder. Regardless of who your

[55:56] teammate or opponent is, they are also a

[55:59] human sitting at some sort of setup.

[56:02] Maybe it's this one. Maybe it's this

[56:04] one. Maybe it's a Leaprog tablet.

[56:07] Sitting on Rick's couch that evening, we

[56:09] somehow ended up watching I Got Faded

[56:11] First Day Back at School, a video essay

[56:13] on Red Dead 2 by Fulcrum uploaded in

[56:16] 2023. I'm just starting content

[56:19] creation. What would you give like you

[56:21] do things like what would you give if

[56:23] you start over right now? If you

[56:24] starting over, how would you do it?

[56:26] Would you like and how what's your

[56:27] advice, brother? The only moment you

[56:30] fail is when you give up. You feel me?

[56:32] You can't give up. You're going to um

[56:34] take L's. You're going to lose money,

[56:36] but [ __ ] you got to keep pushing like

[56:37] for like what you want to do, bro. Like,

[56:39] it's not going to be easy. It's not

[56:41] going to take place overnight, but just

[56:43] know like the only moment you fail is

[56:45] when you give up. How the [ __ ] did

[56:47] YouTube know this was exactly what I

[56:49] needed to hear. Also, I needed to get

[56:51] absolutely obliviated first day back at

[56:54] school. I desperately needed to switch

[56:56] up my mental game. I simply had to be

[56:59] very okay with the idea of this cursed

[57:02] number potentially dropping all the way

[57:04] back to 3,000 where I started cuz it

[57:07] wouldn't mean I'd stop. ELO may be lost,

[57:10] but experience is gained. Returning to

[57:12] the game days later, playing casual comp

[57:14] games with the lads, something began to

[57:16] snap into focus. When I played comp, I

[57:19] wasn't hyperfocused on the win or loss.

[57:21] I was only focused on achieving moments

[57:23] where I really did something regardless

[57:25] of the end result. These moments,

[57:27] moments often only witnessed by the

[57:30] other nine souls on that server. That is

[57:33] Counterstrike. That was the very simple

[57:36] answer as to why millions log on every

[57:38] night and get the [ __ ] beat out of them

[57:40] again and again and again only to do it

[57:43] the next day. The potential contained in

[57:45] every round for you, your friends, or a

[57:48] complete stranger to witness something

[57:50] incredible regardless of the score line

[57:52] or favorable odds. And also,

[57:55] unfortunately, a lot of people log on

[57:57] just to gamble. Counterstrike was no

[57:59] longer just a goal or a thing for me to

[58:01] beat. It's a brutal highway that never

[58:05] ends. You will never beat this game, but

[58:07] that brutal, unrelenting road contains a

[58:10] beauty I feel eternally grateful to

[58:13] experience with my friends. Regardless

[58:15] of our jobs, our kids, or our zip codes,

[58:19] that road is always going to be there.

[58:21] And thinking of that long road gave me

[58:23] peace because it meant I wasn't in any

[58:26] sort of rush anymore. The problem wasn't

[58:28] the game. Okay, like Premiere is

[58:30] [ __ ] and cheaters are horrible, but

[58:32] barring that stuff, the problem was very

[58:34] clearly me. I was explaining how the

[58:37] journey was going to the mother of my

[58:39] dog and how I was getting increasingly

[58:41] tilted culminating with that moment in

[58:43] game 64. And she summed up my problem

[58:46] perfectly by asking one simple question.

[58:49] Who do you want to be in those moments?

[58:51] It's super easy for everyone to be happy

[58:53] and kind when winning, but when

[58:55] everything goes wrong and you're down,

[58:57] who you are in those moments is what

[58:59] actually makes a difference and takes

[59:01] way more effort. I was determined to

[59:03] love this game even when it didn't love

[59:05] me back. I wasn't beholden to this

[59:07] [ __ ] challenge. The stupid challenge

[59:09] was beholden to me, and I was going to

[59:11] enjoy it. I revamped my warm-up routine

[59:13] by incorporating even more workshop maps

[59:15] like spray training and aim tracking for

[59:17] 20 minutes each every day before even

[59:19] thinking about hopping into deathmatch.

[59:21] My lease was up at the end of the month,

[59:22] so I spent most of January apartment

[59:24] hunting during the day and grinding CS

[59:27] in the evening. The grind session on PS1

[59:29] didn't get any easier, nor did

[59:31] controlling my emotions. But all I could

[59:33] do was put my head down and remain

[59:35] consistent every day. My rank wasn't

[59:37] really improving. I was still often

[59:39] bottom fragging, but man, I was

[59:42] definitely having way more fun.

[59:58] Terrorists win. Yo, good game. Far cry

[1:00:01] from how I've been doing, man.

[1:00:08] I don't know

[1:00:09] how he's

[1:00:14] terrorist 100.

[1:00:16] Damn. We take that. Yo, thanks for the

[1:00:19] hard carry, gang.

[1:00:24] Cat, one of them.

[1:00:28] Yep. Cat.

[1:00:29] [Music]

[1:00:39] Counter.

[1:00:41] [Music]

[1:00:53] Nice.

[1:00:56] [Music]

[1:01:00] Nice. Red.

[1:01:03] Let's [ __ ] go, baby. Let's [ __ ]

[1:01:05] go. Keeping us keeping us in this. I

[1:01:08] finally secured a new home for my lady,

[1:01:10] my dog, and I. But all I managed to

[1:01:12] secure in CS was a very familiar return

[1:01:15] to 6K. Well, what are you going to do?

[1:01:18] Valve, however, decided to hit a lick

[1:01:20] and announced during this time that

[1:01:22] after a year and some change, it was

[1:01:24] finally time for season 1 to receive a

[1:01:27] sequel. You'll never guess the title.

[1:01:29] And with this transition, every player

[1:01:31] would need to once again get 10

[1:01:33] placement wins in order to receive their

[1:01:35] rank because of course this is happening

[1:01:37] right now. Apparently, your previous

[1:01:38] rank is used as a jumping off point and

[1:01:40] then the placement games will just go

[1:01:41] from there depending on your

[1:01:42] performance. After moving my things in

[1:01:44] the new apartment and getting a bit

[1:01:46] settled, I decided it was finally time

[1:01:49] to go to the microenter in Brooklyn. CS2

[1:01:51] is unfortunately way more demanding than

[1:01:53] CS:GO. And while ideally most players

[1:01:55] would want at least a consistent 120ish

[1:01:57] FPS, CS2 said, "Fuck your CPU. This game

[1:02:00] is going to run horribly and fluctuate

[1:02:02] all over the place." So, I got a 9800

[1:02:05] X3D and a 5080 and an Xbox made by my

[1:02:08] nephew and a 3D printed Yoga Ball gamer

[1:02:10] made by Drew Gooden to power my new

[1:02:11] workhorse. Between my new home, my new

[1:02:14] build, and my new mentality, it felt

[1:02:16] extremely good to be back on the server

[1:02:19] regardless of the outcome. They're

[1:02:20] pushing up uh chair side.

[1:02:29] Down.

[1:02:35] Here comes CT right now. I just heard

[1:02:38] one try to jump up window. Be careful.

[1:02:40] Yep.

[1:02:49] Oh, he's uh he's like on cat beneath

[1:02:52] windowish.

[1:02:54] To the right. To the right. To the

[1:02:55] right.

[1:02:59] Go.

[1:03:01] I think you got it. You got her. Have

[1:03:03] it. You don't have it. You got it. Let's

[1:03:06] go, baby. We are so back. I have seen

[1:03:09] this movie

[1:03:10] before. Mark it.

[1:03:17] More market.

[1:03:22] Bomb has been planted.

[1:03:26] All right. Yeah. Mark it.

[1:03:30] He's coming from cat right now.

[1:03:38] Terrorist save. That was the partial

[1:03:40] save bro.

[1:03:42] I On sight. On sight. Open the lock.

[1:03:49] Below window. Below window.

[1:03:53] [Music]

[1:04:03] [ __ ] I should have just played time.

[1:04:06] Beautiful. Oh my god. Beefy business

[1:04:09] from beefy business, bro. Come on

[1:04:13] [Music]

[1:04:17] now. Uh, one more cat. Bomb down low.

[1:04:22] That's my cat. Nice.

[1:04:25] Nice. That was weird. Bomb has planted.

[1:04:30] I

[1:04:37] think

[1:04:39] you're exciting.

[1:04:43] grenade. Let's go, buddy. Bet they're

[1:04:46] going to come out. Yep. Nice. Bomb down

[1:04:49] low. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank

[1:04:52] you. That's Oh, I think I heard him.

[1:04:54] Yeah, he's up. Wait, what? I heard him

[1:04:57] scope in.

[1:04:59] He in a scope. Running the guitar and

[1:05:01] watching places.

[1:05:03] Oh, you like that little doinker right

[1:05:05] off rip.

[1:05:08] What? Two doinkers.

[1:05:11] There he is. Dead as [ __ ] There we are.

[1:05:16] Two CT

[1:05:18] one stack. Isaac, you guys.

[1:05:28] Oh, wait. No, got me.

[1:05:31] You got to get this head shot.

[1:05:33] Sh. You don't have a choice. Terrorist.

[1:05:38] That was entertaining, guys. That was

[1:05:40] great. Yeah, it was a great game. Game

[1:05:42] 88. It was clear at this point that I

[1:05:44] was finally becoming someone who could

[1:05:47] actually perform under pressure and be

[1:05:49] the difference maker.

[1:05:53] Flashbang.

[1:06:00] Bomb has clean.

[1:06:04] Nice. Oh Jesus Christ. Lovely work.

[1:06:11] Let's [ __ ] go, baby.

[1:06:14] Oh, he's double.

[1:06:17] [ __ ]

[1:06:22] nice shot. Heard him reloading and so I

[1:06:24] was like, I think I could peak this.

[1:06:27] What?

[1:06:35] Nice sleep.

[1:06:40] Get bomb down. Smoke off ramp if you

[1:06:43] can.

[1:06:46] Bomb has planted on ramp.

[1:06:52] [Music]

[1:06:58] Brand left side.

[1:07:02] Oh my [ __ ] god. Jakey. Holy [ __ ]

[1:07:10] Come on.

[1:07:12] Oh, you are playing out of your [ __ ]

[1:07:14] mind right now. Hell of a try, dude.

[1:07:17] Thank you. Terrorist mean your aim. Said

[1:07:20] it, man. It's feeling crispy. You have

[1:07:22] taken a step. I'm not just blowing smoke

[1:07:24] up your ass, dude. Like, thank you, man.

[1:07:26] You're making me want to play really bad

[1:07:28] right now. That's the That's the feeling

[1:07:31] I want to. Very good. We're going to

[1:07:33] play, Jakey. I was kind of It's just

[1:07:37] You're like a different player. Like,

[1:07:39] I'm serious.

[1:07:42] You looked really good. Thank you, man.

[1:07:45] We ended up losing 8 to 13, but I

[1:07:48] honestly felt better after this game

[1:07:50] than probably any other game I had

[1:07:52] played prior. To hear Jake confirm that

[1:07:54] I had truly progressed as a player was

[1:07:57] worth so much more than any possible

[1:07:59] win. I don't have any footage of this,

[1:08:01] but after that game, I went to my

[1:08:02] kitchen to get a bowl of cereal, and I

[1:08:05] was so deep in thought thinking about

[1:08:06] what Jake had said, and I was so stoked

[1:08:08] that while I was cleaning this glass

[1:08:10] bowl, absent- mindedly, I like slammed

[1:08:13] it against the counter, and it broke

[1:08:15] into a billion tiny pieces and I got

[1:08:17] cuts all over my hands. I was mostly

[1:08:19] fine. And I just had to clean up a bunch

[1:08:21] of glass. But clearly I was locked

[1:08:26] [Music]

[1:08:32] in down

[1:08:36] low. Beautiful.

[1:08:39] On top of uh

[1:08:41] Ellis flashing

[1:08:45] flash caught it.

[1:08:46] [Music]

[1:08:54] Oh, got it. Outside. One marshmallow.

[1:09:02] There's no

[1:09:11] nice good eye on that bomb. Right out of

[1:09:14] the range of the [ __ ] flames, bro.

[1:09:19] [Music]

[1:09:26] Terrorists.

[1:09:32] God damn, that felt like I was aimbot.

[1:09:37] I'm going to

[1:09:39] rotate. Yeah, cat.

[1:09:46] [Music]

[1:09:51] Okay,

[1:09:55] we can't lose the game of three, bro.

[1:10:00] I [ __ ] woke up my dog with that one.

[1:10:02] What the [ __ ] Keep an eye out for a

[1:10:04] cat.

[1:10:23] [Music]

[1:10:29] CT. Nice.

[1:10:32] [Music]

[1:10:37] All I needed was one more win. Game 97

[1:10:40] with Rick and Nathan. I'm going just let

[1:10:43] this play out for a bit. You guys want

[1:10:44] to go uh fast then?

[1:10:48] Yeah.

[1:10:50] [ __ ] [ __ ]

[1:10:53] Nice. Good [ __ ] Go down. Go down.

[1:10:58] Vince,

[1:11:01] he's lit. Got the guy. Vince one ramp.

[1:11:04] He's super lit.

[1:11:06] He's coming down now.

[1:11:13] Just play safe. No, he's he's a double.

[1:11:17] Yeah, just sit. I got your cross.

[1:11:22] Terrorist win.

[1:11:30] Okay, one more. Hey,

[1:11:34] straight right there.

[1:11:37] What the [ __ ] Coming.

[1:11:39] Terrorist win. [ __ ] Let's do it

[1:11:42] again. Oh. Oh, [ __ ] Oh, [ __ ] Oh,

[1:11:46] Kenny.

[1:11:49] One behind. Let's go ramp. Let's go

[1:11:52] [Music]

[1:11:58] ramp. I want to ramp.

[1:12:01] [Music]

[1:12:07] Counterterrorists win. And uh let's

[1:12:09] let's go secret. I'll throw a smoke. Or

[1:12:12] big body, you throw a smoke. You know

[1:12:13] what to

[1:12:15] do. Oh. Uh-oh. Did you unplug the

[1:12:18] router? No, it's out there. Yeah. I

[1:12:22] haven't been in here.

[1:12:24] Uhoh. In the kitchen. Oh jeez. Oh, I

[1:12:26] Okay, I'm I'm back. I'm back. Yo, sorry

[1:12:28] gang. My internet crapped out. You're

[1:12:30] good. I was worried. I was having an

[1:12:32] okay game, providing a big impact at

[1:12:34] times, even with my random disconnect.

[1:12:37] But even in moments where I faltered, my

[1:12:39] teammates were all there to immediately

[1:12:41] pick up any slack. Especially big body

[1:12:43] Eric.

[1:12:51] Nice Eric. Let's go, baby.

[1:12:56] and mini weak

[1:13:01] bomb has been planted. Oh, you saw him

[1:13:02] squeaky. Want you can use that if

[1:13:04] needed.

[1:13:07] Counterterrorist. I saw the tip of his

[1:13:08] barrel, dude. I thought it was tweaked.

[1:13:10] That's a good call out, bro.

[1:13:18] Secret, I think.

[1:13:24] [Music]

[1:13:30] It's grown so much.

[1:13:33] Oh,

[1:13:35] squeaky. Nice. Oh, [ __ ] You have a

[1:13:39] molly in case he starts diffusing.

[1:13:43] [Music]

[1:13:46] Nice

[1:13:48] terrorist outside.

[1:13:51] He's weak on top of marshmallow. Nice.

[1:13:54] [Music]

[1:13:58] Oh, let's go.

[1:14:05] I

[1:14:08] flash to push around.

[1:14:13] Nice.

[1:14:14] [Music]

[1:14:16] I thought he was coming from outside.

[1:14:18] Sorry. Sorry.

[1:14:20] Counter win. Nice work. Thank you,

[1:14:24] Cammy.

[1:14:26] Oh my god, there's better rush. They're

[1:14:29] all

[1:14:31] Yep. One more round.

[1:14:38] Oh, you're go. Good [ __ ] Good [ __ ]

[1:14:40] Good [ __ ]

[1:14:42] Uh, behind you. Where? To the right.

[1:14:46] [ __ ] Jesus Christ. No, dude. I've been

[1:14:48] [ __ ] up by that so many times.

[1:14:55] He ran down.

[1:14:58] What's CT

[1:14:59] [Music]

[1:15:01] spawn?

[1:15:04] SP might be I might be heaven right

[1:15:07] [Music]

[1:15:23] now. He just ran on secret.

[1:15:33] Got it. Bomb has been planted.

[1:15:36] Damn.

[1:15:38] Okay, you got this.

[1:15:42] You got a kit.

[1:15:46] You got it. There you go.

[1:16:06] Ah, nice try, dude. Tried to look up as

[1:16:08] fast as I could, dude. My heart was

[1:16:09] beating out of my chest. 97. I probably

[1:16:12] should have just faked diffuse and

[1:16:14] immediately looked up. But I'm guessing

[1:16:16] my thought in the moment was that I

[1:16:17] didn't know if I had enough time, so I

[1:16:19] had to just stick it and couldn't make

[1:16:21] up my mind. I don't know. I was feeling

[1:16:23] frustrated by this personal mistake

[1:16:25] because I wanted this win so bad. And

[1:16:27] now we need to win two in a row to

[1:16:29] prevent the game from going to overtime.

[1:16:31] I had to just shake it off and keep

[1:16:33] going up. I don't know why I held it

[1:16:37] [Music]

[1:16:39] for the most part. What's outside?

[1:16:44] [Music]

[1:16:57] Marshmallow. [ __ ] Yep.

[1:17:03] Marshmallow made it sweet.

[1:17:11] Nice picture. Good [ __ ]

[1:17:20] They're planning right now. Hey, bomb

[1:17:22] has planted.

[1:17:26] Nice. Huge. Nice work. One more right.

[1:17:32] [Music]

[1:17:41] He's

[1:17:42] bent. Nice. Drop down. Drop down. Drop

[1:17:45] down. Get the

[1:17:47] diffuse. Nice. That's everyone. Get it.

[1:17:50] There we go. It worked. Nice. It worked.

[1:17:53] That was in amazing.

[1:17:55] Bomb has been diffused.

[1:17:58] Huge round. My heart rate is still crazy

[1:18:00] from that previous round, man.

[1:18:03] Oh, you guys are doing fine now. You

[1:18:05] still got two kills despite that. What

[1:18:08] the [ __ ]

[1:18:19] Nice. Yeah, they are. There we go.

[1:18:22] Deploying flash.

[1:18:24] One more out.

[1:18:27] One was on high. Okay. Pushing behind.

[1:18:31] That's bomb. That's bomb. Good [ __ ]

[1:18:35] Let's [ __ ] go. Let's [ __ ] go.

[1:18:38] Teags, baby. Oh god, my heart rate was

[1:18:43] crazy on those last rounds. Let's go,

[1:18:45] bro. I got 10k. What the [ __ ] 10k. What

[1:18:49] the [ __ ] Wow.

[1:18:52] Let's go. You deserve it, man.

[1:18:56] Holy [ __ ] dude. I'm in like near tears

[1:18:59] disbelief. Of course that was the

[1:19:02] [ __ ] game we got it. Holy [ __ ] That

[1:19:05] had to be it, dude. That had to be it.

[1:19:07] Oh [ __ ] I'm like shaking. So

[1:19:11] Oh my god, dude. 10.6. Not even 10 flat,

[1:19:16] bro. Holy [ __ ] dude. And I got the P250

[1:19:19] sand dude.

[1:19:22] You perform so well, I think. Holy

[1:19:25] matches, dude. Like, good [ __ ] bro. I'm

[1:19:27] glad I got to witness that. I was in

[1:19:29] disbelief. Honestly, I think I was still

[1:19:31] recovering from that one round and

[1:19:33] couldn't even fully process what just

[1:19:35] happened. Five months of my life and

[1:19:38] hundreds of hours later, I finally did

[1:19:41] it. And eventually, I purchased my 10K

[1:19:44] goal, the knife I dreamt about for my

[1:19:46] monochrome setup, an urban mast

[1:19:48] butterfly for

[1:19:50] $820, which felt insane to actually

[1:19:53] purchase, but hey, it was part of the

[1:19:55] plan, right? And for a couple weeks, I

[1:19:58] continued playing regularly. I even

[1:20:00] managed to hit 12K in Premiere cuz my

[1:20:02] performance remained really solid after

[1:20:04] that game. But at the same time, I

[1:20:07] couldn't shake this weird hollow

[1:20:09] feeling. Part of it was, I think, the

[1:20:12] reality setting in that damn, now I have

[1:20:14] to actually sort through hundreds of

[1:20:15] files and figure out how the hell I was

[1:20:17] going to make this video. But mostly, I

[1:20:19] think I just actually missed the grind.

[1:20:22] As brutal as it was, it felt good to

[1:20:24] have a specific goal to chase every day

[1:20:26] and consistently work toward that goal.

[1:20:29] I fantasized about hitting 10K for so

[1:20:32] long. But as cliche as it sounds, it

[1:20:35] turned out the journey was far more

[1:20:37] interesting than the destination. And I

[1:20:39] didn't want the journey to end. And even

[1:20:42] though I had wet dreams about this

[1:20:44] knife, I was having just as meaningful

[1:20:46] an experience with the vanilla one.

[1:20:49] Yeah. Woo. Woo! Let's [ __ ] go. So, I

[1:20:54] sold it and my gloves and most of my

[1:20:57] inventory. I sold nearly everything

[1:20:59] except my trusty Snake K47. And then I

[1:21:02] went back to MicroEnter. For this entire

[1:21:04] journey, both Big Body Operations Eric

[1:21:07] and Shig Jake had been streaming on

[1:21:09] Twitch. But with how demanding CS2 was

[1:21:12] on Jake's setup, he barely managed 100

[1:21:15] FPS and it was even worse while

[1:21:17] streaming. It meant so much to have a

[1:21:20] coach like Shig, but it means even more

[1:21:23] to have a friend like

[1:21:25] Jake. Ah, [ __ ] I knew this part was

[1:21:29] [Music]

[1:21:33] coming. The only reason I'm even a part

[1:21:36] of this Counterstrike world is because

[1:21:39] of how many hours I've enjoyed watching

[1:21:41] Jake play CS since the beginning of our

[1:21:44] friendship, regardless of our zip codes.

[1:21:48] So, I bought him a new CPU and

[1:21:50] motherboard and dedicated RAM because

[1:21:52] now he could maybe actually play Train

[1:21:54] without the rain effects making his

[1:21:56] games stutter and run at 70 FPS. He

[1:21:59] hates playing Train because of it and I

[1:22:00] always want to play it cuz I like Train.

[1:22:02] Uh, also shout out the [ __ ] guys at

[1:22:05] the Brooklyn MicroEnter. They were so

[1:22:06] sweet. We have MicroEnter in Brooklyn,

[1:22:08] New York, baby. We got that bundle. Got

[1:22:10] the best deals. We got that bundle. Best

[1:22:14] deals. Thank you, Jake. Mhm. Thank you

[1:22:17] for

[1:22:18] being able to enjoy a game with a friend

[1:22:21] felt far more important and rewarding

[1:22:23] than a fancy virtual knife I could spin

[1:22:26] around. Not that I didn't like spinning

[1:22:27] it around. I'm still human. I I love a

[1:22:29] butterfly knife and I'm sure at some

[1:22:31] point I'll, you know, I'm I'm not immune

[1:22:34] to my love for cosmetics. I'm sure I'll

[1:22:37] buy another knife at some point. Or

[1:22:38] maybe I won't. I don't know.

[1:22:40] Counterstrike is truly more than just a

[1:22:42] game to me at this point. Yes, it's

[1:22:44] unfortunately also a vehicle for

[1:22:45] gambling, and I will always feel

[1:22:47] conflicted about that side. But it is

[1:22:48] also the primary way I get to spend time

[1:22:51] and keep in touch with friends I no

[1:22:53] longer live near, or even the ones I do

[1:22:55] live near. It's the sport I now

[1:22:57] primarily watch. It's the hobby that

[1:23:00] reminds me that I am capable of learning

[1:23:02] new skills and quite frankly, growing as

[1:23:05] a person. My journey with CS isn't done.

[1:23:09] It never will be. And I know 15K is

[1:23:12] possible, even though I should probably

[1:23:14] just go play Face It instead. And that's

[1:23:16] why starting May 30th, I'm gonna start

[1:23:18] streaming on Twitch again on a regular

[1:23:20] schedule to grind CS and anything else.

[1:23:23] I feel like [ __ ] it. We're going to

[1:23:24] grind. We're going to speedrun grind

[1:23:26] session. I don't know. I've taken a bit

[1:23:27] of a break from playing CS while making

[1:23:30] this longass video, but I do still need

[1:23:32] to help Rick get to 10K like he did for

[1:23:35] me. He streams nearly every night at

[1:23:38] twitch.tv/bigbody operations. Jake

[1:23:40] occasionally streams as well if his

[1:23:42] schedule allows and you can find him at

[1:23:46] twitch.tv/shigcs. Thank you so much for

[1:23:48] watching my video. I will see you soon.