How the Worst Year of My Life Saved Me

[00:01] the worst year that I've ever had as a content creator and oddly one of the reason both of those things can be true at the same time [music] has drastically changed how I see everything, how I do everything. It's changed my perspective

[00:15] on how I live my life, how I work and create. Everybody in this online world tells you that growth just looks like progress. But what a lot of people don't see or understand is sometimes growth looks like losing a lot to figure out

[00:30] what actually fits and what should fit in your life. Now, what's the worst year first year up until this last quarter that I didn't have really steady

[00:42] metrics. I I didn't have a clear growth trajectory going upwards. Not only was it lower metrics, but it was fewer uploads. It was the inconsistency of uploads. It was the back and forth Jesus Christ the identity crisis that I had

[00:57] this year of just trying to figure out like what I what I should be doing. What what is like the thing I'm supposed to be? I think the worst feeling that I got this year that I stumbled across for a period of time was the feeling

[01:10] disconnected from my [music] own brand. And the worst thing about this [ __ ] is haters see that [ __ ] Haters are the biggest analytical pocket watchers of like a shark will see blood in the ocean. Even if you're doing better than

[01:25] them, the second you're not doing what you previously were doing it, they are these last few months, I've finally gotten [music] the rhythm and and really discovered a lot for myself from making these changes. On paper, this year looks

[01:38] years as a content creator after making so much [music] momentum. I really feel like I took a step back. Now, they enter conflict of this and and why it hurts so conflict of this and and why it hurts so much is the self-sabotage that causes

[01:51] some of this. You see, people will self-sabotage their growth because their old identities feel safer than the new ones. This is why anytime in your life overcoming something or you feel like you're really having a moment that

[02:05] and you see these opportunities come on your plate and you know you should be taking them but you feel this like pressure inside of you this this deep like oh no this is this is too much. Don't go in too deep. This is because

[02:18] our brains prefer to feel familiar verse the discomfort in [music] something they don't know the unknown. old habits that once protected you are to hold you back. What's crazy about this [music] is there were times this

[02:33] this [music] is there were times this year where I I almost pretended to be stuck like confused as to what to do. But it wasn't like I was stuck because I didn't know what to do. And the reality is is I've had this stuck feeling for a

[02:45] get this feeling. And the reason for this feeling is because at a certain point you have to acknowledge that the old version of you just has to die. At a moments where you are getting those breakthroughs [music] and then you start

[02:58] you in over your head? Should you be taking this risk? It's those moments acknowledge that [music] that is life. Life is about growing out of the different stages of who you are as a person. [music]

[03:13] watching this video right now who are in their 30s, for example, you are a their 30s, for example, you are a completely different person you were you're in your 40s now. I I know for a

[03:26] back and be like, "Wow, yeah, I had a completely different mindset, personality, goals, everything from when I was 29 coming into my 30s." The thing we all have to understand is that we are wired to be like this. This is this is

[03:40] wired to be like this. This is this is natural to have this an internal battle in us every time we become a newer version of ourselves. I can assure you, I know it's intimidating. I know it's scary, but but you got to push through

[03:53] moving on from the [music] previous stages in your life, which is where this this year became so good. The the the turning point, [music] the process of elimination was [ __ ] huge for me. I think a big thing for me this year was

[04:06] [music] I need to add to my plate? I started asking myself what what drains me of my time? What creates anxiety for me but gives me no return? What am I it. After 10 years of doing this full-time, this was the first year where

[04:22] I didn't want to like build up more. I didn't I didn't want to add to my creative resume. This year was just all about removing anything that doesn't align with me. Thankfully, this is year that I I realized like you just can't

[04:37] force certain content styles, right? You can't hold on to platforms or formats can't hold on to platforms or formats that you don't think fit in in your perceived vision of what you're supposed to be building. [ __ ] The big one was

[04:51] the relationships that I've [music] had with like family and and friends that with like family and and friends that had expectations for me that I just [ __ ] that's tied to the old version of me. And what's crazy about this is I've

[05:05] gone through this experience before. Earlier on in my 20s, when I realized that I I wanted to pursue a lot of these things, I had to cut out a large chunk of my life that I grew up with because those people didn't add to any benefit

[05:19] version of myself. [music] And this year, it's almost like I've I've hit another stage of that. You know, I've hit another turning point. And I I will definitely say that becoming a father has has drastically changed [music] so

[05:32] change your perspective on anything. It's crazy how kids will change your good video that relates with this that I've seen lately where this guy explains that sometimes the successful people that actually find true success, they're

[05:47] actually doing less, not more. They've created a a process of elimination, like addition through elimination. One thing he really said in there really [music] [ __ ] resonated with me, which was being busy is a choice. And I've

[05:59] years. Uh I'm a hard worker and don't get me wrong, I know a lot of people use excuses. Uh [music] there's a clear difference between, you know, balancing that you need to enjoy versus like just saying like everything doesn't give you

[06:13] the ability to do even the most minimal things. But I realized over the last few circle that I have around me, it's like this constant competition of like who's got more on their plate and who's who's able to manage more on their plate. Like

[06:27] what I've discovered this year, especially being a father, is a lot of that shit's not going to matter in the end. You know, when we're 60, 70, 80, and [music] a lot of these years have passed. I would argue that maybe 60 to

[06:41] but most of those things aren't going to matter when we're older. At least for matter when we're older. At least for me, I can tell you right now that making sure I slowed down this year to spend more time watching my son grow, I

[06:54] would put millions of dollars on the line that in 50 years from now, [music] I'm going to think about those moments and not even stress about the fact that I didn't make 365 verticals this year or I didn't stick to a strict YouTube

[07:08] schedule or that I went on chaos mode and I deleted a whole bunch of [ __ ] and I tried new things and I started a new channel and I had some brand identity crisis. The reality is half this [ __ ] won't [ __ ] matter. This is where I've

[07:21] and where I've learned that a lot of successful people eliminate instead of accumulate. What I've learned this year is successful people don't just manage their time, they eliminate time. They remove friction. They cut decisions.

[07:36] They remove emotions that drain them, that rob them of their ability to be them. They simplify their identity so their energy compounds in whatever it is clarity over hustle. If you're running a 100% of of your time at just 40% of

[07:54] yourself, I don't think that outweighs the ability to run 70% of the time at 100% yourself. This year taught me that success isn't about doing more things things that really matter. And I'm going to go back to the thing that I just

[08:08] mentioned that like being busy is a choice. being busy is an option because I think this is where I really differ with some of my peers and where I really want to have like the influence with some upand cominging creators out there.

[08:20] Now, don't get me wrong, there are some people out there that are wired to love that [music] chase and love that time. Their idea of of being busy is is can relate with that. A lot of times when I'm dialed and focused, like even

[08:35] making this video right right now, I I feel a sense of peace. I feel a sense of joy because this is my worth as a person. I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Like it so it feels good. But what I've learned is for

[08:47] a lot of people being busy often hides avoidance. Activity doesn't always equal [music] progress. So you can just be doing things and and say you're doing mean it's going to get you something. Like you're filling your time with

[09:02] [music] some kind of void to say, "Hey, my time's being filled." but it doesn't you. This is where I learned the big one, which is chaos can feel really productive because it delays hard decisions. And this ties so much to what

[09:16] I talked about at first with the self-sabotage [ __ ] And this is the rut that I think so many of us get into. So start self-sabotaging and we start getting scared of the new

[09:29] versions of oursel and the fear of maybe outgrowing who you were and outrowing that you once had and you once strived of your time even though it really wasn't. It was just a lesson. Being

[09:42] those friendships. You might outgrow them. As we start to self-sabotage, we put so much more on our plate and we get busier and busier. That's where we allow the chaos to blind our ability to make those hard decisions to move on from

[09:56] those old versions. I realized this year that being busy wasn't my problem at all. Being busy was my escape, which led me into understanding that that peace and and happiness and clarity, the alignment of being the person that I

[10:08] really, really want to be, it doesn't come from adding [music] more pressure. from [ __ ] removing the [ __ ] That's why this year oddly was my [music] worst year as a content creator.

[10:20] but the best year as as a human being that I've had in probably a decade. I didn't get to celebrate big milestones. I only traveled a few times this year uh to be with friends and I really didn't get to to embrace those moments feeling

[10:34] like I was on top of the world, but I developed a better mental clarity. I set healthier boundaries with things. I I I had more self-respect. I got a lot more confidence this year, not tied to numbers or or work or like creative

[10:48] numbers or or work or like creative ability just in being me as a person. started creating for truth and for fun and for my personality instead of the idea of performance besides maybe the ragebased [ __ ] but that stuff is just

[11:01] so goddamn fun. This was a pivotal year because I didn't grow my [music] channel. I grew the next version of myself that will [music] grow the future I'd just like to end out on and something to think about. This is

[11:15] [music] cominging creatives and content creators that I know watch this channel that are absolutely killing it. Sometimes the version of you that wins and succeeds is is the version of you that knows what to [music] let go of.

[11:31] that knows what to [music] let go of. Not every year is for growth in every aspect of what you do. Some years are for an alignment. Like consider it slow down and and reinvest in making

[11:44] smoothly. For some of us, this year or next year could feel like a huge loss, but look at it as an alignment for the future version of yourself. [music] the year, uh I still just want to take the opportunity to say to say [music]

[11:58] live streams or the live stream vertical highlights or these YouTube videos or and and social media. There's so many of you that have been supporting me for years and I don't ever take that [ __ ] for granted. I I am actually very

[12:12] appreciative of that. As much as I meme and [ __ ] around and banter, especially with the the tight side of the community, I I'm blessed to be in the position that I'm in. So, let's lock it the [ __ ] in for 2026, baby. That's all I

[12:25] got for you guys today. I'm out. Peace. Closes.