Protein Powder Ratings — Full Breakdown & Transcript

[00:01] Whoa, Scott, it really smells like Froot Loops. Cheers. You guys ever play Sonic the Hedgehog 2 on Sega Genesis in a chemical plant zone? This was vital there. It's just a level in a blended form.

[00:14] Froot Loops were not harmed during the making of this protein. It smells like Froot Loops, but it tastes like you're dying. Two-chan fam, I'm busy tonight. Hey guys, you voted for the best and worst protein shakes for me to try,

[00:30] and now I'm going to try them. Let's get into it.

[00:46] Alright, number one is the optimum nutrition gold standard, double rich chocolate. They named it after Mr. Nick Shaw, the CEO of Barbecue Strengths, because he's not rich, he's double rich.

[01:00] This is the protein we all grew up on. Do you remember this protein taking you to school and helping you walk your dog? And it would always wait for the mailman. America grows up on optimum nutrition protein because it's awesome.

[01:15] It's got 120 calories in a standard serving. We're just doing one scoop for all of these, by the way. 24 grams of protein, which is a lot. This is really good. Just one and a half grams of fat, which is very little.

[01:27] Only three grams of carbs. This is extra, extra high-quality whey protein. Really what we're looking for is low-fat content, low-carb content, high-protein content, and overall low-calorie content. From the nutritional perspective, that's how we're measuring these proteins.

[01:41] Obviously, of course, if they're whey proteins, that means they're high-quality already. And what we're going to be doing for all these proteins is a protein-to-calorie ratio. How much protein are you getting per scoop for how many calories? That's really our core index on the nutritional side of, like, which one of these is better on that side.

[01:56] But it says nothing about taste and texture and all the artisanal things that I was trained at at the... Scott at the... The Academy for Artisanal Protein Somali Airing. I did years in that academy.

[02:09] I didn't see daylight for weeks. All I had was protein. Let's find out if my education actually mattered or anything. The protein to calorie ratio for this one is .2. And that's a gold standard.

[02:22] exactly as I remember it. It mixes incredibly well. Incredibly amazing texture. It mixes super, super easily. And it isn't ultra overflavored or ultra sweet.

[02:37] Scott, isn't that nice that we're not again, not to get a protein and try to punch you in the face with sugar? It's like neutral a little. It's neutral-ish. It's off-sweet, and I really like that. One way I like to consume this is if I need a whey shake

[02:50] in the evening with some nuts or something like that because I need some proteins and fats. I like to actually have this in hot water and then I take an off-sweet hot chocolate. If you throw in a couple marshmallows in there, it bounces out really awesomely.

[03:03] Man, gold standard is the gold standard for a reason. This is sweet. Our second contender is the Rise Skippy Peanut Butter Protein.

[03:16] Whoa, cool! Cool! It's loaded protein with premium whey protein with MCT. Interesting. So we really should be getting a nice peanut buttery texture because the medium chain triglycerides in

[03:28] here are a nice healthy fat, but there is quite a little bit more fat in here than the traditional protein products, a little bit more carbohydrate. The protein to calorie ratio here is scoring at a .17, substantially lower than our gold standard. So you're getting

[03:45] few more carbs and fats in here, which to me means the taste expectation has gone up. You guys know what I'm saying? If some shit is going to be not as ideal protein nutrition

[03:57] for you, it has better taste good. Oh, God. This smells legit like skippy peanut butter, like for real. Whoa. See, here's the thing. When I'm dieting down to the bone, peanut

[04:10] butter is super tasty. When I'm maintenance or mass mode, I hate peanut butter because It's just too much. I love this package, too. There's a lot of happy things going on. There's nuts and butter and all this nut butter.

[04:22] Anyway, cheers. Wow. This tastes about as close as you can get to, like, watered-down. That sounds bad. Watered-down blended peanut butter in the best way possible.

[04:36] It's very sweet. It's very peanut buttery. It's incredibly thick and smooth. This is some high-quality shit. You guys, if you like your weight protein to be a little bit higher in calories,

[04:48] maybe for like an evening shake or a meal replacement, and you love it to be really sweet and you are obsessed with peanut butter in all of its forms, rye is really not the way the hell out of the park. This is really good stuff. I'm not personally into super sweet things because I'm 98 years old,

[05:02] but I'm also not allowed to be around 8-year-olds for a variety of reasons. Rye, you're doing great work. number three is the transparent labs blueberry pancakes protein isolate so the really cool

[05:21] thing about this one is it's only using protein isolate which is very high quality protein source you can expect the macros on this to be phenomenal and indeed they are 28 grams of protein two grams

[05:33] of carbs just half a gram of fat per serving 28 protein that few carbs and fats is god-tier territory. Transparent Labs is doing something like a protein to calorie ratio of .22. This is our highest protein to calorie ratio so far. So if you

[05:46] reel it on that macro game, if you really seem to get that ab shit going and flex it to ladies and have them say that's cool, but I'm not into muscle guys, you want Transparent Labs. This is one of these aspirational

[05:59] type of flavors, Scott, you feel me, where they're like, not just blueberry, not just pancakes, but blueberry pancakes. It helps to get such a complex flavor in a powder. Yeah. But,

[06:11] um, it tastes like pancake. I would taste butter. I would taste sugar. I would taste blueberry. Yeah. Yeah. You know what my favorite taste is with pancakes, Scott? It's the taste that reminds me of the fact that I'm sitting

[06:23] in a diner all alone on Saturday morning, and the wheat just keeps getting tougher, man. I just, I just don't even know what's going on anymore. Just crying at your pancakes. Yeah. Using the stuff up your tears. And the waitress calls

[06:35] you honey and sweetie a lot. You know she doesn't mean it. Let's try this protein. Whoa, Scott, we're getting the smells right on these. This is the most blueberry shit I've ever smelled in my life. Cheers. Okay you can really drink blueberry palm pancakes can you The negatives first It not blueberry pancakes

[07:01] It tastes very sweet, very rich, which is crazy because I have no fat in it, very smooth, and maybe one of the most, like, blueberry things I've ever tasted. And so, it is actually phenomenally tasty protein.

[07:16] It's, like, really tier one taste. It's just, I don't, if you're expecting blueberry pancakes, I just don't know what you're expecting. You're not going to get it from this protein. But what you're going to get is arguably a whole lot better than blended up blueberry pancakes.

[07:30] So this is one of these ones that's good all the time. It's good when you're dying, and it's good when you're mass gaining because it's super easy to take. If you like it on the sweeter side and on the more flavorful side, but it's still not watery, it's very rich, this is it, man.

[07:43] I give it a 10 out of 10. And nutritionally, it just kills. Number four is the Muscle Sport Lean Whey Come At Me Cannoli.

[07:56] Hey! Hey! Finally, Scott, I get to do my Italian guy accent. Hey, you got a problem with cannoli? Listen, I've been to prison. I am a cannoli.

[08:08] I'm a... Chef, look at me. Scott, you see the guy in the cover here? Yeah. You're kidding me. My grandmother invented whey poached, and my great-grandma was a literal f***ing cow. Don't call us a cow, me.

[08:20] 130kcal, 25 grams of protein, solid, 2 grams of fat, a little bit on the higher end, these are pretty stringent criteria, 4 grams of fat, a little on the higher end, so we get .19 on the protein, sorry, 4 carb, on the protein to calorie scale, we get a .19, which

[08:36] is below the reference frame of gold standard, but pretty damn good, pretty damn good, and with 25 protein per serving, well on your weight here, it supports fat burning, uh oh, so like Kathy you need to hear some shit

[08:48] and then it's keto friendly that makes sense it has almost no carbs lean whey fat metabolizing matrix got MCT powder okay so for full-time fans there's almost no MCT powder because it's only two grams of fat and MCTs just burn themselves

[09:01] they don't burn any additional fat that has to be something that's fed and then there's soluble corn fiber and L-carotene tartarate and CLA conjugated linoleic acid that's interesting you're getting a little bit of CLA it's not enough to really do anything

[09:13] but it's a nice thought cheers Whoa. We got little chocolate giblets or some shit in here. I can taste those. Incredibly sweet, incredibly rich, incredibly smooth, incredibly sweet.

[09:27] Even the aftertaste is good. This is an amazing tasting protein. We did not grow up like this. I forced spoonfuls of dry protein down my throat as I walked uphill in the snow in the summertime.

[09:39] And I wasn't even going to school. We didn't have school when I grew up. This is super tasty. I love it. I think I'm Italian now. All right.

[09:51] Our fifth protein of the day is the Core Nutritionals Death by Chocolate. Darling. On the technical clause, it has 140 cals, 25 protein, 3 fat, 2 carbs,

[10:03] which is quite a bit of fat and carb. It's good to go in about a protein, too, because it gives it a 0.18 protein to calorie ratio, which is on the lower end of the proteins we've been trying so far. Okay. So that's how this works, is it has better taste than good.

[10:19] No fillers, full disclosure, whey casein blend. Oh, that's right. The milk protein has casein in it. So this is going to be less of a post-workout thing and more of like a meal replacement protein,

[10:31] which is cool because then it has more fats and carbs. That's nice. Let's put this to the test. I got to say before I get into this, I am a chocoholic. I love chocolate, especially gelato and dark chocolate.

[10:44] Scott, does that mean I'm a white female? Absolutely. It sure does. I'm, like, getting on a tie on this.

[10:57] I totally am. Scott, I could just keep doing this all day, man. Can I get one more? Is it okay if I get one more? Oh, it's paradise, you guys.

[11:10] I don't give a shit how this tastes, man. Cornish or Chameleon, you guys did it, man. The smell alone is good enough for me. Let's try to taste it. Oh. Oh.

[11:22] Oh. Oh. Darling. Amazing. And when you drink it, it's not actually way too sweet, but it's got tons of chocolate packed into the punch. My only critique is it can use more chocolate.

[11:34] But then again, I'm a naturalist, and you would end up just having a piece of chocolate cake in there. If you want a meal replacement protein that you pair with like a handful of almonds, this is like king shit. And I gotta tell you, I haven't tried this yet,

[11:46] but if you use hot water to mix this, hot water, some walnuts, and a little mint leaf for accentuation on the plate, perfect. I can't critique this at all.

[11:59] This is wonderful. Number six in our list of proteins is the ghost. Oreo protein. So shout out to those people for getting a collab with like a real major legit

[12:14] food company. Oreos are, you can't just put them in this stuff. You got to get a lot of approval. They have legit Oreos in here. It is going to be 150 calories, 25 protein, 2 fat, 7 carb,

[12:27] which is way on the higher end, giving us a protein calorie ratio of 0.17, very much on the low end. So this protein is going to have to just pack way above its weight in actual flavor and taste and texture. The thing is, I've had this before, and I already know it's amazing.

[12:43] I'll say with all due respect, when you mix the ghost protein, you want to put water in first, then protein, then water. Otherwise, you get a clump like that at the bottom, and you've just essentially annihilated your shaker, so that's never coming out. It's good. The

[12:57] protein itself tastes very good. The best part of the Oreo ghost protein is that it actually has Oreo chugs. So, this protein, I actually probably wouldn't drink. What I would do is if I was a sugar holic like all of you, I would get whatever breakfast cereal you

[13:13] like the most to have post-workout, pour a little bit of milk in there, and then pour this Oreo protein in there. You're going to get tons of glycemic carbs, very low fat, tons of high quality protein, and the Oreo chunks crush. So there's literal Oreo pieces in there, which is unbelievable.

[13:29] Obviously, that hurts the macro side, but it helps the taste side. This is good. It's very good. I got to say though, I've never had any of the other proteins except for our first one on this list and those are competitive if not kind of punching above their weight even above those Staturing the macros of the best proteins so far that we tried Ghost is hanging in there but by a thread Those other proteins that we tried man they were really really good and I was just really

[13:55] pleasantly surprised. So Ghost is just a gold, like, it's just like, it's awesome. Everyone knows it's awesome. Mad respect to the Ghost people. It's a great brand. The calories are pretty high, and the taste is good, but some of those other proteins

[14:08] give it a run for its money, I'd say. All right, next up is the MusclePharm Banana Milk. Very cool. It has 130 calories, 24 grams of protein, 2 fat, 2 carbs,

[14:22] which gives it a ratio of protein calories of 0.19, which isn't at our gold standard. It's just below, but it's pretty damn good. And I typically absolutely detect banana-flavored things,

[14:34] but it's tested for bad substances, which is really dope. I love the super green cap, Scott. Doesn't that just jump out at you? Ah, yeah. Anything that's super green, I'm into.

[14:47] Scott, did I ever tell you how much I hate banana? Fake banana flavors are the worst. Fake banana flavors are the worst. What's wrong with you people buying that stuff? Tapestry is great.

[15:00] Sweetness is great. It does taste milky in the best way possible. It's got that full-bodied dairy feel. If you want a banana-tasting protein, you're going to get it from this. Muscle Farm, you guys are awesome.

[15:12] raw dark chocolate protein isolate and it's grass-fed all the good stuff in this it has 130 calories 26 protein one fat three carbs for protein to calorie ratio of 0.2 which is right

[15:29] at our gold standard this is amazing stuff it can form four van substance tested which is great if you're a drug-free athlete you can have as much of this shit as you want dark chocolate i typically fucks with hard.

[15:43] Yeah, I know what the problem is. It's good. In my opinion, it's not great. Why? Because it's naturally sweet. Guys, there is a logical fallacy for this shit called the naturalistic fallacy or the argument for nature.

[15:55] It's good and natural things are good and artificial things are bad, but there's not a categorical rule you can apply to food or pretty much anything else. So it's flavored with stevia. Yeah, it's all grass-fed and that and all shit like that. Tastes like it. Seems like the

[16:07] Cows were eating grass with a little bit more sadness in it than usual. It's a good protein. I just, um, the naturally sweetened shit just hits the lips all along. And, you know, I've even repped for brands that were natural.

[16:20] I just tell people straight up, if you're into that white people type of shit, dope. It's great. And for this, I mean, they have a real white container, so dope. But, um, is it the best tasting protein we've tried? No. Granted that it's made with stevia, is it very good?

[16:33] Yes, because stevia usually tastes like dosh. Not bad. Time for number nine protein for today. Six-star fruit loops.

[16:47] Very cool. Where is to can Sam to let me know that everything's going to be okay? Um, just follow my news. It's a corporate propaganda. I'm as full of corporate as it gets, so I approve.

[17:02] I got, we'll say, 170 calories is a lot of calories. 30 grams of protein is really good, but at 2.5 grams of fat and 8 grams of carbs, the protein to calorie ratio isn't our worst at .18, but it's on the low end.

[17:14] So this had better taste damn good. Let's go for the smell first. Toucan Sam, you never let me down. Don't start now. Whoa, Scott, it really smells like fruit loops.

[17:27] Like legitimately, like exactly like fruit loops. Cheers. you guys ever play sonic the hedgehog to um phagogenesis the chemical plant zone scott you

[17:40] know what i'm talking about this was bottled there it's just a level in a blended form there is absolutely nothing about this in my opinion that tastes like fruit loops fruit loops were not harmed during the making of this protein or at all touched as far as i can

[17:53] tell no no fruit loops in here and i can sure as shit tell you that now it smells exactly like Froot Loops for the grand illusion. But in reality, it tastes like semi-sweetened chemicals. Yay! I guess fruit but truly is made

[18:06] of semi-sweetened chemicals, huh, Scott? Even the real cereal. Yeah. So the taste is accurate. I would say this does not come close to being a tasty protein. It smells nice, but for 8 grams

[18:18] of carbs and 2.5 grams of fat, a lot of other proteins on this list are doing good work. Toucan Sam, I'm busy tonight.

[18:32] Our next protein comes from the nation of Japan. And so for cultural equity and inclusion purposes, I have summoned my Asian wife.

[18:44] Are you laughing at the Asian people generally, or are you just racist? What part of Asian culture is funny to you, Gabara? I know you grew up in Higuraya, and so you look down on Asian-born Asians.

[18:59] Soup protein. Crystal and I went to Japan on vacation, and we found this, and we couldn't put it down, because holy shit, how often do you get a soup protein? The ingredients list looks like this, and now my wife will read it.

[19:16] You ready to try this stuff? Let's do an analysis first. So you just call it the soup flavor? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's soup protein. I think it's clam chowder. It is clam chowder flavor, which is an interesting flavor for protein.

[19:30] I will say, on the nutritional end, a very small serving size, and it's like half the serving of a regular protein. So basically, scaled to a normal serving, it would have 23 grams of protein,

[19:43] 2 grams of fat, and almost 9 grams of carbs, which is kind of a lot. that gives it a protein to calorie ratio of 0.16, officially making it our least high protein to calorie ratio.

[19:56] Protein is cold. Isn't that how clam chowder is supposed to be eaten? Wait a minute. You're Asian and you're saying that? Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

[20:08] It's not diet in here, girl. Are we sure about this? It's actually not bad. I knew you would. It's actually not bad.

[20:21] It's like durian. Once you get past the smell... No. Once you get past the smell, durian rocks in your mouth and destroys your memories of childhood. This is nonsense.

[20:35] Soup. It's soup. It's literally soup. It like a really good clam chowder soup You know legit like I could totally get some rice and some meat and pour this in Yeah Like a concentrated version

[20:48] It would up the protein and like give you some flavor. Scott, this ended up being decent, bro. I'm actually surprised. Scott, is it possible that Crystal and I could potentially kind of like maybe tie you up

[21:00] throw on some satanic music and pour this all over your body or is that like too much? Let's do it. If you're not going anywhere You're sticking around for our last protein, aren't you? Oh, boy. Because we have a story about this one.

[21:16] Folks, our last protein for the day, number 11, is from the Aerolon store, which is a chain of stores mostly in Southern California that, here's how the rant started.

[21:28] White people love to overpay for organic, natural shit so they can feel nice about themselves. after colonizing and slaving the entire world. 210 calories, 20 grams of protein, 9 grams of fat, and 11 carbs,

[21:45] giving us a protein to calorie score of .10, way out of distribution, as the absolute lowest nutritional value for protein per calorie of any of the proteins we're trying. Maybe any proteins I've ever heard of.

[21:58] Krista, you ready to try this stuff? Let's do it. Okay, look, green in there. Now, what kind of cacao flavor? Yes, cacao flavor. That's another test of rich, unique whiteness. You don't eat chocolate.

[22:10] I said cacao. Cacao, baby. Do they taste like nature? Oh, wow. Very earthy. Okay. Like, you can tell plants have been, like, ground up and in there.

[22:24] Oh. Oh! God, that's awful! And I like certain vegan proteins because sometimes I do like that kind of grass.

[22:36] You like the fucking lawnmower? No, no, no. The mouthfeel is, like, sometimes I enjoy the mouthfeel, but this taste plus the mouthfeel is terrible. It's sour. Yes. Okay. It's got literal bits of grass in it.

[22:50] It clogs your teeth. I have no idea where the cacao or chocolate is in there. For 210 calories, I feel robbed. I want my money back. I want my money back. Here we are. If you're into like actual nutrition and good taste

[23:04] and things that are healthy for you and have a ton of protein and very low calories, you want to get shaped. All the earlier proteins do this about infinity times better than this one. But if you want to be seen with the glitziest and most glamorous in Beverly Hills,

[23:16] go to Erewhon. And at least the chocolate chip cookies look good if you have like a gazillion dollars.

[23:29] All right, folks, time for the ratings. My wife left me, so I'm all alone. This I do by myself. The ratings are kind of a just kind of hand-wavy integration of macros, protein to calorie ratio, taste, smell, texture, mouthfeel, that whole thing, and most feature slides.

[23:51] My number one ranking, very surprisingly to me, is the Transparent Labs Blueberry Pancakes. The nutrition is outlandish. The amount of protein and all types of calories is frightening.

[24:06] And it tastes... I don't even like blueberries, you guys. I don't like blueberry pancakes. I never eat them. God made this and apparently sold it to Transparent Labs. I would just buy this right now if I were you.

[24:19] This is unbelievable. core protein death by chocolate is going to be the best stuff you ever had this protein tastes unbelievable all the way from smell to aftertaste this is the chocolatey thing i've ever had in my

[24:31] life i want more of it i'm actually keeping this after the shoot no one's getting it stop feeding guys not getting it this is all going down the toilet this is amazing rise i didn't like peanut butter that much but you guys blew this one completely out of the water this is

[24:44] phenomenal yes it has a few more calories and shit like that but if you want peanut butter This tastes more like peanut butter than peanut butter does. Unbelievable. Hey, you better rate this high or else. Phenomenal.

[24:56] Excellent all around. Again, I don't even like cannoli. I like it now. Ghost, you guys do great work. Your protein's awesome. I'll never have anything bad to say about it. It's a little clumpy, a little high in calories. People come to respect that sort of thing.

[25:09] If you mix this with cereal or something like that, it turns into damn near the best shit you've ever had in your life. The ghost is a little scary. please change the logo or I'll never buy it again. You never, ever, ever, ever, ever mess with a classic.

[25:25] Surprisingly good. Do not put it into your workhouse cake. But if you want to add that to your actual soup, it'll boost the protein. As far as compared to real foods, the macros are dope. Japan has never missed a day in their life.

[25:37] This is a really good protein. It honestly hits exactly what you want and the nutrition is just spot on. I love the branding. I love the green. Muscle Farm is a great company. This is really, really good stuff. I hate banana with every ounce of my beans. That is the only reason it is ranked lower.

[25:53] Stop putting sebia in the shit. Again, I've been associated, will be associated with brands that put sebia in it, but it's just because white people need to feel good about themselves and have a load of naturalistic balance. Seriously?

[26:06] It smells like Froot Loops, but it tastes like you're dying. Do you guys know why we don't have a whole container of this? We couldn't afford it. This shit costs like $90 per container. Just eat grass clippings.

[26:18] That's all I have to say about that. All right, folks. That was really fun. I love tasting the protein. I have three takeaways from this. One, natural-loving white people,

[26:32] you just got to really start reading more science and stop getting ripped off. It's getting sad. You're all super smart and educated. You can do better than this. Stop buying this stupid, overpriced nonsense. No offense to any particular brand.

[26:45] Number two, if you're going to make a protein that claims to taste like something delicious, try. Number three, almost all the proteins on here are so good. Scott and I were talking off camera like, we did not grow up with this kind of protein.

[26:59] Almost all the protein on this list was like the best protein I've ever had. So as far as powdered proteins go, like, you guys are living in just an absolute utopia. The top five, top six proteins on today's list are just all killers.

[27:12] They're amazing, and I'm legit going to keep a bunch of these cans and just snort these in my own free time. Anyway, if you guys want me to try some other weird protein foods or something, let us know in the comments. Otherwise, have a great day, and go buy yourself some excellent whey protein.