This Is How You Get JARHEAD Sequels

[00:00] Oh my god



[00:02] If you are discussing the ending 

[00:06] these scenes and how they inform 

[00:11] you aren’t actually discussing the ending 

[00:15] This is how you get Jarhead sequels.



[00:17] Do you want Jarhead sequels?

[00:19] [gliching] ‘Cus this is how 

[00:25] [High energy stock music]

[00:32] This makes me cringe, it’s embarrassing

[00:39] Hey, that’s kinda messed up, right?

[00:46] Love being a marine. Oorah!

[00:50] The Iraq war was never popular, or rather 

[00:56] It was transparently an illegitimate 

[01:00] Evangelical Millennialism, 

[01:04] The sort of thing that’d never happen today. 

[01:06] As an illegitimate conflict the supporters 

[01:11] like just really snowflake-y, if you said 

[01:16] which made support of it a 

[01:19] Everybody remembers Freedom Fries, but let’s take 

[01:34] [midi piano music]

[01:42] The anti-woke Ben & Jerry’s, Star 

[01:47] $76 for four quarts of flavours like “Iraqi Road”,  

[01:51] “Fightin’ Marine Tough Cookies & Cream”, “Navy 

[01:57] "Among a dozen randomly selected taste 

[02:01] one called the taste ''undistinguished,'' 

[02:05] ice cream in elementary school, 

[02:09] Famously, the band formerly known as The 

[02:13] ended as a result of speaking out 

[02:17] And that was just two years 

[02:20] “I can’t watch. And Neither can you.”

[02:24] Okay, so, there’s these two producers, Philip 

[02:28] capital-P producers, they’ve each got a 

[02:33] they’ve made a lot of movies, and 

[02:37] there in 2005 watching Jarhead, 

[02:42] So, like, how it depicts the marine corp, how 

[02:47] as a setting to comment on George 

[02:52] They get so offended that a couple years later 

[02:56] property rights specifically to turn it into an oh 

[03:04] Now, before we can talk about 

[03:07] ask ourselves a question: What is a ‘Jarhead’?

[03:11] Jarhead is a 2005 film starring Jake 

[03:15] written by William Broyles Jr., adapting a 2003 

[03:21] Swofford served in the Marine corp as a 

[03:25] and his memoir focuses heavily on the 

[03:29] the way that the Soldier Mentality 

[03:34] and over, and yet the reality 

[03:39] Jarhead the movie takes this strand and 

[03:44] the movie is that the Marine Corp, the military 

[03:49] that war can and will destroy the lives of its 

[03:55] It is, in effect, pointing at the way 

[03:59] men and trains them to be killers, 

[04:03] makes killing a virtue, and goes 

[04:08] Like, that’s probably going to do some 

[04:12] to bring home with them regardless 

[04:17] “You want a brand? You gotta earn it.”

[04:19] Jarhead basically argues that the Marine Corp 

[04:24] acute stress, repetition, vocabulary 

[04:29] techniques straight out of the 

[04:33] “This is my rifle”

[In unison] “This is my rifle”

[04:37] In fact not only does it do this, it openly 

[04:43] a conscious pressure point, tells recruits 

[04:48] and places a tremendous amount of shame 

[04:54] Not only that, it is able to do so by 

[04:58] culture to instill the submission to that 

[05:07] “What the fuck are you even doing here?”

“Sir, 

[05:14] “A flashlight was a moonbeam. A pen was 

[05:20] was a bulkhead. A shirt wa a blouse. A tie was 

[05:28] things would never be the same.”

“That’s Vietnam 

[05:35] Now, this isn’t unique to the US military,  

[05:37] it’s almost certainly as old as 

[05:41] And there’s a certain logic to it in part:  

[05:44] deployment and combat are prolonged 

[05:49] one factor a military wants to filter 

[05:54] But that logic becomes mythologised. It becomes an 

[06:00] warrior defined by purity rituals that ultimately 

[06:06] “How the fuck are you going to fire your rifle 

[06:11] This process irrevocably damages the characters,  

[06:14] and while stories about soldiers who can never 

[06:20] Jarhead leaves that completely unvarnished because 

[06:27] See, the standard narrative for 

[06:31] soldiers who are left changed forever 

[06:35] that was paid for something noble 

[06:41] “Earn this”

[06:45] That is wholly absent in Jarhead: there is no 

[06:51] and the human lives broken by the process 

[06:55] and tells himself, that without his rifle 

[07:03] “I never shot my rifle”

[07:05] Troy, who is about to be discharged for an 

[07:10] identity that the Corps imbues him with that 

[07:16] Even if the institution kicks him 

[07:21] It’s, in part, their attempt 

[07:25] the damage is already done and 

[07:29] When the boys return home from Kuwait, 

[07:33] congratulate them and commiserate, but 

[07:37] he’s a pathetic figure, damaged 

[07:40] still clinging to the mythology of 

[07:44] no good over a decade after it tossed him 

[07:50] It all ends with the affirmation 

[07:51] another always belong to the 

[07:51] “And he sees that whatever else he might do 

[08:00] change his son’s diaper, he 

[08:09] But this is in no way a celebration of the  

[08:12] esprit de corps of belonging 

[08:15] It’s bleak, it’s cynical.

[08:17] The label “jarhead”, a self-deprecating military 

[08:23] treated literally. The Marines have hollowed him 

[08:29] Jarhead, as it turns out, pretty 

[08:33] You could see how someone who really 

[08:37] identity might take offense to that, 

[08:41] in the myth of it all, especially in 

[08:51] [indistinct yelling]

[08:52] Now, this is gonna feel off-topic, but I’ve 

[08:56] and now is as good a time as any. 

[08:57] I want you to understand that we aren’t making 

[09:04] kind of dude, the tactical operator, 

[09:10] The Standard is a 2020 documentary 

[09:14] by GORUCK Media. You probably haven’t seen 

[09:19] It’s a really good example 

[09:21] one where the clear intent of the piece, the 

[09:26] conveyed by the filmic language, are completely 

[09:31] The Standard is ostensibly about the 

[09:35] tactical badassery training: US Special Forces.

[09:39] “GORUCK SELECTION is not only the toughest 

[09:44] an attempt to bridge the military-civilian 

[09:48] combat veterans, this 48-hour challenge is a 

[09:54] Assessment and Selection. For the participants, 

[09:59] paying tribute to those who serve. For the 

[10:03] an opportunity to honor their roots and connect 

[10:08] finished the first 18 iterations of the event. 

[10:14] So, the frame here is that the US Special Forces 

[10:19] to perform to in order to be selected 

[10:23] and the GORUCK Selection is an endurance 

[10:28] Now, the word “standard” calls to mind something, 

[10:34] something measured, something standardized. 

[10:40] that special forces need to meet.” It’s right up 

[10:46] But then you watch the actual documentary. 

[11:10] First off, just to get it out of the 

[11:13] The Standard is just an ad for GORUCK, a company 

[11:18] a reputation for being extremely durable but 

[11:24] The movie is broken into two 

[11:29] The Known portion is the first 

[11:32] and it’s explicitly the US Army 

[11:36] participants must be able to do 

[11:40] sixty-five sit ups in two minutes, 

[11:44] and complete a 12 mile ruck in three and 

[11:48] By the way a “ruck” is just a hike, but you’ve got 

[11:54] mostly full of GORUCK slab weights to simulate 

[11:59] After this Known portion we move into the Unknown 

[12:04] 15 minutes of the movie. The Unknown portion 

[12:10] Rancid vibes, but still vibes.

[12:13] It becomes pretty obvious pretty 

[12:17] are having the participants do 

[12:21] There’s a schedule of sorts, and 

[12:24] been planned ahead of time, but that 

[12:29] They come up with an activity and then just make  

[12:32] everyone do it for an hour 

[12:36] There’s no numbers, there’s no goal,  

[12:38] and additional goals are added and removed 

[12:42] that’s the term for the ex-special-forces 

[12:46] whether or not they like you.

[12:48] And they’re actually pretty transparent about 

[12:53] “We’re basically saying ‘hey, you’re doing 

[12:57] because we’re looking to create 

[13:02] that’s the, that’s the methodology. 

[13:04] So, the creation of distance, it’s the same 

[13:09] why pick on the fast one?”

[13:11] This is what I mean about it 

[13:14] they really want you to think that this is some 

[13:18] that there’s something quantifiable in all this, 

[13:22] but then the truth is they’re just winging it. 

[13:24] They’re trying to stress everyone out, 

[13:26] but they do so based on convenience and bias, 

[13:29] and the amount of abuse you’re subjected to 

[13:34] “You still have a place to find comfort because  

[13:37] that candidate over there is 

[13:39] “This event is about fucking winning. Right now  

[13:42] you’re getting special attention 

[13:46] They pick on contestants 

[13:48] the highest performers get 

[13:51] and they make things harder 

[13:54] there’s too many people left in the competition.

[13:56] They’re an elite, exclusive event, after all, 

[14:02] Eventually it’s accidentally revealed that 

[14:06] Jason McCarthy, the event organizer, is a former 

[14:12] from 2003 to 2008, and he’s also the founder and 

[14:18] happening in his back yard, and they haven’t 

[14:25] If I say “military fitness endurance event” you  

[14:28] maybe conjure in your mind the image 

[14:33] The climbing walls, the ropes, the mud pits, 

[14:38] No one’s timing anything, no one’s keeping notes. 

[14:41] There’s a whole bit where they just kinda mess 

[14:46] Like, they’re not doing log drills, 

[14:51] and this is 100% anti-teamwork hyper-isolationist.

[14:57] “we’re looking to create distance 

[15:00] So, yeah, this isn’t a log drill, 

[15:05] There’s a clip of the winner of 

[15:08] this whole sort of ceremony at the finish line, 

[15:11] so they’re standing in front of 

[15:15] family is behind him with congratulatory signs, 

[15:17] but the whole time someone’s standing just 

[15:22] because this is just something 

[15:25] At one point they just have 

[15:27] stones for Jason’s gazebo 

[15:31] And the fact that the cadre, you 

[15:34] they all seem like dudes 

[15:37] but none of them have ever actually 

[15:41] and frankly most of them wouldn’t.

[15:44] “I don’t want to show up for this, do 

[15:50] Blain saw the POI, he goes 

[15:54] There’s kinda two things happening here at 

[15:58] what degree this does resemble actual 

[16:02] that behaviour and conditioning 

[16:06] “Dominate the man in front of you”

[16:08] and second, the cultural mythology 

[16:14] Having this reedy dork yell 

[16:18] because it gives you a taste of the 

[16:23] “I don’t want to show up for this, do you?”

[16:25] Frankly all of the cadre look 

[16:28] an absolute nightmare to have any 

[16:31] people who have absorbed exactly the 

[16:36] “Trample the weak, hurdle the dead, let’s go”

[16:42] And you can easily imagine how someone like 

[16:47] I have no proof of this but I have to imagine 

[16:52] Jason is probably more of a Jarhead 2 kinda guy.

[16:58] [gunfire]

[17:01] Jarhead 2: Field of Fire is a 

[17:04] in 2014. 

This is where Philip J. Roth 

[17:08] These guys have, no joke, over 

[17:12] these guys are regularly producing anywhere 

[17:18] mostly via Roth’s production 

[17:22] While it lifts some aesthetic 

[17:24] like a framing voice over, a few parallel lines, 

[17:31] it is otherwise different in every way.

[17:34] There are no returning characters 

[17:37] Like, as a reminder, Jarhead is 

[17:41] and Jake Gyllenhaal was playing 

[17:45] There’s none of that here, the only thing that 

[17:51] Though from the sheer number of last names 

[17:54] to assume this was shot somewhere 

[17:58] The movie follows supply marines, who run 

[18:03] And there is a really interesting 

[18:08] Supply marines have a job that is both 

[18:13] Like, early in the movie, the team 

[18:16] when they spot some garbage on the road 

[18:20] So they stop and phone it in, and are instructed 

[18:23] and the team has to sit there for hours,  

[18:26] waiting for the experts to 

[18:28] The marines are, simultaneously, 

[18:33] There is a tension between the mundane and 

[18:38] And while having bomb specialists 

[18:41] the middle of the desert is arguably 

[18:45] there are numerous examples of the 

[18:49] suspicion - typically rooted in racism.

[18:51] “We’ve got movement at 12-o’clock!”

“Donkey! 

[18:58] carrying water to his village!”

“I 

[19:02] So this could have been a movie about 

[19:07] A movie about soldiers who are taught to treat 

[19:12] and are then dropped into the middle of it.

[19:14] A movie that confronts Western 

[19:18] and explores the ways in which those atrocities 

[19:24] …That is not Jarhead 2.

[19:26] The garbage pile has no thematic purpose, 

[19:31] standing around waiting is a really 

[19:36] Where Jarhead was a simmering character 

[19:40] victims of a machine, 

[19:42] Jarhead 2 is a troop movie about troops doing 

[19:48] driving through a gravel quarry or standing 

[19:52] or diffusing bombs in a gravel quarry.

[19:55] It starts with a big ensemble of characters,  

[19:57] but most of them are killed off about 

[20:00] and the bulk of the movie is the 

[20:04] a ripped-from-the-headlines type story of 

[20:09] “She’s a keynote speaker at the 

[20:13] she’s scheduled to be in New York in 36 

[20:17] she’s the president’s guest of honor.”


[20:20] marines are willing to die for her without knowing 

[20:27] "You're willing to die for this chick? 

[20:33] Anyway, there’s a bunch of gun fights, 

[20:36] and a female marine who is in every way shape and 

[20:43] “if I weren’t married and you 

[20:47] “I don’t care what she looks like as long as 

[20:51] “cringe, there’s no other word for it. 

[20:55] There are several moments 

[20:57] could be straight out of an Asylum production.

[21:00] [Explosion]

[21:02] “my leg’s all the way over there bro”

[21:04] “my leg’s all the way over there man!”

[21:08] [Explosion]

[21:10] [Wilhelm scream]

[21:11] The sequel loses the edge of 

[21:14] is both hard to describe but extremely palpable.

[21:17] In the first movie, the character of 

[21:22] which he names Ahab the A-rab and objectifies 

[21:28] and it’s explicitly said that 

[21:32] “The Army may pull this type of shit,  

[21:33] but the Marines don’t. When we get back 

[21:39] Here in Jarhead 2, a character executes a wounded  

[21:42] Taliban fighter in a vengeance killing 

[21:46] While it’s not depicted positively, it is treated 

[21:54] “Cowboy up, you hear me? Get 

[21:58] While the marines in Jarhead 1 are 

[22:02] with a bloodlust that drives them mad, 

[22:07] on the ground for the opportunity to end 

[22:12] to get your standard issue “it’s them 

[22:17] “Before yesterday, I never even 

[22:24] “They died today, and we 

[22:30] Jarhead 2 opens in an identical style for 

[22:35] anti-war. The narration asks what the point is 

[22:41] “He will go to the desert and fight and die.

[22:46] Why is he fighting? Why is he 

[22:55] But at the end of the movie,  

[22:56] the narration answers that question with 

[23:02] “So what’s the fucking point? I guess the point 

[23:10] a way of life. Are we on the right side of 

[23:18] Even the first movie’s use of “always 

[23:23] gets reframed to mean “mourning the 

[23:29] “And the marines who killed and bled 

[23:34] Jarhead 2 pays lip service to the 

[23:37] but its criticism of the military and the 

[23:44] Just banal pet peeves that people bond over 

[23:49] that their boss wears really squeaky shoes or is 

[23:55] It’s trivial and shallow stuff.

[23:59] “Hot as hell. All this sand. Goat 

[24:06] So while Jarhead 2 is not hardline propaganda,  

[24:10] it does invert essentially every 

[24:13] Its ultimate point is that the hardship 

[24:17] is a greater good to be served 

[24:21] In other words, it’s an entirely 

[24:25] “Alright Marines, six militants have just 

[24:31] Jarhead 3: The Siege is a 2016 

[24:36] This isn’t a sequel, at this point we can  

[24:38] officially consider Jarhead 

[24:41] If Jarhead 1 was about men going 

[24:45] and Jarhead 2 was about soldiers doing 

[24:50] Jarhead 3 is about a cowboy who blows up 

[25:00] [Explosion]

[25:01] It’s very telling that in my note taking for the  

[25:04] Jarhead movies each installment’s 

[25:08] One might instinctively attribute 

[25:11] and I’ll admit I didn’t control for 

[25:16] but where Jarhead has several 

[25:20] and we managed to squeeze some 

[25:24] the most prominent note I made on Jarhead 3 

[25:30] It seems like at some point in making these 

[25:35] down Jarhead, really juice out the essence of it, 

[25:41] Troops

[25:41] Courier font

[25:43] Time of day titles

[25:44] An on-screen penis

[25:46] Jarhead 1 and 2 both had the courage 

[25:50] the third installment, they’ve all but 

[25:53] Jarhead, all that’s left behind is 

[25:58] Jarhead has this really compelling voice over,  

[26:00] it’s one of the defining bits 

[26:03] you inside Swofford's head where he can say 

[26:09] admit to feeling and thinking terrible things,  

[26:12] and because we’re in Swofford’s 

[26:15] Mendes uses this to create really 

[26:19] like when the camera pulls back and 

[26:23] like visiting his sister in the hospital, 

[26:27] interesting breakfast conversations with dad, 

[26:33] Jarhead 2 at least uses the narration to 

[26:39] “And if we’re lucky, somewhere in all the 

[26:45] Jarhead 3: The Siege retains this voice over 

[26:52] identity and is ultimately a fully 

[26:57] It’s also pretty stupid.

“I 

[27:01] kick some ass and show ‘em how it’s done.  

[27:05] The budget has gotten even smaller: this 

[27:09] the events take place inside one small building,

[27:12] a US embassy in an unspecified middle eastern 

[27:17] though it looks suspiciously like somewhere 

[27:23] The embassy gets attacked for reasons, and 

[27:27] And then the voice over comes in, in 

[27:31] like “I’ll always be a ‘jarhead’ 

[27:35] “sometimes you get so caught up in thinking 

[27:39] see what you need to do, which is take a 

[27:44] “Convincing ourselves of what we 

[27:49] that sometimes we don’t see what we’re 

[27:58] [Explosion]

[27:58] Whatever shallow resistance was still present in  

[28:01] Jarhead 2 is here fully replaced 

[28:05] That’s the message of Jarhead 3: 

[28:08] and the only reason to not join is because 

[28:13] “I joined the Marines to be the best.”

[28:16] This is, to me, a particularly funny 

[28:21] which was, you know, kinda a really 

[28:27] I got lost on the way to college, sir!”]

[28:30] Most reviews about this movie complain about  

[28:32] the fact that b-movie big guy Scott 

[28:36] which is a true fact about this movie, 

[28:39] and you might find that 

[28:42] He plays this guy who is named... Gunny Raines.

[28:47] “All you care about is yourself and trying 

[28:51] ‘Gunny’ is the Marine Corps 

[28:54] I do know that, but I’m allowed to find it funny. 

[28:58] Didn’t you hear? 

[28:59] Comedy is legal again.

[29:01] But with the whole “being the best” thing, 

[29:05] is going to be learning to quell his ego, 

[29:10] Throughout the whole movie,  

[29:11] his squadmates mockingly refer to him as 

[29:16] “You don’t always have to be first,  

[29:18] Albright. Sometimes being a good 

[29:24] But it swings the complete opposite. 

[29:26] When Gunny Raines dies, spoiler alert for 

[29:31] our protagonist, the new guy, because he likes 

[29:37] “He was the only one of you who tried to 

[29:42] And so our protagonist spends the rest 

[29:46] being the first man in, being 

[29:49] movie the Major says “hell of a job” 

[29:53] Like Corporal Albright himself, the 

[29:57] It loves the Marine Corps so much that it shoots 

[30:03] Again, the villain of the 

[30:05] who Albright explodes by shooting a propane tank.

[30:10] [Explosion]

[30:11] Now that I think of it, the movie goes 

[30:15] are “security guards” who’ve “never seen combat”, 

[30:19] but man, they’re out here racking up 

[30:27] [Gunfire]

[30:30] “I never shot my rifle.”

[30:33] Otherwise this movie is boring and 

[30:37] happens except the hot data analysis 

[30:41] It’s Always Sunny is actually CIA so 

[30:47] “Not gonna lie, man, that’s hot.”

[30:49] Anyway, semper fi, I guess.

[30:57] [Indistinct yelling]

[30:57] Jarhead 4, a direct to video movie from 

[31:02] art that aggressively references video game box 

[31:07] named Ronan who is the son of a senator 

[31:12] He lives in a massive house with 

[31:15] but then he goes off on a mission of some 

[31:20] he’s shot down by an Iranian controlled Shiite 

[31:26] Now, it might seem like the field 

[31:29] in is an odd choice, not really 

[31:33] due to their tolerance for heat 

[31:36] sunflowers are a popular crop for vegetable oil 

[31:41] So, you know, props to the movie 

[31:44] stereotypes about what Syria looks like by 

[31:49] Most of the movie follows an 

[31:52] squad who were in Israel as part of a 

[31:56] Syria to rescue Ronan mostly because 

[32:01] And so a member of that squad, Torres,  

[32:03] shares protagonist duties and is 

[32:07] That’s a pretty loaded setup, but this movie,  

[32:11] more than even the previous two, is 

[32:15] It’s not a very coherently told 

[32:19] populated with a roster of unmemorable 

[32:24] At this point the only vestige of Jarhead that 

[32:30] Funny enough the movie is pretty 

[32:34] dress codes are all over the 

[32:38] chain of command doesn’t really seem to exist, 

[32:41] but spiritually this is absolutely reverential to  

[32:45] the nebulous concept of the Warrior 

[32:50] If we’re looking at all the stuff 

[32:54] at the civilians to make them feel like soldiers, 

[32:57] all the stuff about grabbing 

[33:00] weakest zebra because you want to know 

[33:04] this is easily the most in 

[33:10] “I like hair on my balls”

[33:11] Despite the movie's emphasis on Israel, and 

[33:16] the film doesn’t even have the courtesy 

[33:20] It’s just the usual lines about 

[33:24] America and Israel have a very 

[33:28] entwined with politics, military, and money, 

[33:31] and there’s a whole philosophical angle 

[33:35] Leibensraum and Christian Zionists are 

[33:39] manufacture prophecy that they believe 

[33:42] and Jarhead 4 is part of that soft power system 

[33:49] but it is not a particularly 

[33:54] As propaganda it is tepid and insubstantial:  

[33:57] we’ve already spent more effort explaining 

[34:01] This isn’t Wolf Warrior 2, a movie where 

[34:06] piled high with Chinese goods, flanked by a 

[34:11] into the camera while eating fruit.

Jarhead: 

[34:17] that could be set basically anywhere that was 

[34:22] Jarhead 3 at least pretended to 

[34:25] but the characters in Jarhead 

[34:29] Nothing is learned, nobody changes 

[34:33] Jarhead 4 has ostensibly the exact same climax as 

[34:39] but while Jarhead 2 ratcheted 

[34:42] Malala Yousafzai proxy in the enemy stronghold, 

[34:46] Jarhead 4 has them intercept the convey so we can 

[34:57] [Gunfire]

[34:58] So “the good guys” win the gunfight,  

[35:00] find the hostage and the movie 

[35:04] But we know it isn’t over, because 

[35:07] So you know something is coming, but what 

[35:11] Ghost to snipe Torres dead and then 

[35:16] And here’s the final word on that.

[35:20] “What the fuck just happened?”

[35:23] Same same.

[35:24] And then the credits then roll to a sad 

[35:27] so I guess this was a movie 

[35:41] [minor key, downtempo singing] “we’ll give 

[35:41] So there’s a pretty clear divide here,  

[35:43] with Jarhead in one column and the 

[35:47] It’s not just a shift in budget, but a seeming 

[35:52] from derogatory Jarhead to proud Jarhead.

[35:56] So, who are the guys who did this? 

[35:58] Who was so offended by Jake Gyllenhaal’s 

[36:05] “Do you want Jarhead sequels? ‘Cus 

[36:10] Okay, so, I lied to you, but maybe 

[36:15] The whole story about a couple producers 

[36:18] shape? Completely fictional. 

[36:22] In fact it’s not even original, it’s a folk 

[36:26] how Rambo went from PTSD-addled drifter 

[36:32] to re-litigating Vietnam into an American 

[36:38] It’s also not true with Rambo, it’s a 

[36:43] So, what’s the actual story here?

[36:45] If you figured out it was a fib, the thing 

[36:50] said that Roth and Beach have 120 movie credits 

[36:56] because that’s a number so absurd 

[36:59] either these guys are fake and I made them 

[37:04] who care at all about what Jarhead 

[37:10] If you scrutinize the movies 

[37:12] pattern becomes very obvious almost instantly.

[37:16] Python 2, Lake Placid 2, Boogyman 3, The Grudge 

[37:23] Lake Placid: The Final Chapter, Sniper: Legacy, 

[37:29] Oh, but it’s not just sequels, it’s also 

[37:34] Post Impact, and the absolutely inexplicable 

[37:39] produced to siphon off of Zumeckis’ animated 

[37:44] I mean, it’s gotta be that, right? 

[37:46] The only other nearby option is the 

[37:51] Beowulf & Grendel starring Sarh Polley and 

[37:55] moving naturalistic re-telling of the 

[37:59] and it only made like $92,000 in theatres because 

[38:06] it’s a dreary Canadian art film, and that’s 

[38:13] Sorry, where were we.

[38:15] Right, Post Impact, starring Dean 

[38:18] from back when Dean Cain was just a sad 

[38:24] These movies, this strata of movie, 

[38:28] just from the generic ass titles, but if you’re 

[38:33] “This is really screwed up, I mean to 

[38:37] This was everyone’s first night 

[38:41] “Looks like everyone’s last 

[38:45] Now, hold on to your asses, ‘cus this 

[38:49] like, fall off, or something, 

[38:51] but would you believe me if I told you that  

[38:54] Philip J Roth just happens to 

[38:58] Would it shock you to learn that 

[39:02] in Bulgaria with a “generic Middle 

[39:06] that nevertheless can easily play as 

[39:10] No, no, of course you wouldn’t. 

[39:13] This is all so mundane that it’s borderline 

[39:19] The other party in all this is 

[39:23] which is just Universal’s direct-to-video arm.

[39:26] Universal owns the rights to Jarhead,  

[39:28] no one ever “bought the rights” just to 

[39:32] The hidden hand here is a guy named Glenn 

[39:37] Executive Vice President of Universal 1440 

[39:44] Glen’s whole job, which he 

[39:47] at given that he held the job for 

[39:52] was to find budget conscious opportunities 

[39:57] “I mean what we were designed to do 

[40:01] So if you look at the studio’s 

[40:04] for films that were released theatrically 

[40:09] and see if there’s anything there that 

[40:14] The main strategy here, which was 

[40:18] was a primary focus on direct media 

[40:22] sold through budget-conscious 

[40:26] To the amazement of absolutely no one, there 

[40:32] How you get Jarhead sequels is simply that there 

[40:38] that relies on making frictionless films that 

[40:44] Shopper in Ohio, and that hypothetical 

[40:50] “Why are you still here filling 

[40:54] fast. Move out, fast. Pack your shit up, fast.”

[41:00] The machine wasn’t built to “fix” Jarhead,  

[41:04] because it doesn’t need to be. 

[41:09] “Grab your fucking shit and go.”

[41:12] In talking about the thematic and structural 

[41:17] really good chance that not a single one of 

[41:22] but was just a preexisting script pulled 

[41:27] boxes of troops, Middle East, R-Rated, with 

[41:33] Hence all the aesthetic similarities to Jarhead 

[41:39] One last factor in all of this, 

[41:42] Marvel Cinematic Universe and Netflix the 

[41:47] studios went functionally all-in 

[41:51] A big part of how you get Jarhead sequels is that  

[41:54] you just don’t get Jarheads 

[41:58] Outside a smattering of movies 

[42:01] and smaller studios the budgets for 

[42:06] movies are either insanely 

[42:10] This shift happened very quickly, leading to a lot  

[42:13] more of Universal’s bottom line 

[42:17] leading to Glen pulling out 

[42:21] got that can put something recognizable on a box: 

[42:24] everything’ gotta be a franchise 

[42:28] So, yeah, maybe I won’t be terribly surprised 

[42:34] International release Annihilation 2: Absolution 

[42:41] alongside a couple character actors you recognize 

[42:45] bottle episode set in a suspiciously Bulgarian 

[42:52] arctic facility that is surfaced with 

[42:57] Just kidding, it’ll be an AI 

[43:05] “Coming this fall.”

“A movie literally 

[43:14] sloshed together for your eyeballs.”

[43:18] Okay, okay, we’re not gonna do that, we’re 

[43:22] originally just a one-off gag about some slop 

[43:27] about it the more I realized it’s relevant, 

[43:32] We’re talking about this machine that just, like,  

[43:35] creates propaganda by virtue 

[43:39] It’s just trying to appeal to a 

[43:42] generates this military propaganda as a matter 

[43:49] AI’s gonna calcify that.

[43:51] It’s just going to endlessly 

[43:55] Every movie from here to the heat-death of the  

[43:58] universe is just going to star 

[44:03] So the way this is going is we’re going to 

[44:08] to reenforce the hegemonic structures of our 

[44:14] All of the stuff that we’ve 

[44:17] the fuel to make even more 

[44:22] That’s just movies now. That’s just 

[44:29] So, anyway, I guess that’s a kinda 

[44:35] But I dunno, maybe things aren’t so hot right now.

[44:39] Maybe a video about propaganda and 

[44:46] Maybe it doesn’t need a chipper final note.

[44:50] Maybe it should just let the credits roll, and,  

[44:54] like, if you wanna watch more Folding