Why I Never Tilt

[00:00] people often ask me how i'm able to stay

[00:02] calm

[00:03] or how i avoid tilting when bad things

[00:05] happen while i'm playing and

[00:06] particularly when i'm streaming

[00:07] and they can see me having some really

[00:09] frustrating losses or annoying teammates

[00:11] i'm gonna tell you guys now the

[00:13] mentality that i adopted a while back

[00:15] that has really really helped me to

[00:16] almost never tilt

[00:18] getting angry is a normal human emotion

[00:20] and we will sometimes feel frustrated

[00:22] and annoyed

[00:23] but letting it take over you is so

[00:25] incredibly harmful

[00:26] and even from a playing perspective it

[00:28] will stop you from playing the way you

[00:29] want to play

[00:30] so while i can't guarantee you'll never

[00:32] tilt i do think that if you internalize

[00:34] what i'm about to tell you and i mean

[00:36] really believe it to the core

[00:37] then you will find gaming to be a much

[00:39] less stressful experience and you'll

[00:40] actually find it easier to get better

[00:42] and have a healthy relationship with

[00:44] video games as a whole

[00:46] ninety percent of the time when people

[00:47] tell me about them tilting from losing

[00:49] an online multiplayer game

[00:50] it's because of the game's rating system

[00:52] it's because they're mad at having lost

[00:53] something they perceive to be valuable

[00:55] sr mmr rank or whatever it's called in

[00:58] their game

[00:59] why would you care about the rating

[01:00] system well you would care if you're

[01:02] using it to either define

[01:04] or validate yourself this is the first

[01:06] mistake right here

[01:07] the problem comes from that very

[01:09] self-definition people always want to

[01:10] know

[01:11] how good am i and i get that that's a

[01:13] perfectly normal desire to have

[01:15] you want to know how you stack up

[01:16] against other people playing the game

[01:17] but putting too much emphasis on the

[01:19] number itself

[01:20] is going to lead you down a very dark

[01:22] path if you value yourself

[01:23] and your happiness with your performance

[01:25] or your happiness with the game

[01:26] based on that number you basically

[01:28] guarantee that your mental health will

[01:30] go

[01:30] up and down alongside that number two

[01:32] every time that number goes up

[01:34] you think yeah i'm great i'm a really

[01:36] awesome player

[01:37] and every time the number goes down you

[01:39] think ah this is so stupid

[01:41] this number is wrong my teammates are

[01:43] stupid i played way better than what

[01:45] this number is telling me

[01:46] or maybe you do even think god am i a

[01:48] terrible player

[01:49] am i as bad as this number is telling me

[01:51] all of this

[01:52] is a lie and deep down you know this too

[01:55] you're not the sum of your best moments

[01:57] and you're not the sum of your worst

[01:59] moments

[02:00] you are what you do most of the time and

[02:02] whatever your great plays or bad days

[02:04] your real level in the game

[02:05] is whatever you're averaging out to be

[02:07] it's whatever you are when you're

[02:09] normally playing

[02:10] if you want to improve you're never

[02:11] going to get anywhere by fixating on the

[02:13] lows or the highs

[02:14] you're going to improve when you raise

[02:15] that average when you raise that base

[02:17] level of what you do most of the time

[02:19] rating systems are arbitrary it doesn't

[02:21] matter what game you're playing doesn't

[02:22] matter how good or bad you think the

[02:23] system is it's just there to provide a

[02:25] rough value

[02:26] chances are it's probably fairly

[02:28] accurate but the main issue that people

[02:29] have

[02:29] is that they get the order of events

[02:31] completely the wrong way around

[02:32] the rating increase will always come

[02:34] after you improve never before

[02:36] how do you expect to be baited higher if

[02:38] you never become a better player

[02:39] people get mad at the rating system

[02:41] because they think it's telling them a

[02:42] lie or they think that they should be

[02:43] higher

[02:44] why put it in another context imagine

[02:47] you really want to be a 200 meter

[02:48] sprinter

[02:49] getting mad at the rating system because

[02:50] you don't think that number is right is

[02:52] like getting mad at a stopwatch

[02:54] after you finish last in the race

[02:55] because you don't think the time was

[02:56] right sure maybe the stopwatch is old

[02:58] maybe it was started too early and maybe

[03:00] the screen is a little faded

[03:02] but you still lost the race and the

[03:03] watch is just counting time

[03:05] so how wrong could it really be who

[03:07] should you actually be upset with the

[03:08] stopwatch

[03:09] or your performance let's say you lose a

[03:11] game and you get really tilted maybe you

[03:13] feel the odds are stacked against you

[03:15] if the matchmaking was unfair or that

[03:17] your teammates were just really stupid

[03:19] next time before you get really mad just

[03:21] ask yourself a couple questions

[03:22] number one did i actually do enough to

[03:25] deserve to win that game

[03:26] now to answer this requires you to have

[03:28] some level of self-awareness and

[03:30] objectivity

[03:30] but in truth if you ever want to improve

[03:32] at anything whether that's a video game

[03:34] or in life

[03:35] you need to be able to self-reflect and

[03:37] ask yourself for honest answers

[03:38] not always what is most comforting or

[03:40] what you most want to hear

[03:42] so did you do enough to win the game in

[03:44] the case of overwatch were you playing

[03:46] better than your teammates

[03:47] were you playing better than the person

[03:48] in the other team that is playing the

[03:50] same role because really that is your

[03:52] competition

[03:52] if you're better than that person then

[03:54] you will make more of an impact than

[03:55] them

[03:56] every time the both of you get into a

[03:57] game and therefore you will make it more

[03:59] likely your team wins it's the

[04:00] foundation of the whole ladder system

[04:02] if the answer is no then what grounds do

[04:04] you really have to complain

[04:06] whatever stupid things your teammates

[04:07] did or whatever unlucky things happened

[04:09] you flat out didn't play as well as you

[04:11] could have done so you need to work on

[04:12] that first and foremost why would you

[04:14] focus on the things

[04:15] out of your control when there's

[04:16] something in your control that you can

[04:17] fix that would have changed the outcome

[04:19] of your game

[04:20] but maybe the answer the question is yes

[04:22] you think

[04:23] yeah i did actually do a lot and it's

[04:25] unfair that i lost the game i deserve to

[04:27] win

[04:27] okay fair enough but then you should be

[04:29] even less upset that you lost

[04:31] why because you actually achieved the

[04:34] goal the actual goal when playing the

[04:36] game

[04:36] and trying to climb a ladder system is

[04:38] to be as good as you can be

[04:40] to be challenged to improve and to play

[04:42] better than those around you so that you

[04:44] can reach the next rank

[04:45] if you've played better than the players

[04:46] in your lobby then you're well on your

[04:48] way to climbing and getting to that next

[04:49] rank

[04:50] because it simply follows logic if you

[04:52] continue to be one of the best players

[04:54] in every lobby you're put into you will

[04:55] naturally

[04:56] have more impact and make it more likely

[04:57] your team wins and you will therefore

[04:59] win more than anyone else in your rank

[05:00] you may have lost one particular game

[05:02] but that's to be expected in a team game

[05:04] even the best player in the world will

[05:06] sometimes lose but over the long term

[05:08] over many games

[05:09] your superior skill will show and you

[05:11] will find success more often than not

[05:13] it's just not physically possible to be

[05:14] making more impact than any other

[05:16] individual in the lobby consistently

[05:17] and still not winning more games than

[05:19] them at least not in any games i know

[05:22] if you think you're constantly better

[05:23] than everyone else and yet you're still

[05:25] losing

[05:25] you're probably not as good as you think

[05:27] you are it's not an easy pill to swallow

[05:29] but you're likely lying to yourself and

[05:31] inflating your self-assessment

[05:33] alternatively you just genuinely don't

[05:35] have the tools to understand your

[05:36] mistakes

[05:37] you don't actually know enough about the

[05:39] game to spot all your own errors

[05:40] so you think you're playing flawlessly

[05:42] in which case i recommend getting a

[05:44] better player or a friend or a coach of

[05:46] some sort to have a look at your

[05:47] gameplay

[05:48] i guarantee you they will show you a

[05:49] million things you're doing wrong

[05:51] and let's say you've got a slightly

[05:52] different problem let's say you're mad

[05:54] because you actually played really well

[05:56] and you played way better than you

[05:57] normally would and you're upset because

[05:58] despite that amazing performance

[06:00] you still lost ok understandable

[06:03] that sucks you played your heart out but

[06:05] you couldn't claim the win

[06:06] but again what's there to really be mad

[06:09] at you may have lost that one game

[06:11] but ask yourself why do i not play like

[06:13] this more often again

[06:14] if you consistently played like this

[06:16] chances are you wouldn't be losing so

[06:17] much anymore

[06:18] multiplayer games like this are almost

[06:20] always about odds and percentages

[06:22] one player can only ever tilt the scales

[06:24] in their team's favor no matter how good

[06:26] you are

[06:26] unless there's a severe mismatch it's

[06:28] very unlikely that you alone can

[06:29] guarantee your team wins every time

[06:31] all you can do is play well and increase

[06:34] the percentage that your team wins by

[06:36] consistently making a difference

[06:37] compared to what a different player in

[06:38] your position would do

[06:40] if you're not making that consistent

[06:41] difference and you're only doing it

[06:43] occasionally then why is that the case

[06:44] how can you justify to yourself

[06:46] deserving to be rated higher or be at a

[06:48] higher rank

[06:48] if you only ever play to a higher level

[06:50] once every few games

[06:52] what about those other games should we

[06:53] just pretend they didn't happen no of

[06:55] course not

[06:56] again you are not your best moments or

[06:58] your worst you are what you do most of

[07:00] the time

[07:01] so if you can be really good sometimes

[07:02] and you need to figure out how you can

[07:04] reach that level most of the time

[07:05] because that's the only way you can

[07:06] ensure you're going to be a better

[07:07] player

[07:08] and that's what we're all after right

[07:10] right

[07:12] well no and that's another problem a lot

[07:14] of people have

[07:15] a lot of people who really suffer from

[07:16] tilting and toxicity do so because

[07:18] they're not really striving to be a

[07:19] better player

[07:20] they just want a higher rank either they

[07:22] think they already deserve it or they

[07:23] just want that rank as a symbol of

[07:25] achievement

[07:26] this is another really unhealthy

[07:28] approach to gaming take it from someone

[07:30] who knows

[07:30] chasing that rank symbol is completely

[07:32] hollow and will never make you happy

[07:34] let's say you really want to achieve

[07:36] platinum rank you feel like that will

[07:37] really indicate that you're a good

[07:38] player

[07:39] and that you've achieved a lot in the

[07:40] game i promise you it won't help

[07:43] when you get platinum you'll be happy of

[07:45] course for a day maybe

[07:47] then you're going to realize that you

[07:48] actually want to be diamond now

[07:50] and then when you reach diamond you're

[07:52] going to want master and grand master

[07:54] then top 500

[07:55] then you're going to want to be 4.5 k or

[07:57] 4.6 k if all you ever do is chase these

[07:59] markers

[08:00] you will never be happy because there is

[08:02] no magic ceiling

[08:03] there is no point where this greed for

[08:04] the next thing will ever stop

[08:06] it's just human nature as the saying

[08:08] goes you will always want what you can't

[08:10] have

[08:11] that's why you have to change your goal

[08:13] to a much simpler one

[08:14] and one that every single one of us

[08:16] regardless of ability and time and

[08:18] talent can achieve

[08:20] being a better player be a better player

[08:22] than you were yesterday

[08:23] if your only goal is to be a better

[08:24] player than you were yesterday i promise

[08:26] you you will feel much healthier

[08:28] because when you play just to be a

[08:29] better player you will see that you're

[08:30] the one in control

[08:31] and you have been all along if you chase

[08:34] the rank symbols

[08:35] you will always feel like you have no

[08:36] power you will always feel like your

[08:38] teammates or the rank system or the game

[08:40] balancing

[08:41] is keeping you from this thing that you

[08:42] desperately need you will feel powerless

[08:44] you'll feel like there's nothing you can

[08:45] do to get what you want or what you feel

[08:47] you deserve

[08:48] but playing to be a better player is

[08:50] entirely in your control

[08:51] you have the autonomy sure my teammate

[08:53] did something stupid but what did i do

[08:55] did i make a mistake did i make several

[08:57] mistakes how could i have impacted the

[08:59] game more

[09:00] why did i die there why did i misuse

[09:02] this ability here when you look inward

[09:04] you will always find something to

[09:05] improve on and when you do you'll feel

[09:07] much more proud when you fix those

[09:08] mistakes and see that progress

[09:10] definitely more so than if you just

[09:12] chase numbers if you chase numbers

[09:14] someone could just hack the system

[09:15] overnight and give you 1 000 more rating

[09:17] points on your screen

[09:19] would that really make you more happy if

[09:21] the answer is yes

[09:22] you may as well just buy an account or

[09:23] cheat because you're not really

[09:25] interested in the game anymore you're

[09:26] just looking for a status symbol

[09:28] ironically

[09:29] it's only when you look to improving

[09:30] yourself that you will see sustained and

[09:32] lasting growth

[09:33] and that's the only healthy and reliable

[09:35] way of actually gaining rating and

[09:36] climbing higher in multiplayer games

[09:38] like these

[09:38] i've said it before the players who come

[09:40] to me for advice and i'll say it again

[09:42] stop chasing a number or symbol and

[09:44] chase being a better player

[09:45] because when you do i promise you will

[09:47] realize how silly it is to be mad at

[09:48] things beyond your control

[09:50] and you'll have a much healthier

[09:51] relationship with gaming as a whole and

[09:53] hopefully

[09:53] even life that's all i got for today

[09:56] guys hope you found this video helpful

[09:57] and i hope it can genuinely provide

[09:59] guidance for those of you who do

[10:00] struggle with tilting i understand how

[10:02] natural that impulse is

[10:03] but once you realize your goals are

[10:04] within your reach that being to just

[10:06] improve your mistakes

[10:07] you won't feel that powerlessness that

[10:09] leads to anger you should i hope

[10:11] just feel the satisfaction when you see

[10:12] improvement and the occasional

[10:14] frustration at yourself when you fail

[10:16] which is normal and part of the process

[10:18] of self-improvement as always

[10:19] i want to give a big shout out to my

[10:21] twit subs and my patrons who do the

[10:22] awesome job of supporting me

[10:24] including my newest top tier patron ok

[10:26] vixen if you like what you saw or want

[10:28] to see more

[10:28] please do like and subscribe and hit the

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[10:38] if you want to watch me play live and

[10:39] talk to me or ask me any questions you

[10:41] have i stream on twitch mondays

[10:43] wednesdays and fridays

[10:44] at 8 30 pm british time and 3 30 pm

[10:46] american eastern time

[10:48] in that same time slot on sunday on

[10:50] youtube but that's all i got for today

[10:52] i'll be back before you know it with

[10:53] another video see you guys soon