365 Days | Quinn Curio

[00:00] hello this video was supposed to be a

[00:02] simple review between my ongoing ever

[00:04] expanding harry potter projects

[00:06] it was on a movie that i saw in 2020

[00:08] called 365 days about a woman falling in

[00:11] love with

[00:12] a mob boss after he kidnaps her it was

[00:14] the worst movie i saw in 2020 and it was

[00:16] probably the second most

[00:18] irresponsible thing netflix put out that

[00:19] year after cuties but

[00:21] i didn't see that one sadly getting this

[00:23] video to just stay up became a waking

[00:26] nightmare because of copyright claims

[00:28] i have re-edited and uploaded this video

[00:30] several times only to have it

[00:32] universally blocked

[00:34] yeah not even okay you can have it up

[00:36] but give us all the money

[00:37] no blocked when i filed the disputes

[00:40] they were rejected in 10 to 20 minutes

[00:42] so i would retool and try again and they

[00:44] would get rejected just as fast

[00:46] when i filed the formal appeal on their

[00:48] decision they waited until the last day

[00:51] before the appeal expired

[00:52] the 29th day to reject me i know there

[00:55] are people in my audience that just play

[00:57] my videos in the background while

[00:58] they're tabbed over

[00:59] so for you this video doesn't really

[01:01] change at all whenever if ever i can

[01:03] show you the lovely editing oliver's

[01:05] piece and i did on this video it will be

[01:07] in the pinned comment below

[01:08] but for now we must return to monkey

[01:11] lord forgive me but it's time to go back

[01:13] to the old me i'm bringing back slime

[01:16] rancher it's hilarious how in my old

[01:18] intro

[01:18] i thought nips were gonna be the thing

[01:20] to get me oh no

[01:21] i should have foreseen it was going to

[01:23] be copyright warning this video picks

[01:25] apart a movie

[01:26] that contains content like domestic

[01:28] abuse and

[01:29] slurs against italians dear audience i

[01:32] have this little personality quirk i

[01:34] mean nobody's without their little

[01:36] idiosyncrasies

[01:37] i call this quirk i like getting paid

[01:39] for the things i make

[01:40] youtube's algorithm knows my language

[01:42] choice so in this video i'm censoring

[01:44] words that aren't even swears and

[01:46] i'm covering everybody's nips just as a

[01:48] precaution that being said you don't

[01:50] want this one on your sleepy time

[01:52] playlist unless you live alone and the

[01:54] only one who can hear me is your cats

[01:56] babies hi kitty kiki did they look at

[01:59] the speakers

[02:00] complimentary spoiler free review uh

[02:03] it's really bad

[02:04] and i can't even say watch it with your

[02:06] friends to make fun of it

[02:08] because that would quickly become very

[02:10] uncomfortable

[02:11] doctors without borders meet buddies

[02:13] without boundaries

[02:14] if you seriously feel like this movie

[02:16] could be your thing i

[02:17] suggest you pull up instagram on one

[02:19] monitor and search

[02:21] sicily tourism and luxury and then

[02:24] pull up some indecent images on your

[02:26] second monitor that i know

[02:28] you have because my audience is 90 elite

[02:31] gamers

[02:32] and that's it i saved you two hours

[02:34] you're welcome the best way to do this

[02:35] write up of 365 days is actually an

[02:37] old doug walker style review where i

[02:39] ripped the movie to ribbons while

[02:41] injecting my essay bits in between the

[02:43] mockery

[02:44] i usually avoid these but since one the

[02:46] movie starts kinda normal and gets

[02:48] progressively worse with random

[02:50] difficulty spikes of wow i can't believe

[02:52] this is real

[02:53] which is really useful to the structure

[02:55] of a youtube video and maintaining an

[02:57] audience's attention

[02:58] i'm just being honest to virtually every

[03:02] scene in this movie is filled with

[03:03] something dumb there are weird

[03:04] transitions drop plot points ill-fitting

[03:07] music hilarious dialogue pathetic

[03:09] attempts to crib random stuff from 50

[03:11] shades of grey that goes nowhere and

[03:12] serves

[03:13] no purpose almost like they're trying to

[03:14] do a 50 shades bingo card

[03:16] to even try to summarize misses so much

[03:19] 365 days is a movie based off of a

[03:22] trilogy of erotica novels written by a

[03:24] first-time breakout polish

[03:25] author who was inspired by 50 shades of

[03:28] grey so to be blunt this is a story

[03:30] written by a novice author

[03:31] inspired by a book that started as an

[03:33] alternative universe fanfiction of the

[03:35] twilight books

[03:37] master of the universe by snow queen's

[03:39] ice dragon aka

[03:40] fifty shades of grey by e.l james so

[03:43] creatively speaking this is like

[03:45] let me copy your homework okay but

[03:47] change a few things so we don't get

[03:48] caught

[03:49] but you're cheating off of the student

[03:50] that gets straight d's

[03:52] so this is backwash's backwash and on

[03:54] top of that none of the writers or

[03:55] directors are that experienced

[03:57] the movie is written by four people the

[03:59] author of the trilogy

[04:01] a man who has written screenplays before

[04:03] for two niche television shows

[04:05] an actor and producer who normally plays

[04:07] small background roles like waiter

[04:09] writing for the first time while also

[04:11] playing massimo's cousin

[04:13] while also being director number one and

[04:16] finally our only hope a woman who has

[04:18] actually directed movies and shorts and

[04:20] written screenplays and books

[04:22] she is director number two writer number

[04:24] four her most successful project prior

[04:26] to this is her novel turned movie

[04:28] big love about a quote 16 year old

[04:30] girl's poisonous love addiction to a 23

[04:32] year old man

[04:33] unquote her attraction to the project

[04:36] seems primarily rooted in her interest

[04:38] in

[04:40] uneven power dynamics friends we are

[04:43] witnessing the birth of a genre you

[04:45] remember the dystopian fiction craze now

[04:47] get ready for dystopian boyfriend

[04:50] i'm going to make fun of this movie a

[04:51] lot because of how scary and annoying

[04:53] massimo is but i'm aware that's kind

[04:56] of the point of the movie and so me just

[04:58] going super omega yikers over and over

[05:00] is kind of patronizing and pointing out

[05:03] water is wet so we'll pause at specific

[05:05] scenes to discuss

[05:06] why i think this just isn't working

[05:09] but yeah up front you should know

[05:11] massimo's personality if it could be

[05:13] called that is a smoothie made of

[05:14] domestic violence handbooks and what pad

[05:16] stories about mobsters

[05:18] so you know despite the heaviness is it

[05:21] a good movie

[05:24] [Music]

[05:27] our story opens on a building by the

[05:29] coast of the mediterranean sea

[05:31] mobsters are meeting on the roof and our

[05:33] romantic lead massimo

[05:34] is just chilling in the background like

[05:36] a random unnamed goon that's definitely

[05:38] a normal

[05:39] real boy movie way of introducing your

[05:41] romantic lead massimo's father is

[05:43] talking to two mobsters who are just

[05:46] balls to the wind offering him

[05:47] trafficked little girls

[05:49] some barely older than twelve but this

[05:51] mob boss doesn't traffic little girls

[05:54] and possibly people at all i'm not sure

[05:56] after

[05:57] five viewings of this movie after

[05:59] turning down the traffickers massimo's

[06:00] father returns to him and remarks that

[06:02] these guys are

[06:03] bulls but they're business associates so

[06:05] they must respect them massimo spots our

[06:07] protagonist on the shore giving off

[06:08] serious lady eating a salad by herself

[06:11] energy and his father remarks that women

[06:13] are heaven for the eyes hell for the

[06:14] soul and purgatory for the wallet

[06:16] what if i told you in this movie about a

[06:18] woman being kidnapped

[06:20] where the first scene is about human

[06:22] trafficking

[06:23] women be shopping is the most enduring

[06:25] takeaway of this scene

[06:26] massimo's father tells his son that it's

[06:28] time to stop thinking about fun and

[06:30] pleasure and take on responsibilities

[06:32] because one day

[06:33] everything the light touches will be his

[06:35] including that woman down there

[06:37] then bam massimo's father is shot

[06:39] straight through the chest and the

[06:41] bullet penetrates massimo as well

[06:42] dramatic music swells the body gods rush

[06:45] to their side trying to save them but

[06:46] alas

[06:47] it's too late the camera zooms out my

[06:49] eyes look at the two men that they were

[06:51] just talking to on the roof but it looks

[06:53] like they're hiding and weren't

[06:54] responsible i look for the woman on the

[06:57] beach but i can't find her even though

[06:59] the camera swoops around the building so

[07:01] much that i should be able to see her

[07:03] as the bodyguards continue to scramble

[07:05] over massimo and his father

[07:07] a romantic pop song starts playing the

[07:10] song is called hard for me

[07:12] and it's sung by the guy that plays

[07:14] massimo so it's kind of like as his

[07:16] father is dying massimo just starts

[07:18] singing

[07:19] [Music]

[07:23] [Applause]

[07:24] [Music]

[07:27] it doesn't quite feel right and the

[07:28] title of the movie emerges from behind

[07:30] the building much like a creeper

[07:33] fast forward five years later now we're

[07:35] in san francisco and

[07:37] also poland you're probably gonna miss

[07:39] that second one because for some reason

[07:41] we're speaking english in poland and the

[07:43] way the scene is

[07:44] shot it seems like the two situations

[07:45] are connected but they're actually not

[07:47] we meet our leading lady laura well

[07:49] that's kind of the americanized way of

[07:51] saying it

[07:52] laura laura

[07:55] yeah my tongue doesn't really want to

[07:56] make that shape but we're gonna try

[07:58] anyway what were we doing

[08:00] my question is how

[08:02] [Music]

[08:05] did it happen sir you're not plot

[08:07] relevant please calm down the next few

[08:10] minutes is the swooping dramatic but

[08:12] ultimately pointless babble about stock

[08:14] numbers media coverage shares in

[08:16] blackmail i expect refund

[08:19] and five percent interest it's

[08:21] impossible refund

[08:22] and 10 percent interest

[08:26] until the end of the month you should

[08:27] ask mr excuse my language but you need

[08:29] to have balls for this job

[08:30] it was possible because of my strategy

[08:32] agent sex had nothing to do with it

[08:33] what would your loving husband say about

[08:35] them your kids shareholders

[08:37] and then the music comes back when the

[08:39] scene sputters out and it strangely

[08:41] returns before the contrasting shots of

[08:44] them alone after the meeting is over

[08:48] what are you gonna do about my money

[08:58] oh okay i thought we were done i

[09:01] understand the point

[09:02] they both feel like they're missing

[09:03] something it's just kind of an awkward

[09:05] transition

[09:06] the first of many the story isn't

[09:08] actually about

[09:09] business or crime drama though we never

[09:12] come back to san francisco i

[09:14] have no idea why we're even here instead

[09:16] of italy

[09:17] the only real takeaway from this scene

[09:18] is that massimo and laura are cool and

[09:21] kind of intimidating

[09:22] there's this sort of parallel that makes

[09:24] them seem like equals like rivals almost

[09:26] like this is gonna be an

[09:28] enemies-to-lover story

[09:29] but uh that ain't gonna last so the real

[09:32] takeaway

[09:32] in retrospect is that laura exists and

[09:35] massimo

[09:36] is cool laura returns home to her

[09:38] boyfriend whomst is obviously going to

[09:40] be dumped because she's way hotter than

[09:42] him

[09:43] and he doesn't want to bang and he tells

[09:45] her to rest up for their plane ride

[09:47] tomorrow because

[09:48] she's gotta rest her her weak heart

[09:51] little planting and payoff happening

[09:52] there

[09:53] hmm oh and he sends her off to pack

[09:55] their luggage

[09:56] massimo is now chilling on a private

[09:58] plane with his

[10:00] marco and dominico dominica was actually

[10:03] in front of them the sense of space is

[10:06] really weird in the scene because they

[10:08] never show how close his seat is to

[10:10] marcos

[10:11] so when they cut to him it seems like

[10:13] he's in a different room listening in

[10:15] i like to think that they locked him in

[10:16] the bathroom massimo asks marco why he's

[10:19] all

[10:20] grumpy grapes and marco says that

[10:22] somebody has taken their container of

[10:24] cocaine

[10:24] oh someone has stolen from the mobsters

[10:28] or perhaps one of them is a secret thief

[10:30] they silently ponder this for a moment

[10:33] and then massimo gets up i guess he's

[10:34] going to get to the bottom of this

[10:36] he closes the curtain separating him and

[10:38] the flight attendant from the boys

[10:41] and massimo decides it's a good idea to

[10:43] get a blowy from the flight attendant

[10:45] and the missing container of blow is

[10:46] hereafter dropped and never

[10:48] mentioned again now begins our first

[10:51] explicit sequence

[10:52] laura retreats to her bedroom to be with

[10:54] her massager and beautiful purple

[10:56] lighting with subtle reds and blues

[10:58] and honestly her half of this is fine

[11:00] while the lights are constantly changing

[11:02] and technically coming from nowhere like

[11:03] 90 of people are never going to notice

[11:05] and i actually

[11:06] like the song choice here and then we

[11:08] cut to massimo in his yellow ass plane

[11:10] and it's going to give you a case of the

[11:12] giggles massimo's oh face is hilarious

[11:14] and he's so rough with the flight

[11:16] attendant

[11:16] she's just making these loud gurgling

[11:18] noises that become comedic when you

[11:20] remember that marco and dominico

[11:22] possible blood relatives i'm pretty sure

[11:23] dominico is confirmed as a cousin

[11:25] are right on the other side of that

[11:27] curtain what are you doing they're less

[11:29] than four

[11:30] feet away that old man doesn't want to

[11:32] hear this

[11:33] i just like to imagine in my head that

[11:35] massimo

[11:36] is an exhibitionist and he just lives to

[11:38] expose himself to this old man because

[11:41] it actually happens more than once in

[11:43] this movie but now we come to our first

[11:45] menopause

[11:46] i should probably call it something else

[11:47] i'm gonna use that satisfying clapping

[11:49] noise from petscop like nightmare

[11:50] masterclass because this movie is my

[11:52] nightmare

[11:53] i got his permission i imagine some of

[11:55] you might be thinking banging and

[11:57] underling whose job it is to be nice to

[11:59] you while she's at work that

[12:02] sketchy is this movie aware that buddy

[12:03] you're playing 40 chess this movie's

[12:05] eating checkers you wait i'll show you

[12:07] how bad consent gets in this movie

[12:10] your brain will be leaking out of your

[12:12] nose you're gonna be walking out of this

[12:13] video upside down on your hands and feet

[12:16] vomiting like the little girl from the

[12:17] exorcist while i was doing research for

[12:19] this video some pretty cringed

[12:21] descriptions of the production of this

[12:23] movie popped up like for example

[12:24] massimo's actor found

[12:25] this the hardest scene to film and the

[12:28] reason was because the actress had to

[12:30] blow a strap-on he was wearing

[12:31] and people kept laughing at them the

[12:34] imdb for this movie claims that the

[12:36] author of the books offered to do the

[12:38] [ __ ] scene herself when it came under

[12:40] scrutiny for being controversial

[12:42] i can't find a source for this i trust

[12:44] but something in my heart just

[12:45] desperately desperately wants for this

[12:48] to be true

[12:48] a reoccurring thing when reading about

[12:50] the people who worked on this movie

[12:52] is them trying to have fun falling

[12:53] backwards and failing upwards into lots

[12:56] of money and attention despite the

[12:58] quality of the project

[12:59] and volunteering as tribute to have sex

[13:01] with your original character as

[13:03] if you playing the flight attendant

[13:05] helps just is the epitome of that

[13:08] unlike erica or stephanie blanca is very

[13:11] confident

[13:12] and aggressively sensual she is a queen

[13:14] with perfect

[13:15] instagram scroll game however this could

[13:18] also be an offhanded

[13:20] remark a joke taken too seriously or a

[13:22] baseless rumor meant to make blanca look

[13:24] like a weirdo

[13:25] either way follow your bliss

[13:28] blow your oc okay so we see massimo get

[13:32] off the plane and then we see laura on

[13:34] the sidewalk with her boyfriend

[13:35] somewhere else

[13:36] just like real quick so fast definitely

[13:38] not gonna come back to haunt the movie

[13:40] then we're at a party we're celebrating

[13:42] laura's 29th birthday and her boyfriend

[13:44] is just jesus christ

[13:48] he's wearing a fanny pack he's

[13:50] underdressed compared to everyone

[13:52] else and oh my god the waiter brings

[13:55] laura her favorite drink and it turns

[13:57] out

[13:58] it's just a coincidence and he didn't

[14:01] order it

[14:02] he's like why get out of bed in the

[14:04] morning if your boyfriend's not a

[14:06] mobster rapist

[14:07] like what are you supposed to do with

[14:09] that

[14:11] wait why is her friend recording herself

[14:12] instead of his speech and she's not even

[14:14] capturing laura behind her

[14:16] what are you recording so laura leaves

[14:19] to go to the bathroom

[14:21] and heading down this dark path she

[14:23] meets another man she's way too hot for

[14:25] i'm sorry

[14:27] all right quick grab something all hands

[14:28] on deck brace yourself

[14:31] are you lost baby girl that's

[14:34] gut liquefying levels of cringe

[14:40] oh [ __ ] where'd he go okay well if you

[14:44] get the opportunity to bang a phantom

[14:45] you have to do it for the ghost story

[14:47] so massimo was vanished he somehow

[14:49] either sprinted away silently or

[14:51] straight up yeted himself into the

[14:53] bushes

[14:54] this is a reoccurring thing massimo

[14:56] disappearing and reappearing

[14:58] and occasionally it's impossible for

[14:59] massimo to have gotten to where he is

[15:01] unless he's a teleporter because there's

[15:03] a wall in the way or

[15:04] laura or the camera would have caught

[15:06] him getting into place like it goes from

[15:08] this quirk to help characterize him as a

[15:10] mysterious man to an actual

[15:12] continuity error he is a human

[15:14] non-magical character who is blinking

[15:16] through walls like number five

[15:17] i always wondered what laura said to her

[15:19] friends when she got back to the party

[15:21] like yeah so i encountered a ghost in

[15:23] the garden i like turned around and he

[15:25] offered me a bedazzled choker off etsy

[15:27] that said yes daddy on it

[15:31] okay so the next day laura's been

[15:32] ghosted by her corporeal boyfriend so

[15:34] she's hanging out by the pool watching

[15:36] her friend create continuity errors

[15:38] so the boyfriend shows up and laura is

[15:40] so mad that she decides to start making

[15:42] her own leg continuity errors in

[15:43] rebellion

[15:44] and the boyfriend's like yeah you know

[15:46] that vague thing you always wanted to do

[15:48] i did it without you it was so fun babe

[15:52] laura shoves her boyfriend into the pool

[15:54] and runs off

[15:55] the disposable boyfriend is

[15:57] retrospectively a lost opportunity to

[15:59] add agency and characterization to laura

[16:02] if he was a nice boyfriend and there was

[16:04] nothing really wrong with him

[16:06] and yet laura was unsatisfied with him

[16:09] that could reveal an inner emptiness and

[16:11] a desire for danger and darkness

[16:14] you know she needs a gangster to love

[16:16] her better than all the others do

[16:19] cue edgy littlest pet shop music video

[16:22] of the joker and harley quinn but

[16:23] they're plastic pupperonis

[16:25] when you mix serious stuff we learn

[16:27] later about him like that he's a cheater

[16:30] with this unserious stuff like oh he

[16:32] admitted that he wasn't being thoughtful

[16:34] her favorite drink was brought out by

[16:36] sheer coincidence

[16:37] it kind of muddies the water for me

[16:40] accompanied by a new song that fits okay

[16:42] because it's got this creepy quality to

[16:43] it but lyrically is

[16:45] unrelated laura mopes around in her swim

[16:48] robe aimlessly for hours

[16:50] shots of her crying at dusk are spliced

[16:52] between shots much later in the night of

[16:54] her running around the streets of sicily

[16:56] lit to look all cool and green like a

[16:58] skyrim dungeon but instead of being

[17:00] bothered by skeletons with axes

[17:02] you're being bothered by sicilians with

[17:03] shouting then she gets spotted by a car

[17:06] and a man shows up behind her

[17:15] what was that transition what did we cut

[17:17] to commercial was it

[17:23] i'm batman yeah i guess the movie's a

[17:25] little less romantic if they show her

[17:26] getting black bagged and sedated

[17:29] we return to her waking up in a room

[17:30] with daylight pouring in and mourning

[17:33] birds chirping outside

[17:34] there's an abrupt cut to her banging on

[17:36] a locked door then we cut tonight

[17:38] establishing shot of the castle

[17:40] someone has unlocked the door so she can

[17:42] leave the room and explore

[17:44] okay um inhale

[17:47] where did the day go during my first

[17:49] viewing i was like gee i sure hope you

[17:51] don't need to use the bathroom

[17:52] later i realized that that room has a

[17:54] shower so we can at least confirm that

[17:56] there is

[17:56] a drain i don't know if there's a hidden

[17:58] toilet but

[18:00] why not show her exploring the room or

[18:03] have her wake up at night it's

[18:05] summertime so that means for

[18:06] absolutely no reason that can be gleamed

[18:09] after they sedated her they left her

[18:11] locked in a bedroom with

[18:12] no food for over 12 hours

[18:16] laura runs around the castle for a bit

[18:18] until she discovers a giant picture of

[18:20] herself

[18:22] check that one off the 50 shades bingo

[18:24] card

[18:27] are you lost baby girl

[18:31] yeah dude we're going with that one okay

[18:33] in front of a massive fireplace with a

[18:35] tiny little baby fire

[18:36] massimo explains to laura why she's been

[18:39] brought here so it's time to talk about

[18:41] the acting

[18:43] what i'm about to tell is so incredible

[18:45] that i

[18:47] i wouldn't believe it's true until i saw

[18:49] you at the airport

[18:51] i think their acting is fine in the

[18:52] sense that the way they emote

[18:54] and their overall body language is good

[18:57] it's fine gold star but their line

[18:59] delivery

[19:00] isn't it always comes off like they

[19:02] don't know exactly what they're saying

[19:03] and whenever the script calls for them

[19:05] to speak in their first language they do

[19:07] seem

[19:07] more comfortable and less robotic but at

[19:09] the same time you know how would i know

[19:11] i don't speak their languages our lead

[19:13] actress has only been credited in one

[19:15] episode of a polish medical drama before

[19:17] this she did theater

[19:18] ali dude is a musician who previously

[19:20] had trouble making it as an actor

[19:22] quote he had given up on his tv acting

[19:24] career after being told repeatedly that

[19:26] he was too attractive for the roles on

[19:28] offer

[19:28] double quotes in italy if you're a good

[19:31] looking guy you're

[19:32] not an actor he said matter of factly

[19:35] you're just someone good looking

[19:36] he got a call from his agent that a team

[19:38] of polish filmmakers wanted to offer him

[19:40] a role of a

[19:41] mafia boss in the erotic thriller 365

[19:44] days a part that required someone

[19:45] italian

[19:46] and very good looking quote i woke up

[19:48] called my gardening boss and said i'm

[19:50] not coming in today my stomach doesn't

[19:52] feel good

[19:53] the 29 year old father of two recalled

[19:55] that he boarded a plane to poland and

[19:57] his life hasn't been the same since

[19:59] so the leads are a couple of pretty

[20:00] randos who have been plucked out of

[20:02] obscurity and are now here

[20:03] making bank and you know what good for

[20:05] them on the list of things that

[20:07] aren't working in this movie they are

[20:09] definitely low priority

[20:11] and you know what despite my salt the

[20:13] movie did great and some people find the

[20:15] acting mind-blowing like the secret lady

[20:18] who's hiding who thinks they're not

[20:19] really acting

[20:20] you and anna did you guys i mean you

[20:23] know that kind of sexual part was it

[20:24] real

[20:27] it looks weird real it does honestly

[20:31] can you put your face in the camera

[20:32] because i can't see you yeah because the

[20:34] place is dark so

[20:36] so you and i know that chemistry what

[20:38] was it real like

[20:39] i was like oh my goodness this seems

[20:41] like real

[20:43] it seems like real because we're very

[20:45] we're good actors maybe

[20:50] so you know when i said oh yeah massimo

[20:51] got off the plane and loves on sidewalk

[20:54] yeah

[20:54] you remember that right like it went by

[20:56] real fast real fast

[20:58] okay so it turns out that was actually

[21:00] massively important like the most

[21:02] important moment in the movie and

[21:04] instead of us seeing it in real time

[21:06] and seeing massimo's reaction now we're

[21:09] gonna go back to it 10 minutes later as

[21:11] a flashback

[21:12] does that sound good are we having fun

[21:14] while massimo was

[21:16] lying on the roof bleeding he had this

[21:18] vision of laura and for the past

[21:20] five years he's been looking for her as

[21:23] he believes their soulmates

[21:25] so he kidnapped her or in his words

[21:28] are giving her a chance to fall in love

[21:31] with him she has 365 days to fall in

[21:33] love with him and if she doesn't at the

[21:35] end of the year

[21:36] she is supposedly free to go

[21:39] laura yells at him tells him that he

[21:41] can't keep her here that she's not an

[21:43] object

[21:43] she has a boyfriend massimo reveals that

[21:46] her boyfriend is conveniently a cheater

[21:48] on top of being an uncool wearer of

[21:50] fanny packs

[21:51] massimo has planted a fake note from

[21:52] laura to her boyfriend to tell him that

[21:54] she's disappearing from his life

[21:56] laura tries to run massimo grabs her he

[21:58] throws her onto a chair

[22:00] and then we get this line truly a gift

[22:03] from the bad movie gods

[22:06] massimo with his hand upon a booby

[22:09] saying i won't do anything without your

[22:12] permission

[22:13] i won't do anything without your

[22:15] permission he says wow sexually

[22:17] assaulting her okay this calls for a

[22:19] comedic counter

[22:20] i won't do anything without your

[22:21] permission let's back up

[22:23] and count so far okay stalking her i

[22:26] won't do anything without your

[22:27] permission

[22:28] stalking her boyfriend presumably hiring

[22:30] a pi to catch him cheating

[22:32] i won't do anything without your

[22:33] permission abducting her

[22:35] i won't do anything without your

[22:36] permission sedating her

[22:38] which also led to almost killing her

[22:40] because he didn't know about her heart

[22:41] condition

[22:42] i won't do anything without your

[22:43] permission imprisoning her

[22:45] i won't do anything without your

[22:47] permission suggestively touching a

[22:49] prisoner who can't say no to you

[22:51] i won't do anything without your

[22:52] permission assaults

[22:54] i won't do anything without your

[22:55] permission and now we have sexual

[22:57] assault

[22:58] i won't do anything without your

[22:59] permission but don't provoke me

[23:02] i can't be gentle not used to tolerating

[23:05] disobedience

[23:07] oh that's a threat i won't do anything

[23:09] without your permission

[23:12] do i need to point out the entire

[23:13] premise of this story its very namesake

[23:15] is bogus

[23:17] the author cites 50 shades and beauty

[23:19] and the beast as

[23:20] inspirations and the beauty and the

[23:22] beast has a ticking clock over its love

[23:24] story

[23:25] there's an enchanted floaty rose and if

[23:27] the beast can't love someone and be

[23:28] loved and returned before the last petal

[23:30] falls

[23:31] he's doomed so we need a ticking clock

[23:34] what's our ticking clock oh uh

[23:36] massimo just kind of arbitrarily decides

[23:38] to put a time limit on his cruelty

[23:40] this movie could literally be renamed

[23:42] just give it a year this is one

[23:44] super lazy and unimaginative but two he

[23:47] says that

[23:48] he'll let her go after a year if she

[23:49] doesn't love him right that's a promise

[23:51] that he made

[23:52] but he also promises not to do anything

[23:53] without her permission which he will

[23:55] frequently break throughout the movie

[23:57] you can't take his word on anything

[23:59] the movie frames this as this erotic

[24:01] struggle with his

[24:02] urges but what struggle he always just

[24:06] caves and does what he wants his

[24:08] seduction

[24:09] plan is basically prey stockholm

[24:11] syndrome happens

[24:12] and we don't even make it to the end of

[24:14] the scene without him assaulting her

[24:15] again with sexual undertones

[24:18] anything actually just means penetration

[24:21] and nothing else that's the only line he

[24:24] won't cross

[24:25] laura gets his gun that honestly i keep

[24:27] forgetting that he has

[24:28] even with re-watches and when she

[24:30] hesitates to fire he overpowers her

[24:32] you see on top of everything else he did

[24:35] he also brought a loaded gun into this

[24:37] meeting

[24:38] i understand why a mafia man would have

[24:40] a gun close to him at all times

[24:42] but when you're meeting your kidnapping

[24:44] victim who you want to fall in love with

[24:45] you because you think they're your soul

[24:47] mate

[24:47] why would you be visibly armed also it's

[24:50] weird to me that the movie felt no need

[24:51] to establish when laura

[24:53] noticed the gun but okay marco and

[24:56] dominico come in

[24:57] dominico is now confirmed as a blood

[24:59] relative because he too

[25:00] can teleport then massimo must leave to

[25:04] go to the

[25:04] crime catacombs the shady business

[25:08] batcave

[25:09] deep in the caves massimo approaches a

[25:11] man jane do a disc donut

[25:13] his name is alfredo he's been selling

[25:16] children to a brothel and has tainted

[25:18] the family name

[25:19] you see this is where the first scene

[25:20] comes back into play

[25:22] it actually wasn't random this is where

[25:24] we get introduced to this new fraction

[25:26] of people in the massimo family who as a

[25:28] reaction to the power vacuum left by

[25:30] massimo's father

[25:31] have gotten back into child trafficking

[25:34] in fact

[25:34] they might have been pulling the strings

[25:36] the whole time just kidding alfredo is

[25:38] going to be gone in two minutes and this

[25:40] whole thread will be dropped

[25:42] oh you watched a movie thinking you were

[25:44] going to see a story how foolish

[25:46] so the trafficking stuff what's that

[25:47] about the movie doesn't seem to be

[25:50] trying to get across

[25:51] that criminals have their own codes of

[25:53] conduct

[25:54] instead this scene comes off like the

[25:56] movie is uncomfortable with the

[25:58] depravity of its own

[25:59] premise so this scene is just kind of

[26:02] like a flaccid appeal to this idea that

[26:04] massimo's not such a bad guy that he has

[26:07] some standards he's not a monster laura

[26:10] just can't see it yet

[26:11] but it feels cheap and stupid to me

[26:13] because first of all i don't need to

[26:14] explain to me that he's not as bad as he

[26:17] mathematically could be

[26:18] i'm sure he's also not a cannibal i

[26:20] don't need him going down to the crime

[26:21] catacombs to confront a cannibal about

[26:23] to chow down on some corpse chowder if

[26:25] you just explain the details of what his

[26:26] mob

[26:27] does we would know and i wouldn't think

[26:29] to ask

[26:30] which is why the first scene is so dumb

[26:32] you don't sell your shrimp hall to

[26:33] freddy fazbear's pizza

[26:35] most people are aware that people who

[26:38] abuse children need protection when they

[26:41] go to prison or some of the other

[26:43] prisoners

[26:44] will kill them and these guys are like

[26:47] rocking up to the high

[26:48] ranking dawn and are like hi we're

[26:50] selling girl scouts

[26:52] do you want some second of all there are

[26:54] no consequences to massimo standing up

[26:56] against the traffickers it's irrelevant

[26:58] and could be replaced by anything nice

[27:01] it's never revealed for example that

[27:02] massimo's father was killed by some

[27:04] associates of the two men at the

[27:06] beginning and thus

[27:07] massimo swears revenge against the

[27:08] traffickers the story feels

[27:10] no impulse to reflect on the fact that

[27:12] massimo has kidnapped laura to

[27:14] exploit her and engages in many of the

[27:16] behaviors listed on this power and

[27:18] control wheel on strategies of

[27:20] traffickers

[27:21] and going forward laura's an adult sure

[27:24] but

[27:24] under these circumstances her consent

[27:26] means about as much as a miner's consent

[27:28] to massimo which is to say it means

[27:30] nothing

[27:31] it's all so we get this really nice shot

[27:34] of laura thinking in the shower

[27:35] she makes up her mind to escape and we

[27:37] see her get up and she's already made it

[27:39] outside

[27:39] laura lightly jogs around the property

[27:41] as suspense music plays

[27:43] and before any suspense is even allowed

[27:46] to build

[27:47] laura runs into a bunch of massimo's

[27:49] goons they've decided to move the

[27:52] out of the secret crypt to kill him the

[27:54] handheld camera zooms and so does the

[27:56] warp stabilization the weird artifacting

[27:58] scares laura and causes her heart to tap

[28:00] out

[28:01] from here on out the entire plot point

[28:03] about laura's heart is forgotten

[28:05] no i'm not joking this is seriously it

[28:08] that was the planting the reminder and

[28:11] the payoff

[28:12] it was all for the sake of making laura

[28:14] faint on her first

[28:15] night to transition to the next morning

[28:17] no matter how much stress she's under

[28:19] or how awful things get in the future

[28:21] her heart will just be vibin

[28:23] this is what happens when your story

[28:25] isn't a standalone story and it's forced

[28:27] into the format of a trilogy

[28:29] people write their novels to be

[28:30] trilogies and i don't know if that's

[28:32] optimistic or cynical

[28:33] laura wakes up and massimo is like you

[28:35] have to understand

[28:37] he's he was a bad person he hurt

[28:39] children i only hurt grown-ups so i'm

[28:41] better please let me put my thingy

[28:43] inside

[28:44] you i was really nice and the maid

[28:46] changed your clothes not me

[28:49] you have people for everything except

[28:52] watching the door apparently

[28:54] so tell one of your butlers to bring my

[28:56] cellphone and laptop

[28:58] you will have your cell phone on your

[28:59] laptop when it's the right time

[29:01] when you won't tattle then massimo tells

[29:04] her that domenico's around if she needs

[29:06] anything and he drops on her out of

[29:08] nowhere that they're leaving the castle

[29:09] in two hours to buy

[29:11] some stuff before they get on a plane

[29:14] laura understandably starts panicking

[29:16] i'm not flying anywhere unless it's

[29:18] poland

[29:21] it wasn't an offer it was an order

[29:24] listen to me i'm not a bag of potatoes

[29:27] that you can transfer without my

[29:28] permission

[29:29] if that's your idea how falling in love

[29:31] with you looks like

[29:37] when laura slaps massimo he freezes like

[29:40] it's this big

[29:41] serious moment even though he's violent

[29:43] all the time to her

[29:44] and she looks like she's trembling in

[29:46] fear of the retaliation

[29:53] if you hit me again what

[29:56] you do islands only i do violence i do

[29:58] violence you don't do violence only i do

[30:00] violence

[30:01] so massimo having no self-awareness

[30:03] mocks her for having a temper and then

[30:06] having also apparently never seen the

[30:07] inside of his own house mocks river

[30:09] having too many shoes

[30:10] you're gonna do all this insanity and

[30:13] neg

[30:15] what does he want what more can you take

[30:18] from us

[30:29] oh man we almost forgot how bad the

[30:30] movie was it transitions

[30:32] the music stops domenico pulls out her

[30:34] chair teleports then explains that he'll

[30:36] do his best to help her

[30:38] laura invites dominico to eat with her

[30:40] in this strange

[30:42] tone that seems almost flirtatious and

[30:44] he agrees to eat

[30:45] i think he just wants to take good care

[30:47] of you you know

[30:49] but i think you're here to help me with

[30:51] everything what i need

[30:53] so i need you to sit down and help me to

[30:56] eat

[30:59] [Music]

[31:02] okay

[31:04] so laura's lounging after her meal

[31:07] ew where'd you come from i'm not going

[31:10] anywhere

[31:11] back to music so they're traveling and

[31:14] massimo recites a wikipedia article

[31:16] laura seems smugly

[31:18] turned on

[31:21] then the movie pushes something on you

[31:22] so fast it'll

[31:24] break your neck so even though it's been

[31:27] one day not even a full 24 hours since

[31:30] she was let out of that room she was

[31:32] locked in and they have built

[31:33] zero trust and she has zero reason to

[31:36] stick around

[31:37] massimo has brought her out in public to

[31:40] go

[31:41] clothes shopping i'm serious this

[31:43] transitions into a musical

[31:45] shopping spree montage laura interacts

[31:48] with shop clerks and tries on clothes as

[31:51] massimo plays on his phone and his goons

[31:53] sit around board and comedically cannot

[31:55] hold all of the things

[31:56] laura is buying we're now 35 minutes

[32:00] into this movie 10 minutes ago we were

[32:01] doing this

[32:04] now 10 minutes ago now

[32:08] 10 minutes ago i want it noted that to

[32:11] my understanding which is pretty much

[32:13] just dan olsen videos

[32:14] bella swan and anastasia steele are

[32:17] virginal

[32:18] meek awkward and shy away from

[32:20] extravagant gifts with guilt

[32:22] laura in contrast is materialistic and

[32:25] confident at least

[32:27] before massimo turns her brain into soup

[32:29] which i find

[32:30] an interesting choice in some ways she's

[32:33] the most

[32:33] original choice being made you might not

[32:36] like laura in fact you probably don't

[32:39] but at least a decision was made and the

[32:41] movie's definitely going to use her

[32:43] uniqueness and not just make her

[32:44] reactively do the same things and have

[32:46] the same conversations over and over

[32:49] oh boy the baffling montage comes to a

[32:53] halt when laura is in the changing room

[32:55] and massimo comes barging in

[32:57] and stays after being told to leave

[33:00] laura says she'll guarantee he'll never

[33:02] see these boobies if he doesn't leave so

[33:04] he grabs her by the neck

[33:06] laura has the realization that now is

[33:08] probably a really good time to try to

[33:10] run away

[33:11] they strangely don't run after her i

[33:13] love this shot of her looking at all of

[33:15] the places that she could run that just

[33:16] cuts into her immediately running into

[33:18] an obvious dead end

[33:20] there's some police officers but they're

[33:22] afraid of massimo

[33:23] so they ignore her i think are you lost

[33:26] baby girl

[33:27] i am going to vomit he just teleports

[33:30] behind you and is like

[33:31] i'm the daddy here

[33:33] [Music]

[33:35] how's it going massimo does this super

[33:38] attractive thing

[33:39] where he starts lecturing her about how

[33:41] she's just being really disagreeable

[33:42] right now just

[33:43] you know just like super negative it's

[33:45] almost like she doesn't want this

[33:47] relationship to work

[33:48] this relationship between her and her

[33:50] kidnapper i have never hated a fictional

[33:52] character the way i hate massimo and i

[33:54] think it's because i get the sense the

[33:55] movie agrees with him

[33:57] massimo's goal is he wants them to the

[34:00] movie's goal

[34:01] is they want them to so it just creates

[34:03] this

[34:04] hatred in me i'm just like holy sh he's

[34:07] a self-aware as a brick

[34:08] there appears to be this continuity

[34:10] error where they talk as if massimo has

[34:12] not

[34:12] already broken his promise not to touch

[34:15] her because even if she agrees with him

[34:17] that the only thing that matters is

[34:18] penetrative every other scene

[34:21] he's threatening to her like put these

[34:24] two things on

[34:24] a scale and weigh them next to each

[34:26] other massimo

[34:27] somehow still manages to soothe laura's

[34:30] concerns

[34:32] so she demands her laptop be returned

[34:34] orders a specific type of dinner and

[34:36] then

[34:36] saunters away confidently wow

[34:41] got him okay so i actually have a weird

[34:44] note

[34:44] what if massimo was here to do something

[34:47] else and

[34:48] laura who can be characterized as

[34:50] extremely materialistic

[34:52] demanded to go shopping as a way to mess

[34:54] with him

[34:55] and acquire rad loot rather than just

[34:57] springing this on us

[34:59] like it makes sense it would make these

[35:01] shots of her confidently strutting

[35:03] around kind of funny and would help

[35:05] clarify what i think they're trying to

[35:06] get at

[35:07] that laura has an odd way of coming out

[35:09] on top in taking control of situations

[35:12] where logically she should have no power

[35:14] music transition

[35:17] laura gets ready for dinner looking very

[35:19] pleased

[35:20] upon massimo's order the chef serves

[35:22] their food and then just awkwardly

[35:24] stands there between them laura proves

[35:26] not only is she prettier than massimo

[35:28] but she has sicker burns my grandma

[35:31] makes them better

[35:34] but you don't have to kill him massimo

[35:37] gets a text from his

[35:38] ex and just wow look at that screen that

[35:41] is

[35:42] awful laura asks massimo to explain what

[35:45] he does at

[35:46] mob wives and if he has enough mischief

[35:48] and handiness skill to become a level 10

[35:50] boss

[35:51] massimo dodges all of his soul mates

[35:53] questions

[35:55] and the piano music romantically swells

[35:57] as he tells her that

[35:58] he's only doing this because his daddy

[36:00] died and he wants her to teach him how

[36:03] to be

[36:03] gentle and less of a rapist

[36:08] laura gets back to her room to find her

[36:10] laptop and phone have been

[36:11] returned and apparently that was all she

[36:14] needed to not

[36:15] seek help she calls her mom and tells

[36:17] her that she's been given a one-year

[36:19] contract in sicily

[36:20] it's easy to miss this because this

[36:21] movie loves montages but massimo likes

[36:24] to watch her sleep

[36:25] wait since when do they sleep in the

[36:26] same pet now whatever she wakes up

[36:28] strips down and gets into the

[36:30] ostentatiously pretty shower

[36:32] and massimo is like cool and then strips

[36:34] down and takes a shower

[36:36] and she's like cool then massimo posts

[36:38] cringe with his mouth

[36:41] why are you looking at it

[36:46] did you want to touch it that's me

[36:48] talking to you about the subscribe

[36:50] button

[36:51] laura's unfortunately kind of warming up

[36:54] to him teasing him a little and then he

[36:55] goes straight for the neck

[36:57] every one time baby girl blah blah blah

[37:02] monster oh my god quinn is that what you

[37:06] think italians sound like

[37:07] okay so you know how it kind of feels

[37:08] like the movie's making progress

[37:11] well you know what this movie considers

[37:12] progress because she's warming up to him

[37:14] she's teasing them she's messing with

[37:16] them

[37:16] the movie decides it's time to

[37:19] completely

[37:20] undermine that and comedically remind

[37:22] you that this is all

[37:23] a farce that she's been kidnapped she

[37:25] has absolutely no control over her fate

[37:27] whatsoever and it does this with a scene

[37:29] of her being comedically carried onto a

[37:31] plane

[37:31] kicking and screaming like a child as

[37:34] massimo and mario are like

[37:36] difficult women am i right you might as

[37:38] well do a comedic cut and add a laugh

[37:40] track after she says or what like

[37:42] barely 20 seconds has passed here i'll

[37:45] do it for you

[37:58] [Applause]

[38:02] won't

[38:17] while the story is rooted in elements of

[38:20] stockholm syndrome indeed the

[38:23] cinematographer

[38:24] said 365 days is meant to be an

[38:26] empowering adult

[38:28] fairy tale for women the female hero is

[38:31] far

[38:31] stronger and more emancipated than girls

[38:33] from old fairy tales

[38:35] he said

[38:39] okay buddy i can see an argument for why

[38:41] the fans of 365 days feel empowered

[38:45] like yeah i got my movie i'm chilling i

[38:48] may be literally vibing

[38:49] and no one's yelling at me or saying

[38:51] that doing this is gonna put demons in

[38:53] my uterus or no one will marry me for

[38:55] now i am an unpure

[38:57] sub-human husk wow welcome to the future

[39:01] amazing but this quote says the female

[39:04] hero

[39:04] what no no no no no

[39:08] no no why is she empowered or more

[39:12] empowered than the fairy tale girl

[39:14] because she

[39:15] is it seriously because she is it

[39:18] seriously like oh yeah she's got [ __ ]

[39:20] power over him she's taming his beast

[39:23] by holding how much she wants her over

[39:26] him

[39:26] sometimes i feel like the people that

[39:29] worked on this movie don't understand

[39:31] that because of the context of why

[39:34] she's here all of this is in a box

[39:37] of what's acceptable and pleasing to

[39:39] massimo the kidnapper

[39:42] stalker this idea that she has power she

[39:44] doesn't it's a shallow facade

[39:46] everything that happens including her

[39:48] being like oh maybe i won't do you

[39:50] that's all within the realm of his game

[39:53] this isn't her taking control

[39:54] she hasn't left the box we are still in

[39:57] the box

[39:58] if ever she actually wanders too close

[40:01] to the wall of the box for what he wants

[40:03] for

[40:03] guess what mike makes right i'm bigger

[40:05] than you bam

[40:06] down you go this is present in every

[40:09] single scene of them so far

[40:10] i will have one of my goons pick you up

[40:13] and drag you kicking and screaming onto

[40:15] a plane because well i got places to be

[40:17] now's not the time for play don't you

[40:19] understand that why don't you accept

[40:21] that

[40:22] you're being very unreasonable right now

[40:24] and guess what

[40:25] that's part of the fantasy too that's

[40:27] the box talking to you

[40:28] all of this stuff could be ripped out of

[40:30] various books about the psychology of

[40:32] domestic abusers and it's just like

[40:35] wow chef's kiss so they get on the plane

[40:38] they strap laura down in some type of

[40:40] straight jackety-esque way

[40:42] then massimo massages the boob and

[40:44] pinches the nip while laura's tied down

[40:46] he puts his hands down her pants and

[40:48] tells her that she needs to earn the

[40:50] pleasure then leaves her to go touch

[40:52] dominico's face with that same hand

[40:55] hello then the plane lands and this

[40:57] confusing shot happens i'm not sure what

[41:00] emotionally it's supposed to mean

[41:07] [Music]

[41:16] i don't know i seriously don't know okay

[41:18] so we get a musical travel montage

[41:21] laura gets suggestive with her ice cream

[41:23] then runs off to jump into a fountain

[41:25] off-screen

[41:26] massimo runs after her instead of

[41:28] showing that which

[41:30] could potentially be a humanizing light

[41:32] moment of high jinx

[41:33] we save some money on the budget of this

[41:35] monstrosity and cut to them

[41:37] kind of wet making their way back to

[41:39] their room laura getting real bold

[41:41] real smug decides to visit massimo in

[41:44] his room

[41:45] we have now entered the halfway point of

[41:48] the movie

[41:49] the purple lights are poppin so laura

[41:52] wants to bang despite massimo

[41:54] owning a giant painting of himself but

[41:56] then you know massimo does what massimo

[41:58] does best he makes it bad laura's

[42:01] emotions re-roll and she decides

[42:03] actually she wants to leave

[42:04] she is shoved onto the bed forced in

[42:06] chains then out comes the spreader bar

[42:09] where is my fifty shades bingo card ah

[42:12] there it is

[42:13] that's a big old chakaroonie so massimo

[42:16] invites in a sex worker to give him a

[42:18] blowy in front of her to tease her

[42:20] they both get off on it massimo teases

[42:22] her then threatens to

[42:23] bang her to death or something i don't

[42:25] know he just reaffirms that he's a

[42:26] monster basically the scene could be

[42:28] described as like the saw movies but

[42:30] instead of jigsaw it's massimo and

[42:32] instead of a trap it's massimo's dong

[42:34] and instead of a key it's massimo's dong

[42:37] but in a good way the metaphor is

[42:39] struggling

[42:40] massimo tells her to get dressed they

[42:41] need to go to one of his clubs in two

[42:43] hours

[42:44] why is it always two hours mix it up cue

[42:47] ill-fitting music that'll go away in

[42:48] three seconds

[42:49] wow laura comes down in a dress that's

[42:52] honestly only slightly more revealing

[42:53] than her other outfits dominico starts

[42:55] panicking of course even though when she

[42:57] gets

[42:58] to the club she's going to blend in

[42:59] perfectly but it's supposed to be a

[43:01] big deal dominico also warns her that

[43:04] this is probably maybe a mob meeting by

[43:06] telling her to keep her head down but

[43:08] gives her no specific advice about what

[43:10] or what not to do

[43:12] also they're doing that thing that

[43:13] drives people nuts in movies where

[43:14] they're whispering in a club with

[43:16] glaring music

[43:17] she predictably interrupts the meeting

[43:19] massimo goes all high school teacher

[43:21] about to measure your skirt length on

[43:22] her

[43:23] even though once again he also didn't

[43:25] tell her why they were going to the club

[43:27] or what was expected of her or what the

[43:29] dress code is

[43:30] and considering she put her hair in a

[43:32] high ponytail like the one the sex

[43:34] worker wore

[43:34] she clearly picked this outfit to send

[43:36] him a message about what happened two

[43:38] hours ago but you know

[43:40] massimo's gotta make it bad once again

[43:42] in a sequence that's so repetitive

[43:45] laura teases him he gets all

[43:47] bloodthirsty rape monsters so she gets

[43:49] mad and then her emotions re-roll and

[43:51] she storms off

[43:52] you may have noticed our protagonists

[43:54] are highly unmotivated massimo has

[43:56] absolutely no reason to drag laura to

[43:58] this

[43:58] and even less reason to not explain

[44:00] what's going on if you won't be upfront

[44:02] with her about your job

[44:04] why involve her by inviting her in terms

[44:06] of romantic tropes it's almost like the

[44:08] worst of both worlds

[44:09] he's neither protector nor equal partner

[44:12] in crime massimo

[44:13] is constantly just a toothache you can

[44:15] make him teleport as much as you want

[44:16] that doesn't make him mysterious and it

[44:18] doesn't give him emotional depth

[44:20] any flaws that are unrelated to

[44:22] sexualizing violence aren't even treated

[44:24] as flaws for example he clearly might

[44:27] not be emotionally intelligent or at the

[44:29] very least he struggles to anticipate

[44:31] how people will react to his actions

[44:33] this isn't inherently wrong for

[44:35] romantically there are tons of

[44:36] characters that i like that have this

[44:38] trait some of them

[44:39] are love interests it's really weird

[44:41] when you're unwilling to ask yourself

[44:43] questions about the character you wrote

[44:44] they're unwilling to look past the

[44:46] surface level characterization

[44:48] to come to terms with the fact that he's

[44:50] bizarre he's a weirdo

[44:52] i'm weird i'm a weirdo what kind of

[44:55] person has a vision during a near-death

[44:58] experience and becomes obsessed with a

[45:00] woman that he doesn't know

[45:01] exists and then once he finds out the

[45:03] woman exists he kidnaps her to get her

[45:05] to fall in love with him

[45:06] well the most flattering thing you could

[45:09] say about that person is that they're

[45:11] extremely eccentric they're also

[45:14] likely superstitious or extremely

[45:16] spiritual why

[45:18] is he so boring he has no right to be

[45:21] this boring

[45:22] well part of it is that he's always

[45:24] repeating himself

[45:25] don't provoke me you'll be mine i

[45:28] guarantee you

[45:30] then i'll do anything i want meanwhile

[45:32] laura's train of thought is jumbled and

[45:34] unfollowable

[45:35] why she's hot one minute and cold

[45:37] another doesn't really make

[45:39] sense you may naively upon your first

[45:42] viewing think laura is attracted to

[45:43] massimo but grows

[45:45] disgusted when he becomes possessive but

[45:47] no it's not consistent it's just this

[45:49] annoying way of patting out the film and

[45:51] desperately trying to build tension

[45:53] sometimes it seems like laura's

[45:55] inability to stay afraid is because she

[45:57] knows

[45:57] she's not in any real danger because

[45:59] she's seen the script

[46:00] so she has to endure his constant temper

[46:03] tantrums because of the whims of the

[46:05] target demo in another universe she

[46:07] can't perceive

[46:08] laura runs off and starts touching some

[46:10] guy massimo tries to find her but he

[46:12] can't and eventually he spots her with a

[46:14] different guy

[46:15] dancing by a pole and this guy gets

[46:17] grabby and laura tries to pull away and

[46:20] then massimo just can't stand the sight

[46:23] of a man that's not him

[46:24] grabbing laura without her consent so

[46:27] like the true

[46:28] champion an ally to women's rights that

[46:30] he is

[46:31] he pulls out two guns like he's a spy in

[46:33] a 1980s movie and terrifies the whole

[46:35] building the generic wave file gasps

[46:38] everyone freezes but no one is shot the

[46:40] next day on a big boat

[46:42] laura is sad listening to massimo and

[46:44] marco argue massimo is being lectured

[46:46] for shooting that guy who it turns out

[46:48] is the son of another mafia family

[46:51] here's the thing though

[46:52] we don't hear or see the gunfire so

[46:55] apparently

[46:56] off-screen massimo took that man

[46:58] somewhere else and shot him in the hands

[47:00] this is spoilers a very serious

[47:03] situation that will incite a war between

[47:05] the two families and have consequences

[47:07] later in the film and for some reason we

[47:10] decided not to show it this movie has no

[47:12] sense of what's important and what isn't

[47:14] conversations with a pedophile who will

[47:16] never be shown again oop that's

[47:18] important

[47:18] massimo is starting a gang war that will

[47:20] result in major consequences

[47:22] ah we can skip it it's okay that's not

[47:24] weird right yeah it's not weird

[47:26] when it's stuff about massimo and laura

[47:28] i can excuse it because even if it

[47:30] doesn't further the plot it's

[47:31] technically the main attraction of the

[47:33] movie

[47:33] or it would be if the movie was well

[47:35] written and its character's dialogue was

[47:37] fun and not repetitive as hell

[47:39] it's just this reminder that as

[47:40] beautiful as this film looks and as much

[47:42] money was put into it the writing is

[47:45] what dooms it

[47:45] honestly skipping this is so out of

[47:48] place that it makes me think that there

[47:49] was some type of production problem

[47:51] where the footage was ruined

[47:52] or for some reason unusable laura

[47:55] apologizes for um

[47:57] being attacked just the difficult

[48:00] situation i'm not sure but she seems

[48:03] really sorry and although at first

[48:06] massimo's temper starts to get the

[48:07] better of him he

[48:09] for once restrains himself and with much

[48:11] difficulty tells her not to apologize

[48:14] and finally we get some character

[48:15] development i shot his hands

[48:18] i wouldn't

[48:19] [Music]

[48:22] just kidding oh you believe there would

[48:24] be character development you got some

[48:26] egg on your face

[48:27] then massimo keeps asking her where

[48:28] she's going even though the obvious

[48:30] answer is just like to be alone on a

[48:32] different part of the boat but he's got

[48:34] a micromanager all the time because you

[48:35] know who would be making it bad what is

[48:36] everything going to make itself bad

[48:38] to be fair i guess you could say he's

[48:39] worried about her jumping or falling

[48:41] into the water

[48:48] oh it's not even clear how she fell in

[48:51] the water it sort of looks like he

[48:52] pushed her massimo saves her from the

[48:54] ocean

[48:54] now if only he could save her from his

[48:56] existence

[48:58] i'm so grateful that you're alive but in

[49:00] the same time i want to kill you

[49:02] that's it that's the whole movie donate

[49:04] to my patreon follow me on twitter

[49:06] send flowers to my funeral i like roses

[49:09] and panties

[49:10] thanks god that was so close i can't

[49:13] tell if this is the character

[49:14] canonically gaslighting her or if it's a

[49:16] continuity error

[49:17] like if in an earlier draft laura falls

[49:20] from slipping and not because she lost

[49:22] her balance trying to fight off massimo

[49:26] why you're so disobedient i'm sorry

[49:31] i just i cannot overcome the sickness

[49:33] this is terminal

[49:35] laura apologizes to him and tells him

[49:37] that she won't do it anymore the it

[49:39] in that sentence is doing some heavy

[49:41] lifting i think she means she won't

[49:43] disobey

[49:44] him massimo tells her that he can't lose

[49:46] her and he tells her to

[49:47] rest and she stops him and is like you

[49:50] saved me here

[49:51] have a sex no

[49:55] don't do it okay so they do oral they

[49:57] frick the music blares i'm not sure how

[50:00] much of this i'll be able to show you

[50:01] but at one point massimo clearly looks

[50:03] into the camera then we get a montage of

[50:05] them banging on different parts of the

[50:07] boat

[50:07] the front of the boat the back of the

[50:09] boat you know just all over the boat

[50:11] i like to think that old man mario is

[50:13] still here and is just like pretending

[50:15] he can't hear them or maybe he's

[50:17] contemplating swimming back to shore

[50:19] i can't think of anything more awkward

[50:21] they either locked him in his cabin or

[50:22] he's doing a metal gear trying not to be

[50:24] detected

[50:25] there is no sense of how much time is

[50:27] passing uh refractory period who

[50:29] never heard of them or perhaps the

[50:31] answer to this is way funnier what if

[50:33] they keep stopping

[50:34] and moving alright follow me on this

[50:36] journey as i tell you how this went down

[50:38] picture the sounds of the sea in

[50:41] seagulls

[50:42] and then there's laura and massimo

[50:46] nips and dong to the wind now imagine

[50:49] them worthlessly following each other

[50:51] like

[50:51] sims to the new woohoo location just the

[50:54] sounds of their bare feet against

[50:56] boat's floor and so they get to the next

[50:59] location

[50:59] but sometimes it's really difficult

[51:01] because they have to climb

[51:03] up onto the boat and they're just

[51:04] slipping and sliding all over the place

[51:06] doing all of this naked

[51:08] and the boat tops kind of uncomfortably

[51:11] hot but they really want to be able to

[51:12] say that they banged on top

[51:14] of the boat so they just struggle to get

[51:16] into position

[51:17] and by this point massimo is kind of

[51:19] like you know

[51:21] and surely by now laura's just

[51:24] [Music]

[51:27] also i don't want to point this out but

[51:30] in this shot

[51:30] massimo scrote is just getting cooked on

[51:33] top of that boat okay

[51:35] he's getting soupy up there it's

[51:37] probably like silly putty so after the

[51:39] montage of

[51:40] thinking with portals massimo surprises

[51:43] laura with the fact that they're going

[51:44] to a ball

[51:45] and her reaction is pretty funny are you

[51:47] [ __ ] crazy i have nothing to wear

[51:50] all right so we do a getting ready for

[51:52] the ball montage

[51:54] i'm retaining my one brain cell laura's

[51:56] retaining her one personality trait

[51:58] i love her one personality trait i'll

[52:00] defend it with my life

[52:01] you know she loves spending money and as

[52:03] someone who went to such great lengths

[52:05] to keep this video from being

[52:06] demonetized

[52:07] i can vibe with that we get to the ball

[52:10] i can hear 50 shades lawyers salivating

[52:12] there's paparazzi for some reason

[52:14] he's crimestogram famous

[52:24] how surprising that'd be funny if it

[52:27] weren't so sad

[52:28] the movie turns into a cologne

[52:29] commercial essence of stockholm how to

[52:32] describe the smell

[52:33] um it's kind of a floral scent with a

[52:36] hint of citrus

[52:37] and nodes of dread okay so break out

[52:39] your bingo card after the dance we are

[52:41] approached by another staple of the

[52:43] genre

[52:44] sexually threatening blonde woman tm she

[52:46] introduces herself as anna the first

[52:49] and real love of massimo and she dead

[52:52] threatens to kill laura massimo explains

[52:54] that he's had laura's portrait in his

[52:56] home for years but anna never expected

[52:58] him to find her

[52:59] on the day he found out laura was real

[53:01] he left anna but i called

[53:03] before laura even arrived at the airport

[53:06] massimo was ignoring her messages

[53:08] laura i'll never let anyone hurt you

[53:10] except me

[53:11] i will hurt you a lot very often they go

[53:15] home question mark and then bang again

[53:17] to a new unrelated song even though

[53:19] nothing's happened but this time they're

[53:21] on a sink

[53:22] after they bang the first dialogue of

[53:24] the scene massimo says the words that

[53:26] laura always

[53:27] loves to hear dominica will take you to

[53:29] the airport tomorrow your flight is at

[53:31] 8pm

[53:32] laura starts panicking thinking massimo

[53:35] is done with her and doesn't want to see

[53:36] her anymore

[53:37] laura i moved to the next chapter of the

[53:40] book negging is over it's time to do

[53:42] dread game

[53:43] no i'm kidding massimo is like it'll be

[53:45] cool you said you wanted to visit your

[53:46] family and i'll join you there soon and

[53:48] laura's like trembling and confused

[53:51] and massimo is walking out and he's just

[53:53] like i love you

[53:57] it's not a wrong choice to write a

[53:59] character that has trouble with emotions

[54:01] or reading people it just

[54:02] feels like it's being thrown at us out

[54:04] of nowhere for the sake of plot

[54:06] convenience

[54:07] this is incredibly forced

[54:09] misunderstanding even as far as romantic

[54:11] drama misunderstandings go

[54:13] so in the car dominica is trying to

[54:15] reassure laura about anna

[54:18] forget about donna

[54:19] [Music]

[54:21] she's the past is shame

[54:25] yes and you my darling

[54:29] you are the future hey what's your

[54:33] language i get enough problems you know

[54:35] if she really does kill her

[54:37] she won't have a future don't you just

[54:39] love how dominica is a more reassuring

[54:40] boyfriend than massimo dominico gets a

[54:42] phone call that things are getting all

[54:44] serious and he gets cryptic on her laura

[54:46] arrives back in poland and visits her

[54:48] friend olga you know olga yeah

[54:52] uh the friend from the vacation why

[54:54] would you let her dye her hair

[54:56] i can't i'm so face blind imbd

[55:00] help okay i'm like 95

[55:04] sure this is the same character but

[55:06] don't take my word for it because the

[55:07] first time i saw jurassic world i

[55:09] thought chris pratt was two different

[55:10] people for like the first 30 minutes of

[55:12] that movie

[55:13] it's just he was really cool and

[55:14] sensitive when he when he was with his

[55:16] velociraptor babies

[55:17] and he just sucked a lot of eggs when he

[55:20] was with the protagonist okay

[55:22] i was confused he was so cocky i was

[55:24] like when is the cool guy gonna come

[55:25] back oh

[55:26] so with a bit of pokken olga gets laura

[55:28] to talk about the mysterious man she met

[55:31] also they have just way more chemistry

[55:34] together

[55:34] like way more am i imagining this

[55:38] and with a bit more probing laura tells

[55:40] olga basically

[55:41] everything that's happened so far

[55:43] leaving nothing out and they get drunk

[55:44] together and cry

[55:46] and if you're wondering why this audio

[55:47] sounds different i definitely didn't

[55:49] have to re-record when i mispronounced

[55:51] her name in a different way from how i

[55:53] usually mispronounce it

[55:54] finally olga decides they need to go out

[55:57] and have fun

[55:58] god somehow olga has way more

[56:00] personality than massimo in like

[56:02] three minutes it actually makes me mad

[56:13] we get a musical montage of olga and

[56:14] laura drinking champagne while getting

[56:16] back rubs getting facials getting their

[56:18] hair done

[56:19] chilling in a hot tub biting each

[56:21] other's toes because they are gay i'm

[56:23] losing my mind in a good way

[56:25] i remember what being alive feels like

[56:29] my last brain cell is thriving she is

[56:31] being rejuvenated by this dumb montage

[56:34] because even though it's just

[56:35] filler at least it's not toxic after

[56:37] watching an hour and 26 minutes of

[56:40] and fear and threats this is soothing

[56:43] this is awesome the bar is that low

[56:47] oh and 50 shades thingy laura gets

[56:49] offered a major promotion out of nowhere

[56:59] how did she get offered a promotion

[57:01] she's been missing for

[57:02] wait how much time is fast the montage

[57:05] ends and

[57:06] another pop song begins so laura gets a

[57:09] nice blonde wig

[57:10] i mean a nice blonde bob whoops

[57:14] god the real fantasy is going from jet

[57:16] black hair to platinum blonde and one

[57:18] salon trip am i right they hit the club

[57:20] and dance and then men come back and

[57:21] ruin the movie

[57:23] i'm sorry i don't know where that came

[57:25] from

[57:26] i think i'm having a hard time right now

[57:30] so the ex-boyfriend is here laura won't

[57:33] accept his apology and he ends up

[57:35] following her home

[57:36] all of this takes way too much time when

[57:38] you consider how irrelevant he was to

[57:40] the story

[57:41] in traditional creepy guy fashion

[57:42] massimo is waiting in the dark for her

[57:44] and you know he starts playing the hits

[57:46] he looks time baby girl

[57:48] laura starts hitting massimo yelling at

[57:50] him to leave

[57:51] massimo says nothing and they just start

[57:53] having sex the music insects pauses when

[57:56] laura discovers a wound

[57:57] massimo tells her oh yeah i uh solved

[57:59] the plot off-screen

[58:01] amazing amazing great

[58:05] this is when our protagonists declares

[58:09] i don't need 365 days

[58:12] [Music]

[58:14] because

[58:16] [Music]

[58:17] because i love you okay film students

[58:20] self-described cinemaphiles you might

[58:22] want to place your wallet in your mouth

[58:24] for this next transition

[58:25] you might even need to pause and

[58:27] retrieve a buddy or an emotional support

[58:29] animal

[58:30] say it again

[58:48] one more time to just let it let it soak

[58:51] in

[58:53] [Music]

[59:00] so because this is a fan fiction's

[59:02] sloppy seconds massimo proposes

[59:05] i can barely contain the urge to make

[59:07] more sims references

[59:09] and yes that means that the worst

[59:11] transition of the movie is between not

[59:13] one

[59:14] but two emotional climaxes that's four

[59:17] climaxes

[59:18] total but like in a strange symbolic way

[59:21] retrospectively this is one of the

[59:23] funniest scenes in the whole movie

[59:24] think about it traditionally if you want

[59:26] someone to marry you you

[59:28] ask and they agree to marry you they

[59:30] consent you might

[59:32] say and then if you have a ring you put

[59:33] it on their finger laura

[59:35] has woken up with the engagement ring

[59:38] already on her finger

[59:39] because massimo slipped it on while she

[59:41] was sleeping in a normal loving

[59:43] relationship this would just be a cute

[59:44] prank it would mean nothing bad it

[59:46] wouldn't be that deep

[59:47] but for them this subtext is intriguing

[59:50] because this is just another instance of

[59:51] retroactive consent

[59:53] it's amazing how it permeates every

[59:56] detail of the story no matter how

[59:58] small it's kind of like how disney world

[1:00:00] hides mickey mouse ears everywhere

[1:00:02] except in 365 days

[1:00:04] you're hiding creepy subtext between

[1:00:06] creepy text

[1:00:08] hey guess what hey guess what hey guess

[1:00:09] what it's time to go shopping again

[1:00:12] hey you know what if they're doing a

[1:00:13] montage they don't have to talk to each

[1:00:15] other

[1:00:15] this is a blessing in disguise this is a

[1:00:18] bonding scene set to upbeat music where

[1:00:20] massimo doesn't smile

[1:00:22] once it's also plot relevant and the

[1:00:24] whole thing could be scrapped

[1:00:26] oh god he's miming being upset about how

[1:00:28] revealing the outfits are between

[1:00:30] being bored he's obsessed with her why

[1:00:33] is he bellyaching about

[1:00:34] shopping is this just like what the

[1:00:36] movie thinks men are like

[1:00:37] it definitely says something that this

[1:00:39] movie can imagine a man doing all this

[1:00:41] depravity but taking a genuine interest

[1:00:43] in you shopping

[1:00:44] oh that's dreaming too far you're

[1:00:46] getting too close to the sun

[1:00:47] out of nowhere massimo and laura attend

[1:00:50] a wedding

[1:00:51] this is when he meets the in-laws my mom

[1:00:54] is asking what do you do for a living

[1:00:58] i'm a crime farmer i farm crime in my

[1:01:01] crime fields

[1:01:02] and then the scene is over if that

[1:01:05] wedding seems super unnecessary even by

[1:01:07] this movie's standards you should know

[1:01:09] that the bride is the author of the

[1:01:10] books

[1:01:11] this is her cameo then we get a new song

[1:01:14] laura and massimo are back on his boat

[1:01:16] they make out

[1:01:17] i'd like to point out the last four

[1:01:19] minutes since the proposal

[1:01:20] laura and massimo have barely talked to

[1:01:23] each other and have not really learned

[1:01:25] anything about each other massimo is

[1:01:27] introduced to laura's parents

[1:01:29] but they're gone throughout the rest of

[1:01:30] the movie and they're kind of like

[1:01:32] stock parent characters in fact in this

[1:01:35] romance movie it's been about 30 minutes

[1:01:38] the ballroom scene

[1:01:39] since laura and massimo have had an

[1:01:41] actual conversation

[1:01:44] yeah laura comes down to a poolside

[1:01:47] breakfast with massimo and mario and

[1:01:49] says that she doesn't feel well and

[1:01:50] that's movie talk for

[1:01:52] she's pregnant even though she describes

[1:01:53] feeling unwell in the vagus terms

[1:01:55] possible massimo is already like

[1:01:57] dominical will take you to the doctors

[1:01:58] in two hours

[1:02:00] nerd through conversation it's revealed

[1:02:02] that laura has accepted that her own

[1:02:04] parents can't come to her

[1:02:06] wedding because somehow that would

[1:02:08] automatically mean exposing them to

[1:02:10] massimo's crime brewery

[1:02:12] and yet massimo has somehow accepted

[1:02:14] that she spilled the beans about him

[1:02:16] being a criminal to her

[1:02:18] rando friend he just doesn't

[1:02:21] care he's just cool with it you know

[1:02:24] here's a crazy thought

[1:02:25] what if you had a scene where she tells

[1:02:28] massimo

[1:02:29] that she told her friend and instead of

[1:02:31] doing the obvious thing

[1:02:32] massimo having changed has a gentle

[1:02:36] kind reaction because right now it just

[1:02:39] kind of looks like a writing mistake

[1:02:40] massimo leaves this cut gives me anxiety

[1:02:43] we have less than 10 minutes of this

[1:02:45] movie but for some reason

[1:02:47] we'll be around with laura being like i

[1:02:49] know you don't like me marco

[1:02:51] and marco being like oh well you've

[1:02:53] caused a lot of commotion in our family

[1:02:56] marco she was kidnapped it's the premise

[1:02:58] of the movie so best girl olga comes

[1:03:01] back

[1:03:01] no the wrong guy is getting hit in the

[1:03:03] nuts laura explains to olga that she's

[1:03:06] pregnant and that they're getting

[1:03:07] married

[1:03:08] olga yells you've only known each other

[1:03:10] for two months

[1:03:12] this movie's title is actually broken in

[1:03:15] two ways

[1:03:16] the first is that massimo's word means

[1:03:18] nothing but the second is it's a ticking

[1:03:20] clock title in a series where time

[1:03:22] apparently means nothing

[1:03:24] where did two months come from very

[1:03:26] little time is accounted for in this

[1:03:28] movie

[1:03:29] don't worry i'll fix it day one laura is

[1:03:32] locked in her room until the evening

[1:03:34] passes out in the courtyard wakes up in

[1:03:36] the morning day two

[1:03:37] lunch shopping dinner laura gets her

[1:03:39] phone back and decides to stay

[1:03:41] day three this is the first tricky one

[1:03:44] laura wakes up

[1:03:45] showers with massimo plain ride she gets

[1:03:48] off the plane at sunset

[1:03:49] there's a travel montage the sun is

[1:03:51] setting during the ice cream scene as

[1:03:53] the street lights are just starting to

[1:03:54] come on

[1:03:55] laura gets in the fountain and they have

[1:03:57] to go back to their rooms

[1:03:58] after her shower she goes to massimo's

[1:04:01] room q be ready in two hours

[1:04:03] q nightclub scene this is the longest

[1:04:05] day in the movie

[1:04:06] day question mark likely for okay so we

[1:04:09] don't know if the boat scene is the next

[1:04:11] day

[1:04:12] but it seems like it because of the

[1:04:14] urgency and the anger coming from marco

[1:04:16] and massimo

[1:04:17] and laura's sulking as if it happened

[1:04:19] last night

[1:04:20] so then we have the fight the fall and

[1:04:22] boat sex

[1:04:23] after boat sex the sky hasn't changed so

[1:04:26] it seems like it happened over the

[1:04:27] course of a few hours

[1:04:29] massimo says they slept one hour

[1:04:31] massimo's evening surprise

[1:04:33] is the ball which laura panics because

[1:04:35] she has to get ready fast for it the

[1:04:37] sixth scene

[1:04:37] seems to happen the same night because

[1:04:39] massimo is still wearing the same suit

[1:04:41] day 5 laura's flight is the next morning

[1:04:44] at 8.

[1:04:45] laura arrives back in poland wearing the

[1:04:47] same outfit she was wearing when she

[1:04:49] left and she visits aldo's apartment

[1:04:51] wearing that same

[1:04:52] outfit they leave the apartment to have

[1:04:54] their spa day at the end of their

[1:04:55] conversation

[1:04:56] and at night they go out to hit the club

[1:04:59] laura meets her ex

[1:05:00] at the club her ex follows her home

[1:05:03] where she finds massimo waiting for her

[1:05:05] then they have sex day six massimo

[1:05:08] proposes

[1:05:09] then we have a montage of shopping

[1:05:11] wedding and boat

[1:05:12] there are three places where time can be

[1:05:14] injected between the nightclub scene and

[1:05:16] the boat scene

[1:05:17] between laura and olga having their

[1:05:19] makeover day and actually hitting the

[1:05:21] club

[1:05:22] and in that montage of nonsense that

[1:05:24] adds nothing

[1:05:25] i believe after many hours of meditation

[1:05:28] that the montage of nonsense was

[1:05:31] actually supposed to give us a sense of

[1:05:32] what laura and massimo's day-to-day life

[1:05:35] is like together

[1:05:36] but it doesn't it's just sort of a

[1:05:38] montage of shopping

[1:05:39] that suddenly stops and then you get an

[1:05:41] out of place scene

[1:05:43] and then another montage of kissing on a

[1:05:45] boat that four minutes

[1:05:46] wasn't worthless it was actually really

[1:05:49] important it was supposed to be a

[1:05:50] montage of about 54

[1:05:52] days the vast majority of their time

[1:05:55] together

[1:05:56] four minutes isn't a lot of time but if

[1:05:58] up can communicate an entire marriage in

[1:06:00] about four and a half minutes

[1:06:01] you can communicate two months of just

[1:06:03] chilling out and being in love

[1:06:05] you know i'd like to tell you i believe

[1:06:06] in you but you've already failed me

[1:06:08] olga tells laura that she's trapped in a

[1:06:10] golden cage but she's still a prisoner

[1:06:12] she holds her and tells her that she

[1:06:14] loves her and that they can raise the

[1:06:16] child together

[1:06:18] gal pals yay while waiting for laura to

[1:06:22] try on wedding dresses dominico and olga

[1:06:24] casually prove they have more

[1:06:26] personality than the main characters

[1:06:28] laura finds a really cool dress and

[1:06:30] tells olga that she wants to keep

[1:06:32] the child and be with massimo and olga

[1:06:34] accepts

[1:06:35] then less than three minutes until the

[1:06:37] credits

[1:06:38] marco gets a call from a random man that

[1:06:40] they're about to kill

[1:06:41] laura and he's like are you sure and the

[1:06:43] man's like yes

[1:06:45] and then marco tells another unseen

[1:06:47] character also named marco to drive

[1:06:49] faster then we get this riveting

[1:06:51] exchange

[1:06:52] just this right in the feels dialogue

[1:06:55] we are unbelievably invested in the

[1:06:58] happiness of our two main characters and

[1:06:59] watching their love

[1:07:01] makes our hearts collectively ache

[1:07:04] hi honey how long does it take to try on

[1:07:06] the dress

[1:07:07] as long as it takes marco tries to call

[1:07:10] massimo but the line is busy except

[1:07:12] that's not how modern cell phones work

[1:07:14] marco keeps trying to call massimo but

[1:07:16] the line is still busy

[1:07:18] then without even trying to call

[1:07:19] dominico to warn him we watched marco

[1:07:22] run across the lawn to massimo

[1:07:23] as the car dominico olga and laura drive

[1:07:26] into the tunnel

[1:07:28] the cell phone connection is lost the

[1:07:30] elderly man

[1:07:31] continues to run but but the car

[1:07:35] never emerges from the other side of the

[1:07:37] tunnel

[1:07:38] and margot just gives massimo this

[1:07:40] meaningful look and he takes off his

[1:07:42] sunglasses

[1:07:43] and massimo just knows what this means

[1:07:47] and he has a flashback tellingly not of

[1:07:49] laura but of the original version of

[1:07:51] laura from five years ago the

[1:07:53] idea of laura and he falls to his knees

[1:07:56] and cries then the final shot of the

[1:07:58] movie

[1:07:59] a singular cop car parked in front of

[1:08:01] the tunnel

[1:08:02] except it's not a car it's a png of a

[1:08:04] car motion tracked and animated with

[1:08:05] three flashing lights in after effects

[1:08:07] you can tell because of the comedically

[1:08:08] dark shadow the carcass

[1:08:10] and that's 365 days yes

[1:08:14] uh chapter f what the actual hell did i

[1:08:17] just watch

[1:08:18] isn't it amazing that they can't invent

[1:08:20] a more creative reason for her to get

[1:08:22] kidnapped

[1:08:23] and they clearly don't want to deal with

[1:08:24] her being a kidnapping victim for more

[1:08:27] than 20 minutes nor do they want to turn

[1:08:29] this into a dark comedy

[1:08:31] i thought she was going to be captured

[1:08:32] by him because of something that had to

[1:08:33] do with crime

[1:08:34] or maybe they were both doing shady

[1:08:36] stuff i mean laura is very easily

[1:08:38] distracted by shiny things

[1:08:40] maybe she'd break the rules to get rich

[1:08:42] faster maybe that affected massimo's

[1:08:44] business you ever think about that and

[1:08:46] if massimo had a criminal executive

[1:08:48] kidnapped who just so

[1:08:49] happened to be a pretty lady with a

[1:08:50] fibonacci sequence knows the standard

[1:08:53] language of domestic violence doesn't

[1:08:54] apply because they're just each other's

[1:08:56] antagonists in the opposite sides of a

[1:08:58] conflict

[1:08:59] the conflict isn't just why don't you

[1:09:01] love me why won't you sleep with me

[1:09:03] because when that's the only conflict

[1:09:05] it's like laura's consent is the

[1:09:07] antagonist of the movie

[1:09:08] the kidnapping is so unnecessary to the

[1:09:10] rest of the story it could be replaced

[1:09:12] by anything that causes them to start

[1:09:14] off with negative tension

[1:09:15] you know i've seen intelligent people

[1:09:18] debate the morality of beauty and the

[1:09:19] beast as a love story and go back and

[1:09:21] forth and not agree but i think we can

[1:09:23] all agree on this

[1:09:24] beauty and the beast has a lot of stuff

[1:09:26] going for it you know it's got nice

[1:09:28] animation it's got great music it's got

[1:09:30] charming side characters

[1:09:32] the beast's characterization and arc are

[1:09:34] consistent and coherent

[1:09:36] but here in 365 days that's all

[1:09:39] gone and i want you to think about this

[1:09:42] sequence of events

[1:09:43] alright so the mob kills laura because

[1:09:46] massimo shot that guy in the club who

[1:09:48] was a gangster because

[1:09:50] laura was dancing with him well actually

[1:09:52] because the guys grabbed

[1:09:53] so he won't take no for an answer but

[1:09:56] laura was dancing with him

[1:09:57] because massimo said he could do

[1:09:59] whatever he wants to her

[1:10:00] because she wore a short dress because

[1:10:04] she wanted to tease him because she was

[1:10:06] mad massimo hired a sex worker to give

[1:10:08] him a blowy while she was chained to the

[1:10:10] bed

[1:10:11] and massimo hired the sex worker because

[1:10:14] laura refused to suck his d because

[1:10:16] massimo is an

[1:10:18] kidnapped her because massimo had a

[1:10:20] vision of her

[1:10:21] during his near-death experience the

[1:10:23] [ __ ] scene

[1:10:24] the action laura takes by refusing to

[1:10:27] give massimo blowy because she doesn't

[1:10:28] like him very much because

[1:10:30] he kidnapped her that happens in the

[1:10:31] middle of the movie now obviously

[1:10:33] laura isn't really dead but

[1:10:35] hypothetically if this was a standalone

[1:10:37] movie that action starts a chain

[1:10:40] reaction that signs

[1:10:41] laura's life away in the final minutes

[1:10:43] of the movie technically

[1:10:44] she is punished multiple times for

[1:10:47] refusing to give that blowy both within

[1:10:49] the scene

[1:10:50] at the club on the boat and eventually

[1:10:54] with her life and the lives of her best

[1:10:56] friend olga the baby she was looking

[1:10:58] forward to having and dominica

[1:11:00] who is kind of the most polite and

[1:11:02] gentle of massimo's goons

[1:11:04] the vast majority of good characters are

[1:11:06] flawed and oftentimes they struggle in a

[1:11:08] narrative because of their fatal flaw

[1:11:10] they are challenged by the events of the

[1:11:13] story in a happy movie like a love story

[1:11:15] the fatal flaw is probably corrected as

[1:11:17] the character grows or maybe they cannot

[1:11:19] overcome their fatal flaw and they are

[1:11:21] consumed by it

[1:11:22] in 365 days massimo doesn't really

[1:11:25] change

[1:11:26] he doesn't have an arc he is not

[1:11:28] transformed by

[1:11:29] love into a more stable kind man his

[1:11:32] flaws are not corrected mended worked on

[1:11:35] or even analyzed with any scrutiny

[1:11:37] he goes from an aggressive violent man

[1:11:39] to a mostly nice emotionally constipated

[1:11:42] fiance

[1:11:43] but why because he was tested and he

[1:11:45] found inner strength and self-awareness

[1:11:48] because he learned to be gentle no it

[1:11:51] happened because

[1:11:52] laura finally had sex with him and

[1:11:55] stopped saying

[1:11:56] no to him he didn't have to do anything

[1:11:58] to get everything he wanted

[1:12:00] and why well because laura corrected her

[1:12:04] fatal flaw whether the movie intended it

[1:12:06] to be the case or not

[1:12:08] it's extremely difficult not to do a

[1:12:10] reading of this movie where laura's

[1:12:12] fatal flaw

[1:12:12] isn't being materialistic but it's being

[1:12:15] independent and unsubmissive

[1:12:18] do you remember when laura was

[1:12:19] introduced she was kind of a bat

[1:12:22] and the movie drew attention to her

[1:12:23] gender it told us she's a hard-nosed

[1:12:25] domineering woman in a dude-dominated

[1:12:28] industry and that she has to fight

[1:12:30] to be respected you should ask ms biel

[1:12:33] excuse my language but you need to have

[1:12:35] balls to this job it was possible

[1:12:37] because of my strategy

[1:12:38] agent sex had nothing to do with it so

[1:12:41] how is your gender approach throughout

[1:12:42] the rest of the movie

[1:12:44] well she's berated and treated like a

[1:12:46] difficult irrational woman for rejecting

[1:12:48] her kidnapper

[1:12:49] and despite how ridiculous and

[1:12:51] irrational massimo

[1:12:53] is he's never served a slice of humble

[1:12:55] pie and it is laura who is the one who

[1:12:57] is likened to a child and infantilized

[1:13:00] part of this is the kink aspect of the

[1:13:02] movie but you know

[1:13:04] if you talk to people who have a low

[1:13:05] opinion of women

[1:13:07] they tend to liken women to a half state

[1:13:09] between adulthood and childhood not

[1:13:12] full adults or citizens for they see

[1:13:14] them as irrational and emotional

[1:13:17] or well fundamentally automatically more

[1:13:20] rational than men as if rationality

[1:13:22] itself were a personality trait

[1:13:23] this is one of the reasons the movie's

[1:13:25] framing of laura's emotions versus

[1:13:27] massimo's emotions disturbs me

[1:13:29] it taps into some pretty ancient memes

[1:13:32] massimo

[1:13:33] is ridiculous he's incredibly delusional

[1:13:36] emotional and irrational but the movie

[1:13:38] mostly rewards him for it

[1:13:39] meanwhile laura is berated and degraded

[1:13:42] even though she has perfectly rational

[1:13:44] reasons for freaking out

[1:13:45] exploiting gender roles is a tool on the

[1:13:47] human trafficking chart

[1:13:49] pulling away from all that back to

[1:13:51] domestic violence in general

[1:13:53] massimo is likened to nature to primal

[1:13:56] forces

[1:13:56] so his violence and his anger is like a

[1:13:58] hurricane he can't

[1:14:00] control himself you're irrational and

[1:14:02] childish to fight his will

[1:14:04] it's like screaming at the sky for it to

[1:14:06] stop raining it's

[1:14:07] nasty and super wrong-headed it's the

[1:14:10] kind of stuff that keeps people with

[1:14:11] violent partners of any gender for

[1:14:13] ages because they get conditioned into

[1:14:15] thinking that that's what life is

[1:14:16] life is enduring storms and trying not

[1:14:19] to awaken the wrath of the storm gods

[1:14:21] but you should never be afraid or filled

[1:14:23] with dread as the thought of your

[1:14:24] significant other

[1:14:25] you shouldn't waste your time on this

[1:14:27] planet with someone who can't treat you

[1:14:28] with respect or acts like treating you

[1:14:30] nicely is an arduous or difficult task

[1:14:33] while i respect artists ability to make

[1:14:35] controversial art and i hate judging

[1:14:37] movies by their synopsis

[1:14:39] and i don't believe movies have an

[1:14:40] obligation to model respectable or

[1:14:42] healthy behavior

[1:14:43] i've seen 365 days several times

[1:14:46] and yes it does have zero scruples and

[1:14:49] is sexist to women and men

[1:14:51] but don't be so shallow it's actually

[1:14:53] holistically bad

[1:14:55] not only do i feel that the movie

[1:14:56] handles its subject matter in a very

[1:14:58] ignorant way and displays a lack of

[1:15:00] critical thought and self-awareness

[1:15:02] but the plot is his limp as a wet noodle

[1:15:04] and contains many continuity errors

[1:15:06] its protagonists are largely unmotivated

[1:15:09] and outshined by

[1:15:10] members of the supporting cast and its

[1:15:12] editing is capable of making a film

[1:15:13] student die of secondhand embarrassment

[1:15:16] and that's all i have to say on the

[1:15:17] matter if you'd like to be my enabler

[1:15:19] you can follow me on patreon you can

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