Michael Jackson Movie Flaws — Full Breakdown & Transcript

[00:00] Ah, summertime. Not just the best time

[00:02] to see movies, but it's time to go

[00:03] swimming. Trouble is, sometimes I worry

[00:05] about my dad, bod. I really shouldn't,

[00:07] though. It's natural for men's bodies to

[00:08] change in their 30s. I'm just bummed I

[00:10] don't bounce back as quickly as I did in

[00:11] my 20s. Or at least I was before I

[00:14] started using today's sponsor, Marsmen.

[00:16] Seriously though, I've been working out

[00:17] quite a bit lately, but it's been a

[00:18] struggle to recover at the same speed I

[00:20] used to. It happens. Us fellas start to

[00:22] naturally have lower testosterone in our

[00:23] 30s. Thankfully, I started taking

[00:25] Marsmen, and that all changed. Marsman

[00:27] is a natural supplement designed to

[00:28] support healthy testosterone levels.

[00:30] This helps burn fat and build lean

[00:32] muscle. The stuff is great stimulant and

[00:34] synthetic hormone free and help me get

[00:36] my body back to running like it used to.

[00:38] Been lifting more and I'm not as tired

[00:39] after workout or dreading the next one

[00:41] like I have been for the last few

[00:42] months, which rules. And over 91% of

[00:45] users reported higher energy levels. So

[00:46] why not give it a try? Right now,

[00:48] Marsman is offering a 90-day money back

[00:50] guarantee, so there's no risk. And for a

[00:52] limited time, our audience gets 50% off

[00:54] for life, plus free shipping and three

[00:56] free gifts at mengo tomars.com. That's

[00:59] mentoars.com for 50% off and three free

[01:02] gifts at checkout. And after you check

[01:04] out, they'll ask where you heard about

[01:05] them. Let them know Cinema Sin sent you.

[01:18] Want to be starting something? plays

[01:20] over a full minute of logos, proving

[01:21] this movie does not, in fact, want to be

[01:23] starting something. Bad start, Michael.

[01:25] BAD START.

[01:27] Michael Jackson demonstrates the

[01:28] emotional state of every Cinema Sins

[01:30] writer assigned to a biopic. Also,

[01:32] Comcast

[01:35] chant credits, in case you confused it

[01:37] with Gary Cise. Also, movie introduces

[01:39] Gary before Michael. How's the beeping,

[01:41] Michael? How's the beeping, Michael?

[01:43] Michael. Michael.

[01:44] >> Mike, get back in line. Movie King

[01:45] Richards itself so hard from the get-go,

[01:47] I felt like I was getting slapped in the

[01:48] face by Will Smith in front of a live

[01:50] audience. Thank goodness that's not

[01:51] something Will Smith would do to anyone

[01:53] in real life. This makeup occupies the

[01:55] fascinating middle ground between Joseph

[01:56] Domingo and Coleman Jackson. This

[01:58] Volkswagen product placement is

[01:59] directing interested customers to the

[02:01] year 1966.

[02:02] >> Mikey, why are you playing with your

[02:04] food?

[02:04] >> Movie has time to prove that those give

[02:06] it to Mikey, he'll eat anything

[02:07] commercials were always [ __ ]

[02:08] >> Come on. You know he never eats.

[02:10] >> Shut up, Latoya.

[02:11] >> Poor Latoya. I can't imagine what it

[02:13] must have been like to be the only girl

[02:14] in the Jackson family because Joseph and

[02:16] Catherine Jackson only had the one

[02:17] daughter. No need to fact check.

[02:19] >> Look, I made a face.

[02:20] >> Just count Mr. Bill.

[02:21] >> Let me tell you something.

[02:22] >> Cuz it's the fastest who gets paid and

[02:24] it's the fastest who gets laid.

[02:26] >> Yeah. Some poor black kids from Gary,

[02:28] Indiana. Ain't nothing going to be added

[02:30] to you.

[02:30] >> Joseph Jackson is saying an

[02:32] uncomfortable truth here. The problem is

[02:33] that acknowledging structural realities

[02:35] of race and poverty makes him a

[02:36] considerably more complicated antagonist

[02:38] than your typical stock abusive father.

[02:40] And the movie never fully develops him

[02:41] into a person whose worst behaviors were

[02:43] built around some very real

[02:44] observations.

[02:45] >> No more Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlin,

[02:49] >> or Janet, Randy, or Reby either,

[02:51] apparently. Throwing coins at performers

[02:52] on stage.

[02:53] >> Set up your instruments. Come on.

[02:54] >> They have school in the morning. What do

[02:55] you mean?

[02:56] >> The movie spends a lot of time showing

[02:57] the Jacksons practicing and almost no

[02:59] time showing what they were practicing.

[03:00] Did Joseph Jackson have an actual

[03:02] teaching philosophy or was his entire

[03:04] curriculum just again?

[03:05] >> You tired and you think you did good. Is

[03:07] that right, Michael? Seriously, the

[03:08] heavy makeup and prosthetics can be so

[03:10] distracting at times. I think I'm about

[03:11] to hear Eddie Murphy's impersonation of

[03:13] a Queen's Barber whenever he opens his

[03:15] mouth.

[03:15] >> You and you. Who's next?

[03:18] >> Gone. Big nose.

[03:20] >> The biopic equivalent of planting a tree

[03:22] whose fruit is future plastic surgery.

[03:24] >> Captain Hook met his fate in the jaws of

[03:26] his old enemy.

[03:27] >> Actually, in just about every version of

[03:28] Peter Pan, Captain Hook survives this.

[03:30] So, also, the other Jackson kids are

[03:32] sleeping surprisingly well with Michael

[03:33] inventing the audio book and all.

[03:35] Michael appears to have confused

[03:36] emotional processing with evidence for

[03:37] the audience creation. Living room

[03:39] rehearsal. Joseph asking Michael to keep

[03:41] his eyes on him. More living room

[03:42] rehearsal. Excitement. Movia has given

[03:44] this Volkswagen bus more screen time

[03:46] than several family members. Reading.

[03:48] The audience knows Michael will

[03:49] eventually star in The Whiz, so the

[03:50] movie plants the Wizard of Oz in his

[03:52] childhood as a retroactive destiny

[03:53] marker. The movie spends a lot of time

[03:55] showing us how Michael Jackson assembled

[03:56] his identity as a performer. Every

[03:58] influence becomes a future dance move,

[04:00] vocal choice, or stage persona. By the

[04:01] end of the film, Michael Jackson feels

[04:03] meticulously constructed as an

[04:04] entertainer and strangely underdeveloped

[04:06] as a human being. Joseph's narrative

[04:07] function as an abuser continues

[04:09] replacing his character with a living,

[04:10] breathing trauma explanation. Laughing

[04:12] together as a family gets reduced to a

[04:14] montage footnote while every trauma

[04:16] receives a full congressional hearing.

[04:18] Also, generic shot of a family laughing

[04:19] around the dinner table during a montage

[04:21] is generic and montagey.

[04:24] >> We are laughing.

[04:25] >> Am I removing a sin for never can say

[04:27] goodbye? Yes. Am I adding a sin because

[04:29] we aren't even into 1969 yet and they

[04:31] didn't release this song until 1971?

[04:32] Also, yes. Mot

[04:35] laughing at a noun.

[04:36] >> I'll be in touch, Mr. Jackson.

[04:38] >> Suzanne says she'll be in touch, but

[04:40] gives Joseph a card with her number on

[04:41] it and doesn't get his number. Is she

[04:42] going to call her own number? Also, the

[04:44] movie wants us to believe that Suzanne

[04:45] Deac discovered the Jackson 5 and

[04:47] brought them to Mottown Records, but in

[04:49] reality, a Canadian soul band helped

[04:51] them get a recorded audition at Mottown

[04:53] that convinced Barry Gordy to sign them.

[04:54] So, the sin as always is Canada. Also,

[04:57] also the Jackson 5's brief and exciting

[04:59] search for industry connections has been

[05:00] completed at the speed required by the

[05:02] runtime. Nice year.

[05:04] >> We'll start with Michael.

[05:05] >> This subtle foreshadowing of Michael as

[05:06] the alpha and the omega of pop music.

[05:08] Heaven Loren Tate and Neil Long both in

[05:10] the same movie, but not giving them one

[05:12] scene together and the proper reunion

[05:13] that all of us Love Jones fans have been

[05:15] jonesing for.

[05:16] >> Michael, um, this is Clen Fandango. Can

[05:18] you hear me?

[05:19] >> Say Joseph, don't you worry about

[05:20] keeping the boys on schedule. We got

[05:22] this over here. Joseph Jackson's

[05:23] displacement becomes one of the movies's

[05:25] biggest recurring tracks. The deeper

[05:27] cuts appear to have been left off the

[05:28] album, but also scene sets up all this

[05:30] tension between Joseph and Barry Gordy

[05:32] that is never brought up again. Gordy is

[05:33] only in a couple more scenes after this

[05:35] bit and they're basically drivebys.

[05:36] Pointless tension is pointless.

[05:38] >> I've been doing this a long time. Never

[05:39] heard a voice quite like yours.

[05:41] >> The Supremes, the four tops, Marvin Gay,

[05:43] the Temptations, Glattus Knight, and

[05:44] Stevie Wonder have all entered the chat.

[05:46] >> What's EQ?

[05:46] >> Equalization.

[05:47] >> And Antoine Fukqua directed The

[05:49] Equalizer, which can't possibly be

[05:50] unrelated. movie treats this hug like a

[05:52] major transfer of emotional power. Yet,

[05:54] there are no signs that either Joseph or

[05:56] Barry experienced the quickening.

[05:58] >> Hey, Michael, you can ask me anything

[05:59] anytime you want.

[06:00] >> And by most accounts, Barry Gordy was an

[06:02] influential figure in Michael's life.

[06:03] But judging by Loren Tate's screen time,

[06:05] Michael never asked him another question

[06:06] that the movie thought was relevant.

[06:08] >> In this business, you can make up just

[06:09] about anything.

[06:10] >> Bold statement coming from a movie based

[06:12] on a true story, humanity briefly

[06:13] considered making televisions almost

[06:15] round.

[06:16] >> Michael, how old are you? presenting

[06:17] child superstardom as a fascinating fact

[06:19] rather than a potentially alarming

[06:21] situation. In this press conference,

[06:22] Michael has asked how old he is. And

[06:24] even though he's 10, he says eight, like

[06:26] Barry Gordy instructed him to. So this

[06:27] movie has now spent two goddamn scenes

[06:29] on this kid lying about his age by two

[06:31] whole [ __ ] years. And yet it gives us

[06:33] zero explanation as to why that's

[06:34] important and it never comes up again.

[06:36] Musical biopic has a random insert of

[06:38] the Billboard chart showing the song's

[06:40] climb to the top cliche. This Peacock

[06:42] reminding me I need to cancel Peacock

[06:43] before I get build again. There is more

[06:45] Disney masturbation going on in this

[06:46] movie than in most movies that are

[06:47] actually produced by Walt Disney.

[06:49] >> And make sure you put your rat in the

[06:50] cage this time.

[06:51] >> Movie accidentally credits Marlon

[06:52] Jackson on melancholy and the infinite

[06:54] sadness.

[06:55] >> Meet Bill Bray. He's your new head of

[06:56] security.

[06:57] >> Skipping the casual chain of why

[06:59] security and jumping straight to the

[07:00] narrative importance of this guy. Also,

[07:02] Bill Bray spends the rest of the movie

[07:03] appearing to be both head of security

[07:05] and all of security.

[07:06] >> Guard him with your life.

[07:07] >> I don't know why this line is trying to

[07:08] make me think Bill eventually took a

[07:10] bullet for Michael instead of living to

[07:11] be 80 years old. Michael, you're missing

[07:14] the best part.

[07:15] >> Pretending there's even a good part in

[07:16] Singing in the Rain. Also, Michael

[07:18] watches Singing in the Rain and the

[07:19] movie immediately starts refining it

[07:21] into the fuel for some future

[07:23] performance, ignoring the possibility

[07:24] that he simply enjoyed a film wanton.

[07:26] >> And llamas have three stomachs so they

[07:28] can digest their food because all they

[07:30] eat is vegetables.

[07:31] >> Support for my argument that I'm

[07:32] anatomically obligated to eat

[07:34] cheeseburgers somehow makes it into the

[07:35] script.

[07:36] >> So, you want me to bring some spitting,

[07:37] agitated animal into my house? Catherine

[07:39] acts like she didn't raise nine

[07:41] children.

[07:41] >> And you don't need another pet.

[07:43] >> They're not my pets. They're my friends.

[07:45] >> As generic and tiresome as much of this

[07:47] movie can be, one striking thing is the

[07:50] performances. And while Jafar Jackson is

[07:51] rightly credited for bringing the pop

[07:53] singer to life as an adult, we shouldn't

[07:54] discount Juliano Valdi's performance as

[07:56] a young Michael. He makes acting seem

[07:58] like it's ABC. Easy as one, two, three.

[08:00] Sorry, I'll leave now.

[08:02] >> But don't you want to meet real friends?

[08:03] Like kids your own age?

[08:05] >> I'm not like the other kids. They don't

[08:07] treat me like a real person. All they

[08:09] want to do is stare at and take pictures

[08:10] of me.

[08:11] >> The psychology of growing up famous

[08:12] enough that your peers stop treating you

[08:14] like a person may have deserved more

[08:16] than one conversation in a movie

[08:17] covering the entirety of his youth.

[08:18] >> Then you know what Jehovah says.

[08:20] >> Scene that mentions Jehovah does not

[08:22] also contain a Last Crusade.

[08:23] >> May you let your light shine.

[08:25] >> Understanding skip. Michael delivers an

[08:27] emotionally convincing performance of

[08:28] I'll be there in a movie mostly

[08:30] uninterested in the question of where a

[08:32] child acquired that emotional

[08:33] vocabulary. serenating an audience

[08:35] member without their explicit consent. I

[08:36] know it's the 70s and I have heard the

[08:38] Steve Harvey bit, but god damn, as

[08:40] popular as the Jackson 5 were at this

[08:42] point, they couldn't afford to have more

[08:43] than one mic on stage.

[08:44] >> Pure escapism, Quincy.

[08:46] >> Damn, Jafar Jackson nails the voice

[08:47] without making it weird. Well, any

[08:49] weirder than Michael Jackson's voice

[08:50] already wants?

[08:51] >> How are you going to tell your father

[08:52] about a solo album?

[08:53] >> Just the tip of the iceberg on what

[08:54] we'll hear about Joseph's feelings on

[08:56] Michael's solo career. While the movie

[08:57] remains considerably less curious about

[08:59] his brother's opinions on the matter. I

[09:00] need you to tell my father that the solo

[09:02] album is your idea.

[09:04] >> I hope you enjoy that. Michael decides

[09:05] something he wants to do but is scared

[09:07] to tell his dad so he'll have someone

[09:08] else do it until finally he kind of does

[09:10] it himself in the end stick because it

[09:11] will happen around 87 more times.

[09:13] >> I need the freedom to write the music

[09:15] and lyrics that pop into my head.

[09:17] >> The movie treats this like a major

[09:18] creative breakthrough without ever fully

[09:20] explaining what was stopping Michael

[09:21] from writing songs in the first place.

[09:22] It's not like we all arrived at the

[09:24] theater with a working knowledge of

[09:25] 1970s Mottown songwriting policies. I

[09:27] own his ass from 9 to5.

[09:29] >> Painting the life of a rock star as a

[09:31] Monday through Friday 9 to5 situation

[09:32] might be the most unbelievable part of

[09:34] this movie.

[09:34] >> We get some sleep, Lily.

[09:36] >> The movie keeps presenting potentially

[09:37] deeper character revealing behaviors and

[09:39] then filing them away under Michael was

[09:41] quirky. Also, kissing a llama without

[09:43] his explicit consent.

[09:44] >> You ready, Joker?

[09:44] >> Honestly, one of the better portrayals

[09:46] of the character that DC has put out in

[09:48] recent years. I'd

[09:48] >> rather let Louie drive.

[09:50] >> To be fair, llamas are statistically

[09:51] better drivers than 98% of humans.

[09:53] >> Keep these feet still. The fact that

[09:55] this movie thinks Michael not being able

[09:56] to keep his feet still in a recording

[09:58] studio is an interesting enough subject

[09:59] that it had to be broached twice.

[10:01] >> You're confident, you're strong, you're

[10:04] beautiful.

[10:04] >> Using a discount Steuart Smallley guide

[10:06] to hyping yourself up in the recording

[10:08] studio.

[10:08] >> I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And

[10:10] dog gone it, people like me.

[10:12] >> The song he is singing, Don't Stop Till

[10:14] You Get Enough, becomes a musical

[10:15] metaphor for consuming enough great

[10:17] Michael Jackson songs that you stop

[10:18] noticing how little new information

[10:20] you're learning about Michael Jackson. I

[10:21] hope Michael will ask the air for

[10:22] consent for gyrating that forcefully,

[10:24] but I doubt he did. The days when Tower

[10:26] Records still existed in the US. Godamn

[10:28] you, Spotify. Fan mail will consume a

[10:30] surprising square footage of this house

[10:32] and this movie's runtime. Michael's

[10:33] charitable work isn't really up for

[10:34] debate here. The movie's tendency to

[10:36] deploy it as supporting evidence

[10:37] absolutely is. Scarface money counting

[10:39] meme energy. Oh man, they drag poor

[10:42] Robbie Williams into this mess.

[10:43] >> I want you to be my new friend. Bubbles

[10:45] >> scene does not contain the relief on

[10:46] Joseph and Catherine's face when the

[10:48] bubbles Michael is referring to ends up

[10:50] being a chimpanzeee and not a random

[10:51] stripper he brought home. Also, we are

[10:53] currently in the year of our lord 1980.

[10:55] And while the exact year that Michael

[10:56] adopted bubbles has never been agreed

[10:57] upon publicly, it was definitely closer

[10:59] to 1983 than 1980. Movie doesn't adopt

[11:01] bubbles correctly.

[11:02] >> I rescued him from this awful place, you

[11:04] know, where they do testing on animals.

[11:06] >> But I left all the other animals there

[11:07] because [ __ ] them. Am I right?

[11:09] >> Chimps are sensitive though, you know,

[11:10] discern sounds and and people. Movie

[11:12] thinks it has time for a quick lesson on

[11:14] the safety measures to take around

[11:15] chimpanzees and it does not.

[11:17] >> This is Neverland.

[11:18] >> Movie repeatedly points us toward it

[11:20] connection to Peter Pan as though the

[11:22] reference itself constitutes an

[11:23] explanation.

[11:24] >> The Lost Boys

[11:25] >> scene mentioning the Lost Boys does not

[11:27] contain a Kefir William Frederick

[11:29] Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland.

[11:30] >> Just Ben cream from a veneiligo.

[11:32] >> Somehow certain topics became mandatory

[11:34] stops on the Michael Jackson storytime

[11:36] express.

[11:36] >> You see my face isn't symmetrical.

[11:38] >> It is.

[11:40] >> You're the boss. Bruce Springsteen has

[11:41] entered the chat trying to touch the

[11:43] whole world without enthusiastic

[11:44] consent.

[11:45] >> Maybe I should get a nose job.

[11:46] >> Sister

[11:47] >> muscle says everybody does.

[11:48] >> Taking your plastic surgery advice from

[11:50] a python. As reported in many medical

[11:52] journals, pythons give terrible medical

[11:54] advice. Also using everybody does it as

[11:56] your reason for doing said thing

[11:57] everybody is doing.

[11:58] >> The Jackson family is the brand. That's

[12:01] our Coca-Cola.

[12:02] >> The Rock and Roller Cola Wars are never

[12:04] credited on this film.

[12:05] >> Folks going to go out there and stop

[12:06] buying some Pepsi.

[12:07] >> They will not. Let's go. Michael storms

[12:08] out of the family meeting to find Billy

[12:10] ready and waiting by his car. This may

[12:11] have really happened this way, but it's

[12:13] still hella convenient that he wasn't

[12:14] taking a poop. Wait, did Billy read the

[12:16] script? One minute of mopey motor

[12:17] moving.

[12:18] >> And no matter what you do, he's only

[12:19] ever going to see it as a family

[12:21] success.

[12:21] >> Viscount Den Visel encourages you to

[12:23] move against the family. Oh no. Movie

[12:25] really spells this one out for us and

[12:27] underlines it multiple times. The fact

[12:29] that skinny ties were ever in fashion.

[12:31] >> I mean, the whole point's going solo,

[12:33] right? Alex Hnold. Every time he walks

[12:34] past something that doesn't need to be

[12:35] climbed, somehow makes it into the

[12:37] script.

[12:37] >> You want to be the biggest star in the

[12:38] world.

[12:39] >> Can you help make that happen?

[12:40] >> They could have just smashed cut to

[12:41] Michael standing on the torch of the

[12:42] Statue of Liberty and gotten me out of

[12:43] here in under an hour.

[12:44] >> How?

[12:45] >> Because I believe there's no one like

[12:47] you.

[12:48] >> John Brana was just asked how he could

[12:49] make Michael the biggest star in the

[12:51] world. And instead of answering

[12:52] specifically how he would do it, he just

[12:53] blew more smoke up Michael's ass. And so

[12:55] this works. Joseph did not get fired by

[12:57] Fax Machine in real life. And I don't

[12:59] mind the movie attempting to make this a

[13:00] more dramatic kind of thing than what

[13:02] was probably a boring meaning in real

[13:04] life. But fired by facts isn't exactly

[13:06] lighting the place on fire either. This

[13:08] joker's got terrible marksmanship.

[13:09] >> How do I sign this?

[13:11] >> Signing something that the person is now

[13:12] forced to purchase in order to keep the

[13:14] autograph. Also, autographing items in a

[13:16] store before the customers have bought

[13:17] said items.

[13:18] >> Guys, look. I got Twister.

[13:20] >> I can't figure out if it's weirder that

[13:22] Michael thinks his grown brothers would

[13:23] want to play Twister or that if he was

[13:25] that into board games, he didn't already

[13:27] own Twister. Or maybe I'm just weird.

[13:28] Let's just send all three. Who has time

[13:30] for this? His dad is right there when he

[13:32] turns around because being caught off

[13:33] guard remains one of the cheapest ways

[13:35] to manufacture tension. Also, Michael

[13:37] seems surprisingly unprepared for the

[13:38] possibility of encountering the angry

[13:40] man he just fired in the house they both

[13:41] live in.

[13:42] >> Firing your own father.

[13:43] >> Thinking that's worse than exploiting

[13:44] your own son for your own financial

[13:46] gain. And maybe that's the point. But

[13:47] god damn it, I still hate fathers like

[13:49] Joseph. So, I'm going to send the out of

[13:50] him.

[13:50] >> You got a lot to learn about family.

[13:52] >> Joe will continue trying to get this

[13:53] movie to cross over into the Fast

[13:55] franchise.

[13:56] >> He's an actor. He's a movie director and

[13:58] he writes songs.

[13:59] >> I have a dog.

[14:00] >> Kids,

[14:01] >> it's a dog send. He's getting fat.

[14:03] >> Body shaming your pets. What an [ __ ]

[14:05] >> If Haley's comic came every year, just

[14:08] year after year, would you look at it?

[14:10] >> Yes. Humans line up for Manhattan every

[14:13] year. Michael, we are not complicated.

[14:14] >> If I'm not here to receive these ideas,

[14:17] God might give him the prince.

[14:20] >> But also, that's Princess. I can't

[14:22] imagine a world where taking your llama

[14:23] for a walk makes you the weird one.

[14:28] This finger snapping song forming

[14:29] sequence just beats it for all the

[14:31] sometime. As someone who believed before

[14:33] the movie that the man had thoughts and

[14:34] took notes, I find that not much is

[14:36] being revealed here.

[14:37] >> I think music and dance is what we all

[14:39] have in common.

[14:40] >> Michael gives a stump speech about why

[14:41] gang violence is bad. And the movie

[14:43] seems prepared to declare mission cure

[14:44] the world of gang violence accomplished.

[14:46] We're still beating it, y'all. The

[14:48] movie's idea of people working on this

[14:49] together is less meaningful rhetorical

[14:51] exchange and more watching Michael and

[14:53] professional dancers rehearse

[14:54] choreography. Considering Michael's

[14:55] infamous sponsorship of Pepsi Coke's

[14:57] product placement in this movie might be

[14:58] the biggest [ __ ] you and I don't hate

[15:00] it. I'm going to send it, but I don't

[15:01] hate it.

[15:02] >> CBS wants you to call the album Michael

[15:03] Jackson

[15:04] >> two week century.

[15:05] >> But this is not his first album. He

[15:07] would call the first album Michael or

[15:08] Michael Jackson, not a later album. So

[15:10] the sin is always his record executives

[15:12] and Michael Jackson since in 2010 he

[15:14] would release an album called Michael

[15:15] like an [ __ ] If a horror movie is

[15:17] being shown on television within a

[15:18] movie, nine times out of 10 it's Night

[15:20] of the Living Dead because it's in the

[15:21] public domain cliche.

[15:23] >> That's rock and roll. That's some Van

[15:24] Halen.

[15:25] >> I mean, maybe some Van Halen 3 [ __ ] but

[15:27] otherwise, it most definitely is not. I

[15:29] get you can't do a Michael Jackson movie

[15:31] covering the 80s without showing some of

[15:32] the thriller video, but it's still

[15:34] cliched as hell and not as thrilling as

[15:36] the movie would lead you to believe, and

[15:37] definitely getting sick. Also, it's a

[15:39] great music video. I've seen it a

[15:41] thousand times. However, watching it

[15:42] again somehow still doesn't tell me much

[15:44] about the man making it.

[15:45] >> If this kid did a duet with Reaper, we'd

[15:48] own the goddamn country charts.

[15:49] >> You're okay, Shrek.

[15:50] >> We need to get his videos on MTV. MTV

[15:53] tries as hard as it can to not play

[15:54] music cliche.

[15:56] >> Believe me, John, I have tried.

[15:58] >> With love, Walter, please try harder.

[16:00] >> And this record executive's heart grew

[16:01] three sizes that day. He was having a

[16:04] coronary, but once word spread of

[16:05] Michael's powerful and vengeful magic, a

[16:07] fear for their lives compelled MTV to

[16:09] embrace black artists while somehow

[16:10] continuing to grow more racist with each

[16:12] successive season of The Real World.

[16:14] >> Better still, second row. You don't want

[16:16] to be in the front row for them. Those

[16:17] French artists, they're not so big on

[16:19] showering.

[16:19] >> That's frenchest. Also, how would being

[16:21] only one row back help you get away from

[16:23] the stench?

[16:24] >> You can put them all in a plastic bag,

[16:26] cover the plastic bag in Crisco, and

[16:28] then shove them up your ass. Yeah, your

[16:31] butthole.

[16:32] >> Krisco later issued guidance that this

[16:33] was outside the intended use and put you

[16:35] at higher risk for cholesterol-related

[16:37] heart disease, but stopped short of

[16:39] actively discouraging it. Also, the idea

[16:40] that the head of MTV would have to have

[16:42] the meaning of ass explained to him.

[16:43] movie makes it seem like Michael

[16:44] performed Billy Gene at the Mottown

[16:46] Special after he filmed the Thriller

[16:47] video. But the Mottown special was

[16:49] filmed in March of 1983 and aired in May

[16:51] of 1983. The Thriller Video didn't even

[16:53] start filming until September of 1983.

[16:56] >> They single-handedly revitalized the

[16:58] music business.

[16:58] >> This movie sure is a lot of tell and no

[17:00] show. Maybe we could have at least seen

[17:01] a little more of how he revitalized the

[17:03] music business and less shopping for

[17:04] toys. This singular dance move blew the

[17:06] world's collective mind loads. So, it

[17:08] would be criminal for a Michael Jackson

[17:10] biopic not to include it. However, this

[17:12] doesn't mean that the process by which a

[17:13] human being first conceived of moving

[17:15] like that must remain classified. Movie

[17:17] acts like this crowd is any different

[17:18] than a typical day in New York City.

[17:20] Random final appearance of Barry Gordy

[17:22] is random.

[17:22] >> I love the way you promote your

[17:24] fighters. You're the king of marketing.

[17:25] >> Don King was a hell of a marketing

[17:27] genius, but there were also countless

[17:28] marketing geniuses that actually worked

[17:30] in the music business that Joseph would

[17:32] have been able to contact just as

[17:33] easily. Just because the Don King

[17:34] connection really happened doesn't make

[17:36] it any less weird.

[17:37] >> I may have something for you,

[17:38] >> Pepsi.

[17:38] >> Don King survives this. people who lays

[17:40] around the house watching television who

[17:42] don't take off their ties first.

[17:44] >> Why are you here?

[17:44] >> Well, he's here because the movie

[17:46] remains convinced that Joseph Jackson

[17:47] was the only obstacle in Michael's life

[17:49] story and will continue to act

[17:50] accordingly.

[17:51] >> Can a father visit his son?

[17:52] >> Equating visiting your son to snooping

[17:54] around your son's bedroom when they

[17:55] aren't there.

[17:56] >> How many need you to do this for me, for

[17:57] your family?

[17:58] >> The movie remains frustratingly vague on

[18:00] whether Joseph needs the victory tour

[18:02] for his family, his finances, his

[18:03] legacy, his ego, or some combination

[18:05] thereof. Yeah, you'll be with all the

[18:07] money in the world surrounded by people

[18:09] who say yes to everything.

[18:11] >> Joe is kind of right here. And the movie

[18:12] does want you to know that, but it never

[18:14] really wants you to feel that. Pepsi

[18:15] almost killed arguably the most popular

[18:17] person on the planet and didn't have to

[18:19] shut down. The whole thing is [ __ ] up,

[18:21] but in a weirdly impressive way. I mean,

[18:22] 2 hours of that legal minefield might

[18:24] have been a more revealing narrative.

[18:25] >> You have to stay on the demo for a

[18:27] while.

[18:27] >> I don't want to take medication. through

[18:29] line to the circumstances of his

[18:31] ultimate death is hinted at here as if

[18:32] it is out of necessity even though it is

[18:34] not in service of the story.

[18:36] >> You see the number of people who have

[18:37] already gathered outside the hospital.

[18:39] If that isn't a testament to the star

[18:41] power of Michael Jackson, I don't know

[18:43] what is.

[18:43] >> It's also the testament to how nosy and

[18:45] unaware of personal boundaries most

[18:47] people are. But for whatever reason, the

[18:49] news never reports that aspect. I'm not

[18:50] trying to downplay the extent to which

[18:52] prescription meds led to the eventual

[18:54] death of Michael Jackson, but this

[18:55] movie's obvious and somewhat tackless

[18:57] way of pointing us to where it started

[18:58] is obvious and tackless. This movie

[19:00] beats us over the head with a Peter Pan

[19:02] metaphor harder than Peter Pan's

[19:03] Neverland Nightmare. I didn't actually

[19:05] see that movie, but just wanted to point

[19:06] out the absurdity of a slasher film

[19:08] called Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare.

[19:10] >> What about the other boys?

[19:11] >> And Latoya can just go herself, I guess.

[19:13] Jafar Jackson's stage performance as

[19:14] Michael is very effective. I don't have

[19:16] an interesting way to say everything.

[19:17] Jeez, the Dodgers. This is our last and

[19:20] final tour.

[19:20] >> I get the telling his dad to off part of

[19:22] all this, but his brothers have done

[19:24] nothing. And I feel like at the very

[19:26] least, Michael could have let them in on

[19:27] this plan, making me kind of dislike the

[19:29] title character less than 10 minutes

[19:31] from the ending is a weird shift, but

[19:32] here we are. Movie ends on 4 minutes and

[19:34] 4 seconds of a bad performance. Also,

[19:36] this movie is 75% musical montages and

[19:39] performances. And while considering it's

[19:40] a movie about arguably the most famous

[19:42] musical artist ever, it makes sense we'd

[19:44] hear some songs, but there is so little

[19:46] story in between that it almost feels

[19:47] like a selection of home videos versus

[19:49] an intricately laidout story. And maybe

[19:51] you'd say, "I just came to hear the

[19:52] songs." And then I would say, "That's

[19:54] what Spotify is for, asshole." And then

[19:55] you would say, "Why so hostile?" And

[19:57] then I would give my best Julia Styles

[19:58] impression and say,

[19:59] >> "I'm not hostile. I'm annoyed."

[20:02] >> And then you would say, "Oh god, 10

[20:03] Things I Hate About You is a bigger

[20:04] insult to Shakespeare than she's the

[20:06] man." And then I killed you. juxtaposing

[20:08] the possible death of this woman with

[20:09] Michael Jackson lighting up the crowd

[20:10] was a choice.

[20:13] And that was it. Nothing else ever

[20:16] happened of any interest in Michael

[20:17] Jackson's life. That is the end of the

[20:20] story. Oh, it's not the end of the

[20:21] story. They've just decided to build two

[20:22] biopics for twice the price.

[20:30] Why does it hurt so much?