Spoiling Endgame: Full Breakdown & Transcript

[00:00] Hey what up, it's ya boi, too depressed to work so I filled this bag with Taco Bell, let's go spoil Endgame. Alright, so the first step for spoiling Endgame is you want to have at least a reasonable understanding of what happens in the movie,

[00:16] and the most efficient way of accomplishing that is to just go see it. So, I guess that's the next step. So this is possibly the weirdest thing to gripe about, but they made, they changed the

[00:33] ticket printer and they're just, they're so long now. Like look how long these tickets are. It's as long as my hand. Alright, next step, try to make sure you get a somewhat reasonable seat.

[00:45] Alright, now that you've seen Infinity War, you're ready to spoil it. But you're already at the mall, so you might as well go, like, get a hoodie or something.

[01:05] Okay, so first off, I just want to warn you that Endgame is full of a ton of spoilers for Avengers Endgame. So if you don't want to be spoiled on Endgame, don't go see Avengers Endgame.

[01:18] It's like just wall-to-wall spoilers. You know, I'm just going to say it doesn't matter how depressed you are, if your brain tells you to get 10 burritos, don't do it. So if you just want to be able to talk about Endgame, but you don't want to have to be like,

[01:35] if you don't want to have to deal with the burden of details, then your main talking points are going to be about how introspective the first hour is, how fanservice-y the last hour is, and the great use of wide shots.

[01:53] There are some very well-composed wide shots and beats in the movie. And so, like, if you just kind of take those three vague talking points and just ramble about how, like, oh, man, you know, I really did like how introspective the first hour is.

[02:16] Like it was really really had the characters like look inside themselves and grapple with sort of the meaning of things you know if you just riff like that for a good five minutes you can convince anyone that you actually saw the movie

[02:35] I want to keep going, but it's way too hot in my car, and I'm right next to a highway, so if I open my window, there's going to be way too much noise. So let's go home and do this.

[02:48] Hey, Amy, come here. Come here, Amy. Yeah, come here. There we go. There's Amy. Amy's side. now if you don't want to be burdened with details but you want to sound like you can talk about the

[03:18] movie but you don't want to sound like super positive then your core talking points are going to be that like the middle of the movie is just like kind of there it's just a lot of make work

[03:36] and a lot of it doesn't really have you know stakes or complications that that come back in any meaningful way that Captain Marvel is integrated into the film in a really inelegant

[03:55] way, and that for a huge chunk of the movie, they basically push every female character off screen, but then they all get a giant, like, action group shot together, and I guess

[04:12] that's supposed to make it all okay. That it's like, well, hey, look, they get a big moment of badass. It's like a yearbook photo of kick-ass female characters.

[04:25] Sorry, only one and a half of them got actual emotional development during the film itself. So if you're looking for the kind of raw spoilers and that you're going to, like, shout out the window of a car,

[04:38] The main ones would be that Thanos gets punked in like the first ten minutes of the movie, Black Widow dies, Iron Man dies, and Captain America gets old and retires.

[04:54] So those are going to be your four main like things that people are going to be like the most sensitive about because they you know twists or major plot developments or whatnot

[05:12] Hey, Amy, what are you getting into over there? Hey, Amy, what are you getting into? Amy. Amy.

[05:24] sitting through the movie and going through it it was it was very well constructed and it was an enjoyable ride and I had a good time and it was emotionally satisfying but

[05:41] kind of insubstantial like it's been an hour and a bit since I got out of the movie and and already

[05:53] I feel like I've moved on. Like I'm done. In a certain way, there's actually kind of this catharsis because it's like the core, the MCU that has been just bloating

[06:14] and building for the last decade, 20-some-odd movies, It's like, okay, it's over.

[06:27] We are free. So how the plot ends up playing out is that basically the Avengers can't just fix the problem

[06:40] and completely undo the first movie. So what they have to do is they do a time heist. They build a time machine, go back in time.

[06:53] steal the Infinity Stones from various points in the previous movies with the promise that they're going to come back and, like, return them. Kind of like, we'll be back in a minute.

[07:06] Like, one minute after we take the stones, we'll just show up and put them back, and it'll all be good. And, you know, and through this, past Thanos ends up getting alerted to their plan,

[07:20] And so the big showdown at the end of the movie after everyone has been unsnapped is a showdown between all the heroes

[07:35] and a past version of Thanos. So you have everybody getting revenge on the same dude, a dude who has not yet done the thing

[07:50] that you're getting revenge on him for. Even though he, like, personality-wise has 100% confirmed that he would do the same thing again and is, in fact, actively trying to accomplish exactly the thing.

[08:06] Like, he still needs to be stopped. He is still trying to get the gauntlet and, like, snap everyone. And also, as far as he's concerned, well, I guess because it's now in a... He's trying to, like, redo it.

[08:19] but anyway like I feel like a bunch of the meat is taken out of it by the fact that like this Thanos doesn't know any of these people and hasn't seen them before and there's even a moment

[08:36] that calls attention to this where like so Scarlet Witch after she gets unsnapped she gets a little one-on-one duel with Thanos and and she's like you took everything from me because Vision doesn't come back, because Vision got killed, not

[08:49] snapped, so Vision is still dead, um, and so she's like, you took everything from me, and and he's just like, I don't know who you are, uh,

[09:01] and she's like, you will, and I thought that was gonna be a setup for her, like, for, like, a moment where she uses her powers to, like, show him

[09:13] the consequences of what he did, But no, they just punch each other. I'm just going to sit here and eat the remainder of all of these.

[09:47] Thank you.