Discover Your Hidden Power: A Guide for Introverts

[00:01] So let us first understand scientifically thing that comes into this is what is cortical arousal. Now, biologically speaking, the cortical arousal of introverts remains very high. Now you will think Vaibhav Bhai, what is this cortical arousal

[00:14] ? Let me explain it in simple language. So let me explain in simple language. Thousands of years ago, when we humans lived in the forest, there were two types of people in the entire group. One who used to go ahead to hunt. Used to take risks. He was loud and action oriented.

[00:28] And the other type of people who kept their tribe safe, observed and detected danger and were very calculative and thought deeply. Friend, imagine what would have happened to the tribe if everyone had gone out hunting? There is no one left who can protect the remaining children and women.

[00:42] That's why evolution created two types of people. Extroverts who explored and introverts who protected. Now you can understand introverts as if they were basically the bodyguards of the tribe. His job was to

[00:54] observe every small movement. Be alert to every sound. Because one small mistake of his could destroy the entire tribe. That's why the brains of us introverts remain on high alert mode by default. And this is the meaning of that complicated term cortical

[01:07] arousal. But brother, what is the problem now? That forest is no longer there but your brain still works the same way. Whenever you go to a party , your brain is processing everything, who is saying what? Whose

[01:19] Where the brain of an introvert, after entering any party, says that the party, new people, new friends, it is a bit too much fun, and on the other hand, the brain of us introverts says that brother, the noise is too loud. Why are so many people

[01:32] doing here? Brother, why is it coming towards me ? Why is he talking so much find some [musical] strategy to get out of here. Now this is why introverts why introverts

[01:45] not a weakness at all. It's your brain doing exactly what evolution designed it to do. Basically your mind is protecting you. Only the context has changed. And because of this cortical arousal, we introverts think much more deeply. It became

[01:58] about someone's expression. It could be many people are doing at the party. And this information overload results in an introvert feeling burned out very quickly. Now the second biggest factor in this is

[02:12] dopamine versus acetylcholine factor. Look, whenever you are socializing or hanging out, you must have noticed that extroverted people we introverted people feel very tired after leaving any party.

[02:25] Why does this happen now? The simple answer lies Think extroverts and introverts both own a car. But both these cars run on different fuels. The extrovert is a petrol car.

[02:38] To fill it with fuel, you have to go to the petrol pump. Meaning, the more social gatherings, parties, loud environments and the more social interaction you have, the more fuel you will get and the more energy you will have. Now this happens

[02:50] because extroverts run on dopamine which is the reward system of the brain. experiences, their brain tells them, wow, I had fun today, let more come. And on the other hand, introverts have an

[03:02] electric car. To charge them, they have to be plugged in at home. In peace, alone, in my own space. Now what will happen if you take an electric car to a petrol pump Now we introverts follow acidic cooling. This is a

[03:16] chemical that gives a feeling of normalcy when the environment is calm, deep thinking and when you have peace. That is why whenever an introvert goes to a party, he thinks that he will have fun today. He is always disappointed

[03:28] and comes back very tired because the fuel you need is not available there. to process the surroundings that it needs an opposite environment to recharge, which is peace, silence and solitude. Now after this the next third

[03:43] two points I mentioned so far were biological reasons. Now you will have to understand a little psychology so that you can actually know how the mind of an introvert works. Just imagine you have two computers. The computer of an extrovert is a basic

[03:56] processor. The output comes immediately on the side where the input comes. Someone tell him how he is? Immediately his reply comes, “ Okay brother, you tell me.” And on the other hand, the introvert's computer has a high-end processor. Like a gaming PC. If

[04:08] brain will first analyze whether he is genuinely asking or just being formal. Tell him the truth what is going on in your life or should I just say it superficially that it is I tell him in full detail what is going on in your life then he will not get bored,

[04:21] friend when did I meet him last time, in what context is he asking, all these questions come to the mind of an introvert whenever someone asks him a simple question, now by the time an introvert is thinking about it, the other person has already thought

[04:33] that this guy is very weird, he does not reply quickly, see it is a simple thing, your brain is not slow, it actually thinks in great depth, it processes everything from multiple angles, but the problem is that this

[04:45] world expects fast responses. At parties, at meetings, on dates. You need quick replies everywhere. And in such an environment of quick replies, your silence is considered as disinterest or attitude. Look brother, to

[04:58] tell you the truth, I am allergic to small talk. We want to go straight into deep conversations. Philosophy, life, purpose, emotions, these are all our favorite topics. We can't handle that surface level, how are you nonsense. But what is the problem in this

[05:11] ? The problem is that small talk is actually a bridge that leads to deeper conversations. Now don't understand it like this. Look, this is Vijay Mallya's house. Brother has talk is the ground floor of this building

[05:24] and the deep conversation is this magnificent house built above it. Now all these happy on the ground floor. They keep dancing there. Let's have fun. And we introverts want to go straight up to the bungalows. But my brother,

[05:37] how will you reach the terrace directly without using the lift or stairs? Whenever you go to a party and someone mind might be telling you that what a stupid question this is. Move away and right there you disengage. But remember, the same small talk may

[05:51] move to a deeper topic in the next 5 minutes. And maybe if you had navigated a little more and taken things forward a little, your point would have been made. But we introverts get forget what the other person is talking about. Now this thing is called social hypervigilance

[06:04] and it doesn't mean that an introvert is bored. This simply means that they are processing their surroundings or whoever they are talking to. Now with this

[06:18] comes point number four for us to understand ourselves i.e. introverts, which is fear of rejection. The of rejection or low trust. Look, there is a pickiness in introverts. They don't make anyone their friend just like that and I can say this from my own example,

[06:30] I am an introvert and my own friend circle is very small and I have noticed this thing myself that I take a lot of time in choosing my friends. I have experimented with some hacks over time which are actually

[06:43] helping me a lot in making new friends. Especially after becoming a public figure where by default I have to talk to people. But you can use these hacks at any stage of life. In fact, you can start it today itself

[06:55] let's move to section number two of this video, Making Friends as an Introvert. Now listen to this thing [music] carefully with open ears. You don't have to change overnight. There is no need to change overnight. In fact, I say there is

[07:08] no need to change it. Because the qualities of us introverts, which qualities that are very useful to us. And these hacks that I am going to tell you now , are somehow related to these qualities of ours. So, let's start

[07:22] with hack number one which is use your listening skills as a superpower. Look, introverts by default are great listeners. And that's what extroverts like, that someone is listening to them [music]. So brother, make this power your

[07:34] advantage. Listen and appear interested in the conversation whenever you get the chance. But how to do it? There is a way for this. Look, in any conversation you do n't need to think what should I say? You just have to show a little curiosity after listening.

[07:47] Simply ask these two questions. What are you talking about brother? How did you do this? Or how did this happen? Memorize this line I just said. Because this can be a very strong start to get into a deep conversation. Now as soon as you ask this question

[08:00] , you will get more stories from the other person and he will continue his talk with more enthusiasm. And then after listening to him, more questions will arise in your mind. And before you know it, just like this to and fro, you are already

[08:13] using your listening skills to make new friends. Look, people do n't like talking about themselves. And you are an expert in listening by default. So definitely try this thing, but initially you will need a safe space to try it.

[08:25] Now what is this safe space after all ? Let's understand this as our hack number two which is find your safe space. Now let me explain this concept of safe space to Have you ever wondered why we benefit from playing cricket matches on our home ground i.e. India

[08:38] ? Look, when India plays in Australia, the pitch is different some time and energy for the player to adjust. But players are much more relaxed. He knows every crack in the pitch. The crowd

[08:53] is ours. It's a complete comfort zone, brother. And automatically their performance improves increase significantly. Not socializing is exactly the same for introverts. Whenever you go to a new place, your brain already spends 50% of its energy

[09:08] your brain already spends 50% of its energy This waiter is not looking at me. How do I call them? And with the remaining 50% of your energy, you should converse , appear interesting and also

[09:21] make friends. It is impossible to do all this together. But what if the same meeting is at your regular coffee shop that you go to three or four times a week? You is the best there. You know what to order on the menu. You also know

[09:35] your brain puts almost zero energy into its environment. And the result will be your 100% focus on just the conversation. And the other person feels that this person is very confident, comfortable and interesting. Whereas you are the same person.

[09:49] You just changed the place. And the biggest advantage of this safe space is no hidden you don't have to handle anything unexpected. Be it a gym, a coffee shop or even your regular park. You know every corner of that place.

[10:03] And when you remain relaxed in such an environment and look confident, you can make the other person feel comfortable too. Otherwise what happens normally ? Both have gone to a new place. Both are uncomfortable. Both of them are feeling very awkward.

[10:15] And because of that the conversation is also becoming very awkward. Now just stop for a minute and think where is your safe space? Some place will come to your mind, note it down. And next time you want to meet anyone, call him there.

[10:29] manage your social battery. Now all the introverts out there, listen carefully. Don't introverts out there, listen carefully. Don't then how will it support you the whole day? Similarly, as an

[10:42] introvert, you may need to plan a little, but it will ensure that you do n't lag behind in socializing. Look, if there is any party at night or you have to go to meet friends at night, then take some rest in the morning or afternoon. Just this

[10:54] little peace that you will get will make you feel more ready to talk later. But if you don't feel that this is enough then set a time limit for yourself that I will stay in the party for only one hour. I won't stay any longer than that. Basically, by setting this time limit,

[11:06] your mind will get a routine and if even then your brain stops working or you start feeling tired, then leave it, do not wait, get out of there, no matter what excuse you make to get out of there, but do get out because the

[11:20] disadvantage of being completely drained is that all the conversations will only basically,

[11:33] That's why leave well before that so that you get a positive experience. But suppose it is not possible to get out from there. If you have a special friend or you cannot leave a party or you want to stay there and make a good

[11:45] impression in front of people or expand your network, then you will need an anchor friend. Which is our hack number four. Find Your Anchor Friend. Now consider anchor friend as such a friend of yours who can always hang out with you in the party and even if you remain silent for a little while,

[11:58] this friend can continue your conversation and then you can listen to their conversation and talk back. There was a Japanese study on this. Two students were picked, Student A who was a little shy and Student B who was a little

[12:11] non-shy or extrovert. Now both of them were sent together to a social gathering. And you won't believe it, at the end of that event, that shy student had as many friends as non-shy friends. That's why this anchor friend concept

[12:24] find him in your friend list itself. Just think about it for two minutes. There is always an anchor friend in every friend circle. Now these were all hacks. Now let me tell you some quick confidence boosting tricks.

[12:36] your observation skills. For us introverts, our biggest strength. Because all the little details that extroverts do busy talking, you notice them. Basically, without even talking to anyone, you

[12:50] know who you should be friends with. With whom you can be comfortable and by sharing these small details or observations, you can make your new friend feel more valuable. Of course, this is very useful on dates.

[13:03] But for now let's move on to point number two which is setting a routine for meetups. Make a small routine for meeting your friends. Like every Monday I meet him at the gym. I will meet him every Tuesday at the coffee shop. This puts less stress on your mind because you are

[13:16] already expecting that person in that meeting and you prepare yourself already. Now after that trick number three is always start with a smile. Now if you want to attract anyone towards you then just start with a smile. It's such an easy

[13:29] gesture but it goes a long way in making the other person trust you. And you seem even more approachable. And the further conversation starts flowing automatically. If you use all these tried and tested tips of mine, you will start seeing the effects from day one itself. Nothing much.

[13:43] Just an introvert telling another introvert how to survive in the world. My only effort was to explain whatever disadvantages you feel as an introvert. All I can do is explain to you that on the contrary, it is

[13:55] your biggest strength. And if I have helped you even a little in doing this, then please share this video with those people who are introverts and are afraid of making friends. I will meet you in the next video with another such interesting and

[14:08] valuable topic. Till then keep hustling, keep learning and as always keep hustling, keep learning and as always keep inspiring.